#the body series

[yeahwhatdidisay]

The Body Series Book 1: Ch 13 'Wounds'

18+ please!! minors DNI (For other chapters) [Prev. Chapter] [First Chapter] [Ao3 link]

Summary: You were happy. Your body had continued to heal and these past few weeks were happy ones. Happy ones spent with Jake.

Unfortunately the return of whatever resides inside you prompts a visit from Khonshu. A visit that finally frees you from the secrets and lies you've had to keep but also frees you from something far more important.

Pairing: Steven Grant x F Reader, Marc Spector x F Reader, Jake Lockely

Warnings: Angst A/N: To all my readers...I am sorry.

You opened your eyes to nothingness.

Lifting yourself off of the ground you could feel a cold wind pushing against your face.  A light but dense fog flowed around you and a dim beam of moonlight shined down from a darkened sky.  Shining around you, almost like a spotlight from nothingness. 

But nothing else.  

There was no barren land.  All you could see was the ground and fog a few feet around you but aside from that, nothingness.

You stood and walked for a few minutes before stopping in your tracks, giving the area a final look before the realization of what must be happening hit.

‘Oh gods…not again.’ You thought.

“They thought they could hide you away…”A voice whispered in the wind, stopping you immediately.

You turned and strained to find where the voice came from only to be met with the nothingness.

“Who are you?!” You screamed into the void, your voice echoing around you. 

You frantically scanned the area again.  Trying your best to keep your panicked breathing to a minimum. 

Nothing.

“This is my body!  You can’t claim it!  I refuse to let you have it!”

“Who are you to refuse?” a stern voice echoed from behind you.

You turned only to have your breath completely taken from you. Your blood running cold in your veins.

There, standing a few yards away was you.  Another you, dressed in the tunic, jewelry, and intricate crown you had been wearing when you found yourself in the field of reeds. 

The other you stood silent.  Not a movement was made by either of you. You with the shock sprawled on your face, an indifferent glare on theirs. 

“Th-this is my body!” You repeated, your voice shaking as you spoke.

The other you did not reply.  Instead she continued to watch you, her glare becoming more menacing.

“Wh-whoever or whatever you are, you have no right to be here!” You called out, your voice more stern than before.

The other you stood motionless for another moment when a sly smile began to overtake their face.

Your face.

They opened their mouth, releasing a deafening roar that pushed and surrounded you.  Physically lifting you back a few feet, causing you to land hard onto the cold ground behind you.

“You insignificant wretch! A god does not ask for permission!  You are the one who has no right to demand anything of me!”

The residual push from the growl resonated in your chest to the point where it started to hurt. Leaving you huddled on the ground, clutching your chest and trying to catch your breath.

You looked up at the figure who began to walk toward you.  Your eyes filled with fear as you continued to struggle.  

“Wh-what is it you want?” You managed to get out.

The figure stopped, a now smug smile greeting you.

“I want you to vacate this vessel!  I can feel the amount of power you possess and I wish to have it for my own!”

“You…you can’t…”

“You are not worthy of such ability and so I wish you to dissolve!”

“I…I won’t…I won’t let you take my body!”  You yelled as loud as you dared.

The sly smile returned to the other you before a low soft chuckle left their lips.

“I see, then a bargain perhaps?  If you relent now your demise will be instant, far less painful than if you continue to defy my will.  Mark my words, insignificant human.  I will have your body and consciousness…it’s up to you how long and painful the inevitable is.”

You bent down, closing your eyes tightly and reaching deep within yourself for the strength to stand.  You returned her glare, filled with resolve and contempt for this intruder.

“Whatever or whoever you are, this is my body!  My mind!  I will not hand it over without a fight…you are not welcomed here!”

The other you took a moment to laugh mockingly, finding your show of strength unimpressive.

“I am giving you a choice you fool!  You would be wise to take it, and in case you have forgotten…you’ve only experienced what my followers can do.”

Just then a large serpent came in from the nothingness, slithering between your legs and making it’s way up and around the other you, slithering up their body.  Resting on one of their shoulders as she began to pet at its head.

“The power of Apophis is nothing compared to what I can do to you.”

The threat resonated through you. The pain you’d been experiencing for the past few weeks was something you’d never felt before and the thought of experiencing worse sent a shiver that fell through your whole body.

But the other option was ceasing to exist.  Nothingness.

Your thoughts raced with the possibilities of what this other you could do.  Even now, you knew that this was all in your mind and yet your body ached from the roar she had sent your way.  

What could be done to you that hadn’t been done already?

It was then that a realization crossed your mind.  

“You’re weak…” you said, the indignation sounding in your voice.

The other you immediately stopped smiling. 

“You dare to challenge me in such a way!?”

“Why haven't you already taken over my body?  Why waste time with a choice?  It’s because you can’t, not yet…am I right?”

The world around you almost shifted and you began to feel a movement coming from the ground.

A rhythmic tremor that felt almost like a heartbeat.

The shocked anger on the other you’s face erupted into a roar that they released toward the sky, overtaking the area around the two of you.  

The wind picked up and circled where you stood, becoming a tornado that began to push against you.

You fell to the floor to keep from being knocked over again.  The pain in your chest returned but as soon as your palm touched the ground the rhythmic sound got bigger and the pain began to disappear. 

It was you…the movement beneath your feet…was you.

This was your body, your will sounding beneath you!  You were the one in control!

You lifted your other hand away from your chest, placing it on the ground, sending a break in the earth that lurched forward to the other you, opening beneath her as soon as it met where she stood.

The other you fell into the cavernous hole that formed.  Her roar echoed as she fell until you could no longer hear it.

The wind ceased and again, all was quiet.

You got up and walked over to the hole, leaning over the edge to see where the other you had fallen.

The hole was dark and deep.  The bits of ground that you kicked into it fell without sounding.  

All around was quiet and again you were alone with the nothingness.   

Suddenly the serpent shot out from the dark, wrapping its body around you so quickly you had no time to react.  

You were helpless as it surrounded you from your feet all the way to your head, closing, squeezing around you and then, again, nothingness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You shot up in bed, taking in a deep, long, audible inhale.  

“Preciosa!?” You heard Jake call out.

You scanned the room around you while you struggled to take another deep breath.

“Está bien, estoy aquí. Calm down and concentrate on your breathing... estás a salvo.”  Jake reassured, taking your hand in his.

“Jake…I…I wasn’t…what happened?  What happened while I was sleeping?  Did I attack you again?  Did I hurt you!?”

“No, no.  We were sound asleep and then you started to convulse.  I tried to wake you up but you stopped breathing.  Your eyes were rolling in the back of your head and I didn’t know what to do.  I kept calling out to you, trying to wake you but you just…”

“Jake…” you whispered, “there’s something happening.  Something I don’t…I need to talk to Thoth.”

“He will not come.” a voice interrupted from the opposite side of the room.

“Khonshu?!  What do you mean he won’t come?” you asked.

The god stood silent for a moment before he spoke again, ignoring your question.

“Tell me, Little Bug, what happened before you regained yourself?”

“¿De qué estás hablando?!  She was having some kind of stroke!  We need to get her to a hospital!”  Jake answered before you placed your hand on his arm.

“I don’t think it was a stroke…” you whispered, taking his hand for support. “I was in a dark place.  There was another me, a me who wasn’t me and threatened to destroy me for ownership of my body.  I was able to stop her but there was a serpent who wrapped itself…wrapped all around me.  It happened so quickly I couldn’t protect myself and then…and then I woke up.”

Khonshu’s body tensed at your description and he let out a worried sigh. 

“Come with me.” he said, reaching out his hand.

“She can’t go anywhere now!  She almost…”

“It is not up to you, Avatar.” Khonshu said. “Come, Little Bug.”

“It’s alright, Jake…I’ll be okay.”

The two of you walked over to Khonshu but before you could take his hand he withdrew it.

“I’m sorry, Avatar.  Just the scribe.”

Jake’s face grew cold and stern.  He didn’t want to leave you, especially after what had just happened. 

“I’ll be back soon.” You whispered, hoping to reassure him.

Begrudgingly he let go of you and in an instant you and Khonshu were gone, leaving him alone in the quiet room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two of you rematerialized in another familiar room.  A room you hadn’t seen for over two weeks.  

“Wait, what are we doing in Layla’s apartment?” You asked, panic in your voice.

“Make peace with your friend.  You will need her support.” Khonshu said, disappearing in a breath just as you heard the key turn and the front door unlocked.

Your heart began to race as she entered the room, freezing in place when she laid her eyes on you.

“Y/N?” she whispered.

You didn’t know what to do.  You had no time to think of what to say when she dropped all of her things and ran to you.  Taking you into a tight embrace.

You froze in her hold.  You expected her to kick you out immediately!  You expected her to yell and scream, accuse you of the worst.  You expected her to do anything but what she was doing now.

Your breath faltered, and your eyes stung with the onset of tears.  You closed your own arms around her and there you two stood.

“Layla, I’m so sorry…I didn’t mean to leave, I…”

“Y/N…Y/N!  WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!” Layla loudly exclaimed, her concern and worry finally bubbling up as she held you at arms length. “You disappear after a fight and I hear nothing from you for two whole weeks and when I reach out to Marc and Steven I get nothing but bullshit single word answers and deflecting texts!”

‘Damnit, Jake!’ You thought.

“You left me so worried!  I searched for you for weeks, day and night!”

“I know! I know…you have every right to be mad…”

“Was it what I said?!  I didn’t mean to drive you away, I just wanted to know the truth!  I wanted things to make sense and I wanted to make sure you weren’t…”

Layla stopped herself.  She caught up with her thoughts and took a deep breath to calm herself.  She didn’t want to make you run again.

“It’s alright, Layla, it wasn’t you.  You weren’t the reason I left…something happened, something I can’t say and I just…”

A sudden large mass instantly materialized beside the two of you.  Landing in the room with a large thud that shook the whole apartment around you.

You and Layla both jumped, letting out simultaneous yelps at the sudden appearance of an eight foot tall hippo appearing beside you.

“Ouch!  I always forget about that little table! Oh…sorry.  I always forget how small your apartment is, Layla.  How are you ladies doing?”

Layla let out a relieved laugh when a sudden realization hit her in the back of her mind.  Her eyes grew wide as she realized  that you weren’t concerned with what had made the noise…instead you had done just as she had.  She realized you could see Taweret.

Layla’s eyes darted back and forth from the goddess that she served and back to you.

You froze.  You didn’t dare breath.

“You can see her?” Layla whispered.  “You can see and hear her…you can see and hear her!”

“I-I…”

“Y/N…are you an avatar?”

“I…n-no I…”

“It’s all right, Little Bug…you can tell her.” Khonshu interrupted, appearing just behind Taweret. 

“My…we’re going to run out of room if anyone else shows up.”  Taweret joked, trying to lighten the mood. 

“Y/N…?” Layla again whispered.

You closed your eyes and let out a long sigh before turning toward the goddess of women and fertility.  Someone you considered a good friend even though your visits had been few and far between.

“Hello, Taweret…” you said softly.

“EEEE!!!” She squealed, leaning down to pick up the two of you. “I can’t believe it’s actually you!  It’s been so long since the last time we were able to see each other!  So this is what you look like, I’m so used to the suit hiding your identity!  Layla’s told me so much about you…I still can’t believe you’re both her friend and the scribe!”

“Wait! Scribe?  What the…p-put us down!”

Layla wriggled in Tawaret’s hold.  Trying to catch up to all the information being presented to her.

“Oh, Layla, calm down.  This is great news!  Now we can all do things together and not just when Thoth asks you to fill in!  We’ll have such a grand time!”

“Thoth!?  You’re Thoth’s avatar!?” Layla interjected. “Wait…if you’re another god’s avatar how can you see Taweret?  I can’t see the other gods! You shouldn’t be able to see the other gods!”

“Oh no…I’ve spilled the beans.” Taweret said, covering her mouth.

You let out a breathy laugh before closing your eyes and willing your suit into existence. 

“Y/N!?”

“I think you need to sit down…I’ll explain all I can.” You tried to rassure. 

“Tell her everything.” Khonshu interrupted.

“What?!” You and Taweret both asked, snapping your heads in his direction.

“Is there someone else here?!  I can’t do this…this is too much!  I just got out of work!” Layla rambled on, plopping down onto her couch.

You stared at Khonshu who continued to watch from where he stood.  Was this really happening?  Were you actually given the okay to finally share everything you’d been keeping secret?

“It’s Thoth’s decree…tell her everything.” Khonshu instructed.

“Everything?  Even about…your avatar?” 

“Everything…” he replied.

Your heart was racing.  You should feel relief knowing that you didn’t have to keep everything a secret anymore.  At least to someone you knew you could trust.  

‘Finally! This is what you’ve always wanted!’ You tried telling yourself, but something in the pit of your stomach wouldn’t let you relax.  There was something more to this that you just couldn’t figure out yet.

Something that made your heart begin to race.

“Y/N?  What’s going on?” Layla asked, looking as if she was going to pass out at any moment.

You took in another deep breath and allowed the bandages that covered your face to disappear.  You let your actual features take hold and went to sit beside Layla, finally letting yourself tell her everything you’d been keeping a secret.  

How you’d been there for all the major events long before her and Marc took on their duties as Avatars. How you could see all Gods and how you cloaked yourself to keep your identity secret. 

You explained where you had disappeared to that last night you were in her apartment and why it had taken you so long to return.  You told her about your title as Thoth’s scribe and all the responsibility that came with it.

What was most important, you were finally able to admit why you had pulled back and why it may have looked like you were sneaking around.  You admitted everything, especially your relationship with the third identity.

You admitted you weren’t cheating…but you were.

“Oh my…you poor thing.  I didn’t realize you’ve had to keep so much to yourself.” Taweret said after you’d finished, reaching over to lift you up into another hug.

You could always count on Taweret to be supportive and wished you could have confided in her more than you were able to.  

You looked over at Layla who sat quietly.  One of her hands covering her mouth as her leg bobbed up and down quickly.  The shock and confusion on her face making you worry.

“Layla? Layla, please say something.” you asked.

“Layla?” Taweret whispered, putting you down.

“I…I don’t know what to say…I honestly would have never guessed you were an Avatar.  Marc!  Have you told Marc…or Steven?  Do they know?”

You shook your head.

“Why haven't you told them?  This would clear up so many things they’ve been worrying about!  You have to tell them everything!  Tell them about this…Jake!  They deserve to know!”

“No!  Layla, that’s one thing you can never do!”

“Jake is a part of them!  How can you even entertain the idea of keeping him hidden from them?”

“I would tell Marc if I could but he can’t know he’s still bound to Khonshu.”

“Wait!  Marc is still bound to Khonshu!?”

“That’s why you can’t tell Marc.” Taweret whispered, finally understanding. “The binding…it’s because of the binding.”

You nodded before returning your focus to your confused friend.

“Layla, it’s of the utmost importance that you do not tell Marc about his third identity.  It could undo all of time if he knew he was still bound to Khonshu.” You pleaded.

All of this was almost too much for her but as Layla fought with her own morals she looked over at you.  Your worried face was enough to calm her.  Enough to put her nerves at ease. Enough to let her know it was the right thing to do to keep Jake a secret.

“Okay…okay, I won’t say anything, but…you.  You had to keep all of this a secret this whole time?  And with me hounding you over the past couple of months to tell me the truth!?”

You let out a breathy laugh and nodded while the tears began to well up in your eyes again.

“I am so sorry, Y/N.  I’m so sorry I made you feel so guilty about everything.  No wonder you pulled back.”

Layla brought you in for another hug. 

She finally understood.  Everything made sense and you knew that things would be so much easier because of it.

“Little Bug?”

“Yes, Khonshu?” You said, lifting your head from Layla’s shoulder.

“Khonshu?  He’s here?

“Taweret, Little Bug…you are being summoned.”

“Me?” Taweret exclaimed, not sure why Thoth would want to speak to her at this time as well.

“What? What is it?” Layla asked.

“We…we have to go.” You said, the pit in your stomach growing.

“Wait!  You drop all of this on me and then you leave?  How can that be…”

“Don’t worry, Layla.  I’m sure this will all make sense in a moment and we’ll be sure to inform you when we return.” Taweret tried to reassure.

“Ladies…” Khonshu said, extending his hand out to you.

“We’ll be back soon.” You repeated, taking Khonshu’s hand and rematerializing in a place that you had never been.  A place that simply took your breath away.

You were surrounded by blackness, but not in the same feeling of nothingness you had found yourself this morning.  You were in blackness but you were also surrounded by millions of constellations and stars that shined all around you as they moved.  You were in awe of the beauty of what can only be described as being in the very cosmos themselves.

“Where are we?” you whispered.

“Oh, no…this can’t be good.” Taweret exclaimed, just as the stars began to turn and move around the three of you in an unnatural way.

“What? Where are we?”

“We’re in a room of holding…we only come here if we’re not meant to be on earth.  It’s like a hiding place.”  She explained. 

The stars twisted and turned as they converged together to shine their silver and blue tones.  Coming together to take on the form of Thoth.

He was standing before you but he was glowing in a silver and blue hue.  As if he wasn’t there at all but you were looking at a hologram.  

You stared at your ruling god but instead of the usual want and need to be respectful you felt a deep rage begin to grow within you.

“Taweret, thank you for coming…Scribe…” he said, his voice echoing in the space around you.

“Where have you been?!”  You yelled up at him.  No longer feeling the need to hold in your feelings.  “I was nearly killed in that shrine!  My body was broken to the point where I couldn’t move, unable to use my abilities and you were nowhere!  Where were you!?”

Thoth said nothing.

“Y/N…” Taweret whispered.

“No!  Haven’t I been loyal?  In all the years of service I’ve only had one minor indiscretion and you…you refuse to even see if I’m okay?”

“Coming to you carried too much risk.”  He said, his voice remaining calm and monotone. “Even now I cannot be in the same space as you…”

“I am so tired of all of this! What could possibly be happening that you have to be kept away?!” 

“You do not understand, Scribe.  I felt it as soon as you were touched.  I heard it in your screams and I had to make the choice.”

“You’re not making sense!” you yelled out, “What choice?!”

“The choice to let you succumb to the curse in the shrine.”

Again your breath halted.  

“You…you were going to let me die?”

Thoth nodded.  

His cold, unfeeling response felt like a knife had been plunged into your chest.  In all the time you served him he had always been kind.  Always made you feel like you weren’t just an avatar to him.  Like you were important…like he cared about you.

“Th-then why?  Why was I saved?  Why did you bring me out of the shrine?” you whispered, your disbelief sounding with each word.

“I did no saving…it was Khonshu who disobeyed me.  A choice that was made and a punishment that will last him till the end of time.”

You turned to the other god, who looked down at the floor. 

“Khonshu?”

“Enough! Time grows urgent! It is because of Khonshu’s choice to disobey me that dire measures need to be passed.  Measures to keep all of time and existence safe from a possible second coming.”

Thoth’s voice boomed as he continued to speak.  

“What are you…”

“You carry her within you, my Scribe.  The curse that flowed through you that night carried more than just the wrath of Apophis…I felt it as soon as it connected with your body.  You became a vessel, a carrier capable of bringing her back to the realm of the living.  Back from the banishment bestowed onto her.”

“Who!?  Who are you talking about?”

“Ammit.”

Your blood ran cold.  Taweret gasped behind you while Khonshu stood silent.  No doubt already knowing the truth.

“A-Ammit?”

“You carry a piece of her within you.  The only piece that exists in this realm.  She is the one who has been taking hold of your body.  She is the reason for your blackouts and your outbursts.  I denied your healing ability in hopes of stopping her strength but soon, I feel, soon she could be strong enough to take hold of your body fully.”

“You…I can’t…”

You struggled to find your words but nothing came out clearly.  

“What does this mean, Thoth?  Can’t she be helped?  Can’t Ammit be banished back to the forgotten realm?”

“No…we are lucky she is still weak but she has to know…”

“Know what?”  you interrupted.  Your voice is soft and quiet.

Thoth stood silent.  He knew that what he was about to say would carry more than he could possibly understand.

“She knows the only way to fully bring her back is to reconnect her link to Khonshu.  If she is able to do this she will be able to tap into all of your abilities as my scribe.  I will be helpless to stop her.”

“But the only way for that to happen would be…”

“Would be for your Marc to become aware of the third identity…so it is because of this you will no longer be permitted to see your Marc and Steven.  You will never be able to see them again.”

Your breath stuck in your throat as Tawaret gasped beside you.  Your heart sank into your stomach and you could feel your knees buckle beneath you.  Had Taweret not placed her hands on your shoulders you would have fallen to the floor.

“No!  You can’t ask that of her…not after everything she’s been through!” Taweret insisted.

“It is too dangerous for her to be permitted to see them.  Ammit could take control and tell Marc of the remaining identity and reconnect the bond!  It is too…”

“No…” you whispered, interrupting Thoth and finally finding your voice again, “No…no…NO! I refuse!  I’ll never agree to that!  I - I renounce my duties as your scribe!  I’ll give up all of my abilities and power!  Take anything from me!  Take my voice, take my ability to move, take anything you want from me!  My tongue, my legs, my hands…take all of my senses I can’t…”

“It is already decided, my Scribe.  Taweret, go and deliver the decision to your avatar.  Tell Layla that she can never speak of the third identity and it is up to her how to deliver the message to the other two.”

“Layla has to tell them!?” You interjected.

“Thoth, this is cruel.  None of our Avatar’s deserve this.” Taweret tried pleading, but was only met with a raised hand to silence her.

“Go…I will not repeat myself again.”

“No!  No!  Don’t go!  You can’t do this to us!” you pleaded, holding onto Taweret’s arm. 

“I’m sorry…” she whispered, disappearing in the blink of an eye.

“Khonshu?  Khonshu, please!  You can’t let this happen!  There has to be a way…please help me, I’ll do anything!” You cried, turning to the other god.

“I have lost the ability to deny Thoth, Little Bug…even if I wanted to, I cannot change what has been decided.”

With that he also disappeared, leaving you alone with your ruling god. 

“I understand your resistance, my scribe, but I am also nothing if not a fair god.”

“You call yourself fair?” you screamed at him, the rage being too much for you to bear. “You left me to die, you just ripped away the two people I care about the most and you call yourself fair!?”

“ENOUGH!” Thoth bellowed, causing you to falter, “My patience wears thin and I am in no mood to show you leniency!”

Thoth closed his eyes and let his own anger settle before continuing.

“I understand your grief, Scribe, so, because of this I offer you the remainder of this day and night  with the third identity before you will no longer be allowed to speak to him as well.”

“No…” you whispered.  Your breath shook as it left your body.

“You have until dawn the following day. Now go…use your fleeting time wisely.”

With that Thoth waved his hand and you were again standing in your home.

“Preciosa?” you heard Jake whisper from behind you.  

“Jake?” You called, wanting to run to him but finding it impossible to move.

Instead, Jake ran to you just in time to catch you before your legs finally gave way and you fell to the ground.  Your loud sobs sounded in the flat through your hands that now covered your face as Jake held you in his arms.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That final day was both a blessing and a nightmare.  The hours lingered on, no doubt one final kindness allotted to you from Thoth.  Allowing the hours to linger rather than pass quickly.  

Once you’d stopped crying you spent the rest of the day with each other.  Trying anything you could think of to get your mind off of the impending deadline.

You had gone out for a walk.  You went to your favorite ice cream place.  You cooked a meal together. 

The day was perfect although the two of you said very little.

The night had brought with it so much and while you wanted to just lay and cry Jake helped to lighten the mood by taking you in his arms and dancing with you.

Slow dances, quick ones, he even tried to teach you how to dance a salsa and merengue, although most of the time was spent laughing at how much you tripped over your own feet. 

Now the two of you lay beside each other.  Staring deep into each other’s eyes and again, not saying a word. 

Jake let his thumb lightly trail over your cheek as he held onto your other hand.

Your eyes still stung from the tears you had been crying throughout the day.  

Laying here beside him was both agony and the only thing you wanted.  Being too scared to ask for more.  

“What time is it?” you asked.  Your quiet voice laced with the pain you were feeling.

“It’ll be dawn soon…” Jake responded.  His own soft gravelly voice sounded with the pain he was feeling as well.

“I can’t do this…I’ve lost the loves of my life and now…now I’m expected to lose you, too?  I can’t…I won’t…”

“You’ll never lose me…I’m forever yours, mi Preciosa.  Con toda mi vida y corazón.”

You smiled up at him, your breath hitching in your throat ready to turn into another sob but you were able to swallow it down again.

Jake stared down at you.  He had never felt this helpless and the guilt within him was extra heavy in this moment.

He struggled with his own demons and all he wanted to do was be honest with you.  Even in these final moments.

“Preciosa…I need to tell you something.  I don’t want to hurt you any more than you are, but you need to know.”

“What is it…?” You whispered.

“That night…the night Marc woke up while you were…while you were with Steven.  It’s my fault that happened.”

“Jake…?”

“I was being summoned and I woke up with you…I woke up with you.  Just as he had felt, I was in an experience I never let myself dream could be a possibility.  I was with you…I was finally with you and I let it go longer than it should have and in my haste to leave I allowed Marc to front instead of Steven.”

The golden rays of the rising sun began to shine over the distant horizon, shining hues of yellow and orange onto your ceiling.

You looked into Jake's eyes.  What he was saying should have angered you.  It should have made you want to push him away.  Yell, hit, hurt him like you had hurt…like Marc had hurt.

Jake watched as you closed your eyes.  The tears streaming down your face but nothing more.

He knew he had hurt you.  He had done so much to you over the past years and he was ready for whatever you were going to do.  Whatever you were going to say.

He needed to be strong… for you.

“Jake…” you whispered, finally opening your eyes to look at him.

“Si, mi preciosa?”

“Jake…kiss me.”

He wasn’t ready for that, hesitating in the moment.

“Kiss me…please.” you repeated.

Jake came in, gently pressing his lips to yours.  Where his kisses were normally rough, eager,   he now kissed you with a gentleness that only comes with the knowledge that it will be your last.

He wrapped his arm around your waste and brought you flush against his body.  His warmth being something that broke your heart as you felt it.

As the two of you kissed, tears streaming out of your closed eyes.

“Jake…” you whispered in between your gasps and moans, “Jake I love you.”

“Preciosa…” Jake responded when suddenly, in an instant, you were gone just as the sun began to fully rise in the distance.

Jake lay alone in your bed.

All was quiet.

He turned to lay on his back, staring up at the wooden beams above him.  

There he found the little winking and blushing hearts you’d painted for Marc and Steven and finally noticed the third heart you’d added onto a small piece of canvas so it can be taken down.

A little angry heart with a flat cap on. 

Jake sat up, the anger bubbling inside of him as he stood up and  overturned the kitchen table onto the floor. 

He grabbed his coat and walked out.  He didn’t know where he was going, his blind anger getting the better of him.

God help anyone who crossed his path. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You opened your eyes to the dark blackness of the stars.

The cosmos moved around you as you floated in its void when Thoth’s image came into your peripheral view.

“I truly am sorry, my scribe.”

“Please, Thoth…just…leave me alone.” You requested.

With that Thoth disappeared and you curled into yourself. Quietly crying, your tears falling from your cheeks and floating away from your face into the vast nothingness of space.

You had finally gotten your wish.  You were able to tell someone the truth.  The truth about who you were and what you had been hiding.  You were finally allowed to share everything and yet…yet you were left feeling only emptiness.

A weight had finally been lifted only for your whole world to come crashing down.

~~~~~~~

Tag List: @delicatespiritualitysciencebat, @ahookedheroespureheart

[cassandragemini]

Aimee, from Leonard Nimoy’s 2010 photography series Secret Selves

Aimee — tattoo and body piercing

I like being a girl…no one knows I am a woman, let alone a lesbian. My beard is natural, there is no imbalance.

[sergle]

pink carnations for the floral portrait series + detail (pls do not tag as "me", thank you!!)

[ruinemade]

Anatomical Venus I

[zanephillips]

QUIM GUTIÉRREZ Burning Body 1.06 "The Impossible"

[littledoepeach]

third fairy in my fairy series 🥹🎀🩵

[nezhanetwork]

pull the strings

[liauditore]

i can't believe martyn didn't warn scott that people die when they are killed

[hinamie]

the same flame that burns you; birthed you first

p1

[yeahwhatdidisay]

The Body Series Book 1: Ch 1 'Nerves'

18+ please!! minors DNI (For Future Chapters) [Next Chapter] [Ao3 link]

Summary: You almost missed your chance with Steven, but as fate would turn out you were given a second chance. Now you were a mess after he finally asked you out to dinner. If only he'd hurry up and show.

Pairing: Steven Grant x F Reader, Marc Spector mentioned

Warnings: Fluff, misunderstandings, hurt feelings

You couldn’t believe how nervous you were.

So much so you had to stop every few minutes while getting ready to close your eyes and take a breath.

‘There’s nothing to be nervous about’ you kept repeating to yourself.

It wasn’t like you hadn’t gone out with Steven before.  This was just the latest of many outings.

It had been a few months since you’d met.  Practically running him over while you were on your bike.  You had expected him to be rude and yell when you knocked him, and yourself, over in the park.  

But he didn’t.

Instead he focused on making sure you were okay.  Helping you up and even apologizing for not being more aware of what was happening around him so he could have gotten out of the way.

You expected him to make fun of you when you admitted you had hit him because you didn’t know how to ride.  Opting to try early in the night so there’d be less people around to see.

He didn’t do that either.  Instead congratulating you on taking the initiative to learn.

You both parted ways soon after.  He insisted on walking you home but you assured him you lived close enough that he shouldn’t worry.  It was a short encounter but you couldn’t help but smile the whole way home.  Kicking yourself for not asking for his number.

You never expected to see him ever again and while you were okay with this you were a little disappointed.

The following week you had been instructed to go to the museum in search of an artifact by your employer.  The artifact had been rumored to have been tampered with in some way.  Imagine your surprise when a soft voice, laced with happiness, called from behind you.

You were surprised and just as happy to see him.  

He was so happy to see you again that he offered to give you a personal tour.  You found out later that he had used his lunch break to do it and didn’t eat that day until he got back home late that night. 

The tour was a lot of fun and you were impressed by his knowledge of Egyptian theology and artifacts.  He even led you to the artifact you were looking for.  You were able to get the information you needed and had more than enough time to just enjoy his company before he had to return to his position in the gift shop.

Before he left, though, you both made sure to get the other's numbers.

That’s where it started.

Because of both of your schedules you weren’t able to hang out or see each other as much as you’d like, but you had gone out as much as you could.  Out to lunch or to a midday movie.  Walking through the park where, now, Steven made fun of you.  Recalling the time he was assaulted by a woman on a slow moving vehicle.   

He always followed his teasing with an offer to help you learn to ride. Which you were now proud to say you could.  Thanks to him.

Tonight, though, tonight was special.  Tonight was going to be your first official date!

He had asked you a few days prior.  He was quieter than usual, his mind was elsewhere and when you asked if he was okay he nodded only to blurt out if you’d like to go out to dinner the following night.

How could you say no?

Now, here you were, finishing up your makeup in the mirror beside your door.  Anxious to get out and to the restaurant he had suggested.  

You arrived a little early, making sure to text him to let him know you were there, and then you waited.  A small smile on your face.

You wondered if he would be dressed up.  How handsome he would look and how you couldn’t wait to see him.  You then started to worry.  What if he was dressed casual?  Which led to the nerves hitting hard when you looked at your outfit.

‘Oh no!!  Am I too dressed up for this?  No…no I’m fine, I’m okay.  I wonder if he’ll like what I’m wearing?’

You continued to ask yourself questions, wondering how Steven would be.  Would he act differently?  Would he have as many nerves as you had?

Time went on and soon your nerves gave way to worry.

Seven quickly blended into eight and before you knew it nine was approaching.

The wait staff came around often, talking and trying to quickly brighten your night because it was painfully obvious to everyone.  You had been stood up.

You called and texted multiple times to no response.  You finally ordered some food to go but when you got home you didn’t feel much like eating.

You called one last time that night.  Letting him know you weren’t made, just worried and if he could just let you know he was okay.

The next day you called again but only got his voicemail.

You were thankful you were busy that day.  Having to focus on other tasks made the negative ping in your emotions seem less important.

That night you texted again.  Letting him know that if he decided he didn’t want to talk anymore you were alright with that.  Even though you weren’t.  You just wanted to know he was okay.  You would leave him alone if he told you he just wasn’t interested in being friends, that was fine.  Even though you already felt that it wouldn’t be.  Not for a while.

Two more days passed and nothing.  You had stopped calling and texting and had started to accept that he wasn’t going to be in your life anymore.  You told yourself you were okay, but if you had any other friends who didn’t live on another continent, they would be able to tell you weren’t.

You went about your days.  Running errands, working out and practicing, going to work.

Even your employer commented on your change in mood.  You assured them it was just something stupid and they wouldn’t want to hear about your feelings.  They didn’t press on.

Even your freelance writing job you did on the side to make extra money had started to suffer.  All you wanted to do was write sad romance blurbs before getting frustrated and erasing them to go and sulk on your couch.

Damnit Steven!  Why couldn’t he just call and tell you he wasn’t interested in anything.  Why would he just disappear like that?  You still hoped he was okay, wherever he was.

Your sadness was beginning to turn into anger when you finally got a call back from him.

Which you were disappointed to admit was enough to make it all go away.

“Hello?”

“H-hi…” his soft, timid voice answered from the other line.

“Steven!  Steven, are you okay, I haven't heard from you in days? What happened? Where are you? I…”

“Can you meet me? Right now?” he interrupted.

You looked over at your clock.  It was late but you didn’t care.  

He asked you to meet him at a small restaurant that was open down the street from your flat.  It would take him a little longer to get there, but again you didn’t care.

When you saw him walk into the restaurant you stood up from the booth without meaning to. 

As he walked toward you you wanted to apologize for standing up but was again interrupted by Steven.  Who put his arms around you and began to apologize profusely.  Letting you know that he didn’t mean to be a no show on your date.  He didn’t mean to not respond to your calls and texts and was sick that he’d made you worry for so long.  

“I would never not want to have you as a friend.  I…I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you in my life.” he quietly proclaimed in your ear as he squeezed you tight in his arms.

You let out a soft sigh of relief as he told you how sorry he was and you hugged him just as tight as he was hugging you.

From there the both of you sat, drinking tea as he admitted his feelings for you.  How he had wanted to ask you to be his girlfriend at the restaurant but something had come up that he couldn’t get away from.

You were too hung up on the fact that he wanted to ask you out to question why he couldn’t call for days.

Steven asked if you would be willing to go to his flat to talk about something he really needed to tell you.

The nerves shot up through you, but again, how could you say no to him.

When you got to Steven’s flat you were so intrigued by all of his things strewn about the small space.  The books piled high all around, the large fish tank and bookshelf separating the kitchen area from the small living space.  The…the sand around his bed along with a long chain and cuff!

“Um…Steven…” you said, hoping there was an explanation.   

You hoped he could explain it away. You wrecked your brain trying to make sense of it on your own but warning bells were signaling all through your subconscious. You knew how to protect yourself but the thought of having to hurt him, just after you had fallen for him all over again, wasn’t something you wanted to do.

“Yeah…alright um that’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.  Have a seat?” he asked, pulling out one of his kitchen table chairs.

The nerves inside of you shot up, manifesting as a distant voice that screamed for you to get out of there…but it was Steven.  Steven, who you figured would never purposely hurt anyone, let alone you.  The same Steven who took full responsibility for your running into him.  The same Steven who could make you laugh with little effort.  Steven who laughed uncontrollably at your jokes.  Steven, who just had to look at you and you would do anything he asked.

‘Oh no!  I’m the perfect target!’ you thought.

You sat, clutching onto your bag on your lap.  Taking a mental note of where your pepper spray was inside of it, just in case.  

He took the seat beside you and stared straight ahead while he thought of how to start.

“So…you see…I suffer from a sleeping disorder.  Well, yeah, no that’s not right.  It kind of is but it isn’t, I suppose.”

He stammered on and you could see the distress in his body.  You could hear how nervous and scared he was by the tone of his voice.  Whatever he was trying to tell you was something he was struggling to get out.

You reached over and placed a hand on his.  Giving it a tight but soft squeeze.  When he looked up at you he was met with an equally soft smile.

“It’s alright, Steven.  I really care about you and whatever you have to tell me I’ll understand.”

Steven smiled and let out a deep sigh but it didn’t help to calm him.  

“I um…I don’t have a sleeping disorder, I used to think that’s what it was.  That’s what the sand and the…chain was for but I found out not too long ago that I…have DID.  I should really clean those away.”

“DID?” you asked.

“Yeah, so it’s called ‘Dissociative Identity Disorder’.  To be blunt it’s where I have more than one identity.  Sometimes I’m Steven, and sometimes I’m not…I’m another person.  That’s why I haven't called or reached out in a couple days.  I wasn’t able to because I wasn’t me.  Something came up and I felt it was important for them to be fronting.  And when I did have time I didn’t have my phone.”

You didn’t say anything for a moment.  You continued to hold Steven’s hand but his leg began to quickly bob up and down.  Signifying his nerves getting the better of him.

“I…I thought it was important for you to know if we were going to start seeing each other.  Like, being boyfriend and girlfriend. I didn’t want this relationship to start out with secrets between us, but I understand if this is too much for you.  I understand if you don’t think you can handle this part of me.”

Still you said nothing.

A silence fell between you.  His leg continued to bob up and down and the soft smile that was on your face was now gone.  Your gaze was down on the table and he could tell you were thinking just as deeply as he had been.

“Please, love…say something,” he pleaded.

“I’m sorry…I…”

Steven’s heart began to sink.  He was sure he had just lost any chance of having you be a part of his life when you again squeezed his hand.  

“I’m sorry, Steven.  I want to be supportive but I don’t want to say the wrong thing.  Um…does your other identity have a name?”

The worry on Steven’s face left him.

“Y-yeah…It’s Marc. His name is Marc Spector.”

“Well, tell him hello for me?”

“I will! I will, I promise.”

Steven got quiet again.  Even though you were being kind he still didn’t know exactly what this meant.

“Um…does that mean you’ll stay around?”

You got up and maneuvered yourself onto Steven’s lap.

“I wouldn’t be a good girlfriend if I didn’t.” You leaned over and gave the tip of his nose a soft kiss. 

“So you’re okay with this?”

“Marc’s a part of you, yes?  And I’m already head over heels for you so this is just another thing to love about you.  Every part of you.  Especially a part that comes with a chance to make a new friend.”

Steven grinned from ear to ear and leaned in before stopping himself.

“Um…is it okay if I kiss you, love?”

You smiled back and placed your hands on his cheeks.  Bringing him in to have the first kiss between you.

“You never have to ask.” you said, leaning in for your second.  Which was quickly followed by your third before they blended into each other and quickly the count was lost.

You really had nothing to worry about. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ask and you shall receive: @delicatespiritualitysciencebat (my @ wasn't working...I'll add some more who favorited my 'Sooo...' post once it kicks back in)

[fudgecake-charlie]

the rest of this drawing is staying discord exclusive but i am DISTRAUGHT that no one told me how fun drawing Skizz is. my man <3<3<3

[astronomodome]

cleaugh

[todayontumblr]

Thursday, March 28.

3 Body Problem *spoilers*

There are pickles, snags, muddles, and problems. Then there are problems concerning three bodies. This would be the latter. 

But problems, three-body or otherwise, can escalate into full-blown conundrums. And that is just what we have for you this Thursday, March 28, in the form of these Spotlight interviews with Zine Tseng and Rosalind Chao, and John Bradley and Alex Sharp, all four of 3 Body Problem fame, who were subject to a myriad of tough questions. The dark forest theory? Could Jason Momoa solve the #3 body problem? Ways that the first season does not end? And what would the ideal three-course meal one could put together to pair with a viewing of 3 Body Problem?

[galedekarios]

Gale: That's Tara - loyal, intelligent, brave, and apparently unwilling to follow even the most basic of instructions when her own safety is at stake. I wouldn't have her any other way.

[that-dumb-dinosaur]

people died.

[expelliarmus]