zetasystem - Tumblr blog

[zetasystem]

SA tw (TLDR, tumblr is showing me NSFW on our FY without our consent even if we blocked it in our settings and we need a break from this site due to trauma and our mental health getting worse, we will be back in a day or two.)

I'm gonna take a break from this hell site for a little while until my mental health actually improves. All the un tagged nsfw shit in my fy is pissing me off and it's not making me feel better!

Just leave my sexualy traumatised and demisexual ass alone! I'm so sick of blocking these gross ass blogs and most of them are probably bots! I don't need to see something that I DON'T CONCENT TO SEEING especially after what I've fucking been through! I still have trauma from people talking about their sex lives as if it was my business too AND I'M STILL HURT BY THAT! I've been hurt by a lot of people who fucking did that and it still angers me that they never fucking apologised! Some of them even fucking guilt tripped me for it and those people should never have been friends with me or made thier personal lives know to me like the idiots they fucking are!

And what's worse is that FUCKING FAMILY DID THIS TO ME TOO, EVEN WHEN I WAS A MINOR!

Gonna turn off my motifs, please don't bother me!

[zetasystem]

I'm so genuinely tired of making new friends. I feel like almost any new ones I make are just going to hurt me again.

I'm so fucking tired.

Why couldn't my old friend groups just loved me or not been so fucking gross with or around me!?

Maybe I just need a more asexual/autistic friend group where people don't act weird or make me feel un fucking welcome there!

[zetasystem]

also wanna add to this If yall are looking for a good place to make mlp ocs then "pony town" is great for that

need a TF2 oc but don't have the cosmetics? "Loadout.tf" is your friend!

Wanna make an oc through Roblox but don't have the items? There are games that will let you try on cosmetics and save them as outfits in those games!

alternatives for ai to design ocs

hero forge

picrew

the fucking sims 4

your local furry artist

bitmoji

shitty photoshoped collage

DeviantArt bases

zepeto

making edits of your favorite character

searching "dress up game" on the app store

learning how to draw

[zetasystem]

What in the fuck happened to me last night?

[zetasystem]

Zody is stressed out and can't sleep. I'm going to make sure the body gets rest.

He's anxious about so many things but I feel like he shouldn't be. I don't think he should be too anxious to tell people he's married to me and Teddy. I don't think he should be too anxious to tell his friends what's wrong.

I don't think he should be anxious about anything. <3

-Lucy

[zetasystem]

I don't want to sleep but I know it's healthy for us.

I just don't wanna see him...

I don't want to see anyone.

[zetasystem]

I would highly advise against this for the sake of your mental health.

I mean this in the nicest way, doing this is not worth it.

Doing a fake endo blog will cause harm and stress to you, I can tell you this now.

I wonder what would happen if I made a blog trying to be an endo :|

[zetasystem]

Ugh, too much in my head. Too many issues to count. I wish I could talk to my therapist again.

I wish a medical professional could look me in the eyes and tell me I'm not crazy and that everything will be ok.

[zetasystem]

I wanna be surrounded in beanie babies from Y2K rn.

[zetasystem]

I need the dove so bad!

-Lucy

Sunlemon Fluffies - Birds

[zetasystem]

[zetasystem]

yo ok syscourse moment

you can be transfem in a female body and transmasc in a male body

fuck anybody that says different

[zetasystem]

I wish I could have been singlet. I wish I could feel more sane but no.

I just have to accept this, don't I?

I have no real fucking choice anymore!

Why did people have to go and make this worse, huh?

I could have managed myself so much fucking better if people didn't drag me into shit that still to this day drives me crazy!

I don't get endos at this point! Why would anyone want this!? This is hell! I don't want a Boyd fictive in my headspace! I don't want a Spamton one either! This is stupid! I hate this! I hate the reasons why some of them are there!

I have a boiling hatred for some people right now!

Why did people have to fucking dump all their fucking issues on me all at once and tell me it's my fault huh!? Surely that won't multiply the headspace so much more then it needed to be!

Surely it won't make me realise I'm a system! Yeah go ahead just traumatise the fuck out of me in a single month! Throw me away! Pretend I don't fucking exist! PUNISH ME FOR BEING ME! TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING I LOVED!

Oh you think this is karma don't you!? No! Get the fuck out with your bullshit! I wouldn't wish this on you either, Jack ass!

I'm tired...

I'm so fucking tired, I go through this every day. The help I get is not enough. I just want a proper diagnosis, I want people to know how hurt they made me feel, I want the woman who made me homeless to face the real consequences of her actions, I want the people who threw me under the bus to acknowledge what they fucking did to me! They took everything from me and made my condition worse!

At this point I'm even tired of getting help! I shouldn't need it yet I do! It fucking sucks and every time I feel like I'm getting better, I feel worse!

Another thing that makes me feel worse is the over-abundance of endos thinking this isn't something that is the result of trauma! IT FUCKING IS! It feels invalidating as hell!

Sorry this is such a long vent/rant but I'm so genuinely tired of this! I just wished people would stop hurting me by not acknowledging that they fucking have! I wished my abusers got more then a slap on the fucking wrist! It's so fucking insulting!

I just want to be me and not feel miserable anymore!

[zetasystem]

I don't want to split again! I don't! I'm me! I'm Zody! Stop it! No!

My nightmare wasn't that bad! Stop! No!

It was just a silly dream about Lethal Company and robot clowns that spat acid!

-Zody and a very paranoid man

[zetasystem]

OMG I FORGOT TO PROVIDE AN ORIGINAL FILE OF MY SPINNY BOI ON TUMBLR

Spread this fucker

seeing them everywhere gives me so much joy lol

[zetasystem]

[zetasystem]

Someone remind me to make a pair of Spider lesbian ocs.