writingaway-sadness

[writingaway-sadness]

Three years. Three years since I walked across that stage. Three years since I graduated high school. Three years since I accomplished anything.

Everyone else is moving forward with their lives. Getting degrees in their field, going to law school, going to med school, getting actual adult jobs. Yet here I am. Doing nothing. Still struggling through school. With only a LIBERAL ARTS DEGREE to show for it.

I feel like everyone else has done or is beginning to do great things with their lives. My boyfriend thinks he’s got nothing going for him, but I’m reality I’m the one with nothing to go for. He’s in the national guard. He has people depending on him. He went to DC for a COVID mission when the pandemic began and he’s preparing to deploy next year and maybe go on a mission or two between then.

And I’m just here. Doing my best to stay on top of homework and house work. Working a retail job (that I love!) but that won’t really get me anywhere.

The worst part about it all is that the degree I’m working towards is one that I’m really passionate about. I want to be doing this for the rest of my life. But it feels as thought it’s always JUST out of reach.

Is my whole life going to pass by before I start doing what I love?

I can’t even manage to make a few friends at college. How am I going to manage a “real” career? Should I even keep going? Should I just give up now?

What will become of me?

[writingaway-sadness]

I can’t help but notice the new way

You’re looking at me

I can’t help but notice

That your smile isn’t as bright

You don’t laugh at my jokes

You don’t reach for my hand

The space next to me

Is nearly always empty

And I can’t fall asleep in our now cold bed

I miss the way we used to laugh

How we used to adventure and get along

I miss the way you’d hold me

Like you’d never ever let me go

Do I still make your heart beat like I used to?

Do you still love me like you used to?

Do you still want to be with me?

Make plans and grow with me?

Is this what heartbreak feels like?

Is this what heartbreak feels like?

Is this what heartbreak feels like?

[writingaway-sadness]

One day...

Maybe I’ll be enough for someone...

[writingaway-sadness]

he talks to her in our room

OUR room

how dare he

it should be a safe space

but he fills it with women he wants more than me

when will he actually bring them over?

when will I walk in on them together?

[writingaway-sadness]

you talk to her for hours

but you cant even talk to me for minutes

are you sure you love me

or am I the only one who will stay?

[writingaway-sadness]

im not as important as those other girls

“theyre just friends”

yeah, i know. but you have a history

you may just be friends

but you’ve shared kisses

and secrets that you havent shared with me

i try not to get jealous

but theyre who you call when you get drunk

theyre who you think of first

so while youre off talking to her

one of the ones who knows you better than I ever will

the alcohol slips past my lips

one sip at a time

more than ive ever drank before

because i just want to forget about them

all the girls youll always love more than me

i just want to forget

and pretend that you still love me

and only me

[writingaway-sadness]

I’m not enough for him anymore

And I just have to learn how to deal with that

- when you have different dreams and you can’t fulfill his

[writingaway-sadness]

i make him happy... for now. some day he’ll leave me. probably soon. the thing he wants most is to start a family. but i won’t be ready for that for years. so one day he’ll decide to leave. and he’ll find a beautiful girl who will love him. she’ll treat him better than i ever could and they’ll have gorgeous babies together. their family will be perfect.

i hate that i can’t give it to him. because I want to, i really want to...just not soon enough... but I find happiness and a sense of peace that i know he’ll find it eventually. because he deserves the world, even if i can’t be the one to give it to him...

[writingaway-sadness]

I can’t wait for the days

Where I get to wake up next to you

Whether that means your soft snores

Stir me in the middle of the night

Or the nightmares that cause you to twitch

Startle me awake

Or your feather light kisses

On my neck and shoulder

Coax me awake

I don’t care which

I just can’t wait

For them to happen daily

[writingaway-sadness]

The sun shines on our faces, taking us to all new places

Each touch from you, begins my whole world anew

Your smile and laugh, take away my breath

No one is more wonderful than you

Our hands entwined, a different way each time

I wouldn’t mind the world’s end, as long as you’re my boyfriend

Your touch is ingrained in my mind, I can never forget

I love you more than you can comprehend

- my shitty poem written at work

[writingaway-sadness]

Tears lined your cheeks as I held you in my arms One solemn promise made, I shall bring you no harm Compelled by your beauty, you stole my heart like a thief Hope in your eyes concealed years of grief Pain made you strong and taught you a lesson That not all gifts given are truly a blessing Control over you is what other men seek Buy your love and claim your life selfishly to keep You deserve to love freely without reservation Without the feeling of pressure or any obligation Bear full witness to a love that is true Only then will you realize, they didn’t deserve you

[writingaway-sadness]

Poems & Words

[writingaway-sadness]

Poems & Words

[writingaway-sadness]

Poems & Words

[writingaway-sadness]

Poems & Words

[writingaway-sadness]

This warm bed of mine

seemed so cold

until you laid with me

maybe it only lasted a few hours

but those few hours

stayed ingrained in my mind

and gave me the best night’s sleep I’ve had in years

[writingaway-sadness]

I’m in love with an angel

who can’t see his own grace

he’s been beaten and broken

he struggles to find his place

I’m in love with an angel

who’s been put through hell

his halo is broken

but he still fights well

I’m in love with an angel

who’s perfect to me

and maybe he can’t tell

but there’s no one more perfect than he