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very glad that virginia is the one dealing w mass. bc i would have killed that loser w a gun and ill tell you that for free. imagine being super hot super cool super smart and all your brain power has to be used up on this asshole who literally breaks into your office at 3AM to tell you hes started a war. and you have to just go along w it. bc youre also insane and in love w him.

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Yippeeometer I congratulate you on defeating the curses 🌝 now may I request head canons of our very own New Hampshire

actual horrific freak i think gov has to have meetings with him personally where he just tries to gentle parent him into not terrorizing the locals

hes just the worst most jobless unemployed friend you have and theres nothing you can do bc his only two skills are being mean and murder and you cant let him loose.

look. maine needs to get his horror plots from somewhere. and 80% of them are just stuff hammy did when he felt a little nit not free

oh hater twitter goes crazy at maine every time he casually drops 'yeah this was inspired by my friend 😁' in an interview. they literally go insane theres no WAY your friend got poisoned then put down like a dog and went to the clerb in the morning and eats human meat sandwich for breakfast

he and vermont are old married couple but not in the way you'd expect. hammy literally just went up to him 'btw were married now' in order to get back at someone and vt just went along w it. then neither of them could be bothered to break up and hammy's officially the most committed person to the bit

i dont think he has friends outside of monty and maine but he does have targets. rhode island and him have an agreement to fight each other for enrichment and also occaisonally use each other to make their partners jealous.

i just think hes insane and a bitch im sorry. like he takes live free or die so seriously and its just never nesesary.

'hammy its not that big of a deal' NO this driver cut in front of me he broke my FREEDOM i need to FIGHT him.

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ACCOUNT NOT OVER WE BACK GANG THRY GOT ME LIKE A WIZARD DEFEATING ALL THESE CURSES

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hey gang announcement of hiatus/end of this account for now.

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#they’re like that one couple in your friend group that keeps breaking up and getting back together#but you allow it#because they’re to awful to be set free

yeah theyre both manipulating each other and its like two grand wizards fighting both deflecting each others manipulation and its crazy. nj calls ny a bitch so often theyre surprised he doesnt say it at the alter. ny the only deterent for nj's music bc he doesnt gaf. firing squad now pkease.

big fan of the yorksey ship bc theyre both your evil ex in 2 different fonts. ny your evil ex who has no emotion and does not care if you live or die he has no soul left his hobbies are CHAINSMOKING and MISERY. nj your evil ex convinced his mediocre emo band is god's gift to earth and that wearing baggy teeshit baggy jeans makes him the next indie icon his hobbies are CHAINSMOKING and GASLIGHTING. they deserve each other becayse theyre TERRIBLE!

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big fan of the yorksey ship bc theyre both your evil ex in 2 different fonts. ny your evil ex who has no emotion and does not care if you live or die he has no soul left his hobbies are CHAINSMOKING and MISERY. nj your evil ex convinced his mediocre emo band is god's gift to earth and that wearing baggy teeshit baggy jeans makes him the next indie icon his hobbies are CHAINSMOKING and GASLIGHTING. they deserve each other becayse theyre TERRIBLE!

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i love the idea of pa/mass/mary/ginny bc thats babygirl and his 4 million wives who hate him. every moment near them is like tom and jerry style antics. everytime the drink makes him think hes not boyfailure one single attempt at flirting w his hot wives reminds him who he is.

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desperatly trying to think of a single state that isnt the worst most annoying irritating weirdo youve ever met and i cant. gov rewards them employee of the month style w clearly kindergarten stolen awards that say 'most improved friend!'. florida wins once because he only bit one person instead of three and he treats it like winning a nobel with tears and a speech and everything. gov then forced to take the award away bc the whole point is being least annoying and theres not a single nerve in teh statehouse not set off by that.

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#needlessly insufferable abt it yeah#makes excuses like somehow having the pope being Chicago born makes him the epitome of holiness#‘DONT touch me god speaks through me’#he doesn’t know what he’s talking about

they ask him to name a book in the bible and he says 'harry potter' then insists that whatever he says is real now bc of leo. minni toddler-style coaxes him into a midwest meeting 'i know youre imaginary friend the pope is very important but your other friends love you tooo!' then gives up and insists that if illi is so holi its his duty to bless the midwest corn.

btw illinois now immediately intolerable a cause of the new pope being from chicago. hes going to use it to never ever have to meet anyone ever again because 'theres already one of us reping the state'. doesnt know anything about catholicism but his house is covered in pictures of his new social savior

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#most canon thing I’ve ever read#gov sends him an email about needing to meet with him and Illi sends back a link to Pope Leo’s Wikipedia

the single event that makes the midwest sure they need to stage an intervention is when illi genuinely begins insisting that they need papal dispensation for him to come to games night. pope leo may recieve a few emails 'please can you make our friend go outside sir hes using u as an excuse to be a hater'

btw illinois now immediately intolerable a cause of the new pope being from chicago. hes going to use it to never ever have to meet anyone ever again because 'theres already one of us reping the state'. doesnt know anything about catholicism but his house is covered in pictures of his new social savior

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btw illinois now immediately intolerable a cause of the new pope being from chicago. hes going to use it to never ever have to meet anyone ever again because 'theres already one of us reping the state'. doesnt know anything about catholicism but his house is covered in pictures of his new social savior

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can any of us believe it. one whole year of yipppeeeometer content. a whole year. can hardly stand anymore with the love that rushes through me. highlights include my author maine headcanons and that one time i outed myself as french.

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whilst football is a nationwide cat5 disaster, baseball is contained within the NE. however they take it at least 8x as far as anyone else so its essentially just as dangerous. the whole season is just the whole of new england vs new york because yankees and also new jersey vs new york bc he hates that guy and new york vs everyone bc theyre all so loud and annoying and everyone against mass becayse that dude is just insufferable and doesnt even have the record to back up his ego. halfway through the season members of new england have to get into a group to decide whether suffering through mass's red sox rants is worth the 2% chance of york losing. PA attempts to remind them all of the Phillies's existence but not one fuck can be given

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and following on from my mass and cut brothers hc because theres no stopping me when im ahead both of them delude each other into thinking theyre good drivers. cut gets into the car w mass watches him crash into 10 buildings hit 4 pedestrians ride the curb 6 times go the wrong way down a 1 way street and consistently break the speed limit. and this does nothing but teach him that his own driving style, never peaking above 15mph, is fine. they both refer to each other as 'like me but a terrible driver'

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states and their instruments

west virginia- a harmonica

look every time he pulls that shit out hes gonna have to be physically tackled to stop him from playing it. never once has he taken a lesson, hes just convinced harmonica is in his soul. it isn't. not even doing it in an ironic sense he just genuinely believes every moment needs him playing some fuckass billy joel song badly.

california- guitar

sort of the classic 'omg guys ill play an underground one' and then starts playing wonderwall. the most pretentious guitar snob to be around 'uhhhhh actually guys you're not meant to have your hand in that position!!!!' only knows like 4 songs but has an instagram highlight dedicated to pics of him playing.

louisiana- sax

uses it as a way to get out of work. every once in a while joins a new band and pretends to be on tour for a year so gov doesn't call him. produced an album once and tries bringing it to play at one of utah's parties, but forgets it has him shirtless on the cover and almost kills a mormon man seeing ankle for the first time.

florida- also saxphone

incredibly jealous of all the attention loui gives to his sax group and has been eating bits of saxphone ever since. not really doing it for attention anymore. just likes the taste.

illi- electric guitar

plays only the whinest worst midwest emo loser songs you can imagine. at one point tries to get into a band w jersey who refuses bc he finds his music too cringe. illinois now aware he'd stooped to a new low when even JERSEY thinks youre cringe.

texas- piano/ banjo.

learnt piano as a kid but when asked by oklahoma, lies and tries to think of a more manly instrument and lands on banjo. forced to then learn banjo as okla insists they get into a music battle and he refuses to back down. neither of them and everyone else loses bc they get so insufferable for so long.

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loui and maine being brothers is true because they follow the vibe of loui having one great dance move (the worm) and no others whilst maine has a whole bunch of dance moves he'd terrible at. some may call them all or nothing if we dare dredge up tumblr relics. they single handedly cause the dance floor ban at every party.

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the vibe of region leader is so insane across the regions. for the south its like a teacher who DESPERATELY needs their students to take charge and has assigned some overzealous loser (tenn) to take charge and is now being forced to negociate union style for any changes. the west is like the wedding gc for a bridezilla (wash) running it like the navy whilst at least 4 different side chats are created to complain ab not being the bride. midwest is a PTA meaning with no clear leader except whoever can park their car and get to the office quickest (minni). the northeast is like your cousins have just called 'stupidloserregionleadersayswhat' and maine's the idiot that answered.