xems-and-stims - Tumblr blog

[xems-and-stims]

My personal dream job situation would actually be me being a professional student who takes on various short term projects either during semesters or in-between on breaks.

I like to work and I like to be productive but I also love learning and if I could be a professional student for the rest of my life without worrying about income that would be cool

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Why would anyone ever want to go back to the early 2010s. I'd rather not relive the time people wanted to boycott a network because the network was going to remove the old guy from Duck Dynasty for saying homophobic remarks in an interview. Do you know how annoying that whole thing was IN West Virginia?? The antiqueer rhetoric of 2023 might be louder than 2013 but I still have fewer people telling me to kill myself for it on average

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So you want me to follow the most absurdish rules (like fashion when I choose my furniture) and at the same time you are surprised that I can strictly obey to those that really make sense to me (like safety)? Um, hello, who's "normal" here???

Is it like people throw a bunch of rules and then follow them or not depanding on their mood? Like totally randomly and regardless if it's stupid or not? Like because of what others are doing and not because of what you chose for yourself? And they are surprised when somebody actually uses logic instead of a whim?!

You're right, there is no middle ground here...

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The thing is, even if I confirmed to the traditional female stereotypes and identified as a woman I'd STILL be disrespected and harassed.

I'm fat! And because I am not on any HRT many people who first meet me assume I am specifically a Butch Lesbian. I am a nonbinary bisexual dating a masc-leaning nonbinary bisexual but people at my work constantly assume I am dating a girl when I say 'my partner" and use he/they for them. I do not have one definitively preference for masc present or femm presenting. I don't shave and I'll wear girly clothes but I frequently wear gaudy floral patterns your cataract grandpa would grab from the thrift store. Even when I am seen and viewed as a woman by others, I do not fit the stereotypes of what people expect out of a woman. But even if I did, if I had long hard and no body hair and the most girly looking clothes, I'd still be harassed for being a woman and being fat. I was harassed for YEARS about this, and to this day I still have random strangers yell and insult me and my appearance.

I am not a woman, and I will never connect to womanhood or girl power in a way someone who DOES identify with those terms do. But I am aware that I live in a box that, when I challenge it, still betters women's rights and wellbeing. Regardless of how I identify, the way I express myself as "a woman" still challenges a part of society regardless. I've been told I identify as nonbinary because I grew up in a misogynistic society and I've internalized that misogyny and "been taught to hate myself". In reality, even once those mindsets in society change I still will not identify as a woman. Puberty was traumatizing because I suddenly felt like my body wasn't mine, and the only way id accept "woman" as my identity would be after surgery and hormones, and even then I'd still label myself "nonbinary woman", SOLELY because that is the box I've been placed into. I do not hate women and I want both the gender expectations for men and women to be greatly improved so that nobody feels like they have to hate themself because of their gender. But even once we fix the issues that come from misogyny, we will still have trans people. And I will still be trans.

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I feel like the opposite side of 'the intolerance of intolerance" is when we think about the fact that if we as a society ever want true human rights that also means we will have to ensure those human rights are extended to even those groups that would deep undeserving such as Neo Nazis and other extremists hate groups.

Universal basic income, health care, protection against the death penalty. Anything that would protect and help the vulnerable would also help your oppressors and attackers. It's remembering that everyone at the end of the day is a human being, and no matter who they are they too deserve and have a right to have a life where they do not struggle. It's giving free education to rich families, it's providing Rights to Adequate food to ALL prisoner's, it's holding Police accountable to not use torture interrogation tactics on corrupt millionaires.

Universal means universal, it doesn't mean turn a blind eye to injustice when these groups hurt others, but it also doesn't mean they are exempt from these protections as we work for furthering human rights.

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The LGBTQ community has seen controversy regarding acceptance of different groups (bisexual and transgender individuals have sometimes been marginalized by the larger community), but the term LGBT has been a positive symbol of inclusion and reflects the embrace of different identities and that we’re stronger together and need each other. While there are differences, we all face many of the same challenges from broader society.

In the 1960′s, in wider society the meaning of the word gay transitioned from ‘happy’ or ‘carefree’ to predominantly mean ‘homosexual’ as they adopted the word as was used by homosexual men, except that society also used it as an umbrella term that meant anyone who wasn’t cisgender or heterosexual. The wider queer community embraced the word ‘gay’ as a mark of pride.

The modern fight for queer rights is considered to have begun with The Stonewall Riots in 1969 and was called the Gay Liberation Movement and the Gay Rights Movement.

The acronym GLB surfaced around this time to also include Lesbian and Bisexual people who felt “gay” wasn’t inclusive of their identities. 

Early in the gay rights movement, gay men were largely the ones running the show and there was a focus on men’s issues. Lesbians were unhappy that gay men dominated the leadership and ignored their needs and the feminist fight. As a result, lesbians tended to focus their attention on the Women’s Rights Movement which was happening at the same time. This dominance by gay men was seen as yet one more example of patriarchy and sexism. 

In the 1970′s, sexism and homophobia existed in more virulent forms and those biases against lesbians also made it hard for them to find their voices within women’s liberation movements. Betty Friedan, the founder of the National Organization for Women (NOW), commented that lesbians were a “lavender menace” that threatened the political efficacy of the organization and of feminism and many women felt including lesbians was a detriment.

In the 80s and 90s, a huge portion of gay men were suffering from AIDS while the lesbian community was largely unaffected. Lesbians helped gay men with medical care and were a massive part of the activism surrounding the gay community and AIDS. This willingness to support gay men in their time of need sparked a closer, more supportive relationship between both groups, and the gay community became more receptive to feminist ideals and goals. 

Approaching the 1990′s it was clear that GLB referred to sexual identity and wasn’t inclusive of gender identity and T should be added, especially since trans activist have long been at the forefront of the community’s fight for rights and acceptance, from Stonewall onward. Some argued that T should not be added, but many gay, lesbian and bisexual people pointed out that they also transgress established gender norms and therefore the GLB acronym should include gender identities and they pushed to include T in the acronym. 

GLBT became LGBT as a way to honor the tremendous work the lesbian community did during the AIDS crisis. 

Towards the end of the 1990s and into the 2000s, movements took place to add additional letters to the acronym to recognize Intersex, Asexual, Aromantic, Agender, and others. As the acronym grew to LGBTIQ, LGBTQIA, LGBTQIAA, many complained this was becoming unwieldy and started using a ‘+’ to show LGBT aren’t the only identities in the community and this became more common, whether as LGBT+ or LGBTQ+. 

In the 2010′s, the process of reclaiming the word “queer” that began in the 1980′s was largely accomplished. In the 2020′s the LGBTQ+ acronym is used less often as Queer is becoming the more common term to represent the community. 

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Neurodivergency includes down syndrome, schizophrenia, tourettes, ASPD, and literally any divergence from the assumed "norm" brain

Neurodivergent isn't a replacement word for autistic or ADHD. It includes those, but yall keep making it only about those.

Further, yall do it instead of saying autistic and that only contributes to anti autism ableism. If you're referring to autistic traits and autistic tests, say so. Stop erasing autism bc it makes you afraid.

There aren't neurodivergent screening tests. There are screening tests for specific disorders that fall under the umbrella. I don't think it's bad to call yourself ND especially if you're multiply divergent, but stop using it as a placeholder for autism when you MEAN autism

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Okay this ended up being way longer than i meant so prefacing this with "TLDR i fully agree with you i just wanted to put my two cents on the matter".

I agree but I think the reason why we see this is mostly because of the fact there is still a stigma for self IDing and the fact that most people HAVE been conditioned "you aren't autistic" which does lead to a lot of people trying to avoid using that label while also finding words to express themselves. I'm not saying it's right by any means because it DOES cause more alienation in the nuerodivergent community for people who are not adhd or autistic (i have had OCD since childhood and i still heavily avoid talking about it to most people because my intrusive thoughts cause me a lot of stress and a lot of people still confuse intrusive and impulsive in the community).

And, this really could be my own personal experience here, because there are so many more people questioning their ADHD Rx and suspecting they ARE autistic instead, it can unintentionally cause a "well I'm not suffering as much/the same as that person so ergo i can't also use that word. Because in my personal circumstance having a partner who is AuDHD, and a roommate who suspects her ADHD may be a different type of Autism because her sister is Autistic, so I feel like I can't ID as AuDHD BECAUSE i know so many people in my personal circle who are autistic (besides the two people i just listed). And because there is still a stigma outside of the community for self IDing it can be hard expressing what you're going through. And i don't know about you, but growing up without any diagnosis and hearing 'dont ID as ADHD/autistic because it takes away resources for people who are ACTUALLY autistic/adhd" (simplifying here), it was both a relief and an anxiety inducer when i got an ADHD Rx, i feel like I'm constantly having to prove myself, having to show my struggles. And when i think of myself as possibly having autism it feels like I'm only HURTING the autistic community instead. Which i understand is an oxymoron because it does reinforce this idea that being Autistic is a cookie cutter experience that all autistic people have.

I do also feel like part of this is a result of ADHD and autism having such a big overlap, and with the significant amount of people who do have both ADHD and Autism it makes it harder to find the line that defines each one, which may explain why people use Nuerodivergent as the placeholder instead when talking about these experiences. Which has unfortunately twisted what people think about when they hear Nuerodivergent, they don't think of Tourettes and Williams syndrome or how Dyscalculia and Dyslexia on their own count as Nuerodivergent. I am willing to believe there are people who probably don't realize BPD and Schizophrenia are Nuerodivergent because they are different enough from Autism and ADHD. Using Nuerodivergent when you mean specific symptoms from Autism (and to a lesser extent ADHD) does hurt everyone in the end. The sad part is this isn't just any one problem that can be fixed over night :(

Neurodivergency includes down syndrome, schizophrenia, tourettes, ASPD, and literally any divergence from the assumed "norm" brain

Neurodivergent isn't a replacement word for autistic or ADHD. It includes those, but yall keep making it only about those.

Further, yall do it instead of saying autistic and that only contributes to anti autism ableism. If you're referring to autistic traits and autistic tests, say so. Stop erasing autism bc it makes you afraid.

There aren't neurodivergent screening tests. There are screening tests for specific disorders that fall under the umbrella. I don't think it's bad to call yourself ND especially if you're multiply divergent, but stop using it as a placeholder for autism when you MEAN autism

[xems-and-stims]

My two cents on American politics and Sex Work is that we should live in a society where nobody is FORCED into sex work by any means (social or economic pressure as well as literal force), but we as a society should still have labor laws as well as other protections in place for those who choose to be in that job. Yes this is an oversimplification of what needs to be done, no i will never think sex work should be illegal

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I wish I could be a girl in the sense that if I was a cis girl I wouldn't be stressed I wouldn't be in distress. I could go to work and not feel like I have a secret that's going to get me harassed if anyone founds out, i wouldn't feel concerned about how people perceive me, i wouldn't hesitate everytime I walk into the female restroom and ask myself if this is okay.

I don't WANT to be a woman, i love being trans and if you gave me a medication that took away my dysphoria everytime I heard she/her i would STILL go by they/xem. I would STILL present myself the way I do, i wouldn't change my life style. I would just embrace being a GNC woman. I just wish I could have that instead of dysphoria, i wish I could be a xey/xem woman but I can't. At the end of the day when people misgender me, when I purposefully stay in the closet, i am stressed about people finding out that I'm transgender.

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when the music doesnt have captions

[I.D: A simple drawing of a person listening to music through headphones. The lyrics are shown though a thought bubble, they read "i make a (illegible scribbles) cool piano (more messy scribbles)". The person has a speech bubble that reads "this FUCKS." End I.D]

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When I was 12, I told a school counselor that my first introduction to the idea of being bi was by an online survey that asked you if you were gay straight or bisexual and I selected bi because I felt the same towards boys and girls.

That was a lie, partially. I never felt a difference towards boys or girls as a kid. I didn't understand romantic or sexual attraction, I didn't understand how people could feel attraction OR repulsion about same and opposite sexes.

I don't remember exactly how I learned the word bisexual, I remember how I first thought about the concept in regards to myself though.

I was 11, my mom was making a Facebook account for me (yes I was underage, but a lot of my classmates had an account and I was supervised a lot on it). There was a question a long the lines of "what/who are you interested in", and at age 11 I thought it meant being friends with. So I told my mom to put both boys and girls. She didn't say anything about it, but it occurred to me not long after that it meant sexuality not platonically. And I thought about the idea about being bisexual myself, and I was okay with that idea and accepted it.

Some time after I came out, my parents either asked me how I knew or what made me realize I was bi. I lied and said it was being I had a dream about my friend B and while I don't have feelings for them now (when i came out to them) it made something click for me.

Which, was another lie, another partial lie. It was because I had a dream about A. I had the dream when I was 10 during the year I transfered to a different elementary school in my district and lost touch with most of my old friends briefly. A was my best friend of 2 years at that point and I had missed them. I had a dream that we randomly came into contact again, I was so overjoyed I woke up crying. Because I was 10 and I didn't understand my emotions enough then.

When I came out to my parents, A was in my life again and would spend the night frequently. I was worried if I said I had feelings then I'd lose them, that they wouldn't be allowed over anymore even though they didn't have feelings for me. So I lied then, I lied about the first person I can say I loved.

I still don't know if I would say I loved them romantically, I wanted them in my life forever, but we weren't healthy for each other for so many reasons. But I loved them regardless of what that love was or wherever they came from.

At age 11 the advise I got from my school counselors, while I was sitting in their office after I had committed self harm due to bullying from coming out, was not to kiss a girl until high school.

Because, as she warned me, "what's happens if when you get into high school and a boy doesn't want to date you because he saw you kiss a girl in middle school", and I don't think I'll ever forget that moment in my life.

And I think about that moment and think about the fact that I am in a T4T relationship, that while my labels have changed multiple times I still identify as bisexual. And that I know that both those school counslers are still working with kids.

And i don't know what any of this was rambled for, but I know I think about it

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stop saying “this applies to ADHD too” on my posts about autism (especially when that isn’t even true).

stop talking about ADHD when I’m talking about autism.

stop saying that “ADHD is diet autism” or that “ADHD and autism are basically the same”.

stop it.

ADHD and autism are different disorders. I have them both. but I’d like to be able to talk about my autism without other disorders getting brought up constantly. stop using the notes of my posts to spread misinformation

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Sometimes I look at my closet and remember I'm neurodivergent but a special spicy flavor that requires everything to be organized in a very specific way or else I do not know what I'm looking at