x-lottie-x

[x-lottie-x]

day 10

what was the hardest thing i gave up? probably friendships. especially when i started university this year the way people made friends was by going out drinking or something else that involved eating lots of food. i stayed in my room a lot because i was scared that socialising would lead to eating and i guess that has made it harder to make friends.

[x-lottie-x]

day 9

did people ever make negative comments on my weight? when i was about 13-15 i got called fat a few times. one guy even said i looked like miss piggy from the muppets. but i don’t get those comments anymore, in fact i was congratulated for my weight loss which makes my ed worse i think.

[x-lottie-x]

day 8

my workout routine: honestly i don’t really have one. i try to go for at least a short walk every day and i do figure skating once a week but thats it really.

[x-lottie-x]

omg guys last night i went out with my friends and the bus was busy so one of my friends said i could sit on her lap, and she was saying how light i was and was literally like “omg how are you so light…go eat something…my 11 year old sister weighs more than you” and it was literally the most validating thing ever especially cos she doesn’t know i have an ed so she just kept saying how light i was the whole bus journey

[x-lottie-x]

day 7

do my parents know i’m trying to lose weight? my parents are also on diets so it makes it easy because i just say i’m on a diet too. they don’t really care and actually congratulate me for losing weight. but if they knew how i was doing it they would definitely care and tell me to eat more. but luckily it hasn’t come to that yet.

[x-lottie-x]

my waist trainer finally arrived and it fits. i’m actually so excited right now

[x-lottie-x]

day 6

do i binge? i hate to admit it but yes i do. i’ve binge ever since i was a child, for some reason i would just never feel full and i would eat until the point i felt sick. that’s why i got an ed in the first place because even when i tried to diet i just couldn’t control it. but when i fully restrict and set these strict rules for myself i can control it. i still binge sometimes tho but if i do it’s only for a day instead of weeks like it used to be.

[x-lottie-x]

my friend asked if i wanted to go to mcdonald’s so i did because i don’t wanna lose any more friends, but it’s ok because i only had a mayo chicken and medium fries which was a total of 622 calories so i just won’t eat anything else today

[x-lottie-x]

day 5

why do i really want to lose weight? honestly yeah i am doing it for me. i can’t really explain why, i just know that when i don’t eat i feel better. i used to have a lot of problems like anxiety, depression, sh, but since my ED started all of that has gone. i finally feel in control and it feels pretty fucking powerful. i guess at the start it was about loosing weight so that people would like me more or think i’m pretty but fuck that, now i’m doing it for me and no one can get me to stop.

[x-lottie-x]

day 4

i think my biggest fear is how it will effect my parents. i’m scared that i won’t be able to stop and then my parents would get suspicious as they do worry about me a lot. they are really good parents and i don’t want to be a burden to them or make them upset.

[x-lottie-x]

day 3

so it’s not a specific person but these are a couple of thinspos that have stood out to me since joining tumblr. i think it’s the way that they are hunched over yet still look so effortlessly dainty and skinny. i have quite a big back (like bone structure wise) so it gives me motivation that if i lose weight maybe my back could actually look pretty

[x-lottie-x]

i ordered a waist trainer and i can’t wait for it to arrive, my waist is gonna be so snatched by summer

[x-lottie-x]

day 2

i’m 5’3 ~ i do wish sometimes that i was a little bit taller because i think being small makes me look a bit bigger, like i’m never gonna have one of those long torsos and really skinny waists like the girls i see in thinspo but i also don’t really mind being small and once i’m really skinny i will look so cute. i just need to work a bit harder to get there

[x-lottie-x]

i thought i would finally do this.

day 1

my stats:

sw ~ 135 lbs

lw ~ 115 lbs

cw ~ 131 lbs (i’ve recently gained a lot)

gw ~ 120 lbs

ugw ~ 100 lbs

[x-lottie-x]

the last couple days i aimed for medium res but it resulted in me binging so i’m doing low res again for a while. honestly i think i’m just gonna see how long i can go without eating.

[x-lottie-x]

✨total calories for today = 0✨

ok so i wasn’t really planning on eating nothing today but when i woke up i was the exact same weight as yesterday (125 pounds) despite the fact that i only had 186 calories yesterday. it’s probably water weight but still encouraged me to ⭐️ve. if i haven’t lost weight tomorrow i will actually cry.

[x-lottie-x]

~ food diary ~

strawberry yogurt = 146 calories

fruit pot = 38 calories

pepsi max = 2 calories

✨total = 186 calories✨

today was the best day i’ve had in a while. i went on a 1 hour 22 minute walk and burned 275 calories. then later my friends asked if i wanted to go to the shops and get snacks so i did because i didn’t want them to get suspicious but i’ve started a drawer for all the food i buy as to not look suspicious so now all my junk food stays in that drawer and i don’t eat it. this is a huge step cause usually i would at least have a bit of it and it would start a massive binging episode but NOPE not this time. i’ve also lost 3 pound in the last 3 days so i feel like i’m back on track now and the binging is over.