xems-and-stims

[xems-and-stims]

I don't know who needs to hear this, but trans men/masc separatism is just as bad and harmful as all other forms of queer separatism.

Stop seeing your sisters as an enemy, any trans women/ transfem that is hostile towards men & masc is a minority and should not be used as justification for separatism.

Talk about your struggles, talk about your frustrations. But if you think your sisters and NB siblings are the reason why you're oppressed you're just doing the work of a cishetnormativity society and tearing people down when we should be lifting each other up.

And for the love of God, call out your brothers when you see them perpetuate transmisogyny in the name of talking about trans masc struggles. Calling your sister a stupid bitch/cunt because you're mad at whatever debate you're having isn't justified, it's childish.

[xems-and-stims]

I am TME, I do not mind saying I am TME and I understand the importance of acknowledging that I am Transmisogyny exempt. I do think with the right context this is a very relevant term used to describe my position when it comes to being impacted by transmisogyny. I am non-binary, I have transitioned socially and with HRT but I have not yet had any surgeries and enjoy presenting myself as a neutral-aligned nonbinary person. I understand that to do this, I had to use FTM Resources and have had to accept a trans man label to transition because my insurance doesn't recognize non-binary identities, I have to misgender myself to access healthcare still labeled as women's health. I understand that I still have privileges in all of this because I am white, I am dyadic, and depending on the situation I am read as a GNC woman or a "baby trans" man even though I do not identify myself with either of these labels. I have experienced issues with being seen as a GNC woman and as a baby trans man, but I understand that the systematic issues that I face are still as a TME individual. And I am okay with that label being used for me for that reason!

What I get frustrated about TMA is the lack of acknowledgement that we do not live in a black and white world. There are intersex women who are seen and interacted with in every single situation and interaction they have in life as a trans woman. And there is absolutely no shame in being trans or being seen as trans. But I have seen multiple cis intersex women on here be harassed off the platform being told that they will never be real women, that they're men because they have a Y chromosome, that they're disgusting and freakish for existing, and dozens of times been told that they're lying about being intersex and that they are secretly trans women. I would love to point you to these women, but they are gone!!! They have left the building!!!

This is not just "misdirected Transmisogyny", if it sounds like a duck and looks like a duck, it's a duck. This isn't just a "oh I have been mistaken once as a trans woman" this is intersex women being denied their womanhood and dehumanized because they are repeatedly seen as trans women. They are assaulted, medically abused, socially abused, and more because society sees them as nothing else besides trans women. Misdirected or not, there ARE intersex cis women who are repeatedly assaulted and harassed because they are victims of Transmisogyny.

I am not saying every intersex person has this issue, just like how not every non-binary person is TMA. But the fact that people refuse to acknowledge that TMA is not exclusive to trans women and transfem individuals I am still going to be critical about it.

I do think TMA and TME are great words to describe context specific conversations about transmisogyny and I don't think we should ignore the fact that transmisogyny is really and is also perpetuated by TME trans people, we are not immune to being violent and harassing our trans sisters. But similar to AGAB verbage, I think it has its time and place and you need to examine how you are using it.

[xems-and-stims]

Saying you’re fine with roughly 50% of the world’s population, including queer people, killing themselves certainly is a take.

[xems-and-stims]

If a disabled woman made jokes at the expense of disabled men specifically in regards to their experiences of being a disabled man, is that still punching up or are you just punching across the table.

[xems-and-stims]

What is transandrophobia and why is it called that? By the guy who coined it and is kind of tired of seeing it defined in the opposite of what it's meant to describe.

In it's most simple definition. Transandrophobia is the way that the fear of men impacts the material reality and mental/physical health of transgender men.

Transandrophobia, is the way that the fear of men and/or masculinity effects transgender men’s ability to access queer and transgender spaces, sexual assault survivor resources, and reproductive health care.

Transandrophobia, is the way that the fear of men and/or masculinity holds back transgender men from transitioning or from presenting as masculine.

Transandrophobia, is the way the fear of men and/or masculinity results in the disowning of transgender men from previous found families and the isolation of transgender men in general.

Transandrophobia, is the way the fear of men and/or masculinity has resulted in people using their trauma as an excuse for abusing transgender men, physically, sexually, and emotionally.

Transandrophobia, is the way the fear of men has resulted in people refusing admittance to “male identified people” to certain queer events and safe spaces.

Transandrophobia, is the way that the fear of masculinity has led to people assuming that butches across the gender spectrum are inherently violent and hyper-sexual.

Transandrophobia, is the way that the fear of men and/or masculinity results in the forced feminization of transgender men in queer spaces, with the insistence that those who refuse to feminize themselves to make others more comfortable should not be allowed entrance to certain queer spaces.

Transandrophobia, is the way that the fear of men has led people to assuming that butches who were assigned female at birth, are at risk of becoming the enemy (a man) and should not be given the same amount of trust as a feminine presenting cis woman.

Transandrophobia, is when that the fear of men being in women’s spaces prevents trans men and non-binary people who present as male from accessing gynecological care, abortions, and birth control.

Transandrophobia, is when transgender men must make themselves smaller to be seen as “one of the good ones” and it is when a trans man who is loud or sexual or Black or Brown or too masculine is seen as a threat to the safety of other transgender people.

Transandrophobia, is when transgender men who speak up about how the normalized way of speaking ill about men in feminist and queer spaces has made them activity suicidal, de-transition, or prevented them from transitioning, are told to “shut up and sit down” or “good.”

Transandrophobia, is not when trans men face misogyny – that is just a trans man facing misogyny (which all trans men face, because misogyny and sexism effects everyone, not just women). However, transandrophobia is when someone says that trans men don’t face misogyny because they are men, make claims that trans men benefit from misogyny since they are men, or insist that trans men’s experiences with misogyny aren’t as valid or as bad as when a woman or non-male person faces misogyny.

Transandrophobia, is when trans men’s struggles are dismissed as being less important, because men don’t need help or men already have help or men don't face real struggles.

Transandrophobia, is when people refuse to acknowledge that the patriarchy see’s transgender men as failed women and not men, which is why transgender men do bot benefit from the patriarchy but are instead violently and systematically punished by it.

Transandrophobia is that and a whole lot more, I would need a book to describe the entirety of the issue, I have been writing a book on it for over six years and re-writing it over and over because if I say it wrong, or say it with too much emotion, or not enough emotion, or with too many numbers, or not enough numbers, and publish it without using perfect wording, trans men might not get another chance to speak up for a long ass time and we will once again have to find new words to say "Pretty please treat me like a human being and let me have access to the things I need in order to survive." and "Pretty please consider that if a large group of people from a minority are telling you they are being oppressed by these actions and fears, then maybe you should believe them or at least the material statistical evidence of that oppression, since you probably trust journals more than us describing our reality and lived experiences."

[xems-and-stims]

At this point I don't know how else to view the "problem with transandrophobia" as anything but the new version of tucute vs transmed.

To preface, I am referring to the fact that tucute believed that you did not need gender dysphoria to be trans, just gender euphoria. This led to frequently infighting because people were upset hearing that you don't need gender dysphoria; what the full conversation was missing was that gender EUPHORIA is on the same coin as gender DYSPHORIA and that a presence of Gender Euphoria is still a sign that gender dysphoria is present (but not necessarily active). Looking for Gender Euphoria instead of Gender Dysphoria is what allowed more nonbinary people to feel more comfortable expressing their gender identity, it allowed eggs to realize that if something makes you happy "even if you're okay not transitioning" you are 100% still able to explore what makes you happy.

Transandrophobia is a term used by trans men/trans masc people (and anyone else impacted by it) to describe their overlapping experiences with transphobia and misogyny. It is understood that transmisogyny is a term used to describe trans women and transfem experiences (and others who are impacted by transmisogyny) and that these people experience unique intersections that TME people do not. That is a real and truthful situation that exists both in our community and in our societies.

We, in our trans community, can and do agree that trans men = men , trans women = women, and nonbinary people are all case by case. But what this conversation ignores is that society, because of transphobia that impacts us all, does not agree with this.

Transandrophobia/transmisandry is not saying that misandry is a systematic issue. It is saying that trans men/trans masc individuals (and anyone else perceived to be as part of these categories) face misogyny for society still viewing them as women and transphobia at the same time.

Transandrophobia is when people insist trans men are confused lesbians, that they're too weak minded to want to be women in a misogynistic world, that trans men wouldn't exist in a world where women are equal to men, that trans masc people are violent or WILL become violent because they're taking T, it's saying that trans men don't matter when we discuss reproductive rights.

Transandrophobia is not saying that transmisogyny isn't real or isn't serious. I understand that because of transmisogyny there are dozens of "dude in a dress" jokes for every one "silly girl has internalized misogyny and that's why she acts like a boy" joke. I understand that transmisogynoir is why black trans women make up the majority of violent trans deaths, but I also know that trans men and trans masc folks reports of being raped for being trans are misreported as women statistics if not ignored entirely.

Hyper invisibility is not inherently better than hype visibility, but that doesn't mean hyper visibility in discussions and media doesn't mean the majority of transfem rep isn't transmiogynistic. But this also doesn't erase the systematic issues of trans men being ignored, erased from history because EVERY single trans masc person in history was "actually just a woman avoiding misogyny", trans men/masc people are constantly being told to shut up and not talk about our issues, about complications that come up when you need OBGYN care or other resources that you get locked out of because they're locked behind the "women's" label.

I have been harassed and assaulted for being presumably trans masc, and I am in fact trans neutral! But I live in a society that still sees me as a woman, sees me as a trans man wannabe, and I have been punished for both of these at the same time because transphobes see trans men as worse than women. I have been impacted by misogyny as a trans person because people did not like that I wasn't performing feminity how they wanted it. But as a person who has had a very fluid gender expression for 13 years now, I can say confidentiality that my masculinity was not punished when I was IDing as a lesbian, it was punished when I was perceived as or open about being trans.

Nearly every person I've spoken to that uses transandrophobia as a term has talked to me about the fact that transandrophobia is just the best word available at this time. Plenty of people would gladly use another term for this, but "afab transphobia" is even worse and I would argue, less inclusive. TME transphobia does an even worse job explaining the issue

Transandrophobia should not be used to separate the community as transmisogyny vs transandrophobia. There are people who are part of neither of these "intended" groups who do not align themselves with either and still experience transphobia. I believe, like other terms like AGAB transfem/neutral/masc should be used within the right context. I think in general conversations about transphobia that is what should be the only term needed unless more specific circumstances are brought up that warrant the need to be more specific.

Trans men and trans women both experience intersections of transphobia and misogyny. Transphobia and misogyny go hand in hand so frequently, just like how transphobia and misogyny frequently go hand in hand with racism. bigotry has been around for centuries, and it requires group effort to dismantle systems like the patriarchy and white supremacy that has allowed for this to continue for so long. But I promise you, trans men asking to be seen and discussed is not going to send us back to the stone ages.

[xems-and-stims]

The pipeline….

Thank you to my lovely friend @oto999 for the font teehee

[xems-and-stims]

I'm sorry to every trans person who lost access to resources after coming out.

Financial, physical, medical, familial, safety, recovery, or any other resource that was suddenly blocked off once you expressed being trans.

You deserved better

[xems-and-stims]

Is anyone else bothered by how many trans people are adopting radical feminism?

Radical Feminism wasn't just an issue because it was Trans exclusionary. Radical Feminism hurts all communities. Making it Trans does not suddenly make it less harmful

[xems-and-stims]

"Trans men and women are both suffering" and "trans women are often specifically targeted by bigotry and harassment even within their own communities and deserve to be able to talk about their own unique challenges without being talked over" and "trans men are often erased from conversations about how bigotry and transphobia targets them and are not exempt from all the horribly draconian laws transphobes are attempting to pass" and "being trans doesn't make you immune to participating in horrible transmisogyny even and especially if you aren't aware you're doing it" and "holy shit don't reinvent bioessentialism but for trans people like holy fuck men are not destined to be evil and women aren't automatically incapable of harm" are all opinions that can and fucking SHOULD coexist

[xems-and-stims]

So thinking about people who go "dyadic trans men and dyadic afab enby people don't have any cross sections of being impacted by misogyny and transphobia at the same time" ,

I was at Walmart, when I was leaving I saw that a guy was yelling at another man. Guy B was in his car not engaging with Guy A, he was clearly trying to leave.

I told Guy A to leave B alone, which made A redirect his attention to me and gets in my face. The dude is easily a foot taller than me and shoved me saying "oh what, you think cutting your hair makes you a man? What are you going to do? " That was misogyny, that was transphobia.

I have other personal experiences, I also know mine are not unique. I understand that in the example I give, it doesn't sound that major compared to other people's suffering. This is also not my only experience with misogyny and transphobia overlapping, just the one I am comfortable sharing.

I am privileged, but I have also been told that my privilege is conditional. I have been threatened with rape, physical assault, and other violations because people did not like me being nonbinary. Conditional privilege is "privilege" none the less, but that doesn't mean I am not still harmed.

[xems-and-stims]

It does genuinely make me so sad how many people are demonized for having OCD

Saw a guy vent about his struggles with relationship related OCD compulsions and needing his girlfriend to reassure him as a compulsion. BUT he's asked her to not reassure him (because feeding compulsions only make them worse) , so he's in a personal hell of anxiety from the OCD but is trying really hard to not give in and do the compulsion of seeking reassurance.

And how do people respond? 🚩🚩🚩🚩

Because they're taking it at face value and assuming he's either A) being purposely confusing on his needs or b) think he's just too insecure for a healthy relationship. I'm not saying being in a relationship with someone with this type of OCD is easy and without issues, but if she wasn't happy being with him she would have left him.

OCD is basically an extreme form of Anxiety, it's intrusive thoughts that you cannot stop instantly. Without professional assistance (hell even with it), it can take years to stop compulsions and learning alternative habits to help you process the anxiety. At best you can reduce the anxiety levels, but for some people you just can't CURE OCD.

[xems-and-stims]

My personal dream job situation would actually be me being a professional student who takes on various short term projects either during semesters or in-between on breaks.

I like to work and I like to be productive but I also love learning and if I could be a professional student for the rest of my life without worrying about income that would be cool

[xems-and-stims]

Why would anyone ever want to go back to the early 2010s. I'd rather not relive the time people wanted to boycott a network because the network was going to remove the old guy from Duck Dynasty for saying homophobic remarks in an interview. Do you know how annoying that whole thing was IN West Virginia?? The antiqueer rhetoric of 2023 might be louder than 2013 but I still have fewer people telling me to kill myself for it on average

[xems-and-stims]

So you want me to follow the most absurdish rules (like fashion when I choose my furniture) and at the same time you are surprised that I can strictly obey to those that really make sense to me (like safety)? Um, hello, who's "normal" here???

Is it like people throw a bunch of rules and then follow them or not depanding on their mood? Like totally randomly and regardless if it's stupid or not? Like because of what others are doing and not because of what you chose for yourself? And they are surprised when somebody actually uses logic instead of a whim?!

You're right, there is no middle ground here...

[xems-and-stims]

The thing is, even if I confirmed to the traditional female stereotypes and identified as a woman I'd STILL be disrespected and harassed.

I'm fat! And because I am not on any HRT many people who first meet me assume I am specifically a Butch Lesbian. I am a nonbinary bisexual dating a masc-leaning nonbinary bisexual but people at my work constantly assume I am dating a girl when I say 'my partner" and use he/they for them. I do not have one definitively preference for masc present or femm presenting. I don't shave and I'll wear girly clothes but I frequently wear gaudy floral patterns your cataract grandpa would grab from the thrift store. Even when I am seen and viewed as a woman by others, I do not fit the stereotypes of what people expect out of a woman. But even if I did, if I had long hard and no body hair and the most girly looking clothes, I'd still be harassed for being a woman and being fat. I was harassed for YEARS about this, and to this day I still have random strangers yell and insult me and my appearance.

I am not a woman, and I will never connect to womanhood or girl power in a way someone who DOES identify with those terms do. But I am aware that I live in a box that, when I challenge it, still betters women's rights and wellbeing. Regardless of how I identify, the way I express myself as "a woman" still challenges a part of society regardless. I've been told I identify as nonbinary because I grew up in a misogynistic society and I've internalized that misogyny and "been taught to hate myself". In reality, even once those mindsets in society change I still will not identify as a woman. Puberty was traumatizing because I suddenly felt like my body wasn't mine, and the only way id accept "woman" as my identity would be after surgery and hormones, and even then I'd still label myself "nonbinary woman", SOLELY because that is the box I've been placed into. I do not hate women and I want both the gender expectations for men and women to be greatly improved so that nobody feels like they have to hate themself because of their gender. But even once we fix the issues that come from misogyny, we will still have trans people. And I will still be trans.

[xems-and-stims]