#camelot has already canonically stayed in the past

[shellyseashell]

my favorite part of descendants is how absolutely weird you can get with timeline stuff. canon makes it seem like every story took place in 1995 and now it’s 2015, but you have stories that took place in the 1500s and others in the 1700s and others in ancient times. and as much as canon may like to pretend everyone has adjusted to technology they probably wouldn’t realistically have, not everyone would want that. basically what i’m saying is i want horse drawn carriages on the same streets as cars, some people with landline phones and others with cell phones, people wearing a modern dress next to someone in a medieval gown or greek tunic. i just think it’d be funny.

[albentelisa]

Hi! Here's an interesting what if ask.

What if Douxie was the one to join the Arcane Order instead of Morgana?

Hi! That one would change the past events for sure.

As we are talking about Moppet Douxie here, I feel his motivation will be very different from Morgana's. So, in an attempt to impress his master, Douxie goes to the forest to practice his magic in secret. That is where he meets Nari, who suggests she'll help. Douxie has no idea that Nari is from the Arcane Order or that she's Merlin's enemy, so he agrees. Under her tutelage, he progresses quickly, but it's still not enough to get approval from Merlin. Eventually, Bellroc and Skrael join those sessions, suggesting that Douxie simply needs to invent some kind of rule-changing magic. After lengthy brainstorming and countless failed attempts, Douxie comes up with a magic rite that temporarily gives trolls sunlight immunity. From his point of view, it's actually a good thing as trolls are often captured because of their weakness against the sunlight. Alas, he doesn't know that Bellroc contacts Gunmar behind his back and shares the rite with him.

Camelot is in panic meanwhile as bloodthirsty trolls attack villages during the day, which should be impossible. Arthur suspects a powerful wizard is involved and starts an investigation together with Merlin. They find out it was Douxie easily (as he's rather naive). Arthur corners Douxie at the cliff, determined to kill him, and Merlin just watches despite Douxie's pleas. Unlike Morgana, Douxie doesn't lose his hand, but he's slashed across the chest and falls from the cliff.

The Arcane Order finds and resurrects him, making Douxie their champion. Merlin's betrayal hits Douxie the most, so the Order has no problem convincing him to fight against humanity. Douxie's magic is more powerful now, so he can make his rite more permanent.

Meanwhile, back in Camelot Morgana learns what happened to Douxie and is enraged because of her brother and master's actions. She encounters Merlin, accusing him of being a horrible master, and storms off.

The kingdom is in panic though as more and more Gumm-Gumms attack, seemingly immune against the sunlight. Some people also report that they saw a young wizard with the troll hordes. Merlin realizes that Douxie is alive and intends to stop it.

But first, he needs some way to defeat Gunmar and his hordes. The problem is that his amulet should be useless against sun-immune trolls. Merlin realizes that he needs Morgana's help for that.

And he is right, as Morgana has been trying to create a counter to Douxie's rite using her shadowmancy. When Merlin approaches her, she is against the idea of cooperating at first but ends up agreeing for the sake of the people in Camelot.

The amulet is also different in this AU. It summons not only the Daylight sword but the Nightshade one as well (which is made of Morgana's shadow magic). However, Merlin simply cannot just cooperate as he is scared that Morgana can possibly switch sides as well (he finds her way more unstable than Douxie). So Merlin seals the bigger portion of Morgana's shadow magic inside the amulet. Morgana realizes it in the end, but it's already too late.

So Morgana still has some magic, but it's below the average level and she cannot do much. Deya still becomes the first Trollhunter, and Merlin goes to fight and seal Douxie.

The events influence the present too. The Janus Order are good guys - they are trolls who willingly accept Morgana's magic to enter the human world. Morgana also uses different magic, so there are no kidnapped kids. The Janus Order protects the world from shadows. Some of them join forces with Trollhunters but it's glared upon because of what Merlin did to Morgana.

Bular is still the only one from Gunmar's forces who stay on the surface. However, he also recruits more aggressive trolls, who wish to rule humans. Much like with Morgana in the canon, Douxie's mind stays awake even when he is sealed. Back in Camelot times he also managed to gather wizards displeased with Merlin and Arthur and hostile towards humans. They become Hex Tech later (with Zoe as their leader) - and is the organization that helps Bular and his army of trolls to stay hidden.

[juiceastronaut]

No but once again I shall be saying things about Lancelot because I've been having thoughts and that post just made them worse

It really seems that Lancelot characterization begins and ends with his affair with Guinivere. And even that is only explored at a superficial depth. Oh, Lancelot feels guilty okay. But this doesn't really seem to effect how he acts despite a dialogue here and there.

And plus! He got other personality traits! Like God, he had so many instances of him running around impersonating people. He has an entire son he didn't know about before with a woman (in the normal legend) that tricked him into sleeping with her. What was that like, emotionally? Finding out about this son he didn't know about? It's stated that he was around for a bit when Galahad was younger but then left. Why did he stay at first? Why'd he eventually leave? He was a mentor to Gareth and Gaeris in life, then he ends up killing him. What was *that* like for him emotionally?

HE WAS RAISED BY THE LADY IN THE LAKE. LIKE *IN* A LAKE. Where's the fairy content guys!? Where's the weird shit that Lancelot does cause sure he's human but he's also just slightly off because he was RAISED BY THE FAE. Where's his reluctance to eat food He's not prepared? An incline to sweets? Him being so partial to the truth that it's inconvenient at times?

He's literally written as some dude. I think the way his sword works is really cool, and I wanted stuff like that mentioned in his actual character. But he literally could've just been anyone. There's nothing that he says or does that (unless you knew already) would've suggested he had nothing but a normal upbringing.

We're given just the barest glimpses of his relationships with other people, and even then it's usually a line casually mentioned by either him or the other person. Certainly we don't get them talking about the other knights in depth besides the occasional line. They don't even talk to *each other* about it, they only mention it to the Master!

Like sure, we have the Camelot singularity. But I want to know how it went down in the Actual Camelot!

A lot of these things are mentioned by the characters as if they were passively relaying things from the past. They're emotional impact, how it effects what they do now? Not really explored! It's just, stated. And then never brought up again. Even though these events were core events for their characters. Certainty Lancelot's.

For Christ's sake, we're *how* far into this franchise where the main girl was King Arthur, and we *still* don't have a full canon design for Guinivere!? And that's the one character trait we do have for Lancelot. Do we even get to see the woman he was willing to risk it all for, the woman who eventually leads him to insanity? This core facet in Lancelots personality, the core part of why we have the Berserker form and we don't even get to *see* the person he had this connection with.

How the hell are we supposed to care about it if we didn't see the relationship? How were they together, what did they do how did they bond? Where was the turning point where they realized that they loved each other? That they couldn't ever be with each other publicly but they would support each other from the shadows? You make the affair Lancelot's one personality trait but then you don't even show the affair (but still make plenty of jokes at his expense about it.

This is argubly not a FGO problem because how the current story is set up, there's really no way to explore these concepts without some AU of the actual events. But youd still want the full emotional impact of that character in his lines, ya know?

FGO set up a lot of ways that most of the characters magically moved on from the emotional impact of what happened in Camelot. Oh, actually, Gawain isn't mad at Lancelot for killing his siblings anymore, because he realized he did things wrong too. Oh, Gareth doesn't hold a grudge for Lancelot killing her because she *u n d e r s t a n d s* why he did what he did. The characters get summoned and FGO wanted to get them to the point where they'd be fine and interacting with each other again that they just skipped over the emotional work to do so.

It boggles my mind that, one of your three starting girls is the Legendary King Arthur of Camelot. And the *second* biggest character in that story you're *not* going to develop him to the fullest potential? And it's not like you don't have the material it's all right there. You couldn't have more material to work with. There's so many things to add to his personality that would make him much more interesting to the audiende. It's just not emotionally connected to the character in any real capacity.

Make it make sense.

[rosedavid]

the fear of knowing

Pairings: Merlin & Gwen friendship, slight Gwen/Arthur

Canon Divergence from 4x08: Lamia

Warnings: brief descriptions of violence and execution (not graphic)

Description: Gwen discovers Merlin’s magic when they are fighting the Lamia. This leads to her having to reevaluate her views on magic and Merlin himself.

Please ignore any mistakes - I wrote this very quickly with no editing because I am lazy lol. If you enjoy this, please consider reblogging :)

...

Gwen lunges toward Lamia with a sense of courage she never knew she possessed. All she registers is Merlin being dragged away before she just acts. Although not as competent with a sword as a knight, she manages to wound Lamia, who lets out a pained shriek. It’s enough to incapacitate Lamia into letting go of Merlin. Gwen stumbles to the ground along with Merlin, who immediately places himself in front of her. Lamia only takes seconds to recover before she hovers over the two of them again, ready to strike.

Gwen can’t hear anything over the pounding of her heart. She grips Merlin’s tunic sleeve tighter, looking over to him as if for the last time. She expects to see fear and guilt etched upon his face. What she sees is gold. 

Merlin’s eyes are glowing gold. One of his hands is outstretched, mouth just about to open. Gwen gapes at him, her gaze torn between him and Lamia, wondering what will happen next.

But Gwen doesn’t have to wonder long, as suddenly a sword stabs Lamia through the back, revealing a worried Arthur. Merlin’s eyes fade back to normal, as if the golden hue was never there to begin with. Shakily, Gwen chokes out his name, then surges to greet him. She clings onto him, practically leaping into his arms. A sob forces its way out as they hug, but she refuses to let herself feel weaker than she already does. 

“You carry on, don’t worry about me.”

Merlin’s voice breaks them from each other, and Gwen is brought back to the reality of everything that just happened. Arthur heads over to help Merlin up, while Gwen hangs back, still shaking. 

After a few bickering remarks, Arthur rejoins Gwen. She wraps an arm around his middle, reveling in the comfort someone familiar brings her. Because suddenly, her whole view of Merlin has been turned upside down. Merlin, the one who Arthur beckons to follow behind them to safety, is a sorcerer. 

Everything feels too overwhelming. Lamia was harrowing enough, but to have this newfound secret suddenly revealed to her? That makes her feel all the more anxious. She sticks close to Arthur as they head back to the village. If Merlin is suspicious of Gwen, then he doesn’t let anything on. She sees Merlin rubbing at his back, as if in pain, and she swallows down the immediate need to help her friend. It’s just too much right now. Besides, Merlin appears to be doing alright, if not a bit bruised, so Gwen figures it’s okay to keep her distance for the time being. 

They return to Camelot soon after the knights are all deemed well enough to travel. Things are uncomfortable with the knights, as well, after everything that occurred, so Gwen mainly just stays to herself or with Arthur. She doesn’t know what else to do. 

When the castle finally comes into view, Gwen heaves a great sigh of relief. Maybe now everything can finally get back to normal. However, as she glances at Merlin, she realizes that nothing will never be the same again. Even as she gets back to work, she can’t stop thinking about it all. Lamia. The Knights. Merlin. 

Gwen’s had a rocky past with sorcery. Obviously, she’s grown accustomed to not having any sorcerers around because of the ban on magic in Camelot. Gwen was raised to fear sorcery, to view it as something purely evil. Still, Gwen’s father always taught them never to hate anyone, that they should always be kind and true to themselves. So, despite Uther’s views on the vileness of magic, Gwen never outwardly detested magic. In fact, for a long time, Gwen was sort of indifferent on magic. She never thought of it as some terrible thing, but she also never associated it with good. What she does associate sorcery with is fear. 

She’s always feared sorcery, whether it be because of the dangerous those with sorcery pose to the kingdom or because of the horrible things that happen when sorcery gets involved. Gwen could never stand the burnings; the smell of fiery flesh and screaming is something she’ll never forget. And then, it all became unimaginably worse when her own father was executed on the crime of sorcery, a crime he didn’t even commit. And the nightmares are horrific. She had hoped they would vanish after time, but now she knows better. Still, she wakes up some nights gasping for air as she cries, fear flooding through her veins. So yes, magic scares her. 

But when she thinks of Merlin, one of her closest friends, she can’t imagine ever being fearful of him. Besides, he just saved her life. If it wasn’t for him, for his magic, Gwen may not have made it out of there alive. She knows that Merlin would never hurt her, and she trusts him with her life. He’s always there for her, no matter how tough things may get. And Merlin has always had such a kind heart and giving personality. He makes everyone around him happier, even Arthur (though he’ll never admit it). So, even though Gwen equates sorcery with fear and death, she can’t possibly equate Merlin with anything other than goodness and light.

She feels so conflicted between her views of magic and her views of Merlin that she ends up avoiding him for a good couple of days. When Arthur asks her about it, she talks it up to everything she’s been through, which technically isn’t a lie. She hates lying to Arthur, but she can’t find it in herself to tell him the truth. Similarly, she can’t find it in herself to tell Merlin that she knows. 

And the longer Gwen thinks about it, the more she understands. As the months pass by, she observes Merlin in a different perspective, and slowly but surely it all starts to come together. 

The first thing she notices is the way Merlin tenses when Arthur, or anyone else for that matter, mentions magic. Immediately, it’s as if Merlin’s on constant guard. Gwen doesn’t know how she didn’t notice Merlin’s reactions before. His expression drops to something serious, and his eyes hold a deep worry in them, traveling far beneath the surface. You can tell he’s trying his hardest not to react, but now that Gwen knows his secret, it’s like she has another view into his behavior. She can see every nervous fidget, every hand clenching into his trousers, the strained nod he sends Arthur when Arthur declares some type of lookout or attack on a sorcerer. She may not be able to understand everything that Merlin’s feeling, but she can tell it’s eating him up inside. 

And that’s just the first of it. She also begins to notice that Merlin does a lot more work than he appears to do. In addition to being Arthur’s manservant, Gwen often finds Merlin coming back to Gaius’s worse for wear. He always brushes it off if she asks, usually claiming that “Arthur worked me too hard at training, the prat,” or “I had a run in with a ditch while collecting herbs for Gaius.” But she sees the weariness behind his smile, the complete and utter exhaustion in his gait. She knows that he’s been doing a lot more for all of them than he’s ever let on. Gwen only wonders what he’s hiding behind his mask.

Through the months, Gwen’s mood shifts from fear to anger. Anger that Merlin kept this from her. She thought they were best friends, that they told each other everything. Gwen has certainly told Merlin everything. But this part of Merlin that he’s been hiding from her makes Gwen feel like she doesn’t even know him at all. 

However, after the anger passes, Gwen starts to feel a bit guilty about it all. She’s been keeping Merlin’s magic a secret for all of a few months, and already the toll of keeping it has been weighing on her constantly. She can only imagine what Merlin’s been going through if he’s had his magic for the whole time he’s been in Camelot. But the part that makes Gwen feel the most guilty it that she never noticed. She always expressed her concern for Merlin, of course, but whenever he used a typical excuse, she assumed everything was fine. Even those times when things seemed a bit more than suspicious, Gwen never thought twice. All this time, Merlin has been guarding this secret in fear for his life, and as far as Gwen knows, he’s been dealing with it alone. 

So, as conflicted as Gwen feels about everything, she comes to realize that it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that Merlin is a sorcerer because Merlin is her friend. And as Merlin’s friend, Gwen can’t stand to hide from him the fact that she knows about his magic. 

They’ve interacted plenty of times since that day, but to Gwen they all felt forced, like she was pretending. She wants to feel that bond of friendship again. She cares for Merlin, as she knows he cares for her, and she wants to make everything right again. 

Of course, the day that she chooses to do it ends up being the worst possible time. 

Gwen awakens that morning with one thought on her mind: Tell Merlin. So, after eating and attending to her morning duties, she immediately heads to find Merlin. She goes to Arthur’s chambers, first, as that’s where Merlin usually is in the mornings. To her surprise, she only finds Arthur in there, eating his own breakfast. 

“Good morning, Guinevere,” Arthur greets, surprised. 

“Good morning,” Gwen greets back, smiling as he stops eating to kiss her cheek. “You haven’t seen Merlin, have you?”

Arthur rolls his eyes at this statement, already confirming the answer to her question before he even responds. “That idiot didn’t even wake me this morning! He’s just lucky that I didn’t have anything pressing to attend to. When he gets back, though, he’s definitely going to pay with some time in the stocks.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a little harsh?” Gwen asks, knowing that Arthur doesn’t truly mean his threats. “I’m sure he’s just busy with chores for Gaius. Let me know if you see him, though. I need to talk with him about something.”

“Or at the tavern,” Arthur adds under his breath, earning a stern glance from Gwen. He eases up. “Fine, I’ll let you know. But if you find him, you let him know that I’m this close to firing him!”

Gwen smiles. “Of course. I’ll see you later, Arthur.”

With one last kiss goodbye, Gwen leaves Arthur’s chambers in search of Merlin yet again. She heads down to Gaius’s next, hoping that he truly is there helping out the Physician. When she arrives, though, she only sees Gaius searching through some potions. 

“Ah, hello Gwen. What can I do for you?” Gaius asks. 

“I’m afraid I’m just searching for Merlin. You haven’t seen him, have you?”

Gaius raises an eyebrow. “No, I haven’t. He wasn’t here when I got up, so I just figured he was with Arthur. Is he not?”

“Arthur hasn’t seen him. Gave me quite the earful about it.”

A worried expression appears on Gaius’s face, and Gwen has a feeling that it’s from more than just him wondering where his missing ward may have gone. She hesitates before asking the next question.

“Gaius....could his disappearance have something to do with his....abilities?” Gwen asks gently, biting her lip. 

Gaius startles a bit, staring at her openly before putting a blank expression back on. “I can’t say I know what you’re talking about.”

“Please, Gaius, I’m really worried about Merlin. I know about everything--the magic. I found out after Lamia, and I’ve been keeping it a secret from him that I know, but now I feel like I need to tell him, but he’s missing and I’m worried that it’s something serious--”

Gaius places a hand on her arm. “Calm down, Guinevere. I have to say, I’m surprised that you know, but Merlin never has been the most careful with his magic.”

“So do you think that’s why he’s gone? Is it something to do with him protecting us again?”

Gaius sighs, rubbing his brow. “I can’t say for certain, but usually that’s what his disappearances end up being about. Usually, he tells me what’s going on before wandering off, at least.”

“He could be in danger,” Gwen realizes. “I have to go find him.”

“You must stay here, Gwen, where it is safe. I don’t know what kind of trouble my boy has gotten himself into now, but I’m certain he wouldn’t want you to risk your life on top of that. He comes out of these things.”

“But how does he come out of them?! Maybe he survives, but at what cost? He’s throwing himself at danger for our expense! I have to help him.”

Gaius relents. “I understand, but please be careful. Who knows what Merlin is up to this time. I would advise you to take a knight, but I have a feeling you wouldn’t listen.”

Gwen shakes her head. “I can’t risk them finding out about Merlin. I might not be completely comfortable with the idea of his magic yet, but I do know that Merlin is my friend, and I will not betray him. Now, do you have any idea of where I might start looking?”

Gaius thinks to himself for a moment before remembering, “Merlin did say something last night about going to the forest for more herbs. I didn’t think anything of it, after all we are running quite low on some items. We typically gather herbs down by the creek.”

“The forest creek. I’ll start there, then. Thank you, Gaius.”

“Thank you, Gwen, for being such a loyal friend to Merlin.”

Gwen smiles, nodding her farewell to the Physician. She only hopes that her loyalty proves true enough that she can find Merlin. 

...

The forest has a strange air to it. The lack of any wind makes the trees stand unnaturally still and silent. Despite the bright shining sun that morning, there’s a dark mood within the forest as she wanders through it. In one hand, she holds a sword, the same one she wounded Lamia with months ago. It seems silly, but the sword reminds her of her bravery, and it gives her strength. 

As she continues on her trek through the forest, worried thoughts play through her head about what condition she might find Merlin in. Gwen doesn’t know what she would do if she lost her closest friend.

Gwen reaches the creek bed, but Merlin is no where to be found. She isn’t surprised, as she figured that Merlin wouldn’t be out for so long merely collecting herbs. Gwen continues searching as the day wears on, only stopping to drink and eat, replenishing her energy. 

Gwen walks a long distance in search of Merlin, though she never strays into unfamiliar parts of the forest in fear that she won’t find her way back. Her feet ache horribly, and her body is weak, but she refuses to give up before nightfall. The sun rises and sets, and soon Gwen is left searching in the near dark with only the stars to guide her. She’s about ready to call it quits, as she can’t search for Merlin properly if she gets incapacitated herself, when she suddenly hears a deep, loud noise in the distance.

She chases after the noise, despite not knowing what the noise could possibly be. The noise sounds again, only softer, and Gwen continues to trace it as best she can in the dark. Brush scrapes at her hands as she hurries through the foliage, following her only lead she’s had all day. 

Finally, panting in exertion, Gwen stumbles into a clearing. Although it is dark, she can make out a familiar form kneeling on the ground next to something. Gwen shudders in relief and sprints over to him. 

“Merlin!” she calls out, hitching up her dress as she goes. The figure startles, turning toward the noise. As she gets closer, he comes into better view. 

“Gwen?!” Merlin asks in confusion, standing up to greet her. 

Gwen smacks into him, clinging on tightly to his form. He winces, but clings back to her just as tightly. An odd chirping noise interrupts their reunion. Gwen pulls away, only to find what looks like a tiny baby dragon at their feet, white as snow, and a cracked egg. She gasps in surprise. 

“I-I can explain,” Merlin stutters, grappling for some sort of excuse. Meanwhile, Gwen kneels next to the creature, cooing at it. The dragon snuffles, scooting closer to her in caution. Gwen offers a hand, allowing the dragon to come to her. It stretches out to sniff at her, obviously deeming her acceptable as he comes closer to nudge into her hand with another adorable chirp. Gwen giggles, stroking the strange feeling skin with her palm as the dragon continues to nuzzle her. 

“Adorable. What’s its name?” Gwen wonders idly as she scratches at the dragon’s neck. 

“Aithusa, her name is Aithusa,” Merlin replies, still shocked at everything that’s happening around him. “Gwen--why are you here?”

Gwen stops petting Aithusa, who continues to explore the world around her. She stands again, facing Merlin. “I was worried about you, of course! No one knew where you were, Merlin. You could have been dead!”

“Well, I’m obviously alive,” Merlin jokes. Gwen smacks his arm. 

“That’s not funny, Merlin!”

“I’m sorry, really.” He pauses, in thought. “...You don’t seem very surprised by the dragon.”

“Oh, I am a bit. I didn’t expect you to have hatched a dragon egg, but I’m not surprised that you’re getting into something magic related. That’s actually what I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”

Merlin plays dumb. “W-what? What are you talking about?”

“Do not think me stupid, Merlin. I have known about your magic for a while now, since the Lamia incident. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I was trying to wrap my head around everything.”

Merlin gapes at her, face paler than normal. His fingers twitch, and he looks around, as if ready to bolt from her. She takes a step forward, ignoring his flinch, and brings him into another hug. He hesitates before cautiously hugging back. 

“So, you don’t hate me?” Merlin wonders, still on edge. 

Gwen chuckles. “I don’t hate you, Merlin. I don’t think I could ever hate you. I’ll admit, I was confused and hurt at first, because I’ve been taught to fear magic my entire life. I never would have expected you to be a sorcerer. But then, it all began to make sense. You’ve been protecting us all this entire time.”

She feels the heat of Merlin’s blush against her cheek. “It’s my duty to protect my friends and Camelot.”

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t honest with you about knowing.”

Merlin pulls away this time, looking her in the eye. “You’re sorry?! I’m sorry, Gwen. You’re my best friend. I should have been honest with you about my magic from the beginning, but I was scared.”

“You’re my best friend too, Merlin. And you don’t need to be scared any longer, not around me.”

Merlin smiles, appearing lighter than before. The feeling of Aithusa pawing at her leg gently interrupts the moment. Gwen looks down, unable to do anything but smile at the baby dragon. 

“Don’t worry, little one. We haven’t forgotten about you,” Gwen coos, reaching down to pick her up. Aithusa trills happily at the attention. “Speaking of which, what are we going to do about her?”

Merlin scratches his head. “I hadn’t really thought any further ahead.”

Gwen rolls her eyes. “Of course not. Honestly, you men are all the same sometimes. It’s a good thing I’m here to help now. What if we find her a nice cave to reside in where no one will discover her?”

“That won’t work, at least not now. She’s a baby, she needs someone to care for her constantly. I thought Kilgharrah would naturally do that, but I guess I should do it myself.”

“Kilgharrah?” Gwen questions, then backtracks. “Not now, later. You do still have a lot to explain to me, Merlin. Don’t think you’re getting off the hook quite so easily.”

Merlin laughs. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Well, I suppose we’ll just have to bring her to Camelot for now. Only temporarily though! Maybe you can disguise her.”

“Disguise her? How?”

Gwen stares at him. “Magic?”

“Oh, oh yeah! Maybe. I’d have to consult some of my books, though. Maybe she could be disguised as a large bird, like an owl.”

“We’ll figure out the details on our way back to Camelot. Also, just so you know, Arthur is probably planning your punishment as we speak.”

Merlin groans. “Of course. That prat. You couldn’t convince him otherwise?”

“I tried! But you know Arthur. Besides, I do think you deserve a bit of reprimand after leaving to hatch a dragon egg! You could have been seriously hurt, Merlin.”

“I know, but I’m alright, I promise.” As if to confirm this, Aithusa hops from Gwen’s arms over to Merlin’s shoulder, sniffing him. Merlin chuckles, sweeping a hand over her flank. She happily chirps and curls around his shoulders, fitting perfectly. 

“You’re still going to get checked out by Gaius when we get back.”

“Fine, if that will convince you.”

Gwen glances over at Merlin, knowing now that she’s finally seeing him for who he really is. “I’m glad I know, Merlin.”

“I’m glad you know, too.”

[nose-bl]

this is a rant about how they ruined gwen’s character and about her relationships too

disclaimer: this post is long because i derail a bit from the main topic i guess and i overanalyze stuff a lot and i don’t know how to explain very well what i mean, also this topic is not really thaaat deep i just write a lot, but i hope someone on the fandom will understand this and agree :)

I will be forever bitter that Gwen x Lancelot wasn’t canon and that they had to be apart from each other. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE that Gwen became queen later on and it’s not like her relationship with Arthur was bad, I like it, but honestly it was rushed and it was completely ruined around the last two seasons.

So first of all, Gwen loved Lancelot, very clearly, and she promised her feelings for him wouldn’t fade as long as she lived. And she seemed really upset when he left without saying goodbye on S2E04, when he decided he didn’t want to come between her and Arthur. But it’s a problem because Gwen and Lancelot already loved each other and were perfect together, while Gwen barely knew Arthur really, and as I said it was really rushed. I think that’s my main issue, it was too fast, I understand how and why Gwen developped feelings for Lancelot, but I cannot understand why it was so quick for her to develop those feelings on Arthur. I just can’t. I know why she likes him, but how was that so fast. Because all that happened when he stayed at her home was basically her giving him a lesson (which, btw, we all loved that, Gwen is an icon), I completely see why Arthur loves her, that’s easy to see, but I don’t understand how it happened to Gwen?.

My other big issue is that we see on later seasons how Gwen basically loses importance, and like even after she marries Arthur and becomes queen etc etc she starts to not be so present, and it is canon that Arthur doesn’t talk to or spends much time with her, he spends all his time with Merlin and tells him everything but is too secretive around her, and that’s just not really normal? I mean, with the way those parts were written of course people ship Arthur with Merlin and not with Gwen.

It’s tricky tho, I do want Gwen to be queen, which is what happens, and I know the whole situation with her being a servant and Arthur a prince, which meant their love was almost impossible, is an interesting topic, but at the same time I never wanted her to be with Arthur. It’s really weird, I just think so many things could have been different but she really HAD to be queen, it was important for so many reasons, so that’s the issue.

I also think ever since she became queen she changed so much, she said in the past that she’s not ashamed of being a servant and that she’s happy with her life, and I think that’s the issue: her becoming queen means she is no longer a servant, and I mean good for her being queen is so cool and she deserves it, but also, it changes everything, now when we see her, although she is still the same humble, honest and loyal woman we’ve always known, her character feels different. And if you remember the whole situation with Morgana controlling her and all that....

Look, obviously I wanted Merthur to be canon because let’s be honest it’s what makes the most sense and I always am sad about the fact that it didn’t happen in some way or another, but that’s not the reason I don’t like Arthur to be with Gwen, I just think that her character was ruined on the last season and I am angry about that because she is one of the best characters of the show, I love her so much, and her romance with Arthur changed a lot of things. Gwen deserved so much better, in many ways, and I don’t think she needs a man to be happy, not at all, but she did find a man she loved and I wanted her to be happy with him, you know? We know her relationship with Arthur failed a lot and she didn’t seem too happy after becoming queen. Heck, even the fact that she was to marry Arthur and become queen ruined her life (flashback to that episode where she was under a spell and at the end was banished from Camelot...)

For me what would have made more sense, considering everything that happened before, would have been her being with Lancelot and rejecting Arthur, and then him suffering for that but recovering eventually and being with Merlin, it literally makes the most sense and plot-wise it would have done so many great things, like maybe idk leading Merlin to telling him sooner about his magic. Honestly I am disappointed because they developped Arthur’s and Merlin’s relationship so much and they were so close and so many gay things happened, so this is not just me being sad I didn’t get that lgbt+ representation or that my ship wasn’t canon, this is also me actually being bitter because they had a great opportunity to make it happen when it made sense and it just didn’t happen.

Anyway, the only issue with that is that Gwen had to become queen, she really had to, it was important for her and for everyone else and without that so many things wouldn’t work so it frustrates me that it is the way it is. I could be angry at the writers because they did many, many mistakes that infuriate me sometimes, but I understand it was a tricky situation.

I just think, if they weren’t gonna let Gwen love Lancelot why did they bring his character back? That only conflicted her, and made her suffer in the end, and it was unecessary unles they were planning on actually letting him be finally happy with her, after finding himself, which was also thanks to her.

As a little side note, I almost forgot to mention that I actually ship Gwen with Morgana because they were so soft with each other and it also made sense (well, at least before Morgana’s corruption)

Romance has never really been a big thing in the show aand it’s not my favourite part either, it’s always been quite simple, so for it to be better for the characters and everything, they would have had to focus more on the romance but that has never been the point of the show which is why the simplicity might be good too.

Idk, maybe I’m just overthinking it, but it always felt so wrong. It’s more than just me not liking a ship, it’s really an issue with how that part of  the plot turned out, this series is, in a big part, about the relationships between the characters, their dynamics and friendships (but not really the romance as i already said), mainly between Merlin and Arthur (I mean it’s all basically about Merlin having to save him so they can fulfill their destinies together hmmm), so of course things like this are important to the plot and change everything, but yeah idk I don’t think it’s that deep, just something that’s been on my mind and I tend to overanalyze stuff

[blackasmidnightcats]

QfG Rants and Remakes part 5

Big thanks to both @agathasarmy and @yarasquad for sharing their ideas with me and believing that I could actually make a coherent rant without being too swallowed up by my emotions and hopefully I'll be able to do the same here.

P.S. Imma change the title of the next Rants and Remakes cause it's definitely not focusing on QfG anymore and it's gonna focus of AWWP so yeah...there's that to look forward too.

Chaddick & Yara + Tagatha interlude

Note: This post was originally gonna be titled "Chaddick & Yara + Mourning the Departed" and would have turned out as how it is explained below but as I was writing about Chaddick I realized that I needed to talk about something concerning Tagatha and realized that this post would have been too long for all three so I gonna move the "Mourning of Departed" in its own post. Hope you guys understand. Tagatha has a strong pull with me.

Imma actually gonna outline this cause I need to organize my thoughts and at least with this I could remember the direction that I would be heading.

First part's definitely going to talk about how Chaddick and Yara's death is bs

Then imma explain why them staying alive would have impacted the TCY storyline a lot more meaningfully (p.s. this is where the Tagatha interlude will be found)

And last (and this has been moved to its own post so stay tuned for it), I would also like to nitpick Soman's obvious lack of thought when it comes to the characters that have departed (mainly Callis and Lady Lesso and August Sader) and how it should have affected the characters (mainly Sophie and Agatha)

How Chaddick and Yara could have helped the storyline better

WARNING: I realized while writing this that I kinda made Chaddick and Yara more flawed than they are writen because I have to think about their character growth and they can't have that without having any flaws. So expect some more drama with these two than needed as I share my thoughts on how their characters could have went. They get better in the end believe me.

So I think that everyone in the fandom is one with the idea that Chaddick's death was one of the MOST worst decisions that Soman made.

As @agathasarmy said it once, Chaddick's death is more frustrating than sad because of how out of nowhere it is.

Via @agathasarmy:

but… Chaddick??? dying??? IN THE BEGINNING OF THE SERIES????

IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE, AND THE ONLY WAY IT MAKE SENSE IS COS SOMAN OBVIOUSLY DID IT TO INTRODUCE RHIAN AND THATS THE SHITTIEST THING ABOUT IT

HE REDUCED CHADDICK’S DEATH AS A PLOT DOOR WITHOUT PROPERLY SUBSTANTIATING CHADDICK’S CHARACTER FIRST SO INSTEAD OF US TRULY MOURNING HIS LIFE WE’RE JUST LEFT WITH THIS HOLLOW FEELING OF WHAT HE COULD’VE BEEN AS AN INTEGRAL CHARACTER TO THE PLOT

THIS

Chaddick's death felt hollow because it was a PLOT DEVICE. It didn't (or at least Soman didn't) conscider Chaddick much of a character but a means and once this happens some deaths can be very very hollow.

Like his POV chapter was very hard to read all because especially once you find out that he's dead by the end of it (SHAME SOMAN, SHAME) because his story and plot had so much potential. We weren't able to properly feel sad about his lost because we didn't get to know him better.

It just feels tragic. So much potential lost, all because Soman wanted Tedros to feel vulnerable because he lost his close friend.

WHICH SOMAN DIDN'T REALLY NEED TO DO

I explained already why this is bull and I'm gonna explain later what could have happened for Chaddick's character.

But in summary on why Soman didn't need to do it: EXPECTATIONS

Chaddick and Tedros would have been stressed out with all the expectations and comparison with Arthur and Lancelot. One wrong move could have broke them apart easily.

But Soman could have also not wanted to deal with Chaddick against his Sophie obssession so there could be that too.

SHAME SOMAN

Now, Yara.

Our little Soft Girl

She should not have died.

She really shouldn't have

W h y ?

Because her being alive would have impacted the story more than her death ever did. Just like Chaddick.

And if the problem was what she could have affected in the storyline in TLEA, then she could have been on the sides like. . . as Tristan from time to time or something.

Her being alive would have not affected or change TLEA at all. Like if more important characters like the Coven and the League can fade into the background then so could she.

But I really don't imagine her being in the school for New Evil with Aric as Dean. No, maybe Yuba could have hidden her with the League and she could have accompanied Princess Uma when they were getting Tedros and Agatha and then accompanied the Leuge or something.

Really it would have been that simple. C'mon.

Plus Kiko has been reduced to wreck after that. At least, with Yara being alive she could have fixed herself a bit more.

Okay

So in summary again: CHADDICK AND YARA SHOULD NOT HAVE DIED AND SHAME ON SOMAN FOR KILLING THEM OFF

Now, let's get to the juicier part, what could these two have contributed to the TCY storyline.

On Chaddick

It's pretty obvious what Chaddick's role should have been. He should have been important to the plot because his role would have been about breaking the comparison between the Past and the Present (see Soman, it could have been integrated into your canon plot) between him, Tedros, and Agatha to Lancelot, Arthur, and Gwen.

I'm pretty sure that Camelot has its eyes on these three.

It's pretty freaking convenient that they all have a predecessor to be compared to. And I'm pretty sure that it's not just Camelot who notices the pattern. I mean the whole freaking Woods read about this affair.

So Chaddick, along with Tedros and Agatha, should have been the ones that break this chain. It could have symbolized that Camelot was entering into a new, better era after a similar relationship broke it.

Like, a King, his beloved Queen and his most trusted Knight brought hope but ended in a Tragedy.

Now, another King, his beloved Queen and his most trusted Knight are skeptically judged for having the same pattern and they instead bring the Glory that first trio didn't

With Tedros, Agatha, and Chaddick united with each other bringing Camelot out of its traumatic experience with Tedros's parents, Camelot finally accepting that these three are not the same as Arthur, Gwen, and Lance and fully supporting them DESPITE the fear, would have been a much stronger message of that 'the past doesn't always repeat itself.'

Because with Rhian being known and most propably remembered as Tedros's most trusted Knight and betraying him in the end, it's like a copy of what Lance technically did to Arthur.

It just further proved that Camelot's King would always be betrayed by the ones they trust most.

Sadly for Arthur, he was betrayed by both Gwen and Lance and they left him alone.

While Tedros still has Agatha but without Chaddick the lesson simply is not learned.

Chaddick was integral to this formula because Camelot would have had to face yet another propable tragedy for their beloved King in the hands of the people he loves. With Tedros, Agatha, and Chaddick, complete, proving that they could do better despite having just a strong a bond as what Arthur and co had and Camelot accepting and trsuting this, the previous wounds would be replaced with new Hope.

Because even if that whole affair happened and ruined the Kingdom, at least they have proof that it's not always gonna happen that way.

And that's why Rhian being remembered as Tedros's Knight hurts this idea. Cause he betrayed him too.

Anyway, hopefully I made my point with this legacy thing.

Plus Chaddick and Arthur's Round Table training him. WHY SOMAN WHY?!?!?!

And now, imma explain what I think should have happened with Chaddick and how his character development and his role should have played out.

Because Chaddick is a pretty well rounded character, his POV chapter proves that he's brave, and is willing to die for his friends and what's right, and there isn't really much flaws to him aside from that he can sometimes make the most worst decisions despite being pretty wise.

I honestly cannot tell if he is stupid sometimes or Soman just does this to him cause PLOT.

Fandom I need help with this. Give me some opinions.

Like. . . he's wise enough to know what was right, examples being warning Tedros about Sophie and the first to listen to Agatha in AWWP, but also dumb or ignorant enough to bully Agatha in Book 1 and that VERY IMPORTANT THING ABOUT completely ABUSING Tedros is AWWP.

Like I'm kinda confused with him.

Well maybe we can say that he's a bit ignorant and maybe was raised with privilege so that's why he bullied Agatha in Book 1 and kinda wisened up in Book 2 about her.

But I am not excusing his attitude towards Tedros in AWWP because that was messed up. Well, AWWP was messed up so there is that but if we have to acknowledge that mess and have some closure then I vote for it to come from Chaddick and Yara.

Like maybe the reason why Chaddick is more wise now is because of that very experience. Maybe he could still be a bit guilty about it and that kinda messes with his mind cause he still thinks that Tedros is still the same boy those years ago in their second year and Rhian uses this to his advantage.

Actually, thinking about it this makes so much sense.

Like instead of AGATHA having the trust issues (thought I wouldn't completely vanish it, just not at the same level as she does in canon) it's CHADDICK that has them. Cause he's always kinda gets haunted by what happened in AWWP.

I mean Tedros replaced him with ARIC of all people when he failed to retrieve Agatha. There has to be some animosity between them since. I can imagine that Chaddick kinda felt like him and Tedros could never be as close as when they were during their first year. And he would totally understand it if Tedros never really forgave him for what happened and was at peace with it even if he didn't have enough guts to find a closure for it. He'd respect his friend first and foremost.

But then comes Tedros, all fine and inviting him to be his Knight like that would mess Chaddick up.

He propably couldn't believe it at first and maybe even kindly refused the offer at first but then he sees the heart break in Tedros's face and Chaddick realizes that Tedros really wanted this.

Tedros still sees Chaddick as his closest friend despite what happened in AWWP. And maybe after some thinking, Chaddick realizes that he still wants to have the bond with Tedros like what they had in Book 1. So he accepts.

But of course, they've changed and Chaddick still gets eaten by guilt because I think that he's the kind of person that knows that he did something wrong and wants to repent for it.

So instead of that wise friend that Tedros had in Book 1, Chaddick can't trust his judgement about Tedros because he's scared he'd go too far. So he kinda just agrees to Tedros's ideas and doesn't really give advice. Tedros kinda notices this and tries to talk to Chaddick about it but Chaddick would be all formal to him. Tedros, I don't really know, would think that it would be for his sake with the comparison with Arthur and Lance and all. So he kinda just goes along with it.

It's messy right now guys, I know, I'm kinda butchering Chaddick's character here but I promise it gets better and in my mind he'd be like this for only Book 4. He'd be Wise Chaddick again right after. Just give me a chance to explain.

So they have this kind of miscommunication thing that Canon Tagatha had in QfG instead and that would have made so much more sense and here's why;

Warning: this is officially where the Tagatha interlude starts so if you wanna skip it (why though???) find the sign that states it's the end. It's gonna be in pink too.

The fact that Tagatha was having a miscommunication failure was kinda off with me because 1) they've been over this in AWWP and TLEA. In TLEA Tedros has absolutely no problem with pushing Agatha to share more when she wouldn't and 2) he could easily read her like a book, especially when it counts. Like he could get her favorite food wrong but he always seemed to know what Agatha was having trouble with and was there to help her out and is not afraid to call her out on it (i.e. the Cinderella thing, he was on point there)

Imma provide some examples of Tedros totally getting Agatha when it counts;

AND THIS

AND THIS TOO

WAIT THERE IS MORE (The Tagatha Moment)

AND LET US NOT FORGET

THIS IS WHY TLEA TAGATHA WILL ALWAYS BE BEST TAGATHA.

I get that Agatha's insecure about herself and maybe she was kinda influenced with the Excalibur thing (but I highly doubt it though) but it's no reason for her to get to the conclusion she did at the end of QfG.

I mean girl, you were always thinking that Tedros would be a Great King in TLEA and that's why you've been so insecure about yourself. WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT???

Someone call me out on this PLEASE. I'm hurting myself by judging her too hard.

I can imagine that she would be sceptical with Tedros's ideas and kinda doubting him about it (you guys have no idea how much it hurts typing this) but I can also imagine that she would never doubt that Tedros's heart is in the right place even if she thinks that the way he gets there isn't always the best.

Like we have literal proof that Tedros gets Agatha almost like Sophie does and the best thing is that I'm sure that Tedros would think of the best in mind.

The mess in QfG makes no sense because they should be over this miscommunication bs and it should not have been a thing.

And if it was because of the stress with Excalibur and his responsibilities as King that made Tedros suddenly not get Agatha then WTF Soman!?!?!? I did not ask for this. They were literally about to die in TLEA and yet they could still joke and tease each other and have these cute little scenes with the other.

Instead I got Rhian's b*tch ass being Tedros's therapists when he knows sh*t about this boy and Agatha doubting Tedros like he did something horrible. (Well he did for trusting Rhian but i digress)

I could have had more of these cute Tagatha scenes instead. Like, is it too much to ask for these two to just show their love for each other in other ways than "I will save you" and "You're the best thing ever and I don't want to lose you for this horrible thing that I did or say" like give me small softer moments anytime.

Tedros gently teasing Agatha when she's being difficult and Agatha being totally trying not to show that she's smitten over it.

Agatha trying to be romantic at the most outrageous moments and Tedros being like "?????" but totally finding it cute.

Other character just not getting these two when they do and they are just as confused.

These are the kind of scenes I wanted from them. And if I have to use Chaddick to get it then so be it. (I'm sorry about this, I'm mostly projecting at this point and these really affecting my personal opinions on this matter but I'll try to tone it down a bit so that it's still coherent)

Note: this is the official end of the Tagatha interlude but i'm not keeping any promises that it'll be the last

Anyways, Chaddick and Tedros, they have more reasons with having communication problems because;

They have not been together for a very long time and they've both propably changed since

AWWP. So far, the two of them have had horrible experiences as the last thing that they remember about each other.

As I explained, I headcanon that Chaddick has a somewhat formed a sort of PSTD with it and is very scared that he's gonna mess it up.

I'm not even going to try to explain the PSTD thing cause I feel like I'm not gonna do it justice but I hope you get what I mean.

Chaddick must have become more unsure of himself after AWWP and he must still be trying to fit this new Tedros with the old one that he used to hang out with in Book 1. It would have been a good comparison to show that Tedros has indeed change and grown since then.

Like Chaddick kinda feels like he needs to intervene when Tedros shares a very outrageous suggestion but doesn't know how and kinda ends up in a mess.

Basically imagine Tagatha's problems in QfG and apply to Tedros and Chaddick instead.

And Chaddick would have been suspiscious about Rhian from the beginning. He's a smart savy guy afterall.

So Rhian kinda exploits this and gets the two boys against each other. Because say that Tedros and Chaddick have this big fight propably like the one when Agatha comments that Tedros was being a horrible king but Chaddick's the one that said it instead. Say that this happens around the middle of the Book and it's the final straw between them because they haven't been properly communicating and all the pressure on them. Rhian could easily worm his way to Tedros's side and replace Chaddick nicely. Cause unlile Chaddick, Rhian would make Tedros believe that HE'S the one that believes in him the most.

So they kinda fall apart and Chaddick and Tedros are trying to understand where it all went wrong.

Agatha would try to understand each side and get them to better terms again but she can't do it alone plus a-hole Rhian is butting in.

I imagine that, for me, the logical person that Chaddick might approach on his dilema with Tedros might be Ravan.

Cause the two of them basically think the same way and are usually calm and wise. The only difference would be that Chaddick's more active while Ravan's more passive and choses to observe before making a move. So he calms Chaddick down when he's being too impatient.

Chaddick and Agatha would be talking of course. And I don't know why but I imagine that they're more numb to all the gossip about the three of them especially around each other because they're both sort of level headed and wise then when they're with Tedros individually.

And I imagine this is where the Tagatha drama happens. Only after Rhian cause I wanna be clear that without him, Tagatha would have been fine. He also tries to break them up by saying that Agatha sides with Chaddick and that she doesn't have much faith in Tedros too.

Agatha's going to deny this of course (because it's all bs from Rhian) but Tedros has been too stressed and vulnerable that he sorta starts to believe it and Agatha gets frustrated that Tedros is choosing to believe Rhian when she's known him longer and after everything that they've been through.

But Tedros isn't fully under Rhian's spell. I would have put several times when they would doubt each other especially when Rhian talks crap about Agatha and Chaddick and it would be beserk button for Tedros so Rhian doesn't really go there.

Now Chaddick would be having his little personal battle with himself and Ravan and Agatha would be there to support him and give some advice.

The real kicker would have been when Rhian is adored by Camelot as Tedros's Treasured Knight, someone better than Lancelot and Chaddick kinda has a heartbreaking moment because HE'S supposed to be the one that was known as Tedros's Treasured Knight not this stranger. Not this stranger that stole everything from him especially his best friend.

Agatha hears about this and reflects the time when she gave up her own position as Tedros's queen in TLEA and remembers that Tedros knows her and all her monsters and has been the light to help her fight them.

So she and Chaddick have this talk and she tries to concinve him that Tedros wouldn't want for Chaddick to just give up on him like that. Chaddick thinks about it but is still not completely convinced but Agatha reminds him that Tedros CHOOSE HIM to be his Knight and Liege and they both have to fight for it.

It's Ravan who finally manages to get Chaddick to gear when he asks Chaddick if he's going to regret anything he should choose to either regret letting Tedros go and not fighting for their friendship or make a complete idiot of himself but fight for their friendship instead.

So Chaddick does the latter but everything is too late and the Rhian thing happens as I explained in the first Rants and Remakes post and Chaddick gets tossed into jail with Tedros.

It's in book 5 that I imagine their relationship actually starts to heal itself and they both try to get through everything. I haven't thought of all the kinks out yet but I imagine a lot of fights and Chaddick just kinda shouting what he thinks before he startsvthe regret it and Tedros being this physic and just getting Chaddick too like how he does Agatha.

Again, I haven't thought of everything yet but I'll share it when I do

Now let's move on to Yara

On Yara

Yara would have been more influencial alive then dead and I already explained why how she could have been handled in TLEA cause where I really see exploiting her is in the storyline of TCY.

With the Balance vs Chaos in mind as well as the Lady of the Lake villainess plotline, Yara could have been the answer to this.

She'd be a living reminder of everything that all the characters went through in AWWP and how horribly toxic it is to everyone. Especially those like Yara who lives in the between.

Like with the Lady plotline she would have promoted ultimate purity for both Good and Evil and doesn't believe that each side could be able to understand each other so she thinks that she's promoting Balance that way and that letting each side corrupt the other is Chaos.

She would have believed that Yara is an abomination to the Balance because she is the embodiment of the idea that you can choose some charcteristic from two sides and still be yourself.

Plus with Yara alive the other characters would be forced to rethink their ideals and how to approach this new possibility and reflect on the old ways that have been hurting the ones that are similar to her.

I imagine that Yara's gonna have an internal struggle with this like she's still trying to understand it herself and as she tries to understand it the more that the other characters do as well.

I haven't actually thought out her actual detailed storyline just yet and even though I wanna say more I know that I might butcher her character as I go on but I definitely know her importance to the possible story.

As I explained before, if in TSY was Good VS Evil and that the TCY was about Good AND Evil and how both sides need each other to grow and develop and that the importance of the School still teaching Good and Evil in its most purest form is so that they'd all have a guideline to go by but the curriculum has become more flexible with their beliefs OF Good and Evil and that every student just have shades of grey but choses to go by these either of the two and can still be a Hero or a Villain then Yara could have been the right person to show that it doesn't matter if your not completely on one side and was given the characteristics of the other, it matters what values you choose to follow despite it and how tou choose to use it to help everyone else for the better.

Cause it's canon already that it doesn't matter what they are, it's what they do that counts.

NGL I'm not completely satisfied with how I explained Chaddick and Yara I feel like I didn't do them justice here and I will definitely get back to this when I have organized and fleshed out my thoughts on them

Anyways, if you guys would like to add your own thoughts to this post pls do.

[hayleysstark]

Hey! Gwaine is my absolute favorite knight, can I please have some head canons about him?

but of course!!! ya girl emrys is always ready to talk about one (1) gorgeous bastard

this mf has picked up an absolute fuckton of languages over the years. didn’t speak a word of Spanish until he landed himself in Madrid (he still doesn’t remember how he got there) but damn if he wasn’t flawlessly fluent by the time he left. he knows all his favorite tavern songs forwards, backwards, and in French. calls Arthur principessa and prinzessin at least a hundred times a day. 

tbh he deliberately exaggerates his own reputation as a scoundrel and a drunk - it’s easier to get one over on somebody who’s already written you off as just another Useless Pretty Boy, after all. he’s won more than his fair share of tavern brawls this way. 

permanently exiled from Carleon. no one actually knows why. he changes the story every time to sound more badass. he has six (6) different variations of the tale circulating just in Camelot castle.

smart enough to stay on level with Gaius, actually, but absolutely no scholar. he’d much rather put his intellect to worthy use, like pulling a brilliant prank on his fellow knights, or nicking sweets from the castle’s kitchens with Merlin

CAN and WILL fall asleep anywhere, any time, under any circumstances. honestly ???? i respect that.

has his own special “i literally survived so many horrible things, there is NO WAY this is going to be the thing that takes me out” brand of optimism

BI 👏 BI 👏 BI 👏

one of the only people in the known world who can actually understand math 

picks up funny-looking rocks and weird crystals and things everywhere he goes. it’s a good and subtle way to carry a little piece of the places he’s been with him

DO NOT take this man to the market, EVER, because he WILL touch anything and everything on display

new lover every week tbh. or, at least, he did, once upon a time, but that was back before Arthur made him a knight and un-banished him and all of that. he threw himself into night after night with a hundred thousand people he didn’t love to pretend he wasn’t nearly as lonely as he was.

really just..... a b a d past tbh very bad. terrible home. terrible family. remember the joke about his sister in Herald of a New Age??? it wasn’t a joke. next question.

tries at least once a week to convince Arthur to replace the fountain in the castle courtyard with a six-foot-tall mead keg. has he won yet????? no. is he going to let that stop him???? also no.

ambidextrous

very ride-or-die for his friends tbh. he’s never had even one friend before, let alone the dozens he makes his first week in Camelot. he’s determined to never take any of them for granted.  

that’s about all i can come up with off the top of my head ((i never write my headcanons down tbh i just. think about them obsessively until they are inseparable from the character in my head lmao)). Hope you can find more of that Good Gwaine Content™️! 

[kiwibirdlafayette]

Alright good god I needed to share this cause I had stumbled upon this screenshot on google one day while looking for references (if anyone knows who took it let me know so i can link the post cause I cant remember op) and-

Well, I made some interesting observations after trying to read the flag of presumably, Arthur, and how it actually ties into the central motif of the show itself. 

A bit of an essay ahead, feel free to read if you’d like 

First off, the flag. For the past few days I’ve been trying to figure out what those characters were (mostly because it’s just really blurry) and it finally occured to me that those are Trollish text (y’know like the ones that appear in Brief Recapitulation of Troll Lore)

While it still is kind of difficult to read even while sharpening and brightening the image, the best transcription I can get out of it is written in the annotations, which, according to the chart prior, roughly translates to “king”.

This, of course, isn’t the intriguing part as the individual holding the flag is obviously already meant to be interpreted as a king, even without it (as he wears a blatant crown atop his head to depict his status) The part that really got me is the fact that theres Trollish text there in the first place.

Back in season 1 when Blinky’s discussing the history of trolls, one very important thing he says is: “For centuries, the troll and human worlds stood separate and at peace” (Season 1, Episode 4), meaning it doesn’t seem likely that Camelot and Pre-Glastonbury Trollmarket would have shared a written language, unless there was more interspecies interactions then we have been led to believe. We’ll come back to this in a second. 

Then theres the whole concept of the infamous museum mural, which becomes interestingly relevant to this particular theory with the show already possessing a recurring red/blue color motif throughout.

Evident in the dichotomy between Eclipse/Daylight, Troll Jim/Gunmar, red and blue seems to play a pivotal role in depicting the two sides of the shows internal moral conflict. However, this heartbeat conflict isn't a simplistic moral battle regarding the matter “good vs evil”, but rather, it’s “war v. peace”

Think about it. If blue= good and red=evil, why is Gunmar and the Darkland’s so heavily associated with blue? Or why is Jim, the key protagonist, dressed in red for his defining moment in season 3 when he defeats Gunmar? 

Instead, blue is meant to be war, and red is meant to be peace, but also separation. Just as Gunmar, (pre-gold colorations) intends to bring war to the surface lands to regain control (furthered even by the fact that the Decimaar blade is blue, and represents control for war), the Daylight armor was created for a single purpose: battle. It is, after all, knights armor. And while you could argue, yes Eclipse was also created for the purpose of battle, its true inherent purpose wasn’t to fight to protect, it was created solely to defeat Gunmar, the source of war. 

(Completely ignoring the premonition of 3Below and Wizards for a second), it isn’t until after Gunmar’s defeat that separation and (temporary) peace seems to have occurred. Arcadia settles down, and the majority of troll world once again becomes separate from humanity with Jim, Blinky and a good amount of Trollmarket trekking off to New Jersey. 

As pointed out by Tuna on the THCC discord, the character who is most likely Merlin carries a horngazel, an element of the show associated with bridges, and gateways (which, typically insinuates separation between two realms) whereas the woman (perhaps Morgana?) to the other side of Arthur carries a knife, a connotation of war. Such observations would ultimately suggest that maybe separation of the worlds is what Merlin has wanted all along. 

Consider: Merlin is the one entirely who suggests moving to New Jersey, he’s the one who turns Jim “red” in the first place. And even in the portrait, it’s him who’s more dominantly clad in red (between the two, with the blue of his main outfit maybe being a closer indication to his allegiance to Arthur as court colors) whereas Morgana (maybe even Morgause?), who appears to be suggesting war/violence, is dressed entirely in blue. Specifically, the shade of blue seen on Gunmar and on the soldiers in the mural. 

Now, returning to the issue of Arthur and the Trollish banner, what if the banner isn’t just an indication of his status as King of Camelot, but rather, its trying to communicate something. It’s fairly evident in a lot of Arthuriana that one of Arthur’s main goals has been to unite all of the Britons, and in the case of ToA, this could have included the non-human residents as well. 

Perhaps, in an attempt to unite the two realms, Arthur decides that he would try to make peace with them, as red too, is the color of peace, using the banner as a way of showing to them that Camelot does not seek war, but understand and alliance. However, his advisor, Merlin, disagrees, Believing that trolls and humans should stay separate. Morgana, who maybe already had some kind of ill will against the society of trolls (which is a bit inconsistent with her ‘mother of monsters’ narrative but I wont go into this since it isn’t my area of expertise), is convinced the only way to gain their allegiance is via violence/control. People of Camelot catch wind of the king’s plans, and maybe they start taking sides.

And perhaps it is this very particular sequence of events is what leads to the occurrence we see depicted in the museum mural. The two forces of peace/war coming into conflict with one another that it just ends with the two worlds remaining separate for the rest of time. Merlin and Morgana, now in conflict with one another, and trolls and humans staying out of reach from one another.

 From there, maybe Arthuriana occurs as it would have, including Mordred, the Grail and the Battle of Camelann, all the way to the king becoming a troll we all know and love (but that’s a story for another post)

So Tldr; This image, overall is meant to be Arthur, aiming to bring together the communities of humans and trolls alike begins developing plans of peace offerings, learning their language and using it as means to gain an alliance. However, because of Merlin’s desire to prevent this alliance, and Morgana/Morgause’s belief they will not accept non-violent means, Camelot instead falls to an everlasting moral division of peace vs. war that continues on as a motif in the show canon, that is not yet concluded despite Jim’s defeat of Gunmar.

[lawgoddess]

EDITION #2234 – MAY 22, 2020 

 Before commenting to the newsletter, please read the FAQ first. mxa_news is now cross-posting on tumblr at mxa-news.tumblr.com. Follow us there! News/Resources merlincastnews: BRADLEY JAMES: INTERVIEW WITH THE PODCAST DESTINY AND CHICKEN Challenges/Fests camelot_drabble: Prompt #413 Sign-ups! camelot_drabble: Prompt # 412 Masterlist! merlin_forever: Promoting Merlin Canon Fest Discussion/Meta merlin_forever: Merlin Re-watch Reminder: 1X11 - The Labyrinth of Gedref Fanart lesgrandtears: sometimes i feel i can hardly breathe everyone expects so much of me. raging-titan: merthur doodles maryluis: Do this Merlin, do that Merlin! zeramara: AU where everyone lives, Merlin can use magic freely, and they all lived happily ever after Multimedia MistbornHero: Podfic of Rescue Me by SlantedKnitting Fanfic: In Progress [M/A] USER: A Professional Relationship (1/?) (R) 1931 “No. Absolutely not,” Arthur stared at the man who not twenty minutes ago rear ended him. “You’re fired. Get out,” he stated simply as he made his way towards the elevators. Merlin gets a job at Pendragon Industries as an assistant to the Chairman's son, Arthur. They don't get off on the best foot. (Merthur Office AU). [M/A +] Impala_Cherry_Trickster: Together? (1/2) (NC-17) 1342 Gwaine's been mentoring Arthur on how to get Merlin into his bed, until things change quite suddenly. [M/A] schweet_heart: marginalia (1/3) (NC-17) 2898 He pushed open the door to his chambers. There, where he had left it, was his old oak bed, the hangings freshly cleaned and re-hung in preparation for his arrival; there was his desk, his dining table, the familiar worn-smooth stones of the hearth where a welcome fire was blazing. And there, standing with his back to the window, was his manservant, arms folded across his chest, leaning casually against the stonework as he waited for his king. Sometimes, the most important moments are the ones that happen in between battles. Or: Merlin and Arthur steer Camelot towards a Golden Age together.(Series: Part 205 of the Merlin Fic series) [M/A] Silur: Merlin - A Time Reversal (1/26) (G) 1112 Arthur closed his eyes and knew that his kingdom was safe. He knew that he could go without any grievances. What he didn't know was, what he would do, if he was ever to return. What diffrences could he make, if time was reversed? Maybe... Maybe some things wouldn't end like they had. Maybe he wanted some things to stay. Somebody to stay... "Hey." He turned around. "Come on, it's enough." "What?" "You've had your fun my friend." Fanfic: Complete [M/A] bunnysworld: Social Distancing (G) 619 Merlin and Arthur perfect social distancing. [M/A] open_spellbook: I found you at the back of some party, then later I found you in my heart... (NR) 607 Merlin finds Arthur by accident, after all those years of waiting Merlin should be over joyed, if it wasn't for the fact Arthur had no clue who he is and just desperately wants to make out with him… And if only poor Merlin wouldn't cry so much… (Series: Part 2 of the The places Merlin and Arthur went... (open for prompts!) series) [M/A] Gilli_ann: Announcement (G) 200 Prince Arthur and Merlin will face the world together for the first time as their engagement is announced. (Series: Part 3 of the Royal Wedding series) [M/A] Saturning: Sugar abomination with caffeine (NR) 1271 Another coffeeshop AU but in this one Arthur orders the worst drink imaginable and Merlin - the waiter - absolutely can’t take it. [M/A] CaesarWasntEmperor: I Can See the Fire in Your Eyes (G) 5080 The new king blinked, a slight frown settling, faint crinkles forming above the bridge of his nose, as his father finished, “the boy, your love, Merlin,” the phantom spat, “he has, is, magic. Destroy him, the one the Druids call Emrys, and you will wield a fear over magic we can only imagine.” “Merlin?” Arthur whispered. “Merlin has magic,” Uther reaffirmed, and Arthur was sure he saw flames burning in his eyes as he mentioned the name, as if memories of all those sent to burn passed across his mind in a flash. Uther, being able to see most things in his kingdom while in the afterlife, reveals Merlin's secret to Arthur before the new King leaves the veil. [M/A] TheAsexualofSpades: I promise (G) 2253 Merlin's been off the past few days. Arthur knows. The knights know. They just have to figure out why. Well, no. Arthur has to figure out why. The knights are making sure he knows that if it's his fault they won't be happy. (Series: Part 58 of the Quarantine Drabbles series) [M/A] tops: Lost Without You (G) 1865 Merlin has been waiting for centuries. Lonely and lost without his destiny. But something is different about today. Today, the lake stirs. [M/A] USERallthingsmagical: A Different Kind Of Experience (PG-13) 16448 Sequel to work experience. Merlin is pregnant again and Arthur is happy to share this one with him. [M/A] SwanFloatieKnight: Breakfast For Dragons (G) 358 It is just like Arthur to oversleep when he has to feed Aithusa. (Series: Part 13 of the Camelot Crack Ficlets series) [M/A] Krank: Safe and Sound (PG-13) 1947 Don't you dare look out your window, darling, everything's on fire With nothing left, Merlin uses everything he has to make Arthur comfortable. [M/A] bunnysworld: Social Distancing (G) 611 Merlin and Arthur perfect social distancing. Maybe they get a bit too good at it? [M/A] arthur_pendragon: you, where are you (G) 355 an edit of Merlin and Arthur, along with poems from each to the other. [M/A] Mischel: Stay. (G) 1989 Arthur and Morgana overhear Merlin's conversation with his mother, and after magic is used in the fight, they both realize that Merlin is a sorcerer. Despite not really wanting to, Arthur decides that Merlin should stay in Ealdor. Now it's Morgana's job to kick Arthur back to Ealdor to get their friend back. But that is not the only reason Arthur wants Merlin to stay with him. Set in the episode 1x10 The Moment of Truth. (Series: Part 10 of the Merlin Rewatch 2020 series) [M/A] musiclover57: Remembering (NR) 1251 Sequel to 2020. Arthur remembers, and he and Merlin talk. (Series: Part 2 of Endings and Beginnings) [M/A] Val_Creative: I Got You (And You Got Me) (PG-13) 1047 It’s already halfway through the day when Merlin’s foot pushes in the screen door. He never did learn to knock. [M/A] rowrowrowthatsme: Picnic (G) 724 Arthur is acting weird, and Merlin is determined to figure out why.

[shireness-says]

Took My Soul, Wiped It Clean

Summary: Killian generally loves Storybrooke and its close-knit feeling, is happy to be raising his family here, but those close ties also often mean that everyone is sticking their nose into everyone else’s business. Can’t a man keep any bloody thing to himself? Rated T for language. ~5.5K. Also on AO3. A sequel to “If I Could See Your Face Once More”.

~~~~~

A/N: I’m back, with more of my 5B divergence! And fluffy this time. I’d recommend reading “If I Could See Your Face Once More” before this, but I suppose it could stand alone as a fluffy thing. Title taken from the same Kodaline song as the first, “All I Want”. Super thanks to my super beta, @snidgetsafan.

I do add in a non-canon character in this installment. Though he’s pretty much just mentioned here, he is important later in this ‘verse, and is taken from literature. I’d love to hear your guesses about who he is, and what I’ve got planned! I’ve got a lot in my head for this divergence ‘verse, so if you ever have questions or ideas that you want to see, just shoot me a message.

Tagging those from the first: @thejollyroger-writer, @profdanglaisstuff, @captainsjedi, @ultraluckycatnd, @superchocovian, @snowbellewells, @killianjones4ever82, @wellhellotragic, @ohmakemeahercules, @let-it-raines, @lifeinahole27, @kmomof4, @scientificapricot, @spartanguard, @courtorderedcake, @justanotherwannabeclassic

Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

~~~~~

His daughter is meticulous.

It’s a ridiculous word to ascribe to a toddler, he knows, but that’s the only one he can come up with. She eats her macaroni one silly shape at a time and watches her feet take every step and says each of her words very carefully, like she wants to get every sound right instead of just chattering away. They hear her practicing words in her crib at night sometimes over the baby monitor. It’s adorable.

Fatherhood is more than Killian could have ever imagined when Emma first told him she was pregnant. It’s more than he imagined when he found out they were having a girl, or when Charlotte was first placed in his arms, still damp and squirming and perfect. It’s the greatest, best responsibility of his life, waking up every morning and trying to be everything his daughter thinks he is, because it’s obvious to anyone with eyes that she adores him. Daddy’s girl, Emma says.

(He’s fine with that.)

Killian is a little terrified some days, because the truth of the matter is that he’s not certain he’s as much of a hero as his daughter believes him to be. He’s lived an awfully long time, and done some terrible things in those years, and it terrifies him to think that his little girl might find out some day and lose that gleaming trust she has in him. In the meantime, he’s doing his best to be the best man he can be - gentle and kind and honorable, the kind of man he may have once been, hundreds of years ago.

That’s a worry for later, though. Right now, he’s more worried about picking up his little girl from her grandparents’ for a lunch with Emma and an afternoon out.

The door has barely opened before Killian hears her little voice, pitched even higher in her excitement as she shrieks out “Papa!” Gods, but he loves that, loves the way she lights up like the brightest star when she sees him, and all because of him.

“Well hello, my little bean,” he coos, stooping to scoop her into his arms, already bundled into her winter coat and mittens and hat. She’s no longer bean-shaped in the least, but the nickname had stuck, even after she was born. “Did you have fun with Grandma and Gramps and Leo this morning?” If the change of clothes is any indication - they definitely didn’t send her off in this fluffy skirt this morning, though the striped tights are a nice touch - it seems like they might have. A messy morning, at the very least.

“Yeah,” she responds with that toothy smile he so loves, reaching to press her little hands against his cheeks so his face scrunches up - a favorite game of hers.

“We did finger paints,” David explains. “They’re still drying right now, and her clothes too, but Snow and I will bring them the next time we come by the house.”

“Thanks, mate,” Killian smiles back. Sometime in the past few years, between monsters and death and children, he’s grown quite close to Emma’s father, their former animosity nothing more than a distant memory these days. “Maybe you guys could come around tonight. In the meantime, the little lass and I have a very important lunch date.”

David’s eyebrows rise in what must be anticipation. “Are you going to…”

“Aye,” Killian quickly responds before the other man can finish. Talking about it will only encourage his nerves, and he’s trying his hardest to avoid that right now.

“Good luck, then,” David replies, reaching out to clap Killian on the shoulder. Before he can say anything else, though, a loud cry echoes through the house. “Listen, I’ve got to go check on Leo and the twins so that Snow can keep sleeping, but…”

“We’ll call you,” he promises.

“Great. Okay, then, we’ll talk later. Bye, Princess!” As soon as grandfather and granddaughter exchange waves, the door closes, Charming hastening back down the hall into the rest of the house and his own child’s crisis.

“Do you want to go see Mama, my Charlie girl?” Killian asks as they climb back down the porch stairs.

(Henry had come up with the nickname, claiming that Charlotte was far too frilly and fussy for such a calm, curious, and unshakeable infant. It had stuck, mostly because it suits her. Charlie. By this point, Snow is the only one who still calls her Charlotte.)

“Yeah. Mama now,” she agrees, nodding decisively. She sounds absolutely determined - and absolutely precious.

Charlie ends up being put back down once they reach the pavement of Main Street, just as always. She’s a fiercely independent thing, his little lass, and he’d been expecting it; lately, he always factors extra time into wherever they’re going so that she can toddle carefully along to her heart’s content. She’s a little star in her own right, too, garnering all manner of waves and little bows as they slowly make their way down the sidewalk. Storybrooke has rather swelled in population since his return from the Underworld; Merlin had ultimately returned the citizens of Camelot to their home by joining all the realms together, once and for all. Later, the population of the Land of Untold Stories had been brought into the chaos when the Dark One had attempted to attack Storybrooke and sweep away his wife and unborn son, opening a gaping portal between the two dimensions in the process. Ultimately, his attempt had been unsuccessful, the Dark One being destroyed by the combined forces of Emma, Regina, Merlin, and just about every other magic wielder in a variety of realms, from Maleficent to Elsa to the fairies, but the Untold Stories residents had stayed to try and move their own tales forward. Killian likes most of their new inhabitants, possibly excepting the relocated Lost Boys, but it is always a little bit of a shock to walk down the street and see Vikings and airship captains and everything else under the sun, all trying to pay homage to himself and his daughter as members of the royal family. While each individual realm has their own government, they’re all under the overarching rule of Queen Snow and King David as rulers of the United Realm - a unanimous decision by the various heads of state. Storybrooke is technically a democracy with Regina as its mayor, though no one had actually run against her in the last election. Killian doesn’t think that it was a matter of fear, for once in her life, but rather every one of the townspeople recognizing that they had no desire to deal with all of the bureaucracy of local affairs and the diplomacy required to deal with every realm from Arendelle to Camelot to Oz - not to mention, dealing with the dwarves. Especially not dealing with the dwarves. Regina seems to be the only person who actually thrives on that much paperwork and the minutiae of local government, and so they’re all happy to let her.

(Killian’s own family had expanded with the arrivals from the Land of Untold Stories, his very angry and long-lost half brother and said brother’s adoptive father. Nemo had been delighted at the opportunity to become a little family; Liam had been less excited. Part of that is likely due to Nemo needing to be hospitalized for the injuries that drove them to the Land of Untold Stories in the first place, injuries he’d sustained the last time both surviving Brothers Jones had met, the other due to the death of Brennan, their father, also at Killian’s hands. It’s all a mess, and they’re still trying to come to terms with the whole thing. For the moment, they’re all operating under a truce. It helps that both men adore Emma, and especially Charlie; after Henry had insisted the submarine captain watch the animated movie of his namesake, Nemo had been the one to gift their daughter upon her birth with the stuffed fish that had become her very favorite. Killian will never understand how the other man can be so tickled by his cinematic reincarnation. Regardless, he’s willing to do whatever it takes to keep the peace if it means Charlie gets to grow up being doted upon by Uncle Lee and Baba Nemo.)

By the time they finally make it to Granny’s to pick up lunch, they’ve had to fulfill the routine of up and down and up and down several times over. Charlie is a curious little thing, though her natural caution and methodicalness keeps her from wandering out of sight, his little girl almost as careful about checking that he or Emma is in sight as they are. Still, he swoops her up once the white fencing of the diner is in sight, tickling her sides until she giggles just before they walk in the door. Granny smiles at them both - well, mostly Charlie, the widow Lucas still gruff with everyone but her expanding gaggle of pseudo-grandchildren - as Killian deposits her on one of the red vinyl stools.

“The usual, Captain?” She asks, fixing him with a piercing look over the top of her spectacles. Every time she does so, Killian finds himself grateful that it’s only Ruby who’s susceptible to the full moon; he wouldn’t want to meet Granny in wolf form, not one bit.

“Yes, please.” It’s nice, having established himself so firmly in this town as to have a usual order at the local diner - a grilled cheese and onion rings for Emma, a BLT and fries for himself (mostly so Emma can steal them - she likes having options), and a bowl of macaroni and cheese for the little lass. Today warrants a little something extra though, he thinks. “And a generous slice of that marvelous chocolate cake as well, if you don’t mind.”

Granny snorts a laugh as she finishes writing out their order on the ticket, sliding it through the order up window so the cook can get started on their order. “So today’s the day, then?”

Killian stiffens at the words. “I won’t pretend to know what you’re talking about.”

Granny rolls her eyes at that. “Sure you don’t. I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you this, Captain, but you’re a terrible liar. Unlike your girlfriend,” she makes sure to emphasize the title, “you only get dessert on very special occasions. Do you have something to celebrate today, Hook?”

His cheeks are noticeably burning red, but Killian still keeps his silence.

“Suit yourself,” Granny shrugs, mercifully taking pity on him. “Now hand over the little angel, she’s got to pick out the noodles.” It’s always Charlie’s favorite part, and despite the older woman’s teasing earlier, Killian feels a rush of affection at the gesture.

“I do it,” Charlie pipes in. She’s got that determined set to her eyebrows - just like her mama’s, really - and is already scooting to the edge of the stool to try and get herself down.

“Oh no you don’t,” Granny replies, much to Killian’s relief. Let her be the bad guy here, not that Charlie will put up the same fuss with the Widow Lucas as she would at home. “If you’re going to go in the kitchen and pick your noodles, you’ve got to let me carry you, little missy.”

Charlie doesn’t look happy about it, but the promise of fun shapes wins out apparently as she holds up her arms and willingly lets the older woman pick her up. As soon as the bow ties and corkscrews and whatever other kinds of pasta are in sight, she’ll doubtless forget any frustration about not being allowed on her own two feet.

Killian is so busy watching his Bean as she’s carried away that he doesn’t even notice Ruby coming to lean herself across the counter from him, sporting a grin so wide it might better be described as bared teeth.

“So, you got a plan?” she quips. Damned wolves and their damned hearing.

“There’s no plan,” he all but growls back. Killian generally loves Storybrooke and its close-knit feeling, is happy to be raising his family here, but those close ties also often mean that everyone is sticking their nose into everyone else’s business. Can’t a man keep any bloody thing to himself?

“Oh, that’s no good,” Ruby replies. Obviously, she hadn’t picked up on the hint to drop it that his tone had carried. “Women like when there’s a plan, you know, you really shouldn’t ask her —”

“Maybe my plans are none of your damn business!” Killian bursts out, only the memory that this is the middle of the lunch rush keeping him from shouting the words in Ruby’s face.

It doesn’t faze Ruby, however. “Oh, so that means you do have a plan,” Ruby replies smugly, crossing her arms across her chest. Somehow, the smile stretches even wider. Killian just glares back. “Alright, keep your secrets,” she finally concedes, hands raising in surrender. “I’m just trying to help you.”

“I’ll let you know if I need it,” he growls out. Granny walks back through the door with Charlotte at that moment, blessedly distracting Ruby. Killian takes the chance to check his mobile telephone (he long since knows that it’s a cell phone, or just a phone, but it still makes Emma laugh to hear him act confused about the devices); happily, there’s a message waiting from his Swan.

E: Are you and Bean still coming by the station with lunch, or should I meet you at Granny’s?

K: We’ll be there soon, love - just picking up the order now. We’ve a surprise for you.

In only a few more minutes, their order is ready to go; except for cooking noodles, everything else in their meal is pretty quick. With Charlie already swinging his hand back and forth, he gratefully accepts the bag Granny offers onto his hook; one of the few things that have changed in the timeless diner since his arrival after the First Curse is that paper bags with handles are kept around especially with Killian in mind so that his only hand can be left free. Now that he has their lunch in hand, the nerves suddenly make themselves known in a way that they hadn’t previously. On the surface, this is just another lunch, but Killian knows very well that this is a lunch that could change everything.

Some of those nerves must show as he exits the diner and nearly runs into Robin.

“There’s my favorite Jones!” the other man crows as Charlie happily latches onto his legs in a hug, tweaking her little ponytail. Turning his attention to Killian, though, Robin is less complimentary. “Are you alright, mate?”

“Fine, just a little stressed,” Killian replies shortly.

Robin nods knowingly, and Killian thinks he might be about to let it go. Until the thief speaks, that is. “Ah. So today’s the day then?”

“Does everyone in the bloody town know?” Killian demands, rolling his eyes in a move Emma would swear he’d picked up from her (she’s not entirely wrong). If not for the heavy bag on his hook, he’d probably have thrown up his hands dramatically as well, but he doesn’t think the onion rings would respond well to such treatment.

“Well, we’ve been expecting this for a while,” Robin explains. “How old is the little lass?”

“Twenty months.”

“Right, so a few months before that. We’ll call it an even two years - that’s how long we’ve been waiting for you to make a move. Though I will say, it doesn’t help that one of the dwarves owns the jewelry shop.”

“Of bloody course,” Killian mutters, mostly to himself. Gossips, the whole lot of them.

Inexplicably, Robin still smiles and leans around the cute little leech still suctioned to his legs to clap Killian on the shoulders. “Look, you don’t need to worry. It’ll all be alright.”

“Easy for you to say,” Killian mutters back. Robin’s living some kind of idyllic life, with a wife and children and a seemingly endless supply of confidence. Killian has been around a little too long to maintain that type of optimism.

Robin shrugs. “Maybe. Still, you and Emma are one of the most solid couples I know, even without throwing True Love into the mix. I think, deep down, that you’re just as confident nothing can shake that. Have a little faith, yeah?”

“I’ll do my best,” Killian replies, smiling weakly. It’s the best he can manage at the moment, when his stomach is trying to tie itself into an intricate series of sailor’s knots.

“Good luck, mate.” With a final squeeze of the shoulder, Robin starts trying to peel Charlie off his legs. “Feel free to send Henry over tonight if need be. Charlie too, of course, Vera would love to see her.”

“I’ve already set up for the lass to spend the night with Nemo and Liam, but thanks for the offer, mate. We’ll have to arrange for the girls to have a play date in the coming week regardless.”

“Indeed. Well, again, good luck, and let us know how it goes!”

The sheriff’s station is conveniently only two blocks away, making for an easy trek that even his daughter’s little legs can handle. Another decided plus of going to Granny’s; they’re close enough to their ultimate destination that he generally can just let her walk instead of trying to juggle carrying both their lunches and his toddler at the same time. Today, though, they stop at a bench a block away from the entrance of the station, where Emma can’t yet see them. Tugging on Charlie’s hand to make sure she stops, he carefully rests their lunch bag on the bench before extricating his own hand from her tiny grip to reach into his jacket pocket for the little velvet box.

The ring box.

Robin is right, in a way - this has been a long time coming. But in all the emotional upheaval of his return from the Underworld and their daughter’s impending arrival, marriage hadn’t taken priority. They already knew they were true love, about to raise a teenager and an infant together and committed in every way that counts; a wedding was just a legal formality at that juncture. Some might have argued that Emma’s pregnancy with Charlotte was a compelling reason to get married, but Killian actually found it more of a reason not to. He loved her - loves her - and has always seen marriage in their future, but vainly, he doesn’t ever want it to seem like they got married because of their impending child. After Charlie was born, they’d been so busy and exhausted and consumed with just making it day to day with two kids, one of them a baby. A wedding hadn’t been logistically possible at that point, at least not the way they or her family would want to celebrate it. No, as much as they love each other, waiting had been the right decision.

Now, though… now, there’s no longer any reason to wait. Now too, Killian finds himself yearning for that kind of commitment, to pledge themselves before all and sundry and cement things in a way he has trouble describing. Consciously, he knows that nothing will change with a white dress and a signed paper and a pair of rings, but that doesn’t stop him from dreaming. Emma and he had talked about marriage together before and established that it was something they both want in the future; now that things are finally starting to calm down and settle back into a routine in their lives, it finally seems that the moment is here.

(There’s the point, too, that they’re starting to talk about another baby, and Killian knows that if they welcome another child, they’ll be thrown right back into that cycle of happy exhaustion and put off getting married for another several years. On the less romantic side, it’s better to stage a wedding now, when they both have the time to commit to it.)

Charlotte is obviously confused by this unexpected pause in their path, a deviance from the usual routine. “Mama now,” she tells him - not the question another child might ask, but something more akin to a reminder, like her father might have forgotten that they have an appointment to keep. It’s just another manifestation of that meticulousness that he finds so adorable - the way she likes to know the plan and stick with it.

“In a moment, sweetheart, we’re just stopping here for a minute,” he assures her before producing the little ring box. “You see this, little love?” Charlie nods solemnly, reaching out a little hand to stroke along the soft green velvet. “This is a very special gift I’m going to give to Mama. Now, do you think you can keep it safe for me until it’s time to give it to her?” With any other child, it’d be an insane idea, but he knows his daughter.

And his daughter is meticulous.

(Besides, they’re only a block away; he’ll keep an eye out, but doesn’t anticipate any problems. She’s a careful little thing, after all.)

Charlie’s nodding eagerly anyways, a precious smile running across her face at the prospect of helping with the surprise. “Yeah! I do it!”

“Thank you, sweetheart,” he praises, pressing a quick kiss to the soft hair on the top of her head. Quickly, he unzips her little parka to get at the miniature leather jacket she wears underneath, so much like Emma’s and his own, to tuck the box into the pocket where it will hopefully be more secure. Hats and gloves and all matter of outerwear get shoved into the pockets of her winter coat, creating so many opportunities for the ring to be disturbed;  hopefully there will be less chance of that happening inside.

After resecuring all her layers, they continue their trek to the station, and walk through the front door only minutes later. Emma is alone in the office today, something of a rarity. Though David may have stepped down in order to pursue life as a farmer, returning to his sheep and to rule the United Realms alongside Snow, only helping at the station when absolutely necessary, the sheriff’s department has acquired several new deputies in the meantime, in order to deal with the increase in population.

Mulan had been the first person Emma had approached after her father had made his intention to leave known. The warrior had been a natural choice for her impressive skill set and level-headedness, and it had worked out well that the woman in question was a bit at ends after Ruby had left for Oz and a life with Dorothy. A deputy position granted her purpose and some sense of roots, and she’s flourished here, becoming Emma’s trusted right hand.

Dorothy had been an easy choice too, though she’s less available, forced to split her time between Storybrooke and tamping down trouble in Oz. The principality of Munchkinland supposedly operates as a democracy, one in which Ms. Gale holds no elected position, yet somehow she’s still the only one who can settle the frequent disputes that erupt between different factions. Killian would swear that it’s an entire population of dwarves, some distant cousins of Leroy and Doc and all the rest with all the trouble they manage to kick up.

Emma’s last deputy, Fitz, had been more of an unexpected addition - a former army colonel who had arrived with the other migrants from the Land of Untold Stories, looking for some kind of new purpose and to escape the long shadow cast by his cousin. Killian had been suspicious of the other man at first, but he’s more than proved his worth in the past two years, especially in aiding with the defeat of the Dark One by protecting Belle. It helps that the other man is one of the most amiable, easy going people Killian knows, armed with an easy smile and a self-deprecating sense of humor. Killian had worried that the former colonel might bristle as having to play deputy after so long as a leader in his own right, especially as a man from another time and society now under the command of a woman, but truthfully, Fitz just seems delighted to be surrounded by three strong women bossing him around. Now, Killian counts the other man as a friend, one of his regular drinking buddies alongside David and Robin.

Today, however, he knows that Emma is alone at the station - Killian had made sure to check the schedule last week and seen that Dorothy is off, Mulan is tackling a self-defense presentation at the elementary school, and Fitz is handling patrol. If all goes well, he can have an uninterrupted afternoon with Emma and their little lass.

Emma looks up at the sound of their footsteps, and immediately breaks into a wide smile when she realizes who’s there to see her. “Hey, you,” she greets, the affection obvious in her voice. How far she’s come from the skittish, closed off woman Killian had met in the wasteland that’s left of the Enchanted Forest; how far they’ve both come, really. Killian certainly wasn’t anything like the caring family man and loyal friend that he’s become back at the beginning.

“Hello yourself, love,” he smiles back, bending to kiss her. “Are you having a good day so far?”

“Eh. You know. Hit or miss,” Emma replies, simultaneously bending to hoist Charlie into a hug. As excited as their little girl had been to see her mother when he had picked her up from the Charmings’ an hour ago, now she’s more anxious to wiggle her way back down to the floor and run over to the bottom drawer of the file cabinet where they keep a handful of toys for her. “What am I, chopped liver?” Emma mutters. Even if she’s rolling her eyes, there’s still a smile on her face. They do manage to find a bit of humor in the frequent caprices. “Anyways, yeah, it was fine. Mostly dealing with paperwork, really. Leroy and one of the Vikings had a little bit of a spat early that I had to go referee, but that’s kind of just Tuesday. Not a big deal. You?”

“Uneventful so far.” Hopefully not for long, since he’s showed up with a ring and a question. “I finished with the docking fees this morning, then turned the office over to Mr. Smee for the afternoon and went to pick up the Bean.” While Killian serves as an additional standby deputy in the Sheriff’s station if need be, much like David and Robin, he’s actually found employment as the town’s harbormaster. It’s not always the most interesting job - mostly, he manages the monthly docking fees, though his position also involves inspecting the occasional imports from other realms and monitoring the office radio in case anyone gets into trouble or runs out of gas on the water - but it’s steady and dependable and lets him feel like he’s doing something productive, maybe even something good. The hours are a plus, too, as is continuing to be the boss. Killian still doesn’t take orders well from anyone but Emma.

“Is that lunch I see?” Emma asks, almost demands, zeroing in on the bag still hanging on his hook.

“It is indeed,” he replies, setting the sack on her desk. “Your favorite - grilled cheese and onion rings.”

“God, I love you,” she declares, leaning up for another kiss with a happy smile on her face.

And all of a sudden, the moment is here. It’s as good a lead-in as any. “Well, I’m very glad to hear that, love.” Gods above, he doesn’t think he’s ever been so nervous - not before that first date, not when he was standing in front of her door in New York. Maybe when their daughter was born, but that’s a slim thing. “Charlie, sweetheart, can you bring me that gift for Mama?”

“That’s right, I get a present!” Emma teases. That doesn’t last long though, her laughing tone giving way to a gasp as Charlotte rounds the corner of Mulan’s desk, her parka already shed and wrestling the ring box out of her little pocket. “Is that…”

“Aye, love.” Killian runs his hand along Charlie’s hair as she reaches him before plucking the box from her hands. “Good job, little love,” he murmurs with a smile. Now is the moment though, so he turns back to Emma and sinks to one knee as he props the little box open. Nestled inside is a ring that he thinks is perfect for her - somehow both sturdy and delicate at the same time, with a white gold band and two smaller round diamonds flanking a larger oval-cut diamond, a medium size that stands out without being ostentatious. He’d seen it in the window of the jeweler’s and just known it belonged on his love’s finger. Some things are simple like that; falling in love with Emma had been.

“It’s been a long, winding road to get here, my love, but I wouldn’t want to walk it with anyone else,” he begins. Hopefully the tears starting to glimmer in her eyes are a good sign. The soft smile on her face and the happy crinkles around her eyes certainly suggest so. “When we met, I couldn’t think of anything but my own revenge - but you made me want to be better. You still make me want to be a better man, for you, for Charlie, for Henry, every day. You’ve given me the most precious gifts of my life in your love and our children, and no matter what the future might hold, I just want to face it together. I may not be a perfect man, but I can promise you this: I will always, always be by your side.” Killian takes a final deep breath - it’s the moment of truth, so to speak. “So, Emma Swan, woman of my dreams and love of my life… will you marry me?”

It feels like he waits for her response for an entire lifetime - no, a whole eternity, even if it must only be seconds. But then her smile widens and Emma sinks to her knees, bypassing the ring in his hand completely to grasp his face between her hands and stroke along his cheeks with her thumbs as her delicate fingers curl around his neck, behind his ears and into his hair. “Yes,” she breathes, tears slipping from her eyes as she nods. If there was ever a moment the word emphatic was created to describe, this is it. “Yes. Yes! Of course I’ll marry you, my pirate.”

They really probably should worry about the ring in the box - namely, slipping it on her finger where he hopes it’ll never move again - but that seems like such a secondary concern when Emma’s kissing him for all he’s worth. Somehow he finds both his arms wrapping around her back to pull her closer, his hand still clutching the little green velvet box as Emma’s tongue slips into his mouth. Kissing his fiancée doesn’t feel wildly different from kissing his girlfriend yet, but he’s sure that given the chance to say that word a few more times - fiancée! - he’ll change his mind. For now, he’s more concerned about lips and tongues and the positioning of noses and the way Emma’s lovely breasts press just perfectly against his chest.

“Yes,” she tells him again as they break apart, and one more time as he finally works the diamond ring past the knuckle of her fourth finger. It’s nearly a perfect fit; just a small spark of magic is required to tighten the band to her exact specifications. It seems fitting for their relationship, somehow, which has been infused with the magic of Saviors and True Love since the very beginning.

Charlie choses that moment, of course, to tire of searching through her toy drawer and wander back over to see what her parents are up to. “Mama sad?” She asks, his clever girl noticing the tears still glistening in Emma’s eyes (and probably his own too, if he’s being very honest).

“No, baby, happy,” Emma laughs. “Mama is just very, very happy, and it’s spilling all over the place.” Killian understands that perfectly; he’s so happy, he feels like he’s overflowing with it.

There are worse complaints to have.

Soon, they’ll have to turn their attention to all kinds of wedding planning and spreading the news to their friends and family, but he’s happy for the moment to instead focus on having a nice lunch with his daughter and fiancée at the former’s urging (“Eat now?”). Both his girls are very excited about the chocolate cake, and the sooner they finish their entrees, the sooner they can dig into dessert.

After all, Granny was right; they’ve got a lot to celebrate today.

[dailyarturia]

Instead of just rating servants, what about a rating of the different Fate storylines?

oh now THIS I can do

WHERE IT ALL BEGAN. often called the most boring route which, I guess yeah because it’s the first route of the first game so it ends up being exposition central. it has its moments and it’s not bad per se but it hasn’t aged that well and the rest of the series has caught up with it since it’s not the entry point for new fans anymore so like half the route’s content and plot twists end up being stuff that is already known from other installments. I still think it’d be nice if ufotable made an ova or something just to complete the set, and also because heaven’s feel actually mirrors fate route on a lot of points so I feel the hf movies aren’t going to be at their best if you haven’t gone over fate route beforehand. if you skip over the outdated exposition you can easily fit all of it in ~10 episodes cause it’s pretty short. 6.5/10 if looked at on its own, but its importance as the base on which later routes build can’t be underestimated 

my personal favourite route even tho its heroine is the worst part of it. with fate route getting the exposition out of the way ubw can go at a faster pace and is more action oriented. the shirou-archer and related archer-lancer conflict is one of my favourites in all of fate and “here I come, king of heroes- do you have enough weapons in stock?” is ICONIC. rin got massively gimped as heroine cause nasu didn’t seem to dare actually letting her be flawed and shirou ended up too focused on his own conflict to form like a real bond with her but that’s a horse I beat to death long ago. the examination of what makes a hero is in general one of my fav themes in fate and ubw obviously delivers there but what I especially love in ubw is the theme of “don’t ‘welcome to the real world’ me asshole, the real world shouldn’t be like this”. 9/10 would be a 10 if rin had like, any character development

this one is... so stressful to read, which is GOOD cause that’s the point but that also means my reread is going at a pace of 3 scenes per 4 months. heaven’s feel throws every convention that fate and ubw set up out the goddamn window by immediately killing off like half the cast including powerhouses like gilgamesh and turning an ideological conflict into a really viscerally personal one. the final conflict isn’t a hero versus a world ending calamity, it’s a bunch of traumatised kids with bad blood between them and the rest of the world caught in the crossfire. “the embodiment of all the world’s evils was a victim” is a really powerful statement to make and where fate and ubw only really asked “what makes a hero” hf hammers in the corresponding question of “what makes a villain”. 8.5/10 it’s an incredibly strong thematic ending to the game as a whole but it’s just, not my favourite

jesus christ look what you did, you got me started. here’s a readmore to save your dashboard and rip mobile users cause I got some opinions on fate alright

this one fucking sucks if you look at it on its own it only works if you know fsn follows it otherwise its just DEATH DESPAIR PAIN SUFFERING yeah yeah we get it urobuchi. apparently he was going through a real bad depressive episode when he was asked to write zero and it was really cathartic to him to be able to write it as dark as he wants knowing that he can’t possibly ruin the happy ending of fsn so, I’ll give him that I guess. I thought it was the greatest shit when I first watched it cause uro’s really good at leveraging shock value but the flaws become more obvious with every rewatch. not really my favourite it’s mostly just asshole central and people who stan zero are usually insufferable but it’s got some good shit among the usual uro stuff. 7/10 PROVIDED you look at it in the context of fsn otherwise it’s like, a 5

BIG favourite and origin of my wife for life bazett fraga mcremitz. I read this one at the exact right time in my life to be absolutely destroyed by it. the whole game is based on the premise of ‘a second chance’ so it goes out if its way to go into the characters who got kinda shafted in fsn while also being the canon ‘everyone lives’ au. fsn has always underlined how valuable an ordinary life is that’s why we call it family dinner simulator 2004 but fha really hammers that one in. less outright action than fsn but a really strong and tense atmosphere. 9/10 would be a 10 if it weren’t for the fucking caren scene

basically revisits the themes from zero and stay night from a different angle but the cast is too large to really go into it so its clunky and a lot of characters end up sidelined. still it’s home to a lot of my favs and some of the coolest action in the whole series. I have a lot of apocrypha opinions but most of them boil down to who i want to hold hands with each other and how much I love sieg(fried) so I’ll spare you those. 7/10 thanks to shaky execution but if you take a shovel and make it that deep yourself it easily jumps up to 8 or even 9. don’t watch the anime I’m begging you.

the storyline actually suffers a lot from how linear and rigid the game structure is so its main selling point is hakuno and their bond with each of the 3 playable servants but by god does it deliver there. hakuno is one of my favourite protagonists of all time and it’s all in how they’re not going to take this shit lying down. it’s a game about forging bonds in a system designed to drive people apart and holding stubborn hope for the future. 9.5/10 the half point is as much acknowledgement of the game’s flaws as I am willing to give because we have decided to stan forever

lol what was that about linear structure? its like, super horny on main so it’s a hard sell but it basically turns everything I liked about extra up to 14. fate/extra CCC is a game about reaching out to others, how people are stronger together, how the future can be changed for the better as long as you are alive to see it, forming your own identity in the wake of trauma and learning who you are in relation to others as well as to your own past, healthy love and unhealthy love and recognising the difference between the two, and big fat anime titties. 10/10 i am not fucking kidding you if you can handle the horny CCC will be the best ride of your goddamn life.

look. i don’t want to get started on extella so just take the ratings. 8/10 concept 4/10 execution.

it’s incomprehensible garbage but it’s MY incomprehensible garbage 9/10 and 3/10 simultaneously

now we got some real mixed feelings on this bad boy here so I’ll try to keep it short. basically all the chapters up to and including london were mediocre at best with septem as the absolute peak of garbage. they actually said in interviews that they didn’t make a shift towards heavier story content until between london and america so that makes sense but it painfully shows. america camelot babylon salomon then exponentially increased in quality and were the fucking bomb. epic of remnant was a massively mixed bag thanks to all the guest writers with minimal supervision to buy nasu time to write lostbelt. lostbelt is fun again. the main story nowadays is really good quality because nasu is just doing what he does best and writing incomprehensible lore with a story around it but because of the game’s nature as mobile game that wants to make everyone appealing somehow it misses a lot of the visceral emotion that fsn had. events are often too silly even if they do end on a serious note and there’s not enough actual serious story content to balance it out so everyone kinda suffers from character erosion and I’m not sure if there’s an easy way to fix that, cause sure you can say ‘make nasu supervise it more’ but nasu’s always writing like 5 different things at once and he can’t really Do That. I think ultimately fgo has been good for fate as a whole in the story department and I also think a different direction/feel from earlier stuff isn’t bad in itself but the scale at which fgo works does seem like it’s beyond what nasu and co really expected to ever have to handle and so while the amount of successes has increased, the amount of failures has also become more glaring. 5/10 on the first few chapters, 8/10 on the later half of arc one and onwards, ???/10 overall, oh fate how I wish I could quit you (i don’t wish that i’m having a good time)

no

[archivednimueries]

tl;dr - mists of avalon divergent au ( with some legend-based changes to the grail quest and the death of lamorak ) where nim ends up killing the merlin, forsaking morgaine, and ruling listenoise after the death of galahad

au : take control of who you are

this verse begins in moa canon when the merlin first tries to assault nimue while she’s in camelot. overwhelmed, frightened, and very, very angry, nimue ends up spurning his advances and allowing her true identity as an initiate of avalon to become known. enraged and driven by the bitter ghosts of his own past, the merlin attempts to attack her and she kills him in the process. unchained from her own spell, the realization that her faith and devotion has been betrayed by the likes of morgaine and niniane, nimue returns to avalon to confront them. in a scene that parallels morgaine’s own rebellion against viviane, she forsakes her allegiance to either of the faux-ladies of the lake. though she does not forsake avalon itself, she vows to never again step foot upon on her shores until both of them are gone from this world and from the mists.

unwilling to return to the festering wound that is camelot, nimue travels back to the homeland of her earliest youth. in the kingdom of listenoise, she plays regent while her brother, galahad, is away searching for the grail. suffering from years of neglect beneath the absentee reign of her father and the weak will of her mother, nimue quickly takes to the task of righting past wrongs in the land. she enjoys the work, the numbers and the figures and politics. listenoise and the rest of the summer country had once been a safe haven for those who practiced the old religion. nimue again opens the gates to her people, pulling them out from the shadows and the countrysides to find respite where camelot and avalon had both failed them. the priests and practitioners of the christian regime are allowed to stay, free to believe what they will so long as they allow others to do the same. some remain, others go to camelot to complain.

for a brief moment in time, nimue is somewhat happy. she has some peace.

lamorak, her uncle, is the first to die. though he’d already been disowned by his father years before, his murder at the hands of the orkney brothers was a blow to king pellinore’s legacy. when galahad dies in pursuit of the grail, there is no one left but nimue...and people have such funny thoughts about women ruling on their own. a ‘witch,’ no less. those outside of listenoise begin to look to lancelot to reclaim the throne he had given up his regency of once galahad had come of age. nimue, who blames her father for the death of her brother, raises an army from the ranks of those she has made loyal to her through hard work and dedication ( things that lancelot could never know outside the royal bed ) daring him and his joyous guard to try.

[magicalmischel]

A PRINCE’S HEART

fandom: Merlin pairing: Merlin/Arthur word count: 8K

ao3    /    ff.net

summary:  This is a story about a prince, who finds himself in the wrong place at the wrong time. And then, before he knows it, there's an ancient sorcerer's soul inside his own body, controlling him and doing things that he would never do. Not to his people, to his city... not to Merlin. But it seems that the sorcerer, Cornelius Sigan, has other plans. Exposing Arthur's feelings to Merlin to get him out of the way, is just one of them. And all this time, Arthur is trapped inside, screaming for someone to hear him. But no one does. Not even Merlin.

Based on 2x01 The Curse of Cornelius Sigan.

This fanfic was written for Merlin Canon Fest on LiveJournal. I’d like to thank my beta shweet_heart for beta-reading this twice for me and for being so awesome and fast :) Enjoy :)

This was one of the rarest moments of Arthur Pendragon's life - a moment when he had to admit (only to himself, though) that Merlin had actually been right this whole time. Yes, Cedric seemed like a good servant, but all that effort? That was only to get rid of Merlin and steal Arthur's keys. Keys that Arthur had been entrusted to guard because one of them unlocked a chamber full of gold , and emeralds, and other valuable objects that Cedric was already on his way to steal.

Arthur couldn't believe it. How could he have let this happen? Trust a complete stranger over his own servant? Yes, Merlin was idiotic most of the time (and he was the clotpole here, not Arthur), but that didn't matter now because he was right and Arthur was wrong. (It was so hard just acknowledging that.)

As he was rushing through the halls of Camelot down to the vaults, he attempted to come up with an apology for Merlin, but he'd probably never say it out loud anyway.

It wasn't a surprise when Arthur found out that all the guards on the way down had been put to sleep. Thankfully, whatever Cedric had used to knock them out was already gone, and Arthur gripped his sword tighter, slowing down as he neared the door to the newly discovered vault.

Merlin would have probably laughed at him now. Arthur was still in his sleeping clothes after all, and he clutched the sword so tightly that he worried Cedric might actually hear it.

But when he looked through the open door, Cedric was oblivious to him and only interested in the gemstones. Specifically, the biggest and brightest one in the tomb – the blue heart. He was holding it in his hands when Arthur finally made himself known and stepped through the door.

“Put the jewel down immediately and turn around, Cedric. Slowly. “

Cedric tensed and did as he was told. When Arthur could finally see his face, for some reason Cedric looked apologetic. But Arthur knew the truth now and could see right through his mask. “I'm so sorry, my lord!“ Cedric took a step closer, but Arthur stopped him with his sword at his throat.

“Put the jewel down,“ he told him slowly. “I will not repeat myself.“

And yet, Cedric did nothing. “I would have never dared steal from you, my lord!“ he squealed. It was almost funny how hard he tried to make Arthur believe he wasn't the bad guy here. “I have been threatened!“ he said, his eyes glancing at the blade in front of him. “It was your servant, Merlin!“

Arthur couldn't even believe how pathetic that lie was. Why on earth did Cedric think he'd ever believe that Merlin, of all people, would persuade Cedric to steal the jewel? Merlin wasn’t even capable of stealing Arthur's socks, and he had to wash them daily.

“You can't expect me to believe that.“ Arthur frowned.

“He saw the jewel first, didn't he?“ Cedric tried. And okay, that was true, and Arthur didn't even know where Cedric heard that from (the tavern was probably to blame), but it didn't change the fact that Merlin wouldn't steal from him or his father. “He told me that he didn't want you to know it was him, so he found me and made me do this for him so he could stay by your side longer and stea-“

“Cedric, this is the last time,“ Arthur growled. “Put the jewel down, or-“

Thump.

Cedric jumped as Arthur took another step closer, and, scared of the sword, he loosened his grip on the blue heart, causing it to fall on the ground. As he stepped back, he accidentally set off the trap that had already killed one man, and an arrow shot through his head sooner than Arthur could even realize what was happening.

Arthur blinked , slowly, and after he had recovered from the sudden death of his now former servant, his eyes wandered down to the jewel. Thankfully, the ground was covered in sand and the heart hadn’t shattered, but as Arthur unsheathed his sword, he could have sworn he heard something.

As if someone was whispering.

“Hello?“ He turned around, but the guards were still unconscious. He pursed his lips as he shook his head. He must have imagined it then.

He bent down to get the jewel and noticed a bag so full of diamonds that they fell out through the opening onto the ground. Arthur shook his head again. How could he have ever believed such a liar? How could he have let Cedric take care of him for an entire evening? He’d even made Merlin go back home! That boy was probably sulking right now, although he’d looked pretty upset after Arthur released him from his duties. He really shouldn't have done that; Merlin didn't deserve it.

With a sigh, Arthur reached for the blue jewel and stood up again, wanting to return it to the stone coffin. He never got the opportunity. As soon as he picked it up, the whispering started again. Arthur frowned, looking at the beautiful stone more closely, but by the time he realized something was wrong, it was already too late.

The blue colour disappeared from the diamond in the form of a strange smoke, leaving the stone transparent in Arthur's hand. Within seconds, the smoke made its way into Arthur's mouth and nose, making him lose his consciousness almost immediately.

His eyes turned black and a sly smirk appeared on his face. This was no longer Arthur Pendragon inside.

xoXÖXox

That same moment, in another part of the castle, Arthur's manservant was soundly asleep in his bed. The night was dark and Merlin had left his window open to let the pleasantly cool air inside. It had taken him a while to fall asleep. After everything  Cedric had done to him, after the way Arthur had looked at him when he dismissed him for the day... it was no wonder that Merlin was feeling down.

But thankfully, he was oblivious to his pain and dreaming about better days with Arthur.

Not for long though.

He heard a raven's caw, and with that sound and a sense of strong magic, he woke up and sat up in his bed.

“Gaius!“ Merlin called when he realized what happened. Someone must have used very strong magic in Camelot. Someone so powerful that Merlin was able to pick up on it and wake up from his slumber.

“Gaius!“ he called again as he got out of his bed and left his little room.

The old physician was just opening his eyes, squinting up at Merlin as the young boy strode over to him with an unsettled expression.

“What's the matter?“ Gaius asked as he slowly sat up in his bed.

“Someone used magic in Camelot!“ Merlin told him hurriedly.

“Someone other than you?“

“Obviously.“ Merlin rolled his eyes. “Gaius, this is serious. It was strong, I felt it in my sleep and woke up.“

Gaius frowned at him. “Do you think there's someone powerful in Camelot?“

“Yes.“ Merlin nodded. “We need to do something. They could hurt Arthur or the king, or destroy Camelot!“ Merlin's eyes widened as he realized what this meant. He immediately started walking towards the door. That finally got Gaius out of bed with a silent groan.

“Where are you going, Merlin?“ Gaius asked the boy, who turned back to him as he stopped in front of the main door.

“To tell the king.“ Merlin shrugged. Gaius only raised his eyebrow. “Or I could tell Arthur?“ Merlin suggested an alternative as he realized the king wouldn't listen to a servant.

“And what would you tell them?“ the physician asked Merlin. When he gave no answer, Gaius continued, “Merlin, for all we know, it could have been some sorcerer only passing through the city or-“

“But-“

“Ah.“ Gaius stopped him as he raised his hand. Merlin pursed his lips and allowed Gaius to finish his sentence. “It's past midnight,“ he reminded him. “And we can't go to the king, or Arthur,“ he nodded to let Merlin know that he heard his suggestion, “because we have nothing to tell them. We cannot just pretend we're acting on our instincts, they wouldn't believe me or you. And I'm sure there is more than one sorcerer hiding in Camelot. There can't only be one idiot brave or stupid enough to take shelter here.“

Merlin smiled softly at that, but his smile quickly turned into a frown. “But it was strong magic, Gaius,“ he repeated. “I know there are more powerful sorcerers in the world, but I've never felt one this powerful before. What if it's Corneliu-“

The warning bells cut Merlin off and when he looked at Gaius, his face clearly said See? I told you so. For which Gaius only gave him another raised eyebrow and a frown.

xoXÖXox

Merlin watched as Arthur and Uther left the tomb and turned to Gaius with a hopeless expression. It really was no surprise that someone had managed to get inside the tomb and tried to steal the treasure. Merlin had woken up only half an hour ago, and now they were standing in the tomb with a mystery on their hands.

Gaius bent down and picked up something that was hidden behind the coffin. Merlin frowned when he noticed what it was. The blue heart stone – only it was no longer blue. The soul of Cornelius Sigan was gone, and now there was a powerful sorcerer walking free in Camelot.

“Merlin,“ Gaius said as he looked at the crystal in his hand again. “Whoever did this got more than he bargained for.“

Merlin nodded. “I don't understand how they got in. The gate's not even damaged,“ he added as he glanced at the gate behind him.

“They must have used the key,” Gaius pointed out, but to Merlin this entire situation got even more confusing.

“Arthur's got the only key,” he told Gaius with a frown. There was no way Arthur would lose that, right?

“Where does he keep it?” Gaius raised his eyebrow at him.

“On his belt with the others.” Merlin shrugged.

“Does he ever take it off?”

“Only when he's asleep, he keeps it next to his bed,” Merlin told him.

“Who had access to his chambers last night?”

“Just me...” Merlin answered naturally. There was no one else who would... oh. “And Cedric.” Merlin closed his eyes in regret and then opened them again, looking up at Gaius. Of course it was Cedric. Who else could it have been?

As usual, Merlin was right and Arthur didn't listen to him and dismissed his every attempt at making him see the truth. This time, Merlin hadn’t known Cedric would become a powerful sorcerer overnight, but he had known  the man was trying to get rid of him. And Merlin should have seen this coming.

“I have to tell Arthur,” he muttered and this time didn't wait for Gaius's opinion.

xoXÖXox

It had been centuries since Cornelius Sigan had walked the Earth. Centuries since the king who had ordered his execution had died, together with everyone who'd ever wronged him. Only Camelot, the mighty castle that he himself had helped to build, was still standing. How come no one believed he existed, then? He had to change that. He could rule the world and all kings would be forced to bend the knee.

He smiled as he thought about that. The mirror he was staring at didn't look its cleanest, but he could still see his reflection. Merlin – the servant that he knew Arthur had – was lazy and clumsy and generally not the best servant at all. But Arthur had never considered firing him... as far as he could tell from what he knew from the prince's memories.

Possessing someone's body was useful, he realized. He looked like Arthur Pendragon and he had most of his memories. He wouldn't have to pretend long, though: the world needed a new leader. And he would start with this kingdom – today.

… After he'd changed clothes. He was still in Arthur's sleeping clothes after all. And he didn't even have a tunic.

Cornelius smiled at himself in the mirror and rearranged his blond hair a bit. When he turned around and saw the state of Arthur's chambers, he made a decision to scold Merlin as soon as he appeared.

As if Merlin knew he was thinking about him, the door burst open and the servant arrived. Cornelius raised an eyebrow as he looked at him. Did the boy not know how to knock at all?

“Arthur,” Merlin said urgently, quickly walking over to him. “Cedric is possessed by an evil spirit!” he said. And yes, Cornelius might have been surprised at that, but he didn't let Merlin know. He only raised his eyebrow higher as he recalled who Cedric was from Arthur's memories.

“What?” He mimicked Arthur in the best way he could.

“He tried to steal the jewel, but it wasn't a jewel, it was a soul of an ancient sorcerer, Sigan,“ Merlin continued, looking very serious. Cornelius fought the urge to sigh. It had only been maybe an hour and someone already knew he was alive again? And why was it such a lousy servant?

“Merlin.” Cornelius frowned a little bit as he looked Merlin in the eyes. “Have you been on the cider?” He needed to shut the boy up somehow. Killing him might not be the best idea, since there were guards in the hall and someone would surely find him sooner than he wanted. This wasn't like with the other man – Cedric. He’d found him dead on the floor of his own tomb and hidden him in the woods before he had the guards sound the warning bells.

“Please, listen to me.” Merlin looked desperate to make the prince understand. “Camelot is in mortal danger. Sigan is using Cedric's body to take his revenge.” Well, he had his facts right except one little thing – it wasn't Cedric that Cornelius was possessing.

He stepped closer to the boy, trying to get as much from Arthur's memories as he could, to know what to say and how to act around him. Merlin glanced down at his bare chest and waited for him to say something. “This nonsense isn't helping you keep your job,” he said at last. But seriously, why did Arthur even keep this servant? He didn't knock, didn't address him appropriately and didn't even bother to do his job.

Why would the prince-

Oh.

Cedric's eyes widened slightly, but thankfully, Merlin didn't notice. He could feel how Arthur's body and mind reacted to the boy being so close. There was something in Arthur's memories, something deep inside, that Cornelius hadn’t expected at all. A secret that no one else knew.

“You are not listening to me!” Merlin shouted at him, now so close to Cornelius that he couldn't help but swallow nervously. The servant needed to be silenced in the most discreet way possible; he couldn't just let him think the castle was in danger. Which, of course, it was, but Cornelius didn't want anyone to know that until he was ready to attack.

His eyes wandered down to Merlin's lips and then back to his blue eyes. He looked angry, but Sigan just had to risk that. He quickly leaned in and planted a brief kiss on Merlin's lips, pulling away as soon as he could.

And as he’d expected, Merlin was quiet, just like he wanted him to be. His eyes slowly opened as he stared up at Sigan, and then he smiled slightly. Wow, there really was something going on between them, wasn't there? Sigan sighed audibly and then tried to smile as reassuringly as he thought Arthur would be able to.

“Cedric is taken care of,” he told Merlin quietly. “I've already sent my knights to look for him and they're doing that this very moment.” He hoped that Merlin would accept it and walk away without doing anything... else.

He waited for any reaction and finally received a slow nod from the boy. “Arthur, I-”

“No.” Cornelius stopped him. He really had no desire to talk about Arthur's feelings , although he already knew a lot – more than he wanted to know, actually. This was something only Merlin and Arthur needed to talk about, preferably after he conquered Camelot. But seeing that he really wanted to keep the prince's body and he hadn't noticed anyone more attractive in the castle yet, he doubted that would ever happen. “We'll talk about this later. Now... you are dismissed.”

“But-”

“Just go. Get some rest.” Sigan tried to smile at him softly, hoping that that was something Arthur would do in this situation. “I have work to do,” he added and turned away from him, sitting down at the table. He didn't look up at the servant anymore, but he knew Merlin stayed in the room for a few extra seconds before he slowly retreated to the door and closed it behind himself.

Cornelius groaned in disgust and quickly wiped his lips with his sleeve. He never wanted to do that again. But he wouldn't have to. Because starting this dawn, the world would have a new leader. The most powerful sorcerer to ever live. He smirked as he stood up and looked out of the window.

It was time to take a stroll through the castle... and find a new hairstyle.

He had work to do after all.

xoXÖXox

Merlin didn't even realize he had walked all the way back home until he closed the door to Gaius' chambers and leaned against it, closing his eyes. He couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. There was literally nothing else on his mind; that kiss was all that existed for him right now. After all those months he'd spent longing for Arthur... to know that Arthur felt the same was so liberating. He didn't have to hide it anymore...

“Merlin? Merlin!” He heard Gaius' familiar voice and his eyes snapped open. He hadn’t heard a word Gaius said; he hadn’t even realized he was talking to him...

He cleared his throat. “Yeah?”

“How did it go?” Gaius asked, his eyebrow raised as usual.

Merlin couldn't help but smile as he thought about how it went. “It went great.” He grinned but tried to hide it by biting his lips.

Gaius' eyebrow only rose higher. “And by great you mean that Arthur believed you and is now searching for Cornelius Sigan?”

“Hm?” Merlin looked up, again catching himself not listening. He got lost thinking about that kiss and what it meant for the future.

When he saw that Gaius was frowning though, he cleared his throat and walked away from the door, sitting down on the bench. He put his elbows on the table and smiled. “Arthur said his knights are already searching for Cedric.”

“Does he know he's the sorcerer?” Gaius repeated his question.

“Oh yeah, definitely.” Merlin smiled. “Cedric's taken care of.”

“He'd better be.” Gaius frowned at him. “But Arthur won't be able to defeat Cornelius on his own, you know that.”

“Uh uh.” Merlin nodded.

“Merlin, are you listening to me?” Gaius asked, really suspicious that there was something wrong with his ward. “You seem a bit too happy about this situation.”

“I'm not.” Merlin quickly frowned. Before Gaius could say anything else, he stood up again. “I just... I think I'll go to sleep.” He nodded as he walked over to his door. It was still the middle of the night after all, and knowing that Arthur was safe and not angry with him anymore should make falling asleep easier this time. “You should get some sleep too.” Merlin paused as he turned to Gaius. The physician was obviously tired.

“You're right.” Gaius nodded and looked at his bed. Then he slowly stood up and smiled up at Merlin. “Good night.”

“Good night, Gaius.” Merlin returned the smile. Then he opened the door and disappeared behind it, getting into bed and covering himself with the blanket. He smiled as he closed his eyes. After what happened in Arthur's chambers between them... he knew his dreams would be even better than before.

xoXÖXox

It wasn't even four hours later when the warning bells started ringing again. It woke Merlin up immediately, and it took him a second to realize where he was and what was probably happening. He hadn’t been able to get much sleep.

He quickly rubbed his eyes and rushed to his window and looked outside, his eyes widening in horror. There were statues and gargoyles from the castle flying around the town, and Merlin couldn’t see from that distance what they were doing in the streets, but it couldn't have been good judging by the screams.

“Merlin, he's here.” Gaius opened the door and Merlin stepped away from the window to look at him.

“Cornelius Sigan is here.” Merlin nodded. “And he's already attacked Camelot.”

“I need to prepare the infirmary,” Gaius informed him as he rushed back to his room to get the medical supplies he needed.

Merlin ran to his closet and quickly changed back into his regular clothes, running out of his room barely two minutes later. He headed for the door. “Merlin!” Gaius stopped him. When Merlin turned to him, Gaius pursed his lips, worry written all over his face. “Be careful.”

Merlin only nodded in response.

xoXÖXox

Merlin ran out of the castle as fast as he could – the Great Dragon had just given him knowledge with which he should be powerful enough to defeat Cornelius Sigan. Hopefully. It was only matter of time before the knights would have to hide inside-

Too late.

Merlin walked into the courtyard and saw that it was already empty. No knights – well, not living ones at least – and only a few more citizens lying around. The place was cold because the sun had not yet risen and a strange white fog was everywhere, clouding Merlin's vision. He couldn't tell whether the rest of the knights were still somewhere behind the gate where they could see him if he got closer, or if they were all gone. But he had to risk it.

He had to risk exposing his magic, which he didn't really want to think about at this moment. But he was doing it for Camelot, for his friends and Gaius and for Arthur... who'd been missing ever since the attack started. Merlin couldn't find him with his knights, nor with Uther or anyone else. He really hoped he was all right, but his first priority was to defeat Cornelius right here and now. If Arthur really was in danger, it must have been the sorcerer who had taken him.

Merlin stepped away from the pillars on the edge of the courtyard and ran to the middle of it, looking up at the sky. He could hear the monsters, but he could not see them.

Until one of them flew right above the castle and noticed him, flying closer. Oh no, Merlin thought as the beast neared him. It was much bigger than he'd thought. It had wings and claws and a giant head and it was all black. Much bigger than the gargoyles. Merlin clenched the crystal heart in his hand and prepared for the attack.

The monster let out a hideous scream. Just as it was about to cut its claws deep into Merlin's chest without stopping, the young warlock reached out his other hand and shouted, “ Astrice! ”

With another growl, the monster shattered into pieces like the stone that it once had been.

As Merlin quickly turned around to see if anyone had seen him use magic, a dark figure was becoming visible in the white fog. Merlin narrowed his eyes as he looked at it. Then his frown turned into a smile when he saw the blond hair.

“Arthur! You're all right!” Merlin smiled as he took a few steps forward, but then he stopped abruptly when the person left the fog behind. There was something wrong with Arthur – his hair was combed back and instead of his armour, he was wearing a huge black coat with black feathers on his shoulders.

This was not Arthur.

“No,” Merlin whispered as his smile turned into a frown again. He should have stayed with the prince, made sure he was all right. He should have been there, right at Arthur’s side, like he'd always been. Then this wouldn't have happened.

“Who would have believed it?” Cornelius Sigan in Arthur's body smirked as he looked at him. The smirk was not friendly at all. “You, a sorcerer. And a powerful one.”

Merlin really hoped that Arthur wouldn't remember any of this. That would be the end of his job.

“I won't let you hurt him!” Merlin told him, trying to be strong. It was horrible to see Arthur like this, especially after what happened in his chambers... which wasn't Arthur, was it? It was just Cornelius Sigan, playing with his feelings.

“You needn't worry, Merlin.” Cornelius looked down at Arthur's body and his smirk got bigger. “I'm really liking it in here. I'm the prince of Camelot and there's only one person standing in my way. The king. Once he's dead, I can take over the throne and make this kingdom better.”

“I won't let you do that,” Merlin frowned.

“You won’t be able to stop me.” Sigan smiled at him almost sympathetically. When he didn't say anything else, Merlin swallowed and took a deep breath.

“So it wasn't real... was it?” he asked. He didn't want to sound broken, but he probably did.

“You mean that little thing that happened in the prince's- my chambers?” He corrected himself in the middle of the sentence with another annoying smirk. “It wasn't,” he answered simply. “None of it. I could easily see how you felt and I needed to shut you up, that was all.”

Merlin looked down for a few seconds, trying to put himself together. There were so many emotions battling inside him that he didn't even know what to do. Arthur was possessed by an ancient sorcerer who had come back from the dead to destroy Camelot, and he'd been possessing him long enough to see that Merlin was in love with him and to use that to keep him away from his plans. And now he wanted to keep Arthur's body and continue destroying everything that Merlin called home.

Anger welled up in him and he looked at the sorcerer again. He didn't know if Arthur would be okay after he attempted to get Cornelius out of his body, but he was prepared to do anything to make sure he was. Even another trip to the Isle of the Blessed.

“I have a question for you, Merlin,” Sigan said. “Why?” he asked. “Why do you care about him so much, when he doesn't even deserve it?”

“He does.” Merlin frowned. Arthur was a good person, even if he was a giant clotpole most of the time and didn't appreciate what Merlin was doing for him.

“He treats you like a slave,” Cornelius continued.

“That's not true.” Merlin defended Arthur. It was so hard to look into Arthur's eyes as he was saying that, knowing that it was not Arthur at all but instead the enemy. He could never see an enemy in Arthur.

“He cast you aside without a moment's thought.”

“That doesn't matter,” Merlin told him. It really didn't. Protecting Arthur was his destiny, and he was proud of that. He wouldn't change a thing.

“But it must hurt so much to be so put upon, so overlooked, when all the while you have such power and are in love with him.” Sigan wasn't smiling anymore. Something in his eyes changed. “You're young, Merlin. Look inside yourself. You have yet to discover your true power. I can help you. Think, Merlin. To have the world appreciate your greatness. He does not deserve your love or your loyalty!”

“I don't want the world!” Merlin shouted at him. He didn't want the world on its knees. He wanted Arthur. That was all he'd ever wanted, ever since he became his servant. And he would much rather suffer at Arthur's side, never experiencing what it was like to kiss him again and only having his friendship, than have people be scared of him.

“Together we can rule over this land, Merlin,” Cornelius pressed again.

“No!” Merlin shouted. “I will never join you! I will never rule the world with an evil lord like you!”

Sigan frowned and his eyes became much darker – Arthur's eyes. And Merlin grew sadder. He had never wanted to see Arthur like this.

“So be it,“ Sigan told him fiercely. “If you will not join me, I will become you and your power will be harnessed to my will.”

Merlin's eyes widened. This was the moment he had been waiting for. He needed to get Cornelius back into the crystal, and this was how it was going to happen. All Merlin needed to do was use the knowledge Kilgharrah had given him.

Arthur frowned and his mouth opened. He started coughing, and it looked as if he was choking – it took all Merlin's will not to run to him and help. He had to wait for the right moment. When blue smoke started coming out of Arthur's mouth and his body fell to the ground, Merlin knew it was going to be soon.

He watched as the soul of Cornelius Sigan slowly crawled its way to Merlin's feet and then up his legs. This was the moment.

“Ic þín sáwol hér beléac, abide þæt ic þé álíese! “ He spoke in the language of the Old Religion as the blue soul entered his mouth and nose.

Something shifted inside of him and he gasped. Then he fell to the ground and started shaking, the world turning black to the sound of a raven cawing.

xoXÖXox

When Arthur finally woke up, the first thing he noticed was how much his head hurt. He groaned in pain and covered his face with his hands, but the pain was still there, until it eventually dulled into a painless throbbing.

With a sigh, he opened his eyes and stared up at the dark blue sky. The air around him was cold. And there was some strange white fog around him, but he tried not to think about that. Thinking might cause more headache and he really didn't want that to get any stronger. But he couldn't just lie there forever, wondering why his head hurt like hell and how he’d gotten to the courtyard in the middle of the night, which was why he took a deep breath a few minutes later and with another groan, he sat up.

The first thing he registered was more fog and an eerie silence. The courtyard was full of dead bodies, both knights and citizens. Arthur frowned as he tried to remember what happened – he couldn't have just slept through all of it, right? He was in the courtyard as well after all.

It was only after he turned around and spotted a familiar figure lying on the ground that he got some answers. With one look at Merlin's unconscious body, everything came back to him, along with even more pain.

Cedric, the tomb, the blue crystal heart, almost sacking Merlin and then regretting it all evening without saying anything, letting Cedric take care of him instead of Merlin, and then... realizing his key was gone, running down to the tomb, finding the unconscious guards and Cedric trying to convince him it was all Merlin's plan to steal the blue heart.

Arthur grabbed his head and closed his eyes, eventually glancing at Merlin again and noticing the blue crystal heart was in his hand.

No, Arthur thought with a sad frown. Merlin would never-

More memories flooded his mind – someone else was in control of his body. He lied to his father about not knowing who stole the crystal when in reality... it was Cornelius Sigan. It was him. Arthur had been screaming for somebody to hear him for so long and... no one did. Not even Merlin. Until the moment he lost consciousness as Sigan was leaving his body, he'd been watching everything that the sorcerer did. And he felt awful about it.

His eyes wandered back to Merlin's body. He was still, but thankfully he was breathing, Arthur could see that. “Merlin?” he called. No response.

He remembered everything that happened. He knew Cornelius used him to attack Camelot and to... he’d used Merlin. He’d kissed him and then lied and told him Arthur didn't care. That was almost as horrible as the thought of Camelot falling to a sorcerer. Not to mention that...

Merlin had magic.

Arthur took a deep breath and slowly stood up, looking down at his servant and best friend. There were so many things he wanted to say and so many things he'd rather keep a secret. He had never wanted Merlin to find out he was in love with him like this. The way he'd imagined it, they'd be together in his chambers or in a forest and the right moment would come and it would just happen. He'd tell him and then feel ashamed because he had been certain Merlin didn't care about him the same way. But now? What was he supposed to do? He couldn't possibly let him think Cornelius was telling the truth, that Arthur didn't care. But was he ready to tell Merlin the truth?

And could he accept Merlin’s magic? He’d always known that there was something different about Merlin, something he couldn't quite figure out. He'd never thought it would be this though. Merlin had been lying to him for over a year! He still was. He probably didn't know that Arthur remembered anything from the time he was possessed.

But Merlin had defeated Cornelius Sigan. He’d seen him with his own two eyes; he knew it had happened. So Merlin couldn't be evil, right? There was no way he'd want to destroy Camelot when he'd just saved it and refused to join Cornelius.

Arthur sighed and closed his eyes briefly, trying to decide what to do. When did destiny decide he'd fall in love with a liar? With someone who didn't even trust him enough to tell him who he really was? Why did the love he felt overpower the anger?

Finally, he walked over to Merlin and knelt down beside him. “Me-” He cleared his throat and tried again. “Merlin?” But the idiot was still not moving. Arthur bit his lower lip and frowned, deciding that the best thing to do was what he always did. He shoved Merlin's shoulder, repeating louder, “Merlin!”

This time, the servant really did move and his eyes opened. Arthur gasped when he saw that they were black, but the colour disappeared within a second and Merlin blinked, his eyes blue again. Did Sigan do something to him? He wasn't possessing him, was he? The heart stone was blue again!

“Arthur?” Merlin asked, sounding a little unsure. When Arthur nodded and pursed his lips, Merlin's frown turned into a grin and he sat up and enveloped Arthur in a tight hug. Their first hug, Arthur realized as he awkwardly put his hands around the other man's shoulders. This was definitely his Merlin, not Sigan. The black eyes were gone, together with the soul, and back inside the stone heart. “I'm so glad you're okay!” Merlin mumbled into Arthur's neck, breathing in and smiling.

As if he remembered about their kiss at the same time as Arthur did, Merlin suddenly pulled away and looked at him with suspicion written all over his face. “What do you remember?” he asked carefully.

Arthur opened his mouth to answer, then closed it again. He remembered every second, but Merlin didn't know that yet. He didn't know that Arthur reciprocated his feelings, and he didn't know that Arthur now knew about his magic and was really not okay with it, but not sure what to do about it either (he couldn't tell Uther, could he? His father would hang Merlin the very next morning). Merlin didn't know a lot of things. And he needed to know them...

“Nothing,” Arthur answered instead, already mentally slapping himself. How could he not tell Merlin everything he knew? How could he lie to him like this?

Was it because Merlin has been lying to him all this time? Or because of the relief he saw in Merlin's face after he pretended he didn't know what happened?

Arthur just needed some time to think about everything. Merlin's magic was one of the most important things he needed to find out more about.

“Cedric...” Arthur frowned as he slowly pulled away from Merlin further. “He... stole my keys. He wanted to steal the treasure.”

“That's true.” Merlin nodded. Then he slowly stood up, quickly hiding the blue crystal behind his back and clearly trying to not let Arthur see it. His face turned sad after that. “It was Cornelius Sigan, he possessed you and wanted to destro-”

“Merlin?” Arthur and Merlin both heard a voice coming from the gate through the slowly dissolving fog. When they turned around, all they could see besides the fog were the first rays of the rising sun. But then a person emerged from the shadows. It was Gaius.

“Gaius!” Merlin smiled and walked over to him, together with Arthur.

“Are you all right?” Gaius asked worriedly and Merlin nodded, turning to Arthur with a smile.

“Sire!” Gaius smiled at him. “Do you remember anything about what happened during the night?” the old man asked, raising his eyebrow.

“No,” Arthur said with a new confidence, telling himself he'd confess to Gaius later and tell him the truth. “I don't know how I got here when the last thing I remember is discovering the broken gate to the tomb.”

Gaius nodded. “You should probably come see me so I can check you over. After you see the king first. Everyone's been looking for you.”

Arthur wanted to thank him, but before he could even open his mouth, Merlin returned to their usual type of conversations: “You should maybe consider looking into the mirror first though.” He snickered, making both Arthur and Gaius pause.

Arthur frowned and looked at his shoulders, his eyes widening. He'd completely forgotten about the clothes! The black feathers on his shoulders were making him want to sneeze, now that he knew about them, and the black clothes and slick hair combed from the front to the back made him want to puke.

“Oh no.” He frowned in disgust as he touched his hair and then quickly put his hand back, wiping it (unfortunately) into the feathers.

Gaius smiled slightly when he saw that. But Merlin started laughing without holding back, and for the first time in a few days, Arthur found a slight smile on his face as well.

Maybe he did need to think about Merlin's magic, but maybe (just maybe) he could try and forget about it, exchanging his anger for love and holding on to that as long as he could.

xoXÖXox

Two months later

“I told you so,” Merlin coughed under his breath, making sure that Arthur heard everything he said. Again. Arthur only sighed and put down the papers that he was supposed to be reading and signing. Merlin probably didn't think that Arthur's signature was of any importance, but then again, Arthur wasn't terribly surprised by that.

“How many times will you remind me of the CS incident that we'd agreed not to talk about ever again?” Arthur huffed. The CS stood for Cornelius Sigan. It was one way of never having to say his name again.

“Until you finally admit that I was right about Cedric. He really just wanted to steal from you and yet you couldn't see that because you were and still are a clotpole.” Merlin certainly didn't hold back.

Arthur sighed and rubbed his eyes. It was true. He still hadn't apologized to Merlin for not listening to him when he’d said Cedric was just trying to get rid of him. He still hadn't told him he remembered everything that Sigan did in his body, either. Because that meant he'd have to admit that the kiss was real and that he knew Merlin had magic.

And until today, he had thought he'd be okay with keeping it a secret. But as his eyes wandered to Merlin's backside, he slowly realized that might not be the case. Merlin was scrubbing the floor with a wet cloth and his back was facing Arthur. Which Merlin probably didn't think about as much as Arthur did.

Arthur swallowed and closed his eyes again.

“You're right,” he admitted, without looking at Merlin. He heard him though. He heard Merlin turn around and stand up and he knew he was looking at him. “You were right and I was wrong. About Cedric. I'm sorry.” Arthur looked up at him and had to swallow again.

It hadn't been easy these past few weeks. He knew about Merlin's magic and he knew that Merlin was in love with him, too, but because of said magical abilities, he told himself he could never do anything about his feelings. He'd been watching Merlin as well. Paying more attention to what he did and how he did it, what he mumbled under his breath and what he talked about with Gaius when they thought he couldn't hear them.

For example, hard as it was to believe, he had seen Merlin perform all his servant duties without the usual high level of complaining when Arthur pretended to leave Camelot and instead stayed at Gwen’s. Merlin had even lent him his clothes! And yes, they didn’t smell their best, but it was something that Arthur appreciated, especially since he’d forgotten to ask Merlin for them and that idiot still had time to think about everything Arthur needed. He’d even stolen for him - when Arthur was being a clotpole again and decided that the best way to make amends with Gwen was to lie to her by having Merlin bring him food from the royal kitchen.

Merlin was still there by his side, working as a servant, even though he was a powerful sorcerer. Powerful enough to defeat CS, who had been thought to be the most powerful sorcerer ever to live. Only Arthur and Gaius knew better - the most powerful sorcerer was in Arthur’s very own chambers. And he’d been scrubbing his floor only moments ago.

Long story short, it was a lot. And there was just as much that Arthur needed to confess to Merlin about.

“Are you all right?” Merlin asked. “I never thought you'd actually apologize, I wasn't even really counting on that,” he admitted with a slight smile, but Arthur couldn't return the smile. “You look awful,” Merlin added.

That brought a little smile to Arthur's lips. “Thanks.” He rolled his eyes. When he looked back at Merlin, the boy was silent, probably waiting to hear what Arthur was going to say next. Their eyes locked and Arthur pursed his lips. “There is something else I wanted to talk about,” he managed to say.

Another thing Arthur still couldn't quite understand was why Merlin didn't try to confess his feelings. Why did it always have to be Arthur who made the first move? But to be fair, Merlin must have been scared that Arthur would reject him. That was what Sigan had told him after all – that Arthur didn't love Merlin like Merlin loved him.

With a sigh, Arthur stood up and walked over to Merlin, who was still standing there,  leaning slightly against the wall.

“What is it?” Merlin asked and chuckled nervously. “You look serious.”

Arthur only nodded as he neared Merlin and then stopped in front of him. “I am,” he said. Then he took a deep breath, still looking into Merlin’s eyes, and said something he should have said a long time ago. “I know you have magic.”

The reaction he received was almost hilarious. Merlin gulped, blinked, laughed nervously and then swallowed again, his eyes wandering from Arthur's eyes to his lips, to the floor. “Wh-what?” He smiled at him with a very not convincing confused frown. “W-what do you mean?”

“You heard me.” Arthur sighed. “I know you have magic and I know you're using it to help me and to do chores sometimes,” Merlin seemed to want to comment on that, but decided against it and closed his mouth again, “and I'm not as angry with you as I was when I found out,” Arthur finished.

Merlin was silent for a long time, looking into Arthur's eyes and then keeping his eyes on the floor. When he finally spoke, it was quiet. “When did you find out?”

This was the question whose answer would lead to everything else that Arthur needed to tell his friend.

“I... I remember everything that happened while I was possessed by the sorcerer Sigan,” Arthur answered.

The speed with which Merlin raised his head again and stared into Arthur's eyes was a little unexpected. His eyes were wide and glassy and he genuinely looked like he might pass out right there in front of Arthur.

“You do?” Merlin asked and then cleared his throat. His eyes wandered down to Arthur's lips again and he swallowed. “Th-that means... it means that- do you-”

“Yes,” Arthur finished for him. And he was smiling . Yes, he was still not completely over the fact that Merlin had been lying to him for over a year, but as he looked at that idiot and saw his blue eyes and messy black hair, he couldn't help but forgive him.

When Merlin didn't dare answer and Arthur wasn't sure how else show Merlin what he meant, he finally leaned in and awkwardly brushed his lips against Merlin's. Then he pulled away immediately after, looking into Merlin's eyes hesitantly. But apparently, there was no room for hesitation. Because the next thing Merlin did was grin widely and pull Arthur close for another kiss, this time making sure it was longer.

The first time Arthur had done this was when he wasn't himself. It was an evil sorcerer who had exposed his feelings and used them against Merlin. But now? Everything was so much better. It finally felt real. And honestly, Arthur didn't know why he had waited so long.

Arthur had finally, properly and officially been kissed by his idiotic servant who liked to call him a clotpole. But from now on, Arthur decided, he didn't mind that one bit.

THE END

Hope you liked it! :) ♥

[unfolded73]

A Sad, Sad Place Without You (1/1)

An unashamedly Daddy!Killian fic, ~1750 words, rated G: Emma and Killian’s daughter learns that her father died, and has some questions.

I know, Sunday morning is the worst time to post fic. And this is more suitable for Father’s Day than Mother’s Day. But I figured I’d fling this fic out into the world before the existence of Maureen Swan-Jones gets jossed in canon. Also figuring anyone on tumblr today probably needs some CS happy ending stuff in their lives right about now.

The first sign that something was wrong was the way Maureen launched herself into Killian’s arms when he picked her up from school. Not that she wasn’t an affectionate child, she was, but she was usually too distracted by tales of her day in first grade to concern herself with things like hugs for her father. She would skip down the street half a block ahead of him as he walked her home, pausing every now and then to tell him about a happening at school or to pepper him with questions. But today, she walked quietly at his side, her hand holding tightly to his.

The second sign was when he opened her lunch box to find most of her lunch uneaten, her ham sandwich flattened, but otherwise untouched.

“Maureen, why don’t you come here and eat the sandwich you didn’t eat for lunch, hmm?”

She looked up from where she was sprawled out on the living room floor, drawing a picture. “Not hungry, Daddy.”

He approached her. “But you barely ate anything today.”

She shrugged, not meeting his eyes.

Kneeling down, Killian pressed his hand against her forehead. “Are you feeling unwell?”

“No, Daddy.” There was a slight tremble in her voice, and it set off alarm bells for Killian. Maureen could be a surprisingly guarded child when something was worrying her; she was very like her mother in that way.

“Come here, love.” He took her hand and gently pulled her up from the floor, guiding her over to the sofa. Once he had her sitting securely on his lap, he looked into her face. “Tell me what happened at school to make you so glum.”

“Darcy was telling lies,” she said, tucking her head up under his chin.

Killian rolled his eyes. Darcy was a little girl in her class who for whatever reason, seemed to be Maureen’s nemesis, if a six-year-old child could have a nemesis. This wasn’t the first time that she had come home with stories of the transgressions of Darcy, but it was the first time she had seemed so affected by them.

“What lies, sweetness?” He shifted slightly so that her bottom didn’t cut off the circulation in his leg quite so effectively, his hand rubbing her back.

“Darcy said her mom said you were dead an’ then came back alive. But I know that’s not true ‘cause when you’re dead you’re gone forever. Neal said so.”

Killian grimaced, unsure of where to start with any of this. Instead of getting to the heart of the issue, he skirted around it.

“When did Neal say so?”

“When Charlotte died, ‘member?”

Charlotte was her uncle Neal’s guinea pig, and Killian did remember there had been a bit of family tragedy in the Charming household last year when Neal awoke one day to find Charlotte stiff and cold. Maureen had taken it hard when they’d gone over for dinner to find that the guinea pig was no longer in residence, and Emma and Snow had comforted her over it. He wished that he’d paid more attention to what they had said at the time.

Killian sighed, wishing that Emma was home and could help him navigate these choppy seas. “It is almost always true that when someone dies, they’re gone from this world forever. But it’s not a lie, what Darcy said. A long time ago, before you were born, I did die, but I was brought back to life.”

Maureen jerked away from him, looking up into his eyes. Her expression was hard to read. “How did you die?”

He thought furiously, knowing Maureen wasn’t ready for the whole story of what had happened that year. “There was a… dark magic that was threatening Storybrooke. And I made a mistake, and I made things worse, and everyone we love was in danger because of it. But I knew that if I sacrificed my life, Mommy and Henry and Grandma and Grandpa and everyone else would be safe. So that’s what I did.”

“Why did you have to do it? Why couldn’t Mommy an’ Regina fight it with magic?”

He smiled. He knew that a lot of Maureen’s sense of safety in this town came from the fervent belief that her mother’s magic, especially when combined with the magic of Aunt Regina, could do anything. The last thing he wanted to do was to shake that security. “This was a special dark magic that only I could stop, because… because it was partly my fault that it was here. Because I made a mistake.”

“What did you do?”

Killian pulled his daughter into his chest for another hug. He couldn’t explain to her about being a Dark One, could he? That would be way too scary for her to deal with, the idea that both of her parents had been tied to that darkness, however briefly. But he didn’t see any way around at least hinting at it.  “There was a time when a darkness threatened the town, and the only way for your mommy to stop it was to take some of that darkness inside her.”

“Because she’s the Savior.”

“Exactly. And your mommy is so strong that even though she had that dark magic in her, she fought it. She held that darkness off, and was still so full of light…” He swallowed against a sudden lump in his throat. He hadn’t thought of Camelot for a long time. “She was so full of light that I fell even more in love with her than I already was. That was when I started to think that we should get married, your mother and me, although I didn’t say anything to her yet.”

Maureen loved hearing the story of their wedding, but he could tell by the stubborn set of her jaw that she wasn’t going to be distracted from the important part of this story. “Then what happened?” she asked.

“We had a battle, and I got cut with a magic sword.”

Maureen squirmed on his lap, practically vibrating with curiosity at the mention of a magic sword. “What kind of magic sword?”

“It was a bad sword, filled with very dark magic. And a wound from this sword would never heal. I was going to die.” He rubbed her back again, hoping he wasn’t making a terrible mistake in relaying this tale. “So your mommy saved me from dying the only way she could; by putting some of the darkness that she carried into me as well.”

Maureen’s eyes were very wide. “Then what did you do?”

“Well, I’m not strong like your mommy.”

“That’s not true,” Maureen protested.

“I wasn’t strong enough not to listen to the darkness, and I did something that threatened our family. But in the end, I made a right choice, and I got the darkness out of both of us. It was just that I had to die so that everyone else could be safe.”

“Why didn’t you stay dead?”

Killian breathed a sigh of relief at having gotten past the worst part of the story. “Because your mother loved me so much that she came down into the Underworld to get me out.”

“So when someone dies, we can go get them and bring them back?”

Shit. “No, love. It was very dangerous what she did, and moreover it didn’t really work. She had to leave the Underworld without me.”

Maureen looked at him with a skeptical expression that said, well, clearly not.

“We thought that was the end of the story, but it wasn’t. Because Mommy had another battle to face: a battle against Hades, who ruled the Underworld. He had escaped, and while your mother was fighting him up here in Storybrooke, I was helping her find the weapon she needed from down in the Underworld. Because even though we were separated by death, true love kept us connected.”

“Mommy won?”

“Yes, with the help of our family and friends, she won. And even that wasn’t the end of the story, as it turned out, because I was visited by Zeus, who rules all the gods. He told me he was going to send me where I belonged, and the next thing I knew…” Killian closed his eyes, the memory of seeing Emma running toward him in that graveyard suddenly flashing in his mind. “The next thing I knew, I was back here with our family. Alive.” He picked up her small hand and pressed it against the pulse point in his neck. “Feel that? That’s my heartbeat, just like the one you have.” Maureen mashed her fingers against his neck, feeling his heartbeat for a moment, then moved her fingers to touch her neck, feeling for her own pulse.

“Gods can make someone alive again?” she asked.

“I guess they can sometimes, but they almost never do.” He hugged her tight against his chest. “Do you know what I think?”

“What?”

“I think that the gods knew that Maureen Swan-Jones needed to exist in the world, and that bringing me back to life was the only way to make that happen.” He kissed the top of her head, her brown curls soft against his lips. “They sent me back in order to create you, because they knew that the world would be a sad, sad place without you in it.”

She accepted that statement as fact the way only a small child would.

“Was Mommy sad when you were dead?”

“Yes, love, she was very sad. But she was also stubborn, and determined to save me.” Even after all these years, he still marveled at Emma’s strength of will, and that she had considered him worthy of such efforts.

Maureen looked up, her eyes narrowing. “You say I’m stubborn, but like it’s bad.”

Killian laughed. “When you refuse to eat your spinach, I would wish that you were less stubborn, to be sure. But when you grow up, if you turn that stubbornness on someone who is threatening the people you love, then I’ll be proud.”

“Just like Mommy,” she said, nodding firmly.

“Exactly so.”

“Daddy?” She wiggled off of his lap. “Can I have a snack?”

Killian raised an eyebrow. “You can have the sandwich that you left in your lunchbox.”

Maureen frowned. “I don’t want that, I want a snack.”

Rolling his eyes, he stood up. “Come, my stubborn lass. Let us see if we can reach some kind of accord on this field of battle.” Taking her small hand in his, he led her into the kitchen.

[coldtomyflash]

I'm sorry if you've actually already addressed this, but do we know WHY the legends flip the switch and start bullying mick in s2? My theory boils down to a) they think he's dumb b)they think he's violent and has no control and c) they don't trust him. What are your thoughts

I mean… bad writing is technically the answer.

But for an in-canon reason, I think it’s a really multiply-determined issue.

For starters, Sara is a lot colder and harsher maybe because a) she’s still grieving her sister, and b) she’s gained the responsibility of being captain, which she never really asked for and is straining her emotional resources a lot. It comes with a new weight and responsibility and having to tell Mick Rory what to do is a lot different than drinking booze with him. Feeling on the hook for what Mick does and who he offends, as the captain of the team, changes her dynamic with him a lot. Even without the grief, which is obviously part of her this season, and is blunting her emotions and her empathy (if you compare her to S1).

[Gif of Sara showing clear, healthy emotional problem solving skills in S1]

[Gif of Sara having to be called out by Martin, of all people, for being a jerk]

Not trusting him, more generally, is also likely part of it? Mick betrayed them to the pirates and though they’ve moved “past” that, they show at the end of S2 that they’ve really had at least some unconscious or latent expectation for him to betray them again. Sara did trust him, and they’re all pissed about the betrayal after it happens, but before he even betrays them, they’re all accusing him of doing it, or saying that he will.

And then, some distrust is justified, but not in the sense of betrayal. When you’ve got a guy on the team who’s supposed to start a bar fight but becomes BFF’s with the guy he’s supposed to knock out? That’s not ideal. Just like it’s not ideal when you ask him to do something and he says “I’m staying on the ship and having a beer, thanks anyway” or “i’ll be here napping, have fun”. He has a lot going on emotionally but he’s genuinely belligerent and unhelpful sometimes, and that would make them unsure how much they can rely on him (outside of crisis situations, at least).

[gif of Ray genuinely thinking Mick might kill him for a moment there, which tells you something about the relationship between Mick and the team]

And hmm… Martin does genuinely think Mick isn’t smart, and that he’s below-average. Martin’s a dick that way, and has a tendency to think no one is as smart as him and to value IQ and science/math related intellect more than… most other traits. Martin making disparaging comments about Mick’s intellect are probably genuine. 

Ray might see Mick as not smart in the same way as him, but he does seem to value him in other ways, and he’s generally not actually an asshole about it. A little incredulous when Mick one-ups in intellectually or has an insight he missed, but that’s more… him acknowledging Mick and trying to overcome his own ego? (Everyone has an ego, and Ray definitely has one too, but I also feel Mick has helped him become a lot more humble, and Len in S1 too).

It should be pointed out that Amaya never disparaged his intellect after she got to know him, and he was more than willing to snap back at her when she called him an idiot back in 1x03. She was lashing out because she thought he was a person like the cruel men she’d seen before, and as soon as she saw beneath the surface, that changed. 

[Amaya was actually pretty good to him, and wanted to be his friend?]

Jax’s comment about him not having a brain honestly bothered me a lot because Mick’s suffered enough mind control already for that not to be funny. I like to blame it on Martin because Jax was Firestorm when he made it, but Jax alluding to Mick’s lack of mental fortitude in Camelot 3000 as a means of testing their mind…control… whatever they’re doing (I didn’t pay enough attention) was sort of in the same vein. 

I think these comments come from a place of seeing Mick as a man of simple desires and tastes without academic ambitions, which is at least partway true, but we also haven’t seen them interact very much one on one? I also think, and maybe this is unkind, that Jax doesn’t really stop and think about it much because he’s taking his cues from the overall team dynamic (he’s very “group” oriented) so if teasing Mick is seen as “okay” and Mick doesn’t complain, he maybe doesn’t recognize the harm? He might even consider it a way of bonding with Mick, some “gentle” teasing?

[Jax was certainly pleased and entertained by learning Mick was actually the one with the brainpower they needed for the job, after all]

I think Nate making a comment about it really does boil down to him taking his cues from the rest of the team. It doesn’t even seem to be about Mick when he jokes about Mick having brain damage, it’s more like he’s trying to get Ray’s (or the team’s, more generally) social approval, like trying a new joke. Except Gideon steals that one and Nate’s like… I’ll stick to what I’m good at. In that sense, he’s sort of using Mick, but he also seems to really care about how people see him and it’s maybe coming from a place of insecurity. Doesn’t excuse it but I don’t think he means to hurt Mick.

(I mean, I don’t think any of them mean to hurt Mick, though Sara edges the closest with how she sort of bullies/threatens him at times, and Martin doesn’t seem to give a shit, really).

Another argument I’ve read is that they treat him worse because on some level, they really were holding back on treating him that way in some deference to their respect for Len, so now that Len is gone, there’s nothing in the way of them being jerks to Mick. I honestly don’t buy that explanation, for the record, but it’s due diligence to mention it.

[euphoric-melancholyy]

On Sleepless Roads (2/3)

Summary: A S6 Canon divergence.  There’s an irony, she supposes, that something created to pull one into eternal sleep, is now a barrier to any sleep. Her body fights against the maddening exhaustion. She’s just so tired, so fucking tired and she can’t keep going like this.

Ao3  FF Part 1  Part 3

The ice chills his hand as he presses it against where she says the pain is sharpest. But her body is warm as it curves into his, her head resting on his shoulder and arm slung across his middle.

“Thrown against the clock tower,” she answers without the question being presented. Earlier she had tried to reassure him that it just felt like a throbbing muscle soreness, no glass to show for the nonexistent incident. It didn't work, even if her pain was not quite as dire as the night before.

He kisses the crown of her head and pulls her tighter, wishing that it were easier for her to fulfil her promise that she would sleep for weeks. She’s given so much of herself, he isn’t sure what there is left to give, but the title of Savior continues to demand more, to take and take. Its cost her a childhood surrounded by love and robbed her of sleep for months. And now. . .

“Hey, I’m okay-”

“Swan, you’re in pain. You can’t sleep, you-”

“You.” she thumbs the outline of his jaw. “I have you. The pain is already going away and now it’s just you and me, alive. That’s all that matters. And in a few hours, I’m gonna go to the station and do my job. I've functioned on a lot less.”

“Emma, you need sleep.”

“I love you.” It isn’t the first time she’s said it without looking at him, yet his heart flutters just the same. She sounds so tired, but he thinks it adds to the sincerity, her voice cracking with the truth of her words. His lips capture hers in response, turning her body to where it rests atop his as her arms find their way around his neck. Their languid pace is slowed with her smile, so big he has to pull away with a chuckle. “I take it that means you love me, too?”

“Aye, Swan. I love you, too.”

-/-/-

She goes to work later, despite his protesting. It’s a great distraction from the exhaustion that’s taken hold, giving her something to focus on other than what she wants and dreads the most. Her parents are taking this new curse - that’s what she’s labeled the dilemma that has seemed to rob her of sanity and redden the whites of her eyes - in strides. They beg her to sleep, but it’s not a plea she’s willing to give into, not without Killian beside her and even then. . .

It’s better like this. She’s more productive awake than asleep.

She spends her break on the Jolly Roger, listening to the banter of her father and Killian. (Waiting for rain is not the proper way to clean a ship, Dave. There are procedures that must be taken to make sure she is in top shape.

It’s not a she -

Did you captain her for centuries? She shall be whatever the bloody hell I wish.

Still doesn't give an inanimate object a gender.)

Usually Emma would interject, but there's a smile on Killian’s face the moment he looks to her, bright, happy eyes speaking to the deepest parts of her soul. It's happened several times since returning to Storybrooke- an overwhelming calm rushing in at the sight of one another alive, putting a pause to the conversation and world around them as if they're the only people in it. For now it’s enough. It’s enough to push her through the rest of the day - these stolen quiet moments in the midst of chaos. And later, after the sun has set behind the clouds, blanketing them in darkness, she crawls under the covers. “I don’t want to sleep,” she whispers to the man lying next to her. He’s massaging the knots from her shoulders in a comfortable silence. But already she can feel her awareness fading, his reply lost to a world of green fields and wind blurred trees.

-/-/-

She buries her cheek in the dark of leather, welcoming the chill of wind that howls in her ear. Sitting astride a horse, she leans her weight into Killian, an infectious laugh escaping when Buttercup progresses past a gallop.

“Where are we going?” she asks, her voice probably a bit too loud as it combats the noise of the wind.

“That's the adventure of it, love.”

Everything around her looks of Camelot - gorgeous mountains outlined in streams, a nature untouched by man's inventions. instead preserved with magic that shines with color.

Yet, somehow it's not. For she knows their home is but a mile south of where they are, winding through thick wood. Somehow, they are in Storybrooke. And she doesn't question it as they ride through the forest, letting her eyelids shut as she soaks in the calm.

And really, she should have known better. Before she can act, Buttercup is rearing up, throwing both her and Killian in the air before smashing her once strong frame against a tree.

Throbbing. It’s the first thing she recognizes before the panic sets in. Before she turns her head to the bleeding form next to her. There’s blood pooling at her shoulder, coarse bark having slowed her descent to the ground. But it doesn’t matter, not when he’s drapped silently across the mud, unresponsive. She can almost reach him, fingertips lightly scratching at a hook doing nothing to rouse him.  

She’s vaguely aware of the high pitched cry that escapes, a plea for him to be okay, and dammit wake up, but she can’t move, can’t reach him with paralysis seizing her muscles.

Ice. It’s the next thing she recognizes before reality comes back into focus. (Which reality, she isn’t sure. She’s been dancing on the line between the realm of dreams and where she finds herself now. An exhausting dance blurred by magic and Webster-defined insanity.) His voice is rough and soothing as he holds her to his chest and she hopes this is the world she can stay in, nightmare or not. Her shoulder still hurts, but he’s here and he’s safe.

“Emma?” He asks as her breathing slows, voice cracking with a fear she had caused.

“Are you okay?”  

He flinches at her question, brows furrowing. “What do you mean am I okay? You’re the one who wakes up in agony every night!”

“Killian, I’m going insane. I can’t fix a wound that isn’t there and I can’t differentiate what is real and what is a part of this curse. It just hurts, everything just . . .You were hurt too and I can’t, I can’t…”

“What do you need?” It’s simple, less words than he would normally offer but better than any refute he could give.

“Can you just hold me?”

“Aye love.” She’s warm in his arms, head buried in the hair littering his chest and legs tangled together. Though she allows her body to relax, molding herself into him as his hand caresses her back and his lips plant kisses to the top of her head, her erratic heartbeat remains. A lingering anxiety that holds her captive. He tells stories and it helps. His voice a calming symphony of colorful vocabulary that she loses herself in. He tells of Liam, Milah, and Pan. Painting Neverland more eloquently than JM Barrie himself. She shares tales of her life as well, of school and foster homes, of a meaningless first boyfriend and the first time she wrecked a car. It’s not as well worded as his, but then again she never is.

-/-/-

He’s worried for her, his Swan, watching from the sidelines as she throws herself into work - combating crisis after crisis on nothing but coffee and Granny’s grilled cheese sandwiches. She needs to rest, to lay in their bed and think of nothing but herself. But she’s stubborn, as stubborn as he is himself, and they’re once again caught at a crossroads. They’re not fighting, but they aren’t agreeing either.

“Come on, love. I’m sure your father can handle it for one day. Just one day, the two of us on the water.” He knows what’s coming before she says it, her retort well practiced now. It’s a repeat of their previous conversation.

“But Hyde-”

“He can wait.” He sighs, exasperated, before grabbing her hand and interlocking their fingers. “You have to take care of yourself, too.”

“I will.  I am. But people are counting on me.”

“Emma-”

“Soon, I promise.”

“Let me take care of you,” Killian whispers, dropping her hand from his and skimming his knuckles across the bruises under her eyes. She relents for a moment, leaning into his touch before righting herself with a shake of her head.

“I have to pick up Henry. Do you want to come?”

“Of course.”

He drops his head in defeat, letting her guide him out of the sheriff’s station and onto the bustling streets, his focus more on her sluggish steps and heavy shoulders than the direction they’re going. He’ll get her to rest, one way or another, her health more important to him than any villain claiming ownership of their quaint little town.

-/-/-

Coffee has become her preferred stimulant. More so than cinnamon coated cocoa, Killian’s flask that never seems to empty of rum, or the acidic monster drinks that taste like someone melted a battery and decided to drink it. No, coffee is much better to keep her pushing through Granny’s lunch crowd to meet her parents.

She finds them scanning the menu as if they've not memorized it over the last 30 years, and she slides in the booth behind Killian.

“Honey, you look exhausted. You both do.” Mary Margaret remarks.

“It’s nothing.” She pauses, distractedly glaring down a black speck of dust dirtying the corner of the table. The anxiety that she carries around like a second skin heightens at her mother's inquiry and she dodges the impending conversation best she can. “Henry just asked us today if he could walk with Violet to school. . .without us.”

“I’m sure he just wanted to kiss his lady love without prying eyes. I know the feeling quite well meself.” Killian quips and Emma’ eyes grow wide, smacking him lightly on the chest.

“Watch it, pirate. I don’t want to hear about your urges to kiss my daughter.” David warns.

“Those aren’t the only ones I have, mate.” His words are punctuated with a mischievous grin directed at Emma and her reddened cheeks.

“Killian!” She elbows him this time, smiling in victory when he grunts between closed teeth. “That’s what you get.”

Her yawn is what breaks the banter, a concern glossing over the faces of her family. Jumping foster home to foster home has made her all too familiar with the expressions. (Back then it had been pity and confusion for the friendless orphan girl who’s angry outburst was followed by tears that never seemed to stop. A temporary worry for the well-being of Emma Swan that no one acted on.) Now, the worry was genuine, but she could see the pity in the furrow of her mother’s and father’s brows. In hindsight, maybe the exhaustion was distorting her view. Feelings of never truly understanding one another buried at the expense of pretending to have the relationship she wants. “Please don't do this, guys.”

“Do what?”

“Look at me like I'm some sort of wounded animal.”

“We weren't! We aren't...we're worried about you.” Snow replies. The gentleness of her voice causes a twinge of guilt deep in Emma’s gut. It’s stupid to feel this way when she knows her mother is just. . .being a mother. So she pushes back the irrational feelings, deflects and hopes it’ll be enough to move the conversation elsewhere.

“I know and I appreciate that, but we have bigger fish to fry right now.”

“So the nightmares-”

“We'll deal with that later. We have to catch Hyde first-”

“I know what you’re going through and you can't run from this. When your father and I-”

“No, you don’t! I'm not you, mom! I don't need to know how you and dad conquered some battle that I am going to get through differently. Stop saying you understand when everything you do says otherwise. If you understood you'd stop bringing it up!” She stops as she realizes the room has cut silent to heed the yells of their exhausted savior and sheriff. Breathing in and exhaling with a sigh, she continues - tone harsh against her whispered frustrations “I'm the savior. Do you have any idea what that means? It makes you all a target. It means that anytime I fail, it puts everyone in danger. It could kill you. I don't need some hope speech to tell me how I need to open up about my feelings. Just because I'm not talking to you about it doesn't mean I'm not talking about it.” Her hand wraps around the ring that dangles from her neck, a silent comfort as she recalls the tear laced confessions she’s told Killian in the dead of night. It’s his hand instinctively wrapping around her shoulder and pulling her into him that keeps her from caving into herself, from a complete shut down at her public outburst.

He’s holding himself back, a silence between the four of them made all the more awkward by his absence of opinion. He has his thinking face on, brows furrowed and pursed lips as he sorts through and holds back from speaking his thoughts aloud. But the primary emotion on his face and her parents, is surprise.

“I’m sorry honey, I didn’t realize it upset you so much. . .Maybe a change of scenery will help? You can always come back to the loft. Your bed’s still there.”

“I have a bed and a new home, my first house, with Killian. I. . .feel safe with him.” She grants her aforementioned co-inhabitant a small smile, continuing, but her gaze not leaving his. “I don't want to wake up without him there. He helps.” She sighs, the words lifting an unknown burden from her chest, as if admitting that somehow made it ring with a greater truth. There was an agitation - distorted from sleep deprivation, maybe - that her parents still couldn’t see that. They couldn’t see the changed man Killian has become. She hopes he doesn’t feel it too. “I know that you’re trying to make everything better, but sometimes you can’t. Changing where I sleep is not going to keep the Sandman from distorting my dreams. You don’t want to be around me when I do fall asleep, trust me. So can we just drop it and order some damn food, please? I'm starved.”  .

-/-/-

He asks her to do it, so she does. She drives the blade into his middle, feeling his insides scream around silver metal, hearing the slash of flesh tearing as the point emerges bloodstained on the other side. She watches through tears as 300 years of life drain from his eyes. He tells her he loves her, but he can barely breathe. So with one last kiss pressed to his lips, she withdraws her sword and his body plummets to the ground.

It doesn’t stop falling. Now, he’s wrapped in chains, more bloodied and broken than before. He’s suspended upon a murky green river, sinking slowly into its neverending depths and -

“Killian!” She screams, letting the smoke from the fire pits that light the basement turned cavern fill her lungs. Her feet smack against the rock as she runs, but the faster she accelerates, the faster he falls - a tortuous pursuit that causes panic to pool in her stomach as his feet drop out of sight. There’s an enchantment blocking her more supernatural attempts at rescue, magic that curls inward at her fingertips and pushes its way back to her core with no release. But it's too late now, her plea embedded into the rock it bounces off of. The chains rise from the river, prisoner absolved and his soul forever lost.

-/-/-

There’s a cry she hears somewhere in the distance. It increases in volume or proximity - she's not sure which. But it syncs to the chaos of her mind, the adrenaline and panic coursing through her bloodstream as it calls for, cries for, her deceased lover.

She tries to calm herself, pull the crumbling, shattered pieces of her heart back together when she realizes it’s her.

“Emma, it's just a dream. It's okay, you're okay. Wake up, love.” But her hysteria only grows with the sound of his voice, sobs racking her body as she seems to come to. His soft voiced reassurances are lost on deaf ears as he pulls her upright, hand smoothing over the ridges of her spine. They’re coated in darkness save for the crack of moonlight shining through the curtains, casting haunted shadows of the sleepless road they travel. So he reaches to turn the bedside lamp on, lighting the room to rouse her, to ground her back in this room with him. “Emma, I’m right here.” She shakes under his grip, several whispered no’s followed by a string of curses. His words do little, if any to comfort her, mind stuck in the terrors of her dream world.  “Come back to me, love.”

But she doesn’t, not yet. Instead, she curls into herself, an inconsolable silhouette of revisted grief, oblivious to the departed’s presence and the hand that tries to coax her back.

He can see the moment she returns, a relieved shock overtaking her features as her arms wrap around him.

She buries her head in his neck, tears slipping past her cheek and onto his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Killian I’m so-”

“Shhh, it was just a dream. You’re here now.”

“No, no it wasn’t just a dream.” She sniffs, trying to get her breathing under control. It only worsens as he tries to comfort her.

As she tries to articulate the reality of her nightmare. “I killed you. . .I watched you die-”

“Emma-”

“They buried you! You still have a fucking tombstone in the graveyard. I failed and you-”

Calloused lips stop the quiver of her own, if only temporarily, as she takes the comfort he gives. If he was an ocean, then she was drowning - his touch overwhelming in its tenderness. The tears that still fall are caught with his mouth while his thumb caresses the outline of her jaw. But soon her worries fade with the clothes that are shed, his hand and tongue working in tandem to soothe the wounds of her nightmares. Of her reality. Their love coiling with the heat in her stomach as they come together.

She holds to that feeling as she comes down, tangling her limbs with his so that they somehow remain one. If she was a ship, then he was her anchor and compass alike - grounding and guiding through the treacherous sea that's become the wreckage of the Savior's duties .

“Let me take care of you,” he whispers. And this time she gives in, following him into the warmth of the shower’s downpour. The water washes away the last of morning haze, cleansing and clearing her mind before revisiting the nightmare that awoke her. Her body craves his touch; his hand massaging the shampoo to and from her hair as his stump rests against the curve of her waist making tears fall anew.

“I love you,” she breathes, a wonderment in her tone. It's not enough to express how she feels about him, words caught in her throat seem miniscule to the emotions that stir within her.

It's later, over chocolate chip pancakes and her third cup of coffee, that she gives him details. She tells of the heaviness of the blade in her hand, of the crunch of muscles as it drove through flesh. She tells of the blood and how it remained stained wet in her hands as his body fell into the river of lost souls. She tells and holds herself together, a saddened detachment that only allows a single tear to fall. She tells of the terror that seizes her still - that this happiness they share could merely be a hallucination. “When I woke up, at first, the dream it felt. . .more real.”  

It’s the emotional weight, despite the coffee and sex that preceded and receded her confession,  that leave her bone tired as she once again prepares to head to Granny’s. Makeup aids in masking the exhaustion that hides underneath - the baggy red rimmed eyes temporarily reprieved with coats of concealer and a layer of bottom eyeliner she would usually go without. It’s not a lot, but it’s noticeable.

It can’t conceal the drag in her step, however, nor the mental pause in her replies. She’s beyond tired, afraid of the terrors that falling into sleep’s arms will bring, but she pushes through..

She pushes through as she finds her son already sitting at a table scanning a copy of one of his storybooks.

“Hey kid!” Emma smiles before taking a seat across from him. “Looks like a full house for Granny. I guess everyone has untold stories that are ready to be played out.”

“Yeah, that or they discovered the best place for lunch.”

Emma laughs at that - a small chuckle that quickly dies when she glances at the pages opened before her. “So have you found anything new?”

“Other than people not dressed in Storybrooke, attire? Not yet. But I’m betting someone here can tell us.”

And he’s right. They’re still very oddly dressed. Although she guesses that’s relative to the realm they are in. But her leather jacket stands out next to the silks and fanciful dresses, strange hats and ancient styles, even Bollywood fashion. A man by the bar dons a cape. She wonders what his story in particular might be - possibly Dracula, but she isn’t entirely convinced vampires are real.  Dracula, or whoever he actually is, stands tall next to a little girl dressed in colonial attire. They create a stark contrast to the mad looking scientist, old professor in a trench coat, and Chinese looking royalty. An eclectic, confused mix that’s dominated by a middle eastern man in a strange hat. He must notice her staring, because before she can successfully avert her gaze from the crowd, he’s walking over to her with cane in hand.

“I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Jafar.”

Scepter, she corrects her earlier assessment of his cane. It looks of rusted gold, frail magic worn with age. He sticks out from his companions, collections of other stories she’s heard throughout her life, as the more ominous of the bunch. And really, she should have known just by looking at him that he’s freaking Jafar. Villain. Evil. Sorcerer. His presence raises the hairs on the back of her neck, but it’s the tilt of his head and small smile he grants her, that creeps her out the most. (Not that she’ll show it; she makes a mental note to find the fate of Aladdin and Jasmine later, but for now she can make small talk. For now she’ll make Henry as comfortable as possible.) “Hi, I’m Emma. This is my son Henry.”

“It’s nice to make your acquaintance, Emma. I believe I’ve heard your name passed around a few times here.”

“She’s the Savior. She brings everyone their happy endings.” Henry chimes in.

“Ah, well what a noble pursuit.” She’s about to dismiss herself, dragging Henry back to the house for whatever bullshit reason she comes up with first, when Jafar continues. “I quite like this quaint town of yours. I’ve found the beds to be much more accommodating than those in Agrabah.”

“If you're talking about Granny’s beds, I can't say I agree.” She says with a forced smile, magic tingling through her blood as she clenches her fist to keep it at bay. As accustomed as she is to handling villains, there’s something simmering beneath the surface that she can’t quite place. It makes his every word more threatening and she pushes it down, tries to ignore the voice in her head that has the hairs on her neck still standing.

Jafar laughs - a small forced huff of air that does little to alleviate the tension. ”You'd be surprised.” He extends his hand for her to shake and she takes it, glad to have this opportunity to exit the situation. “Well I’m sure there are lines of people waiting to meet the savior. So if you’ll excuse me, I should get going.”

He turns on his heel and she directs her attention back to Henry. “Wanna get Granny’s to go? We’ll be more productive in the library anyway.”

“Yeah, let me text Violet first. She might know something about Jafar that could help us.”

“Sounds good.”

-/-/-

She’s past tired by the time they make it to the library, body sagging with the weight of her steps. Her eyes scan the same page for the sixth time and she can feel herself fading, lids fighting to stay open. It’s there that Killian finds her, drunk on sleep deprived delirium as she laughs about calligraphy and the idea of Dracula feeding off cat blood. (He’s seen her like this only twice, the first when rum was the culprit and the latter after a 36 hour shift when she refused to return home.) But she feels light now, the giggles that erupt alleviating the heaviness in her chest as she leans on Killian. She knows she’s being ridiculous, combing the stray hairs that hang at his forehead back behind his ear as she muses over if the sandman is made of sand, and the logistics of living in that state.

In the end, she decides that magic is the only answer.  

The energy high only lasts until she reaches their bathroom, laughter turning into silence as the faucet fills in the lost noise. She cuddles into Killian when they reach the bed, mumbling that she’ll only rest for a minute. It's a lie the moment her eyes close, the mattress embracing her exhaustion as it lulls her to sleep with her body wrapped around Killian's.

She dreams of fire, skin burning and engulfed in pain. It’s from her mother, the evil version of Isaac's cursed world, that chars her shoulder before spreading down her arm.

The screams don't come this time - instead she's left gasping for air she can't find, the pain, new in its torture but routine in its presence, muting her airways. She can feel sand fall from her eyes when she sits up, the burning sensation not leaving even as the particles land on her bedsheets. Mouth agape, Emma attempts to quiet the quiver of her breath as she gathers the remnants in her hand to dispose of before escaping to the kitchen. Killian slumbers at the edge of the bed, finally sleeping through a nightmare. (It makes her own nightmare a little less harsh. His attempts at staying up with her have left him almost as restless as she.)

She grows numb to the pain even as the red blisters of her hallucination rise. Her magic, powerless to whisk it away, poofs a small tube of burn cream in front of her. She knows it won't help, but she also knows the pain will get worse before it disappears. It has to be better than nothing.

When Killian finds her a few hours later, she’s propped up on the couch, eyes scanning the pages of one of the books they had brought home from the library. His hair is stuck up at all sides, a shirtless sleep mused mess in navy pajama pants.

“I’m sorry, love. I didn’t mean to sleep through - what’s on your arm?”

“Burn cream. I know it can’t really do anything but I wanted to do something. I kinda forgot about it. And I’m glad you finally slept. You deserve it.”

He gives her this look sometimes, the same he’s giving her now, where his face softens and the lines of 300 years crinkle at his eyes the same as a child’s. Sometimes there’s a glistening in his eyes, his adoration so overwhelming that it doesn’t feel real. She watches his steps as he shuffles to the couch and interlaces their fingers together before bringing her hand up to his lips. “I love you, Emma.”

“I love you, too.”

“We’re going to defeat this.”

“I know.”

She knows, but sometimes she doubts, brief moments of wondering if this is how she will meet her end. Death by Sleep Deprivation. She’s heard about it before, through internet or textbook she’s not sure. Within three days of waking to the feeling of burning flesh, her body adjusts to the permanent insomnia, afraid of the perils sleep brings. Even when she tries to rest, her subconscious has decided that sleep is equal to pain. It's her body's way of protecting her, creating a lose-lose situation with whatever side wins out at night. There is no burst of energy to revive her, the next few days a reflection of her weakened state in Camelot when she took on the darkness.

Her family remains her hope, Killian her anchor as her frustration grows. And it’s Killian who comes to her with the first actual solution. “Emma, love.” he whispers when he runs through the door to find her half asleep on the couch. “The sandman is in your nightmares.”

-/-/-

Tagging @acrobat-elle, @lovebecomeshim @bromfieldhall, and @allons-y-to-hogwarts-713 upon request.