#and im going to take time to digest things

[guesst]

okay wait but thats . thats really good. i love e soul's arc holy cow theres sm going on

[vacalimpia]

i have no idea how people enjoy beer... sometimes i choke on my meds so i need to drink something fizzy to get them unstuck from my throat, and everytime it has happened the only fizzy drink we have at home is beer

i am very biased for multiple factors when it comes to beer but i genuinely will never understand what is the appeal😭 the second it hits your tongue you immediately have this awful taste... I only take a sip for me to stop choking on my meds but a sip is way too much😭😭 how people drinking cans of it

[dafpork]

the thoughts are returning (making a comic adaptation of the actor au alongside the actual writing)

[mereyapalais]

Hey y’all, just a small fun fic with stack. Based on the tiktok prank “Calling your man your current boyfriend.”

Modern Stack X Reader

Warnings : Slight choking? Fluff?

One thing you loved more than anything was to get on Stacks nerves. It was your duty to keep him on his toes.

Today, you decided to get on his nerves. Why? Because it’s been a long time.

You were taking a video on your phone for your Instagram and tiktok , doing a fit check. You had a date today. After a few days of being busy, you could finally spend an evening together.

“Okay so I got this little dress from a thrift store. Y’all is it me or these thrift stores getting a bit expensive?” You said as you turned around admiring your shape.

You sure were blessed. The dress hugged you in all the right places. The heels you had on made your ass seat real good in the dress.

Hair on point. Makeup on point. You could hear your man coming in the room. Just from his pace your could feel his irritation as he made an entrance in the room

“Yo, what’s taking you so long baby.”

“Almost finished!”

“Damn, you look good mama!”

“Thank you papa.”

“This dress on you..shit”

His hands kept rubbing on the fabric especially on your backside. Fluffing the dress down.

“You sure it’s not too short?”

“Baabee” you whined

“Can you even bend down in this shit?” He was inspecting the dress, tugging at it like someone’s parents.

“Bend down lemme see sum”

“Stack stooopp. The length is fine.” You humoured him though. Turning your back on him.

He pressed in the middle of your back urging you forward. You let out a small giggle before bending down sensually looking back at him.

“Is that okay baby?” You asked batting your eyes at him.

“Yeahh, that’s perfect.” By now, he was palming your ass through your dress. Some sinful thoughts going through his head.

“Lemme throw some one’s on you. You’re so sexy it don’t make any sense!”

As you were down there an idea popped in your head. Your trouble light going ding ding ding.

“Okay now, your turn show us your outfit.” You said getting back up. Trailing your manicured fingers, that he definitely paid for, down his chest. Stack loves him some sexy, well maintained nails. That crimson red with the first letter of his name on your middle finger, he loves that!

“What outfit? Im just wearing a pair of pants and a shirt. You’re the show stoppa with your fine self.”

“Babe come on.” By now your fingers were toying with his chin hairs.

You turned to the camera, “Y’all, look how good my current boyfriend looks. Babe show them the outfit.”

The way his smile dropped had you rolling on the floor laughing in your head.

You had to bite your lip to stay in character.

He stayed silent a few seconds as if to digest the information. He looked at you, the camera, then you again.

“Watchu say?”

“I said you look good baby, matching my-“

“Nah what the fuck is a current boyfriend?”

“Huh?”

“Huh!?” He mocked you “if you can huh you can fucking hear.”

“Babe why you so pressed?”

“Ain’t no current boyfriend shit going on here. I’m yo fuckin husband you hear me?” By now, his hand was wrapped slightly on your neck. His eyes staring down at you with a crease in his forehead. No matter how disturbed he looked you didn’t want to stop.

“I mean, I don’t see no ring on my finger” you said coily. Lips forming a pout.

“Okay.” One minute you were standing on your two feet. The next minute your head was dangling upside down.

“Oh my god Elias put me down!”

He acted as if he couldn’t hear you. Taking long strides outside the bedroom.

“Where the hell are you going?”

“To the jeweller”

“Babe it was a prank! Put me down!” Your hands were hitting his back slightly. Being the trouble maker you are, your hands found their way on his buttocks as you gripped them.

Now in the leaving room, he plopped you on the couch. Good thing the cushions were bouncy.

“Whatever other nigga that’s talking to you right now you better dead that shit. Matter of fact what’s his name?

“W-what? Baby there’s no one else it’s a joke chill.”

“Play too fucking much.” He mumbled as he watched you laugh. “Ain’t shit funny. Imma make this shit hilarious and the only one laughing will be me.”

“Babe, are you angry at me?” He looked big mad. You couldn’t help but bust out laughing even more. That got him even more tight.

He took a seat at the end of the couch as if to get far away from you. Scooting closer to him, you settled yourself in his lap. Throwing your legs on either side of him.

“My big baby. You know I’d never do you like that.” Placing small pecks all over his face. Yiu nestled his head on your chest. He loved that shit, as you rubbed on his head.

You could still hear him mumble about how you like playing too much and you gon make his blood pressure rise with your silly games.

“Imma buy you a necklace with my name on it. Just watch. And you’ll wear it every day.”

“Okay baby.” You said as you kissed his forehead.

“You gon be my wife.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. But you answered anyway.

“Yes baby.”

You stayed put like that a few more minutes, you babying Stack and basking in it before finally heading to your destination.

[honeytonedhottie]

wellness for the hotties⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🪞🎀

this is honey's updated wellness post for the girlies who love to romanticize their routines, listen to their bodies and take impeccable care of themselves. these r my routines and rituals that keep me glowing…💬🎀

LYMPHATIC DRAINAGE ;

lymphatic drainage massage has been an absolute GAME changer for me like OH MY GOSH?? and it literally takes no more than ten minutes a day and its lowkey like giving myself a massage 💕.

one thing i will say though, the order in which u drain is SO important so make sure to do it in the proper order. this is the lymphatic drainage massage that i do every single day, i rly love this one bcuz the doctor in the video actually explains it and shows u how to do it so i rly love it.

HOT OR NOT ;

so i drink hot drinks while eating and i drink cold drinks when im not. drinking warm drinks while eating/before eating help relax your stomach muscles and improve blood circulation to your digestive organs. and cold drinks cause blood vessels in your stomach to tighten, slowing down digestion. it also helps with other things like...

🫖 reduces bloating

🫖 helps with detoxification

🫖 gentle on ur throat and stomach

HOW TO MAKE A GINGER SHOT ;

so i own a juicer but assembling it and disassembling it is soo tedious and i'd rather just use my blender so im going to be talking about how i make ginger shots using a blender. all ur going to need are the following...

🌟 a few pieces of ginger (i usually just use one or two small pieces)

🌟 some water

🌟 cayenne powder if u want an extra kick (optional)

🌟 some lemon

🌟 strainer

and all u have to do is lightly peel ur pieces of ginger, dont worry about getting all the skin off but just get as much as u can off. put it into ur blender with some water and squeeze half a lemon into it before blending. next ur going to take ur strainer and separate the pulp from the juice and ur all done!

HOTTIES REPS ;

i always start all my workouts briskly walking for 30 minutes on the treadmill at an incline. i watch kimora lee simmon's life in the fab lane show while i do this because each episode is around 30-40 minutes so i keep myself distracted. or if im feeling for something different i'll go on the elliptical instead of the treadmill.

at the moment... the workouts that im doing consistently everyday are 10 minute waist + tummy workout, 10 minute hourglass abs workout, 5 minute stomach vacuum, 5 minute abs and small waist pilates workout routine, 5 minute everyday pilates lower abs for abs. and then for booty i love to do 12 minute booty workout (with resistance bands or weights), and 10 minute bubble butt burnout. now for my arms and back i do 10 minute slim back & better posture, 5 min slim and toned arms workout, and 8 minute victorias secret angel arms. if u guys want more on working out and stuff i can make a post on that too!

MENTALLY MOISTURIZED ;

i've been consistently journaling for about three years now and its been fabulous. i can get all my thoughts out onto paper and not feel like im carrying a million pounds of stress on my head. i feel overwhelmed a lot because i do SO much and journaling has really helped me.

also i have a super fabulous therapist who helps teach me how to ground myself, and just take care of myself better so shes great. if u can't have a therapist right now, journaling is great... and between me and you... chat gpt makes a great therapist.

i love meditating every now and then when i feel like i wanna just immerse myself in my brain, another thing i do to keep a good mental space is digital detoxes. every other week i get off of tiktok and it has been SO great for me. i also don't use my phone in the mornings because i just need time to get ready and have a screen free morning, its rly so pleasant. if im sad, i cheer myself up with shopping.

SIP PRETTY ;

i follow this one girl on youtube, i'll link her right here ❤︎ but she has amazing juicing recipes and healthy lifestyle content in general that rly inspires me. i make the same juices she does and they taste generally good and are good for you. i like to make juice once a week, maybe twice. whenever i feel like i need it essentially.

IN BED BY 9... GLOWING BY 8 ;

SLEEP IS A NON NEGOTIABLE. even if u eat super healthy and workout everyday, if ur not sleeping enough it's like shooting yourself in the foot! you need ur beauty sleep. sleep is when your body heals, resets, and literally glows up from the inside out. it helps balance your hormones, support your metabolism, and keep your skin clear and glowing. not to be dramatic but… no amount of eye cream or green juice can fix chronic exhaustion. and thats the real gag.

FEET UP THE WALL POSE ;

when u elevate ur legs, ur letting gravity do all the work for you. draining lymph, reducing swelling, and boosting circulation. it’s perfect after a long day or when you’re feeling puffy and need a moment of calm.

CYCLE SYNCING ;

so there are four menstrual phases. luteal (before period, when u start to feel sluggish) menstrual (during ur period) follicular (after ur period so improved mood and brain function) and ovulation (ur feeling confident, like the summer of ur body). the way i incorporate cycle syncing is just, during my luteal phase i won't over-stuff my agenda bcuz ik i get super sluggish and cranky.

i also make sure to pour into myself during the menstrual and luteal phases. i plan my bigger projects during follicular and ovulation. i plan my workouts accordingly too, and set aside extra time for rest. i eat a lot of soups during my period -> red meat and fermented foods during follicular -> fibrous foods during ovulation -> and healthy fats and chocolate during luteal.

its super simple! and to make it simpler think of it like seasons. ur menstrual phase is the winter -> follicular is the spring -> ovulation is summer -> and luteal is fall.

to finish off this post, start noticing what drains you, what fills your cup, and having the self-respect to choose what’s good for you…💬🎀

[angelicgirlmj]

an angels guide: my ideal summer morning routine ˚ʚɞ｡⋆

hi angels! it’s finally starting to feel like summer, my exams are almost done and the suns shining practically everyday. summer is the perfect time of year to work on yourself, the days are longer, it’s easier to be outside and everything feels so much brighter and more optimistic. with that in mind here is my ideal summer routine! for me this is perfect when i have the time and energy - not every day looks like this but i try and incorporate aspects of this routine as much as possible when time doesn’t permit me to do the entire thing. hopefully it gives you some inspiration and guidance for your own routine!

wake up and open the curtains and my windows. let as much natural light in and feel the warmth of the day on my skin.

drink a glass of water as i sit and look outside, do some deep breathing and feel the possibilities in this new day.

do five to ten minutes of yoga and stretching (id be happy to do a list of my favourite youtubers/routines!).

do ten minutes of gentle pilates, just to help me feel more awake and ready for the day. getting my body moving first thing helps me feel so alive.

make my bed and tidy anything in my room that’s messy or needs sorting. dress in something cute and summery that helps me feel prepared for the day ahead. i love to wear jewellery or little accessories even when i dont have much planned just to remind myself that every day is special.

brush my teeth and gently wash my face with some cool water to help depuff it and wake me up.

pick my book of the day - especially in the summer when i have more time for pleasure reading i like to read a book a day!

make a delicious summer breakfast. my favourites tend to be a yogurt bowl with fruits, coconut and almond flakes and puffed oats, chia seed pudding/overnight oats or a beautiful smoothie bowl. i aim for at least five different fruits/veggies in summer, i want my breakfasts to be as varied and colourful as possible while being wonderfully nutritious! if possible i eat my meals outside in the summer especially first thing.

fill up my water bottle and make a cup of herbal tea. i always drink tea after eating to help me digest and for all the other benefits. my favourites in the summer tend to be either a green tea, a raspberry hibiscus and strawberry tea (my current fave) or a peach tea!

clean teeth again, mouthwash and use my water flosser to help my mouth feel as clean as possible.

do skincare and bodycare. i use a thick lotion on my body twice a day, wait a little then spray perfume as well as applying suncream on my face always and on my body depending on the UV/my activities for the day.

spend fifteen or twenty minutes journalling and using my hands to write down my feelings, mood or any other journal prompt.

read a little of my book, try and be as thoughtful as possible and really absorb the meaning. treasure what a gift literature is.

go on a little walk! i like to aim for twenty minutes, just something short and brief but allows me to spend some time outside and really moving my body.

do something with my hands. bake something, write something, craft something, anything that requires me to focus and engage in a hobby. im always in the process of creating something and im guilty of having hundreds of half finished projects - hoping to finish some this summer!

prepare and plan for the day ahead. write my to do list, organise things with friends or for myself and get ready to enjoy the rest of my day having spent a delightful summer morning caring for my body and soul.

thank you for reading angels! hope you enjoyed, summer is such a brilliant time of year to prioritise yourself, your needs and develop new hobbies and skills. this routine reminds me to treasure it and take the time to appreciate it before it slips away for the rest of the year. hopefully this time of year is treating you all wonderfully! to anyone who has exams, take a deep breath, drink some water and remind yourself that you can and will get through this.

from, m.

[ycoil]

since i should probably keep saying this over and over, like 75% of americans are deficient in magnesium due to economical diets, processed food, and "advances" in third wave farming making food bigger but NOT more nutritious due to a variety of breeding and soil factors, im not gonna bother citing this shit just look it up on the www, its not hard to find.

but symptoms of magnesium deficiency include but are not limited to depression, lethargy, anxiety, disordered sleep, etc. and also if you smoke weed or drink alcohol or do basically any drug that makes you feel good, adderall, meth, etc etc that shit will deplete your magnesium also.

in blind studys magnesium supplementation is actually one of the most effective cures to depression... since so many people are deficient in it

so unless you have the luxury of eating huge amounts of nuts, leafy greens, and fruit, then buy some "magnesium glycinate" and take that shit, start with 200mg-250mg, you can take more, probably up to 500mg at a time, or take that amount divided in one day, like if you take a bunch at once it might make you very sleepy, make sure to AVOID "magnesium oxide" as it is the most common form of magnesium and it will not help with these symptoms because the bio availability is very low (itll help digestion but not much else), magnesium advertised with "max bioavailability" is usually good too, but if you arent sure, just get "magnesium glycinate"

this should be the first thing you try for depression, since its the least consequential to address a vitamin/mineral deficiency than it is to go on some nasty pills the doc will immediately hock at you with laundry list of side effects. and now im not a Licensed Doctor, but i care about you a lot more than most doctors these days will, do your own research before taking supplements people tell you to online, but seriously, give this one a try

[cupcakeslushie]

I’ve been debating on saying something because I have a lot of thoughts about this, but I just want to say a quick (maybe not so quick) thought…

“Comfort Character” is not a declaration of ownership. Just because you relate to a character deeply, and see yourself in them, does not mean you get to go around policing the stories that get told regarding them, or the how they’re depicted in said stories.

I wanna be clear. Im not saying you can’t pose genuine questions and have perfectly reasonable discussions about the intricacies of hard topics. In fact, fiction can even help make those discussions easier to digest by lowering the stakes, because there are not any actual stakes when none of it is real.

Unfortunately, I’ve been seeing the entire opposite. People taking stories that may make them “uncomfy”, and declaring that they’ve now decided they are taking it personally, to near obsessive levels. You are not the only one allowed to play with these characters. It is a huge sandbox, and these toys are mass produced enough for everyone to have their own doll to do with whatever they’d like.

I get you might see yourself in a character, but that doesn’t give you the right to go around sending death threats just because someone wrote, or drew your current blorbo in an unfavorable light. Prioritizing some cluster of lines and colors over the mental health and safety of actual real human beings, is worse than whatever fictional, moral “atrocity” that you think you’re championing against. You only end up sounding just like the people calling for book banning in schools.

You are not the character. You are not being hurt. The character is not even being hurt, because they do not in fact, exist to actually experience any of the pain creators are putting them through. And most importantly, you have no claim on how other people entertain themselves with said character. Because that is what these characters are. Entertainment. They can be used in good or bad stories. If you don’t like how a creator is using them. Move on. Don’t send death threats or attacks.

Block and filter your tags.

I have triggers, but that is my issue to control and maintain. It is appreciated when steps are taken by creators to help me avoid the things that trigger me, but I don’t wish death and pain on anyone who doesn’t view the world through the same lens as myself, and might not have considered my own personal feelings on the matter. My feelings of unease or anxiety from coming into contact with my own triggers, might be valid, but initiating an attack on a creator, because I took a personal offense to their story, is not. I do not outright assume that something was created with me and my tastes in mind.

Also, this is not aimed at any one person. This is a rampant issue that I have seen first hand, going back all the way to more than a year ago. I’ve seen it happen in multiple fandoms, but as I spend most of my time in the Rise fandom, that’s where I see the worst of it. I’ve received attacks, I know other creators have received attacks, and if this keeps up, creators will just stop wanting to share anything at all.

I also need to emphasize, I’m not mad. This is not a lashing out. This is just a frustrating and hurtful trend to constantly witness, when creators are putting their own heart, time, and energy into creating intriguing and complex works of all kinds in order to broaden the beauty of this fandom, and they’re getting anonymous messages to kill themselves.

Please think about the real life person behind the art and stories you are consuming, instead of prioritizing the fictional comfort of made up characters inside the story, that will in actuality, never have any opinions on what’s being done to them. Because they do not exist.

[homicidal-lingonberry]

a thought about kabru and mithrun and their time in the dungeon. (I love kabumisu but this is more about their canon relationship)

I have seen several people say that they dont think that kabru really cared about or liked mithrun. that he was just doing things cause he had to, etc. but I feel like this ignores something pretty cool about kabru. Kabru always has an inner monologue going on, one that we get to see.

several times when we see kabru doing nice things we can see that his inner monologue doesnt actually match. we see him kindly doing things that actively distress him several times. we as an audience are made very aware when kabru is doing something he doesnt really like.

so what kind of an inner monologue does kabru have when he performs caring tasks for mithrun? does he think about the advantages of having mithrun or the canaries on his side? does he think bitterly of mithrun? does he think about how much he hates this? the worst he thinks is "to think I'd get roped into this for the sake of that lot." and "this isnt seeing to his needs, this is nursing!" pretty early on in their journey together. this is while he is still digesting the full picture of mithruns condition and all the things hes going to need to do, the full weight of the situation now apparent.

after this, all we see is compassion. him thinking he would like to make mithrun something nice to eat, even if it wouldnt matter to him. him empathizing and reflecting on how not having desires would be really rough. him coming to understand where some of mithruns quirks, like his sense of direction, come from.

by the end, he has trusted mithrun enough to tell him about laios, and mithrun has given him all the information he has been searching for for YEARS.

and this is just the dungeon. kabru continues to involve himself with mithrun when its not his problem anymore. when really, he should be doing anything but. and after everything is done, if he truly did not care about mithrun, he has NO reason to do anything he does in chapter 94.

they are FRIENDS okay??? Kabru cares about him. it isnt just obligation. ty.

as far as mithrun goes, he gives kabru information, he asks him what he wants to do with that little smile (doesnt wait for his squad), slaps him out of his panic attack, and then kabru is the person he eventually confides his true desire to.

theyre FRIENDS and Im tired of people acting like they dont even like each other just bc they dont like the ship. you dont have to ship it, but if you think these 2 didnt drastically change each others lives in a positive way and that they dont care about each other...you maybe need to read again.

and also I think a lot of these takes veer on dehumanizing mithrun. like how could kabru even like him or see him as a friend when hes like that. like do yall forget mithrun was busy keeping kabrus ass from getting killed. or the way he perceptively sees straight through kabrus bs every single time until kabru finally tells the truth? I know kabrus confession to laios is a lot more emotionally intense, but laios isnt the only character that forces kabru to be honest.

[kitkat13001]

⋆˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚜

>> tomura shigaraki x reader

>> comfort, this is entirely self indulgent, i have nothing to say. tomu calls reader “dollface” and “honey”, probably very out of character tomura but idgaf im going thru it and i needed him to comfort me (hope it comforts you too <3) // (dividers by @/anitalenia)

you’re mid-breakdown when tomura comes knocking at your window. 

you jump at the rap of his knuckles against the glass, your skin prickling and hair standing on end as you wipe your face. you pray your cheeks aren’t too blotchy, your eyes aren’t too red, thankful for the dimness of your apartment illuminated only by fairy lights and decorative lamp. 

“hey,” you say, opening the window and stepping back to let him clamber through. you try to keep your voice steady, but it’s futile. tomura’s nothing if not observant. 

“what’s wrong, dollface?” 

the way he’s frowning at you tugs at your heart and you feel the tears well up in your eyes again. he takes your face in gentle hands (sans pinky, of course) and it’s too much—you fully burst into tears. 

he shushes you softly, pulling you in close. his arms are tight, secure around your body. he may be a villain, but you’ve never felt more safe than when you’re wrapped up in his embrace. 

it takes a while for you to calm down. you’re gulping for air through the sobs, approaching hysteria, but the shame bubbling up in your stomach over the emotions is calmed by tomura’s quiet whispers in your ear. 

you don’t know how long you stay wrapped up in his arms, until you’ve cried yourself out. 

“sorry,” you sniffle as you pull away, wiping furiously at your face once you regain your bearings. “you don’t want to hear about my stupid problems.”

“actually, i kinda do,” he admits, taking your hands to pull you closer. “they’re a lot more digestible than my problems, probably. who knows, maybe i can even help you.”

“thanks, tomu. but i don’t think these are problems you can just dust and move on from.”

“hm. even if that is true, i’m sure talking about will help at least a little, huh?”

he tilts your chin up with his finger, unusually soft look in his eyes.

“so what’s the matter, honey?”

it all comes out. every little thing that’s been poking you between the ribs for as long as you can remember the last couple days, weeks, months. that one time you said that thing in middle school, last week when you tripped and dropped your favorite drink, how it’s been a minute since you called your mother, the way you’re hungry and nothing sounds good, how it seems like the world is going to shit.  

it’s kind of ridiculous to hear it all out loud, but tomura was right. it’s like a weight off your chest just to say it, to be able to breathe again. 

you’re flushed and breathless once it’s all out. you’re sitting on the couch now, your hands in tomura’s. you’re not quite sure when you got there. 

your shoulders sag with the relief of it all, body caving against his. 

“you feel better?” he asks, giving you a gentle nudge. 

“a little,” you admit, allowing yourself to lean back until you’re laying in his lap. your eyes flutter shut with the feeling of his fingers softly twirling a strand of your hair. 

“just…get some rest now, okay? ‘m not going anywhere.”

as promised, completely self indulgent coping fic :) it’s been a day. hiding under the covers from the horrors of the world. get up again tmr and do it all again bc life moves onnnn 🫶🤞 stay safe and don’t lose hope. you are loved!

- 𝚔𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚢 !

[librarycards]

hi!!! i just want to ask how to engage with books better and not just finish them for the sake of finishing the said books? idk if im making sense but im struggling a lot with this. im sorry if this might seem a stupid question to ask

not stupid! i think many people have this issue, especially in an age where it feels like a lot of ~readers~ on social media complete books just for the sake of hitting a reading goal or keeping up with trends, rather than actually because they like what they read.

my first suggestion, tbh, is to limit your time on/get off completely booktok/tube/stagram/etc., not because they'll inherently ruin your reading life, but bc i think for a lot of people, they inspire a competitiveness that needs to be unlearned in order to embrace actual pleasure/leisure reading, rather than gamified competitive reading. try getting off goodreads/storygraph if it's still an issue for you - you can always get an old fashioned paper journal if you want to track what you read and what you think of each book. i truly think one of the biggest harms that book-related social media has done is turned reading into a job for people who want to read for fun. it's hard to unlearn!

next, i recommend taking a look at some of the close reading and annotation strategies I talk about here. i don't always read for school-purposes - actually, the vast majority of books I read are just for fun! but using these strategies on instinct has helped me enjoy my fun books more, too. if it helps inspire you, get some nice highlighters, pencils, post it notes, etc. your books don't need to be pristine if you like to annotate and it helps. books are your friends, and it's okay to play with them!!

reading can be a group effort, and one that pays off over time! check out book clubs/discussion boards about what you're reading online. some will have chapter-by-chapter schedules to encourage you not to rush. and what's the point of rushing, anyway? - if it's not for an assignment, there's no reason to sprint through a book before you get the chance to fully digest it. your other books will still be there when you finish. plus, the more you read closely and actually process what you've read, the faster you'll be able to go - practice makes better. so keep in mind that if you start out taking a long time to read and understand a book, a year, two years, etc. of doing so consistently will result in more efficient reading skills. after all, think about how long it took you to read an easy book in, like, 1st grade vs. now. your mind is still flexible and you can still improve!

lastly, don't be afraid of re-reading, checking wikipedia, asking questions, and looking words up. needing help is not something that's for "bad" readers. it's for all readers - we all need to define a new word or double check we understood a chapter sometimes. sure, there can be times where just 'going with' an unfamiliar concept can be really helpful, but at other times, our experiences can be enriched by pausing, taking notes, asking questions, and chewing on ideas before continuing.

oh, and an addendum: if it's for pleasure reading, READ THINGS YOU ACTUALLY LIKE. not what's trendy or popular. not what your friends are reading. not what's on someone's best-of list. read about topics you're interesting, and read authors whose reading styles you vibe with. there are some cases where reading something you're not comfortable with is important, but this moment - when you're still practicing pleasure-reading and slowing down - really isn't one of them. you have plenty of time to branch out. as an exercise, try finding ten books by authors you like and/or with themes you enjoy, and seeing how you feel after finishing those. then, after that's done, reassess your taste, your comprehension, and, most importantly, your enjoyment. you get the rest of your life to become a more astute reader and to partake in the joy of books. go at your own pace and release the need to read the same things, or as quickly as everyone else - especially influencers.

[st4rgzer]

now playing…SO LONG, LONDON (spencer reid)

summary: spencer realizes how much damage he had been causing you.

genre: angst with fluffy ending

cw!: idk relationship problems?😭 also use of y/n and y/l/n (your last name)

a/n: so since y’all wanted a happy ending version! here it is, it isn’t quite like the song but yeah, you guys get the point. masterlist

tension protruded eagerly from the silent room. it was dim, you had left some candles lit but that was it. your cheeks were wet and hot. but somehow you still felt an adamant numbing sensation of coldness. your weary bones hugged your knees, sniffles breaking through the silence.

“how long did you think i could’ve held on” you muttered through your broken voice.

“what?” he lifted his head from in between his legs where he had his hands pressed to the back of his neck.

“how long did you think i could’ve held on to you? were you just going to let me destroy myself, give everything i had just for you to crack a smile?” you spoke loudly now, sharp words that stung as spencer heard every one of them.

he didn’t respond. instead, he just listened. he knew the last thing you wanted from him right now was for him tp talk back, so he let you talk.

“fuck, even my friends said it was not right to be scared! not of you, but of how quickly your temperament can change from one moment to another. every breath that i take feels like im stealing it from you, like- like when i do finally get to do so, its short and doesn’t last long until i have to hold my breath again.”

“do you resent me, spencer? is that what this is? you left the BAU after you got back from prison, and i thought it was to settle down, make me your wife. but you never wanted this, did you?” spencers head perked up. his demeaner changed. he went from attentive and remorseful to stern.

“do not say that. “ he pointed a finger at you “y/n y/l/n don’t you, for a second, think i regret any minute i’ve ever spent with you, i regret a lot of things in my life but meeting you, loving you? i’ve never thought twice about that. you are my number one priority in this life, and im sorry i couldn’t give you everything you wanted, at least not right now. but i promise, i swear on my life, if that even means anything, that i’m going to get better. and i know actions speak more than words, but please, please hold on. i’m not going to insist you stay here with me, but just promise you’ll come back when you’re ready? i love you, y/n, and i hate myself for even thinking that i hurt you.” his tone was indulgent, pleading almost. he had stood up and waved his hands frantically as he punctuated each word, meaning every one. his frazzled hair and big brown eyes kept you at bay.

for a few minutes there was silence as you quietly digested his words.

“do you mean that?” you whispered, fragile, as you looked up at him.

he nodded his head, looking away and blinking a few times. trying to hold in the tears that painfully pricked his waterline.

you sighed, attempting to weigh the pro’s and con’s of the situation, but you loved him. a mental list of the good and the bad wasn’t going to decide the fate of your life. in every relationship there’s hell in heaven, eventually, happiness comes back. all you knew was that this man encapsulated your whole being with nothing more than love and affection, so you knew that this was nothing but a small dent in the glass case that encased the rose that was your love.

you opened your arms, he hesitantly got down to your level. you held him tightly, as if the weight of the wind was to carry him away at any moment. he buried his head in qthe crook of your neck, sniffling as he let out soft sobs, and whispers of apologies.

eventually, the tears ceased. and you both laid there, enveloped. consumed by each other, hands caught in spencers hair from raking through it, as sleep caught onto you. spencer kissed the bridge of your nose gently.

“i love you”

“i love you too”

a/n: guys idk how to feel about this one, this might have been my least favorite so far😭

taglist: @ilovesadiesink @sp3ncelle @lvtilzs @bunnylov-3-r @bellasprettywords

*comment to be added*

[spaloonbabooguuscooties]

You could drink your whole life away and still never get that taste out of your mouth.

half commission for @salempie half completely self indulgent dreck pieced together from our insane conversations abt franke and elka. told myself id finally write a big explanation for all of the dum shit between these two for context so Thats Under The Cut.

so I already wrote some stuff about elka and franke's relationship back in whispering rock so feel free to look at that too . it goes over elkas blindness/‘seeing’ with clairvoyance and how her and franke started talking & all that good stuff

SO FOR STARTERS. a lot of thsi wont make sense without a big breakdown of elka herself. because elkas potential as a character is like insane to me. like just the idea of her in the long run of her life reads as something so potentially tragic; a young girl whos plagued with visions of doom and destined to be an outcast even in her own home for things she cant control and clings to the One vision of her wedding that she thinks is 'happy' even despite the fact she doesnt really love the person in it. im choosing to take the li-po doc as canon here because its funny shes the only one with backstory-

but my fucking god even the smallest look into what her parents are like is soo fucked up to me. and i do think elka especially gets a lot of influence from her mother; its funny how easily you can fit mabel doom into a box just from what elka says about her. knees deep in an avon-esque pyramid scheme and leaning into her daughters depressing ass visions & taking her to therapy at age 11 (which would be good if not for the kind of person you can already assume she is & so i doubt the therapist she has really does her any good. i think they share one). she reads as a very I Am My Daughters Best Friend type of mom to me and i can see elka being a centerpiece of the conversation when she has her Amway Girls over for drinks. wine-mom that lets her kid sip from the glass so she can feel like a big girl type deal.

and you can tell that elka is trying to hard to be too mature for her age even in her campster posts. how she writes letters to nils' mom and exchanges baking recipes with her and that feels like she really only interacts with middle aged women and not really many people her own age outside of camp (like her moms friends). which makes sense shed feel the need to ‘grow up’ early when shes probably had to process so many hard things at a young age bc of her visions.

theres a lot of filling the blanks here of course.

elka obsesses over nils to an overbearing degree even despite the fact he treats her like shit ('you promised no talking' and so on) and she treats him bad right back. she leans onto stereotypical heterosexual ideals like taking care of him and overblowing how Manly and Protective JT is and she admires romance stories like pride and prejudice and it feels like she Projects Soooooooo much of what she wants onto boys she barely feels anything for without knowing what its actually supposed to feel like. and clearly she WANTS that ideal future, a happy marriage, an actual romance- but according to nils even when they were dating she ignored him most of the time, which just seems Very Telling

like shes filling a role, overcompensating for emotions and lacktherof she cant digest quite yet, and it only makes more sense when you know shes had visions of their future together. how could that be bad for her? shouldnt it be like the books and movies? but she doesnt really connect the fact that her visions are only for Doomed futures, and if she does she certainly doesnt show it. Doomed relationships. it's been a part of her family for generations and she isn't turning out much different, is she? i dont think she even realizes thats all she ever sees yet, just that its Going to happen. that it's Her future, and it always will be

and like, her only reference for a real marriage so far has been her own parents, and she already Knows they have an affair, and theyre doomed to split, (and i actually like to think they were in rough waters anyway and elka was a child meant to mend a crumbling marriage but thats a whole other thing) and so without a framework for what an actual healthy relationship is supposed to be like she cant really grasp that her relationship with nils Isnt that and isnt ever going to be. she can only cling to this one happy idea of the future, and thats why she keeps chasing him, self fulfilling the actuality of her situation and creating and fostering the unhappy life they will inevitably live together.

and that bleeds into everything else in her life, of course, because as the years go on, as the visions grow in number it just makes sense for her to fall into the predictability of her life. she always knows whats going to happen, her visions are Never wrong- so why try to change things? shes had time to process tragedies days, weeks, months, years before they happen, shes had time to settle into every crack of her life. her parents divorce, her various break ups, her future with the psychonauts.

“and she's already seen so much of a future with [nils] she feels trapped almost. Like she has to be happy in it or else it just means her life is miserable. And it's a mixture of pride and fear of the unknown that keeps her clinging to the One thing she knows. BUT LIKE!!! She knows what's gonna happen! It's easier to grieve when she's been grieving for years... She wants so badly to be happy, But to do that she has to step into the unfamiliar. And that's more terrifying than staying the same miserable person she's always been.”

and thats where franke comes in— and yeah you Do have to take a lot of liberties for frankes character since it’s basically, like, all the info for her is just that shes a Supreme Baby Dyke but thats enough for me. i think she has protective butch itch in her . on campster shes defensive over other women evidenced in the way she keeps watch over the girls cabins for lili when elton is pursuing her . but shes also eager to please and constantly trying to make kitty laugh and also Very naive. but she tries! and i think it only solidifies more as she gets Older and really gets a hold of her feelings & her powers. this is incredibly franke to me

and i think as they grow older together— because i think franke and elka Do stay friends, both because elka is just pathetic and needs that positive connection even if she doesnt realize it and because i think franke is a very Loyal person & annoyingly persistent if you let her be . and i am also a kitty/franke truther. because kittys also important in this web we weave

because i think franke and kitty stay together after camp, to a point— theres a falling out facilitated on kittys end and they break up, but reconnect, and franke kind of... saves kitty from herself a little, from her strict military father whos love only extends thru finances , from her own stifling future , she drives all the way to bakersville in her shitty van handmedowned from her dad and they move in together eventually . they get jobs at the motherlobe , because it’s a pipeline to a decent job, because it’s whats easy, because franke doesn’t really have a future, because she’s never really been good at much, because shes never had much sense, because franke doesnt really care as long as she can live and help, sometimes, if she can, and because kitty’s there, and because elka’s there, and shes so used to being elkas eyes now and shes good at it. shes good at being the muscle of the missions when her colleagues lack it, when hypnosis and predictions arent enough. she likes it that way.

and elka appreciates frankes company. she listens, shes sweet, she does little things for her that no ones ever really put the effort for before; she likes her. franke is strong and bold and makes her laugh and shes always there but god elka cant let go of that future, of that box shes put herself in, that her mothers put her in, of being a Good Wife to a Loving Husband, of getting married normally and falling into unfailing familiarity. thats all shes ever wanted and shes not going to jeopardize that . not for franke, who may not be a boy but is handsome like one, whos always held her after every break up with nils and the men that filled empty days inbetween.

and elka is too stubborn to recognize those feelings anyway. too prideful to accept a way out. too set in her cycle no matter how much she hates it, her little self fulfilling tragedy of her own making, wallowing in her own doom. she struggles for control of her own life when she feels like every choice has been made for her anyway, she puts up her walls and carefully constructs what people see. but franke was always harder to trick, because while empathy isnt a particularly useful psychic power it’s certainly an inconvenient one. all franke has to do is get too close and all those carefully crafted walls fall apart, and elkas control is gone, and thats all she really has. and she tries to distance herself, really she does, but franke is also too persistent. and elka wears gloves, keeps contact that would make her walls crumble from happening as best as she can, but she cant really keep herself from the brief moments where she feels like someone actually fucking cares about her.

and that slightest lack of control, the need to wrestle it back is why she proposes to nils the next time theres a falling out— she knows how it happens, she plans every detail. and he accepts, despite everything. gets her a cheap ring and it feels like lead on her finger and its nothing at all like how shed thought it to be when she was a kid, theres no feather light feeling in her chest, only that dreadful reality that she cant turn this back. BUT WHAT CAN U DO LMAO

elka doesnt tell franke about this engagement until later, on their way back from a mission. late at night when neither of them can sleep, and franke invites elka to smoke in her van, because its been so long since theyve been alone like that, because elkas been so strangely absent lately. and because of everything, because frankes always so damn nice, because elka hates the feel of the ring on her finger, because she let herself get high alone with franke fucking athens whos always been so good at pulling her apart— the truth of it all spills out and its messy and emotional and she hates it, she hates the life shes made for herself, but franke makes it easier to bare and now shes here and shes so close and god she wishes she could see her smile again, she wishes she could see franke, thats all she needs right now and she cant but she can touch her and she can hold her and for tonight, she can be known, she can let those walls crumble, she can be something else just for once here with franke . she can kiss her here in this van, touch that happiness for just a moment, and forget the future that waits for her outside of it. franke begs her to forget the wedding, to just let herself be happy— and god, she wants to, but it means turning her back on everything shes known and everything shes saw to be inevitable, and franke has never been in her future, so if it were supposed to work out why hadnt she seen it and she cant, she cant take that risk but she can have this, even if its temporary, she can have it.

and just as soon as she gets a taste of it, its gone. after that night, after the missions over and theyre back at the motherlobe and have to pretend like nothing happened (franke doesnt, of course she tells kitty about it, she tells kitty about everything.) but that brief moment together haunts elka every time she sees franke, sees herself through frankes eyes, sees herself in her wedding dress because god its all franke can think about! of course it is! she knows how much elkas destroying herself she knows how much misery shes wallowing in that kiss in the van felt like an emotional punch to the teeth and she hasnt ever forgotten it and all she can do is sit and watch while elka throws herself into a loveless marriage. she can come to her wedding and see the way the bride and groom kiss with the emotional weight of a wet towel no matter how hard elka tries to hide it under a pretty dress and bouquets of flowers and meticulous planning.

and elka resents nils but she cant really hate him, its not his fault, not really. he feels trapped just like she does and his feelings of misery only cycle back into hers . they fight and gnash and wear away at each other and its a relationship thats crashed and burned a million times before elka even said i do. and its inevitable that she falls into her mothers habits, a sip of wine here and there to loosen up, until it turns to a glass, until it falls into a bottle on nights when whatever work nils does runs late.

but franke’s still there. shes always been there, hasn’t she? always trying to play knight, always trying to save her, dragging her home when shes stumbling over herself because god who else is going to do it but her? who else is left to care? certainly not nils. never nils. because franke knows her. because franke pities her. shes always pitied her. shes always known. and elka hates it, she resents it, but god in the same breath she’s desperate for it, she envies it to her very bones. elka is a mess but after frankes done with her she has someone to go back to that loves her. and god what elka wouldnt do to have that. to take it and keep it for herself because shes never ever got to have that movie romance shes always wanted.

so now comes this.

because elkas particularly miserable and particularly spiteful and she needs to get franke to understand, just for a moment, drink with her and get on her level and she needs her there with her no matter how her pity makes her feel. no matter how much it makes her shake with anger and envy and desperation, but god the way franke looks at her, the way she still tries to salvage what they have, the soft, slurred way she tells her that it’s okay but its not okay, none of this is okay, it never has been and she just wants franke to shut up and see that, and if she cant then she’ll show her, she’ll show her all the raw angry desperation, with too much teeth and hands that claw and grab and she’ll know why everyones always said she’s too much.

and she knows this puts her on nils’ level too. that this makes her a cheater, that shes no better than he is now. no better than her father and his affair. but god, she wants to be selfish. she wants to be in control. just for once. she wants to feel right and she wants to feel happy and she wants to feel loved. thats all shes ever wanted. and franke will let her have that, just for a little while, at the very least.

anyway. sorry. sorry for being crazy . this isnt even getting into the shit after the comic takes place . elkas stupid brainworld thag she has to overcome in order to finally be allowed in the polycule and live happily ever as worlds first lesbian divorceman

sorry for all the shit i make up instead of caring about actual characters with screentime . bye !

[honeytonedhottie]

dealing with stress⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🎀📔

in this post i'll be talking about how i deal and manage my stress in ways that work for me, and how i soothe myself…💬🎀

AFFIRM ;

if ur an anxious manifestor, affirming will be ur best friend. affirm what u know to be true until it soothes you. if ur not into the law of assumption then thats fine too, affirming can still help you. affirming to urself that everything is going to be okay really helps.

some things that i like to affirm when im going through a lot of stress are ->

♡ ik that i am in control

♡ everything is going to work out fine

♡ i am at ease because everything is working out for me

♡ everything is coming together so beautifully for me

♡ i am totally in control, this is MY reality

REGULATING NERVOUS SYSTEM ;

so we have this thing in our bodies called the vagus nerve. it regulates ur heart rate, digestion, speaking and stimulating it helps anxiety and stress. to stimulate it you can ->

♡ hum or sing

♡ gargling

the reason behind these two points so far is that because ur using ur vocal chords it stimulates the vagus nerve (see chart above)

♡ exhale for longer than u inhale (DEEP BREATHSS)

TAKE SOME TIME OFF ;

you deserve to take a break from the world sometimes. take a day or two off of school if u can, or take a day or two off of ur work if ur able to and just get it together. do some meditation, take a nice long shower and a soothing nap. some more things to do while taking some time off/time to urself are

♡ meditate

♡ journalling

something that i do when i have a lot of stress is a healing journal "dump page" so i go into my healing journal and dump whatever has been on my mind, like literally everything and just get everything out of my system…💬🎀

♡ take a nice long shower

♡ take a nap

take the shower BEFORE u take the nap. i promise it feels so good to be clean and in fresh clothes and just bury yourself under ur blankets and RESTTT…💬🎀

♡ do some yoga

♡ do some breath control

♡ talk to yourself (it actually rly helps)

RELIEVE ;

relieve the tension and stress that u feel by doing things that are strenuous. like working out or something. just find ways in which to relieve the stress and tension from your days through doing something. that way it can become a habit and it can cue ur body to know when its time to relax.

[komorim]

borrowed time

-> zhongli x gn!reader

[ synopsis. ] it wasn’t the first time morax has experienced the lost of a dear one. but you were different. you were a mortal, not an adeptus, and he was prepared for your departure from him since the beginning. but along with your relatively short lifespan, there was something else…

‣ when the earth bleeds ⋮ find the masterlist here !!

[ content warnings. ] character death. angst. reincarnation. there’s not a lot to say; it’s not dark content.

[ word count. ] 3.8k

[ author’s note. ] yayy! the second one shot of my pair of one shot collections! i had this almost finished for so long but never got the chance to actually write the last few paragraphs. (i did not mean for the second one shot to come out like a year later…at least im not dead!) this also ended up being a lot more longer than i intended it to be…(this is 3.8k????????????) but oh well, enjoy!

you don’t remember how long it has been after you died. after all, you continued to live your life normally. it was only natural that the exact time passed has become blurry to you.

though you remembered everything that happened after you had died. you remember the voice in your head and explaining the whole circumstance to you, and you remember seeing zhongli around liyue as you continued to “live.”

the whole ordeal wasn’t that complicated actually. simply put, you had such a strong love and longing for your immortal fiancé that it was dangerous to let you just pass on. if you couldn’t resolve the knot of regret that sprouted the moment you died, you would likely turn into a disruptive spirit, and the best way to solve the issue was for you to let go of the things that still tied you down to the world of the living.

the solution was for you to let go of zhongli.

it seemed impossible, and you almost laughed when you heard about the mysterious voice telling you that you had to fulfill your regrets. but your regret was not being able to accompany zhongli for the rest of his long, never ending life.

how were you supposed to resolve that regret?

your first thought was to follow zhongli throughout his daily life, thinking that if you saw that he could live on happily, or better yet, if he could find someone to accompany him like you once did, that you could soothe the agony in your heart. even though the thought of him finding someone to replace you tugged on your heart and made it ache, you found it to be better than to see him live in solitary after your passing.

however, what you saw as you followed him was only the ways that he would force a smile on and push through tiredly through each day. you could tell that he still hadn’t completely digested the reality of your death, and he wasn’t having an easy time too.

you originally thought it risky to follow him around so much, as the geo archon was always someone of high observational skills, but he was rather busy with mourning to notice the silent eyes that watched him day and night.

and even though your original plan was simply to follow him and see how he was doing, you soon became greedy and wanted to be next to his side again. you knew that it would not only cause complications if he found out who you were, but it also would only make the feeling of regret grow larger. and yet you couldn’t help it. no matter how long it truly has been after your death, you knew it was far too long to be away from him.

you missed him. you missed being in his arms, missed taking walks with him, missed the feel of his hand in yours, missed the soft and gentle voice he used when he called out your name. you missed it all.

you tried convincing yourself that because you’re only alive temporarily, the mysterious force had changed your appearance to avoid raising suspicion and he wouldn’t be able to recognize you. you wanted to give yourself every single excuse to justify that it was okay for you to approach him once more.

as long as you left before he found out and you got too attached, you’re sure that it would be fine. you’ll even use a different name to avoid him catching on.

though what were you thinking? you were facing zhongli, a previous archon who had many years of experience and knowledge.

and the knowledge that he had on you was probably the greatest.

you have introduced yourself to the wangsheng funeral parlor consultant as someone who has heard many things about him, and wished to seek information about morax’s past. being as respectful and responsible as he is, he offered to meet after he got off “work,” suggesting for you to see him at third-round knockout. you agree eagerly, happy with any opportunity to be with him.

you arrive early, too excited to do anything else but wait in anticipation, and when you finally see him heading your way, you wave.

“mister zhongli!”

he gives you a curt nod as he takes the seat opposite of you. “hello, did i keep you waiting too long?”

you shake your head and hands, “no, not at all. i just arrived not too long ago.”

you exchange the normal formalities and after a short while of asking about how morax was like and the accomplishments he’s achieved, you ask what you were really wondering. how would he feel at the mention of you? will he brush it off and pretend not to know you, or will he reminisce the time he spent with you while you were on the earth?

“is something wrong?” zhongli asks, expressing his concern for your sudden silence.

“it might just be a rumor…but i’ve heard that morax once had a partner before. do you know anything about their relationship?”

zhongli’s hand stiffens in midair as he was about to take another sip of his tea. he sets the teacup down shortly and looks away, seeming to feel awkward upon your question.

“a partner…? ah, i see. yes, i believe they were quite a harmonious couple. i don’t know much about this as it wasn’t widely recorded.”

it was your turn to freeze as your mind runs wild, thinking about all the possibilities for why he wouldn’t disclose anything. was he ashamed of you? did he not think you were worthy enough to mention? with all these questions consuming your mind, the rest of your conversation with zhongli was short and lackluster.

when you were about to take your leave, you convey your thanks for zhongli’s information and turn away, yet he grabs your wrist gently before you could take another step.

“you…will i see you again? you remind me of a dear companion of mine. i’d like to be in your company once more sometime.”

you smile warmly and nod, “of course, mister zhongli. it would be a pleasure to meet with you again.”

he seems to look relieved as his facial expressions relax. he returns your smile and lets go of your wrist somewhat unwillingly as you finally part ways with him.

though unbeknownst to you, his eyes followed your shape as you walk further and further away.

the next few days were spent with you next to zhongli’s side—so much that other acquaintances of his suspected the possibility of the two of you dating. and when you both walked by yet another small shop immersed in a light-hearted conversation, you hear a man’s voice call out to zhongli.

“mister zhongli!” he approaches the him as you both stop in your tracks. “i see you’re with miss y/n again,” he smiles in your direction, a smile knowing and akin to that of an elder. he nudges zhongli with his elbow and leans closer to him to say something you couldn’t quite make out, but by seeing zhongli’s widened eyes you assumed he was caught off guard.

“oh, no, no. i was simply enjoying an afternoon walk with miss yue.” to his response, the man nodded slowly, expression giving the impression that he was not quite convinced by this answer. though he didn’t pursue the topic any further and quickly left you two alone.

you glance at zhongli a few times as your stroll continued and before you could repress your curiosity properly, you were already asking the question.

“so, what did he say to you?”

zhongli’s eyes stray to meet yours for a short second before he chuckles softly. “i believe he was curious if our relationship has progressed beyond simply acquaintances that can share a topic or two.”

even if you thought you were prepared for it, your light hearted smile still dropped at the idea of zhongli having another partner besides you. even if this body was currently inhabited by you, you knew that it was impossible for zhongli to know that. and thus, in technicality, he would be romantically affiliated with another person.

zhongli, being as perceptive as he always was, noticed the slight change in your mood as he stopped with you. your dull eyes that were spacing out in thought slowly meet his golden ones and you catch the worry behind them.

“is something wrong?”

you laugh a bit nervously, your throat suddenly feeling dry as you swallow, trying to come up with something that can fool him. “yes, i…i just wasn’t expecting that.”

his eyebrows furrow slightly and you can tell that he doesn’t buy it. the air between you two is quiet for a long moment and the next time he opens his mouth, his voice sounds a bit less neutral than it usually is. “does the thought of going on a date with me…bother you?”

you wave your hands in distress, not wanting him to get the wrong idea. “archons, no! of course not! i greatly enjoy your company, mister zhongli. it’s just i was caught off guard.”

he stares intensely at you, and under the pressure that he unconsciously put on you, you finally speak your mind.

“it’s just…i was thinking about how you’re so knowledgeable about morax, yet you know nothing about his relationships. the sudden lack of consistency made me think that maybe you weren’t interested in any form of romance, so i was worried that you-”

“yue, my feelings for you most definitely extends beyond mere friendship,” he says, interrupting your ramble before you got carried away.

his sentence made your heart utterly drop. you had a bitter taste in your mouth and couldn’t think whether to be happy or not. should you celebrate that he could fall in love with you again—even in another body? or should you grieve that he has now completely forgotten your original self and has no more space in his heart for you now that he’s handing it to another? you suddenly felt like your whole world was turned upside down. no matter how much you initially wanted to believe that seeing zhongli happy with someone else would assure you, you know realize that deep down, it truly was you who couldn’t let go of the past.

“i…i’m sorry, mister zhongli, but i must go now.” you hurriedly bow as a form of apology and leave him immediately. as you turned on your heel to almost run away, your eyes stung and the tears you unknowingly kept at bay started to roll down your cheeks.

the moment you settled down by a tree to finally stop and think about the situation, you started to brainwash yourself into believing that you should be happy for zhongli. you should be glad he’s not held back by the memory of you. you should take this chance to let go of him, to finish resolving that knot like you came here to do. though the other part of you pleaded to not just surrender like this, and the internal conflict only grew as you struggled to unify your mind.

so until you could determine a final solution, you decided to just simply detach yourself from zhongli. the frequent meetings were no more as you couldn’t possibly face him like usual anymore; it would only make the mess that is your mind even worse.

though zhongli’s patience wore thin. even if he’s rarely one to be impatient, his attitude always seemed to be different when it came to you.

so after a whole week of you avoiding him like the flu, he finally hunted you down.

when you turned the corner of third-round knockout, you were met with a familiar face and before you could run far, he caught you by the arm.

“y/n. i know it’s you.”

you almost jumped at hearing your real name. you knew that zhongli was smart and hard to fool, but the fact that he actually uncovered your identity is unbelievable.

you turn to face him, and when you saw his distressed eyes and sad frown, you knew you couldn’t lie to him anymore. the moment he recognized your surrender, he pulled you into a hug, arms wrapping around your waist and head leaning into the crook of your neck—an embrace so familiar you would never dream of forgetting it.

“i missed you so much, y/n. please, you can’t even begin to understand how deeply devastated i was when you started distancing yourself from me. my heart sunk at the thought of losing you once more.”

you could feel tears approaching as you returned the hug. “how did you know it was me?”

zhongli pulled away from the hug to hold you at arm’s length, looking at you lovingly. “i could recognize you even if you became a pile of ashes. though it didn’t seem like you had any intention of reuniting with me, so i played along and pretended not to know you as well. but, it appears that it wasn’t the wisest choice on my end,” he sighs, “i should’ve kept you by my side no matter what.”

you smiled. “it’s relieving to know you haven’t forgotten me.”

zhongli’s eyes fill with disbelief, almost appearing offended at the notion. a sad frown is painted on his face as he looks at you softly. “i could never forget you, y/n. you’re the only one i’ve ever held this close to my heart. although you may underestimate your impact towards my life, i assure you that without meeting you, i would’ve turned out to be a less than pleasing person.”

you look away from him, quietly speaking, almost as if talking to yourself instead of him, “i thought you felt differently from the way you denied having knowledge of morax’s partner.”

with how much attention zhongli gives you however, he definitely caught onto what you said. “i was only avoiding the topic since i didn’t want to remind you of the sad times. not being able to give you a proper wedding before you passed was always the biggest regret i had.”

the air is silent for a moment before he cups your face and brings your gaze back to him. he smiles endearingly at you, an idea coming to him suddenly. “how about i give you that promised wedding?”

in the back of your mind, you knew that this body was only temporary, that even if you did go along with the idea, you wouldn’t be able to live with zhongli as a married couple forever. though the offer was too tempting to turn down, so you nodded your head in a silent agreement as you mirrored his smile.

“can we keep it small though? i don’t want such a big audience.” since you knew this wouldn’t last long. you didn’t want zhongli to have to deal with prying questions of where you went whenever your time was up.

“of course, my dear. it will be as you wish.”

so the next few days were spent planning the wedding until the moment came when you heard the celebratory music as you walked down the short aisle. only a few familiar faces were present in accordance to your request of zhongli; you recognized xiao and xianyun and many other friends from your past life and you smiled in their direction. it was evident that they were all happy for you and zhongli, the well known couple of the time.

when you finally stopped to meet zhongli at the end of the aisle, you noticed how he wore the same soft expression that was met with you every time he was in your presence. a few minutes pass as the introductory was given and anything and everything that followed seemed to have past in a blur or sound and colors. your attention was solely on the love of your life in front of you, and nothing was received by your brain until after the classic question was asked and zhongli began speaking his vows.

“in a long time past, we shared our hearts with each other. you accompanied the most important and joyous moments of my long life, only to be separated from me in a cruel joke of fate. i could not do anything as i watched you fall into sickness, and i may have resented the powers that took you away from me. your absence left a void in my soul, and i could only regret that i could not fulfill my promise to you. but blessed as we are, fate has bestowed me with a chance to make those vows a reality in this life as we are once again reunited. with this ring, i pledge to cherish you as i did before, if not more so and longer. i vow to stand by your side no matter the obstacles that we may face, honoring my never ending love for you. today, let us continue the journey that we had started so long ago, and let our fates and hearts remain interconnected throughout this life and beyond.”

your eyes never left zhongli’s as you struggled to match his loving gaze with one of your own. his vow to you composed of too many promises you knew he would be forced to break due to the nature of your stay in the human world. this would not last. you can’t tell if the watery view you had was due to hearing his profound and unwavering love for you or if it was out of sorrow for the knowledge that this was all temporary and won’t be anything beyond that.

though you couldn’t break his heart like that all over again, so you hid the truth inside your heart, even if you knew doing so would hurt the both of you more. you pressed your lips into a small smile and declared your own vows, mimicking zhongli’s in the way that it was filled with empty promises yet very much honest words of how you deeply loved him as well.

your head struggled to remain clear in the short time span that you recited your vows, and by the end of it, you found that you have come to accept the fact that this was all temporary. you knew that it was from the start, so there shouldn’t be so much of a reaction when you’re only just being reminded of the fact.

your rings were then exchanged before your officiant declared the marriage. you smiled at zhongli, genuinely this time, as you finally found peace with the situation you were in. when the officiant finally announced that you and zhongli were now permitted to kiss, you took a small step forward as zhongli’s hands reached out to cup your face. he tilts your face upwards gently, staring into your eyes softly before finally kissing you as your hands rested gently at his sides.

common to loving couples, your wedding kiss lasted rather long. you smiled into the kiss in relief that at the end of this all, at least you were able to officially marry zhongli in this life. yet when you finished thinking about this, you heard that familiar voice in your head.

<it seems that you have let go of that obsession of yours. congratulations.>

the voice didn’t have to spell it out for you. you knew that this means that your borrowed time in the human world was finally coming to an end. you admit, you do feel satisfied now knowing that your broken promise from your last life of marrying zhongli was finally fulfilled. though it didn’t help soothe the ache that came with knowing you had to leave much.

you and zhongli pulled away from each other and you felt your body growing lighter each minute that passes as you turn to face your audience—your friends. you smile at them and walk down the aisle with zhongli as you both thank them for joining the event. though as the reception starts, you pull zhongli aside as you smile at him once again, this time not as worry-free.

“what’s wrong?” his face expressing a curious worry, though it doesn’t override the joy he felt from finally being your husband.

you bring up your hands to cup his face as you try to engrave his features into your soul so that you can recognize him when you officially reincarnate. it was then that zhongli finally noticed you blending into the dark night and his eyes filled with a type of sad understanding.

“you…you’re leaving. is that right?”

you nod softly. “it’s okay. i’m happy that at least i was able to be wed to you once. that’s honestly more than i could ask for,” you laugh gently, “i thought that i would’ve had to leave after seeing you move on. but zhongli, i truly do wish that maybe, with time, you can find another that treasures you as much as i do. although it isn’t ideal for me that you’ve found someone else, i don’t wish for you to spend eternity alone. i…i don’t know how long it’ll take for me to reincarnate or if i will for that matter. so,” you caress his face as he leans into your palm, “please don’t spend too long trying to wait for me. if an opportunity for your happiness presents itself before that, i hope you can take it without feeling burdened.”

zhongli chuckles bitterly, “you’re asking something impossible of me. i don’t believe there is anyone other than you that will be able to make me happy.”

“you never know.”

“i do know,” he insists, closing his eyes as he holds the hand you had on his face with his own, “perhaps i will just spend the rest of my life anticipating your return.”

you shake your head with a small smile, not knowing how to deal with his stubbornness in things he’s set his mind on. though both of you knew that your silence meant you had accepted zhongli’s way of handling this.

your body dissipates to almost nothing, though it seems that the powers above have granted you just enough time to finish your farewell with your new husband.

“i don’t mind if it takes eternity for it to happen, but please return to my side one day.” he pauses for a short moment before speaking softly, “i’m sure that we’ll get our happy ending.”

he looks into your eyes as he sees through the borrowed appearance you wore; he sees through all the disguise that they tried to cover you with and he sees the true you. he smiles with eyes that treat you as the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid his eyes on. it was the last thing that you saw before being blown away with the wind.

zhongli’s eyes linger in the direction that you disappeared in as his eyes turn watery at the realization that he lost you once again. he can only wish that you heard his last few words.

“i’ll be waiting.”

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[pinksobg]

Why did this happen?

breathe and close your eyes to concentrate if you prefer. for reflection. hope you enjoy and it is insightful. ❤️

pile number 1 - Oh, yes, pile number 1. you went through a time of difficulty, scarcity, a place where you were not being treated fairly, you may have probably left an unbalanced place, where your voice was not heard and you felt rushed and devalued. That is really tough pile number 1, im really sorry to hear that. This happened because you deserved better. You deserved to leave this cramped space without scales, to a better place. Clearly a new place where you feel valued, heard and back in your personal power. you deserve the best. This situation may have been in a work environment, when rejecting a project or job proposal. But it can also be a friendship, a long-term relationship, among other varied aspects in your current reality.

cards - 5 of pentacles, queen of wands rx., temperance rx., king of pentacles.

card of advice - 9 of swords. If you are feeling very anxious, it is recommended that you visit a psychologist, therapist and return movement in your life, starting with something that you consider simple or easier, it could be cleaning something from your space and or physical exercise if it is possible. thank you so much. take care. you matter.

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pile 2 - Oh, pile 2. It's an intense energy, I tried to prepare myself as much as possible to transmit this message. It is very likely that you have gone through a situation where you cannot be the charitable, kind and loving person that you are. You had to fight not to get hurt on this situation, whether by setting limits or trying to trust yourself again. In other words, if you didn't raise your guard you would have continued in a very exhausting cycle. It may have been an argument, a fight, a cut in something that you may have asked yourself 'but I don't act like this normally, what happened to me'. These thoughts may have occurred because you are a really good person and may not be used to putting yourself first. you were spiritually guided. Strongly, I'm listening. You may have had digestive system problems probably due to stress.

But hey, here we go again. You were guided to the best path, to choose what is good for you and also choose what is choosing you. You deserve to be the charitable person you are, to do that project that few believe in, to be your authentic truth. There is also a request to improve your spiritual protection, connect with your spirituality - more messages will arrive for you, good things. Take good care of yourself, don't be too alert, you are being taken care of, but also continue your journey of protecting yourself from what is bad for you, be it habits, people, spaces, etc. thank you very much. additional message - see you soon.

cards - 3 of pentacles, queen of cups rx, 9 of swords rx, 7 of wands rx, the lovers, the star.

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pile 3 - hii pile number 3! did you thought about something good that happened, right? This could be someone who defended you or someone who defended you without you even realizing it, 'behind the curtains' kind of thing. Or maybe you might be thinking about a crush or something that gives you happiness and a feeling of completeness, like working on something to improve your self-esteem.

In other words, you may have thought of a certain good thing that happened to you. If this is your case, my pile number 3, is because you deserve it - you radiate completeness, friendship, truth to people, you don't hide your true face. with the card of the lovers, the star, the world in a single reading - it could also have been a gift from the universe, a Divine gift.

-- With the clarification with the Page of Wands card, this may have pushed you to continue, think about your future, create new ideas, open new horizons and prepare you for what comes next on your journey. If something good happened to you after a difficult time, it could also have been a form of... kind of 'justice', from the universe towards you, my pile number 3. a plan, there is.

Four of wands also, how beautiful! Really, if you thought of something good, it really is a celebration that occurred around you. Congratulations, my pile number 3!! You overcame something, achieved something important, even if you may not even realize what it is - but in some cases, yes, it is possible to realize what you did. right. This deserves a celebration, congratulations my pile number 3! Take good care of yourself, I hope this message resonated and was useful to you. thank youu

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