#and us telling you that we are in fact incapable of this is a fairly normal reaction to being semi directly addressed

[spectrumgarden]

Okay so I've never really joined the whole "small talk" argument that's been happening increasingly over the last years because I tend to just not agree with anyone I see discuss it. Like no I dont think people who use it are evil or making things hard on purpose, I also dont think it makes them lesser, ... I Also dont think that someone who refuses to use it / cant use it is automatically worse and will not make friends.

Importantly i also dont think everyone can learn it. I should know because I spent multiple years with professionals trying to teach me how to have a conversation At All and I still am actually nowhere near what would be expected at my age group. (Most recent reports usually go something like "makes slight improvements in having a two sided conversation" - because I can say nothing, or I can ramble on and then not react to your answer. The rest? Struggle time, to this day, in every aspect) No matter how many intricate guides you write, if I fail at the basic concept of a conversational structure very frequently then I will not succeed at small talk either. And additionally I also genuinely can not tell what might be too personal for this other person.

A lot of these people who get upset when people say "I cant do small talk because I'm autistic and I cant learn it, I tried and failed" and go "of course you can!", just sort of like. Ignore that a lot of the developmental delay in conversation and / or (nonverbal) language never closes up for many of us, the way a lot of us generally never reach the developmental level of our peers (in some areas). and it's not because we have not seen enough complex flow charts or not practiced enough. when so many of us literally spend so much additional time of our youth sitting in front of whiteboards and workbooks and such, being explained over and over how to talk to someone at all. I am 22 and after years of explicit teaching I still have to ask for verbal confirmation and explanation of any nonverbal cues that I think were used by my conversational partner, but do not know what they mean. Which is pretty much all of them. And I probably miss a lot of them existing at all. You can scream "just practice until you can recognize the other persons little cues on if they want to deepen or end this" until you turn blue but it will not actually make me accomplish it if the fucking people who've been spending their whole life teaching it didnt make me figure it out. On account of, you know, the developmental delay.

Sure some people can learn! That's why they try to teach us after all! Cause it has been successful! But generally stop with this shit of "everyone can learn this you're just choosing not to!"

I will never be rude to someone for engaging in small talk, I will obviously fail at their attempts to engage me in some, which usually makes them stop trying (thank god). But I will not tolerate others talking shit about it that is uncalled for (implying malice from every user, making fun of people who seem to crave it, ...).

But I also do not care to learn it anymore at this point? It's no goal of mine. I have made multiple friends, most non autistic, without ever using small talk. Including in adulthood. We simply skipped that stage. We went from "hi!" "Hi!" Immediately to "heres when it went wrong in my life (humorous but still often dark / personal). Also these are my political opinions. Sure I want to hear about the girl you dated for years in excruciating detail. Let me retell you the plot of this old indie movie you will never watch for 20 minutes and why I enjoy it. Let's go to a concert together after talking slightly in depth like this twice". Is this the way that you creep everyone out in everyone's friendship acquisition theory I've been seeing? Sure! It's been working perfectly fine, enough of the times for me, though.

Will this work in like a work environment or something? Most likely not, which is why I generally plan to keep to myself. Does this mean I still confuse every stranger who approaches me trying to small talk? Sure. that's why I'm still fucking disabled. But I have created meaningful relationships as an adult without small talk. I have genuinely tried learning in many ways and failed. And I'm done apologizing for that, either you take me with my inability to small talk or you wont.

[sayruq]

You can tell the ground invasion of Gaza isn't going well at all

They used to say they'd occupy Gaza forever, they'd kill every Hamas operative, they'd flood every tunnel in Gaza with soldiers and now it's we will leave as soon as possible ☠️

This is all the proof you need that they're struggling and incapable of making any progress to the point they have to lie about rescuing an IDF soldier just to look good in front of an increasingly disheartened and distrustful Israeli public

The American government has spent the past 3 weeks of war doubtful of Israel's ability to win a ground war in Gaza and now we have the Financial Times writing a fairly positive article about the Hamas, indicating that Wall Street at least is taking the Palestinian resistance and their chances of winning seriously

With Yemen declaring war, Hezbollah is expected to follow suit, and different militia groups in Iraq and Syria are escalating attacks on American bases. Bolivia will not be the last country to cut diplomatic ties with Israel. The future does not look good for Israel. In fact, the economy has already taken a big hit from the war. A recession is guaranteed.

[damianbugs]

steph and bruce fic recs :0?

oh anon u have made my week with this request. my month. my year in fact. bruce and stephanie is a duo that is so special to me and i am not normal about them at all, and so of course i have only the best recs to give you. they are soooo complicated, but that's what makes them so interesting and so personal. i hope you enjoy these!

STEPH AND BRUCE FIC RECS ON AO3

Permutations and Hinterlands by cabezas_de_vaca

She and Bruce are complicated (not bad complicated, not wrong complicated, just complicated, because he isn’t her father and will never be her father and yet he sort of also is) but he cares. It gets lost sometimes, under the demands of Gotham, but it’s there. And so, she just asks him. “Do you want to go to Colorado with me?” Or: Bruce, Steph, and a road trip

MY NOTES: some very heavy but very good stephanie introspection, along with a great take on her relationship with bruce. also, who doesn't love a good road trip fic?

Have I Told You About Minnie by Hinn_Raven

After you’ve known Matches Malone long enough, you get used to him telling you about his kids. Not that his kids know about it.

MY NOTES: i am physically incapable of not recommending this fic regardless of the ask. it must be shared and it must be read. a real feel good and fun fic, bruce is so silly, and steph is so fun. lovely inclusion (without actually including) the other kids too!

I Used to Be an Adventurer Like You, Then I Took an Arrow to the Knee by audreycritter

Stephanie was just on patrol and now she’s stuck somewhere, sometime, with Bruce. They bleed and bond and mostly try to keep each other alive— you know, just a Tuesday.

MY NOTES: im fairly certain i have recommended this before on here, but i have also reread it at least ten times, so who's to judge. one of my favourite time travel fics, also one of my all time favourite bruce and stephanie fics. the end is especially my favourite since it develops a specific part of their dynamic that i really treasure. must read!

we’ll have a feast of all the things we love to eat by smallzita

The story has always gone like this: Batman exists because of guilt and purpose, but mostly guilt. The story is going like this: it's four-thirty in the afternoon and Bruce Wayne is wearing a dress.

MY NOTES: girl dad bruce. baby steph. as the author notes say 'Bruce Wayne being a foster parent can be something very personal actually.' what more do you want? what more is needed??!?!

it's just a question by Magpietrove4 🔒

this one doesn't have a summary, or any tags, but it might just be one of the best stephanie introspections i've read. the conversation with bruce really ties it all together. must read!

Under Armor Over Armor by LeantheBean

"Fridays don’t always go my way but someday I hope they’ll all be fine." In which, Stephanie Brown gets ready for patrol.

MY NOTES: ohhhh this one is so special to me. imagine me sobbing crying screaming as i say this. it's so melancholic and. yearnful. a wonderful thing that connects steph and bruce is also the thing they will never talk about with each other. so good.

to brighten up even your darkest knight by Nokomis

While filing Batman’s paperwork as punishment for an unfortunate incident with the Batmobile, Steph discovers a momento from an early Cluemaster takedown.

MY NOTES: this one is sooo cute and so sweet. i love when batman is batman.

boston market by almondrose

batman & robin enjoy a mid-patrol snack.

MY NOTES: this one is also so incredibly cute. until it isn't. tears in my eyes forever. have read it so many times because it is just so real. must read!

[siconetribal]

Hey!! I have a request for you!

So I'm thinking you work at shield and have to show Loki and Thor around since they are new. You always crack terrible jokes when you are nervous but Thor finds you hilarious and even Loki admits some of them are fairly clever (high praise coming from him). You realize they've never heard most of the recycled jokes or puns you used and decide to take advantage of that.

Tower Tour for Two

Pairing: None

Warning: Puns, word play, wit, shenanigans, dad jokes, and all around foolery

Summary:

All new personnel to SHIELD need to know where to go from day one. The best way to do that is through a tour. The Asgardian princes were no exception. With no crisis in need of their participation, the two are set up with a guide that keeps them on their toes.

Author Note:

I am so sorry for the delay in answering this request! I wanted it to be absolutely perfect! Furthermore, I do hope you like this, and it lives up to what you were expecting from the shenanigans between a punderful Y/N and the two austere princes of Asgard! Also, I completely made up the floors and numbers based off an image @vbecker10 showed me.

__________________________________________________________

“Tell me again why we are being subjected to this ridiculous obligation of needing some nanny around the compound?” Loki let out an exasperated sigh as he pinched the bridge of his nose. None of this seemed to quite add up to him. Thor has been part of this team for some time now, and they had never thought of something so trivial. However, when they decide to accept me this is suddenly something mandatory? I find that highly suspicious.

“It is because they wish to give us a proper introduction. With all the emergencies that happened and my frequent leaving to Asgard, there was no real time for this to come about. With you being newly accepted, they thought it wise that the two of us go through it together. Better than having to waste time setting up two separate sessions.” Thor chuckled at his fifth repetition. He knew his brother was not forgetful, he was simply trying to find a loophole out of this. “It is a simple tour, Loki. It will be done sooner than you’re making it out to be. It is not like they are giving the grand tour of the Asgardian castle.”

“If this place were remotely as big, I would have done everything in my power to make sure this never came to pass.” Loki scowled. “It is not the size of the facility that concerns me, it is the ridiculous notion that they think we are incapable of learning where to go.”

“Ah, but they are taking efficiency into consideration. The time it takes for us to learn our way around will be drastically cut if we are given this tour. Which will increase the overall efficiency of how SHIELD and the Avengers will run. Precious time needed for missions and planning would not be lost on someone unsure of where to find the proper meeting room or attend some training session. You, above all else, know how important it is to be efficient.” The God of Thunder smiled at his brother, clapping a firm hand against his back. “You will see, this will be highly useful. The fact that they even are allowing you to know where everything is a huge sign of their trust as well! If they did not trust you, they would not take the time to teach you where everything is.”

That or they want to make sure I know where everything is. So that if I were to ever use the reasoning of being lost, they can remind me of this dreadful waste of time and accuse me of something sinister. The God of Mischief kept his skepticism to himself, not wanting to dampen his brother’s mood. Though, he did wonder if there was something that could do such a thing. The thought of his feigned deaths suddenly came to mind, but he quickly pushed them aside.

“Well hello, hello!” A chipper voice greeted the two Asgardian princes from behind, the two towering royals turning to see a singular female SHIELD employee who was clearly far too excited to be here. The sunny disposition seemed almost illegal compared to the rigid and professional demeanor that were standard with all other SHIELD personnel. Perhaps this person was lost and was actually an experiment on happiness? Thor looked towards Loki with a raised brow, who raised both of his in response and shrugged, removing the burden of possibly knowing anything about this odd human. He was just as clueless, if not more so for actually being new, than his elder brother.

“Don’t everyone all talk at once now! Sheesh, have you never been greeted before? Talk about needing a lesson in manners.” She frowned.

“Pardon our rudeness, but are we acquainted?” Thor took the lead after another lengthy pause.

“Ah, the lord doth speaketh!” She gasped, the corner of Loki’s lip twitching as Thor slightly lowered his head as a sign of apologies. “We weren’t formally introduced, but you were both instructed to come here for the tour of the tower with me.”

“So you are Y/N?” Loki questioned, his intense gaze carefully observing to see if this was some sort of trap or test. 

“Well, last I checked it was.” She glanced down at her name tag that was hung from the lanyard around her neck, a variety of novelty pins decorating the fabric. “Yup, still is.” He scowled at her attitude. “Do not worry, I understand, I am used to rendering people speechless.” She boasted with pride.

“Is that so,” Loki felt the prick of unease at the back of his mind.

“Yes, we have heard you are quite the guide.” Thor elbowed his brother at the look of mistrust that was on his face. “Rogers and the others have had nothing but positive things to say about you. However, we have jumped ahead without proper introductions. My name,” he tried to correct their rude beginning but stopped at her raised hand.

“No need, there’s nothing Loki about either of you, aside from his name anyway. I made sure to do a Thor-ough look into whom I would be guiding this morning.” As she grinned, Loki grimaced. That feeling of unease was not to be ignored.

“Clever,” the elder prince laughed at her wordplay. “Very well, by your lead, then.”

“Thank you,” she gave a small bow before stretching her arms out wide. “Foyer information, this is the foyer. To our left, through those double doors, is where SHIELD holds most, if not all, press hearings. Sadly, there’s no let-go room. I keep telling them we need it, how else is there going to be a release? Makes you think, what good is a hearing when they aren’t even listening.” She sighed.

“So that is why they are called as such? I always wondered why. They really should invest in such things, to hold on for too long is never healthy.” Thor nodded his head in agreement, while Loki felt his left eyebrow twitch. That feeling of unease had grown. Was it too late to turn back now? He eyed the front door behind them, measuring the distance and how long it would take him if he made a run for it.

“Aside from that room, there isn’t much else aside from the desk. The decor isn’t the greatest, but the reception is phenomenal.” She pointed to the reception desk as she walked towards the elevators. “Come along, we’ve gotta head to the next floor. Don’t mind the elevators, they have their ups and downs. I think we caught them in a good mood today.”

Dammit, I should’ve sent an image of myself. Loki clicked his tongue before straightening his back and turning to join the two. Thor was wrong, this was going to be a very long day. A tour of the castle would have been shorter.  He feared for his sanity as they stepped out onto the second floor

“It’s pretty quiet right now, but it’s usually pretty busy. The second floor, here, up until the fifth floor, are all human relations. Though sometimes it can be a bit alien at times, they’re all definitely human and are pretty relatable for the most part. Though I don’t recommend them for any dating advice, they like to keep it professional.”

“As they should,” Thor once again agreed, and Loki’s eye began to twitch.

“And right you are, thunder boy!” She grinned, turning them back to the elevator as skipping straight to the sixth floor. Stepping out, this floor looked almost identical to the second one. The two looked around curiously for any differences before shifting their attention to Y/N who stepped forward and turned to face them. “So, as you can see, we’re all pretty square here with all these cubicles. Sixth floor to the tenth floor is where you’ll find the work stations of the agents and the offices for higher ranking staff. The agents are great and all, but some of these big wigs are walking economy lessons.”

“What do you mean?” The elder Asgardian asked before the younger could stop him. She was leading them in more ways than one, and he was not enjoying either direction.

“Well, you didn’t hear it from me, but their hairline is in a recession, their stomachs are always inflated like their egos, and the two together leaves everyone in a great depression.” She whispered, and Loki actually smirked. Perhaps she had some things of value to say. “I can’t really let you into anything here, private stuff and all that, so up we go!” She motioned them back to the elevators, where they went straight to the eleventh floor. “Alright, so here you might find things to be a little dull…because here until the twenty-first floor is none other than the boardrooms!”

I take back what I said, it was a rare moment of entertainment. Loki sighed as they followed her down a few halls, and she opened one of the doors.

“This is one of the larger ones, but each room is equipped with state-of-the-art technology. Holograms, interactive models, surround sound, and HD screenings! Sadly, the seating isn’t the best and only reclines so much. But other than that, you’ve got one fancy theater experience every time.” She grinned, Thor taking a seat in one of the chairs.

“They are quite nice though. But why are the tables bolted down?”

“So they can be well grounded.” She answered far too quickly, and Loki shook his head. “In all seriousness, it’s to avoid trouble. Tables are normally supposed to be movable furniture, but after the last few issues here with explosions and infighting, it was deemed safer to have them bolted to avoid anyone possibly getting hit by them. The chairs do move around, but when you tuck them in under the table, the arms magnetize to the table with a force that is fairly difficult to break if the room is not unlocked properly. If you noticed, when we entered I lingered at the entryway, that’s because I needed to let the room know it was in use, so the table would release the chairs.” She walked back towards the door and motioned for Thor to stand. He did as told, and she punched in a code where the lights shut off and the chair chairs all jerked up and a series of clicks were heard. “Now the room is set to lock when we leave.” She pushed the door open wider, Loki having noticed that she had cracked it open prior to punching in the code. “The other meeting room floors are similar to this one. The designs may be different from floor to floor in the sense that some have round tables while others have rectangular and possibly minor changes in screen size, but overall they are the same.”

“Things are quite secure here.” Loki noted aloud, curiosity about this strange SHIELD employee starting to grow in the back of his mind.

“I would hope so, they’re supposed to be the guardians of Earth. They’d be nothing but insecurities otherwise.”

“Well said, Y/N. You are quick-witted with your words, just like Hawkeye and Black Widow mentioned.” Thor praised her.

“Don’t encourage her,” Loki hissed at him as they got back onto the elevator. It was obvious he was clearly taken by her little tricks.

“Come now, brother, there is nothing wrong with giving due praise to a job well done. Perhaps if you were more forthcoming with your compliments as you are with your snide remarks, you would not be seen as such a cruel person, and they would finally see the brother I adore.” He implored, earning yet another scoffing eye roll. Y/N watched the two silently, pressing the button for the twenty-second floor. It was painfully obvious that Thor adored Loki openly, while Loki was more reticent in his affections.

The tale of the two mythological deities was known far and wide since their first arrival, and even more so since the infamous incident in New York. Much like the majority of Earthlings, she initially hated the younger prince for all the harm he had caused. The damage, despair, and devastation he wrought on them was nothing small and unforgivable. She never wanted to be left so powerless ever again, incapable of helping anyone. Thus, she embarked on climbing her way and successfully joining SHIELD. She was not able to work on the field as an agent, but she managed to secure a rather unique position where only a few were capable of managing. It was through this training and top level clearance that she became aware of many things, like the Mind Stone and how it perverted and polluted Loki’s insecurities and anguish. None of it justified his actions, but he became someone understandable. They were less out of reach, more relatable. They two were living and breathing with emotions like anyone else, not something above them. 

I know they’re stronger than the average human, but they’re brothers like any other. Bickering siblings with opposite dispositions that adore one another. She smiled to herself as she stepped out before them. “Alright. From here up to the thirtieth floor is where the fun starts. You could say Stark was raving mad when he funded so much of the things here, but he’s lab hatter. All the tech and research goes on here. It’s a little sad that physicists and biologists don’t get along so well.” She let out a heavy sigh, Thor and Loki around before settling their eyes on here.

“And why is that? Trouble in paradise?” The second prince raised a well manicured brow. Y/N could only imagine the two were into grooming routines, and they were professionally done, otherwise it was cruel to every average woman out there just how perfect these two were.

“You could say that they lack chemistry.” She smirked at the slight scowl she earned from him. He had made such a big deal about feeding into her little games and walked right into one himself. He could see the shine of victory in her eyes, and he had to admit, it was well played. Not only that, but he would never admit to it aloud, of course.

“And what would be the importance of chemistry?” Thor wondered, not sure how that played between the two types of scientists.

“Well, it has all the solutions, and It is fairly good at bonding.” She added matter-of-factory, Thor nodding his head in agreement. “Yes, Jane and Dr. Erik did have trouble relating with others from time to time, perhaps chemistry was lacking.”

“No comet on astrophysicists,” she snickered as they walked through the halls and peered in through the windows. “All the glass here is highly reinforced,” she lightly knocked on one as they stopped at a random door. “I can’t let you in due to the nature of what’s inside and any experiments that may currently be in progress, but you can take a swing at the glass to test it out. Stark has made sure to improve after learning from any prior mistakes to minimize casualties. It’s Avenger and danger proof.”

“If Stark is involved, then there is no doubt that he has extensively worked on it for it to be so.” Thor proudly spoke of his companion, Loki curiously observing the window. He stepped closer, tapping on the glass and listening to the vibrations. It was a rather dull sound. It was a very dense and thick sheet.

The metal midgardian certainly enjoys his little trinkets and toys. I could simply use my magic to conjure myself into the room, however. What good is this resilience, then? He smirked, feeling that he may have bested the genius playboy philanthropist.

“You could try,” Y/N’s voice broke through his thoughts. “But that’s at your own risk. Like the other rooms here, you need to engage the room prior to entering, and these rooms are only allowed entry through specific key cards. If anyone were to find a way without this channel, they would have to deal with the security that would automatically be triggered. So, unless you have dreams of being Swiss cheese, I would disa-brie on any attempts of just appearing inside. Come along, up we go!” She turned on her heel and led them back up to their rectangular chariot. “Any questions so far? Comments, concerns, suggestions are all welcomed.”

“Nothing,” Thor shook his head.  “You are going excellently and answer any of the questions before we even have time to even think of them. I can see why they praise you so highly among the other members.” He gave her a broad grin, and she smiled in kind.

“Well, I’m glad you’re enjoying it. This ain’t the most exciting thing you could be doing, believe me, I get it. So, I try to keep it short, sweet, and fun.”

“Fun for whom?” Loki muttered.

“Myself, I’m the one guiding you after all. Gotta help myself get through this just as much as you do.” She gave him a wink and laughed as he scowled. It was obvious they were both enjoying this for various reasons, so she chose not to tell him, she could tell this scowl was more forced than the others so far.

“Now, here are the floors that are worth the weight, the next five floors are about two floors each in height, they’re the gyms and rec rooms. From battle simulations in the VR to real word pumping iron, there is no bar too high in this place…well for you anyway.” She looked up at Thor and Loki. “For me, there are quite a few out of my reach. I won’t go into too much detail here, you’ll be scheduled for a fitness and analysis exam, so they’ll run you through the various simulations and fancy gizmos and gadgets then.” There was obvious excitement and interest in both the brothers' eyes, and she could not help the small snicker that came out as she led them up to the thirty-sixth floor. “We’ll keep it short here, mission briefs and observations happen on deck here. And you can look out the windows and observe a lovely view of the compound and city as well while you’re at it. This is one very wide floor.” She explained as they went to the far end where there was a lovely view of the city before heading up to the next floor.

“This is the not so common choice of a common area. Usually these types of floors are near the ground floor if not the ground floor itself. But, what’s common about superheroes and aliens as a whole?” She shrugged. “Here is where you’ll be able to relax between missions and training or simply don’t want to be in your room. The best part of this floor is actually over here.’ She grinned, a little speed in her steps as she led them to two rather ornate double doors. “This is a place you can always check out,” she slid her key through the reader and turned the knobs. Pushing the two doors open with great flourish to reveal a very grand library with a glass dome like ceiling, stairs leading to the four floors above and one below. “This is a place where I can't help my shelf and spend hours. But personal interest aside, you can bring beverages into the library, you just can't pour milk over the serials here. They’ve got all sorts of books here now that we know some myths are not so fictitious.” She pointedly looked at the two of them. “I know it’s pretty booked, but you can always leaf through as needed.

“And why would they have such a place at SHIELD?” Loki asked, taking a step forward, followed by another, and several more until he was in front of a shelf and pulling one of the leather-bound pages from it.

“Knowledge is key, and sometimes the old-fashioned way is the best way or only way. Like I said, things of lore are no more and not everything is metadata. Also, this is part of the floors where one can simply step out of the digital world and unwind. Can you imagine what the public would do if one of the eligible bachelors or bachelorettes of the Avengers was seen in the public library? We’d have mobs of paparazzi and feral fans trying to get their chance to be seen with them. There’d be no peace and quiet. Having our own mini library was the best solution. It does not have everything, but it helps minimize the need to go out and be seen frequenting a location. Villains and mosey people alike won’t set their sights on a place where the public is free to come and go.”

Thor walked over to his brother, pulling out another book and quickly skimmed through it. He was not as avid of a reader as his brother, but he knew and respected the importance of knowledge. This place would be very useful to the two who were not as technologically savvy as the Midgardians. Y/N watched as Loki slowly read the first few pages of the book he chose, while Thor skimmed through several books. He did linger on a few, looking at the title twice before returning it to its spot.

“Reading time will have to be another time. Once you get your key card, you have free access to the books here, and you can check them out with the librarians as needed. Come along, only a few more floors to go.” She promised, Thor grabbed Loki by the back of his jacket and forcibly dragged him a few steps before he replaced the book and reluctantly followed them out back to the elevators. 

The brothers watched as she slid her card into a slot next to two rows of buttons and selected the number eight button in the second row of the two rows labeled as LQ. “This is where only certain personnel can enter. You both, other avengers, and some agents will be living here on the compound. As you can see, there are not that many floors, but each floor is similar to the gym and rec room floors in that each floor is two floors in height from eight to fourteen. The reason being is that eight upwards is where you and any other members of the Avengers will have a penthouse style apartment. Each is designed and decorated according to the specifications or desires of the occupant. No two rooms are going to be alike in details, but the basic blueprint will be the same for safety exits and code regulations. Floors one to four is where the agents that live here, guests, important visitors, and some time overtime employees will be residing. Floors five to seven is where their dining and entertainment will be. There is a mini theater, a large dining room kitchen with staff, and a mini library for them to spend their time. Their key cards will not allow them into your floor, but you will be allowed on their floors if you so wish. “ 

The doors of the elevator opened up to reveal a rather large hallway with only a few doors on either side. Floors eight to twelve will resemble this. As you can see, none of the doors look the same and have been customized to the comfort of the resident who stays in that space while here. The two of you will have your own apartments on the twelfth floor. On the thirteenth and fourteenth floor you will find similar amenities; a large state-of-the-art kitchen, fully staffed on request; a large dining area, personal theater, recreational activities such a bowling alley, billiards, and a private bar that has its own balcony facing the city. The last floor, the HQ floor, is where the leaders of SHIELD convene for their meetings and have their offices. I cannot allow you entry on that floor, so I will be leading you back down to the ground floor from here. And that is there is to say about this tower. Though we do have everything indoors, there are still many outside facilities on the grounds for certain activities. For example, large scale training or ability practice will take place in one of the various hangars and fields that are readily equipped and shielded from causing too much disruption in the building. Sometimes you may be flown out to more discrete locations to avoid unwanted attention as well.”

“They really have thought of everything.” Loki finally admitted to being somewhat impressed, mostly for the library. He and Thor silently mulled over all the information that was given to them. It was certainly a lot, and it became clear as to why they were put through the task. It was needed information, but also a warning that they would always be watched. Not just them as outsiders, but the Avengers as a whole were to be watched because they were a collective of beings that could single-handedly cause more trouble than any large scale militant group.

“Yes, they have, and that’s it for this personal tour. I do hope you enjoy your stay here at SHIELD. I wish you the best of luck always and success in your missions moving forward. Thank you for your time, enjoy the rest of your day.” She led them to the front doors and stepped out into the crisp air, the sun still in the sky. There was one fact that had consistently nagged at the back of their minds. A question they intended to ask, and yet never thought or had the chance to. Loki looked to Thor, who silently nodded his head.

“Y/N, what exactly is your position here at SHIELD?” She had access to every floor, detailed information, and knew where to say what and when. Only someone of high level clearance and trust would be privy to such, and she purposefully and expertly avoided the topic with thought-provoking information and clever words of misdirection. However, now was their chance. The two turned to face her. They would get their answers, but she was no longer there. In fact, there was no sign of her anywhere. Who exactly was Y/N.  It was clear now, this was only the beginning for the two of them at the mysterious organization known as SHIELD.

[incomingalbatross]

My theory is that Watson is a victim of his own success; he’s so good at Being A Narrator that people have trouble perceiving him as a Character.

Much of his personality and presence in his stories is tied to his narration—but since the stories aren’t presented as about him, it’s easy to process that presence/personality as part of the background, just neutral elements of the medium in which the stories take place. But this means that if you don’t pay attention to his narrative voice, Watson’s voice and personality are far less obvious than, say, Holmes’s. He’s Just Some Guy, right? He’s just the everyman there to tell the audience what Holmes is doing.

I think this kind of assumption leads to a lot of the weird Watson choices in adaptations. Because if you’re working in a medium where he’s not the narrator—TV and movies, obviously, but also written works that made a different perspective choice—then a lot of his narrative presence is stripped out by default. And if you only processed that narrative presence as part of the backdrop, you may not even notice it’s gone…you just look at Watson without his voice and go “Hm. Yeah, he’s kind of a blank slate.” And then you make stuff up to fill it in: “Stuff” ranging from Nigel Bruce’s “comic relief” to Martin Freeman’s “addicted to violence” to fairly-widespread fic tropes like “handles Holmes’s social missteps for him.” (Yes that last one is also Martin Freeman, but it predates BBC Sherlock.) Fans and adaptors “fill in the blanks” and find things for him to do.

The only problem is he’s NOT a blank.

And this is one of the things that makes Watson SO interesting, because he has PLENTY of personality but people still overlook it BECAUSE it meshes so well with his role I guess? People keep making up traits for him and he HAS traits already. They’re just not looking in the right places! His character permeates the narrative so well that people overlook its presence!

We know things about Watson. Listen.

We know that he unironically and uncritically thinks Holmes is the greatest, while seeing him clearly enough to give us a picture of his flaws and faults.

We know that he’s imaginative and keenly sensitive to atmosphere, and also good at reading people’s emotions even if he can’t deduce why they’re feeling something. (He is, in fact, very good at observation and not good at deduction.)

We know he’s brave, and always up for something interesting.

We know he’s intelligent and well-read.

We know he’s idealistic, chivalrous, impetuous, and kind of a hothead; we also know, however, that his temper is generally short-lived and he’s quickly ashamed of it if he thinks he was in the wrong.

We know his ego works the same way (and is often tied to his temper); it’s easily wounded, when he remembers it exists, but he doesn’t care enough about his pride to feel embarrassments for very long.

We know that he, generally speaking, feels everything deeply, but is also comfortable with that, and is apparently incapable of resentment that lasts for more than five minutes. (To a degree we may, personally, find insane, but it is still consistent within the text.)

We know all these things! They’re in the stories! But because the stories are so consistently in his voice, we are consistently encouraged by his voice to overlook his actual character. So well that even when people want Watson to have personality, they apparently don’t realize it’s already there.

[garnetbutterflysblog]

“We can’t deal with Hürrem with kindness”- when have you tried kindness, Hafsa? Has there ever been an interaction where you didn’t insult, threaten or hit Hürrem? Has there ever been one moment where you treated her fairly? The answer is ‘no’ unless your definition of kindness is reluctantly agreeing to allow Hürrem to keep her son after she begged you on her knees not to take her child away from her despite the fact another concubine has done similar and far worse acts without it ever crossing your mind to take her son away.

Hürrem’s actions are inexcusable but of all people, you have no room to judge them after you taught her this was ok by protecting Mahidevran when she did similar and worse.

Nigar, Gulnihal, Ayse and the entire harem with the exception of Mahidevran and Gulsah, can rightfully be angry and even hate Hürrem for this but Hafsa is a hypocrite.

Why I do I feel the need to put a note saying I’m not defending Hürrem’s actions, only pointing out the self-delusion present in Hafsa? What Hürrem did was cruel and wrong. Her own conscience is already telling her that by taking the form of her mother and it may take some time, but eventually she’ll listen to it and realize how cruel that was. And she’ll repent.

“Monsters are not born, they’re made” doesn’t excuse evil acts, it only reminds us to peer deeper and be empathetic when we can. We can’t judge someone fairly if we don’t have sympathy. And that is something Hafsa seems to be incapable of.

[nihongoseito]

a brief-ish breakdown of くれる and もらう!

hi all! it’s been a minute since i last wrote a grammar post, but this particular topic has been popping up a lot for me lately so i thought i’d write my own explanation. the difference between these two used to confuse me a lot (and, let’s be real, sometimes もらう is still so confusing lol), but i think it can actually be explained fairly simply. so let’s get to it!!

types of differences between words: grammar vs. semantics

“wait, wait, what??” i hear you say. yes, it’s true—as a linguist i am incapable of explaining a grammar item without also explaining a little bit about human grammar itself. whoops 😉

so, as i’ve implied in the title, words can differ in multiple ways; for くれる and もらう, we’re interested in their grammatical (or “syntactic”) difference as well as their semantic difference. grammar, as i’m sure you know, refers to the structure of language, including word order, word movement, and stuff like that. in this case (くれる/もらう), we’re going to be mainly concerned with particles, an integral part of japanese syntax. so keep that in mind.

semantics, on the other hand, is something you might not be as familiar with (or at least not outside the phrase “just semantics”). semantics basically refers to the meaning of a word or phrase, notably without social context. to give an american english example, the words “you guys” and “y’all” are semantically identical because they both denote the exact same thing: a group of multiple people whom the speaker is addressing. however, any native english speaker can tell you that people do not really use “you guys” and “y’all” interchangeably, largely for social reasons (e.g., where you’re from, your gender identity, etc.).

so, to summarize: grammatical differences are differences in structure, while semantic differences are differences in meaning (without social context). now let’s move on to くれる and もらう!

くれる grammar basics

you might know already that くれる is the japanese “giving” verb. more specifically, it’s the giving verb whose subject isn’t the speaker:

❌ 私が弟にプレゼントをくれた。*

⭕️ 兄が私にプレゼントをくれた。 = my older brother gave me a present.

from these examples, we can deduce two facts about the grammar of くれる:

the giver is marked with が, meaning the giver is the subject.

the recipient is marked with に, meaning the recipient is the indirect object.

these rules apply to くれる used as a solo verb and as an auxiliary (as in 〜てくれる). this grammatical construction is pretty familiar to english speakers, who can say things like “my brother gave a present to me,” mirroring the 兄が私に structure in japanese. english-speakers also might feel like the giver has a more “active” role in the scene, which lends itself well to the giver being the subject.

*in this case, if you were going to use a giving/receiving verb, you would use あげる.

もらう grammar basics

in japanese, もらう is the “receiving” verb, and in fact the only* receiving verb: there is no out-group/in-group distinction here like there is with くれる. let’s look at some examples:

❓ 私に弟がプレゼントをもらった。 = ?my little brother got a present from me.

⭕️ 私が兄にプレゼントをもらった。 = i got a present from my older brother.

the first example, marked with ❓, is not technically grammatically incorrect (as far as i know), but it is sort of awkward, just like in english. the second example, on the other hand, shows us exactly what we need to know about the grammar of もらう:

the giver is marked with に**, meaning the giver belongs to a prepositional phrase.

the recipient is marked with が, meaning the recipient is the subject.

are you seeing an important difference between もらう and くれる? you probably noticed: while the subject of a くれる phrase is the giver, the subject of a もらう phrase is the recipient. this makes it really obvious that くれる is about someone giving something to someone else, while もらう is about someone receiving something from someone else.

as with くれる, the above rules apply to もらう as a solo verb and the 〜てもらう auxiliary construction.

*in this post, i’m ignoring 敬語, so technically there are indeed other receiving verbs (like いただく), but only as far as formalities go.

**the giver in a もらう sentence can technically also be marked with から, but i don’t feel like that’s very common to see.

the semantics of くれる and もらう

let’s compare the two correct examples from the above sections:

兄が私にプレゼントをくれた。 = my older brother gave me a present.

私が兄にプレゼントをもらった。 = i got a present from my older brother.

now, imagine a scene on a stage where no words are spoken: someone labeled 兄 mutely hands a wrapped gift box to another person labeled 私, and then the curtain falls. how would you describe that scene you just saw—using the first sentence, with くれる? or using the second sentence, with もらう?

if your answer was “i don’t know,” or maybe “what’s the difference,” then you’ve actually hit upon something really important about くれる and もらう! while certain social implications might be different between the two verbs (e.g., was 私 expecting to get a present?), the semantics of くれる and もらう in this construction are functionally identical. remember, semantics ignores social context, so whatever the particular circumstances of this gift-giving scene, the fact remains that a present changes hands from 兄 to 私, which can be accurately described by either the first example sentence or the second. to put it simply, the constructions XがYにZをくれる and XにYがZをもらう mean the same thing! it’s easy to remember that way, right?

summary!

so, we’ve looked at the grammatical differences and the semantics differences (or lack thereof) between くれる and もらう. here they are:

in くれる sentences, the subject (marked with が) is the giver. in もらう sentences, the subject (marked with が) is the recipient. 

in くれる sentences, に marks the recipient. in もらう sentences, に marks the giver. this means that the grammatical (particle) structure of くれる and もらう sentences is reversed.

the constructions XがYにZをくれる and XにYがZをもらう are semantically identical, i.e., they mean the same thing. this is true of sentences where くれる and もらう stand alone and sentences where they are auxiliaries following the 〜て form of another verb.

and that’s that! obviously there are always exceptions and complications to rules, but i hope that my explanation of these two words has been helpful for you. i spent a long time not understanding how to use もらう since it didn’t really feel like anything we had in english, but once i learned exactly how it was related to くれる, i think started to get the hang of it—and i bet you can too!

as a final note: if people are interested in more posts about もらう (which i have personally found is the trickiest for english speakers), i might have a post about semantic-passive もらう coming down the pipeline, so keep your eyes peeled! またね！！

[terresdebrume]

Not gonna derail the post that prompted this bc it's about a specific person dying but also anyone that tells you bigotry is going to die with old people is either naive or lying

Yesterday I snapped at my year 8 students because I heard one too many "You're so gay 🤢" comments and I was just like 'You guys know I'm gay, how do you think it makes me feel? How do you think it'll make your gay friends feel?" The fact that I can even say it and not be worried about consequences is a privilege.

A couple weeks ago, I was rearranging the stickers I use to mark which nursery students are present/absent, and as I dealt with one of the two black kids' pictures my student Am., 6 years old, just spontaneously informed me that she did not like black people. I asked if it meant she didn't like the twins because they're black and she said yes. I had a talk with her and went around the reception & nursery teachers to let them know what happened to keep an eye out for the twins, but still. Fucking six.

And then two weeks ago, we were doing an exercise with my y7 where they asked each other about their respective families:

Si., not black: what's your father's name?

Now, I immediately scolded Si., because it wasn't the first time we'd had to have a conversation about how this class treats So. (the boys who get called out often used to automatically go 'So. also makes noise!' every time and at some point I called out the pattern) which has done her real harm already since a bunch of teachers told me she was overreacting and oversensitive, but honestly, since I got the boys to cut the shit out, she's been a lot calmer and relaxed in my class.

So., black: [answers]

Si.: I didn't think you had one.

And the irony is that Si. also suffers from general bigotry bc I'm fairly sure that he has ADHD and the fact that he is incapable of staying calm/quiet makes his life very difficult with his class, but apparently his parents refuse to consider it as a possibility.

Bigotry is not dead. Bigotry will not die, or at least not of old age. Parents teach it to their kids. Parents are doing it to their kids, which is a more insidious way of teaching it. Don't believe anyone who tells you the kids are gonna fix the world without any help or input from us.

[lakesbian]

ok my brain Definitely isn't going to sop in any words if i try reading so i went back up to the start of 1.7 and i'll try later but here's my present scan of the blake thorburn psychological complex. he's, as we have previously covered on the pact time hour, a guy who is sooo distressed by not having clear bodily autonomy & physical + psychological identity--due both to previously discussed prior traumas, i.e homelessness, presumed prometheus event*, generally shitty childhood &c + previous & currently encroaching consumption/erasure of his identity by family legacy/by what he's 'supposed to be' under that legacy (rose?). and he responds to this matter by aggressively bolstering the identity he has constructed for himself--cf. 'would literally rather bleed than not shave and fail to maintain his physical identity.' i think when he says all this:

“There were worse days.  Days I’m probably never going to talk to you about.  Or tell anyone about, even if some people close to me maybe put some of the puzzle pieces together.  I’m not aiming for pity here, I don’t want it.  I don’t want to use this for leverage to win an argument.  What I was going to say was that I’ve been through stuff, before any of this, and I made it this far with my instincts.  I can’t and won’t abandon them.”

there is obviously the surface level train of thought he has going here that's "i'm only alive because of my own instincts and my own ability to take care of myself" -> "i can only rely on myself because i'm the only one i can trust to have my back" -> "i would be abandoning my only protection if i didn't rely solely upon myself unless i have literally no choice but to request help." but i think there's also a deeper facet to his control issues where he views giving up any inch of his autonomy over his own decision-making as abandoning an aspect of himself (the language 'abandon' is used!), as allowing his identity to be eroded by forces beyond his control. hence why he's like "Please please for the love of fucking god compromise with me" & then thinks "compromise" means "you compromise by agreeing to do exactly what I want and I compromise by undergoing the mortifying ordeal of having experienced slight resistance to my idea." this is not the first time he's steamrolled over rose because he perceives having to answer to another person wrt his decisions abt his own safety as a threat to his identity & it will not be the last ♥

from, like, the gender aspect of things, i imagine rose is used to being trampled over by men who are very deeply convinced they Know Better, and blake is very used to being a guy who thinks he knows what's best for him + cannot possibly trust anyone else to know. they're both in a situation where if the decisions they make as a team aren't right they're both kicking the bucket (or experiencing something Worse than kicking the bucket), but blake is very materially the one with more power & final decision-making capability, which sucks for him and sucks even more for rose. i'd say that i think tensions are going to keep rising over it, but i actually think it's more likely that it's just going to result in blake doing something which engenders Dire Consequences for him before the tension can reach a boiling point. rose's assessment that there's no room to fuck around and find out without Bad Things Happening is accurate--the horrors are not going to politely wait for him to sort his shit out.

anyway. tl;dr the fact that he is literally psychologically incapable of tolerating someone fairly calmly critiquing an action he took after the fact--not even stopping him from doing it, because she can't, but just critiquing it--means that he is going to continue having a bad time hanging out with her, a badder time making reasonable decisions (two heads are better than one and he is only using the one), and a baddest time experiencing the consequences of his actions

hmm. actually talked myself into having an alright understanding of the start of the chapter. fine i'll keep reading

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Had to share this with you because I was looking at the quotes on this post and this one gave me a big laugh. This is exactly how you describe how solos see their bias vs other members. And I don’t understand how they don’t realize how insulting this is to Jimin, the idea that he would be so loyal and affectionate towards people who, according them, treat him like trash. But this was seriously so funny. (Like even Jhope who they token stan now? 😭)

https://x.com/diorstear/status/1709969755115811065?s=20

***

Your link.

I mean, where do you even begin with people who are incapable of realizing the implications of what they’re saying? When I say solo stans literally lack ordered thinking beyond the 1st, this is exactly what I mean.

You know what I find most amusing though? I joined Tumblr in 2021, so just before Chapter 2 started. And the topics that dominated here were people speaking lowly of those “chart-obsessed ARMYs”, about those “infantilizing k-pop idols”, about how people should watch full unedited original content, about how k-pop fans shouldn’t have a saviour complex, about the privilege BTS have as Korean men, about how toxic fans lean into parasocial attachments in k-pop, about fans lacking boundaries, etc… This was the dominant discourse in this space always said in a tone where the people in these fringe spaces relative to the main OT7 ones, felt they were above all that. Only for Chapter 2 to start and almost every single one has done an aboutface.

Now practically all these people are significantly much more chart-obsessed than any chartmy I’ve seen ever, it’s like they picked up the tactics (the how) without any understanding of the why, when, and where ARMYs employed those tactics, and intensified it. These are the people now hyping up edits that victimize their fave, constantly wanting to play saviour and inserting themselves into the relationships between the members to assume malice, envy, or hate, all to further the idea that everyone in the group hates their fave, is using them for their own selfish needs, and only their fave is the most selfless sacrificial lamb for the ‘temporary experiment’ that is BTS. In spite of all the footage we have, in spite of what their supposed sacrificial lamb has said and keeps saying… in spite of everything, they choose to insult their fave all in a bid to justify their hate of the rest.

It’s amusing to me because everybody else can tell exactly what this is. We all know the types of groups of people, across various backgrounds, cultures, religions, times, who fall into these exact kind of thought patterns. I promise you, for solo stans it doesn’t just end in k-pop - their underlying beliefs extend to how they see the world at large. And that’s how I know there’s nothing to be done for people like this unless they completely detach. They’ve become too sucked in and are the sorts for whom k-pop will consume everything about them. But that same reason is why they won’t leave, and will only become more and more toxic, further poisoning their own experience within fandom and that of everyone who comes into contact with them.

I keep saying, for BTS, the people who think the least about their faves are their solo stans. And over the three-ish years I’ve been answering asks in this space, it’s clear PJMs are no exception.

Thankfully, Jimin remains fairly insulated from the madness that happens in fandom. He’s focused on advancing his career and all the guys constantly remind everybody that they are in fact in this together and they intend to keep it that way. Speaking of which, Taehyung hyping up 3D was so cute! The way he was saying he loved it almost made me rethink my initial view of the song. And while 3D is growing on me (tbf), I still want to hear more from JK, something that actually wows me. Fingers crossed at least one of the new 8 tracks has something there for me.

Lol anyway thanks (kinda) for sending me that, it did make me chuckle. I say kinda because while it’s a tweet that does prove my point about how akgaes view their fave, I didn’t feel it was worth it seeing the extent of their abuse of other members in the quotes. All of their talking points I’ve heard before and so I’m not sensitive to it, but it’s still kinda unpleasant to see these people be extremely abusive to the members completely unprovoked. It’s like entering a den filled with raving, unwashed lunatics looking for anything to tear apart.

Just unpleasant. So I’d prefer if next time, rather than show and tell with a link, you just describe what you mean without a link to that insanity.

**EDIT: I just realized I only talked about the quotes without addressing the underlying clip and someone who perhaps hasn't watched the original full clip could be wondering why I'm okay with the other six members 'ganging up' on Jimin...

I've actually talked about what happened in that clip on my blog before, and it was in the context of how Yoongi supports Jimin in BTS. For anyone who wants to watch the full thing to reach their own conclusions, the source is from BTS's Festa 2016 dinner. I've linked the Bantan Subs version with English subtitles here:

*

In my Masterlist post where I talk about hate in the BTS fandom, I refer to clips exactly like what PJMs are spreading now to victimize Jimin and incite hatred on other members. Every. Single. Member in BTS has clips like that about them, where they're being immature or cattish, towards the others. Including Jimin. It's an age-old akgae tactic to add up these clips into compilations to create a narrative about their chosen member, it's exactly what shippers do as well and taekookers are the worst offenders, and is also the reason why ARMYs keep insisting that new fans go back to BTS's old content and watch all of it in full. If you're educating yourself on BTS based on clips circulated by akgaes or shippers you've already lost the plot.

[nofuturecomic]

Chapter 15 behind the scenes!!

As usual there will be spoilers for chapter 15 of No Future.

I kind of can't believe I managed to do 48 chapters of this (so far) that's almost 2300 pages x.x with an average of 4 - 5 panels a page, do you know how many times I have had to draw Andrew and company?? And I'm not even close to finished ._.

Anyway for this cover we got Lorelei, Lorelei is unfortunately a character that took a long time for me to be able to draw consistently x.x I'm really not sure why she gave me so much trouble but it was a problem for a while. Though I think I've got the hang of drawing them by now 40 chapters later (at least I hope)

Era explaining how gods can just casually erase themselves from photos while harassing Osiris.

I really need to go back and make Osiris's hair poofier in this scene, it was much more everywhere in the sketch but for whatever reason I toned it down in the finished version? I'm not sure why actually?? But I remember not really liking the end result of that panel and feeling like I could have done better after posting it. I was really feeling that 'erasing the image from existence' energy Osiris was feeling I guess.

Abaddon jump scaring Andrew again.

Andrew is truly a wordsmith.

This scene was a lot of fun to do, despite how tedious that balcony was to draw in every panel. At this point I was defiantly used to Era and Aeon's characters so they became far easier for me to work with both in concerns to writing and drawing. Working with them was very natural at this point so I think a lot of their scenes where they are together turn out better now than they did in earlier chapters.

I messed up on Lorelei's height trying to get the door frame in the panel so the visuals for the gag would work better. I tend to focus on one detail at a time instead of the whole picture x.x so I run into a lot of mistakes like this when going through pages. The consequences of being the only person working on a project I suppose.

"Andrew is smart" was a plot twist for readers just as much as it was for Era and Aeon.

Also this scene made a few readers think that Lorelei was into Osiris, she isn't, at least, not like that. She just got focused enough on what he wrote on the board to inquire about it, she's just like that. Unfortunately this does not apply very often for things that pop up in school so she some subjects she's in the below average version of the classes. She has learning disabilities, she mentions so later in the comic, but that doesn't make her incapable of learning, just things have to specifically interest her for her to want to learn about it.

This was kinda of a thing for me too, a lot of people I know think I'm smart, or must have done well in school because I just... remember the most random facts and can bring them up in a conversation, but then they are always really shocked to learn that actually, I did not do well in school and was often in the below average classes. There's a very specific stereotype of kids that are in those classes that is really unfair, and I generally wanted to give a more accurate example of some of the kids that do end up in classes like that.

I enjoy how completely unbothered Lorelei is with Era's comments and just works with them.

Era please.

Aeon please.

This chapter was fairly straight forward compared to other recent chapters, from beginning to end we remained in the same location despite the topics of conversation jumping from one things to another.

Sometimes comic chapters will jump around to all kinds of different scenes, and sometimes it'll just stick to one, both a great as long as your readers are still engaged I think. Just do whatever your story needs for you to tell it.

[savesharkwars]

A swim in the red ocean.

Lochlan goes for a swim.

Shark Wars???? Shark Wars :)

This doubles as a test to see if I can write Australian accents lol.

ALSO, most of the character dynamics and magic stuff in this is probably not gonna make ANY sense AT ALL if you haven’t read the series. So… sorry about that lol.

TW: Blood and violence. (But a lot less extreme than the books, which, being made for fourth graders, make this totally appropriate to have on Scratch.) Words: 1,860

(Fic and end notes under the cut.)

Lochlan shook his fins out and sighed, floating down to the seabed as the last quickfin sped away. Next to him, Kendra glanced over, a shock of worry on her face. “Are you alright?” She whispered, her white tipped tail swiping from side to side a bit quicker than normal.

He nodded, but didn’t make any attempt to rise from the ground, he was tired . Finnivus and the Black Wave were fast approaching, Vortex and Hammer Shivers were still refusing to contact him, and Gray’s training didn’t seem to be progressing fast enough to keep him safe. What else was he, a fairly young shark and- may he remind himself- a very new leader of the shiver, meant to do in this situation? Sure, he wasn’t incapable of leading (he had always had a knack of such things), but sometimes just being good at something wasn’t enough.

He was dragged out of his thoughts as Kendra brushed her fin over his spine. “Don’t lie to me,” she said softly, “I can see that somethin's clearly wrong.” (And by her voice, he could tell she was worried about the fact that other AuzyAuzy sharks could too.)

Remembering his duty to keep his subjects encouraged, Lochlan forced himself to rise, floating back into an attention hover and instantly reveling in the clear water in his gills. (There was a current through the clearing, but it kicked up sand when you were too close to the seabed.) “-’m just tired, that's all,” he lied, “I’ve been hovering all day, I haven't even had the time to hunt.”

“I can get ya some fish,” she pointed out. Then she paused and glanced around herself, “But you’d probably have ta wait until the rest of your line’s back from the greenie.” 

In her silence he heard her reasoning, “So that someone’s nearby if you get attacked.”

He shook his head and tried to look strong, “I’ll hunt for myself,” she looked at him worriedly, “But I’d let you go with me if you want.”

She flicked her tail dismissively, “No, you can go by yerself if you want, but you should still wait ‘till the rest of the line’s back.”

For what felt like the millionth time that day, he nodded. And when she grinned back at him, sharp teeth shining ever so slightly in the clear water, he let his mind drift. (Though he was sure to stay in a hover this time.)

Finnivius and the Black Wave were going to attack any day now, and though Lochlan felt that he could lead the charge, something in his belly seemed to be fighting to let him know that such an idea might not end well. …or maybe that was just him being hungry.

…

He hoped it was just him being hungry.

Shocking him out of his thoughts came a high pitched snicker as Jaunt (along with the others in the line) swam into the king’s room. They looked like they had been having a good time, but when Jaunt looked over at Loch (their eyes meeting and staying on each other for a moment), he couldn’t force a smile to keep that good mood going. 

“Ar’ ya allrigh' Loch?” She asked, her tail speeding up slightly as she changed her pace and swam toward him. She looked worriedly for a second before Lochlan managed to  force a brave face.

“Yeah, ‘m fine, just a bit hungry, that’s all.” Kendra opened her mouth to contradict him, but Loch slapped her side with his tail, (it was no use seeing your leader weak right before a battle.), “I was just gonna go hunting actually.”

“Ah! Sorry ‘bout not bringin’ you some fish!” Jaunt exclaimed, apparently not noticing (or at the very least, pretending not to notice) the interaction that Kendra and Loch had just had, “We were just huntin’, we coulda got you some.”

Xander swam up from behind Jaunt and dropped a small brown fish from his mouth. He looked sheepishly up at Lochlan. “I was gonna have this later, but you can have it if you want.”

The golden great white shook his head, “No, you can have it, I wanted to clear my head anyway.”

With that, he slapped his tail against the water and sped away. (Though he could hear Jaunt’s loud voice cut through the water with something like, “What got him so worked up?” even as the cool currents of the open ocean began to drag at his skin.) He felt bad for leaving so abruptly, but he really was hungry, and he really did need to clear his head. (If he had stayed in the war-council-room any longer, he was pretty sure his gills would’ve just ripped themselves out.)

As soon as the shimmering columns of the sunken landshark city were beginning to blur in the water, he let the electric tingles in his skull come to the forefront of his focus. Every shark had this ‘sixth sense’ but not many of them were as attuned to it as he was. (Hey, just because he had been one of Takiza’s worst students didn’t mean that he had been completely hopeless.) Using his sense, he was able to ‘see’ a large fish off to his side, and by the vague shape in his mind, it wasn’t one of the sentient ones. 

Excited to eat something good, he almost let out a cheer, but quickly cut himself off as he remembered that the fish would swim away if it thought it was in danger. He let his focus go back into his eyes as quickly as he could, and turned toward the fish in a way that he hoped was stealthy. There was no greenie to hide him here, and his golden color had never really been an advantage for hiding in the open ocean. (He might have to use speed over smarts to catch this fish afterall.)

He swam forward a few tailstrokes, and instantly spotted the fish. It was swimming normally, so even though it was all by itself in a place that he wouldn’t normally expect to see that sort of fish alone, he was fairly sure it was fine to eat. He held back the urge to grind his teeth together (in anticipation of course), and instead glided forward as motionlessly and silently as he could manage.

The fish flitted about with careful flicks of its fins, and Lochlan could tell that it was fast even as he crept closer. Fortunately though (or unfortunately, if you were on the fish’s side), it didn’t notice him until it was far too late.

With a single bite, the fish was gone and Lochlan was on the prowl again. (The fish had been large-ish, but even though he was a young shark, Lochlan was still a great white and needed a bit more than one large-ish fish to feed him.)

But this time, when he extended the strange electric sense, something other than a fish fizzled into his view. Sharkkind. But not just any sharkkind, these sharks were finja, and by the speed at which they were coming towards him, he could only assume they were not on his side. He probably could have tried to fight them, but despite being a physically strong shark, he wasn’t stupid, so he turned and swam as fast as he could back the way he came.

Why had he swum this far out? He screamed at himself, eyes widening as he saw just how far away he was from the sunken city. It would have been easily reachable if he was being chased by pretty much any sharks but finja, but this class of sharks had the sort of power that Takiza hadn’t taught him. The power to control the currents . Sure, they weren’t anywhere near as good at using this power as someone like Takiza, but they certainly knew it better than Lochlan . (And he was still tired, which didn’t help much either.)

They were gaining on him.

He had to make a decision, continue trying to make the unlikely swim back to safety (and to the guards that he definitely should have brought with him) but leave his tail open to be torn off, or turn and face two to three invisible finja all by himself on an empty stomach. Neither of them sounded like good options, but as he felt the electric buzzing of a mako shark right by his tail, he decided he would rather go out kicking.

He spun around and snapped his jaws at where his tail had just been. Somehow, he actually managed to hit something, and a surprised yelp and a cloud of blood suddenly shone in the water. ‘Good,’ he thought, semi hysterically, ‘Now I’ll know where that one is when they try to tear my fins off next time,’

He let the buzzing of electricity become his focus once more, and immediately had to dive straight down to avoid a hammerhead finja taking his dorsal fin clear off. Retaliating, he spun and chased after it, trying to bite their tail and missing by an urchin spine and the mako finja rammed him from the side. He wasn’t sure why it didn’t bite, and he was pretty sure that they didn’t know either, but he lunged to bite them again anyway.

His teeth met soft flesh again, and another blush of blood tainted the water as the mako shrieked again. “Go home!” Lochlan shouted, backing up slightly to get the taste of blood out of his gills, “I don’t want to have to kill you!”

The mako must have been new to the killing job, so they only hesitated for a moment before speeding away, their invisibility flickering as they got farther away from the bloody waters. But of course the hammerhead didn’t leave, and Lochlan took a small scratch to his side as he darted just barely out of the way of what would have been a bite to the gills. 

He returned the move, and got a chunk of disgusting flesh in his mouth as payback. The hammerhead did not make a sound, but clearly stuttered in their confidence for a moment as their invisibility flickered off. (No point in using the power if the blood would give them away anyway.)

Loch did not attempt to attack them again though, and instead executed a flawless run-away move as he returned to his race towards the landshark city. For a moment the hammerhead was too stunned to chase him, and that moment was all Lochlan needed to get close enough to the city for a patrol to spot his mad swim to safety. 

Immediately the sharks swam toward him, at first they went slowly with confused looks on their faces. But then, probably recognizing where the all-too-potent blood smell was coming from, they sped as fast as they could. In an instant, the patrol rushed past him, and the hammerhead finja turned and raced the other way. (The current momentarily tugged at his scales a bit harder, and then was nearly still.)

There was silence for a moment.

And then Lochlan laughed.

-

I wrote this for Scratch Writing Camp July 2022 lol. So... here's the scratch discuss version: https://scratch.mit.edu/discuss/topic/614334/?page=1#post-6428185

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Also, here are my thoughts on the "p-zombie" issue that comes up when you compare consciousness to consciousness (in some circles, anyway)

[spoilers]

more In a certain sense, I think the p-zombie picture actually supports rather than undermines my original position, although only on fairly strong assumptions about what "consciousness" and "p-zombies" actually mean. In other words, when we say someone is conscious, what we generally mean is that they feel qualia, or have mental states which are in principle describable by some kind of theory which attributes qualia to their states (or something like that). So in a way, the p-zombie picture actually fits in well with my original view, which says that what really matters about "consciousness" is these mental states qua mental states: a system which looks and acts like a human but lacks consciousness just because it has a computer program which, when run, simulates the behavior of a human -- is not in principle describable in a way that can be distinguished from a human, and its mental states simply aren't states.

In the usual way of talking about zombies, the trouble is that a program is a finite amount of information (assuming our brains work by finite means), and hence "consciousness" is the kind of thing that a person actually has or has potential to actually have, but can't have solely because they lack one or more of the features that it looks like it requires.

A more "physicalist" view would say that the problem is that you just can't usefully say anything about the physical structure of a person at all. (As is often mentioned, zombies are an example of the fact that physicalism does not imply the existence of souls or other personal characteristics. For a "realist" physicalist, souls just are the souls of conscious people.) I don't take this view -- after all, I think that even if consciousness is the only thing that matters about a person, "what kinds of people there are" is still a real thing that has to be taken into account.

Anyway, I think this is a little confused because the term "consciousness" isn't even particularly informative as we usually use it. "Zombie" is a word that just refers to a certain kind of entity, not to the type of entities that we want to talk about when we want to talk about consciousness. There are many conceivable "zombies" which are totally conscious, and conversely, there are numerous conceivable kinds of consciousness which are totally absent from physicalist formulations of consciousness.

The trouble is that when we talk about consciousness in non-philosophy circles, we tend to talk about things that are even more abstract than the usual kind of physicalist "zombies." In this way, we might say "X is conscious" when X is, well, literally just a copy of the original Y whose mental states we actually talk about. We can't tell the difference, so it just counts as "Y" rather than "X."

That makes sense (if we imagine the person "Y" to have the same physical structure as "X"), but it's not especially intuitive, and it doesn't have much of a theoretical place in the way we talk about consciousness, and it does seem to make consciousness "not even a real thing." "Not even a real thing," or "nonsense." But of course we say things like "Y was conscious," so clearly we're still talking about a real thing.

And the "zombies" (I guess) that we normally talk about when we're talking about "consciousness" don't seem to really correspond to that sort of thing -- it seems like the difference is mostly one of scale. Most people who are conscious can't tell you anything about the internal state of a zombie -- what does it "feel like" to be a zombie, if anything? It's hard to be a zombie that I know of because I know how being conscious actually feels. A zombie has no such inner "life" to draw on, and therefore is incapable of telling me that it is conscious. When I imagine a being like this, I tend to be somewhat nonplussed. But we know it isn't literally impossible -- there is a human out there, or a bunch of humans and we don't know which one it is, who are like this. So there must be something that makes them not feel like they're zombies. How can we say they are?

Maybe one could try to argue that the zombie view is true after all, because in fact you can't talk about the internal experiences of a person without talking about that person really having an internal experience in the first place, and these experiences really exist in the person even when the person is a zombie. (That seems to be the standard view that is held by certain philosophers.) I don't think this would work, but I'll leave it as one of the possibilities, as it happens.

So the fact that some sort of experience is shared by people even though they can't have it in the same way (but of course, also in the same quantity) is a crucial point in the discussion, but this kind of stuff just doesn't map very well onto the usual p-zombie picture, and is not really talked about in those terms. As a result, when we are talking about "consciousness" with ordinary people, it seems natural to assume that we are actually not talking about what we call "consciousness." So people say things like:

"What you call 'consciousness' is just mental content. Zombies have no mental content. Consciousness in this sense is non-physical."

It's hard to say why this is so confusing, I guess. I think it's just that people are used to discussing consciousness in a way that seems very "metaphysical," as in "metaphysics" the study of what stuff actually is in the world, and really not a "theoretical model." So when people say "I am not conscious!" they mean something like "I am literally not doing what I usually do when I think about consciousness," whereas the sort of p-zombie thing is very much something like a theoretical model that says that no one would be conscious if this sort of thing really did take place, and this sort of thing does take place.

That's what I think has been getting confused in the whole "zombie debate," though I'm not an expert on it and am speaking more as an outsider looking in. (Although I've done a lot of thinking about this stuff, I guess because it's relevant to some of my thoughts about the way the world works. I'd be interested to see if anyone reading this would be able to tell from the outside what it is about my position that makes it so confusing, and if they can, I'd appreciate a reply.)

[battleczar]

Okay, I saw your comment to that post about women calling yourself lesbians even though they "used to be" hetero or bi, and it resonated with me so much. Like, I'm a part of one chat of women who are lesbian-separatists, but it turned out there are "formal" bi and hetero women there. Now, I'm totally cool with women getting rid of men in their lives, honestly, I think that's amazing. But then again, we had a big discussion about them being "formal" bi and hetero women and the term "political lesbian" had appeared a lot in our discussion. Honestly, they were saying that every woman can choose just to be a lesbian, but i dunno, it doesn't felt right for me either. It just feels unfair and wrong because us, lesbians, have a lot of expirience that is not the same as hetero and bi women expirience, and I somehow feel like iwe're just being erased by this. However, I am also struggling with finding any good researches about women being born lesbians on a biological level, moreover, I only found a few researches about "gay gene" being a myth. Maybe you happen to have any good sources about being born a lesbian? Even though I am a lesbian and have been one my whole life, I'm so confused, like, I feel like I want to talk more about it and come to some sort of conclusion here, but a rational one, so I could prove my point to other women too. I just don't know where to find good sources to prove that I was indeed born a lesbian, that there are biological reasons and that sexuality is not a social construct or something like that.

As far as I’m aware, there’s not a lot of scientific research on the nature of homosexuality that wasn’t conducted from a religious or exterminary perspective. I simply take the body of evidence that stretches back centuries as enough – millennia of a small part of every population saying “I’m only attracted to those of my own sex,” no matter the social or political consequences or atmosphere. We’ve always been here, in every culture, and to me that’s fairly conclusive evidence that sexual orientation is inborn, not culturally taught.

I understand what political lesbians are trying to do and in theory I support any woman who is trying to center women in her life. But it’s deeply offensive to me for OSA women to appropriate terminology that homosexual women are already struggling to keep protected and respected. Men already hear “lesbian” and think “A woman who could still possibly get with men.” And the fact that political lesbians don’t just stop at appropriating the word – they justify their appropriation by telling us that our sexual orientation doesn’t really exist anyway. “We’re all a little bi,” “Sexuality is so socialized and complicated that we can’t really tell what anybody’s natural orientation is anyway,” all so clearly saying “I’m not gay and I don’t understand what it feels like to be gay.”

Homosexuality is not a political stance. For lesbianism specifically, the fact that we are incapable of willfully doing much of what the patriarchy demands of women means that our lives are highly politicized, and we are seen as disobedient and rebellious. I wonder if political lesbians are envious of that perceived rebelliousness. That’s the only reason I can think of for why they’re so obsessed with pretending to be us. So obsessed with figuring out a way to turn our reality into their philosophy.

[akria23]

Let me start of by saying that this series shaping up to be everything I wanted and yet better than I ever expected. There’s so much on the table that can be discussed, that should be discussed. It saddens me that the piece isn’t getting the attention it deserves but even if every BL fan was tuning in I’d still think it wasn’t getting enough attention because the topics are universal. I won’t say that Not Me is above BL or different from Bl because I feel that is reductive and disrespectful to the work creators & actors have placed in transforming BL from what it once was. Instead I’ll say that I’m just happy that BL has grown into really presenting queer identities and that Bl has grown it’s craft of story telling so much that queer identities within it get to represent these universal topics of life, struggle, freedom and justice. Same with the Romance Genre - I will not cheapen it by speaking down on it or trying to separate & place these other elements above it when romance is the most adaptable genre out there. Romance is supposed to make you feel good - that’s what it exist for. And that’s a huge part of Not Me - they take on such big topics that highlight the everyday struggle for many of us but when we get those moments of Sean & White together, even in their intense exchange, there’s something light there that makes the view feel giddy and good as it’s supposed to. So all the elements are important even if I don’t focus on them in every ‘after episode’ post.

Alright so let’s discuss the episode….

The topic that arced the entirety of this episode was Privilege. [ Just to note - Privilege is defined as a special right, advantage, or immunity granted to a certain person or particular group. ] and they did this in a couple of different ways presenting it through the lens of class, position, and disability.

We find out this episode that Yok’s mom is mute and she loses a position of employment because the employer discovered she’s mute and is uncomfortable about the aspect. Unfortunately this is not uncommon there are many people who act like those who have a disability are a burden. There’s many jobs that legally slide in ways to discriminate against those with disabilities so they will be unable to apply or fairly be considered for a job. Even outside the aspect of work there’s still so many establishments not set up for those with disabilities and those without most often give no thought to how much privilege this fact gives them. I appreciate them not for just this element but simply having representation for the mute community at all - because that’s also something that’s not in abundance even though there are many people who are apart of the mute and deaf community. I don’t believe his mother is deaf, they only mentioned her inability to speak and she uses her hands (sign language) as her way of communication. I know some might think they go hand in hand cause I’ve seen ppl on Twitter switch them out but the inability to talk doesn’t automatically go hand in hand with being hard of hearing or deaf. One can be mute and hearing, one can be deaf or hard of hearing and speak also. Often times it’s all about what training / teachings they’ve had. I also love the fact that they highlighted the concept that while you may want to shield them , being mute or deaf does not make one incapable. Yok’s mom can still work, can function the way everyone else does, the only difference is that her way of communicating is different from the average speaking person. People with disabilities, their life doesn’t start and end with that disability they are not beneath you in any way shape or form.

The episodes topic was once again highlighted through expression of art. Dan did a piece called Dance of Privilege wherein privileged government officials danced freely with much space atop a contraption with many everyday people compacted below. The joy of the few at the price of many. The painting itself not only speaks to the episodes theme but they also used it’s creation scene to juxtapose White’s own monologue of self-reflection as he comes to terms with his own privilege. Which was a beautiful result as we’re left with this raw emotionalism. The pain and the anger spilling from White as he fights this internal battle externally through the punching bag all the while we get this mix of calmness, a reality that is already known and accepted but still fought against through Dan’s way. That calmness heightens the emotionalism that White is expressing and yet just as impactful as the scene finishes on the completion of the work.

A large part of the episode was about White coming to the realization of his own privilege. Usually when you’re of a privilege you don’t understand it until you step out of it or are explained about it. Because you’re just going about your daily life most ppl don’t think about what advantages they have and how those advantages harm the ones who don’t have them. He even goes through 4 of the 5 stages of grief - denial, anger, depression and acceptance - technically I could argue bargaining too cause he def intentionally messed up that test question just to see if there was a real case of privilege only to be shown that there was and then move on to anger. It’s another bout of him confronting his self identity. This whole time he believed himself to be working as part of the solution. He believed that these ideals that he built he could just go in and do work and the world would mirror that. It’s not just his privilege hitting him it’s also the reality of working inside the system instead of against it. He has these ideals and values and he thinks he’ll just implement them and make change and his father keeps trying to force him to see the truth that in these positions your job isn’t to help people, it’s to seem like you are and do want to help people (the everyday man) but in reality you’re doing everything for the benefit of those already in power. You can have an opposing opinion or idea but that doesn’t mean you should ever feel bold enough to try to impose it. So he’s really seeing that even the ways he has been building his life and possible career and just the blind naivety really is showing that he’s more part of the problem than being the solution he thought he was.

This realization is imperative to his growth. For him to really be able to come to terms and start to ‘do the work’ the bubble that he��s encompassed himself in has to be burst and he has to be left exposed to rebuild a better more self aware, conscious and intentional foundation. If you’re wearing blinders that help you not see the struggles of others (willful ignorance) then you are certainly blind to their needs and unable to fight with or for them or stop the harm you yourself are helping pass to others.

I think this also has to do with Sean - not that Sean lacks understanding of privilege, he clearly feels the struggle of his own disadvantages def in comparison of someone like Black/White. I’m speaking to a part of his obsession with Black’s change. More than anyone in the crew Sean seems to really be stuck on & affected by the fact that Black wanted to leave the crew. Like I said before, it’s easy to judge the actions of someone fighting the system when you’re not the one being harmed or when you just don’t care and White has sat in upper class privilege for so long that he falls into that category. He knew the plan was for him to come to Thailand and become a diplomat but it also seems he didn’t do much research on Thailand or really delve into the struggles of the people most marginalized on the land. He has a very surface level concept of ‘helping’. Which is normal and why I say it’s imperative for him to have that bubble burst and gain self awareness. But because of this it’s clear to those around him that his ideals and drive for the cause is drastically different from Black’s. I think deep down Sean has a secret admiration for Black’s passion, the way he planned their schemes and been such a force in keeping everyone focused on the goal, on top of the fact that the target is someone Sean greatly dislikes. They may not be the best of friends these days, they may all be apart of the team for their own reason but they all still fight for the same agenda. So Black just up and deciding to quit or walk away even for a second is so jarring to Sean that he can’t let it go because that’s not the Black he knows for sure. And that’s in large the gist in the question to his…?girlfriend? - the “Could you imagine ever coming to me and saying that you quit graffiti because its bad?” To which she of course verifies that no she wouldn’t and he gives a noncommittal agreement (right). In his mind the Black he knows is even more impassioned about his cause, as gumpa states - Black doesn’t even fear death. He’s a perfectionist and demands the same of everyone else in the crew. Someone like that doesn’t just up and quit his cause. So it’s not these small differences that really leaving White exposed, these things are able to be explained away, it’s the fact that he doesn’t yet understand or believe in his brothers ideology.

I think by the end of the series White will be able to understand and even appreciate that he may have entered the group to help his brother but in doing so, in stepping into his brother shoes, so to speak, allowed him to grow a more rounded perspective than he ever had previously. Right now he thinks he’s living two separate lives with what can seem like two separate realities but both those lives go hand in hand and the more he comes to understand that the position of those at the top affects the lives of those at the bottom and that the actions of those at the bottom are actions of survival the more he can effect real change.

[lupically]

#87B08C | XIAO.

genre | fluff

word count | 1153

warning | mention of suicide

you thought you could outrun xiao.

oh, archons, you have actually gone mental. you thought you could outrun xiao.

"are you okay?"

you pursed your lips together. your ears were still ringing from the fall you sustained after seeing a flash of emerald green—just a flash, like a lightning strike but one that runs across the land instead of the sky. the back of your head banged against the rocky ground when you fell, pain erupting from your skin, but instead of giving yourself a moment to relax, the first thing you had to do was deal with xiao.

xiao, the emerald lighting strike that pushed you onto the ground because he couldn't control his running speed or whatever.

"i don't know, you tell me," you grumbled as you squeezed your eyes shut to suppress the dizziness in your head.

"it doesn't seem like you are. why aren't you standing up?" he asked blankly, standing close to you and looming over your fallen body with curiosity.

you laughed sardonically, your hands curling into little infuriated fists.

knowing him (you did not know him well, but enough to keep yourself out of trouble and for him to want to keep you safe), he probably wasn't trying to be annoying by asking you such an atrocious question.

see, if childe had been the one who said that, it would be easier for you to be rude because he probably meant all the mischief and annoyance in the world. but xiao—a special case, you would say. he genuinely was incapable of understanding why human beings would allow themselves a set back just because of a little fall, just a little pain.

the fact that his inadequacy in empathy was not voluntary was not lost on you. even if you were well-equipped with the ability to verbally strike back, in a way that would confuse him but at least satisfy you, you did not want to blame him for what he didn't choose for himself.

"because it hurts, xiao," you replied honestly. "you are very strong."

he raised his brows with intrigue.

was that a compliment? should he show you gratitude? he imagined how that would be a compliment. people like to hear that they are strong, but that statement was not needed for him. he knows he is strong, he doesn't need other people to reinforce it further for him. but, hearing the way you said it—scruffy and low, a light grumble in your voice, it was likely more an annoyed statement than a compliment.

he watched you silently when you pushed yourself back on your feet and dusted yourself off. you patted your arms, your clothes, and your head, then you looked at him.

xiao stared back at you with equal enthusiasm, which was close to none. but his golden eyes were looking at you, like they have always looked at you, like they were caged to your face and he wasn't able to look away.

when xiao looks at you, he only looks at you. you stand in solitary beneath the brilliant glass of his eyes, and you shiver every time you think about how seen you are just by standing before him.

"what are you staring at?" you asked after a moment, averting your gaze so you wouldn't have to acknowledge yourself in his eyes.

"i'm looking at you," he shrugged, "why did you leave the house and run here? you can't swim, yet you are jumping into the ocean. why?"

you rolled your eyes up at the night sky. a difficult question. how were you supposed to tell xiao, a good friend of yours, that you are trying to go on a suicide run to see if you could head back to earth through death? it was the only method you thought about using, as you have found no traveling portal and nobody with a teleportation power good enough to send you back to your world.

"i was trying to learn how to swim."

"no, you are trying to die."

you pursed your lips awkwardly. even though you two spoke at the same time, and his voice was ultimately much softer than yous, somehow his words overwhelmed your own. perhaps it was because he pulled the terrible truth (well, terrible for him) right out of your lips when you were trying to lie to him.

oh, archons, you have really gone mental. you thought you could lie to xiao?

"well, if you already knew then why–oh, oh, woah?"

your annoyance was cut short when xiao suddenly stepped forward. his movement was rigid; you could tell he was unsure of his action, and neither was he used to it. his arms carefully went around your shoulders, giving you one of the loosest hugs you have ever experienced, and for some reason, he refused to pull away even after seconds passed.

"uhm... okay..." you squeaked out silently, brows furrowed in surprise while your cheeks flushed with a hot blush. "do you–do you need a hug, xiao?"

"no, you need a hug," he said.

you almost breathed out a strangled noise from the back of your throat. you need a hug—of course not! especially not when you stood in comparison to xiao of all people. the boy was touch-starved, in bold and italics! if anybody here needed a hug, it was him, not you!

"actually, i don't need a hug, xiao," you whispered funnily, giving his back a small pat as if urging him to pull away.

he stiffened a little, unsure if he wanted to let go of you yet. the struggle to place that decision was not lost on him; he was never one to initiate skinship, but he knew fairly sure that his refusal to move away was more than just being told by verr that you might need some emotional support.

today was the first time he wasn't able to control his speed. he had not meant to shove you to the ground, but he did nothing but run when he saw you aiming for the ocean. he remembered you said you could not swim.

"okay," he said with a small nod, then he proceeded to stay on his spot. "i think i do, though."

you stopped patting his back. the awkwardness flew like stardust off your bodies, and you softened at his bored yet always gentle voice.

xiao does need a hug. it wouldn't take a genius to figure that out. for someone who has only been bound by chains, it was about time his skin gets the delicacy it deserves.

"okay then," you pressed yourself closer to him and laid your chin on his shoulder, "we hug."

"we hug," he repeated with a faint nod before he leaned his head against your neck, expressionless but filled with warmth.

you smiled.

oh, archons, sometimes you think... maybe you don't want to leave this place at all.