#and my mother get upset bc of course she always make him upset and that stuff that everything was her fault

[ryuusei-niu]

I feel like rambling right now and needing someone to listen

[erwinsvow]

little sad bitchy!reader moment: her and rafe are at the country club with topper and kelce and some other friends of rafe and one of the guys starts saying how she would be a horrible wife and mother (bc of the way she is) and she honestly is so hurt by it and i think she would almost try to change the way she is around rafe a little just so he wouldn’t think that about her…

sobbing thinking about it and listening to this (https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLX2Pdcv/)

hi my love this was so amazing and wonderful to write! im sorry its kinda long, hope you like it ♡

in all honestly, you stopped caring what people said about you a long time ago. you weren't the way you were because it was funny, or to get a reaction out of others. that was just the way you've always been, and there was nothing you hated more than letting people walk all over you and get away it.

that must be why the comebacks would fly out of your mouth before you could stop them, if you even wanted to stop them. why you never stopped to think twice about the people who didn't want to talk to you again or the boys who didn't want a second date.

you weren't easy to handle, not that you wanted to be, but you knew you weren't.

it seemed easy enough for rafe though.

he never seemed to wish that you'd bite your tongue or tell you to act differently, behave a certain way. no, he'd laugh and fire back something, or agree with you and say something you remember to add to your collection of insults.

rafe liked you as you were. that's why he fought so long and hard to get you, something that you didn't take lightly. you were committed, and the more days that went by, you found yourself softening up more and more with him.

rafe knew a side of you that a select few had ever seen, much less engaged with. you liked it this way, having a boyfriend you could be yourself around and be a little soft around.

until you overhear a boy at the club talking about you. in all your years of life, you've never let a boy make you feel upset, and you didn't want to start now. a comeback brews the second he mentions your name—of course it's the idiot one, the one whose parents pay for his grades and doesn't know anything besides losing at pong and scaring away girls—but it dies in your throat when you hear the words that follow.

"i mean i get it, she's hot, but i don't know how cameron puts up with her."

"what're you talking about? she's just like him," kelce says, and you feel briefly grateful for him.

"dude, she's a bitch. i've never heard one nice thing come out of her mouth. totally untamed. you can't bring a girl like that home to your folks, they'd hate her. especially his folks. and don't even mention long-term. imagine coming home after working all day and your girl is bitching at you? i mean, no offense but what kind of kids is she gonna raise?"

you hear laughter, and when your face feels wet, and you're confused for a moment. you look up at the ceiling, wondering if there's a leak, when your eyes flood again and more tears fall down.

crying, and that too over what one of rafe's friends said about you. this isn't like you. frankly, it's pathetic. those idiotic boys don't know the first thing about you or your relationship with rafe—they don't know the conversations you have and all the things you both agree on and the way he laughs when you fire back at him.

but somehow, feet leading you outside and to your car, fingers texting rafe some excuse for why you went home early, you end up letting it affect you.

rafe comes over the next morning—he texted you something but you didn't reply. worried for a moment about something you've never been concerned with before, you think a nicer girl would have texted him back right away, that you should have texted him back.

he doesn't knock, never does. your parents aren't home but he has your spare key, letting himself in and up to your room. he stops at the doorway, leaning against the frame.

"hey. what happened last night?" he asks it like he doesn't know what happened—which is good, you want it to stay that way. the thing you would have said yesterday bubbles up, coming to your lips. maybe if you'd gotten your head out of your ass, you'd see my text.

"wasn't feeling good. came home."

"you feelin' okay now?" he gets closer to you, and you look up at your boyfriend. i'd be fine but that asshole you already hate ruined my mood. will you run him over in your truck?

"better." you stop for a moment, you don't want him to think something's wrong. "how was your night?" he looks at you a little confused.

"it was fine. borin' without you. kelce asked where you went too."

"y'know i always liked kelce," you say, smiling again. you think you can get better at this.

rafe takes you out for lunch, and then you wanted to go shopping in the afternoon and get your nails done. it's a whole day, and you like spending it with him. you swallow down what your mind usually thinks and opt for being nice instead, polite questions and trepid commentary.

the waiter brings you the wrong drink—and though you're not so much of a bitch to hurl insults at teenager servers, you're normally annoyed enough to say something and get your correct drink. instead you sip it quietly, waiting for rafe to start the conversation. when you don't, he looks at you in that confused way again.

"you okay?"

"yeah. fine. you okay?"

if he thinks something's wrong, he doesn't say anything. at the mall, nothing looks how you want and even the things you like don't feel right. you'd let rafe buy you whatever you want, normally giving him a twirl in the dressing room and thanking him very sweetly.

"you want that dress?" rafe asks, his arm resting on a rack while you comb through mindlessly.

"no, it was too short."

"that's never been an issue before." ha-ha. pervert. looking up my skirt aren't you? knew you were desperately horny for me but this is down bad even for you.

"trying to dress better. and it'll be cold soon."

"hey, look at me." rafe uses his hands on your shoulders to turn you from the clothes, facing him. "you okay baby?"

fuck, you know you messed up. he only calls you that when he's being serious—the rest of the time it's princess, angel, sweetheart. all things that you are definitely not.

"i'm okay. i just don't want it. but thank you." you don't know it, but he thinks you're upset with him, spending the next hour in the nail salon racking his mind for the reason why.

your nails are fine, they look pretty enough. shorter than normal with a clean french manicure, you admire them from a distance. you suddenly feel like crying again, wondering why you didn't get the pink acrylics you like, rhinestones and bows and all the other things that were pretty to look at when you flipped people off.

in rafe's passenger seat after, you keep staring at your hands, feeling another tear slip down. rafe's not looking at you, he's looking ahead, still unsure what was going on.

"baby, if i did something you gotta tell me, i don't like seein' you like this-" when he turns his head to glance at you, you're looking back at him with your pouty face and wet cheeks—two things he's never seen before. "hey. what's wrong?"

you couldn't stop the downpour if you tried—tears falling quick and fast. you hate that anyone's seeing you like this, especially rafe.

rafe is nice to you, and you soften up around him. you didn't really realize that he softens up around you too. he wipes your tears away, keeps a hand on yours the whole time.

"can you talk to me? what's goin' on?"

"yesterday.. one of those guys said that i was a bitch-"

"which one? to your face? when? i'll fuckin' kill him-"

"no, he didn't know i was there. it's not that, i know i am. i don't care about that. he said that-" your voice cracks, something else you hate, that you don't want rafe hearing. "sorry. he said you couldn't bring me home. and that you would hate coming home to me-me being all mean. and that our kids would be mean too."

yes, you're mean. but rafe's mean too, and none of your friends have ever said anything like that about him. you like that he's mean, that he's like you—you think he's the closest thing to a soulmate you could ever find.

"don't fuckin' listen to any of them for a second, got it? they don't know anything."

"rafe, i-"

"no, seriously. they yap because i wasn't there to knock him out. and he says it when you're gone 'cause he knows you'd make him cry if you were there." you sniffle, though you already feel better.

"but i didn't. i started crying instead." you hate even thinking about it.

"s'okay, it happens. but don't believe a word of that shit. i wanna come home to you everyday. hear everything you say. i want all of it."

"really?" you ask him, wiping away your tears, appreciating the hand on your thigh and how sincerely he's looking at you. "i thought you'd be mean if i cried in front of you."

"it's hard enough to be mean to you."

"you're such a sap. should we go get ice cream and braid each others hair after this?" he laughs, and you laugh. "thanks rafey."

"no problem, kid."

"don't call me that." rafe groans, and you smile.

[mire1li]

Reader as Alastor's Mother part 2

Part 1!, Part 3!

𓋼 You would absolutely decorate his microphone with a bunch of ribbons you found!

And he would absolutely allow it in fear of upsetting you, although he began to take them off later on when he had to leave, but seeing you get sad at his actions changed his mind… It did not help that the ribbons were glittery.

“Oh look, Sparkles got sparklier!” Angel had said when Alastor was passing by.

𓋼 He wants you to be happy but don't even try having feelings for anyone in hell, they'll most likely 'disappear under mysterious circumstances' and then you'll just so happen to hear their screams on Alastor's radio broadcast <3

Lucifer tries to flirt everytime he sees you outside (or once he comes back to see the hotel which… would be 'some' time later…) But it's not long before Alastor shows up bcs he has a shadow follow you everywhere

“My mother certainly would not want someone so… ancient…”

“are you trying to make me sound like a fossil?”

“Maybe~ I can’t say for sure though!”

"Y'know, I've stolen wives before… maybe it's time to steal a mother instead!"

"I'm going to fucking kill you"

𓋼 Lucifer would play silly games with you and bring you gifts by leaving them at the hotel’s doorstep, although you never received any (like he thought you did) because Alastor would always take them before you saw them. Or he would make them his own to give to you if you were having a worse day than usual!

“Mother, I had noticed that you weren’t feeling all too great so I brought you a wonderful gift!”

“Oh, thank you, darling!”

Your mood always brightened when he gave you these gifts. 𓋼 One time when Lucifer visited the hotel, he went straight to you to ask you about how you liked the gifts.

"[Name]! Hello, deer, how are you? Did you like the gifts that I left you?"

"Hello Luci, I'm fine, thank you! … Gifts? what gifts?"

"The ones… that I left on the doorstep of the hotel!"

"I dont recall seeing any gifts there… but Alastor recently started leaving the hotel more often! Not for very long though…"

And then Lucifer realised. You never received his gifts because Alastor got to them first! After that, he made sure to put a note with his signature on them. Though, that still didn't deter Alastor, to Lucifer's dismay.

𓋼 One time, Angel returned to the hotel at an unreasonably late hour, so you went to make sure everything was alright.

"Are you alright, Angel?"

"Huh? No, I'm totally fucked!"

"Why? What happened?"

"You know Valentino right? My boss?"

"Of course I do, everyone hates him quite a bit here and you always talk about him"

"Right, well, fuckin' Val made me work an extra 10 hours!"

"He what?!"

"Yeah! Absolute bitch move."

Naturally, Alastor was watching and listening to you two so you turned to him, with quite the menacing look in your eyes.

"Oh Alastor, prepare your radio broadcast!~"

𓋼 You noticed that most of the residents of the hotel all came to you for advice quite often (except Niffty, she's just an entirely different entity)

"It seems they have become quite fond of you, Mother"

"They have, haven't they?"

Alastor's expression was always one of annoyance whenever someone came to you for help. He wouldn't dare admit it, but he was most certainly jealous of anyone who even stood too close to you, let alone talked to you.

𓋼 Because of that one time that Alastor stood right next to Charlie to spite Lucifer, Lucifer decided to stand just that close to you to get back at him.

"An eye for an eye, Mr Radio!"

"I recommend you watch yourself."

𓋼 One time, when you were out of the hotel and walking around Hell with Alastor, Vox just so happened to see you on one of his tv screens, Valentino sitting by him, messaging someone.

"Hey Val, who the fuck is that with that old-timey prick?"

"Hm? No clue."

"You didn't even look, fuckhead"

"How would you know? You're too busy eyefucking Alastor."

"I am not"

"She's probably just another one of those redemption hotel idiots. It doesn't matter"

But Vox still just glared at the screen.

𓋼 Vox continued to keep an eye on you, seeing just how wonderful you are and so when you were outside the hotel alone (or so he thought) he went up to you. Somehow he didn't catch onto the fact that you're Alastor's mother.

"Hello-"

"What do you think you're doing?" Alastor, of course, suddenly appeared out of thin air, standing in between you and Vox, with an even more annoyed smile than usual.

"Alastor, is this another one of your friends?"

"No-"

"Yes, absolutely, ma'am. Great friends, in fact!"

"Ha! Well, you see, this is my Mother."

"Your what?"

Yeah, Alastor simply walked away with you whilst Vox was buffering.

𓋼 Vox constantly tried to talk to you alone but Alastor was always there to stop him, so unfortunate.

"Would you stay away from my Mother, you-! Ahem, my apologies, Mother."

"Hah! Your mother? I think you meant our mother!"

𓋼 Alastor would absolutely cover your ears when swearing at, or insulting, anyone.

𓋼 When you first met Valentino, you were so mad at him on Angel's behalf that you knocked him out and brought him back to the hotel with you. Of course, Vox was there with Val but he was like a lost duckling, just slowly trailing behind you, unsure what to do.

"I'm back!"

"What the fuck did you do??" Angel was lying down on the couch when you entered, dragging the unconcious Valentino behind you.

"A favour to you and hell!"

"No, but how?!"

"That's a secret~"

"Ok… so why'd ya bring him here?"

"Redemption"

𓋼 Back to Lucifer! He would tell you random animal facts to try and impress you! He would also unironically ask around, and search up (if necessary), how to impress a woman.

𓋼 Lucifer would suddenly start playing the violin for everyone in the hotel 'for everyones' entertainment' as he called it. (It was meant for you though). Each time Lucifer did this, Alastor told you that something important happened that required your attention. You always stayed for the beginning though.

𓋼 One day, you were baking cookies and you and Alastor left the kitchen for a while whilst they were in the oven, however, you both somehow managed to forget about them… so when the smoke alarm suddenly rang, you ran into the kitchen, everyone wondering what happened.

"Fuck!"

"Language, Mother."

"Don't you 'language' me, young man!"

𓋼 You redecorated his room. He wasn't a fan of all the new colours, but he still appreciated the gesture. (There was a lot of glitter involved)

𓋼 After a while of you staying there, everyone definitely sees you as a mother figure (Alastor didn't appreciate this much either but he's willing to look past it for his friends)

𓋼 As small gifts, you made everyone items that resemble them and filled them with different colours of glitter and paper that remind you of them. Bonus: Behind the scenes! 1. Yuri's bad timing:

2. Vox and Val:

[aliaology]

NEW JERSEY RED

summary: reader finds herself falling for the new jersey devil’s center even if her heart is supposed to lie with the new york rangers.

pairings: jack hughes x fem!reader

warnings: none..? just yn getting sappy as hell bc she fell for jack!! use of ‘daddy’ but not in a sexual way.

lowercase intended.

BASED ON “tennessee orange” by megan moroney

living in new jersey wasn’t much of a difference than living in new york, at least, not to you. at times it just felt less chaotic, in a way that made you miss the chaotic streets of nyc. but moving to new jersey to become a media manager for the new jersey devils was a pro and a con.

growing up in new york city, meant you and your family were very big rangers fans. your father had seasonal tickets, every year. you went to every game with him that you could.

when your family heard you now worked for the new jersey devils, it felt like hell broke loose. working for the.. enemy? now thats foul play, you just betrayed your home team! but you didn’t regret it.

see, there was this boy. specifically number 86, a center for the new jersey devils. jack hughes. he was cute, scratch that— he was hot. you, like many other girls, fell right at his feet. of course you didn’t out right do so or show that.

but he as well— fell hard for you, maybe even harder.

not only did you work for the ‘enemy’ but now you were fraternizing with one?

you had the day off, sitting at your now shared apartment with your current boyfriend of nine months. you didn’t tell your family about him, he didn’t tell his about you. the media had no idea that the jack hughes had a girlfriend either.

your thumb hovers over the call button. the stool under you creaked as you shifted your weight. you clicked the bright green button.

it rang until it didn’t, “hello?” the sound of your mother’s voice filled the room.

“hi mama.” you spoke gently. “ive got some news for you” you told.

“finally! i havent heard from you in so long sweet girl, please tell me everything!” you could hear her smile from the other end of the phone.

you smile. “just don’t tell daddy, okay? he’ll blow a fuse.” you chuckle.

your fingers tap against the counter as you anxiously listen to her laugh. “okay, sweetie. are you okay?”

“dont worry— im doing okay. listen— i know you raised me to know right from wrong, it aint what you think, promise.” you start.

“honey, you’re kind of scaring me.” your mother nervously chuckles.

“listen, okay? i um— i never thought i’d honestly see this day, seeing how scared i was with my past relationships—“ you cut yourself off with a nervous laugh.

“i met somebody.” you told. you heard a quiet gasp on her end.

“really? honey thats amazing! tell me about him— about your relationship.”

you let out a breath. “hes got blue eyes, the prettiest eyes ive ever seen, mama. hes so good to me too, he always holds the door open, he never makes me cry. there has never been a moment where he’s made me upset.”

“oh honey..” she trailed off, sounding happy.

“im not done, mama. last weekend he took me to michigan, where his family lives. we watched a football game, a college one. his brothers used to go there. he let me wear his cap that has been on his dash forever— mama i swear i fell even more for him under those stadium lights. hes perfect.”

“but..” you trailed off.

“but? there’s a but? honey… whats wrong?” your mother sounded concerned.

“mama, you cannot tell daddy— he’s gonna think its a sin. but mama hes a player on the new jersey devils— but forgive me, i really like him, mom. hell, im learning how to golf for him mama. hes perfect, hes got a smile, mama his smile is killer. ive never seen one like it.”

“honey… you’re dad is right here, listening.” you clamped your mouth shut. just your luck.

“does he make you happy?” you heard your father ask.

“yes he does, daddy. i know hes a devil but god you would love him! i know he aint where we are from, but he feels like home. hes got me doing things ive never done. he makes my stomach burst into butterflies, he makes me blush, he makes me feel loved.” you explained.

“and you know i still want the rangers to win, daddy” you told.

you heard him chuckle. “as long as he makes you happy, sweetheart.”

you grin. you stay on the call for what felt like hours, talking about jack. when you finally end it, you feel arms wrap around your shoulders and your chest. a kiss is pressed to your temple.

“i hope you know how much i love you” jack mumbled, trailing small kisses from your forehead to your cheek and your jaw.

“and just so you know, you look better in new jersey red than new york blue.”

i #hope this wasnt shit LMAO first time posting on tumblr 😻🤘

[palskippah]

Hi!!

Here's two pages of sketchy drawings of Queen River and baby Bowser bonding I did for @raysbrainrot! I loved drawing it, thank you very much!!

(Here's my commission info btw!)

Also, here's a few points that I think are nice to say but didn't fit in the drawings :''v (I have so many thoughts of them hepl 🧍)

-Queen River tried to sew a bib for baby Bowser bc he was drooling everywhere and of course she could buy them the nicest bibs in the whole kingdom and all- but she wanted for it to be special. She knew that many koopa mothers usually made clothes (only when needed because koopas don't really use clothes but babies sometimes need them) or accessories for their koopalings, so she tried that too.

>Thing is, she's much bigger compared to her own baby, and she struggled a lot to sew Bowser's name on the tiny cloth, she used no more than five stitches for each letter and even then she didn't account for the space needed, so all she could put there was 'BOWS' with a crooked S.

>She was embarrassed as hell when Kamek asked what was it that had her so upset and she showed him the sewn bib while he looked at it and she covered her face in shame, he started to laugh- and then the drawing happened and that.

>Kamek started almost always dressing baby Bowser in that bib, and soon the nickname 'Bows' stuck for a while, until the queen died and from then on Kamek started calling him Bowser or 'little prince' or 'your *insert current emotion*-ness' solely, bc it was the queen who (without meaning to) gave Bowser the nickname, and it was like a reminder that she wasn't there anymore. With time, the nickname faded into forgetfulness, and no one ever called the koopa prince that anymore.

-Btw remember that baby Bowser had like they/them pronouns mostly bc they didn't have idea if the baby was boy or girl 🧍something about royal koopas idk

-When Kamek told Luigi of all he could remember of the queen and Bowser bonding, there was a very clear fondness in the way he remembered her, even after so many years (Bowser's like thirty-and-a-few years old, so it has been so long ago), and that's another part Luigi thought was very adorable, aside from the mom and baby.

-I imagine babies marvel at the fact that there's a very big being taking care of them, so imagine baby Bowser also thought so of the very big koopa that always was very sweet and congratulated him even when he didn't do anything and cuddled him very lovingly- and then one day she wasn't there anymore and it felt like he lost a part of himself (I can't remember when is it that babies realize their mom isn't a part of themselves?? But :''''v), even if the other being that took such good care of him (dada) was still there, he cried a lot because the main one (mama) wasn't there anymore and no matter how much they called her she didn't come to comfort them.

That's all pipipi :'v I love them

Addition!

-After Queen River's death her portraits and pictures had to be taken down in the whole castle (maybe except the one in Kamek's room, which he looked at very sadly-) because baby Bowser kept seeing them and getting excited and making grabby hands to the portraits to reach them, and then they'd get sad and would cry when the paintings obviously didn't reach back for them. Kammy and Kamek (with a big pain in their heart) had the paintings and any art representing the queen to be taken down, so the prince wouldn't see them. That's also why Bowser started forgetting about her very quickly, and then they didn't get sad nor missed their mom 👍 cries

[ilikekidsshows]

hey I figure that you’re probably tired of talking about the Sentimonster nonsense but I genuinely still can’t stand that it’s an actual thing. The wildest thing about it is that I JOINED the fandom because of the Sentimonster theory, actually got excited for it and looked forward to hints, not believing the skeptics or the salters bc it didn’t seem like such a big deal—that is until I saw with my own eyes how SO MANY FANS said with their whole chest that, in “Ephemeral” Adrien HAD to be a Sentimonster or there was no other “sympathetic explanation” for why he didn’t de-akumatize himself or fight off Gabriel.

Seeing the victim blaming in real time was such a punch in the gut—and then they just kept on coming!! It finally hit me how damaging the entire thing because for the show as a whole. If even regular fans that weren’t even known for salting could so willingly disregard and ignore genuine abuse coping mechanisms in favor of magical BS… it was such a dark time. Abuse Apologism and victim blaming in a whole package

Sometimes, when I write about Miraculous, I pretend I'm writing about a show that only had three seasons. That's what the "zagulous fandom" tag is for; it's for posts that are about the parts of Miraculous that had Zag's executive control keeping Astruc in check. I also kinda accepted long ago that my blog's kind of a support blog for people who are against the Sentihuman concept.

When I first heard of the expanded Sentimonster theory, the one that went "all the rich kids are Sentimonsters", I instantly went: "You do realize how making victims of child abuse nonhumans with questionable rights minimizes their victimhood and excuses their abusers, right?" people told me I was making stuff up and whoopsie doo, the writers did exactly that.

Neither Gabriel nor Tomoe faced any consequences for abusing Adrien and Kagami because, after all, since they're Sentimonsters, the real abuse was that they didn't have their Amoks so giving them their Amoks resolves all their problems. The only abusive parent who gets acknowledged as such is Félix's dad, who is dead by the time we hear about any of this, because we can't have abusive parents face consequences for their actions because that might upset people or whatever excuses Astruc's giving for Gabriel's vindication now.

This also minimises all the affects of the abuse on the kids, since they can be handwaved away with: "They were just programmed that way." Kagami's bad social skills aren't because her mother isolated her, it's because she forgot to program Kagami with those skills. Félix's villainous behavior isn't because his mother is overly permissive with him, he was just programmed that way (by the eeeeevil Colt). Adrien isn't a people pleaser because he's repeating his abuse coping mechanisms with his overly controlling girlfriend to keep her happy the same way he did to his overly controlling father, he was just programmed to be the perfect doting son and boyfriend.

You'll notice how neatly this ties into the crew denying that Chloé was abused in any way ever by her clearly abusive mother. Chloé wasn't made into a Sentimonster, so we can't have her bad coping with her abuse be excused by "Sentimonster programming", so now the writers are just gaslighting the audience and saying: "Chloé wasn't mistreated by her parents which caused her to act to out to get attention (which she literally stated to be her motive in season 3), in fact, she's the one who's been terrorizing her poor, innocent father and he needs to be protected from this naturally occuring evil hellspawn."

All child abuse in this show gets excused.

Of course, now the writers have an added reason to make sure Adrien's abuse gets excused in particular: because they made Marinette benefit from it. As I said, Adrien is repeating abuse coping mechanisms learned from dealing with his father to keep Marinette happy. He's always prioritizing her feelings and never brings up his own problems, and this is good for Marinette, because she can just enjoy having a perfect boyfriend who caters to her every need and doesn't have problems of his own or with the ways she treats him (for all she knows). She's even maintaining this status quo by lying about Gabriel to Adrien, so Adrien won't get upset (and have emotional needs that she would need to help him with). Either we have to excuse Adrien's abuse, or we have to admit Marinette is benefitting from the fact that Adrien was abused, and even taking advantage with the way she makes no effort to improve their communication on her end, preferring to spy on Adrien and lie to him instead of just talking to him like an equal.

The show writers are also allergic to following through on their creative decisions, is what I think. They put all these different victims of child abuse and neglect in the show, and then dehumanized these children in different ways so that they wouldn't actually need to say anything about that abuse they wrote in and they can instead pretend it was never there. This is why I also think that, no matter how much the show's defenders insist the story isn't over yet, we will never be getting a proper resolution to the Sentinonsense.

[angelsdean]

sometimes it feels like people (not you) infantilize mary the same way they infantilize jack. like she's almost 30 she's not 18 (not saying she's equal in maturity to her sons). she was an adult for a decade and chose to be a mom and then got upset because her adult children were adults and told them they weren't enough to overcome her grief (she has the right to be upset to be clear, i just feel like her wording was cruel in a way she might've not realized) and they have a right to be hurt that she isn't even trying to move on (from their perspective). (im 25 so maybe im biased tbh)

like imagine if your mom came back and then said "hey you aren't my sons. not the ones i want anyway. i can't be around you." like that's kind of cruel even if it's born out of deep hurt and not what she intended to say.

yup i touched on some of the age stuff in the ask i just answered, but yea this.

like i've said it a million times how much i understand her perspective and sympathize with her. i even wrote a little ficlet from her POV exploring her feelings of grief. i feel a lot for her in this situation. but i can feel bad for her and ALSO feel bad for sam and dean too. like there is no limit on who gets my sympathy / empathy. feeling for one of them doesn't make the others the bad or wrong ones. they can all be hurt in different ways and i can feel bad for all of them.

like you said, her words come off unintentionally (!) as cruel. dean later laments that this is hard for them too, that she's been gone their whole lives. now she's HERE. of course they're going to want her around. of course they're going to want some kind of relationship with her. of course the inner child in both of them (but i think dean especially bc he remembers her) is crying out for a shred of parental affection.

and it's hard, because mary is riddled with her own grief. and they give her time and space and she still doesn't seem to be working thru anything, instead she throws herself into hunting to cope. it's not until 12x22, when dean has to BEG her to look at him, his adult self, and really see him that she seems to finally overcome that grief.

but yea, mary hurts them with her actions. she doesn't mean to, and her situation is complicated and i'm sympathetic to her, but she hurts them nonetheless. and her age shouldn't be an "excuse" or something to throw around like a trump card to say "ok well it doesn't matter that she hurt them because she's younger than them now and they shouldn't be asking anything of her." she was their mom at 28. she was their mom at 24. she is always going to be their mom, and they have always seen this young woman (through pictures, memories, and time travel) AS their mother. they're not wrong for seeing her and going, "hey mom" and wanting a relationship with her.

also yea as someone roughly her age (29) i am like, if i had been dead my kids' whole lives and came back i'd want to know them? and spend time with them? even if it was hard? i'd be like, okay tell me everything. i'd also, probably, indeed be babying them bc the last time i was alive they were my babies. like "you still like pb&j with the crusts off? and uhh sam....you like...milk?" lmao

[readbyred]

I've read that some characters from the moomins like Snufkin, little my and their mother and their sisters are not really humans. So how would Snufkin, Moonin and the other characters react when they meet s/o who is a girl human that one day appeared in moonmin Valley?

You added other characters and I will absolutely use it to push more Sniff content on you! Also yeah. Considering moomins are canonically REALLY damn tiny, the humanoid looking characters would be like fairies or sth. But I will make them human sized bc I think it's easier to write (if you want more accuracy, sent me a message and I'll do one more)

Snufkin is pretty unfazed compared to others. He’s been travelling enough to have come across humans at some point. Pretty surprised to find out that his upbringing is something so strange (I mean, im pretty sure he was allowed to wander around before he would be considered old enough to do so by human standards). Sometimes, when he’s feeling a bit silly he makes stuff up about his kind to trick you. Says it in the most chill voice too so the only way to fact check him is to ask his half-sister. Little My calls him out every time just to be a menace, in true older sister fashion

And when it comes to Little My, she treats you like one of the group regardless. But that doesn't mean she’s not going to complain about your long human legs and so on. Will absolutely use you to get the things she wants off of high shelves. And will laugh if you bang your head on something. I mean, the creatures you come across come in different sizes so it’s not uncommon to find homes and structured built for them. But it's sweet sometimes too (as sweet as she can be) when she calls you her human. And maybe, sometimes (since having humans around isn't something most residents are used to) she’ll drag you around to some events with the neighbors to see their reaction (and maybe to brag about her gf, but she won't tell you that-)

On the other hand Snorkmaiden is so curious! Asks you about human culture and fashion. Sometimes the others joke that she’s turning into her brother. Begs you to take her to a human village, though that would either require crazy high stealth or some magic. Since you just showed up in the Moominvalley, she’s very open to show you all the kinds of wonders that were ordinary to her before. Being with you made her see them as more special, she loves that part of your relationship a lot. Plus, if you compliment her ability to change colour (not sure if that's a part of the show, but she can do that in the books) she’ll flush and turn all colours of the rainbow

Okay, Sniff is a funny one because this guy’s afraid of so much but also wants to seem so brave and cool in front of you. Of course, he insists that he was totally not terrified when you two first met. And he thinks being human makes you kind of special (I mean, in Moominvalley it actually does) so he’ll always emphasize that he’s your favourite. Yeah, that's right guys, he has a human girlfriend and she likes him best. Right? You do like him best, yes? Overall, he’s pretty silly and will exaggerate everyday things just to see the shine of wonder in your eyes (and because he feels like he has to give you something special so you stay with him). Still terrified that you just found your way into the valley though, what if bad humans come too 😰😰

Moomin is a lot more carefree about the idea. He’s so happy to be with you and show you around though he tends to forget that the things that might be ordinary to him are totally new to you. Obsessed with any type of human trinket you have on you. And if he could he’d stay up all night just to hear you talk about your life before coming to live with them. Honestly, he asks a lot of questions and some of them might be a little intrusive, but he doesn't get upset if you don't want to answer them. Oh, and he might have forgotten to mention the hibernation thing to you. Oops

As expected, Snork would ask a ton of questions. Ready to answer any you might have too, but be prepared for a lengthy rant every time you ask. Though to be fair, if he’s your significant other, then you might not find that too dreadful. He’s more of a theory guy though, so half the time when you all go on your adventures, you’re not much more prepared than when you first joined the group. Still, he truly does find your world interesting and will listen, no matter what you choose to tell him

And for the bonus character that nobody asked for - Stinky! To be fair, I think it would be funny for a normal human girl to appear in that magical world and just go like, yeah, I like this mean creature the best. I don't think he would be nice about you being a human, but that's kind of on brand. He would be interested in your human possessions and stories. Even if it's hard to tell that he’s genuinely interested. Later he would add to the stories you told him and scare other creatures with them. You’re free to join at any time if you wish to contribute to the chaos

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for getting jealous of a dog?

Apologies if this is hard to follow. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. He’s very sweet and I love him a lot, though he’s occasionally a little forgetful/inattentive due to his ADHD (which I also have). We’re poly and I have a nesting partner that I live with, and I generally go to my boyfriends house rather than him coming to mine (my nesting partner has higher sensory needs so I try to leave the space available for her to have more quiet time).

A few months back, he started working with a new coworker, a girl, who he got along with very well. I was glad he was making a friend, and even asked him a few times if he was interested in dating her as well, to which he said he wasn’t for several reasons, the most central of which being that she was, at the time, living with an abusive ex and generally dealing with a lot. I said okay, to let me know if that changed (as far as I know it has not and that’s not where this is going). He mentioned at one point that she might have a crush on him but that he wasn’t concerned about it, so I wasn’t either.

As I mentioned she was living with an abuser, and one day my bf told me that he had invited her to come stay with him so she could get out. He had seen his father abuse his mother as a kid and it triggered him a lot to see someone else going through that, so he offered it kind of abruptly. I was overall in support of this of course, but I was still upset for a few reasons, such as that he’d said she was interested in him (he told me he realized he’d probably misread it) and his apartment is not that big, meaning she’s not only there but usually in very close proximity, as there’s not a ton of space to sit and they’re both tall. She also does have family and other friends in the area, so he’s not the only option by a longshot, but he lives closest to where they work. He noted my concerns and apologized for the abruptness, and promised to do his best to make sure I didn’t feel sidelined by her being there, which he has done.

Now, due to both her suddenly living with my boyfriend and just general personality things, I don’t really care for her. She’s a little abrasive and sometimes insulting, not to me but about ppl in general, she plays TikToks out loud at full volume when we’re watching tv (previously my bf had banned TikTok from his house entirely but I think he didn’t want to impose harsh rules on her at that point), and is sometimes overly familiar with me and I think with him (she sometimes addresses him with an “ie” at the end of his name and addressed me as “beautiful” like the second time I met her). Obviously I recognize that her personality is affected by her circumstances; the year after I left my abuser I was a lot bitchier, so I haven’t said anything to her or him. But bc of these differences, I’ve not made a strong effort to be her Friend. I’ve been…I’d say nice but I often get read as meaner than I mean to so let’s say civil, for example if I make food for the house I always make enough for her even though she often chooses not to eat with us. But I don’t like, go out of my way to converse or give her any encouraging response when she shows me videos I don’t care about.

Recently, she has started bringing her dog over to the house. The dog had previously been staying with her mother, who has a large piece of land on the water about 40 minutes out from the city (again my bf has a two bedroom apartment with a roommate and no green spaces, although there are parks nearby). I generally like dogs, though I wouldn’t say I’m a Dog Person, but I think they’re sweet overall. The only place I have an issue is with large dogs, bc I’m a very small person (im almost 30 and I’ve never broken 100lbs despite trying for years to gain weight) and if a large dog wants to jump on me to say hello I Will fall over, and if they push me or corner me I don’t have a lot of ability to push back. This dog, I’m not sure about breeds per se but I’m 90% sure she’s part lab, part pitbull, not huge but a solid dog around my size, and thus not the type I usually try to befriend, though I’ll give her a head pat if she requests one. This means we’re up to five people and one person sized dog (he had another friend lose a job and have to move abruptly so he’s also staying there) in a two bedroom apartment. I, as well as his roommate, think this is too much, and prefer when the dog is not there. But she misses her dog and my boyfriend is a full blown Dog Person, so he loooves when the dog is around, and will spent hours playing with her if she’s over. I’m not a fan of this for both the obvious reasons and bc she often knocks into things while playing and it makes me very nervous; there’s a lot of glass in his apartment and some of it is mine.

So okay the girl’s there and I don’t like her much, and sometimes the dog is there and i don’t love that either, but I’ve never said anything and done my best to control my feelings and reactions to not show annoyance (my guess is that I have about a 35% success rate at this as again, I’m often read as more hostile than I intend to come off). Id say there’s a solid chance that this girl can tell I don’t like her being there, but I’ve never intentionally made the space hostile.

Recently, she’s started this joke of referring to my boyfriend as…her dogs boyfriend? She calls him her “mans” whenever he’s playing with her and has trained her to know who she’s talking about when she refers to “her mans”. She even recently referred to her as his “main gf” which he quickly shut down, but other variations of the joke continue to come up. I do not like this joke, bc I think the girl knows I don’t like her and is trying to make me uncomfortable, but of course that sounds very paranoid. I’m trying very hard not to say anything bc like, obviously my bf isn’t cheating on me with a dog, but like, it still makes me mad that this girl who is so ingrained in his life right now is talking about her dog as if she’s his main interest.

So like, based on all the info here, WIBTA if I asked her to stop making that joke or expressed discomfort at her behavior? I know this maybe seems like an obvious one but again I’ve probably been more outward about my dislike of her than I think and I don’t want to make it seem like I don’t trust my boyfriend, bc I do, so maybe I wouldn’t be an “asshole” but I’d still be in the wrong? Idk what do yall think

What are these acronyms?

[pineapple-split]

Arcane S2 and what I Did Not Like:

1. THE MUSIC VIDEOS

2. The set up for dictator!Caitlyn and the failed follow-through. This could have been really interesting. You might even still be able to pull off a Caitvi endgame (I think… with a LOT more development and general care), but I see that as a secondary goal to really exploring how an otherwise well-meaning character can go off the deep end. She gassed Zaun using the system her mother wanted to use to clean their air, in her mother’s name!! Follow up on that!! Why give Caitlyn the Lady Macbeth imagery in the intro if it wasn’t actually going to show up?! Caitlyn did not answer for a single one of her actions, never reckoned with how Piltover oppresses Zaun and her role in it, and never took actions to right these wrongs or help the people of Zaun like she was set up to do in S1.

3. The massive fumbling of Jayce and Viktor’s relationship. I’m sorry Jayvik fans, but this was off the wall ridiculous in every respect. There’s a whole 2 minutes spent on Viktor deciding to leave and we, the audience, are meant to infer that he’s upset that Jayce didn’t destroy the Hexcore and/or is so fundamentally changed that he doesn’t feel the “affection (that) held us together”. Except that’s immediately undercut, because Viktor never expresses this again and repeatedly asks Jayce to work with him! If he felt betrayed enough to leave, why does he want Jayce with him again? If that was just a cover and this new Viktor simply doesn’t care like he used to… again why the focus on Jayce joining him? There’s never a textual reasoning given for either scenario.

Jayce is apparently destroyed by Viktor leaving, but there are no scenes to that effect. In fact Jayce doesn’t comment about their relationship until Act 3, when he swings wildly between “my partner is dead” to “I just want my real partner back” with no bridge between.

There’s no acknowledgement of Viktor’s story to this point, which is that he was dying of an illness brought on by the horrific conditions Zaunites live in, and he wanted to use Hextech to improve life in the undercity. Now he wants a glorious evolution for *reasons* that he doesn’t express out loud until Act 3. We the audience have to infer that he thinks he’s helping people, but he’s also speaking and acting so unlike Viktor that it makes us question who’s really in the pilot’s seat. And of course Jayce then undergoes the worst bit of character assassination I’ve seen in a long time and spouts some bullshit about how Viktor was always perfect the way he was (dying, brought on by Piltover’s literal poisoning of Zaun), that he should have accepted his “imperfections” (the illness that was killing him and harming his body). This is after trying to kill him mind you (was the plan to destroy him or try to reason him away from evolving everyone, bc we kept ping-ponging between the two). Also after Jayce’s entire motivation in the back half of S1 was saving Viktor’s life. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.

This is not a plot line you can squash into the margins of 9 episodes. If you want to get to this endpoint, you need at least an episode of Viktor coming to terms with being alive after the explosion before he leaves. You need to spend time with Jayce grieving and/or trying to find Viktor before he goes to the Hexcore. Jayce probably needs a full episode dedicated to his alt timeline adventure, AND THEN we need to see him wrestling with what he’s done after he shoots Viktor. If his relationship with Mel breaks down (😭) we need to see it. (And if not, there needs to be some goodbye or closure between them ffs). If Jayce is first “destroy Viktor” then ends up at “I want my partner back”, show us that journey! Jayce needs to have some emotional struggle with all this!

Through all this, if we’re to believe it’s still Viktor in there somewhere and not the Arcane talking through his re-animated body, we need more scenes explaining what Viktor wants as well, and how his actions may/may not be achieving this. If he’s angry at Jayce, why? If he’s not, why did he leave? Is Sky a manifestation of his guilt, the Arcane manipulating him, actually her, or some combination of the three? How does he feel about the developments between Piltover and Zaun? Explore these things!

4. Speaking of Piltover and Zaun, what in the fresh hell. I was afraid they would take this route (the oppression doesn’t matter, praise the cops, the Zaunites will be thrown scraps and they should be grateful for it, etc etc etc) but goddamn. I don’t even have the energy to expend the words expressing how fucked up this is, in today’s climate. if you don’t have the guts to address class conflict like this then maybe don’t even bring it up??? Fuck.

5. Ekko was set up to be a true advocate for Zaun in S1. Of the Zaunites in S1 Act 2 and onward, he alone expressed a willingness to take care of people, not just defeat his enemies. He’s shown to be wise beyond his years, empathetic, tough as nails when he needs to be - in short, a wonderful leader. Then they sent him off to a parallel universe to get time warp powers so he could end the show alone and depressed????? He had all of half of an episode for his trauma to be addressed and establish some connection with Jinx, and then it became very clear they only did that to manufacture angst. Again - if you want to get to this end point, you have to actually show us the character journey to get there. Why was he talking about forgetting to build a better future, when he literally never did????? He established the Firelights and the community oasis before hitting 20. He pulled back from killing Jinx on the bridge. He saw an outcast from Piltover and invited them to see his work. And it’s the tree dying that drives him to the Hexcore. HE LITERALLY NEVER LOST THAT FOCUS, so why did he apparently need alt!Powder to re-teach him??? I’m going insane.

6. We really should have seen Jinx emerge as a leader of the Zaunite uprising (and this is a whole season arc, let’s be clear). We also needed a LOT more push and pull between Vi and Jinx before they reconciled. If Isha was going to be important to Jinx, we needed more time with the two of them.

I actually have no problem with Warwick/Vander in Act 2, but I think it should only have come after an actual Zaunite revolt and after Jinx and Vi both had gone through some shit opposing each other. In short, it should not be been resolved with a single hair-pulling fight and then Warwick busting in. In fact, Jinx and Vi still should have been struggling to find footing all the way up to the point where Jayce shoots Viktor, imo. There should have been real consequences to Vi joining the enforcers besides Jinx snapping at her.

At the end of the day, this family was always the heart of the show and that should have been front and center throughout. The ideas and themes they introduced should have resonated through the B plots like they did in S1 before everyone came together in the finale.

7. I also don’t mind the flashbacks with younger Vander and Silco, but if they were going to do that they needed to spend much more time on it. Show the events that let to Vander trying to kill his brother, and use it to parallel the struggle between Vi and Jinx. Show it as a struggle between opposing ideologies as much as between siblings. OR, if you’re not willing to do that legwork simply don’t go down this route at all. 🤷🏻‍♀️

8. I love Ambessa but they could have cut her and the Noxians completely and lost nothing. Sorry, but it has to be said.

9. Which leads me to Mel. I actually loved about 90% of Mel’s story, BUT: she needed resolution with Jayce one way or the other (as he was the major emotional relationship she had in S1), if they were going to go the mage route we needed to see her journey of coming into her power, AND we needed her to NOT BECOME THE NEW NOXIAN COMMANDER. What the fuck!? Piltover is her city, the home she has put her blood and sweat into, the home she came to love and ultimately chose! She rejected the life of a military leader, why make her one now?? Because she can wield magic??? Because the only thing anyone can apparently imagine with that is being a battle mage???? NO.

I would also have loved a more coherent explanation of what the hell the Black Rose is, what they want, etc, but again - you could cut them completely and lose nothing. Mel’s abilities could just as easily be a result of the Arcane “waking up”.

—-

Anyway. Moral of the story is you need reasons and buildup for characters to do things, instead of just bouncing them from plot point to plot point. I really thought the team behind Arcane understood this, but evidently not. Even the most beautiful animation in the world doesn’t save you if there’s no substance backing it up.

The real kicker is I still think S1 of Arcane is damn near perfect. Time will tell if I’ll be able to go back and watch it without S2 affecting my enjoyment.

[yarameijer]

Hiiii Yara!!!!

I have changed accounts bc I forgot my password, but I was Flan-Girl304! I have been commenting in ur fics for years now lol, except in the last couple of updates, bc, yk, lost my password.

Anyways, I was rereading Accidental Reverse, as one does, and now I really want to know your opinion on the relationship between Sengoku and Tenma, because I love the idea of Sengoku being so protective and caring of the rest of the team and noticing Tenmas problems/struggles early on.

He really is like a pilar of peace between all the chaos of raimon, isn't he? (Most of the time)

Also, completely unrelated, but I just realized how long it has been since Accidental Reverse started, I was still in school. Now I'm on my last year in pyschology. And now knowing the struggles of university, I absolutely understand ur updating schedule, I haven't updated my own fics in ageeeees. But I'm still hyped for whatever you decide to post in the future!

Anyways, hope you're doing well!!!

WHOAAA I CAN’T BELIEVE IT, it’s been so long!!! Hi!!! How have you been??

I'm good, just super tired! University's been pretty demanding and I ended up pulling an all-nighter last night to almost completely finish my thesis, so I am going to bed very very soon.

‘’rereading, as one does’’ you know it’s almost 300K, right

Aww Sangoku, yes we love him. He’s great. He’s the best, hands down. He’s the voice of reason, the eye of the storm; he fades into the background when compared to other members on the team, both in terms of personality and appearance (...pink hair, anyone?)

I headcanon that Sangoku is the eldest on the team and that makes him feel responsible for his teammates. We know from the anime he’s already a very caring and responsible person, as shown by his interactions with his mother; she works late often, so he is in charge of groceries and cooking and other chores. He was canonically captain before Shindou and never really got rid of some habits from that time.

Which means that, just like Shindou, Sangoku understands Tenma's struggles as captain and tries to support him as much as possible; he did the same thing when Shindou was made captain after him, although of course the specifics are different because Tenma and Shindou are different. Sangoku doesn't really interfere with the leadership part; he's not one of the loudest voices on the team, and he doesn't want to be. He can leave the decision making to Shindou, Kirino, Tenma, Tsurugi, all the more outspoken members, all more qualified and talented than him - that’s what he thinks.

Instead he tries to help in more subtle ways: by caring.

(This doesn’t just apply to Tenma, of course. Sangoku keeps an eye on the whole team - literally and figuratively. He’s the keeper, he’s always in the back, always in position to keep watch over his teammates during a match, and that doesn’t end when the match does.)

He keeps an eye on Tenma whenever he can. Does he look tired? Upset? Ill? If Sangoku notices this, depending on the severity, there's a few different things he might do. If it's not that bad, he'll usually cue in the other first-years and let them drag Tenma along to hang out and unwind for a bit. The quickest way to get Tenma to forget about his worries for a bit is to let him spend time with his yearmates and act his age. They're a chaotic bunch and there's no room for worry or stress there.

If it's worse, Sangoku might interfere more directly. If it's more of an internal problem in the team, Sangoku can and will tell the others to lay off (Shindou means well, but sometimes he gets carried away). The rest of the team listens to him, and this is a rare enough event that the few times he's had to do it, it's been very effective.

If it's an external problem, Sangoku can't honestly do much. In those cases the whole team is stressed and trying to support each other, and as much as he wishes he could, Sangoku can't just go up to their opponents and tell them to knock it off. Instead, he'll ensure (by teaming up with the managers) that there's enough snacks and drinks present for everyone, and try to keep them all calm and rational.

Sometimes, when Tenma is being especially stubborn, Sangoku will outright scold him and tell him to go home, go to bed, take a break. Tenma definitely doesn't like this, but he respects Sangoku too much to deny him.

It's even happened a few times that someone else on the team cued in Sangoku. They know Tenma will listen to him, even when he's being stubborn, and they're not afraid to misuse it.

And always Sangoku is just ready with a listening ear, an offer to help, little check-ins, even when nothing bad is happening and Tenma is just busy or mildly stressed.

Like I said, Sangoku does this with most of the team, but he's more aware of Tenma. This, again, stems from having been captain himself. Early on, when Tenma became captain, Sangoku worried and tried to make sure the kid was doing alright, and that just stuck. Even years later after Tenma has proven himself more than capable, it's an old instinct that Sangoku can't get rid of.

And Tenma doesn’t really… know? Sure, after being captain for so long, he knows the dynamics of his team. How Sangoku is the voice of reason - no, rather, how he’s the calm inside the storm, the one who worries quietly and cares for them all and has taken the responsibility to watch over them through their craziest adventures and laziest days. He knows, by logical reasoning and several late night instances where Sangoku was the one to check up on him and tell him to get some rest, that Sangoku does it for him too and he appreciates that more than he could ever say. He just doesn’t notice that Sangoku is a little more keyed into his well being specifically - probably the only one who does is Shindou, and that’s because Shindou is the exact same way, for the exact same reason (they both agreed to make yet another first-year captain, when they know the burden of it; they refuse to let him drown under the pressure).

So Tenma hasn’t noticed, is not as close with Sangoku as some of their other teammates, and Sangoku honestly doesn’t mind. Truth be told, after so much time he barely notices it himself, it’s just become a habit.

Their relationship is interesting because they don't really hang out outside of the team - sure, if the team will go out together, they'll both join if they can, but they don't usually meet up with just the two of them. They’re both closer with other people on the team. Their relationship originated as simply senpai and kouhai - Sangoku feeling a sense of responsibility towards a younger teammate, Tenma looking up and listening to an older teammate. And yet it’s grown so much from what it was. Tenma knows Sangoku's door is always open and he can always count him. Sangoku respects Tenma as his captain, and cares for him as a friend rather than a kouhai.

Funnily enough, they’ve got a bit of a similar opinion on taking care of the rest of the team. Perhaps Tenma has been unconsciously imitating Sangoku’s behavior in the way he cares for them, and even handles them when they’re acting rash. It actually makes Sangoku his biggest ally in getting the team to behave! As we see in Accidental Reverse, Tenma is fully capable of being the craziest on the team, but in his actual timeline where he's captain, he's usually the semi-responsible one, if you'll believe it (in his defense, if something happens, he's the one who has to deal with the paperwork). And Sangoku is most often the voice of reason on the team, so he will fully support Tenma when they're trying to get the team to NOT do anything stupid for once.

So yeah. In summary, this is a relationship that was at the start nothing more than regular senpai and kouhai, and funnily enough never changed much in their roles - but the sentiment behind it? That has become much more genuine. Sangoku doesn’t look out for Tenma and feel responsible because that’s what is expected of him, but because it’s Tenma. And Tenma doesn’t respect and listen to Sangoku because he’s older, but because Sangoku has time and time proven that there are few people Tenma truly appreciates and admires more.

So! I hope you enjoyed that. Oh, don’t mention how long I’ve been working on AR, I know exactly how you feel. I uploaded the preview for it on my sixteenth birthday. In less than three weeks I’ll be celebrating my twenty-third.

I am still planning to continue though, I just need to deal with stubborn characters who don’t want to be written, tss.

It was really great hearing from you again!

[buried-in-autumn-leaves]

Yet another OC introduction post !!! The olba ones will have their dolls for all 4 steps bc I haven't decided on future looks for Freya and Trixie-

ANYWAYZ-

Aurora King !! She is part of my main Baxter line- There's a LOT of posts ab her on my blog with more info, but here's like a basic (?) rundown.

Step one Aurora is (like every version of her), very emotionally driven. She has always drawn her inspiration from fairytails, prefering to stay inside whenever the others go to the beach due to her hatred of sand. She has the nervous preset, and though others call her shy, she's really just cautious and soft-spoken. She gets attached to Cove because he's also quiet, and she thinks he's a lot nicer than he first appears, like some of the people in her stories.

She's willing to put up with the beach for him, enjoying his ideas about mermaids and other mythical possibilities below the waves. She also really likes Shiloh, though she's upset that he always seems to like Lizzie more, when Lizzie isn't even nice all the time like she is. (No offense of course, she adores her sister.)

She has sensory issues, making some things harder than necessary, like the fireworks moment. She thinks rules are important, and though Cove has a bit of a bad influence on her, she mostly sticks to that, keeping close to her moms and sister.

Above all else, she is determined that she can be just as happy as the princesses in her books- She just has to believe.

Step Two pushes her idealism to a hard point. Life was so great, she doesn't understand what went wrong. It's like suddenly her moms are too busy for her, her sister HATES her, and Cove isn't exactly the easiest to talk to. Not that she would want to bother her best friend with something silly like that, though.

She pretends, mostly. Smiles at her mothers and waves happily as her sister ignores her attempts at hanging out for the nth day in a row. She knows now that this anxiety- This knawing feeling in her gut clawing at the back of her throat won't go away. Her meds help, but she's having trouble coping with it. The first time Cove sneaks into her bedroom window, she almost pushes him back OUT in her panic.

She likes Derek a lot- He seems a lot like her, optimistic and loving and just kind in a way she admires. She's not oblivious, she notices the way he treats her compared to Cove. For a bit, she thinks this might be the fairytale she's been wishing for, but they're both so unsure about themselves, and the moment passes.

She enjoys going outside more due to Cove constantly dragging her to the beach, but she swears if he wakes her up before at LEAST 10 one more time, he's getting locked out. She copes with the sand by stubbornly wearing thick stockings under her dresses, insisting she isn't suffering in the california heat.

And then there's another boy- One filled with the same hatred of the world and scorn towards others that Cove had, and he makes Aurora smile. She's done this once before, she wants to help him too. He refuses, but she stays consistent, offering him reassurance until he's walking out of her life.

Life is hard when you're 13- she thinks -but the storybooks always have happy endings.

Alright, she's about done with the waiting now. Highschool flew by easily, and she displays her acomplishments with pride. She's also finished the rough draft of her first official book- The Obsidian Crown.

She's going to college, something that both excites and scares her. It might not be far to most people (a six hour drive north, still in California), but the thought of being that far from the only place she's known makes her feel nauseous.

But she did it- She made it to the age where anything is supposed to be possible. This summer is about celebration and looking forward instead of back.

Of course, life is never that simple.

Whatever forces exist beyond her have apparently decided to take the phrase 'Small World' to the extreme. She has her sister back, which makes her happier than her 13 year old self would've expected. She has Shiloh, who makes her feel bittersweet, but in coming back into her life brought Jeremy back with him.

Aurora latches onto Jeremy immediately, declaring their reunion an act of fate. ("We have the same last name, we're basically siblings!") She calls him almost weekly, insisting that being forced to talk about his day is good for him. His reaction the first time she introduced him to Terry and Miranda over video call as her brother is the most emotion she's ever seen from him, even if it was negative.

Then, to her astonishment, there's Baxter. Her panic fires up when the mystery prince from the dance recognizes her, but she somehow manages to not lose her breakfast on the sidewalk. Cove teases her relentlessly, disappoving in the nicest way he can when the two start dating. At one point, Aurora gifts him the handwritten copy of her book. He requests she sign it, which she does, although embarrassed.

Aurora is happy. She has her big sister, she has her little brother, even if he likes to pretend they don't know each other. Her friends, her parents, her prince. Her story is almost at its happily ever after.

Until it isn't.

She had tried to ignore Baxter's promise of only being with her for the summer. It didn't fit into her fairytale idealism. So it manages to catch her off guard when he dumps her. She leaves him at his door, turning and going not home but to Cove. Cove comforts her in whatever ways he knows how, and looking back, she would say he did a damn good job. But she was vulnerable, and Cove has always had a habit of resorting to humour, so she should've seen it coming when he points out that he said it was a bad idea to get involved with the victorian emo nightmare.

It's the only time she ever actually hit someone.

In the end it's Miranda who gets her out of her room, convincing her to eat and wash her hair after days of surviving off the snacks stashed in her desk.

She turns back to her stories, using her experiences as inspiration for her next two books: "A Still Ocean" and "Shattered Silence: A Poetry Collection".

She goes to her brothers graduation, giggling at the way his face goes red and he makes a quick exit, making sure to stay as far away from her as possible. She meets his best friend- Pran is a nice girl, she thinks, she just needs time.

She gives up dancing- It reminded her of him too much.

She goes to college, where she meets a girl who also had the displeasure of knowing Baxter, and the two laugh, comparing old pictures of him and confirming his fashion sense has never been any less funny.

She smiles, and for now, she decides, that's enough.

The summer of 2021 is... eventful to say the least.

June brings her back to the city, where Derek is, smiles and all. It brings his brothers, who look as adorable as ever. It brings his parents, who fawn over her as if she's one of their own.

July brings resolution. It brings her family together. It brings jumping onto Cove out of a taxi, making fun of the fact that he never seems to stop getting taller. It brings Lizzie, who pretends to not know how Shiloh is doing even though Aurora definitely saw a text from him on her sisters' phone. It brings a cool wind, a promise of colder weather to come.

August... brings Baxter. It brings heartbreak and anger and messages never sent. It brings the discovery that not only does Baxter STILL HAVE the handwritten draft she gave him, but every other book she's published- Lined up on a shelf in Baxter's apartment that he rushes to explain away. It brings tears. It brings dances years too late. It brings forgiveness. It brings NEW promises- Ones to stay in touch, to talk, to tell the truth. To love. It brings another disapproving look from Cove that she sees melt away as he watches them dance.

It brings an end, and a beginning.

[phoenixeclipse-lmkau]

Has qi xiaoxian ever once mentioned His mom to the brotherhood, BC he looks like a kid Who Would boast bout' their parents and how did phoenix learn her BB was being held captive by her somewhat exes-not-so-exes also Luv the stuffs u write

Thank you so much! Also there are two versions of the Pirate AU that I'm thinking of. One where Qi Xiaotian is a little kid (Around 6 or 7) who decides to sneak aboard the merchant ship and one where he is 18 years old.

I try to keep each post short above the break as to not make it look too crowded. Thank you for the ask by the way! I love talking about my AUs.

In the version that he is a little kid he does mention it a lot more. Since he's so young he doesn't understand all that's going on, only knowing that these monkey demons are taking care of him and his friend.

"Who's your mom kiddo?"

"My mama is the best! She makes great peach cobbler, and helps me train! She used to be a pirate like you!" He would explain, if asked about her. Of course he's young and doesn't know her full name in this version. So it drives his dads crazy trying to figure it out, though they know in the back of their heads they just NEED that confirmation.

When Phoenix arrives, then Xiaotian is ecstatic to see his mother. He would immediately point her out and doesn't understand what she's yelling about. So when they decide to keep her on their ship, she has a harder time leaving without upsetting him. Of course that doesn't stop her from trying to get her son out of the situation. Pirates are dangerous and deadly and she knows that first hand.

>>><<<

In the version where he's 18 years old he is a little smarter about it, though not by much. Rather than not saying her name because he doesn't know it he doesn't say her name because he wants to protect her. Very protective kiddo.

"So what's your mom like?"

"My mom? She's amazing. She's always there when I need her and did her best to raise me," He would say. "It was hard to do by herself but she did it. That's actually how she met Mei's granddad. She was trying to calm down one of my tantrums in the park when he came over and helped."

"Really? What's her name? To have raised you by herself she must be an amazing person."

"She is," He would purposefully refuse to say her name.

As an adult he looks up to the two monkey demons that rule the seas but he still wants to protect his mother no matter what. Of course that causes a fight to break out between him and his dads when Phoenix does get there. He doesn't exactly approve of the whole kidnapping thing.

He had gone with them more willingly but his mom says she wants nothing to do with them. She just doesn't want him to get hurt, she wants to protect her son.

[redrosydiaz]

i blame you for making me think about tommy and carol bc i've never really given them much thought before. they were clearly written to be these obnoxious high school stereotypes and not much more than that, so i love how you're looking through that and making them more dimensional. what do you think they'll grow up to be like? are they gonna leave hawkins after high school, will they stay there forever, will one of them leave while the other stays? will they grow apart after high school, or will they always keep that toxic codependency going? please gimme all your thoughts <3

ANNA! "i blame you for making me think of tommy and carol" are my FAVORITE words to hear sflkjgfdlkg that's like music to my ears. the more people i can get thinking deeper about tommy and carol the better fdkjgfl.

they fully were written to be those obnoxious high school bully stereotypes, but boy oh boy, there is SO much nuance in how the portrayals of these characters actually came across onscreen.

when i think of tommy and carol and their futures, i honestly can see things going a couple different ways - which mostly stems from the fact that there are a lot of little headcanon details about them i like to change up in my head that then directly impacts which route their futures would take (the biggest fluctuating details being their sexualities; how their future plays out will be fundamentally different to me if it's just tommy that's gay, if it's carol that's the lesbian, if they're both some flavor of fruity, or if neither of them are.)

if i sat here and went through each slightly different future i imagine for them we'd be here forever fkdljgfd sooooo for now i will just tell you about my personal favorite.

first, a little backstory because i think it's important to know where they came from to know why they are the way they are because that ultimately drives where they end up:

i personally like to think that tommy hagan comes from a big family - a big family of all girls, too. he's one of five, the middle child, with two older sisters and two younger sisters. i also like to think that his mom is a single mother - and when it comes to his dad, my hc isn't super nailed down for him. i do think he was there when tommy was younger, but his father left, maybe around when tommy was nine? ten? but either, his dad was cheating on his mom and ended up leaving her (and their kids) to be with this other woman (maybe because SHE got pregnant?) OR tommy's dad hit his mom, and that went on for long enough until she finally stood up and kicked him out. out of those two options though, i like to lean towards the first one, beeeeecaaaause it makes tommy's motivations and behaviors THAT much jucier sdlkfds. BECAUSE combine tommy's middle-child-syndrome with this early abandonment and of COURSE he's got issues. OF COURSE he has to find every way to get attention because he doesn't get enough of it at home and OF COURSE he gets upset and lashes out when people he's close to leave him because he's got abandonment issues (so when steve, his friend, his best friend, suddenly drops him and carol, of course tommy gets upset). also, random tidbit that didn't really fit in anywhere else dkfls but i think i mentioned it in my response on that initial post that started all this but i DO think tommy is an angry guy. BUT i do not think that manifests in the same way as it would for a lot of other guys. he's NOT outwardly angry all the time, he's NOT always looking to pick a fight, he's NOT a physically violent guy. i think his anger stems from very specific circumstances - i.e. circumstances where his control is slipping - and while he doesn't resort to physical violence (aside from maybe a shove here or there, because that's the most we ever see onscreen in a moment when he is genuinely upset and angry), he lashes out. verbally. he says MEAN shit - and because he's friends with carol, his tongue has sharpened over the years (and also, growing up with all sisters means he's well accustomed to the ways of female warfare lol - aka the vicious mind games and cruelty of the tongue that is more common than physical violence). SO that means he knows how to go for the jugular with just his words, and that, sometimes, can be even worse than a punch to the nose.

carol, on the other hand, i like to think also comes from a single mother household, but unlike tommy, she is an only child. i like to think that she and her mom moved to hawkins when she was... maybe 12 or 13, so middle school age. she wasn't super popular at her old school, is the thing. i don't think she was necessarily super bullied or anything, but she didn't really have a lot of friends and she probably didn't get a lot of attention either. so when she comes to hawkins, she sees it as a chance to reinvent herself. she doesn't let herself fall into that new girl trap, and she's outspoken from the get go - perhaps a little to her own detriment, because while she does make friends, they ALSO scares a lot of people off because of how cold she seems (which is ENTIRELY a self-preservation thing for her). and then somehow, someway she catches the attention of steve harrington. steve harrington, who, at this point, is already well on his way to being the golden boy King Steve that we see in high school. and she clings to that, because that's her ticket to the top. i think maybe she gets a little crush on steve at first - except it isn't actually a crush. she just likes what he can offer her - the popularity, the attention, the feeling of being needed, and she misreads that as having a crush on him. (and if you subscribe to the carol is a lesbian hc, which i sometimes do! this "crush" would be FULLY because that's what's expected of her; all the other girls like steve, all the other girls think he's hot and awesome and perfect, so that must mean she should to, right? - but that's a different future route that i'm not taking here so. putting this back on the shelf for now lol).

ANYWAYS. yeah so carol gets folded into steve and tommy's mix. she befriends them, she gets close with them, they become a trio. inseparable.

tommy and steve have been friends since grade school. maybe they were sat next to each other because their last names both start with H, maybe even as a small child steve already has lots of friends because he's nice and he shares his toys and he's got kids coming up to him all the time asking him if he wants to play and he always says yes. but then one day it's steve that's toddling up to tommy and asking him if he wants to play. steve chooses tommy. and the rest is history. and as they grow up, steve starts growing into his looks and he gets good at sports and joins all the teams and he excels, so he's got people fawning over him and flocking towards him for any sliver of attention he's willing to give them. but at the end of the day it's tommy that gets steve's full attention. it's tommy that steve tells everything to, it's tommy that knows steve best, it's tommy who steve trusts, it's tommy who is steve's best friend. and tommy REVELS in that. it's that attention he's been craving his whole life. this, naturally, leads to tommy feeling possessive over steve. and he doesn't realize that this possessiveness is a little more deeply rooted than just wanting to keep steve's friendship until steve starts to look at girls.

the first time tommy sees steve with a pretty girl on his arm, he gets this sick, curdled, twisting feeling in his gut. at first he thinks it's because he's jealous of steve. jealous that he has a date and tommy doesn't. but when steve comes back and tells tommy that it didn't work out, tommy gets this relief that floods through tommy. he doesn't really understand it at first, and definitely doesn't examine it too closely either, just sort of shoves it down deep and doesn't worry about it. but then steve finds another girl, and this time things DO go well, and, naturally, as steve's best friend, tommy becomes the person that steve tells everything to. he tells tommy all about the dates, all about the kisses he shares with these girls, all about when things go a little further... tommy listens, because of course he does, but the whole time he's thinking all these horrible thoughts about the girl and that ugly feeling is back knotting up his insides. and omg when steve tells tommy about losing his virginity - OH BOY. he goes into detail, because that's what teenage boys do, and tommy listens but he's sitting there with this whole STORM of emotions swirling through his head - the twisted need to know more, the urge to scream at steve to shut up, disgust because he doesn't want to think about steve with someone else, turned on because its steve talking about having sex, deep shame because hes forced to face the fact that he's wishing it was him with steve instead of that girl. this, perhaps, is even the first time tommy is like. FULLY faced with the true nature of his feelings, the ones he's been shoving away and ignoring this whole time.

i think tommy struggles with it. being gay (which he refuses to consider himself) is obviously not accepted in that time period. and he knows he'd get absolutely pummeled if anyone caught wind that he'd even thought about another boy like that. whiiiich is where carol comes in.

i think at this point tommy is probably already with carol - when steve started showing his interest in girls, tommy didn't want to get left in the dust, so he tried to find himself a girlfriend too, and it just so happened that carol was right there and it was so easy because carol was just so easy (WOMP). i like to think that maybe they started as a hookup. tommy wanted to lose his virginity, and carol was right there, and well, there were rumors about her, and all tommy had to do was ask, and she said yes, and then it sort of snowballs from there because (even though their first time was probably fumbling and not actually the greatest overall, tommy still liked it, and if he liked sex with a girl there's no way he's gay, right?) then he asks her out and she says yes again, and they start this relationship that maybe didn't really stem from any true feelings at first, but like they sort of caught the feelings along the way, like they learned to love each other along the way.

and the thing is - i do genuinely think that tommy and carol loved each other. i do. i don't think that their relationship wasn't real, even if tommy is actually gay. i think they had a lot of fun together, and i think that the feelings were there. they just weren't enough. because despite things going pretty well with carol, tommy was still thinking about steve. he was still actively having those feelings even while with carol. (which - maybe he was just projecting those feelings onto carol.) regardless, though, there is a love that exists between tommy and carol - i just think that over time it morphs into something different than what they both initially thought it was.

NOW. when it comes to their future (WHICH HELLO THIS IS WHAT YOUR ASK WAS ABOUT AND IM ONLY JUST NOW GETTING TO IT SKFJDS S O R R Y AND THANK YOU FOR STICKING WITH ME THROUGH ALL OF ^^^ THAT PREAMBLE SKDJFL)

since we are talking about my favorite potential future for them, it looks a little something like this:

they stay together. all through high school. when steve leaves them, things get a little rocky between tommy and carol, because steve was the glue that held them together, ultimately. but they both sort of realize that they're all each other has left, now that steve's gone, so they temper things. they marry out of high school - or that's when tommy proposes anyways, because tommy's barely three quarters of the way through his first year of community college when there's a pregnancy scare (which - honestly, everyone's surprised that didn't happen earlier) but yeah, carol's late, and when she pees on the stick it's positive. when she tells tommy, tommy proposes - because that's the right thing to do. he's not going to ditch her, he's not going to make her do that on her own. carol says yes, because what other option does she have here? but when they actually go to the doctor about it, they find out that the test was a false positive; carol is not pregnant. they stay engaged though, carol still wore her ring, and tommy stayed with carol, and neither one of them said anything about it. they followed through with it three years later after tommy graduated with a business degree and a cushy job at carol's dad's company.

at this point, they've known each other for almost a decade, and they've been together for most of it. so they know each other pretty well. which means - carol knows about tommy's... interests. she's fully aware. has been since high school, actually. she clocked tommy's crush on steve reeeeal quick, and actually confronted him about it once - which forced tommy into a corner and when he'd tried to deny it she's just scoffed and told him to quit fucking hiding from it. and he did. he'd admitted it to her, which was still difficult for him, but he'd gotten a bit better about admitting it to himself over the years. and in response to it, carol told him she didn't care.

which was really the best god damn way it could've gone. she told tommy that she didn't care that he gets off to guys, that she didn't care that he thinks about them, that he wants them. in fact, she told tommy that she didn't even care if he wanted to fuck around with them on the side. so long as he came back to her in the end, she didn't care.

and so, most nights tommy will slip off his wedding ring, he'll make the drive to whatever innocuous city is far enough away that he wont run into anyone he knows, and he'll seek out the company of other men. and when he's had his fill for the night, when he's satisfied that itch, he'll drive back to hawkins, and he'll try to be quiet as he enters the house and changes into his pajamas, and then he'll slide into bed next to carol and he'll go to sleep.

it's... it sounds like a pretty miserable existence, the two of them trapped in this seemingly unhappy marriage. but it's actually not. not really. it works for them. like i said before, they do love each other. it's just not that same sort of love that was there when they were kids, when they first started out. it's changed, it's morphed, it's turned into something more familial, rather than romantic.

maybe one day they will finally move out of hawkins. maybe that will be the beginning of the end. maybe once they're out from underneath the thumb of the town they grew up in, out from underneath the pressure of playing the expected role for all the people they knew there, they can start to live their own lives. maybe they'll finally get a divorce. maybe tommy will finally outwardly acknowledge his sexuality. maybe carol will finally find something she's good at and thrive with it. maybe maybe maybe.

FIN. skfjgdlkf. omg if you've made it this far THANK YOU for sticking with me and reading through all my rambling headcanons. i really mean it when i say i think about tommy and carol and their lives ALL THE TIME dkfsdlf. and like i said at the beginning, this is just ONE of the many pathways i've thought of for them sklfjsdf.

anyways, THANK YOU for asking and for indulging me in my love for tommy and carol!!! this was truly so much fun to write up and i loved getting to do that.

[also i GOTTA throw a little shameless self promo here, if you liked what you read here, this headcanon DOES feature heavily in my tommy-running-into-steddie-at-their-high-school-reunion fic, which you can find here. i ALSO have another stommy fic, which you can find here, which details my headcanon for steve's first kiss (which as i'm sure you've guessed, is with tommy).]

[borderlinecatboy]

I'm so ugh. I keep fucking relapsing an like I know I do have some of control over it I just can't stop at the same time. It's like everytime the scabs fade I have to make new ones. I feel bad or wrong when i don't have any. I can't stop until they scar but I'll never know if they do because my fucking stretch marks in the way.

And everytime I do it I feel like such a disappointment like I'm letting down and hurting my friends. Not my irls fuck those assholes I mean my online friends. I just feel like a shitty person bc what is so bad about my life that warrants taking a plastic knife to my hip? I'm too pussy to even try to cut deep, or at least as deep as you can with fucking plastic. Embarrassing.

And I'm so so afraid of my mom or grandma seeing them. They will actually kill me. My sister's reaction would just piss me off. Ik my irls will just be mad at me for not telling them, dicks. Acting like they're entitled to knowing everything about me but never telling me anything about them.

I promised myself that when i got out of this God forsaken house id do it for real. With a designated knife just for harming myself. Make it all cutesy for that twisted irony affect. I wouldn't have to hide it anymore. It'd be on other limbs too. Not just my one hip. It'd be so freeing.

Not to forget how I feel so fucking fat lately. I don't even know how much i weigh and it's lowkey stressing me out. I haven't been 100 pound in a good while n it's. Ugh. The scale in my house doesn't fucking work anymore. I think. It doesn't help that I just keep eating and eating, especially sweets I just. Ugh. I keep trying to starve myself but i keep giving into temptation. I'm genuinely so fucking upset over this why can't I just be good. Honestly i think starving myself is what gave me those heartburn problems but whatever. I just wanna be 100 pounds again. I'm only worth anything when I'm small. It's the only time people fucking say anything about my body in a nonsexual way and fuck. People always tell me I have the ideal skinny body and I need to keep it or I'll never fucking be worth anything, ya know? And at the rate I'm eating (two decent meals a day plus a handful of snacks, usually dessert type ones) I'll never get that.

I know I shouldn't 'feel' fat I'm well aware I'm still technically a skeleton but when you grow up hearing the shit I did from mainly my own mother or other fuckhead adult women you'd feel the fucking same too. I fucking hate it here.

I only got 'better' because food was appetizing again and passing out at cheer would've been fucking embarrassing. N now cheer is over I was contemplating starting again n then the other day my mom told me that my 'five course meals' so like a plate of bacon or ramen were gonna catch up to me. Pretty much saying I was getting fat which fuck shes right but I wish she didn't say it to my fucking face. God it's disgusting how I often I eat now. She just pretty much gave me a reason to start up again but I'm so fucking weak and pathetic I can't even bring myself to stop.

I just feel so alone nowadays. I have no one to talk to. So much shit bottled up but I can't burden people with it because it's all so. Miniscule that I'm just an asshole for even having those problems. I can never shut my fucking mouth I feel like I scare everyone away and it's honestly deserved. Someone as horrible as me doesn't deserve the comfort I crave. I'm so desperate for attention it's fucking pathetic. I want to cry but I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything good because I am a monster. I deserve nothing but the pain I feel everyday or just fucking death. I'm just a pest.

Sometimes I wish my ex was abusive. Not because I want a reason to hate him, if anything I'm looking for reasons *that one* encounter was just a mishap. I just crave it. I want to be hurt worse than I ever even was which isn't very fucking hard to achieve since barely anything even happened. I want horrible things done to me I crave it it's embarrassing. It's like im fucking. Romanticizing something people take for-fucking-ever to heal from for my own sick satisfaction.

That one encounter. I just don't even know what to make out of it. Haha make out. It's funny bc we were making out n I could feel his fucking erection through his pants. Presumably erection. I'm a fucking prude with a vagina and I never really did watch porn with actual dicks involved. Either way it was fucking uncomfortable and I remember trying to discretely move bc embarrassment + he was always awkward as fuck n I really couldn't I was just trapped on his lap. My problem is, I don't know if he was holding me there or if my brain is trying to turn him into the enemy. He did ask what was wrong and I said nothing so it is technically my fault. I'm not going anymore into this because I know I'll start reliving the moment (aka my body feeling like it's happening again) and I just can-fucking-not deal with that right now.

Even if i want nothing to do with my ex he was the only person where I was their number 1. He was also the last person I wanted to be that. Growing up I was my 'bffs' back up friend. When their new friend no longer wanted anything to do with them, they'd come crawling right back to me. It's been the same since elementary school and I'm so fucking sick of it. I just want to be there person someone thinks of first, their comfort zone, someone they gravitate to unconsciously. I just want to be loved the way i love others. I'll never be important to anyone it seems. It's just something about me. Maybe I'm to childish or self centered or annoying or untrustworthy or maybe I'm just a horrible person but everyone pities me too much to say anything. Like they all secretly hate me but they all know I'm pathetic and would never survive on my own so they keep me around as a safety net for when their important people fail them.

I seriously need to just stop burdening others with my existence.

[sugark1ssed-bruises]

(Tw: mention of sh, uhhh discipline)<<<<vvv

Not to mention that after my mom found out abt my sh, she threatened to tell my father as if it would make it any better (He found out like when I was in 7th or 6th idk but that was the first time and after that it got worse and eventually I stopped for a bit though the urge eventually got the best of me ANDDD he makes fun of me for it) but whatever I told her that it would make it better and she had told me "How bad am I of a mother?" Vro, please, man. Idk what i told her. Of course she fuhking says "I don't remember that🤓☝️" as if she NEVER used to find a reason to get me in trouble and lowkey beat the shit out of me and like literally drag me around and like slam me on something random near her. She never gets my brother in trouble. RARELY. Whatever anyways she told my older sister and brother, "Let's take it easy on her" yeah that's NOT EVEN FUHKING HAPPENING!! anyways like my fuhking mental state is LITERALLY FUHKING deteriorating from all the shit I have to fucking deal with from school, home especially, and online (not anything bad online lately but like yk I'm literally probably getting stalked by someone.. <A/L) and I'm getting paranoid, and I can tell my mom (not abt like my online shit it's not her damn business but me, my friends online, and bf) but she'll use it against me EVERY CHANCE SHE FUHKING CAN. THATS WHY I STOPPED TELLING HER STUFF. As well as she always complains that I'm holed up in my room constantly sleeping or whatever. I don't CAREEEJWIWJANQN I WAKE UP EARLY, 8 HOURS OF SCHOOL BEING SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE. I'VE BEEN HAVING HEADACHES CONSTANTLY BECAUSE IM SICK, IM EXHAUSTED WHAY MORE DOES SHE WANT LEAVE ME THE FUHK ALONE I WANT OUT OF THIS HOUSE NOW

And whenever I tell her something, I can tell by the way she stares at me that she's judging me, then when I tell her she tells me "No I'm not" I don't listen and I scurry back to my room, lock the door and go under the covers and sleep or like when it's like how I look like dressed or makeup I go change vro and she's like "why did you change??" Or "Why did you take ur makeup off???" Vro be serious man

Not to mention being mocked by my parents or siblings from either my words or actions when they make me cry or extremely upset (another reason I don't come out my room is because I find peace in there and I basically live in my room) like I used to scratch at my face from a young age I think 5(?) But my dad would mock me when I did that. Or, like when I cry/cried (whatevesss) like legit, my parents would mock me so much and call me pathetic. I think I started being suicidal around 6 or 8 I guess that was an early age to be thinking about dying or yk hoping you'd die (i guess the environment you live in causes that) since my parents would constantly fight and shit. That was horrible, like dead ass horrible. It started to really take effect when I was like 10 or 11, like I was like losing touch with reality, and I tried finding a safe space in my own home, which never happened until now.

Either that, i can't get any fuhking cut or whatever bc my parents will assume that I relapsed.

Guh also uh idk if this should be a tw? Dunno but like I'm on biiiirth controll to reduce my days of the monthly bloodshed and the pain of cramps anyways like my dad was pissed at me for no reason, My whole family was eating and he's like "Do you take those pills to be normal again?" Vro, I was so close to slamming the chair at the window I FUHKING HATE HIM WITH A PASSION. Mind you, he doesn't believe in any mental illness, and he calls me lazy and crazy for how I act and he always has to ridicule me on everything I do like when I draw (which is one of my favorite hobbies) he's like "That's a ugly drawing." and then says he's joking. Like OMFG me and my siblings and I all love to draw. Okay, it's fun sometimes, and we all have our things that we like and stuff, but my parents always have to praise them more especially on grades. This is worse since IM FUHKING DRAINED FROM ALMOST EVERYTHING and that it's hard for me to focus in class. I don't have the best grades like A's or B's that's RARE. My dad has to ridicule me everything. Back 2 my dad anyways whenever I put eyeliner on he always tells me "Why do you need eyeliner when I can give you two black eyes." Bro what. Like genuinely, I DONT EVEN FEEL SAFE IN THIS HOUSE

I feel ridiculed and tormented by MY WHOLE FUHKING FAMILY JUST KILL ME VRO IM SO CLOSE like then I love them the other second I don't because I think of everything they've done to make me feel this way

Srry if this doesn't make sense I get lost on what I'm talking abt and I switch topics