18 // suspected autism // suffering emotional fluctuations that won’t ever be normal. maybe some depression in there // main is @wyrm-with-a-why so I won’t vent there anymore
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I never wanted him to go away and leave me. I don’t think he wants to come back. He doesn’t care about me anymore did he ever really? Was I always disposable in our friendship? Will I ever get all that time back? Will the happy memories we shared ever go away and stop plaguing me and hurting me? What did I do to deserve this why does it keep happening I just want to have closure. I’m so sick and tired I just wish I’d die I can’t do this
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God why do they do this to me. They hurt me so badly then make me feel bad for being upset. Why? I just can’t have feelings anymore. It’s all my fault
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Waiting so patiently for the “give them space” period to end so I can apologize
#I feel like I’m being torn apart#vent#vent posting#vent post#vent blog#venting#cw vent#attachment issues
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i don't want to heal i want them pay for what they did
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I’m so scared
I’m so scared they’re going to kill themself and I can’t do anything to stop it
I want to save them but I can’t. But I need to. I can’t lose them. I need to convince them to live because I know it will get better when they finally leave their current home. But they feel so hopeless and I can’t do anything. I can’t do anything to help. All I can do is spout my love and hope it means anything. But in the end will it even help. I’m so scared
#vent#vent posting#vent post#vent blog#venting#cw vent#cw suicide mention#tw suicide mention#suicide mention
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Acting or responding in the way someone wasn’t expecting or wanting from me always fucks up my night because tell me why I get basically guilted for not reacting the way ppl wanted me to unprovoked info. Like I try to be supportive and nice what more do you want from me
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Having an ok night until suddenly you have flashbacks from when you had to stop your dad from killing himself
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Waiting for my period to come and go so I can stop feeling suicidal and the world crashing down on me
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Idk how to tell people certain things they say really upset me it’s doing damage to my heart physically like the palpitations have worsened fml.
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I hate taking things to such personal levels but hearing people get furious over little things I do/have done makes me feel like shit. Then I feel worse because I think I brought the mood down on the vc when it happened. I hate myself
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people be like: you are the best thing that has happened to me in my life. you have taken care of me and given me love like no one else ever has and that's why i'm going to hurt/abandon you
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I hate when people make intrusive thoughts quirky and trendy when I’m here sobbing over wishing and imagining terrible death on fuckers who’ve hurt me in this stupid lifetime. Wishing death on their children and loved ones as if it’s their fault. I hate it. I want to fucking die and I hope they do first.
#vent#vent posting#vent post#vent blog#venting#cw vent#actual intrusive thoughts#tw violent thoughts#intrusive thoughts
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Tbh 2024 was the year I’ve wanted to die the most so let’s hope for something better.
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Sometimes I just feel so empty. I can’t feel anything and I act so coldly to people. I don’t know why. I get so angry beforehand too. Why
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Took a video with my hands in it and rewatched it later and I hate my fucking hands I feel so fat kms
#vent#vent posting#vent post#vent blog#venting#cw vent#tw eating disorder#tw ed#tw suicidal thoughts
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