#Cactus time!! How cool!

[inbabylontheywept]

Weird Grandpa Dale Story #1

The day started with me digging up cactus. Grandpa Dale had a weird beef with cactuses, bad enough to pay me 10 cents for every pound I turned in. Looking back at it, I think they offended him because they could exist without his consent: They didn't need his water, they didn't need his fertilizer, and they certainly didn't need his permission. 

And that, he simply could not abide. 

Grandpa Dale had been doing something weird that whole morning. I knew because I'd been able to watch him since sunrise. Every time I took a break from digging cactus to look back at the house, I saw him doing something with the gopher holes. 

That made me nervous. Things never went well when he started messing with the gophers.  Earlier that month he'd tried gassing them out, and all he got from that effort was nasty looking blisters up both arms. He almost never complained about anything, but he griped all day about how bad those blisters hurt. When his wife suggested that he go to the hospital he said No, what am I gonna tell them? That my trench got overrun? They wouldn't buy that. They'd think I was cooking meth. 

Which was funny to hear, but also, true, and also, enough for me to know better than to get involved in future gopher battles. 

Which is to admit that I did get involved. But I should've known better. A few hours in, he invited me over, gave me a cold soda, and showed me what he had set up: Two camping chairs, a wicked sharp shovel, a car battery, and a long length of copper wire leading to a pit he'd dug in the middle of the yard. Told me that if I stayed a bit and took a break, cooled down there with a soda in the shade, I'd see something amazing. I asked him if there was even a chance I could get hurt by this "something amazing", and he said "no," which I knew was a bald faced lie. But I believed him because I wanted to believe him. Because I wanted to know what he'd done, and I wanted to sit there in the shade with my grandpa. I also figured, hey, maybe getting gassed taught him a lesson. 

(Never, ever assume that the kind of person willing to break out chemical weapons against gophers is capable of being taught a lesson.) 

So I sat down in my chair and he beamed at that. He loved having an audience. Then I watched him lean forward and tap the ends of the wire against the battery terminals.

And that's where everything went wrong.  

The first thing that hit me was the yard itself. Little bits of sand and grit flying fast enough to hit my skin and bite. It took a year and change for all the little bits to work their way out. But I didn't even feel it at the time, because of what happened after. 

I genuinely think he'd imagined the gophers getting launched out of the holes, disoriented but alive. I think that shovel was there to finish them off afterwards. Which also would've been traumatizing, but probably less so than watching each of those cute little gopher holes projectile vomit bloody piles of tattered critter all over the lawn. 

Which, spoiler alert, is exactly what happened. The sky fell down, and the ground flew up, and the gophers found themselves with nowhere to go. So they did the next best thing and went a little bit everywhere.

I don't think it was actually silent afterwards, but I couldn't hear shit. There was just this long, ringing period of us looking at each other, then the meat piles, then the lawn crater, then the big buckled section of yard that looked oddly like Rockies just behind us, then back to each other. 

I think I did that two or three times before I felt my shoulders start to shake a little. I was crying. Felt weird to cry and not be able to hear it. Like a tic almost, or the way your body seizes up right before you puke. 

And then I looked at his face, and I saw him mouth a single soundless word: 

Shit.

[groundzerosgirlfriend]

Traits they would want in a partner:

Senku Ishigami

(This unedited so dont @ me)

Firstly. IF you ever manage to get into a relationship with the man known as Senku Ishigami you probably deserve some kind of award for having to deal with this man’s crazed scientist bullshit every day. He literally doesn’t change one bit, he's still the same Senku that’s blunt, mean, hates physical affection and mushy words. The reward for the least romantic boyfriend goes to *drumroll effect* SENKU!

Senku probably prefers someone that’s he known for a really long time I’m talking since he was at least in junior high but the further back the better and if you were in the science club with him back in high school fantastic. Meeting new people is one thing but actually having romantic feelings for them is a whole other ball game. It’s easier and less work when liking someone who already knows him inside out and vice versa instead of having to do the whole cliché ‘get to know each other’ façade over and over again.

Also, I feel like Senku has only had like maybe 2 crushes in his entire lifetime: one was some famous scientist he saw on tv talking at a press conference at the head of the table in a room full of men and the other one was in his first year of junior high when he was bested at a mathlete competition (in his defense he pulled the most brutal all-nighter the night before while working on some insane project and messed up the placement of a decimal point) by a girl who wore the chunkiest pair of glasses known to man. He quickly got over both as he had learned that realistic the possibility of this famous scientist (who was also married) falling in love with a prepubescent boy was damn near impossible (and illegal) and the girl he liked in school ended up coming out as a lesbian when she and another girl were caught kissing each other's cheek during break time.

Senku probably likes individuals that are independent and self-sufficient like Kohaku (girl boss!!) People that are clingy and to needy are not his forte’ and makes his face sneer or deadpan brutally. He doesn’t like physical affection or words of affirmation on most days he’s more of a quality time (slaving over more experiments with you doing physical labor) and gift giving (making you little trinkets from his science experiments). I mean it’s pretty obvious remember that one episode where Senku’s own dad was about to give a long emotional speech on the record but stopped because he knew Senku would ew at it. So if you’re somebody that thrives off of praise and attention then *opens the door* please see yourself out respectfully because this man is not going to give it to you. You'll be like a little dried up cactus begging for attention.

Senku likes cleanliness and organization. Senku himself is very clean and hygienic. People that are not are usually big turn off and and an even bigger *thumbs down* for him. He’s also organized despite how his experiments and projects seem to be all over the place they’re not. He knows exactly where everything is, the exact millimeter of, every beaker, of every pipette, of every pencil. It's called organized chaos. If one thing is moved without his consent or worse, his knowledge the entire room is thrown off and he has a hard time finding anything for the next 12 hours.

Personal opinion here but I feel like Senku has as dislike for bugs. Like sure. Bugs are cool to explore and on a scientific level sure but anything other than that he’s not really cheering for joy about it. I also feel like he despises getting sick, like literally any type of sickness whether it’s the common influenzas virus or even a slight stomach bug. He’s miserable and irritated and it takes a really long time to get better because although the scientist in him tells him he needs to rest the stubborn workaholic in him tells him he’ll be fine to do a few minutes of work (which ends up turning into hours-please make this man rest🙏🙏). So if you’re the type where you’re unhygienic to the point of constantly being sick or attracting like actual bugs then either you’re going to have pick up the slack on your hygiene or leave realll quick.

Senku also likes people that smart either intellectually or when they’re witty and have a sharp mouth. If they can understand and even better add in their own input when he’s going on and on about different types of minerals sharing his excitement when they make a scientific breakthrough in the stone world he thinks if he didn't believe marriage was a social construction he'd get down on one knee with some sparkly rock he *borrowed* from Chrome's rock collection. Now even if his partner isn’t all into the science *blah blah* cells *blah blah* quantum mechanics and Schrodinger's equation a partner who is sharp on his mouth will suffice jussst as well. It's makes him snicker the tiniest bit turning his head away so no one can see the grin covered on his mouth covered by his hands. People who are blunt and not softspoken are a *big thumbs* in Senku’s book why would someone who has something to say not say it? A waste of time in his head.

Senku likes a willingness to learn even if it's just about they like every now and again. He knows that science is a high broad topic that covers from up into the vacuum known as space or as to the deep as the aquatic volcanoes known in the deep blue ocean. And he knows about it all in that gorgeous brain of his. In Senku's mind everything thing revolves around science, walking-the physiology of cells to tissues, tissues to muscles and neurological brain activity to make voluntary commands, art- the primary colors created by the art starting from things like mud, bugs and fruits, oh chemicals- easy it all starts with the period table of elements starting from hydrogen all the way down to Ogganseon. Anything you like any hobby you enjoy has to involve some kind of science and if you ask some him some questions about how it works or at least how it originates he knows that somewhere in you have the curiosity of a scientist.

Likes athleticism....maybe? Honestly, I'm kind of unsure about this one because on one hand I can see him liking people that are athletic and physically fit not because he thinks that being skinny is better or anything like that but because he can definitely use you like a horse (do yall know like those short mini scenes between the episodes where Senku like dresses up as different jobs imagine him as a farmer with a straw hat on his head in overalls a piece of straw in his mouth and a riding crop in one hand whew😩😩😩) for a lot of physical labor don't worry he'll return your hard work with a treat of your choice but be prepared he will complain about your laziness and wanting to help 'humanity' but on the other hand I could see him liking people that get winded and red faced after walking up stairs or carrying a bucket of water just like he does (extra points if it's a guy like him) because if you're both low stamina and low endurance you can't tease him about his athletic abilities. So a tie maybe.

Lastly, LOVES a strong will and determination he knows that starting the stone world back to modern humanity from scratch is no easy feat hell even he has made a few mistakes while trying to figure himself out. But what he does know is that science is filled with trail and error (mostly error) and it takes a loooot of time before you actually get what you're looking for so if you're the type to give up easily after failing once or twice and turn your back to his goal of turning the world back into the modern society he once had then....I'm sorry to say it probably won't work out for you there's only so many motivational speeches this man can give before he gets annoyed and just lets you give up without any reassurance (don't worry he doesn't take it personal), besides he still has people like Chrome, Sukia, and Kohaku to help.

@instanthideoutsalad I know you said you wanted Soft Boyfriend Head cannons of Senku but I'm so uninspired with those at the moment so please accept my humble offering of this drabble I made🙏🙏🙏🙏. I swear I'll do it soon it soon. 😪😪

[mygnolia]

FALLING FOR MY MC! ౨ৎ y. jungwon

୨୧ -› where a music bank mc and leader of the hottest k-pop group meet and fall in love (again)

pair -› idol!yang jungwon x radio/podcast host!!reader | trope -› childhood friends to lovers | wc -› 1.9k | REN SAYS.. i thought this idea was cute when someone requested fanboy won + weekly idol mc reader (i never watch weekly idol so have music bank instead..) and im scared of writing idol x fangirl entirely so have this spinoff! | library

- you and jungwon have been friends for a while even before he went on i-land

- he’s always been into performing, singing, and especially dancing

- sometimes you’d stay behind at school and watch him do taekwondo + dancing

- and while he was student body president, you were the president of broadcasting too!

- you loved to talk to others and be in front of a camera and also wanted to make your own padcast, but never really knew how

- so you two were definitely in communication because of your positions!

- and… drum roll please… jungwon gets a little crush on you

- let’s just say he started thinking about you whenever you started morning broadcast for the school… or when you announced his name and his plans as student body president he went all blush-y

- he thought you were super cool and loved how effortless you were in front of everyone

- like time slows down when he looks at you, his eyes go glittery everyone else disappears..

- HES WHIPPED I FEAR!!!

more under the cut :3

- you two hung out a lot afterschool and sometimes at each others houses, but you also had other friends- friends who would also become idols!!

- you’re friends with chaewon and ningning hehe

- so now that highschools kind of ending, a lot of your friends started seriously pursuing music and the idol life, but you were never quite as devoted as they were

- and unfortunately by senior year, jungwon left for i-land :(

- you tried to be close but they didn’t allow outside communication and summer left you extremely busy

- and you were really sad that you couldn’t hang out with jungwon as much, but you still had other friends and were close to many from your school because of how big your journalism class was (aka where you did your broadcasting duties)

- but watching iland was your pasttime!! you voted jungwon EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. because you knew how much work went into his skills

- and who even cares if it was biased everyone was biased in their voting

- and you loved the drama and all his other members (but god it was heartbreaking and when jungwon stood on that second to elimination stage you cried)

- when enhypen debuted, you stayed a fan not just because of jungwon, but because of his interactions and their music

- enhypen was popular from the get-go because of iland, and you paid attention to their comebacks and texted jungwon every so often

- you two weren’t able to meet because of his busy tour schedule and back to back combacks (FREE MY BOYS)

- but you always supported them wherever whenever, and even trying to get concert tickets to attend whenever they were in your area

- plus you were still a broke college student and busy with your own interests

- but it didn’t stop you from consuming their content

- and if something happened you’d text jungwon, not really expecting a text back since he was so busy, but he’d always try to respond

- “omg not your cactus dying???” and he’d respond with some laughing

- “maeumi is so big now i saw her on your live on your arm” “STOP IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING”

- little things here and there

- and maybe yes… you were a little fangirl…

- ALBUM PULLS WERE HALF JUNGWON SOME SUNOO SOME HEESEUNG BTW!!! you were eating up your pc album

- and you’d always compliment him after a comeback or a show you went to

- “ahh! tamed-dashed is so good i think my fav song from your album is just a little bit! make sure you rest so your pictures turn out cute :)”

- OK BUT THE MOMENT YOU TRULY FELL FOR HIM like actually a ‘wtf omg why is yang jungwon so HOT why do i have a MASSIVE CRUSH ON HIM (again)”

- was…drum roll…l’officiel jungwon with only the blazer and then dicon tw-en-ty years jungwon with the cherry photoshoot (not projecting LOL haha…)

- yeah you were whipped

- but ofc you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, trying to keep your comments supportive more than fangirl-y

- you and jungwon finally have time to catch up when he’s back home for a bit, and he texts you more often since you were still somewhat busy with school

- and you two reminisce on how he wanted to be an idol pre-iland and how you love to talk on the radio which he’s listened to a few times!!! (yapper y/n agenda!!!)

- and you still loved to do broadcasting even in university

- you were on a few broadcast groups and was a temporary university podcast host for studying encouragement and you shared your struggles as an incoming upperclassman

- many people listened for the tips and fun story submissions to listen to while studying!

- and you’d look for jobs and hoped to find a larger podcast or station

- so much so that you auditioned and reached out to a popular radio show host about love and dating advice called ’Let’s Find You Love!’

- and your station was SUPER popular considering how sweet and sincere your advice was

- you were honest with viewers in toxic relationships and also got popular online

- special valentines day episode! you and your host shared stories about YOUR first crush and love experiences

- your host shared some bad relationships and what not to do! but you…?? you had a crush on yang jungwon. still. ofc he looked good!!!

- “to be honest, there was this boy in highschool who i liked, and i wish i got to ask him out, honestly. he was super sweet every time we talked, and he was always so hardworking.” and with the way you said it, the people who knew you from school couldn’t deduce if it was someone close to you or someone who you pined over from a distance

- agh the mystery!! everyone is hooked on your cute story, telling you to admit your crush to him!

- BUT HELLO?? ITS LEADER OF ENHYPEN JUNGWON YOU CANT DO THAT!!!

- tiktok frl went ‘damn i want someone to talk about me the way y/n from lets find u love talked about her crush’

- but it became a HUGE hit

- so much so that music bank reached out and WOAHHH

- they want you?? as??? an??? mc????

- usually they would pick idols, but the idol that did their music bank performance had an injury, and you were doing it alone since music bank didn’t want to start rumors!

- and woah.. enhypen new comback had you on your KNEES

- plus listening to jungwon is always so satisfying, especially to see him grow and explore different concepts and looks, you were not only loving the face cards being served but also his energy and love for his fans!!

- so yeah, safe to say your feelings for him were still there..

- but then they perform on music bank for xo, and you’re…THERE???

- jungwon’s looking at you, who’s looking super pretty as you rehearse your lines and the stylists are adding to your look before the show

- and he turns to his members like dude.

- and all of them are confused like ?? “jungwon what’s wrong..”

- “DUDE MY CHILDHOOD FRIEND IS HERE AS THE MC AND SHE’S SO PRETTY”

- thankfully camera crew was on break..but when they were back

- yeah fans were defo in their comments like “woah why is jungwonnie so nervous??” literally who’s gonna tell them the girl he hasn’t seen in like 6 years is in front of him pretty like how he remembers??

- and you kind of wanted to surprise jungwon by not telling him, but you also never had the time to speak up with all the media training you needed

- everyone was excited for you to be mc! it was a change of pace but a fun one for the audience

- welp it’s go time!!

- “hello everyone!! woah.. is it time for..my dating advice segment? nono! i’m here as…” you pretend to open a letter and look around “music bank’s emcee?? wow, such an honor!!” and ofc you turn on the dramatics to act

- and what group to walk in but enhypen…

- jungwon smiles IMMEDIATELY. fans analyzed this whole video

- ‘dude jungwon is WHIPPED for that mc’ ‘jungwon when he meets the pretty mc” “so we’re all seeing jungwon check out the girl on music bank or…”

- you had your own little script related to their new concept, asking a few questions and then moving onto a member specific question

- “jungwonnie! i noticed you wrote the part for hundred broken hearts! can we have you sing it?”

- THING IS…who says ‘jungwonnie’ so freely?? if you guys never met?? yeah speculation was running a little out of hand fr!

Jungwon shakes his head, dimples reappearing as he takes another look at you and nods. He sings his written part into the mic, and unknowingly, you smile too. “Ah- sorry, I’m too nervous to be singing it well.” And you scoff at him, looking around at his members. “He did it great, don’t you agree, Jake? Your voice is like an angel.” You call out to Jake, who originally sings that part.

Jake tells you, “Agh, he might steal my fans if he decides to sing that part live” and you laugh, eyes crinkling as you smile at Jake’s response to move onto the next question.

- and jungwon in that moment remembers why he liked you

- your laugh, your smile, your easy-going nature, and how much you had chased for your passions over the years

- and he’s just super super proud of you for where you are now, being a literal mc

- and he knows you love doing it

- after a bit more talking they went to perform and you went back!

- he’s super nervous after their performance and the members tease him for his little crush saying how he’d get a girlfriend before all of them

- oh yeah engenes were raving abt u

- “jungwonie’ and he doesn’t even look uncomfortable they must be friends”

- it takes a few internet detectives to figure out that it’s him who used to go to school with you and it’s him who you had a huge crush on woahhh

- and then jungwon found out.

- “y/n!! look at this tiktok lolol” “jungwon why is it titled ‘y/nwon confirmed with evidence’”“it’s funny >.<“

- ur freaking out like crazy

- cuz wdym jungwon SAW IT AND FOUND IT FUNNY

- so you’re like “haha yeah so funny…anyways wyd if it’s true.”

- and he’s like freaking out on his end like omfg is it true omg does she know “idk walk over and cuddle and kiss” HE BOLD!!

- anyways ygs do just that!! sooo cute and you two are very very secretive

- until…drum roll pls..one year after the initial valentines day episode on your podcast aka 7 months after you started dating jungwon

- and he’s waiting in your living room with all of your gifts but you have no idea since you’re recording live in your studio

- “for this valentines day episode i had people submit some cute love stories! and yes i will share one of my own”

- and you read all of them and laugh at the cute stories about love because yes love we love love!

- “the moment you were waiting for! so, little one year update, but i listened to you all and the boy i liked in highschool is now my boyfriend and we’ve been together 7 months!”

- yeah the internet freaked out

- because the timeline from xo comeback to valentines day makes sense for the engenes who knew

- but ygs are so cute so who’s complaining

reblogs + interactions are always appreciated :)

[humaling]

The Sea and The Sun

pairings: finnick odair x reader

summary: you love finnick the way he loves the sea.

warnings: angst with hopeful ending, finnick is self-destructive

word count: 1.1k

Finnick Odair loves the sea. It’s more than just water to him—it’s home, a place where he truly belongs. The moment his feet sink into the cool, shifting sand and the waves roll over his skin, a familiar sense of peace washes over him. The rhythmic crashing of the tide steadies his heartbeat, grounding him in a way nothing else can. The sharp, briny scent of sea salt fills his lungs, loosening every tense muscle, unraveling every tightly wound thought.

The sunlight glistens on the water’s surface, dancing in golden ripples as he wades deeper. The ocean embraces him like an old friend, the warm currents wrapping around his body, soothing, welcoming. Every worry, every burden, fades away as the tide pulls him into its gentle grasp. He tilts his head back, eyes closed, letting the sun kiss his skin while the waves carry him weightlessly. Here, beneath the endless sky and surrounded by the vast, open sea, Finnick is free.

You love Finnick like how he loves the sea—it’s home, a place where you truly belong. The moment you catch a glimpse of his bronze locks, tousled by the ocean breeze and glistening under the golden sun, a sense of calmness washes over you, just like the waves kissing the shoreline. His presence is soothing yet electrifying, like the cool sea mist against warm skin, sending a shiver down your spine.

The sound of his voice makes your heartbeat in a rhythmic manner, steady like the ebb and flow of the tide, yet wild enough to leave you flustered with every syllable that rolls off his tongue. The rich timbre lingers in the air, sinking into your bones like the sun’s warmth, leaving you breathless and aching for more.

His beautiful sea-green eyes, that captivate you like how he’s captivated by the sea, hold a depth that pulls you in with an inevitable force, much like the ocean’s current dragging a soul into its embrace. You drown in those precious eyes of his, lost in their hypnotic beauty, unable—and unwilling—to escape. The world around you fades, replaced by the weightless sensation of falling, sinking, surrendering.

Because in Finnick’s gaze, just like in the sea, you are utterly and completely consumed.

For years, you’ve admired the man from afar, even when he was right beside you. He was close enough that you could reach out and trace your fingers along his skin, feel the rough edges of scars—faint but unforgotten—marks of the suffering he had endured at the hands of the Capitol. Yet, no matter how near he was, no matter how deeply you memorized every detail of him, you could never truly call him entirely yours.

And the bittersweetness of it all has you coming back for more.

It didn’t matter if Finnick always kept you at arm’s length. He let you in just enough to feel the edges of his water—just enough to taste the salt on your lips, to soak your feet in the warmth of him. But the moment you settled, the moment you thought you could wade deeper, he would push you away, sending you stumbling back to the sand while he retreated into the trenches of his nightmares.

And yet, you took it all in—the sweetness of it, the fleeting beauty and joy that came with being close to him. You savored even the ache, the constant push and pull, the painful reminder of the reality that would settle in if he ever truly let you swim in his sea.

It left you unsteady, always on your toes, tiptoeing around him like walking barefoot over scattered seashells—every step a delicate balance between pleasure and pain. The sharp sting of it, like the prick of a cactus against your skin, made you wince, made you jump. And yet, it was the thrill of it that kept you coming back, trying over and over again, knowing you would fail every time.

And Finnick doesn’t understand. No matter how many times he pushes you away, no matter how deeply he wounds you, you always come back. You always want more. And it terrifies him. It’s what keeps him letting you in—just a little closer each time, just enough to feel the warmth of you before his fears take hold again. Because when the harsh truth dawns on him, like the inevitable meeting of the sun and the horizon, he pulls away once more. He keeps you stranded on the shoreline while he wades back into the depths, retreating before you can follow.

How could someone like you—untouched by the horrors of the Capitol, innocent in ways he no longer remembers—love someone as broken and unclean as him? When his body never truly belonged to himself but to Snow and the citizens of the Capitol. When his mind is stained with memories he cannot wash away, thoughts so impure they deny him even the hope of redemption. When his very soul is tainted, corrupted by the hands of those who claimed to love him, who worshiped him in the dark as if he were their salvation—when all he ever felt was ruin.

But just as the sun rises from the horizon, steady and inevitable, you wait by the shoreline, patient as ever. This morning, the sky is painted in soft hues of gold and pink, and Finnick watches as the sun’s warm rays dance across your skin, making you glow as if you belong to the light itself. Your smile, always reaching your eyes, welcomes him—open, unwavering—just like the sea, always waiting, always ready to embrace him.

And for once, Finnick thinks that maybe he should stop thinking for himself. That maybe, just maybe, he should let himself have this—one thing that is his, not stolen, not forced, but freely given. A place where he can feel at home, where peace is not something he has to fight for. A place where someone will cradle his face in their hands, whisper soft reassurances when he wakes up gasping from a nightmare. A place where, after long, torturous stays at the Capitol, he can return—not to emptiness, not to silence, but to arms that are eager to hold him, to warmth that welcomes him just as he welcomes the sea.

For a moment, he lets himself believe. That maybe he doesn’t have to suffer endlessly. That maybe he doesn’t have to keep pushing away the ones who want to love him. That maybe, this time, he is free—to love as deeply as he dares, and to have that same love returned to him, again and again, like the waves that always find their way back to the shore.

[minhosimthings]

The Elysian Angel || 18+

Synopsis: For the second day of your pact, you make a good friend in a good angel.

Pairing: detective!Jake × fem!reader

Warnings: smut minors Dni, oral (f receiving), anal sex, switch Jake, slight dom!reader, praise, degradation, p in v sex, dumbification, use of petname 'pup', mention of food and alcohol, Heeseung being an asshole

A/N: My apologies that this took a lot of time. Unfortunately I was travelling and i didn't find time to edit and do all that crap. Also my dumbass wrote the smut on the plane so again, apologies if it is not satisfactory. No I cannot for the life of me praise myself

Series Masterlist

The tiny cactus pot near his bedroom window had never seemed more interesting to Jake than now, as he thought over the events that had occured this evening.

Now, hungover and somewhat peckish, Jake thought of his two best friends, a drunk woman, and even more drunker pact. What had he called it? Something with Heeseung and jealousy and whatnot.

Ah yes Heeseung, Jake had a eureka moment, he had cheated on his wife had he not? And she had come to the police precinct and she had beat him in drinking bourbon...yes he remembered now!

Jake sighed to no one in particular as he cuddled into his blanket, watching the way his cactus blocked the shimmering moonlight from entering the room. He was weirdly craving sugar at the moment.

Maybe he should treat Heeseung's wife to his favourite cake tomorrow, he thought, what was her name again? Lee Y/N.

No not Lee, Jake yawned, no she's divorced now, his last thought came as he drifted off to an eager tomorrow.

|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|

"So—" Jake leaned on the table, staring into Sunghoon's eyes, "—how was it last night?"

"Heavenly." Sunghoon sighed dreamily into his coffee, "She gave me some advice on how to-."

"I meant the sexual part." Jake chuckled, "You know, the part where your peni-"

"Yeah yeah I got that!" Sunghoon coughed loudly, though there weren't any other officers in the break room at the moment, save for Jay and Jake who had been listening fondly to Sunghoon show off his new coat, "It was... great! Might I add, she can take a lot. And I mean a damn lot." He widened his eyes to maximise the effect.

"Maybe you just have a tiny dick." Jay snickered, which made Jake spill a waring amount of coffee out of his nose.

"Jake what the fuck!" Sunghoon recoiled, as Jake cleaned himself up, still laughing, "Hey don't do that around her alright?" Sunghoon made a disgusted expression, wiping off the coffee from the table.

"So where is she staying right now?" Jay asked, taking the attention away from Jake's sopping wet shirt, "She can't go back to Heeseung's so—?"

"I dropped her off at a friend's." Sunghoon sipped his coffee, relishing the bitter taste of the grinded beans, "And before you ask, Mister lover boy—", Jake laughed raucously at his quip, "Yes she's fine. And weirdly happy too."

"Where is this friend's place?" Jake asked curiously, glancing at Jay who was looking suspiciously at him, "I-I wanted to take her out...for some cake." He finished awkwardly leading the two men to look at him with raised brows.

"What?" Jake scoffed, "Can't I treat a lady to some cake before I- you know."

"Fighting Jongsoeng for the lover boy position Jake?" Sunghoon laughed, "I'm impressed." He took a look at a glaring Jay, which motivated him further, "Her house is on Baker's Street, the second one when you enter."

"Is that really necessary?" Jay questioned, the gravel in his voice was evident, "She never asked you to buy her cake."

"And yet I want to." Jake answered, downing his coffee in one go, before getting up briskly, "See you later boys."

"Um, sir you have files to complete." Sunghoon interrupted, but Jake was faster in striding out the door.

"Do them for me would you Sunghoon?!"

|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|

The atmosphere around the cafe was pleasant, as the cool evening wind blew against your face. The light brown coloured cake sat patiently in front of you, with only a few bite marks decorating it.

"Thank you for taking me here." You said to the man in front of you, who looked up at you with widened brown eyes, before offering a smile.

"No harm in treating a lady is there?" He poked at his own piece of cake with his fork, "I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything before we—" he smiled awkwardly, "—go into the details of the pact."

You felt him internally cringe at what he had said so you quickly diverted the topic. "Do you come here often?" You asked.

Jake's ever present grin appeared again, as he nodded, looking fondly at the small cafe, which smelled like pine trees to you, though perhaps it was from the fact that you were sitting outside. "It's one of my favourite places to come when I need to take a breather."

You smiled at the man's words as you took the last bite of the cake, closing your eyes to taste it properly. It melted right into your mouth, and you savoured the caramel flavour, sweet yet having a tinge of salt in it. You almost felt like you could have-

"What the fuck are you doing with her?"

That voice.

Your eyes burst open, to locate the source of it, the siren like tones which had once intoxicated you, not irritated you. You first landed on Jake, who was looking behind you with a somewhat terrified expression. Whipping your head around you saw him.

Lee Heeseung.

"And might I ask what you are doing here?" You tried to keep yourself calm, reminding yourself it's a public place.

"Y/N, what are you doing with him?" Heeseung's brow was dripping with sweat and his face was formed in a glare. He looked ferocious.

"I'm not your wife anymore Heeseung." You stated calmly, though you were internally fuming, "So please, can you leave us alone?"

"So you're fucking my colleagues now huh?" Heeseung chuckled loudly, catching the attention of a few people around, "Sort of forgives me for just fucking one other girl doesn't it?"

"Forgives you?"

Your voice cut through the air like a hot knife through butter. It had a tone to it which Jake had never heard before. It was....colder.

"Are you actually being serious, Heeseung?" You laughed, this time it didn't warm Jake's cheeks. It rather broke through his eyes like icicles.

"You don't have even one right to be forgiven. In fact you don't have any!" You scoffed, "I'm surprised you even have the gall to fucking approach me right now, because trust me, if I were you, I would have hid my face in my bedroom until I died." Jake was taken apart by the very new air of you he was seeing, "So please kindly fuck off would you?"

Heeseung's teeth gritted as he glared daggers at Jake, giving you one final, venomous look before spinning on his heel, and angrily stomping away. The sight of it was practically cartoonish.

"Are you alright?" Jake asked from behind you, you turned to see his worried eyes. His voice was the sweet honeyed one you knew well and proper.

"I'm fine, thank you Jake." You gave him a smile, concealing how much the incident had shaken you.

"It's getting dark." Jake lent you an arm which you gladly took, "Shall we head home?"

"Lead the way." You gave him a final grin.

|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|

"Do all detectives have such nice looking houses?" You chuckled, looking around Jake's apartment. Though not as homely as Sunghoon's was, it certainly was cozy, giving off the same rustic vibes as the cafe. A maroon divan sat in the corner.

"Was Sunghoon's fairy cottage that beautiful?" Jake chuckled, inviting you to sit beside him on the sofa. "Perhaps its just my preference of cottages." You chuckled, though you certainly had no complaint against Jake's apartment.

"You'd like Jay's house then." Jake said, leaning back against the wall of the sofa. Silence passed for what felt like an hour (though it was only five minutes), until Jake finally spoke up.

"How did Sunghoon ever get you into his bedroom?" Jake asked, startling you from the sudden break of silence, "Because I am extremely nervous right now. But then again—" he grinned, "—Park Sunghoon can get even a cupid into his sheets."

"And you can't?" You quizzed, admiring his features, as he shook his head.

"It's a bit shameful for a man to admit but–" he chuckled darkly, "–at the most I've had two women in my bed."

"Would that make me the third?" You fluttered your lashes at him, making him gulp, "Come on, detective Sim," you smirked, “Don’t you want to play with me?” 

Jake's voice catches in his throat as you lock eyes with him. Your eyes are soft and kind, like usual, but the more he looks, the more he begins to notice a hint of lust glazing them. Neither of you move for a moment, studying each other's expressions. Jake moves closer to you, though not close enough for you.

"Closer, detective." you smirk, pulling him closer to kiss him full on his plump lips. His hands find their way to your waist. He pulls you closer to him, and your legs seem to mindlessly straddle his lap. You can't fight the urge to grind your hips against his pelvis, slowly rocking back and forth.

He groans quietly as the two of you continue to kiss, and you use this opportunity to slide your tongue inside his mouth. His saliva has faint tastes of coffee and whiskey.

Jake's fingers mindlessly fiddle with the top button of your blouse, unsure as to whether or not he should undo them. You undo the top one, prompting him to undo the rest. His face is warm and pink as you pull away from the kiss leaving a string of salvia behind, and you can feel his cock harden beneath you as you continue to grind on his lap.

You push your hips into his, his hard-on pushes up into the wet patch on your panties. Slowly, he pushes your skirt down your thighs, and you momentarily stop grinding on him to help take your skirt off. Your bare thighs hover in the cool breeze from the evening. You leaned in for another kiss.

"Wait," Jake stops you, hands rubbing into your waist. With his lusty sinews, Jake picked you up, you wrapped your legs tightly around his hips to secure yourself as he led you into the adjacent room.

"I don't think we should mess my sofa up, eh pup?" The nickname had your core erupting into lava.

|•|•|•|•|•|•|

"You're so pretty..." Jake whispered into your ear as he lay you down on the bed. His bedroom, though tiny, was spacious enough, for you to collect your mind.

"Let's leave the compliments for later detective." You smiled at him, nipping the bud of his ear with your teeth, "For now, " you whispered seductively, "Shall we begin?"

You could feel Jake's nervousness, from the way his body tensed up. Inexperienced man, you thought, you were about to have a lot of fun.

“Open,” You said, leaning forward and tapping his chin, you were about to take the lead, if he wasn't going to. A woman couldn't have waited all day could she?

Jake complied, easier than you thought, opening his mouth allowing to shove two fingers inside, just like Heeseung had once did to you. He licked and sucked your fingers for two minutes, never breaking eye contact as his spit rolled down your hand. 

“Good boy,” you said, pulling them away as you began to touch yourself. Sitting back on your ass, you rubbed your clit, rubbing his spit into your sensitive button, letting him know how good it felt, how close you were to cumming with his spit on your cunt. You plunged one finger in and then another as you watched him bite his tongue, careful not to let even a small sound slip out. 

You let go of his hand so you could guide his head to where you needed his mouth. Your hands wound tightly into his hair, legs struggling to stay open as you felt the heat of his tongue against your core.

Jake slid it shallowly into your folds. The sensation made you whine and grab his head to push him further. He resisted but soon gave you what you want. Your chest rising and falling rapidly as he tasted you and let a gloriously loud moan vibrate against your center.

“Do that again- Shit, just like that, right there.” you moaned as you felt every bud of his sharp tongue, "G-Good boy...."

You weren't interested in taking it slow tonight, being wet since he had touched you.

He licked a stripe up your vulva, his tongue flat and getting every inch of your pussy till he reached your clit where he wrapped his lips around it and gently sucked.

Your back arched on the bed, one hand going straight to his hair as your orgasm quickly built. Your pussy clenched around nothing as he started flicking his tongue against you.

"Fuck...Jaeyun!" You screamed his name out, which built up the fire in him, "You're being so good for me...."

The other hand not threading through his tresses fisted the sheets of his bed tighter as your hips began to roll and grind against his face in circular motions, trying to catch that sensation of his nose bumping against your throbbing clit. Your body had a mind of its own, sinking deeper and deeper into the burning hot abyss of pleasure and reach the high you were quickly ascending to.

But before you could grasp that high properly, you felt a discerning movement.

"Jake!" You cried, suddenly feeling the familiar taste of his tongue leave your walls empty, "Why the fuck would you do that?!"

"Shh, baby." Jake shushes you, which makes you hold your tongue quickly. Jake let's go of one of your thighs and unbuckles his belt, pulling down his zipper and pushing down his pants. He lets out a deep breath again when he finally feels free and without his tight trousers around his hips. Jake looked magnificent as he admired you laying in front of him. Wild, primal thoughts flanked every neuron of his mind.

"Turn on your side for me." He commands you, with lust filled eyes, "Now." He adds as if it's an afterthought. You quickly obliged, finding his tone of voice enamouring you into obeying him. You couldn't wait for what he was about to do.

Jake knows it's wrong, to fuck another man's wife, but fuck—he couldn't help himself, and anyway you had agreed to this. So there he was, hard cock slipping between your thighs as he thrusts his hips slowly, biting his tongue to prevent the guttural groans threatening to escape his lips. Jake's veined hands slip under your bra, eyes rolling to the back of his head as his thrusts grow slightly faster while his hand grasps at your tit tightly, sinfully thankful that Heeseung had given you up.

"F-Fuckkk-" you groaned painfully as Jake slipped into your ass, you needed time to adjust, "Jaeyun wait—"

Your words meant nothing to him as every thrust stretches you to the shape of him, his cock ramming painfully into your cervix with each thrust. He takes you, uses you as his hips bounce against your ass, shaking you with the force of every movement. Your moans grew louder and louder with each thrust, you felt his hot breath against your neck, and yet he didn't stop, only growing more possesive by the second.

"Fucking hell baby." Jake's accented voice tingled against your skin, "such a good pup for me aren't you?"

The sensations of his mere words burn through your core as your toes curl while he fucks into you with such a possessive need that your whole body trembles with the overwhelming pleasure. His obeying tendencies earlier had changed into a much more obsessive one, turning you on even more.

His expression grows almost enamored at how you're squeezing him-tense, as he thrusts into you, balls slapping against your ass at his relentless pace. Hot, searing pleasure makes its way up your spine-emitting a low, almost inaudible, squeal from you as he pinches your clit.

You're constantly on the edge, slipping in and out of consciousness from his assault on your cervix, harsh-angry thrusts punctuating his words.

"Faster—" you moaned, not realising how much his dick was controlling your mind now, "Jaeyun, fuck—faster please...."

"Faster?" Jake's low voice vibrated on your skin as he chuckled, pulling you against him in a brisk fashion, making you cry out in pleasure, "Am I making you feel good baby?" You nodded, not even hearing his words, fuck he was making you feel better than ever.

"Dumb–" one thrust, "—fucking–" the second, "—pup." He accentuated every word clearly.

Your eyes roll back, and he fucks your hips right back on him with his tight grip on them. Even when the rope breaks, and you’re pushed under—thighs shaking in illicit euphoria as you leak around him, he doesn’t stop.

Like some rabid animal, he takes you back in-then out again with his movements—his thoughts becoming scrambled, accentuated with primal, violent pushes and pulls before he’s slamming back in you again as tears gather in your eyes.

"Jaeyun!" You scream again, feeling your cunt throb for even a mere touch of his dick, which was stretching your back out so well, "I want you Jake.. please.." your begging makes it just sweeter for him.

He gulps and kisses you passionate, tugging at your bottom lip with his teeth. Hands on your waist, he grips you tightly and flips you over onto your back, the skin on your back tickled as it hit the sheets. He grabs his shaft and runs his tip through your folds, teasing your clit a little bit.

"Fuck, Sunghoon was right," he breaths out, "You really can take a lot and nods. Slowly and carefully he starts to push his fat tip against your entrance, pushing and pushing until his tip was in.

He watches your face for any sort of pain or discomfort but sees nothing, so he pushes forward again until you knit your brows together in pain.

"don't stop, fuck." you whisper against his lips, which motivated him further, "Fuck~Jake!" You moaned, as he moved ever so slightly

The man began to move faster, starting a stutter in his hips that ended up colliding against yours forcefully. It hurt you, it was too abrupt, and that feeling remained there even though the pleasure clouded your mind and senses.

Jake leaned over your sweaty, flushed body to get a better angle, you could see his face better and closer.

He had flowing strands of his black hair stuck to his forehead from sweat, the rest fell on your forehead, tickling you. And his seducing gaze that evaluated each and every one of your expressions, as if he were memorizing them.

You lower your hips slowly before bringing them back up. Jake presses his face against your chest, his own arms moving to wrap around you. His hips move down, fucking into you.

You try to help him as best you can but your thighs are already starting to hurt from being in this position too long.

It didn't seem like Jake minded though. In fact once he notices you’re giving your body up to him he seems to find some super strength because before you know it he’s ramming into you.

His thin lips moved against yours and his tongue made your mouth open to give way to his.

And he was there, kissing you, giving you pleasure and pain, both in a play or duality. His hips were now moving precisely, at a speed that you both enjoyed. His lips dancing over your mouth took away the little breath you had left. The head of his erection began to hit a delicious spot deep in your intimacy that, along with the movement of his thumb squeezing and stretching your clitoris, made your mind blur and spin.

"You can take it," Jake said, noticing your expression, bringing his head down as his tongue swirled over your nipples. Your back arched at the contact, your legs beginning to shake as he brought his hand over to rub on your clit.

Your nails scratched at Jake's back ruthlessly, clawing and taking your way down as you felt the muscles tense underneath your touch. You get your orgasm building up slowly, a dam threatening to burst with every snap of his hips. Your legs began to shake underneath his grasp, your nails digging into the flesh of his back as he buried his head into your shoulder. His cock twitched inside your cunt a couple seconds later, indicating that he was close to his orgasm.

Your legs wrapped around his waist, keeping him close to you as he continued to thrust inside of you. His eyes rolled back, his cock shooting out ropes of cum deep into your cunt.

Jake's thrusts came to a slow stop. His hand left your throat and went to the back of your head, pulling you into a sloppy kiss. He pulled away and looked into your eyes for a few seconds before pulling out of you. He laid down next to you, staring up at the ceiling and breathing heavily.

"Whiskey?" "By all means."

|•|•|•|•|•|•|

"This—" You took a deep sniff of the liquid, "—is delicious."

"Jay gifted it to me." Jake took a sip from his glass, savouring the burning taste from the bubbling whiskey, "I feel as if our love language is gifting each other alcohol, especially Jay, with all his knowlege in it."

For the second time since the last two days, you couldn't comprehend why Jay's name had made the veins in your heart abruptly stop, like water against the rocks of a seashore. Though you certainly knew of the tiny red ants in your mind which whispered to you, about love and whatnot.

Well, you sighed to yourself, tomorrow was merely hours away.

Taglist: @diorsyun @jaeyunluvr @hoondrop @mxxninthesky @alvojake @wondipity @blurryriki @lilyuwon @heeliopheelia @pockettwinzz @heeslomll @seunghancore @shiningnono @noonareads @deobitifull @luvitria @wonibae @nyfwyeonjun @hwa-0403 @saanvilovessunghoon @bubblegyu00 @sunpov @heeheeswifey @chartrucewhore @slut4hee @heesangs-blog @rikiwaify-blog @soobieboobiedoobiedaboobie @kirinaa08 @heeshlove @seokseokjinkim @brownsugarbaybee @yzzyhee @anittamaxwynnn @kgneptun @penny44224 @ribbioniki @strxwbloody @immelissaaa @heesminee3 @nshmrarki @yawnzzhoon @sousydive @yunhoswrldddd @whateverhoon @cloud-lyy @missychief1404 @ensaz008 @sunsunl0ver @binniesbabe + taglist is open!

[thebearer]

baby blues |carmen berzatto x reader|

prompt: two blue lines change all your plans, and carmen doesn't take it well. or how you tell carmen you're pregnant.

read the entire dad!carmen berzatto masterlist here!

contains: language, pregnancy, angst, carmen's an asshole, alludes to past parent trauma, hurt/comfort.

"Shit."

The hiss of your tone bounced off the green tiles of your bathroom, an eerie echo that rang dully through your mind. A reminder that this was all too real, happening right now in front of you- to you.

After weeks of what you thought was a stomach bug- retching at almost anything, exhaustion, aches- you had come to realize it might not just be a virus when you looked at the unopened box of tampons under the sink.

You were late.

A frantic trip to Walgreens, an hour of avoidance out of pure fear, three glasses of water, and two tests later; you were here. Looking at the two mocking blue lines on both tests. You were pregnant.

You called your best friend, Alicia, unsure of who else to confide in. Scared, emotional, overwhelmed, you sobbed into the phone, hand holding your head on the edge of the bed. "Carmen is gonna lose his shit."

"Carmen is not gonna lose his shit." Alicia soothed over your heaving gasps. "He will be fine. You both will be fine. You're married. What's the issue?"

You shook your head, swiping your thumb under your eyes. "You don't... Carmen and I haven't, like, ever really talked about kids." You muttered. It was mostly true. You hadn't really, other than euphoric pillow talk ramblings where you both were just bubbly with love, spilling shared wishes under sheets.

"I thought you said you wanted kids?"

"Yeah, but not now." You sobbed into the phone. "I don't... I don't think I'm ready to be a mom. I'm not gonna be good at that. I don't-I don't know anything about kids! And-And I can barely cook, and- Alicia, I couldn't keep our cactus alive! I killed our fucking cactus, and you think I'm ready for a kid?"

Alicia laughed lightly on the other end. "Ok, true, but you won't kill your kid. You'll be much more attached to it than the cactus." She countered easily, calmly. "And you'll be a good mom, babe. I know you'll be. And Carmen knows too. You know he does. Call your OBGYN and get an appointment. Make sure this is legit and get your vitamins and let me know what you need from me."

Two days later, you were laid on the cool paper at the doctor's office, eyes wide watching her drag the wand over your tummy. Seven weeks. The ultrasound clutched in your hand had an arrow where the baby was, it was still so small. A blip, a splotch right on your plans.

You decided to tell Carmen that night. He knew something was off with you, starting to get more and more suspicious. It was only a matter of time.

"Hey, baby." You grinned as excited as you could when he came home.

"Hey," Carmen chirped, grinning back at you when you kissed him sweetly, a little longer than usual, not that he minded. "How are you doin', baby? Good day?"

"Yeah, it was." You quipped, throat tightening, desperately trying to keep your voice from cracking. "I, uh, I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" Carmen's brows lifted, dropping his bag by the door. "What kinda surprise, huh? Somethin' under this?" He teased, hand sliding up your shorts, palming at your ass and making you squirm.

You couldn't help the fleeting thought that he wouldn't be able to do that for long. Not when a baby was in the house. Your throat burned with tears at the thought.

"No." You shook your head. "Just... Here, sit right here for me and I'll be right back." You kissed his cheek sweetly, running to the spare bedroom for the ultrasound. You wondered if this would be the baby's nursery. Or maybe upstairs in the makeshift workout room Carmen used. It felt odd planning this type of thing, thinking about this.

Your hands were sweaty, trying not to wrinkle the printed photo. It was your first after all. The first picture of many. Ones you secretly hoped would line the walls of your house. Pictures of the baby, with you and Carmen.

You hoped Carmen would be in them.

That horrid thought always made it's way back into your mind, rattling you to your core.

"Close your eyes." You tried to sing-song, playful and light like you usually would. The kind of tone that was silly, left Carmen grinning and doing what you said. Instead, it sounded tired.

Carmen still covered his eyes anyways. You took a soft breath, placing the photo in front of him. "Ok, y-you can open." You whispered.

Carmen's brow lifted, looking at you carefully before down at the table. He stilled, face unmoving, body halted, eyes zoned in on the ultrasound.

"Wh-What-What is this?" Carmen's tone was hushed, tight, like his chest felt. He was sure this wasn't what he thought it was. It couldn't be.

"I, um, you know I-I've been feeling not great." You started, wringing your hands in front of him. "And I... I haven't had my period in a while, so I went to the store and... and I got a test, and it was..." You motioned down to the ultrasound. "I'm pregnant, Carmen."

The house was still. That same eerie stillness creeping back in, looming over both of you in such a sickening way, it had your stomach twisting.

Carmen blinked, shaky hands picking up the ultrasound, refusing to look at you. "Oh."

"Oh?" You repeated. "Carmen, I-I said I'm pregnant."

"No, no, I, uh, yeah, I-I heard you." Carmen nodded, leg bouncing under the table. "I just... I thought you were on birth control."

"Carmen, what?" You snapped. "I am."

"Then-Then how the fuck-"

"-Oh, don't you fuckin' dare, Berzatto." You hissed, rolling your eyes at him, snatching the ultrasound off the table.

"I'm not fuckin' blaming you, but-but how?" Carmen could feel his heart rate rising, ears ringing and head spinning with that old, familiar feeling of a panic attack coming on.

"How?" You gawked at him. "Carmen, it's not, like, a one-hundred percent guarantee, and-and... Come on, Carmen, we've been fucking a lot lately."

"I don't..." Carmen stopped himself, his hand rubbing over his eyes. Your heart skipped, chest aching with fear when you looked at him. Carmen pushed his chair out, standing and pacing around the kitchen, hands on his hips, lips in a thin line. "I-I need to think. Fuck, I need to think, just-just..."

You tracked him, your own heart hammering loud in your ears. Carmen snatched his cigarettes, hands shaking when he turned them over in his hands slowly. You could practically hear his thoughts, when the baby is here, he can't smoke anymore.

"I need a fuckin' second, ok? I need to fuckin' think!" Carmen boomed, voice thundering off the walls, making you jump. Carmen snatched his lighter and Spirits, stomping out the front door, the slam of the door the last thing you heard before the house settled and stilled again. Your worst possible scenario played out in front of you, becoming a reality too.

You were alone.

"Cousin, can I ask you, what the fuck your fuckin' problem is?" Richie grit, sliding beside Carmen. "The fuck are you being such a jagoff about, right now?"

"I'm being a jagoff?" Carmen snapped, slamming the knife down. His eyes were wild, hair even wilder. Curls matted and sticking out like they did when Carmen was stressed, when he'd ran his hands through them too much.

"Yeah, you're bein' a fuckin' jagoff." Richie countered, voice raising over Carmen's. "You look like shit, you smell like shit, and you're treatin' everyone here like fuckin' shit. So what's the fuckin' issue?"

"Fuck you, Richie, alright? Fuck you. Get the fuck outta my fuckin' face!" Carmen roared, the vein in his neck protruding when he did, sending the few chefs still in the kitchen retreating before they were screamed at next.

"Y'know why don't you just fuckin' calm down? Makin' everyone here fuckin' miserable with your bad attitude. No wonder-" Richie stopped, eyes flicking down to Carmen. His shoulders dropped, sighing heavy at his own revelation. "What'd you do?"

"What? What did I... Fuck off, I'm not in the-"

"-Nah, Cousin. What did you do?" Richie shook his head. "Why's she not here today, huh?"

"I'm right here." Natalie muttered, turning the corner, balancing two cups and a large work bag. "I had to take Chelle to Pete's office so he can take her to dance, and traffic was..." Natalie laughed cynically, shaking her head.

Carmen felt his stomach twist, jaw tightening. That would be you two before you knew it. All over the place, late to shit because of the kid. Just like Sugar and fucking Pete. That made him Pete.

"Not you, but I'm glad to see you. How are you?" Richie muttered, pressing a chaste kiss to Sugar's cheek. "Carmen fucked up."

"I did not-"

"-You fucked up? On what, bear?" Natalie blinked, frowning lightly. "Oh, before I forget, where's my favorite sister in law? I have her-" Richie gave her a pointed look. Sugar stopped, face falling in realization. "Oh, that's... Carm, what did you do?"

"Can you two just fuck off? Fuck!" Carmen roared, kicking a pot under the table.

"Wow, anger issues much?" Sugar rolled her eyes at his dramatics. "Is this what you did? Is that why she isn't here?"

"No, Natalie, you're pissin' me the fuck off-"

"Alright!" Richie clapped his hands, cutting them both off. "Family meeting. Ok? Meeting time. Right now."

"I don't have time-" Carmen started, Richie just clapping his hands on his shoulders, shoving him away from the table.

"Natalie, family meeting." Richie waved her in.

"Family meeting?" Fak turned the corner, eyes lit up hopefully.

"Not with you, you fuckin'..." Richie huffed, shaking his head. "Me, Nat, and Carm are having a meeting. Do your jobs, ok? Don't bother us, just... handle it, alright? Thank you. Every second counts and all that bullshit." Richie nodded towards the staff, shutting Carmen's office door behind him.

"Carm, you... Are you ok?" Natalie winced, looking at her younger brother.

Carmen ran his hands over his eyes, slumped in his desk chair, knees bouncing nervously. His breaths labored and ragged in his hands. Richie's eyes cut to Natalie's.

"Cousin," Richie's voice was softer this time. "What is goin' on?"

Carmen took a shaky breath in, Richie stilling at the sound of his emotions. "You... You were right. I fucked up." Carmen muttered. "I fucked up. I fucked up so bad." Carmen's voice was tight, thick with tears he was trying to choke back.

Natalie stepped forward slowly. "Carmen, what did you do?" She said as calmly as she could. "Just-Just tell us, and we'll... we'll try and help you."

"Did you cheat on her?" Richie asked, brows furrowed in disgust.

"No, what? Why the... No, no, no, I-I..." Carmen leaned back in the chair, hands knotted in his hair. "She's pregnant."

Richie and Natalie paused, both sighing slightly in relief. "Oh my God, that's great!"

"Yeah, I mean, Cousin, I thought you... I'm glad you didn't, but that's great!"

"Aw, is that why she's been sick? Poor thing. I knew it! You know Pete said that, and I-" Natalie started, Carmen's sudden jerk of his body, sitting in the chair with frantic eyes stopped her.

"I don't know!" Carmen blurted, shaking his head, refusing to look at them. At their furrowed brows of concern. He couldn't face them. Tell them what he'd done.

"You don't know?" Sugar frowned in confusion. "You don't know if she's pregnant?"

"I-I..." Carmen felt his chest tightening, burning with that familiar ache. He tried to breathe in, slow and long, counting back from ten like his therapist told him, but his chest still ached. "I left."

The room filled with that same eerie silence, the one that seemed to be following him around lately. The one that crept into the room when you showed him the ultrasound, the same one that followed him into the restaurant last night.

"You left?"

"You fuckin' what?"

Natalie and Richie gawked, eyes wide and frantic, looking down at Carmen.

"Cousin... What the fuck? You don't... Holy shit." Richie muttered, shaking his head.

"Carmen, have you lost your mind?" Natalie snapped. She was angry- no, furious. "You left your wife? You left your pregnant wife?"

"Yes, fuck, yes, I just... I needed to fuckin' think!" Carmen threw his hands out. "I can't think! She just... We weren't planning it and-and then... I just needed to think!"

"Then think at home! Or-Or with the person you're having a baby with, Carmen, Jesus!" Natalie roared back.

"Cousin, you... you fucked up." Richie said solemnly, nodding in agreement. "I mean, I've done a lot of shit. A lot, ok? Just ask Tiff. But I...I never fuckin' left."

"No, she just fuckin' left you, right? Tiff couldn't take you bein' an-"

"Hey, woah, take it fuckin' easy, Cousin. Watch it. This ain't about me." Richie snarled, finger jabbing in Carmen's direction. "I didn't fuck this up, ok? You did. This is your shit. We're just tryin' to fuckin' help you, so why don't you do all that de-escelatin' bullshit and take a fuckin' breath and relax."

Carmen's teeth ground tight, eyes flickering over to Natalie. "I'm with Richie on this." She snapped. "You did fuck up. Huge."

Carmen could feel the burn, rising in his throat. Was it fear? Vomit? Tears? Regret? All of the above?

"I know, I know, fuck, I know." Carmen muttered, falling back into the chair. "I just... I know, and-and now I don't know..." Carmen could feel his heart rate, waves of guilt and realization crashing over him, leaving him feeling sick.

Carmen stood quickly, hands tangled in his hair, pacing in the small area of the office. "Holy shit, she's gonna leave me. She-She's gonna leave me, and-and... Fuck! Why do I always do this? I always fuck up! Always! Like... What the fuck? Why-Why-"

"-Carmen." Sugar said slowly, hands on his shoulders, stopping him. "Hey, breathe. Breathe. Just... Just relax, ok?"

"No, no, no, I-I can't fuckin' relax. I-I got to-" Carmen rambled, his chest squeezing, burning.

"Carm, look, just... Just do the breathing thing. Listen to Natalie." Richie nodded towards Sugar. "And we'll get it handled, alright? We can't fix this until you calm the fuck down."

"Richie," Natalie hissed, rolling her eyes in irritation. "Carmen, breath in through your nose, out through your mouth. Innnnn and Out." She mimicked for him, slow pulls of air and soft exhales.

Carmen could hear you. Hear you in his head telling him to calm down, feel your hands on his cheeks, your soft praises and coos. His heart ached but it tricked his mind enough to listen, shaky rasps of air falling in and out until he was on sitting in the chair, knee bouncing with adrenaline.

Natalie shook her head lightly, looking over at Richie, then Carmen. "You need to go talk to her."

"I know. I know, Nat, but I got a dinner rush-"

"Carmen." Natalie sneered, in that tone. The tone she used usually with her own kids. A tone of finality.

"I got it covered, Cousin, alright? I got it." Richie nodded, patting Carmen on his back. "Just... Go figure your shit out."

"Yeah." Natalie huffed, eyes narrowed at her younger brother. "You better bring that poor girl some flowers or something. Better make it up to her, Carmen, that is so gross of you."

Carmen nodded softly, grabbing his back pack, shedding his apron. "I-I'll have my phone on me-"

"-Go!" Richie and Natalie yelled in unison.

"I got it, Cousin." Richie shook his head.

"Yeah, and you have other things to worry about." Natalie snapped. "More important things, like your marriage, and your kid."

Carmen's heart skipped at that. It sounded weird, unnatural. His kid. Mind racing back to images of you with his niece and nephew. How Chelle took to you so naturally when you first met her, cradling her in your arms while Natalie scampered off for a shower. Carmen's heart swelled at the thought, how he had watched you, how good you were at it.

He knew you'd be a good mom. Had no doubt about that. That wasn't the issue. No, the problem was him.

Carmen Berzatto, who's family was the epitome of chaos, and who's genes this baby would have. Would the baby have your eyes and his crippling anxiety? His curls and his coping skills? Your nose and smile, and his family's addiction gene?

You would be the perfect mom. You were already so perfect in every way to Carmen. Too kind and forgiving and funny and sweet to him, he couldn't understand why you loved him sometimes. You would be good no matter what.

You'd be better without him.

His mind screamed it over and over. He couldn't shake the thought last night, sitting on the steps of your home, chain smoking through half a pack while his mind raced, horrible voices mocking and sneering at him, telling him he wasn't good enough; that he wouldn't be good enough. That you would be better off alone.

Then he was walking. Walking as fast as he could away from your home, back to the restaurant, where he could distract himself. Where he could trick his mind to focus on anything else other than you.

It didn't work, of course. It never did.

His mind still raced, all the way back to your home- his home. The home he shared with you. The place you bought for the future; your future together. A future that now, looked like it would be a little fuller.

You gripped the porcelain of the toilet seat, stomach lurching again, spilling the contents of- you didn't even know what. How there was anything left, you weren't sure.

Your nose burned with tears, head drumming with a dull ache, throat burning with the acidity flare of bile. And worst of all, the only person you wanted was Carmen.

You were furious, hurt, just... confused with him, but your body still ached for him. For him to come in, rub your back and coo at you. Settle you and calm you, like he always did.

The front door closed softly, the thud of the latch echoing through the all too still house. Anchovy chirped and trilled, Carmen's soft, raspy greeting back to him making your body jolt.

You stayed still, waiting and quiet with each muffled footstep of Carmen's, his sneakers falling closer and closer until the door opened gently. Your gaze on his, watching him with wide, red rimmed eyes from the bathroom floor. His own reflecting down on you, hand still gripping the door knob.

"You... You're still sick?" Carmen asked, awkward and unsure. He didn't know what to say, where to even begin.

"Yeah." You sneered, hand slapping on the knob, flushing the toilet. "Guess that'll be happening for a while."

Carmen flinched at your tone. You were angry. No, you were hurt. The revelation made him feel like he needed to throw up next, the ache in his stomach rivaling the one in his chest.

You pushed up off the tub, Carmen's hands reaching to help you. You slapped them away with a menacing scoff. "Don't touch me." You snapped. "I've got it."

Carmen nodded, backing out slowly, giving you space to brush your teeth. He didn't miss the tremor in your hands when you held the toothbrush, refusing to meet his eyes in the mirror.

"I..." Carmen's voice shook, a squeak of a word that had wobbled when he spoke. "I, uh, I-I'm sorry."

Your eyes flashed to his furiously, lips pursing. "I know that's... fuck, that's not..." Carmen sighed heavily, a grounding breath to soothe his nerves, get the shake out of his voice. "I don't know what-what else to say other than... I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" You sneered, turning to him, your tone unnervingly calm. "You're fucking sorry?"

"Yeah, I-"

"-You left me!" You roared, chest heaving with fury. Your fears and sadness had turned into rage, pure rage.

"I go outside to check on you, and you're gone! Who the fuck does that, Carmen? What the fuck is wrong with you?" You screamed.

"I-I don't know, I just..." Carmen's chest tightened, strangling his words. The pounding in his chest had returned, as had the queasiness in his stomach.

"You just? Just what, Carmen? Just don't want to be with me anymore?" Your voice cracked, tears brimming your waterline.

The silence was back. Uncomfortably loud and suffocating. Neither one of you moved, just stared at each other through heaving chests.

"I-I..." Carmen swallowed the bile rising in his throat. "How could you... You think I-I don't want to be with you?"

"Well, what else am I supposed to think, Carmen?" You scoffed, throwing your hands out in exasperation. "You left!"

Carmen winced at the harshness of your tone. "I didn't... I just needed to think-"

"-Think?" You scoffed. "Think about what exactly, Carmen? Huh? Whether you were going to stay-"

"-No! Fuck, no!" Carmen barked, mind racing and overwhelmed. Hands trembling, heart pounding, he stared at you. "About... About how it would be. About how I would be."

"How you would be?"

"Yeah, how I would be." Carmen snaps, a little too defensive even for his own liking. It was habit, even after years of trying to be better, it still crept out at times.

Carmen took a breath, turning to you. "I'm... I don't think I'm going to be a good dad."

Your own heart sunk, a dull ache in your chest, heavy with the weight of his words. The fall of his face, lips curling downward. "Carmen," You said softly. "Why-Why would you... We've talked about having kids before."

"Yeah, but not... I thought I had time." Carmen admitted, hands shaking when he crossed his arms over his chest to still them. "I-I thought I would have some time to-to get my shit together."

You paused, watching his face crumble. The deep breath he took to keep himself from crying- from breaking. "I don't- I don't wanna be a bad dad. I don't wanna fuck this kid up." Carmen whispered, eyes darting everywhere but your own. He couldn't look at you when he said it, sure when he saw the sorrow in your own eyes he would crumble at your feet.

"Carmen," You said softly, taking a step towards him. He took one back, distancing himself. He knew what you were going to do. Reach out and comfort him, make him feel better- he didn't deserve that.

"Carm, please," You begged lightly. "You... You know you're gonna be a good dad-"

"-No, no, I don't know that." Carmen scoffed, shaking his head. "I mean, my fuckin' dad was a piece of shit, so was his dad, so-so will I. And-And I don't wanna do that to this kid. I don't wanna do that to you."

"Stop." You snapped, lips pressed together, sniffling to keep your own tears at bay. "Just...Just stop. Ok? Stop. You're... Do you really think I would have married you if I thought that bad of you? Do you think I would have ever even entertained the thought of having a baby with you, starting a family, if I thought you'd be shitty?"

Carmen's own eyes shone with unshed tears. You blinked, wiping the hot tears that ran down your cheeks away. "I'm scared, too. I-I called Alicia over you because I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how you would react." You admitted.

Carmen nodded, you could see the hurt in his eyes. "So you knew I would react like this? You didn't tell me because you knew I'd be a bad-"

"-No, I didn't tell you because I know you don't like surprises." You snapped. "I know you don't like to be fuckin' blindsided and-and shocked. I don't either. I knew it would shock you. I knew it wasn't apart of our plan right now." You held his gaze, eyes hard when you met his.

"But I never thought you'd be a bad dad." Your tone was firm. It made Carmen's heart swell. "I still don't think you'd be a bad dad, for the record. I think you're an asshole, and I'm furious with you." You said pointedly.

Carmen nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I... I don't blame you f'that." He muttered, looking down at his hands, wedding band shining almost mockingly back up at him. "Sugar's pissed at me. Richie, too." He paused, eyes lifting to yours. "I'm mad at me too."

"Yeah? Me too." You sigh, looking at him. "You can't just leave-"

"-I know." Carmen nodded. "I-I know. I don't... I'm sorry." Carmen looked at you, shoulders falling slightly. "I'm so sorry."

You nodded gently, wiping your eyes with the back of your hands. "This is not how I thought this would go, honestly." You admitted with a small, wet laugh.

"Which part?" Carmen hummed, hesitantly reaching out to wipe your tear stained cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"All of it." You sighed. "But telling you. I-I always thought I'd do one of those cute, little Pinteresty things and surprise you."

"Yeah? 'm sorry." Carmen muttered, his heart fluttering with guilt again. "Maybe next time?"

You scoffed, rolling your eyes at him. Damn him, making you smile when you were supposed to be mad at him- you were still mad at him. But you were tired even more. Exhausted emotionally, physically- you just wanted to crawl into bed.

Carmen pulled you closer to him, his hand running down your spine. "Maybe you can do that cutesy shit to tell everyone else." He suggested. "I mean... Fuck, well, I-I told Richie and-and Sugar, but... Tina? Or all them?"

You bit back a smile, the curl of your lips betraying you. "Yeah." You hum, your body betraying you as you sunk into Carmen's chest.

"Here," Carmen muttered, pulling you close to him. "I'll get you in bed, and I'll go on the couch-"

"-No," You sighed, shuffled steps down the hall. "I don't... Just sleep in the bed with me."

Carmen hesitated. "No, I-I can stay on the couch. I know you don't-"

"-I can't sleep without you, Carm." You pleaded. "I didn't sleep at all last night, and-and... I just want to sleep."

Carmen nodded, following you into the shared bedroom. Stripping out of his jeans, trading them for sweatpants, before climbing in the bed with you. You stayed on your side, Carmen on his own. There was still tension, still lingering feelings of that familiar eeriness, but there was also comfortability.

Carmen would make it up to you. He'd be at every appointment, paint the nursery- be everything you knew he would be. Later. In the coming weeks as you two welcomed, embraced the baby coming. You'd get to tell everyone in your cutesy way like you'd dreamed. Tina's reaction would make you cry, and the baby shower would make you sob. You'd mull over baby names for hours with Carmen, going back and forth, testing each name tentatively until you found the perfect one.

For now, you were happy just to know Carmen was here with you. You were happy just to sleep. There was still so much ahead of you- of both of you.

[gothamite-rambler]

Bruce telling Selina who Nightwing is after he revealed he was Batman

Many, many years ago…

Catwoman was working with a new hero in Blüdhaven named Nightwing. He had a handsome face, easy on the eyes, and knew Batman well. Seizing the moment, she decided to flirt with the new hero, unaware that he was the first Robin.

Catwoman (laying on a seductive voice): I let Batman have his time with me, but since he’s not here… how about you and I—

Nightwing (nervously backing away): I am not interested! I have no interest in dating anyone, especially not you!

Catwoman (leaning forward): Dating is pushing it. I was thinking—

Nightwing (shouting the first part): I’M A GOOD CHURCH BOY! I reject your wooing! My vow of celibacy is strong, and we’ve got to stop a bank robbery, or the mob, or whatever it is. After that we go our separate ways platonically!

Nightwing speed-walked away, then quickly spun around, walking backward.

Nightwing: Don’t look at my ass! I am not in the mood to be seen as a bakery and nothing else! I will hit you if you don't quit with your unwanted advances.

Catwoman (holding her hands up): Okay, okay, geez. You’re a sexy prude and since you're uncomfortable... I guess I can put a pause on my feminine charm until you’re ready.

Nightwing: Yep, yep, yep. Never happening. Walk in front of me.

Catwoman giggled, holding her tail as she walked forward. Nightwing silently dry-heaved, recalling the days when this woman used to give him hugs and girl scout cookies.

Nightwing (thinking): I gotta tell Bruce… when I feel like talking to him. She has no idea, and I don’t like that. I miss being treated like a kid, at least here. Adding this to the WTF moments of being a hero. Curse this body I was gifted!

... Present day ...

Bruce: Alright, you saw everything. What do you think?

Selina: The cave is nicer than I expected, being a cave and all. Why the dinosaur statue?

Bruce: I like dinosaurs and always wanted a statue. Got that from a heist. It’s pretty cool, isn’t it?

Bruce looked at the dinosaur statue with a genuinely happy smile, reminiscent of his younger years. Selina found herself thinking it was adorable, Bruce was always cute, even in his quirkiest moments.

Selina: Aww, that’s such a sweet and innocent answer. I wasn't expecting that.

She kissed Bruce on the cheek, making him smile.

Selina: And don’t worry, I’m not going to betray you or tell everyone who you are. I know you were worried about that, but my love and trust for you is surprisingly strong.

Bruce: I was honestly fearful of that happening. Especially because… Talia might’ve said you’d be vindictive enough to do such a thing.

Selina (suspicious): She said it differently, didn’t she?

Bruce: What she said I'd rather not repeat.

Alfred (saying it for him): She said “that feline whore would be the first to betray you because she has no moral compass.” She’s wrong, and upset that he chose you over her.

Selina: I figured as much. Her jealousy is kind of funny, considering it doesn’t bother me anymore. I’m usually civil with her and no offense, she’s just as prickly as a cactus.

Bruce (sincere smile): Did I look like I was about to be offended?

Selina laughed, easing the tension in the room, though Bruce was clearly anxious about the next secret he was about to share.

Selina: My point is, Brucie, I’ve been working on my more toxic traits over the years… but I’d never hurt you that way. And you told me this five years ago, I’m still here.

Bruce: That’s true.

Selina: And if I ever did stab you in the back, you’ve got enough info on me to do the same.

Bruce: I won’t do that. I… I love you too much. Even though I disagree with some of your ideas on handling crime, I want to see where this goes.

Selina: Hm, a few years ago I never thought I'd be with you and we'd be working together as a couple, crazy how time has flown by. We haven't aged poorly at all. Score!

Selina giggled, playfully placing a hand on Bruce’s chest. Bruce sighed, chuckling. Alfred stayed six feet away watching the two like it was one of his soap operas.

Bruce: This is going well so far. Which makes the next thing I’m about to tell you pretty stressful. You’ve always been flirtatious in your days as a villain.

Selina: My coquettish behavior is how I like to act, especially with attractive people. I’ve toned it down since then. You'll get the full package though.

Bruce (tense): Uh-huh. Selina, sit down.

Selina took a seat in the Batcomputer chair, crossing her legs and ready for whatever news Bruce had for her . With the Batcave out of the way all that was left were some clarifications on her main morals.

Alfred hummed as he walked past, pretending to dust random objects. Bruce shot him a glance, hoping he’d leave. Alfred shook his head and stayed, clearly intent on witnessing the scene.

Bruce: Alright, I guess Alfred is staying. Um… Kitty, no... nicknames don't work. This feels awkward enough as it is. Selina, your reaction to what I’m about to tell you will really determine whether you stay with me. Okay?

Selina: Whatever you have to say, I won’t freak out. Honestly, you’ve already shared some pretty outlandish stuff. I’m just excited to learn more. Relax, pookie, I can handle it.

Bruce nodded, then got up to retrieve a folding chair, returning and taking a seat in front of her. He found some humor in the fact that Selina had flirted with his son, unaware of who he truly was, and while he didn’t hold any ill will toward her or either of them, he didn’t want her to defend her actions or something worse.

Bruce: Okay. You know Tim is Robin, Barbara was Batgirl and is now Oracle, and you met Jason, who’s still Red Hood, or whatever. You got the basics.

He paused, staring at the rocky cave ceiling.

Bruce: Now, on to my first Robin. He was my oldest son, Dick. He created the entire identity. We got in an argument when he was in his junior year of high school and eventually I fired him. Some time later, he went on to become Nightwing.

Selina: (delayed shock, leaning forward with a confused smile) …What?

Bruce: He’s Nightwing. He created that hero persona himself. Got the name from Superman, ridiculous source, in my opinion, but I grew to like it. He designed both suits, the one with the deep V-neck and—

Selina (slowly realizing): A black and blue striped unitard.

Bruce: Yep. Robin first, then Nightwing. I’ve been keeping that secret for weeks. Dick told me to hold off on telling you. We agreed that this moment needed to be built up, and now that you’ve seen the cave, I thought I’d weave that into the conversation.

Alfred: After I told you to.

Bruce: You gave me a little nudge.

Alfred (sassy): A little?

Bruce and Alfred exchanged a glance, debating whether Bruce or Alfred was the one eager to reveal Nightwing’s true identity. Selina remained silent, blinking quietly, her expression neutral.

Selina: Sorry, can you repeat some of that? I could’ve sworn you said the first Robin, the little boy in the colorful leotard, you’re saying he is Nightwing? That just can’t be… he was like a teenager when I last saw him in the Robin get up.

Bruce: You didn’t say anything wrong. Nightwing started as my first Robin, then when he stopped being Robin after I fired him he became Nightwing. The Discowing was a sight for sore eyes when I first saw it, but very memorable. Right?

Selina: Mm-hm.

Bruce: Do you remember hugging him the first time you met? He was so happy that day, even when I arrested you.

She nodded, biting her lip to hold back her emotions.

Alfred: Dick wasn’t of legal drinking age or an adult when he moved to Blüdhaven and became Nightwing, protecting that area, right, Master Bruce?

Bruce: Yeah, he was college age, just graduated high school. I was in my twenties when I adopted him. Selina, you were around my age then.

Selina swallowed nervously.

Selina: Sorry to focus on this, but the kid I met in the kitchen earlier, he was your Robin from age eight to seventeen?

Bruce: Yep. He graduated early. He’s a smart kid.

Selina: And he became Nightwing around that time… I was done with high school nearly a decade ago, while he was… um, little... he was raised in the circus?

Bruce: Yep. May his parents rest in peace.

Her dread at being reminded of his orphan status made her face pale. She bit her bottom lip, processing this new information. This reaction seemed to ease Bruce’s nerves, he knew he had to be there for her, but honestly, it was almost funny. Alfred walked over with a teacup, passing it to Selina.

Alfred (giving a head up): It’s vodka.

Selina: Thanks.

She took a long sip, then looked at Bruce and Alfred, who exchanged a knowing smile. This made her down the entire cup then shook her head.

Bruce (calm and relaxed): He was going through a breakup and grief over losing Jason during those middle years of being Nightwing. He hated being treated like eye candy. I sided with him when random women treated him like a sex object, because I've always seen how he’s a skilled fighter and a smart guy. Just thought you should know that.

Selina nodded, lowering her cup. She related, she’d been dismissed for her skills, her looks, her reputation as Gotham’s top villain and anti-hero. She’d felt the need to prove herself, and while she’d found a good middle ground, she realized men went through similar struggles, especially someone like Nightwing.

This new understanding made her feel more guilt.

Bruce (leaning forward): You still with us Selina?

Selina hesitated, recalling the days she flirted with Nightwing, thinking he was just a guy working with Batman, unaware of his true identity. It was fun, confident behavior, but not when the person was a teenager. She’d only wanted to make Batman jealous.

Selina: I have to ask... did he ever have a substitute?

Bruce and Alfred: No.

Selina: That’s… that’s amazing. Such a hard worker! So he’s been Nightwing since he was a teenager? Wow. While I was drinking gin and tonic, evading the law, and playing my coquettish Catwoman routine, he… holy kitty litter. He just graduated high school.

She pressed her forehead, eyes darting, voice trembling.

Selina (whispering, spiraling): That’s why he was so nervous when— Oh that’s why he hid in the kitchen. I gave him graham crackers when he was ten, and now I’ve propositioned him for sex. I’m going to hell.

Selina gulped feeling bile rise in her throat.

Bruce: What's wrong?

Selina (nervous): Nothing! Um… Bruce, I might’ve met Nightwing before I knew who he really was. I knew you two knew each other, but I didn’t realize he was your son, the cute little Robin you adopted after his parents died.

Bruce: Yes, and?

Selina: I was mad at you. I thought flirting with Nightwing, who I believed was an adult- which in retrospect wouldn't excuse how I acted. Anyways I was being petty and flirted with him.

Selina scratched her head laughing nervously.

Selina (fanning her face): Whew, is it warm in here?

Alfred: You want to tell her?

Bruce: Alfred, she’s got something important to say first. Selina, whatever it was, you can tell me.

Selina: You won’t be mad?

Bruce: Depends on where you’re going with this.

Selina: Yeah, fair. I had no idea he was the first Robin, how old he was, or that... sweet Jesus— I sound like one of those creeps from To Catch a Predator!

Bruce: No, no. They’re lying on those shows while being fully aware they're committing a crime. You were unaware he was my teenage son. While I'm not happy you used him for that, your reaction now is reassuring. Did you do anything with him?

Selina: Kind of... Well no, but hear me out... I never kissed him or did anything sexual, thankfully. He turned me down every time, and after a while, I just thought he was a prude. We didn’t talk again after he shooed me away.

Bruce: He said he was still bound by his vow of celibacy?

Selina: Yes. Oh God, I propositioned my boyfriend’s son for sex.

She covered her mouth, nearly vomiting, her face flushing with embarrassment. Bruce crossed his arms hiding his enjoyment, while Alfred chuckled.

Selina: He had to be eighteen or nineteen when I last talked to him! I thought he was in his early twenties, mid at worst.

Bruce: Nope. Nineteen. He watched a lot of SpongeBob back then, too.

Selina: SpongeBob? That’s adorable. I get it too, that's a pretty funny show.

Bruce: Well—

Alfred: Bruce, just let it go.

Bruce: I don’t get the hype, and I’ll say my opinion every time.

Alfred rolled his eyes. Selina, meanwhile, lowered her hands, face burning with shame.

Selina: Something in my mind told me to back off, but I went with my feelings instead.

Alfred: He would squirm talking about it too. So bloody funny.

Bruce: Alfred, do you have to be here?

Alfred: I love this kind of drama. You know I do.

Bruce: Unfortunately. Selina, relax. Dick already told me everything.

Selina: I need to apologize to D— Richard— wait, he told you?

Bruce: Yeah. About a year after we made amends. He wanted to know if I’d ever had sex with Barbara. I almost lost my lunch when he asked. We have that in common, Selina.

Selina (placing a hand on her head): You flirted with your friends daughter?

Bruce: God no. Jim said he'd shoot me in the crotch if I ever did too. I respect it.

Selina: Same and that means we’re not completely close. I want to vomit. When he was Robin, he made me so happy, the little boy who wore that Robin suit you adopted when his parents died. I wanted a son, because he was so sweet. I can't believe I didn’t connect the dots…

Bruce (leaning forward, whispering): I made a similar mistake with who someone really was outside of the mask. It never crossed my mind to woo Barbara, since she became like family. I focused on Batman. But I nearly fell off a roof when I found out she was the daughter of Commissioner Gordon.

Alfred: That was the second time you nearly fell off a roof while with a Gordon. That’s always good for a laugh.

Bruce: Yeah, what Alfred said. The mind blocks out a lot. I was surprised you hadn’t guessed who the others were after I unmasked myself. But I also worried, what if she’d defend that she asked my teenage son for to go back to her apartment and have sex? I'd snap and call you every name in the book cause I don't agree with people who do that fully aware.

Selina (covering her eyes again): Aww, that’s so fatherly. This might be the worst thing I’ve ever done. I'm so sorry.

Bruce: You're forgiven and all that, but it's not the robberies, or working with villains, or that time you—

Selina: That was just me living on the edge. I’ve become a better person. You made bad choices too, being reckless, your rainbow-colored suit, the time you tripped on your cape, or when you stabbed Joker in the hand.

Alfred: She’s got you there.

Bruce chuckled in agreement.

Selina: Bruce, I’m sorry. Besides not knowing it was who he was, how I acted with him to get back you was wr- wr- damn this is difficult. I was... in the wrong. I want this to work, not be that petty. Pettiness is fun, but not this.

Alfred: She’s really changing.

Bruce: Alfred, go pretend to dust the weapons or something.

Alfred shrugged, humming as he walked off. Bruce sighed, lowering his girlfriend's hands from her face then placed a hand on her knee.

Bruce: I’m guilty of wanting to make you jealous, too. You came onto my son, but you’re not defending your actions, and I married Talia. We made mistakes, but no laws were broken. You don’t have to apologize to me. Honestly, I find this pretty funny.

Selina (pouting): Glad you’re amused, I feel like vomiting.

Bruce: That’s why it’s funny. I love ironic humor, even if I can’t laugh right now, my ribs are still healing. Come on, that’s funny.

Selina let out a soft laugh, her tension easing as she continued to chuckle, head bowed, hand on her forehead.

Bruce: The world hasn’t exploded. I’m not cutting ties. Everything’s fine. But I’m not the one you should be apologizing to. He’s upstairs, probably in the kitchen or his old bedroom.

Selina: What if I avoid him forever? Never bring this up? Or get someone to wipe our memories?

Bruce: Avoiding him would be difficult. We made amends, and I want to keep that relationship good. Ignoring it would only cause unnecessary tension and awkwardness, and erasing that every awkward moment from your mind would only lead to that third act in the Jim Carrey movie.

Selina: You know all this, but you struggle to do the middle option thing?

Bruce: I’ve been aware of the irony since the ‘90s. I know what I’m talking about. It’s a weight off your shoulders to do the right thing, talk to him. Dick isn’t going to be hostile, and he won’t run away. I think he wants to settle this, but a lot of things happened that got in the way. Take him to an arcade or something.

Selina (joking): What about Chuck E. Cheese?

Bruce: You’re joking, but he does like the pizza there. You might be onto something.

Selina (playfully shoving her boyfriend): You’re being so unserious about all this. But honestly, it’s helping.

She then stood up, sighing.

Bruce: Want me to come with you?

Selina: Not yet. Just wish me luck, and don’t send Alfred follow me. I can tell he’s messy and loves secondhand embarrassment.

Bruce: You’re not wrong. He watches a lot of trash reality TV. Good luck.

Selina took the long walk up the stairs in the Batcave to the main part of the manor, burdened with a necessary but awkward task.

Pt 1

To be continued... currently deciding if Chuck E Cheese is the best place for this since the pizza was lowkey good, but I don't want to infantilize a grown man, but like... if I was Selina I'd be spiraling too lol.

[bugcatcherkit]

takenaka is so funny as a character i love him. he’s like “idgaf ://“ (<- gives more fucks than anyone has in the history of forever). guy who is afraid of being seen as weird or creepy because he can do arguably one of the creepiest things possible and thinks of himself that way. guy who put himself out there once and felt like he was being mocked for it so he couldn’t be genuine until tome was feeling the same way and he could understand. guy who willingly did a stupid ritual he knew wasn’t real because he wanted to make this trip with people he didn’t even act like he was friends with a memorable and good one. guy who pulls ritsu aside post canon and asks “hey man why does your brain feel like a fucking cactus”

he is seriously the biggest loser in the IDGAF war. He thought putting his heart out there would result in it being trampled on every time! He MAD!!

Earlier i was thinking so hard about how he was like "yeah everyone i've told I'm a telepath Never Comes Near Me Again it sucks" because most people are scared of their True Selves/their true selves being known and once Takenaka exposes that he can Know that (whether or not he cares) they immediately see him as something to Fear and he's like "damn I guess so" and then that is internalized forever. Guy who Knows he is strange and off-putting and is trying desperately to Be Cool and Normal but it actually makes him seem even more off-putting and also Lame TBH. HE'S FUN IDKK

Also his and Ritsu's interactions are sooo funny to me. Takenaka is like "I need this guy to know he is painfully insecure" and Ritsu is like "how did he know? His telepathy?" (<- guy who is actually so easy to read but thinks he's not).

I am rotating the Tome and Takenaka friendship in my brain at incredible speeds. Related doodle

[honeypine-the-parrot]

Avian OC ideas

Initially intended for BoundSMP enjoyers, but applicable to anyone who wants to make a bird guy

Mockingbird who unintentionally copies the vocal quirks/accents of whoever they're talking to

Kiwi - flightless bb we love them

Goose - hell yeah

Chicken

Osprey - they're just very cool

Heron / Crane / Egret

Peregrine falcon - necessitating a third round of races against Ash and Sylph

Any seabirds or waterfowl

Ducks

Loon / Grebe

Quail (the beloved)

Cassowary >:)

Albatross / Vulture (shout out to Turtle :3) - very good at cruising over the void for long periods of time

Pelican - yk what? hell yeah. Extra inventory slot in their throat pouch

Shrike - songbird which famously spears its prey on thorns. Known to hunt other small birds.

Turkey / Pheasant / Grouse

Prairie Chicken - not at all what you're expecting. Would be cool as a very chill cottagecore guy

Swallow - such a lovely bird, op is a swallow enjoyer

Secretary bird - the cuntiest bird to ever exist. Kills snakes for fun. Would definitely be friends with Gaverin. Bird of prey, 100% willing to kill a man

Harpy Eagle - Most likely to eat a human child

Condor - huge fucking bird. Wingspan of almost ten feet. We love condors in this household.

Turkey vulture - they look spooky but are actually very chill. We like them a lot.

Plover / Sandpiper - I just like plovers a lot. Every day is leg day for them.

Puffin - just a great bird overall

Pigeon / Dove - Very chill bird, lots of fun colors and patterns to play with

Owls - I know Pietro is an owl, but there are actually tons of different owls, including those cactus guys. Fucking love them.

Nightjar / Frogmouth - Arguably the most fucked-up looking birds. They are so genuinely unsettling, I love them.

Nightingale

Finch / Wren / Sparrow / Robin / Tit / Thrush / Phoebe / Oriole / Lark / Blackbird / Bluebird / Chickadee / Warbler

Fairy Wren - nothing can prepare you for how great this bird is

Starling / Crow / Jay

Lyrebird / Bird of Paradise / Bowerbird

Toucan - Very fresh and interesting bird option

Woodpecker - 10/10 for silliness

Parrot / Macaw / Cockatoo / Lorikeet / Lovebird / Rosella / Cockatiel / Budgie

Kea - I refuse to gatekeep this bird. They are full of criminal intent. I almost named myself after them. Best bird in show.

Cuckoo - iykyk

special mention to Archaeopteryx, first bird ever and my absolute beloved

[ooffmlsorry]

Bringing Law Home for a Family Holiday

Readers' Note: Reader has a large and generally good but overbearing family. Only happy things in this, little to no angst!

A/N: Every holiday I get struck with the desire to write my latest blorbo coming home with their s/o for the holidays. I don't have time to crack out 10-15k words so this is probs gonna be more stream of consciousness but it'll get the point across.

I've been imagining how tense the travel to Law's s/o's house is because God forbid y'all be late because Law wants to make a good impression no matter how many times you explain it's a very loose 4 p.m. arrival time.

You've been dating for long enough that you think it's reasonable for him to meet your family (that was enough to make Law's heart flutter and then start hammering...could it be you're just as serious about him as he is about you?)

"My aunt showed up at noon and my cousin's probably not going to be here until after dark, really it's fine!" You'd insist. "Besides, the people that show up on time are the ones that end up having to go back out because someone forgot something!"

And of course Law would say "that's fine." With a such a stubborn and determined tone. Being on time or a few minutes early is better than being late! Suddenly your man is a rule follower! 🤭Suddenly you can picture Law as he was a kid studious and button-ed up in his little doctor's uniform. It's almost kind of cute if he wasn't so nervous.

The closest thing to family Law has is Bepo, Shachi and Penguin. Not since the Donquixote family has Law had anything to do with that word and he's so nervous he feels sick. For Law this translate to acting like he has the world's biggest cactus shoved up his ass, and you know that so you try not to take his coolness personally.

Holding his hand helps a little though. You ignore how shaky and sweaty it is.

He's feeling a lot of big feelings right now, poor guy.

He insisted on you giving him a "family tree" when he realized how big your family is and a list of things not to accidentally mention or do. He's been studying it for days, re-reading it over and over obsessively.

The fact that he's a pirate is fine, which takes a lot of pressure off. You come from a family full of pirates, so you swear Law will fit right in. Although you warn him your grandfather's probably going to start reminiscing about how he knew Gol D. Roger as a kid (which no one knows if that's actually true) and ranting about the young pirates these days.

You'd walk up to your family home high on a hill over looking the sea. From several yards away you can already hear music. You realize as you get closer it's more like you're dragging Law more than he's walking with you.

It's subconscious lol. I promise you he's not doing it on purpose. As soon as you notice it he speaks, "I'm fine."

Poor Traffy is so pale!

His tone dares you to question him, almost as if to actually say "I'm fine, if I wasn't I wouldn't be here Y/N. Please trust me to be honest with you about how I'm feeling." But that's a lot of words for someone who's mouth is cotton dry. He's trying his best, so you give him a quick kiss on the cheek for courage and walk up to the house together.

The first thing your family comments on when you open the door is how early you are despite the fact that it's three minutes to 4:00.

"We weren't expecting Y/N for another hour!" Your aunt winks at Law and nudges him, no introduction, no nothing, and says "you must really be something special if you can get them here to early!"

Despite Law's best efforts, having one of your family members immediately point out his supposed specialness to you makes blush and stutter.

It doesn't matter how awkward his no response of blinking at your aunt was because she's already gone flitting around with an arm full of what your family calls "the good plates."

You pull Law down to whisper in his ear, "told you we'd be early," you giggle.

It's not the nicest house, but it is big, and warm, and festive. Just standing in the doorway taking it in Law's struck with the remembrance of home. He tries to only focus on the present, not Swallow Island, Spider Miles, or even Flevance, your home is good..for today. But tomorrow he'll back at his home: the Polar Tang.

You introduce him to what little family is already there. Your heart squeezes at the way Law awkwardly waves at the baby your cousin's bouncing on his lap and the surprise that quickly turns into a soft smile that spreads across his lips when the baby coos back.

He meets your grandpa, who appraises him very officially. You swear to God Law's holding his breath as the stout man with a peg leg circles him with his arms behind his back. "Trafalgar Law, hmm..." he says very seriously. "You know back in my day pirates didn't all these tattoos to prove they were tough."

"I heard your day was quite a long time ago," Law says almost automatically. In for a penny, in for a pound, he doubles down, adding "sir" at the end.

That would be your boyfriend hehe. Too sharp for his own good.

Of course that's what your grandfather likes. He shakes Law's hand and pulls him into a crushing hug. Your grandpa promises later he's got words for him (ie. the shovel talk). It's a little disturbing how comfortable Law feels knowing he'll be threatened with an unspeakably awful death later. That's the most familiar thing that has happened all day. lol

But he knows the person he needs to impart the best impression on is your grandmother. You don't think you've ever seen Law so perfectly polite in your life....which makes your grandmother howl with laughter! "My ass whooping days are over, boy! Relax!" Her frail hands clutch her stomach as she laughs. She wipes a tear from her eyes, "I thought you said he was a pirate?!" She pats Law on the cheek like he's a sweet little boy (because at her old age 26 is a little boy) and gives it a squeeze. And because it's your grandma, he lets her.

You have to hide your laughter behind your hand.

"He's a sweet boy, Y/N," she says to you. "And so handsome! Where were all the good-looking men like him when I was at sea?"

"I killed 'em all!" Your grandpa yells across the house.

And just like that, Law's in your grandmother's good graces. Of course you knew he would be.

True to your word earlier, you get sent in to town to pick up a short list of last minute things. It's a nice moment to breathe. As soon as you're far enough from the house you wrap your arms around him and kiss him deeply.

"I'm so happy they like you," you say quietly once you come up for air. You don't tease him about how strange it is to see him hoping for someone's approval like you would in most circumstances. Instead you feel yourself melt, "I knew they would, but now you believe me?"

"They like me for now," he says because god forbid he go easy on himself.

"You're not as hard to love as you think you are, Law." You press another kiss to his lips.

(A/N: ooh chile lemme tell you, for saying that right there that man is going to romantically rail you within an inch of your life when y'all get back to the ship. That is the only way I can convey to you how much you saying that means to him. He's speechless.)

By time y'all get back there are a lot more people here and it's a lot louder. Your brother asks Law about a rash on elbow (at the dinner table no less, but hey these are pirates!) and he actually gives him advice.

Law meets your little cousins, who ask him a million questions including but not limited to:

"Why do you wears that funny looking hat?"

"Are you actually a surgeon?"

"Does getting a tattoo hurt?"

"Can you give me a tattoo?"

"How many Marines have you killed?"

"Are the Straw Hat Pirates really that strong?"

"Do you really have a polar bear on your ship?"

"Are you and Y/N ever gonna have a baby?"

To which Law responds:

"Who said it was funny looking?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know. I don't feel pain." you thought this man would take their questions seriously?

"Surgeons aren't allowed to do that. My hands will fall off if I do."

"Definitely more than you."

"As strong as they are stupid."

"Yeah, he's our navigator."

".........I think I heard someone calling you from the kitchen."

Your little cousins think "he's weird funny." He does "surgery" on the dolls your cousins offer up to him and thoroughly enjoy the weird monstrosities he creates. And Your moody teenage nephew deems Law "cool."

Your mom insists Law's too skinny for his own good and piles more food on his plate. "If you're going to survive out there you need some meat on your bones! I wanna see you here next year, Trafalgar."

Law almost chokes. Your mom already wants him back next year. He was expecting to have to get her approval somehow too, but she's accepted him immediately. "All I needed to know is if you make my little Y/N happy!" Your mom explains while hugging you, "And look how happy they are!"

And your old man, a pirate captain in his own right, several beers deep, slings his arm over Law's shoulder. "You're the one that's got that big ol' bounty, huh?" Before Law can fully answer, he continues on drunkenly, "that means you probably looted enough to cover your own wedding, right? Cause I'm sure's shit not." God bless Law for taking it with a grain of salt and taking him over to a couch. "That means you can marry 'em if ya want, as'long as I don' havta pay none. But if you break their heart I'll turn ya in myself...goddamn Marines...making me a traitor..." he says until his words turn into drunk muttering.

"That's your blessing in case you were wondering," your mom sighs. "I know you didn't ask but that was it. That man is fine with anything as long as he doesn't have to pay for it."

"You get my blessing because you helped clean up!" Your grandma pipes in. "Nothing more valuable than a man that knows how clean up after himself!"

I don't know how many times Law is rendered speechless for a moment. Was it that easy or was your family truly that accepting? In a handful of hours he's been completely welcomed and they want him to come back next year, to marry you? It's dizzying, but in a...hopeful way? Because...he wants it to happen too...if he's lucky enough to come back next year as your husband.

At the end of the night, you and Law are sent on your way with tons of food to bring back to Heart Pirates, and whether he likes it or not your mom and your grandma each press a kiss to Law's cheek.

You walk back down the hill together.

"It was good to see them again," you say. "Was that too much?"

"No," Law says. "I'm happy."

A/N: so yeah, I just had that bumbling around in my head today. I hope it was fluffy enough for ya! 😘

[abraxo-official]

Traveling across the southwest when you’re a fallout fan is fucking funny

Researching every town you pass to see if it made its way into cannon

Why is there no fallout merch in Vegas?????

Wondering if the brotherhood or NCR owns each military base you see

There are missile silos under the ground but WHERE???

Reading up on fallout 1 and 2 lore because you’ve never played the games (time limits are scary)

Trying to remember fallout 3 and New Vegas lore because you’ve never really played the games (I don’t know how to connect my PS3 to my PS4 don’t sue me)

Thinking of all the fan fiction you once were going to write

Desperately trying to find empty containers to put Mojave sand in

Trying to fallout-ify the places you’re staying in and create lore for them that you’re going to forget in a day.

Really wanting to play the games but you only can watch play through and do fallout shelter

Oh and watch the series and cry over how good it is

What the fresco happens to the San Diego zoo in fallout? The amount of cool animals?? What does no one talk about this??

Way more weird plants. Like cactus that are carnivorous or shit.

The beaches!! The sea!! Why does far harbor get to be the only one that has weird fish animals

There are ligit lithium (& other toxic chemicals) filled lakes that exist and you want to drink from so you can become a ghoul

Mexican food would survive the apocalypse

So would the tiny abandoned airports

And in&outs.

Seriously, the amount of weird plants should be increased by an exponential amount

Large mutated birds. That grab you and drop you and eat your remains.

And a lot more weird geothermic activity

Random dirt roads that go on forever but end up nowhere (you have to find the secret entrance for a quest)

Horses would be so fucking awesome.

Avocado toast would be the currency

Or beer.

Or Illinois license plates

Glass bottle Cokes are everywhere and you keep buy them. And for what? For what??

Sand. I need it. In my mouth. Taste the desert. The blood. The fire within. The revenge. The apologies. Sorry kid. From where you’re knelling, this looks like a 14 karat run of bad luck. But the truth is, it was rigged from the start.

Bam

You wake up

Lobotomy.

Sand.

[pixie-felix]

Last message for the night I promise. I'm so sorry for blowing up your inbox ;-; If this is bad I sincerely apologize. More better thoughts will come in the future

Dom!Innie: He may be the maknae and he def has a noona kink, but he likes taking care of you (as seen in previous conversations. It's giving service/soft dom. Turning off both your phones because you don't need that right now? Treating you to extra orgasms because you had a hard day/week?) He loves making you smile whether that means gifting you that dress you had your eye on or getting the dorm to himself for an at-home date. He does love having things to himself and that includes you most of the time. You're his sweet loving noona so it's unlikely you'll have to endure punishments. He's not one for edging, but thrives off your pleasure so he'd more likely be into overstimming you (he's confident you can give him one more). It fills him with pride that he can make you cum that many times, that he knows just what makes your legs shake, that you let him mark you up to his heart's content. He takes aftercare notes from you and you're the main person he enjoys skinship from so on long nights be ready for cuddles, kisses, and falling asleep with one arm around your waist locking you in place as the other traces your back.

--🍭

First of all, spam me. Spam me all day, every day, as much as you want. Every time I see your emoji in my inbox I do a little happy dance (very cool, I know) and find a quiet corner to huddle over my phone like some kind of smut goblin.

Secondly. You have never had a bad idea in your life. Stop such nonsense thinking. Or, just put your insecurities in my ask box so I can BEAT THEM OUT OF YOU WITH LOVE AND ENTHUSIASM BECAUSE YOU'RE BRAIN IS GREAT AND EVERYONE WHO IS COOL AGREES.

That was a little intense, I apologise. Threats of violence are my love language 🫶

Okay, so I've had this Innie headcanon in my brain for a while, waiting for the right moment to crawl out through my keyboard and into the wilds of Tumblr.

So, it seems in these scenarios we're making, we're basically poly with all of skz, right? The ballbusting one is my favourite so far. That is taking me places.

You remember how Innie (fuck it, I might start calling him Ayen too, that's such a pretty spelling, and it's accurate, I'm going off topic, shit) is your kiss and don't tell boy?

Well, there's one accidental exception to that rule.

Much like how Felix and Innie discovered about ballbusting because hyung line were discussing it?

Well, drunk!hyung line were discussing the inaccuracies of porn, and Innie isn't really listening because he's beating Lixxie at uno. So when a currently unidentified hyung starts bemoaning squirting as something that never happens in real life, I.N doesn't think twice before going "What are you talking about? Noona does that every time."

BOOM. ACCIDENTAL MIC DROP.

Chaos ensues. All the hyungs are pestering, nay, hounding Innie for the deets. Trying to figure out exactly. What. It. Is. that Innie does that causes the mythical squirting happen.

Felix is having a minor uno based breakdown, but tomorrow when he remembers the kerfuffle he might be brave and ask Innie about it. After all, they shared their first ballbusting together. That forms a bond, right?

Of course, Innie tells them nothing. And makes a point of never being around drunk!hyung line when they're discussing anything sexual henceforth.

Chan/Changbin/Hyunjin (+Han) are going to be going mad trying to figure it out. Hyunjin is definitely going to start "accidentally" walking in on you and the maknae a lot. Heck, maybe Chan will too. Suddenly, they're all doing your laundry for you, buying you silly little gifts, any little excuse to come into your room urgently.

Han: LOOK NOONA I BOUGHT YOU A CACTUS THEY'RE SO CUTE DON'T YOU LOVE HIM!? 🥰🥰🥰 (I feel like I read this in a fic or an smau, I'll see if I can find it to link up but yes hello if this is your fic/smau I've taken the idea from pls let me know so I can credit u 🫶)

Chan: Hey love, I tumble dried your pajamas. They're still warm so if you put them on now, you can be all cozy 🥰 Oh, hi Jeongin. Fancy seeing you here. Well, now that noona is getting undressed, who's up for a quick three way?

Changbin: I made you a protein shake now please may I bench press you 💪🙏🥰

Hyunjin: *bursts in* YANG JEONGIN YOUR SECRETS WILL BE MINE HOW DOES SQUIRTING WORK TELL ME NOW OR I'M GOING TO WALK INTO TRAFFIC

Lino "doesn't care". But he does start paying more attention to how you and Innie interact on a daily basis. For completely unrelated reasons of course.

Seungmin actually doesn't care. Because Seungmin is full of his own secrets... 👀 And because he's careful to never be around drunk!hyung line when they're horny. (I feel like there is a backstory as to why he avoids his drunk horny hyungs, but I currently have nothing for that.)

[jar-of-maise]

incorrect quotes with my new fav trio

starring wriothesley, clorinde and neuvillette bc i said so

Wriothesley: What do you think Neuvillette will do for a distraction? Clorinde: They’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do. *Building explodes and several car alarms go off* Clorinde: ... or he could do that.

...

Wriothesley: How's the sexiest person here~? Neuvillette: I don't know, how are they~? Wriothesley: I- Clorinde, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!

...

Clorinde: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Wriothesley? Wriothesley: … No. Neuvillette: I do! Clorinde: I know, Neuvillette. Neuvillette: I’m sad! Wriothesley: We know, Neuvillette

...

Neuvillette, to Wriothesley and Clorinde: *holding knife out in front of them* Are you or are you not an enemy of the people?! Wriothesley: ... Clorinde: ... Wriothesley: That is such an open-ended question. Clorinde: Yeah, it really depends on a lot of different factors-

...

Wriothesley: We need a diversion. I say Neuvillette gets naked. Neuvillette: No. Clorinde: Who are we trying to distract again?

...

Clorinde, at Neuvillette: Would you like to stay for dinner? Wriothesley, from the kitchen: Would you like to stay forever!?!

...

Clorinde: Ooh, somebody has a crush Wriothesley: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Neuvillette I just think they’re cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about them. *Later that night* Wriothesley, very much awake: Uh oh.

...

Neuvillette: There's no way they like me back. Clorinde: Wriothesley would throw himself in front of a moving car for you. Neuvillette: Wriothesley would throw himself in front of a moving car for fun.

...

Neuvillette: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed. Clorinde: Clorinde: I'm gonna tell them. Wriothesley: Don't you dare.

...

Wriothesley: Is there a cactus where your heart should be? Clorinde: What’s up your ass this morning! Neuvillette: *walks in* ...Hey. Clorinde: Hmm… nevermind. Wriothesley: WAIT NO!

...

Wriothesley: Do you cook? Neuvillette: I made a cake once. Clorinde: Yeah, it was good. Neuvillette: Really? Clorinde: Don’t make me lie twice, Neuvillette.

...

Neuvillette: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming? Clorinde: Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"? Wriothesley: Ya know... it might be.

...

Clorinde: Did Wriothesley just tell me he loved me for the first time? Neuvillette: Yeah, he did. Clorinde: And did I just do finger guns back? Neuvillette: Yeah, you did.

...

Wriothesley: Where are my fucking keys? Clorinde: Wriothesley, Neuvillette is around, can you say it a little nicer? Wriothesley: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING KEYS?!

...

*Neuvillette dies in a game with ships* Wriothesley: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us. Wriothesley: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury. Clorinde: Legend has it that Neuvillette still haunts the ship, stealing my fucking drinks. Neuvillette: Of course I do.

...

Wriothesley: How do you tell someone that you wanna have sex with them in a polite way? Neuvillette: Excuse me [insert name]. Would you give me the honours of indulging in sexual activities with you? Clorinde: What the fuck is wrong with you two?

...

Clorinde: Hey, no, you stay out of this, this is between me and Wriothesley! Neuvillette: So Wriothesley knows about this? Clorinde, walking away: No, this is between me and me!

...

Neuvillette: *is wearing silk pants* How does this look? Wriothesley: Like its slips on and off really easily. Neuvillette: Wriothesley: No, I didn't mean it like that- Clorinde: We know what you meant.

...

Clorinde: What have you done with Neuvillette? Wriothesley: Nothing. Why, do you think I should?

...

Neuvillette, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe? Wriothesley: Yeah, sure. *A few minutes later* Wriothesley: Here you go. Neuvillette: Wriothesley: Clorinde: Why am I here?

...

Wriothesley: I’m this close to falling in love with Neuvillette. Clorinde: Your fingertips are touching. Wriothesley: Exactly.

...

Neuvillette: Would you take a bullet for me? Wriothesley: ...yes? *Clorinde angrily burst into the room* Neuvillette: *running away* Great, thanks!

guys i love them a healthy amount i swear. NOW DIE ON THIS HILL WITH ME

PART II is now up!

[carelessflower]

Ranking Magnus's love interest in the bane chronicles on how much they affect him

I was scrolling Instagram and I saw this post, it's so cool you should check it out! They are doing edits of each of the stories in the bane chronicles and Magnus's lover so I randomly have this idea to rank them. This ranking will be purely dependent on the lover's appearance, description, and impact on Magnus in the bane chronicles, anything outside is frankly irrelevant so please just keep an open! Now let start!

8. Kitty

Appearance: What Really Happened in Peru

Impact on Magnus: not that much, though they did have a very fun summer conning people together, she ranks this low cause I feel they both know it's not gonna last

7. Woosley Scott

Appearance: Vampires, Scones, and Edmund Herondale (mentioned)

Impact on Magnus: Magnus's on and off bed partner! He ranks higher than Kitty because while Magnus and he also know what they have gonna be purely physical they did go back together a couple of times and he's the last werewolf Magnus ever dated, which is a worthy flex! (Also lowkey laughing how Alec was semi-correct in his guessing, Magnus just knows every important figure that founded something even more important up close and personally)

6. Axel von Fersen

Appearance: The Runaway Queen

Impact on Magnus: Look, Magnus helps the literal aristocrats escape during a revolution made to behead them because he's fallen for the pretty black-haired hair blue-eyed boy, that gotta count for something. Also, I would make the case that he's the one that gives Magnus the black hair and blue eyes kink

5. Alec Lightwood

Appearance: The Last Stand of the New York Institute (mentioned only), The Course of True Love (And First Dates), What to Buy the Shadowhunter Who Has Everything, The Voicemail of Magnus Bane

Impact on Magnus: Listen, before you stone me to death, this is based on the entrance of Alec in The Bane Chronicles, like the literal diary Magnus gave him. To be honest, compared to other stories, Alec's stories are kind of not very showing the emotional impact on Magnus. Their first date is cute, but without the werewolf trouble, Magnus is going to bail on Alec. And again, the Alec birthday one, is cute, but it's like a school crush figuring out how to buy them the perfect present stuff, not very romance that transcends time over here, and again Magnus's gift is literally a gift to Isabelle, like can't you both spell her whip and give Alec a sweater or something? And the impact of their breakup just simply doesn't devastate Magnus like with the higher-ranked on this list relationship, Magnus just literally dumped Alec and moved on with his life lol (Alec in Voicemail my cringefail queen)

4. Imasu Morales

Appearance: What Really Happened in Peru

Impact on Magnus: I always think of effort as incredibly romantic so the fact that Magnus willing to learn to play the charango for Imasu, whew. And also he was on the verge of asking Imasu to live with him and after the breakup he drink himself to a manic stay where he propose to cactus and think he's Aladding on flying carpet

3. Unnamed Woman

Appearance: What Really Happened in Peru (mentioned)

Impact on Magnus: The first lover to stay by his side and die in his arms. Magnus was unable to settle anywhere thirty years after her death, so yeah, it's pretty big shoes to fill

2. Etta

Appearance: Saving Raphael Santiago, The Fall of the Hotel Dumort (mentioned), The Course of True Love (And First Dates) (mentioned), What to Buy the Shadowhunter Who Has Everything (mentioned)

Impact on Magnus: He asks if she wants immortality to be by his side, he left the country because it's so unbearable for him and she's the last person he ever love for half a decade

Camille Belcourt

Appearance: Vampires, Scones, and Edmund Herondale; The Midnight Heir (mentioned); The Rise of the Hotel Dumort; Saving Raphael Santiago (mentioned); The Fall of the Hotel Dumort; What to Buy the Shadowhunter Who Has Everything (mentioned)

Impact on Magnus: To be honest, should I even spell this out look at the gigantic appearance list, she's constantly on Magnus's mind even after he dates another person (Alec in this case). Like she hurts him badly but also a part of him will always love her and care for her type, also the sight of her in pain literally hurts him so bad he asks to get his memory wiped, the only instance we know of him doing this so it's possible to assume this is the only lover that truly has that effect on him

The list's done! I'm quite satisfied honestly, definitely tell me what you think :333

tag list: @magnus-the-maqnificent @literallytypogod @hoezier-than-thou @sociallyineptbibliophile @queenlilith43

@khaleesiofalicante @wandererbyheart @raziyekroos @onetimetwotimesthreetimess @alexandergideonslightwood @andrwminward

@noah-herondale-lightwood @elettralightwood @dustandducks @deliciousdetectivestranger @delightfullyterrible

@letsgofortacos

@kita-no @thelightofthebane @secrettryst @goldendreams3 @cityofdownwardspirals

@stupidfuckindinosaur

@i-have-not-slept @rinadragomir @potato-jem @kasper-tag @cam-ryt

@banesapothecary

@sheisntyou @izzysimcns @culiehua

[queenpiranhadon]

A/N: I find it hilarious that this is Bakugou x Reader and he's not even in like 1/3 of the series LMAO Big thanks to our resident beta reader @cashmoneyyysstuff srlsy dunno how she thought I was cool enough to follow ily 😭 Here's the masterlist!

Warning(s): Cursing, reader is the daughter of Aizawa, Shinso and Eri are biological siblings, Shinso is a year younger than reader, reader is 20 years old, afab!reader, reader's mother is dead, medieval fantasy setting, reader cries a lot, reader started sword fighting at age six, reader passes out from crying, reader drugs her family (JUST HEAR ME OUT LMAO- I DON'T CONDONE STUFF LIKE THAT BUT ITS FOR THE PLOT), bad explanations of anesthetics, reader's nickname is Cactus and Warrior, slight spoilers of the actual show/manga, mentions of crossdressing (it's probably inaccurate, idk man I'm not really experienced with this sorta stuff lol).

Pairing(s): Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛᴡᴏ: Bruises

“I have bad news.” 

In that moment, you’re pretty sure you felt your heart stop. 

You sat there, frozen, unable to move as everyone else at the table starts talking immediately, asking your father was the issue was. 

Yet his eyes remained on you, inky coals transfixed on you, unwavering, boring into your soul as if waiting, watching to see what you’d do next. 

Your mind tries to wander, briefly remembering the last time your father said that, the slight pain in his seemingly empty eyes and his strained tone of voice. The last time those words were uttered, your mother died. 

No. 

Now wasn’t the time for that. Now was the time to protect your family, like you always have. Your feelings weren’t important now.  

You notice your father rub his index finger against the underside of his thumb, a code you knew to mean retreat. In this case, he wanted to go outside to talk to you, alone. 

The table goes silent as you stand up with a word, worried glances being sent you way. Smiling reassuringly at them, you make your way around the table to the door, spinning around to squeeze Ejiro’s shoulder as he was the closest to you and make eye contact with your brother.  

“Toshi, you’re in charge in the meantime- make sure everyone has enough to eat alright?” you ask, and he hums in agreement, but narrows his eyes, a look that means you’re telling me everything once you’re done. 

You chose to ignore that, turning around again to exit your home to meet your father who was waiting for you outside.  

Shutting the door behind you, you see him staring up at the starless sky, covered by clouds and most likely smoke from fires made to provide warmth with the coming winter.  

You join him on the steps of your porch, staring up into the night sky with him. It was poetic in a way, the loss of the stars in the sky reminded you of the man by your side.  

Shota Aizawa was a swordsman, and one of the finest in the kingdom of Bellorant. Since you were six, he used to teach you, much to your mother’s annoyance. She didn’t want you near anything of the sort, especially when you returned one day covered in bruises, saying "Shota, she’s six! She needs to grow to be a lady, not a soldier or a fighter. She doesn’t need to grow up around violence.” 

Yet he still taught you, teaching you ancient sword techniques and sparred with you on occasion, but you never won – unless he let you. Every time, he would stop you at the most spontaneous moments, you could be in the middle of a heated spar when he rubbed his index finger against his thumb, retreat. It was like he had a sixth sense, knowing exactly when your mother would be home, and when she walked through the front door, you would be helping your father with preparing dinner.  

It was your secret, only for the two of you.  

At least for four years. After your mother had passed away, your father basically fell apart, refusing to teach you as an unspoken promise to your mother following her death.  

He could barely look at a sword the same way after he lost both his leg and your mother, like the starless sky - you knew it was possible, yet it seemed wrong. Your father was as empty without his swords as the sky was without stars. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask, your voice betraying you, coming out as a shaky whisper.  

The raven-haired man sucks in a breath, refusing to look at you, not saying anything, The silence was deafening and suffocating, as waves of anxiety rack your brain and your heart rate picks up.  

What in the world could be so bad that he can’t even look you in the eye?! 

“I’m being enlisted into the army. The roundup is tomorrow at dawn.” 

Time stops right then and there. You feel your heart drop. You couldn’t lose him, you couldn’t. Sending him out there was suicide, and he knew it.  

He couldn’t do this to you, not after losing your mother. You needed him, he was all you had left to prevent you from tearing yourself apart from the inside. He was the loose string in the fabric that held everything together but was easily able to be pulled away in the blink of an eye.  

You didn’t realize you were crying until a rough hand comes up and brushes a few tears from your face.  

“You have to be strong my warrior.” he whispers softly, the name hitting you harder than it should’ve.  

He hadn’t called you that since the last time you trained together.  

Words fail you, but he understands, holding you tight as the dam breaks, unshed tears falling as years of suffocating pain and stress release you in the form of salty tears that drip down your cheeks and soak into your father’s shirt.  

You were going to be all alone again.  

Just the thought brings even more tears to your eyes, heaving sobs so powerful that you can’t breathe, there’s just too much and you can’t take it anymore, but you have to.  

You have to, for Hitoshi and Eri. If nothing else, do it for them.  

*** 

You’re not sure when you passed out, but you come to lying in your bed, your dad probably carried you.  

Your throat feels dry, and your eyes burn. Shivering and burying yourself in your blankets, your heart sinks as the situation dawns on you. 

Taking in a shaky deep breath you think, like you always have. Thinking about how to fix a problem that seemed so big that you could never fix it.  

But there was always a way.  

You tried to remember the last time enlistments happened. It wasn’t the first time your father has been in a war, neither had it been for many of the men in your village. But the rest of the village wasn’t battling a severe disability and trying to cope with even more severe mental health issues.  

As per the crown’s decree, the terms for enlistment were the oldest able-bodied man from each household would be sent to join the army out of loyalty for their country.  

That didn’t make sense- considering that your father was far from able bodied...shit.  

The alternative would’ve been HItoshi. Your father, knowing this, probably created a loophole, saying that the makeshift wooden prosthetic Chiyo provided from him considered the man able bodied, saving Hitoshi from the hardships of war he’d have to endure either way.  

Bastard. You curse mentally, somewhat towards your father but mostly at the situation at hand. Shota Aizawa was an intuitive man, and knew exactly how to manipulate a situation to get what he wants. This trait, both helpful and infuriating was one that was passed down to you, which explained how you could read people well enough to know their intentions.

But you knew that right now, what you needed was both your father and Hitoshi, at some, safe.  

And for that to happen, you needed some third Aizawa son to step in and take the burden from them both.  

Then it hit you, maybe there was.  

Cross dressing wasn’t a completely new subject to you- you remembered when you and Ochako snuck into a pub one night, dressed as two boys so no men would try to make a move on either of you.  

Maybe it would work again.  

Creeping out of your room, you see that everyone’s gone to bed. For once, you’re thankful that you do all the chores around the house, tip toeing into the room where you washed and dried all your clothes, spotting the basket of unfolded clean clothes that needed to be put away.  

Sifting through its contents, you find what you were looking for: a yellowed white tunic and some thick black pants that belong to your brother.  

Perfect. 

This was all going according to plan.  

Depositing the clothes in your room, you go into the washroom, finding the medicine cabinet where all Eri’s concoctions lived.  

You wince, knowing this was technically drugging your family against their will, but you get to work, finding the balm used for sleep. 

Sneaking into Hitoshi’s room first, you take some of the balm, rubbing the substance against your fingertips before rubbing it gently against the skin that covered his temple, herbs that were said to have magical properties allowed a light dosage of melatonin into the neural system.  

You felt his body relax, all the tenseness gone from his frame, and you kiss his forehead softly, a tear pricking your eye. 

You might never see him again.  

“I love you Hitoshi.” you murmur, stroking his hair before doing the same for your father and sister both sound asleep, and they would be for the next twelve hours.  

Fingering the paper in your hands, you bring it up to your lips, a final blessing from you before putting the letter addressed to your family on the dining table.  

It was almost dawn, grabbing the roll of bandages from the washroom and wrapping your torso with it to make your chest flatter. You felt like you couldn’t breathe, but you persisted, knowing that it would only be a minor inconvienience in the long run. 

Slipping your brother’s clothes on, you tie your hair into a wolf’s knot, a hairstyle that your father taught you himself, the mark of a warrior. Slipping on Hitoshi’s shoes, you grab the worn picture of your family ten years ago, looking at it, your mother’s face, and your father’s happy one. Now he’d at least be alive to have the chance to feel like that again

You put the photo in your satchel, along with the dagger you used to train with, and the diary Ejiro gifted you when you were thirteen. It was very thick, enough to only be half filled from 7 years of your living, but then again you never really used it back then. Well, that was going to change now, determined to leave your family and friends a little more than a rushed letter if you die.  

Holy shit.  

You could die.  

The thought had never properly struck you until now, and yet, you didn’t feel dread. You just understood the grim truth that if it wasn’t you, it would be Hitoshi or your dad, and it were more than happy to put your life on the line for them.  

You see the sun’s ray start to peak out of the horizon, eyes sweeping your home one last time before closing the door, hand staying on the doorknob for a split second longer than you should’ve, as it trying to subconsciously memorize how it feels. 

One step by one, you make your way down the steps of your porch, the same ones you sat on the night before where you cried your heart out in your father’s arms.  

That seemed so long ago, yet only a few seconds ago at the same time.  

You make your way down the cobblestone path, down to the center of the village, spotting men from the imperial palace with their scrolls condemning their people to death.  

You swallow down the pit in your stomach, taking a deep breath and joining the crowd of men that gathered around.  

Goodbye, home.  

Taglist: @andysdrafts @starieq @nemisimp @missa-archdevilme @coquettefoxxy

@032loe @icedemon1314 @fta1ask4 @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory @cuppalevi

@touyasprettydoll @slayfics @yeehawgiddyup13 @notjustanotherextra @frvv

@naoyasbby @sweetblueworm @isentsworld @bkgpackets @moonnm

@bkgrl @satoruyes @eyesforbkg @juicyfingers @aejabba

@noodleryworld @yui-aya @ashiblossom @rv19 @wheezdostuff

@yannvi @liluvtojineteyam @ah-mya @surprisemodafakas

@kksmush @sagejin @cax-per @kit-katsukii

[thedivineflowers]

what if middleschoolerMC went through the mirror and it was lunch time and it was like dead quiet in the cafeteria and all you hear from middle school MC is " what's up my pookies we up mentally and literally" while being clearly exhausted how would they react?

This shit funny as hell idk where or when you thought of this but damn my tummy hurt

You put your hand on the mirror, expecting to touch the glass but your hand felt a watery substance and you were now in the school cafeteria of NRC. Because of the sudden appearance of the portal and you the cafeteria was deadass quiet just staring at you.

You being the tired and uneducated ass kid you are you held up 'ily' signs while tiredly saying. "Whaddup my pookie wookies we up mentally and literally" before you comfortably laid yourself on the cold cafeteria floor in your sweatpants and sandals.

Riddle:

You just caught him in time! His fifteen minutes of being at the table were up but you suddenly spawning and laying down on the floor has caught his attention. He has now brought you to Heartslaybul to sleep on his bed while he has Trey make some tea for you to help boost your energy because you just fell asleep on the floor like it was a water bed 🧍‍♂️. He obviously has people check on you and your health and then he'll soak in you being there with him. He'll prolly ask if you have homework depending on how long you were gone .

Trey:

He did not expect you at all. Like you left gracefully but came back with eye bags heavier than a boulder. But once he has made sure that you are well despite your exhaustion he will proceed to take care of you himself before processing that you're actually there with him.

Cater:

Fucker took a photo of you with the caption of 'just found this goofball sleeping on the floor 😆!' Before using this split card thingy to pick you up and take you to his dorm so you can sleep. He gives you your kid safe vitamin gummies and your hot chips or whatever and then he'll tell you about all the shit that's been going on while you were gone 🤫.

Deuce and Ace:

FUCK YOU TUMBLR FOR DELETING MY SHIT AGAIN 😡😡😡

They both like honestly acted like you just came from class and not from another world you went home to but they pick you up and put you on the fancy couches they have in club rooms and act like your a dead body when you're just sleeping after the portal took a lot more of energy from you. But when you wake up they have a cup of coffee and an energy drink for you. Or you could terrify the two and mix both the coffee and energy drink up 🧍‍♂️.

Leona:

Bro was all the way in the back where you appeared but he was kinda annoyed that you fell asleep on the cafeteria floor of all places. He'll take you to the little garden thingy and have you lay your head on his bicep or whatever and use his tail to protect you from whatever the fuck students are after you if you picked any fights before you left 🧍‍♂️.

Ruggie:

He doesn't give a flying fuck he just cares that you're back! He will personally use his unique magic to make you get up and go to his dorm so that you two can goof off. Bro probably has had no sleep ever since you left because he's used to the two of you sleeping on the floor or on the edge of the bed or the balcony.

Jack:

Bro planted a cactus for you and is taking extra special care of it for you but he only finds out that you haven't been taking care of yourself 😡. It's cool your back after so long but at least make sure you sleep at reasonable times. He has those baby body wash bottles that are supposed to soothe them and make them go to sleep faster in this bathroom and he will have you use it when you take a shower and then he'll have you sleep the whole day so your ready for tomorrow because he's dragging you with him.

Octanvinelle:

They're picking you up and taking you straight to the dorm to relax because having a sleepy you with them will not be good for them (you cursed them out one time because you saw Floyd in his eel form because his potion wore off and you thought it was an actual eel because you were still sleepy and you tried stepping on him.)

Scarabia:

Kalim is gonna ride the magic carpet so fast and drag Jamil with him his hair is gonna get taken out of it's ponytail by force. They picked you up quickly before taking you back to Scarabia and having you lay down while they treat you like you just got a fever. Well you did eventually get one but they still stayed in the same room as you and eventually moved you to Kalims room to sleep in there while Jamil monitored you and Kalim got you some blankets because you kept on saying you were cold. (Your fever got worse but Jamil was able to save the day)

Pomefiore:

Vil is gagging by how awful you look and how unkept you look with how your hair is knotted and how your skin looked like it would start falling off by how dry it was. He wasn't even going to correct the way you spoke before he had Rook quickly take you to Pomefiore and had you sleep in your old room while Epel grabbed a bunch of skincare stuff and hair care because it needs to be saved. Rook is monitoring you and making sure that you sleep well before Vil puts a bunch of random stuff on your skin and in your hair. Epel is helping as well by feeding you a type of apple juice to replenish you because you looked dehydrated as fuck.

Ignihyde:

Idia ofc didn't know until Ortho went over and saw you sleeping on the floor like it was a water bed. Ortho then picks you up and takes you over to Ignihyde where Idia has you sleep on his bed until you wake up. Ortho went over to Sam's shop and bought some medicine for you and some Gatorade to cover up the taste of the medicine. (EW MEDICINE 🤮🤮) Once you wake up Idia and Ortho are hugging you for as long as they can before you go and do some more stupid shit and make yourself exhausted again.

Diasomnia:

Malleus happen to have seen you laying down on the floor and brought you over to Diasomnia where you sleep on a bunch of Silvers pillows in Malleus' room where he had Lilia watch over you until you woke up while Sebek and Silver went to prepare your room for you. Once you woke up you were met with a bowl of some goo goo that Lilia claimed to be soup. (It was hot as shit and the bowl was this close to breaking if it was any hotter.) You refused to eat it so Malleus made you some tea and Sebek made a bath for you because you were cold with your fucking sandals exposing your feet and making you this close to getting sick. (If you get sick he will blame it on if your didn't wear shoes, your feet were not covered, your hair was wet, or the fan in your room blasting on the highest level.) Silver went to go sleep next to you in your room so that he can check up on you and make sure that you're alright.

Idk how it got to me making me sick but 👍

Bro my ass was throwing up all day today I am tired but I got the motivation to write this and I altered it a bit so whoever requested it I hope it's still okay.

Anyways I'ma go do some oogly boogly shit maybe or sleep idk but bye y'all kithes ❤️❤️❤️😘😘😘😘