yourlifeinphoto-ld

[yourlifeinphoto-ld]

[yourlifeinphoto-ld]

[yourlifeinphoto-ld]

Qué que quiero ser? Valiente.

l.d

[yourlifeinphoto-ld]

Where there's life, there's no death and where death lingers, there's no life. Light and shadow. They exist separately, but see how one needs to be, for the other to be?

LD - late night overthinking

[yourlifeinphoto-ld]

I am melting but I’ve decided not to step away from the sun

I was forced into this mold by rough, red hands but it’s time to let my wax liquefy so I can reform into the shape I choose

[yourlifeinphoto-ld]

[yourlifeinphoto-ld]

[yourlifeinphoto-ld]

I'm on my way to loving and knowing myself so much that I won't need anyone else to do it for me. No more settling, time to move forward.

LD

[yourlifeinphoto-ld]

I am rising, slowly becoming who I'm meant to be. Evolving involves pain

LD

[yourlifeinphoto-ld]

You are only coming through in waves. Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying. When I was a child I had a fever, my hands felt just like two balloons. Now I've got that feeling once again. I can't explain, you would not understand. This is not how I am, I have become comfortably numb

What I love about music is how, somehow, finds the words in my head when I’m speechless. 

[yourlifeinphoto-ld]

You can't make people care or stay, I need to learn to walk out before being asked to go

[yourlifeinphoto-ld]

What do I feel now? Like an elephant just stepped on my chest. I’m trying to find the exact words that describe my current state but I’m speechless, so writing is the only method I can give a try. If I had to link the origin of my nervous wreck to a real thing, it would be my love life. Can love ever be enough? How is it that you love someone and push them away? Am I imagining everything? Am I losing my mind? I want to believe that I get to be mad, to feel abandoned, to feel hurt. I feel like my chest is cut wide open, exposed. you deserve someone that shows you how lucky they are to be with you. It hurts when you can’t let go and it hurts when the one that you love hurts you knowing you’re already hurt. What do you say to them? “hey, you re-hurt me”, “why can’t you see that you’re killing us”, “do you even care that you’re killing us, killing me?”. I want to move on, I need to move on. I can’t keep getting myself hurt. I need containment, I need appreciation, I need unconditional love. I’ve given so much love that I feel empty and burned out. I need to take this elephant off my chest, breathe in and calm down. Maybe things are not as they seem, maybe the car was crowded, maybe it’s a coincidence, maybe he didn’t want me to go so this could happen, maybe it’s best if I’m not around. 

[yourlifeinphoto-ld]

You don’t lose people because you never had them, we don’t own others like possessions, the same way we belong to us. Suddenly I’m not scared anymore.

[yourlifeinphoto-ld]

I will use this as...not a diary, but a safe place to blow some steam off my heavy transited mind. I’ve been going thru multiple things at the same time, and as you know, focusing on all of them at the same time while you don’t know how you feel or what to do is really overwhelming, especially if you’re me and wants IMMEDIATE results. I’ve been meaning to find a source of anxiety relief, being painting or dancing, but I never bring myself to actually do those things when I’m having an anxiety episode, it’s just so overwhelming that I can’t do much, cause I get a heavy feeling in my stomach like the world is about to end right there. So I’m gonna have to name them, I have to make them real, I need to feel them so I know it’s true. Do I feel weak? I would love to start with the “You’re not weak, you’re human bullshit” but yes, I do feel at my weakest. I feel unstable and wise at the same time if that’s even possible. I’ve genuinely wondered if I lost my mind or lost myself a while ago and I’m coming back. It's bittersweet because it’s this type of moments that show you light, that shows you warmness, that shows you to look for beauty, not because you’re surrounded by it, but because you need it. I find myself looking for beauty when I most need it, looking for cool spots and visiting all sort of parks and nature and that to me is a strength. it's like being injured and in pain and finding a stick and finding your way out of that bloody jungle.Yes, I’m dramatic like that. Point is, I’ve felt uncontrollable, numbing anxiety mixed with depression lately (lately being a couple of months now). 

I don’t feel so sure of my life plans anymore. I felt like I was losing control of my life and my goals by just going along with life and accepting everything that was given to me, taking the passenger seat because I am in love. I feel unheard, I feel not understood. And I can’t but be filled with the same thoughts: “why can't they see that this is defining for me”. It doesn't matter how many times you say: “I’ll never live my life for another man, I’ll never depend on anyone, tarara tarara), when you’re in love, everything is possible. Moving from a country to another, looking for wifi or signal to talk to them because you genuinely WANT to talk to them, when you make plans with them when you show them they’re special. I learned that I should never feel selfish for wanting to feel loved, appreciated and wanted. I’m not depressed. I feel like I’m going thru a life cycle and it’s uncomfortable, and I guess it’s meant to be uncomfortable since we’re supposed to evolve and change, even tho brings good, hurts. You need to make decisions, and you want to make sure you won’t wonder whether you took the right one or not, which is inevitable, we’re always going to wonder “what would have happened”. I am full of love, full of love to give and ready to receive love, and when I mean love, I don’t mean romantic love at all. I mean, people usually take kindness for weakness, but how is it a weakness to see people for what they are, placing yourself in their shoes and taking your hat off when honor is due. I know I’ll be alright, I know I’m capable of amazing things, and I can genuinely and honestly say (thanks to these reflective, hard times) that my priority list has rearranged. Family, career, and self-improvement are beating each other on top, I feel an insatiable hunger for soul searching and self-actualization. Maybe this so-called “hard time” is meant to wake me up and open my eyes switch to the driver seat. This is the 1st time I’ve written to blow some steam off and I can testify that I feel so much better now. A message that I would send future me is: “Just when you thought you were drowning, you learned how to swim”. It’s bittersweet, but I’m hopeful :) 

[yourlifeinphoto-ld]

This picture was taken in Bayahibe, Dominican Republic during a Holy week, which is our spring break when I still lived there. The girl with the blue nails is my best friend. This picture makes me realize how much my life changed from then till now. I will always be a island girl wherever I am, watching this picture makes me miss it even more.

[yourlifeinphoto-ld]

Greetings This is a blog dedicated to a project of mine, called “Your life in photos”

I want to create a blog filled with memories that we all can share.

  A blog with pictures that others can relate. 

A blog where people can feel safe to share those moments with other people like me.  Pictures that are not beautiful but can make you feel something.

Pictures of something that reminded you of a story or memory

Pictures of something you found amazing  Feel free to share your memories, I will be sharing mines!  XO, LD