#and i love how as we grow we can understand it on some many levels

[seedsofwinter]

If you love A GOOFY MOVIE, please please give yourself the gift of watching NOT JUST A GOOF. It just came out for the 30th anniversary (today April 7th, 2025) and it is a very fun documentary, filled with incredible behind the scenes footage. Plus so much heart.

The last segment of it had me in overwhelming tears, feeling the connection of all my fellow fans, that this movie found its audience like the film makers wanted all those years ago. In another world, we might've never had AGM; in another world, we might've had a bigger audience embracing it from the get to; but we're so lucky to live in the world where we *do* have it.

I hope you enjoy. ☝️⚡😎

[mellowyellow236]

How would the TWST boys act when they’re jealous?

This is Heartslabyul and the Misc Characters section- Links are all here: Savanaclaw/Octovinelle, Scarabia/Pomfiore/Ignihyde, and Diasomnia. All characters are meant to be interpreted as romantic. The reader is gender-neutral. There may be mild spoilers as to who overblots and other facts. Some of them might have Yandere tendencies, though nothing graphic or descriptive and always very mild, they’ll be marked with a ‘Y’ if they do. Mainly because sometimes the boys are calm and talk through their feelings… And sometimes they go down possessive insecurity-included spirals. If anyone has anything to add or any questions, please leave a reblog or comment! Requests are open if anyone wants.

Heartslabyul:  

Riddle Rosehearts - Y (For pre-overblot section only) 

Pre-overblot, Riddle manages to fit a lot of jealousy inside his tiny body. 

Talking with someone he doesn’t like? He’s declaring that it’s off with their head because they broke a rule. Someone else is flirting with you? Oh no, the hedgehogs aren’t in order, he needs you to come help him fix them. Is someone doing anything in your presence that he dislikes? THE RULES STATE THAT ONE MUST NEVER TAKE THE KING AWAY FROM THE QUEEN! 

He’s willing to make up new rules just to keep you there with him. He’s lost so many friends because of his mother, but this is a feeling just for him. You understand, don’t you? You know what he feels and you’re willing to stand by his side? Forever? You’re the only one who can. You need to promise you’ll be his king, you’ll never leave him. 

Post-overblot and he’s much more calm. At least, he’s calm by his standards. He’s still… A bit over the top at times. He wants to make sure that you actually love him, that you’re not going to leave. 

But more than that, he’s worried that he’s too clingy. Are you tired of him focusing on you? Are you thinking secretly that he needs to grow up? Do you think he’s sidetracked, as his mother does? Do you think that he needs to change again? Is he too lax this time, is he boring? Is it a chore to entertain him? Are you planning on leaving? 

Just reassure your poor redhead. He wants to be the best he can be, and he wants to be that with you. He just needs to be told that you really do love him and want to be around him. Maybe give him some kind of signal so he can tell you how he feels without needing to outright say it and listen to his concerns whenever he comes to you. 

Trey Clover - 

Trey wouldn’t get jealous under normal circumstances. He trusts you, assuming he’d like to or is dating you, and that’s that. He’d only get jealous if someone was genuinely hitting on you, and you just… Didn’t notice or care. 

While he prides himself on his ability to keep a cool and level head, the moment he sees you with someone else, watching them touch you on your arm and compliment you the same way he does. No, he compliments you even better! 

“You’re so pretty…” He can call you beautiful, jaw-dropping, stunning, or awe-inspiring! “My dear,” You’re his sweetheart, his life, his heart and head, his darling cookie! “I think we should go somewhere more private…” Okay, maybe he’s too much of a gentleman to tell you that- he believes you should take the relationship st your own time and he’s never said that to you around others where you could be pressured- but he could at least say it with more class! 

Trey’s annoying, maybe even seething. But still, tell the person you’re uninterested and take a step back. Even punch him in the face, if you’re that pissed! Trey would do it if he weren’t vice-housewarden! Just don’t tell Riddle and it’s all good! 

If that doesn’t work, or if you don’t do anything, he’ll easily swoop in to ‘save you’. He’ll hand the guy a treat, wrap his arms around you, and pull you off to the kitchen with him to “help with some baking.” He will even use his unique magic on the guy if he doesn’t get the hint- Well, on the treat he gave them. No one likes gross-tasting foods, especially ones catered to the thing you hate the taste of the most. 

Cater Diamond - 

Outwardly, he’ll come up to you and chat. Who’re you with? Hey, Cay-cay’s got a quick Magicam post to take, could ya come over here real quick? Just take the photo, you don’t have to be in it or anything! Unless you wanted to! 

He’s calm and collected and barely bothered. Why would he be? He’s got nothing to worry about and he knows you like him and that you’d never do anything to cheat or be with anyone else! At all! 

Internally he’s curled into a ball and crying. Is he not good enough? He can be. He promises! He’ll be whatever you need, whatever you have to get! Please, just stay with him! Don’t leave! 

He needs some reassurance. Don’t let him sweep it under the rug, no matter how hard he tries. Please, just tell him it was all a misunderstanding. Thank him for being there with you. Please. 

Cater’s terrified you’ll leave him. Is it slightly unhealthy? Yes. Maybe. Totally. He’s been begging for crumbs of your attention every chance he gets, in his own way. But if you find it in yourself to be charitable… Please, just put up with him? 

Ace Trapolla - 

If nothing else, Ace is a brat, in every sense of the word. He’s a bit rude, obnoxious, and naive to certain social cues. He doesn’t follow rules and he’s not interested in learning them. He’s selfish, too. But especially selfish with your time. 

Ace will try to call you away at any time if you’re with someone else. What do you mean, Jamil needs some help preparing dinner? You’re going to need some help getting out if things go like they did last time! So, you better invite him along, too. He’ll be a great help! Besides, Jamil’s in the basket with him, they’re wonderful friends! There’s no way that you two will get kicked out with Ace here, considering how you’re a major klutz with anything sharp and would get totally sent away without him. 

He’ll come up behind you if you’re talking to someone. Snaking an arm around your midsection, dipping his hands to clutch your hips, and watching the person who was once talking to you. He might be laughing, but he’s also squeezing you and subtly insulting them. Or, he thinks his being subtle, but if you weren’t being held by him, the other guy would have punched him by now. 

His fingers dig into the skin around your hips as he pulls you away from them, the smirk on his face slightly darker than the lighthearted boy you normally know. Once you’re all alone, he stuffs his face into your neck, taking a deep breath. No matter what you tell him, he only savors you for a second, before giving you a little push and telling you to thank him for saving you from such a jerk. 

But if you were to pull him back in and thank him… Maybe he’ll tell you what’s bothering him- If you’re lucky. Maybe. Or you’ll just get an extra long and tight hug. 

Deuce Spade - Y 

Duece is a sweetheart who tries his best not to get jealous. Really, he tries! He’s on track to be an honor student, and honor students can calmly talk about their feelings with the person they like. So, that is what he will do… After he roughs up the perpetrator a bit. 

Just a little! Or a lot… Or just until you stop him, or Riddle’s nearby… Don’t worry, he wouldn’t hit someone just for flirting! They were trying to touch you… They had a hand on your waist, and were pulling you closer… It looked like they were even trying to kiss you! What was Duece supposed to do? Let them? He couldn’t bear it if anyone did anything to you! 

Deuce is protective. You can handle yourself, he knows that! But he used to fight a lot, so he could do it better. Besides, you’re new to this world! You might not even be able to tell when someone’s flirting with you until it’s too late! He has to be there to protect you, or else what could happen? Could you be hurt? Emotionally or physically harmed? He can’t bear to think about it! 

He’ll pull you away, much like Ace, if he can’t control himself most of the time. But the moment you’re touched? He’ll fight whoever does it. Tell him not to and he’ll tone it down, yes, but the glare from a former delinquent is still enough to send most people back with their tails between their legs. Of course, when you’re looking, he’s all smiles and rainbows. He’s your guard dog, don’t worry about it! He’s just making sure no trash gets close to you! 

Besides, you have him, and all of your friends! Like Ace, Deuce, Trey, Cater, and maybe even Riddle! You two share a friend group, isn’t that great? If anyone ever bothers you, he’ll always be there to stop them! No one will take advantage of you while he’s here! 

RSA+NBC: 

Neige Leblanche - 

It all starts when Neige sees you at a shared event. He’s been so excited to see you, but before he gets there, he finds Vil’s there with you. He bites his ruby lips and his hands are shaking as he watches the other man wrap his arms around your waist and pull you close enough to whisper something in your ear. Normally, when you laugh he’s so happy, but now it feels like there’s something yucky about it. 

It takes a while before Neige even knows what he’s feeling. It’s like something is slithering around his insides, pitting at the bottom of his stomach and sometimes threatening to come out his throat. Even when he goes up to talk to you, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. 

It isn’t until you pull away from Vil to hug you himself that he realizes it’s jealousy. Only once it’s away does he know that your affections were its only cure, and its cause was always when what he so desperately wanted was flung off to be given to someone else. 

He stays very close to you for the rest of the night. He tries to make sure those feelings that he knows but doesn’t yet understand how to tame don’t come back. He gets your number and whatever social media you’re willing to give over, and he’s overjoyed from it. It’s his own little prize, his own little gift from the world now sitting in his pocket. 

He doesn’t get jealous often after that- After all, he knows that you’ll take care of him if he needs it. He can trust you, after all, you’re his one true love. The royal he was always looking for, the person to rescue him like a knight in shining armor, riding in on a snow-white horse. He can trust you, right? 

Rollo Flamme - Y

Rollo gets jealous very, very easily. He’s seething, filled with rage and misplaced care, attempting to tie you down or up or any other way. Trying to tie you to him, no matter how much you kick and scream. 

You know that he needs you, don’t you? Well, he does. Honest to the god he worships, he does. He’d swear on his name faster than yours, if only because his honor means nothing while yours is a pure as mountain snow. He’d write you name into his skin if only you let him, he’d steal every inch of you away and keep it all pure, forever and ever. 

So when he sees you with a mage, he can’t help but get jealous. How could he not? You’re wondrous. Illuminatingly stunning, bursting his heart as fireworks do in the sky, filled with beautiful, burning passion. And he is merely a magic user. He is no more worthy of you than they are, but for them to think otherwise… He will not turn a blind eye to those who desire to do something horrid to his darling.

[creepyscritches]

I read your post about open enrollment for the ACA and was hoping you might expand on why you believe it would take years to dismantle. I've been terrified that with a Republican house/senate, Trump could just snap his fingers and make it go away within months of taking office. I'd love some reassurance that that's not possible.

Hiya, sure I can share some thoughts on the matter! First, it's very important to understand the ACA is a huuuuuuuuuuuuge system with subject matter experts in dozens of places throughout the process. I'm one of those SMEs, but I am at the end of the process where the revenue is generated, so my insight is limited on the public facing pieces.

What this means is that I am professionally embedded in the ACA in a position that exists purely to show what conditions people are treated for and then generate that data into what's called a "risk score". There's about 6 pages I could write on it, but the takeaway is that the ACA is

1) intricately interwoven with the federal government

2) increasingly profitable, sustainable, and growing (it is STILL a for-profit system if you can believe it)

3) wholeheartedly invested in by the largest insurance companies in the country LARGELY due to the fact that they finally learned the rules of how to make the ACA a thriving center of business

4) since the big issuers are arm+leg invested in the ACA, there is a lot of resistance politically and on an industry level to leave it behind (think of the lobbyists, politicians, corporations that will fight tooth and nail to protect their profit + investment)

The process to calculate a risk score takes roughly 2 years. There is an audit for the concurrent year and then a vigorous retro audit for the prev year - - this is a rolling cycle every year. Medicare has a similar process. These are RVP + RADV audits if you would like the jargon.

Eliminating the ACA abruptly is as internally laughable as us finishing the RADV audit ahead of schedule. If Trump were to blow the ACA into smithereens on day 1, he would be drowning in issuer complaints and an economic health sector that is essentially bleeding out. You cut off the RVP early? We have half of next RADV stuck in the gears now. You cut off the RADV early? No issuer will get their "risk adjusted" payments for services rendered in the prev benefit year (to an extent, again very complex multi-process system).

The ACA is GREAT for the public and should be defended on that basis alone. However, the inner capitalistic nature of the ACA is a powerful armor that has conservatives + liberals defending it on a basis of capital + market growth. It's not sexy, but it makes too much money consistently for the system to be easily dismantled.

Or at least that's what I can tell you from the money center of the ACA. they don't bring us up in political conversation because we are confusing to seasoned professionals, boring to industry outsiders, and consistently we are anathema to the anti-ACA talking points.

I am already preparing for next year's RVP for this window of open enrollment. That RVP process will feed into the RADV in 2026. In 2025, we begin the RADV for 2024. If nothing else, the slow fucking gears of CMS will keep the ACA alive until we finish our work at the end of the process. I highly doubt that will be the only reason the ACA is safeguarded, but it is a powerful type of support to pair with people protecting the ACA for other reasons.

I work every day to show, defend, and educate on how many diagnoses are managed thru my company's ACA plans. My specialty is cancer and I see a lot of it. The revenue drive comes from the Medical Loss Ratio (MLR) rule stating only 20% MAX of profit may go to the issuer + the 80% at a minimum must go back to the customer or be invested in expanding benefits. The more people on the plan using it, the higher that 20% becomes for the issuer and the more impactful that 80% becomes for the next year of benefit growth. It is remarkably profitable once issuers stop seeking out "healthy populations". The ACA is a functional method for issuers to tap into a stable customer base (sick/chronic ill customers) that turns a profit, grows, and builds strong consumer bases in each state.

The industry can never walk away from this overnight - - this is the preferred investment for many big players. Changing the direction of those businesses will be a monumental effort that takes years (at least 2 with the audits). In the meantime, you still have benefits, you still have care, and you still have reason to sign up. Let us deal with the bureaucracy bullshit, go get your care and know you have benefits thru 2025 and we will be working to keep it that way for 2026 and forward. This is a wing of the federal government, it is not a jenga tower like Trump wishes.

[dawnoflemuria]

"I love you but I can't say those words":

I would drown even the stars for you.

When I look at you, I just think about how much things have changed since we first met.. my how time flies..

don't you think looking at me like that will give me the wrong impression?

oh, by the way, don't be late for dinner.

I don't think I would have rather done this with anyone else..

did you ever think we'd grow so close?

how many times have I had to nurse you back to health now?

maybe you should sit this one out, I've got it for now

why haven't you told me this before?

Please don't do anything reckless

Will you sit with me?

When was the last time you ate??

Anything that you have to say to me, you can say infront of [B]

I know you're not feeling the greatest, that's why I brought you [insert thing]

you just love to give me hell, don't you?

You're important to me.

I don't wanna lose you / I can't bare to lose you

do you need some help with that? allow me

Hidden Confessions:

I don't think you understand just how much you really mean to me.

I know how you are, and that's why I've decided that you won't do this alone.

You can't get rid of me that easily (after an argument)

don't think so low of my loyalty to you for I would burn the heavens if it mean saving the stars in your eyes.

you've always been the one person who I could never stay mad at

I cherish the memories we make together

I will never let anything or anyone hurt you

you won't take them away from me

don't you dare lay a finger on them!

if you so much as make a move on them I will kill you where you stand, you hear me?

so precious, our time together

I love whatever this is between us.

do you ever think about where we'll be in 10 years?

careful now, you just might make me blush talking like that

Sappy Sentences:

I don't think the heavens or the hells below could fathom the level of love we share.

If there were a way to bottle your love, I'd get drunk on it every day

Sometimes all I really want is to lay like this, with you in my arms forever.

For us eternity doesn't mean for the rest of time. Eternity is just for the rest of our lives together.

I don't remember giving you my heart, but I know it's safe in your hands.

Watching you get hurt is like a blade through the heart, I can't take it.

Even if I had six hearts, they'd all beat for you.

I can't blame those who stare at you, I get lost in your beauty myself.

I'd worship you as my supreme deity, bathe me in your grace

I'd do anything in the world for you. Just you name it.

Come lay with me, I want to heart your heartbeat.

Everytime I'm with you, I can't help but feel at peace with the world.

[playstation-dreamcast]

Loved your hc's on the residents evil boys! Since your requests are open could you perhaps make headcanons on Wesker's flirting game? I bet he's good at it y'know to get people on his side but when he ACTUALLY likes someone? Man got no game. He's probably going full autism mode and tells about his special interest and shit <- I see it but that's my opinion though LOL

Oooo, we have different takes here actually. I love yours, and I can see it! But, here's my take!

Wesker Headcanons: Flirting Edition!

Gif is by @digitalangel777 btw!!!

Okay so first of all, I don’t really think Wesker flirts to be honest. At least, not intentionally. This is mostly because I don’t see Wesker as the type of guy to develop, nor clock his attraction to someone immediately. It takes time!

Wesker flirting is him remembering your coffee order and leaving it on your desk. It’s him not completely tearing you to shreds when you make an obvious mistake. It’s him praising your work when you actually do a good job, beyond just “Well done.” Wesker flirting is him being able to speak with you casually about something, rather than being so damn professional and wound up all the time, ya feel me?

He doesn’t even realize he’s doing it until it's too late. Until he’s in his car and Head Over Heels by Tears for Fears comes on and he catches himself daydreaming about you. You could the quick, sharp “Fuck!” He let out from the next car over. 

I think after that he’s kinda in cringefail mode ngl. Like, he’s trying to avoid you, but he’s integrated himself so much into your life and you so much into his that it is neigh on impossible, and he can’t stop giving you special treatment now, cause that makes you sad and he genuinely can’t stand when you get that glossy, upset look in your eyes

He’s not flustered. I think he’s a little too well composed for that. But he did, in fact, catch himself rambling to you for like, 45 minutes about the different strains of Flu after you told him you had just gotten your flu shot. And while you were a good sport and humored him the entire time, that was genuinely a mortifying experience for him. Had him staring at himself in the bathroom mirror at the RPD like:

“Get It Together Albert.”

He starts to actively look into you. Not necessarily in a “I have your official government docs” kinda way, but more in a “I’ve spoken to your friends and now know your favorite type of candy. Here, I got some for you.” Kind of way. More of a “You said you liked this movie. I watched it so we can talk about it. I liked Neo.” type of way, ya know? He’s going beyond the bare minimum office cordiality to actually try to connect

This is incredibly hard for him- you have to understand. The only other person he’s connected with on a human level bonded with him over unethical experiments and medical malpractice- give him time

He flirts by building a snowman with you. (This is my shameless self promo)

Oh, he also flirts by sharing his snacks. I think Wesker is genuinely really possessive of food for lack of a better word. I headcanon that he probably faced some food insecurity growing up (the boys home withholding food as punishment type deal), so he’s not big on sharing. Typically. For you though? Of course you can have the other half of his Twix. Here, don’t tell the others he hides suckers in his desk, but take one. Do you want to try this new weird chip flavor he found with him?

This is him taking care of you btw. Look at him, he’s such a good provider. He’d be so good at taking care of any potential offspring you have. Surely you want him, he is displaying so many Desirable Traits ™

This is how humans think, right? Like this is how it works? Of course it is, he’s an expert in human psychology. 

I think he eventually gets tired of beating around the bush honestly. And when that happens, a scene not unlike this one plays out

Aaaanyway- in conclusion, I think that Wesker is really good at flirting when the job calls for it and he needs to get people on his side. In that sense, he’s very good at it. But, outside of that context, he sucks at flirting. Mostly because it feels a lot like manipulation. So he doesn’t actually “flirt” to show his attraction. But there will be signs. (It’s the cup of coffee exactly the way you  like it on your desk btw. That’s the sign)

[litsenn]

Hi, I hope it's alright to ask your thoughts on something about Astarion. I just think your posts always show a very deep understanding of Astarion as a character, especially in regards to his complicated views on sex and intimacy, and I really appreciate and respect your analyses. I'm only on my second playthrough, so I like to hear from people who have played a lot more than I have.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Astarion’s state of mind in the first sex scene in act one (I'm currently writing about it). The more I think about it, his experience seems to be a very complex mixture of both positive and negative that exist simultaneously. These are just some of my current personal thoughts (all of this in the context of the PC being someone who treats him well and is generally a good person):

This is the first time he's getting to have sex on his own terms in 200 years, and that's probably liberating, in a slightly terrified and overwhelmed way. He is likely trying to convince himself that he feels more empowered and in-control than he actually does, because he needs that feeling. 

He knows the PC better than he ever knew any of his past targets, but he doesn’t yet believe that they truly care about him, either.

The sex ends up meaning more to him than he thought it would, but I also imagine it isn't exactly enjoyable for him, given his dissociation, feelings of disgust, and the fact that this was all just supposed to be an act. 

He is also probably struggling to reconcile the fact that he’s growing to genuinely like the PC with his belief that they are fetishizing him (this also connects with your incredible post about Astarion’s feelings about feeding on the PC at this point, and how biting during sex can be enjoyable for him, though still uncomfortable in that he views it as transactional) 

He feels like his performance here is important to his survival, because in his mind he is using sex as currency to get the PC on his side. The transactional nature of it is probably comfortable in its familiarity, yet no less disgusting for him.

 So what I’m ultimately trying to ask is: 

In your opinion, how much of this experience feels positive to him vs negative? 

Which of the feelings mentioned above do you think are at the forefront of his mind going into the encounter? Which ones “win out” over others? Are there more factors I forgot / didn’t list?

(I hope I made this sound somewhat coherent. I’ve had a hard time articulating my thoughts about this scene.)

First of all, thank you so much for your kind words 😭 I’m always very touched when people say they enjoy reading my stuff. I don’t know if my understanding of the character is so relevant, all I can say is that I relate to him on many levels, and therefore I analyse him from my personal perspective. Which also means that my posts are just one interpretation among many others.

Now, concerning this scene, there’s a lot to unpack. And I first have to say that there is no clear answer to the question "Did he enjoy it or not?". IMO, it will always be yes and no. And I'm only offering a personal analysis of this ambivalent situation.

Proceed at your own discretion because I’m going to talk about trauma, SA, sex-work and complicated relations to sex in general. Be careful.

Please, keep in mind that al of this is pure speculation (and forgive the typos😅)(and this post is long and chaotic, sorry).

I globally agree with all your points, and I love that you mentioned the complexity of his feelings during this scene. We can all agree that he has contradictive feelings about sex in Act 1. It's not just disgust, not just hedonism, not just attraction, not just manipulation: it's all of this and more.

And that’s one of the things I love about the writing of this character.

Sex is always complex (for everyone) but for survivors it’s even more complicated. And I love that Astarion’s narrative stands against the “perfect victim” tropes and the idea that SA survivors are incapable of enjoying sex. Despite the decades of SA, Astarion still enjoys it and wants it, but his desire is tainted with self-loathing, with fear. He deals with those through defence mechanisms and what I’d call “automatisms” from his former experiences and obligations.  

That's why before I answer your questions, I want to add one point which can also work as a foreword to the rest of the post: Astarion is attracted to the PC.

He says it during the confession scene, and there's no reason for him to lie at this point. Likewise, if the PC tells him they can be together without having sex, he's indeed relieved, pleasantly surprised, but he jests about it being a challenge.

I think there's some truth in those words: it will be somehow challenging. First because sex is the only kind of intimacy he's known for 200 years; it's will be difficult to "quit the habit", to discover and get used to new ways to get close to someone. Secondly, because he does find the PC attractive and probably wants to be able to have sex with them without feeling bad about it.

After all, it seems like he enjoyed sex very much before Cazador turned him, since at the beginning, he thought he could still enjoy having sex with his targets.

Meaning sex wasn’t something that disgusted him before all this. He might be able to remember (deep down) that sex can be 100% enjoyable.

Yet, it doesn’t necessarily means he’s now incapable of enjoying it; it only means that it’s going to be more complicated. He needs to rediscover how to fully enjoy it again – on his own terms – now that he’s free to give his consent.

Take the brothel scene for instance; if the PC has sex with Astarion and the Drow twins after dealing with Cazador, he's at first very excited about it. And I don't see any lie here, he's genuinely enthusiastic.

Unfortunately, during the orgy, he realises that it’s not for him ( not yet at least). Being with many people, and/or with someone that is not the PC is still an experience that triggers his trauma. But he didn't know that, he wasn't expecting his trauma to manifest. He wanted to do it, he wanted to enjoy it.

Not only he falls back into his old mechanism: sex as a performance, Astarion as an entertainer who must give the best performance to his partners, paying no attention to his own desire and needs. Followed by dissociation, which is something that happen automatically. You don't decide to dissociate. It's your brain switching off because the reality is too uncomfortable. It's survival.

Anyways, this bad experience is typical of what can happen to someone who's healing. It's normal. You want to explore your sexuality, and sometimes it works perfectly well, and sometimes not. That’s what healing is about. It's not linear, and sometimes it's messy.

It is true that some SA survivors are perpetually sex revulsed. And some of them become sex-addicts. And for most of them, it’s somewhere in-between. Still capable of enjoying sex VERY MUCH, but also finding themselves disgusted by sex sometimes for reasons they can’t really explain. There’s no rule as to how survivors experience sexual attraction. 

All of this to say that it is clear to me that Astarion experience sexual attraction, that he is attracted to the PC and that even in Act 1, an important part of him wants to have sex with the PC.

Back to your points.

Control, habits and defence mechanisms

I like how you said he “is likely trying to convince himself that he feels more empowered and in-control than he actually does, because he needs that feeling.”

There’s definitely something in his mind that still thinks as a slave, something which believes that he must have sex to be safe. Because it was the case for as long as he can remember.

Seducing people, sleeping with them without thinking about his own needs, that's part of his habitus. His body has been a tool for so long that he still sees it as such.

It’s ingrained in his mind, and even if he’s regaining his agency, some of the seeds planted by Cazador persist in his mind (and will until the Act 2 confession). Astarion says it himself, it's instinctive. And as you put it, it's somehow comfortable, it's charted territories.

A part of him tells him his only value relies on his sexual skills. Therefore he associates sex to a “safety net”. But he probably hasn’t acknowledged that yet in act 1; he prefers to lie to himself and to pretend he’s sleeping with the PC because he has become the puppet master. It's easier to think that way. But in fact, it was just a automatism, his survival instinct. So even if he’s really attracted to the PC, Astarion is still driven by fear and by a need to control how the PC feels about him (precisely because he's so afraid to lose control over the situation). And sex is the perfect tool for that. His body is the perfect tool.

[I can recall a few numbers of times when I had sex with people while lying to myself and pretending I 100% wanted it, pretending I was the one in control, when in fact, I had sex with those persons for reasons that had nothing to do with my own desire. It doesn't mean I didn't find them attractive, it doesn't mean I regret having sex with them, but it still means that my motivations weren’t what I thought they were, that my decision to have sex was still controlled by something else in my mind, something different from my actual desire. I acknowledged it months and sometimes years later.]

When Astarion welcomes the PC in the clearing, he’s performing. When I say he’s performing, I mean in the way he presents himself as as a person craving for sex, and he expresses his desire as such. He puts on the mask of the “mysterious sexy vampire”, keeping his voice low and his smirk sharp. He plays his part, the one he's played for years. He pretends to be the lover he thinks the PC wants him to be, the overly seductive vampire with his exaggerated declarations.

I think there are several ways to explain why he feels the need to perform:

It has always worked with his target up to now

That's the only way he knows

The exaggeration is also a shield behind which he can hide his vulnerabilities

Let me explain that last point : Saying a simple “I’m attracted to you, I want to be with you tonight”, without all the grandiloquence, is not something he would do at this point (even if that's how he feels), because that would make him look vulnerable. That would mean being honest with himself and with you, letting you see his raw desire, so to speak. It would feel too real (I purposely insist on that word and you all know why), and it's easier to exaggerate the whole thing and to pretend to be the hedonistic and over-the-top vampire. After all, he’s confident, he’s been doing that for years. He knows it works. He knows he’s hard to resist.

But when you think about it, he's obviously lying, saying he wanted this to happen since his first meeting with the PC... Come on, the first time they met he was ready to kill them.

It's a lovely lie, just like the "I love you" during his second proposition for sex (I talked about it here), but when you look into it, it's far grimmer.

Once more, there's a parallel between sex and death: "to have you"= Killing you. I already talked about that connection here, so I'll just quote myself: "It's possible to see Astarion's offer to kill you as a foreshadowing of him offering you to have sex with you. And considering what sex means to him at this point of his life - a tool to manipulate, which can lead to his partners to death - the parallel between the two in early act 1 makes a lot of sense to me."

But oh! µTav/Durge survived that first night with him! The PC is still here in the morning! That's new! It never happened to him before, waking up next to his partner. He needs to control this unusual and terrifying experience! Quick!

So I tend to think that the little remark about the PC being loud all night falls along those lines. He displays his (exaggerated) hedonistic and over-confident part of his persona, as a way to reassert that he’s the one in control. As if saying, reminding them: "I made you (the leader of the group) scream all night because I decided to, and everybody knows about it. I’m the one calling the shots.” 

But I think it's also as way to hide how he really feels about that night. So instead of opening up and saying how he feels about it, he teases the PC about their own enjoyment. Another defence mechanism.

And yet, the mask cracks a little bit when he asks if the PC wants to lose themselves in him; he suddenly looks terribly sad…

he asks for a consent he was never able to give before that

That’s probably a line he’s said thousands of times before and those who agreed did get lost… in death

It brings him back to the feeling of being a toy for others to enjoy, for people to use so they can "lose themselves"

The look on his face here is what he's trying to hide during this scene. He's wearing that mask (which will come back later if you ascend him), because he needs to protect himself. I'm not even sure if he acknowledges it at this point. It's an automatism.

But I believe that, as the night unfolds, he finds himself enjoying it.

Maybe it's just me, but I tend to feel like he’s getting more like his playful and silly self when you let him bite you. Whereas if you trust him to not bite, he keeps on performing, in control, like he was told to do by Cazador. 

If you let him bite you, you roll on the ground and he looks pleasantly surprised. And I think he starts to have fun here.

(Shadowheart, please)

And I think he can enjoy it even if he dissociates. As I said, the switch is automatic when the brain finds itself in a situation that represents some kind of danger or discomfort. For two hundred years, Astarion experienced sex in a way that was all but comfortable, sex he didn’t really want. It makes sense that his brain automatically switches off. Even though he’s having a good time here, intimacy itself is a trigger, no matter how much he's enjoying it. It’s instinctive, just like flirting is instinctive to him, paradoxically.

And I find the way he explains it quite interesting: he pretends it’s because of his bloodlust, because he didn't want to get carried away.

You see in his eyes that he’s lying. And I kinda like it because it’s sooo relatable. Finding excuses to justify dissociation or plain detachment during sex? yeah, that something I did, with answers along those lines: “I didn’t want to hurt you/I didn’t want to be too intense/I didn’t want to be too loud/I didn't want to scare you/I'm a little tired/etc."

And I still think he enjoys it even if he’s not 100% into it. He keeps his distance (mentally, emotionally) and it’s normal because he’s careful, because he doesn’t really know how to let go. And (healthy, happy) sex is about letting go completely, it‘s about trusting someone and allowing yourself to be completely free from your mental and physical restrains and automatisms.

It’s easy to understand why he can’t fully let go: he’s afraid, because he’s not 100% sure he can enjoy this, because he doesn't know how the PC will behave, and because he must be in control to feel safe.

His body knows how it works, so he lets his body act automatically,  that body which have danced the same dance thousands of time. He doesn’t have to think and it’s easier not to think. Easier and apparently safer than following his true desires. Here again, it's an automatism: his body knows, he can switch his mind off, protecting it from potential bad memories, protecting him from his own desire and feelings, protecting him from the temptation of being himself.

He can’t let go, he has to be in control. if only to make sure he will offer his partner the best performance. Even if he's enjoying the moment because the PC is respectful, playful, gentle or whatever you imagine for this first night, he can't let go.

As you said, he’s convinced the PC is only here for his looks – But think about it: Astarion himself never offered anything other than sex, he didn’t pretend he was in love with the PC. He only offered his body. By doing so, he's also protecting himself from potential feelings (theirs or his) of attachment and affection.

It's like saying “Don’t get attached to me. It’s just SEX”. He pulls up his own walls to keep the PC outside. It's another contradiction: he suffers from being seen as a beautiful and shallow individual who’s only good for sex, but he says upfront that he won’t give more than sex. He keeps the PC away (emotionally) while suffering from it. That’s another defence mechanism, combined with the fact that he probably still sees himself as a "mean to an end" (unconsciously), unable to see that he can be someone else than the "hedonistic and heartless vampire."

Besides, it's probable that he doesn’t believe it’s even possible for anyone to care about him. So he anticipates a potential emotional disappointment by saying that it’s only sex, convincing himself as much as to convince the PC that there’s nothing more to expect from it.

Positive/negative experience

You asked how much of this experience feels positive to him vs negative. Let's recap.

Positive feelings:

Excitement (first time having sex on his own terms + he’s attracted to the PC)

Physical pleasure (sex + blood if the PC lets him bite them)

Fun

A sense of freedom

Relief and a sense of pride (they fell into his trap)

A newfound affection (they trust him, they respect him)

Good surprise (he can still have fun while having sex!)

The PC being who they are (more about this later)

Negative feelings:

A sense of obligation

Fear

PTSD

The need to perform and make sure they enjoy it

Habits that make him serve instead of just enjoy the moment

Guilt

Shame

Confusion

Disgust

Feeling of being used (even if the PC isn't exactly "using him"; they accept his offer and they're not to be blamed for it)

One could think that the negative feelings are more important, and true, those bad feelings can be destructive. But I don’t think the unbalance is so evident, maybe because the positive feelings are all completely new to him, therefore they may be particularly powerful.

But in fact, they're all entangled and messy, and I believe Astarion himself can’t really make sense of them.

And later, he sums it up all on his own.

What we know, is that a few days later, he remembers that night as a good experience. And exceptionally good experience.

And tbh I think that’s what matters: What he makes of this night, how he digests and, remembers it, and how he looks back at it. It was special. Special enough for him to admit it.

He admits it feels different with you, it feels good with you -- but he can't yet get rid of the negative feelings sneaking in the back of his mind, ruining what should be a lovely moment.

As for the main feeling at the forefront of his mind… I don’t think it would be one feeling, but more a motivation: “I must stay in control” (whether he succeeded is up to discussion). In the end, I think he manages to suppress his main fears, to keep a certain distance, while at the same time finding himself surprised to be enjoying it.

Questionable motivations and enjoyment

As a SA survivor myself and a former sex-worker, there are so many things that fall close to home both in terms of ptsd, of performance and habitus. I perfectly see how desire, obligations, attraction and disgust can mingle until they become difficult to set apart. {Mind you, I’m not saying that sex-work and sex-abuse are one and the same, far from it. One can be a sex-worker and have never been abused].

In the case of Astarion, he’s first and foremost a survivor, and even if he compares himself to a prostitute a few times, he had no choice in doing it. Therefore, it's not sex-work, it’s human trafficking.

Yet, it's still transactional, and just like a sex-worker, he had to perform, to let the partner(/client) believe that he wanted them, that he wanted it, that he was enjoying it, even when it wasn’t the case. Remember how he made Sebastian believe he was head over heels for him.

During the first night with the PC, Astarion decides to have sex without anyone forcing him to do it. But he doesn’t do it out of sheer lust and attraction. He does it because he wants to keep himself safe and he thinks that’s the only way. Which is, imo, closer to what a sex-worker would do: having sex for money because they need that money to pay the rent or whatever they need to survive. No one is forcing them, except the material conditions and (in Astarion’s case at least) cognitive bias (the belief that he’s “only good at that”) + long terms habits.

And just like a SW, he has to make them believe that he's totally into it (believe me, client don't enjoy it as much if the SW doesn't pretend to be attracted to them).

Look at him, he’s performing. He's said those lines multiples times before. Even the movement of his hand: it’s theatrical. It’s planned and calculated.

This too is instinctive. He's done that for years and he is good at it.

Look at the shift, look how easy it is for him to put on a smiling face to "open a lot of doors" (and legs).

And after pretending to be attracted to those persons, he had to pretend sleeping with them didn't affect him. That too falls close to home.

That line in particular. SO FUCKING RELATABLE IT HURTS.

In my experience, there had been bad experiences. But you go on, because you need to. And to protect your own sanity, you stick to the idea that it's fine, that you can do that again. That it doesn't matter.

But it does matter.

And yet....

In the case of SW (which should always be consensual), being with a client can be a nice experience. Some clients are attractive, some clients are very sweet and respectful, some clients are very good fucks, some clients are all of this (and some clients are bastards but we’re not talking about them here). In any case, they are still clients. As a SW, I didn’t see them as potential ‘real’ lovers, and I wouldn’t have considered sleeping with them in any other situation. It doesn’t mean the experience was bad. I had genuine O with some clients and really enjoyed the company of some of them.

It seems contradictory, but it's real.

Back to Astarion: at the beginning of the meeting it ultimately starts with a performance, like the SW pretending they really want it (whereas they're only do it for money), but it might turn into a really good moment for everyone involved.

And IMO, that's more or less what's happening here with Astarion.

It's a tricky thing to explain because I really don’t want to look like I’m promoting forcing anyone to do anything. Sex should ALWAYS happen in a situation in which all the persons involved are 100% sure they want to do it, and 100% sure their partner(s) want to do it.

But there are exceptional situations (such as sex-work or what Astarion’s going through here, and I can think of other cases), where sex remains enjoyable even if the original motivations weren’t that clear. It’s not fully incompatible. Clearly, that’s NOT a healthy way to deal with your sexuality!!! But it can happen. And the main point here is that it still relies on consent. The person fully consents to do it, but they do it for “questionable” reasons (whether they acknowledge it or not), and they enjoy it in spite of having questionable reasons to do it. It can happen.

I think that’s what happens to Astarion at this point.

(That being said, I repeat it: ALWAYS make sure your partner is fully into it, and NEVER force yourself to have sex if you’re not 100% sure you want it!)

From a transaction to something else

It’s interesting to notice that if the PC refuses to have sex with him in the clearing, he doesn’t really seem to care.

He’s probably disappointed because his plan failed, but his reaction is very different from the reaction you get if the PC rejects him after the first night (my post on this matter here) when he seems really sad to be rejected. It means, I think, that this first night was REALLY meaningful – his heartfelt reaction to your rejection to spend another night together makes it clear. That first night was special since his reaction to your refusal is so very different.

In any case, if the PC refuses during that first night, he says he thought you had an “understanding", and it somehow evokes me something like a transaction (as you rightly mentioned in your message).

And it's not the first time he compares sex with the PC to a transaction. The first time he offers them to sleep with him, he presents it as a reward for letting him bite the PC. It's transactional: You let me feed, I give you sex.

He thinks that’s what sex is about. He has never known anything else, or maybe he did a long time ago but can’t remember.

I wrote that long post about how feeding him can be quite problematic given how he might see it as a transaction (here and here): Offering the the vampire bite kink in order to be fed and survive. It’s the same here.

He knows the PC enjoyed being bitten, he’s convinced they're attracted to him, and by being the one who gives "a reward", he presents himself in a position of control. I “allow” you to have sex with me, since you want it so much: I’m the one making that decision, having more power over you.

After all, in his mind at this point, sex is a question of power. (And if he ascends he undeniably falls back into that pattern; treating sex as a reward, as something to use to better control the PC)

You put it rightly in your message, there's also some sort of familiarity with that transactional system that is deeply comforting.

I won't lie, back in the days, it was sometimes difficult for me to be with someone who wasn't a client, because my partners then didn't expect anything from me. Whereas clients always expect something specific, if only in the SW's behaviour, or/and concerning the acts themselves. And it was comforting. I knew what I had to do to please them. But as I said, it didn't always keep me from having a good time with some clients. It's not incompatible. That's why I think Astarion can still enjoy it even though he's performing, and can get attached to the PC even if it started as something more or less transactional.

And that's precisely why it must have been so destabilizing for him!

After all, when that first night together happens, he appreciates the PC (you need enough approval to sleep with him). As you pointed out, they've already spent several days/weeks together, shared a lot things... That's new to him, sleeping with someone he knows and appreciates.

As a SW, I had defined through the years a clear line between people I met for the job, and people I met outside of it. There was no confusion between the two, even for the long-terms clients – even for the clients I cared about. I liked them, but we weren’t friends, we weren’t partners, we weren’t lovers. And we would never be.

I would say that in the case of Astarion, that separation exists, but it’s not as well defined because, despite his experience, all his partners were destined to end up dead (for all he knew) and he barely knew them anyway. He didn’t have to clearly define that separation because there was no opportunity, no room for him to get attached to them. He saw a target, seduced them, slept with them and they disappeared forever.

It was “easy”, he didn’t have to question the nature of his relationship with them. Whereas after that first night with the PC, they’re still there, alive, and they’re still being this great leader who cares about him and his needs, who values him as a person, someone whose company feels good. His habitus is all messed up and his mental pattern is no long relevant.

{From personal experience, and SW put aside, many years ago, before I really started working on my traumas, I forced myself to believe that I didn’t need affection, tenderness, care. I would never allow myself to cry, I refused to get attached to people (except some very close friends). Because I wanted to be in control of my feelings, I thought it made me look stronger, not showing any kind of vulnerability. I was 27 or 28 when I first experienced genuine tenderness and care while having sex and I realized that there was a softness inside me I had hindered for years and that I actually loved tenderness. Before that, I would run away at the first sign of affection, because it made me feel deeply uncomfortable (and vulnerable).  And when I finally accepted to experience it, it was completely destabilizing. It felt good, but I needed time to adapt.}

Astarion realizing that he wanted something real, soft, and gentle with the PC might have had the same kind of effect, but worse.  Because he was supposed to be manipulating the PC, to pull the strings, and he suddenly found himself being “manipulated” by his own feelings.

It must have been terrifying for him, realising that he could feel something like this. Because it means he doesn’t control himself (his feelings) as much as he wants to, as much as he thought he could. He "falls" for the PC, the expression itself being one of vulnerability.

For him, falling in love = falling into a trap. He was supposed to be the one crafting that trap, and he ends up being trapped by his (uncontrollable) feelings.

That's why he can sound so cynical about your affair. This banter is from Act 2 if you romance him:

He feels uncomfortable, not because you had sex, but because it actually means something, and he doesn't not how to deal with it. It's easier to joke about it than to admit that maybe he's not so much in control.

It's not the PC's fault

He’s hurt, he has PTSD, but he can now think by himself and make his own choices, for better or worse.

It’s normal for us, fans who know the rest of the story, to worry about him and to not want to have him do something he's not fully into. But we should give him some credits and let him experience sex his own way.

When you’re a survivor, sometimes you have great sex experience, sometimes your PTSD will ruin it, and you won’t be able to go through with it. Sometimes you have sex for bad reasons, sometimes you regret it and sometimes you’re proud of it. Sometimes you have healthy sex and sometimes you use it to hurt yourself. It’s normal. That’s what healing is about and how you learn to define your boundaries.

Astarion didn’t have any body agency for two centuries, it’s coherent that his first experience as a free man is driven by questionable reasons. You can’t expect him to immediately find a healthy way to deal with his sexuality.

For instance, if you don't sleep with him at the party, he spends the night with Lae'zel, and imho it's even worse.

She shamelessly uses him like a toy, and he knows about it. But it's still his decision to sleep with her, even if his motivations aren't "good". You can't take that away from him on the pretext of protecting him. He doesn't need that kind of infantilisation. Same thing when he decides to sleep with the PC.

The thing is that the PC can’t know. As benevolent and respectful and selfless as the PC is, it’s part of Astarion's storyline that they don’t notice anything. He does his best to keep the mask up because the last thing he wants is to look vulnerable to you.

And he knows it's not the PC's fault. He slept with them for questionable reasons and he feels bad about it; not because he thinks they hurt him, but because he knows he mostly hurt himself, and he feels bad for manipulating the PC.

He doesn't blame the PC for it, and I'm sure it's not because he's deluded by his sense of guilt. After all, he never blamed his targets for sleeping with him, even the "villains" among them. They're not the enemies.

Those who hurt him didn't hurt him because they accepted to sleep with him, but more probably because of their behaviours during sex.

Besides, if the PC uses the confession dialogue to trick him into sleeping with them again, Astarion accepts before realising how disgusted he feels about it, and there he blames the PC for it, because here they explicitly abused his trust, using his vulnerabilities against him. It's still difficult for him to say no, especially to someone he respects, but he can say no when he's not taken aback in his most vulnerable moments (again: he doesn't sleep with the PC at all if there's not enough approval). Sleeping with him that first night doesn't make the PC an abuser.

In act 1, the PC has no way to know how Astarion is feeling about sex, The PC is one that fool who wanted to love him...

Trust

I already mentioned how pleased he looks when the PC let him bite them, and I think it has to do with trust. They accept to spend the night with him although they know he's a vampire and they trust him not to drink too much. Look at his reaction if the PC warn him not to bite.

He's really disappointed, enough to put an end to this affair. The tone he uses here doesn't seem 100% genuine, though, masking indignation? frustration? sadness? I don't know, but the "it's about pleasure" sounds so fake to me.

He nonetheless decides to not sleep with the PC - he listens to himself and realises he doesn't want to spend the night with someone who can't trust him. The PC has taken back their trust and reduced him to his vampiric nature (as something bad). Whereas if they sleep with him, they show him that they accept him.

That’s what makes that night so special: not thanks to some sort of “collective ecstasy” but thanks to mutual trust. The PC trusts him not to hurt them. Astarion trust them not to abuse him. He’s not ready to be vulnerable, but he allows himself to enjoy that moment with the PC, despite his plan, despite his past. Because they've both come this far and the PC has proved him multiple times that he could rely on them. It’s a fragile trust at this point, but it’s still more than  what he’d ever had before.

An essential step

IMHO this scene is essential in the romance route. I know some players wished there could be an option to romance him without sleeping with him, and I perfectly understand why. Realizing that he might have not be totally into it is painful. It’s uncomfortable. I also understand that if the PC is demi-sexual/ace, it makes the romance road a bit awkward. And it’s a valid feeling.

You can romance him without sleeping with him as Karlach origin, and that's because it's Karlach. The tension arises from the fact she can’t and wants it so much (for good reasons), whereas Astarion can and wants it somehow (for questionable reasons). That road is specific to them both because they are a mirroring one another.

Karlach aside, the thing is that in terms of narrative growth and storyline, this first night is the starting point of his healing journey. For the first time in 200 years, he has sex in a safe environment. For the first time, he finds a partner who trusts him enough to sleep with him even though they know he’s a vampire who could bite them. For the first time in his existence he can have real fun while having sex, he can be silly and roll on the ground. And maybe during this moment, he’s no longer the “sexy vampire” but just a man frolicking in the forest with someone he's attracted to. And again, it's still his decision, no matter how "bad" his motivations are. We should give him some credit.

I think it’s a brave move from Larian to put the players in that situation, to make them face the harsh reality of trauma. The harsh reality of being with someone who has such complicated feelings towards sex because of their trauma. It’s real. Very real. And it feels good to be seen.

You don’t always know the past of your sexual partners. You don’t always know what’s in their mind when you’re sleeping together. And if you happen to learn the harsh truth, it stings.

The Act 2 confession wouldn't be such a powerful scene without the first night. Astarion wouldn't have appeared so brave. Telling the PC about his former motivations must have been incredibly difficult, telling them "I wanted it but wasn't really into it" is freaking brave, and it's a token of trust he gives to the PC. Without that first night, it would have fallen flat. The PC would have just felt some kind of pride for not falling for his flirting and...that's it. Good, have a medal. Instead, the narrative puts the PC in an uncomfortable position, asking them: "Can you accept that? Because that's what trauma looks like and it's ugly."

That first night is inherent to Astarion's storyline, and to its message. That man goes from someone whose only reason to exist is being a sensual, sexual being in a cruel environment - someone who cannot connect with others without sex - to a man who finds out that he’s more than that, that sex doesn’t have to be dangerous, that’s it’s so much more than a game of power. And when you compare his grandiloquent attitude during that first night to his behaviour in the graveyard scene, it’s even more telling.

Those two scenes need to exist side by side to make sense, to reveal the evolution.

Everything about him in the graveyard scene - his body language, the look in his eyes, his voice - is a reversed image of that first night. He’s at peace, he doesn’t have to use those stupid lines about “mutual ecstasy” and how he will “taste you”, he doesn’t look down on the PC or look away. He looks into their eyes and tells them with his own words that he’d love to have sex with them.

But you have to experience both situations for the graveyard one to be so powerful. To witness that beautiful evolution. And Astarion too; he has to experience a “not so real” night with the PC to know that he wants something real with them.

It makes it all the more meaningful and sweeter. And imo, the graveyard scene is so freaking hot! Much more than that first night! Because it's genuine. It’s simple. He knows what he wants, his motivations are clear. It’s a man telling his lover “I want you”. A man who's learning to decipher what he really wants and to express it. And it’s more than enough.

[Let’s be honest, it’s been quite challenging to write all this. I rarely talk about my past online (for obvious reasons) and this scene means so much to me. Analysing it feels a little bit like analysing myself. And if you ever went through therapy, you know how hard it is xD In any case, that’s still my pov, based on my personal experience. I don’t pretend I hold the keys to a universal truth about it. We all have our own experience and sensibilities, and all of them are valid, even if we don’t agree in our interpretations.]

Thank you again @rivereverie for giving me the opportunity to dig into all this. I hope my humble opinion will help.

Last thing, some time ago I wrote a short fic about Astarion’s preparing himself for that first night, and it’s here.

[mikuyuuss]

I love that Mitsuri is a little silly and stupid at times, shes a girlboss AND a girlfailure to me <3 but apparently there are some people that genuinely dislike her for those things? I understand Mitsuri's character isn't for everyone, BUT WAIT, HEAR ME OUT.

I've always had this headcanon that Mitsuri had a somewhat sheltered childhood growing up, since In the Rengoku Gaiden, she randomly got discriminated by a stranger for her hair color, so I can only imagine that she probably got that on a daily basis.

I'm sure Mitsuri's parents don't enjoy seeing their eldest daughter bring harassed, so perhaps they might have coddled her a bit. Maybe that could explain why Mitsuri comes off as childish, innocent or """"stupid"""" as many people would say. For me, it's more like her personality just screams "sheltered kid", through no fault of her own tho.

(this is taken from the second fanbook, translated by @/violetheart08)

The fact that she's happy to have friends at the corps, suggests to me that she probably didn't have many friends growing up, she most likely got bullied too, and if that's the case, it's understandable that she can come across as overly friendly and excitable whenever she's befriending new people.

She's actually socially awkward like Giyuu, but just on the opposite end of the spectrum lol, that's why I love them both.

But still, it's not that Mitsuri is straight up incompetent. She's very creative and thinks outside of the box with her breathing style. She also adapts pretty well in high stress situations, we saw this in swordsmith arc, but also we see this very clearly in the Rengoku Gaiden too.

The fact that it only took her two years to become a hashira shows that she has a level of discipline to attain that title. Not only did Rengoku trained her well, this is also no feat that a truly "stupid" person can achieve.

The reason why I have this particular headcanon about Mitsuri is because some families do put A LOT of importance on reputation, especially asian families, when their kids start showing traits that would make them "different" they tend to "hide" the kids in order to protect their reputation so they won't lose their chances at marriage.

(Though I'm not saying all asian families are like this. This is mostly just based on my personal experience that I won't elaborate further)

It reminded me of this scene, when Mitsuri's family suggested that she can just stay with them forever when she was worried that she won't be able to find someone. I love Mitsuri's parents and they are VERY GREAT for their time, but also this is really relatable to me personally :(

And given how marriage was such a big deal in Taisho era, I imagine that it was a mixture of that and the pressure to conform and protect their daughter at the same time that led me to imagine that Mitsuri probably had a sheltered lifestyle.

And you know it's possible that I'm wrong about all of these lmao, but just the fact that she has a comparably normal childhood is a good enough reason as to why she's more positive and naive compared to her peers. I know this is all just a headcanon, but I do wish people can be a bit more considerate towards Mitsuri before hating on her for being "loud" "stupid" and "annoying"

[zazaiafe2]

Zaza, my dear, I love you but I feel bad for you getting attacked by your void state post :( I understand both the attackers and you, I think you just worded your post differently so they misunderstood. Nevertheless, I understand your belief but I will simply put it aside, thank you for sharing🫶🫶

Well, no, I don’t fully understand. Some people were incredibly quick to insult or attack me over that post. While I understand not everyone agrees with me, wishing me never to manifest with the void, insulting me, degrading me, calling me stupid, lying about my intention or what i said, and saying I was speaking bullshit, that crosses a line.

Yes, I admit my wording was clumsy, but that doesn’t justify the level of violence and meanness I received in exchange. I haven't realized how people can hold so tightly to their beliefs, and when someone challenges that, it can feel like a personal attack, even if it’s not meant that way.

I hope people reflect and grow from this, especially since I was attacked by a large shiftblr account with far more influence than me, which felt very unfair. It was not a symmetrical exchange.

To clarify again: I don’t believe in the Law of assumption (LOA), and I don’t see the void as a foolproof, 100%-guaranteed method, even if I deeply respect its power and I think it's an extremely useful tool. I choose not to speak in absolutes, especially when we’re talking about complex inner experiences and also when we see to what extent each year these so-called absolute changes for something new. I think people thought, "Oh, so they're saying the void doesn't work." Which wasn't what i meant at all.

Why? Because statistically, 100% guaranteed success doesn’t exist. And claiming otherwise can unintentionally make people feel like they failed, did something wrong, or weren’t “good enough." I remember in 2023 when everyone thought that lucid dreams were a miracle method there were already similar speeches, "If you were truly in a lucid dream you would have shifted." which made many people feel guilty for not succeeding properly instead of listening to their problems and trying to adapt.

Dismissing other people’s experiences just because they don’t fit a specific belief system is not only unhelpful, it’s unfair. Everyone’s path is different !! And that diversity should be respected, it's so important.

Now I'll introduce you to something which I call the toxic cycle of community shifting.

1. A new method or concept becomes popular.

(e.g., The Void, lucid dreaming, starfish position,The LOA)

2. It gets labeled as the "100% guaranteed" method/concept or an universal truth.

- "This is the easiest and fastest way to shift!"

- "If you do this, you'll definitely succeed!"

3. People start exaggerating their results or generalizing personal success:

- "I shifted instantly in the Void."

- "If you can lucid dream, you can shift easily."

-"You just have to assume it worked, that's all it takes."

4. Then the toxic phase begins:

- "If you didn't shift, you did something wrong."

- "If you were in the Void and didn't shift, it wasn't the real Void."

- "If it didn't work for you, you're just not trying hard enough."

-"If you really believed, it would’ve happened instantly."

5. Victim-blaming and elitism emerge:

- People feel ashamed or invalidated for their failures (or even what they perceive as failure.)

- The community turns against nuance and discourages open discussion.

- Those who bring nuance are labeled as "negative" or "limiting."

6. Eventually, the hype dies down and a new trend takes its place.

- But the same toxic cycle repeats with the next "miracle method/concept."

The Result? :

- Harmful expectations.

- Loss of community trust.

- Suppression of diverse experiences.

- A cycle of hope → pressure → shame → silence.

-Bullying

-Unhealthy idealization of certain concept or person

Maybe we can all just admit shifting and manifestation is a multifactorial topic, with enormous complexity and gray areas that we are not aware of at all.

Anyways love y'all, sorry for the more serious post, I am preparing a post on my DR, and happy shifting

[presidentkamala]

Rant about white leftists incoming:

As a progressive who's politically involved, I'm fascinated by the way that I see white leftists around me simp for and identify with white conservatives. I'm white too, but I'm trans and have lived in redder/purpler areas than a lot of these people have, and I just can't share their romanticism the same way. These white leftists often identify economically with rural white conservatives and do rightly point out that left wing economics would help these people. I also know a lot of liberals who would benefit from these things but curiously I never see leftists romanticizing impoverished liberals. The thing is, yes, sometimes conservatives will say things that sound very leftist. (Liberals will too, but I never see THAT discussed by them). And so they assume, then, that working class conservatives just need the Right Candidate to swing them over to the left. But as someone who's had to deal with these people (and has a political science degree, no biggie), white leftists fundamentally misunderstand these people on every level.

They want the benefits of good social services--*as long as not a single black person gets to have it*. These are the people who closed public pools so they didn't have to integrate them. They are willing to deprive themselves of anything as long as they don't have to share it with people of color. They are not with Trump because of "economic anxiety". They love the racism, the sexism, and are willing to suffer themselves if they're told an undocumented Mexican worker will suffer a little more. They were not duped into fascism, THEY ARE HERE FOR IT. When these people say they're alienated by Dem party elites they're not making insightful points about how the Dems are still too entangled in billionaires for my liking as well, they're talking about women, poc, and out LGBTQ people being successful when they're "not supposed to be" with some antisemitic overtones on top. These are people who have shot themselves in the foot so they can bleed on a liberal's carpet.

I don't want to believe anyone is hopeless--I don't! But deprogramming these people has to address their racism first. You are not going to cure these people by running Bernie Sanders. You are going to have to make them check their privileges and that 1950s America is never coming back, and that it shouldn't. They do not want leftism right now! They want privilege!

(Also these people will talk about how racist and imperialist this country is constantly, but when a black woman loses to a clown of a white man, suddenly America is completely blind to race and gender and Harris was just a bad candidate, acksually and what do you mean I need to check my racist and sexist biases I don't have those I'm Woke, remember? Because I own a hammer and sickle flag)

SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leftists will call liberals every bad name in the book and turn around immediately to lick cons' asses and try to woo them by throwing every single one of us under the bus. We need as many hands as possible to get us out of this quagmire but until leftists can make me understand how black women and jewish people are the "elite out of touch democratic establishment" i just dont think they have anything interesting to say.

And while almost all democratic voters have voiced criticisms of and conflicts w the party leadership, the slavish attachment to bernard is pure cult and grift and deceit from the left!! They're only just now realizing how badly they burned the rest of the anti-fascism coalition and are throwing the biggest tempy tanty ive ever seen. But you hit the nail on the head: they AND maga have the same problem which is a total refusal to grow the fuck up

[melliae]

Is love to be earned? Musings on one of Canto VIII’s themes

“Under Mercy, all shall be made equal”

Chesed. The Kindness and Mercy of God. His all-encompassing love that accepts and joins all, for only God fully understands your heights and depths, your best and your worst. Thus, it’s no coincidence that Dante’s awakened to its corresponding Sapling of Light’s ability in the Canto whose Sinner is the kindest of all, the one who couldn’t bring himself to hate his siblings, parents, and elders.

But such a thing really goes against what we hold as common morality, right? It’s alright—No, you must hate those who bring you and others harm, and not to forgive them as long as you want even if they have changed or are in the path to do so. Doing the contrary will certainly win you some disapproving/confused glares… Why does that sound familiar?

“Xinchun: ... Right. I guess... if it was anyone else among my siblings, they would have sent their lackeys after us already... Or... maybe I'm not even worth that much effort already.”

“Dissapointed Audience: We raised that failure as our own son? What a pathetic disappointment… Excited Audience: Don't worry... I have faith in our third child. I mean, it's not like we expected anything from this one, right?”

“Wang Qingshan: We've sacrificed so much of ourselves... just for this day... just for the Family Hierarch war… […] If I fail here miserably... having accomplished nothing... they might kill me when I get home… I have to do something, anything... to be a proud sister to my little siblings…”

“Shi Sijing: Father... Please forgive me... I should've done better than this…”

“Xue Baochai: But maybe they'll use a different treatment method on [Xue Pan] this time. Hopefully they'll edit him to be more obedient to mother's commands this time around~”

“Hong Lu: When a child is born, they aren’t celebrated—they are hidden, concealed for years in the dark, so that competition wouldn’t take notice of a new rival…”

Surprisingly, how collective morality can twist itself into the monstrosity that we see in the inhabitants of Daguanyuan. Every family readies itself to kill or be killed to achieve what they want, and impossible standards are put in children.

Certainly, most people would think our society—our ethics—can’t possibly be the same as Daguanyuan’s, but that’s a vile lie. The 2 systems are rooted in the same principles, on the threat that people do not deserve love if they don’t fulfill the standards and rules imposed upon them by others, that they are monsters that deserve to be insulted and gutted for daring to betray others’ expectations, no matter if they are kids or their parent, stranger or friends, or even the ideas we have of people

Truth to be told, it’s near impossible to escape such feelings and gut reactions, and as luck would have it, we are particularly good at pointing fingers, especially towards our parents and older relatives, those who raised us and were supposed to give us unconditional love. But things are always more complicated than that, aren’t they? We would love to always be the good guys, to receive love and care despite our flaws, yet when we have to do so with others…

Certainly, we can blame the Elders and Hierarch of Hongyuan for this. But at the same time, they were victims of that very same thing, weren’t they? Shi Miyin and the past Hierarchs were unconscious of that fact, they never understood what their search for immortality truly implied: just as the river goes down the mountain to the sea and the Sun rises and sets, so does the human life grow and withers away, acting as fertile soil for the next generation. Nature, after attaining the highest level of development, will forever descend into the dark embrace of the unknown, falling apart against the wishes of society and the collective.

“So for many people all too much unlived life remains over—sometimes potentialities which they could never have lived with the best of wills, so that they approach the threshold of old age with unsatisfied demands which inevitably turn their glances backward.” - Carl Jung, Structure and Dynamics of the Psyche.

The wish for immortality is a manifestation of the fear of death, which in turn is a product of fearing life and its disappointments. That is, for the Elders, to die means to have failed their forefathers, their family, and everyone else, admitting that everything they have done was for naught—sacrificies, tears, murders, pain, hatred. The Distorted form of Jia Mu, acting as a mere palanquin for the Xianhuang Worm, a symbol of collective expectations, traditions, and thus fears, with some of the skills’ names and affinities show how little Jia Mu thinks of herself without the Elders—the collective and society—approving of and praising her. 

However, immortality is infinite time and duration, and within infinity everything happens and therefore fades into sameness, which runs contrary to what life is about! Immortality goes against nature, and by “achieving” it, the Xianren fully physicalized their own fear of death born from trying to fit with what society asked of them, foregoing their own essence in search of that little, most “worthless” thing called love, the essence of God and goal of nature.

Back in Canto V, Queequeg felt envious of how Abnormalities “know” what they wish, and Ishamel expressed a curious idea of how Whales may feel lonely and try to make more of them to alleviate it. Naturally, this is similar to how Bloodfiends themselves act, and in that context I have to point out how the Manchengan Bloodfiends described the Golden Bough’s light as warmer and gentler than even the one they thought they lost forever—the same light Abnormalities, the unconscious aspects of life, and even the Pallid Whale seem attracted to. And what does the Golden Bough do? It illuminates the mind and manifests it, bringing buried fantasies into the sphere of consciousness, into reality.

The above was just a very long way to say that nature itself wants to be realized. It wants to be lived and known, and the only way to do so is… simply living, experimenting the good and the evil, the successes and failures. Pitifully for us, conscious beings, we are alienated from what surrounds us from the moment we open our eyes, all the while something primal inside us wants to feel connected to it, which is something only achievable by love, the creator and end of all creation. We, thus, yearn for something that is a deeply unconscious part of us, making us seek it in the external world… The rest is history, isn’t it?

“When we were born, our natures were good. Though our natures were similar, our habits made us different.”

But no matter how marred and deformed the body becomes, the repression of the yearning to live will never disappear, for it is our inalienable nature as living beings. Only in the most hopeless of situations is that drive truly lost. So, despite how aberrant they became, the Elders wished to experience all those possibilities they couldn’t live, those “foolhardy, young, witless, and flawed choices” that lead to “an adventure they would have never made,” which isn’t that far-off from how Bloodfiends work, right? A stale immortality that wishes to return to the natural flow of things more than anything, yet inherently tied to pleasure and blood.

Even when despair and stagnation hit rock bottom, the Elders refused to move from the comfortable stronghold they created, surrounded with artificial nature, content with merely watching the adventures, failures and bitterness their souls longed for. They watched and watched, but never dared to understand what they witnessed, because that would have meant they lived incorrectly and did everything wrong, that they are not worthy of the “love” and “respect” they desperately fought for.

With all of that said, then Hong Lu perfectly acts as the foil for the Elders and Shi Miyin: they are people who refused to follow what life—their own selves—had in store for them, merely witnessing from afar as everything that ends is ultimately meaningless. Only the eternal, such as Danguanyuan and its traditions, has any value, for it will never disappear and change, showing that they have done something worthy. To dream big and sacrifice oneself for the collective are the only correct ways to live, and Hong Lu soon learned that despite lacking such ambitions to begin with, seeing the way he lived as meaningless.

“Jia Qiu: Each heart has a different cause that moves them. How can one speak of the fathoms of a lake when all they have seen is the water’s surface?”

Kong Qiu, by contrast, is the antithesis of the Elders: he experienced the depths of despair the day the Kong family was eradicated, failing in every single way the standard by which Danguanyuan’s inhabitants judged the world. However, despite temporarily falling into a deep hatred for the world, he walked beyond the prison of Hongyuan, into the vast City filled with flaws, disappointment, and hope, and “by the age of 30” he firmly stood up against society and its delusion that there was only 1 way to be and act, as represented by his EGO, Érli. He essentially became what the Elder could have been if they had not been broken, the “perfect man” by which life becomes realized and known, accepting the walks of life and flows of people, but only as long as they follow what their soul and heart tell them.

Fundamentally speaking, then, Kong Qiu has an enormous wellspring of kindness he has managed to perfectly control and manage thanks to the worldly wisdom he has gained. In Kabbalistic terms, this can be understood as Geburah tempering Chesed, or the justice and might of God controlling his kindness to allow the continued existence of creation. Needless to say, his violent but necessary confrontation against Hong Lu shows it the best, as there’s no better guide for the “eternal child” than the adult that experienced the worst of life.

And so, we finally arrive at Hong Lu’s final realization.

“So what if we can race against the wheels of death? If we are always running, we can’t behold the sceneries.”

The Elders and Hong Lu shared the fear of the meaningless represented by death and temporality. They ran and ran to not be hurt more than what they already were. They closed themselves into their respective lands of illusions, warding off the violent and bitter waters of life that dictate the flow of time itself, as Hubert wisely stated. But at the end, after witnessing what the Sinners and Kong Qiu have done for him, Hong Lu decided and exposed himself to the risk of failure, for life is teleology par excellence—seeking its own descent and end as the culmination of its existence.

But more importantly… Hong Lu understood the Elders were no different than him and everyone else from his family. They were much of a child as he was, that even his beloved grandmother was a “little girl” before the eyes of collective tradition and morality. So, instead of killing them in a fit of anger guided by his disappointment, he shared his kindness and love with Elders one final time before closing the doors of their self-created, interminable hell isolated from the world and its refreshing waters.

“Hoping that through my finder you’ll find another answer.”

Love is the creator of nature, its conqueror, and humanity is alienated from nature since its birth. But if his older brother and friends fought for and won him, who is to say the Elders can’t be saved? It may be meaningless, they surely won’t change, but he wants to give them that last mercy.

It may acquire diverse shapes and forms depending on their circumstances and necessities, yes, but Hong Lu knows very well how important it is to feel loved, independent of what people do, for that is what everyone yearns inside their hearts.

Post-Commentary

There’s not much to say here, really. I think the post already speaks for itself. At most, I think the ideas may be somewhat clunky and dispersed? The topic is really dense, so trying to summarize it like this feels lacking. The Divine Comedy certainly describes the same idea, though with harsher lenses (akin to Kong Qiu’s).

Outside of that, the only thing I can rescue is that my appreciation about Shi Miyin can potentially apply to Jia Huan at some level, thanks to Qiu’s comparison. I don’t think his usage of the “Contempt, Awe” EGO is just as simple as him being a “professional hater,” as we know the Spiral is just as susceptible to having its own pride broken and hating itself.

So, with that said, until the next post!

(please, someone steal my computer)

[mysteryshoptls]

Rook Hunt Shared Lines

Tutorial: Come, let us be off together, to that lovely place of knowledge.

Level Up 1: Marvellous! This is utterly fantastic!

Level Up 2: There is a certain excitement in growing stronger.

Level Up 3 / Buddy Level Up: There it nothing better than the time spend with good friends.

Level Max: There is beauty only capable of being understood by someone who has mastered something. Très bien! Thanks to you, I have also been given a glimpse into a whole new world.

Vignette Level Up: Non, non... There's no need for you to say anything. Just from looking in your eyes, I can tell what your heart is saying.

Spell Level Up: I feel like I could capture any target wish right now! Why don't I give chase to test this theory out?

Friendship Level Up: All this time I get to spend with you is filled with new discoveries, it is absolutely spectacular! May I come visit again?Friendship Level Up: All this time I get to spend with you is filled with new discoveries, it is absolutely spectacular! May I come visit again?

Friendship Level Max: You are a dangerous one. Time and time again, I feel as though my innermost thoughts may come spilling out. Oh, this delightful feeling of tension… Beauté! I shall come visit again.

Uncapped: You've shown me all sorts of new possibilities. This is a first for me, merci.

Groovification: I've met with a brand new me. My heart flutters with joy at this spectacular becoming.

Lesson Select 1: The beautiful have a duty to take responsibility regardless of their choices.

Lesson Select 2: Beauté! I could watch your focused consternation forever.

Lesson Select 3: What is your best subject? Why don't you quietly whisper it in my ear?

Lesson Start: Come, the starting bell will ring soon.

Lesson Finish: Beauty exists even when it ends... ～Fin～

Battle Start: Let’s begin, it’s time to hunt.

Battle Won: If we are to fight, it’s something that I wish to win beautifully.

Trouble 1: Having two hearts clash so passionately… Beauté! It was not a terrible experience, at all.

Trouble 2: I feel I understand him much better than I did before. Thank you for this valuable opportunity.

GIFT CALENDAR 2023: “How will you be spending the day?” I plan to check on the houseplants we are cultivating in the Science Club. Fufu, I wonder what sort of expressions they’ll have today? I do hope there’ll be some changes from yesterday that I’ll get to enjoy.

Birthday Login Message 1: Merci! Your beautiful wishes is the best present I could ask for. Please permit me to cherish those feelings of yours.

Birthday Login Message 2: It seems there is something you wish to talk about with me, yes? …Of course I guessed! Shall I tell you how many times I counted your eyes glancing over at me during the last five minutes? Now, I shan’t run nor hide from you. Please, tell me what business you have with me. …Fufu, I definitely thought that’s what you’d say to me! Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I am grateful to hear your feelings.

Birthday Login Message 3: You wish to know if there is anything I want for my birthday? Well, if you will so permit me… I would like to hear your singing voice. That’s right, I would like you to sing a birthday song for me. Does that embarrass you? Then, I shall sing alongside you! We can sing loudly, at the top of our lungs! Ready? Un, deux, trois!

Birthday Login Message 4: What would I like for a birthday present? Fufu, I’m elated enough just knowing you want to celebrate my birthday with me. Well, if you’ll indulge my selfish little whim, could I steal a moment of your time, then? I have been hoping to have a chat with you about beauty for some time now. I would love to hear all about what you find beautiful.

Birthday Login Message 5: Bonjour! And also, merci. How wonderful to have you come celebrate my birthday. Hm? Oh, sorry, I just received a message from Trey-kun. “I need you for something, so come to the club room.” …is what he said. He want’s me to come all the way to the Science Club room, I see… Heh. Does it not seem like there may be a spectacular surprise waiting for me? Perhaps I’ll be suddenly doused in a barrage of soapsuds… Or perhaps they’ll hit me with a thrilling show with an explosion of powder? Oh, my. It does no good to imagine too grandly. Regardless, I plan to enjoy my day to the fullest!

Requested by Anonymous.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

theorizing

It's still early in the event, but I'm already trying to think about what Hot Topic Issue this year's Halloween event might tackle (assuming it follows the precedent set by GloMasq and Playful Land). Here's the theory I present to you: the conflict will be about escapism and where to draw that divide between fantasy and reality. Why do I think that? Because there are lots of parallels between our shiny new guy on the block, Skully, and us, Twst fans.

Book 7 presents a similar idea when Lilia and Malleus discuss the life cycle of Gao-Gao Drago-kun, how short it is, and how convenient it would be if the virtual pet could live forever in a fantasy world. In the same book, Yuu has finally found a potential route home... meaning an end to their story and their time in their current world. Read another way, it can be said that we, the Twst fans/players, are like Malleus, not wanting anything about our lives in Twisted Wonderland to change. We want to stay here among these characters we have come to love and grow close to, not return to our boring mundane lives in our original worlds... in reality. Likewise, similar points of comparison can be drawn between these themes and Lost in the Book with Nightmare Before Christmas, even as early as part 1.

Now in this allegory, Skully represents us, the average Twst fans. Here's the parallels I noted:

Skully is notably a first year, which matches up with the grade level that Yuu (the player self-insert/POV character) is assigned to

Skully attends a school where his peers don’t understand him or his interests. This mimics the experience of some Twst fans, who may be misunderstood even within the anime fandom. How many times have people joked “Oh, you like the Disney dating sim?”/assumed that Twst is cringe? Can you talk to fans of traditional Disney about Twst? Twst may be somewhat niche in your immediate area. Chances are, you have to retreat to online avenues to find like-minded fans. In this way, Twst fans may feel isolated or not understood.

He does not like to talk about school because he doesn't have many people who understand him, perhaps due to his eccentricities. Again, this may not directly translate to all Twst fans, but rather it can be very relatable to those who lack social connections and seek to fulfill that through fandom or escaping into a fantasy world.

Skully is an otaku for Halloween. And what are we, as Twst fans, if not also otaku?

He looks mysterious but has excitable reactions. The behavior reminds me of someone who can be very sociable online or in special circumstances but might come off completely differently in real life or initially due to how their face looks and how they dress.

The strongest parallel, however, is the fact that he, like Yuu (again, the player self-insert character) ALSO gets isekai'd... into the world of The Nightmare Before Christmas. And what happens in this world that Skully gets isekai'd to? He... 1) meets lots of new people--people that don't know him in the "real" world, so he is free to act however he wants around them, maybe even befriend them, 2) gets to meet his Halloween idol, Jack-sama, 3) gets to be praised by his idol, and 4) (presumably) helps out his idol with putting together this year's Halloween. THESE LINE UP ALMOST EXACTLY WITH WHAT YUU DOES WHEN THEY'RE ISEKAI'D INTO TWISTED WONDERLAND... Yuu, who represents you, THE TWST FAN. You, as a Twst fan, 1) meet and potentially befriend these new characters (and maybe even explicitly made an OC to act however you like in your place as the one meeting these characters), 2) hone in on your favorite(s), 3/4) hyperfixate on the intimate voice lines and the moments you have with your favorite(s). It's total wish fulfillment for both Skully and the average Twst fan. In other words, Skully will get lost in living the fantasy that is literally being transported into the world of his Favorite Thing Ever, just like we, the Twst fans, escape to Twisted Wonderland. In the book/Twst, you can be yourself or whoever you want to be. But what happens when that peace and comfort is about to be taken away? Perhaps that's when Skully will snap 🤔 refusing to return to his old life, where he was awkward and misunderstood... wanting to stay in this endless Halloween night forever and ever. Maybe he even tries to prevent the NRC students from leaving too, since he has now formed a friendship (?) with them? Like, he's trying to keep them trapped in this fantasy of his (very Malleus-core of him, honestly). Then it would be up to us to try and knock some sense into Skully, reminding him that there are things in the "real" world to look forward to as well.

Looking back at previous Halloweens, the conflicts presented usually tie back to something relating to the Disney counterpart's own identities. For example, Frollo (in the stage version) lost his younger brother to sin and pinned the blame on an entire group of people. Rollo lost his younger brother to sin and now seeks to eliminate that sin (magic) from the world. Honest John and Gideon worked for a shady guy and lured away children, even though they themselves were terrified of what would become of those kids. Fellow and Gidel are similarly forced to do this dirty work because they are so impoverished they need the job, even if their boss disrespects them. I think my theory about what Skully's whole conflict will be could work from this angle too. The character he is twisted from, Jack Skellington, is known to be somewhat naive and an idealist. Jack pursues Christmas with all of his undead heart, sure that it will return the "spark" that Halloween has since lost. This could be reflected in Skully, our twisted!Jack, in his desire to pursue Halloween--or, more specifically, this novel world where his passion is reinforced and he has a place in it. He would be naive to the world he snubbed in favor of this new one, deeming this new world superior (like how Jack thought the "new" Christmas would enhance the "old" Halloween).

as3gro8yvq ;ngqemf; KJLBFIsIFSLFS ANYWAY, that's my game theory 🙂 Not sure if it'll actually be this, but figured I'd throw my guess out there since my previous "lmao Skully will kidnap Crowley" crack theory ended up being shot down...

[blackcat-star]

Hi, this is the girl who asked about giving you ideas, to say there are many sung jinwoo x readers that have a happy ending or angst for the reader, why are we hurting to us readers? i see a specific post where jinwoo is traumatized angst, so why make him feel our pain with bittersweet ending? i don't hate him it's just that there are many posts that don't give up the vibe and slowly start to be tedious when all readers are in pain except for him.

(it may be ooc and a bit oc because I've seen readers impersonating another character like this that should be the reader, not some insert character. not to mention when having the same power, skill and strength like the character that already exists? might as well put oc!reader or out to stereotype yn/reader/name but i would want to have a reader as their own perspective due to the fact people wanted attention to tagged, i understand the popularity but please to all readers reading this, understand to the perspective point of view that we should put oc! reader instead of 'x reader' if they're having features of the characters you want to impersonate, to copy skills and other ability and powers, ok i ramble too much so I'll stop)

how about this: either you make the longest one shot or make a cliffhanger draft, series and a few chapters. take your time to think us readers are not rushed and i would gladly help you as the requester for specific details and ideas to add to your writing as an author, i have a few more ideas if you write this to continue.

a Isekai reader, similar to your previous post yet let's make a different path? the reader Isekai to solo leveling, let's make it female reader/f(y/n), (sorry to gn or male because I don't understand genders perspective but i want everyone to be fair, it's just that I'm more comfortable with female perspective). ok so back with the topic.. the reader, let's say sure we love the protagonist mc sung jinwoo but we only see him as an inspiration and to admire from afar, when the reader Isekai to jinwoo's world, the reader would remain friends and partners, nothing more and would never reciprocate jinwoo's feelings, the reader would turn a blind eye and 'oblivious' of his feelings, let's say we did help him to the minimum but reader has a limit because of the system.

the system would give powers but there are consequences like jinwoo(when he grew stronger, he would slowly lose his emotions) so i suggest that when the reader looks at the consequences once they grow stronger, she holds a book that contains a lot of information spoilers because the consequences are their memory(only to solo leveling) so to a reminder on what their purpose and plans along with reasons. the reader would continue the Life of helping jinwoo like a devoted follower.

once he slowly forgets and doesn't need the reader due to the FL aka cha hae-in, the reader would step back calmly and walk away. in the background reason.. the reader would help jinwoo big time like they would be anomaly without him realizing about it until it's too late when the reader put the system to forget everyone's memories except for him.

with the reader getting stronger, they'll have to cover their tracks so nobody would find the F!reader. maybe in another country— oh wait he would have a million shadows to search for her.. maybe to another planet like the moon? once she left without saying goodbye or where they go when antares battle ends, the reader would say a few words without him knowing that jinwoo would not see the reader again once he used the reincarnation cup.

(I) would always choose you to be your partner and ally, (L)et's meet again, alright? (Y)ou brought colors to lit up my life on my grayscale monochrome world, (S)o I'll be waiting (J)ust for you.. after all, we're not in a rush because we always have time in the world.

(it's ily sung jinwoo, you can make him a bit yandere or something. but anyways let's make him feel our pain! it's unfair for us to be sad!! sorry if my grammar and typing is complicated to understand, you can ignore or skip it if you want.)

Thanks for sharing this with me 💗

Your idea is really interesting, and it would be great if it were written as a complete story

But maybe with your idea, it would become a new story and it would probably repeat Farewell which I don't want to do a similar story because I know I would just write it quite similar to Farewell (〒▽〒)

So if possible, I would just write part 2 of Farewell, continuing the story, when the MC (reader) decides to leave, erase everyone's memories of them and erase their memories of everyone. The MC in the story has decided to let go and live for themselves, meaning they will not pay attention to Jinwoo anymore and start a new life.

I'm sorry 😭🙏

________________________

If it were written as a story, I think it would go like this

_________________________

The old book still lay in the pocket of the cloak - the soft leather worn, the edges curled as if it had been through many storms. No matter how many battles, how many times you almost lost yourself, the one thing you never let go of was this notebook.

It had no power. It did not open a portal, it did not activate a hidden skill. It was just a normal notebook, but it was the only place where you dared to be honest.

Each thin page, recorded fragments of memory - sometimes hastily scribbled in smudged ink, sometimes neatly written as if in a false peace. Each word written was a reminder, an anchor to keep you from being swept away by the growing wave of power.

The first page, written in shaky handwriting. "Don't love him. Don't stay because of him."

You remember writing that sentence, your hands were so cold that you could barely hold the pen. You cried, you laughed, you whispered 'stupid' to yourself. But you wrote anyway, because you knew that if you didn't write it down, you would forget why you kept your distance.

Turn to the second page.

"He doesn't belong to you. And you don't belong to this world."

Not belong, that sentence became a mantra. You repeated it every night, every time his eyes accidentally passed you, every time you heard his name from someone else like a legend, like a god, like something forever out of reach.

And you knew, even though your heart was slightly moved, you couldn't get any closer.

The next page, the writing was sharper, as if written when you had better controlled your emotions, when you had learned to accept. "Just a partner. Just a companion."

Not a lover. Not a chosen one. Not a kept one.

You were with him out of obligation. Because you can help him. Because you want this world to have a chance to survive. And because, in some corner of your heart, you can't turn your back on him - even if it means pushing yourself into loneliness.

As your strength increases, each piece of memory fades, you forget the face of the mother you once loved, forget your favorite food, forget the reason you were afraid of the dark. But every time you read these lines again, you remember a little, not in images or memories, but in feelings. A silent but passionate feeling.

You turn to the last page.

Just one line, written in soft handwriting, like a light touch on a wound that has never healed:

"If he forgets you…don't be hurt. Let him be happy."

You pause for a long time on that line. Your eyes close slightly, as if to stop the thoughts from surging.

You know, one day, he won't see you anymore, not because you're not there, but because his heart is full. You know, in the countless things he protects, you're just a faint part - not enough to make him stop.

And you promise yourself, that you won't hold on. You won't cry. You won't ask for anything.

You'll just smile, close the book and walk away.

Because you love him.

But you love him enough not to become a chain.

______________________

The light from the Fragments of Light still hung in the air, like stars that had yet to fall. The battle with Antares was over, but the air still smelled of ashes and sacrifice. Everything had ended - and begun - in an eerie silence.

Jinwoo, still clutching the Reincarnation Cup, looked up at the sky. In that silent light, his eyes shone with a rare peace, as if he could finally rest. He would go back in time, to fix all his mistakes, save those who had fallen, and start over again - this time, without war, without death.

You came in that moment. No one saw you. Not a single footstep, not a single breath. You just came, as you had always come to him in silence, a figure without a name, without a title, just a 'partner'. You don't need to call his name, because he always recognizes you, somehow.

Jinwoo turns around, his eyes softening when he sees you. He doesn't seem surprised. He seems to have always believed that you would be here, by his side, until the very end. "You're here," he says, like a thank you that hasn't been said in all the years of companionship. "Thank you for always staying."

You just smile. No reply, no explanation. You know, if you say more, you won't be able to hold it in. You'll cry. You'll grab his hand and beg him to stay. But you can't.

Because you've decided long ago.

You take a deep breath, as if to stuff all the emotions into your chest, then speak - each word is soft, but falls like a cut.

"I would always choose you to be your partner and ally."

"Let's meet again, alright?"

"You brought colors to lit up my life on my grayscale monochrome world."

"So I'll be waiting…" you stopped, your heart skipped a beat.

"Just for you."

The light rose around everything before Jinwoo could either speak or say your name.

You spoke softly yet uncertainly if he could hear you say " After all, we're not in a rush" while standing there. "Because we always have time in the world."

The cup glowed. The light of rebirth, of a chance to start over, swept through the world like waves. Everything was swept away by it, war, pain, loss, and you.

[elysiansparadise]

Hii! Could you please write about Jupiter in the 10h? I love your content 🤍

Hello love, thanks for loving my content and of course I can talk about this. 🤍

Jupiter in the 10th house

Here we have natives who naturally evoke charisma, they can very easily please people and give good impressions, this since Jupiter is the planet of fortune and luck and the 10th house is linked to the first impressions we give to others. They have the ability to stand out from the crowd, whether due to their social skills, their ambition, their way of working or their talents/abilities. This position helps not only to be liked in the work environment, but also to achieve all the goals that are in mind regarding professional success. They have a knack for inspiring others, whether to follow their dreams or by having natives as role models. Regardless of their personality, these natives tend to be ambiverts with a facility for understanding people and, in the process, winning their good side. They can become recognized for their empathetic, hard-working and kind attitude and personality. In general, these people enjoy either fame or great public acceptance. They have the potential to grow a lot and achieve great things in the field they want. One of the fascinating things about them is this duality that they have, because they know when to be lighthearted, funny and witty but also when it is time to become more serious and calm.

They have an excellent work ethic and have a high degree of commitment and responsibility with all the fields in which they operate. There may be workaholic tendencies or a desire to constantly be growing and achieving things. They can place a lot of expectations on themselves and can be somewhat perfectionistic when it comes to their own work and results. These natives can travel a lot thanks to their work. Many times luck begins to come to them once they start working or becoming independent. Some of the common jobs for people with this placement are in the law sector, some work in universities or schools, something that allows them to connect with people from afar from international relations, to pilots or flight attendants. Many artists usually have this placement, as it favors a good reception from the public. Many of them need a job that is not excessively routine and in which they are constantly learning new things. Despite giving good impressions, these people also have a certain aura of power, untouchable vibes or like being out of people’s leagues.

They have high aspirations, great ambitions and won't settle for little. They will always seek to achieve the maximum potential in their career. Their work can have a positive impact on society and they may be attracted to professions that allow them to contribute to social well-being and make a significant difference. They have a strong sense of purpose in their career, some even see their work as a calling and are motivated by a desire to fulfill their professional mission. This position of Jupiter can indicate success on an international level, many times becoming more recognized abroad than in their own country.This can be from having job opportunities abroad or even collaborating with people from different cultures. Jupiter rules excesses, if the person does not have balance or sufficient maturity, it can show us someone who, no matter how much they achieve or have through their work, is never satisfied. They may have power, popularity or a lot of money through their work. They can become recognized for their extensive knowledge on a specific topic.

-> Go back to the masterlist

[vamphorica]

i saw your wonderful post about the parallels between Mello & Light, in which you mentioned that there are parallels between light & near as well (wich I agree w/ 1000%). Could you by any chance expand on that more bc I love near and lights dynamic. Thank u!!

oh, i absolutely can.

When talking to people about Death Note outside of fandom spaces, I am almost always met with the confession that after L's death, these casual readers and watchers tend to lose interest. This is frustrating on several levels (even though I admit the Second Arc has plenty of flaws), but one reason in particular is that Near and Light's dynamic is so complex that it feels like such a shame to not give it a chance.

Think about it this way. If L and Light mirrored each other in a standard manner of speaking, Near and Light mirror each other like some distorted fairground mirrors, fun but slightly horrifying.

As I said in my Mello and Light Parallel analysis, Near falls into the same category as a gifted child dealt with immense pressure from an early age nonetheless (although he is not prone to violence as the other two are) . Like Light, Near is a high achiever whose intelligence appears to come naturally, and there may even be room to speculate whether he felt a degree of boredom himself in much the same way Light did at the start of the series. We can't really know this for certain, the only indication we have is that Near was content playing on his own. Without Mello's drive, and indeed the isolation from others at the House, it is not far-fetched to suggest Near was not exactly feeling stimulated by his current environment. Light was given an opportunity to alleviate his boredom, whereas for Near, it was an obligation. Both characters are given their break from unfulfilled monotony because of the Death Note.

Another thing I think is interesting is their emotional reactions to both success and failures. This is more apparent in the manga, where Near is shown to express himself more through visual cues, but neither hold back in claiming victory, or disdain in the case of their losses. Arguably, Light is more conscious of how his manner of expression can be interpreted by others, but that doesn't negate the fact that he has very strong reactions to progressions within the case. I also do think Light isn't quite as adept at concealing these emotive responses as many often suggest – personally, I believe there is a good degree of willful ignorance by those he surrounds himself with that allows for his more questionable behaviours to go unchallenged. Especially by the time he and Near 'meet' (or, at least, are in communication with one another), Near immediately calls bullshit on Light, which is particularly funny given that L had been doing the exact same thing, but it is only with Near that the Task Force begin to grow suspicious of Light.

Obligatory tangent - the expressions used for Near in the Shōnen Jump version of this scene far better support my point, and God do I wish they hadn't been discarded, they're so fun!

They took away my boy's whimsy, and for what reason?

Anyway.

Near is less concerned about expressing himself because he has no reason to manipulate those around him, and as such, the best part of the series to talk about the dynamic between these two is of course the final scene at the Yellow Box Warehouse. Although for a first time reader, the conclusion of the series might not be reaching a point of clarity, it is apparent that Near has had the upper hand, with Light having little more on Near than an outdated sketch and an awareness of his relationship to L. Meanwhile, through his own impressive efforts, Near has restructured the care around Light and has far more understanding of the man he is dealing with. Therefore, when they finally do meet, Near is already in the dominant position.

The comparisons between the two is extremely explicit. Unlike with L and Light, which played out like an alternate cat-and-mouse game until L's death, Near and Light arrive at the Warehouse under the impression they will both walk out alive. The reasons for this are clarified once Near's victory is ultimately achieved, but after Near takes off his L mask, both he and Light so evidently confident in their positions that it makes for an incredibly tense moment. Again, it also speaks to their shared reactions.

Light is shown to both claim victory and contend with defeat within a matter of pages, to revel in his success before pathetically scrambling as he attempts to rectify the circumstances in his favour. His monologue, now infamous, is mirrored by Near's closing statement, which is equally provocative. It is easy to interpret his words as nothing more than stating the facts, explaining exactly how he caught Light towards the end and that he despises the man behind the dominion of Kira's reign. Yet his invocation of Mello and L, I think, speaks to his own sense of strong feelings pertaining to the confrontation. When Light disavows Mikami, realises Misa is not present alongside him, there is a reality both he and Near have come to realise – Light is completely isolated, while Near has not just the SPK and the Task Force only his side, but two lives sacrificed to pursue Light to the end.

thank you for sending this ask! ♡

[autisticlenaluthor]

you might’ve said something like this before but what do you specifically think makes jackienat work as a pair besides their similar moral standpoints and narrative foils? I’m just curious cause i love talking about them and I think they’d be good to one another in a way that their potential partners and/or peers fail to do.

Like i think nat would be more communicative with jackie and understanding of who she is beyond her typical high school status. and I think jackie would openly appreciate (or grow to) who nat is in a way the typical 90s teenage boy wouldn’t and could see the place her struggles come from, not just writing it off as nat being trashy

fully agree with everything you said in the second paragraph so i've got nothing to add on that front lol but per your original question -

i think jackie and nat are the only ones who ever see undistorted, true versions of the other. ghost jackie is shown entirely through shauna's pov and since s1 mostly centers around shauna - most of jackie's moments are in relation to shauna.

(ex. how jackie makes shauna feel before the party in the pilot, how jackie reacts to shauna faking her period/losing her virginity/and so on. even though the show isn't from shauna's pov - we don't get many moments of just jackie as an individual. we mostly see her how shauna sees her. i also think this is why so many people use the bratty/lazy/mean girl argument when they dislike her, but i digress)

nat, however, sees jackie for who she actually is. she sees jackie's morals and she has a lot of respect for her from the start. she doesn't want to go against her in the pilot and at the party, she's one of the first to (other than laura lee) go along with jackie's "one nice thing" moment.

on the flip side, i think jackie has a lot of admiration for nat - even if she doesn't always show it. she tells nat that she admires how she can be herself without caring what anyone else thinks. and this is a huge compliment given that jackie cares so much about what people think of her. i honestly think this was one of the most genuine compliments jackie could've given.

there's also a level of subtle comfortability with the other. when nat kicks jackie awake and gets her out of bed - jackie whines and groans like a little kid. the others are clearly irritated at her & judging her behavior when jackie's outside, but nat isn't. she pushes, yes, but she lets jackie have her moment. she doesn't make her feel bad the way some of the others might have for needing to moan and groan. jackie is comfortable being herself with nat, and nat accepts that part of her.

i think the biggest thing though is that nat had an understated love for jackie, platonic or otherwise. shauna was jackie's best friend - but nat was the one who collected her bones, wrapped them up, and brought them back to the plane. she sat with her and apologized for what they did. she humanized her after they ravaged her body. and even after the feast, nat was the only one who seemed to show horror at what they'd done (other than tai, who didn't remember)

again in s3, nat is the one who brings up jackie - who still holds her in regard as their captain. nat may be queen, but she'll never forget the significance of jackie's role. even without a lot of on screen interaction - it's clear that jackie means so much to nat. and i imagine for jackie, it would've been the same.