artbyeritza

[artbyeritza]

The Old Pumpkin Spice in August.

7:58 PM PST, Tuesday, August 12, 2025

It's a religion now, to my parents,

how they scold me.

They make me feel bad like I'm 12,

with my job,

my weight, how I look, how I act, or how I don't act.

When they say parents are your biggest haters, it is them.

The cravings of Pumpkin Spice gets stronger

as October and November approaches...

Although it is still the same.

I make new friends and potential partners around this time,

I find them shit

and I leave before I get lost in my woods again.

I have come to realize how smart I was in 4th grade

because they knew boundaries

and how much they hated getting bullied.

Right now, I cut off people.

I'm reminded of how Morticia does it to the rose...

effortlessly, elegant, horny.

Of course, I hate my libido and how active it is.

It's killing my AroAce-ness.

Where was I? Oh! How I love Pumpkin Spice.

Usually, you get it in a small jar when you shop for it,

but with Turmeric, Paprika, Cinnamon, and Instant Coffee

it tastes heavenly.

Or at least...how it used to taste.

Why do I have a belt of friends and partners I left?

Why not?

I don't really over-explain anymore...to anyone.

At the end of the day, they think they're the kings and queens

and they can never do wrong.

I've made it a habit to say what I had to say...once, twice.

If you still don't get it, I blow out the candles to this hallway.

I will leave you alone in the dark.

You deserve it.

And Karma's my bestest friend, my Casper.

Speaking of Karma, it brings me greater joy seeing a ship wrecked

from their foolishness to the Philippines.

We have several storms, I do wish it strikes them to the heart.

My mother said it's divine intervention

but I believe they get what they deserve.

These are one of the times I rub it to my bedroom fun time,

seeing them suffer and meet Karma.

I do not feel bad.

You never feel bad for the racists, ragebaiters, naysayers and bullies.

Never.

Maybe my words and works , I think, are Hexes.

Well, it's not my fault our gods listen.

I slay the Creeper and wished him well.

I added him to my belt. He deserved it.

I think having great and ironclad boundaries

is the best Autumn and Halloween vibes you can wear.

Never may it rot or wear or tear.

[artbyeritza]

Yeah I'm a lesbian who plays Azur Lane so what

[artbyeritza]

Pop your eyes out, my lover.

Sunday, March 16, 2025

I.

It has been a lazy week, full of Work from homes and field works.

I noticed I didn't really make a Valentines poem.

It is not because life had been boring.

Well, it is

but the office works drains you differently.

Capitalism is a bitch

and any special holiday is the evidence of it.

And what of, going back to the memories?

Of love ones who don't love you back, of parents, sisters,

former friends and lovers?

I think they do not deserve the call out anymore.

They had their dues, it was payback, karma.

I realize, I'm giving them more ammunition to hurt me

by my hate and I'm really not about that life that much.

I'm 27, you see.

I would rather consume the things I love and play

with or with out a fellow fan or friend beside me.

II.

I've recently read her name, in a book.

A local book.

Rarely any Filipino book written in the Philippines catches my eye.

It's mostly messy romance tropes and writing styles I can't get a hang of

but it was a Lesbian stories anthology.

I figured, “maybe I should buy it, it would affirm my sexuality.”

I'm not out to my family, except my one sister,

who could not kept her mouth shut and told my eldest.

The book was full of wanderings about girls, of course

but my old Humanities subject Professor from my University,

her name caught my eyes.

The sex-capade (sex escapade, the fucking, the hook up).

I know I'm old as an adult

but my Lesbian is very Bambi.

I feel as though this is when my Lesbianism halts

and my Aromantic Asexual introduces itself.

I skimmed the pages, I get it.

You met a pretty girl, either your Filipina ex girlfriend

or a local, a Singaporean that you glanced

and hookup with.

God, pop my eyes out.

I scanned the pages. I don't really care that much.

She was a horrible professor,

the one that didn't sign my recommendation

to Graduate school.

She's partnered last time I saw her

and I don't care about the fuckfest and post nut clarity

“amidst the sight of Merlion” or whatever.

My Bambi side is sort of mad, infuriated

and homophobic.

You know it's been that way because I've been single

for years.

It's partly intentional, partly my fault.

III.

Every time I eat Popeyes, I always thought it was bar food.

I hate treating it as fast food when I go out for Fieldworks.

One time, a group of students were so damn noisy near our table,

it was like a zoo, like the first time they ate their.

I looked at them as I asked my colleague to get our food,

the food we paid for

while only two or three students could afford

to buy a meal there.

They got insecure fast, as people stare at them and their big group.

There is no lesson here

but with kids, teens, highschoolers and college goers in groups

and cisgendered heteresexual couples in public

acting insecure when they see me in public.

They are a bunch of insecure fucks,

I know, it is because I was one before

but the thing is, I got money and I only go out

of my house if I'm needed for work,

I have places to be.

It threatens their chill, nonchalant,

“fast food” of an attitude when they see me

with my personalized stuffs as my work bag

and my weight, not caring if people think I'm fat or too fat.

I strut and run stuff without a care,

insecure people do not pay my bills and expenses.

IV.

I have to say it before it breaks my heart and soul,

I really do hate intense, homoerotic platonic friendships.

I know it fulfills and satisfies the side of my Trans-ness and Polyamory

but I either hate it so or am apathetic to it lately.

It is mainly because of my recent friends,

it is international – which is, surprise,

I'm the one who's the Atlas of the entire friendship dynamic again.

I do love my Russian, Turkic and Indonesian

but it really is not the same as making friends

when you were in preschool

or high school anymore.

I think the one true friend I got and cherished

in college, at my Uni

was the one I'm not even sure I'm still friends with.

Her name was Francheska, we call her Ches.

She used to be a part of an already set clique formed in college

but with my recent hang out and falling out to my former classmate,

even they don't know where she is and what she's doing in life.

She's Italian-Filipino, I didn't know that at first.

Ches always had that “rich kid” flair about her,

though I only found out years in University after.

She's rich to the point that there was always a car ready

to drop her to school or pick her up after class.

We used to tease each other, although I try to control myself

because unlike my ex best friend who I no longer cared or considered as one,

I do not want to be seen as a bully.

I know the damage and complex it gives to a person.

I am not so sure if I wrote about Ches before.

You know, we bonded over the game “Overwatch”.

I did not know much about it yet I mentioned it to her

and I genuinely just love to hear her talk about her game play.

I am sure that not a lot of people talked to her about her interests.

I knew were friends when she gave me an Adventure Time Finn wallet.

I gave her stickers because I love stickers,

I still do, even at my big age.

The friendship was intense when we got left out

and we recited at the same time

but our professor did not find my answer satisfying.

I felt down in the dumps and her car ride for home

has not arrived yet.

She took me to CFAD, the College of Fine Arts,

I personally didn't know they had a small art fair going on.

She knew I was an artist and didn't really judged my ugly art back then

and instinctively, she knew

she knew art would make me so happy.

None of my old friends did that, they could not be even bothered to repost or like my art.

Even my exes who were artists didn't knew me like this.

I remember her because of the case in ICC recently.

I do hope he's charged for his war crimes,

Americans, Israeli, Russians and Chinese politicians should also be next

to the ICC.

Last I've heard from Ches' profile in Facebook is that she works

at the ICJ.

I'm guessing at the Netherlands, at the Hague as well.

I'm also guessing that her family got her in, since she did not want

to inherit the family businesses she got in Italy.

I miss my Italian-Filipino so much.

It was an intense friendship but it wasn't homoerotic.

It did not make my heart bleed

or took a part of me

or took me apart.

People don't have friends and friendships like that anymore.

I'm happy it came one in a lifetime.

I try to look for Ches in every friend I had and made.

If I am to be alone or without a true friend

at least my heart knows what it's like for my soul to be known

without speaking,

without begging.

V. Pastillas y Marshmallows = Pastil-mallows

I know.

I know I should have been fasting this Lent,

yet I'm a self identified atheist.

Weekends slip away too fast.

My lawyer sister 1 did not come home, said she had a trip to Tagaytay.

It's probably not a solo trip so my doctor sister 2 came home.

We are not that close. She knows I've dated a girl before.

Then the news spread and my sister 1 knows.

My parents might have a slight hint but they're boomers at heart,

they might have intellectual capacity

but their emotional intelligence is worse than a 2 year old.

I did not say any heys and hi to her.

She's only here for the food, the dog and the ice cream I bought.

I prefer to go out with the heat of the Sun.

At morning or early afternoon.

The Tambays are always there.

They either consist of kids and teens, mostly boys that look like they're bullies.

The girls with them are equally uncouth.

They're either sitting in front of our gates or two of the neighbors gates in front.

They might as well grow tiny dicks,

if they keep hanging out with disgusting boys

and parading themselves sitting wide open on the floor like that.

I always see them with the CCTV.

I've scolded them before.

They don't fear anyone from our original neighborhood, not the Tanods or the Police.

If God strikes them down or they get heatstroke,

no one's going to save these runts.

Isn't it obvious how much I hate kids and animals?

VI. Semana, Banal banalan

I was fortunate enough

that my sister whom I shared my room with

was not around Semana Santa, or Holy Week in English.

I'm a closeted adult in a lot of facets of my life

and I'm an atheist at heart.

Every time I say that or someone catches wind,

Filipinos cannot compute.

They do not like atheists or other theists.

I love this week, because I am already working.

No need for “nilay-nilay” or simba.

The best fucks and rubs I got were during Semana.

And when Christ had risen, so did my mood.

I do not mind staying at home,

as long as I have my own room

wherein I could play with phone

and myself.

VII. Ala, tick tock tick tock...hunghang

It's always like this, isn't it ?

I had always hate social media ever since I was a child.

It's not the bullying that gets to me,

but how people act.

I do not want to be around a rude environment.

I want to be able to like my things without people judging me for it.

I guess that's why I keep my own interests inside of me,

a solo fan.

I am not a “gooner” and no one,

I meant this seriously,

not one person in this world can knock me down

or make me lose interests of my interests.

This isn't pre-school or high school.

These kids and teens who beg for adults' love need to try harder.

Because every time I interact with anyone online,

it is cold, calculated and well-planned.

I'm not charity case. I'm someone who's literally

single by choice but polyamorous.

So I deleted my app on a random Friday or Saturday

and moved back to the old reliable.

I don't care for popularity anyway.

I better pull back before I say or do something I might regret.

VIII. ASEAN Beauties

Making a new friend is rare to me,

it's rarer now that I'm an adult.

I don't even date.

I like my new friend so much,

she reminds me of my previous Southeast Asians.

Yes, the ones I've left.

A young Vietnamese kid, an Chinese- Indonesian man,

to name a few.

I had talked to her longer than some of my relationships,

that, we joked much of.

We already joked about exes, about China,

about our governments, about gacha games.

I've tried to get along with other nationalities

but really nothing beats home.

I don't want this friendship to be as deep as it was heartbreaking

or developing a hidden crush.

I'm 27, falling in love

and failing once more with probably send me

to an early grave.

I need to focus on myself,

a new career, better art and writing

and new horizons, wherever that is.

I try to mourn of friends from afar

not replying to messages in a timely matter

but I'm not the only friend

and I'm not a potential love interest.

Being the first one to pack the bags

is not so bad.

If I need love and companionship,

I know where to look.

She accepts me for who I am

and we literally play the same game.

I found her, Ches.

I've found you.

[artbyeritza]

La putragesa, la bitchesa

6:52 PM, January 1, 2025

I guess I want to start this poem by saying,

“yes, I am that bitch”.

I have never tasted a woman's cunt before,

not only because I'm scared of sex or being Asexual and Aromantic

but testing for STDs is not a thing for Filipinos in the Philippines

but I do fuck,

to relieve my work stress, family stress,

Christmas and now I wish New Years, if my sister was not here in my room.

When I found out that my enemies and people who have no joy or hobbies

lives devolved, oh!

It feels like I gave head to Schadenfreude

and Karma came in my mouth.

All of the people who are formerly in my life and now act like

pacifists or saints,

I want them to suffer.

Of course, there is no revenge.

No revenge because they still and willingly like men.

Like there is no running gag or a gun to their head,

they really do like men.

For a woman or a queer person to like a man that is considered

straight and masculine,

that is suffering.

Boys are harmless when they are young,

they are high school bullies at best

but men are disciples of patriarchy, all they know is to hurt and colonize.

That is why every single day, although I do not pray to the Christian god anymore

because of the culture and religious trauma surrounding it,

I am thankful being a lesbian.

It is quite a shame too, since, despite being a loser all my life,

men had liked me before and I didn't have to ask,

Whether it's the boy from grade school to high school that had a crush on me,

the white men at the Korean guesthouse,

or the men in public trying to make a move and catch my attention

(I thought they were mocking me).

I could have been a fine straight girl, the basic girl, like everyone else

but no, I am considered a bitch

and a bitch I shall be.

I don't really care what people think about my posts or my art

or what I became and how I act now.

I love myself,

I love my body, no matter how much it shakes and jiggles.

I love my voice and I love my face.

I love that I can lift heavy stuff and I love my independence.

Oh, one of the best things that I deathly love

is the fact that I do not have any nearby friends anymore.

I do not want to spend a bill at a cafe or restaurant amounting more

than a thousand pesos for “friends “

that will someday no longer be my friends.

I want reciprocity.

If you, as my friend, cannot send a simple message back

in a timely manner and I forget about you,

I will drop you.

If, for some reason you are busy with work, college, masters, PhD

or something, tell me why and tell me now.

I don't want to be the only one keeping the conversation alive.

I'm so much worse when it comes to this than literal men.

When I hangout with someone, it's my bare minimum to give gifts

and be lively on this meetup despite what I'm feeling before you arrive.

I can sense people that are not into it when hanging out

because I will get a sickly feeling inside and the need to go home.

The longest friendships I keep are actually my long distance, international ones

because communication is important there.

I hate friendships, friends that are friends one day and enemies next,

we are not in high school anymore.

If I cut you off “randomly”, it's your fault.

If it's mine, I will say my peace before leaving.

I actually want and need my friends to be chill

but the type that people would ask if we were fucking,

like with two men being so close and people asking if it's gay

or with two women, others will think that both of you are lesbians.

I want and need my friendships and relations to feel like polyamory.

Some shouting at the back of my backyard gate after New Years,

I'm quite overjoyed with the fact that I got my family and my coworkers gifts

and food for the Media Noche.

All of this is possible because I have saved money and I stopped hanging out

with people that don't even like me.

When the bitches comment of your posts before

and how loud were you at a cafe in alfresco named Half and Half,

it changes you.

Those bitches do not like you and they are worse than “pick mes” .

They had tried their flying monkeys but I do not have any special days

in the year that had not been ruined before.

That is why I have an ex I don't consider a real relationship.

You're telling me I got them official artist merch and

they broke up during Valentines, on my Masters finals?

No.

This is also why even though I'm polyam, I am single by choice

because I can afford myself everything I want and need.

I am also at peace and satisfied with everything so far.

The year might have rocked everyone else and I might have had

a nasty bitch boss to work under for,

but I love my job, it does not stress me out.

The only people that really do get under my 26 year old's nerves

are kids and teens in fandom and internet spaces

acting like it is their first time living and they want everyone else

to understand them and give way to them.

This is why my parental instincts has not kicked in yet

and why birth rates need to go lower

because kids like these are not parented

and younger parents do not know how to parent.

And I do not mean to be mean

but if a kid thinks they're Einstein because

they like the thing I like way too much and wants to educate or debate me

I will hit the bitch.

These kids are going to get clocked, clapped and decked.

I am not going to “hold their hand as I say this”,

I will grip their wrists.

They do not know how to listen and get schooled,

AI must have rotted their hearts and brains.

They are mean on and offline and they know they can get away with it.

“But it's just a child”

I'm not a parent, I am a licensed teacher and I will teach them a lesson

if they ever crossed a bitch like me.

I hope this freeverse sounds mean,

cause this is my only New Years resolution.

I've recently announced my return to my other social media

as I've left the wretched clock application.

This year, I'm feeling super lucky.

Though I wish I wake up everyday to multiple people,

servicing and servicing me

whilst I have no job but have tons of money,

this life is okay too.

It can get better. It will be better.

[artbyeritza]

let's see how far we've come🌐✨

[artbyeritza]

Mongolian Chocolates, Bandung Rose Lattes, and Pumpkin Spice

The entire trip, “vacation”, was our usual.

Usual Filipino family toxicity.

 At the age of 26, I’m tired and done.

 At least the trip kept me away from work

 and I got to play games for about 5 days in South Korea.

 I do not hate Korea, like I don’t hate any East Asian countries

 despite what they think of Filipinos.

I kept myself under wraps

 in a quiet little guesthouse in Seonggyunwan-ro.

 I loved the all-meals included, buffet style

 but my stomach was ever sensitive.

 I’ve gotten to the point that Korea is boring

 and wished I was in Mongolia.

 The booking and plan were not mine, since I’m with family.

 I could have had a Mongolian trip,

 if not for my single-entry visa.

 Maybe, someday,

 I would like to go to Mongolia,

 then China, North Korea, and Russia.

 I want to visit Belarus and Ukraine too, Tranistria.

 Seoul sucked the soul out of me, with their foreigners

 looking to hit it and hook up, party, and locals who wanted “experience”.

 I tried to draw and write, I really did

 yet the rain

 and the fact that I could not go around the full day because of it…

it reminded me of the Philippines.

Usually, I wish to go to a country to escape sudden rain

 and typhoons forming, not going into it.

I managed the trip alone for five days

Until they come back to Seoul.

I wanted to get fucked since I got wasted

But I did not choose my sexuality, I knew being AroAce chose me.

I rubbed one out after being hammered and sick

And searched Safari on private if I could bring vibrators in the airport.

I was not about to let myself be touched or touch some rando,

I hate everyone.

When they came back to Korea, they made me feel all bad,

Like usual, like when I was 12.

It does not matter, I get to spend their money

Because they screwed up the itinerary.

I did not get to see Mongolia, however the treats and pasalubong

Are fine and dandy.

I love Mongolian chocolates, and sweets.

You could snack on them even on the brink of an almost sore throat.

American food tends to be too sweet or too salty,

South Korean is too sweet, savory

And Filipino is on the sweet side

But there is something about Mongolian chocolates.

I do not have a good relationship with food,

Yet I snack on them.

My family’s time in Korea was short before we go back home

And now, I recently had my first paycheck after the trip.

I checked on my old friends, against Mama’s advice

(not my mother, but a known, good-looking woman).

And I feel nothing at all.

If they want toxic, if they are not self-aware,

I will not teach them.

I have a full license; I do not teach people for free

And I will not teach them to act right.

If they don’t understand my words and my actions,

And are committed to such misunderstandings,

Why parent the child?

Kids and teens piss me the fuck off,

Adults who act out and are not self-aware are more so.

I guess I try to philosophize, critique,

With all my office work, art, and writing,

With my belly full of fat, coffee,

Pumpkin spice and Bandung Rose latte

Why do people have to be so “mean”, and so “rude”?

I will never know my past’s answers.

I am stuck in a reverse,

In a different delusion.

That is because I was never friended, familied and loved

The way I wanted to be loved,

I never had lovers.

I do not have ex-friends or exes,

If I am the one who sought the most, the one who suffered.

Perhaps friendship and romance are a foreign language,

The one I will never comprehend.

I feel like the Virgin Mary with my friends, with my loves.

Never loved, never touched.

[artbyeritza]

Butterfly Pity (Pea Tea)

Mitski’s on repeat in my wired headset again

And I try not to feel sorry for myself, not to cry.

I try to stand my ground, to stand on business,

It’s never enough.

I’m back in that office job again,

Now my old friends, my new friends,

My international friends and fellow Filipinos

Must think what a clown I am.

It’s the same circus, same as Yulo’s,

The difference is he won two gold medals

And has a supportive girl and the girl’s family.

I’m stuck in a cycle with my family.

Time is a circle, as the world spins on its axis.

I begin again, the same day,

Tolerating and hating everything and everyone,

For the past 26 years.

The funny thing is, I thought I could treat my friends

As a replacement for my family –

A break from the scorching summers and hell that they bring

But it opened up

Abuse, recklessness,

Dumbness, idiot,

Idiot, idiot, idiot

Idiot, idiot, idiot

Idiot, idiot, idiot

Idiot, idiot, idiot

Idiot, idiot, idiot

I am a fucking idiot

For thinking that friends can fill the void,

Much less how relationships started

And ended.

In my waking hours and grimdark dreams,

No one ever loved me,

I was only tolerated.

The fat fuck from the Philippines,

Loser – tolerated.

They’re a no one, they are toxic.

My parents loved the dogs more than me.

A female dog is a bitch

And she is.

The dogs they took care of, the white one,

Would bite me when I tried to get close,

Get familiar.

So animals don’t like me, my parents, my sisters,

My family don’t like me,

I am not certain if my remaining friends

Secretly hate me

Or if I have potential partners at all.

Aside from my personal life,

My professional, oh,

I hate numbers, I hate Accounting.

My boss is a bitch,

Who would work us 6 days a week,

From 7 in the morning until 7 in the night.

She would excuse it as personally knowing us,

Or so she claimed and our residence was nearby.

She does not understand boundaries.

The only solace I have is I can steal a few Zs

From working hours, shit, fuck, and game

During working hours.

I don’t fuck anyone, I’m AroAce and Polyam,

Not a monster.

I let my SLOWLY messages

Stack up, let it add up.

Long messaging and waiting for messages

To arrive piss me the fuck off.

By the time something reaches to me,

The Homestuck magic of waiting for a friend’s response

Or mail is gone, it’s gone.

It’s motherfucking gone.

SLOWLY was an excuse for lazy messaging,

A random-izer.

It can be a dating app but for friends.

Every time I hear that dating apps have a friend feature

Or can be used to find friends,

I want to shoot myself.

I loved the randies from Boo and Her app

But for someone to be lazy

and obviously lazy,

To not write something coherent, complex and interesting

Dear mother of god, susmariosep!

Now, I know how it is when people get bored,

I get bored too.

I know uninterested when it writes, when it talks

Yet I’m not a plaything anymore.

My Germans, Americans, and Chinese write to me

And I’m not sure how to reply.

I watch my Russian friend online in the photo app,

I wonder if I will get our usual messaging

But it is a Sunday

And seemingly, same as the Americans I knew,

They are busy with family, work and maybe study.

Or rather, it becomes obvious to my oblivious,

Moron self

That there is not one single person

Who will prefer to talk to me,

The way I speak to my poetry and art.

I pity…not myself, but everyone else.

I am healing, like a caterpillar encased in a cocoon

And about to hatch.

The hatch will be a thing of horror,

Violence to myself for a new life someday.

I’m on the third cup of “Ternate”,

Like the municipality of Cavite.

Third cup of my butterfly pea tea.

I watch the light blue sky turn into deep ocean blue,

A tea in my cup.

I swallowed it whole.

I know I’m the problem

And how mean and rude I am

But I also know I do these things

Because I was hurt deeply,

Left to lick my own wounds,

Tending, nursing myself.

[artbyeritza]

The Lovers/ Lovers'

[artbyeritza]

in an astonishing turn of events, I was fat-shamed out of my current job

TW: Diet culture, Asian culture, Filipino culture, starvation, working

For the past two days ever since my sister's birthday, I was interrogated by my own mother and boss, and sister about why I was gaining weight or why I was still fucking fat. We had a huge argument that did not conclude, nor did it end with them giving me their apologies and I just starved myself because of how they degraded me with their words. After they thought I had eaten a late breakfast, I could not hold down a meal, I ate a piece of potato and then worked out and "sweated because sweating during work out is considered more effective". That was Sunday, when it was Monday my boss tried to bar me from my job cause I wasn't eating (it's her fault for being fatphobic) she threatened me that I wouldn't work with her anymore because she was not going to pay me so I'm fired.

Filipino culture, like other Asian culture in terms of food has always been very odd in terms of diet because we eat good and cook good food but they don't want us to ever gain weight over it or get fat even. My mother wasn't concerned about my well-being and checked up on me after our argument, she was worried that no one was eating her food.

The thing is, I've been actively working out and limiting my food intake ever since I was in 4th grade. Yes, 4th grade, when I was a fucking child. When I needed my nutrients, calories, and protein to get my little brain working for school. I'm 26 now and for reference purposes, I don't know how fat I got but I can still fit in my old high school shirts. I don't really care if I lose weight or not as long as I still fit on my clothes. And the people who always take note of my weight as a person are not even slim or thin themselves.

My friends already comforted me and I am eating now but I will not be dining with family as usual, won't be eating with them, won't travelling, won't be working. I am trying to land myself a new job with my outdated, job-hopper resume so I do hope I have that locked in cause I need money and to be away from family as much as possible. Stay cute as a ribbon, everyone.

[artbyeritza]

" "Monster of the West", "The Godeater", "The Revolutionary", "The postwar miracle", "The West", and "The Western core"...they call them a lot of names. But Aza's my success. The CRG thrived because I stayed focused. That will be your job soon." -Myia to Tala

some oc ramblings and showing their surgery scars

[artbyeritza]

I legitimately have no time to draw within a week because my shifts are 7-7 so I'm mixing my pride art with Philippine Independence Day art. Quite late too.

Honestly, congrats on my ocs polyamory. At least some of us can be happy in this lifetime.

[artbyeritza]

Is it gay to be carried by your alien space boss because you kept dying and having a mental breakdown in your job (being a time god) or no? (I will write more, I just don't have the time and energy)

[artbyeritza]

buko juice (coconut water)

I loved it when my dad who I don't get along with serve me cold coconut water because the weather in my country is killing me

[artbyeritza]

The instant coffee sugar at the bottom of my iced coffee I make to keep myself awake.

5/11/2024

It’s Fiesta today and days leading up to this

Fireworks and noise go off.

I’m too used with the noisy neighbors, kids, and teens who don’t know any better.

I think I’ve had like 5 cups of coffee

Even though it’s my day off.

I don’t feel like myself lately,

No time to do art, to write or read anything.

I do play games on my brick of an old phone.

What is interesting in my life?

What is new? What am I doing?

To be honest, I do not know.

Through the endless scrolling in short video platforms,

Feeling bad about my art,

Feeling bad about my writing,

Feeling bad that I don’t socialize like everyone else

And being envious – I do not know.

More or less, I have grown overly apathetic lately.

Sympathy and empathy get you nowhere.

If you love too much, you will just break.

I found out lately, that people tend to make fun of me

To get a reaction, to see my expression break

So they can feel something, not sympathy or empathy, towards me.

Humans do not respond to love in this current age,

They respond to hate, to torture, to pain.

Humans love seeing others in pain,

Until they have become desensitized and numb all over.

This is why I’m wary of everything and everyone around me,

Of old relationships and new ones.

To put it simply, they never really cared about me.

They cared about the care I gave, whatever I provided.

When I pulled myself out because I woke up and realized

I should respect myself; I am the selfish one.

My family never liked me and they know that.

I preferred my friends over my family and friends abused it.

My friends never thought the friendship we had was ever important,

I’m not important to them.

I love being the bad guy in someone’s story,

That means I stood up for myself.

I pondered my words as the clock struck 11

And people still have no shame outside my window.

With the sugars beneath,

I reserve my care, love, and respect for anyone.

It should have never been for free.

I’m still the same lonely child

But that child knows better now.

The child, grew razors as skin.

[artbyeritza]

“Dance with me…SLOWLY”

5/11/2024

It took me two days to respond.

Two days, two to message in a friendship

 application on my phone.

 From the dreadful Friday evening

 after working from home to up until today,

 it never feels right by me. Never.

 It is more than pain than pain itself.

 Why must I introduce myself

 and make myself known to socialize?

 I never get it. I have tried and failed any online

 or face to face interactions. All these motions I have

 to go through to make friends and make relationships.

 They say, “It’s a dance” so just “dance” but I’m no dancer.

 Some people are made for the dance floor, to tango,

 to dance waltz and I just needed someone to dance with me

 all alone, while no one’s watching.

 A fun, crazy dance that has no steps,

 you know, the type of silly moves you do with friends.

 These days life’s satisfying by me, I don’t have to pretend.

 I do not do well in apps. Everyone feels fake

 and they would dance to perform.

 I wish to socialize organically.

I will “dance” if I want to, when I want to.

[artbyeritza]

didn't want to draw anything serious before my day off ends and it's back to the 9-5 Monday to Friday grind so I drew my oc polycule's rings.

the rings have cracks in them so they can break them off and give them to their other partners (Aza, Myia, and Tala are the ones who are canonically throupled-married and Lyon later proposed to Aza with his ring)

[artbyeritza]

Gamu-gamo, peste

5/1/2024

They hung around our house and the heat;

 the Philippine sun did not stop them.

 BANG, goes the front gate and they run away.

 I just wanted to spend the day

 in an empty and quiet place.

 Daytime and they gathered with their friends,

 talking about whatnot.

 Stupid, insignificant preteen and teen chatter:

 family, jowa, who’s with who and making fun of the people

 around the subdivision they’re bothering.

 They are gamu-gamo, peste

 and they have been pestering me since the time I guarded

 and took care of the place.

 A place that is not theirs, that is mine.

 My parents are weak,

 cannot have the backbone to tell the tanods

 or the pulis that the kids are a menace.

 I’m pretty sure Rizal loves this.

 He’s so wrong about the “kabataan”.

 They’re no one’s hope.

 Filipino kids are just as spoiled and entitled like the West.

 They’ve not experienced

 any Chinese or Russian revolutions in their lifetime.

 They cannot do proper academic research,

 tries to get in relationships and sex from adults,

 touts BBM and DDS apologist rhetoric

 and only cares about social media presence and their TikToks.

 Experiencing their unwarranted presence

 around the neighborhood, especially during Labor Day,

 although nothing to them, is a natural birth control to me.