#at ppl without BPD for the most part

[jirai-dirt-2009]

If you think BPD is cute or quirky

I am gonna rip your flesh off

I will curse your blood line

If you think bpd can be formed after childhood or without trauma

I am gonna feed your lungs to river spirits

I will personally tear your brain from your skull to see what’s wrong with it

If you demonize people with BPD

I will dig up your grandma corpse and put it in your soup

I will let my cat eat you alive

If you think people with bpd can do no wrong

I will feed you to the coyotes

I will throw you off an overpass

Pleasseeee pleaseeee pleaseee STOP romanticizing bpd, stop treated people with bpd as demons and stop treating us like permanent victims

Please DO take time and understand that we think VERY differently but also hold us accountable, we don’t need to be treated like babies.

(Side note bc I know ppl are gonna be confused. BPD cannot form in late adulthood at all. BUT bpd can form in childhood then not show up til adulthood. Also duh, bpd is a personality disorder, most cluster -b personality disorders are formed from trauma)

[im0nearth]

🎭HEADCANONS!!

🍇DIONYSUS CABIN🍷

🐆Part one

🫧~ Dionysus kids are rare- like really really rare- especially girls/females.

🫧~ since Dionysus is the strongest Olympian gods in Mythology (physically) most of his kids do tend to get his with super strength

🫧~ unnatural features, like Violet-redish ((like wine)) eyes or mixed colored hair

🫧~ very high metabolism- like- VERY VERY HIGH- so, for one- they tend to eat and drink alot during the day, and two- p0¡s0n, Dr@gs, and alcohol that are used by drinking/eating doesn't effect them

🫧~ it's either too much, or not enough in everything, never can be in between.

🫧~ their emotions can effect ppl around them. For example!- if they were to cry because they are sad, it can effect everyone surrounding them to feel the same, and if they were too emotional it can even make others cry without any reason.

🫧~ most likely are hard-core Theatre kids.

🫧~ nerf guns are spreaded all around the cabin. If someone picks up one, everyone in the cabin does, and a nerf gun fight starts >:} ((yep- that is inspired by that one "dorms rules MHA" vid))

🫧~ got the BEST Fashion taste, aside from the Aphrodite cabin.

🫧~ unlike most demigods, they are most likely to have BPD and/or Autism((can sometimes still be ADHD)) instead of dyslexia and/or ADHD-

🫧~ are most definitely in someway are queer and/or have gender crisis (thanks to Dio<33)

🫧~ do NOT fuck around and find out with there temper, unless you want to go crazy.

🫧~ They Call Dionysus or by his Name, nickname- Dio, Mr.D, Dad, and sometimes mom- (because well- Dio is genderfluid and was raised as a girl-)

🫧~ they got a kitchen and refrigerator with extra stuff.

🫧~ Dionysus usual don't mess up with his kids names, he calls them either by their real name or a nickname

(for example- Pollux is called 'Lux and Castor is called Cas)

🫧~ they go will with everyone, they are ppls ppl, but are closest to the Apollo and Hermes Cabins the most.

🫧~ are good listeners, surprisingly good at planing and giving advices, and are VERY loyal.

🫧~ Bad at sleeping, even more then usual demigods because of their horrible sleeping schedule and madness powers.

🫧~ animals that they can speak to are- lions, leopards, bulls, and Taurus.

[seireitonin]

“Toby/ other characters would be an abuser!1!” A talk on why that pisses me off

Hi. My name is Seirei. I don’t want to share super personal shit on the internet, but due to certain factors in my life I have BPD. (this is NOT self diagnosis. I have been to a professional and for now they think I have this due to certain trauma/ symptoms I’ve shown) This is part of the cluster B personality type. That being said Toby and many other creepypasta characters either canonically have ASPD/ BPD or it’s a generally accepted headcanon that they do. Now this in itself doesn’t bother me if it’s done well and with research. But the problem is most ppl just slap these labels onto them without doing the proper research. I’ve gotten multiple comments on my TikTok like “well I think Toby is an abuser bc he has ASPD/ BPD” I hate that. I hate that so much. You guys say it’s for “realism” but you’re just demonizing mental disorders. You’re demonizing people like me. In you having your “realism” youre hurting me and ppl in the cluster B personality type. ASPD/ BPD doesn’t instantly make you an abuser. These are personality disorders brought on trauma. Especially trauma with parents/ family. People with ASPD/ BPD know that we’re not well all the time. We’re suffering from disorders that affect our lives. From trauma/ experiences that we didn’t ask for. These are DISORDERS. These aren’t fake edgy illnesses that you can slap onto a character with no thought when you want them to be angsty. For example when ppl say “Toby would be an abuser/ not be capable of love because of his ASPD and he went through abuse in his past” not only are you taking away the depth of his character, you’re just straight up demonizing mental disorders. If you read his story, he loves his mom and sister so much. People with ASPD can love. But it does cause him to be obnoxious and rude. But this isn’t coming from a place of malice. He’s a traumatized man w a disorder! This isn’t me saying Toby can do no wrong and he’s 100% healthy. Toby definitely has issues and I’d never erase that. But to call him an abuser because he has ASPD is so gross and you’re just demonizing ASPD to be edgy without doing research on it or the cluster B personality type in general. As I said before, people with cluster B personality type KNOW we have disorders. We live with them every day. They affect our lives, our relationships, ourselves. We know that we fuck up and what we do isn’t healthy all the time. We KNOW. We’re not doing it because we’re “abusers” we’re suffering and hurting. Again this isn’t me saying that everyone with BPD/ ASPD is a good person who’s willing to do the work and grow. There are bad people with these disorders. But that doesn’t mean everyone who has them are instantly abusive. I’m not an abuser at all. Never have been and never will be. But BPD does affect me and the way I act that can come off as hurtful/ unhealthy and I KNOW THAT. Im always actively putting in the work to be better, like a lot of people with ASPD/ BPD. Just because we have these disorders doesn’t instantly mean we can’t change/ be better. Doesn’t mean we’re not humans with emotions/ trauma of our own. Toby obviously had to do some kind of inner work to be able to be with Clockwork the way kastoway portrayed them. (If it’s canon or not is irrelevant here)When you say shit like “Toby is abusive bc of ASPD/ BPD” that’s what you’re telling us you think of us. You see us and treat us like monsters but then talk about how much you love Toby/ other characters for having our very real disorder. ASPD/ BPD can be seen as two sides of the same coin. They have so many similarities but are shown in different ways. Do proper research before you talk about mental health because you’re stigmatizing/ demonizing disorders that are already looked down upon. Toby does canonically have ASPD and possibly BPD but it’s written into his character pretty well(as well as a 13 year old in the 2010s can do) and now that ppl are older we can actually analyze his character/story correctly. But Jeff and many other characters still aren’t getting this same treatment and they need it.Do better.

[pxpecxdy]

I am autistic and I see a lot of my adhd/ autism overlap neurosis in pope. The trauma informed insomnia, compulsive cleaning, hyperfixation on nature documentaries, loyal to the point of doing bad things, strong justice drive but fucked up moral compass. My personal hc is that his father had bpd as well as ptsd because there are some studies that suggest that there may be a trend forming as we observe families of ppl with autism. It’s possible that a parent with bpd may be more likely to have a child on the autism spectrum. Not that Andrew can be diagnosed from the viewer without a full knowledge of his psych history but autism also makes you more prone to schizophrenia and we know baby boy is on anti psychotics. A lot of what’s making him tic (pun intended) is trauma based but I don’t think all of his moving parts come from wounds. I think Andrew is just kind of different in a base level and I love him for it. Idk if seeing the similarities makes me feel more or less like something is wrong with me, but it is what it is.

I'm going to add a read more in here because I feel like this is a bit personal and potentially triggering for some as I talk about my own diagnosis

Anon I have been diving into those studies about BPD and autism since you sent me this ask (ngl it did make me spiral a little bit)

I get what you mean about seeing the similarities making you feel both more and less like something is wrong. Its being seen and knowing your not alone while also recognizing there is something "wrong" with Pope. I'm currently only diagnosed with PTSD and clinical depression but it's been my choice as that's what I've been trying to work on the most. My therapist and I both acknowledge that there's definitely other things going on with me.

There's been major signs all my life and it's possible I was diagnosed as a child but my mom never told me (except once when she came out of nowhere when I was like 22 and said I was autistic and then denied ever saying it. Like it was just a casual conversation) and my health records from before I was 13 are held hostage because my parents never paid the doctors. Mental illness runs STRONG in my family, it would be more surprising if I was normal. I do keep record of it all and routinely bring it up to my doctors and therapist because unfortunately it led to the demise of several of my family members including my mother.

Anyway, happier note here. Pope's hyper fixation on nature documentaries made me point to the screen and scream he just like me fr. My bff makes fun of me a lot because when we meet up we discuss what we've been watching and I tell her about the hour long video about how dishwashers work that I watched for entertainment. Also! I love every time he just dumps random facts in conversation. "There's studies about the germs in Disneyland" or when he's talking about the wolves in Wyoming.

[kenobster]

It's interesting to learn about identity disturbance with BPD because it really starts to explain everything. If your entire sense of self is held up by external sources (aka your friends! your environment!), then so many other things start to make sense. Like, for example, if your opinion on a character or a movie doesn't match your friend's opinion, then that's two parts of your identity contradicting each other!!! It's literally going to cause you cognitive dissonance! No wonder it's so distressing to me when that happens!!! 😖

Or another example!!! The clinginess omg. You realize it's because you practically have NO boundaries whatsoever. You've practically been begging your friends to inhabit your fucking body lmao. And obviously people can't do that (for one, physics.... but for another, people got their own bodies to deal with lol). So when they inevitably aren't around, it's like the driver of the vehicle you're a passenger in just passed out unexpectedly. No wonder you're trying everything you can to get their attention lmao — they gotta wake up and drive!!!! 😱

It's also really interesting when you start to try to develop your sense of self (in DBT, it seems to be worded as "self respect"? I could be wrong though). Like, you've spent most of your life not knowing who you are or what you want/need. And the SECOND you find that one little decision you can make for yourself? That one little kernel that's you and nobody else? Well, suddenly it's like you've got the crown jewel (XD) in your hands and the world seems to transform into this armada of invaders trying to take it from you. Like bruh. Step away. This is ME i've got here, and I'm not letting her go without a fight lmao. (Narrator voice: but no one is actually fighting her...... lol)

Anyway I feel bad for ppl who learn all this in less-than-ideal circumstances because like... I think a lot of people would probably get confused/upset/angry at the change in behavior (like someone is going from doormat people-pleaser to some sort of Napolean Boneapart world-conquerer type lol). So damn, I'm super grateful because I've been getting needlessly feisty about wanting some autonomy lately, and pretty much everyone I know has been super supportive and encouraging about it???? And that's really neat. 🥰 -feels very loved-

Anyway this has been a Ramble sorry. I just feel really good about things I've decided to do to improve myself lately, and I wanted to share lmao. I still haven't started writing as much as I had hoped I would, but like.... I'm starting to feel like ME, and I'm really happy about it. :)

[1863-project]

so for your poll abt abelism in fandom communities - i voted yes + reblogged but i will say i dont 1000% know im doing this right.

but for my experiences its been a lot of stigmatising of cluster b personality disorders. i have BPD which is already incredibly misunderstood/stigmatised but especially in fandom spaces where its "i headcanon x character w bpd" and immediately met with "no u cant bc ppl w bpd r evil and functionally not even ppl!!! all they do is hurt ppl they care about fuck them fuck ppl w bpd!!!" which

is incredibly harmful, as you'd imagine.

as well, i have autism and suspected schizophrenia and OCD (autism diagnosed, i am working on getting evaluated for schizophrenia and/or OCD) and fandom spaces can be incredibly rude to people with autism. whether it is schizophrenia related or not, i deal with extreme bouts of paranoia. fandom spaces also have a tendency to play into this - ie "joking" threats to be in my walls to hunt me down to kill me because i have a different fandom opinion.

its. alot. and i avoid most fandom spaces because of it.

Anon, I'm so sorry this has been your experience, because it absolutely should not be. This is the entire point of doing the poll and using the data to work on an essay - this behavior needs to be addressed and acknowledged as harmful.

I'm autistic with OCD myself, and this website is definitely bad to people with OCD. The misunderstanding of intrusive thoughts and how so many people become purity police and assume those intrusive thoughts actually mean you want to do something instead of understanding that they cause OCD folks extreme distress and anxiety is really, really harmful. And don't get me started on autism - I've been out in the real world doing self-advocacy for over a decade now, and the way a lot of people in fandom spaces treat autism is abysmal - there's even a lot of internalized ableism on that front, i.e. "I can't be ableist because I'm also disabled!" We all have internalized ableism to work through because of the world we live in.

Cluster B personality disorders and psychotic disorders get it the worst, though, with people treating those with them as "inhuman" and "evil" more often than not. No one is inherently more "evil" than anyone else. A personality disorder doesn't necessarily indicate that a person is bad. A psychotic disorder doesn't, either. BPD in particular actually makes a person very vulnerable to being abused due to the nature of how it works, but people love ignoring that part.

RE: people using your paranoia to send hateful anons, be really careful about what you share about yourself online. If you give too much information about what specifically can be used to hurt you, some people will absolutely do it. I know I may sound like an overly cautious adult to many of you (I'm 34), but when I was a teenager, we didn't put any personal information online in order to keep ourselves safe. If you aren't talking to people you really trust, don't necessarily share that information, because people are often cruel when they feel they can be so without any repercussions. Don't put all your triggers in your Carrd, don't make massive DNIs with all of the things that can hurt you in them - just use the block button and protect yourselves. Not everyone is acting in bad faith, and indeed, most humans aren't, but there are always some who will, and if they know how to hurt you or get back at you, they won't hesitate to hit where it hurts.

I'm sorry you have to remove yourself from fandom spaces just to feel safe, anon. It really isn't fair and you should be allowed to have a safe experience too.

[magnoliamyrrh]

i find the whole conversation around self-dxing to be interesting too because while self-dxing can indeed be dangerous and bad, on the other hand i am also quite anti-psychiatry, if youve got something youve obviously got it without a diagnosis, and getting a diagnosis can be hard af

like idk i think way too many ppl push this "go get therapy go get professional help and evaluation!!!" thing all the time. as if many therapists and psychs arent stupid af, as if they cant be wrong, as if they cant further traumatize someone, as if they can't be smart and kind ppl but Still get things wrong. and as if the entire psych system for the most part isnt fucked in manyyy ways...... like... yea, if you can and find a good one go i guess depending on circumstance... but you better take everything they say with a grain of salt too, wtf

.... yes teenagers and in general young ppl self diagnoing themselves with 2000 things is harmful. they may be doing it either for attention, because its cool and trendy, bc theyve actually got histrionic or mauchausens, bc theyre pathologizing normal human reactions, or bc theyve not done enough actual research and went off of articles which explain things in such a way that frankly most humans would relate. or they may confuse disorders among each other, or they may not be pragmatic enough abt it. yes this is a huge issue. weve got 20000 teenagers and young adults and even some adults running around saying theyve got turrets or did or autism or bpd or ocd or whatever the hell is trendy. psych wards for symptoms and conditions (which are themselves often imperfect) have been watered down to an extreme and are thrown around. therapy talk is being used to make excuses for behavior which should not be excused

...... at the same time. yea self diagnosis isnt inherently harmful all the time. the ppl who say otherwise and are 2000% certain only docs can tell u shit arent skeptical enough of docs. with some things its obvious. i didnt need any doctor to tell me i had anorexia nervosa or bulimia lmaoooo that shit was obvious and clear as day. i didnt need to be told i had bpd, i caught on at a young age i had it, and bc i neither could go to therapy nor wanted to, i spend years understanding that disorder on every which side and way and recovering from it myself. it saved my life. i dont even wanna know how bad things would have been if i didnt accept i had that and understood it - and yea, i didnt need no doctor to tell me to know. and low and behold, docs agree i used to have bpd, still hsve some symptoms, but have mostly recovered from it. funnily enough i caught onto having some sort of osdd/did years ago, than denied it completely to myself for years, than i couldnt ignore it and deny it anymore. ended up getting a diagnosis for that too. :/ i figured i had adhd for years on end but docs either thought it was something else or i wouldn't bring it up much. low and behold i have a diagnosis and the high doses of adhd meds i can handle without feeling st all "drugged out" are proof that i do actually have adhd

if anything lmaoo i have personal experience with having a crazy psych. a woman who mistook cptsd&osdd/did for bipolar disorder, gave me drugs literally illegally which ate at my body and told me not to tell anyone, and also yelled at me that i was crazy. had a therapist who thinks being molested makes ppl homosexual and that step-parent sexual attraction is normal on some level.....;;;; like;;;;;;..... yea. the psychs and therapists arent some sort of final say people. they can be crazy and they can be wrong

and the idea that Inherently someone with bpd, or did/osdd or whatever else Cant Know of their disorder before being told (tho the latter was actually suggested to me many yrs ago by someone) is just. wrong and harmful frankly. yea in some cases pls dont know, or theyre in extreme denial (like with anorexia). but not with all. not with all. 👀 my psychs found it surprising how self aware i was, impressive, but they did not think this was some sort of disqualification

idk. yea. like. theres definetely issues around self-dex especially in the hell were living today but acting like its Always Inherently Bad and Will Never Help and docs are some sort of authority who are the only ones with some say... ,,,, yeaaaa. no. that's also dangerous

[imjustabeanie]

yo its seras ... i decided to send one in for fun. id like a relationship matchup for someone from jjba + genshin if you could please.

any prns, cancer, intj, aro bi (im in romantic relationships so idm it. i just dont prioritize romantic gestures as they make me uncomfortable), true neutral, i have bpd + autism + bipolar + chronic pain so woo

im like 5'2, shorter hair like dirty blonde almost brown, pale also bc i dont leave the house except to go to work lol, freckles, blue eyes but they look more gray. i dont emote much at all really. i have a hard time talking about feelings / emotions / much of anything. i only talk passionately when it comes to my interests and things i really like. im very stubborn and overwork myself often. it takes me a long time to warm up to people and be trusting. i dont like touch unless ive been around you a Long time. i like people who make me feel looked out for and who won't be afraid to essentially force me to calm down / take breaks. not super pushy but like. kind pushy if that makes sense? i dont want to be smothered and need my space and would rather like parallel play. i like watching / playing games together and just enjoying time together. i also deal a lot with extreme emotions and hiding them, hence the bpd... my mood swings are a lot of the reason ppl can't handle or deal with me so someone who won't mind them so much would be nice? or someone who can rationalize and help me through emotions and things. i also need a lot of attention but not in an overwhelming suffocating way. im also hypersexual and it has a big part in my relationships and i need someone to keep up with that too. i have tendencies of being a bit manipulative but i dont. like that about myself. i dont like to go out a lot and would much rather stay at home. i dont mind going out to quieter places or just doing mundane things! i also do like going out for food + for conventions or events related to my interests. amusement parks also rock. i have special interests in animals (marine animals, cats, dogs), mythological creatures, the paranormal, cryptids, cosplay, animanga, video games (especially rpgs + visual novels + dating sims + rhythm games), old web, character analysis, horror media, and psychology.

hopefully thats enough? tysm

Trade!

Your genshin match is Wriothesley!

He's patient, funny, a great judge of character and respectful. What more could you ask for? Once you two break the ice you hit it off rather well. He's very caring as a lover without being overbearing. He's always here when you're in trouble and always looks out for you in his own way.

Wrio is definitely someone who can deal with you, he's patient after all. Especially with his lover. He knows when you're reaching your limit and he has a space in his office just for you to rest. But at the same time he's ready for you to innitiate more activities together. The most important is that you know he loves you. He shows his love through small acts and gifts. He always gives you his time and learned to convey his feelings with little gifts through the day.You always receive flowers, chocolates and a good lunch from him.

When he can, he'd love to go assist events at the surface! When he really can't he'll just order/make the foods he wants you to try. He also always gets a bunch of movies so the two of you can watch them together. As much as he enjoys physical affection, he'll always wait for you to initiate first. Once you give him the go he becomes another man.

Overall, it's a very nice relationship where you don't publicly show your love but people still know it's there. Wriothesley is patient and will always wait for you to come around. And he still gives you gentle pushes to encourage your goals.

Your JJBA match is...Kakyoin!

Not gonna lie, Bruno was a close second but Kakyoin is way more playfull and chill. Both know how to guve you space but Kakyoin knows how to have fun.

Kakyoin shows his love through acts and quality time. He likes going on dates with you to explore new places yet also takes care of you and does his best to make you more comfortable. He's not that big on physical touch either so you don't really have to worry about this. When you engages he'll just happily welcomes it.

He absolutely loves playing video games with you! The two of you spend hours at arcades and the scores are often a tie! He also loves horror movies. One of the most common things you two do is just...sit in a pleasant place and discuss a recent movie/video game you two did. He's also quite cultivated in mythology so he has nice book recommendations. Food isn't much his things so he'd rather follow your recommendations.

Overall, you two are the average high school sweethearts but on the more timid side. People just know that you're soulmates by the way he looks at you.

[featherfur]

i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder a few years ago, it took them forever to diagnose me just bc of how hard it is to pin down, and i didn't get my official diagnosis until i was 27. i've been diagnosed with autism and adhd previously in earlier years, so i was already familiar with neurodivergent communities, and it was really kind of fucked up to come back after getting my bpd diagnosis and seeing people treat it like it was something else entirely. i've had people trying to tell me that bpd doesn't count as neurodivergence because "it's a personality disorder, not a mental disorder" like the two aren't intrinsically intertwined?? also dealing with people who i had previously known for several years suddenly start holding me at arm's length because i was a "ticking time bomb" or some sort of monster who would either split and explode on them, or god forbid, start obsessing over them.

it really just sort of blew my mind just how ableist DN communities can be when it comes down to conditions that aren't just autism, adhd, depression, or anxiety.

No this is it exactly. This is why I went on that little rant on that post.

I’m autistic, I’ve always been aware of it so I was in different community groups ones labeled just generic ND communities and a lot of autistic ones.

I’m also bipolar. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 22 but the near minute I was and told people about it, it was like I had secretly been hiding that I was a monster the whole time. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, here to make the rest of the community look bad. I’m not allowed to talk about suffering from psychosis without the people who were just hollering about accepting ND ppl especially people with Autism and ADHD who have a hard time, suddenly turning on me and treating me like lesser.

I can’t talk about experiencing psychosis without being told I’m scaring people or I make them uncomfortable. I can’t talk about intrusive thoughts, and I mean the most disgusting vile intrusive thoughts possible, without being told that IM a bad disgusting monster. I’m barely a person to them if I tell more of myself then just what’s palatable to them.

I can’t say I’m bipolar and not hear people go ‘lol I have mood swings too’ or ‘yeah I’m ADHD emotions are just everywhere’ (that happens more then you think…). Bipolar has to be kooky giggle town mood swings that’s a joke. It’s not allowed to be mania not sleeping for days on end and being on the high end of every forsaken emotion possible, it’s not allowed to be broken moments trying to suppress every urge to claw your eyes out. It’s not allowed to be hallucinations because you can’t sleep and you’re all over the place and then you crash and can’t eat or move or think when the depression hits.

I can’t talk to people who are part of these communities without first vetting how they treat someone who isn’t part of the ‘good’ Neurodivergent folk. Because they’ll treat you like a monster, because they repeat the same ableist bullshit that’s thrown at them.

Because they want to be part of the ‘normal’ group and want to expel the ‘freaks’ as if we’re not all under that ND umbrella.

The communities are terrifyingly self-othering.

Neurodivergent has become a short form of Autism/ADHD/Depression/Anxiety. But only the ‘good’ forms. If you’re too autistic to communicate ‘properly’ (that’s sarcasm), then you’re gross and need to leave. If you’re so depressed that your teeth rot then you did it to yourself and didn’t those posts on the internet tell you how important it is to brush? If you have generalized anxiety and are terrified to leave your home then you need to do better, you’re not ND unless you have the cutesy shy anxiety.

Every “neurodivergent experience” post is very… what’s the word… separating? That’s not quite it but it’s late lmao. But every time I see those posts it feels like another gap because I, as a bipolar person, do not and probably will not ever experience those! There are somethings I do, I am autistic, and I understand the ADHD hyperactivity when I have a hypomanic episode, but most of them?

I don’t. And I can only imagine it’s more hurtful and upsetting to those who don’t have those main four but are still ND. Like those with Cerebral Palsy or OCD nor Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

As someone who has dealt with intrusive thoughts and felt scared from the way people in my own community mock it and say it’s disgusting if it’s used to describe what it actually means, I can only imagine how folk w BPD and OCD and Schizophrenia feel when those are the exact words used to be violently insulted.

The ND community is thick with ableism and hate towards anyone who isn’t palatable to the rest of the world, and they keep choosing the side of the ones who want us gone so they can be accepted instead of realizing that every ableist (and it’s culturally taught, it’s not always an intentional action) also thinks shitty of them and want you and any sign of neurodivergence eradicated.

If they didn’t then Autism Speaks wouldn’t be so damn rich and open about wanting to get rid of us. The average person wouldn’t be so vile towards ADHD people wanting medication. They wouldn’t claim if you take medication that you’re addicted and not trying, and we all know how they fucking hate addicts.

A lot of the most proud ND communities aren’t safe for anyone who isn’t the ‘good’ kind of Neurodivergent. It’s terrifying and gross, and a lot more fellow ND folk need to think about how they’re treating the rest of us.

You don’t get a pass on ableism because your card has an ND stamp on it.

[chasing-rabbits]

I think any personality disorder suggests to the person diagnosed that there is something inherently wrong with them, whether or not that disorder is associated as bad person disorder or not. Also from someone with BPD which is also often seen as bad person disorder to the point I see many people arm chair diagnosing their abusers as having BPD for the mere fact that they are abusive. I have other dxs but BPD is the only one that at one point made me feel like there was something wrong in who I was as a person that the way I felt was so intertwined with who I was that there was no degree of separation that existed unlike my Bipolar and other disorders. I would describe it as Bipolar is something that happened to me, there's a clear distinction between me & my Bipolar. Bipolar has had a massive impact on my life, on my development as a person and has absolutely guided me in large life decisions and it has to a degree had an impact on my hobbies likes interests things that do make up who I am. But at the same time I can still to a degree separate out the Bipolar from me. That is to say I wouldnt be who I am today without my Bipolar its not to deny its large impacts on my life overall BUT yet there is still a degree of separation that I dont feel with my BPD. Those things happened because of my Bipolar but I don't feel it's so fundamental that I would cease to exist without it. I once saw an article I say article but it was written up by a researcher or something iirc that talked about viewing BPD from a similar lens as autism. And honestly this helped changed my whole perspective & it just fit it lined up so many things & made so much sense & clarity BUT not in a bad light. It no longer made me feel like there was something inherently wrong with me but it didn't try to deny that BPD is as much a part of me as Autism is to an Autistic person. It is not the same as Bipolar & whilst its not entirely the same as Autism it definitely felt closer than how my other dxs were viewed & defined. There's no way to reconcile that it isn't an inherent part of me so constantly being told BPD makes me horrible makes me feel like I am horrible to the core and there's no hope unlike w/ Bipolar or any other disorder with degrees of separation. And to be clear I wasnt even a horrible person but then we get back to the original point of peoples stigmatising views & lack of true understanding of disorders like BPD. Many people now view BPD as a trauma response/trauma based disorder & overwhelming evidence supports that with just over 2/3rds of us reporting childhood abuse/trauma/neglect. I also have a CPTSD dx & some want to see BPD as CPTSD & that bpd shouldnt exist at all. I see a clear difference in the disorders & like most want to see BPD reclassified as a trauma disorder but also believe that PD as a label is harmful for the same reasons OP has pointed out above. I'm not an abuser I have experienced childhood trauma/abuse & yet I am given no grace as a person whose experienced abuse but yet re traumatised by a system that throws ppl like me away & treated as if I am all things I experienced myself. I dont think these illnesses should necessarily disappear from existence for BPD specifically I dont want the disorder to be wiped as I do have what we call BPD but I want it to be reclassified based upon new emerging evidence & seen for what it is & treated accordingly. The diagnosis and the labelling of it is flawed but the symptoms are very real. It's become seen as a bad person disorder & idk if it was always seen as a bad person disorder but it is now & BPD is one of the most stigmatised disorders w/in the MH systems itself. Its a label that essentially gets you blacklisted, its a free pass to deny us treatment & get away w/ it. It's a wastebasket dx for some psychs. It's a tool of harm for others & then there are good ones who dx you bcos u have it but are unfortunately putting you into a box that puts you at risk but you need a dx to access treatment so its a lose lose.

On the question of ASPD and NPD I honestly wish the debate would be less about "you can have Bad Person Disorder without being a Bad Person actually" (true) and more so "why is there a Bad Person Disorder and what political purpose does it serve". Like the fact that we are literally and officially diagnosing people as Inherently Bad™️, usually due to trauma reactions, and treating them accordingly should elicit a lot more criticism than it does

[curseof-thefold]

this is a rant so sorry not sorry for what i'm about to vomit here

tw // dv, abandonment

so i have bpd and i'm aromantic so my abandonment issues are bigger than even average borderlines

i used to have a bsf who also has bpd and they were my fp. and i really thought it was gonna be smth good, bc they understood how it feeld to be abandoned as someone with bpd and thought that they would at least be mindful

yeah, nah

don't let ppl tell u that your fear of abandonment and the fact that u always have one foot out of any relationship is toxic and unhealthy. u are protecting yourself, they can't fucking understand how we feel. if i have to be selfish to make sure i don't suffer anymore then so be it

anyway, what happened is that they got into a relationship (this is always the problem honestly) and with a friend of mine at that. i didn't like this from the get go, not only because i'm possessive of ppl (but that also played a part ngl) but bc (as this girl was someone i already knew) i heard things from some of her former friends which indicated that she might be emotionally and physically abusive, and my friend was exceptionally vulnerable to someone like her

ex-fp didn't believe me, their mental health started to get worse and worse, shit happened and it turned out that the rumors were true, she wasn't even trying to hide it. their lip was always busted, they had new cuts and cigarette burns on their arms, another friend even took an accidental peek at their back and let's just say it wasn't good. not only that, but from what they told me, it was obvious that she was emotionally abusing and manipulating them to the max

everything came to a halt about a month ago. they knew that one of the things that hurts me most is someone abandoning me without any explanation, not only bc it leaves me wondering about where i went wrong, but bc it shows me that i meant so little to the other person that i don't even deserve an explanation or a proper goodbye, and they swore to me several times that this was not gonna happen...

guess what happened?

so idc anymore. as far as i'm aware they did the worst they could have done. i was worried, it would have been fine if they just told me that they are alive and well. now i couldn't give less of a fuck. i know they are suffering and just 2 months ago this would have broken my heart, but now it's not my problem. let them have each other. idc anymore

[borderline-gays-club]

12/23/23. 11:21pm

I just made a connection that when I say it out loud seems obvious. But it just clicked.

Communicating my feelings with my words just never worked throughout my child/teenhood, and so my body and brain adapted. Instead of using words I started to do things subversively instead of visibly. In hopes that someone wud notice and help me.

All my cries for help growing up were so quiet though, that for the most part it went unnoticed. Or even worse: people would notice and do nothing.

So now at age 27, I still catch myself going into this autopilot of basically being unintentionally manipulative/passive aggressive. Which is a big symptom for BPD which ends up also adding to the shame cycle.

Like today I had a really bad day. And I almost went my night without saying anything to my friends and instead just present low energy and tired. Which I was anyway, but like my brain went to: if they don’t ask if ur ok, then they don’t care abt u. So anyway to combat all that, I just told myself I would just tell them how bad my day was. And it was met with an appropriate response of sympathy/empathy. And it just proved to myself that yes ppl care, I just need to communicate.

Because the alternative of saying nothing wud just lead to disaster. I wud end up spiraling no matter the response tbh.

But I think I have this weird thing that I’ve developed over the years, that if I say how I feel out loud then I’m taking up too much space. My feelings shud never be spoken out loud without an invitation. But if someone just notices that I’m not ok and they ask, then it becomes an invitation for me to speak.

Basically my brain has been programmed to equate speaking my feelings with rejection. So In order to avoid rejection but still somehow reach out for help/connection I try to signal that I’m not okay without actually saying it in hopes that someone will invite me to speak.

That’s so fucked up now that I’m piecing it together. I’ll sit on this one..it’s a big one

[he4rts-f0r-evang3line]

meet the admin post (*^▽^)/★*☆♪

contains:

1- some things about me

2- my boundaries/ dni list

3- what i will write for!

☆ 1- some things about me !

im a lonely pal named kaheri online

my irl name is cielle- i don't mind being called this online but 🧍🏻‍♀️ please call me that only if i say so/ we are close

im a transmasc demigender/agender or pangender really struggling to find my identity rn but 🧍🏻‍♀️ im gay and go by any pronouns (neos included :D) except she/her

huhh im also autistic, have adhd and bpd so please bare with me ( ｡ﾟДﾟ｡)

i started writing ever since i was a kid and i crave online validation (/hj) so i decided to post online

atm i don't have a regular post schedule because if i did it'd be way too much pressure on my mental health so (　:ﾟ皿ﾟ) i try to at least post twice/three times a week but i ain't promising anything

+ don't be mad at me if there are any spelling mistakes im not a native speaker and ?? even though i was i wouldn't give a shit that's my blog 🤓 /lh

my requests are always open unless stated otherwise ! please refer to the third part for what i will write about :>

also speaking tones are very much appreciated 🫠 /lh

☆ my boundaries/dni

dni stands for do not interact which means well i don't want people who do things above

homophobic/"neos aren't valid" people

"only cis women have their periods" ppl

adults‼️ following/liking/reblogging my stuff is more than ok but i draw the line at dming me

UNTITLED/BOTS LIKE BLOGS YALL GO STRAIGHT TO BLOCKLIST /nm

uhhhhhh thats all ? i'll update it later

oh and also "self diagnose isn't valid 🤓☝🏻" stfu you stupid ahh ableist

☆ what i will write for!

i can write for pretty much anything but if it's not something from the list please provide me a little information on the characters because it won't be accurate if i do research on my own

SPIDERMAN INTO/ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE OMG PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REQUEST ME STUFF FROM IT

i can write for any characters except the spot because well.

uhhh i most likely won't do full fics on demand except i reallyy like what you're proposing. also i won't write anything with gwen don't ask why i just really hated her behavior.

uhhh i can write both nsfw and sfw js specify :D also this goes without saying but if i write nsfw it will be in an aged up au!

the amazing world of gumball!

i loved this series ever since i was a child so <3 <3 OBVIOUSLY NO NSFW?!?! and hum yea hcs only

overwatch !

it was my previous hyperfixation so >:)

mmm i'll only write stuff for hanzo, mc cree, kiriko and- i forgot

yea i can write nsfw with no problem 🙆🏻‍♀️

south park omg

it was also one of my previous hyperfixations

so 🙆🏻‍♀️ huh ill only write for the four main characters and prob wendy 🕺🏻

aged up au if nsfw 🦅

CHAINSAW MAN

uhhh yea any characters but i didn't read latest chapters so yea (　ﾟﾛﾟ)!!

nsfw ? idk i'll see

ok i think that's all? have a nice day ( ﾟ∀ﾟ)人(ﾟ∀ﾟ ) <3

[pumpkinsy0]

Self diagnosed tim Shepard hc's?

OMG HES TIM MY BELOVED

hes been masking literally his whole life without knowing it, everytime he would stim in orne way or another he would just b told by his mom or somethin to stop it so his stims r more hidden????i guess???idk what exactly he does but lord he hides his stimming in plain sight, maybe he just bites his lip a lot or somethin

okokok hes most likely to get misdiagnosed cause he’s literally a black man, theyd just diagnose him w somethin like bpd or another personality disorder cause autism diagnosis mf arent the best researched on black autistics

he can sorta tolerate hugs but not for a long time, he doesnt like feeling restricted, only likes being hugged by angela and curly but more ppl could prolly b added on there later in his life idk

part of the reason y hes so easily aggravated is bc hes overstimulated

i have no idea what type of food he prefers but he has a lil bit of a texture issue, its not BAD, he’ll eat it but he would like to avoid certain foods if he can

angela kinda caught on that he might b autistic but he just thinks hes being “sensitive” or somethin like that, he doesnt think hes autistic but i sense a plot twist in his life comin

[traggalicious]

(LONG POST, LOTS UNDER THE CUT)

AIGHT so Ceri is INTJ, and pre-death she’s pretty chill. She can be a bit batshit when really into smth, girl fixates HARD. and you don’t wanna see her during an autopsy. I promise. She’s determined, analytical, observant, reliable, and genuinely So Hungry For Knowledge. She wants to know shit. Not for any reason she just.. likes. Knowing. She’s a jack of all trades. In theory. Especially w/ the human body and life and death it’s like. Everything is intertwined. It’s a cycle, perfect and manufactured and it all clicks. Things die, they decay, they foster new life, which creates and lives and dies and it goes on and on. There’s a comfort about that. There’s something fascinating about it. And that’s one of the reasons she’s not a fan of myrkul.

(After death her personality is quite like BPD, she can be erratic, having mood swings due to shifting magical energy levels. Literally she is. Constantly on the verge of death. It fucks w/ her. Also: i will have to do more research on bpd bc this is based on quite limited knowledge, so apologies if I say anything inaccurate or potentially insensitive abt this/her. I don’t have it, so im no authority on the matter.)

Tbh, she’s not a fan of any of the dead three. She values the ability to choose, to be free, to be part of something larger but in the way you want. Everything has value. On the subject of values, she values intelligence, open-mindedness, and curiosity. She doesn’t understand those who live life knowing nothing but their own, who do the same thing every day without even acknowledging that they’re alive. For Ceri, every day is full of wonder and fascination. Because there’s always something to learn, or see, or do. Yeah.

Some less positive personality shit is that she’s got sucky interpersonal skills, her bedside manner kinda sucks so she sticks to being as blunt as possible about it. Plus, people thought it odd that she had such an interest in death and involved processes, especially bc she lived with elves, being a half-elf. Some viewed it as a sort of corruption from her drow father. Also, she tends to have a kinda monotone voice, as if she’s always reciting something from a textbook or smth… She’s also got habits of skin-picking and trichotillomania (eyelashes), and tends to wear gloves bc she’s very aware of Dirty. She also hates getting sick bc like. Fuck off, she’s a doctor! Why the hell is she allowed to be sick! Yk? Also, on medicine: she actually views healing as a form of necromancy. Loves pointing that out when ppl are a bit annoying about the necromancy. (Like look at u clerics, extending life unnaturally/hj) She can also be really proud, impulsive, and stubborn, and she’s kinda insecure about certain things, like her eye and her scars.

Aside from general research, she likes sketching (mostly life drawings) and people watching. She keeps a field journal that doubles as a diary. Her depth perception is kinda fucked though, and one of her eyes is a scrying eye. Works the same as a regular one, and sometimes she can take it out and send it ahead like a tiny scout <33. It’s like a weird prosthetic familiar thing LMAO. It’s cool as hell but she is still insecure abt it.

The eye thing also contributes to her fatigue and migraines, both before and after death. She does visual exercises and physically compensates for the fact that one of her eyes is magic, and sometimes she just takes it out. Bc it’s kind of a Lot to have it there. Especially now that she’s possessing her body and her magic governs most of her biological functions (it’s kind of like her nervous system now?), so it’s draining. To both her magic and the eye. She also gets energy from those she kills, which she usually did with those she embalmed (dead) or studied (undead). Similar to mind-flayer memory consumption and all that. Or vampires, but w/ energy!

Uhhh fun facts: she prefers skeletons to zombies n shit bc they’re cleaner, and prefers both over vampires and such bc they’re not really aware. Or living. Though she does find them and all undead super interesting. Especially when they are an undead now. ALSO since they were quite interested in the shadow-cursed land, and hung around there, she did make contact w/ the Harpers and Isobel. Oh yeah she definitely crushed on Isobel. (She will never admit that). She’s also interested in poisons, and the intertwined nature of poison and cure, the fine line between life and death, medicine and torture. It’s awesome.

She’s also like… Neutral good? Just neutral? Like. Ofc she has priorities and all, and ofc they’re mostly self serving and preserving. But if someone needs help, she’ll help as long as she’s not too busy. She just weighs the pros and cons. And if it’s a con, well. That’s just how it is. Sorry. I think she’d totally vibe w/ Gale, Shadowheart, and Wyll, perhaps also Astarion. Gale and Shadowheart bc magic, duh. Wyll bc monocular vision solidarity, and Astarion bc she’s interested in his situation. She’s interested in all of them but mostly Gale and Astarion like hfgrhffh. The tadpoles are FASCINATING. She almost forgets to be terrified. Which she is. But she cover up terror w/ interest. She copes w/ fear but learning as much as she can about it. What you don’t know can hurt you, and she’s gonna do her best to make it Known. Her interest in death n shit came from a childhood fear of it, and she’s still kinda spooked but mostly she fears the afterlife.

Iiiii did it againnnn (made a new character) (she’s cool as hell tho so it’s fine right)

She’s a half-elf drow (who was a necromancer), and *was* pretty fuckin good at it. So good, that when she died. She refused to do so. She was like “ermm stfu myrkul i aint listenin to you now i’ve been fuckin w/ u my whole life i will not stop at death.” Kinda funny, local sorcerer refuses to fucking die. So now she’s possessing her own corpse. Out of sheer will.

Now, you may ask "trag, why is she Ivl 1 if she was a good enough necromancer to literally refuse death?' GOOD QUESTION.

The answer is: one: she got tadpoled ): we all know being tadpoled fucks shit up, as seen in the case of Gale and Wyll and basically everyone

Two: basically her body is fuelling her spirit and her spirit is fuelling her body in a fucked up mutualistic relationship. Her body relies on her magical energy to yk, not decay on the spot (tho it is slowly decaying, adding to the urgency of getting a cure for the tadpole and getting her magic back to its og level). And her spirit needs a vessel.

Plus, the connection b/n body and soul is a bit fucked so her soul is basically a bunch of raw magic inhabiting a human container. Ain’t that great (:

Also also: now she’s a Wild Magic Sorcerer. For fun. And bc again: shit’s fucked. Thank u for attending my ted talk

Her name currently is Ceridwen, after the Celtic deity of rebirth, but also considering naming her Athenios which is a feminine variation of Adonis. Idk tell me which u like more (if u want). SO HERE’S WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE BABEY‼️ (Image and more under the cut)

SO.

Yeah obviously she’s kinda pale (for a half-drow) and the face paint is to distract from the bad circulation (which she still has circulation and stuff but biological processes are slow). She’s missing an eye (which would look red but there’s no option for that so idk maybe she has a tiny scrying eye replacement that’d b cool as hell). Her other eye is a dark blue and her hair is reddish brown bc google says that shit happens after death. Also! Her pupil is supposed to be white. But again, no option for that. Anyway, I love her, tell me what u think (:

Love youuuu

[astral--horrorshow]

hi!! can i get a romantic studio ghibli matchup (like, out of all the movies u write for !!) anyway, i’m a 5’0 trans gay enby who uses they/he pronouns. i have long-ish black/red split dye hair, i’m very pale, and i have blue eyes. i’m also kinda chubby and i look very very tired almost always. i mostly dress causal & in pajamas, but when i feel like it, i just dress in an all black emo sorta outift? idk LOL

if this helps i’m an ISFP 4w5, gemini/cancer cusp. i’m a very very quiet and reserved person in public, especially around those my own age. i choose to not talk and i often just nod my head or shrug. i really only respond when need be! however, when you get to know me, i am absolutely chaotic. i love to make people laugh and will do anything to achieve that! i’m very physical and i love picking people up and play fighting with them (i love arm wrestling and thumb war LOL). i have a temper that’s hard to control in private, and i do get a little physical- but i don’t hurt anyone. i just throw around stuffed animals or pillows. in public i am more self-aware and it’s only visible through my movements, tone, and expressions that i’m angry. but i also feel guilty and very sad and i cannot be angry at someone for too long and i end up coming back to apologize (but sometimes i’m petty so if its their fault and what they did really hurt i won’t). enough about that though, abt my friends. i always try to fix their problems and give them advice and i sort out their issues and whatnot for them. im always there to listen and id consider myself a good listener, even tho sometimes i can lose hope and give up. i am mostly pessimistic and think things will go wrong abt get really nervous, but sometimes im very optimistic and cheer people on, esp my friends. i overthink a lot, bad or good things, which usually ends up in me spaced out, and i have a hard time pulling myself back into reality. i get embarrassed very easily. i stand up for what i believe in no matter what and i speak my mind for the most part. i have strong beliefs and opinions, im very skeptical of others at first, and i take a while to warm up to new people. but sometimes my anxiety overwhelms me too much. i also get scared very very easily. i also have BPD if that matters

i love love LOVE bugs, cats, knives, plushies, and rubber ducks. I collect the last three things !! they are my favorites in the world and i love going outside and collecting little bugs and ive always wanted a pet spider. i also adore dark/horror media things, and i love halloween. i love being scared and going into horror rides & ghost tours, theyre my fav ! cats r my fav animal and i want 50 of them when i get older. plushies comfort me a lot so do rubber ducks, so ig thats a bit childish, but thats okay :). i collect knives bc i think theyre cool and i like to show them off like theyre my babies (they are). i also love rollercoasters and theme parks, i luv adrenaline. i constantly have to tell ppl they wont die, even tho sometimes im scared myself. i love weezer, foo fighters, childish gambino, korn, and ghost. music is a very very big part of my personality LOL.

im not a big fan of pda but in private i LOVE PHYSICAL AFFECTION AND WORDS OF AFFIRMATION !! i love kisses and hugs and i will die without them. gift giving is my least fav method of affection, i feel too bad lol. i dont like being ignored and i get a lil jealous sometimes, so i need reassurance a lot. i prefer masculine people and someone who'd be patient w/ me.

thanks!!

Okokok-

Before i finished i know who it was-

Howl from Howls Moving Castle!

I just think you two would get along great! Also, ty so much for paying attention to my less popular fandoms! Its a very nice change of pace. Howl is one of my favorite movies and the book is one of my faves too, so im glad i got to think ab studio ghibli today!