#co-dependency

[fertilisedovumcell]

Passive dependency

Source: The Road Less Travelled - M. Scott Peck

Passive dependency has its genesis in lack of love.

The inner feeling of emptiness from which passive dependent people suffer is the direct result of their parents' failure to fulfil their needs for affection, attention and care during their child-hood.

It was mentioned in the first section that children who are loved and cared for with relative consistency throughout childhood enter adulthood with a deep-seated feeling that they are lovable and valuable and therefore will be loved and cared for as long as they remain true to themselves.

Children growing up in an atmosphere in which love and care are lacking or given with gross inconsistency enter adulthood with no such sense of inner security.

Rather, they have an inner sense of insecurity, a feeling of "I don't have enough" and a sense that the world is unpredictable and ungiving, as well as a sense of themselves as being questionably lovable and valuable.

It is no wonder, then, that they feel the need to scramble for love, care and attention

wherever they can find it, and once having found it, cling to it with a desperation that leads them to unloving, manipulative, Machiavellian behaviour that destroys the very relationships they seek to preserve.

As also indicated in the previous section, love and discipline go hand in hand, so that unloving, uncaring parents are people lacking in discipline, and when they fail to provide their children with a sense of being loved, they also fail to provide them with the capacity for self-discipline.

Thus the excessive dependency of the passive dependent individuals is only the principal manifestation of their personality disorder.

Passive dependent people lack self-discipline.

They are unwilling or unable to delay gratification of their hunger for attention.

In their desperation to form and preserve attachments they throw honesty to the winds. They cling to outworn relationships when they should give them up. Most important, they lack a sense of responsibility for themselves.

They passively look to others, frequently even their own children, as the source of their happiness and fulfilment, and therefore when they are not happy or fulfilled they basically feel that others are responsible.

Consequently they are endlessly angry, because they endlessly feel let down by others who can never in reality fulfil all their needs or "make" them happy.

I have a colleague who often tells people, "Look, allowing yourself to be dependent on another person is the worst possible thing you can do to yourself. You would be better off being dependent on heroin. As long as you have a supply of it, heroin will never let you down; if it's there, it will always make you happy. But if you expect another person to make you happy, you'll be endlessly disappointed."

As a matter of fact, it is no accident that the most common disturbance that passive dependent people manifest beyond their relationships to others is dependency on drugs and alcohol.

Theirs is the "addictive" personality.

"They are addicted to people, sucking on them and gobbling them up, and when people are not available to be sucked and gobbled, they often turn to the bottle or the needle or the pill as a people-substitute."

In summary, dependency may appear to be love because it is a force that causes people to fiercely attach themselves to one another. But in actuality it is not love; it is a form of antilove. It has its genesis in a parental failure to love and it perpetuates the failure.

It seeks to receive rather than to give. It nourishes infantilism rather than growth. It works to trap and constrict rather than to liberate. Ultimately it destroys rather than builds relationships, and it destroys rather than builds people.

[ourflagmeansworms]

Sarah by JT LeRoy is so Dean Winchester coded.

(okay narratives only, it's probably a little more sam coded, but as far as the meta of the novel's history and the meta of fannon dean it's so dean)

[mindfulldsliving]

Recognizing Toxic Patterns and Building Self-Worth Through Love Languages

Understanding the five love languages can be a game-changer for those healing from co-dependency and toxic relationships. For Latter-day Saint and Evangelical Christians seeking guidance, the concept, introduced by Gary Chapman, becomes even more profound

This post about the five love languages as a tool for healing from toxic and co-dependent relationships, family dysfunction, and addiction is for information and education only. It isn���t meant to diagnose or provide therapy. It’s highly recommended that individuals seek professional counseling. Speak with your pastor, priest, or bishop. Establish care through professional therapy and mental…

[nomorechaos]

I am NOT Co-dependent

For years now, trying to find information and help while coming out of the fog of being a decades long target of a covert psychological abuser, I was bombarded with the idea of my co-dependency "issues". Carrying so much guilt and shame of yet another thing that was wrong with me.

I will be spending quite a few posts tearing apart the myth that targets of intimate partner abuse are co-dependent. I am hoping to spend enough focus on it to completely solidify tis idea in my head, letting go of on more victim-blaming concept that I have been encouraged to internalize.

Today I am sharing a bit from an article that has really helped me:

The first part of the article is absolutely profound:

"Having been in the intimate partner abuse field for over two decades, I continue to be shocked that there’s still confusion about identifying abused women as codependent among the professionals committed to helping them. To see an abused woman as codependent is tantamount to blaming her for the abuse she receives. Such a judgment by a professional she turns to for support leaves her feeling alone, misunderstood, and without the right help for her to make a positive change in her life."

Yes, yes, yes!!!! This is exactly what I have experienced. So-called professionals pointing out my co-dependency only kept me in the fog, giving me yet another load of what was wrong with me, leading me to believe that it was my weakness that was keeping me trapped.

WRONG! It was his manipulation, mind control, and the FORCED DEPENDENCY that he was putting on me that kept me trapped. And as long as other people were willing to take the focus off of what was really happening and shift it to my weaknesses, this ALLOWED the abuser to continue abusing in exactly the way he wanted, without any responsibility or accountability.

[sugaradore]

💜

"you twins?"

"nah, we cousins"

[maperezstuff]

How Misunderstanding Love Can Impact Relationships

Gary Chapman is a well-known author, counselor, and radio talk show host on human relationships. According to him, there are 5 Love Languages. Each love language describes how we receive love from others. They are: Words of Affirmation – Saying supportive things to your partner Acts of Service – Doing helpful things for your partner Receiving Gifts – Giving your partner gifts that tell them…

[cool-missy-v]

Now available on Amazon and Audible: https://www.amazon.com/STATE-P-L-Y-S-DIFFICULT-CONVERSATIONS-ebook/dp/B0BXXV1WQR/

[whisperingofthepages]

Don't Let It Break Your Heart by Maggie Horne

Pages: 336 Publisher: Penguin Released: 29th of August 2024 You only get one soulmate, and I’m not throwing mine away. Alana and Gray have been the perfect pair all through high school, and neither of them think that should have to change just because Alana came out as a lesbian. Sure, their romantic relationship is over, but their best-friends-since-forever dynamic is stronger than ever.…

[eggonthemoon]

Is it bad that this made me kind of excited to see?

Because I feel like this really validated what I've been thinking all along.

Mizisua is not healthy.

It's not abusive either.

The children are not okay, none of them are. Even the illusion of a happy life in Anakt Garden is not enough to cover the cracks.

People might believe Mizi had it good, that she was lucky to be able to live her life in captivity in blissful ignorance. But that's not the case at all.

(Interesting detail is that despite looking bashful and shy, his collar is red. Its a red flag for sure but its vague and could mean an array of things, so I don't blame Mizi for not noticing)

We see how her naivete puts her in danger. When the unnamed boy (who I need to see dead asap) makes an advance on Mizi, she rejects him bluntly not knowing the violence he is capable of.

I believe this was Mizi's first look into how truly horrible the reality of her life is. But she couldn't understand, she didn't know why she got hurt or what she did wrong.

AND she did nothing wrong! She called out the boy's sleazy behaviour for what it was...

Gross.

In her perfect world he would simply apologise and leave her be. But the world is not perfect and her being honest only provoked him.

Its telling that her reaction to what happened to her was to run back to Sua.

Sua is godly, Sua is pure and perfect, she would never hurt her.

And yet she parroted the boy's words back at her

"Must be nice~"

It shows as much as Sua loves and reveres Mizi, she still resents her for their different upbringings. Sua is not immune to envy or jealousy and she is deeply envious of Mizi's ability to see the world as a child would.

A good happy place where people strive to be good and kind to each other.

There is so much more in this comic that I could go into.

Mizi's survivors guilt, the way the boy's words came back to haunt her, convincing her she used the people she loved. There is so much to unpack and I'm so excited to see how it plays out in the next episode.

[serenamiumiu]

‘in sickness’

“we’re partners, I’m not going anywhere without you.”

They’ve now only gotten so close, realizing what they really meant to one another. A trip to the outskirts for research planned for weeks, and Viktor cancels despite the man looking forward to the it the most. Jayce only discovers the reason why after their physician tells him what’s been going on. Jayce couldn’t care less about going on that damn trip

^ I initially planned this comic to be longer but I couldn’t be bothered.

+ A discarded panel for page 3 …

[mindfulldsliving]

Breaking Generational Patterns: Achieving Emotional Sobriety as Grandchildren of Alcoholics

The legacy of familial alcoholism often stretches beyond the immediate household, leaving an indelible mark on future generations. Grandchildren of alcoholics may find themselves grappling with emotional scars

“More and more people are identifying as grandchildren of alcoholics. Technically, these ‘GCoAs’ are ACAs. They were raised by parents who passed on the disease of family dysfunction without having alcohol in the home.” BRB p. 56, footnote Some of us have wandered through life wondering why we had so many problems. Our childhoods were not filled with alcoholism or addiction. And yet, there was a…

[nomorechaos]

Co-dependency: Another Victim-Blaming term?

I have been in a covert psychologically abusive marriage for over 3 decades, but it has only been about 5 months since I have even been aware of the type of abuse known as psychological abuse.

However, about 10 years ago, some of the fog began to lift and the word "abuse" started floating around in the back of my head, and I began to seek more information and help.

Most of the "help" I received, even from professionals, just didn't quite hit the mark. And quite a lot of it just lead me to believe that I was just as much of the problem and somehow warranted the abuse due to my failures. This caused me so much shame and doubt that it just aided in my reasons for staying, thinking I needed to work on my issues. Which is exactly what my abuser wanted me to think.

The most damaging and victim-blaming idea that was presented to me was that I was co-dependent on my abuser.

It is just recently that I have found some information that has really helped me understand that this is not only another horrible way for, even supposed therapists and professionals, to continue to blame the target of abuse.

I am very angry about how, me being convinced that I needed to work on my co-dependency "issues", was just another horrible concept that just enabled the abusive man in my life to tighten the chains of blame around me.

I am planning to write several posts over the next few weeks to help me sort out all these ideas I have just discovered to help me untangle the lie of co-dependency.

I want to end today with a link and a title to one of the articles that is aiding me on my journey of letting go of the victim-blaming crap that has been piled on me for 34 years:

[rebouks]

Did you know you can make sims look in a specific direction whilst they're posed?

Hit shift+tab to enter first person mode

Aim the camera where you want your sim to look (make sure your game isn't paused otherwise the sim won't move - you can press 1 in first person mode to set time running)

Hit pause (by pressing P)

Hit shift+tab again to exit first person mode

Voila! Your sim is now looking in the direction you pointed 'em!

A neat little cheat to get multiple uses from the same pose! 🤸‍♀️

[myballsitchaurghouchie]

Goodnight

[catgirljaneway]

I deeply dislike the voyager fandom trope where Kathryn is everyone's mom and Chakotay is the dad. (I love found family, I hate "nuclearized" found family) That woman is NOT everyone's mother. She is however Harry's mother. Which is even funnier because from what we know, Harry seems to have a perfectly healthy and good relationship with his actual mom. He did NOT need to be adopted by an insane middle-aged woman but BOOM now he's got mommy issues and it's literally his boss.

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

Ghost King Phantom answers a summons to a new dimension to find a sacrificial offering in three magic circles. One, holding Bizarro, another holding Artimus and the one in front holding Red Hood.

Phantom has no idea who these people are, but he knows the people in charge must be powerful mages or whatever. Doesn't matter. None of the mages hes ever had to face had known about his Halfa status so naturally thier wards and protections wouldn't work on him. He captures the kid with a naselly voice and his orange cat in a force field to give to Jazz later. She had been talking about wanting to study the psychology of a supernatural being for a while now so he'd help her out.

He made quick work of the other mages before turning around and facing the "sacrifices" the two in the back were still out cold but the one in front, the one in the red helm was radiating terror and rage. He was shaking even though Phantom hadn't done anything to him and had no intentions to. Danny landed outside the circle, trying to whisper something conforting as he stepped closer.

The moment he stepped into the ring however, the red runes turned into a bright green and the three circles disappeared. Danny didn't feel any different so he assumed it was nothing and he freed the captives before disappearing, none the wiser that Klarion the Witchboy had made a few translation mistakes in the slave contract and accidentally married a terrified Red Hood to Phantom, the High King of the Undead and King of the Lazarus dimension, also known as the Infinite Realms.

Danny probably learns he married that guy at some point but just kinda shrugs it off. Polygamy is legal in the realms and thier marriage doesn't change much. Sure, Danny is practically contractually obligated to save this guy if he's ever in mortal peril but Danny has no problems with that. He'd do it anyway.

So he just ignores the situation hoping it doesn't come up again.

It does.

Repeatedly.

I'm so surprised we don't have more Dead on Main ghost king marriage aus where Jason/the pit inside of him is terrified of Phantom. Let's change that