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The Body Series Book 1: Ch 13 'Wounds'

18+ please!! minors DNI (For other chapters) [Prev. Chapter] [First Chapter] [Ao3 link]

Summary: You were happy. Your body had continued to heal and these past few weeks were happy ones. Happy ones spent with Jake.

Unfortunately the return of whatever resides inside you prompts a visit from Khonshu. A visit that finally frees you from the secrets and lies you've had to keep but also frees you from something far more important.

Pairing: Steven Grant x F Reader, Marc Spector x F Reader, Jake Lockely

Warnings: Angst A/N: To all my readers...I am sorry.

You opened your eyes to nothingness.

Lifting yourself off of the ground you could feel a cold wind pushing against your face. A light but dense fog flowed around you and a dim beam of moonlight shined down from a darkened sky. Shining around you, almost like a spotlight from nothingness.

But nothing else.

There was no barren land. All you could see was the ground and fog a few feet around you but aside from that, nothingness.

You stood and walked for a few minutes before stopping in your tracks, giving the area a final look before the realization of what must be happening hit.

‘Oh gods…not again.’ You thought.

“They thought they could hide you away…”A voice whispered in the wind, stopping you immediately.

You turned and strained to find where the voice came from only to be met with the nothingness.

“Who are you?!” You screamed into the void, your voice echoing around you.

You frantically scanned the area again. Trying your best to keep your panicked breathing to a minimum.

Nothing.

“This is my body! You can’t claim it! I refuse to let you have it!”

“Who are you to refuse?” a stern voice echoed from behind you.

You turned only to have your breath completely taken from you. Your blood running cold in your veins.

There, standing a few yards away was you. Another you, dressed in the tunic, jewelry, and intricate crown you had been wearing when you found yourself in the field of reeds.

The other you stood silent. Not a movement was made by either of you. You with the shock sprawled on your face, an indifferent glare on theirs.

“Th-this is my body!” You repeated, your voice shaking as you spoke.

The other you did not reply. Instead she continued to watch you, her glare becoming more menacing.

“Wh-whoever or whatever you are, you have no right to be here!” You called out, your voice more stern than before.

The other you stood motionless for another moment when a sly smile began to overtake their face.

Your face.

They opened their mouth, releasing a deafening roar that pushed and surrounded you. Physically lifting you back a few feet, causing you to land hard onto the cold ground behind you.

“You insignificant wretch! A god does not ask for permission! You are the one who has no right to demand anything of me!”

The residual push from the growl resonated in your chest to the point where it started to hurt. Leaving you huddled on the ground, clutching your chest and trying to catch your breath.

You looked up at the figure who began to walk toward you. Your eyes filled with fear as you continued to struggle.

“Wh-what is it you want?” You managed to get out.

The figure stopped, a now smug smile greeting you.

“I want you to vacate this vessel! I can feel the amount of power you possess and I wish to have it for my own!”

“You…you can’t…”

“You are not worthy of such ability and so I wish you to dissolve!”

“I…I won’t…I won’t let you take my body!” You yelled as loud as you dared.

The sly smile returned to the other you before a low soft chuckle left their lips.

“I see, then a bargain perhaps? If you relent now your demise will be instant, far less painful than if you continue to defy my will. Mark my words, insignificant human. I will have your body and consciousness…it’s up to you how long and painful the inevitable is.”

You bent down, closing your eyes tightly and reaching deep within yourself for the strength to stand. You returned her glare, filled with resolve and contempt for this intruder.

“Whatever or whoever you are, this is my body! My mind! I will not hand it over without a fight…you are not welcomed here!”

The other you took a moment to laugh mockingly, finding your show of strength unimpressive.

“I am giving you a choice you fool! You would be wise to take it, and in case you have forgotten…you’ve only experienced what my followers can do.”

Just then a large serpent came in from the nothingness, slithering between your legs and making it’s way up and around the other you, slithering up their body. Resting on one of their shoulders as she began to pet at its head.

“The power of Apophis is nothing compared to what I can do to you.”

The threat resonated through you. The pain you’d been experiencing for the past few weeks was something you’d never felt before and the thought of experiencing worse sent a shiver that fell through your whole body.

But the other option was ceasing to exist. Nothingness.

Your thoughts raced with the possibilities of what this other you could do. Even now, you knew that this was all in your mind and yet your body ached from the roar she had sent your way.

What could be done to you that hadn’t been done already?

It was then that a realization crossed your mind.

“You’re weak…” you said, the indignation sounding in your voice.

The other you immediately stopped smiling.

“You dare to challenge me in such a way!?”

“Why haven't you already taken over my body? Why waste time with a choice? It’s because you can’t, not yet…am I right?”

The world around you almost shifted and you began to feel a movement coming from the ground.

A rhythmic tremor that felt almost like a heartbeat.

The shocked anger on the other you’s face erupted into a roar that they released toward the sky, overtaking the area around the two of you.

The wind picked up and circled where you stood, becoming a tornado that began to push against you.

You fell to the floor to keep from being knocked over again. The pain in your chest returned but as soon as your palm touched the ground the rhythmic sound got bigger and the pain began to disappear.

It was you…the movement beneath your feet…was you.

This was your body, your will sounding beneath you! You were the one in control!

You lifted your other hand away from your chest, placing it on the ground, sending a break in the earth that lurched forward to the other you, opening beneath her as soon as it met where she stood.

The other you fell into the cavernous hole that formed. Her roar echoed as she fell until you could no longer hear it.

The wind ceased and again, all was quiet.

You got up and walked over to the hole, leaning over the edge to see where the other you had fallen.

The hole was dark and deep. The bits of ground that you kicked into it fell without sounding.

All around was quiet and again you were alone with the nothingness.

Suddenly the serpent shot out from the dark, wrapping its body around you so quickly you had no time to react.

You were helpless as it surrounded you from your feet all the way to your head, closing, squeezing around you and then, again, nothingness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You shot up in bed, taking in a deep, long, audible inhale.

“Preciosa!?” You heard Jake call out.

You scanned the room around you while you struggled to take another deep breath.

“Está bien, estoy aquí. Calm down and concentrate on your breathing... estás a salvo.” Jake reassured, taking your hand in his.

“Jake…I…I wasn’t…what happened? What happened while I was sleeping? Did I attack you again? Did I hurt you!?”

“No, no. We were sound asleep and then you started to convulse. I tried to wake you up but you stopped breathing. Your eyes were rolling in the back of your head and I didn’t know what to do. I kept calling out to you, trying to wake you but you just…”

“Jake…” you whispered, “there’s something happening. Something I don’t…I need to talk to Thoth.”

“He will not come.” a voice interrupted from the opposite side of the room.

“Khonshu?! What do you mean he won’t come?” you asked.

The god stood silent for a moment before he spoke again, ignoring your question.

“Tell me, Little Bug, what happened before you regained yourself?”

“¿De qué estás hablando?! She was having some kind of stroke! We need to get her to a hospital!” Jake answered before you placed your hand on his arm.

“I don’t think it was a stroke…” you whispered, taking his hand for support. “I was in a dark place. There was another me, a me who wasn’t me and threatened to destroy me for ownership of my body. I was able to stop her but there was a serpent who wrapped itself…wrapped all around me. It happened so quickly I couldn’t protect myself and then…and then I woke up.”

Khonshu’s body tensed at your description and he let out a worried sigh.

“Come with me.” he said, reaching out his hand.

“She can’t go anywhere now! She almost…”

“It is not up to you, Avatar.” Khonshu said. “Come, Little Bug.”

“It’s alright, Jake…I’ll be okay.”

The two of you walked over to Khonshu but before you could take his hand he withdrew it.

“I’m sorry, Avatar. Just the scribe.”

Jake’s face grew cold and stern. He didn’t want to leave you, especially after what had just happened.

“I’ll be back soon.” You whispered, hoping to reassure him.

Begrudgingly he let go of you and in an instant you and Khonshu were gone, leaving him alone in the quiet room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two of you rematerialized in another familiar room. A room you hadn’t seen for over two weeks.

“Wait, what are we doing in Layla’s apartment?” You asked, panic in your voice.

“Make peace with your friend. You will need her support.” Khonshu said, disappearing in a breath just as you heard the key turn and the front door unlocked.

Your heart began to race as she entered the room, freezing in place when she laid her eyes on you.

“Y/N?” she whispered.

You didn’t know what to do. You had no time to think of what to say when she dropped all of her things and ran to you. Taking you into a tight embrace.

You froze in her hold. You expected her to kick you out immediately! You expected her to yell and scream, accuse you of the worst. You expected her to do anything but what she was doing now.

Your breath faltered, and your eyes stung with the onset of tears. You closed your own arms around her and there you two stood.

“Layla, I’m so sorry…I didn’t mean to leave, I…”

“Y/N…Y/N! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!” Layla loudly exclaimed, her concern and worry finally bubbling up as she held you at arms length. “You disappear after a fight and I hear nothing from you for two whole weeks and when I reach out to Marc and Steven I get nothing but bullshit single word answers and deflecting texts!”

‘Damnit, Jake!’ You thought.

“You left me so worried! I searched for you for weeks, day and night!”

“I know! I know…you have every right to be mad…”

“Was it what I said?! I didn’t mean to drive you away, I just wanted to know the truth! I wanted things to make sense and I wanted to make sure you weren’t…”

Layla stopped herself. She caught up with her thoughts and took a deep breath to calm herself. She didn’t want to make you run again.

“It’s alright, Layla, it wasn’t you. You weren’t the reason I left…something happened, something I can’t say and I just…”

A sudden large mass instantly materialized beside the two of you. Landing in the room with a large thud that shook the whole apartment around you.

You and Layla both jumped, letting out simultaneous yelps at the sudden appearance of an eight foot tall hippo appearing beside you.

“Ouch! I always forget about that little table! Oh…sorry. I always forget how small your apartment is, Layla. How are you ladies doing?”

Layla let out a relieved laugh when a sudden realization hit her in the back of her mind. Her eyes grew wide as she realized that you weren’t concerned with what had made the noise…instead you had done just as she had. She realized you could see Taweret.

Layla’s eyes darted back and forth from the goddess that she served and back to you.

You froze. You didn’t dare breath.

“You can see her?” Layla whispered. “You can see and hear her…you can see and hear her!”

“I-I…”

“Y/N…are you an avatar?”

“I…n-no I…”

“It’s all right, Little Bug…you can tell her.” Khonshu interrupted, appearing just behind Taweret.

“My…we’re going to run out of room if anyone else shows up.” Taweret joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Y/N…?” Layla again whispered.

You closed your eyes and let out a long sigh before turning toward the goddess of women and fertility. Someone you considered a good friend even though your visits had been few and far between.

“Hello, Taweret…” you said softly.

“EEEE!!!” She squealed, leaning down to pick up the two of you. “I can’t believe it’s actually you! It’s been so long since the last time we were able to see each other! So this is what you look like, I’m so used to the suit hiding your identity! Layla’s told me so much about you…I still can’t believe you’re both her friend and the scribe!”

“Wait! Scribe? What the…p-put us down!”

Layla wriggled in Tawaret’s hold. Trying to catch up to all the information being presented to her.

“Oh, Layla, calm down. This is great news! Now we can all do things together and not just when Thoth asks you to fill in! We’ll have such a grand time!”

“Thoth!? You’re Thoth’s avatar!?” Layla interjected. “Wait…if you’re another god’s avatar how can you see Taweret? I can’t see the other gods! You shouldn’t be able to see the other gods!”

“Oh no…I’ve spilled the beans.” Taweret said, covering her mouth.

You let out a breathy laugh before closing your eyes and willing your suit into existence.

“Y/N!?”

“I think you need to sit down…I’ll explain all I can.” You tried to rassure.

“Tell her everything.” Khonshu interrupted.

“What?!” You and Taweret both asked, snapping your heads in his direction.

“Is there someone else here?! I can’t do this…this is too much! I just got out of work!” Layla rambled on, plopping down onto her couch.

You stared at Khonshu who continued to watch from where he stood. Was this really happening? Were you actually given the okay to finally share everything you’d been keeping secret?

“It’s Thoth’s decree…tell her everything.” Khonshu instructed.

“Everything? Even about…your avatar?”

“Everything…” he replied.

Your heart was racing. You should feel relief knowing that you didn’t have to keep everything a secret anymore. At least to someone you knew you could trust.

‘Finally! This is what you’ve always wanted!’ You tried telling yourself, but something in the pit of your stomach wouldn’t let you relax. There was something more to this that you just couldn’t figure out yet.

Something that made your heart begin to race.

“Y/N? What’s going on?” Layla asked, looking as if she was going to pass out at any moment.

You took in another deep breath and allowed the bandages that covered your face to disappear. You let your actual features take hold and went to sit beside Layla, finally letting yourself tell her everything you’d been keeping a secret.

How you’d been there for all the major events long before her and Marc took on their duties as Avatars. How you could see all Gods and how you cloaked yourself to keep your identity secret.

You explained where you had disappeared to that last night you were in her apartment and why it had taken you so long to return. You told her about your title as Thoth’s scribe and all the responsibility that came with it.

What was most important, you were finally able to admit why you had pulled back and why it may have looked like you were sneaking around. You admitted everything, especially your relationship with the third identity.

You admitted you weren’t cheating…but you were.

“Oh my…you poor thing. I didn’t realize you’ve had to keep so much to yourself.” Taweret said after you’d finished, reaching over to lift you up into another hug.

You could always count on Taweret to be supportive and wished you could have confided in her more than you were able to.

You looked over at Layla who sat quietly. One of her hands covering her mouth as her leg bobbed up and down quickly. The shock and confusion on her face making you worry.

“Layla? Layla, please say something.” you asked.

“Layla?” Taweret whispered, putting you down.

“I…I don’t know what to say…I honestly would have never guessed you were an Avatar. Marc! Have you told Marc…or Steven? Do they know?”

You shook your head.

“Why haven't you told them? This would clear up so many things they’ve been worrying about! You have to tell them everything! Tell them about this…Jake! They deserve to know!”

“No! Layla, that’s one thing you can never do!”

“Jake is a part of them! How can you even entertain the idea of keeping him hidden from them?”

“I would tell Marc if I could but he can’t know he’s still bound to Khonshu.”

“Wait! Marc is still bound to Khonshu!?”

“That’s why you can’t tell Marc.” Taweret whispered, finally understanding. “The binding…it’s because of the binding.”

You nodded before returning your focus to your confused friend.

“Layla, it’s of the utmost importance that you do not tell Marc about his third identity. It could undo all of time if he knew he was still bound to Khonshu.” You pleaded.

All of this was almost too much for her but as Layla fought with her own morals she looked over at you. Your worried face was enough to calm her. Enough to put her nerves at ease. Enough to let her know it was the right thing to do to keep Jake a secret.

“Okay…okay, I won’t say anything, but…you. You had to keep all of this a secret this whole time? And with me hounding you over the past couple of months to tell me the truth!?”

You let out a breathy laugh and nodded while the tears began to well up in your eyes again.

“I am so sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry I made you feel so guilty about everything. No wonder you pulled back.”

Layla brought you in for another hug.

She finally understood. Everything made sense and you knew that things would be so much easier because of it.

“Little Bug?”

“Yes, Khonshu?” You said, lifting your head from Layla’s shoulder.

“Khonshu? He’s here?

“Taweret, Little Bug…you are being summoned.”

“Me?” Taweret exclaimed, not sure why Thoth would want to speak to her at this time as well.

“What? What is it?” Layla asked.

“We…we have to go.” You said, the pit in your stomach growing.

“Wait! You drop all of this on me and then you leave? How can that be…”

“Don’t worry, Layla. I’m sure this will all make sense in a moment and we’ll be sure to inform you when we return.” Taweret tried to reassure.

“Ladies…” Khonshu said, extending his hand out to you.

“We’ll be back soon.” You repeated, taking Khonshu’s hand and rematerializing in a place that you had never been. A place that simply took your breath away.

You were surrounded by blackness, but not in the same feeling of nothingness you had found yourself this morning. You were in blackness but you were also surrounded by millions of constellations and stars that shined all around you as they moved. You were in awe of the beauty of what can only be described as being in the very cosmos themselves.

“Where are we?” you whispered.

“Oh, no…this can’t be good.” Taweret exclaimed, just as the stars began to turn and move around the three of you in an unnatural way.

“What? Where are we?”

“We’re in a room of holding…we only come here if we’re not meant to be on earth. It’s like a hiding place.” She explained.

The stars twisted and turned as they converged together to shine their silver and blue tones. Coming together to take on the form of Thoth.

He was standing before you but he was glowing in a silver and blue hue. As if he wasn’t there at all but you were looking at a hologram.

You stared at your ruling god but instead of the usual want and need to be respectful you felt a deep rage begin to grow within you.

“Taweret, thank you for coming…Scribe…” he said, his voice echoing in the space around you.

“Where have you been?!” You yelled up at him. No longer feeling the need to hold in your feelings. “I was nearly killed in that shrine! My body was broken to the point where I couldn’t move, unable to use my abilities and you were nowhere! Where were you!?”

Thoth said nothing.

“Y/N…” Taweret whispered.

“No! Haven’t I been loyal? In all the years of service I’ve only had one minor indiscretion and you…you refuse to even see if I’m okay?”

“Coming to you carried too much risk.” He said, his voice remaining calm and monotone. “Even now I cannot be in the same space as you…”

“I am so tired of all of this! What could possibly be happening that you have to be kept away?!”

“You do not understand, Scribe. I felt it as soon as you were touched. I heard it in your screams and I had to make the choice.”

“You’re not making sense!” you yelled out, “What choice?!”

“The choice to let you succumb to the curse in the shrine.”

Again your breath halted.

“You…you were going to let me die?”

Thoth nodded.

His cold, unfeeling response felt like a knife had been plunged into your chest. In all the time you served him he had always been kind. Always made you feel like you weren’t just an avatar to him. Like you were important…like he cared about you.

“Th-then why? Why was I saved? Why did you bring me out of the shrine?” you whispered, your disbelief sounding with each word.

“I did no saving…it was Khonshu who disobeyed me. A choice that was made and a punishment that will last him till the end of time.”

You turned to the other god, who looked down at the floor.

“Khonshu?”

“Enough! Time grows urgent! It is because of Khonshu’s choice to disobey me that dire measures need to be passed. Measures to keep all of time and existence safe from a possible second coming.”

Thoth’s voice boomed as he continued to speak.

“What are you…”

“You carry her within you, my Scribe. The curse that flowed through you that night carried more than just the wrath of Apophis…I felt it as soon as it connected with your body. You became a vessel, a carrier capable of bringing her back to the realm of the living. Back from the banishment bestowed onto her.”

“Who!? Who are you talking about?”

“Ammit.”

Your blood ran cold. Taweret gasped behind you while Khonshu stood silent. No doubt already knowing the truth.

“A-Ammit?”

“You carry a piece of her within you. The only piece that exists in this realm. She is the one who has been taking hold of your body. She is the reason for your blackouts and your outbursts. I denied your healing ability in hopes of stopping her strength but soon, I feel, soon she could be strong enough to take hold of your body fully.”

“You…I can’t…”

You struggled to find your words but nothing came out clearly.

“What does this mean, Thoth? Can’t she be helped? Can’t Ammit be banished back to the forgotten realm?”

“No…we are lucky she is still weak but she has to know…”

“Know what?” you interrupted. Your voice is soft and quiet.

Thoth stood silent. He knew that what he was about to say would carry more than he could possibly understand.

“She knows the only way to fully bring her back is to reconnect her link to Khonshu. If she is able to do this she will be able to tap into all of your abilities as my scribe. I will be helpless to stop her.”

“But the only way for that to happen would be…”

“Would be for your Marc to become aware of the third identity…so it is because of this you will no longer be permitted to see your Marc and Steven. You will never be able to see them again.”

Your breath stuck in your throat as Tawaret gasped beside you. Your heart sank into your stomach and you could feel your knees buckle beneath you. Had Taweret not placed her hands on your shoulders you would have fallen to the floor.

“No! You can’t ask that of her…not after everything she’s been through!” Taweret insisted.

“It is too dangerous for her to be permitted to see them. Ammit could take control and tell Marc of the remaining identity and reconnect the bond! It is too…”

“No…” you whispered, interrupting Thoth and finally finding your voice again, “No…no…NO! I refuse! I’ll never agree to that! I - I renounce my duties as your scribe! I’ll give up all of my abilities and power! Take anything from me! Take my voice, take my ability to move, take anything you want from me! My tongue, my legs, my hands…take all of my senses I can’t…”

“It is already decided, my Scribe. Taweret, go and deliver the decision to your avatar. Tell Layla that she can never speak of the third identity and it is up to her how to deliver the message to the other two.”

“Layla has to tell them!?” You interjected.

“Thoth, this is cruel. None of our Avatar’s deserve this.” Taweret tried pleading, but was only met with a raised hand to silence her.

“Go…I will not repeat myself again.”

“No! No! Don’t go! You can’t do this to us!” you pleaded, holding onto Taweret’s arm.

“I’m sorry…” she whispered, disappearing in the blink of an eye.

“Khonshu? Khonshu, please! You can’t let this happen! There has to be a way…please help me, I’ll do anything!” You cried, turning to the other god.

“I have lost the ability to deny Thoth, Little Bug…even if I wanted to, I cannot change what has been decided.”

With that he also disappeared, leaving you alone with your ruling god.

“I understand your resistance, my scribe, but I am also nothing if not a fair god.”

“You call yourself fair?” you screamed at him, the rage being too much for you to bear. “You left me to die, you just ripped away the two people I care about the most and you call yourself fair!?”

“ENOUGH!” Thoth bellowed, causing you to falter, “My patience wears thin and I am in no mood to show you leniency!”

Thoth closed his eyes and let his own anger settle before continuing.

“I understand your grief, Scribe, so, because of this I offer you the remainder of this day and night with the third identity before you will no longer be allowed to speak to him as well.”

“No…” you whispered. Your breath shook as it left your body.

“You have until dawn the following day. Now go…use your fleeting time wisely.”

With that Thoth waved his hand and you were again standing in your home.

“Preciosa?” you heard Jake whisper from behind you.

“Jake?” You called, wanting to run to him but finding it impossible to move.

Instead, Jake ran to you just in time to catch you before your legs finally gave way and you fell to the ground. Your loud sobs sounded in the flat through your hands that now covered your face as Jake held you in his arms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That final day was both a blessing and a nightmare. The hours lingered on, no doubt one final kindness allotted to you from Thoth. Allowing the hours to linger rather than pass quickly.

Once you’d stopped crying you spent the rest of the day with each other. Trying anything you could think of to get your mind off of the impending deadline.

You had gone out for a walk. You went to your favorite ice cream place. You cooked a meal together.

The day was perfect although the two of you said very little.

The night had brought with it so much and while you wanted to just lay and cry Jake helped to lighten the mood by taking you in his arms and dancing with you.

Slow dances, quick ones, he even tried to teach you how to dance a salsa and merengue, although most of the time was spent laughing at how much you tripped over your own feet.

Now the two of you lay beside each other. Staring deep into each other’s eyes and again, not saying a word.

Jake let his thumb lightly trail over your cheek as he held onto your other hand.

Your eyes still stung from the tears you had been crying throughout the day.

Laying here beside him was both agony and the only thing you wanted. Being too scared to ask for more.

“What time is it?” you asked. Your quiet voice laced with the pain you were feeling.

“It’ll be dawn soon…” Jake responded. His own soft gravelly voice sounded with the pain he was feeling as well.

“I can’t do this…I’ve lost the loves of my life and now…now I’m expected to lose you, too? I can’t…I won’t…”

“You’ll never lose me…I’m forever yours, mi Preciosa. Con toda mi vida y corazón.”

You smiled up at him, your breath hitching in your throat ready to turn into another sob but you were able to swallow it down again.

Jake stared down at you. He had never felt this helpless and the guilt within him was extra heavy in this moment.

He struggled with his own demons and all he wanted to do was be honest with you. Even in these final moments.

“Preciosa…I need to tell you something. I don’t want to hurt you any more than you are, but you need to know.”

“What is it…?” You whispered.

“That night…the night Marc woke up while you were…while you were with Steven. It’s my fault that happened.”

“Jake…?”

“I was being summoned and I woke up with you…I woke up with you. Just as he had felt, I was in an experience I never let myself dream could be a possibility. I was with you…I was finally with you and I let it go longer than it should have and in my haste to leave I allowed Marc to front instead of Steven.”

The golden rays of the rising sun began to shine over the distant horizon, shining hues of yellow and orange onto your ceiling.

You looked into Jake's eyes. What he was saying should have angered you. It should have made you want to push him away. Yell, hit, hurt him like you had hurt…like Marc had hurt.

Jake watched as you closed your eyes. The tears streaming down your face but nothing more.

He knew he had hurt you. He had done so much to you over the past years and he was ready for whatever you were going to do. Whatever you were going to say.

He needed to be strong… for you.

“Jake…” you whispered, finally opening your eyes to look at him.

“Si, mi preciosa?”

“Jake…kiss me.”

He wasn’t ready for that, hesitating in the moment.

“Kiss me…please.” you repeated.

Jake came in, gently pressing his lips to yours. Where his kisses were normally rough, eager, he now kissed you with a gentleness that only comes with the knowledge that it will be your last.

He wrapped his arm around your waste and brought you flush against his body. His warmth being something that broke your heart as you felt it.

As the two of you kissed, tears streaming out of your closed eyes.

“Jake…” you whispered in between your gasps and moans, “Jake I love you.”

“Preciosa…” Jake responded when suddenly, in an instant, you were gone just as the sun began to fully rise in the distance.

Jake lay alone in your bed.

All was quiet.

He turned to lay on his back, staring up at the wooden beams above him.

There he found the little winking and blushing hearts you’d painted for Marc and Steven and finally noticed the third heart you’d added onto a small piece of canvas so it can be taken down.

A little angry heart with a flat cap on.

Jake sat up, the anger bubbling inside of him as he stood up and overturned the kitchen table onto the floor.

He grabbed his coat and walked out. He didn’t know where he was going, his blind anger getting the better of him.

God help anyone who crossed his path.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You opened your eyes to the dark blackness of the stars.

The cosmos moved around you as you floated in its void when Thoth’s image came into your peripheral view.

“I truly am sorry, my scribe.”

“Please, Thoth…just…leave me alone.” You requested.

With that Thoth disappeared and you curled into yourself. Quietly crying, your tears falling from your cheeks and floating away from your face into the vast nothingness of space.

You had finally gotten your wish. You were able to tell someone the truth. The truth about who you were and what you had been hiding. You were finally allowed to share everything and yet…yet you were left feeling only emptiness.

A weight had finally been lifted only for your whole world to come crashing down.

~~~~~~~

Tag List: @delicatespiritualitysciencebat, @ahookedheroespureheart

#moon knight #moonknight #moonknight fanfic #moonknight fic #steven grant x fem!reader #steven grant x you #steven grant #marc spector x fem!reader #marc spector x you #marc spector #jake lockley x fem!reader #jake lockley x you #jake lockley #the body series #the body series fanfic #the body series fic #the body series: book 1

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yeahwhatdidisay · 2 years ago

Text

The Body Series Book 1: Ch 12 'Strength'

18+ please!! minors DNI (For other chapters) [Prev. Chapter] [Next Chapter] [First Chapter] [Ao3 link]

Summary: Your current state leaves you feeling helpless! Why had you been so careless? What was this entity inside you? Why was this happening?

Khonshu could only explain so much and didn't help to ease your worrying...thank god for Jake.

Pairing: Steven Grant x F Reader, Marc Spector x F Reader, Jake Lockely

Warnings: Angst, descriptions of pain/being unable to move. A/N: (Please let me know if I forgot to add you to the taglist.) This story has taken me in a direction I never anticipated! I hope you all enjoy the direction it's taking and thank you again for all those who stop by to read my little story!

Enjoy!

The hushed but familiar sounds of the world just outside your window had been seeping into the flat since you’d woken up early the next morning. The muffled calls of the traffic coupled with the sounds of people slowly filling the streets on their way to work would usually help to calm you, but you were in no way close to feeling calm.

The sun had yet to fully rise, leaving a blanket of soft blue to barely light the room around you.

You loved this time of day.

Waking up next to your sleeping boyfriends handsome faces just before the responsibilities of the day took over was something you cherished as often as it happened.

Today, though, today you found yourself alone. Greeted by the pains and aches that lingered in your still injured body.

You had managed to shift yourself so you were facing Steven and Marc’s side of the bed. Their absence was heavier today than it had ever been. You found yourself imagining them turning to look at you. Steven peeping out of one eye and pretending to still be sleeping while the smile on his face grew before you would lean in to ‘wake’ him with kisses all over his face. Marc, just opening his eyes and turning to stare at you before you would whisper a loving ‘hi’ that he would reciprocate before taking your hand to kiss the back of it.

The tears began to fill your own eyes as you continued to imagine them at this time of the morning.

You missed them. You wanted to hold them, kiss them, tell them you loved them more than anything.

You just wanted them.

Slowly you tried to move your hand to rest it over their empty spot but was stopped by the handcuffs still coldly wrapped around your wrist.

A deep hard breath left your body as the realization of their existence added to their weight on your body.

You found yourself pulling and pawing, trying to move this way and that in an effort to get them off even though you knew you couldn’t. Your lack of strength making it far too difficult to even lift your arms let alone get close to getting them off. Leaving a shot of pain after each attempt.

Quickly you decided to stop moving altogether. Instead you found yourself falling into a self loathing you hadn’t felt in a long time, your temper flaring up within you.

You wanted to yell out from the aggravation.

Why were you so careless?!

You should have left as soon as those first mummies attacked! Why did you keep going? Why did you let your curiosity get the better of you? You should have just turned into your fog form and made your way back over…wait!

Your fog form!

With all that had been happening you forgot about your secondary ability! You would be able to move freely through the flat using your fog form!

A taunting laugh came from deep within at how stupid you had been to forget something that had become second nature to you.

You took in a deep breath and while you exhaled your body began to change. Dematerializing into the wisp of fog like you had done so many times before, starting from the top of your head and working your way down.

The transformation was slower than it usually was. Taking an extra few seconds to fully happen, which wasn’t too uncommon. Especially if you were feeling weak.

All seemed normal until you tried to actually move as the fog.

That’s when the searing pain, worse than what you felt before, coursed through your body in an almost shockwave, through every appendage and joint.

It felt as if every nerve was being pierced by spikes causing so much pain that you instantly rematerialized. Falling hard back onto the bed.

You let out loud and pained whines. Gasping for air as you struggled to find your breath, more tears collecting and falling back down the side of your head.

“Wh…what the hell is wrong with me?!” you managed to almost growl out once your breath had caught up with you.

“At least your attitude is still intact.” Khonshu teased, appearing in the corner of the room. “How are you feeling, Little Bug?”

“Like I’ve been broken and glued back together!”

Khonshu let out a hushed chuckle as he watched you continue to catch your breath.

“Where have you been? Where’s Thoth?”

“Thoth has been taken with another task. He sent me to check on you.”

“What happened? Why am I like this? Why can’t I move and why are my abilities not working?”

“So many questions…the short answer, you were cursed.”

“Cursed? What!? How?”

“Don’t strain yourself. Your healing ability isn’t working properly, remember? You would not want to cause something that cannot be reversed.”

Khonshu extended his hand, resting it over your forehead. A heat began to resonate from it and although your body was still weak and in pain, you felt instant relief.

“Oh my gods…thank you…” you gasped out.

“It is the least I can do considering,” Khonshu said, his voice softer than you were used to. “It would be wise for you to let your body rest.”

“What’s going on?! Why can’t I fully use my abilities? What curse are you talking about and why hasn’t Thoth come to check on me?!” You demanded, mostly ignoring his warning to rest.

Khonshu let out an annoyed sigh. Even though this was something you were used to hearing from him you couldn’t help but think that the annoyance wasn’t meant for you.

“What happened in the shrine?” He asked.

You closed your eyes and tried to calm yourself enough so you could recount the events that took place.

“The…shrine…the shrine had thousands of canopic jars in it. All containing only the hearts of people. I was attacked by hundreds of mummified guards and was able to lock myself in the main chamber but before I could find a way to escape I was…I don’t know what happened! All I know is I was hit by a strong gust of…dust, sand? I don’t know but my body was overtaken by a searing pain…something I’d never felt before…”

Khonshu watched as you spoke, his head bobbing from side to side, looking more bird-like than you’d ever seen him before.

“Where did the dust come from? Did you see anything? Say anything?”

“There were murals of executions, carnage…mayhem all around the room. Their remains were offered to a serpent, a serpent who dominated the images. There was a massive statue of the serpent, coiling itself around the sun and carvings…carvings that read ‘hail, hail to the mighty… Apoph…”

“Shhh…”

Khonshu interrupted you before you could finish saying the name of the god the shrine had been dedicated to.

“It’s worse than we could have imagined…don’t repeat his name…you cannot speak his name. We suspected you brought with you a curse but hoped…it would seem the situation has become more dire than we had originally thought. Is there anything else?”

The breath hitched within your chest and a shiver resonated through the rest of your body. Your fear rose within you before you closed your eyes and swallowed it back down.

“I’ve been blacking out. There’s something else within me and it can take hold. While it did I was sent to…I don’t know, somewhere that looked like the field of reeds but it wasn’t…it was…it made me hurt Jake! I don’t know when it’ll take hold again or if I can even stop it…am I still cursed?”

Khonshu shook his head before stopping then shrugging his shoulders.

“It may appear so…for now though, you need to focus on getting better. My influence should help to kickstart your healing ability, but Thoth may wish to keep you from using your other abilities for the time being.”

“You mean my fog form? Well I already can’t use that so he’s a little late to the party.”

“It would seem so…get your rest, Little Bug. I will return when I am able. For now, just rest.”

A door closing in the distance followed by heavy footsteps interrupted your conversation.

“It seems your knight has returned. Rest up.”

“Wait Khonshu, what…”

Khonshu was gone before you could finish your sentence just as Jake walked into the flat.

Jake walked in, holding a large brown bag but froze before fully closing the door behind him. Instead pausing to watch you, a suspicious look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” you whispered.

“¿Eres tú?” He finally asked.

“Yeah…it’s me. Why are you looking at me like that?”

Jake let out a sigh of relief before closing the door and taking off his flat cap.

“You’re out of the handcuffs.” he said, taking off his coat after placing the bag on the kitchen counter.

You raised up your hands and saw that he was right. You were no longer cuffed and the marks around your wrists were looking better as well.

“I take it you’re feeling better? You raised your arms without much shaking.”

Whatever Khonshu had done earlier was already starting to heal you. Although you still felt the aches in your body and you were sure you wouldn’t be able to fully move around on your own just yet.

“Oh...” you replied, resting your arms back down, “Where did you go? I thought I saw you walk in with something.”

“Al mercado. I needed to pick up some things…how about you? How long have you been awake and how long were you out of the cuffs?”

“Um…I guess a little over an hour. I don’t know when I got the cuffs off. I tried to turn into the fog…they must have fallen off then.”

“You’re fog, huh, were you able to change?”

“Only for a minute or so…I tried moving but the pain was more than I’d anticipated. Rematerialized and fell back onto the bed.”

“Sounds like a productive morning.” He said, with a laugh.

“Careful, Jake. Your Marc is showing…”

The mention of Marc’s name left an awkward air between the two of you. You immediately regretted it and hoped that Jake wasn’t feeling the same way you were.

Luckily you weren’t able to see Jake’s smile fall, or you would have felt worse.

“Yeah, um…I’m going to get started on the food. Is there anything you need before I do?”

“A body that works?”

Jake let out a soft, gravelly laugh.

“Settle for a different position?” he asked.

“I’d love to be able to sit.”

Jake turned and began to collect any pillow he could from the flat. Stacking them at the head of the bed before moving down to where you were laying.

“Let’s see if we can get you sitting. Let me know if this is too much for you.” he said, bending down to wrap his arms around your torso, just below your arms.

He was sure to take his time, slowly bringing you in close. So close his cheek was now right beside yours.

His skin was rough with the beginnings of a beard and his body was warm. You found yourself leaning into his hold and wrapping your arms around his neck as best you could.

Your body ached from the movement but he was sure to be as gentle as he could to keep the pain at a minimum.

He maneuvered you up onto the mountain of cushions and pillows so you were resting in a more seated position. Letting you down as gently as possible.

“How’s that?” he whispered, now realizing how close he was to you and how tightly you held onto him.

You didn’t respond at first, instead letting out a contented sigh.

His grasp on you tightened slightly as you fell deeper into his hold on you.

“Remember when you would have hated being this close to me?” Jake said, now the one to regret something he’d said.

He cleared his throat trying to hide it.

“No…” you whispered, your voice noticeably hushed by choice rather than ability.

Jake let out a soft sigh, no longer worrying about his remark.

He loosened his hold around your waist.

You loosened your hold on him and slowly let yourself sink into the new position.

Jake pulled away, sitting beside you on the bed, staring down at you with his usual stern expression. Although it was noticeably softer than usual.

“Es mejor?” he finally asked.

You nodded, letting a small smile form across your face.

Jake responded with his own crooked smile before closing his eyes and shaking his head. Looking away and bringing his hand up to his chin.

“You can’t do that, Preciosa.”

“Do what?” you asked.

“Smile at me like that. Look at me like you…just…”

He let his words trail off.

You stared up at him, hoping for more of an explanation but you knew what he meant and you knew it was unfair to so many people you cared about. But you couldn’t help it…he was Jake and although your feelings for him were complicated they were there.

“Jake…”

“I um…I better get started on the food.”

Jake stood up and walked into the kitchen without another word.

He began to take out your largest pot, filling it with water and setting it on the stove to heat up before taking what he needed out of your cupboards and from the bag he’d brought in.

The next 30 minutes or so were spent chopping up vegetables, prepping the meat, and measuring spices by eye before adding them to the now boiling pot.

You watched in silence taking in each ounce of movement, especially noticing that while Jake worked you could hear him humming to himself. Singing the tune to a song you couldn’t quite identify.

You could tell that Jake, most likely, had a beautiful singing voice.

This surprised you, considering Steven could only be described as an okay singer and Marc couldn’t hold a tune to save his life.

You watched him continue to work on the food he was making. Taking in every movement, every move of his messy hair as it fell around his face. The way he clenched his jaw while he focused on what he was doing. Every furrow of his brow when something needed extra attention or focus.

Everything about him, you took in.

“I can feel you staring at me, Preciosa.” He finally called out to you as he placed the lid on the pot and began to clean up.

“I didn’t know you knew how to cook…or sing.”

“I’m full of surprises.” He laughed, walking over to the bed and taking a seat beside you.

“What are you making?”

“Sopa de Pollo.”

“Chicken soup? I think I might be suffering from something a little more than a cold.” You laughed.

“Maybe…but it helps me feel better when I’m not my best…so I made it for you.”

You could feel a blush begin to form on your face. You looked down at your hands as they fiddled with the blanket.

“Jake…”

“I got your message.” He interrupted, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the post-it you’d left for him before going to Cairo.

The paper was bent slightly with curled in edges, as if it had been in Jake's pocket since you’d left it for him. Even though the paper had already started to look weathered, the message was still as clear as it was when you’d written it.

‘I’m sorry’

You looked up at Jake who stared down at the little message in his hand. The sadness shining through on his stern face.

“Khonshu told me why you have to be kept a secret.” “He did?” Jake said, sounding less like a question than he intended.

“I didn’t realize what could have happened if I told anyone about you. You know…you could have told me?”

“I didn’t think you’d believe me. I felt like you would have thought I was making it up to keep you quiet. Even after you started…after your feelings changed, I still worried that you thought I would say anything to trap you.”

You reached out resting your hand on top of his.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like that. I’m sorry for a lot of the things I did to you.”

Jake moved his hand so he was now holding yours and gave it a tight squeeze.

“In your defense, I deserved most of it.” he said with a chuckle.

“I don’t think you deserved half of what I put you through, or half of what I said to you.”

Jake said nothing for a moment, bringing your hand up to his lips and placing a soft kiss on the back of your hand against his better judgment.

“Apology accepted.” he said, getting up and letting go of your hand to go and give the soup a stir.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next few days passed slowly.

Your strength started to come back bit by bit and before you knew it you were finally able to move somewhat without so much pain coursing through your body.

Walking still proved to be a bigger task than it should have been, but knowing Jake was there to let you lean on him made it less aggravating.

Living with Jake was something you could only describe as nice. Even with his occasional sour attitude and his want to keep to himself he still went out of his way to make sure you were taken care of. Make sure you were happy with him.

And you were.

Even though you still missed Marc and Steven immensely you would be lying if the thought of a life would Jake didn’t make you feel light.

This night was spent with another amazing dinner prepared by him. Jake would always sing or hum while he cooked and this quickly became one of your favorite things about him.

Something that he himself became more comfortable with doing in front of you. Sometimes even belting out and dancing around where you sat.

Which is how you learned he was also a great dancer.

Definitely something you would have never thought he would have done before, but you were beyond grateful he felt comfortable enough doing it now.

The longer you spent together the more things you learned about one another.

You learned each other’s favorite and least favorite things, like movies and food. You learned how much he liked listening to sports on the radio but didn’t much like sitting and watching unless he was there live.

He learned how much you preferred plays to movies but still enjoyed both.

You both learned how an actual argument would go between you two and how you both would struggle to apologize before blurting it out almost at the same time.

Jake learned how hard it was for you to rely so much on him to do a lot of things and he also learned how much he enjoyed your love language…touch.

You loved how he would get annoyed at the drop of a hat but immediately soften when you would smile at him a certain way. And you loved figuring out that his love language was quality time and acts of service.

The two of you were comfortable together. So comfortable that you insisted he sleep in the bed beside you.

So comfortable that Jake never contested, especially knowing that as soon as you fell asleep you’d be snuggling up beside him…something that became his favorite thing about you.

You hadn’t blacked out since the first initial night. A concern that lingered in your minds, but tonight you were both happy to try and forget that something like that had even happened.

The hours thankfully just seemed to linger on. The two of you were sitting in your bed after another wonderful dinner, talking and enjoying each other's company well into the night.

You, now lying beside him as he sat, resting his arms on his stomach.

The conversation was the same as it had been. Mainly Jake complaining about how boring Steven’s job was and how hard it was for him to ‘be nice’ being surrounded by idiots. Both co-workers and guests.

Feigning sickness was starting to lose its luster as an actual excuse to his co-workers for the change in attitude and demeanor but they were so ‘focused on their own bullshit’ that no one questioned it further.

You were watching intently as he continued to complain about ‘today’s idiot’. Taking in all his movements and the inflection in his voice when he would say certain words like you had started to do often. A smile on your face as he would move his hands around in fron of him and switch back and forth between English and Spanish. The Spanish being mostly cuss words on this particular day.

This made your mind wander back to your boyfriends. How this movement reminded you of Marc, or how he spoke about Donna reminded you of Steven. How they were all so similar and yet so completely different.

Different minds in the same body. All three of them the people you care immensely for.

A life without any of them was something that brought a twinge of sadness to your mind and heart.

It wasn’t until the lull in the conversation that he finally noticed how you were watching him. The contented smile on your face leaving a light shade of pink on his.

“I’m lucky you can’t hurt me with that deep stare of yours. I’m sure you’d carve a hole into my skin.”

“Does it hurt?” you whispered.

“Does what hurt? The hole in my skin you’re making?”

“No…” you laughed, “Does it hurt to keep them hidden?”

Jake’s smile faded.

“Sometimes it’s hard…they’re strong…but it doesn’t hurt.”

“How do you keep yourself hidden from them?”

He shrugged.

“It’s just something I’ve always done. I’ve existed as long as Steven has but I guess I wasn’t needed. Not till Marc got older.”

“Were you there when Steven and I met?”

Jake took a deep breath and slid down the bed so he was now laying beside you on his back.

“Yeah…I was there.”

“What did you think of me?”

He turned to face you but said nothing, angling his body so he was now resting on his side like you were.

“I thought you would be trouble. I remember thinking we should stay clear of you. Didn’t want to complicate our already complicated lives. I was relieved when Steven forgot to ask you for your number.”

“Really?”

His words might have hurt you in the past, but the way he looked at you now made it easy to overlook any negative feelings.

“Yeah…but I was also relieved when we saw you in the museum again. The way you moved, the way you went from display to display, stopping every now and then to write in your notebook. The way you took in all the information from the plaques, your fingers lightly trailing over the words so you wouldn’t miss a single one. You were beautiful…you were just… so precious.”

You found yourself reaching out to him. Taking his hand and giving it a tight squeeze while you held it close to your chest.

Jake just let you. Staring at you with that intense glare of his own.

“So now you know how I felt…how about you?” He asked, his gravelly voice becoming more so because of his hushed tone. “How did you feel when you first saw me?”

“I was scared.” You admitted a soft smile on your lips. “You were…you were everything Marc and Steven weren’t. You were just so…rough. Everything about you was rough…and I didn’t want to have anything to do with you.”

“Brutal, Preciosa.” Jake laughed.

“Just being honest.”

“And now?” he whispered.

“Now? Now I just want you near me.”

Jake stopped smiling as you started to inch closer to him. You reached for his arm so you could rest your head on it and brought your body close to his. All while never letting go of his hand.

You lifted your head, intending to go in for a kiss but was stopped by Jake. Who let go of your hand and placed it on your cheek, holding you in a way that was tender but he was able to stop you from pushing further.

“This is as far as we go, Preciosa.” He whispered. “I don’t want you to regret me in the morning.”

Your heart broke slightly, but you knew he was right. Instead you moved yourself so you were resting your head against his chest, just below his chin. Holding him in a tight embrace.

“I’m sorry, Jake…I wish we could be more than just…this.”

“No you don’t…not if it means hurting them.”

Jake fell into your hold, taking you in his as well.

“I’m sorry…” you repeated.

“No lo sientas…now, get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.

~~~~~~~

Tag List: @delicatespiritualitysciencebat, @ahookedheroespureheart

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