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simp4konig · 1 year ago

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Okay okay I have to ask, what’s your fav head canons of Nikto then? I love hearing other people’s ideas and head canons of cod characters ^^ 💕

Ngl, i get inspired by other people's headcanons, and i make headcanons off THEIR headcanons 🥲👍… I'm unoriginal 😔💔

SOOOO, im “” Tagging”” (by that i mean putting // after the @ so the original creators dont get the notifcation for this LMAO=) blogs whose own works inspired me to create my own headcanons 🥰❤️

General Nikto Headcanons ❤️

Word Count: 1,584.

Tag List: ♡ @simpforkonig ♡ @rustic-guitar-notes ♡ @best-soup ☆ @lotionlamp ♡ @trepaika ☆ @luci4theminorannoyance ☆ @happy-mushrooms ♡ @nightlyvoids ♡ @skeletalgoats ♡ @aethelwyneleigh27 ☆ @arrozyfrijoles23 ♡ @dobaddo ☆ @the-second-sage ☆ @wil-xyz ☆ @revnatheshadow ☆ @feelya

Allusions to NSFW beneath the cut! Readers are warned.

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Blunt and straight to the point. Sees no rhyme nor reason in beating around the bush and sugarcoating his words. As a result, he can be viewed as insensitive and lacking in empathy.

Impatient, and has a short fuse, so blows up often. Only you are able to be the calm after his storm, subduing him with soft reassurances and whispered words.

To say that he is possessive would be an understatement — he is extremely territorial.

After his torture, he is wary of the few things that he posesses and can actually call his own (you). His biggest phobia is losing you, and his irrational fear is someone stealing you away. Any prick unlucky enough to not catch on to you two dating will be lucky enough to survive the beating that he is given.

On that note, he is simultaneously self-assured, and insecure.

His mask is a part of him, and personal. It will take him months for him to shed said part of him.

Constantly fears that you will leave him once he reveals his face to you, so puts it off for as long as he possibly can. The day that he takes off his mask, only for you to be so casual about it and passing it off as your day-to-day, is the day that became cemented in his hard, stony heart.

Has conflicting views towards marriage. On the one hand, is an official document declaring your relationship really so necessary? Isn't an expensive wedding superfluous, and too sensational? To him, all of that is redundant — he's yours, and you're his…

…On the other hand, a glistening ring on your finger invokes a primal desire to make you more his than you are already. It would be a declaration of a love which even death wouldn't do part. Maybe he should pay more attention to the rings on display at the jewellery stores you pass by when shopping occasionally together.

An introverted man, who finds solace in solitude; excluding you, his partner, he has no companions, and rarely associates with anyone else. The voices in his head are bothersome enough, so why does he need additional voices bothering him? With that said, you would think that your presence would be a bother — especially with your mindless chatter when Nikto doesn't grunt at the idle small talk at times, wholly unresponsive for the majority of the time — but the moment you give any indication of leaving, he seizes your wrist, his cold, icy eyes silently pleading for you to stay. And you do. You always do.

Bringing me onto my next point: he is a good listener. Your ramblings are all that to you; ramblings. To Nikto, however, it's his chance to unpick all the information about you, down to the littlest of details. You wrongly assume that your words fall on deaf ears, but he listens, and he memorises every opinion you have, every statement you make, and even the small anecdotes that you share, which becoming engraved in his brain. He goes over every sentence religiously, as if it was the Bible.

He has an exceptionally good memory, tending to remember things that you had forgotten. Mention something that you craved in passing? He would surprise you with it the next time you bring it up. Alluded to someone who insulted you and ruined your day? Well, it would be no surprise that that person would never ruin your day ever again.

He is like a cat in the sense that he is an unwanted stray. However, when you came to want him, it dawned on you that he was no cat, but a panther. A predator — savage, vicious.

He would kill for you, no questions asked (He has already done it, but you don't know about that. After all, you hadn't asked him that question yet, only in jest. Truth be told, he has made so many death threats that you have become desensitised to them, dismissing them as nothing more than that: threats).

He would have died for you (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE @//charliemwrites’s DEPICTIONNOF NIKTO IN THIS SCENE??????? HAD ME ON MY KNEES 🛐💍🧎🏼‍♀️ PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE VI NEED HIM SOVBAD); however, when you were hyperventilating as you sobbed and were close to reaching hysterics, that's when he realised that he should value his life more.

Incredibly stealthy. You've seen his execution animations… 🤒 Uses that stealth to sneak up on you whenever your guard is down to smack your ass. 🤭

Insomnia troubles him at night, the relief of sleep rarely coming to him; therefore, he tends to be nocturnal, buying groceries and going about the usual errands you would have otherwise done during the day. When you wake up, that empty fridge is magically stocked with your favourite food, your bear snoozing sometimes — most of the time he stares at you like a creep. 💀 /aff

When he does sleep, it tends to be during the day, and it's almost as if he is a bear entering hibernation

He sleeps like a plank — on his back, his arms by his sides, and his legs straight. You'll curl onto his side, your head on his chest, his legs between your core, and a strong arm wrapped around your waist.

Snores. REALLY loud. 😬 ONLY when you are in his arms 🙄 — when he sleeps alone, he is eerily silent.

Subsequently finding him laying in bed, still and silent, you were sobbing, thinking that he died in his sleep. Finally, after minutes of shaking him awake, he opened one eye, and grumbled groggily: “Дорогая, shut up. I am not dead. Not when I have you to live for. Now, come.”

Once he is asleep, good luck getting him to wake up again; unless you somehow manage to disentangle yourself from his arms — only then, when his myshka is missing, does he begrudgingly get up from bed, stand outside the bathroom door, and whisk you back to bed, willfully ignoring your complaints.

Proud of being your protector. Always has his hand[s] on you in some way or other, protectively keeping you by his side.

Has 20/20 vision, and perfect hearing.

Don't mistake his opening of pickle jars and water bottles for you as chivalry — he is taking advantage of it to show off his muscles for you. Doesn't want you to ask if you want to cup a squeeze of his bicep — when he sees you staring, he will forcibly take your hand and put it on his arm, positively smirking beneath that mask of his.

Has a staring problem and is unashamed of it. From his point of view, there is no problem in staring at you all day and every day.

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Eye contact with him is intense. Whenever you avert your gaze, he instantly grabs your chin to angle it so it's facing him. Eye contact during sex is a given.

Despite not wanting to be a father, he has an insatiable breeding kink (does not care whether you are a female, a male, an infertile female, or other — he is delusional in that sense).

Although he isn't against children per se — mainly indifferent to them, if I'm honest — wouldn't want to pass on the generational trauma onto his brood. He would prefer his bloodline ending with him.

His dirty talk is so filthy that you get wet from just his voice and innuendo. (Thank you @//xoxunhinged for your headcanon 😫💦)

His animalistic instincts are so prominent that you've become convinced that he purrs whenever you stroke that sensitive spot on his scalp, and growls in between grunts as he thrusts into you.

Is rough, leaving dark hickeys and bruises, but he would never, ever hurt you. He's rougher than most, but has sufficient self-restraint to be realise ahead of time if he is making you uncomfortable.

You are his deity, and he worships you — if he was to ever hurt you, he would enter a state of loathing. Since you were a merciful God, he would take the liberty of punishing himself — retribution suited to his crime.

One time you two were play wrestling and he almost dislocated your hip on accident. He didn't touch you again for at least two weeks, until he finally considered himself worthy of your touch.

Is dominant in bed, for two major reasons: because he prefers exerting the control which was forced upon him, relishing in having you submit to him; manhandling you to showcase his strength

A third reason is because if you were to ever top him, he'd cum embarrassingly quickly.

Probably gets off to being stronger than you. Deliberately puts you in positions which render you powerless, only able to take what he gives you.

Whenever you enter his room, he always sits in the darkness. Insists: “I do not need lights. Lights are wasted when I can see in the dark.”

Which is true... but it is also a pretence to hide the concerningly detailed shrine taking up an entire wall, dedicated to you. You'll come to find all of your lost trivial belongings when you mistakenly flick on the light switch.

His loyalty and devotion is unparalleled to any other's. He is utterly and unashamedly down bad for you, and he is willing to do anything and everything to keep it that way.

Thankfully, he doesn't have to do much, because you, too, love him. A lot.

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A/N I NEED HIM I NEED HIM I NEED HIM I NEED HIM I NEED HIM I NEED HIM I NEED HIM I NEED HIM I NEED HIM I NEED HIMI NEED HIM I NEED HIM I NEEDH IM I NEED—

Yeaah i thought comparing him to a panther would be cool 🐈‍⬛

“Guard dog” and just anything to do with a “dog” is an overused trope to me at this point 😐. Dont get me wrong!!!! , it doesnt mean that i dont LIKE the trope!!!! , but my own interpretation of Nikto is a little different, abd i think it suits him better,, Esp bc panthers technically 🤓☝️ do *not* exist, which links to how the definition of his name in Russian is “Nobody” :)

An unconventional animal for a very unconventionally attractive man😽,,

Anyways, it is time for a cigarette 🚬🤏😪. I will return in approximately 56 business days (trust me guys 😋✌️).

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 2 months ago

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reading updates: may 2025

jesus christ you guys. May is already over.

I feel like I've lost most of the month to various agonies (power outage, worst period I've had in years, horrific anxiety attacks) but you know what I did manage to do? read the shit out of some books.

what have I been reading?

Zombies vs. Unicorns (ed. Holly Black and Justine Larbalestier, 2010) - I wrote about this one pretty extensively over on patreon, complete with a ranked list of every short story in the anthology. I read this book as a teen and discovered that I remembered way more about these short stories (authored by a dozen names from all across the late aughts YA field) than I remembered, and was really pleasantly surprised by how well it held up 15 years later! as for whether I was Team Zombie or Team Unicorn... well, check out the 'tron ;)

My Best Friend's Honeymoon (Meryl Wilsner, 2025) - I promise this is the last time I'm going to do this, but I also wrote a review of this on patreon. tl;dr: so unbelievably stale that it made me yearn for the weird toxic MILF-ery of Wilsner's other novel, Mistakes Were Made. but, on the plus side, this is one of the only works of fiction I've ever encountered where anyone but gay men are shown to enjoy eating ass 🍑

Martyr! (Kaveh Akbar, 2024) - with each passing day I understand more and and more what Harry Styles meant when he said "it's like a real movie that you'd see in the cinema." Martyr! is like a real novel that you'd seen in a bookstore, or in a library, or discussed in a class where some hot insufferable idiot is going to have opinions so good and so irritating that you're incapable of NOT fucking them. I'm honestly like a little horny about this book, and if you know anything about me and my love of death as a storytelling device you won't be surprised: the main character, Cyrus Shams, is passively suicidal at best, struggling to think of the most meaningful way a person can lose their one and only life. by chance he finds his way to a terminally ill artist living out her final days in museum exhibit, performing her own death, and the to strike up a connection that blows his world wide open. reader, the REVEAL of this book made me shriek.

Don't Fear the Reaper (Stephen Graham Jones, 2023) - the first book in Jones' Indian Lake trilogy, My Heart is a Chainsaw, left me impressed but overwhelmed; the whole time I was reading the book I couldn't help but feel like I was missing something, failing to keep up with either the abundance of references to slasher movies or the convoluted plot of smalltown murder unfolding in the novel. this time around I was on steadier ground, and while I still can't say I 100% kept up with the action at all times, that may well be because I was reading too damn fast - this book's a certifiable chonker, but I breezed right through it, unable to step away from the snaking twists and reveals. I'd say that I hope this town stops serving as a magnet for serial killers and vengeful ghosts soon, but unfortunately I know perfectly well that that's just what Idaho is like.

My Garden (Book): (Jamaica Kincaid, illus. Jill Fox, 1999) - I happen to be an extremely, extremely amateur gardener, by which I mean I very much like to stand in the tiny patch of earth in front of my house and marvel at how many things are growing there now, planted without rhyme or reason, in a soil that's surprisingly rich considering that just a few years ago it was all bone-dry dirt. but whether you take any joy in dirt and plants or not, I think this is a really lovely read. it's about gardening but it's also about making a home your own, and it's about the many colonialist implications of how plants are managed and named, and mainly it's about Kincaid being an extremely funny and wry observer of a great many things. I'd love to offer her a seat on my porch and let her talk for hours about how her garden's doing these days.

Harriet Tubman: Live in Concert (Bob the Drag Queen, 2025) - right in the first five seconds of this book you have to accept a lot. famous historical figures have started returning from the dead, no explanation, and one of them is Harriet Tubman, accompanied by half a dozen other formerly enslaved folks and abolitionists. and what is Harriet up to in the 21st century? well, she's started a band, and she's reached out for help from our protagonist Darnell, a producer who's distanced himself from the industry. got that? good. don't worry about the how or why too much; this isn't that kind of book. this is a book for Miss the Drag Queen to examine the legacy of historical Black heroes like Harriet Tubman and what their sacrifices mean for Black Americans today. Harriet and her supporting cast offer up various views on enslaved life, abolition, spirituality, and more, to the point that it will sometimes feel like the author just wants you to know how much reading she did about Harriet Tubman. but it also seems abundantly clear that this is a deeply personal project, and I was surprised by how much the raw sincerity could get to me even when it felt a bit didactic. I think the best way to enjoy this book is absolutely to listen to it on audio, so that you can not only hear Bob read her own work but also catch the two original songs she recorded specifically for the book.

Daydream Hour: Doodles by Ryoko Kui (Ryoko Kui, 2024, trans. Taylor Engel, 2025) - this one possibly barely counts as having read a book, since it's primarily bonus doodles pertaining to Dungeon Meshi's creatures, characters, and lore, but man, it was still such a delight and a nice little treat to have. Kui has such an obvious adoration for her characters, and it's fun to see her play with them like dolls! the highlight for me has got to me my awful little meow meow Mithrun receiving a hot water bottle shaped like a walking mushroom and, seemingly, enjoying it as much as he's capable of enjoying anything.

Cooling the Tropics: Ice, Indigeneity, and Hawaiian Refreshment (Hi'ilei Julia Kawehipuaakahaopulani Hobart, 2022) - look, I'll be real: this is an Academic Text(tm), and the reading felt like hard work in places. but that work imparted SO many ideas that I never even would have considered before, and I love being able to feel learning happening. there are so many fascinating ideas here about the role of climate in shaping colonial ideas about race, and the regulation of temperature as an expression of colonial power even in something as seemingly innocuous as ice for beverages. you don't think about where ice comes from, but in a time where ice arrives via ship from a continent away, that's hardly a neutral or apolitical thing, is it?

this book actually tied in really well with a particular passage in Jamaica Kincaid's My Garden (Book): in which Kincaid, who grew up in Antigua, recalled this anecdote:

"I must have been about ten years old when I first came in contact with cold air; where I lived the air was only hot and then hotter... But once, the parents of a girl I knew got a refrigerator, and when they were not at home, she asked me to come in and put my hand in the freezer part. I became convinced then (and remain so even now) that cold air is unnatural ad man-made and associated with prosperity (for refrigerators were common in the prosperous North) and more real and special than the warm air that was so ordinary to me..."

and that's a passage that might have been interesting regardless, but something about reading multiple books at one time is that sometimes you stumble onto something in one book that's so SO much more meaningful because of something totally different that you happen to be reading at the same time, and Cooling the Tropics made me pause and give way more consideration to an Antiguan girl's first memory of artificial cold.

Triple Sec (TJ Alexander, 2024) - I'm about to damn this book with a lot of faint praise. it's definitely better than the other TJ Alexander romance I've read, Chef's Kiss. unlike many tradpubbed gay romance novels, it actually feels really queer. and it's definitely the best thruple romance novel I've read, since it lets both halves of the established couple bond with the newcomer separately rather than treating them as two people with one brain who feel exactly the same about everything. the actual plot is a little on the dull end and all three central characters feel a little half-baked, which is a frequent pitfall of adding a third character to a romance, but it's a quick, breezy read that I would say this is a really strong start for queer people who are looking for real deal QUEERNESS in their romance novels. and also it has, like, probably one of the hotter kinky sex scenes we're ever gonna get in a tradpub romance? ngl, Mel and Kade getting together did something for me. iykyk.

Dick Fight Island Vol. 1 (Reibun Ike, 2019, trans. Adrienne Beck 2021) - look. I don't know what to tell you. this is just a really good sports manga where the sport happens to be uuuuuuh an ancient duel between representatives of eight island clans who compete to see who can make their opponent cum first. whoever cums first loses. whoever can withstand the sensual onslaught without blowing their load the longest will win the right to name the next king of the island. it's about duty and camaraderie and intimacy and it does some really interesting things to subvert norms of masculinity. and also it's about a lot of lovingly drawn panels of throbbing dicks and oozing cum and absolutely gaping assholes. win-win! unironically, zero joke, I was delighted by every page.

#reading updates #bookblr

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hehe-69 · 4 months ago

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Dude idk what it is but this photo awakens something within me

Bonfire Part 14

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13

Warnings: TOOTH ROTTING FLUFF, HEALING, FOUND FAMILY, TRAUMA BONDING, WOLFPACK, SOFT JACOB, CRYING, MOVING PAST TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES, BELLA SWAN IS A SWEETHEART, SUGGESTIVE MATERIAL, EMBRY X QUIL MOMENTS, ANGST, HURT/COMFORT

Summary: This is a time for healing, and love. IF YOU THINK THAT SAPPY GIVE ME A BREAK-Ahem-After bonds were formed and others were pushed near thier breaking point. Time is a wound that heals only the healing. And that’s what happens in this part. Found Family was lost and so it must be rebuilt. But sometimes, things must be broken before they can heal stronger.

I lied, this is also super sad…but it’s okay because they are happy at the end and I shall reward you with a glimpse of service top Jacob(he’s definitely a bottom and service top at best)

Also so sorry if this sucks

Tage list: @coldonez (I hope you cry cus I did)

You and Jacob spend a lot of time just trying to process all you’ve been though together. It’s hard, really hard, the both of you suffer night terrors about Bella’s ‘death’. And neither of you full know how to help one another, so you do the best you can by just being there, comforting one another and supporting each other in any way you can. Jacob manages to keep his own trauma to just night terrors and the occasional eye contact avoidance, only you and Billy know how deep his really goes.

You once again find yourself incapable of looking people in the eyes without seeing Bella’s dead brown eyes staring back at you. Its horrific, it’s like waking up form a nightmare and realizing your living through one. You can never seem to catch a break. Jacob, more often than not, sneaks into your room through your window to comfort you and sleep by your side. It’s for the both of your benefits.

When Jacob can’t make it, your mother or Quill have to wake you up. Quil isn’t sure how to handle it, he has so much guilt inside of him for staying with the pack instead of choosing to be there for you and Embry. Jacob was Quill’s best friend too, and Quill feels like he’s betrayed you all and himself with his decisions. Him and Embry have been working though their own problems.

He tries his best, he sits with you but you don’t speak to him. You’re so angry at him, he chose the pack over you, over Embry. You never thought he was capable of that kind of betrayal. The second you go back to sleep, it happens all over again. Most nights you don’t sleep at all, you try to find other things to focus on. School work, books, movies, anything to keep you from falling back asleep. Eventually, you pack your things and stay at Jacob’s house.

You can barely focus in class, but somehow your lowest grades are Bs and Cs. When you’re not at school, you’re at the Cullen’s house helping take care of Rabushka Renesmee, or Nessi as Jacob calls her. The both of you struggle with really looking at her eyes.

———

Nessi is growing at a rapid and worrisome pace. It’s only been about three days and she has a full set of teeth. You and Jacob went home early, today was the day Bella is supposed to wake. So the two of you take some time to mentally compose yourselves, before returning to see her again.

“Just remember what we talked about.” Carlisle offers you and Jacob a comforting smile. He’s been sitting and talking with the both of you, on ways you can try to move forward. Jacob often tried to say he was more worried about you, considering you’ve never fully recovered from your father’s passing.

But he is reminded that trauma is trauma, there is no such thing as worse or better. And you should never undermined your own feelings just because you think someone has it ‘worse than you’. There is no rhyme or reason to these things, something that ruins one person may barely effect another.

When you and Jacob do finally see Bella. She looks like old self, but also different, less human, more comfortable in her own skin. She looks as if she was born for this undead life. Bella stands up quickly when she sees you two. She’s in a blue dress, one that was undoubtedly chosen by Alice. You take a moment, to really look at her. She looks healthy, but also paler than before, at least there is no longer a grayish tint to the color of her skin.

Even though you know her eyes are different from before, you avoid them. Looking at her nose or forehead instead as you examine her face. She doesn’t speak, instead she speeds over, stopping inches away from you before pulling you in slowly and gently into an ice cold embrace. She’s practically hovering her arms around you, probably horrified she’ll pop you like a weasel. But you more than make up for it as you hold her tightly and burrow your face into her hair.

You and Bella Swan never used to hug, this is something new, but exactly what the both of you needed most. “I’m so sorry.” She whispers out, low and mournful. She knows what her ‘death’ has done to you both. She pulls away from you and hugs Jacob next, it’s a lot quicker as she pulls away almost instantly. “I can see what everyone’s been talking about.” Bella says, her nose is scrunched up like she’s smelt something bad.

“Jacob you really do stink.” Bella laughs out and smiles. You never thought you’d see that again, never thought you’d hear the sound of her laughter again. And you can’t help but laugh out wetly with her and Jacob chuckles too, you can see how many emotions are stirring up within him through his eyes.

“For what it’s worth, you absolutely reek now too.” Jacob teases and Bella playful punches his shoulder as she laughs. But he hisses and holds where she punched him, and immediately Bella looks guilty. “Shit, sorry I’m still not used to the whole…newborn vampire…thing.” There she is, shy Bells. Vampire or no, she’s still just as awkward and sweet as before. It warms your heart, and mends your soul. You three talk, for hours, it’s like how it was before all of this supernatural stuff happened.

Bella has changed, maybe it what she went through that’s changed her, or the vampirism. But she has a deeper appreciation for you and Jacob. You can tell by how intensely she listens and watch’s you both. Like she’s trying to memorize this moment, documenting it into her memory so that she can cherish it for the years to come. When it’s time for you and Jacob to go back to Billy’s house, Bella is hesitant to let you both go.

“I um, I wanted to thank you…the both of you.” Bella begins, she’s awkward and nervous, playing with her fingers and smoothing her hair down. “You both have done more for me than anyone in my life ever has. And I’ve never once told you how grateful and proud I am to have you two in my life.” Bella looks like she could cry as she speaks. “I’m never going to forget either of you.” That means a lot coming from her, she’s making is as clear as she possibly can, even if thousands of years pass by and your bones are rotten and decayed, Bella Swan will never forget her closest childhood friends.

———

It’s not easy rebuilding what’s been broken or finding what has been lost. After some time, you and Jacob decided that the both of you are ready to forgive and reclaim your found family.

Though Leah is not so much on board, Seth is overjoyed, and Embry is unsure but ready to move forward.

———

“This is stupid.” Leah hisses out from the backseat of Jacob’s truck. You all had to basically drag her out of her own house and stuff her in the vehicle. “If anything they should be the ones coming to us.”

“They did come to us Leah! I told you Sam come and apologized and asked us all to come to Emily’s for dinner.” Jacob rolls his eyes and hisses out his words. “I don’t buy it, he’s going to make us feel like we chose the wrong side!” Leah sits back and crosses her arms as she speaks, looking out the window pass her brother beside her. “Leah, it’s going to be okay. We’ll all talk it out.” Seth attempted to calm his sister and her face only hardens at his words. “When this goes south I won’t hesitate to say I told you so.”

———

Safe to say, the car ride to Emily’s house is more than just a little bit tense. Eventually you just tone it all out, staring off into space and lost in thoughts.

Till you feel something warm touch the top of your knee, you’re still out of it, but that touch…that divine hand, it slowly brings you back down to earth. It’s gentle, and loving, impossibly beautifully crafted and molded into this lifeline you cling to so desperately. It’s moves up to your thigh, thumb rubbing soothingly against your jeans. And you breath in deep, to quite the loud and all consuming buzz of your ever restless mind.

You look to Jacob, whose eyes are on the road ahead. And think to yourself, that you could probably do anything as long as you have him by your side. The way he grounds you, sees you, he actually sees you and knows what you need most. He turns his head and looks at you, gracing you with that bright and beautiful smile of his. He eyes light up as he looks at you, like he’s got the whole world right infront of him. And he looks away, still smiling as he continues to drive safely. But his hand doesn’t move, infact he gives your thigh a playful squeeze that makes you feel something raw.

You’re suddenly all to aware of how deeply you crave Jacob Black. Your mind is blown away, and you stare at him, as he gets horifficly smug.

———

Sam is waiting for you all on the porch. “Oh fuck me!” Leah growls out upon the sight of him. “I hate my fucking life and this stupid ass fucking idea. This is some fucking bullshit-“Oh my God Leah we get it could you please just shut the fuck up and get out of the truck so we can get this shit over with!” Embry snaps, and everyone is dead silent. He’s been quite the whole ride.

“Welll…everybody out.” Jacob says awkwardly as he opens up his driver’s side door. “This is going to be so much fun.” You mumble sarcastically to yourself before unbuckling your seat belt. “Tell me about it.” Embry replies before hopping out.

Before you can even touch the handle, Jacob is opening the truck door for you. “The second you start to feel off or want to leave. Let me know and we’re out of here.” Jacob says, looking at you sternly in the eyes, before his expression softens and he lifts a hand to caress your cheek. “I’m serious, we don’t owe them shit.” Jacob whispers softly before kissing you, deep and slow. It’s a shorter kiss then you’d like, but the look in his eyes as he pulls away from you…that look more then makes up for it.

“Come on pip squeak.” Jacob says playfully, grabbing your hand and gently dragging you out of the truck. Jacob has a way of making everything so much lighter, happier, he brings you joy whenever you need it most. He’s bright and warm just the sun, he’s also the centerpiece of your universe. The gravitational force that holds all the planets and stars together in your galaxy. He’s the glue, that holds together all the broken and shattered pieces of your soul. Pieces he finds and uncovers to mend your wounds and fill the holes in your heart.

———

Sam greets you all, warm and welcoming, like a father who is gathering his children for a family dinner. He’s eyes catch on you and Jacob, as he notices who tired you both look, how your frames are lighter like neither of you have full regained your appetites. He looks guilty as he pats your shoulder. “We all have much to discuss…let us know if you ever need anything. Both of you.” Sam is more than painfully aware what his actions have wrought, and he knows how hard it was for all involved to turn against one another. And he’s the one who gave the order. “And for what it’s worth, I’m truly sorry.”

You smile softly at Sam, not meeting his eye in a way that makes him feel more guilt. “You were doing what you thought was right.” Is all you managed to say, before looking down and walking into the house. Jacob stares Sam down as he walks in, shoulder bumping him as he passes the older man.

———

It’s tense, but theres something in the air…almost like relief, relief to have everyone under the same roof once more, relief through the dread that thickens the air. Paul seems to breath easier, happy to know everyone came to talk this all out. No one is proud of the mess they’ve made. No one can be proud of thier decisions, not when they see the physical toll it’s had on each and every single person in this household. The same household thay was filled with laughter and joy just weeks ago.

Emily has a sour look on her face, one that deepens as she looks at Sam who walks up to her in the kitchen. “You better fix this…I’m serious Sam. Look at them all, they’ve been suffering because of your orders!” She’s furious, the kind of pure and unrelenting anger only a mother has when her children are in pain. “I know. I’ll fix it, but theres going to have to be some more breaking. They all need to talk it out.” Emily sighs deeply at her love. Sam is right, she just wishes that there was another way. “I’ll cook slowly, I want them all to be a family at the dinner table-“it’s okay.” Sam interrupts Emily as she begins to sob, he voice was cracking and shaking as she spoke, and the word family is what breaks her. He pulls her in close and holds her as she cries. “We’ll all get through this. Everything is going to be okay.” Sam doesn’t know if he says the words just to comfort his wife or if he says them to comfort them both.

———

It’s starts with you and Quil, he takes you outside to talk. And you refuse to speak to him. Jacob is trying to convince you to talk with him and Embry attempts to explain why you’re so upset to his heard headed boyfriend.

“You have to understand Y/N, I didn’t know that the baby wasn’t a real threat. I was just following orders.” You still don’t speak, you don’t so much as look at him. There is so much hurt and anger boiling up inside of your body. “Y/N these are my brothers-“Well you were my brother too!” You yell out, and a sob rips through your soul. You and Quill shared a roof, a life, and he chose his ‘brothers’ over you and Embry. It’s selfish to think so, but damn it all you deserve to be selfish for once. All the shit you’ve gone through, the loss, the pain, the grief, it all comes crashing down. You feel so small and insignificant, like a blip in the timeline of everyone else’s story. You never get chosen first, you’re not even so much as a second thought.

“You are the closest things I’ve ever had to one! You let me believe that you’d be there for me! That you’d support me! You chose this Quil! You could’ve left with Embry but you didn’t!” You fighting to get every word out, crying and now looking at his shame filled face. “I love you, you’re my brother Quil. But you have made it painfully clear that you don’t feel the same.”

“Y/N, you know that’s not true-“You’re just pissed off that you’re always in second place! We both know the only reason you were on Bella’s side is because deep down you know she’ll always be first in Jacob’s eyes.” This is how Quil gets, he gets like his dad when he’s angry. Saying things that aren’t entirely true just because it’s what hurts the most. Jacob is horrified by the thought, this is an old wound that you’ve kept hidden from him.

“Quill that the actual fuck!” Embry hisses at the boy, Embry cannot believe he’d go the far.

You feel sick, you stare at him. And you don’t even recognize the boy infront of you. You can see how the realization of what he’s done dawns on him as Embry speaks to him. “Fuck-I didn’t mean-“Fuck you Quil!” You hiss out. “Fuck you and your fucking daddy issues! And your stupid fucking need to make everything feel as worthless as you do!” You turn away from him then, storming off and sobbing. Quil knew what hurt and haunted you most, feeling like never being enough was the biggest fear of all.

Jacob fallows after you, trying to get you to stop walking away and speak with him. He stops you by holding close to his chest as you’re heaving out sobs and clutching your own. As if you wished to reach in and rip out your own heart so you don’t have to feel everything so damn much. Jacob hold you and whispers words of comfort and encouragement. He doesn’t dare to let you go, he lowers you both to the ground as he holds you I his lap.

He’s own tears begin to join yours. How could he be so blinded to his pain, how could he not have noticed how little you thought of yourself. Jacob was so focused on the fact that you and him were finally together. That he neglected all the times he’s made you feel like you meant nothing to him. Jacob will never forgive himself for that, you are everything to him, you’re the only thing in this life that makes sense. You make him want to be a better person, he’s constantly working and improving himself. He wants to be deserving of your devotion and attention. Be been so wrapped up in he’s own feelings of unworthiness, that he neglected your own.

“There is nothing…” Jacob pauses, trying to calm his hoarse voice. “There is nothing past or present that I’d put in-front of you…I love you so much, more then I’ve ever loved anything.” Jacob sobs with you, borrowing his head into the back of your neck. “I’m so sorry, I’m so very sorry I even made you think differently.”

You and Jacob sit there, crying and soothing one another with each other’s very presence. And once your tears have run dry, and your cries have ceased. Jacob speaks up, and asks you if you want to try and talk with Quill once more. And you tell him you want to try and fix this.

———

“Embry I-I don’t know what to do.” Quill says desperately. “I should’ve never said that-“Quil, calm down. It’s okay, it’ll be okay.” Embry has been spending all this time trying to clam Quil down. It’s worse than his full on gay crisis. “I can’t calm down! Y/N has been alone for so long and had nothing! Nobody to talk to but Jacob! And what I said…I sounded just like my fucking parents!” Quill breaks down after that.

You were standing up for yourself, finally standing up and he shut you down the same way his parents did to him. Quil has always felt miserable and worthless, his parents not helping on that front. He only ever felt whole, he only ever liked himself when he was with Embry. And then he had you, you listened to him, supported him, offered him a home he never had. He betrayed you and his own imprint, but most of all, he betrayed himself.

“I’m so sorry Embry.” Quill sobs out and immediately Embry is holding him. “Quil we talked about this, I forgive you.” Embry knows what it’s like to be under Sam’s authority, his word is law. Embry has abandoned and neglected Quil for months before in the past. Sure it hurt him that Quill didn’t follow him when Embry decided to leave, but what was a couple of days in comparison to months alone and isolated.

———

You and Quil forgive one another, theres a lot of crying and hugging. Repetition of apologies, but you both calm down. And as you and Jacob head back into the house.

Embry steals his boyfriend and hugs him close. Quil doesn’t deny him, or brush him off like he has in the pass. Quill decides that, for once and for all, he’s not going to pretend like he’s not sick of acting tough. Or acting manly, Quil is madly in love. And he’s tired of pretending he’s not.

So he pulls back just enough to kiss the taller boy in-front of him. Quill wraps his arms around Embry’s neck and lets him hold onto his hips. Quil doesn’t even try to hold back the sigh that escapes his lips as Embry slips his hand under Quil’s shirt or when Embry’s blunt nails scrap gently against Quil’s scalp.

It’s then that Quil realizes how bad he really has it for his boyfriend.

———

When you walk into the house, everyone knows about the fight. Seth looks like a wounded puppy, and gets up to hug you, and then he hugs Jacob, who doesn’t even bother pretending like he doesn’t need it. Paul gives you an awkward side hug, and pats Jacob on the shoulder.

“I’ll fuck him up if you want.” Paul says nonchalantly, but you can tell he’s messing around, trying to cheer you up. And you laugh, it’s small and tired but genuine. “It’s okay Paul, we worked it out.” You say softly, you know for a fact you look all puffy and sad, so you try your best to smile. Jared basically jumps up to hug you. “I missed you stinky.” He says, and from the sound of his voice, it’s like he’s about to cry.

“Oddly enough I missed you too muffin.” You say and hug him close. “Okay, I think that’s enough fluffy shit for today.” Paul says, as he practically rips Jared off of you. While you were talking with Quil. Paul, Jared, Seth and Leah were all having their own heart to heart. Paul will never admit it but he’s been miserable and beating himself up for not holding everything and everyone together.

“Yeah no kidding, I didn’t realize you all were so soft and sweet.” Leah teases and Paul glares at her. “You’re one to talk, you were just as miserable as the rest of us Leah.” Paul shouts back as he crosses his arms. Leah sits up and frowns. “Was not!”

“Jacob.” Sam speaks over the bickering that breaks out between Leah and Paul, everyone goes dead silent. “I don’t have anything to say to you.” Jacob hisses out, and you put your hand on his chest. He’s got a lot he needs to work out with Sam.

“Well I’ve got a lot to say to you. So we can either air it all out in-front of everyone. Or we can talk outside on the porch.” Sam gives Jacob a look that conveys how dedicated he is to having this talk. “Fine.�� Jacob hisses out and doesn’t even wait for Sam before heading outside.

———

Unfortunately you don’t get to eavesdrop much. But thankfully Jared is nosy enough to do that for you. According to him, Sam respects and thinks highly of Jacob for fighting for what he thought was right. Sam isn’t proud of what his actions and decisions have coast those in his pack, or those that were forced to leave for what they believed was right.

Jacob tells Sam that he never wanted to lead, and the whole situation just proved how ill fitted Jacob was for the position. Jacob can’t imagine how hard it must be to have all the responsibility weighing him down. But Jacob hates who far Sam went, he hates what it’s coast them all. Hates that it’s brought the group to where they are now.

Eventually Jared stops listing in after Sam snaps at him. You a little impressed with Jared’s use of fancy words.

———

Jacob and Sam were outside for a long long time. Emily had dinner ready and on the table by the time they both returned. Both of these men looked like they cried, but no one dares to say so much as a peep about it.

You all sit and have dinner together once more. You’re all tired and raw, but happy. Ready to tease and steal food from one another. Ready to be a family again. Quil unashamedly leans into Embry throughout the night. And Jacob keeps some part of him touching you, he’s leaning into you for comfort, just as much as you lean on him.

It’s been a long and hard day, but it was worth it. To be able to have this family and conversation together. Healing, happy, and healthy.

———

SUGGESTIVE MATERIAL UP AHEAD

You are responsible for your own media consumption

After dropping off Leah, Seth, Embry and Quil who are up to no good tonight considering they have your house to themselves. Jacob drives you back to his own home and convinces you to stay the night once more.

After getting ready for bed, you pull Jacob into a kiss. He just looked so cute in his pj pants and his sleepy eyes.

Jacob kisses you back, like he can’t get enough of you. Pulling you close before walking you back into his bedroom wall. Pinning you up against the wall of his room, he holds you by the back of your thighs as you wrap your legs around his hips. He’s determined to make it perfectly crystal clear how deep his love and affection for you really is. “I dream about you…all the time.” Jacob murmurs absentmindedly as he kisses along your jaw. His hands rub up and down your sides as he begins to kiss and suck against your neck. “Above me…below me.” Jacob breaths out his words, kissing and licking down your neck and shaking with desperation as he begins to roll his hips against yours. Jacob chuckles softly as you roll your hips to meet his, gasping out softly at the contact.

“I’d beg for you to let me show you how much you mean to me.” Jacob admits this so shamelessly, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. You groan at his words as your body heats up from the timber of his voice. Jacob Black, begging, thee Jacob Black. “I love you, so much.” He whispers softly as his hand begin to slip under your sleeping shirt. “Everything about you.” You shiver at the sound of his voice, and the feeling of his blunt nails scraping against the skin of your lower abdomen. As you close your eyes, leaning your neck to the side to give Jacob better access, suddenly you realize something.

“Jacob! Your dad is home.” You hiss out and he laughs, letting you go as you smooth out your appearance. “I’m not above jumping your bones even if my dad is home.” You stare at him in disbelief, how dare he use your own words against you. But the state this man is in, eyes blown with desire, body flushed sand his breath heavy. It makes you suck in a breath…this is going to be a long night.

—————

Part 15 will be lighter I pinky promise. The beginning of it will be some highlights of the dinner just to lighten the mood. Also I’m tired as hell so I’m sorry if this is ass

I wanted to finish this part tonight, so here it is. I hope you all enjoyed it.

Please feel free to request whatever you’d like to see in future parts.

Thanks for reading

Love ya🫶

Here’s sun smut to make up for the pain I’ve put you through

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dearsnow · 2 years ago

Text

ORLANDO (FIRST KISS)

- charlie, your best friend, attempts to set you up with the crush he is convinced you have. (charlie dalton x gn!reader, includes some neil being a good friend, slight angst into fluff, happy au, no beta we die like real men)

word count: 2,647

a/n - i love charlie so much oh my god 😭 hopefully there’s more to come with him! i’m planning a very long fic for him, hopefully similar in feeling to my neil fic “the last time” :) this is slightly inspired by the song “orlando” by leith ross so pls check them out!!

It’s 1:32 AM on a Friday night (Saturday, technically, but that rarely seems to matter), and Charlie Dalton is refusing to let you sleep.

“You’ve got to tell me. I swear, cross my heart, I won’t tell a soul.” He begs.

Charlie has been your best friend for god knows how long. You met so long ago that you don’t even remember how or why; it just was. That’s exactly what your relationship is. There’s really no rhyme or reason, considering you would detest anyone else with his personality, but you’re friends anyways, and you love him with all your heart. Opposites attract, you suppose. You don’t know for sure. Most days, including today, he is extremely and desperately annoying.

You slump down onto his bed, covering your eyes with your hands. He’s gotten it into his mind that you have a crush, and he won’t rest until he finds out who it is. Lucky you.

“Charlie, it’s no one.” You groan, peeking past your fingers to stare at him with a cross expression. “Even if I did like someone, I wouldn’t tell you.”

The problem is, you do like someone, and he’s sitting right in front of you with messy hair and pajama pants.

Your feelings for him, just like your meeting, are so far buried in the past that you couldn’t dig them up with an excavator. One day, you suppose, you just started to fall in love with him. He’s annoying and rich and a total smart-ass, but you love him. In some soft, quiet ways, he is the kindest boy you’ve ever met.

He notices when you get cut off mid-conversation or when you’re just a little too uncomfortable to talk to the person in front of you. He knows you like the back of his hand and puts his knowledge to use without ever having to ask, like how he always gets you exactly what you want on your birthday. He’s smart and energized and a breath of fresh air, no matter how stale the room is. And, of course, though you would rarely tell him, he is dashingly handsome.

He sits up straighter and begins listing every boy you’ve ever come in contact with. “Meeks? You always did like his type. Ooh, or Pitts? He’s a pitiful lady-killer. Todd is another good choice. Knox has got his thing with Chris, so you probably wouldn’t like him unless you’re into getting your heart broken.” He stops his ranting to take a breath, then continues on. “You cannot like Cameron because if you do, I won’t ever talk to you again. It isn’t Cameron, right?”

You scoff. “I don’t have a crush. Stop trying to guess a person that doesn’t exist.”

“Neil?” He questions. You hesitate just a bit before waving away his suggestion. Neil is a very good friend of both yours and his, and truthfully, he would definitely be the best boyfriend out of all of them. Despite that, you do not love him like you love Charlie. Not even close.

He catches on to your hesitation with scary accuracy. The tilt of your head, the twitch of your hand, the way the corners of your mouth almost curved up into a smile. Charlie feels his heart drop. “Oh my god, it’s Neil. Of course it’s Neil, it’s always Neil! You like Neil.” Neil is, unbeknownst to him, a complete catch. It makes sense that you would like him. After all, he’s kind, outgoing, and a whole lot nicer than Charlie is. That doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Like you, Charlie doesn’t exactly know when you came into his life. Maybe a stuffy dinner party or a prep event- all that matters to him is that you’re here now, and he loves you. He does, however, know when he started loving you.

It was seventh grade at a school dance, and you had decided to go with a boy he barely knew. When the boy asked you out with a pocketed rose and a shy smile, Charlie felt his blood boiling. How dare he, he thought, take you away from him? You’re his best friend. He would have bought you an entire flower shop had you said the word.

Seeing you waltz with him in your pretty outfit, as awkward and stiff as you both were, was too much for him to bear. Charlie left early, prompting you to follow him. The scene that resulted was one you both tried heavily to erase.

“Charlie, what’s wrong?” You panted, hurrying after him as fast as your pinchy shoes would allow. “Charlie. Charlie! Talk to me.”

“It’s nothing. Just go away.” He sniffled. You turned the corner to see him sitting on a curb, tears tracking down his face. If you knew one thing about Charlie Dalton, it was that he hated crying. You sat down next to him, but he turned to face the trees to his left.

“What happened?” You asked gently. How he despised your gentle care.

“I hate you. Go away.” His voice broke in the middle of his sentence. “I never want to see you again.”

Something in you snapped in that moment, something angry and sad all at once. He was hurting, and you loathed it, but Charlie always got what he wanted in the end.

You stood up and left, muttering a “sorry” over your shoulder.

He tried to avoid you for a while after that, but as with all fated things, he couldn’t stay away for long. He went back to you without a hint of apology, and you took him. Begrudgingly, you just couldn’t be without your best friend for very long.

He knew he loved you then, and that fact hasn’t changed in the present.

“I don’t like Neil.” You insist. “Trust me.”

Charlie stands to pace around his room, talking with his hands as per usual. “Y’know, you always seem smiley around him. I should’ve seen it coming, really. The way you talk to him can’t be platonic.” You sigh from the bed, and Charlie flops down beside you. You can feel the heat radiating from his skin. It’s pleasant, like a ray of sun on a cold day. You instinctively move closer to him as he opens his mouth. “I could probably get you a date with him. Not that you couldn’t do it yourself, but,” he pauses, a hint of hurt humor in his eyes, “I could be your wingman.”

He doesn’t want to be. He really doesn’t want to be, but what can he do? He would rather see you happy with Neil than miserable with no one. Despite how much he hates it, he’s gotten over most of his prepubescent jealousy. He knows deep down in the very achingly sad part of him that you don’t love him. At least, not the way he loves you.

You’re facing him, your nose inches away from his chest as your heart pounds in yours. He really wants you to get with Neil. Well, if that’s how he feels, you don’t feel the need to reject the offer. Maybe this is just the thing you need. What’s the point in pining after him when he’s actively trying to set you up with his second best friend?

“Yeah. That… I would like that.” Charlie’s heart crumbles in his chest.

“Then I’ll get right on it.” He grins. Behind the smile, sadness is swimming in his eyes, but you don’t bother to look at them.

It’s winter break, one of Charlie’s favorite times of the year, but he doesn’t think he’s ever felt this sad before.

By the time the next weekend rolled around, you had almost forgotten about Charlie’s proposed setup. But, on this Saturday when you’re cozy in your room, Neil comes knocking at your door.

You open the door, slightly surprised. He’s holding a bouquet of flowers with a small grin on his face. They’re your favorite flowers.

“Hi.” He says. His voice is breathless.

You raise your eyebrows, but for some reason, you can’t help but smile. Neil is standing in your doorway, and you feel like you know what he’s going to ask. “Hey.”

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” He implores, holding the bouquet out for you to take. “It doesn’t have to be right now, but… I’m ready if you are.” He’s dressed in a crisp suit, and if you’re being honest, you’d hate to make him go home without putting it to use.

You laugh lightly, the feeling bubbling out of your stomach. “Yeah, I’d love that. Just let me get ready and I’ll be out in ten minutes.”

Two days prior to Saturday, Charlie proposed a dead poets town trip. They were milling around, bouncing from shop to shop before Charlie clasped Neil on the shoulder.

“What do you think about Y/N?”

Neil turned, confused. “What do you mean?”

There was a smirk on Charlie’s face, but he hesitated like he didn’t actually want to say the words he was about to say. “I mean, I think you two would be a pretty cute couple.”

Neil let out a huff of air, almost in disbelief. “You’ve been in love with them since seventh grade, Nuwanda. Don’t try to act like you aren’t.”

Charlie gasped exaggeratedly and put a hand over his heart. “How dare you suggest that! I just want the best for my dearest friends.” The others laughed. Every single one of them knew that Charlie harbored deep feelings for you- and every single one of them knew he would never admit it. “Look, just one date. Ask them out on Saturday. They really like you, and I know they’re free, so they can’t pull any excuses.”

“I just don’t know.” Neil admitted. “They’re great and all, but I’d feel bad if I stole away your crush of four years.”

“You won’t be stealing anything, my boy. Just think about it.” Charlie knew he was lying, and it left a bitter taste in his mouth, but he also knew that somehow, he was making the right decision.

Like all of your romantic endeavors, your date with Neil is slightly awkward. He’s your friend, sure, but you’ve never really thought about him like this before. You never even considered dating him. It’s always been Charlie. Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to broaden your horizons.

After the initial tension, you would like to believe it went well. Neil walks you out of the restaurant, holding your arm. He’s smiling, and you feel your own expression falter. You like him, you really do, but some part of you knows that he will never be Charlie.

He leans closer to you, almost close enough to touch. Your heart pounds in your chest as he whispers something into your ear. “Don’t look, but Charlie’s watching. Pretend I’m kissing you.”

You’re taken aback as your eyes try to search for his brown hair, but after a second, you comply. You shut your eyes and thread your fingers through Neil’s. To anyone else, especially anyone inside of the restaurant, it looks like you’re smashing tongues with him.

Neil walks you home as the day fades into night, and as much as you ask, your questions are left unanswered with a sly wink.

“I can’t believe you would do that.” Charlie rages. “It was meant to be a date, not a date and a tongue fuck! That was their first kiss, Neil, and you’ve stripped them of it!” He doesn’t know why he’s so outrageously enraged. It was a quick kiss from the boy you’ve been crushing on. He should be overjoyed for you.

“It wasn’t like that, Charlie. Just ask them.” Neil is surprisingly calm, considering his friend is screaming at him. “Ask them. Go on.” He pushes Charlie’s shoulder. “I walked them home.”

Charlie grumbles, his gut twisted into shaking, angry knots. “I will. If they tell me you did anything weird, though, you’re dead.” Neil shakes his head.

“I think you’d kill me even if I didn’t kiss them.”

For the second time, you hear a knock at your door. This one is loud and frenzied, but through the haze, you can tell who it is. Who else would knock so harshly at 11:23 at night? It’s a good four hours after your date, so it definitely can’t be Neil.

You open the door, clad in pajamas and a frown. “Seriously, Charlie? You’re gonna wake the whole neighborhood.”

“Did he kiss you?” Ah, straight to the point. He’s never one to beat around the bush.

“What’s it to you?” You defend. “You didn’t care about that possibility when you wanted me to date him.” You cross your arms. Why the hell is he so upset? You don’t understand anything about this. His motives, his feelings, right now, they’re more confusing than he’s ever been. Well, save for one night. Oddly, this reminds you of that dance a few years back. You don’t want that to happen again, so whatever’s going on has to stop.

He opens his mouth and then closes it like he’s actually considering what he wants to say for the first time in his life. “I just…” A defeated expression tugs his face down. Your heart plummets. You rarely ever see him crestfallen. The last time was four years ago, and you had hoped you would never see him like that again.

He turns to walk away. He can’t do it, he just can’t. He’s walking so fast the pavement under his feet is a blur, and you chase after him.

“Charlie, what are you-“ He turns, seeing the confusion on your face.

When he looks at you, all Charlie can see is love. He loves your voice, the curve of your lips, the way you do anything and everything. In that moment, when he sees you with tired eyes, his inhibitions flee like rabbits from a wolf. Maybe, just maybe, he can.

Before you can ask, yet after you see the fire in his eyes, he grabs your arm and cuts you off.

“Can I kiss you?”

You’re taken aback for a moment, lips parted, not speaking a word. His hair is messy and the tear tracks on his cheeks glisten in the street lights. It’s like everything you’ve ever wanted has sprung to life before your eyes. “Yes, but-“

He presses his lips to yours, effectively cutting off any further communication once again. His grip on you softens as his hands reach up to cup your face. Your eyes flutter shut, and a million different things race through your mind. All you can consciously think is that you never want it to end.

When he pulls away, breathless, something new is shining in his eyes. “I hope that wasn’t bad for a second kiss.” He smiles. He’s still worried, more so than he’s ever been, but that was the most amazing thing he thinks he’s ever done.

“Second? Charlie, that was my first.”

He pauses. “So Neil didn’t kiss you?”

You laugh, and upon seeing his even more excited face, you laugh so hard you double over. He joins, and your giggles are probably too loud for how late it is. “No! God no, he told me to pretend because you were watching.” Your voice comes out humorous and strained, with so much joy behind the tone that Charlie can feel himself starting to laugh again. “Were- Were you in the restaurant for our whole date?”

“Yeah.” He chokes out. “I couldn’t just let the love of my life date some other guy without my knowledge, right?”

“Oh, totally. Maybe you should ask me out next time, then, to completely avoid this whole scenario.” He pulls you in, laughing against your shoulder.

“Sure. Yeah, I think I will. Next time, I’ll make sure of it.”

#solar eclipse.#charlie dalton x reader #charlie dalton #dead poets society #dead poets society x reader #dead poets fandom #dead poets fanfic #dps #dps fanfiction #dps fandom #dps x reader #dps charlie

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velkleyaenjoyer · 1 month ago

Note

Also sending you this one because I'm so curious how others approach writing her: What would you say are your core (like, 3-5) Kleya headcanons that you use to inform how you write her?

oooh ok lemme think on this, i’ll try to keep it to 5 but some might become a little multi faceted but hopefully i can keep it concise

ok so the first one, which has been informed by a lot of things (discussions on twitter, a lot of what is on screen, my own personal experience) is that kleya is autistic. there were a lot of things in the performance that i picked up on and related to, so it’s kind of bled into how i have written how she processes and works through information and events as they transpire. i can also understand why people wouldn’t get this read, but it’s a part of my own funky little understanding of her

she is so deeply effected by her own grief, to a degree that i think no other character (not even luthen) ever really understands. she never doubts the necessity of what she has done and what she will do, but she does consider it her burden to bear that she has to live on with all this memory, like forgetting any of them would be a betrayal of what all these people died for

in her own weird way she is deeply affectionate towards the various agents that worked for her and luthen during the networks hay day. her constant snipping at vel and her “what does done mean” speech to cassian are born out of frustration, but it’s a frustration that comes from the fact that she really does care for these people, and wants the best for them (the best, here, being them becoming as absolutely locked in for the cause as she is)

i think she has this absolute desperation for tenderness and love and intimacy and affection but refuses to actually acknowledge its existence internally because it’s so intense it frightens her. she’s spent a lot of her life being really practiced in what emotions she’ll let influence her, and any that don’t directly benefit the fight get driven out or pushed down to the best of her ability, but in turn this means when all of it does finally come out it’s not going to be gentle or easy, it’s going to be an absolute explosive mess of feelings she simply is not equipped to deal with

nearly everything she has of her homeworld is lost to her. she can remember basic things, tiny facts and maybe a few local words, but the majority of what actually made up her life there is gone from her memory. i think she remembers her own name but none of her families names, and i don’t think she’s truly grappled with that fact yet. revenge has always been such a driving factor in her life that it’s not properly registered that revenge can’t be a substitute for her lost people, she can destroy the entire empire but her home will still just be gone

(a couple tiny ones that aren’t massive but are things i believe about her in my heart)

she’s obsessed with the colour blue

she has a soft spot for the weirdest of animals with no rhyme or reason (just wait till she meets her first tauntaun)

she does actually have a history special interest, that wasn’t ever a cover she genuinely loved being an antiquarian

she made luthen a birthday card on their first year together but it didn’t contain any well wishes, just a list of imperial targets that would be good for them to take off the board

#kleya marki #vel sartha #velkleya #vel x kleya #it’s 5am so this might be weird and rambling and disjointed but i have a lot of thoughts about her #some of them even make sense!

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devswritingcornerorsmth · 1 month ago

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Can you write for Diana and Shelly with a reader who’s in a band ?

Yea! also small heads up, i did skip diana for personal reasons BUT i did force myself to watch a video about her route 'n her stuff so sorry if i don't get her right. also didn't properly see what she did after realization so sorry about that too

Diana

= Diana remembered the days when you wrote about wanting to be in a band, even going so far as to start learning an instrument and singing. She also, and mostly, remembers the bad parts of learning. Your complaints, pains, frustrations. She wonders why you even bothered with all of this, but she is your diary, the only true friend/lover you can really open up to.

= Nevertheless, you succeeded in learning an instrument or two, and your singing has gotten better. She's impressed and tells you so, saying that she's proud and happy despite her bringing up that you almost quit a few times and sliced your finger open on a string, but still, she's happy for you, and almost tempted to pick up an instrument herself.

= Diana loves that you're happier after joining a band and no longer pouring all your negative energy into her. She reminds you that she can also be used for happy memories, as well as bad ones.

= She'll sing any song lyric you put down to test the word flow and rhyme, if you do write some lyrics for a future song. Diana is very good at singing, and you find her sometimes humming or singing softly to your lyrics every now and then.

= Diana is surprised when you offer her to write something for you if she wants to. She thinks about it for a while, coming up with ideas based on your past and what you've written in her, before finally making her own lyrics, using her own imagination, thoughts, and feelings behind each word. It's surprisingly good... each lyric harbors her feelings about finding oneself, getting through the bad before getting to the good, and her love for you. Even she admits that some of the lyrics may be a little cringe, but they're from the heart.

= The song is a hit, breaking the top charts easily. When people ask your band, or rather you, how you came up with such a heartwarming song, you tell them someone very special to you wrote it.

= She tries to get a good judgment of the band before you fully, fully commit to it, having you list off the band member, their name, what they play, and how they make you feel. If it's a band of your good friends, she's a little less skeptical but always tries to tell you to be safe. If she doesn't like or trust one of the members, she will warn you about them. At the end of the day, your decision is your own.

= After Diana is Realized, she always tries to make it to your shows. You'll find her in the front row closest to you, cheering you on with a warm, loving smile.

= Diana writes for your band sometimes when everyone is low on inspiration, using her experience with the new world around her about self-discovery and other things that make you happy. She always makes a very small reference to something good that happened to you.

------

Shelley

= Shelley offers to hold your instrument(s) for you despite being not screwed into the wall properly. You refuse, having your own case for it, thankfully, that could be stored by itself. You have to reassure her that she is strong enough to hold it; it's just expensive and needs a case to prevent dust and other things from getting on and in it.

= She loves listening to you practice; it helps distract her from her work. Depending on the music, she can either be calmed or hyped, both make her focus hard on her job of holding your objects up.

= Shelley is very supportive of your music, encouraging you to take dangerous leaps of faith by testing out new songs, playing styles, or even some other risky things involving outfits and strange lyrics. You can't really tell your band members where you're getting these ideas from, but they agree on a few.

= She's there for you when you're practicing and mess up, already frustrated with something else that happened. She pats your back or sits with you if you're not comfortable with physical touch. Shelley gives you words of encouragement, the same ones you had given her to try and motivate you. You both sit just talking for a while until you find the motivation to continue practicing.

= Shelly asks if your bandmates are as supportive as she is. Asking you about them and making sure you're comfortable. She holds up Maggie and knows how problematic some people can be, thanks to her and Dante. And multiple others in the house.

= If you offer her to make you guys a song, she will, but it's mostly about her own troubles about not being strong enough, and then it's just her personal ramblings at the end of the lyrics that accidentally ended up becoming five pages long... Something about being six feet from the edge and still holding on... Still, you try your best to use it.

= The song turns out to be surprisingly good after you and your band tweak it a bit to make it actual lyrics. Shelley almost cries after hearing that the song she wrote did good and uplifted a lot of people.

= When she becomes Realized, she never misses a concert or practice, always sitting in the front row, yelling out for you, or simply enjoying the music.

= She'll carry your equipment if needed and becomes the de facto transporter for heavy things when you need one. Shelley promotes your band at her library, handing out flyers and putting up posters. She catches herself falling behind on her work when she stops and stares at one with you displayed on it, a goofy, loving smile on her face.

----

would genuinely die for shelley i love her so much

thanks for reading mwah

#devv's writings #date everything #date everything game #date everything x reader #date everything diana #diana date everything #date everything diana x reader #diana date everything x reader #date everything shelley #shelley date everthing #date everything shelley x reader #shelley date everything x reader

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chaaistained · 7 months ago

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☕️ . careful ! you might burn yourself ≈≈

hi, i’m chaai !!

🗝️ you’ve now unlocked my ingredient list—what goes into this cup of chaai?

chaai has layers—the usual sweetness of sugar and honey can be formidable when melted into scalding hot water—such is the very girl who steeps the leaves of this blog.

with a cinnamon spiced tongue, she speaks, she whispers, she sings her dreams into reality.

for all the burns that this world gives her, there is but only one truth and it is imagination.

chaai finds solace in solitude, she finds comfort in creativity, she finds motivation in music and inspiration in intricate stories.

a writer, a poet, a singer, a dancer / a crier, a screamer, a laugher, a prancer.

a childlike whimsy will forever permeate the aroma of chaai. drenched in jasmine and sandalwood and frangipani intoxication, she will braid flowers into her hair and use the fallen petals to cast her spells.

the bursting flavours of ideas that she has bubbling inside will leave stains with every single klutzy stumble she makes as she tries to reach her point in a concise manner.

chaai is a welcoming drink, an open hand, palm outstretched to the sky, ready to be held by another (you only need to ask!).

brewed just right

what chaai likes

☕︎ chai (shock horror), talking about her dr’s i beg you, send an ask, journals, notebooks, ink stained fingertips, stories, poems, essays, analysis, romanticism in art, the sight of rain from a window, the strength in one’s imagination, the multiversal theory, when the world used to feel more vibrant and saturated, love letters, rnb and classic jazz, her beloved friends and mutuals

when you steep it too long, it bitters

what chaai dislikes / dni

☕︎ racism, homophobia, xenophobia, classism, colourism, sexism, not being a decent human being, unacceptability of other’s choices when it comes to their dr’s (if it’s not your dr, don’t police it—there is nuance in feats as ancient as reality shifting , things like aging up/down, race swapping, gender swapping - idgaf, do what you want and let me do what i want), general rudeness and self entitlement (be respectful or be blocked), anti-shifters because we really needed more attention whores in this world apparently . if i feel like it i WILL add to this list

tea bags come with tags

my most used tags :

#by chaaistained — anything that i created or wrote and would like to share with my name proudly declared in the tags <3

#chaai chats ≈ — random musings, muddles rambles, whatever sparks my interest, plagues my thoughts, something i want to speak on or ponder about, no rhyme, reason, or rhythm aside from the fact that i thought it and i needed to share it

#chaai recs ๑° — my recommendations, whether it is for scripting or manifesting, shifting advice, even post ideas or inspiration, anything i enjoy and i reckon others should see

+ and additional tag of #highly recs !! when i feel that spark of interest or inspiration burning bright from your post

#signs from the universe… — for the odd serendipitous piece of art or quote or poem, wtv of the sort, that i believe has a double meaning more inclined to shifters, also the tag for whenever i come across a post that personally feels like a sign for me

#chaai channels ; [insert dr-self]༄ — when i find a post that aligns with my dr-self, or when i make such a post

#chaai for : [insert s/o] ৻ꪆ — when i find a post that reminds me of any of my s/o’s, or . more accurately, when i’m raving and jumping around in my feels for them ..

#chaai’s moodboards .•° — my moodboards !! i’m proud of them :)

#chaai loves » [insert moot] ✿ — personal tag for my moots

#teacup anons !! — personal tag for anons

+ claimed anons : bodygaurd anon . 🍦 . 🦊 .

don’t swallow the tea leaves ! for they leave you a message 🍂

this is my first shifting/loa blog !! i was really inspired by @hrrtshape to finally move my ass and make one (you should definitely follow her !!).

if you see similarities in what i post it is because of this (i HAVE spoken to emma and have informed her that i’ll be ib-ing her and/or tagging her in my posts).

i look forward to making friends on this blog≈≈

and if you find my main . no you didn’t, got that?

chaai brews; tea assortments — dr archive

cuppa queries; order in — ask responses

chaai ponders; ring stained pages — on loa/shifting/manifestion/creativity

2024 © chaaistained

#by chaaistained #chaai chats ≈#chaai recs ๑°#highly recs !!#spilled chaai #signs from the universe…#reality shifting #desired reality #loassumption #loablr #shiftblr #law of assumption #law of attraction #manifestation #shifting blog #anti shifters dni #dividers from: strangergraphics #pngs from: cherishedpngs and seu-nghan

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wanderingmind867 · 9 days ago

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If I had to rank the Batfamily (specifically just Batman, and the many Robins and Batgirls + maybe Signal?) I think I know where I'd place everybody. Mind you, I pretty much refuse to read anything Post Crisis. So my opinions all come from wiki readings, reading old comics, and/or watching movies and tv shows. This is how I work for all comics, by the way. If it's written after the early to mid 80s at DC, I probably don't know it. If it's written in the mid 70s at Marvel, I might know it. But my cut-off point for Marvel is the late 70s and early 80s. Anyways, let's rank the Batfamily.

Jason Todd: For me, Jason Todd is the single best character they have in the Batfamily, and part of that is me feeling hatred for his death and the rest is me just finding parts of him relatable. Jason seems to enjoy reading (like myself), he's got temper issues (also like me), he's just got a lot of stuff in common with me. I don't like the Red Hood, though. I don't like violent vigilantes. It's kind of why I hate darker batman interpretations. But Jason Todd as Robin? The best character ever. Screw DC for killing a child. I know he's fictional, but I still see it as very harsh. It makes me upset.

Dick Grayson: Dick Grayson is the robin I see most in tv shows and movies. That makes me naturally feel some appeal, since I know him decently well. He feels like a character who's still somewhat stuck in the silver age, but I say that as a compliment. I like that Dick Grayson is still just a positive and fun character, even though most of batman's stories are practically just dark noir tales. At least we have one light spot.

Barbara Gordon: I don't really like The Killing Joke, but I will admit that I like her whether she's Batgirl or Oracle. She's like the only Batgirl I even think about. I don't think of the others because they never really show up in the stuff I watch. But yeah, Barbara Gordon seems pretty nice. I tend to love her interactions with her father, I think. They have a great dynamic.

Bruce Wayne: I mean...I don't love a lot of Bruce Wayne adaptations. He's oftentimes far too edgy or far too boring. But he's also the only other character on this list I know pretty well, so he has to be fourth. And there are some really good Batman adaptations, so it's not all bad. I think I like any adaptation that makes the character feel human. Let the actor show emotion, and I'll like it. Laughter or smiling or heartfelt emotions are all I want.

Tim Drake: I don't know much about Tim Drake's backstory, but I don't know if I love what I read on wikis. He's not as good as Jason or Dick. But (and here's the big catch) there are elements of his character in things I see online that I feel I can relate to. So solely because of that, he gets to be the best of the characters I don't read about.

Stephanie Brown: She's the daughter of a C-list villian from the 60s. Isn't that reason enough to like her? When do you hear about Cluemaster? Exactly. Stephanie seems like a good character in her own right, but her helping to keep silver age characters like Cluemaster alive is a huge bonus too.

Damian Wayne: I don't really love the League of Assassins, because all of them except Ra's al Ghul seem to bore me often. Even Damian having that violent assassin training isn't ideal to me. But I still see some things about his character I can like. His love of animals is sweet, and I feel like I see him online depicted as very socially awkward. That's very relatable, so...yeah. There's enough for him not to be last.

Duke Thomas: Duke is pretty new, right? Well, that explains why I don't know anything about him. He's a complete blank slate to me, besides his power set. Well, his power set seems pretty cool. I think light powers are pretty neat for a city so constantly draped in darkness nowadays. Maybe he can finally brighten things up in comics. That's both a pun and a genuine hope, I suppose.

Cassandra Cain: Yes, Cass is last. Huh, that sort of rhymes. It's not the fault of the character she's last, though. It's just I know next to nothing about her, and the stuff I learn just kind of...I don't know, fails to excite me? She's tied to the League of Assassins, but she's not tied to Ra's al Ghul (who's like the only consistent character I like on that group). She kind of reminds me of Katana from Beware the Batman, which isn't that bad. That's actually pretty persuasive to make me like her. But sadly, she's still just gonna land in last. I'm actually sorry, but please don't hate me for that.

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sociopathicartist · 1 year ago

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Valentine’s day Headcanons. ♥︎♡︎

Classic sans, Fell, and Swap sans. ♡︎

Happy Valentine’s Day darlings !

A short Valentine's special HC list I’m doing during school, hope the day for you all goes well! <3

Classic Sans valentine Headcanons ! ♡︎♥︎♡︎

He’d do something sweet, of course.

If you started dating earlier that year, it wouldn't be too much. A safe play of flowers and chocolates, and maybe a cute date night. Something he’s seen in movies and knows usually doesn’t fail. (he may have also got help from his brother.)

If you’ve already been dating for a while, almost a year or longer, he’d do something more personal. He would get you the flowers he knows you like, if possible all in your favorite color. You don’t like flowers? Cool. He’ll make sure to get you something else you like.

I feel like he’s a gift basket typa guy. He’s been collecting little stuff here and there for you quite a bit before Valentine’s Day, and some other stuff he knows you need but haven’t taken the time to buy. Miscellaneous items like snacks you like, one or two of your favorite drinks, stuff he knows you’ll enjoy and use. Plus flowers or a stuffed animal of some kind.

He’s not too over the top, but would still show affection (obviously?) as he feels for you, so date night would be something personal instead. It could be a night stargazing with a picnic set up, (cliche, ik, but idc), and he’ll keep hitting you with the,

“oh, babe, you see that shooting star?”

“Sans… This is the 7th time this night.”

“whoops, it was your eyes.” Followed up with a cute, quick kiss.

He could also do something a bit more lazy, something more his speed. With the help of Papyrus’ search for good recipes, he’d make you both dinner. A cute rom-com movie while you both ate the dinner he made, cuddled up under blankets, and wrapped in each other’s embrace for the rest of the night. That would be perfect for him.

He’d also love to take you out to Grillby’s as a date choice. It’s a classic, something familiar that he loves and would take you to often without any rhyme or reason. He’d take you out, order some nice drinks unlike the ketchup he usually orders, and spend the time with you like all the other times he’s loved and enjoyed, but this time it’s just a bit more special.

The holiday overall wouldn’t be too over the top, just as he is, but he would still make it special. He doesn’t see too much point in the holiday since he does like to surprise you now and then with a relaxing night, but knows this holiday is special for humans so he tries for you.

Fell Sans ♡︎♥︎♡︎

(first HC round with this man…)

Dates all around would be romantic, doesn’t matter if you’ve dated for 2 weeks or 2 years. He’ll take you out to your favorite place (even if it’s really hard to get into) with a big bouquet and a teddy bear of some kind. what can he say? he likes the classic flowers and teddy bear combo, it’s an odd way of showing affection that he favors, he never got to experience that type of basic affection when he was underground in his rough environment.

I don’t feel like he’s a gift basket type of guy, more so just gifts here and there and the classic combo on Valentine’s Day. He just likes buying you stuff anytime he goes out and sees something that reminds him of you, you’re spoiled with enough gifts to not need an entire basket.

Red roses would probably be his first choice of flower. Unless you specifically request a different type of flower, he likes the basic things that he sees in movies that show the standard type of affection in gifts. Perfumes, jewelry, etc. He’s less like Classic Sans in the way that he prefers typical gifts rather than sentimental and personal ones. (not to say that he won't give sentimental gifts, cuz he will).

He’d probably like to end the night in a similar way to Classic, wrapped up with you on the couch and watching cute, ditzy movies that you oogled over until you both fell asleep.

“Sans.. You didn’t have to get me more roses.”

“what? i figured the first 2 bouquets i sent to yer house weren’t enough.”

Underswap Sans ♡︎♥︎♡︎

(i don’t like the fanon version of him, so I will stick to the canon version of him as much as i possibly can.)

This MAN.

Anything you’ve ever wanted on Valentine’s Day will be overtaken by the amount of stuff he does for you. You wake up and this man is already in your house somehow (he made a spare key with your house key a while back LMAO) just making breakfast for you.

“Dude… How did you get in here?”

“HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY. YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS OVER-EASY, RIGHT?”

Yeah. He’d be all over you. There are somehow flowers in every room of your house, neatly trimmed and already in vases full of water. Rose petals are leading down every hallway, which when you tried to explain that they were supposed to lead somewhere special, Usually the bedroom for freaky stuff, He frowned and stated that he didn’t plan on staying in one place the whole day. Shouldn’t everywhere you walk feel special?

Honestly, despite putting flowers everywhere in your house I feel like he’s not a flower guy. He’d probably focus on just spending the WHOLE day together. Going out for a walk, getting coffee somewhere, him making dinner for you later that night. He’s all about that quality time rather than a handful of gifts being shoved at you. He’d rather take you out and buy stuff during the day with you.

#undertale #undertale au #undertale alternate universe #sans #sans undertale #sans x reader #classic sans #sans x you #fell sans #underswap #blueberry sans #SAP

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study-diaries · 1 year ago

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Math Tips

(Pictures are not mine)

Well, let me tell you, we all have this love-hate relationship with this subject, right? The worst part is that when you don't know what the heck is going on, so, as a girl who studied maths (2 Volumes/textbooks) on her own during the year she was homeschooled, here are some tips and tricks that I did to get an A+ in my math finals!

Get your syllabus together

In the beginning I had no damn idea what was going on and it was just confusing. I had to do the first thing I did was taken my index/table of contents and mark the chapters which i knew very well and the ones I had no clue about. And then i arranged them with the marking scheme, like which one carries the most marks etc etc and study accordingly.

Complete lessons/chapters that you already know

When you finish off the things you already know then that's gonna give you the confidence you need even if you know only 1-2 chapters, learn it throughout and make sure that you'll get the answer no matter how twisted the sum is. If you're doubtful about the whole textbook like any normal person.... Start with the easy ones. (I know there are literally really no "easy" chapters, spare me)

Harder chapters need hard work

Most chapters like Trigonometry proofs, Geometry proofs, Algebra, Graphs, Mensuration and Calculus etc need more than minimum effort but here's a trick, what is the common thing in this? Yes, they're all formulae and theorem based which goes to my next point. These chapters are completely based on how much you've understood your basics.

Formulae and theorem cheatsheets

Make a list of all formulae and the theorem used in the book, write them chapter wise and no printouts or digital notes. Take a paper and write it down, no excuses. It helps you while you're practicing, revising and in the last minute review, it helped me damn much. Remember, maths is a sport. The basic formulae must come to you like reflexes.

YouTube is your best friend.

For every single chapter, go and watch the basics and how a sum is done step by step. A recommendation for this is Organic Chemistry Tutor who literally is one of the reasons i passed. He has videos from basic geometry, trigonometry, statistics to calculus. Search for your own YouTubers and be clear with concepts.

Math is fully memorization

Memorize formulae and theorems with the back of your hand, you should be able to recall them within seconds. Be thorough.

Memorize basic math values (if calculator isn't allowed)

Do this if you have a majority of chapters like Statistics, Mensuration, Profit/loss calculation etc, where large numbers are concerned. Memorize the first 10 square, cube, decimal and multiplication values. It may be dry but there are literally songs available for these things, I'm serious, i learnt the first 10 cube roots by listening to Senorita xD Search for rhymes and they'll definitely be many!!

Work it out!!!!!!

Can't stress this enough, atleast 30-40 mins is the minimum for maths. I'm serious, work out each sum, don't ever think it's a waste, you'll see the results. Practice makes perfect. Work out every single sum, from examples to exercise ones cause let's be honest, our examiners love to take problems from every nook and cranny of the book.

Whiteboard method

So, I made this up and it actually works, if you have a whiteboard or anything else, once you completed a chapter, take a random page and whatever sums you have on those two pages, you need to complete within a given time limit. It helps you to identify your weak points and where the hell you're losing both time and effort and not to mention that it gives you confidence boost up.

Hope this helps :))

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superbat-lmao · 3 months ago

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Things I’ve gone through or done that if I ever wrote a fic about Jason Todd I’d let him have:

The first winter I spent in the apartment I got with my younger sibling after we both got out of that house I cried when the heating vent in the kitchen floor under the sink hit my bare feet. It was something about the warmth and safety and security that hit me so fast I didn’t realize I was crying.

I have plenty to eat, and so much food that I actually like that I don’t have to worry about being hungry. I still have problems eating everything too fast, not for any of the old reasons, but because I still want it to be warm.

I was 25 before I bought something pink and could look at the color without seeing my mother.

When I feel disconnected from things that affect me I read sad books. By the time I’m crying, I’m able to feel myself enough to know why I’m actually sad.

The first soft bed I slept in for more than a weekend at a hotel fucked up my back. My mattress used to be rock hard and now I have trouble sleeping on anything too soft. I have a camping roll for when I stay at other people’s places because it literally makes my back hurt.

My younger sibling needed a crown and we found out because her tooth was unbearable. I had to take off work to take her to the dentist and they let me stay with her the whole time. The phone call started with “Hi, I’m calling for my younger sibling, who is an adult, but neither of us have been to the dentist…”

Half the time I am around my friends I can enjoy being in the moment. The other half I am too aware of myself. Like being aware of breathing. There’s no rhyme or reason to it.

I have enough money to have a spare of a lot of things. If I run out of shampoo, I can grab another one and then add it to the shopping list instead of running out and using hand soap for shampoo or body wash.

My apartment has AC. I used to live on the second floor of a really old house that had trouble cooling itself so I slept with a fan. Now the fan is just because I need the noise.

I take the same commute to work on public transit and recognize a few people on the bus. I also chat with bus drivers.

If I break something I just buy another one instead of jerry rigging/duct taping something back together.

#batman #jason todd #red hood #redhood #i didn’t grow up like dirt poor because my dad had a job and could pay the mortgage #but i definitely have more as an adult than i ever had as a kid #could you imagine jason calling the dentist for one of his younger goons?#that’s the kinda headcanon i’m looking for

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voidsentprinces · 2 months ago

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Just as a disclaimer for anyone new to here, I am asexual or at least on the gray spectrum. I think I might be a semi-aro variety where my affections are highly limited, I have very little interest in having sex with others, I am officially 10 years out from the last time I've had sex and I don't see any need to go out of my way to pursuit a partner or that sort of activity. I still occasionally think about it but whatever. That being the case, I am not going to yuck anyone's yum but also anything in nature that can be taken in that sort of nature is for someone else.

I do not care for Zenos. He is a bland character made a poster boy for Endwalker to sell copies. And spends 98% of the entire plot from Post-Heavensward to Endwalker sitting around and doing nothing. Only existing to push the plot forward when the writer has themselves in a corner. He is the Pyramid Head. He is a reflection of us, exaggerated or exasperated to make a point about us. That enough of the fandom clung onto that Square now thinks he needed to make a cameo everywhere. I can take or leave Zenos.

Will that stop me from posting a tasteful picture of Zenos? No. Because when I see a post, I know at least one of my followers might like? I post it.

My policy is that if it makes me uncomfortable or if it isn't for me. It doesn't mean it can't be for one of my followers or mutuals.

I have no stake in the shipping wars. I am also just kind of lukewarm on Aymeric. Most of the Scions are just okay, but like Will, Elizabeth, and Jack in the Pirates of the Caribbean (one day I will spell caribbean correctly) series. Its funner to see them as an ensemble of personalities bouncing off one another than taking them as alone.

Will that stop me from posting Thancred, Urianger, Y'shtola, Tataru, etc. stuff when I know it might ignite or inspire someone who follows me? Nah. I will drop Urianger slowly removing his robe while dipping into an onsen, cause I know at least three people would love to see him in that light.

But its my blog, I hear you say? What is the stuff I post for me? That stuff is the stuff my brain has decided to hyperfocus on. Which is a laundry list of topics with little to no coherency. Broken up by the Laughing Pelicans that mock me in my sleep. A charcuterie board of interests with no rhyme or particular reason. That a pelican sits on occasionally.

I do not feel I am gay in the regard that I do not particularly care for men in that manner. I do not feel I am bi or pansexual in liking both men and women in any such manner. While I lean more towards women, there are some great looking guys. But it is all from an aesthetic stand point. Distant and removed and artistically appreciated of the human form rather than a sexual attraction stand point. Relationships, sex, and attraction to me all sound good on paper but never have I enjoyed it in execution. If that makes sense? I do not care for the subject, but as sex, gender, etc. is hard coded into the living experience and is not strictly a human one. It would behoove me to deny something from someone who is represented by such things.

So I post spicy things occasionally for them and them alone to enjoy.

So no, this is not technically a FFXIV blog. It is a potluck of random interests that just so happens to be enjoying FFXIV as a sort of lynchpin at the moment. Tomorrow I could get really fucking into...I dunno. Hello Kitty Island Adventure and that'll be the lynch pin.

#{ ramblings from the Void }

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nitrokiraru · 1 year ago

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masterpost of all the times nitro+chiral has referenced their own games! made bc i was bored and i like epic nitro+chiral references

also includes references to other nitroplus games, if there are any refs i missed please feel free to add to the post or lmk and i will add them!

Togainu No Chi references

to start out is the bgm playing in slow damage! credits to this channel called L on youtube for the recording, they also uploaded other vids of n+c bgm being in surodame so shoutout to a real one bc im about to use all of their vids for this post

youtube

haunt, shifty, and tactics play in the restaurant!

this next one is not exactly confirmed to be a reference but I always felt like the re:code virus and trip ending cg was a homage to Kau

like??? THE OUTFITS LOOK KINDA SIMILAR IDK!!! i like to think that it is! and considering the fact that honyarara (dmmd artist) was a togainu no chi fan, i wouldnt be surprised if the similarities were intentional

Lamento references

to my knowledge there is not a lot of lamento refs in the other games, but like togainu no chi, lamento's bgm is also in slow damage!

youtube

kowaku, kaze ga huku machikado, and ketsui (? the last one is a lil hard to hear but it sounds like ketsui) play in the cafe!

Sweet Pool references

this reference is one i was NOT aware of at all until very recently, so credit to @/slybluehologhost for pointing it out! and for the screenshots if they are yours! their post was the one i found this out from lmao

the CG of one of the first rhyme fights in dramatical murder, is a corrupted version of the Okinaga household cg from sweet pool!

here is the original CG. if you notice it's using 3d resources, something that dmmd didn't actually have a lot of as backgrounds. the reason is because it's leftovers from the previous game!

if you look at the CG flipped, you can see clearly that it is the Okinaga household living room/kitchen!

in my opinion this is one of the coolest refs on this post. bc i played dmmd before every other n+c game, i genuinely didn't notice this when i first played. its something that only people who played sweet pool would notice, and i just find that so nice! just a lil easter egg for people who know

sweet pool bgm is also present in slow damage!

youtube

scene [warp02], chills02, and calm01 play in the bar!

another ref in slow damage is the billboard with youji official art on it

prolly my fav official art of youji ever

Dramatical Murder references

dmmd's bgm is featured in slow damage!

youtube

track 10, 12, and the video says bgm 22 but i cant rly hear anything? idk regardless the bgm plays when you go to beat up that guy who likes to get beat up by his brother for some reason LOL

another very very small reference that is extremely easy to miss is the fact that clear's nendoroid is in Mayu's room

if you zoom in on the parts i circled, you can see that the nendoroid box says 597. and nendoroid 597 just so happens to be the clear nendo!

under the cut are other nitroplus title refs! (also didnt wanna make this post look too long fndskgjn)

Other Nitroplus title references

Mayu's room is FULL of Nitroplus title references. so much that some of them I didn't really recognize besides the obvious, so i literally had to just go through the character lists on nitroplus games to find what characters they were. ur welcome for this incoming information that you may or may not have known

probably one of the most recognizable nitroplus characters in this room is saya from saya no uta, mayu has a figure of her in the middle! (theres more boxes of her but this was the most noticeable imo)

his figure display has many nitroplus characters on it

to start from the top, the one in the long maid like dress is Petrushka from Kikokugai - The Cyber Slayer

Next to her is Franco il Nero from Zoku Satsuriku no Django

i couldnt find anything for who's next to this chara, so i assume its just swimsuit versions of the character Mayu's obsessed with

Going to the 2nd row, though you can just barely see her, i found this character to be Echika from Tokyo Necro

Next (disregarding the obvious figures in between) to her are the two main characters from You and Me and Her, Aoi Mukou and Sone Miyuki!

i find it a little funny that they would put these references in because the audience for the people playing nitroplus games vs the audience playing n+c games are like VERY different but nonetheless, pretty cool!

while not a "reference" per se, sweet pool is heavily inspired by saya no uta!

this is something thats just a generally agreed fact, but i felt compelled to include it anyway because i rly love both of these vns and i love rambling abt them. theyre very similar in the ways that they both got meat n gore, and the main characters dealing with the meat n gore, and the general theme of just isolating yourself from people because of it and not exactly having a happy end. fuminori completely giving up his outside life for saya, destroying friendships n whatnot, and youji locking himself in his room and shutting out people who aren't dealing w his lil problem (makoto). the ending where saya wins and the red road ending shares some vibes imo. its all very similar even down to the soundtrack that had some of the same people working on it, and even gen urobuchi himself (writer of saya) worked on sweet pool as an advisor. so in my head its canon that these two games r brother and sister

thats pretty much it! (unless i decide to add more i swear theres probably so much im missing LMAO) thank you if you read this far ^_^

edit: check notes for other references people have added!

#togainu no chi #lamento beyond the void #sweet pool #dramatical murder #dmmd #slow damage #nitroplus #nitro+chiral #i put a lot of effort into this post for no reason. just for fun idk i like talking about vns

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