weepingshadesofred - Tumblr blog

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Lamenting helps... Atleast sometimes

[weepingshadesofred]

Midnight Symphony

My muted cries sync with the mumbling of the midnight moon

Along with the melancholic whistles of trees sympathizing with my forlorn songs

The gentle breeze even sings a requiem with grace

Mourning for a heart that failed to be where she truly belongs

This whimsical symphony is what kept my deranged mind sane

On nights when darkness has wrapped me in its cold embrace

A melody that'll forever live to numb my pain

~M.K. Sueño (12/06/2022)

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I want a break, from this pile of mess

I can no more take this passive duress

Of life becoming more than it's worth

But somehow less than what is left

I close my eyes, burning with fatigue

They see the mess, it doesn't intrigue

A single dimensional lowlife, my image

With multidimensional weights of suffrage

I'm a lens, not dense, look through pretense

But I become an article in a long sentence

Forget to acknowledge, but know it exists

I try to disappear, but my heart persists

To peek into the pool I'm drowning already

Just for the sake of familiarity, not ready

To face new demons, I cannot slay anymore

I hardly control mine, lurking behind the door

I want a break, from being something else

I want to take all I can get and nothing else

I want to rest for one day and do it right

Without a sound in my head, a worry in my heart

One day, I wish I were okay, just for a day

I pray and pray, for my sanity to stay

I cry, invisible tears, tearing through me

A bleak dead weight is all they can see

My strength fades away, sliver by sliver

I lose a part of myself, end up with shiver

My heart paints my mind with crimson

Of passion and pain, a blurred vision

My glassy eyes are visible, glistening

But no one is ever listening

I shut my eyes and the burning eases

I watch as my passion for life ceases

In the dark, clear than ever, I see

What in the world is happening to me!

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Dark blue ink on a dead black chalk

Sprayed slowly, over and over again

An illusion, invisible, as long as it can be

Until it finally bleeds out, blemished

Leaving a permanent trace in its wake

[weepingshadesofred]

What can I say ? I feel like we are kindred spirits... As if you read my mind!

Fake smile plastered on the daily, the grind wearing at my mind. Fake laughs to pull me back to focus, disassociating as often as I can. Winter is here, and each day the cold air clings to my joints, each move sends jolts through my leg. I lie and say I'm okay. Silver linings painted on thick like tar against my frontal lobe telling me IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY! It's going to be okay! But is it? I say this same sentence out loud to others and I'm just as much of a fake as they come. But I have to hold it together, be strong, don't show the pain or fear. Vulnerability never looked too good on me. I've always hated when I cry, the squinty eyes and blurred vision, the shaky bottom lip that makes me look like a child, the mascara droplets forming puddles, the head rush from hades making me want to curl into a ball and say fuck you to the world. It's going to be okay though, everything gets better right?

Right?

[weepingshadesofred]

[weepingshadesofred]

how do you love?

Richard Siken, Peter Wever, Ilya Kaminsky, Margaret Atwood, Ada Limón, Akseli Gallen-Kallela, Richard Siken, @maieste, Madeline Miller, Holly Warburton, Shauna Barbosa, Benjamin Alire Sáenz

buy me a coffee

[weepingshadesofred]

My therapist once told me

“Why is his version of the truth

More important than yours?

Why do his words matter more

Than your observations?”

And I realized I had been living

My entire life from this lens

I was entrapped beneath

Everyone else’s version of my life

And for the first time

I saw a way out

And today, so many months later

A dear old friend told me

That she could see the light

Had returned to my eyes

And I had a moment of realizing

I’ve made it.

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Snap, cry or fall apart

Just remember always

I'm right behind you

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I'm drawn to your words - wonders

For we are but kindred spirits

An arrow, bullseye, pierces through me

Soft hums of the strings - music

Your words reminds of it's beauty

A nectar to my soul, bares me to the universe

A whirlwind it is - a poet's soul

Swirling with passion and pain

Such vehemence, I can barely stand

I see sky and see - I wish to float where they meet

Only your ship can sail me there - I believe

For it has seen the deepest and highest

I'm lost in your world - Don't find me

We are one and the same

For my heart twined with yours - those words

When it touched my soul - a sweet mark

- A string of words to one of my poet friend and also to my favourite poet

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The silence is at it again

Slipping in under

The cracks in the doors

Hushing around the corners

And usually I embrace the way

It holds me without asking

But today it only serves to remind

That I am again alone

[weepingshadesofred]

* saudade *

the silence

in between my thoughts

seem to find you

secret tear drop petals

fall with wonder

and a ache

of loss is felt

shards of ice

pierces through my soul

every portion

of my heart

................

misses you

© ScriptedSilence. All rights reserved

[weepingshadesofred]

The moon is shy, hiding behind the clouds

The stars are giddy, shining brighter than ever

The wind blows sweet and cold, caressing me

The night sky is in celebration tonight

Because I told them of you...

[weepingshadesofred]

Every stanza has 2 truths and a Lie... This incident was the moment I felt for real that life is a game of truth and lies... If the person meant to see this sees this... They'll understand what it means.... #nohashtag (at Heart and Mind) https://www.instagram.com/p/CUAUjKip1Gh/?utm_medium=tumblr

[weepingshadesofred]

Two Truths and a Lie...

Two Truths and a Lie…

Two truths and a lie, here I am to confess

Ready to say what’s in my heart all along

To understand the turmoil that is my mind

I’m guilty of a crime, breaking hearts

Because I’m not sure of what I want

And I never loved her for what she was

But we had this amazing thing between us

Flawless and honest relationship with no hurdles

We compromised for things we can’t acheive

But not saying what’s in our…