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[writing-unjudged]

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[writing-unjudged]

Our Before

Waking up, my mind disaster

feeling slow, heartbeat faster

coming unto, my mind is shattered

one attempt more than before

Walking round, eyes cast down,

face firmly fit with a frown

My soul a desolate ghost town,

of the person I was before

Can it really be that different?

Does this really change so much?

Gazes from people unpleasant, not reverent

like they were before

Finding solace in my grief,

of things I tried too hard to keep

I carried these to help me weep,

now turbulent unlike before

Comfort a bitter scarcity

A mother's love is not unending

A father's chilly gaze unbending

A brother grief-stricken unlike before

Every now and then

I once again,

must ask you I implore,

Before our fall,

did you recall

a call we once ignored?

Twas a bitter plea

for our ending,

to return to whence we were bore

Did you understand the change

that this would arrange

for our Before?

Did you surmise

that it is unwise

to repeat our Before?

Did you stop to ask?

if you might outlast

the person from our Before?

Did you stop to think?

while on death's brink

bleeding upon the floor

that with quick gasps,

a pulse slow to fast

you would surpass

all that passed in our Before?

Did you figure?

or even consider?

what we were in our Before?

That we were a flower

in harsh shower

One that would bloom into our After?

Our After that would reminisce

Our After that would shame Before's essence

Our After that would make our Before evanescent

Our After that whereafter

would proudly state "I. Made. It."

in Before's unsightly face

Our After that would claim "Victory!"

from a tumultuous inner war with our Before

Angry bitter feelings, so harsh I can no longer ignore

Because the answer to my questions are:

"No, I did not recall…."

A time I ignored the bitter call

"No, I did not understand the change..."

That which my death would arrange

"No, I did not stop to ask…"

Could I remove my mask?

"No, I did not stop to think…"

About if I should rethink

"No, I did not figure or consider…"

That I would survive or be revived with vigor

I did not think that you would mourn

"No, I did not think before..."

[writing-unjudged]

My Dear Ebenezer Scrooge,

I finally understand why you groveled in your woe

Why you say "Bah Humbug", your greed in tow

~~~

In A Christmas Past you had such a bright light

An innocent face and twas childlike

Until your Belle left you, like Happy left me

Because of our greed, because we couldn't see

~~~

In A Christmas Present you experienced joy

Godlike above a market, your smile quote coy

Fred's Christmas Party filled with Holly

Bob Cratchit's House filled with Jolly

But upon learning of little Tiny Tim

You learn you bequeath death upon him

Just like I neglected my Happy

You neglected your clerk and left him unhappy

~~~

In a Christmas Yet to Come you try to run from the Shadows of your Future

But it caught up on the 25th of December

Stolen blinds and a confiscated shirt

You see the future holds nothing but hurt

You change your ways to hold Christmas in your heart

I tried to change but had to heavy of a heart

~~~

My sorrow making my chains ever heavy

I wish I was strong and my Happy hadn't left me

I've let my chains take over and for that I am sorry

Forever yours,

Someone not unlike Jacob Marley

[writing-unjudged]

Ode to daydreamers.

[writing-unjudged]

This Window

This Window

Transparent yet reflective, hard yet fragile, 

Easy to break, yet smooth and

for awhile

It was open and accepted all life had to offer

But soon tragedy struck, life’s rays weren’t so warm

Now a somber curtain blocks the cold and the warm

A sealed and closed Window slowly becomes worn

---------

One side of This Window

Exposed to the weather

The wind and the rain and the hail and 

it never,

Reflected life’s warmth, the outside became grim

This Window started to break, just a small crack had happened

---------

The other side of This Window

Closed off by the curtain

Unable to perceive the cracks that were currently

Forming and spreading, like wildfire

Becoming oblivious, becoming tired

---------

Tired of the wind and the rain and the hail and the snow

Wishing for life’s warmth to return, but it knows,

In order to lift the curtain, to open again

It has to accept that life will happen

Not all of it warm not all of it cold

Not all of it perfect, Not all of it known

---------

Life’s rays can be dim yet still so nice

They can be soft yet they can be ice

They can be safe and beautiful and bright

Yet they can be dull and dark and can bite

---------

Let the curtain unfold and The Window open wide

For good things await to those who let Life’s rays inside.

[writing-unjudged]

A perfect way to describe obscure emotions