whyamitryingtoohard

[whyamitryingtoohard]

It talks

In his darkest time

He met a friend

Although hard and blunt

He still loves them

Just the way they are

He would talk to them

For hours on end

Holding them tightly

In his hands

Despite the silence he received

Despite the raucous noises he heard faintly

Desperately reaching to him

Loving him

Stopping him

He could only see

Himself

In their eye

It is here again

Click

He can feel it inside him

Filling himself up

With nothing but

Emptiness

Click

The voices are getting closer

Click

Intensely

Are his hands shaking

Begging his friend

To say

Something

Click

Finally,

With power,

It talks.

-N

[whyamitryingtoohard]

Cliché

Recently I just found out that I'm not unique like I thought I was. I came to realize it when discussing my reasons why I like some particular things, and in turn, got laughed at in the face as they were so unoriginal by the person who was looking for a new perspective on it. I have been joking around with others about instead of calling me weird, call me a basic bitch, since these days everyone is claiming to be weird which defeats the word's purpose, and so I'd rather be called basic than weird just like anybody else. But somehow having someone burst out laughing, calling me a walking cliche just because my reasonings were not what he was longing for, breaks me.

Trying the hardest to collect myself, I asked. "Would it be so bad if I like it only for those so-called cliche reasons? Am I allowed?" On the other end, he couldn't stop chuckling, said. "Please don't tell me now that you also like it because of some cheesy proverbs." I fell silent, is it a terrible thing to like something just for its sake, with or without a why? Just like how love is sometimes, do you necessarily need a reason to love somebody? And an "original" one at that? Is it okay for me to take an interest in something, even if that cliche explanation was the one that speaks to me the most? Ending the conversation on that bad note, my heart sank. Maybe I was a bit too sensitive there, but I don't think I'd enjoy people laughing at why I have a passion for a particular thing and how it is such platitudinous.

He apologized to me the next day, we talked it out, and things between us came back to normal. But til now, I couldn't seem to know how to feel about his statement.

[whyamitryingtoohard]

Happy

“Am I actually happy?” is one of the questions I have been asking myself these days. Having a fulltime job, living in a spacious house, having someone to talk to everyday, it does sound like I’m having the time of my life. But somehow I still feel a bit empty inside. People always want things that they don’t have, huh... Maybe I’m just greedy like that. 

[whyamitryingtoohard]

Moving

In only 2 days, I will be starting a new life in another province. Planning this big move half a year ahead, then getting delayed due to COVID, I now finally have the chance to pursue my path. The closer it gets to the departure date, the more nervous I become. There’s no fear nor stress, but a sensation like I have butterflies in my stomach, which I have to say it’s quite unusual, since this is not my first time making a big move like this. Maybe it is another form of excitement? Who truly knows? 

The last week living here has been wonderful and emotional at the same time. The week before I was still stressing out about everything and now, somehow it all comes together magically. Everything just feels so right, like it is a sign telling me that my journey will go well, and I truly wish so. Saying goodbye to my friends before leaving is such a tear-jerking experience that I don’t want to go through again. Especially when I only have a small circle, “I’ll miss you” becomes even more intimate and heartbreaking. But all and all, knowing that there are people who love you and support you, even from far away, is so gratifying.   

[whyamitryingtoohard]

#ht

I got bit by my roommate’s dog recently, and so far I’ve been trying my best to avoid close contact with the dog as much as possible, even if that means I have to hide whenever he’s coming near me, I’d happily do so knowing that I’ll be safe then than else. I don’t understand why but they scoffed and chuckled at me today when I was hiding in the bathroom, trying to protect myself by the only humane way I know how. Still, I cannot trust the dog due to a gnarly wound he left me on my thigh that keeps me from walking normally. 

“Are you gonna keep doing this for the whole month?”, that was what my roommate’s boyfriend said to me. Holding my anger back, I kept quiet. Sure you don’t have a childhood trauma related to this that you have never fully overcome, making you super anxious anytime a dog growls at you, especially when you think you can trust him, and especially when you were just trying to save the owner, your lover, from scaring herself to death. Sure, that’s why you don’t get it and probably never will. 

And to my roommate, whom I’ve been living with for more than a year, I guess I have to thank you for getting the dog just so I can see how unapologetic you are after I bandaged your wound just to have your dog to bite me and trigger my past pain. You once said firmly to me that when you move out I’m going to cry. Now, don’t you worry as it’s not going to happen, despite how badly you might want me to, and I’m sure about that. 

[whyamitryingtoohard]

If they leave, never let them come back

[whyamitryingtoohard]

#psnt

During my middle school years, I used to hug people a lot. My classmates, I hugged them all, everyday, even if they weren’t really my good friends. 

Where I came from, we don’t express our feelings because even our parents hardly ever tell us “I love you’’ nor squeeze us tight into their arms. Our society then led us to believe that showing emotions is weak. 

Despite that, I still continued to hug some acquaintances back in the days, maybe I didn’t think much about it as a kid, maybe because the lack of affection that I had been given, who knows? Time quickly passes by and in these modern days, people seem to be more distant than ever. So now thinking back, I never seem to hug the people that I care about the most. 

[whyamitryingtoohard]

#psnt

Do not expect people to do things for you that they don't have to. Take no for an answer, respect their choices and reasons. Don't risk ruining the relationship over something so small that you will regret.

What you want isn't always what you need. So do think about other people as well.

[whyamitryingtoohard]

Be happy, it drives people crazy

[whyamitryingtoohard]

#psnt

Stop hinting people, if you need to say something, say it. Don’t waste time fooling around. 

[whyamitryingtoohard]

#ht

 Seeing my friends go to work during the pandemic when I don’t even have a job makes me feel like a total loser.

[whyamitryingtoohard]

#psnt

Keep your friends close, and don’t make enemies ever.

[whyamitryingtoohard]

Traveling

I want to go

to a place

far far away

from you

[whyamitryingtoohard]

https://iglovequotes.net/

[whyamitryingtoohard]

#psnt

Give me your 100 or nothing at all.

[whyamitryingtoohard]

#ht

Cô nhớ cái thời cấp ba ấy khi mà cô mới chia tay bạn trai. Mặc dù quen nhau chẳng được bao lâu, nhưng cô vẫn không thể quên được cảm giác hụt hẫng, đau xót một cách khó tả. Buồn bã đến mức nào đi chăng nữa, cô vẫn không thể rớt ra một giọt nước mắt, thay vào đó, cô nhớ đến những kỉ niệm mà cô với anh đã từng trải qua, những nơi mà hai người từng đến. Có thể nói, những kí ức đấy lại là thứ giết chết cô nhanh và hiệu quả nhất. 

[whyamitryingtoohard]

#psnt

Sometimes I wish I didn’t care about anyone at all.