wenevercomeinpeace

[wenevercomeinpeace]

sI didn’t know where else to put this but I wanted to vent it out in a somewhat positive way. Most of the friends I used to have are somewhere lost in adulthood themselves at the moment and I don’t have anyone I can talk to about shit like this. 

My mother’s ex husband is getting out of prison in February. Without going into details on how much of a abusive piece of scum is I can’t even express the utterly nauseating feeling this leaves in my stomach. Someone that chose to beat on women and because they were weak and he felt strong is back out into the world and assuredly back to his bullshit. 

As a full grown man now myself a part of me feels a certain allure about the idea of paying him a visit upon his release. I know that’s irrational and immature but violence is a language and those who speak it hold physical power over those who do not. It’s not an answer for anything but then again in my mind there are no questions. 

I was once the one who didn’t even have the power to defend himself or his mother and now I feel a almost obligation of sorts to watch out for other people who might be in his path. Maybe I’m just overthinking as I have the tendency to do and perhaps he’s somehow became a better person while serving his incarceration. Doubtful. Time will tell eventually and in the meantime I’ll do my best to live in the present. 

It feels good to express this somewhere other than in my head. Thanks? 

[wenevercomeinpeace]

[wenevercomeinpeace]

:O 

Throwback booty from a couple months back :P 

Photography: Luke Guinn Photography 

[wenevercomeinpeace]

Just a thing I wrote while heartbroken.

I contemplated not sharing anything I’ve written for the longest time, mostly out of self conscious nonsense but I figured fuck it. Tumblr is a perfect place to share it where most of the people in my life who would turn their eyebrows up at it won’t see it! 

It all started with online romance. The kind that burns bright and dies out fast like a supernova. This kind of romance smells like pure sex and high quality California kush. We shared plenty of sweet little nothings over bottles of Crown Royal and Captain Morgan. Most of our nights together are a blur of drunken sexual endeavors and pointless fights over petty bullshit. I can't understand sometimes why I still spend so much time stewing on what we had. They say the first romance is the toughest, even truer when you lose the sacred virginity to said party. It wasn't anything special, she didn't seem impressed with the minute or two of solid whiskey dick that I thrust upon her, but it meant something to me. It was the first time I'd been close to the sacred lady parts, and my years of watching porn with a hand on my cock had left me naive to what actual fucking would be like. I'm pretty sure somewhere in there I slipped a finger (or two) into her brown unblinking eye. Oops. 

I don't know if it's infatuation or love or whatever, but for some reason I can't let her go. I know she stays around to torment me with conversations about guys she's seeing, or trivial fucking things like that. I don't understand what kind of response she's trying to get. I feel slightly jealous, but she's not mine to possess over. I can't express that without her thinking that I still have feelings for her. I don't think I do, do I? 

I felt the need to start jotting all this random shit down, now that it's turned into a rant about my life I'm unsure of the direction, unsure of whether or not I'll even show this to anyone. She would probably want to read it, yeah fucking right. I figured I used to be able to write page after page so I should give it another shot, I had ideas back them. Creativity I don't have now, but I do have weed and that's a damn fine substitute. Life is all about improvising. Sometimes you gotta make due with what you can find and not what's optimal.

Well, time for another entry into this.. journal? No, it sounds lame when you say it like that. Autobiography. Much better.  Most people go to church for a confessional, I sit here and type out my meandering thought process into this computer. It's some what of a release for all of the stupid shit that I can't deal with.

I've been labeled the “best friend” which leads me to believe my attempts at somewhat winning her back are to no avail. She's thrown me back into the gambit of second string quarterback boyfriends coated in “break in case of emergency” glass. Like a damaged puppy that keeps running back to it's abusive owner because it's all it knows. Her love was all I've known, and I can't help but miss it. There's something attractive about that which you can't have, the grass is always greener.

It felt like turning over a new leaf.

Rotten and yellow underneath.

Stagnant reminder of what could have been.

Some things are better left unsaid.

Too many frail attempts at fixing

What was never meant to be

Ignorance or destiny?

[wenevercomeinpeace]

#abstractart

[wenevercomeinpeace]

#abstractart

[wenevercomeinpeace]

Baby bong rips 💨

[wenevercomeinpeace]

Ootd

[wenevercomeinpeace]

[wenevercomeinpeace]

#NowPlaying Long Live the Chief by Jidenna

[wenevercomeinpeace]

#NowPlaying Fallen into Disuse by Wormrot

[wenevercomeinpeace]

#NowPlaying Gnaw by Agoraphobic Nosebleed

[wenevercomeinpeace]

#NowPlaying Towering Flesh by Pig Destroyer Her lips are wet with venom. Her posture's serpentine. she'll touch my arm and flowers grow there poisonous and obscene all her shrugged little movements and their despotic majesty. in the midst of such perfection I can't help but feel diseased.

[wenevercomeinpeace]

#NowPlaying No Aceptan Imitaciones by Brujeria NO, NO, NO ACEPTAN IMITACIONES

[wenevercomeinpeace]

#NowPlaying Become Zero by Helen Money Something unique and beautiful.

[wenevercomeinpeace]

#NowPlaying Hoochie Mumma by Blood Duster

[wenevercomeinpeace]

#NowPlaying Bitch by Toxic Holocaust