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how it feels to want someone but not want them but want them to want you and not want anyone else to want them

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It's a warm summer day and I'm sat in the sun with all the time in the world. I don't know why I'm crying.

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just so you know, i miss driving around with you.

oh, and also, i hope i never see you again.

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u only wanted me around when u had no one else

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and i will never know how to express my love so i will show it to you with violence and angry words that don't quite come out of my mouth right

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i thought you of all people would understand. i was trying to protect you from myself, why don't you get that?

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i want you to notice!!!! why don't you notice!!!! everything you do is burned into my brain like a brand!!!!

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i will stop running away when i have found a quiet place to call my home. a place where i can sit with myself and learn to love the worst parts of myself that have been tearing me apart from the inside out. i'll let them out and maybe give them a hug and tell them that we're safe now.

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sometimes when you want to be loved and you have been let down you have to do the loving yourself. take yourself out on a date. look in the mirror and tell yourself you're beautiful. congratulate yourself on the little things that no one else notices. who better to love your flaws than you?

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unyielding longing grips my mind like a parasite, and i wonder when it will finally be sated

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i am all sharp edges and points and i don't know how to stop being angry. please hold me gently.

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anyone else convinced they were cursed by a witch as a baby

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i often wonder why i can't express emotions in moderation. when i feel sadness i sob and scream and hit myself as if it'll help. when i feel happiness i can't help but cry. when i feel anger, which is the worst of all, i scream and throw things and dig into the darkest part of myself to muster up the most hurtful words towards anyone who crosses my path. at the end of the day i am a stray dog that bites at the hand that feeds me and starves myself as punishment.

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the sun will set and the stars will shine and at the end of the night i will be alone. the world moves on with no care in the world for what might be troubling me and does not share in my loneliness

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what will it take to feel like i am not a plankton in a sea of hungry fish that want nothing more than to eat me alive

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i want to be something to someone. am i nothing? am i anything? if i am not someone's, then what am i?

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it's cold outside and i haven't done laundry in a month and two weeks but i have lunch plans and work tomorrow and i feel like i'm a kid in an adult costume. my sock has a hole in it and i wish i had better socks but these are my last pair and i don't know why i haven't done my laundry. instead of eating dinner i'm sitting on the back porch with a joint wondering why it's the only thing that makes me feel normal. tomorrow i'm going to have to do my laundry.