im-here4

[im-here4]

Pinned, wings spread wide, exposed

each thin metal prick a testament to the weight on my back

pushing down sharp to cork board

hang me on the wall stare at me through the glass

am I beautiful from the outside, do you see my twitches of movement?

my tiny insignificant signs of life?

a desperate struggle to fly

flutter wings unbound through the open blue

pollinate the smallest daisies you unthinkingly step on

am I beautiful to you

[im-here4]

[im-here4]

I find it very offensive that the more unwell you are, the more things you have to do to maintain your health. Things like following special diets, going to medical appointments, making big and important decisions about what treatments to use. At the same time, the more unwell you are the less energy you have to do all of these extra things. It seems grossly unfair.

[im-here4]

I want to throw up and cry from the stress.

[im-here4]

I haven't really been able to cry for two years, and it is very frustrating when I get to a point that I want to cry. And I just can't.

[im-here4]

Holy moses I swear to fuck HR, university staff, medical leave reps, and fafsa staff can actually suck my cock and balls. An absolute nightmare.

[im-here4]

Life be taking a fat wet shit on me lately

[im-here4]

They (my chronic illnesses) just hate to see me winning (not being debilitatingly exhausted)

[im-here4]

Man. Can I please catch a break? Pretty please?

[im-here4]

scribbellz

[im-here4]

I will always be eternally grateful for my sweet pookie bear, they've helped me through so much. This relationship has been an oasis, a healing reprive for me and I could not appreciate it more. We've gone through so much so early and I feel its brought us so close.

I had just gotten out of a long and abusive relationship, I wanted to take things slow but felt we clicked in a way I'd never felt for another. I loved you almost immediately. Then you got sick, aplastic anemia, what a rare thing to come in and turn things completely upside down. You gave me an out, you wouldn't be upset, this was such a big thing to deal with. But I knew I wanted to be with you forever and I stayed, its been a year of us together and a year of treatment for your condition. You've been better to me than anyone ever has even from a hospital bed. You never cease to amaze me with your strength and kindness, I can't wait to live together and get married my love. You're the silver lining to my life and I couldn't be happier when I'm with you 💚

[im-here4]

Shop , Patreon , Books and Cards , Mailing List

[im-here4]

Fawning; trauma response with such a sweet name, I no longer want to play your game

art acct @ferndrawss instagram

[im-here4]

[im-here4]

These past couple weeks have been dog shit.

[im-here4]

I've had one of the worst weeks of my life. My partner was in the hospital for 5 days, he has a rare condition, needed surgery, etc. I spent the first night there and it was horrendous, the most pain I've ever seen another person in ever and I could do nothing. One of my geckos passed on, this is her grave, she was a rescue who had been severely abused/neglected. I went to bury her today after my night shift, I went to get a trowel and I had the worst bloody nose of my life while driving to the store. I was absolutely covered in blood my face, my hands, my favorite sweater, my car. A very sweet lady helped me clean up some in the parking lot then I went into the store. I will preface this with the fact I am AFAB nonbinary currently on T. I was not binding today and have a decently large bust, so I chose the women's restroom to finish up cleaning my blood. A worker comes out of the stall as I'm tossing the paper towels. She looks at me and says "you have facial hair you shouldn't be in here" I tell her I have a vagina and lift my chest as well just attempting to get her to leave me be. She then asks about my shirt, a magnus archives one, I tell her it's a spooky podcast. She says "oh so devil stuff!" I tell her no not really then she rants about demons and how shes a christian and I tell her 'well I'm pagan hah..' and she goes "oh well you'll see more demons then!" I awkwardly laugh and walk away to go get the trowel to bury my pet. I did get a manager and made a complaint but... just holy crap this has been an awful awful day.

[im-here4]

I hate it here, here being this decaying shell I live in