#don’t come near me I’m going to commit arson | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

izzytheloser12 · 1 year ago

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~Kaishin and gosho boys incorrect quotes~

Shinichi : Kaito and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Heiji : *Sighing* What did Kaito do?

Shinichi : They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Kaito: Who wants a steering wheel?

~~~~~~~~~

Conan: Isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other people?

Kaito: Plane tickets?

Hakuba: Concert tickets?

Heiji: Prostitution?

Conan, holding their broken frames: Glasses.

~~~~~~~

Shinichi: Why is Kaito so sad?

Heiji: he took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes

Shinichi: And...?

Heiji: he got Hakuba.

~~~~~~~~~~

Shinichi: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Kaito: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Heiji ?

Heiji: Probably “road work ahead”.

Hakuba: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

~~~~~~~~

Hakuba: You read my diary?

Heiji: At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

~~~~~~~~~

Kaito: “Ladies and gentlemen” is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly, I’m falling asleep already. “Cowards” on the other hand, is inclusive to all genders, to the point, and dramatic.

~~~~~~~

*kaito messing with them*

Hakuba: Okay, what does A stand for?

Kaito: Arson.

Hakuba: Aw, you're so good. Okay! B! What does B stand for?

Kaito: Barson.

Heiji: *laughter*

Hakuba: What stands for C?

Kaito: Commit arson.

Heiji: Oooo.

Hakuba: D!

Kaito: Don't come near me, I'm going to commit arson.

Heiji: *more laughter*

~~~~~~~~

*kaito about shinichi*

Kaito: Yeah, a partner sounds nice, but a supreme enemy you can make out with in secret sometimes sounds a lot more hardcore.

~~~~~~~~~

Kaito: You know, Shinichi, you are the sun in my life.

Shinichi: Why? Cause I'm smoking hot?

Kaito: Because it hurts my eyes looking at you.

~~~~~~~~

Aoko, texting: Kaito, will you please go to sleep?

Kaito, texting back: What makes you think you didn’t just wake me up?

Aoko, yelling: I CAN HEAR YOU CLAPPING TO THE FRIENDS THEME EVERY TWENTY MINUTES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP!

Aoko, texting: Just a hunch :) You goin’ to sleep soon?

Kaito, texting: I’m trying

Aoko, yelling again: TRY HARDER I HAVE A 5:45 AM MEETING TOMORROW BITCH

Aoko, texting: Okay, don’t stay up too late or you’ll be cranky :)

~~~~~~~~~

Kaito: Shinichi annoyed me today so I told him that I can’t wait to see what he has planned for our special day tomorrow.

Hakuba: There is nothing special about tomorrow.

Kaito: But there is something special about watching the color leave his face as panic takes over.

~~~~~~~~~

*before they started to dated*

Kaito: Shinichi is playing hard to get.

Kaito: Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

#kaishin #dcmk #shinichi kudo #magic kaito #detectiveconan #detective conan #kaito kuroba #hattori heiji #hakuba saguru #(I started this at home and finished at work #(I just needed to share this with y’all lmaooo)#incorrect dcmk quotes

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youling-the-ghost · 10 months ago

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sfth incorrect quotes pt.9 because the brainrot is getting to me

Luke: Thanks for not telling Tom what happened. AJ, dumbfounded: I wouldn’t even know where to begin trying to explain this. Tom: Anyone down to take couples counseling and see at what point the therapist realizes we barely know each other? Luke: Idiots to lovers, 20k words, angst with a happy ending. AJ: I know what a prism is! It's where you put bad people. (I just realised that I already had this quote in a past post)

AJ: Okay, what does A stand for? Luke: Arson. AJ: Aw, you're so good. Okay! B! What does B stand for? Luke: Barson. Sam: *laughter* AJ: What stands for C? Luke: Commit arson. Sam: Oooo. AJ: D! Luke: Don't come near me, I'm going to commit arson. Sam: *more laughter, slightly more evil this time* Tom: Hey, check out my Spongebob umbrella! *Tom opens his umbrella while indoors* Sam: Tom, that’s bad luck… Tom: Chill out, Sam! Luke, kicking down the door: WHO SUMMONED ME?!?! Tom and Sam: *screams* (Senor Pork-core) Tom: Hey, are you free? Sam: No, I’m expensive. Store Worker: Would a “Tom” please come to the front desk? Tom, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem? Store Worker, pointing to AJ, Sam, and Luke: I believe they belong to you? AJ, Sam, and Luke, simultaneously: We got lost. Tom: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me- Luke: Tom, when’s your birthday? Tom: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me? Luke: ...So I know when to wish you a happy birthday. Luke: But also so I can plan your downfall. AJ: So, what is Luke to you? Sam: The reason I wake up every morning. AJ: ...That’s adorable. Luke earlier that morning, barging into Sam′s room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!! AJ: *stands in trash can* Sam: AJ, not again! You're not trash, you're at least recycling! (I like to think that AJ just wanted to stand in the trash can) Sam: Big day today, Tom. *holds up two identical flannels* Mustard stain or ketchup stain? Tom: Mustard, looks less like blood. Tom: Yeah, I find it quite emotional. In like a cool way. Sam: Did you just say it makes you cry in a cool way? Luke: *writing a letter* Luke: Dear Santa, I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty...and it was worth it you fat, judgemental bastard. Tom: Damn, the power went out. AJ: Don’t worry, I got this. AJ: *stomps foot* Tom: What-? AJ: *Sketchers light up* Sam: You can’t have a gun on stage! Luke: WRONG! I can have a gun, and I must have a gun, that’s the rule of Chekhov’s Gun: have a gun. And now that it’s been seen, I will have to shoot someone before the end of the play. (Sam's just jealous that he doesn't have a gun) Tom: Oh no! I’m doomed! Sam: Seriously? All you have to do is not insult Luke at his own memorial service. Tom: Exactly! It’s impossible! AJ: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, that’s fucked up. Like c'mon, you know I’m dumb as hell! Luke: Shouldn't get stressed out, it's not good for the baby. Tom: What baby? Luke, crying a bit: Me. Tom: That's not funny. Luke: I thought it was funny. Tom: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.

#shoot from the hip #shoot from the hip incorrect quotes #and yes I haven't posted one of these in a week #what about it #(/lh)#luke manning #tom mayo #sam russell #alexander jeremy

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randomgurl2326 · 1 year ago

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Slytherin Boys + Wifey Pansy + Y/N

Harry Potter Masterlist

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Theo: sapnu puaS

Blaise: What??

Enzo: What language is that?

Theo: Turn your phone 180 degrees

*Theo was removed from the group chat*

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Enzo: Get in loser, we’re commuting vehicular manslaughter!

Mattheo: Why is it that I always lose things as soon as I need them?

Y/N: Actually, it’s not that you lose things when you need them. You lose them a while before. It’s just that you LOOK for things when you need them.

Mattheo: Okay yeah thanks Y/N, that’s great but WHERE’S THE FUCKING FORST AID KIT!

Enzo: Salazar, the printer broke while printing out Y/N’s birthday’s invitations.

Draco: We’ll, what are they supposed to say?

Enzo: “Y/N’s Birthday”

Draco: So, what do they say instead?

Enzo: “Y/N’s bi”

Draco:

Draco: Works out either way

Blaise: Okay, what does A stand for?

Y/N: Arson

Blaise: Aw, you’re so good. Okay! B! What does B stand for?

Y/N: Barson

Theo: *laughter*

Blaise: What does C stand for?

Y/N: Commit arson

Theo: Oooo

Blaise: D!

Y/N: Don’t come near me, I’m going to commit arson

Theo: *falls over laughing*

Blaise: What happened?!?!

Draco: Do you want the long version or the short version?

Blaise: Sh-short??

Draco: Shit’s fucked

Blaise: Okay, long…

Draco: Shit’s very fucked

Theo: Are you tall enough to play quidditch?

Y/N: Are you calling me short?

Theo: I’m calling you vertically challenged

Pansy: I feel like I’ve died and gone to heaven

Mattheo: I have that dream too, but you’ve gone in the other direction

#x reader #harry potter x reader #harry potter #slytherin boys #theodore nott #theodore nott x you #theodore nott x reader #mattheo riddle #mattheo riddle x reader #blaise zabini #lorenzo berkshire #enzo berkshire #lorenzo berkshire x reader #pansy parkinson #pansy parkinson x reader #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy #slytherin #ravenclaw

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moonlitenvyillust · 4 months ago

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So uh....

Incorrect quotes with the achieans (did I spell that right?) second generation SFW only

Telemachus: Look, I’m glad everyone’s on the same page.

Telemachus: But it’s the last page in a book titled “we’re all going to die”.

Peisitratus: That’s not even clever.

Polycaste: *very seriously* You need to stop doing weird things to cope with the stress. Going outside might help.

Telemachus: I went to the park today.

Polycaste: There you go! I hope you got something from that.

Telemachus: *opening his coat* This duck.

Nausicaa: I started school with straight A’s. Now I’m not even straight.

(Polycaste x Nausicaa👀👀👀)

Telemachus: I know this isn’t going to end well and I don’t care. So don’t you try and stop me, Hermione!

Hermione: I wasn’t stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.

(Don't mind them, just double cousins being double cousins)

Orestes: *Reading a letter*

Nausicaa: Well, what does it say?

Orestes: It’s a confession letter. It turns out Hermione killed my pet rock.

(Imagine getting your wife stolen and said wife kills ur pet. Lmao)

Telemachus: Caw caw, motherf---ers.

(Telemachus you're a wolf now an eagle)

Polycaste: When I first met you, I thought you were weird and annoying.

Peisitratus: And?

Polycaste: And you are.

(Average sibling behavior)

Neoptolemus: It smells like henway in here.

Peisitratus:

Orestes: Peisitratus.

Orestes, forcefully: Doesn't it smell like henway in here?

Peisitratus: *sigh*

Peisitratus: What's a henway?

Neoptolemus: OH ABOUT TEN POUNDS!

(No what's a henway?)

Orestes: When surrendering, Telemachus is to hand the sword over HILT first.

(Sounds like something my friend will tell me)

Orestes: Love makes people do stupid things.

Neoptolemus: I love everything!

Orestes: That explains a lot.

(That was NOT Neo. Tele did your sun side possess him?)

Peisitratus: Remember, if you die in the simulation—

Neoptolemus: Yeah, yeah, I know, if you die in the simulation you die in real life.

Peisitratus: What? No! You need to reset the simulation with the terminal! What is WRONG with you?!

(Crack)

Neoptolemus: We’re going to a candy store?!

Telemachus: No! It’s nighttime, candy stores are closed.

Hermione: We’re gonna ROB a candy store?!?!

Telemachus, sighing: No-

(Don't be like that tele. You're related to Hermes)

Telemachus: Theater kids are just choir kids who joined forces with the band and strings kids.

(Overobserver tele no)

Kidnapper: We have your child

Peisitratus: I don’t have a child? <br>Kidnapper: Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crusts off their sandwich?

Peisitratus: Oh god, you have Neoptolemus

(Yeah you don't have him he has you)

Neoptolemus: Telemachus, what is the ONE thing I asked you NOT to do tonight?

Telemachus: Raise the dead.

Neoptolemus: And what did you do?

Telemachus: Raise the dead.

(Tele, tele, which side of you did this? (Spoiler it's sunshine tele))

Telemachus: If I fall…

Peisitratus: I’ll be there to catch you.

Hermione: *looks at Neoptolemus* What if I fall?

Neoptolemus: Then I’ll fall with you, never leaving your side.

Polycaste: *watches these two interactions*

Polycaste, to Nausicaa: And if I fall?

Nausicaa: I’ll be the one who pushed you.

(Ah yes, average yaoi, Yuri and hetero behavior)

Orestes: Okay, what does A stand for?

Telemachus: Arson.

Orestes: Aw, you're so good. Okay! B! What does B stand for?

Telemachus: Barson.

Nausicaa: *laughter*

Orestes: What stands for C?

Telemachus: Commit arson.

Nausicaa: Oooo. Orestes: D!

Telemachus: Don't come near me, I'm going to commit arson.

Nausicaa: *more laughter*

(I like this)

Nausicaa: What’s something you guys are better than Peisitratus at?

Telemachus: Mario Kart.

Hermione: Yeah, video games.

Neoptolemus: Emotional vulnerability.

(Neo bbg it's the other way around)

Hermione: *raises eyebrows*

Neoptolemus: Put those back down!

Hermione: We’re getting married, b----es!

Polycaste: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem.

(Shhh I have a vision (HermioNausiCaste))

Telemachus: I hope no one lowkey hates me.

Telemachus: Highkey hate me. Hate me with every fiber of your being.

Telemachus: Go big or go home.

(Tele you're not talking to the suitors STOP)

Neoptolemus: Firstly, how dare you use mathematics to make me look stupid!

Neoptolemus: I’m actually very good at mathematics.

Neoptolemus: Thirdly, I think you might be right.

Neoptolemus: I think I did fairly well on my anatomy quiz! :)

Orestes: I forgot I was doing a test.

Neoptolemus: Orestes.

Orestes: I said the vertebrae was the back stick because I thought it was funny....

Telemachus: Orestes.

Telemachus: Unpopular opinion, not all dogs are good boys.

Nausicaa: Blocked.

Telemachus: Sometimes, they’re good girls!

Nausicaa: UNBLOCKED!

(Perfection)

Nausicaa: I’m proud to identify as moros--ual. I’m attracted to dumba--es and dumba--es exclusively. Someone asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing them under the moonlight.

Hermione: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther?

Nausicaa, already taking off their clothes: God, Hermione, you’re so f---ing stupid.

Telemachus: Make no mistake. Not only am I party rocking, but I am also in the house tonight.

Polycaste: But are you shuffling?

Telemachus: Everyday.

Nausicaa: What language are you two speaking??

(Besties + the boyfriend)

Telemachus: I can be your partner for the next race.

Peisitratus: Sorry, Telemachus. It's a sibling race.

Orestes: Maybe there's a contest for lonely children after this.

Peisitratus: It's only children, Orestes. A lonely child is what you're gonna be when I sell you!

(Hshcksgdksysjz)

Telemachus: I refuse to apologize for being weird or off-putting. That’s actually your problem. I’m having a fantastic time!

(Perfect. Keep going sunshine tele aith a bit of hanged twelve maids tele!)

Hermione: How petty can you get?

Polycaste: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about

(Siblings am I right? (P to P))

Neoptolemus: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.

Orestes, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, f--- you.

(Canon stamp)

Orestes: Two bros!

Peisitratus: Chillin' in a hot tub!

Orestes and Peisitratus, in unison: Zero feet apart 'cause we're GAY AS F---!

Peisitratus: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

(Peisi to Tele, finding out they're gonna share a bed in his room)

Polycaste: You ever get so tired that you start seeing spiders?

Telemachus: Me after I take 17 Benadryl and start seeing the hat man.

Polycaste: THE WHO?

Telemachus: Oh is this not a safe space suddenly?

(Overobserver tele is on crack again)

Telemachus: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life.

Orestes: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?

Telemachus: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. B------ous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.

Polycaste: Edible.

(What language are these two talking in)

Peisitratus: Due to personal reasons, I will be f---ing sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box.

Nausicaa: Did Telemachus say 'I love you' and you said 'Thanks'?

Peisitratus: THE REASONS ARE PERSONAL–

(He panicked. Gay panicked.)

Telemachus: Ok so, apparently the "bad vibes" I've been feeling are actually severe psychological distress.

(Tele when the suitors:)

Peisitratus: Neoptolemus and I were crossing the street, and this man drove by and honked at us.

Hermione: What did you do?

Peisitratus: They chased him to the next red light, and reached into his window, and-

Neoptolemus: *walking in* Who wants a steering wheel?

(He's his father's son)

Orestes: Hey, Nausicaa. Why did the chicken cross the road?

Nausicaa: To get to the other side?

Orestes: You were supposed to say “I dunno, why?“

Nausicaa: Uh... fine. I don’t know. Why did it cross the road?

Orestes: To get to the idiot’s house.

Nausicaa: ...Ok?

Telemachus: Hey, Nausicaa. Knock knock.

Nausicaa: No.

Telemachus: You were supposed to say “who’s there?”

Nausicaa: Fine... let’s get this over with. Who’s there?

Telemachus: The chicken.

Nausicaa:

Telemachus:

Orestes:

Nausicaa: Listen here you little s---s-

(Telemachus you hanged twelve maids not a maiden!)

Polycaste: God, I love Nausicaa.

Neoptolemus: Yeah, you f---ing better.

(They're besties now)

*talking about Neoptolemus*

Telemachus: They are beauty.

Hermione: They are grace.

Orestes, runnning into the room: THEY CAN DESTROY THE HUMAN RACE!

(CANON I say

Like literally)

Orestes: She was poetry, but he couldn't read.

Nausicaa: His name was Jared he's 19.

Neoptolemus: When his parents built a very strange machine.

Orestes, singing: Watch that scene, digging the dancing queen.

Hermione, singing: Eyyyy, Macarena!

Telemachus: Horrible job everyone.

(Tele's already dead sanity is dying more)

Nausicaa: That shirt looks great, Peisitratus.

Peisitratus: Thanks.

Nausicaa: But I bet it would look even better on Telemachus's floor.

Telemachus: Are you hitting on Peisitratus... for me?

(Lmao)

Nausicaa: I know we’re not exactly friends, but-

Peisitratus: What do you want?

Nausicaa: I've been stuck with Telemachus for 2 weeks and they've been drinking all the soy sauce.

Nausicaa: Help.

(He's just going crazy again. He's getting better)

Orestes: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here?!

Telemachus: It's kind of complicated, but Neoptolemus-

Orestes: Got it. Forget I asked.

(Canon stamp)

Peisitratus: That sounds like a terrible plan.

Polycaste: Oh, we've had worse.

(Again, average sibling behavior)

Peisitratus: B----es be like “he’s my right hand man” JUST SAY HE’S YOUR BEST FRIEND. SAY IT.

Nausicaa: Peisitratus have you considered that maybe right hand man sounds cooler and has more homoerotic subtext?

Peisitratus: Peisitratus has reconsidered. You’re right.

Telemachus: Finally, an example of productive discourse and growth.

(And here is overobserver tele in his most natural form. And Nausicaa being a gay/lebi detector)

Peisitratus: I'm at a loss for words!

Telemachus: Despite being ‘at a loss for words’, Peisitratus yelled at me for the next 45 minutes.

(So... What happened at Menelaus's?)

Telemachus: *cooking*

Polycaste: *kicks down door*

Polycaste: *grabs knife from Telemachus's hand*

Polycaste: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR?

Telemachus:

Telemachus: What.

Neoptolemus: They're trying to tell you they want to cook.

(Tele does have Self destructive behavior. So thanks Caste)

Orestes: Telemachus, if you don't shut up I'm going to throw myself out of the car.

*click*

Orestes: DID YOU JUST TURN THE F---ING CHILDRENS' LOCK ON?!

(Tele: yes I did)

Telemachus: *sees someone doing something stupid*

Telemachus: What an idiot.

Telemachus: *realizes it's Peisitratus*

Telemachus: Wait, that's MY idiot!

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mayflora-18 · 1 year ago

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Incorrect CoD Quotes #8

*Soap grabs a balloon filled with helium and inhales*

Price: Oh god not again!

Soap: HOW Are unicorns fake but a giraffe is real!?

Ghost: WHAT?

Soap: Like, what’s more believable?

Gaz: Where are you going with this?

Soap: A horse with a horn *aggressively claps on “horn”* ORRRRR a leopard moose camel with a 40 foot NECK?

Sherlock: I work with idiots 😑

———

Ghost: Does anyone else think…

Soap: That’s dangerous.

Ghost: That some people… just need a high five…

Price: That’s nice, Simon.

Ghost: In the head…

Roach: Yassss

Ghost: With a chair?

Gaz: Why are you like this?

———

Ghost: Okay, what does A stand for?

Roach: Arson.

Ghost: Aww you’re so good.

Soap: Okay B. What does B stand for?

Roach: Barson.

*Soap laughs*

Gaz: What stands for C?

Roach: Commit arson.

Ghost: Ooooooh!

Price: D!?

*Roach looks at Price and smiles*

Price, thinking: Please be normal.

Roach: Don’t come near me… I’m going to commit ARSON!!!!

*everyone else laughs*

Price, sarcastic: I raised him real well.

———

Sherlock: How did you take down Captain America?

Ghost, using a terrible German accent: Ve shot him in ze legs because his shield is ze size of a dinner plate.

König, overhears Ghost: …Fick dich🖕(“Fuck you” in German)

———

Ghost: Umm, do you have a pencil by any chance?

Rudy: No, but I have a knife…

Ghost: What-what?

Rudy: And I know how to cut a bitch… *whispers* Try me

———

*Rudy cooking in the kitchen*

Alejandro, walking in: Hey mi amor?

Rudy: ahuh?

Alejandro: If somebody told you they’d give you a million dollars for knocking me out, what would you do?

*Rudy immediately slaps Alejandro with a frying pan*

Rudy: Where’s my money?

Alejandro, on the floor: 😵‍💫

———

Roach, singing for Sherlock: Somebody come get her, she’s fucking up my dinner~

*Sherlock throws a plate at Roach and he falls down*

Sherlock, singing for Roach: Somebody come get him, before I fucking end him!~

———

Nikolai: There’s a spider!

Laswell: So what do you me to do?!

Nikolai: KILL IT!

Laswell: YOU SAW IT FIRST!

Nikolai: YOU KILL IT!

Laswell: You’re the man!!

Nikolai: Since when?!

———

Stupid-drunk!Roach to Sherlock: You so crazy… I think I wanna have your babies.

Sherlock: 😐

Gaz, thinking: I don’t know if I should be confused or just jealous.

Soap, just confused: How would that even work?

Ghost : I think it’s time for you to go to sleep, Roach.

———

Sherlock: Listen. Am I the most attractive person in the world?

Soap: Is this a trick question?

Sherlock: No. But do I have a great personality?

Price: *face palms*

Sherlock: Also no. But do I wake up every morning and try to be the best person I can be?

Ghost, has only heard the first half of this bit before: I actually don’t know this one…

Sherlock: No.

Nikolai: …Sweetie, did Ghost get to you?

———

Price : Repeat after me: I can do this!

Nikolai: I can do this.

Price: I’m ready to burn some calories!

Nikolai: I’m ready to burn some calories.

Price: I’m done eating fast food and drinking alcohol.

Nikolai: …I’m ready to burn some calories.

Price: Alright, let’s get started!

———

Soap, Gaz, Ghost: Ahhh

Soap: We’re d-d-d driving in a-

Gaz: Car! Destination drug dealer’s-

Ghost: Bar! Pass the mic over to Price-!

Soap: Shit, we forgot Price.

Ghost: …But we can’t turn back because we’ve too far!

Gaz: We have to turn back, though. We can’t leave him.

———

Alejandro: You eat so fucking gross, Graves. Do you eat like that on dates?

Graves, cheeks puffed up with meatballs and marinara sauce on his face: …I don’t go on dates.

Alejandro: Exactly. There’s a reason why no one takes you on dates.

Graves: Well damn! Who hurt you today?

Alejandro: Bitch nobody.

———

Graves: Hey, Sergeant. …Soap.

Soap: What?

Graves: *hands Soap a coffee cup* Try this coffee and tell me what it tastes like.

Soap: *takes the cup and gives it a sip* Hazelnut?

Graves: I don’t know, I found it in the garbage.

*Soap tries to spit it out*

———

Gaz: Nikolai, what’s wrong with Sherlock? She seems angry.

Nikolai: She’s totally fine.

Gaz: Okay? Well, where’s Graves?

Sherlock, walking into the room: Maybe he got sick… or went missing… OR GOT HIT BY A BUS!!

Gaz: 🙊

*Sherlock leaves the room*

Gaz: Totally fine, huh?

Nikolai: Yeah… Totally fine.

———

Nikolai: So, the man that tried to kill you - what did he look like?

Sherlock: He was so hot. It was crazy.

Price: O-ok. But what did he look like?

Sherlock: I mean where should I start? Uh, he was tall, you know, maybe 6’3” or 6”4”? Uh absolutely just jaaacked! But not like scary-body-builder jacked. Like, he was ripped but he still had a soft touch. You could totally fall asleep in his arms.

Price: Alright what did his face look like??

Sherlock: Well- uh- y’know Brad Pitt?

Price: Yeah?

Sherlock: Forget Brad Pitt. This guy was hotter.

Nikolai: Hotter than Brad Pitt??

Sherlock: Hotter than Bradley Joseph Pitt.

Soap: That’s crazy!

Sherlock: I would pay money to gaze into those eyes again.

Gaz: Even after he tried to kill you?

Sherlock: I almost wish he’d stabbed me to death and took his time doing it just so the last thing I saw could’ve been those ocean blue eyes.

Ghost: I’m getting a little hot just off your description so I can only imagine how it felt to be there!

Sherlock: Insane.

Gaz: Gosh I can’t believe he was hotter than Brad Pitt.

Ghost: Hey, what did she say about Brad Pitt?

Gaz: Oh, shoot! I-I-I-I I’m sorry!

Soap: Yeah, forget Brad Pitt!

Gaz: Done! Forgotten! Who is he?

Ghost: He doesn’t exist.

Soap: He’s gone.

Gaz: Bradley David Pitt is no more.

Sherlock: Good!

Price and Nikolai: 😑

(Note: Sorry there was no post yesterday! There will be more later, promise!)

#call of duty #incorrect cod quotes #inspired by youtube #john soap mactavish #captain john price #simon ghost riley #kyle gaz garrick #call of duty oc #cod sherlock #chimera sherlock #gary roach sanderson #rudolfo parra #alejandro vargas #cod könig #kate laswell #cod nikolai #phillip graves #incorrect call of duty quotes

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threemoonwatchers · 1 year ago

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Kai: What does “A” stand for?

Wyldfire: arson!

Kai: and what does “B” stand for?

Wyldfire: BARSON!

Lloyd: (wheezing)

Kai: and C?

Wyldfire: COMMIT arson!

Lloyd: (dying noises)

Kai: What about D?

Wyldfire: DON’T COME NEAR ME, I’M GOING TO COMMIT ARSON!

Kai: I raised ya real well.

#source: YouTube somewhere #Kai Ninjago #Kai smith #Wyldfire Ninjago #incorrect Ninjago quotes #Ninjago #Lego Ninjago

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disney-creations · 8 months ago

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More Percy Jackson cuz im bored

Will: Ok, A?

Nico: Arson.

Will: O-ok, alright, B?

Nico: Barson

Will: Alright, for real, C?

Nico: Commit Arson.

Will: D?!?

Nico: …

Nico: Don’t come near me, I’m going to commit arson.

* Will facepalms.

* Percy, Frank, and Jason laughing uncontrollably

Hades: I taught him well

#percabeth #percy jackson #percy pjo #percy jackon and the olympians #percy series #percy and annabeth #percy de rolo

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zofi-persson-quotes · 1 year ago

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Alan: ok, what does “A” stand for?

Young!Dark: Arson.

Teen!Cho: oh, you’re so good

Alan, concerned: ok, “B”, what does “B” stand for?

Young!Dark: Barson.

Teen!Cho: laughs

Alan: … what stands for “C”?

Young!Dark: Commit arson.

Teen!Cho: ohhh!

Alan, sweatdropping: “D”.

Young!Dark, proudly: don’t come near me, I’m going to commit arson!

Teen!Cho, laughing: I raised him real well!!

Alan: head in hands, contemplates every life decision he made

#alan becker #animation vs animator #animator vs animation #ava the dark lord #ava the chosen one #ava au #don't tag as ship #zofi's quotes

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quotesfromshittybrains · 4 months ago

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“A is for arson, B is for Barson, C is for commit arson, D is for don’t come near me, i’m going to commit arson”

#quotes #quote ask #xyz #not queued #ask to tag #tw arson #cw arson

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sleepy-bi666 · 7 months ago

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incorrect quotes for my mcstm dr to cope and connect

Ivor: Why am I the bad guy? Aiden: I don't know, why am I the pretty one? We all have our thing.

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Jesse: My expectations are low, but they can always go lower.

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Ivor: Where's Lukas? Aiden: Don't worry, I'll find them. Aiden, shouting: Jesse sucks! Lukas, distantly: Jesse is the best person ever! Fuck you! Aiden: Found them.

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Petra: I failed my safety training course today. Lukas: Why, what happened? Petra: Well one of the questions was "In case of a fire, what steps would you take?" Lukas: And? Petra: Well apparently "FUCKING LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer.

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Lukas: They called me the B-word. Axel: Motherfucker doesn’t start with ‘b’.

(this is so canon)

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Lukas, talking about Jesse/Me: WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ARGUING WITH THEM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DID. THEY KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO.

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Jesse/Me: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

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Aiden: I have a problem. Ivor: Kill it. Aiden: Can you chill for like, two seconds?

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Olivia: One time I went to hand Aiden a bowl of soup. I wanted to say “Careful, it’s hot!”, and “Here’s your soup!”, so instead I blurted out “Careful it’s soup.”

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Lukas: I’m sad. Jesse/Me: Don’t be sad, because sad backwards is das. Jesse/Me: And das not good.

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Olivia: Is something burning? Petra: My burning love for you of course! Olivia: … Petra: … Petra: And the kitchen is on fire…

(i know what you are 0-0)

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Ivor: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Ivor lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the person who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

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Axel: Ooh, somebody has a crush Lukas: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Jesse I just think they’re cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about them. *Later that night* Lukas, very much awake: Uh oh.

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Axel: Guys, I have a question. Jesse/Me: kys <3 Axel: I love you too. Lukas: Ah, yes. Siblings.

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Jesse/Me: Are you coming to bed? Lukas: I can't. This is important. Jesse/Me: What? Lukas: Someone is wrong on the internet.

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Jesse/Me: Respect my trans homies or I’m gonna identify as a fucking problem.

(i am trans. so)

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Lukas: Why do you hang out with me? Jesse/Me: You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me! Lukas: … Lukas: I feel a bit sorry for you.

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Axel: Advice of the day kids, if you ever meet someone who calls Gatorade flavors the actual name of the flavor instead of just the color then they are a certified nerd. Petra: Yeah but you have to specify, frost glacier or cool blue? You can’t just say blue because there’s more than one blue. Axel: Blue and light blue, nice try nerd.

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Petra: Okay, what does A stand for? Jesse/Me: Arson. Petra: Aw, you're so good. Okay! B! What does B stand for? Jesse/Me: Barson. Ivor: *laughter* Petra: What stands for C? Jesse/Me: Commit arson. Ivor: Oooo. Petra: D! Jesse/Me: Don't come near me, I'm going to commit arson. Ivor: *more laughter*

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Axel: Hey do you wanna hang out this weekend? Lukas: Generic excuse. Axel: I can’t believe you said that out loud, to my face. Lukas: I can.

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Jesse/Me: When I first got my autism diagnosis, my first thought was “woah… it’s canon” and I think that maybe thoughts like that is why Olivia made me get tested.

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Petra: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity? Ivor, turning to Axel: How tall are you?

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Ivor: So, did everyone learn their lesson? Petra: No. Axel: I did not. Lukas: I may have actually forgotten one. Jesse/Me: Also no. Ivor: Oh good, neither did I. Olivia: *Exhausted sigh*

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Lukas: You have an impressive pain tolerance. Jesse/Me: Thanks, it's the trauma.

(please this is so me)

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Jesse/Me: If I die, my funeral will be the biggest party ever and you're all invited. Petra: "If" Axel: Great, the only party I'm ever invited to and they might not even die.

#jesse mcsm #mcsm dr #mcsm #jesse x lukas

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cosmo-production · 2 years ago

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mario + rabbids incorrect quotes vol:2

*The Squad is on a hike* RL: It’s beautiful out here. peach: And quiet. RL: Too quiet. peach: Did we lose someone? *cut to edge with a bear in a headlock*

peach: Rabbid luigi is a perfect cinnamon scone who’s never done anything wrong in their entire life! RM: Never done anything wrong?! They set a city block on FIRE!

mario & RR:*Playing video games* peach: You guys woke up at 5:30 in the morning just to play games? mario: *silence* RR: *silence* peach, finally figuring it out: ...You two never went to sleep, did you? mario & RR in shame: Yeah...

peach: Okay, what does A stand for? RL: Arson. peach: Aw, you're so good. Okay! B! What does B stand for? RL: Barson. mario: *laughter* peach: What stands for C? RL: Commit arson. mario: Oooo. peach: D! RL: Don't come near me, I'm going to commit arson. mario: *more laughter*

RM: We are gathered here today because someone- *glares at luigi’s coffin* -couldn’t stay alive!

Computer: Please enter a password. Rm: *types in edge* Computer: Your password is too weak. Rm: How f?$$ing DARE YOU-

RP: Yeah, but let's not get too crazy. *The gang proceeds to get arrested for blocking the road in large traffic cone costumes

RM, trying their first ever cup of coffee: I am ENERGY! peach, an avid coffee drinker, on their twelfth cup of the day: Someone slap me awake or I am literally going to fall into a coma in ten seconds.

RM: Come on edge, do it for our friendship. You can't put a price on that... edge: Yes I can, 8 dollars.

mario: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to? RP: Schrödinger's boys. luigi: MARIO WTH RL: What about cracking open a cold milkshake? RM: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do. RM: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison. mario: ... RP: ... luigi: ... RL: ... RM: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.

peach, teaching RP to drive: Okay, you're driving and mario and RM walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit? RP: Oh, definitely RM. I could never hurt mario. peach, massaging their temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

RM: Your lover doesn't have the mental strength to caramelize onions. RL: Your lover thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions. luigi: Who's caramelizing onions? Have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist? RM: Do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions?

hold on stop the quotes for a second, THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS!? caramelizing doesnt mean putting carmel on it? I've been calling caramelizing when I put caramel on ice cream

back to regular program~

RM: As usual, RM has to save the day! edge: As usual, edge has to hear about it

peach: That’s the key slice of truth we need to complete the entire truth pie. RR: Ooh, can we get some actual pie? peach: I like the way you think.

mario: *shatters a window and climbs through it* mario: *turns around and helps RL through it* Breaking and entering is wrong RL. RL: Okay.

edge: All of your existences are confusing. The Squad: How so? edge: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me.

peach, texting group chat: What flavour of ice cream do you guys want? I’m at the store so be quick! RL: Moose Tracks is good! RR: What the bawh is that!? RL: *Gasp* How dare you insult moo- RR: No. No no not that. What the hell. Why do you spell flavor like flavour. It’s like you have flavor but then this guy shows up and is like “Oui Oui Would you like chocolate flaVOUR or vanilla flaVOUR. peach and RL: what? RR: I don’t get it why add the EXTRA u when it’s PERFECTLY FINE AS IT IS!? peach: You done now? RR: Yeah ok. peach and RL: ... RR: ...Can I have the Mint Chocolate chip flavour?

*RM and RR are fighting* edge, taking aspirin: I have a headache! Can you guys just be cool?! *RM and RR start fighting while wearing sunglasses and riding skateboards*

RP: What the hell is wrong with you? RM: I have this weird self-esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I’m better than everyone else.

RM: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths. Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

mario, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.

peach: Would it be discrimination to only hire employees at my doughnut shop who have the same name? RP: Legally, I don't believe that breaches any discrimination laws. Morally though... I don't know. peach: I believe god is on my side when it comes to Duncans' Doughnuts.

edge: Let's all agree that going up the stairs on all fours is actually the best experience on earth. RR: Conversely, going down the stairs on all fours is actually the most terrifying experience on earth.

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