#and every time you do say something regardless the focus also shifts immediately and entirely on dissecting you and how you possibly >>

[slimyenemy]

chat i love them sm

[poguesofthebau]

ssa silent treatment

summary: spencer starts acting distant, and when you notice and realize he won’t talk to you about why, you give him the silent treatment. your being so close to him but refusing to speak to him slowly but surely drives spencer insane.

word count: 3.5k pairing: spencer reid x female!bau!reader

a/n: y’all know i had to have reader lowkey tease spence for being spence at the end of this, bc that is what i do. tease him, but in a wholesome way bc i also simp for him <3 so here it is!! also gonna tag @jamesdeerest​ here! enjoy y’all!!

spencer was acting weird. you weren’t really sure why he thought you wouldn’t notice, but you did.

it was a tough case, and everyone was locked in because of it. despite the multiple victims, trips to crime scenes, medical examiner’s reports, and statements from witnesses and families, you still hadn’t caught your guy, and it was beginning to take a toll on everyone-- you simply weren’t catching a break. because of that, you thought spencer was just stressed at first. it had been a long three days for everyone so far, so you understood his reasoning for being a little short with you while you were at the police department. but, when hotch sent everyone back to the hotel for the first night since you’d arrived, you thought spencer’s attitude would shift at least a little. you heard, “go back to the hotel, get some sleep, and come back with fresh eyes tomorrow,” and you expected spencer to deflate a little, relax his shoulders and wrap an arm around you on the way out the door, maybe even grab your hand on the ride back to your room. however, you didn’t get any of that.

when spencer heard this dismissal announcement, he seemed to tense up even more. it was morgan who verbally disagreed, insisting that if the team pulled one more overnight shift you would somehow see something you’d all been missing for the past few days. spencer, on the other hand, remained silent, and when hotch stood his ground, you saw his jaw clench a minuscule amount before he rose from his seat, grabbed his bag, and followed morgan (who was angrily storming away) out the door. at spencer’s exit, jj looked to you, concerned over spencer’s behavior and expecting you to offer an explanation. you shrugged, shaking your head at the blonde as you gathered your things. “i have no idea, jj.” she gave you a sympathetic look then, waiting for you to get your belongings together before the two of you wordlessly walked out side by side.

when you stepped out of the building, you spotted morgan and spencer sitting in an suv. you were a little surprised that the two obviously agitated men had actually waited, but neither you nor jj questioned it before hopping in the back seat. morgan took off as soon as he heard the clicks of your seatbelts, and you silently watched spencer in the side-view mirror. the expression he wore wasn’t unfamiliar to you-- frustration, upset, and desperation, all in one look-- but it was one that didn’t make much sense to you in this situation. usually during a case like this, one that had the entire team stumped for days at a time, spencer would be visually exhausted by the time hotch finally sent everyone home. when you thought over the past three days, you couldn’t remember seeing your boyfriend smile once. the realization made your stomach drop, and the worry set in immediately. along with the worry came the paranoid thoughts. what if he had started to get a migraine? what if something had happened in the course of this case that had done something to him? what if he wasn’t okay?

luckily for you, those thoughts hit you the very moment derek put the car in park. you’d arrived at the hotel. through the fog of your own concern, you heard jj sarcastically announce, “home sweet home.” you let a chuckle fall past your lips at the comment as you opened your door, finding spencer a few feet closer to the hotel already, waiting for you to catch up. once again, you were reminded of how different he was acting when he didn’t put out a hand for you to grab, but you kept your mouth shut because of the relief his waiting for you again had provided. the rest of the walk through the building, including the elevator ride and the few moments it took for spencer to get the hotel room door unlocked, were the same. uncharacteristically quiet, with a suspenseful weight to every motion. when you were both finally in the room, spencer still hadn’t spoken, so you took initiative.

“are you okay, spence?” your voice was light, trying to simultaneously bring up the mood and open the floor for conversation.

“fine,” he said curtly, barely glancing at you as he tugged off his tie at the foot of the bed. “are you?”

your face contorted at the tone of his voice, and suddenly you were defensive. “what does that mean?”

“what do you mean? you asked if i was okay, and i asked if you were. i think that’s pretty straightforward.”

for a couple of seconds, you were stunned into silence. spencer was giving you an attitude-- that much was obvious-- but you had no clue what you’d done to deserve it. after opening and closing your mouth a few times, you shut it and simply nodded. spencer was sitting on the bed now, looking at you with false innocence. if he wanted to play this game, so would you. “fine, reid. i’m fine, too.”

“what, so now you don’t want to talk?” you heard the falter in his voice right away. he knew he’d pissed you off at that point, and although he wasn’t going to come right out and say it, he was already regretting his sourness. regardless of how he felt now, it was too late to turn back, and he still wasn’t ready to talk about what was really bothering him, so he continued the trouble he’d started.

“i’ll talk to you when you talk to me.” you turned out the light, finishing getting ready for bed in the darkness and sliding under the covers, keeping your distance from the man beside you.

the next morning, the air in the hotel room was suffocating. spencer had woken up a few minutes before you, and he was buttoning his shirt when you pulled yourself out of the bed. “good morning,” he greeted, hesitance in his voice.

“morning,” you said effortlessly. there was limited conversation between the two of you for the remaining time you were alone. for the most part it was a mumbled ‘excuse me’ or two, but no conversation, casual or serious, ensued. slowly but surely, you could feel yourself growing more annoyed with spencer-- you didn’t see why he wouldn’t just say something. it was you. he knew he could tell you anything, no matter how nerdy or rude or overly sweet. it didn’t matter to you. you always wanted to hear what he had to say, so this rare case of him refusing to speak his mind was bound to get on your nerves.

when you met up with the rest of the team in the hotel lobby, they all knew something was up. even morgan had a new mindset after a decent night’s sleep, so you and spencer still seeming so tense stuck out like a sore thumb. “hey, lovebirds. you two good?” hotch, rossi, jj, and emily looked to you and spencer expectantly when morgan asked the question, but neither of you flinched.

“ready to catch a serial killer, as always,” you replied with mock enthusiasm. morgan laughed, but he knew your deflective answer said more than your actual words had, so he let it go. the ride back to the station was the same. you didn’t speak to spencer, and spencer didn’t speak to you.

when you arrived at the destination, you quickly lost track of morgan and reid, not having seen the older man pull your boyfriend into a hall to further question him. “hey, pretty boy. what’s going on up there?” as he spoke, morgan gently tapped the side of spencer’s head a couple of times. after a few moments, spencer was still just glaring at morgan, clearly unwilling to speak his mind. “seriously, reid. what is it? you and y/n get into a fight or something?”

spencer scoffed at that, rolling his eyes at the suggestion. “she won’t even talk to me. i was mad, and then i got her mad, and now she won’t speak to me. and the worst part is, i’m still mad, and i wouldn’t even tell her why.”

morgan’s ears perked up at the confession, and he leaned casually into the wall behind him as his mind shifted into advice-giving mode. “well, why don’t you talk to her then, genuis? i mean, i’ve never heard of a time that spencer reid couldn’t tell y/n y/l/n anything.”

“it’s not that simple, morgan,” spencer sighed as he spoke, the frustration he was feeling toward the situation becoming clear in his body language. “it’s just--”

“morgan, reid. we’ve got something.”

spencer sighed again at the sound of hotch’s voice, shaking his head slightly at morgan, who patted him on the shoulder as the two regrouped with the team. a second after spencer dropped into a seat at the conference table, you came around from the other side, placing a coffee on the table in front of him and taking a sip from your own. before he had the chance to say thank you, you were walking away, over to where emily sat at the other end of the table, without even looking at him. spencer looked to morgan, who’d witnessed the moment, with a distraught look in his eye. morgan chuckled lightly, shrugging and throwing his hands up in response.

for the next fifteen minutes, spencer was forced to focus on something other than you. during the first five of those fifteen minutes, the team was verbally bouncing ideas back and forth, and everyone had their first glimpse at the chance to finally catch this killer. for a moment spencer felt hopeful that they could close this case and he could get you to speak to him sooner than later. then, though, the room’s population increased by two.

as the chief of police and one of his detectives walked in, you were speaking, spewing out a possible occupation of the unsub. when you finished your sentence, the detective announced their presence by stating a simple, “that would make a lot of sense.” you spun in your chair to see the source of the voice, giving him a tight-lipped smile in response when you spotted the detective who’d been working with the bau on the case. after smiling at him, the detective gave you what could only be described as a lovesick expression, and you immediately deflected the look by spinning your chair back around so he was out of your line of sight. the police chief spoke then, updating the team on another new victim that had been found that morning.

unbeknownst to you, spencer was fuming for the next ten minutes. he wasn’t surprised that you didn’t spot the anger on his face, seeing as you’d refused to lock eyes with him all morning, but everyone else in the room seemed to recognize it immediately. there was an uncomfortable weight in the room that you were aware of, but your stubbornness kept you from realizing that spencer (and you, unintentionally) was the source of it all. you continued to participate in the conversation, even directly replying to the detective at one point, despite your persistent refusal to make eye contact again. every time the detective spoke, spencer got angrier. by the time the impromptu meeting had ended, he was seeing red. he heard the police chief say, “alright, well, us two will head out and see if we can find anything, maybe bring somebody in,” and he was basically flying out of his seat.

“really glad we could all do this,” he muttered sarcastically, exiting the room as soon as he saw the two men go out the front door of the station.

“reid--” hotch began to call out, but when he saw the look on your face-- one of concern, confusion, and determination-- he knew you would handle it. hotch nodded to you, and before the rest of the team could get a word out, you were following spencer.

“hey,” you called out, hoping your boyfriend would realize you were finally talking to him. unfortunately, he either didn’t hear you or chose to continue ignoring you, and stalked out the station door without looking back. holding in a frustrated groan, you picked up the pace a little and jogged after him. as you stepped out of the station, head whipping around a few times to keep track of where the man was going, you stopped in your tracks when you saw him pacing back and forth a few feet from the door. “spencer.”

you caught his attention that time, and his face was painted in surprise when he heard your voice so close. your eyes locked for the first time since the previous night, and the look of surprise quickly morphed into a grimace. he began shaking his head, turning away from you and tilting his head up to the sky. you took a few steps closer, crossing your arms as you waiting for him to return your gaze. eventually he did, and his expression had once again changed-- this time, he looked remorseful. “i’m sorry. i’m really, really sorry, y/n.”

your eyes softened at the desperation in his voice, and the rest of your body followed suit. your arms uncrossed, shoulders deflating a little. “what is it, spence? just talk to me.” there was still some frustration laced into your words, but spencer was finally able to remember who you were. it was y/n. his y/n, the one he could tell any passing thought, any uncalled-for statistic, any traumatic childhood memory. anything at all.

he sighed, brows furrowing a little as he prepared to finally admit to what had him so upset. “that stupid detective, y/n. i mean, i’m used to working around airheads on cases like this, but that guy--”

“hold on a second,” you interrupted, holding up a hand. “are you-- do you mean detective beefhead?”

“if detective beefhead is the one that came into the conference room just now to simply ogle you, then yes. detective beefhead, y/n.”

the hand you’d been holding in front of spencer then clamped over your mouth, but the boisterous laugh you were trying to hold in fell out anyway. “oh my god. i’m sorry, spence, but seriously? not only are you jealous right now, but you’re jealous of a guy i just referred to as detective beefhead? is your iq still 187, or are you feeling sick?”

he threw you a dirty look then, crossing his arms. “you know, you told me to talk to you, and now that i am, you’re laughing at me. if i remember correctly-- and we both know i do-- you said you’d talk to me if i talked to you. not laugh at me. talk to me.”

you were able to stop laughing then, but the smile on your face wasn’t going anywhere. “spence,” you said, stepping close enough to him to forcibly uncross his arms and wrap them around you instead. “i’m sorry for laughing. really. but... that’s ridiculous. why would you feel threatened by him?” still slightly defensive, spencer tried to remove his arms from around your waist, but you leapt forward even more, grabbing his face with both hands and steering his head so he’d have to look at you. “c’mon, spence.”

“y/n,” he sighed, eyes closing for a second before he looked back at you and continued. “you don’t see yourself how i see you, or how anyone sees you.” your head tilted at the statement, and spencer’s arms tightened slightly around your waist as he shook you lightly for emphasis. “i’m serious. you are... you’re perfect, y/n, and i know how absurd that sounds to you, but it’s the most truthful thing i’ve ever said out loud, or thought, or known. and, frankly, i’m not the most outwardly-- or inwardly-- appealing person. i know that. i’m not like most people, and i know you think that’s endearing, but it’s hard for me to sit back and watch other guys come around and try to take you from me. my heart stops when i think that maybe you’ll look at someone else one day and completely forget about me, and us, and everything. it just-- it scares me, and when i get scared, i get defensive, and then i was acting so childish toward you, but it was all because i’m scared.”

for a few moments, all you could do was stare at spencer. you knew you should’ve said something right away, but for some reason, all you wanted to do was look at him. maybe it was because you knew you saw him in a way he didn’t see himself, and in a way nobody else could ever see him. when you looked at spencer, all you saw was everything, because that’s what he was to you-- everything. the thought of him feeling so unstable in your relationship crushed you, and the way he felt in that moment only reminded you even more of who you truly knew him to be.

you thought back over the last few days of working on this case, and all the times you’d come into contact with the detective spencer apparently felt so threatened by. he’d brought you coffee three times, but you’d denied it twice, having either just gotten coffee for you and spencer, or spencer having just brought you a refill. the one time you did take it, it was more in hopes that he’d retire his efforts after one small success. then there was the time you’d caught him leaning over your shoulder as you read the m.e.’s report. you’d asked him if he needed a copy of his own, and he’d told you that he had his own but liked appreciating the notes you’d scribbled into yours more than his own bland copy. you’d told him there was nothing bland about an innocent person who’d been murdered, and he’d basically run away from you. and then there was the interaction in the conference room that your team witnessed entirely. you realized then that spencer must’ve seen all the other approaches detective beefhead had made, and you internally cringed at spencer’s misinterpretation.

“you’re wrong.” those were the first words you spoke, because they were the most honest. “i know it’s gonna be hard for you to believe, but you are just so wrong right now, spencer. honestly, after all the time i’ve had with you, i kind of thought you’d know better to ever get jealous. and i know that sounds ridiculous, because everyone gets jealous, but i think i just hoped you’d see by now that it’s literally not possible for me to see another person the way i see you. literally. impossible.”

“i mean, it’s probably not really impossible, but--” at your pointed look, spencer cut himself off. “okay, fine. it’s impossible.”

“hell yes it is. because i love you, doctor reid. not detective beefhead, not some guy who tries to hit on me at a bar, not anyone else. just you, okay?”

he nodded, finally feeling for the first time in three days that you were still his. “i’m still sorry, though. you were so mad, and i-- i just made it worse, and i’m sorry for that.”

“i was only mad because you weren’t communicating with me, spence. so, if you’re sorry, you can make up for it by working with me a little and just telling me when something’s wrong.” he nodded rapidly, a smile finally breaking out on his face for the first time in days. “and also, you’re welcome for the coffee.” his face fell then, and as he opened his mouth to argue, you laughed and pulled his mouth to yours to keep him from bickering. for a second he resisted, determined to correct your statement, but he quickly realized that would get him nowhere. just as he succumbed to your touch, the door to the police station was swinging open again.

“oh, thank god,” you heard from the door. it was emily, a bright smile on her face as she spotted the two of you kissing in front of the station. at the sound of her voice, you and spencer pulled apart, both looking to her innocently. “hotch needs you both back. i’m glad to see you’ve sorted out whatever the issue was.”

you looked at spencer one last time before smiling back at emily, pulling yourself out of spencer’s grip to re-enter to building. spencer followed behind you both, relieved to know he was out of the doghouse with you and had no other guys to worry about. “spencer was jealous of detective beefhead.” you spoke quietly (and tauntingly, knowing your boyfriend could hear you), causing emily to let out an understanding, “ah, good ol’ detective beefhead. reid, kid, you got nothing to worry about there, trust me.”

“hey, don’t tell them!”

“you talk to me, i talk to you, we talk to the team, spence! it’s the circle of communication!”

“i’m never communicating again.” and that was spencer’s last grumble before you all got back to work. 

[carelesscreativity]

NightKiller Broken Bones w/ Uncorrupted!Nightmare for LateNightBarista: Commission For Ko-Fi

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(SFW, Blood[?], Angst, Fluff)

It was worse than usual. Usually, when Nightmare had a bad day, the castle would feel electrified and tense. Going out into the hallway or to the kitchen was a risk. Nightmare would be near delirious and attacking anything that seemed even remotely threatening. The gang knew that Nightmare couldn't help it. When he was having a bad day, Nightmare's past memories were kicked into full gear and he would be drowning in old pain. Trying to talk to him was out of the question and trying to touch him was a suicide mission. They usually all just hid. But today seemed different.

The castle held the same charged feeling, but none of them had heard anything. There was no screaming. No breaking of furniture. No feverish rambling about not wanting to be touched or seen. Nightmare hadn't even left his room. It was quiet and there was a heavy aura of pain surrounding the castle like a thick smog, slightly choking each of them. Killer couldn't even focus on sharpening his knife in his own room. His hand wasn't steady enough and he had to give up before he permanently fucked up the blade.

It had been almost four hours since the feeling had settled over the castle. Nightmare usually started his reign of destruction and terror as soon as he woke up. Killer knew that, if he was wrong, he would be risking quite possibly all of his limbs. But he was the boss' right hand. So that meant he had to look out for him. Or something like that. He hopped down and teleported before his feet even hit the floor. He landed in the hallway right outside Nightmare's room. He paused. He couldn't hear anything from inside and it was still eerily quiet. He slipped his knife back up his sleeve and paused. He raised his hand and for once in his life, Killer actually knocked.

He waited a few moments. The aura wasn't becoming any more charged. His target soul gave an uneasy waver. Killer's brow furrowed and he knocked again, a little louder. "Boss??" He called, knowing he had a strong enough voice to carry through the door. There. He heard a small shuffle and the faintest hint of a sharp inhale. Killer furrowed his brow and moved a little closer to the door, listening. He could just barely hear raspy breathing. "Boss, I'm coming in." It was more of a warning than anything. It was also Killer signing off on his death wish if Nightmare decided to freak out.

He turned the knob, only to find it locked. He sighed and teleported inside, disregarding the door completely. The aura of pain was thick in the room. Every negative feeling was swirling around like fumes and Killer gave a momentary tremble. The breathing was louder. It was practically a death rattle, but it kept going and for a split second, Killer felt a small pinprick of fear that Nightmare really was dying. The thought made him ache in a way he couldn't describe. He had yet to turn around and face the bed, where he could hear the breathing coming from. "Boss. I'm gonna turn." He said, bracing himself.

He wasn't even sure what he was bracing himself for. He turned and the first thing he became aware of was the staining. Black stains were spattered across the walls and leaked into the carpet around the bed. And good stars, the bed. The bed was bleached black, all hints of the dark purple sheets gone. The thing on the bed caught Killer's attention and it shook him to his skeletal core. He managed to actually focus. The monster in the middle of the corruption was unmistakably a skeleton.

But the only parts that seemed to be connected were the head and the torso. The lower half had been broken off at the spine and all of their limbs were completely shattered off as well. The remains of a shredded purple tunic somewhat covered their upper half, but not enough since Killer could still see what was left of the ribcage. Any ribs that were still there were cracked or dangling. Regardless, the ribcage still moved up and down with each breath. There was a dented, stained and lopsided crown on their head that looked like it might've once been gold.

Black liquid was freely pouring out of every crack and orifice on their body, Killer able to tell how much of a struggle it was for them to breathe around it. The limbs were splayed around them and Killer could tell that some pieces were missing. A couple fingers and toes. He finally focused on their head. The entire left side of it was busted open in a wound that would put Horror's to shame. An eyelight was fixed on him in the other socket, muddled violet and cyan. The second Killer met their gaze, he felt a shockwave straight through his body to his soul.

His soul snapped into an inverted heart and his vision became crystal clear as his eyelights flared to life. He vaguely recalled hearing something about this form. Everyone knew the story of Dreamtale. He could still see bruises on those stained bones. He was snapped back out of his thought by a wheezing, violent cough. He winced as something snapped and he saw one of the other's ribs break off and fall, becoming dust against the bedsheets. Based on why he could barely see underneath the taters of the tunic, Killer didn't want to guess what the other's back looked like.

His eyelights moved up to the meet the other skeleton's once again. The corruption looked like it had unpeeled and melted around them. Killer didn't say anything at first because he needed a moment to piece everything together. It was a given that Nightmare was blind on his left side, but he hadn't quite realized the extent. Sometimes, he'd catch Nightmare stumble randomly while walking or in the middle of battle and, seeing his broken legs, it made sense to Killer.

The black-eyed skeleton could also see the way Nightmare's palms were cracked and he was simply missing quite a few fingers and the boss' occasional difficulty with physically grasping and holding things was so much clearer. Everything was so much clearer. Killer started to slowly move over. "Boss." The word alone seemed to make Nightmare flinch. He wasn't. He wasn't Boss. He couldn’t be. Not like this. Never like this. Everything hurt and his pain had amplified six times over once Killer had seen him. He hadn't wanted anyone to ever see him in this form. He could only breathe though, completely useless to speak. Killer's shoes squished along the carpet as he got closer, finally stopping next to the bed.

He was on his blind side, the bastard. Nightmare still remembered the origin of that wound like it was yesterday. He recalled vaguely the goop beginning to spill out of his eyesocket at a frightening rate. It hadn’t been too alarming at first. He hadn't been ready for the corruption to literally explode out the side of his skull in a way that felt like he'd been shot from the inside out. He was yanked out of his memories with a sharp inhale as he felt the slightest shift in the bed. He managed to turn his head, his neck creaking a little to see that Killer had picked and begun to fuse the broken pieces of his left arm back together. What was he doing??

Nightmare managed to make a questioning noises and Killer, forever on the same page as him, glanced up. "What's it look like? Putting you back together." He replied to Nightmare's unspoken question. Nightmare stared at him for another few moments. Killer kept glancing up at him before sighing. "No, I don't think any less of you, okay? You don't have to keep looking at me like that. I won't tell a soul." Killer was always so hard to read. His emotions were always so faded and while it helped in battle against Dream, it didn't help with complicated conversations like this.

But Killer's soul was inverted right now, which meant... Hesitantly and painfully, Nightmare probed at Killer's emotions. The slight brow raise signaled that Killer could tell was he was doing, but he wasn't going to stop him. Nightmare could sense truth. He could sense truth and trust and devotion and... Nightmare didn't realize he was shaking until he felt Killer's hand give the lightest touch over his sternum to still him. Nightmare was crying. It would be difficult to see his tears through the black liquid running down his face, but Killer had always been a perceptive son of a bitch.

Nightmare continued to stare at Killer as he worked on fusing his broken, battered body back together. Where was it? Where was the amusement? The disappointment?? The pity??? Every emotion Nightmare would've expected from Killer simply wasn't there and all he could sense was his devotion, his respect and his admiration for him. There was another feeling. One that Nightmare could barely recognize, but didn't want to acknowledge. Not yet, at least. He furrowed his brow, twitching slightly at the pain that it sent through his skull. He continued to stare before Killer glanced up. "Deep breath." Nightmare did so, but still whimpered as Killer popped his arm back into the socket. "There we go..." Nightmare could feel soft pulses as Killer sent soothing magic through it. "Boss."

The title made the invisible smog of pain in the room worse, so Killer took a breath and tried again. "Nightmare." The broken skeleton opened his eye and looked at him. "I don't know how you do it..." He moved to his other side and Nightmare felt a little more relaxed since he could see him better. He watched Killer pick up the other arm and get to work on it. "You... live like this... and still manage to be everything I admire. I've seen you fight amazing battles and this was the kind of body you were working with underneath?" He gave a soft scoff of amazement. "Unbelievable... You’re truly amazing.”

Nightmare really didn't know what to do for a moment. All he could sense was truth and it was overwhelming him. He wanted to cover his face and he managed to shift his reattached arm just a little. Killer seemed to notice immediately and reached over him, gently placing a hand on his arm as a gesture to keep it still. "You don't need to hide from me." He said softly. Nightmare made a weak noise. If he could blush, he would've. Killer finished with his other arm and stood up. "Deep breath." Nightmare did so, still unable to stop the sharp cry of pain as Killer reattached it.

Once again, he relaxed into the soothing pulses Killer gave. After another moment, Killer reached out and flicked the tatters of his tunic. “Probably can’t take this off of you all the way without fucking something up, but you mind if I start working on your ribs?” Nightmare didn’t answer for a moment and Killer blinked. “I could also start on your legs, but that would mean cutting open what’s left of your pants.” Nightmare gave a weak huff and Killer nodded. “Ribs it is, then.”

He pushed the fabric out of the way and Nightmare nearly started crying as he felt the pain slowly beginning to lift away into dull aching as Killer’s magic began to spread through him. He screwed his eye shut and kept his head turned away. He inhaled shakily as he felt a hand slip under his cheek and he managed to look back at the other. Killer had his other hand on his sternum. “I’ll fix you up. Nightmare... if you were able to do what you do with a broken body, imagine what you could do with a mended one? Stars, you’d be unstoppable.” Nightmare blinked before managing a very small, weak smile. He wanted to laugh, but he was sure that would fuck up whatever Killer was doing.

Killer chuckled, rubbing his thumb over his cheek bone at the sight of that little grin. “You can relax a little. It’ll be a while.” He watched as Nightmare closed his eye and tipped his head into his hand. Killer’s grin had already returned in response. He kept soothing and healing. It would take a bit, but for Nightmare, he had magic to spare and all the patience in the world.

[tsukikento]

What’s Their Name Again? (Miya Atsumu x GenderNeutral!Reader)

Summary: In which Miya Atsumu quickly becomes infatuated with you and hits someone in the face with a volleyball because of it.

Word Count: 4,877

Warnings/Genre: fluff, the slightest bit of angst, cute stuff :) no warnings except maybe swearing and osamu and atsumu being argumentative twins lol

Notes: I posted this on ao3 yesterday and now it's here! I could not get this idea out of my head and just had to write it! Please let me know if you like it! I love to hear your feedback! <3

(masterlist)

The first time Miya Atsumu saw you was in his first year of high school. He had been walking onto the court to play a game at the Spring Interhigh Nationals when his wandering eyes fell on your own. He couldn’t even remember the other team’s name he was about to face. However, he could remember the deep blue and gold tracksuit you were wearing a couple of courts over. He practically stopped in his tracks as he watched you talk to a manager from another team.

Your eyes shined brightly and the smile that graced your lips had him reeling. Needless to say, he was rather speechless with your angelic appearance. The stadium was too loud to hear the laughter that came out of your mouth, but he was sure it was perfect. His eyes scoured over your body, looking you up and down.

Wow, he thought, tempted to watch you for as long as he could, before something bumped into him.

His eyes were dragged away mercilessly from your figure and to his brother’s.

Miya Atsumu groaned loudly as he looked at his gray-haired twin. His frustration boiled over easily as if in too small of a pot and it resulted in him chasing after Osamu until Kita gave him a look that told him to behave. Oh, yeah, we are at nationals…

“Tch,” He mumbled before looking back at you. Or at least, where you had been standing.

You were gone.

And he was too entranced by your looks to see what school you went to. Atsumu looked back to his team and held in a groan as he forced himself to focus on the game that was soon to start.

~~

The next time Miya Atsumu was graced with your appearance was during the Winter Interhigh for his second year of high school. His team had once again made it to nationals, and it seemed yours had too.

In fact, you were currently standing opposite him on court B, while he stretched out his limbs.

You seemed much more confident in yourself than last year. The small, nervous blush that was permanent on your cheeks last year was gone. Your hair was shorter than before, no longer hiding over half your face, and it made you look way too good.

He stared at you as your team ran around the small court.

Tanuki High, he read off the jerseys.

Although he wasn’t happy to be facing off against your team on the first round of nationals, he tried to look at the bright side. He could impress you.

He found himself frequently looking at you as he warmed up, hoping you were looking at him. However, his now blond hair didn’t even help him stand out in a crowd. Rather than looking at the gorgeous setter that he was, you were looking at a player from your own team.

The boy had short black hair and green eyes. He had a smirk practically plastered onto his face and it made Atsumu want to hit him. Not a punch that could make his precious hands and knuckles bleed, but maybe a swift kick or elbow of the stomach.

He could not figure out why you were looking at that other guy so much. From what he could tell, the green-eyed bastard was also a setter and much worse compared to his own skill.

Atsumu groaned as he watched you look at that idiot with such a kind smile. He hated how beautiful he thought you looked and how much he craved for you to look at him that way.

And I don’t even know your name, he thought.

Once again, Atsumu was torn away from you by his brother.

“You like ‘em?” He asked, nudging Atsumu and looking at you.

Atsumu didn’t reply and simply walked away.

“Ah, so you do?” Osamu pestered, becoming that much more incessant.

“Shut it,” The blond twin spat back, “I need to practice my sets, toss them to me.”

Osamu didn’t bother to say anything else and simply followed along.

~~

It was about halfway through the game when Atsumu’s blood began to boil.

Tanuki High was not a bad school. They had a great defense and an ace who practically shut them out. However, Atsumu was able to keep calm and levelheaded until he saw you looking at that black-haired setter.

For most of the game, you had been dutifully noting down every point, block, and whatnot. It helped that you weren’t staring and giggling at the setter like before. Except, as everyone shifted positions and Atsumu moved to serve, he watched the opposite setter move to be standing closest to you.

Back left, Atsumu thought.

He watched attentively as the green-eyed boy looked at your sweetly and waved.

You waved back shyly.

Atsumu saw the other setter mouth something he couldn’t hear and your face went red immediately before you giggled.

The blond groaned as he took his steps back. When he looked up, you were still smiling like an idiot at the other setter. The referee whistled, signaling that it was okay for Atsumu to serve. He didn’t even bother silencing the cheer team, subconsciously knowing it would draw attention to him. He ran forward, jumping just in time, and smacked the volleyball as hard as he could.

It took less than a second for the ball to connect directly with the black-haired bastard’s face.

The referee once again blew his whistle and multiple people rushed over to check if he was okay.

Smirking, Atsumu walked up to his brother who was standing at the front as said, “Serves him right for not paying attention.” He knew he was an ass, he knew it was a little much to purposefully do a jump serve right into someone’s face, but it was a split-second decision.

Osamu chuckled and Atsumu felt a sense of pride rush through his veins until he saw your eyes snap up at him.

Like any manager would, you had rushed over to check on the player. His nose was bleeding and tears threatened to fall from his eyes.

When you heard that comment from the blond you had just served, you looked up in disgust at him. Your eyes held a fury that was rarely seen and Atsumu stepped back tentatively.

“You monster. How dare you,” You spat at Atsumu with venom dripping from your voice.

Atsumu could barely pay attention as he watched you usher the setter out of the gym and most likely to the infirmary.

Well, that backfired, he thought, now missing your kind presence that previously filled the gym.

The game ended quickly after that, Tanuki High being low in spirits. Although Atsumu wasn’t that much better either.

His heart felt like it ripped apart as you came back just in time to see your team lose. You were not accompanied by the setter and sadly shook your head as he watched the coach ask you a question.

Was my serve really that strong? He questioned as you sat down.

Atsumu simply followed the motions as he perfectly set the ball to Aran and watched closely for any possible blocks. It didn’t matter though.

He heard the smack of Aran’s powerful serve hitting the floor before he registered much and the ref's whistle blow.

End game.

He watched you calmly put your clipboard down before looking up to meet his eyes.

There was still so much anger in your eyes, but you hardly looked at him, barely spared him a glance, before going up to the players and hugging each and every one of them.

Atsumu stared at you with a foreign feeling. It felt different than the jealousy that ran through his veins when he saw you talking with that black-haired idiot from before. This feeling made him feel empty, but at the same time made him crave to fill that hole with your smile.

Oh, that gorgeous smile. You had lips that he would beg for a chance to kiss. The perfect shade of pink that matched perfectly against your skin tone to the slight laughter lines. Your smile was not joyful currently, it was more so filled with a pity directed at the volleyball players, a sorry attempt to cheer up the players.

He knew he should, but the second-year was way too nervous to actually go up and apologize to you. However, after a small cheer he shared with his team, Kita and Aran did force him to go and bow and apologize to the entire team.

“I’m very sorry for hitting your teammate. Please give him my sincere apology and know it was never my intention to hit anyone,” He partially lied, while bowing down to a 90-degree angle. He flashed a remorseful smile directed at you in hopes for pity.

You had none.

~~

Atsumu did not see you during the Spring Interhigh National games. He didn’t know if it was because your team did not make nationals or if you just didn’t cross paths. Regardless, he didn’t want you to see him lose in only the second round and was grateful for the absence.

~~

Atsumu finally saw you again at the Winter Interhigh National games.

Your tracksuit somehow fit even better than in years passed and Atsumu almost immediately walked up to you because of how profoundly gorgeous you looked.

However, what stopped him was the black-haired idiot. Or more so the lack of him.

He must have been a third-year, Atsumu thought as he watched you talk to the players. He was quite sure you were giving them an endearing and powerful speech. The passion and fire in your eyes outshined everything else. He absolutely adored how passionately you looked. If he looked closely, he would have noticed that you were also teary-eyed.

Atsumu continued to watch over you as he debated what to do. He was more confident than he was before, confident enough to walk up to you and ask for your number.

But what if you aren’t single? He thought, knowing full well that the alumni setter had flirted so freely with you and most likely asked you out.

“Stop being such a wuss.”

Atsumu looked away from you and to his brother.

“You have been looking at ‘em since our first year,” Osamu reasoned.

“No, I have not!” Atsumu countered, ready to hit his brother in the head.

Osamu barely ducked away in time from the attack before laughing, “Yeah, and you totally didn’t hit that guy in the face with a volleyball last year because he was flirting.”

Atsumu groaned, knowing that he was right. “Shut up, ‘Samu.”

“Whatever,” Osamu replied. “Just don’t come crying to me when you finally work up the courage and can no longer find ‘em.” His brother shrugged and walked away to go and talk to Suna.

Atsumu immediately turned his head around, worried you would be gone like before. He would theoretically only have one more chance to see you, that was if your team even made it to nationals. Atsumu groaned, knowing Osamu was right.

You were currently kneeling on the ground by the back wall and packing up some things in a bag, getting ready for your team’s game to begin. With most of your team busy warming up on the court, it gave Atsumu his best chance to talk to you privately. Most of his team was also leaving the court so none of those idiots would interrupt him either.

Before he could even think about what to say, his legs began approaching you. He inched close and closer but stopped when he was about five feet away and simply watched you.

Shit, what the fuck am I supposed to say?

“Can I help you?” You asked, looking up at him, worrying that he was going to be one of the many volleyball players from a different school that simply asked you out because they didn’t have their own team manager. You had a suspicious look on your face that heavily juxtaposed the sweet smile you gave all the players in Tanuki High.

“Oh, uh,” Atsumu stumbled over his words, not realizing you would notice him. He tentatively stepped closer, suddenly much more anxious than he was a few moments ago. However, he also found your confidence and bratty attitude so goddamn attractive. “I’m uh—"

“Oh!” You stood up from the kneeling position you had been in and pointed at the blond. “You’re Miya Atsumu, right?” Your eyes scanned his features and he wondered if you knew him from his noticeable, sunken eyes and bleached hair.

Atsumu immediately felt his face heat up, something he had yet to experience in his academic career. Despite being sought after by many people from his own high school, those people only liked him for his talent.

He never cared much for people who couldn’t befriend him for his personality but were happy to ogle him while he played. Nevertheless, he also still found himself enjoying their praises while he played.

Any of the people he tried to date in the past, a whopping three people, ended up breaking up with him because of his personality. The explanations ranged from him being too loud to being too obsessed with volleyball.

Either way, he was much more cautious than before, and yet you still grabbed his attention and made him want to learn more about you.

Atsumu would have looked away from you and toward the ground, except your eyes were sparkling too brightly for him to possibly miss a second. Fuck, he thought as he tried to figure out what to say.

“Y-you know me?” He finally asked. He pointed to himself in shock, eyes wide and unsure of himself.

“How could I forget the number #1 setter who hit Tadashi Kou in the face with a volleyball?” You ecstatically spoke, leaning back casually onto the wall and smiling with a confidence that made Atsumu’s heart rate increase.

Atsumu figured you were talking about the setter from last year, especially because he did not make it a habit to hit people with volleyballs. However, your voice, although not dripping with honey, did not have any anger in it as it did previously. He thought that if you remembered him for that, then you would be more upset with him. Your blatant compliment told him differently.

Regardless, Atsumu found himself sheepishly rubbing the back of his head and apologizing. “Yeah, sorry again about that,” He mumbled, looking down to the floor.

“Don’t apologize,” You waved him off, sheepishly scratching at the side of your face for making him feel bad.

“Oh! Um, but why?” He asked, silently thankful. The conversation wasn’t flowing perfectly, it was filled with awkward pauses and exclamations, but that was better than nothing. In fact, Atsumu wondered if your awkwardness was because you liked him, the same way his awkwardness was because he found your more beautiful than anyone he had ever seen. He reminded himself not to jump to conclusions, a normal person would not fall that fast and he was only beginning to understand his own feelings.

“Tadashi Kou is an asshole,” You swore. “That bastard totally deserved it.” Your voice echoed itself from that day last year. Except, almost angrier. It dripped with a fury Atsumu was unfamiliar with and he was glad he didn’t hear you speak this exact way to him last year.

“Oh,” Atsumu awkwardly replied, not quite sure what to say. What did he do to you? He wanted to ask but feared stepping over a boundary.

“I suppose you are wondering why,” You mumbled more so to yourself.

They know me so well, Atsumu thought, well aware that anyone would think that. However, he decided to let himself dream a little bit more, relish the good feelings he got from talking to you.

Even just your voice was gorgeous. From the way it dripped with honey as you talked to your teammates to the excitedness behind it when you guessed who he was. Even the sassiness and anger that your voice held at certain times made him shiver in new ways.

He realized how much he liked a confident person. No person who had shown interest in him before was the confident or teasing type. They were all confident enough to confess to him, but not confident enough to stop him if he was doing something dumb. Which was rather frequent, unfortunately. But your confidence made him hopeful that you would be willing to joke around with him and stop him when he was going too far. He found himself grinning wildly at just how quickly he was falling for you.

When you looked up at him, he realized his mistake. His eyes were glued to you, but he was thinking of something completely different and you definitely noticed.

Shit, I must look like an idiot. How long have I been not saying anything?

The smile on his face was wiped away because of his nerves and he was sure his face was red. “Uhh, yeah, but I don’t want to make you,” He mumbled back, wanting to forget about this awkward instance. However, your sparkling eyes looking directly at him with such curiosity made it almost worth it.

“Well, the whole world should know he’s an ass,” You replied, shrugging your shoulders, and moving so gracefully that no one would realize the swear that came out of your mouth. “He cheated on me if you must know.” Your voice was flat and blatant.

“Oh, shit,” Atsumu replied without thinking.

“Yeah,” You shot back.

Atsumu wanted to say something, anything, to cover up the silence that quickly took over your conversation. He moved closer to you, now only being a couple of feet away. “Well, I knew he was an ass from the beginning, so…” He trailed off, not sure what his point was.

You, however, still sputtered out a laugh that made his heart skip a beat. Once your chuckles died down, you looked up at the blond with a glint in your eyes that anyone would realize was flirtatious. “Oh really? And what made you hit him in the first place? I assumed it was an accident.”

Atsumu scoffed, replying quickly with, “What makes you think it wasn’t an accident?”

You scoffed back, equally as quick-witted, “Because I’ve seen you play. Coach made me watch hours’ worth of videos when we were going to play you last year, so I know you pride yourself on your serves. You wouldn’t try to hit someone unless provoked, especially because it would make it seem like you didn’t have almost perfect control over your serves. So, I just assumed it was a freak accident.”

Atsumu smirked, “You watch me that much, huh?” On this inside, he was screaming. He was going absolutely feral. You were way too much, and he was about ready to ask for your hand in marriage.

You simply shrugged once more. However, Atsumu, who was watching you intently saw you smirk at him. “So, was it an accident?”

Atsumu smiled and shook his head.

Your smile somehow widened. “And are you gonna tell me what provoked you to hit him?” You wanted to know so bad. What could possibly make Miya Atsumu forgo professionality?

Atsumu, who was busy staring at you, slightly shook his head to bring him back to focus. “You really want to know?” He asked, moving even closer to you, and forcing you to look up at him to meet his eyes. The angle was rather perfect, it gave him an ideal view of your face and he was so tempted to lean in and kiss you.

Either he was an idiot, or you were flirting with him. And he was really hoping you were flirting with him.

Atsumu smirked boldly and you visibly swallowed and tried your best not to breathe completely in his face.

“I do,” You breathed out, barely trusting your voice.

Atsumu hummed low in his throat, an action he knew worked well in getting a rise out of people. “Well,” He leaned back slightly, giving him some more room to talk. “You’re right that I pride myself on my serves. However, I’m not so prideful that I wouldn’t intentionally hit an idiot in the face. In fact, I have a lot of practice aiming my serves directly at my brother's head.”

He paused and smiled joyfully as you shot your hand up to your mouth and laughed. However, your laughter died abruptly stopped as the blond setter once again leaned forward. This time, he put his left arm against the wall behind you, effectively trapping you in closer than ever to him. Atsumu felt lucky that there were a lot of people in the stadium, making it easy for him to hide. Just imagining his team mocking him for this moment almost made him regret it.

He looked into your eyes, so innocent and simply looking directly at him. What he would give to hear your thoughts right now…

“You never told me what made you hit him,” You finally spoke, your throat dry, but still determined to know why.

“If you must know,” Atsumu spoke, looking directly at you and tentatively licking his lips. Your eyes shined with intrigue and your lips were slightly parted. As a last-second decision, Atsumu leaned forward again, brushing his lips against your right ear. He gently breathed out, noting how you shivered easily against his actions. “I couldn’t help myself when I saw how he was flirting with you.”

He was lightheaded.

It was very unlike him to act like this.

Sure, he thought about how to flirt with people, but actually doing it was different. In fact, the last person he dated laughed in his face when he tried to flirt.

He was sure you were about to do the same.

Except, you didn’t shake with laughter. You gasped and turned your head just slightly to meet Atsumu’s eyes as he moved away from your ear. He could feel the heat radiating off your face and see the light blush on your cheeks.

Atsumu smirked, hiding his own nerves. He was so ecstatic with your reaction, but at the same time anxious to see how you would reply.

“Fuck,” He heard you swear. It was so quiet as if coming out as a meek breath. He wouldn’t have heard it if he wasn’t so close to you still.

Being so close to you felt suffocating at this point. The air was hot and the temptation to lean down and kiss you was way too high. He wanted to take this slow, at least for now. Atsumu slowly pulled back, just enough so the air he was breathing was no longer yours as well.

Quickly, you looked down at your feet and fumbled with your hands.

“Don’t look away,” Atsumu sadly whined. He wanted to see your face and your reaction.

“But you made me nervous,” You whined back, causing Atsumu to smile wildly.

“So cute,” He simply spoke before moving his hand to gently cup your chin. He tilted your head up and smiled kindly at you. He could tell you were just as nervous as him and hoped his actions didn’t intimidate you.

You looked into his eyes expectantly. You weren’t sure what he would want from you. Unlike people from his school, you didn’t know much about him. You knew he was popular though. At least, a popular athlete. You clearly remembered the multiple women who cheered for him and held up signs for him during games.

You wondered if he was only flirting with you for fun. Or maybe he was hoping you would entertain him for the night. However, the idea of him literally hitting someone in the head with a volleyball simply because they were flirting with you made you think it might be something more.

However, the long, pregnant pause that had you both reeling in nerves and teenage feelings was stopped when your name was called.

You looked over, Atsumu’s head also turning when yours did.

Your face met the face of one of the first years. A sweet boy with pale, blond hair. He still had a little baby fat on his face, but he was quickly becoming an excellent player despite his innocence and cheerfulness.

Those factors made this moment all the more awkward.

Atsumu’s left arm tucking you into the wall and his right hand holding your chin. He towered over you in a way that made this look even worse.

You gulped down the lump in your throat. “Yes, Watanabe-kun?”

“The game is starting soon, and Coach wanted to talk to you,” He mumbled, his eyes only looking into yours, too nervous to look anywhere else.

“I’ll be there soon, okay?” You replied. Atsumu hadn’t moved in the slightest. He simply only watched Watanabe like he was a potential threat.

The first year nodded and jogged away.

You turned back to look at Atsumu how met your eyes. “So,” You mumbled.

“So,” Atsumu repeated as your voice died down into nothing.

“I have to go,” You finally added.

“You have to go.”

It was clear that you were both reluctant to separate. Atsumu didn’t want to move because he worried that you would leave and he would not see you again.

“Can I have your number?” You finally asked, surprising Atsumu.

“Um,” He finally pulled back and looked down. He tapped at his shorts, realizing he was still in his jersey. No pockets, no phone. “Do you have your phone on you?”

“Yeah,” You replied, and moved down to the bag you had been previously packing up. You unzipped the small, front pocket which helps your phone, and a small first-aid kit.

You quickly unlocked it and opened up to add a contact. You handed your phone to Atsumu and watched as he put in his number. You expected him to simply hand your phone back to you, but he suddenly moved to phone up high. He looked into the lens, smiled, and held up a peace sign before taking a photo of himself.

When he handed you back the phone, you saw he not only added a photo but also entered in his name. TsumTsum <3

“TsumTsum?” You questioned, looking up into the blond with an inquiring look.

Atsumu sighed and flopped around rather humorously. He acted like he couldn’t control his arms and whined out, “I thought it was cute!”

“I didn’t say it wasn’t!” You shot back, laughing at his actions.

Atsumu whined again, “Then why did you look at me like that?”

You simply shrugged, a beautiful smile on your face as you looked down at your phone and typed something out. Once done, you showed him your fine.

‘Hi TsumTsum <3’

Atsumu smiled proudly at the text.

“There, now you should have my number too,” You explained before tucking your phone away into your back. “Hopefully, I’ll see you tomorrow.” You smiled at Atsumu and gave him a quick wink before turning away and walking over to your team.

Atsumu smiled happily, so glad he was finally able to talk to you. In a haze, he finally left the gym and walked down the hall to where his team was supposed to meet up. Most of them were sitting around the small area, either on their phones or trying to sleep.

Atsumu had already given them a short speech about how they played today so they had most of the day free until after dinner when they would watch the recording of them playing and go over it with their coach.

Atsumu plopped himself down onto the ground next to his bad and Osamu. He immediately chugged his water and grabbed his phone out of his bag.

He giddily unlocked his phone to look at the text you sent him. His noise made his brother look over his shoulder and to his brother’s phone.

“Oh, did you get their number?” Osamu asked, turning around to see Atsumu’s phone more clearly.

Atsumu immediately moved to hide his phone. “Yes,” He abruptly replied before looking back to his phone and moving to add you to his contacts. However, as Atsumu’s fingers hovered over his keyboard, he realized something. “I didn’t get their name,” He spoke, looking up to Osamu as if he would have a solution.

The gray-haired twin immediately began laughing at his brother.

“Shut up, ‘Samu!” Atsumu exclaimed, moving to kick his brother.

Osamu hardly dodged his brother’s attack, unable to move swiftly from laughing so hard. “You’re such an idiot, ‘Tsumu!” Osamu said in between his laughs as he moved over to get to Suna.

Atsumu groaned loudly and turned to be by himself. He looked down at his phone, debating what to put as your contact.

Would it be too weird to put a pet name, he wondered.

Finally, after debating for some time, he decided to simply put your contact names as ‘Baby’.

Maybe I’ll change it once I know their name, he reasoned before turning back to his team and interjecting himself into Suna and Osamu’s conversation.

He never did change it though.

[dizzydancingdreamer]

The Daughter of Aphrodite | Leo Valdez

Hello Lovelies! So I was inspired by my classics class and figured hey, what better than to write about Leo Valdez to make the cravings go away? This is my first Leo fic and I decided to take up a third person perspective because it felt right. It’s really fluffy and I hope you all enjoy! Until next time, all my love!

Description: Leo and y/n have been pining after each other for too long. Her friends help her come up with a plan to get close to him, now she has to cross her fingers that her mother, Aphrodite, doesn’t step in.

Pairing: Leo Valdez x Female!Reader

Warnings: Absolutely none

Word Count: 2.7k

Tags: FLUFF

(Pics not mine but mood board is :) )

Her hands were covered in dirt, a trait most uncommon to a daughter of Aphrodite. Somehow, though, she wore it like a pair of silk evening gloves. Her hair was messy, thrown in a bun atop her head, but every strand that fell around her face seemed as though placed by the gods themselves. Even in chaos she was perfect.

Leo leaned precariously against a two by four, watching the daughters of Aphrodite and Demeter replant the gardens around camp. Well, more like the daughters of Demeter and one daughter of Aphrodite. The rest of the Aphrodite sisters were lounging in the sun, avoiding the mud. He couldn’t help but smile when one of her friends gingerly rubbed some dirt off her face. He could almost hear the girl scold her. Always getting your hands dirty, hun.

“Just talk to her already man.” 

“I have, multiple times. At least a couple times a day.” 

Jason ran a frustrated hand through his hair, watching as his friend watched the girl he loved from a distance. Everyone at the camp knew how Leo felt, everyone except her. She was every bit as pure as she was kind. Not to mention loving, gentle, and patient. She was everything he knew he needed and, even more so, everything he desperately wanted. 

“You know what I mean.”

Leo turned to his best friend, a lazy smile plastered on his face, “I know, man. I will.”

Jason only grumbled before heading off. Leo always said that. Clearly he hadn’t followed through yet. Not that it mattered. No one was exactly raring to go head to head with the boy who could light his entire body on fire. His girl would remain his girl until he could work up the courage to, well, make her his girl. Still, Jason just wanted his friend to be happy. 

Leo watched her for another moment before heading off to do what he was supposed to be doing; fixing the door for the sons of Ares. 

Across the green, musical giggles filled the spaces between the chatter. Her laughs were contagious, the Demeter girls rolling around in the plots they were supposed to be filling with hydrangeas, clutching their stomachs with red faces. The other girls, her sisters, also laughed, just a little more contained. They sipped on pink lemonade, twirling the straws in dainty fingers.

“So you’re telling me,” Arabella, a Demeter daughter with wayward curls, barely contained a chuckle, “you have never been kissed.”

Dawn, one of y/n’s sisters, chimed in with a few of her own runaway giggles, “don’t forget the best part: she’s never been kissed because every time a boy gets close, mother steps in!”

They collapsed again in another fit, filling the camp with some much needed life. She smiled sweetly, cheeks blushed like an angel, giggling right along with them. It was funny after all. She liked making her friends smile, it made her feel warm inside. 

“Is it really true? Every time a boy has gone to kiss you Aphrodite has stepped between it?’

Her voice was pure honey, slow and sugary, “oh yes. One time, right as a boy leaned in, a bolt of lightning struck the ground, right at his feet. I’m not sure what she told Zeus to get him to do it. Mother has her ways, I'm sure.”

“Well,” the giggles died down but the atmosphere remained light, “if you could kiss any boy here, without Aphrodite striking him down that is, who would it be?”

Her eyes widened a touch at the question. One boy immediately swam to her mind but she brushed it away quickly, her smile still neatly in place. She knew for a fact that he wasn’t interested in her like that so there was no reason to offer his name to the group. Regardless, though, her heart still fluttered for a certain son of Hephaestus. 

She coiled a loose strand of hair around her finger, her charm bracelet jingling gently on her wrist, “hmm, I’m not sure.”

Her sisters eyed each other cheekily before peering around the camp. When their gaze landed on precisely who they had been looking for, they giggled a collective hum. 

“How about him, hun? Would you kiss him if you could?” Daisy nodded her glass across the field.

Her eyes wandered with her sister’s gesture, past a couple of younger campers playing a game, to a boy fixing what looked like the door to the Ares cabin. Silly boys, always rough housing. That cabin had to have the window fixed just last week. Her eyes lingered on him a little longer than they should have considering she was trying to convince her sisters that she didn’t like him. Her soft lip pulled between her teeth as he ran a hand through his hair. 

Giggles erupted around her again, pulling her from her daze with heated cheeks, “Leo? He would never kiss me.”

The giggles only increased. Her eyes shifted quickly to the Ares cabin, hoping to Zeus that her group wasn’t causing too much of a scene. She wasn’t so lucky. Her eyes met Leo’s brown ones from across the lawn, her nose instantly burning. She tried to look away, she wanted to. Well, she thought she wanted to, at least, but his eyes held hers in a way that made it impossible to look anywhere else. 

She bit her lip again and he smirked, his lips pulling tight in a way that should be a crime. His skin caught the light like a gem, shining from his labour in the hot sun. When he noticed her eyes, drawing over his face and arms, his grin widened and her heart stuttered dramatically. When he winked at her and went back to work, her heart stopped. 

“Oh, hun,” Arabella’s hand swept under her chin, pulling y/n’s focus from the fire boy, “you’re clueless, aren’t you? Have your sisters taught you nothing? That boy is smitten.”

Sarah Beth, her eldest sister, huffed indulgently, a teasing smile on her rosy lips, “oh we tried, Ara, trust us we did. Sis is helpless. Blame it on mother.”

Y/n whined, the sound like one of Apollo’s harps, “what do I do? I’m cursed!”

Even in her torment she giggled, rubbing her cheek affectionately in Arabella’s palm. Arabella smiled lovingly, an idea sparking as she pulled y/n’s face back up. It was a foolproof one, too. Arabella looked at her wide eyes, watching them dart across the green to the boy she was clearly head over heels for. Yes, it needed more than anything to be foolproof.

Arabella poured a fresh glass of lemonade, taking extra care to mix enough ice with the pink liquid. She plopped a straw in it, stirring it once, twice, three times before shoving it in y/n’s perfectly polished nails. 

Her eyebrows scrunched, a cute confusion laid over her features, “I have lemonade, Bella.”

Arabella had to stop herself from rolling her eyes, “it’s not for you,” her eyes tilted to Leo, “he looks thirsty, hun. I think he wants a drink.”

“I don’t think lemonade is what he’s after,” Sara Beth didn’t look up from her own drink but her cat like grin said it all.

Her sisters had to stifle another wave of giggles as she gingerly passed the lemonade back and forth between her hands, contemplating whether or not to go to him. When she looked over at him for the hundredth time in an hour, she made up her mind. It was now or never.

She stood, much too gracefully for a girl with a heart racing a mile a minute, and took a deep breath, “please, mother, do be nice. He’s a lovely boy. I really like him.”

“Go get him, tiger,” Arabella nudged her gently towards the mechanic, a proud smile on every girl in and around the flowerbeds.

The walk across the green felt like it was never ending and much too short all at the same time. Every step that she took towards his crouched figure she debated downing the liquid herself and then running away. But no, she couldn’t. He was like a magnet, drawing her towards him with ridiculous ease. He didn’t even know he was doing it, that was the worst part. The tips of her ears felt hot, her feet stopping a few feet away from him. Oh, gods, what did she get herself into this time?

Leo’s hands stalled, a flowery scent curling around his face and clinging to his skin. He closed his eyes, breathing in as much of it as he could. That had to be what heaven smelled like, he just knew it. Like chrysanthemums and honeydew. Yes, he knew for certain. He drew another breath. Gods, he couldn’t get enough. 

“Hey, Leo,” her voice went high, her words like unintentional poetry, “whatcha working on there?” 

Why did she say that? She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. So silly, what did it look like he was doing? When she opened them Leo was looking at her, a loose grin on his lips, a glint in his chocolate eyes. Her chest squeezed fervently.

“I’ll give you one guess,” his eyes glanced to the door before landing back on her, peering at her from his seat on the ground.

She scrunched her nose at him, trying not to giggle as he stood to face her, “oh ha ha, very funny.”

Leo laughed easily, a sound less honeyed than her own but still so sweet, “that’s my job. Well, when I’m not picking up after Ares’ sons. Can you believe they split the door in half?”

She glanced up at him, her doe eyes dancing over his tanned skin and black curls, unable to fight the butterflies that bounded inside her chest. He really was something. She held the glass a touch tighter when she breathed in his motor oil and nutmeg scent. She was certain this was what Olympus smelled like, not that she’d ever been.

“Honestly yes, I can,” she met his eyes again, sucking in a small breath when they drew down her body to the drink she had yet to hand over.

His eyes flitted back to hers and darkened a touch, a knowing smirk plastered on his lips, “say, is that for me, cariño?” 

Her cheeks flamed and she knew if she lifted a hand to them they would be hot to the touch. How fitting. 

“Erm,” she stalled, pulling her lip between her teeth once more, her eyes shifted to the grass at her toes, “I thought you might like some lemonade? If not that’s ok! It was silly of me, I’m sorry, I can just-”

Leo’s hand closed around hers, pulling the glass, and by default her, closer to his heady nutmeg chest, “I’d love some, thank you.”

His voice had lost its playful edge, only the soft warmth remained. He lifted the glass to his lips, drawing her hands with his as he took the first sip. She could practically hear her sisters swoon from across the grass. Wow, she’s really doing it isn’t she? Way to go, sis! Her whole body heated this time, her neck to her toes consumed by lapping flames. It was intoxicating.

Leo took the glass from her hands and set it on the step beside him, the taste of strawberries pungent on his lips. When he glanced back at her, he ran his tongue across his lip. The light hit her in a way that was entirely ethereal, clinging to her skin in a way that defied the laws of physics. It was maddening, like standing next to one of the muses themselves. God’s when did this ever happen to someone like him?

“It’s my sister’s recipe,” she fiddled with her fingers, lost with what to do without the glass to hold onto, “I hope you like it.”

He closed the small gap between them even more, pulling her fingers into his. Her heart skyrocketed, his hand was warm and calloused. His fingers fit too perfectly into the spaces between her own. Was it normal to be this breathless?

“It was sweet,” he squeezed his hand in hers, his voice carefree but low.

He slipped his other arm around her waist, thanking the gods for wherever his courage was miraculously stemming from. She practically buzzed in his arms, her melon and flower perfume melting around him. He bit the inside of his cheek. Was it perfume, or was it just her supple skin?

“I like sweet things,” he mused, revelling in the way her eyes widened, catching his innuendo without missing a beat. 

Her mind was stuck on his hand. It was on her back, low on her spine, his fingers lightly tickling up and down. She avoided arching into his fingers. It was heavenly. He was good with his hands and it showed.

Her eyes brushed over him once more, stopping on his lips for a millisecond too long, “she makes muffins too.”

He tightened his arm around her, drawing the daughter of Aphrodite against his chest. Gods, she was soft.

“I don’t want muffins, cariño.”

Now or never, Leo. He leaned his head down, his nose brushing hers sweetly.

Please, mother, let me have this. She tilted her head up, her hands sliding up his chest. 

Leo’s lips found hers at the same time her hands circled his neck. His lips were slow, testing to see if she would kiss him back, as if it was even an option for her not to with the way the flames, his flames, were licking at her skin. How did he do it? She felt like the sun; his lips tasted like fire and recklessness. And strawberries, a bushel of them.

She took his sweet kiss, savoured it, and then slammed her lips back against his, slipping her hands into his raven locks and tugging-- hard. He moaned softly against her sweet lips, giving in to every demand her mouth challenged. How could her lips be sweeter than the lemonade? He clutched her harder against him. 

She pulled back only when her lungs demanded it, leaning her forehead against his heaving chest. She took the staggering lack of lightning as a good sign as a dizzying warmth filled her chest. He pressed his face against her hair, nuzzling against her sweetness lovingly. He had been waiting forever for that and he wasn’t about to let her go just yet.

Her fingers slid back down his chest, curling around his shirt, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to distract you, Leo.”

What? He pulled his head away from her hair, staring into her doe eyes confused. And then he laughed, a full laugh that had his whole chest shaking and hers as well, before drawing his lips back to hers. He tugged her bottom lip between his lip, his hands squeezing her hips fiercely. She’s mad, beautiful but out of her mind. Gods.

“Cariño,” his lips brushed over hers, his words mingling with her breaths, “I kissed you. And trust me, I wanted to. Believe it or not, I don’t owe anything to the Ares’ brothers. You, on the other hand, have all my time at your disposal.”

He didn’t wait for her to answer before closing his lips over hers. There was a lot of lost time he was more than ready to make up for.

Meanwhile, across the green stood Jason, Sarah Beth, and Arabella, their heads close together but their eyes glued to the Ares cabin.

“I’m taking credit for this,” Jason and Arabellas’ voices mingled, proud and in sync.

Their eyes flashed to each other, “no, I did this!”

Sara Beth just giggled lusciously, twirling the straw of her own lemonade in lazy circles.

[junicai]

boil over.

| summary | Aria gives Jaemin some tough love (and then hugs)

| word count | 2.1k

| warnings | 1 (one) curse word

| era | circa. 2017, Jaemin’s hiatus

29. “NO! You can’t get up, you’re my prisoner for today.”

40. “Get out.”

a/n: anon i am so sorry. u said it would be funny i - it took a turn and i couldnt save it im so sorry

“Nana?” 

Aria knocked gently on Jaemin’s closed bedroom door with one hand, rapping her knuckles against the dark wood while her other hand balanced a plate in her palm precariously. 

There was no response heard through the door, and Aria frowned. She raised her fist again, knocking once again. “Jaemin? You asleep?” 

A low groan sounded this time, and Aria could hear the rustling of his bed sheets. 

“Can I come in?” 

“No.” Jaemin’s voice was rough with unuse, petulant to the point where Aria could hear the pout she knew he was donning in his tone.

“Too bad,” Aria shrugged, hand pressing the door handle open regardless, “Please don’t be naked.”

A spluttered sound came from inside the room when Aria pushed open the door, eyes trained on the ground. Stepping inside, the door closed behind her with a soft click and she heard the tell-tale rustle of Jaemin’s bedsheets that he was trying to adjust himself into a sitting position.

“Nana,” Aria scolded, turning briefly to place the plate down on the desk on the opposite side of the room before crossing the floor in three quick strides to make it to Jaemin’s bedside. Her hands reached out to help him lift himself but stopped in mid-air when a glare was sent her way.

“Get out.”

Aria could tell the words were meant to be cold, but they just came out petulant when accompanied by the slight whine Jaemin let out immediately following another attempt to push himself upright. 

“Oh shush,” Aria muttered, hands slipping underneath the sheet to place one on the small of his back and using the other to press his shoulders up. Slowly, Jaemin shuffled into a more sitting-like position, back pillowed up by several pillows that had been gathered onto his bed from around the dorm.

The Dreamies had banded together and collected what pillows they could spare - Jisung offering both pillows from his bed until Jeno reminded him that he actually needed one of those if he didn’t want to have neck pain every single morning for the foreseeable future. 

Stepping back from Jaemin, Aria placed her hands on her hips, eyebrow cocked at the boy who laid sheepishly in his bed, covers tucked underneath his chin.

“How’re you feeling?” Aria asked.

“I’m alright,” Jaemin said, dismissing her with a shrug. 

“So. Do you want to explain why you’ve spent the last two weeks moping in your bedroom and I had to find out about it after coming back from practice today? Or shall I find Injunnie and let him explain?” Aria said, head tilted to the left. 

Jaemin’s eyes fell away from Aria’s face, suddenly finding interest in the pattern-less sheets that covered his bed. His fingers played with the off-white material while his teeth nibbled on his bottom lip. 

Aria let out a sigh, moving to sit on the edge of his bed. It sank slightly underneath her weight, and Aria shuffled backwards so she was sitting comfortably. 

“Nana, it’s ok. It sucks. I know.”

“Do you?” 

Aria looked up surprised, eyebrows furrowing as she looked at Jaemin’s face. There were deep purple rings beneath his eyes but his skin was clearer; the lack of make-up was doing him good. Slightly thinner - the look all of them get when they’d been too busy to find time to eat a meal. By the plate on the floor beside his bed, still with a good deal of food on it - Aria wasn’t sure if it was the lack of time or the lack of desire.

 He looked tired, but also ticked, like something she’d said had rubbed him the wrong way.

“I don’t think you do.” Jaemin’s voice wasn’t angry, but his words held weight to them regardless.

Aria sat back slightly, taken aback by the sudden change of tone. “What-”

“I don’t think you understand this at all,” Jaemin interrupted her, pushing himself further upright with another small wince. “I don’t think a single person understands what its like to be told, a year after debuting that I’m going to have to take a six month or more hiatus. I don’t think you understand that I’m sitting her, watching you all go to practice and learn new dance routines and promote; and I’m being left behind. I don’t think you get the fact that it feels like I’ve been gut punched, and then told to walk it off!”

“Nana no that’s not what’s happening-”

“It is! It is what’s happening and you’re lying to me when you say it’s not. Its like trainee days but worse because I can’t even go to the practice room. Hell, I can’t even go home because the company doesn’t want me seen outside. So I’m stuck here, alone, no one else in the dorms for the most part of the day, can’t go see my family like you normally can on a hiatus, can’t do anything except sit here and be useless! Do you know what that’s like? I can’t see my parents, I can’t practice, I can’t do what I trained to do for years and you’re telling me that you understand? Bullshit.” Jaemin was yelling now, all the words that had been building up exploding on the wrong person.

Aria felt her teeth break the skin of her lip. 

“So,forgive me, for staying in my room all day. I just didn’t fancy having to drag you all away from practice to make sure I didn’t fall over myself on the way to the bathroom.” With a resounding bite in his words, Jaemin settled himself against the pillow again. 

It seemed like the conversation was over, Jaemin with his gaze fixed downwards on his extended legs. Aria kept her eyes upwards, blinking rapidly. But the fact that they were both still sitting in silence made the atmosphere fill up with tension like a bubbling pot that was half an inch away from an overflow. 

Jaemin had his hands folded in his lap, fingers toying with the unravelling string on the hem of his t-shirt as he refused to look back up. 

The pot boiled.

“I’m sorry.”

That, was not what he was expecting. 

“I’m sorry, that was insensitive of me. You’re right, I don’t know what it feels like.”

Suddenly, Jaemin was simultaneously infinitely grateful and incredibly disappointed that it was Aria whom he was having this conversation with. 

Had it been Donghyuck, he could only imagine the screaming match it would have turned into. Donghyuck was always quick to lose his cool when someone was being uncooperative, and Jaemin was looking to get a rise out of someone. It wasn’t even that Jaemin was unwilling to talk to them anymore, it was the fact that he insinuated the fact that they didn’t care about him? Donghyuck would have brought the walls down; and Jaemin doesn’t know if that’s something he craved at this moment or not.  

Renjun would have simply turned around and left the second Jaemin got huffy - the older boy had minimal patience for things like this, and liked to remove himself from the situation before he said something he would regret. 

Aria, on the other hand, would sit there and let Jaemin yell at her for however long he needed to with her head bowed and hands in her lap. She wouldn’t yell back, wouldn’t rise to meet his anger but would sit there calmly until it fizzled out like a candle wick burned down to the end, wax spilling over slowly until it hardened and became stagnant once more. 

Jaemin didn’t think he really wanted to yell; not anymore. 

Aria still wasn’t looking at him, choosing instead to focus her gaze on the top of his headboard. Her eyes were darting back and forth slightly, like she wanted to look down at him but kept thinking better of it. 

“I don’t know what it feels like, but what I do know is that it’s not going to get better if you hole yourself up in a room for six months,” Aria explained, hands curling into fists.

“The only thing you’re doing is making it worse, Nana. So so much worse for yourself - we don’t care about having to help you do things, we don’t care about being a few minutes late to practice because you needed something from the kitchen and just couldn’t face getting up again; we don’t care. And I need you to look at me right now and tell me you understand that.”

Jaemin looked at her. 

“We don’t care,” Aria spoke softer now. “What we care about is the fact that you’re in pain right now, and we care about what we can do to help you fix that.”

Jaemin let his face scrunch up, a retort forming on the tip of his tongue. 

“There’s no shame in asking for help, Jaemin.”

Jaemin sunk, boneless, into the pillows supporting him - a crack being multiplied by ten and suddenly shattering. The pot boiled, spilling over the sides and splashing down. Tears spilled over Jaemin’s cheeks, shoulders shaking as a fist was shoved into his mouth to stop himself from making a sound. 

“Oh, Nana,” Aria’s voice was saddened, a deep blue colour as she moved to lie beside Jaemin on the bed while being careful not to jostle the boy. “Please don’t cry, it’s okay.”

Jaemin only cried harder, teeth making indents in his skin until his hand was puled gently but insistently from his mouth and was being held in Aria’s hands. With no muffler there, a sob ripped itself from his chest and he choked at the force of it. 

Aria only moved closer, pushing herself up the bed slightly to allow Jaemin to hide his face in her chest as he cried. 

Jaemin shook through his cries, Aria running a hand through his hair the entire time. It was knotted, like he hadn’t brushed through it in a few days and she made a note to bring in one of their hairbrushes later on when he was asleep. 

Slowly, his sobs petered out into small sniffles, Aria’s shirt soaked through but she paid no mind to the wet material sticking to her skin. Her back ached slightly from the odd position she had forced herself into to ensure that Jaemin wouldn’t be twisted uncomfortably.

Jaemin’s breaths evened out again over the next ten minutes or so, eventually to the point that Aria was sure that the boy had fallen asleep until he shifted slightly to look up at her from his position lying on her chest. 

His red eyes were stark against his pale skin, and Aria never thought she’d be jealous of how prettily someone cried and yet here she was. 

Jaemin rubbed at his nose slightly with the corner of his sheet, sniffling and then sneezing when the loose ends tickled his nose. He let out a watery laugh, throat clogged slightly and he cleared it when Aria began to smile despite herself.

He choked out another weak laugh before pressing himself back into Aria’s side. 

The air stilled around them, the pot taken off the heat and now cooling in the aftermath. 

Aria kept her hand carding through his hair, letting her other hand move to rub gently at Jaemin’s ear in a soothing gesture now that she didn’t need to keep herself elevated slightly. 

Her arms ached, but she paid no mind to it, instead choosing to delicately open their little pocket of serenity. 

“You’re so important to us, Nana. You can’t forget that.”

Jaemin declined to respond, instead choosing to hide his face further into the material of Aria’s clothes. 

“Even if this hiatus takes seven, or eight months. Or a year. There’s always a place for you in Dream. Always.”

This time Jaemin sniffled, still refusing to speak but let his hand come up from underneath the sheets to intertwine with Aria’s. She squeezed it lightly, holding it tight in her grasp. 

They stayed that way for another while, Jaemin slowly falling into sleep while Aria pet his hair. 

“Nana,” Aria whispered, moving closer so that he would hear her.

Jaemin made a small hum in acknowledgement. 

“I have to go prep dinner for the others, they should be back soon.” Aria apologized.

There was nothing for a second, and then Jaemin was craning up to look back at Aria; eyes wide and sparkling. 

“Stay?”

Aria stayed.

[t4tlawlight]

Occam's razor is the principle that, of two explanations that account for all the facts, the simpler one is more likely to be correct.

this post is going to cover traits specific to the manga and the television drama, since those are the best adaptations to showcase L’s autism. THIS POST is required reading before you read anything i’m about to type, because it explains what kind of character niche L falls into--an unintentionally autistic coded character. i’ll talk more about that at the end.

i’m going to talk about manga L first, since he’s the original version after all. i’m going to go in order of physical traits, to behavioral, to his character writing. also, tumblr eats posts that have outside links, so i’m going to have my non-tumblr sources in a separate post, here.

anyways, more under the cut!

MANGA/ANIME:

sitting with his legs up and spine bent / sitting on the floor

this is such a big one and its extremely common in ppl with autism. sitting in chairs normally is uncomfortable to outright painful w many ppl with these disorders, myself included. L sitting like that (which, to recall, is a blatant homage to sherlock holmes, another character that is so blatantly autistic coded you can find absolutely ridiculous amounts of writing on the topic) and being like "I HAVE TO SIT LIKE THIS TO THINK PROPERLY" is so autistic. like sitting in a certain way to give you specific sensory stimulus/avoid distracting discomfort and pain is a thing. i found this post (1) written by an autistic person on the topic of sitting in chairs being uncomfortable, and it says as much:

“I suspect that seating discomfort is common in autism (though by no means limited to autistic people). Many of us, particularly as children, benefit greatly from chairs designed to be non-stationary: rocking chairs, “fidget” chairs, and so forth. These can improve focus, compensate for proprioceptive hypo-sensitivity, and alleviate restlessness. In short, many “attention issues” can be fixed simply by providing a little motion for the person sitting. Small change, huge results. That's what accommodations do at their best. They make (often minor) adjustments that have profound impacts.”

so when L says that sitting the way he does, for a specific sensory experience, improves his ability to think, it’s perfectly in line with this idea. Also it’s a good pressure stim.

standing with a slouch / shifting his weight around

to begin: yes! it’s very common for autistic people to stand or walk oddly for a number of different reasons, from physical comorbidity to other issues such as dyspraxia (see: movie L). From an article by YAI (2), an I/DD (intellectual and/or developmental disabilities) community program:

“Kyphosis (a curved spine), collapsed chest, dropped shoulders and even scoliosis are observed in many of our patients. These myriad of postural issues may result from reduced strength, decreased biomechanical stability, or from a sensory impairment, such as apraxia. 

Depending on the scene, L has mild to severe kyphosis which is very common in autistic individuals. Other things mentioned in that article if you want to click on it is instability in standing, where you sort of shift your weight around a lot between your  feet or rest all of your weight on one foot, which L is literally doing the first time we see all of him.

speaking with a monotone voice.

i obviously can’t show a picture for this one and it honestly depends on the voice actor you find for L, but in the anime in particular L has a very flat tone. a lot of this is bc he has a dry sense of humor but. just know that it’s very common for autistic people to have a flat affect (or go the other way into being too loud/emotive).

his eating habits. 

a lot (a LOT) of autistic ppl myself included can only eat certain kinds of food for texture and flavor reasons. HOWEVER there’s a term in the autism community called “samefoods” which is really well put by tumblr users candidlyautistic and autism-asks: 

“Samefoods or samefooding is a community word to describe the autistic trait of eating the same food over, and over and over . . . It is part sensory, part routine driven in most cases. A lot of times we samefood because we need that particular mouthfeel / texture / taste, and a lot of times even after that need passes, it turns into a need for routine until you actively dislike that food again.”

“Samefooding on the other hand is closer to a special interest. When I have a samefood (chocolate ice cream, currently), I really, really want that food. I could eat that food endlessly and not get tired of it. I will get upset if I’m not able to have the food in a day. For me, it usually is kind of routine based as well. For instance, with my current samefood, I have some in the evenings and it’s become part of how I wind down from my day.”

we don’t know exactly why L specifically desires sweet food or if he considers it part of his routine, but what we do know is that he really wants to eat sweet food and avoids eating anything other than sweet food, so it could either be that he’s a picky eater and can’t handle savory or he’s samefooding on sweets!

wearing the same clothes

L wears the same clothes every single day. It’s also worth noting that what he does wear is baggy, too-big clothing, the kind that wouldn’t be tight and uncomfortable. once again, sensory issues are a huge thing for autistic individuals. one of my favorite aspects is that in no adaptation does he wear socks. even L wears shoes, he wears them like slippers, not putting them on all the way. people comment that he seems like he’s poor, but we know for a fact that he’s very rich and that wearing these clothes is a personal choice he made.

not caring for himself/outsourcing his self-care

i don’t think one day is exactly canon, rather it’s an exaggeration of what might actually happen--i.e. L doesn’t have a huge closet full of the same outfit, but he does have several versions of the same outfit on rotation; L doesn’t use a human washing machine, but Watari might help him/encourage him to bathe regularly. One Day is a parody comic, but it was made by the creators for a reason and that reason is that L pretty obviously relies on a caretaker (Watari) for his personal needs. Watari, in the manga proper, cooks and cleans and does most things for L. we’ll come back to this topic when we get to the drama though.

doing stimming behaviors

if you don’t know what stimming is, it refers to self-stimulating behaviors, usually involving repetitive movements or sounds. everyone stims to some extent, but in autism it tends to be more obvious, go on for longer, and sometimes be more disruptive to others. it’s often used to help deal with sensory overload, or used to express feelings--think of an autistic person being happy and flapping their hands in the air.

there are a LOT of instances of L displaying stimming behavior, from stacking his food or things on his desk, to spinning in his chair, to biting his fingers/using them to press on his lips, to wriggling and tapping his toes. here are some specific instances:

there are a lot more. i’ll talk about more when we get to dramaverse, but if you rewatch/reread death note it’s definitely worth noting whenever L does something like this!

detective work as a special interest

ok, first and foremost i want to establish what a special interest is. Tumblr user cartoon has my favorite explanation of what a special interest is that i’ve seen to date: 

“To have a deep, intense, passionate and incredibly focused / narrowed interest in a certain area of study, subject, topic or thing - to the exclusion of other interests. This interest is something that exists for the long-term, most often lasting for multiple months, years, or even you’re entire life “

L says that he only does detective work because it’s a hobby, and he finds it entertaining. We’ve also seen that he’s been at it for quite some time--if you take side content (the wammy’s house comic, LABB) seriously, then he’s been at it since childhood, with unwavering interest. it definitely comes across to me as L having a special interest in detective work, rather than it just being a normal hobby or a job for him, especially since he says it isn’t out of any moral obligation.

germaphobia

Germaphobia is very common for individuals with autism. a lot of the time it’s actually sensory issues associated with “dirty” things, and a lot of the time it’s because features of OCD are heavily comorbid with autism, including contamination OCD and such fears. regardless of the reason, though, L’s aversion to touching Bad Things is a very autistic behavior, and so is his resulting quirk that he tends to hold things in a very odd manner!

muted emotional expression

this is getting more into L’s character, but L tends to feel and express emotions in a very muted way. not to say he doesn’t have them, but for instance in the example above, L doesn’t have a solid grasp on what exactly he’s feeling. he thinks he might be acting irrationally and overemotionally because he logically should be afraid, but he isn’t sure, and none of these emotions present themselves visibly. 

i’ve also seen it said that Ukita’s death is another good example of his muted response to emotion--he tells Aizawa to stay rational and his voice doesn’t waver as he tells him as much, but he holds himself tightly. for someone with poor emotional competence, these physical signs of distress can be hard to read in oneself, but Aizawa (a man who is extremely in-tune with his emotions) can tell immediately.

high logic, low empathy

L is also a character who, like many autistic people, lacks a certain degree of empathy. it’s not that he doesn’t have any, but it’s limited enough--and he values logic over it enough--that he’s willing to make extreme decisions and take a “ends justify the means” approach (such as using people as bait.) in the example above, L takes a moment to work through what it must actually feel like, which rings as very autistic.

bluntness/not caring about social convention

there are so many examples of this i honestly could list them all day, but L is a character who is very to-the-point and doesn’t care about mincing his words. he can be outright rude to the people around him, especially if he considers them not worth basic courtesy. see: Matsuda. 

DRAMAVERSE

if you all knew me you should have known this section is inevitable. i’m not going to talk about every single adaptation because i do not have the time and the only other adaptation that is meaningful in that regard is the movieverse (i am fairly certain that movie L is dyspraxic) but on account of the fact that i don’t care about them i won’t subject you all to them here.

anyway, drama L shows much the same traits as animanga L above (they are, after all, technically the same character) but he displays them in different ways. 

he has a much more advanced degree of germaphobia, with Watari saying he’s sensitive to outside air and spraying everyone who enters his space with disinfectant, but not making them wash their hands or anything like that, so we can kind of tell that his issues are more rooted, again, in a fear of germs rather than any actual medical issue. he wants to feel as though he is clean, not necessarily actually be clean. this is very common in contamination OCD, which has a high comorbidity with autism. (my girlfriend has a very good headcanon post about drama L and OCD that isn’t so much analysis than just plain fun, but it’s worth a read!)

he stims, but he has a different array of stims than animanga L--he chews on his jelly pouch bottles, 

he tosses it between his hands, 

he kicks his feet,

and he bounces in his chair.

he still sits in an unconventional manner. he still samefoods, this time even more exclusively--he only eats Lucky Charge jelly pouches and nutritional bars. Watari onscreen puts his shirts on for him, as well as cooking, cleaning, and mending his clothes for him.

however, there are a few traits that are drama-exclusive that i think really add to an analysis of his autism!

social scripting

social scripting and echolalic scripting are both commonly described as “scripting,” but are very different! echolalic scripting is like echolalia, but echolalic scripting is the recitation of longer passages of dialogue from things the individual has heard before. but social scripting is when you memorize common conversations so you can rattle it off without worrying too much! this can be very handy, such as exchanging basic pleasantries or ordering food, but it can also backfire if someone responds in a way your script’s not set up for. you can find more information on the difference in this video (3). 

now, this relates to L in that there are two separate scenes where L says the same thing, rather inappropriately:

L: When I consider Kira’s personality, could it be that the strong-willed daughter is Kira? Or could that sweet-looking son of yours surprise us by proving to be him? You never know what humans are hiding beneath the surface... Soichiro: Enough. L: Sorry. It was just a joke.

-- Episode 2

L: Light-kun. Oh, I’m sorry... If I called you “Yagami-san,” it would be the same as what I call your father.  Light: That’s okay. Call me whatever you want. L: Then what about Kira? (silence) L: It's a joke.

-- Episode 4

one could say that L just has a terrible sense of humor--and, of course, having a poor grasp of humor is common with autistic individuals--but the fact that he says nearly the same thing as a defense twice makes me feel as though he has it rehearsed as a defense when people react poorly to things he’s said, which happens often.

mirroring and echolalia

echolalia was briefly covered in the previous example, but for those unaware, via wikipedia (4):

Echolalia is the unsolicited repetition of vocalizations made by another person (when repeated by the same person, it is called palilalia). In its profound form it is automatic and effortless.

mirroring, on the other hand, is explained as such, also via wikipedia (5):

Mirroring is the behavior in which one person unconsciously imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another. Mirroring often occurs in social situations, particularly in the company of close friends or family. The concept often affects other individuals' notions about the individual that is exhibiting mirroring behaviors, which can lead to the individual building rapport with others.

both of these are very common in autism, and they’re exemplified while L’s character is established watching his favorite TV show, Owarai Paradise. On one occasion, he’s watching the show and this dialogue happens:

Hiroshi: Despite never telling her how I felt, I still got dumped. I am Hiroshi.  Watari: Who was this one again? L: He is Hiroshi. Hiroshi: I am Hiroshi. I am Hiroshi.

-- Episode 2

it’s important to note that in Japanese, “He is Hiroshi” and “I am Hiroshi” are said, at least in this instance, exactly the same, so L is echoing precisely what he’s heard.

On another occasion, L is again watching the show with a glass of wine (seemingly acquired simply to imitate the characters onscreen, as he never drinks it) and when the characters onscreen toast their glasses, L does the same, mirroring them. 

CONCLUSION

I linked a post at the very beginning of this analysis talking about how characters are unintentionally autistic coded, and it’s important to understand how this unintentional coding is different from a headcanon--i didn’t make up these traits. they aren’t something that only exist in my head that i ascribe to L for fun. 

i made this analysis both because i wanted to share L’s autistic coding in one cohesive place, because plenty of people have made lists before, but none that i could find that included so many examples with images and explanations--and i also made it because of the old ryuzaki persona “theory.” 

for those unaware, the ryuzaki persona headcanon suggests that L faked all of these traits in order to make people uncomfortable, to put them off-guard and better mask his identity. i’ve seen posts about people claiming that nobody could actually behave in these ways, that L would surely be unhappy and uncomfortable sitting like that, or eating like that, or engaging in any of these behaviors. I’ve seen some people outright say that L isn’t autistic, but his persona is--that is, he’s pretending to be autistic.

i named this essay “occam’s razor” because, to me, L being autistic is the simplest answer to account for all of these traits. claiming that an autistic coded character is faking it is ableist and it just doesn’t make sense with anything else we know about his character.

but if you want to know more about that, i recommend reading eyecicles’ first!L tag. it’s debunked it in more ways than i ever could.

anyways, in conclusion

[isthisthingeven0n]

starting over, with you : s.r

after everything you went through with spencer, life decided to give you another shot. and this time, neither of you took the opportunity for granted. (3.5K)

we’re finally here, the epilogue to this little series. thank you for reading and supporting it. i hope you like the ending as much as i enjoyed writing it. 

knowing you / forgetting you / remembering you / with or without you / starting over, with you 

“She truly is just wonderful,” Maggie happily sighs as she rests her head in her hands, staring out dreamingly to the front door whilst you clean the spout of the steamer. “what did I do to find someone so just,” Maggie trails off and you quickly notice from the corner of your eye her standing up straighter.

Following her line of vision, you clear your throat as the woman in question walks in. Her blonde hair flows behind her shoulders as she slips her jacket off, resting it over her tote bag.

“Hey, sunshine.” She beams to Maggie who suddenly has lost the ability to speak. “Hey, Y/n.” She waves over to you as Maggie chuckles under her breath nervously.

Moving to stand beside Maggie, you nudge her playfully. “Use your words Mags,” You mutter.

“Yeah, I know that,” Maggie retorts as she focuses on the woman she’s been seeing, Delilah, for the past few weeks. “what can I get for you, D?”

Raising your eyebrows, you just catch the smirk on Maggie’s lips before you busy yourself once again, not wanting to get involved.

Slipping aside from the counter you pick up two plates and the muffin you kept from this morning. “So, this is the girl then?” Sitting down opposite him, you can’t help but smile at the excitement in his gaze as he focuses on you.

“That’s Delilah,” You tell him, passing him a plate as you split the muffin in half. “you were in such a rush this morning I thought I’d keep this as a treat when you finished.”

Smiling brightly at the muffin in front of him, he shifts for a moment before taking a bite. “Nothing beats your blueberry muffins. Did you know that blueberries are filled with antioxidants and phytoflavinoids. They’re a top choice for doctors and nutritionists as they also contain high levels of potassium and vitamin c.”

Chuckling under your breath, you poke your half of the muffin with your knife. “I don’t think it counts as much once they’ve been baked though, Spence.” You state, glancing up as Spencer chews another piece of muffin, his eyes not leaving yours.

“True, but you’re a benefit of these muffins too.” Spencer mutters, tearing his eyes from you as your lips part, humour filling the space around you.

“Did you just try and use a line on me?” You remark as Spencer shakes his head profusely. “Because if so, it was shocking.”

Spencer shyly smiles up at you as a small laugh leaves his lips. “Well, something worked clearly.” He reaches out, taking your hand in his just as Maggie rushes over to you.

“Sorry to interrupt lovebirds, but we’re out of pumpkin spice syrup.” Maggie sighs heavily, focusing on you with endless apologies in written across her expression.

Taking your hand from Spencer’s, you rise to your feet. “If you’re gone before I get back, I’ll meet you at mine?” You ask as you rest your hand on Spencer’s shoulder.

“I’ll wait, Y/n.” Spencer tells you as he turns his head, kissing your hand gently before you follow behind Maggie. “Don’t you worry.”

*

You could already see kids rushing around in various costumes as parents ran frantically behind them. Giggles of excitement and evident sugar rushes fill the air as brown and orange leaves coat the ground.

Leaning behind the counter the all-consuming scents of cinnamon, hazelnut and pumpkin spice filled your nostrils, acquainted by the occasional breeze of fresh air whenever a customer entered or departed.

Halloween always came around too quickly as you busied yourself with seasonal treats and limited edition beverages that brought new customers in every year. Yet, this year it was different. Usually, you’d spend the holiday working through the evening and spend time with Gary or your friends. It was always a quieter holiday compared to others, but this year things weren’t going to be the same.

“Come on, you have to tell me what your costume is.” Maggie practically begs you as you shake your head once again.

“It’s a secret, Mags.” You remind her for the twelfth time this week. “Besides, Spencer picked it out.”

A loud groan escapes Maggie's lips as you glance over your shoulder as she crosses her arms. “That means it’s going to be all nerdy and not slutty.” She rolls her eyes, watching as you nod along, knowing it’s true.

“There’s some slutty element to it.” You shrug a shoulder, trying to convince yourself moreso than Maggie. “I personally love it,” You comment under your breath before returning to work in the hope of distracting your mind a bit longer.

“Are you nervous at all?” Gary emerges from the far side of the cafe, his left arm still trembling as he grips onto a tray tightly.

Looking between them both, you roll your eyes. “You two trying to push my buttons tonight?” You feign anger as Gary shakes his head whilst Maggie nods. “Of course I’m nervous, I’m shitting myself!” A laugh escapes your lips involuntarily as you lean against the counter with your back turned to the entrance. “This is my chance to make a good impression on the people who pretty much watched me for months whilst Spencer was,” You trail off, it’s still something you both struggle to openly discuss.

Maggie’s eyes dart over to the open doorway, Spencer standing proudly as he removes his purple scarf, his wild curls fluffing up outwards. “Y/n,” Maggie tries to interrupt, but you carry on regardless.

“It’s just, I really care about him, I, I think I might be in love with him.” You finish as a light sound follows as a smile graces your lips.

Biting his lower lip, Spencer steps forward whilst you remain oblivious to his presence. “I always thought I’d be the first to say it,” Spencer can’t help himself as you whip your head around like a deer caught in headlights. “shall we Miss Y/L/N?”

Stuttering silently as you focus on his hazel eyes, you feel a gentle nudge from Maggie as you mumble in agreement.

“Wow, this isn’t at all awkward.” Maggie jokes, causing Gary to give her a fatherly look as you move out from the counter, removing your apron and throw it back in Maggie’s general direction.

“Yes,” The word barely leaves your lips as you walk closer toward him, taking his hand as he guides you towards the exit.

Quickly you glance over your shoulder, receiving thumbs up from both Maggie and Gary before you step out into the Autumnal breeze, wishing you had brought another layer with you.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Spencer asks as he struggles to hide his smile, but he can sense your worries as you focus on the browning leaves as you shuffle down the street.

“I didn’t intend on you hearing that,” You admit shyly as Spencer’s grip on your hand loosens. “I mean, sorry, that sounds dreadful.” You force a laugh, looking up as Spencer keeps his eyes fixated on the street ahead, knowing there are two hundred more steps to take until you reach your car around the corner beside the lamp post with the missing cat poster that’s faded entirely.

“It’s okay.” Spencer mutters, but it doesn’t take a profiler to know he doesn’t mean it.

Pausing, you take a hold of his arm, causing Spencer to turn around as his long legs guide him back to face you.

“It’s not okay, Spencer.” You huff as you sigh into your hands, oblivious to the loving way Spencer is looking at you. Despite having barely made it back in time for Halloween and sleeping on the jet, Spencer couldn’t have been happier to walk in at that precise moment.

Taking your hands from your face, Spencer brushes his fingers across your cheek. “It is, Y/n.” He hushes you, his hand now cupping your cheek. “Because I think, no, I know that I am in love with you too.”

“Wait, you do?” Your immediate reaction is to deny it, but as Spencer dips his head closer towards yours and his lips brush against your skin, you listen to him mutter a simple yes before kissing you affectionately.

Leaning into his embrace, you deepen the kiss, only breaking as the sound of children giggling increases from down the street.

“Ew, they’re kissing!” One child calls out and you shyly bury your face into Spencer’s chest, hiding behind his scarf as you feel the vibrations of his laughter.

His hand rises to rest on your back. “They’re gone, Y/n.” Spencer mutters to you as you step backwards, trying to suppress the heat rising through your body as you carry on walking to your car as if nothing had happened.

*

“Oh my god,” Penelope squeals as she opens her front door, clad in pumpkin dress with her mouth ajar as you stand besides Spencer who is unable to stop his smile from growing. “you look amazing!”

Looking up at Spencer you can’t help but laugh as butterflies flutter around in your stomach, even after all this time he still can muster this effect on you.

You have to admit, despite your initial uncertainties about the costumes Spencer suggested they have turned out better than you envisioned.

“And Y/n, you look well,” Penelope stumbles over her words as she brings you into a tight hug. “and I, I want to apologise about well,” She looks up to Spencer and back to you.

“It’s all good, Penelope.” You tell her as she reaches for your hand, her eyes softening. “I should thank you really, I mean, without you I don’t think we’d be here.” You admit as Spencer wraps his arm around your waist, and it’s enough for Penelope to lose her mind as she sighs happily.

“Come on in lovebirds, god.” She huffs as you both walk in and pause as several pairs of eyes greet you.

“I have to say, it’s hard to find profilers intimidating when they’re all dressed up for a Halloween party.” You admit, and Spencer chuckles, nodding along as he pushes his goggles further up from his forehead.

The first to step forward is a blonde woman wearing a Super Woman costume. “Hi, I’m-”

“JJ?” You ask as she nods, glancing up to Spencer as your smile brightens. “I’ve heard so much about you! Well, I’ve heard a lot about everyone, but you’re Henry’s Mom!” You happily tell JJ who warms to you instantly, having only ever seen footage of you previously down in the dumps and unsure of everything.

Instantly, you are swept away by the women of the BAU, leaving Spencer watching in awe as Luke pats his shoulder. “You really got her to agree to this?” Luke motions to Spencer’s outfit.

“It was the first movie we watched together,” Spencer states. “and she makes a cute Marty.” Spencer half-smiles as he lip-reads your conversation with Emily and JJ.

“He really got you to dress as Marty Mcfly?” Emily chuckles into her drink as you nod along, taking a sip of the concoction Penelope created before everyone arrived.

“I’m not sure if I like it or if it’s the number of chemicals I’ve inhaled making Spencer’s hair white with dry shampoo.” You joke, and the sound of laughter spreads through the group as you glance over your shoulder, watching as Spencer is sat with Rossi and Luke, flashing you a reassuring smile.

“Gives you an idea on how he’ll look in the future.” Penelope nudges you, and JJ rolls her eyes.

“A mad scientist sounds about right.” You nod in agreement. “So, what’s it like, on the field? Spencer only tells me so much, but I’d love to hear more from you guys.”

Rossi interrupts your conversation shortly after Emily explained the latest mission and how she managed to get the cut across her forehead which conveniently was covered by her fringe.

“May I?” Rossi asks as he holds out a glass of wine to you, which you gladly accept.

Walking with Rossi, you follow him into the kitchen as you lean against the counter, feeling somewhat at home here as the music plays faintly in Penelope’s living room.

“You know, when Spencer was inside I heard your name mentioned countless times.” Rossi begins.

“Sorry ‘bout that.” You force yourself to joke, and Rossi senses the change in your stance as you hide your left hand in the pocket of your bodywarmer, picking at the tissue buried inside.

Rossi shakes his head. “No need to apologise. It’s never an easy thing to talk about, but we both know Reid well enough to know he can talk for days about anything and everything, but often miss the most important thing.”

You nod along with Rossi as you take a sip of your drink as a temporary distraction.

“Do you talk about it? What happened when Spencer was inside?” Rossi delves deeper, knowing the answer before you shake your head. “Something changed in him, but what didn’t change was his determination paired with his intelligence and though he can be an ass about it, he often is right about things.” Rossi chuckles to himself. “I listened to everyone talking about this girl in a cafe for months before Spencer went away, waiting for him to make a move.”

Listening intently, these were details no one had ever shared. This was the perspective you were missing in your story.

“Penelope offered countless times to march in and talk to you, but an old friend, Morgan, refused to let that happen.” Rossi sighs, remembering it like it were yesterday. “And he told us on the flight back to Quantico that he was going to see if you were open that evening and ask you on a date.” Rossi trails off, not needing to fill you in on the rest of the story.

“And he did.” You finish. “What was it like, knowing he was in there all that time?”

Your eyes follow Rossi’s as he looks out into the living room where Spencer is lost in conversation with JJ. “Difficult, knowing he was in there for something he wouldn’t have ever done. We all worked tirelessly, trying to find a way to get him out.” Rossi explains as he places his glass down on the counter, finding a spot amongst Penelope’s various trinkets. “Do you wish you knew? If you could go back?”

“That’s the million-dollar question.” You huff as you finish the last of your wine. “I don’t think I would, no.” You reason, thinking back on the heartache you went through, the unknown reason Spencer never called you. “It hurt, and I think everyone here knows that firsthand, but I don’t think I would’ve forgiven him if I knew without the full story that was to follow.”

A smile forms on Rossi’s face as he steps forward and kisses both your cheeks. “I can see why he’s so fond of you.” He pats your arm, leaving you alone with your thoughts for a moment before you step out, resuming the evening with everyone.

*

Hearty laughter echoes throughout the apartment as the hours roll on. Children have long gone home and have dealt with their sugar crashes as the adults roam the streets in search of a very different kind of candy.

Leaning against Penelope’s balcony, you welcome the fresh air as you run your fingers through your hair, thankful for the warmth the costume provides unlike the girls below.

The sound of the door opening and closing catches your attention as Spencer stands beside you, his arms resting on the railing as he looks out at the city below and the drunken chatter climbing up the walls of buildings.

“Did you know Halloween is one of the more dangerous holidays?” Spencer asks, and you raise a brow to him as his smile widens before he carries on. “Between 2009 and 2013 the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration reported 40% of deaths were caused by drivers who were intoxicated from 7 pm to around 1 am.”

“Cheerful, Spence.” You mutter as a chill spreads through you once more.

“Here,” Spencer speaks up, wrapping his arm around you as he kisses the top of your head as you watch girls stumble over their heels as they yell for one another. “I’m glad you came tonight.”

Glancing up to Spencer, you push his goggles further up onto his partially white hair. “Oh yeah?” You tease, something you can’t help but do as Spencer nods.

Spencer watches as you rest your head against his shoulder, your thoughts clearly elsewhere as you hum contently.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Interrupting your daydreams, you straighten up.

“When did you know that you loved me?” You ask the question that’s been circling in your thoughts all evening.

Pausing for a moment, Spencer turns to face you, his eyes darting over to the balcony doors as everyone remains occupied.

“Truthfully, Y/n,” Spencer starts as he exhales shakily, something you weren’t anticipating. “the night you came over and wanted to give us a go.”

Your eyes widen in surprise, that night was filled with mixed emotions.

* that night *

You weren’t sure how your feet had guided you to his front door, but here you were.

Crumbling the piece of paper back into your pocket, you force back any worries as you knock on his front door and step back, preparing yourself to turn back and run if necessary.

Yet, the door swung open, revealing Spencer in comfortable attire as he tiredly rubs his eyes before focusing on the figure before him.

“Y/n?” He mutters, shocked to see you after how you dismissed him days prior. “What’re you doing here? I mean, how did you get my,”

“Penelope.” You tell him, cutting him off as he nods, who else could it have been?

Silence settles over you both as neither of you are sure what to say. On your drive over, you had a vague plan in place, an idea of what you want to say. Yet, standing in front of Spencer up close, the stubble lining his jaw and above his lip, you were lost for words all over again.

“Would you like to come in?” Spencer steps aside from his front door, revealing his slightly messy apartment as books are scattered across the floor.

“Okay.” You force confidence to strive through your voice as you step inside, your eyes wandering over his vast library as the front door closes behind you. “What I said the other night,”

“Was perfectly valid.” Spencer comments, holding his hands up before resting them in his pockets.

You suppress your sigh as you focus on anything but him and your eyes lock on a beaten copy of a book in front of your feet, ‘The Narrative of John Smith.’  

“I heard you, but I wasn’t truly listening. I mean, it was a lot to take on board.” A short laugh leaves your lips as Spencer nods. “If you’ll let me, I’d like to hear about it, all of it.”

Lifting your head up, you see Spencer focusing on you with a perplexed look crossing his gaze. “But, why? You made it clear that night that you didn’t want to see me again.” Spencer reasons, fighting against his heart as it yells for him to shut up.

“I don’t know.” You admit, lifting your arms up as you sigh. “I just, for peace of mind, please? I waited three months to hear from you, and now I have I, I don’t want to just let it go.”

Stepping closer, Spencer hesitantly reaches out for your hand and squeezes it lightly. “Okay.” He whispers before guiding you to his sofa. “Well, I guess I’ll start after you drove off.”

*

Looking in awe at your boyfriend, you can’t help but notice how he retreats into himself after his statement.

“I just knew if you were willing to give me a chance after all of that, after listening to my story I wasn’t just interested in you, Y/n. I knew I loved you.” Spencer tells you as you nudge closer into his embrace, rising on your tiptoes.

“Want to know a secret, Spence?” You whisper into his lips. “I knew I loved you the moment you opened the door.” You chuckle, closing the distance between your lips as you kiss him, only to be interrupted as the doors slide open.

“Love birds, come on we’re about to play say it or shot it!” Penelope calls out as Spencer’s cheeks burn up and his goggles fall down onto his face.

Chuckling to yourself you force his goggles back up. “Shall we?” You ask, stepping forward as Spencer nods, taking your hand and following you back inside to join everyone else.

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies. - Martin Luther King Jr. 

The end. 

TAGLIST (for this mini series) : 

@koc-help​ @bellomi-clarke​ @castbyfox​ @http-cherries​ @easygoingtheatre​ @tomorrowmeansoportunities​ @rainsong01​ @rexorangecouny​ @radtwinkie @eldahae @l0ve-0f-my-life​

[makeste]

Op, I know that Katsuki's and Izuku's relationship has always been, in some level, one of the main focus points of the show, as they are and have always ended up circling each other, but do you think that once Katsuki and Izuku unravel the loose ends of their relationship, will it be over for the spotlight surrounding them both, and that the show will be focusing on something else?

It feels like their relationship is having...a lot of attention this last year or two, give or take. Slowly, but definitely steady. (To me, that great! I dont think I could get fed up of their dynamic anytime soon. Even if they ended up became the most domestic, boring people in the world, I dont think their dynamic would be any less interesting or incredible as it already is now.) But I can't help but think that this is temporary. As in "okay, you've got this big chunk of stuff of their relationship for a while. Now that's done, its turn for someone/something else"

Do you think that once their spotlight is over as a duo, it will shift to their individual relationships with other characters? For example, there's the Izuchako thing going on, or whatever or whoever would Katsuki be interested in? Not that there has to be but well, this is a shonen manga after all.

Id rather much prefer for no one to end up with no one, but If we're talking about ships, Bakushima doesn't seem like it's too far of an endgame, does it? "A subtle relationship you can't give a lot of spotlight to yet, because it will in the end"

Anyways, thoughts?

regarding that last part, I’m not the blog to go to for opinions on which ships will be endgame, or analyzing how much of a chance a given ship has of becoming canon. I just have no personal interest in it, and even less interest in inserting myself into that whole debate, so my apologies!

as for whether or not the focus of the series will ever move away from Katsuki and Izuku’s relationship in general though, I honestly don’t think so. the thing is, it’s like you said -- their relationship has always been a focus point of the series. it’s not like this is a recent trend. it’s been about them from day one. Izuku saving Katsuki from the sludge monster. the two of them getting into U.A. with zero rescue points and zero villain points, reflecting the contrast between them and the way that their paths to become the best will inevitably lead back to each other. their fight on the very first day of practical training. Izuku telling Katsuki he got his quirk from someone else. the two of them becoming ensnared in the Todoroki Drama at the Sports Festival. Izuku copying Katsuki’s moves during the Hero Killer arc. them working together against All Might in the final exam. “don’t come, Deku.” Izuku coming to save him anyway. the two of them watching All Might’s final battle side by side. Katsuki realizing that Izuku has All Might’s quirk. their second fight at Ground Beta. Katsuki becoming a part of the OFA Scooby Squad. the two of them showing off for each other in the Joint Training arc. Katsuki helping Izuku with his training. the two of them interning with Endeavor. and now everything that’s happened in this latest arc -- Katsuki staying by Izuku’s side; his big flashback showing how he’s trying to atone; and last but absolutely not least, him taking that crucial hit for Izuku in his very first, instantly iconic “my body moved on its own” moment.

this is steady, patient character development. it takes its time. it’s not always on, but it’s never off, either. it comes in fits and spurts, but it’s always there churning away in the background. even when the two of them aren’t interacting, their rivalship is still there as the driving force behind every action they take. Izuku is there fueling Katsuki’s character development, and Katsuki is there fueling Izuku’s drive to become stronger. this is always going on, even when their relationship isn’t at front and center. the push and pull between them is what drives the series, even when it’s not in focus.

and by the way this isn’t to say that there aren’t plenty of other characters who’ve also had a profound impact on both of them along the way, though! and I’m not trying to minimize the influence they’ve had. Kirishima, who helped Katsuki learn to start trusting others. Ochako, who helped Izuku learn to start trusting himself. and All Might, whose trust in both of them is helping them to reach their full potential. and Todoroki, and Iida, and Kaminari, and Aizawa, and so on and so on. these are all important relationships too, and I’m not trying to sell them short in any way.

but at the end of the day, it’s Katsuki who is Izuku’s image of victory, and Izuku who is becoming Katsuki’s image of saving. it’s the two of them who push each other to Go Beyond. it’s them pushing their entire class to go beyond. these are fundamental dynamics of the series, and I don’t think they’re going anywhere even after the two of them finally wrap up those loose ends you mentioned. actually I think if anything, them healing their relationship is actually bringing it more to the forefront, not less. because this dynamic with them serving as the series’ twin catalysts only gets stronger the more that they learn to work together. basically, they’re the beating heart of the series. they’re the ones that make stuff happen. and you can’t take that away without basically trying to rip apart the fabric of the series itself.

that said, they do tend to follow a bit of an ebb-and-flow pattern, and there will be a lot of other relationships to focus on in the immediate aftermath of this battle. so it’s very possible that they might go on the backburner again for a little while. but not for too long, because on the other hand we’ve still got those hero name origins to explore, and Katsuki’s ongoing atonement arc (hopefully building to an eventual apology). not to mention more OFA stuff, including the looming vestiges plot which Katsuki appears to be intricately tied to for better or worse. so yeah, regardless of where the story goes from here, I think it’s safe to say that the two of them will remain at the center of it. which -- seeing as their relationship is what drew me into the series to begin with -- I for one have absolutely no problem with.

[labyrinthsofyou]

zippers, crisscrosses and curves

pairing: wong yukhei & female reader

genre: fluff & smut

warnings: blowjob, body gazing, cumplay, facesitting, fingering and an excessive use of the words ‘baby’ and ‘fuck.’

words: 13, 746

summary: loving yukhei is a workout. 

+

wong yukhei likes, loves everything you wear. 

he smiles at the colorful flowery dresses that get swept up with the breeze and show him too much leg when the weather is warm. he thinks the oversized sweaters on you are adorable and he can’t help but want to cuddle with you until he falls asleep. he enjoys the pretty lace teddies you surprise him with every now and then that leaves very little to his imagination.

but then there’s something else that is unexpected and makes yukhei stare a little too long and grin a little too much. 

you in your workout clothes does something to him. he doesn’t know how to explain it. maybe it’s the tops that come in so many colors or maybe it’s the pants that are skin tight. you look teasing and irresistible and all yukhei knows is that he really likes them.

─ : ─ 

the first time it happens, you’ve been dating for a few months.

an overseas trip yukhei returns from and despite how he wants to just spend time with you to make up for the days of missing you, he cannot. yukhei needs to stick to his schedules. a two hour workout he has now. a meeting will follow. those can last from an hour to three sometimes. and whenever that ends, he will take you out.

he has it all planned out. 

until then though, yukhei wants you near. 

“you want to just come with me for my workout? i know you have your routine for it on the weekends, but maybe just this once,” he whispers, the faint pleading in his tone. “i just missed you so much.” 

yukhei buries his face into the crook of your neck and breathes in that floral scent of your perfume. he’s clingy and cute and it makes you chuckle and feel the skips of your heart when he kisses your neck.

“sure.” instantly yukhei lifts his head to look at you with a wide grin on his face. “i’ll get to see you in action, so that’ll be a plus.” your lips curl upwards as you reach for his biceps. the light squeeze you give them has him laughing, the sound so infectious that it warms your heart. 

he wiggles his eyebrows up and down. “i’ll put on a show for you, baby.” 

yukhei doesn’t though.

and it’s not because he doesn’t want to or forgets to. it’s because he can’t focus on anything and finds himself staring at you for the most part.

in the canary yellow sports bra with intricate crisscrosses across your back, you stand bright against the machines and equipment. the yoga pants hug you like another layer of skin making your legs look longer and all your curves more prominent. your skin glistens underneath the fluorescent lights of the gym. 

he’s never seen so much of you before and yukhei thinks he sees all of you without actually seeing all of you.

the sudden uncomfortable feeling begins between his legs. 

still though, yukhei watches as you stretch and bend. he can’t help but turn to look at you in amazement between his sets at your focus. he bites his lips, head tilting slightly never realizing just really how flexible you are. he wonders if this is what everyone else sees on weekend afternoons. 

and when you get off the elliptical with the layer of sweat to your skin, you catch his gaze on you. immediately yukhei tries to hide his flushed face. you grab your towel, gently dabbing your face and push the falling pieces of your hair to the side before making your way to him. a soft chuckle escapes you as he tries to appear busy fixing the laces on his sneakers. you take a seat beside him on the bench and lean forward with your mouth beside his ear. 

“like something you see?” you quietly tease. 

it doesn’t take long before the tips of his ears tint red as he stops and looks at you with his large eyes. yukhei rubs the back of his neck and nervously chuckles. “sorry, i didn’t mean to stare or make you uncomfortable.” 

despite the apology he stutters out, yukhei still finds himself noticing just how you really seem to be glowing right now with the sheen of sweat and color yellow against your skin. he still finds himself glancing down at how the neckline of what you’re wearing dips a little low and your chest seems to look full and snug in that top. he feels a slight twitch in his sweatpants. 

and you don’t miss where his eyes travel to either because you softly clear your throat to draw his attention back up to your face. 

there’s a bashful grin on his face. “i’m sorry again. you just look really… good.” 

yukhei tries to choose a better word but he feels his brain short circuiting with his honesty. regardless the warmth fills your cheeks while you bite back your smile because nervous you got him and you are certain you don’t look good with the sweat on your skin and the messy hair. you lean forward, pressing a kiss to his supple lips.

once you shift back, yukhei watches your tongue swipe across your lips as they turn into an pleased smile.

“come on, handsome, you still owe me a show,” you murmur, your voice sweet yet teasing.

just like before you reach to give a squeeze to his biceps as the corners of his lips coil upwards. you stand then, saying nothing more and turning around to walk towards the weights. yukhei remains motionless for a moment as he admires everything that is walking away and feels another twitch in his sweatpants. 

─ : ─

the second time it happens, yukhei really has seen all of you now.

it’s saturday afternoon and he comes to see you after a three day video shoot and a week of not seeing you. 

he’s on the couch with an arm over his closed eyes and his stomach is full and happy from the fried rice you cooked for him. the rest of the day he has off. the rest of the day will be just you and him. but the faint peaceful snores yukhei emits tells you rest and sleep he needs before anything else. 

you quietly click off your bedroom light before making your way to the couch, kneeling beside him. you hate to wake him, but you also don’t want to leave him without telling him first. your hand rests over his heart while you tenderly place a kiss on his mouth. and slowly yukhei moves his arm and opens his eyes to see the small smile ghosting your face. 

“hi, sleeping beauty,” you whisper with a soft giggle. 

yukhei lets out a short low chuckle and stretches a little. “hi.” his voice is raspy from his mini nap. he takes notice of your hair and his hoodie you are wearing. “where are you going?” 

he wants to nap and cuddle with you. 

“the gym. you can stay here and sleep if you want,” you suggest, your other hand rises to softly brush back his hair. “maybe we can go out later when i come back.” you pucker your mouth against his warm cheek. “how does that sound?” 

his mind floods with the images of the first time at the gym with you. he registers the white material peeking from underneath the unzipped part of the hoodie. before you know it, your eyes turn downcast at his fingers that flick the tab of zipper. it takes you seconds until you take a hold of his hand, bringing it up to press a kiss in the middle of his palm. 

yukhei looks at you with a shy grin. “mind if i come along with you?”

maybe this time will be different. maybe he’ll be better at focusing. he has seen all of you now, has experienced himself just how your body bends for him. he is a little tired, but perhaps a gym session will wake him up. 

a soft laugh escapes from him as he takes hold the tab of the zipper between his fingers, the pull down gradual and careful. more white of what you’re wearing he sees as his eyes narrow to process the mesh material on the front. 

you stare at yukhei as he stares at what you’re wearing. and when he bites the corner of his mouth, you are certain he is very interested of what he has seen. but that thought you keep to yourself while you contain the laugh in you.

“only if you’re not too tired, baby.” 

no, he’s not that tired, not when realizes those yoga pants have been replaced with black shorts that really don’t look like shorts. he doesn’t regret it either when you take off his hoodie to reveal the entire sports bra. it’s a bright white and despite the higher neckline, the mesh material inset down the middle in the front is enough to  draw his eyes to it. and the large cut out in the back of your top yukhei catches in the mirror walls has him unconsciously moistening his lips. 

and his hopes of focusing better, thinking this time will be different is wrong because yukhei still can’t stop looking. 

he appreciates the sight of you lying on the mat, your feet together as your hips slowly rise up to work on your thighs and ass. he miscounts the number of pull ups he’s done and but can remember the number of squat sets you do. with each movement of your body and how you seem to be so concentrated on working your lower half today, yukhei finds himself groaning. 

like the first time though, you catch his stare. 

the corners of his eyes crinkle when he laughs softly and embarrassingly at getting caught again. his gaze stays on you though while you stand and take a sip of water before sauntering over to him. yukhei stares down at you with a beam on his face as his pull ups gradually slow. his feet touch the ground within a minute and you step closer to him. you wipe his face with the towel in your hand while his eyes sweep across your gleaming skin and your pretty mouth. 

when you finish, yukhei can’t stop himself from kissing you. it’s sweet and chaste and makes him want a little more. but you pull back with a soft hum and your lips stay against his as you whisper teasingly and low, “keep staring, it’s all for you anyway.” 

and what you say you mean because when the stars come out and you hold onto the headboard for stability, yukhei finds himself between your legs that feel so nice under his touch. 

he stares up at your pussy, one hand massaging your ass while the fingertips of his other gently rub your glistening folds. the quiet yelp escapes your lips and a faint shudder runs down your spine. 

“so pretty,” yukhei whispers almost dreamily. 

he says this every time. yet you can’t stop the rush of heat to your core. you shift a little to glance down in time to catch his tongue sliding out to lick his lips. “just for me.” 

the heat covers your cheeks as his hands glide up to grasp your hips, gesturing you to slowly lower yourself down to his face. you hear the deep breath he takes against your pussy that should make you self conscious. but all it gives you is a wave of anticipation. a few short and soft kisses he puckers to your inner thighs before the first touch of his tongue against your pussy draws an immediate whine from you. yukhei hums in satisfaction at the noise before he licks you again and again. 

you begin to rock against his face a bit impatiently, desperate for additional contact. 

“yukhei, i want more,” you mewl. “please.” 

in spite of his position, yukhei chuckles softly and the vibrations against your pussy send a shiver through your body. his large hands cup your ass and a firm squeeze he gives it before they slide back up and your wish he grants. 

your needy whimpers filter throughout the bedroom as he guides your hips for a moment to set the steady pace. the pressure of his wet muscle increasing with each stroke feels too good. you do your best to keep up with him, your knees falling to either side of his head. 

“mmm, fuck, your tongue feels good,” you huff out. 

his hands move to grip your thighs gently, pushing them closer to his face. yukhei eats you up like a feast as you grind against his mouth. the movements of his tongue alternating with the hard sucks to you clit send the moans out your parted lips.

you want the high. 

but your muscles begin to cramp and your fingers around the headboard loosen a touch. yet the coil in the pit of your stomach you are starting to feel and the faint quivers of your thighs against his face sends a signal to yukhei. just a little longer and a little more you need, he wants your high as much as you do. 

his hands reach for your hips, gripping firmly as your hands readjust your hold on the headboard. within seconds then you roll your hips faster, ignoring the tiredness as yukhei works you without abandonment. the strangled sounds slipping from you grow sweeter and more desperate to his ears. 

it takes another minute until you fall apart on yukhei with a loud cry, his hands pressing down your shaking thighs. he laps it all up with a smile you feel while he rubs and massages your flesh. your hold gradually relaxes as you catch your breath and your hips slow. and once your euphoria slowly fades, you fall beside him with a sweet sigh. 

your legs are a lot tired and there’s a faint ache in your knees. but then yukhei’s hovering over you with his chin wet and lips glossy. 

“you’re perfect.” 

you shake your head as your tongue darts out and sweeps across his lips. “no, i’m not,” you giggle. 

yukhei spends the night proving you wrong. 

─ : ─

the third time it happens it’s yukhei’s birthday. 

a day he had hoped to be a little relaxing because he hasn’t had a day off since the start of the new year. but on his schedule there’s a meeting, a recording, practice and somewhere in between he has to squeeze in a workout because there’s a photoshoot lined up for him in two days for a front cover. 

yukhei apologizes for canceling the birthday reservation you make because he’s certain he cannot make it. there’s a twinge of sadness and regret in his voice but you reassure him that it’s okay. his work is important and you can always reschedule the dinner for another night. 

so he spends the day as is, working as hard as he can while you send him memes and words of encouragement that makes him laugh and his heart full. it’s late when practice ends and he says bye to his members before he heads to the gym. yukhei texts you, telling you he misses you and that he will see you afterwards. it hardly takes a minute before he receives a response. 

you miss him too. you’re excited to see him too. the hearts attached at the end of your message makes him smile to himself. 

then with his headphones in his ears, it’s just him and his music. yukhei ignores the handful of strangers that one by one leave for the night. his focus of getting his workout in to seeing you are the only things on his mind.

the beads of sweat roll down his face while his breaths labor as he lifts the weights. surely he can salvage what he has left of his birthday. he puts his arms down, gently dropping the heavy equipment in his hands to the ground. even if only for an hour, he will be happy to see you and that would be a good birthday for him. he feels the uncomfortable wetness of his shirt sticking to his back and slowly sits up only be greeted by you two benches over.

there’s a sparkle in your gaze and your lips twist into a sweet beam that makes yukhei giggle softly in disbelief.

“i thought you might be a little lonely,” you tell him, lifting up the towel and bottle in your grasp. 

he nods and gently pats the empty space next him. you stand and move beside him with a grin, dropping the items on your lap to cup his jawline despite the sweat on his skin. you lean forward and press a tender kiss to his smiling mouth. he hums quietly when you shift back. 

“so is this a birthday surprise? anyone else going to come out?” yukhei playfully raises his head, searching for someone else to walk in. 

you chuckle, tugging him on his shirt to get his attention back on you. you faintly shake your head while his hand cradles your cheek. “you still have a workout to finish.” you place another kiss on his mouth. “and it’s just going to be you and me.”

yukhei looks incredulously at you for the teasing inflection in your voice. you pull his hand off you, putting the towel and water in it instead and stand. his head slightly angles as his eyes take in your oversized hoodie and black leggings. he reaches out to graze the designed contour mesh lines against your legs. 

“keep doing what you’re doing,” you insist as you take a step away from him. “and just pretend i’m not here.”

it’s easier said than done though because you don’t sit and wait or watch him finish. instead your hoodie comes off with a tempting smile and yukhei tries his best to focus when he’s not admiring you in the vivid red sports bra.

but then you’re running on the treadmill and yukhei is left entranced at the way your breasts are bouncing. he swipes the corner of his mouth with the pad of his thumb while he raises his eyebrows, positive you are doing this to him on purpose. 

your feet move faster and so do your breasts. his mouth turns dry as he inhales deeply and feels the twitching in his sweatpants. he questions how those two thin straps over each of your shoulders are strong enough to hold up the material and contain your breasts. he wonders the possibility of them unexpectedly slipping out from that very low neckline. 

just like before, you end up finding his eyes on you again and signal him to get back to his workout with a smile. 

yet yukhei continues to stare and internally groan because you’re just so distracting even though what he wonders doesn’t happen. your breasts stay covered and contained and bouncing and yukhei has to wait a full hour later before he really gets to see them.

there’s a trail of clothes on the floor and your sheets are covered in the sweat of your workout. you don’t care though because all you want and need is for yukhei to come before midnight. 

you push him back to lean against the headboard while his mouth moves frantically against yours. his hard cock grazes your stomach when you press closer to him. his hand cradles your face as the other descends between your legs. he slides a finger into your very wet core and you release his lips with a whimper. you shift back, shuffling over the bedside table to pull open the drawer for a condom. yukhei reaches for it in your hand, but you shake your head softly, a smile etching on your face. 

on your knees you are on to move back to him. you take his cock in your hand and yukhei groans at the contact. all you can do is chuckle as you give him a few strokes. he feels so nice and heavy in your grasp. there’s precum at the slit, and there’s nothing more you want than to put him in your mouth. but the quick glance at the clock reminds you that time is ticking away. 

yukhei clenches his jaw and watches as you carefully roll the condom over his cock. you put a hand to his chest and tilt your head to kiss him fervently and lovingly. after a sharp nip on his top lip, you pull back and straddle him with your legs on either side of his thighs. he clears his throat and runs a hand over his face with an amused grin.

“sit back and enjoy, birthday boy,” you whisper as his large hands settle on your waist. 

the corners of your mouth curl when you line him up to your entrance. yukhei stares at your delighted expression when you gradually start to sink down. 

he groans. “my god- you are so tight.” 

a breathless laugh escapes from your lips. your descend is slow and almost agonizing in the best way. when his cock nestles completely into your pussy, you sigh contently. “mmhmm, and you’re so big.” you will never get tired of how he fills and stretches you.

the smirk on his face you catch as you take a moment to adjust to him before starting with a handful of slow and shallow grinds down. yukhei instantly grunts at the new sensation you are giving him. 

you’re beaming, glowing and looking just so pretty as he pushes your hair away from your face. your arm wraps around his neck and your other hand threads into his hair. his eyes connect to yours while he gnaws at his bottom lip, failing to contain the noises in his throat once you find a steady pace of your hips. his hands grab your ass, kneading your flesh and making you moan in bliss as you roll your hips. 

“mmm, you feel amazing, baby,” you mewl with a smile. “so full.” 

yukhei leans forward, crashing his mouth to yours for messy kiss before they trail off to your jaw. you slow your hips for a moment, rotating your hips hard once and twice for yukhei to moan into your skin. satisfied with the reaction, you continue with deep grinds back and forth, his cock making you feel so complete. yukhei’s hands move to your hips as your speed gradually picks up.

“fuck, baby, you feel so nice,” he pants out as his eyes and touch slowly caress your body. 

it doesn’t take you a minutes before you realize what has his attention. your now uncovered breasts bounce tantalizingly with each movement of your hips. the way they move is hypnotizing and yukhei swallows the lump in his throat. your arm drops from around his neck as you reach down, cupping your breast. his gaze darts from your chest to your face when you let out a whimper.

“use your mouth on me,” you gasp out with an innocent smile. 

your hips slow but never stop as you shift forward with a slight arch to your back until yukhei is able to lick your nipple. you moan when he latches on and tenderly sucks, his hands spreading on your lower back for support. you lift your other breast, rolling the nipple between your fingers before yukhei moves to it. you whisper quiet words of pleasure as yukhei enjoys the salty taste of your flesh in his mouth. 

with one hand still in his hair, you tug on it gently. he raises his head as both his hands come to the front and cup each breast. so nice and soft they are in his hold. yukhei gives both a gentle squeeze and a final suck and nip to your nipples before he cups your face. he catches your mouth, his teeth graze your bottom lip and his tongue slides in. but as quickly as he appreciates the warmth of your mouth, you pull back. 

“it’s going to be midnight soon.” you temporarily change you rhythm, bouncing a handful of times down that earns you a deep appreciative grunt from yukhei. “baby, you need to come on your birthday.” 

yukhei lets out a brief low chuckle as if your words are a universal rule while he finds your hips again. 

but quickly the chuckle is replaced by a long moan as you begin grinding down roughly, your hips moving in circular motions. each minute passes has you working twice as hard as before. the bedroom fills with the lewd sounds of skin against skin and needy moans and whimpers. you clutch onto his board shoulders, your short nails making crescent moons into his flesh. you ignore the tightness in your stomach, all your focus on him. 

yukhei’s grip on your hips tightens. “fuck- god, i’m fucking close.” 

his words excite you more than anything. with a few sharps swirls of your hips, him pulling you closer with each motion of your hips, yukhei comes with a deep groan from his throat as his head falls back. 

“happy birthday, baby,” you coo, your hips slowly continuing to roll and draw everything out of him.   

it takes a moment before he turns back to you and his gaze settles on your sweet and angelic beaming face. yukhei really thinks you’re something else. you close the gap between your mouths, the kiss a bit frenzied and wet. he releases your lips and presses his forehead to yours. 

“you didn’t come,” he states softly. you hum quietly with a faint shake of your head. with his hands remaining on your hips, yukhei starts guiding you back and forth quicker. “you gotta come for me too, baby.” 

you nod briefly, your body a little worn out. regardless though the pace of your grinds gradually moves faster with his help. the time between the whines escaping from you shortens as the tightness in your stomach from before grows. yukhei lets go of one side of your hips, reaching down between your bodies. his long finger finds your clit to rub small circles on it. 

you whine. “fuck- almost.”

he rubs a little faster. “i’ve got you, baby. just let it go for me.”

a continued steady stream of whispered encouragements against your ears and the extra stimulations, your head is spinning as yukhei helps bring you over the edge. 

the high whimpers roll out your mouth and yukhei feels your pussy clench around his cock. he moans at the sensation, letting go of your hip to grasp your face lovingly with both hands. he holds it in place with his thumbs stroking your hot cheeks and making sure your eyes stay with his. air fights to fill your lungs and your hips gradually come to a halt.

yukhei’s grinning happily before he angles your head for a soft kiss. “what a way to end a birthday.” 

you chuckle lightly, brushing his hair back. you turn your head to look at the clock on the bedside table. nine minutes left until midnight. “it’s still your birthday.”

he hums and tugs you back closer. his hands tenderly massages your sore thighs as his mind lists all the things he can do with you in those nine minutes left on his birthday. but you push him away and gently slide off of him, immediately missing the feeling of him in your pussy. you put your feet on the wood floor and it takes a minute before you actually stand on wobbly legs.

yukhei laughs quietly behind you.  “come back. i still have,” he turns to the clock. “seven more minutes.” 

you turn to look at him, bending down to press a quick kiss on his pouting lips. “just give me a minute. i’ll be back, babe.” 

and yukhei watches with a quiet pleased groan as your naked form maneuvers through the clothes on the floor. he waits for a second, listening to the faint sounds of drawers and cabinets opening and shutting in the kitchen before he unrolls the condom. with a tight knot of it, he grabs a tissue and wraps it up and discards it along with the foil wrapper into the mini trashcan by the bed. he settles back into the bed and fluffs the pillow behind his back awaiting your return. 

a moment passes before yukhei sees you appearing at the door, a small cake in your hands. your steps are careful of the clothes on the floor and the flame flickering on the lone candle in the middle of the cake. his laughter and his excited claps fill the bedroom while you sing him his birthday song in between light giggles. you sit on the edge of the bed beside him just as the last word slips from your lips. 

“make your wish, baby.” 

the candle reflects in his big eyes that glisten because yukhei truly thinks his heart will burst with joy. he takes in the pieces of whole strawberries decorating the top, the swirly piping of the whipped cream and the tiny grin on your face as you wait for his response. 

yukhei shakes his head with a wide beam. “you’re sitting here naked holding my birthday cake. what else do i need to wish for?” 

you giggle. “yukhei!” a quick glance at the time turns your mouth into a pout. “you have two minutes left!” 

he complies and lifts himself away from the headboard. you watch as he contemplates for a minute before closing his eyes and blowing out the candle. you quietly cheer as the minute changes and a whole new day begins. 

yukhei leans forward, careful of the cake you’re still holding. “thank you,” he whispers and bestows a quick kiss to your soft lips. 

smiling along his mouth, you nod. “happy birthday.” you move, carefully setting the cake on the bedside table. “i’m going to get some forks and plates.” 

but yukhei catches your hand before your first step away. there’s a glint of mischief in his gaze as he clears his throat. “we don’t need them.” he tugs you back to straddle him, your arms wrapping around his neck. 

he stares at you for a moment with a devilish twist of his mouth before his eyes drop to your breasts. you chuckle softly, picking up on what he wants. 

“your birthday is over,” you tease with a sigh.

yukhei shakes his head. “but you know, somewhere in the world it’s still my birthday,” he reasons, his hands coming up to cup your breasts. he rolls your nipples between his fingers and you can’t stop the soft moan escaping. 

and yukhei knows he hooks you there, the smirk appearing on his handsome face. 

“if that’s the case then…” 

your words trail off as you lean over, swiping some of the cream off the side of the cake and dabbing it onto you hard nipples. you sit up and incline closer to him for your breasts to be leveled with his mouth. 

his touch grazes down your spine and stops on your ass. he grasps and squeezes your flesh with a boyish smile before his tongue flicks across the nipple. the cream coats his wet muscle. 

he swallows the sweetness while his gaze finds yours. “so sugary.” 

you quietly whine and faintly gesture for what else he has to clean off of you. he stares and appreciates the gentle jiggle of your breasts. 

yukhei thinks this might be his best birthday. 

─ : ─

the fourth time it happens, yukhei is caught off guard. 

a home you share together now. 

yukhei moves in with you. the closet, the bedroom, the bathroom and the refrigerator is filled with yours and his things. 

you punch in the keypad code of your front door, the beep instantly following for you to push it open. you’re greeted by the cool air from the air conditioning. shutting the door behind you, you toe off your sneakers and slip your feet into your fuzzy pink slippers. you don’t fail to notice the matching grey pair missing as you place your bag in the closet and shrug off his hoodie to hang up. 

“yukhei?” 

you walk further into the apartment only to hear the faint sounds of the shower running. you will see him when he finishes you mumble to yourself and turn towards the kitchen looking for a small snack. after a few minutes of opening the cabinets and the refrigerator, you take out the quart of yogurt and the containers of fruit. 

the sound of the shower stops and you wait a moment to call him. “yukhei, i’m home.” 

a brief pause passes before you receive his response. “give me a minute. i’ll be right out.” 

you nod to yourself, turning back to the task of fixing up your snack and pulling out the utensils you need. 

and once yukhei walks out of the bathroom ruffling his wet hair with the towel, he follows the sounds coming from the kitchen. but his presence you don’t sense when his footsteps halt at the kitchen entrance and he’s staring with tiny smile ghosting his face. 

the black short shorts from previously he recognizes and still appreciates. however the light pink fabric that stretches a large ‘x’ across your back and against your skin he does not. he throws the towel over his naked shoulder and quietly approaches you. his large hands settling on your exposed waist causes yukhei to chuckle lowly and you to slightly jump with a yelp and nearly dropping the mini colander with the blueberries and strawberries being run under the water. 

you turn to slightly swat his bare chest and yukhei just smiles, lowering his head to give you a greeting kiss.

“what are you doing?” he asks, glancing at the items you had taken out and placed on the counter. 

he looks over your shoulder, noticing more than the fruit being rinsed under the cold water. the shade of pink covering your chest is your favorite color and the low neckline is really something. yukhei bites his lower lip, holding back the groan at what he can see of your chest. it looks full and pretty and so soft and he wants to bury his face against it. 

“i just wanted a snack,” you reply, bringing him out of his thoughts. you turn off the faucet and pick up a small strawberry to feed him. he chews it with a smile and a nod of approval. “do you want a bowl?” 

he faintly shakes his head. “i’ll just have a bite of yours.” yukhei steps closer then, his fingertips running up and down your sides. “i didn’t know you were going to exercise today.” 

you hum softly. “yeah, i just wanted to make up for not going last weekend.” under the weather you have been and you had woken up feeling better today than in the previous few days. 

yukhei nods before his hands snake around your waist. it only takes seconds for you to lean back against his chest on instinct. he faintly bends to rest his chin on your shoulder and turns his head. he takes a deep breath of the current scent of your body mixing with the faint floral hints of your perfume still lingering on you. 

“you smell nice,” he mumbles distractedly.

your movements of spooning the yogurt into the bowl freeze and you look behind your shoulder at him. there’s a charming smile on his face as your cheeks heat because you are certain you do not smell nice. 

you narrow your eyes at him while the corners of your lip faintly twitch up. “what do you want?” you question suspiciously.

he laughs, his breath tickling your skin. “nothing.” 

despite what yukhei says you feel the grazes of his lips against the shell of your ear. you clear your throat and turn around. you feel the smile from him even if you don’t see it. you go back to your task, attempting to ignore him and how his damp skin feels against yours because he makes no indication of letting you go. 

“how was boxing today?”

because on top of his schedules and everything he is doing, boxing lessons he has begun taking with his friends.  “i didn’t expect you home so early. i thought you had a recording today too.” you put the lid back on the yogurt and plop some of the washed berries on top. 

“recording was this morning. but boxing went well and i am still undefeated.” his strong arms tighten around you then as he presses your body to his. “do you feel that?” 

but more than the hard muscles of his arms around you catches your attention because you feel his erection against you back. you can’t stop the breathless chuckle escaping your lips when you turn around in his hold. there’s faint smirk forming on his face that makes you bite the inside of your cheeks. you reach for his biceps, your hands only able to wrap around half his muscles when you grip it. there’s a glimmer in your gaze that yukhei sees as you go on your toes. 

your mouth brushes his with a mischievous smile. “you know these aren’t the only hard things i feel.” 

he pretends to be surprise while teasing your lower lip with soft bites. “really?”

you hum and tease him right back with a peck to his upper lip as the towel falls from his shoulder. one of your hands lets go of his arm and your fingertips travel over his chest and torso to the simple black boxer briefs with the leopard print band he wears.

“how did you get so hard?” you lightly outline his bulge with an amused chuckle.

you glance down, listening to his deep breaths. “like i said, you smell nice.” he’s letting out a deep short laugh as his hands glides up your sides, grazing your breasts to cradle your face to look at him. “and i say this with the most respect because i love you, but you are very… hot.” 

yukhei shakes his head at the lack of a better word to describe you right now. but it’s the truth as he gazes down briefly at your chest, his head angling a touch at the zipper down the front of your sports bra before his eyes travel to your stomach and legs. when he looks back up, yukhei meets the beam playing on your mouth while you’re giggling because you hear the sincerity from him. 

you brush your nose against his as you connect your lips to his. your tongue slowly slides into his mouth and you palm him, feeling the twitch from his cock. you moan when he pushes you slightly and the edge of the countertop presses into your back. your mouth feels so warm and soft and it makes yukhei gently grind into your hand. you shift away from his mouth and his hands settle on the small of your back. he sets his forehead to yours and stares at your grinning wet lips. 

“what are we going to do about this?” you voice is sweet and seductive as you start caressing his erection.

he moans softly while his head spins and his cock twitches again. “i think.” his smile is alluring and his eyes slowly turn dark. “that i have a better snack for you.” 

you nod softly with a low chuckle, your brain connecting the dots to what he means. “yeah?” you reach up once more and begin pressing short kisses and kitten licks to his plump lips while both your hands move to grip his naked waist. 

“switch with me,” you breathe out between kisses and within seconds, yukhei feels the edge of the countertop against his back as your mouth trail off his. 

you leave wet open kisses on his neck and down his chest. your tongue gently flicks and your teeth graze over his nipples and yukhei lifts his hands off you. his breaths are a little shorter than before as he stares down at you. you place kisses over his tattoo you had sat with him for five hours to get done. a tiny smile comes out on his face when you press your mouth all over his torso. your hands settle over his hips as your knees gradually lower to finally rest on the cold tiles, sending a faint shudder through your body. 

yukhei softly pats the top your head that makes you look up with a sugary smile. 

“wait a second,” he murmurs. 

he picks up the towel from his shower and folds it into quarters. he bends down and nudges your knees gently and you shift, allowing him to place it on the spot where your knees had been. you feel the flutter in your chest. 

even when you are about to blow him in the middle of the kitchen, yukhei is still sweet. 

yukhei stands back up as you kneel on the towel and face his growing erection. 

“better?” he asks as you look up at him.

the nod you give him makes him smile and the kiss you place soon after on his covered erection makes him grunt. your eyes stay connected to his as you grin devilishly. “you ready, baby?” 

yukhei hums and your gaze drops from his. you bite your lips in excitement as your fingers hook onto his underwear and with a few tugs; his cock is free from its confinements and gently slaps against his abdomen. you continue to pull down his underwear until it rests on the middle of his taut muscled thighs. 

your expression is giddy at the sight of the precum already leaking at the slit. you gently grip the base of the cock and your tongue darts out to catch the drip. the act draws a deep huff from yukhei and he stares down as your tongue licks a few slow stripes on the underside of the cock from the base to the edge right before the tip.

with both hands around his cock, you look up as you softly suck on the tip for a moment. yukhei gasps loudly, his hands pushing some of your hair back while your tongue swirls around the tip once and twice. 

“you taste so good,” you sigh with a happy smile. “and all for me.” 

one hand reaches under to tenderly cradle his balls as you pepper short kisses down his length before moving back. 

you lift his cock and press gentle kisses and kitten licks on his balls for a minute. yukhei moans, enjoying the soft touches and attention to them. you angle your head and glance up with a smile while gathering some saliva in your mouth to spit on his cock. you rotate your wrist, stroking down his entire length with the wetness. yukhei moans again at the wonderful pressure and stops himself from wanting to just thrust into your hands.

a thrilled noise rolls pass your grinning mouth at how his jaw clenches with each of your strokes on his delicious cock. “tell me what you want.”

your beam is sweet and innocent yet what you’re doing is anything but that. yukhei reaches to caress your warm cheeks, a small and fond smile gracing his face. 

“i want to fuck your mouth, baby.” 

his request sends a pleasant shiver down your spine and a rush to your core. you nod faintly yet eagerly in agreement and with eyes connected, you place your hands on his thighs as you gradually lower your mouth. yukhei’s breathing labors as he watches your pretty mouth descend on his cock before you pull back and go down again. your movements repeat again and again until you have half his cock in your mouth. the weight of it feels heavenly against your tongue. then gripping his thighs for some stability, you slowly begin to bob your head. 

yukhei throws his head back and nearly misses hitting the cabinet behind him. your pace picks up and you suck him hard like a popsicle on a sweltering summer afternoon. 

“you’re so good at this, you know that?” his voice is strained and he chokes back a moan. “yeah- so fucking amazing.”

the compliment thrills you and you push forward, taking more of his cock into your mouth. despite the amount of clothes you are wearing and the air conditioning running, your entire body feels heated. yukhei looks down again and moves his hands to the back of your head to hold. before you know it, he starts slowly thrusting into your mouth.

glancing up through your lashes, you find yukhei staring down at you with half lidded eyes and a loving grin.

“mmm, you like this, baby? me fucking your pretty mouth?” you moan and nod, taking in each steady jerk of his hips and thankful for the towel underneath your knees now. “so good to me,” he huffs out. 

you feel a bit of saliva begin to drip pass your lips and you let go of his thighs and lightly tap his hand on your head. yukhei lets go as you pull all the way back, a thin line of saliva trailing from your mouth to his cock. he reaches down and cups your cheeks. you nuzzle into his palm like a kitten and take a few deep breaths before looking up. 

there’s sparkle in your gaze and a teasing pout playing on your lips. “yukhei, i’m hungry.” one hand grasps his thighs once more while your other wraps around his cock, sliding up and down his length. “are you going to feed me soon?” 

your question makes yukhei groan instantly and you take a deep breath and smile before gradually taking him back into your mouth again. his breath hitches in his throat and he tenderly caresses your cheeks. like always the immense pleasure and wonderment fills him as his entire cock bit by bit disappears into your warm mouth. 

“you’re so pretty like this.” his words cause another rush in your body to your core.

once his tip hits the back of your throat and you feel the comfort of it in your mouth, you calmly take one of his hands and fingers are soon intertwine together. his free hand goes to your head and yours squeeze his thigh. your thumb softly rubs the back of his hand and you give a faint nod. yukhei takes the hint and starts moving his hips. 

you relax your throat, swallowing his cock with each of his thrusts. soon enough he picks up a stable rhythm. the motions of his hips are follow with the bobs of your head. strained noises roll out of yukhei’s lips, each one louder and deeper than the last. you lift your eyes up to him and moan around his cock, the vibration making him feel so good and his thrusts quickens. you feel the corner of your eyes water a little with each jerk of his hips. 

yukhei gasps. “fuck, just a little more, baby.” 

your grip on his hands tightens as he grasps your hair. a handful more strokes with your head bobbing and cheeks hollowing while saliva drips pass your open lips and down your chin, yukhei comes with a moan from within his chest. his hips still and a delighted hum he catches from you. 

the warm and slightly salty liquid slides down your throat smoothly. you let go of his hand and with both hands placed on his thighs, you gently rub them to calm him. then little by little you carefully shift back for his cum to coat your mouth as you try to swallow it all. 

yukhei stares at you through gulps of air and a tiny proud smirk on his face. his hands push your hair back again while some of the cum trickles from the corners of your mouth. you pull his cock out with a faint pop and swipe up the cum on your chin and push it back pass your lips, licking your finger clean with a soft moan. you chuckle at the sudden dazed look on his face and help him tug his underwear back up; certain he will need another shower later. 

you sigh gleefully in satisfaction as yukhei pulls you up to stand. his hands rest on your waist and he presses a kiss to you, the faint taste of himself lingering in your mouth. you whimper quietly when he sucks on your upper lip before resting his forehead to yours. 

your arms go around his neck with a playful beam. “i think you’re my new favorite snack,” you say teasingly. 

he smiles and kisses you tenderly again while his hands little by little slip underneath your shorts from behind. his long digits slide pass the curve of your ass. you mewl when he grazes a finger against your wetness. your arms tighten around his neck for balance as your mouth falls from his with a gasp once he plunges a finger into your pussy. 

yukhei brushes his mouth against your ear while playing with the wetness. 

“that’s good to know...” his words trail off as he moves back and takes his hand out. he brings his glistening finger between your faces. a whine squeaks out of you when yukhei sucks on your arousal. 

“cause you’ve always been mine’s,” he finishes with a grin. 

and the bowl of yogurt and berries ends up sitting on the counter untouched. the container of it turns warm too. yukhei ends up buying you more to replace them. 

─ : ─ 

the fifth time it happens, it’s the opposite of the third time because yukhei surprises you instead. 

one month he has been away filming in another country. you expect him back tomorrow night because that’s what the schedule he sends tells you. but he has a surprise up his sleeve because he comes back a whole day earlier, ready to put an end to the thirty one days of separation. how much he has missed you is indescribable. 

yukhei tugs on the cap hiding his face. he knows he can surprise you later. but he also knows he doesn’t mind seeing you as your skin glistens and your body moves. you’re wearing back those yoga pants that outline your legs and it matches the black sports bra with the half a dozen crisscrosses designs that leave so much of your back exposed. like always, you’re focus and glowing with confidence that he can’t help but smile and admire everything about you. 

and he isn’t the only one either. 

yukhei catches the glances and stares directed at you, lingering on you. whether you know it or not, yukhei’s not sure. he knows you can take care and protect yourself. yet it still leaves an uneasy feeling in his stomach. 

you finish your last set of step lunges and your heart beats a bit faster than before. you pick up your phone, hoping for a message from yukhei. you haven’t spoken to him since this morning and it had been a simple morning greeting because he was running late for his schedule. there is none though and you release a sigh. you will see him tomorrow and a reunion you have been so excited for since he left you will take place. 

your phone locked and in your hand, you grab your towel and water bottle and turn around. but almost immediately you walk into a wall or a body. 

apologies are close to rolling pass your lips. but the faint scent of musk and citrus and the soft and very familiar laugh filters into your space. your heart beats quicker for different reasons now as you look up only to be met with yukhei’s beaming face under the bill of his cap. 

you nearly squeal, jumping on him with your arms wrapped tightly around his neck. regardless of the sweat on your body, yukhei doesn’t hesitate encircling you with his arms. he lifts you up a little off the floor while he squeezes your body to his. there’s a slight muffling against his neck and he gently puts you down and pulls back. 

“what did you say?” 

“i said i’m not going to cry,” you repeat even though your gaze on him is turning hazy. “is this why you were asking me what i was going to do today last night?” 

yukhei nods with a watery smile while his own eyes get a little teary at the sight of you like this. you let out a deep breath and blink back anything that threatens to fall as he takes the towel in your hand. he carefully wipes the sheen off your face down to your collarbones and the area by your chest. 

you clear your throat and he glances at you. “how long have you been here?” 

he lowers his head and places a chaste kiss on your smiling mouth. “long enough to see how people like to stare at you,” he murmurs, the hint of annoyance and overprotectiveness laced in his tone. 

the corners of your lips curl up teasingly and your stomach flips. “you mean like you.” 

yukhei spreads his large hand over his chest, the playful offended expression forms on his face. you laugh as he rests a hand on your waist and pulls you near him. another quick kiss he bestows on you and you turn to walk towards the locker room with him by your side. 

“you ready to get out of here?” 

you hum happily. “let me go get my stuff, okay? i’ll be quick.” 

and the dinner you want to make for him you will save for tomorrow. you order his favorite take out and talk about what he has been doing with his filming and what he has been missing in your life because phone call catch ups just aren’t the same. when the food is cleared and a shower together is taken to clean the day off, yukhei touches you, kisses you and loves you like only he can. 

your ankles cross behind him as you claw at his hands above your head. your whimpers mix with whines at how good each movement of his cock caressing your walls feels after so long is music to his ears. 

“yukhei, i’m close,” you pant out frantically, the coil in your stomach building. 

he grunts, his thrust becoming deeper and harder. you let go of his hands, wrapping them around his neck as your thumbs caress his hot and sweaty cheeks. he grasps your hips and he moves into you at a reckless speed. 

yukhei leans down, giving you a very open and messy kiss. “fall apart for me, baby.” 

your back arches off the bed and you do with a choked sob that makes him proud as the butterflies swarm in your entire body. your pussy clenches around his cock and your eyes connect to his. yukhei continues his thrusts and you hum desperately, your body on a sweet high. but still you lift your hips to meet him and it takes a few more deep strokes and the sight of you pinching your nipples for yukhei to come with a long intense groan. 

he collapses on you, his weight heavy on your body, but you let him be. it feels nice to have him sticking to you after the separation. his face burying in the crook of your neck, yukhei kisses the space there before moving his lips. he dots a few more around your neck to eventually look up and place one on your grinning mouth. 

you look happy and his heart feels full. 

your hand rises to brush his damp hair back as his touch dances along your waist. you tilt your head, the dim light of the bedroom faintly catching in your eyes. you lean forward for your lips to graze his. 

“just so you know, they can look all they want,” you whisper, your heart skipping a beat. “but you are the only one who can touch.” 

and yukhei smiles and does so until the sun rises. 

─ : ─

it’s pouring outside now. 

you’re curled up on the couch with the latest drama playing on the television screen. yet as much as you try to pay attention connecting the characters together and following the plot, the quiet grunts and movements from the corner of your eye are distracting. 

after a few minutes, you finally turn your head. you stare with warm cheeks at the muscles on his naked torso and his strong arms as he does his sit ups. you admire his dedication. without fail every day, yukhei does his one hundred pushups, one hundred sits ups and one hundred squats. he does double of it today though with the rain outside because he stays in. 

with a shake of your head to yourself, you shut off the television. you get off the couch to go into the bedroom and feel the brief glance from yukhei. you make your way to the dresser drawer, pulling open the third one and shed your pajamas in favor of what you want before walking back out to him. 

it takes yukhei about a minute into his pushups before he realizes your presence beside him and a second after until he hears your sugary voice as your hand settles on his back. 

“would you like some company?” 

and yukhei turns his head to find you kneeling with a tender coil ghosting your lips. your pajamas of one of his t-shirts and soft cotton shorts are replaced by the familiar tight fitting black short shorts and a light blue sports bra that looks oddly similar to the pink one from last time. he bites the corner of his lips with a final pushup before his body lowers to the ground and he sits up, crossing his legs. 

his breathing is a little labored and there’s a light sheen to his pretty skin. but still his arms open and on your knees you move to him, looping your arms around his shoulders. 

“i thought you wanted to watch the drama.” his hands settle on your hips. 

you smile a little shyly, your face warm. “i did. but something or rather someone was getting my attention instead.” 

yukhei laughs, the apples of his cheeks tinting before he smirks and an eyebrow raises. “is that so?” 

you nod and lean forward, pressing your forehead to his. “i say this with the most respect because i love you, but you are very… hot,” you whisper with a soft chuckle. 

almost immediately his ears turn red, remembering those words he had said once before to you. 

you place a short kiss to his plump lips. “so what do you say? would you like some company?” 

yukhei smiles because he does. 

there’s a beam on his face when he holds your feet during your sit ups, welcoming your kisses every time you come up. the warmth in his chest slowly rises and spreads in him.

his infectious laughter mixes with your faint squeals while you lay on his back in another set of pushups. he feels his body reacting at the close proximity of your bodies. the way you look at him and giggle as your legs and arms wrap around him tight during his squats makes his face hot. 

and it’s an hour later with uneven breaths and skin damp with sweat when yukhei leans against the couch. you stand, making your way to the kitchen for two bottles of water. he whispers his words of appreciation when you hand it to him and take a seat in front of him. quietness settles as the cold liquid cools your bodies. your eyes turn to the window, watching the raindrops continue to wet the city.

but yukhei’s eyes settle on you instead. 

how shiny your skin appears to be. how your chest covered in that pretty light blue still rises and falls a bit quicker than normal as you catch your breaths. and even if you will forever deny it; perfect you are to him.

he feels the rapid beats of his heart again. 

one last sip you take, you put the cap back on the bottle and place it to the side. you face yukhei once more to only find his stare on you. your hands on his knees, you smile excitedly with a tilt of your head. “that was fun, wasn’t it? maybe we can do this again.” 

a response you wait for but don’t get. instead yukhei closes his bottle and his joins your to the side. his hands grasp yours, fingers lacing together to pull you to your knees and eventually to him. you kneel between his open legs. he looks at you, his large eyes shining to go along with the soft and serene smile on his face. 

“what?” you chuckle curiously. 

“you know even after all this time, seeing you like this, it still drives me crazy.” his voice is gentle and touches your heart while his eyes outline every curve and every feature of yours. “i can watch you for hours on end.” he lets go of your hands, running them up your hips then waist and stopping right at the band of your sports bra. yukhei grips you firmly yet softly right beneath your breasts. “and to know i’m the only one who can see it all, touch it all and to really feel how you move makes me the luckiest man alive.” the tender pressure against your flesh and the look on his face makes you whine faintly. 

yukhei presses his face to your chest, taking a deep breath. one of your arms loops around his neck and he lifts his head a minute later. he’s beaming and your heart is melting. 

you nod slowly and let out a breathless laugh. “and i’m the luckiest girl to be able to show it all to you, to have you touch me and feel just how i really move.” 

your gaze stays on his as you raise your free hand, brushing pass his hands still on your body to the center of your chest. he stares at your bottom lip catching between your teeth while your fingers find the tiny tab of the zipper of what you’re wearing. and the slow tug down draws yukhei’s attention. he watches in awe at the gradual reveal and when your breasts are exposed, you hear the faint and pleased groan. 

yukhei has lost count of how many times he has seen them and touched them. yet each time it happens, he appreciates it like it’s his first time. you push the material to the side as your nipples slowly harden from the open air. 

everything about you is beautiful. 

“is that what the zipper’s for?” his eyes dart from the gleam in your gaze to your breasts. he reaches to gently cup and massage them. “so you can seduce me?” 

you giggle softly. “no, it just makes it so much easier to put on and take off.”

yukhei chews on the inside of his cheeks, tenderly flicking and pinching your nipples between his fingers. you lower your head and brush your mouth to his for a brief moment. “and besides i don’t think i need to seduce you, baby,” you whisper with a teasing grin.

it’s yukhei turn to let out a breathless laugh because it’s true. 

your hands cover his and pull them off of your chest. you shift back, standing up and tugging him his feet. it takes just seconds for yukhei then to crash his lips back to yours, swallowing your giggles and pressing his bare chest to your breasts. your mouths move ardently and teeth touch one another’s as his hands settle on your waist. your hands cradle his face while your bare feet move back one by one and he follows until you feel the bedframe against the back of legs. 

you lower yourself onto the bed, shifting backwards with his lips still attached to yours and his body going along with you. once you lay down and your head rests on the pillow, yukhei settles between your open legs. his mouth leaves yours and makes a path down. you gasp for air while he nips on the base of your neck. you sigh, your fingers threading through his hair as he continues a path down to your breasts. he sucks and licks your nipples as his hand reaches to play and squeeze the other, switching after a few minutes. the soft moans emitting from you sounds so pretty and inviting and yukhei finally sits back on his heels. 

his breathing is heavy but his fingertips on you are light running down your stomach to your shorts. yukhei finds your eyes as his large hand rubs your covered core.

“are you wet for me?” his voice is deep and his eyes are dark and you feel a rush to your pussy. 

you whimper quietly, the twinkle in your eyes so apparent. “find out for yourself,” you challenge him. 

he chuckles lowly then and shakes his head while his hands reach for your shorts, pulling it down along with your underwear. he tosses them to the side and a sweet laughter escapes your lips as yukhei devours the sight of you in front of him. he bends forward and kisses you eagerly, your moan muffled when he dips a finger into you.

yukhei releases your mouth. “baby, you’re dripping.” 

you smirk proudly. “only for you.” you spread open your legs a little more for him to access. 

he slips another finger in and watches as you bite the corner of your mouth, trying to suppress the needy sounds. but it doesn’t work because you feel him testing you with a third finger seconds later before it goes into you too. you moan, greedy for more as your eyes flutter shut and you grip the bedsheets. you grind gently against his hand when his fingers curl. you can come just by his fingers and have done so countless of times. 

yukhei groans, feeling the heaviness between his legs. “do you want more?” 

you moan again as he leaves the tender presses of his soft lips on your skin between the valley of your breasts. he teases you with a fourth finger and your eyes slowly open when yukhei dots a trail of kisses down your stomach. he slides the fourth finger in then and you arch your back instantly. 

he hears your soft and frantic whimpers and brings his gaze back up to you. “tell me what you want, baby,” yukhei whispers as he pulls his fingers out and slides them back in easily from your wetness. 

you tilt your head and reach for his free hand resting beside you and lick your lips. it takes you a moment to collect yourself and adjust to his four digits in you before you can gather your thoughts. 

“hmm, how is it fair that i’m naked but you’re not,” you mewl softly, feeling his fingers slowly drag alongside your walls as you roll your hips against them. even if he isn’t wearing a shirt, the part you want most right now is still covered. 

“you’re not completely naked, you know.” he gestures to the open sports bra. the straps still hang off your shoulders. you make an attempt to shimmy out of it then, but his fingers curl again and you instantly stop at the pressure in your core. 

yukhei shakes his head with a laugh and you let out a faint yelp and heavy breaths when he pulls out his fingers. “leave it on, baby. it makes you look like a present.” 

you can’t help but laugh a little at his reasoning. but your thoughts are soon interrupted when you catch the gleam in his eyes. you watch as he brings his fingers up to his mouth and sucks on your juices. the act sends another rush to your pussy and you whimper and pout. yukhei removes his fingers from his mouth with a teasing smile and leans close you, bringing his long digits to your slightly puffy lips. your tongue darts out and you lap up what he has left behind with a pleased noise. 

yukhei wets his lips and swallows the lump in his throat. “you know you’re a fucking tease,” he chuckles lowly, watching your tongue swirl around the fingertips. 

you give his digits one last lick with a grin. yukhei bends forward almost immediately to kiss you before shifting back to stand by the foot of the bed. 

there’s a playful smile on your face. “yeah, but i’m your fucking tease, babe.” 

you sit up a little, propping yourself up on an elbow as one hand runs and rubs down your body in anticipation. there’s a twinkle in your gaze when yukhei pushes his sweatpants and boxer briefs down. his hard cock slaps gently against his stomach and you feel your mouth watering and instinctively press your thighs together. 

he’s beautiful and regardless of how many times you have touched him and enjoyed him, you will always think so. you quietly and contently hum and yukhei catches your stare, your cheeks heating. 

“like something you see?” yukhei laughs, completely stepping out of everything. 

and he throws back the question you had once asked him. 

“yes, very much,” you reply with a giggle as yukhei climbs back onto the bed with a smirk. 

he gently rubs your thighs and you part your legs once again for him to settle between them. you reach out, spreading around the precum at the tip with the pad of your thumb as you grip him gently and stroke him. an enthusiastic groan comes from him while he leans over you to the bedside table. he pulls open the drawer for a condom and you watch as he rips the foil and rolls it on his hard length.

“how do you want it, baby?” yukhei asks, his large hands holding your hips.

you lay your head back down on the pillow and yukhei is over you, smiling sweet and boyish. you push his hair back and tilt your head. 

“like this.” you hook a leg around his middle. “is it okay?” your tone and your beam soft. 

yukhei nods because anything with you is okay. you stare with pleasure and eagerness while he pumps his cock a few times. his eyes stay with yours as he lines up to your entrance and gently teases you with the tip before slowly sliding in. he watches you chew on your bottom lip as you feel your walls stretch around his cock even with the preparations. but when he’s halfway in, he slowly pulls all the way out and you let out a whimper. he chuckles lightly when you pout. 

“baby, i just want your cock.” your voice is a little desperate yet teasing and yukhei groans at your statement and gives you a fleeting kiss. 

his eyes this time turn downcast as he gradually slides back into you. he watches his cock disappear into your pussy until he’s fully in, bottoming out. you moan while your eyes shut, adjusting to the sudden fullness that fills your body. he gives you a moment, caressing your hips even if he wants to move his own already. when you open your eyes back to him, you hook your other leg around his waist. 

“you good?” he makes sure with you.

you give him a tiny nod, grasping the bedsheets once more. “mmhmm, yeah, please move.” 

yukhei laughs and begins rocking his hips. your eyes don’t leave his with each of his thrusts and it feels nice to be connected in more than one way. it doesn’t take long for him to pick up a steady rhythm and speed though, your whines encouraging him to keep going. 

he pants out. “you feel so damn good. so tight.” 

“yukhei, harder, please,” you moan out. 

and yukhei lets go of your hips, setting his hands beside your head. he hovers over you and crushes his mouth to yours. the kiss is messy as yukhei begins slamming into you at a ruthless pace.

your mouth fall from his and your strangled moans fill the bedroom. you grip onto his forearms, the muscles hard underneath your hands. your breasts jiggle with each movement of his hips and yukhei reaches to cup one of them in his grasps. he flicks the harden nipple. your eyes shut as you slowly drown in ecstasy of his thrusts and touches. 

“look at me, baby,” he softly commands. 

yukhei suddenly slows his hips and moves to hold the back of your thighs. through half lidded eyes, you see a slight smirk form on his face. he pats your right leg gently and unwraps it from his waist. the brief second of confusion crosses your face until he lifts it over his shoulder. the action causes his cock to instantly shift in your pussy and you mewl. he rubs your left thigh next within seconds and you move, placing your left leg over his other shoulder. 

your ass rises a little off the bed and yukhei pushes closer. “how’s this?” he asks before he turns his head and presses soft kisses to your skin. 

you squeak out a whimper and faintly bob your head in approval. yukhei settles his hands on your hips again and leans down to give you an enticing kiss. his tongue swipes across your mouth teasingly when you try to chase after his lips. it takes only seconds after until yukhei starts thrusting again. he grunts lowly. the new position has him going deeper, hitting you at a different angle and your eyelids flutter at the pleasure. 

“keep your eyes on me,” he breathes out heavily. 

yukhei makes out the brief nod as your eyes slowly open back to him. it feels intense and so good. the sounds of skin slapping skin mixes with your loud needy moans, yukhei feels the pride in his chest being the cause of the sounds you emit. his pace picks up and he glances down momentarily, transfixed at how his cock slides out before it fully disappears inside of your pussy again. 

“oh fuck, baby, you take my cock so well,” he whispers, looking back up. “yeah, fuck, you like this, right?” 

“mmm, so good.” you whine and try to swallow the thick air around you. “you fuck me so good, baby.” 

yukhei’s grip on your hips tenses and he begins slamming into you at a merciless speed. it feels dizzying in the best possible way. you clutch onto his arms, doing your best to keep your eyes on his with each stroke of his cock. 

“baby, make me come,” you desperately plead. “please.” 

he smirks at your request and angles forward and closer into you with each rough thrust. your hands move to wrap around his forearms again and you hold on tight. you feel the increasing stretch of your legs and lower back, but you don’t care. 

all you want is for him to continue pounding into you like this. 

it just takes yukhei a few more minutes of working your pussy and him whispering sweet praises of your velvet walls and those pretty noises before you come with a sob, crying his name like a mantra. yukhei tenderly connects his mouth to yours, gently trying to calm you as he continues to roll his hips. you whine at the sensitivity of your pussy. 

“just a little bit more, okay?” his voice is calm but yet the movements of his hips are not. 

you manage a nod though, digging your short nails into his flesh as his thrusts become a little quicker. he's focus on getting to his high and you want him to have it too. you don’t hold back on how his thrusts are making you feel with your needy whimpers and strangled whines and he feels the satisfaction and excitement swelling in his chest. 

so fucked you already are yet you will take more just for him. 

he groans desperately. “close- yeah, fuck, so close.” 

with a few more fast and deep strokes, yukhei comes with a choked moan and you come for a second time. everything stills for a moment. you take in the way his chest is heaving and the dampness and stickiness of all his skin and yours. he takes in the blissed out expression and the languid smile across your face as you stare at him. 

god, he loves you with his whole heart. 

your hands drop to your sides and yukhei gradually rocks his hips gently back and forth, still feeling the pleasures of your second wave. 

“how was that, hmm?” there is a charming curl of his lips. “you okay?” 

you hum softly with pleasure in response and moisten your lips. you reach for your breasts, playing with your hard nipples and softly gripping your breasts as you relish the clenches of your walls around his cock coming in intervals. 

there are stars in his wide eyes and yukhei grins approvingly at the sight. 

the rush in your body eventually stops though and yukhei is careful to bring each leg of yours off his shoulder. he tenderly places them down on the bed, but you still whine. he chuckles at the playful pout you give him and gently and soothingly massages each thigh for a minute. you will be sore for a bit you are certain. he pulls out of you soon afterwards and you whine again. you watch as he cleans up before climbing back into bed towards you. 

“do you need anything?” he caresses your cheeks. “water? a heating pad?” 

you smile softly at his words and shake your head. “can you help me take this off though?” you sit up a bit and pick at the item still on your body. “it’s hot and this is sticking to me so bad.” 

yukhei laughs lowly and helps you pull of the damp sports bra off your shoulders and drops it on the floor next to the bed. your bodies are heated and sweaty but he still pulls you close and you still drape half your body over his. it’s quiet and nice and minutes pass as your bodies gradually cool and your breaths become slow and calming. your arm rests over his torso, fingers brushing over the inked lion across his skin. 

“does your offer still stand?” yukhei inquires suddenly and quietly. 

your brows furrow and you hum and lift your head to find his eyes shining. it takes you a second to figure out what yukhei is talking about before realization hits you, your question about exercising together the subject before you and him were sidetracked. you raise your eyebrows and you push yourself up on his bare chest. 

“hmm, only if you guarantee me that something like this will follow again?” you tip towards him, brushing your lips against his. 

yukhei lets out a breathless laugh that tickles your skin and heart. “only if you promise me i can unwrap you next time.” 

you giggle, nodding faintly. “deal.”

“deal.” 

the agreement is sealed with a quick peck and when you pull back, you tilt your head slightly with a soft curious and teasing grin on your lips. “is that why you’re always staring at me when we’ve been to the gym? because you want to unwrap me.” 

his ears turn red almost immediately and there’s a bashful beam playing on his pretty mouth. his cheeks are flushed and he’s looking cute and guilty. 

“it really is an honor to be the only one that gets to see and touch all of this after all your hard work.” his large hand runs up the back of your thighs and your ass before it rests on the small of your back. 

you roll your eyes playfully and smile alongside his mouth. “you’re so cheesy, you know that?” you whisper as the warmth blossoms in your heart. 

yukhei bobs his head with a bright beam in confirmation. 

“and you’re beautiful,” he affectionately and quietly emphasizes. 

he crushes your naked body to his, loving the feel of your breasts against his chest and captures your lips. yukhei moans into your mouth when you slowly throw your leg over his hips. you straddle his middle and your teeth grazes his as you cup his warm cheeks. you feel the faint teases of his tongue sliding into your mouth and whimper when his hands grab your ass and kneads it softly. you pull at his bottom lip with a tender bite and move your head back. 

you giggle and wipe the saliva from his mouth with the pad of your thumb. “you know that top with the zipper comes in three more colors?” you shift to his ears. “and i have all of them… along with many other ones i think you might like,” you whisper. 

turning back to face him, you smile mischievously while yukhei groans and thinks about pulling down those zippers himself, unwrapping you himself. he shakes his head. 

“are you free next saturday then? same time and place?” he questions with a boyish beam. one hand leaves your ass to cradle your face and one arm encircles your waist. 

the gap between your lips gradually erases as you pretend to think hard for a second. “hmm, i think i am,” you finally murmur with a tiny sweet chuckle. 

in one swift motion then, yukhei has you flipped beneath him. his strong and long body cover yours as your heart races from the action and the way he’s licking his lips and staring at you. there’s a sparkle flickering in his gaze and a flame beginning to burn in the pit of your stomach. 

god, you love him so much.

“good, it’s a date,” he whispers with a grin. 

his lips crash down onto yours and he swallows your laughter. 

until then, yukhei will enjoy what’s in front of him. 

─ : ─

yukhei loves anything and everything you wear, but perhaps he might be more partial to some things.

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

a million little times

fandom: Miraculous Ladybug

pairing: Adrien Agreste/Kagami Tsurugi

word count: 900

warnings: angst and fluff, implied/referenced child abuse, self confidence issues, secret relationship, jealousy, bittersweet/angsty ending,

summary: “Being in love was difficult, but Kagami wasn’t afraid of hard work.”

A character study of Kagami, because I love her, and because adrimi holds a special place in my heart

author’s note: I wrote this a week ago while I was waiting for the episode “Lies” to come out, and now I’m posting it here because I can’t believe how much I got right. I’m in pain but at least the show confirmed that I understand adrimi.

the title is from “illicit affairs” by Taylor Swift

Read on ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30455871

or click Read More to continue reading on Tumblr

———

Being in love was difficult, but Kagami wasn’t afraid of hard work.

She certainly wasn’t afraid of Adrien. If he said he loved her, he meant it.

They were both brave enough to try and smart enough to be cautious, so it wouldn’t end badly.

It wouldn’t. She refused to let it.

True, that was easier said than done with her mother tracking her every move, and with Adrien’s father conspiring to keep his son as miserable as possible. Regardless, Kagami refused to give up. If they had to keep it a secret, then so be it.

Every meeting was a dangerous dance, a complex equation, a high-stakes gamble. The thrill was part of the fun, though. At least, it was fun at first.

Their relationship was built out of tiny fragments. A sliver of time was freed up by hurrying through assignments. A rose appeared in Kagami’s fencing bag when no one was looking. She texted Adrien “good morning,” before the sunrise, so he could delete the text before anyone else saw it. Their hands touched for an instant.

Second by stolen second, they built something for themselves.

Sure, Kagami could have felt bitter about the nature of their relationship. She could have hated the way that she had to fight for every moment with Adrien. But it wasn’t new to her. The system of secrecy was how Kagami did almost everything, from exploring the city to watching movies. The only way to live was to avoid being caught. At least now, she wasn’t doing it alone.

She loved Adrien, so much it hurt. She loved the way he smiled at her, like she was something worth noticing. She loved how much he trusted her.

More than that, she loved how much she trusted him . It was strange, but nice, to be able to have a conversation that didn’t feel like a battlefield.

They fit together perfectly, trusted each other instinctively. They both knew how to hide, to lie, to pretend there was nothing between them. They put their walls down around each other, but they could put them back up in an instant.

Adrien could be blushing bright red with his hand intertwined with Kagami’s, or laughing so hard he snorted, when he was interrupted by a video call from Nathalie. No matter what, by the time his phone hit the third ring and he answered it, any trace of Kagami was gone from the camera’s view. His expression, his tone of voice, and his words were all calculated to seem natural.

It was almost scary how good he was at lying, except that Kagami did the exact same thing. She had to, to survive.

It was good that they were both skilled actors, she told herself, because it let them be together without getting caught.

It also meant that she knew what Adrien looked like when he was lying

She and Adrien had fenced enough times for her to know his tells by instinct. She could feel when he was about to move and when he was watching her intently. She could sense when his focus wavered, leaving him open for an attack.

Just like him, she was more alert in times of danger, more aware of her surroundings. No matter how hard she tried to ignore it, she could feel the shift in Adrien's attention that came sometimes. He’d glance at his phone or at the skyline, and his focus suddenly left her. He was good at subtlety, but she was better. She couldn’t miss his instant of panic before he’d make a smoothly crafted excuse and leave.

Kagami noticed the time when an akuma appeared, and Adrien’s focus immediately shifted to Marinette. He never focused on her in times of danger, but apparently Marinette was different.

It shouldn't have hurt. Their relationship was about choosing to be together because they liked each other, not being each other's bodyguards.

Somehow it stung anyway

Sometimes, Kagami couldn't remember why they were hiding this. She was sure it was her fault, because Adrien didn’t seem to like sneaking around.

Why did she feel so guilty sometimes? They hadn’t done anything wrong.

She spent more than one night staring at the ceiling, wondering why it sometimes felt so fragile, like she was going to ruin Adrien if she pushed any further.

Maybe he just hated lying. He was a better person than her, after all.

Maybe he loved too deeply to keep it a secret. But then, what did that say about Kagami? When half of their lives were fake, why did she still trust him so much?

Maybe he was under too much pressure, and a little romance wasn't worth the insane amount of stress. But then, how pathetic was it that Kagami needed it?

Then, he’d pull her into a hug, or bury his head in her shoulder while laughing, or cup her face in his hands while smiling at her, and she’d remember. This—whatever she had with Adrien—was brilliant, and rare, and hers . She couldn’t risk losing it for anything, even when it hurt.

Relationships weren’t      supposed     to hurt. Kagami knew that. She wasn’t stupid. Love was supposed to feel good. But that was their whole issue. When life hurt—when existing hurt—how could you even find the difference between “good” and “a little less bad than normal?”

Was there even a difference?

------

End Notes: lol can’t believe I predicted the entire episode ;;

Thank you for reading, Reblogs are not required but they do help spread my work <3

[forsakenoathkeeper]

I Am Alive (chapter 10/?)

Deviant!Connor[RK800] x (fem!)Reader Rated M(18+) for canon-typical violence and gore, medical procedures, and graphic sexual content

Please support me on AO3 & thanks for reading ♥

The following morning, you were called into the police station to finalize the documents from yesterday's investigation. All they needed was a pen and ink signature.

Connor had been in conversation with another detective when you walked in; so, you decided not to bother him.

On your way out, you spotted Connor seated across from Hank. At first, you thought he was lost in his computer screen; however, he spun around to greet you as you approached, rising to his feet with a smile.

"Do you have eyes in the back of your head?" you teased.

"I do not. I saw the documents register to the case and knew you were finished," he answered, a little robotically. His tone didn't quite match the soft look on his face.

You stepped in a little closer, looking up at him with expecting eyes.

"I-" Connor cleared his throat. "-was unsure if you were alright with public displays of a-"

You reached for his tie, slid your fingers around the smooth velvet right above the clip, and gave a light tug. It forced Connor to bend down, just a little bit, and brought his mouth within range for yours.

You closed your eyes and leaned into the kiss with a smile, silencing him. He reciprocated, gently, closing his own eyes. It lasted barely a second and was hardly anything compared to what you had done last night; but, it left your tummy swarming with butterflies.

People could see.

Connor's coworkers could see.

Good.

"Ah, geez," Hank grimaced, rising to his feet. "Get a room."

You parted from Connor with a little giggle. When you released Connor's tie, he fixed it promptly, though it had hardly moved at all. It was impossible to miss the adorable, dorky smile he was trying not to wear.

"Damn kids," Hank grumbled as he walked away, coffee cup in hand.

"Are you heading back to work?" Connor asked softly, still standing close.

"Yeah, I better get back there before they have a kitten..." you trailed off when Connor's gaze shifted away from you and looked over your shoulder. The soft look in his eyes vanished, replaced with something cold.

"It's nice to see you again, detective."

You rotated around, following Connor's gaze.

This man's face had once been plastered over every magazine cover for business, wealth, and technology. Anyone who knew even a little bit about androids knew who he was: piercing blue eyes, a strong jawline, dressed impeccably.

Elijah Kamski, the inventor of androids. Two men were standing nearby, dressed as sharply as he was: lawyers, most likely.

"What are you doing here?" Connor asked. His cold tone didn't go unnoticed. It actually startled you a little.

Elijah was Connor's creator, even if he hadn't been working at Cyberlife at the time of Connor's inception. Some hostility was to be expected; but, somehow you doubted it was that simple. It sounded like Connor had history with Elijah.

"I've been asked to answer questions about Charles Reaves," he answered, seemingly uninterested in the whole thing. "I'm not entirely surprised to see you here - comfort zones, and all."

"I appreciate the sentiment, but I enjoy being a detective," Connor replied, not bothering to mask his irritation. When Connor spoke was when you realized how close he was standing beside you. You could practically feel his voice modulator rumbling against you.

Something about Elijah really bothered him.

"Of course," Elijah replied. His eyes landed on you. "-and who might you be?"

You gave your name, followed with, "I'm an artificial biomechanical engineer."

"A fancy way of saying you work on androids. Wonderful. I haven't gotten to spend time with someone of a similar profession in a long time," Elijah replied, sounding oddly sincere. You doubted that your professions were anything similar.

You extended your hand, offering it to Elijah out of common courtesy. However, when Elijah reached for you, another hand shot out and grabbed his wrist, stopping him.

Connor's hand.

Your eyes shot up to the android, surprised by his actions. His LED was a strong yellow and his eyes were sharp, almost glaring at the man across from him. Elijah didn't seem at all bothered. In fact, he let out an amused laugh and started to smile.

He pulled his hand back and Connor let go.

"I thought you told me what you wanted wasn't important?" he stated, more so than asked, voice low, ensuring that others in the crowded room wouldn't be able to hear. It was clear that he was challenging Connor.

Your eyes moved back to Elijah, confusion heavy in your glance. His icy blue eyes shifted back to you for a second and then back up to Connor's fierce brown orbs. The implication made you nervous.

"You've changed," Elijah stated, sounding pleased by the discovery.

There was a retort ready to leave Connor's throat. He was interrupted, however.

"If you're done dicking off, Connor, there's work to be done," Fowler called out to him from the steps right outside his office.

Connor looked over his shoulder and gave his superior a curt nod.

"I better go," he said, rotating back around to look down at you.

When your eyes caught Connor's, it was suddenly easy to ignore Elijah, who was still standing there.

"Go catch some baddies," you replied, encouragingly.

Something danced behind Connor's eyes and his LED eased back to blue. You thought he was going to swoop down and steal a kiss; but, he didn't, turning away and walking past Elijah. He glanced at him briefly, a warning as he passed by, before disappearing into the precinct.

"Mr. Kamski we must-" one of Elijah's lawyers tried catching his attention.

Elijah lifted his hand, harmless, but arrogant, and the lawyer immediately stopped talking.

"I was hoping I could talk to you, actually?" he asked you, voice polite, sincere.

"I appreciate the interest, Mr. Kamski. But, I promise I'm not interesting," you replied stoically.

"I disagree," he replied with a quiet laugh. "You are an item with an android. I find that very interesting." It was kind of scary, really, how charming Elijah sounded. He sounded like he really meant it. "Please, humor me for a bit. If there's anything I can do for you in return...?"

You blurted the first thing that came to mind, doubting Elijah would ever consider it. "With the protests - lots of androids are afraid to look for help and supplies are limited as it is with Cyberlife's shutdown."

The corner of Elijah's lip curled slightly. "You want to help them?"

"Yes," you replied firmly. "I want parts for repairs - thirium pump regulators, memory units - things that are hard to get."

"That can be arranged."

"How do I know you're good for it?" you dared to ask.

Elijah laughed quietly, briefly. "I suppose you'll just have to trust me."

You briefly pondered exactly what the hell this man was planning on asking you. He was a millionaire, a super genius who created artificial intelligence and fully operational android skeletons.

You just repaired them. What could he possibly want to talk to you about?

Your thoughts wandered to Markus and Simon, and the many androids that were potentially going without repairs. Even if they couldn't feel pain, they didn't deserve to be broken, to be unable to speak, or hear, or see, or walk.

"Okay," you replied lowly. "I'll humor you."

Elijah nodded with a smile. "It wasn't too cold today. May we?"

He gestured to the hallway that led to the main entrance. You led the way, walking past him and heading for the grounds.

Elijah was right. The weather outside wasn't too bad. The air was crisp and chilly, but not unbearable. You were doing just fine in your jacket. Clouds were looming in the distance; but, they weren't going to make it before you were done.

The courtyard outside the station wasn't particularly impressive, but it was empty, and you and Elijah fit just fine on one of the benches.

For a moment, Elijah's focus was elsewhere. He seemed to be thinking, trying to decide where he wanted to begin. You felt small seated next to him.

Without taking a break or skipping a beat, Elijah asked, "are your desires because of what he is or in spite of it?"

"You want to talk to me about my relationship with Connor?" you blurted, surprised. You met Elijah's gaze uneasily.

He didn't budge. His expression suggested that he didn't see it as strange in the slightest. It wasn't what you were expecting. Then again, Elijah Kamski was one of the leaders of android inception. He was their creator, almost exclusively.

You were sitting with the man who made Connor's life possible.

That thought struck you like a hand across the face.

"I do," Elijah answered.

"I-..." you stuttered.

The obvious answer was on the tip of your tongue. But, was it the truth? You loved the android parts of him: the way his LED shimmered with emotion, the quirks of an android learning to adapt to human society, the unique way he talked, how powerful he was, the beautiful construction of his body, inside and out.

But, you also loved the parts of him that were not dictated by what he was: his kindness, his passion, his curiosity.

"Android or human isn't the point. I'm with Connor because I want to be - because I like who he is, regardless of the what."

"I see," Elijah replied softly. Something in the way he said that suggested he didn't quite believe you.

You frowned at him, but decided against arguing with him. It wouldn't have been entirely in good faith. You knew that your feelings for Connor were physical, too: both the android aspects and the parts that imitated a human.

"Why did you choose to be an engineer - specifically for androids?" Elijah asked. "It's a fairly new profession, for obvious reasons, and you're very young."

Elijah couldn't have been more than 40 years old, if you recalled correctly from the countless essays you had to write in college. He wasn't that much older than you. Yet, somehow, he managed to make you feel like a child.

You doubted the inventor of androids would be alarmed by your answer.

"Because I don't like people," you answered plainly.

If anything, he liked that answer. Through a smile, Elijah replied, "are they not people?"

Once upon a time, you weren't so sure. But, then, you saw their suffering, had been suffocated by the fear in their eyes. You saw them plead and beg for help. You had seen androids, designed with very clear instructions, offer unnecessary kindness that most humans never did.

"They're better," you spat back.

"Logic and reason above feelings?" he asked.

"They do feel," you challenged.

"How can you know for certain?" Elijah tilted is head a little, suspicion in his tone more so than doubt. It sounded like he was trying to plant a seed of distrust. "How do you know that androids are capable of real emotions and not just imitating what they've seen?"

"Humans are capable of the same fucking thing," you snarled. "Pretending to give a shit when they don't. When an android does it, it's programming. When a human does it, it's just fucking normal, right? What difference does it make?"

Elijah's eyes burned brightly, admiring the passion in your voice.

"What are you getting at, anyway?" you added on sharply.

"I made androids to make our lives better: they care for our children, our elderly, grow our food, do dangerous jobs, protect us... and fuck us."

You had read lots of articles about Elijah Kamski, saw many news outlets cover him. He had proclaimed many times that he designed androids to make everyone's lives better. He promised they were not capable of thought beyond their instructions.

"Many debate their intentions. If they can choose beyond their programming," Elijah continued, as if he had read your mind. Or, maybe, you just knew where he was going with this.

"Deviancy," you observed.

You looked away from Elijah, losing the tolerance for the ways his eyes burned into yours.

"Androids are perfect: beautiful, strong, compa-"

"Are you wanting me to tell you that I have a robot kink?"

Elijah huffed out laughter, brief and quiet.

"I won't pretend that Connor's not so beautiful that it fucking hurts," you whispered harshly, feeling ashamed. You dragged a heavy hand through your hair. "But that's not all. He's kind. He wants to protect people: androids and humans. He doesn't see it as their side and our side. He-... He's different. The way he sees the world, I want to see it, too."

"Maybe, then, you see why I'm fascinated by you," Elijah stated, standing up. Your eyes followed him, and you realized he was just casually stretching.

"Why do you find this so strange? Two people who want to be together - what's so weird about that?"

Elijah turned around, hands buried in his coat pockets.

"One was born twenty-something years ago. One was made in a factory a little over a year ago," Elijah answered casually.

"You don't think I've thought about that?" you asked him sharply. "That I haven't fought myself over whether or not this is right?"

Elijah didn't seem bothered by your moral dilemma.

"I'm sure you're well aware that all androids process at a faster rate than humans. They awake capable of comprehending things the average adult can... and then some. Your moral dilemma is pointless. I know they will bring humanity to places we couldn't even imagine..."

"-but you're fascinated with whether or not they can love," you deadpanned.

"I'm fascinated with love between an android and a human," he answered.

There was something unspoken in that observation. You wanted to ask him if he loved his creations, if he cared about their well-being. Elijah had been pretty careful to make no statements during the revolution, oddly enough.

"This couldn't possibly be worth your time, or money, Mr. Kamski," you uttered, suddenly sounding quite tired.

He chuckled sincerely. "Just look at it as... humoring someone who gained everything and... lost everything."

Another statement with something unspoken beneath. Did he mean Cyberlife? Elijah had departed from the company of his volition, if the news was to be believed. Maybe he experienced a moral dilemma. Or, maybe, if Charles Reaves was anything to go by, a difference in opinions.

"Before..." you began, deciding to take a gamble. "-when I first went to school for androids. I just thought they were interesting. Like spending company with humans without all the bullshit. I didn't think... they actually... felt anything."

You paused and let out a heavy sigh. It brought shame to you, admitting this. You thought about Connor, about Markus, about the many androids that came in and out of the clinic on a daily basis.

"My first job, I repaired manufacturing androids. These guys came in with their arms hacked to bits, covered in dents, legs falling off, torsos torn in two, singed and burnt to a crisp. Any job that risked injury, that's what they did."

You dragged a heavy hand through your hair. "Some of them were really afraid they were going to die."

You paused when you failed to suppress a sniffle and hastily wiped your tears on your sleeve. "I realized... I was wrong. I wasn't an engineer; I was a nurse... But, no one else saw them that way. Until-... The deviant uprising and I - I wanted to do something I was proud of for a change."

Elijah turned back around to face you, his expression unreadable. He was quiet, taking in the sight of you, seemingly touched by your empathy.

You wiped your tears away hastily and added on gruffly, "-and then I met Connor and now you're here asking me these fucking questions."

Elijah smiled again, his lip twisted like he didn't want to laugh.

"You're a liar, by the way," you accused, changing the subject.

Elijah didn't look offended, but intrigued.

"You said they can't develop consciousness or desires," you explained, remembering his speech quite well because you had to write about it.

You expected Elijah to say something about your accusation. You doubted he would defend himself, maybe dance around the subject, since that seemed to be his preferred method.

"You would know all about that," he stated, amused.

Before you could reply, Elijah continued. "I know this all seems pointless to you; but, I'm glad I met you. You put me at ease."

You frowned at Elijah's statement. "I don't see how: we did all this talking and nothing came of it."

His expression changed. He looked understanding, maybe even sympathetic.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I'm not always direct... The world's more interesting when there's questions needing answers. I wanted to see what became of the RK800; but, I didn't expect you."

You had a feeling you were blushing, being spoken about in this manner.

"His purpose is unique: an android designed to hunt deviants. If his blueprints had never been destroyed, maybe they could have made one incapable of deviancy: would have been the perfect soldier."

You stiffened when you heard Elijah's claim.

Connor was designed to-... what?

You didn't want Elijah to think this was news to you.

"His blueprints?" you uttered.

"Yes. Connor is-" Elijah answered lowly. "-the last of his series."

Talking about Connor like this stirred up unpleasant feelings in your gut.

"He is different from any other android," Elijah explained. When you looked up at him, you could see something akin to sadness in his eyes. "How isolating the world must be when you were made to hunt your own kind."

Connor wasn't alone. He had Hank. He had you-

But, this wasn't about you, or humans for that matter. This was about Connor. You had never seen him spend time with other androids, or with anyone besides Hank. He always drowned himself in his job. Maybe, Connor was lonely, and you had been too busy keeping him to yourself to notice.

"Fuck-" You wiped your eyes again and swallowed a whimper.

"I'm sorry for bringing you to tears," Elijah apologized. He sounded like he meant it. "Making you upset wasn't my intention."

Elijah was quiet for a moment, giving you a chance to calm yourself down.

"I'm afraid I've avoided at least ten phone calls during our conversation..." Elijah pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and eyed it grossly. "If we never meet again, I want you know that I valued this conversation dearly."

"Mr. Kamski," you blurted, before he could turn away. "Before you go, did-... Did you program them afraid to die?"

"No," he answered quietly, not even hesitating. "The will to live... It was an unexpected outcome."

...

...

...

Back at the apartment, Connor came in just after you had finished eating dinner. He greeted you with a kiss and turned away. Part of you didn't want to worry him, especially when he had an android homicide that was likely linked to Charles Reaves. That was another issue entirely; but, you promised yourself that you would be honest with him.

"I have to tell you something," you beckoned to him, grabbing his sleeve to stop him from retreating.

Connor turned back around to face you, eyes focused on yours, concerned.

"I spoke with Kamski after you left. He told me what you were made for."

Something akin to panic danced behind Connor's eyes. It was subtle; but, it was definitely there.

"I'm sorry, Connor. You should have gotten the chance to tell me yourself. I shouldn't have found out that way."

Connor struggled to maintain eye contact with you. His LED was yellow, spinning against his temple. He seemed to be searching his thoughts for what he wanted to say. "I don't know if I would have told you, honestly," he uttered lowly, turning away from you. "It's something I really... really regret."

"We all regrets things, Connor - bad choices we made, mistakes. It's norm-"

When he turned back to you, shame and anger were written over his face. You were a little frightened by that face - a face you hadn't seen Connor make before.

"I called androids 'its'. I - I treated them like machines - like things - my own kind. I destro- murdered - androids for being deviant."

"You were under control, Connor," you argued fiercely. "What choice did you have? You didn't have a choice! You did what you thought you had to do. That wasn't you, Connor."

"It's what I was made to do," he challenged. "It's what I knew how to do. I was good at it. How is that any better?" His tone was as calm as it usually was, but had some bite and venom to it. He was gesturing to himself with his hands, fingers pointed at his own chest.

"I was proud," he continued, volume rising slightly. "Good job, Connor. You stopped the deviants like a good machine!" He was taunting himself now. It hurt you to listen to him mock himself. "You did EXACTLY what you were told to do, without question."

You sniffled, trying to bite back tears.

Connor raked his fingers roughly through his hair before dropping them down to his sides. "I would say... 'I'm a machine designed to accomplish a task' - and I was proud of it. 'You can't kill me - I'm not alive'." Connor had a peculiar way of quoting himself, like he was talking about someone he didn't know.

"I was going to find the source of the deviants and stop them!" he added on, frustration and volume rising. "I held a gun to Markus' face! I contemplated letting Hank DIE for my mission. That's all that mattered - the fucking mission. It's not just regret! I'm a mach-"

"You didn't have a choice!" you practically screamed, silencing him. You felt it, the first tear fall.

Connor's eyes watched that teardrop slide down your cheek and the fire in his eyes extinguished. Realization struck him like he had just been slapped across the face. He was letting everything out on you, letting his regrets pour out and drown you.

"I could never understand what that feels like-" you paused, trying to hold back a sob. "What it was like to be p-put through that, Connor. To not see yourself as a living being - to think that you weren't alive - that your life didn't fucking matt-guh-!"

You choked back a sob, making a guttural noise. Your head lowered into your hands.

You could feel the android looming over you, close, protective, worried; but, when you looked up at him through tear-stained eyes, he seemed almost afraid to touch you, like he wasn't allowed to. Regret was written across his face again; but, this time, it was a different reason.

He had yelled at you when you hadn't done anything wrong-

He was taking it all out on you-

You took that initiative and reached for his hand. As soon as your skin touched, Connor laced your fingers like you were his only lifeline saving him from drowning in the ocean. He looked like he was drowning, like he was lost.

"You were a prisoner in your mind, Connor," you whimpered. "I'm glad that you're deviant," you whispered, trying to stop the tears. "I'm so proud to be yours..."

Connor surrendered, leaning in to let his temple touch yours. His eyes fluttered shut.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled," he rasped.

"I'm not crying because you were yelling," you whispered, leaning into his touch. "The thought of you not caring about yourself - thinking you weren't alive: that hurt me. Connor, I-..."

You wretched your hand free on his so you could wrap your arms around his back and pull him into an embrace. Connor's face slipped from your temple and sunk into your neck. His hands grabbed fistfuls of the back of your shirt and clung to you for dear life.

You pressed your cheek into his hairline and leaned against him. As always, Connor was solid, unrelenting against your force, holding up your weight with ease.

"I am alive," he uttered against your skin, like he was reminding himself of something important. "I am alive," he said again, his voice cracking.

You felt wetness on your skin and knew that he was crying. You squeezed him tighter and tighter, until it started to hurt. You pressed a wet kiss to his temple before resting your cheek against the soft skin there.

No one could tell you this wasn't real.

Flesh and plastic.

Blood and thirium.

Bones and metal.

It didn't change the hurt in his voice or the adoration in his eyes. It didn't change the way he couldn't hold back a smile when he was praised. It didn't change the way his hands held you when you were afraid. It didn't change his inquisitive nature or the care he held for others.

It didn't change-

-that you were madly in love with him.

[apiratewhopines]

Thanks to @teamhook for giving me all the stubbly men

In the Offing

Chapter 17 — Hat Trick

Summary: In which our heroine believes in magic

Chapter 17 on AO3

“When you move

I can recall something that’s gone from me

When you move

Honey, I’m put in awe of something so flawed and free”

-Movement, Hozier

It had been a rainy couple of days since her trip out to the cabin with Graham. They had originally planned to meet up again and scan the area to see if they could find the Blanchard remains but the weather had prevented any chance of that. Instead, they had traded texts that included her thanking him for going on record with the paper to say she was no longer a suspect in the shooting. She had noticed a definite warming toward her by the citizens after his comments were splashed across the front page.

Of course it being Storybrooke, rumors had already begun to fly about who would take her place on the most wanted list. She avoided all requests for interviews and tried to focus on the task of finding the responsible party, encouraged every day by the positive news she received from August’s medical team.

Graham wasn’t the only one she had been texting with. As the date of the wedding drew closer, she started receiving messages from Elsa and her sister Anna, who happened to be a ball of chaotic energy that would put a toddler to shame. They were constantly inviting her over to help with this or that stage of the planning but she thought maybe it was really to make sure she didn’t disappear before the ceremony.

It seemed like the only person she hadn’t talked with was the one person to whom she actually had something to say. However, fulfilling his duties as best man had forced Killian into a last minute trip to Boston with Liam to pick up tuxedos and flowers arrangements. She had stopped by the cottage a couple of times to try to catch him, feeling that what she had to say would be better in person than by phone, but she never managed to connect.

So it was that Saturday evening under a clear twilight sky, she pulled up to the cottage. Nervously she ran her hands down her pale pink dress to smooth it as she tried not to think about the fact that she hadn’t spoken with Killian since she hung up on him several days ago. The front yard, which stretched down in a gentle rolling hill to a bluff that provided a beautiful ocean view, was transformed. There were a couple of large, white tents set up to accommodate the ceremony and the reception. Due to the heavy rain, someone had the forethought to have planking laid down in a walkway to the tents, which had also been raised on platforms and contained a beautiful hardwood floor to provide some protection from the wet ground.

As Liam had predicted, it appeared as though the entire town did show up. Waving at several people who caught her eye, she started to make her way over to Mary Margaret and David. Taking in the way their gazes never wavered from each other, she guessed that their wedding day wouldn’t be too far behind. Before she could reach them, Anna came flying over to her nearly vibrating with excitement. “Where are you going? I saved you a seat in the front row next to Kristoff.”

“Oh, that wasn’t necessary,” she protested. The last thing she wanted to do was draw attention to herself by sitting in a row normally reserved for family. Plus, if she was being completely honest, she wasn’t sure she could take being in close proximity to Killian while he was sporting a tux. The man oozed sexual magnetism in jeans so one could only imagine the allure of him in formalwear. She didn’t need a repeat of the kitchen debacle from a couple of weeks ago while the whole town was watching.

“Emma,” Anna whined with a pouty expression. “Do you see how empty the family section is? It’s embarrassing. Not to mention that Kristoff might fall asleep if you aren’t there to nudge him from time to time.”

“Fine.” She gave in easily when she sensed eyes drifting their way in curiosity. Trying to take her mind off the fact she felt like an animal in a zoo, she smiled at the other woman and said, “You look great.”

As Emma took her seat, Anna twirled in a circle and squealed, “I do, don’t I? This has always been a good color on me. I’m so glad we talked Elsa out of the all that ice blue. I mean, it’s a summer wedding. We need bold colors and lots of skin.”

“You will hear no arguments from me, babe,” Kristoff joked with a wink. As she was finding to be the case with the young couple, once they were honed in on each other she could do as she pleased because they were oblivious. Trapped by the puppy love playing out in front of her, she used the opportunity to study the lovely white roses and low lighting that showcased the tent to its best advantage. She couldn’t help but wonder how they had pulled off such an elaborate event with only days to plan.

Any thoughts she had about price tags and logistics were immediately frozen when she saw Liam and Killian step onto the stage about twenty feet in front of her. The Brothers Jones looked quite dapper and refined in their black tuxedos. Liam was calm and collected as always except for the faint hint of red across his cheeks, not even having one arm in a sling could diminish the happiness that radiated off him. Killian looked like a fantasy wrapped in a dream and dipped in chocolate.

Unfortunately, as she was feasting on him with her eyes he must have become aware of her idolizing stare. His penetrating blue gaze met hers full on for the first time in almost a week. Her heart beat out a painful thump at the emotion that flooded her but she couldn’t look away. He was perfect, from the top of his rumpled hair to the bottom of his precisely polished dress shoes. And she was an idiot.

“Geez, girl. Am I going to have to get you two a room so you don’t burn down the tent?”Startled out of her staring contest by Anna’s teasing, she looked over to see her companions watching her with matching grins. “Elsa mentioned there was something going on but she didn’t warn me that it was combustible.”

“Cute,” Emma said in tone that warned against further commentary. “Speaking of Elsa, shouldn’t you be helping your sister get ready?”

“Oh crap! I was supposed to be grabbing her a glass of water. See you guys later!”

For the next several minutes, Emma did her best to keep her gaze from wandering back to the stage even as she felt Killian’s eyes burning a hole through her. Kristoff was helpful in that regard because he was as much of a talker as his girlfriend, although in comparison he was still the shrinking violet in their relationship. The hum of conversations increased as the tent filled until the opening strains of the Wedding March began to play. As everyone stood to see the bride enter, she snuck a glance out of the corner of her eye and smiled shyly when she saw that Killian was staring back at her.

To no one’s surprise, Elsa made a beautiful bride. Her white blonde hair was styled in a complicated braid that looked soft and elegant. Her slender form was hugged by a white lace gown that looked fit for a queen. It was her serene expression that truly made her a beauty though. She had the look of a woman who couldn’t wait to start her future with the man waiting for her at the other end of the aisle.

Just like that, Emma felt tears forming. Luckily, she wasn’t the only one. There were several sniffles and weepy smiles in the tent as the pair shared their vows and promised to love and cherish each other for the rest of their lives. Liam’s deep voice never faltered and when the minister pronounced them man and wife, he didn’t hesitate to kiss Elsa soundly in front of God and everyone. And for rather longer than strictly necessary.

Laughter ringing out at the groom’s enthusiasm, the crowd began clapping as the newly married couple led the way to the reception. They were followed by the best man and maid of honor, whose heads were bent together as if they were plotting to overthrow the government. Knowing the two of them, Emma couldn’t completely rule out the possibility.

Kristoff offered her his arm to guide her into the other tent but she waved him on. She needed some time to collect herself so she continued to observe from the fringe of the crowd. The first dance was a slow romantic matter replete with loving glances and sighs. The cutting of the cake was a dignified event regardless of the taunting of some of the more rowdy members of the audience. As the band struck up a new song, couples started making their way to the dance floor. She was pleased to see Mary Margaret and David were one of the first to go, smiling at each other with the kind of fondness that would never fade.

Trying to calm her racing heart, she knew she had put off her conversation long enough. As she stepped out of the shadows, she heard a familiar voice ask, “May I have this dance, Emma?”

Shocked out of her anxiousness, she turned to find Graham standing behind her with his hand extended. He looked striking in his suit, she had to admit. Not fantasy dream chocolate level, of course, but not hard on the eyes. Putting her hand in his, she allowed him to lead her out to the floor. “I’m surprised to see you here, Sheriff. Didn’t you used to date the bride?”

Cringing a bit and screwing up his face, he looked at her through one eye. “There’s that adorable directness. It was one date, a rather hopeless affair I’m afraid.”

“Oh well, there are other fish in the sea,” she murmured encouragingly, a little concerned at the longing she saw in his stare when he looked at her. He shuffled her around the edge of the dance floor, his eyes searching hers for something.

“There is one fish that I have an interest in,” he admitted. “But I’m afraid I might be a little too late to catch her.”

With regret for the hurt her next words would cause him because somewhere along the way she had come to really like him, she confirmed, “Yes, I think you might be.”

Nodding with understanding, he shifted his glance to the front of the tent where the wedding party was currently enjoying dinner. With a rueful smile, he commented, “I’m guessing by the daggers that Killian is currently shooting my way that I have been bested by another Jones.”

Touching his cheek gently to bring his attention back to her, she teased, “Third time is the charm, my friend. To my knowledge, there aren’t any other brothers to contend with. Go forth with confidence and find yourself a lady worthy of you.”

Graham smiled down at her. The song ended but he held her an extra second, squeezing her waist affectionately before stepping back. Taking her hand in his, he brought it to his lips and swept a soft kiss near her wrist while looking at her with eyes full of laughter. “Let’s see if that brings your erstwhile suitor running.”

Shaking her head at him, she grinned at his back as he disappeared into the crowd. She started toward an empty chair a couple of tables away when she felt someone approach from behind. She knew without turning that it was Killian. The air around her electrified when he got near.

“Swan, where do you think you’re going?”

“I was going to sit down and enjoy dinner, Dr. Jones. What brings you by?”

“I want to dance with you,” he stated, his gaze roaming over her like a caress. Holding out his hand, he continued, “You have the rest of your life to avoid me, love. Where’s the harm in one dance with a partner who actually knows what he’s doing?”

He really had no idea of the hold he had over her. He was still under the impression she planned to walk away. Yet there he was, reaching out to her as if her touch wouldn’t leave bruises. He may be the bravest man she ever met.

“I think I’m willing to risk it,” she whispered huskily as she eased into his arms. It was like coming home.

—

The night passed in a blur of champagne and dancing. Once Killian had her in his arms, he seemed loath to let her go, to the point of glowering at any man who approached. He did allow Liam a dance, and David and Kristoff grudgingly, but he always returned to her side as the final notes of the song played and pulled her into his arms again.

“I thought I agreed to one dance,” she teased, bracing herself one-handed on his shoulder as she tugged off her right shoe and massaged her foot. It was after midnight and the crowd had started to thin now that Liam and Elsa had run through a minefield of bubbles to the limousine that waited to take them to New York City for a mini-honeymoon. “I’m not sure my feet are going to recover.”

“Darling, if you can run down skips in stilettos a couple of dances with your many admirers shouldn’t be a problem,” he pointed out, dragging her out to the dance floor again. Willing to pay any price to continue to be this close to him, she plucked off her other shoe and tossed it gently under a nearby table. He abandoned his normal poise, wrapping his arms around her back and settling her against him in what amounted to little more than a hug. The world faded away as she rested her cheek against his chest.

The slow, romantic song continued to play in the background and he hummed the words as he swayed them gently in time to the music. She felt a tingle start at the base of her spine and work its way through her entire body. She didn’t even bother moving apart to say goodbye to Mary Margaret or Anna when they passed by to let them know they were leaving. When the band started to pack up and the caterers were tearing down tables, she observed quietly against his collar, “I think I ate too much cake.”

“You speak of the impossible,” he murmured into her hair.

“Killian,” she said in a hushed tone.

“Yes, love?”

“Will you take me home?”

Tightening his grip a bit, he answered, “Of course, Swan, but I let Kristoff and Anna borrow my truck so we’ll have to take your car. Where are your keys?”

“No,” she replied with a smile up at him. “To the cottage.”

Eyes widening in understanding, he asked, “Are you sure? There will be no coming back from this. No more running away, no more secrets. There’ll be no getting rid of me.” He waited patiently, his face inches from hers. She thought she detected the hint of a smile forming.

“I’m ready if you are,” she promised as she went up on tiptoes and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips.

With a predatory grin, he deepened the kiss and before she knew what he was about, she was upended over his shoulder with her eyes having a very nice view of his lower back and beyond. “Let’s sail away, love.”

Shrieking over his laughter, she asked, “What in the world are you doing?”

“I can’t have you trudging through the mud and muck in your bare feet, Swan,” he explained with a fond pat on her bottom. She felt him glide through the tent and buried her face in her hands when she heard him say good night to several of the staff as they passed by.

“And you couldn’t carry me like a normal person?”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Too caught up in muttering promises of revenge, she didn’t realize they were at the porch until he gently lowered her to the floor. “There you are, my lady. Safe passage to the front door.”

They were eye level with each other since he was standing on the stair below her. The blue gleam of his gaze was unearthly. His mouth was curved in a playful smile but she could tell he was nervous. She thought he was probably afraid she would run again and realized that he stopped there for a reason, as if he wanted her to commit to this and move inside on her own two feet. Taking his face in her hands, she stared at him and hoped he could see everything she was feeling. “I’m sorry. For a lot of things, really. Most of all, I’m sorry if I made you doubt me, doubt this. I’ve wanted you since before we even met.”

“I never doubted you, Swan. Not for a moment. But you are an impossible woman sometimes,” he whispered, twisting his face to press his lips to her palm.

Stepping away from him, she reached out and let her hand trail slowly down his chest. With a saucy smile, she opened the door and backed into the living room. To her surprise, he didn’t trip over himself trying to get to her, rather he followed her inside and braced against the closed door, seemingly content to drink in the sight of her.

“I’ve dreamed of you every night since you left,” he admitted, hunger in his voice. “There were times I nearly got in my truck and drove to the loft.”

At this, he moved closer. His eyes never wavered from hers. She felt as though she had lost the ability to speak. He was the only person who could do this to her with nothing more than a look. He was standing so close she could feel the warmth of his skin, smell the champagne on his breath but he didn’t touch her. Instead, he leaned in and murmured, “Tell me, love, would you have let me in?”

When she did nothing but shiver, he continued, “If I had gotten down on my knees and begged, would you have opened your door?”

His lips skimmed softly over her cheeks, then forehead, then her chin. Fleeting caresses that felt like gossamer against her heated skin. “If I had promised to be your devoted subject and do your bidding always, would you have allowed me to share your bed?”

“Need I remind you what happened the last time you took your time,” she teased, her head light with desire. She had never felt like this before, this swirling, chaotic emotion that caused her to tremble. “Please.”

“Please what, darling?”

“Seal the deal,” she joked weakly, biting her bottom lip as she fought against the force of the passion that rocked her.

“You do have a way with words,” he teased. “I’m afraid the deal was sealed the minute we laid eyes on each other. Perhaps even before then. Fate hasn’t always been kind to me, love, but I’ll pay whatever price is needed a thousand times over to ensure that for the rest of our lives you continue to look at me the way you’re looking at me right now.”

With a whimper, she gave in to temptation and closed the distance between them. The magic he weaved with his honeyed tone and bewitching words was nothing compared to how it felt when he reached down to pick her up and wrapped her legs around his waist. Without breaking their kiss, he carried her to the bedroom where he proceeded to show her how much he meant every single thing he said.

—

They didn’t leave the cottage for two days and she was certain there was not a surface that wasn’t put to good use during that time. It was as if the outside world no longer existed and Emma was happily ensconced in some odd alternative universe where she was content and loved.

Eventually she emerged long enough to let Mary Margaret know she was still alive, to chat with Henry, to check in on August, and to cancel search plans with Graham. She knew sooner or later she would have to go back to the loft to collect her things if nothing else. Luckily, her slovenly ways and hasty exit from the cottage after their fight had proved useful in one regard. She had left enough of her belongings behind that she wasn’t walking around in her wedding outfit the whole time. It had done strange things to her heart to realize that he had collected all the clothes she left after their argument and neatly folded them, placing them in the top drawer of his bureau.

She noticed other signs of him making room for her in his life and, beyond that, making her feel welcome. Her preferred coffee cup was always clean and ready for her each morning. He had stocked her favorite shampoo in the shower, although how he knew it was her favorite when she never mentioned it she was still trying to figure out. He had added a couple of books to his shelves for her after a late night conversation about classics she had never had the chance to read.

Even when she had left, even when she had pushed him away, he hadn’t retreated. Not entirely. He had merely given her space to figure out what he had probably know all along...that they were good together and that needing someone wasn’t something to be feared.

So it was with some chagrin that she awoke Tuesday morning to find the bed empty. The quiet of the cottage was like a slap in the face after several blissful days of being adored. Even knowing he had to drop Anna and Kristoff off at the airport before meeting a client that morning at the marina, she was still surprised at how lonely it was. She, the woman who prided herself on her independence and self-reliance, was pining for a man after a mere five hours apart.

The wizardry of Killian Jones was limitless.

Looking over at the clock, she realized that yearning was all well and good but breakfast would be better. Taking her time to get showered and dressed, she walked out to the kitchen island to find a vase full of yellow flowers, a package of strawberry poptarts, and a note from her—whatever Killian was to her now—inviting her to join him at the marina when she woke up.

Grabbing a cup of cold coffee to go and the breakfast he left her, she ventured outside for the first time in days to find the sun shining brightly and the temperature pleasantly warm. She hastily ate her breakfast one-handed while driving to the marina with the windows rolled down. There was absolutely no traffic on the road and she pulled into the parking lot convinced that she was the only living soul in the area. Locking her car, she made her way to the last dock where the pirate ship was moored passing only one person on the way, a strikingly familiar redhead that caused her to do a double take.

Staring after the woman, she heard Killian shout. “Swan! I was beginning to think you were going to stand me up.”

Dragging her eyes away from the retreating figure, she faced the man who was responsible for the increasingly frequent smile to be found on her lips. “Never, Dr. Jones.” Climbing aboard, she gave him a quick kiss that he seemed to take as a challenge to extend. “Was that—“

“Ariel?” Killian continued to pepper her face with sweet kisses as if supremely unconcerned that there was a Hollywood starlet wandering around the docks. “Yes, she was the client I was meeting with this morning. The studio sent her to be briefed on pirate lore. I had intended to introduce you but my little Sleeping Beauty couldn’t be bothered to roll out of bed at a decent hour.”

Snickering because they both knew why she needed the extra sleep, she allowed him to pull her into the Captain’s Quarters and promptly make her forget her own name.

[alienisticxo]

X Angel - Chapter 4

Elon Musk x Reader

{Authors Note} Sorry for taking so long! I’ll be updating more regularly now! You can also find this story on AO3 and Wattpad, the links are in my description. My asks are also always open for general Elon chat and requests. <3

Warnings: None yet!

“So what’s the verdict? We don’t got all day,” Jett pushed as he strode through the doors once more, irritated and impatient.

Elon backed away from me then as the other men walked in with a ferociousness in their stride, clearly champing at the bit to hear what their most valuable colleague had to say about the cash-robot.

“She truly has no recollection of anything, and not being aware of how her programming works can be dangerous, especially on Earth,” one man said to another, seemingly continuing a conversation from outside.

“However,” the other began even louder, loud enough for everyone to hear, to assure I could hear. “We’re willing to pay the price. Earth needs someone new for the public to idolize or they’ll waste away. Perhaps they’ll listen to the people who know what they’re talking about if someone like {Y/N} tells them what to do from their televisions. What did you find, Musk?” He finished, turning to Elon with interest.

But Elon only shook his head with conviction, confident in his findings.

“I’d like to investigate further before this purchase is made. Something isn’t adding up here, and I agree with the danger it could pose.”

“Nonsense,” the man replied brashly instead, suddenly not treating Elon as though he were their most valuable player in the room.

I wondered why they’d asked him for his opinion at all as the suited man took a holographic card from his own pocket then.

“Whatever the price, we’ll take her,” he demanded.

I could hear Elon breathe a disappointed laugh as he shook his head and turned away, sliding his hands into his suit jacket pockets, then. He very obviously deemed my purchase to be a terrible idea, though I know not for similar reasons I did. Still, the sentiment stung me more than I’d like to admit. He was my hero, after all.

But he was in no position to argue with them, as I wasn’t his pop star to claim. For another moment, I also wondered why they’d asked him to tag along altogether. If they weren’t going to hear him out, there was no reason for his presence. Even though I was sure he saw me more as a threat than beneficial, I was still glad I got to meet him, at least once in my lifetime.

Regardless of that, there was no denying it felt like the entire universe fell apart around me all at once, leaving me spiraling into the galaxy with no direction. I couldn’t go back to Earth— I wouldn’t go back to Earth. I would rather jump out of the window in front of me and disassemble my entire being, than go back there. But I had to stay quiet. I had to remain calm. My teeth ground together behind my lips as every inch of my body tensed up. They didn’t notice, but it was possible Elon had with each occasional glance he took back at me.

I kept my eyes right back on him this time, only averting them when he looked in my direction. When they gathered around the large table to sign the contract, which appeared in mid air at the press of a button on a phone by Jett, Elon stayed behind. He watched me intently as my {e/c} eyes burned holes into the man whose own eyes made steady and confident contact with the contract as it scanned his retinas. Within seconds, it disappeared, my life slipping from my own fingers as it was sent through cyberspace back to Astra. Crypto exchanged cards as Jett, and who I found out to be Mr. Bauer, held them against each other.

The purchase had been made.

It felt like an execution more than anything else.

I had a week to bid farewell to Planet X and all who inhabited it. Their label, something boring like Spinn Records, worked with Jett to plan a facade as to why I was leaving to feed to my adoring public. I was to follow it as per Astra’s orders. Once the official date on the contract arrived, I was to hop a flight with SpaceX and hurdle towards the one place I vowed I’d never return to, and take orders from Spinn instead. After that, I was no longer Astra’s responsibility. Silent rage and hurt and a plethora of other emotions came bubbling to the surface, but I kept them at bay, turning near catatonic as my eyes shifted focus to Elon once more.

Deep down, I was hoping he might be the fairytale hero I needed at the moment; might pick up on my silent distress and come up with a bulletproof excuse for me to stay on X, devoted to Astra. Mention anything from the danger I could pose to simply being uninteresting enough. But he didn’t say another word. He stared at me from time to time. And each time he did, I could see the cogs in his mind working away from my peripheral, as he valiantly attempted to unpiece the puzzle that was myself.

They didn’t even say goodbye to me when they left, and I didn’t dare look up at Elon, though I noticed his hesitation to depart. My emotions were on overdrive—  I didn’t trust myself to make eye contact for fear I might break down on the spot.

The ride back to my penthouse was quiet on my end. It wasn’t unusual, as cybernetic stars were usually seen and not heard behind the scenes. I sat in the back of the Cybertruck as Jett prattled on to the head of Astra about the deal he’d just made for them from the passenger seat. I was drifting in and out, but caught something about how he wanted more than his usual ten percent. Who would be paying him now?

I smiled to myself for just a second as I looked around inside of the vehicle. They were rare on Earth, but one of the status cars on X. Everyone who was anyone had one despite Elon’s standing in the social world.

Self driving, stereo system like a major recording studio, and built like a tank. Despite the autopilot though, we preferred to drive the beast ourselves. I mean, who wouldn’t? But as I thought about the Cybertruck’s creator, and our brief encounter today, I couldn’t help but feel slighted. It wasn’t his responsibility to save me from such a disastrous deal, sure, but I could tell he wanted nothing to do with my appearance on Earth. They didn’t listen to him when he’d tried to speak up, but he didn’t try hard enough, either. Something told me he wanted them to realize their own mistake, but he didn’t know at what cost that was to me.

I shook myself out of the thought. How could he know, really? Why would he even care? Why did I care so much? His small act of slight compassion in the boardroom didn’t mean I was entitled to his entire arsenal of kind deeds. It was absolutely insane to think that. I questioned my own sentience before trying to push my thoughts away altogether. My emotions were jumbled, no one in particular feeling better or worse than another. It was to the point that the only thing I felt was nothing at all.

When I’d finally arrived home, there were no flashing cameras, no screaming fans or journalists and no security guards surrounding me from every direction I looked. I made my way through the lobby of the building and onto the teleportation pad, dying to finally have some privacy in my own space. The damn thing couldn’t work fast enough as I impatiently waited for it to read my code. Eventually, though it was really only mere seconds, I found myself in my penthouse.

Once I locked the door for no outsider entry, I immediately leaned back against it, the soft clang of metal ringing lightly through the space and tainting my view of my life, the sound bitter and empty as it fell on my ears. My line of sight was glued to an onyx black rug in front of me as I recounted the latter half of the day's events. It all replayed to me like a movie I was forced to watch, all of my hard work unraveling for a little currency that didn’t even mean anything just a few years ago. As invincible as I felt to Astra, after all I’d done for them to save their name countless times, to push their agendas when I didn’t necessarily agree with them, to keep them relevant, they felt as though I was disposable.

My label deemed me disposable and my hero considered me a threat.

Then it hit me.

All at once everything I’d been feeling hit me like a swirling hurricane, and I began to near hyperventilation as I let myself truly feel again. The wall I had to build up every day cracked and crumbled as a million different sensations escaped into the ethos from my small frame. A roaring war within my body swept me into a moment that felt tumultuous, everything suddenly chaotic, loud and heavy though it was just myself in an otherwise quiet room.

My chest rose and fell as it all came rushing back like a wave of water, tears forming in my eyes as sobs pushed their way through my throat. It was as though everything else I had ever been fell away, stripping me bare to nothing but my own resolve. My cold hands immediately reached for my head and I started to sink to the floor, the dramatism of the moment not at all underplayed or over exaggerated when compared to how I felt as I began to tear the beautifully detailed chrome pieces from my face— and then my chest— and then the rest of my body, tearing my clothing off along with them. I threw each piece across the large entryway, the sharp echo earsplitting as each one clattered and rolled through the space. The intricacy I’d hid behind for what felt like ages now, meaning nothing and everything all at once. My heart pounded in my chest, a familiar ache I’d not felt since I left earth reigniting my passion, my need to escape. Inside, I was dying to escape the hell I had to endure, pretending to be a body I wasn’t day in and day out just to stay alive.

The jet black mascara I still liked to put on despite no one seeing it dripped down my cheekbones in messy streaks. My soft, warm skin was exposed in the evening's hazy sunset that wasn’t quite like anywhere else in the two worlds I knew. The small tattoos, scars and beauty marks I’d acquired on Earth, a stark indication of my true humanity, revealed to no one but myself and my thoughts. I embraced the way I could feel the blood coursing through my veins, supplying my carbon based vessel beyond what the most complexly built form of artificial intelligence could comprehend. I tasted the salt of my tears on my flushed rose petal lips with slight relief that I still existed as I was, if only for the time being. I reminded myself of who I was— who the world didn’t know me to be, who I’d often forgotten or left behind for the sake of my safety; of my family’s safety.

And as I sat there, naked and distraught, I briefly wondered if I should reveal my secret to the world now that I found myself at an impasse; if I should risk it all to stay on Planet X and continue the life I’d worked so desperately hard for. To use exposing my humanity as a playing card that no one saw coming was a thought, absolutely. Astra would be in shambles if I decided to expose myself as nothing more than a mere mortal after boasting to X and Earth that they had the most realistic A.I. lifeform in the game. While it didn’t seem like such a big deal, it was in the eyes of the public and their competitors. It would tarnish their reputation forever. But the label didn’t exactly play fair, either. My lifeless body would be hurdling into the universe within the hour I told them, and they’d be after anyone else who might be affiliated with me or related to me. It was one thing to outcast an individual to the outskirts. It was a whole other to wipe out any trace of their existence at all. But they had no issues with it, so long as they saved face and crypto.

Earth hadn’t been kind to my family or me in its downfall. I didn’t come from wealth of any kind and we’d made due with humble living while we could. But we’d gotten caught in the grime the moment it all began to fall apart on a grand scale.

X was my escape.

Our escape.

I barely managed to make it out of Earth as a stowaway, let alone alive.

[plotbnuy]

KarpReviews - Neon Genesis Evangelion (1995) and End of Evangelion

It took me a good while to really get into anime. Well, maybe that’s technically not true, as I grew up with the Pokemon and Yu-gi-oh anime series. That’s really where my exposure to the medium stopped for a long time, though. There was scattered influence, such as an ephemeral viewing of Spirited Away on Cartoon Network, and access to one of the Naruto fighting games. Ultimately, though, I hardly knew what anime was until high school. It was around this time that I would occasionally stay up late to watch Toonami on Saturdays. Toonami provided me with several of my first and favorite anime series, including Cowboy Bebop, Deadman Wonderland, and Soul Eater. One night, however, I found myself treated to something completely bizarre. 

I can’t say for sure exactly what I had watched, though my current knowledge suggests it was one of the Evangelion recap movies. These are abridged versions of the series that tell the story in a more condensed format, though it’s possible I just caught a few episodes of the regular series. The show itself was overwhelmingly confusing and bizarre, with concepts my teenage mind struggled to grasp, and characters that seemed strange and depressing. It certainly didn’t help that I was watching this show in the dead of night while sleep repeatedly attempted to pull me down. I was mesmerized regardless, and the images I saw never left my mind. 

It wasn’t until now that I decided to finally watch the series in its entirety. I was excited to figure out exactly what I’d seen, why the robots in the show looked the way they did, why the “monsters” had such abstract and strange designs. Most importantly, I wanted to experience one of the major pieces of Japanese animation that had influenced so much of popular media. Thankfully, Neon Genesis Evangelion did not disappoint. 

To briefly summarize for those who still haven’t seen the show, the main premise is that, for one reason or another, Earth has become assaulted by powerful beings known as Angels - strange monsters that threaten humanity with their otherworldly power. An organization called NERV, led by Commander Gendo Ikari, plans to protect humanity and destroy the Angels with mysterious and strange humanoid mecha named “EVAs.” They can only be piloted by particular children, one of whom is the main character and Gendo’s son, Shinji. The Angels themselves, as well as their lore, hearken to Christianity, though in the same way that American media loosely uses Greek mythology. While the premise of the show seems to match that of other mecha, such as Gundam or Macross Saga, Evangelion is more about it’s heavy, layered theming as opposed to mecha and kaiju battles. Evangelion’s storytelling is rich and layered, yet I never found it to be overwhelming or poorly paced. Even though it’s dark tone is prevalent throughout, the battles between EVAs and Angels are still exciting and enjoyable on their own, each encounter building the stakes higher and higher, until it almost feels that everything will suddenly explode. Almost. 

Visually, I think Evangelion holds up phenomenally. The animation style is instantly recognizable while still carrying the same charm that many 90′s anime have. Characters are expressive and animated when they need to be, and backdrops are detailed and colorful. I was blown away especially during the show’s numerous fight scenes. Unlike the bulky mechs featured in most media at the time, the EVAs are nimble and powerful, often performing acrobatic feats or creating stunning displays of destruction. I was absolutely captivated by the designs of the EVA’s and Angels, just like I was in high school. The EVA’s are both incredible and sinister, immediately intriguing just from their design alone. Just looking at one makes you want to know more about them. The character designs are simple but still memorable, which matches their personalities well. What I love most about the visuals of this show, however, isn’t the fluid action or expressive characters, but the implementation of long shots and surreal visuals. Several times throughout the series, the show will linger on a single frame for an extended period of time. There’s no dialogue in these segments, just ambient noise or background music. These moments are some of the most engrossing, trapping the viewer in a single uncomfortable moment, such as the gruesome aftermath of an Angel attack, or a long elevator ride following an argument between Asuka and Rei.

Speaking of, the characters in this show are truly fascinating. Nearly every character is layered and interesting, and each one has their own ways in which they deal with the pressure and terrors of the world around them. I was surprised with how much I ended up liking Shinji (during the main series that is, but we’ll get to that) whose awkward and conflicted personality can be easily polarizing to viewers. I thought Asuka was a nice foil for Shinji, and an entertaining character on her own. She is a bit rough around the edges, and her loud and often self-centered personality can be grating at times, but ultimately her presence is a positive one, and I feel she inadvertently pulls other characters out of their shells. Rei, the third part of our pilot trio, is quiet and mysterious, and she adds to a lot of the show’s intrigue. My favorite character is easily Misato. On top of keeping the younger character’s intense personalities in check, her own story is one that the show graciously gives a lot of attention to. Watching her start to work through her demons was thoroughly compelling to me, and I felt that even through her faults she always tries to be mindful of the people around her. Ryoji was another character that I was a bit worried about after his introduction, but thankfully he had much more going for him than his flirty, aloof attitude. The one person that I never got totally sold on, though, is Gendo Ikari. While he’s certainly integral to the plot, his character was too nuanced for my liking, and it dampened his impact on the story. He’s also one of the characters who I can confidently say isn’t a good person, making his presence even more distasteful. Important for sure, but generally unpleasant. 

Perhaps the most memorable piece of this show is it’s music. Truly, every single track within this anime screams “iconic.” The catchy drumming of “Decisive Battle” constantly plays within my head, a track that helped every Angel encounter feel like an elaborate chess game. “Angel Attack” has a memorable, intense melody that felt appropriate for the show’s surreal and powerful monsters. Of course, nothing needs to be said about one of the most iconic anime openings ever, “Cruel Angel’s Thesis.” By far my favorite, though, has to go to “Komm, süsser Tod.” Playing during the finale of End of Evangelion, this hauntingly beautiful song fits the show perfectly, from it’s use of choir-like vocals to the chaotic mess of strings towards the end. Every song in the show’s OST is wonderful, and I often listen to various tracks while I’m working. Even if you don’t want to watch the show, I strongly urge you to check out the soundtrack anyway. 

Deep within these varied, elaborate pieces, behind the catchy music and incredible action set pieces, Neon Genesis Evangelion is a show about depression. Each character struggles with this in a different way: Shinji keeps his distance from those around him, despite needing more than anything to connect to another human being. Asuka searches for validation from the people around her, becoming angry when anyone takes attention away from her, afraid that she’ll be ignored or forgotten. Rei struggles in general to feel like a real person, to become more than her birthright and her purpose. Misato tries to drown herself in her work and in alcohol, keeping herself in denial while she tries to distance herself from her past. In some ways, the EVAs represent the responsibilities of everyday life, highlighted by Shinji’s struggle to fully commit to his obligation of protecting mankind. The characters in this show are broken, messy husks, and for almost the entire show these struggles seem impossible to overcome. These themes and motifs become especially true starting with episode 16, where the show begins to slow down and focus on its characters as the final Angel threat is thwarted. Ultimately, however, the message of the original series is a hopeful one, sending the viewer off with the message that only when you’re able to help yourself can you finally start to truly connect with and help others. It’s a poignant message and one that I think the show earns by weaving it’s theme of depression throughout the entire show, not just focusing on it near the end. 

The end, however, is where Evangelion becomes a truly fascinating piece of media. Part of what makes this true is that, actually, Neon Genesis Evangelion has two endings: the final two episodes of the show, and the movie appropriately titled End of Evangelion. The series has separate endings for a couple of reasons, actually. While I won’t explain it in depth here, the summarized version is that the latter episodes of Evangelion, starting with episode 16, are subjected to a bit of a paradigm shift following production issues and budget cuts. These later episodes are where the various characters’ faults take the forefront of the narrative, and the action scenes become scarce. The final two episodes take on an especially bizarre nature, analyzing the characters within the context of the show, using abstract visualization and disjointed dialogue to do so. Personally, I’ve grown to appreciate this ending. As I mentioned before, while the focus does change towards the end, I still believe the show was always more about the heavy themes than it was about the robot fights. Many, however, do not share my opinion. When the finale originally aired, many viewers were incredibly unhappy. Unreasonably so, as thousands sent angry letters and death threats to the studio, griefing the creator for his vision. They called for a different ending, one with a more satisfying conclusion, with more action and a clearer sendoff for Shinji and the other characters. 

Needless to say, creator Hideaki Anno obliged them. 

Releasing in 1997, End of Evangelion is perhaps the most spiteful piece of artistry ever conceived. While the original series ended with a message of hope, this film turns the series on its head and creates a narrative that simply reeks of despair. Junko Enoshima  could only dream of creating something so explicitly hopeless. While Shinji takes his first steps towards healing in the original ending, this film features a Shinji who has completely and utterly given up. He’s succumbed to his base desires, numb to the world around him in a way that’s turned him into a monster. His thoughts and actions are violent and abusive, he becomes completely deaf to the needs of those around him, and in a few short minutes of this film, he becomes almost completely irredeemable. He knows he’s become a despicable shell of a human being, but he almost seems to revel in that fact. This version of Shinji is utterly useless, and his actions - or rather inaction - causes the complete destruction of everyone he loves. This film is depressing, it’s uncomfortable, and it’s absolutely unconscionable...

And I loved it. 

In context, it’s hard not to imagine that End of Evangelion is a deliberate slap in the face to the fans who so ruthlessly tore apart the original ending of the show. It completely reverses the progress that was made in the original series, opting to create an ending that is more intense and action-packed, but at the price of turning Shinji, the audience surrogate, into a complete bastard. Watching the film for the first time is almost infuriating, especially as Shinji repeatedly destroys everything in his wake through his own self-loathing. Yet, after letting the film sit in my mind for a while, I found it to be a truly unique piece of art. It’s hard to stomach, and I don’t think I can recommend it, especially on its own, but End of Evangelion is a truly fascinating film. 

As a whole, I’m extremely happy I decided to go back in time to watch this old classic. I believe it holds up incredibly well overall, and it has so much to say in just 26 episodes. Watching it reminded me a lot of Samurai Jack and Cowboy Bebop, especially with its use of masterful long takes and thick atmosphere. If you haven’t given this anime a shot, I strongly recommend checking it out on Netflix or wherever you can get your hands on it. It may not be for everyone, but for this kaiju-loving gal, it exceeded every expectation. 

[whispersafterdusk]

Lost in Time - ch 20

"Better have a good reason for dragging me out here, fellow."

The nights on this side of the river were unbearably hot, and the wind blew sand into every nook and cranny of person and building alike; Windsor could have sworn he learned in grade school that deserts were chilly at night but Eufala seemed to be different in that regard -- maybe it was the proximity to both the river and ocean, since the humidity alone was enough to make you want to die during the day.

That heat and humidity had already soured his mood by the time he'd returned to his motel room, and finding the little note jammed under his pillow hadn't done much to alleviate it; now here he was out in the middle of the desert, filling his boots with sweat, staring down the muscle-head that had left the note.

Franklin was an intimidating figure whose image was slightly undercut by the moonlight glistening on the healthy amount of sweat on top of his bald head; it was taking every ounce of self control Windsor had to not comment or laugh about it, or stare as a single bead finally ran down off the man's dome and traced a line to the lobe of his ear, then disappeared down his neck to soak into the collar of his shirt. ((Continued below cut))

"You're not one of them, are you?  Duvos soldier, I mean."

Windsor met the man's gaze and shook his head.  "Nope - just a humble bounty hunter and mercenary for hire.  What's it to you?"

Franklin folded his massive arms with a grunt and a nod.  "Figured as much.  Listen.  Xan's on the hook for some murders. He was given - "given" command of this last job," he repeated, flapping his fingers as he said it, "-and then, poof, dead commander.  Xan's rise through the ranks has always been on the backs of the dead -- loads of blood in his wake but never anything that tied him directly to anything, but this one they can't let slide on a maybe."

The man went silent then and Windsor could tell by the look on his face that he was expecting a reaction; he kept his expression blank and let the silence drag on until the meat head was clearly getting frustrated.  "Right.  And?"

"...and so I'm here to screw things up for him.  If he's discredited on something this important then no one is going to care if he disappears.  The higher ups are willing to sacrifice another chance at an AI just to get him gone."

Windsor rolled his eyes.  "I see where this is going and no thank you.  This is your bed - shit in it all you like but I'm not joining you."

Franklin's eyes narrowed.  "If Xan takes a fall so do you since you're a part of this damn group."

"I'm not an empire native and also don't give a flying rat's ass about the man or his politics -- if anyone wants to make a stink about it I've got the papers to prove I'm just a hired hand, and if they STILL don't like that I've got ways to get out of their hands.  If you want to convince one of the others that they need to save their backsides then by all means do so; I won't stand in your way or narc you out.  But leave me out of this."

Franklin growled.  "You saw 'em -- they aren't going to break ranks."

Windsor shrugged.  "Yeah, and?  What would've you done if they HAD?"

"Kidnapped the woman, dragged her back to Duvos - I've got my orders to screw this up but nothing says I can't benefit in the process.  So long as the job isn't done as ordered and Xan's embarrassed.  He stakes his reputation on his plans always going AS planned down to the letter, so-"

"Oh please, THAT'S your back up plan?  Original plan or not that would only make Xan look good!  You're as dumb as you look, as dumb as I suspected, and my answer is STILL 'no goddamn thank you.'  Mind your business and I'll mind mine."

The other simply narrowed his eyes and glared; Windsor gave it another few breaths then turned to leave.  He kept his ears trained for any approaching steps (as he half-expected the man to attack him with his back turned) but he made it back to the motel without issue, and after emptying the sand and sweat out of his boots he unclipped his dagger harness and rolled into bed.

Whatever trouble there was in paradise wasn't any of his concern; he'd been hired to help steal an AI and that was that.

Pity about Xan though...man really did have a reputation for getting things done.  Whatever methods he used aside Duvos would surely take a hit in the espionage and acquisitions department if they took Xan out of the chain of command.  Was rather interesting to hear that they were actually willing to do something about him...Duvos had some cutthroat politics and supposedly a lot of things were overlooked or praised as being ambitious but whoever that commander had been that he offed must have had parents REALLY far up the chain who had the pull to go after him.

At least Franklin's half-assed recruiting attempt had given him a fair head's up that once they'd paid for his services then Windsor should get the hell out of town and lay low.  Maybe he'd leave the meat head enough for a single drink as a parting gift -- assuming the man's own tactics didn't leave him dead at the end of all this.

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"It's not important right now."

Remington mentally sighed; they'd been trying to get the date of Eli's birthday out of her for five days now and she'd stubbornly insisted each time that they had more pressing matters to attend to.   And yes, while technically she was correct, he didn't see any harm in them knowing when to wish her a simple "happy birthday" with the rest of it coming later. It wasn't exactly an argument but whatever you wanted to call it was interrupted by a familiar wobble from his bad knee; he immediately froze -- an impressive feat considering he was partly bent over in a stretching pose, and by shifting his good leg he was able to avoid toppling over onto his head (this time).

Eli grabbed him by the shoulders and helped him straighten up, and when he turned around she was frowning down at his legs.  "Stubborn injury, isn't it?"

"Yeah.  Been like that for awhile now.  I've learned to live with it."

"If we just knew what was wrong I bet Stewart could fix it."

"Really?  Even without all the fancy technology?"

She nodded.  "Really.  I've been trying to get up to speed with Xu about what survived the years and what's been developed since everything fell apart. Kind of makes me wonder if we really NEEDED all that tech back then.  Made things easier but at its most basic a lot of surgeries are done in essentially the same way regardless of whether it was a man or machine holding the blade...  We had an old saying about reinventing the wheel and while innovation was always pushing for new heights there were a lot of things you could say we had down to an art and couldn't really change.  Can't remember the last time I'd read about a new medical advancement...and I was married to a researcher."

With Eli helping he lowered himself into the grass and rubbed gingerly at his knee; every couple of days, on top of any strength training they found the time for, Eli had him working with stretches and light exercises specifically meant to try and help that joint.  So far he'd not noticed any changes aside from being constantly sore but at this point he was willing to try just about anything as he didn't relish the idea of living the rest of his life with a leg that was always threatening to suddenly buckle if he moved wrong.  

"Still, a lot of things made life easier. Bare minimum," she went on, "I'd love to have at least one functional imaging machine.  See everything inside without having to open you up."

"How'd those work?"

"Couldn't begin to tell you, beyond trying to explain how X-rays, radioactive tracers, and magnetic imaging works which, aside from basic facts about them, is well out of my scope of knowledge. Now, if I had Darren, or Peter or Ashley here, any of them could talk themselves blue in the face explaining how any given medical instrument worked.  Stewart could explain it too if you're interested."

Peter and Ashley...if memory served those were two of the squad mates they had buried in the graveyard (they'd been keeping a close eye on those graves still) and he certainly knew who Darren was.  "I won't bother Stewart with that - he'll have his hands full when the next round of scholars shows up."

With a groan she let her head drop back, staring up into the sky.  "Don't remind me. The first group was nosy enough."

"These ones are coming from Vega 5 and ought to be more interested in the technical side of things rather than...well."

She flashed him a smile.  "Rather than wanting to study me and how folks in the Old World lived?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that.  I didn't think they were bothering you too much...were they?"

"Not...really?  It kind of depends on how you want to quantify it - they didn't ask to meet with me a lot, but when they did they had notebooks full of questions that Stewart's social and technical programming couldn't answer and it'd take me an entire day to get through them."

He frowned.  "You could have said something if they were imposing on you too much."

"I could have.  But I didn't see a point in it," she sighed.  "It was something that needed to be done."

He sat up and looked at her; compared to Arlo or the Flying Pigs he didn't really get a lot of one-on-one time with her outside of these recent stretching sessions but still even he could tell something was a bit...off with her tone.  Like she was tired, or sad (and he didn't really need to consider why).  "You've got all the time in the world to answer questions."

"Maybe.  It just seemed easier to get them out of my hair and get back to-"

"-work?" Remington jutted in.  "Doesn't seem like you focus on much else.  Is everything all right?"

She blew out a breath that trailed into a buzzing raspberry.  "Not you too."

"Me too?"

"You, and Arlo, Asher and Xu - asking if I'm all right or need anything all the time or if someone is bugging me."

"...well, friends do that, don't they?"

"They do, but not every problem or bad mood can be solved by having a friend around."

He bent his good leg so he could rest his arms on his knee, and his chin on his arms, as he gazed up at her thoughtfully.  "We just -- it's not meaning to suggest anything beyond just wanting you to know the door's open, you know?  I can ask everyone to tone it down but we're just - we care.  That's all."

She closed her eyes and, after a moment, slumped her shoulders.  "I know, and I get it, and I'm thankful for having friends around ready and willing to support and help.  But it's... It's like picking at a scab. Each time I get asked, it's picking - and if you keep picking it never closes or heals, and the scar is a million times worse.  And with what they did to Darren's grave I feel like someone took a diamond sander to the scab and ground down to the bone.  Just when I thought I was doing better.  I talk to Xu, and it helps, but each well-meaning question from everyone else is pulling scabs right now."

"All right.  I'll quietly let the others know that you'll come to US if you need something and we should stop asking.  But, I do know we do really want to know you, and be your friends, and be there.  That's why we wanted to know about your birthday -- heck, if there's any holidays you want to celebrate I know we'll figure that out too."

She rubbed her hands across her face and held them there; when she spoke her voice was muffled but Remington didn't think she sounded too upset.  "Birthdays were celebrated only on multiples of 5.  I was born on the 15th of the first Spring.  I would need to check with Stewart to make sure I've got the years right but I last remember passing my 37th birthday."

Remington nodded slowly, and smiled at her; in his mind, very briefly, he thought 'I'm older than she is' followed immediately by the realization that no, he was not, and no one in the world was older than she was.  "All right - I'm sorry if it seemed like I was badgering you on anything but I'm also glad you told me.  Do you want me to keep quiet about it?"

"Please.  At least until I hit 40."

"It's a deal.  How would you celebrate your birthday back then?"

"Gifts, an elaborate dinner.  Costume parties were popular.  I always ended up with costume parties because New Year's Dawn had just happened, which was a city-wide costume party so you'd always have something on hand you could wear.  You'd go door to door singing songs, playing games, giving gifts, dancing in the streets.  You'd stay awake as long as you could but it was expected that you'd stay awake from dawn of the last day of the year to dawn of the second day of the new year."

"That sounds an awful lot like celebrating a holiday, and not your own  birthday."

She finally dropped her hands away from her face and shrugged at him.  "That's what happened if your birthday fell on or close to a national holiday."

Remington went to stand and tested his weight on his bad leg; there were no wobbles, no twinges, no sudden shooting pains.  "Sounds like you've had 37 years of getting the short end of the stick, then."

"You learn to live with it.  Ready to keep going?"

He didn't protest the sudden change in subject; with a bit more attention and care to how he was moving his body he managed to get through the rest of the exercises without any further trouble, and though he was pretty sore when they were done he didn't mind it too much -- his next patrol would be on horseback so the joint could rest while he rode.

"We'll get there, slowly but surely," Eli said as she walked him to the gate.  "Just take it easy for the rest of the day."

"I plan to," he replied with a chuckle.  "I was actually just thinking about that." As he latched the gate behind him he could spy Selene heading home - she was just coming out through Portia's gates. "-not to rush off or anything but I better get going.  I know Selene is just wanting to pounce over party things."

"Oh I know.  She's babbled about your birthday party these last few days.  All the more reason for YOU to keep your trap shut."

Remington laughed.  "I swear on my honor your secret is safe with me.  See you later, Eli."

He hurried off and was able to dodge around Selene with a hurried 'sorry, late for my patrol' and then he was huffing and puffing up the hill toward the Corps building to collect Arrow.

When he got there though he found his saddle was missing.  That was odd.

Spacer was there however and that saddle was where it was supposed to be; Remington hurriedly scribbled a note of explanation for Arlo and left it pinned to Spacer's stable stall then saddled him and headed down the road, and wondered how the heck he'd managed to misplace a saddle. Maybe someone had moved it since they were cleaning out the back wall in preparation of replacing a few shelves that were starting to dry rot and his was the only saddle that sat near those particular shelves.   Most of what had been sitting on those shelves was currently in a jumbled pile in the corner across from there...maybe he ought to clean a bit of that up when he got back from patrol.

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He didn't mind that Remington had borrowed Spacer -- the horse liked the man well enough so Arlo knew there wouldn't be any trouble from the animal (unlike Teddy who typically wouldn't let anyone but Sam ride him).

What he DID mind though was by the time he'd found the note the missing saddle was back in its place, and after checking it over he found that a lot of the stitching had been carefully frayed with a knife so that it was highly likely that if Remington had been IN the saddle, moving quickly, and had made any sudden movements or sudden stops, the straps would have given way and dumped him off the horse.  Teddy's saddle had likewise been tampered with but not as badly as Arrow's, and Arlo was both relieved he'd discovered that before Sam went out on a ride as well as extremely anxious for Remington's safe return because he had no reason to believe that Spacer's saddle hadn't also been sabotaged.

It was really beginning to feel like whoever was causing their current problems was trying to spread them as thin as possible, as Arlo's first thought upon discovering the sabotaged saddles was "great, now we have to watch the stables."

But...no.  That was doing exactly what their spy and or vandal would want.

He still believed that the Stupid Plan idea of Eli's had merit - in fact, this was probably a result of that, assuming their spy was also their vandal - but it was time for a change in strategy.

---------------------------------------------

"Looks like we'll be up and running within two weeks then."

It had been awhile since they'd ALL been together out at the facility; they were clustered inside the tent, looking over a collection of blueprints and measurements for the security door and signal transmitters.  Eli had been shifted off her patrols and onto helping Selene get the rest of the transmitter parts made, along with the towers they'd be mounted on.  With Eli's assistance they wouldn't need to bring in another builder for the assembly (though Higgins was producing the metal struts needed for the towers) and that left Merlin and Petra in charge of assembling the power sources (a mix of hydro, wind, and power stones).

Between work on that, and Mint overseeing the project to get the door installed...two weeks.  They would need to manage for two weeks, and then they could bring their full attention down on catching their spy.   It was nice to know that the metaphorical light at the end of the tunnel wasn't something that was going to run them over.

"Do we have anything new to discuss?" Mali asked, pausing to look around at each of them in turn.

Beside him Arlo cleared his throat and Asher turned to look at him as he leaned forward to brace his hands on the little table.

"Yes, actually.  Someone sabotaged all of our saddles yesterday.  I think it's time we get a bit more aggressive - try to draw this person out into the open."

"I agree, because whoever this is uh-" Sam stopped abruptly, glancing briefly at Eli, before sighing.  "-we had some graffiti to clean up early this morning."

"About me, I'm guessing," Eli said.

Sam nodded.  "Yeah.  Nothing too nasty but basically urging you to leave town, claiming you don't belong here, that sort of thing."

"What was the graffiti made with?  Do we have any record of anyone buying paint of that color?" Remington asked.

This time she shook her head.  "It was done with charcoal - really easy to clean up, thankfully, but it doesn't point to where it came from or who had it. And of course no one saw anyone doing it AND it was all at different heights so we can't really narrow anything down."

Arlo huffed.  "Of course.  Regardless -- I worry that letting this stretch on any further will only result in someone getting seriously hurt.  It's clear our initial plan has definitely made this person more bold - just not bold enough to come close to us like they did at the tent.  I think this may be the best we're going to get so we need to come up with our plan to catch them."

Remington nodded, running a hand through his hair briefly; it was hot and stuffy in this tent with all of them inside it and Asher felt his scalp prickle in the heat just watching how Remington's hair clumped together in damp strands.  "We've set a trap once before for that rogue knight - we can always do it again."

"Well, maybe," Sam said, drawing out the last word.  "The thing is, THAT time we definitely knew what the knight was after.  There's a lot more down in the facility besides Stewart and if we set a trap it needs to be baited with whatever it is they're hoping to steal."

"It also needs to look natural - we got away with the last trap since it was in a ruins that were already falling apart.  This facility is much more preserved and it's going to be harder to set something up without it looking off," Mali added.

In the brief pause that followed that exchange Asher sat up a bit straighter.  "Well, it's common knowledge that we're expanding the clinic in town soon.  We could use that as our staging area instead since it's going to be pretty obvious that we're moving Stewart's station there."

Arlo grimaced.  "Yes, but that would be dangerous and tricky. Setting this trap would be dependent on no one else being at risk of injury -- we know this person is armed, after all, and we can't control when someone might try to trip the trap.  I don't want to put Dr. Xu or Harrison, or anyone else who might be at the clinic, in danger."

Eli lightly elbowed Asher in the ribs.  "AND I don't want Stewart's tech in danger of being damaged either -- if it breaks that's it because while I MIGHT know how to fix it it won't be as simple as heading down to the shop to pick up the right parts."

"Yeah...you're right about that part," Asher muttered.  "So it would have to be replicas, and we'd be guessing at what the spy would go for. Do you think they'd actually know what to grab if we baited them with the server stuff or basic computer pieces?"

Eli raised an eyebrow.  "Assuming they're not expecting that again? I could make something that looks genuine, important, and expensive."

Remington let out a thoughtful noise, leaning toward Eli. "How complicated would it be to do that?  I don't even know what...whatever we're talking about looks like."

"Not...TOO complicated, I don't think?  I -- hang on, wait.  Before we get too far ahead of ourselves I need to know what's common knowledge about tech these days.  Exactly how complicated and fancy I'd need to make the replicas would kind of depend on what people know or think these things look like."

They all fell silent; Asher glanced about and could see lots of thoughtful faces - he was hopeful that that meant someone had an answer, because he definitely didn't.  Technology wasn't something he studied or thought about much and he'd consider himself the last person anyone ought to be asking about Old World stuff.

Finally, Mali tipped her head back to look up toward the tent's ceiling.  "There's some common knowledge about Old World components but it's mostly regarding the things we commonly find.  Everyone knows what chipsets are, circuit boards, monitors and displays, and odds and ends that get lumped together just as 'old parts.'  We also have access to old engines of varying types that we've successfully re-created ourselves so we no longer need to rely on digging them up.  In this case... I'm not sure I have the answer.  But I know who would."

There was a brief pause then Arlo nodded.  "Ah, right.  The scholars from Vega 5 will be here soon."

Mali nodded.  "Vega 5 is full of people who have studied Living AIs, and they and Atara both have large libraries full of blueprints and books on Old World tech along with everything their museums have catalogued on display.  They'd be the ones to ask about what they would consider common knowledge."

"But would they know what's common knowledge in Duvos though?" Eli asked.

Mali shrugged.  "It's possible.  I'm not privy to everything that's been discovered through the Alliance's information networks -- the Flying Pigs are an adventuring guild who sometimes get tapped to help provide law enforcement.  I know more than most but ultimately we're not a military group so we're only told what we need to know for the tasks we're given." Eli scratched at her cheek; Asher noted that, due to the heat and sweat, the simple gesture left a pair of angry red marks across her skin  "Right...  Maybe I should go talk to Gale when we're done here -- er, assuming you aren't putting me back on patrol duty?" she added after a moment, looking to Arlo.

"No, go talk to Gale - this is important.  Afterward get back to those signal transmitters," came Arlo's answer.

"Understood."

"You sure you don't need an extra pair of hands with those things?" Asher asked then, looking between Arlo and Eli.  "At the very least I can tote and carry."

Arlo considered that for a moment, then glanced to Eli.  "Your thoughts?"

She huffed out a breath. "Carrying, sure.  But it'd just slow us down if we have to explain how to assemble.  We DO need someone to start bundling the tower pieces and that's also something you could do without much instruction needed - get the finished bits from Higgins, ensure we've got everything, sort it out into sets for assembly.  Basic stuff."

"All right -- go ahead and help them with the heavy lifting and getting the tower parts ready to transport.  Eli, once you've talked to Gale come find me in the Corps building -- Mali, if you'd like to join me for that feel free." Mali and Eli both nodded, and Arlo blew out a breath.  "I think that covers everything-"

"Hey- HEY!"

They all jumped to their feet at the shout from beyond the tent; Asher was still getting to know a lot of the townsfolk but he thought that sounded a lot like--

As he was closest to the tent flap Asher stuck his head out to see Albert sprinting toward them; when the man saw him he started waving his hands and his sprint was slowing.  Asher in turn hurried out of the tent and began running toward him, faintly aware of the sound of several pairs of feet following along behind him, and about halfway to the man Albert came to a stop entirely and doubled over with his hands on his knees, panting harshly.

"What's wrong?  What's happened?"

"Portia...ruins...cave in..." Albert was gasping as Asher came skidding to a stop beside him.  "One under...church..."

"Oh hell," Asher muttered.  He spun around as Eli, Arlo, Mali, and Remington reached them.  "Cave in at the ruins under the church."

"Was anyone hurt?" Arlo asked immediately.  Albert could only nod as he struggled to catch his breath and Arlo broke into a run again while calling orders over his shoulder.  "Asher - take Albert to the tent to catch his breath.  Remington and Eli with me."

The others went running off and Asher put a hand on Albert's shoulder.  "Sit down here in the grass, mind the marshy spots - we'll take a minute here and then we'll walk to the tent, all right?"

"I'll ask Sam to stay out here with Adam," Mali interrupted.  "After that I will join Arlo and the others in town - stay with Albert until he's recovered then escort him back to town."

"Got it," Asher replied.  Mali immediately ran back the way she'd come and Asher turned his attention back to Albert.  "Deep breaths, man, it'll be all right.  Do you know what happened?"

Albert took several more breaths; he seemed to be breathing a bit easier.  After an especially deep breath he lifted his head to look up at Asher.  "Not...a clue.  Heard a...loud noise.  Couple folks...out of the ruins, shouting...about a cave in.  Gale already there...told me to come get you all. I was closest."

Damn it... They should have had this meeting at the Corps building, not all the way out here; even as he thought that he knew that was very unfair as all their patrol routes for this morning had had them all out this way and it was quickest and easiest to gather here, but...  Well, honestly it could have been worse timing.  At least out here they'd all been in one place but had this happened at any other time of day or any other day in general they would've been spread across the countryside with only two of them in town.

"Think you can make it to the tent?  We'll get some water in you, can sit a bit, then we'll head back to Portia."

Albert nodded and straightened and the two of them began to (slowly) walk toward the Pigs's tent.  Mali was already heading back toward them and they exchanged nods as she passed and kept on going.

"What kind of loud noise did you hear?"

"Just a loud boom and a rumbling."

Asher frowned - a loud boom?  "Like...a KABOOM-kind of boom?  Like something exploded?"

"I couldn't tell you.  It was more - more of a sound that sort of hit you in the chest, more than in the ears, and one you could feel through your feet.  Our building is closest to those ruins so it's no wonder that we heard something."

"We?  You and Gust I'm guessing?"

Albert nodded.  "I went to the ruins, and Gust went for Gale.  And then Gale told me to run out here."

"How many came out of those ruins?"

"Um - I saw three folks.  Covered in dust, one of them was bloodied. They were all shaken up and just shouting 'cave in cave in' over and over."

Asher went quiet, chewing on his lower lip.  He wanted to simply believe that the ruins had partially collapsed but something nagged at him over it; the Civil Corps and the Flying Pigs both conducted regular inspections of all ruins across the Alliance of Free Cities to make sure they remained safe for public use.  There's NO WAY they would've missed a structural weakness that was so dangerous as to cause a cave in...someone on the inside had to have caused this.  A careless digger, or...

The saddles might have just been the first attempt to send a message.

---------------------------------------------

Four injured, one dead.  All in all, considering there had been eight people inside the ruins at the time of the collapse, it could have been much worse.

Still.  It was slightly guilt-inducing to feel relieved that ONLY one person had been killed -- no one was sure where she'd come from but they'd matched her description to the list of Happy Apartment hotel-based rentals so they had a name but no way to contact any next of kin, nor did they know if this Kara person had any sort of surname at all either.  It would make for a somewhat plain headstone but at least they had the first name.

Sam, along with Mali and Higgins, had worked quickly to get a makeshift door in place and the rest of the entryway to the ruins boarded up; tomorrow Dana would be traveling to Portia to help Mali investigate what had caused the collapse.  Sam had wanted to go in with them as well but she'd gotten a resounding "no" from Arlo, Mali, and Gale - all at the same time, no less.  She supposed that made sense as she wasn't a miner or builder or anyone who would know anything about structural integrity (or whatever Mali had called it), and the fewer people at risk inside for a follow up collapse, the better.

As she walked up the hill toward the Corps building it was hard to miss the silence in this half of town; Ack hadn't been at his usual spot in the plaza, there weren't any tourists or townsfolk walking about.   Even the Round Table had seemed a bit quiet when she'd passed by moments ago.

Portia had certainly had a streak of bad luck lately...  The pessimistic side of her wondered how the spy would find a way to take advantage of the chaos.

As she crested the hill she spotted a man leaning against the railing of the stairs that led down to the central plaza; he had his back to her but she recognized the coat he had on (even in this heat).

"Bob?  I thought you would've moved on by now," she called out.

The man jumped and spun around, stumbling a bit as he boot caught on an upraised stone.  "Huh!  Huh?  Well.  Yeah, maybe.  Thought I should. Been tired lately."

Sam nodded and walked over, crossing her arms and eying the man.  He was a harmless drifter and she didn't suspect anything of him but he was also somewhat regular - he arrived in the spring, left at the start of the summer season, and then came back mid-autumn.  "Something wrong?"

"Not really.  Just got a feeling.  Road might not be safe."

She frowned.  "What do you mean?"

"I remember someone telling me there was a thief around.  I don't carry valuables.  But that's not all someone could take."

"Bob... Do you think someone's trying to harm you in some way?" she asked.

The man fidgeted a bit.  "Not me.  I think?  But I've seen some ghosts.  Footprints out of thin air.  I don't want to share a road with it."

Sam stared at him.  "...where did you see these footprints?  Can you show me?"

Bob shook his head.  "Not now - been too long.  Saw them on the beach while I was stargazing.  Walking west.  Too close to where I'd pass going back south."

"How long ago was this?"

The man shrugged, then scratched at his head.  "Not sure.  I don't do so well with time anymore."

"But it was recent, at least?"

He nodded; Sam mulled that over -- it sounded like Bob had spotted their spy out in the wild.  "How about we walk together to where you saw the footprints and you tell me whatever you can remember about when you saw them and what you were doing?"

He nodded again and walked with her back down the hill.  As they passed under the gates she wondered if she shouldn't call for back up but...  Well.  She could think of a lot of reasons to do so, and the reasons not to didn't seem as convincing so as they continued down the road she gestured for them to detour toward Selene's house.  Eli ought to be in the factory helping assemble, and Asher ought to be here too.   Surely one of them could shift over to walk out to...wherever, with her and Bob.

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That she hadn't known Kara made it easier to look genuine when it came to keeping her expression appropriately sad-looking as they buried the woman; it was a small ceremony with a smattering of Portians present, along with the full force of the Civil Corps -- being as she didn't see them she assumed that the Flying Pigs members were out at the facility, as usual.  They seemed to never, ever leave the place unguarded and, as she'd discovered the other evening while doing some recon, there was a gigantic build project of some kind being carried out at the facility's entrance now -- if she had to guess it looked like some sort of covering, or door.  

That likely meant they were really doubling down on the security out there, and while what she was after was being moved out of the facility she was beginning to get worried -- if they sealed that place up tight that would free the Pigs up to directly watch the construction of the clinic addition and the installation of the All Source AI.  

And that would make Lily's job even harder while now also being down a team member.

After the funeral it was announced that the ruins would be closed for the time being to conduct an investigation into the cause of the collapse; that at least didn't effect any of them remaining but it ALSO carried the high risk of bringing in more outside people -- more Pigs, more nosy law-types, the possibilities were starting to pile up.

Days ago she'd been bitching about how long it was taking them to start construction; she'd seen buildings put up in a matter of days in Duvos -- how hard could one addition to an already existing building be?

Now... As much as she didn't want to disappoint Xan, they might indeed have to change their plans to have any chance of this heist succeeding.

---------------------------------------------------

They always put out the paper on the first of every month.  Always.   Without fail -- even if it meant that she and Erwa stayed up all night fixing issues with their printing press machine or working to get wording on an article juuuuust right.

The first of the month was still six days away but Gale had asked for a special edition to be produced.  It was the hardest thing Mei had ever had to write: all this...all this alarming detail on a vandal, a thief attempting to break into the medical facility in the marsh, and now the devastating discovery that the cave in two days ago had been purposely caused by tiny explosive charges.  It was such awful news that sometimes Mei found her hand shaking as she scribbled notes and drew arrows or crossed out paragraphs as she tried to get things into order both chronologically and also in a manner that flowed well for reading.

There were still a few hours to go before they needed to start printing and there was just one thing Mei wanted to get done before then but then again... It wasn't a nice subject and she didn't want to offend anyone - especially not the person she'd like to interview regarding all this.

But.  She wouldn't know if she'd be offending unless she asked.

Selene's workshop was a familiar sight - Mei had been out here a lot over the years, both before and after large city projects were announced and completed with the builder's help - so she knew better than to knock on the house's door and instead marched up to to the factory door and really gave it a good pounding.  After a few minutes the door opened and an oil-smudged Selene was framed in the doorway, and once it registered who was there Mei was offered a big, bright smile.

"Hey!  What're you doing out here?"

"Hello Selene!  I was wondering if Eli was still here?"

Selene nodded and stepped aside, gesturing with one hand toward a makeshift workbench set up perpendicular to her usual one; lined up shoulder to shoulder was Eli, Petra, and Merlin, all hurriedly working to assemble bits and doodads that Mei guessed was all meant to fit into a much bigger contraption of some kind.  

It was unusually quiet in here today as well; only a handful of the machines were running -- that must mean whatever Selene was working on either didn't need a lot of pieces or maybe it was almost complete.  She stepped inside and out of the way so Selene could close the door and then noted that the latest member of the Civil Corps, Asher, was sorting large metal struts and rods into organized piles against the far wall, moving about in short bursts and then checking off things on a clipboard he had hanging off his belt.

"I'm not interrupting something I shouldn't, am I?"

"Not really - we can spare a pair of hands for a bit."  Selene led Mei over toward Eli and the Research Center gals.  "Mei's wanting to talk to you, Eli."

The woman looked up at them (though Mei noticed her hands didn't stop what they were doing - it was kind of impressive to see her keep working without her looking at the pieces) and silently lifted an eyebrow.

"Oh - um, yes.  I was wondering if you could spare some time to give a few statements for the article we're writing for the paper?" Mei asked into the pause.

"Uh..." Eli drew the word out, returning her attention to what her hands were doing.  It seemed immediately clear that whatever her answer was going to be it would have to wait until she'd finished off this piece of...whatever it was; Mei waited patiently, and watched with a bit of curiosity, until Eli had slotted all the pieces together and tightened down all the screws.  "-all right, sure.  Let's step outside for some air."

Mei led the way outside and then followed as Eli took an abrupt turn to the western side of the factory -- there was a cluster of stools out here and they both settled on one, and Mei hurried to pull out her little notebook.

"All right - of course, if you find any of my questions upsetting it's perfectly fine not to answer.  I don't mind at all!"

Eli nodded.  "Ask away."

"How would you say the situation is currently going?"

"Which one are you referring to?"

"Let's start with the vandal.  It couldn't have been easy to see the gravestone damaged like that."

For several breaths Eli didn't answer.  Mei sat patiently with her pen poised over the blank sheet of notebook paper with her free hand pinning the loose edge down; this side of the factory was currently in the shade and the breeze was a bit strong as the wind rushed along the flat brick.  It was a nice place to sit but if she wasn't careful her notes would get scattered across the yard since not all the pages were still bound to the wire spiral.

"It wasn't, no.  It's clear whoever did it wanted their message heard, and intended it to hurt.  It did, I won't lie, but also, it really shows just how much of a coward this person is since they didn't confront me directly.  Same with all the other instances of graffiti lately -- they're not brave enough to say anything to my face.  In that context, it's a bit comical."

It took about the same amount of time for Mei to write that down as it had for Eli to say it.  "-and do you have any guesses as to who this person is?"  Eli shook her head but didn't elaborate; Mei added a little mark after the quote to remind herself of the answer.  "How about things out at the medical facility?  Has there been any further attempts to break in?"

"No, and soon there won't be any chances of a break in either.  We're installing a security door and will work toward preserving the facility as it is."

Mei had heard about the door - she wondered what it would look like when it was done.  "And do you have any opinion on the expansion at the clinic, since it's rumored that you'll be incorporating an All Source AI into the building?"

Eli blinked at her.  "Incorp- uh, maybe that definition has changed in three hundred years but we're not incorporating him into anything.   He'll be installed and be there to teach and treat, but he won't be in charge of or able to run the clinic by himself.  For one, there's no other computers or AIs for him to oversee, and secondly the building will be just a building without any tech for him to monitor either."

"Do you have any worries about how having an All Source AI teaching humans would be seen in the greater world?"

With a loud sigh Eli leaned back against the brick wall.  "I do, sort of.  I worry that zealots in your Church won't be able to look past him being a part of the Old World and try to destroy him, in which case all the knowledge he holds would be lost along with him.  Hand in hand with that I also worry about what he'd be teaching and to whom."

Mei looked up from her notes in surprise.  "You think he'd teach something bad?  Or bad people?"

"Not exactly "bad" in either case, its more I worry people will try to somehow hoard the knowledge -- even hypothetical enemies deserve the right to live disease and injury free.  I wouldn't really say there's right and wrong people to teach, but I do think there will be people out there who think they're the only ones who have a right to the knowledge, or who think some knowledge is fine but some of it should be scrubbed from history.  We even had a bit of a problem with myths and misinformation regarding certain diseases in my time and that was with an entire world's worth of knowledge available to anyone at any time."

Mei slowly nodded at that; it reminded her of an article she'd written a few years ago about the push-back of remedies coming from a doctor in Vega 5.  "So, even if people don't want to keep the knowledge to themselves there's also a question of whether some would accept it, at all."

"Exactly. I imagine there's going to be a lot of entrenched doctors scattered across the world who think their way is best and will be unwilling to change.  It'll be a bit messy in the upcoming years but I hope the overall health and life expectancy of the world goes up as the knowledge spreads -- and hopefully it'll be fairly uniform across the world, not just in small clusters due to hoarding or refusal to adapt."

With her hand cramping from how quickly she was trying to write Mei managed to get all that down in her notes; she'd gotten a little carried away as she'd only wanted a few lines to quote but this could potentially be an article all on its own.  She was just about to shut the book when a thought occurred to her. "Oh!  Right - there's been a lot of questions about the metal towers that were put up recently.  Are you able to explain what those are for?"

"You guys use telegraphs for long distance communication, right?"

Mei nodded.  "For messages that can't wait for couriers."

"Right.  So, those towers are the first of many that will hold...how to put it in simple terms...  Think of a telegraph that doesn't need wires, is more reliable and secure, and also can just send words instead of having to tap a little button and have someone translate at the other end.  We're trying it out here in Portia and maybe in the future, assuming it works and can be reliably maintained, we could extend it across the continent."

"What, really?" Mei asked, eyes widening.  "That's huge!"    

Eli was giving her an amused look and Mei realized her jaw was hanging open; she scrawled an almost unreadable note about the towers underneath the rest of it.  "Ah, um - uh, so, when will THAT project be completed?"

"It'll take some time.  Getting everything installed is the easy part.  Getting it all to work correctly will be hard."

"So...no...expected...completion date yet?" Mei asked as she wrote, glancing up from the writing to Eli, then underlining the 'no' as Eli shook her head.  "That's very exciting... Will it be something anyone could use?  Will it cost a lot?"

Eli paused, then offered a half shrug.  "Well, I guess that first answer is yes and no.  In terms of complexity anyone will be able to use it because it's not difficult at all to learn, but initially there's going to be a problem with getting parts to both maintain and expand it so there won't be a lot of the system in place for widespread use to start.  I don't have any idea on cost just yet - we're using a combination of wind, water, and power stones to start off with.  I'm relatively certain I know how much energy this will draw but won't know exact numbers until its been up and running for awhile."

"And...you're ok with this technology spreading?"

Eli snorted loudly.  "I am," she replied, placing heavy emphasis on 'I.'  "No idea about the rest of the world."

Mei hummed to herself as she put down a few more notes.  "This could be an article by itself... All right.  That was everything I had in mind for this piece.  Unless you'd like to add anything?"

"Not in particular."

"Well, thank you!" Mei said, smiling and shoving a hand toward her.   Eli shook it with a bit of a smile and then stood.  "I'll get this over to the paper and you'll be seeing it in print soon!"

Eli didn't reply beyond nodding, then led the way around the building where she went back inside while Mei headed toward the gate; she felt a bit lightheaded -- like she was floating across the grass.  The prospect of a better, more secure communications system that was instantaneous made her giddy; imagine how much faster information could travel.  Imagine how quickly a message back home could reach family...how much easier it would be to stay in touch with the Atara Post about her progress with the Portia Times.  

There were dozens of ways she could instantly imagine her life getting easier if this communication thing worked, and that was just for HER - she couldn't even clearly conceive all the ways the entire Alliance could make use of such a thing.

As she walked through the doors into the news building she managed to pull her thoughts away from the communications scoop and set herself back on track regarding the special edition Gale had asked them to put out; it didn't appear Erwa was here but that was ok - Mei could work on a rough draft and get his opinion later when he came back.

Eli hadn't been the only one she'd interviewed today so the first order of business was to quickly reread her notes and decide where to insert Eli's bit into the order she'd tentatively decided on earlier; this article needed to be a direct and firm read, with a logical flow to the information, but it couldn't have a tone to it that would cause undue alarm. People had a right to know that the cave in was actually a murder, but how to word it so that it wouldn't cause a panic in town...

And also, the more she thought about it, the less sense it made to include anything referencing the communications project.  Prior to talking to Eli she'd assumed the towers were related to the security project out at the facility but now it seemed they were unrelated to each other, and...well, if they had a vandal snooping around it wouldn't do to draw attention to something this valuable.

...yeah.  It made more sense to relegate the communications towers to its own separate article, AFTER the vandal (or murderer?  Or both?) had been taken care of.  At the very least that cut out a good amount of information she would've had to figure out how to fit onto the front page with everything else.

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Windsor had "claimed" a small area of the Peach Plaza for his impromptu performances; a decent number of people expected him to be there in the mornings and later at night, showing off his juggling and throwing skills (a few had even donated some small straw targets for him to use so he'd changed up his routine a bit).  It may have just been a cover job but it was bringing in decent money; it was a nice little perk to the whole thing but if they didn't get moving on this theft job soon he wouldn't be able to keep playing off the "too poor to go back home" angle of his cover story.

The atmosphere in Portia seemed a bit...strange this morning.  There weren't nearly as many people moving about in the central plaza as usual, and as he went plodding up the hill passed the shops he was a bit alarmed to see a small crowd of people that WEREN'T his usual audience huddled roughly in his spot near the fountain.  As he drew closer he could see all of them clutching papers in hand, and there was a dull roar of chatter among them.  In their midst was a squat, hairy man in an orange vest and hat, and a blonde woman wearing a blue and white pointy hat; they appeared to be handing out whatever the paper was, and when he finally got close enough to the gathering he saw it was a thin newspaper with "SPECIAL EDITION" printed in big, bold letters across its top with "Portia Times" printed in slightly smaller text beneath it.

Through a gap in the crowd the hat-wearing blonde noticed him, and carefully wound her way through the group toward him with one of the papers in hand, pushed out toward him.

"Good morning, sir - would you like to read this special release of the Portia Times?  This copy is free, paid for by Portia's government."

"Uh...sure.  What seems to be the ruckus?" he replied, taking the paper and skimming the-

...oh.  Oh boy.  Well, that wasn't good.