#Mod tag messages:

[innacurate-frog-counter]

Frogs detected: 1

Species detected: Dendrobates tinctorius ‘azureus’ (a color morph of Dendrobates tinctorius)

Researchers' Notes: This morph of Poison Dart Frogs (commonly known as the Blue Poison Dart Frog) is thought to be one of the most threatened types of poison dart frog in Central and South America. However, it is inconclusive if the specimen in this post is of that exact species and morph since the back of the frog (where black speckling should be visible) is not shown.

day 1749

[sonysakura]

🚫 My Sonic Big Bang 2024 Experience

...Or how a few months of my life were severely negatively impacted by someone else's bad management. See for yourself.

Proof of the rule they're speaking about being actively hidden from the participants to this day: FAQ – archived link, screenshot with "Who can participate?" on top, screenshot with "explicit" word search, screenshot with "nsfw" word search; Master Guide – screenshot with "explicit" word search, screenshot with "nsfw" word search; server rules – long screenshots of General Server Rules and StH Big Bang Specific Rules: Mar 12 and Jul 01, screenshots of Strike Policy: Mar 12 and Jul 01, long screenshot of General Guidelines, long screenshot of Collaboration Thread Guidelines.

I feel like this is extremely unfair 😭 One moment I was participating in the event I dreamed about for years, and the next moment I'm thrown out into the cold when I did nothing wrong. I need to get it off my chest...

Below, more about my experience with the event, though it ended up a little vent-y, a detailed (and verified!) record of what exactly happened in private thread #48, the aftermath and some fun facts I discovered or want to share:

First things first! Yep, I signed up for Sonic BB as a Writer back in January. I didn't talk about it outside of my server 'cause I wanted it to be a surprise – when I roll out a lo-o-ong illustrated fic without a warning. I'll admit, I always wanted to participate in a Big Bang for this fandom, it was a dream of sorts. And still, before sending my form in, I carefully read all of the Master Guide and the FAQ both. Seeing as how for my neurodivergent brain the rules and regulations are important, that's what I usually do for events, and this one wasn't an exception. Confident that I understand what the event would require of me, I signed up.

First month of the event went well. My questions were answered (even though I wondered why some of the things I asked couldn't have been in the Master Guide from the beginning), I wrote my fic summary and submitted it without many problems, etc. There was a small hiccup at the very beginning of March when I noticed how strict the management seemed to be (no changes or adjustments allowed), and my anxiety got the best of me, so I asked the mods if there's a plan in case a collab team doesn't work out: screenshot of my message in #writers-info-and-questions, pulled from my Discord data; screenshot of my detailed explanation in DMs; screenshot of Mod Joy's reply. Here are the most important quotes from his reply:

I understand wanting to plan for the worst case scenarios, but I would caution you not to freak yourself out over what all could go wrong! There are some absolutely lovely artists in this event who are excited to work with the writers. Odds are, things will go off without a hitch.

We are highly encouraging that no one drops out after the assignments, especially writers, unless due to extenuating circumstances.

We want to make everything as fun and stress-free for everyone. Know that we will be around to moderate threads and dissolve any tensions that arise,..

In short, I was placated with reassurances of careful moderation, not dropping writers and ✨positivity✨. I decided to stay and challenge myself since originally BB is meant to be a challenge and all...

For those of you who haven't participated: the way it is supposed to go is that writers submit short summaries of their stories, these summaries are stripped of the writers' names and given to artists to pick through. The artists then have to list their Top 10 stories to illustrate during the claims period. After the claims, private collab threads are made for each writer and their artists with a couple of mods. So no one else could see what happens in these threads.

Now flashforward to March 11th and the threads being created. Obviously I don't have screenshots of that due to being kicked off the server without any warning and before any chance of communication, unable to delete my personal information or save anything that might be used against me which was a case of poor management at best and a deliberate move at worst, so I'm retelling as faithfully as possible. It also has been verified by [artist 1] and according to them, this is exactly what happened.

My fic was in the 4-8k range, and I got two artists. I was asleep when the thread opened, and they talked about how excited they are for my fic before I came in. Both of them are 18, young but adults. I’ll call them [artist 1] (they're cool), and the other one is [artist 2]. Both artists seemed to talk to me normally.

Oh, I have to point out that there were hmm, Mods Chaz, Joy, Summers and Frostios in my thread. I think only four of them, but I know for sure Mod Summers was reading our conversation at least in the beginning because I noticed my fic's Warnings saying "None" (the original summary I submitted had Warnings: Discussion of Homophobia, Slight Internalised Homophobia), and I pointed out that there are warnings, though I don't know if they were lost just now or weren't in the sheet available to the Artists either, and whether they were actually lost or mods didn't consider it a big enough warning to keep... I still don't know. Mod Summers just silently pinned my message.

I mentioned how I'm in one of the Asian timezones geographically, so I might be awake or asleep at unconventional times, and they told me their timezones (I didn't ask!), so I figured I can make a timebuddy chart for easy tracking what time it is for everyone. Made one, sent the link to the thread, Mod Summers asked me if I want it pinned, too, and then a couple of hours later (I think?) [artist 1] came and said it's very helpful. This is my evidence for at least Mod Summers probably reading the conversation that followed but also maybe not. I think all of the mods were online or at least visually online when it was happening.

This is where I reveal that the entire conversation happened in like... one afternoon 🥲 Roughly 7 pm to 2 am for me.

Back to the conversation itself. There were a few questions I had so I started with them, basically 1) if they've read my fics before (explained that I'm asking so I know whether I need to tell them about my writing style and Sonadow dynamics I write); 2) do they want me to send in scenes as I write them or they want a full draft; 3) if they have any immediate questions for me. Question 1) is what we need. Both of them said they've never read my stuff before, and that they don't have any questions now but they want art to be as close to text as possible, so they will ask in the future. This is how it went down after (as per my memory, artist rendition I guess):

[artist 1]: I haven't read your fics but I'd like to! Your Ao3 is the same as your handle? [no link]

Me: It isn't a requirement, you don't have to! But that's right. I have to warn you though that I usually rate my Ao3 profile as 18+ when I link it, though 33/36 of my Sonic fics are rated G and T, and I feel like a warning is in order anyway so people don't accidentally stumble upon something they don't want to see and know what to avoid/filter out. [I didn't post any links or encouraged the artists to read my profile, just made a warning to be cautious]

We go into discussion of how long I have been writing, [artist 1] shows no problems with knowing my Ao3 has 3 Mature fics, I describe what series my fic will be for [the series is completely SFW, and even then I didn't post the link to it] and go into details of how I write Sonadow dynamics in my fics without mentioning the NSFW ones obviously, we speak about Question 2).

[artist 2]: [replying to my warning about my Ao3] ooohh so you write gore sometimes?

Me: Nah, I don't actually, I'm pretty uncomfortable with it tbh, so no, I don't. Some blood and a quick description of Maria's dead body is the most I have ever done 😅 All the angst I make characters go through is emotional rather than physical!

[artist 2]: oh I shouldn't have assumed, sorry. It's just the first thing my mind went to

Me: It's okay! I've been a medical student at some point and I think I've just had enough of that - one of the main reasons I'm not a doctor but a linguist.

[artist 1] gets excited about this for some reason, and we chat about it for a moment.

Normal conversation continues like...

Me: Okay, where were we

[artist 2]: i wasn't paying attention errr

Me: Me neither! But it's Question 3)

I go into saying how them wanting to draw as close to the text is 💯 what I wanted to hear because for me my texts are an extension of my soul, I'm fragile about them, and I'd prefer the art to be exactly according to it blah-blah-blah, I describe my thoughts about a plan of work for us and how I'm going to share pieces of my fic according to their respective wishes.

[artist 1]: Sounds great!

[artist 2]: yeah, sounds good

[artist 1] says something else which I just react with an emoji to, and I start getting ready for sleep because it's almost 2 am, and I have to get up at 6 am.

Nothing else was said in the thread. That's it.

I got to bed and as most people nowadays I check my phone one last time. I see [artist 2] requesting a mod they can DM to, but I don't think much of it…

So 6 am. I wake up and again, as most people nowadays, I check my phone. I went to sleep in a good mood, seemingly in good relations with my artists, excited for the collab and having a solid plan everyone agreed to, so I eagerly open Discord to see if they wrote anything new in the thread. I see no Sonic Big Bang 2024 server.

I will not go into too much detail about my state, but I have an extremely acute reaction to stress very similar to a panic attack that lasts for hours. So with shaking fingers I open my DMs to see the message from that first screenshot I started my post with. The following exchange with me learning about the hidden rule happens the next day. Unfortunately, before that I still have to go to work for a full day in that very same mental state, oof. Plus I have no breaks on Tuesday... I go back and forth all day with my friends about how shitty this situation is, and one of them asks me how [artist 1] reacted. I say that I don't know, but they still follow me on Tumblr so I go and message them, and from what they tell me, it sounds like a mod pretended to them that I was removed because of an existing rule that's stated somewhere. They didn't argue with that, and that's understandable of course.

At home, I notice one of the event mods blocked me.

It is difficult to explain what's happening in my mind without going into details of what my [disorders] are, but things that are unfair, things that are injustice put my brain in a loop until all wrongs are righted. I'm ranting about it to friends, and I think about it day and night. On March 14th I vent about it in the tags of a related reblog, and this is the only instance of me talking about StH BB on my blog. Next morning I'm blocked by the event blog and over the next 2 weeks – by two more mods, while another mod speaks to me passively-aggressively in a shared Discord server. Then I'm shown a screenshot where one of the mods claims I offered my Ao3 to my artists (I didn't) and implies everyone who writes NSFW is dangerous. And then I receive a hate ask about the event, calling me "creepy"... All this time, my brain is still stuck in a loop, and let me tell you – it's not fun. It doesn't help that my first reaction to everything that makes me feel bad is always to assume I'm at fault for everything, and seeing how hostile people are to me, I'm drowning in self-blame. Without going into any more detail, it takes me 2 months and a lot of help to somewhat recover, so I finally send my reply to Headmod Chaz and receive one back:

If you got to this part, you know that half of Headmod Chaz's reply is simply untrue since there were no "multiple instances", and in any case I was never asked to keep quiet about my ban (and why should I?). I sent another reply a month later expressing my confusion and wondering when the messages will be removed (only my intro was removed). As of today, that reply is still ignored, and the messages aren't removed 🤷

And this is the entirety of my Sonic Big Bang 2024 experience. Now for some Q&A:

Why did you wait so long to make this post? I didn't want to put any participants under fire, particularly my friends because I'll admit, the mods seem like petty people. And also I was worried about throwing shade on other participants (people associating their works with this) or spoiling the event for people who were genuinely having fun with it. Thus, I waited until it was over!

Is this a callout post? According to definition as "public criticism or asking someone to explain their actions", I think it is – in terms of calling out bad management. It is definitely not a call for harassment. There is a reason I censored some names and left vague who reported me, blocked me, was hostile to me or spread rumours about me. Please don't bother anyone, and if the mods decide to engage with this, they can post their own statement.

Aside from the above reasons, why make a post at all? Two reasons: a personal one and an altruistic one. Firstly, I hope to get closure this way since I still feel like I was unjustly thrown away when I was just being a dutiful person. Secondly, while Headmod Chaz said they will be transparent about this rule next time they run an event, as you can see they fully ignored my suggestion of doing it now, and in general keeping a rule hidden to such an extent where you lie in your FAQ is pretty shady... I don't trust them not to do it again next year.

Is it okay to reblog the post/reply to it, what about sending an ask or a PM? I turned off the reblogs, but you can still reply or PM or send a non-anonymous ask (anonymous asks will be deleted because I want to be able to answer privately). If you decide to be negative or call me names, however, be prepared to be blocked by IP or username.

Finally, fun facts as promised 🔥

There are other participants out there who have had negative experiences with BB or were made uncomfortable by the way it was managed, but I'm not going to speak for them;

There was this whole thing with hypocrisy and possible favouritism;

Despite the mods insisting on ME being quiet about my ban, it's now known that they shared information about it outside the mod group;

Out of 6 mods: 5 have me blocked, 2 were passive-aggressive with 1 of them going as far as verbally lash out at me in DMs, and only 1 mod gave me a somewhat human apology before blocking me (not pictured in screenshots);

I saw 3 NSFW writers and at least 2 NSFW artists participating in BB just by scrolling through my dash, without seeking them out, and this is not counting people I noticed in the server prior to me being banned;

Some people are posting Mature and Explicit extras and sequels/prequels to their BB stories already;

The artist who reported me seems to have dropped out anyway;

There's a joke reason why I'm making a post, too: I have to earn being blocked from the event blog since they said they did it because of multiple instances of me talking about my removal;

For this post (and because one of their staff members is a former Big Bang mod), I was forever banned from participating in Chaos Quill Collection projects;

I'm actually grace and most of the time write my characters as aspec, and I'm exploring what sexuality and intimacy mean for me through writing, so this situation felt a little... like gatekeeping;

My fic was #48 under the title Chao Care 101, and I want you to give me a high five if you had it among your top choices 🖐

Originally, I wasn't going to complete my BB fic because it made me feel bad, but now I've decided I want to reclaim it, so I'm writing it now. Almost 8k words at the moment. It will be published. And it will be illustrated;

Meanwhile, what good came out of this disaster is Sonic Supernova 2025, and I recommend you all to keep an eye out for this inclusive Big Bang-like event 🌟

[petphantoms]

[dani-the-toad]

back when i was 12 undertale was literally my favorite game in the entire world and i put in literal hundreds of hours into it just because. doing this i also decided my favorite activity was teaching myself how to no hit run the sans fight. i was successful and can still do most of the battle without getting hit to this day. point being kris dreemurr if you need help killing sans before he becomes your stepdad literally just hit me up because i would be happy to help and we could do it in one try i promise to redeem myself after the amount of knight attempts and also basic boss fights please let me help you

[proselfshipsafespace]

get out of the main selfship tag you pred

yo guys whats your favorite animal. i personally love tasmanian devils

heres what they look like. theyre carnivorous and feral lil shits, i love them!!!

[pots-culture-is]

Undiagnosed pots culture is laying down and having a resting heart beat of 63 and then standing up to have it go up to 125 and still think to myself “but what if im fine and im just making it all up in my head?” Even tho there’s also joint pain and dizziness and headaches every single day and brain fog and blood pooling and more

But what if nothing’s actually wrong and im just making it up in my head and convincing myself something’s wrong even though i don’t want something to be wrong and i know that the physical symptoms are all real

To fake something you have to consciously fake it, (although I'm aware it sounds insane, I didn't believe that either for a long time, but I promise it's true).

If you have symptoms, you're very likely not making it up in your head anon, sure something being wrong isn't great, but I can promise you that worrying if you're faking or not isn't worth your time. (or energy). (that shit is more valuable than gold dude /gender neutral).

I got told (by many people including a doctor) that I must be faking and I believed it, all it did was worsen my PoTS (health was already deteriorating and it was a spiral I couldn't escape), once I pushed past that and got a diagnosis and medication holy shit is life easier.

I'm not the best with words of support, I'm aware, but I try haha. If you take anything away from this, be it that not everyone will present the same, just because one thing is less bad that someone else, doesn't mean you're faking, or anything like that. It can't hurt to let someone know that there may be something wrong either. ❤️(/platonic)

[magusarchives]

sooo if i ran a rusty quill network horror fanzine would people apply?? 👀

[ask-theredcrown]

I asked imora this so I thought I should ask others!

Current opinion on everyone?

[mod coffee: why not do this before I sleep!]

Imora: Absolutely head over heels, has called her "wife" before, it was unconscious but he really wants to marry her.

Forneus: Bounded, forever hers, will marry a second time as soon as he can, she's his Queen and Goddess.

Poet: He loves them truly, with all his heart. Wonders if he could be a good partner for settling up...?

Lamb: ...Doubtful, he wonders if he made the right choice. He's trusting them, but... It's complicated. Perhaps he should be more strict, it's time to let his head choose his path.

Aym and Baal: Loves them both to death, he's very proud of how far they had come, but regrets not being able to give then the best life they could have had.

Asha and Olivia: Loves them both to death, he should visit more often! Raising them along with Imora was a delight, they are wonderful kids.

Cormack: Not his bio dad, but he loves him just as if he was his own. Need to visit him too and play more with him!

Goat: Neutral. Either help or get out of the way. (Wait, he's dating my son?!)

Bee: A sweet lady, Baal is lucky.

Bishops of the Old Faith: "I will get out of this place, and once I do, death will be kindness compared to what I will do with you."

[warn me if I forgot anyone!!!]

[cursed-commons-chats]

hey everyone, sorry there was no post today. we let the queue run out on accident because i've been busy with finals. for today's offering, please enjoy this video i made of my pathetic wet cat

[robloxiansurvivors]

I don't think 666 knows what a country is /j

Same [Crazy fr haha… ha…]

[rarespawns]

to my moots who play java minecraft im going to be running a lightly modded smp (mostly performance stuff) lmk if you are interested, will be at least 24 hours after this post though before the server is available cus the modpack needs to be reviewed

[kirkwallsbane]

that one post the other day asked about Lavellan's family members and reminded me that I had concepts of rewriting the 'Protect Clan Lavellan' war table missions as an actual playable quest, especially one in my world where my companion OC Enasel'an Lavellan is involved

Anyway i've since written 6 pages of notes on how the quest would work and how Enasel'an specifically as a companion ties into it

[positive-total-drama-takez]

Hiiii friend......... Zee and Dawn are furries and helped make eachothers fursuits to me and they're friends......

(from Markus💜)

.

[proselfshipsafespace]

hi im the rpf selfship anon :3 banger!! dw my mans is of age lol hehehe.

buuut since u said yes, could u rate bang chan from the kpop group stray kids? he is the love of my life ,, hehe

okay so i went to look this guy up and the way that this was the FIRST RESULT WHEN I TYPED HIS NAME IN (my search history doesnt save if ur wondering)

okay but going off of looks and vibes, he looks cute! not my type, but i see the vision, hes conventionally attractive. he looks kinda menacing in a way... shudders.. GIVE US A SMILE ??? /silly

6.3/10

[the-sleepydragon]

{My headcanon is that nari had no influence on the naming of olivia, but chuckled slightly at the "coincidence," since poet never told imora his name.}

Mod Genie: @ask-theredcrown PSST PSPSPSPSPSP COFFEE

COFFEE SHOULD WE MAKE THIS CANON OR NAH?? SNNDJDJ

[captain-jimmy]

to say the very least: i get it, i also hate how i’m perceived. i know that may seem shallow and it’s easy to say you understand someone, but in the simplest way i can put it, i get it. i would elaborate but that may also cause me to spiral so. just know that it gets better. it does. you just have to last until then.

also, advice that i have from experience: do not act on the impulses. it doesn’t make things better, trust me. it often only makes you feel worse about yourself, leading to another spiral, and then you’re stuck in a cycle of harming others & yourself (whether directly or not) and it’s hard to break out of, especially in your circumstance. moral of the story just. i don’t know man, hang on, keep your head up? i don’t know what to do myself, i’m just trying to help someone out of the cycle of dread I’m dealing with right now.

anyways don’t act on the impulses. it gets better. goodbye.

ALSO these anons are vicious the fact you anticipated someone daring you to prove it??? okay that’s seriously all goodbye, hope your life & situation gets better 👍

Im sortof at a loss for words because I wasnt expecting anyone to try to sincerely comfort me, but I do appreciate it. Im gonna post it even though I dont have much to add just because there are probably people who deserve to hear this more than I do