#experiencing apd

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Experiencing Auditory Processing Disorder

The Autistic Teacher

[isabelopaque]

i have a lot of thoughts on mistys behavior and her weirdness but i feel like a lot of it is treated more harshly by the fandom that it needs to be - more so in terms of teen timeline than adult. or if it was put into perspective or viewed under a lens of analysis of the Why it makes it all click a little more. obviously she has some kind of neurodiversity in terms of interactions with others whether autism or apd or ocd but i think some of it stems from just her life experiences? And a lot of people fail to see her as a full person with a backstory instead of just crazy because we didnt See it like we did with nat or lottie.

Like there are bits of how she acts that are completely dependent from how she has trouble understanding people's jokes or being okay with violence. The main thing that kind of tipped me off to this was honestly her relationship with coach ben. She was perfectly fine with an adult finding her hot and dating her romantically, a 30 something man she doesn't see her crush on him as innocent, instead asking if its reciprocated and wanting him to be physical with her as if she has experienced it with other adults. Some of it is awkwardness and misunderstanding of social norms but she tells jackie that she thinks hes afraid of what society would think but its Okay with her! Shes never had someone whos liked her for her as a person and not an object or a joke so of course she believes ben when he says he likes her back, especially if we view her under the lens of having a past of some sort where an adult took advantage.

The only time misty freaks out in the wilderness besides trying to talk ben down is during shaunas pregnancy which is obviously a stressful situation where a lot was put onto her, but she only had an issue with it when she had to physically touch shauna in a way that was more intimate and private and then seeing the blood in relation to the sexual experience. She freaks out saying she Always does this and messes things up like she has experience with past things gone wrong in an unfortunate way, not pregnancy of course but i find this instance to be. Significant y'know? Because this is a behavior she continues into adulthood where she wants everyone to Want her and be Useful to people but we see her in those romantic situations with the guy in episode two (i believe) who she tried to coerce into doing it with her or even with walter where the second it starts to get Intimate or sexual, walter asking for one room instead of two she gets upset in a way she almost never does as an adult, having a more well made mask of her emotions.

I dont know this is all a bunch of useless rambling but i find it kind of sad whenever people call misty a Perv or make fun of her in terms of coach ben, even including the other yellowjackets treating it as a joke when no one other than nat could be Sure it wasn't serious intimate relationship like why are we blaming the teen girl with obvious trauma and emotional problems for the entire situation. Not saying shes completely innocent, she did do some weird stuff with ben at the start of s1 but she truly believed he liked her back and that was what she was Supposed to do

[wheelie-sick]

Albuquerque police murdered a person experiencing a suicidal crisis yesterday and that is the second person (that we know of) who was murdered by APD for experiencing a mental health crisis this month

[tellmegoodbye]

It's my first (official) Wip Wednesday of 2025!

I couldn't decide which WIP to share, so we're double dipping today.

Thank you @thisbuildinghasfeelings @carlos-in-glasses @paperstorm @strandnreyes @bonheur-cafe @whatsintheboxmh @nisbanisba @carlossreaders @heartstringsduet and @lemonlyman-dotcom for tagging me!

This first snippet is from my spicy d/s fic, and I know @heartstringsduet will appreciate me finally sharing more of this fic.

TK Strand is no stranger to submission. He fancies himself somewhat of an expert on the subject of his own likes and dislikes, and if he happens to enjoy a little bondage here or a little dirty talk there, he's not about to shy away from that. The concept of total submission is so much bigger than that though, and TK isn't sure if he's ever been able to fully wrap his head around it. To him, there's power in being held down, knowing he can give as good as he takes, knowing that he could easily have his partner a shivering mess beneath him, but choosing to give his body over to them instead. Being overpowered and fucked so hard that he could feel it in his marked up thighs all week – that is power. That is freedom. But he would never go as far as to call it subspace – not when every description of it he's ever come across is so much deeper and fulfilling than anything he has ever experienced. Part of him wanted to chalk it up to fantasy, something that might just exist in stories that are created specifically to be thrilling and sexy. And he was okay with that. He never had any desire to create such a feeling and simultaneously turn everything he's ever known about the power of sex on its head. He's never felt safe enough. Then Carlos Reyes came barreling into his life.

This next snippet is from my murder mystery AU!

Sharp gusts of wind nip at his wrists and neck, seeking out every small expanse of exposed skin currently unprotected by the material of his APD windbreaker, which he's come to realize is a size too big on him. It figures that his uniform isn't a perfect fit just yet, but he would have preferred to find out on a warmer day is all. This must be what he gets for transferring in the middle of January. The crime scene is particularly obscured by the medical examiner's van from where he's standing, and TK can't see where Carlos went, but he's not particularly concerned with his whereabouts at the moment. He takes a deep breath and takes an inventory of the scene around him, grounding his senses with each exhale. There's a flurry of flashing lights. From cell phones, from cameras belonging to the local news station. The sound of each snap of a picture mingles with the murmurs and footsteps from onlookers, drowning out the distant sounds of traffic on the other side of the alley, where the rest of the world moves forward in spite of the tragedy before them. There's a muted commotion accumulating along the flimsy police tape. It rattles against the forceful winds, a harsh, piercing noise dragging TK's attention away from the familiar dread that lies beyond the border. He's stepped over that line so many times and faced some of the worst horrors this world has to offer, and yet taking those first steps never seems to get any easier. “Strand,” Carlos’ voice snaps through the hazy chaos. “Get over here.”

Tagging: @ironheartwriter @emsprovisions @sapphic--kiwi @literateowl @eclectic-sassycoweyes @nancys-braids @captain-gillian @alrightbuckaroo @theghostofashton @morganaspendragonss @carlos-tk @henrygrass @futures-tense @goodways @decafdino @lightningboltreader @welcometololaland @rmd-writes @reyesstrand @butchreyes + open tag!

[ludolka]

I personally gave up trying to get a diagnosis for the same reason like you experienced.

I am just telling people that I have a problem with remembering/hearing (that they have to face me + get my attention first) them and that I need it written down (either I do it or the person does it) or we do it immediately.

I personally think I have a form of autism but since I am "well spoken" and can "communicate" I got told I can't have it. And since I have my ADHD diagnosis I have enough (???)

I gave up and tell people that I cannot read peoples expressions well and their actions. So far most people at work understand how I work by now and are luckily understanding.

-💼

I’m so sorry you were dismissed :( but I’m very glad at least your coworkers are understanding !

And I totally understand you, I feel the same. I’m at the point in life where while I want to understand what’s going on with me, a professional diagnosis isn’t a must. I’m tired of going to doctors and trying to get them to take me and my issues seriously, I’ve done that for all my teen years and most of my early adulthood

I don’t think I’ll go get myself checked for apd, it’s so much easier to just tell people to speak up or repeat themselves bc I can’t hear them well enough. I’ve been doing that for god knows how long. And I’m too emotionally exhausted to advocate for myself in front of doctors

Especially since from what I read apd is mostly diagnosed in children under 10. I’m well over that age. I’ve been told by my psychiatrist who did my adhd test that going to a clinic for a big professional adhd diagnosis would mostly be a waste of time since I’m an adult and not a child. I don’t want to fight these battles anymore

Plus I live in Hungary, we’re very behind on diagnosing and treating mental problems and even taking them seriously. Most medical professionals (who don’t work specifically with certain issues) don’t even know about most mental disorders, only like the most “popular” ones like depression and schizophrenia. I’ve been to the psych ward and it was one of the worst experiences of my life, the ambulance workers didn’t take me seriously and the hospital staff before being admitted didn’t take me seriously either

I’m just tired and I’m so fed up with the system

[psic0si5]

Mention of OC x canon!!

I'll be honest, I like the relationship theme I gave Daisy and Leo, thinking about stupid and sweet situations between them, but I also need to focus on a more realistic side and think, "That relationship isn't healthy-"

Daisy really looks for an emotional template in damaged, dangerous, and unpredictable men because she's looking for a familiarity with all the emotional chaos she experienced as a child with her father; she's destined to follow her mother's path. (Lore I might share later.)

Leo is a former officer who will clearly never be a saint; he's a man with APD. Does he still have a human side that's capable of loving Daisy, or is he just using her to feel alive? Also, if we look back at his session with Dr. Whyte, he admits he'd like to think like a normal man but can't. Daisy would see that confession as a glimmer of hope that she could save him more.

Daisy loves Leo so much. She's so dependent on him, wanting to "save" him and feeling safe by his side. She sees him as a man who can defend her, no matter if he hurts her in the process. She needs him, feels empathy for him, a pure compassion blinded by love, leaving her somewhat ignorant of Leo's psychopathic nature.

Daisy seeks love but finds a damaged man who still loves her.

Leo seeks control but finds a vulnerable woman who only wants to possess her.

My beautiful girl only wants to love a man, but because of her blinded idea of ​​saving and loving, she ends up confusing damage with love.

But well, this is just an idea of ​​what the relationship would be like in a more "realistic" way.

[the-self-indulgent-corner]

Genshin characters x a reader with ADHD!

Summary: Your ADHD is odd, however, your (boy)friend is just as strange, so you think it evens out.

Or, how the genshin characters react to a reader with ADHD. (Ft some lesser known aspects of ADHD)

Featuring: Tighnari, Venti, Xiao & Albedo. Can be read as romantic or platonic.

A/n: it's frankly criminal how few neurodivergent reader content there is out there so here I am.

Disclaimer!! While I do have ADHD nobody’s ADHD is the same, so what might be common for me is something another person has never experienced.

Also I drop some lesser known aspects of ADHD in this post so here’s a general index of what those terms mean. It’s a lot more nuanced than what I’ve written down here but it’ll give you a general idea of the concept!

Index:

Executive dysfunction/ADHD paralysis: Wanting to do your job/work, but it feels like you’re physically unable to.

Food sensory issues/selective eating habits: A lot of people with ADHD are ‘picky eaters’ and refuse to eat certain foods even if it's good for them. Usually we pick foods with high sugar since it causes a ‘dopamine surge’.

Auditory processing disorder (APD): Having difficulty making out what someone is saying or processing what someone said too slowly.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): Being much more sensitive to rejection or perceived rejection.

Verbal stim: Exactly the same as other stims (Like bouncing your leg or clicking a pen) but just with words. Usually being a certain phrase, sentence, or humming. Although any vocalization can be a verbal stim.

Tighnari

Probably the most knowledgeable about this out of everyone on this list.

He knows it's not just 'lose your focus fast' and that ADHD is a lot more nuanced than that but at the same time he isn't an expert on it.

You'll have to explain some things to him, and knowing Tighnari, he'd happily let you tell him.

Mf takes notes. If he gets too excited and overwhelmes you tell him so he'll calm down a little lmao

Downside of him knowing a lot about (your) ADHD is that he knows when you need to cut back on some things.

If you're a very picky eater like me and don't like the taste/texture of healthy food he will literally not allow it LMAO

You'll be eating an excessive amount of sugar and he'll literally snatch whatever is in your hands and tell you to eat something healthy instead. And no, you cannot convince him to give it back to you until further notice.

If you hate the texture of actual healthy food he’ll definitely find an alternative for you to eat no matter how long it takes. You are not getting out of this.

In the nicest way possible… Tighnari is probably a little annoyed about your ADHD sometimes 💀💀💀

He never blames you or gets mad at you because he knows it's not your fault when this does or doesn't happen but he's still a bit miffed about it lmao.

Like when your auditory processing disorder suddenly kicks in and you make him repeat himself ten times. Or how you space out during his lectures.

However, Tighnari is smart so he'd definitely find a way to gain your attention so when he tells you things you can actually pay attention.

He's pretty good at wrangling your executive dysfunction, too (he's used to Collei having similar problems when he's tutoring her). He believes in the work/reward system and he always knows what'll make you actually get up to do what you're supposed to.

Usually by using your current hyper fixation/interests against you LMAO

"Do that assignment/task and I'll take you out to get that merch you've been wanting for over a month."

"YOU WILL!?"

(If you like soft things like his ears, he would absolutely use it as bait for you to do your work also LMAO)

But if it's a really rough day he knows when to dial back on his constant nagging for you to do your work and encourages you to take it easy for the day.

If you're like me and forget things semi-regularly he'd always remind you. Especially if it's an outing/meeting with someone.

(Although, if you're the type of person to get annoyed by it he'll stop/dial it back if you ask.)

You 🤝 Tighnari

Can be overstimulated by loud noises easier than others.

Seriously though you both are at a loud party or something and look over to each other giving each other the 'why are we here? Just to suffer'? Look.

But if either of you are about to/are overstimulated you leave the area with each other to calm down. It's sweet 💖

He was originally a bit annoyed by how easily your mind wandered or how quickly you jumped from topic to topic but got used to it after a while. It even grew on him, he finds it endearing nowadays.

Always loves to hear you talk about your hyper fixation, seeing you so happy makes him happy too.

(And you best believe you'll be listening to that boy's flower talk. You think you know more than most rangers about the flora in Teyvat than they do. He's cute though, and you love hearing him talk about it as well, so really it's a win-win scenario.)

Mean this in the nicest way possible, but.. Tighnari is probably going to make you feel really bad once or twice on accident LMAO

With this tough love nature and your Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria you sometimes can't tell when he's being sarcastic/playful and/or he didn't mean what he said (or simply didn't understand.)

He almost always realizes right away and reassures you he meant no harm, and you believe him, but you're understandably still a bit upset LOL

He always makes it up to you, though <3

And if you ever get mad at yourself about how easily you get upset he's always there to reassure you that it's okay and you shouldn't bash your emotions like that, even if they're irrational.

He's your free therapist /j

Was originally confused when you started verbally stimming around him before you explained that to him as well. As long as it's not unexpectedly loud, he doesn't mind it and if you ever stop for a long period of time he def gets a bit upset 💀 like 'why'd you stop?? Did something happen??'

And if you stim in a way that hurts you he definitely puts a stop to it right away. Usually by offering you alternative ways to stim in ways that don't make you hurt yourself.

He is your mom (boy)friend <3

“I knew it. This place is way too loud for you as well, isn't it? C'mon, let's go out for a bit.”

Venti

"Oh you mean like the thing where you can't sit still?"

Hit him.

But really, Venti doesn’t quite understand what ADHD is all that much. He’s heard the term before but never really cared to figure out what it means. You’ll have to educate him on it before he understands.

Honestly he’s kind of surprised at how much more there is to ADHD than he originally thought. Like damn your brain works against you like that?? You deal with that DAILY?? Damn bitch you live like this? /lh

… But also he unironically kind of finds it funny.

“I can’t believe your brain will go to such lengths to not do work just because it doesn’t like it.”

“Shut up.”

Sorry, but Venti is a tease at heart and he cannot hold himself back. Although, if he sees you genuinely upset by what he said he’ll apologize.

Despite that Venti is actually really good at helping you if you need it. He never gets annoyed if he has to repeat himself a dozen times or if he has to help you get something done, or if he has to calm you down for any reason.

If your ADHD is keeping you from falling asleep Venti always offers to sing you to sleep, it’s up to you if you decide to accept or not. (He’ll be very pouty if you decline though lol)

If you're like me and have lost items right in front of you (once I lost an item I was looking for for a good fifteen minutes. It was in my hand.) Venti can and will tease you about this.

"Hmm~ I don't know… Where did you see it last?" You could basically hear the laugh in his voice.

Once you do find it in a really obvious spot he will then laugh out loud. Just joke about breaking up with/leaving him and he'll quickly be on his knees apologizing

If one of your vocal stims is humming/singing anytime Venti catches wind of it he's definitely singing along with you. It turns into a karaoke in seconds and you're both laughing and smiling by the end of it.

He’s surprisingly one of the most understanding people on this list. No matter what, he'll always be there for you and somehow always knows how to help. You asked him about that and he said,

“Well, a magician can never reveal their secrets.”

“You’re not a magician, though. You’re a bard.”

“Then how is it that I stole your heart?”

Hit him again /j

Although there is one aspect he’s not great at steering you away from only because he’s also bad at steering himself away from it.

Impulsive tendencies.

Did you impulsively buy something? What a coincidence. Venti did something similar just seconds ago. Did you leave the group you were with because something caught your eye? Venti is right beside you, also looking for whatever caught your attention. Did you say something without really thinking about it? Venti just did the same somewhere across the room.

You guys are almost in sync for impulsive decision making no matter how far apart you two may or may not be.

On multiple occasions you’ve both run to each other in a panic after you both impulsively did something you shouldn’t have.

“Venti, help! I just entered a competition I know nothing about and it starts tomorrow afternoon!”

“Y/n, help! I just promised I’d do something I definitely shouldn’t!”

You both look at each other in panic and internally scream.

Xiao

Unlike Venti, Xiao hasn’t the slightest clue what ADHD is. He literally has no concept of mental disabilities and genuinely just thought some people had a harder time with things, not that their brain is wired differently.

Before you tell him he’ll see you stimming sometimes or notice you say certain words or phrases multiple times and just shrugs it off as ‘human things’. Same could be said for most of your ADHD shenanigans.

It was a blessing and a curse since he wouldn’t judge you for any of them, however if something like your executive dysfunction kicked in he’d probably think you’re being lazy 💀💀

You’d have to have a long sit-down talk about your ADHD and everything that goes on with it before he understands and can help you with it.

Even if you’re like me and your explanation skills are about as clear as muddy water he’d likely at least get the gist of it.

Now listen, Xiao is a harsh person by nature but once you tell him about your rejection sensitive dysphoria and what it means he’s probably looking back on anytime he was even slightly mean to you and worrying about if he accidentally hurt you.

Reassure him that even if he did hurt you, it’s in the past now and he knows to do better now.

Boy is much softer to you after that talk, even if he won’t admit it. He's the one least likely to accidentally hurt you with words out of everyone.

Xiao didn’t- and frankly, still kinda doesn’t- know a lot about humans before he met you, so he’s learning as he goes. Which means that at the beginning he’s going to be really awkward with comforting/helping you.

He’s trying though! And if you tell him how to help either before or after something like your executive dysfunction starts acting up, he’ll… still be a little awkward, if i’m being honest, but it helps much more than before you told him anything. The more he gets used to your ADHD the easier it’ll be for him to help you with it.

It becomes easier over time for both of you and Xiao slowly grows a ‘sixth sense’ if something is wrong.

Forgot something at the house? Xiao is already handing it to you as you turn around to go and grab it. Impulsive did something you probably shouldn’t have? Xiao is suddenly there to calm you down and do damage control. Your brain suddenly refusing to process what someone said? Xiao breaks down what they said so you can fully process it.

Seriously, bring him grocery shopping with you. He'll remember things you didn't even put on the list.

You wonder how Xiao got this power and Xiao also wonders how he got this power but he isn’t complaining. If he can help you in any way, he will.

"Hey, you forgot your lunch. I don't want you going hungry while I'm gone..."

Tease him about how he's acting like a caregiver and watch him turn red.

Albedo

He didn't know much about ADHD before he met you if he was being honest.

He knew more than Venti and Xiao but less than Tighnari, so you won't have to explain as much as you did with the previous two!

He finds it very intriguing, although he is the chief alchemist and human psychology has little to nothing to do with that, he finds himself listening to everything you have to say about it.

He knew humans learned in different ways but he didn't know how nuanced all of it was.

Just like Tighnari this guy is taking notes, although he's a bit calmer than Tighnari was lmao

"Fascinating. I knew humans were complex creatures, but this is much more nuanced than I originally anticipated."

Just like with Xiao, even if your explanation skills are less than ideal, Albedo still gets what you mean.

Seriously, he will pry every detail that you know about it out of you to the point that the conversation has already passed three hours and neither of you noticed.

He's asking questions you didn't even think of and you've known you've had ADHD for years.

Unfortunately, you often have to disappoint him with the fact that there's not exactly an abundance of information on mental illness/disabilities and that he'd likely have to find out for himself.

Even after that Albedo still asks you questions about your ADHD sometimes which you can either quickly answer or it takes ten minutes of pondering to figure it out.

He waits for you tho <3

You 🤝 Albedo

What the fuck is a social cue

You're usually at least a little better at spotting them than Albedo is, but it's still something you both struggle with 💀💀💀

Difference is that while you may try to apologize, Albedo just doesn't care.

He lives on a cold mountain, it's only natural that he has bad people skills. (He just like me fr fr)

In the nicest way possible the first few times you impulsively make a decision/have Executive dysfunction/etc Albedo will definitely say smthn like, "Oh, so this is what it looks like." 💀

Mf is lucky he's cute.

Afterwards though he'll help in any way he can. Which, of course means, any way alchemy can.

You're surprised at how useful all the things he made for you are, and you're grateful for that man making them for you every day.

All of Albedo's previous note-taking and observations of any bad habits you have because of your ADHD ended up with him being able to handle your bad habits better than you can 💀

Buddy is too smart for his own good.

You're taking notes from him at this point. You'd be a little offended that he knows more about your mental disability than you do but honestly if it helps you manage it better you'll take it with open arms.

While you're in his laboratory he likes hearing about you info dump about your hyper fixation. It's better background noise than the howling winds outside and you look adorable while talking about it. That's a win-win for him.

(Although like Tighnari, you'll also hear about his own experiments. Even if you're not really processing the information Albedo appreciates that you're trying)

If you're more creatively inclined he'll occasionally ask for your help if he's stuck on a project to see if you can think of something he hasn't yet. Even if you don't he says your input helps (translation: he likes hearing your voice and opinions)

Out of everyone on this list he's the least baffled about your odd habits. Man's is so unbothered by everything it's kinda funny.

The only thing he's worried about is when you look after Klee alone… he trusts the both of you to be able to take care of yourselves, but Klee is impulsive by herself. And if you're also impulsive it could lead to tragedy.

"You're aware the acting grand master is trying to stop Klee's habit of fish blasting, correct?"

"Well, maybe the acting grand master should try fish blasting herself! It's not our fault it's so fun!"

You're not allowed to babysit anymore

Ending note: I'm so bad at hcs it's also kinda funny. Ah oh well, at least you can say I tried! Sorry if anyone was ooc but also this is MY blog and I GET TO CHOOSE how to portray characters!!1! Also if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes no there isn't.

I was planning on adding more characters but kinda ran out of steam lmao. Mayhaps I will one day, but for now this is all you get <3 bye~

[the-entity-with-no-name]

Hello, stranger.

Hello and greetings to all.

I am someone. Or used to be someone. You might or might not recognize me with the words I will say in the next paragraphs. Please refer to me as Entity.

I was a semi-popular NSFW radqueer blogger. I coined the MUD Flucuating Fragmented Identity Disorder. I am going through an Identity Null phase.

That just means I experienced an episode where mt identity shattered and I became nothing. I quite literally hold no names, titles, pronouns, or any other similair identities.

This, however, can be solved, with the help of people I know/don't know.

However there are limits. I cannot and never will be a cisbigot (ex: homophobic, racist, sexist, etc) or cisharmful of severe subjects (ex: groomer, abuser, etc). No "removing" my cisids too.

(The cisids in questions: level 2 high support needs autistic, ASPD, BPD, SzPD, PPD, NPD, FFID, AFRID, PTSD, ADHD, APD, DPDR, OSDD-1B, memory issues, visually impaired, depression, brain damage, disabled, semiverbal, chronic pain, AAC user, cane user, no empathy, no compassion, no sympathy)

Treat this as a... reverse version of a BAH, if you will.

All submissions will be tagged with "Thank You For Your Generosity". Identities I reblog that I am considering to identify with will be tagged with "Perhaps This One Fits...?"

Please do note these identities do not become an integrated part of my identity so quickly, no, my mind has to process if I want the change or not, if I feel as it is truly me. I'll either keep an identity label gifted to me, or I won't, it is not because I didn't like it. My identity is not absolute.

The form below the cut is what you can send requests for changes:

Name suggestions:

Pronouns suggestions:

Gender labels:

Sexuality

Cisids:

Transids:

Paras:

Likes:

Dislikes:

Personality traits:

Other/extra info you would like included:

[bullet-prooflove]

The Deal - Part Five: Different - Will Trent x Reader

Tagging: @yezzyyae @words-and-seeds @trublu2u @cassiopeiablogg-blog @kmc1989 @littleesilvia @oscarisaacispunk

TheDeal! Series:

Sunshine - You're attacked in your apartment.

Here (Drabble) - Will turns up at a crime scene to find you're the victim.

After Care - Will takes care of you in the aftermath of your attack.

It Doesn't Work Like That - Will comforts you in the aftermath of your father's death.

She's Gone - Will wakes up to find out you've left Atlanta.

In the weeks after you leave Will finds himself comparing your relationship to the one he had with Angie because she used to leave him too. He wonders if it’s a trend, if there’s something so fundamentally wrong with him that the women in his life can’t bring themselves to stick around. Those are the thoughts he has in the middle of the night as he stares at your pillow.

Angie would disappear for months at a time with absolutely no contact. Will would end up calling hospitals and morgues until she eventually turned back up, sometimes drunk, sometimes high and she’d ruin his life all over again.

You though, you’re different. You leave him voice notes every couple of days, letting him know you’re safe. He follows your journey in his head, ticking off the cities you’re teaching in one by one.

There are other disparities. He was with Angie for twenty years before he met you and she never expressed so much as an ember of warmth. When they fucked it was always about control, she would wring the pleasure out of him, use him up, spit him out. She convinced him that he was too broken, too scarred for anyone else so he took her scraps, lived on them for majority of his adult life.

When he meets you he isn’t used to the affection. It had been jarring at first, the light touch on his back as you were shifting past him, your hand squeezing his arm to get his attention, to you it’s the most natural thing in the world but to him, it’s a gift.

There’s always a fondness when you say his name, a slight drawl to your voice, with Angie it was always cold and clipped, like he was being reprimanded.

You haven’t abandoned him, he tries to remind himself as he sits on the couch with Betty in his lap. His palm brushes lightly over her fur as the TV drones on in the background, tuned into the Discovery channel.

You’d left because you needed space, not from him but from the city. The whole thing with your father had traumatised you, you’d felt trapped under the weight of it all, stifled, unable to breathe. Will’s experienced those feelings first hand, he understands the urge to run. He sighs as his head comes to rest on the back of the couch, slumping down even further. The rain patters against the windows outside as he hugs Betty even closer. The truth is, he isn’t sure if you’re coming back, if Atlanta is too tainted by the sins of your father.

He's surprised when he hears the knock on the door, you have your own key and he isn’t expecting company. His heart skips a beat because it takes him back to that night, the one where two officers of the APD had turned up on his doorstep and told him they’d found Angie in a run down hotel, needle in her arm, her skin cold to the touch.

He’s full of apprehension when he opens the door, the tension pulsing through his body as his palm grips the handle.

When he sees you standing there something in his chest just lifts, that anxiety flows out of him like exhale as you give him that sweet smile.

“Hi.” You say softly.

It occurs to him in that moment that the reason you haven’t used your key is because you’re trying to be respectful of his boundaries. It’s something else that Angie never would have done, she would have invaded his space, made herself at home, pretended nothing ever happened. It’s another stark contrast, you care about him, his wellbeing and it shows in every single one of your actions.

“Cam…” He whispers, holding open the door to let you in.

Your hair is damp from the rain outside. You’ve cut it a little shorter since he last saw you, it falls in loose waves past your jaw. His fingers trail through it before he tucks it back behind your ear.

“It suits you.” He tells you.

You close the door behind you and Will steps forward, helping you out of your raincoat. The heat of his body rolls over your chilled skin as his forehead comes to rest on yours.

There’s so much he wants to say but he’s too overwhelmed so he kisses you instead, his lips brushing over yours tenderly as he pours his entire heart and soul into it. He doesn’t remember undressing you, only the press of your bare skin against his as he makes love to you on the rug in the hall.

Every stroke, every thrust is dedicated to the pursuit of your pleasure. He chases your ecstasy, the sound of your hitched breathing ringing in his ears as he drives you to the pinnacle of release.

“Will,” You whisper at the height of it all, your voice emotional, overwrought. “I need to hear you say it, I need to know that nothing’s changed.”

“Oh sweetheart…” He drawls, his palm cupping your jaw as he guides your gaze back to his. “I could never stop loving you.”

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[sonnycrsi]

A little rant about culture and family dynamics

Am I the only one who do not like the wording of this particular scene. I understand and can appreciate the main point Andrea was going with. That what Carlos current perception of his father was slightly inaccurate and how his Dad actually has been trying to break within the system. (I don’t want to talk about the whole hypocrisy of Carlos regarding APD/Ranger because ACAB as always).

The things that left a really bad taste in my mouth is how this scene (before the last line Andrea delivered on how he is entitled to feel whatever) and the one following where Carlos went to his parent house somehow makes me (as the viewer) perceived that Carlos has to be the bigger person. That Carlos is the only one to blame for the communication problem that ended up on both of them having false perception of each other and how his at-the-moment perception of his Dad as the cause of those communication problem is invalid, because it is not true.

I guess that it might be because I relate a little bit too much to their family dynamics and communication style (unfortunately). For background I come from SEASIAN countries that was colonized and one of them was by Portugal. When I was writing my thesis, I found that there was a lot of Portugal’s culture integrated to the country (like any other colonized countries). Even our languages are actually very similar !

The collective identity and combined that with being a very religious country (not in the way that is biblically accurate just in the way that people will indoctrinate the major religion teaching into other people’s personal life). It leaves the notion that no matter what happens family is a very important. Which is not actually a bad thing but it also can be lead to legitimate respond to dangerous and/or horrible situation to be painted as “hallmark of the pious life”.

It might be hitting a little close to home because for so many times when I complained to my mom she gives her perspective of what she experienced and painted to as what I said was wrong and not at all what I went through. It always makes me feel like she was always on his said and what I said is invalid. And how I always have to forgive my parents no matter what because that is what the preacher for so many years have taught us.

Just as with Carlos, I wish we can see in the show, Andrea acknowledges that what she knows/ her perception of Gabriel and what Carlos knows/ his perception of Gabriel can be very different and both are valid. It is valid for Carlos to have whatever feeling/ resentment/ awkward relationship based off what his mind was conscious of. It is very valid for him to feel that his father did not like him/ was proud of him albeit Gabriel being very sweet when he was a kid.

Don’t give me wrong I really like their redemption arc, between Carlos and Gabriel but I wish it came actively and directly from the two sides rather than just one, yes not just passively mentioning your guilt to an outsider (Owen). Because for so long the notion in my culture has always been the children to be the one that is forgiving, and even then most of time the parent doesn’t even acknowledge the hurt and the wrongdoing.

In the hope that I’m not projecting too much, I would very much love to hear from people who has the same background and culture as Carlos or similar enough or even the opposite about this particular scene and/or arc or just how they experience arc of forgiveness between families, especially between children and parents

[kurs3dkid]

4/21/25 theres some things that people don't talk about a lot when it comes to trauma, ptsd, cptsd, or just general aftermath affects. in general, i feel trauma is extremely poorly portrayed in the majority of social media, content, movies, books, etc. it's a gift to find something ACTUALLY relatable that isn't curling up on the floor, breathing rapidly and loudly, screaming, crying, etc. every time something triggers you. (note: not putting anyone else's trauma responses down, please take with a grain of salt. or a pound. whatever you'd like.) TRAUMA ISN'T ROMANTIZEABLE OR PRETTY! i mean, gosh, that's not all people experience. Tensing slightly, gnawing at your nails, tearing at the skin on your lips, fidgeting with your clothes when something heightens your anxiety. Silent panic attacks, because letting someone know HEIGHTENS your anxiety. Snapping at your friends or horribly heightened irritation, even yelling. it's UGLY, and it makes that person feel horrible, or as if they're just like their abuser/source of trauma, or like they're becoming this shell of the person they were.

It's not even just mental or emotional affects, PHYSICAL signs too. Muscle aches, bone aches, skin itching, SWEATING. Auditory processing issues or sensory processing issues like APD. Even acting more childish. Even losing weight, gaining weight, becoming physically weaker are all horrible things to experience but UNNOTICED. There's HUGE affects that are hard to even explain, just compare a normal person's brain to one that's experienced trauma.(of any shape and size. A man can be drowning at 10 meters or 50, but both are still drowning. Mental health is not a contest, nor something that's COMPARABLE. Stop acting like kids and putting other's down because theirs wasn't 'as bad'. Everyone reacts differently.) And not just that. What about the people that AREN'T diagnosed? Can't get diagnosed, but still have issues like these. What about people that still live with/around the source of their trauma? The people that act perfectly normal, and ARE able to be happy the next day at school or work, but still experience the affects because they compartmentalize? Stop bad mental health representation. We aren't aliens, we're humans. Present us RIGHT if you're even going to try. peace.

[rainbowdaisy13]

+2 the same anon, wanted to add 'And maybe it's the past that's talking/Screaming from the crypt/Telling me to punish you for things/ you never did/ So I justified it' - so in the past the partner would get punished for thing they never did fairly often. Now it's turned down but still there enough to break the partner down. It was war / it wasn't fair - it's also a form of re directing responsibility, another way of saying 'it couldn't be helped'. Yes it could if you had previously practice taking responsibility more.

Yeah I can’t listen to TGW in full anymore it reminds me too much of dealing with the narcissistic manipulation I’ve experienced in the past—and maybe unless you’ve had a deep relationship with someone with NPD or APD you can’t clock it for what it is

[wheelie-sick]

What privilege do I inherently have as someone with severe APD over a hard of hearing person? Please tell me because that doesn’t make sense

hearing society will always favor you and your voice and your opinion over a deaf or hard of hearing person because at the end of the day you are hearing and while society doesn't value you as a disabled person they still value you as a hearing person, a privilege that all deaf and hard of hearing people do not have. when you experience oppression based on your use of sign language it's because they are mistaking you for us in the same way my ablebodied best friend who borrowed my forearm crutches for a week for an injury experienced a taste of oppression because he was mistaken for a mobility disabled person but that doesn't make him mobility disabled.

not to mention all the specific experiences you will not have like being denied your ability to adopt or drive

[toomuchdivergentformyneuro]

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[petalpetal]

okay so I know most people who know what APD is (Auditory processing disorder) think its people who have trouble understand and hearing when it comes to vocal imput in certain situations and that is true

BUT I WANT TO ADDRESS why people APD sometimes yell.

this is because I do also do this.

this is mainly for people with APD who have sensitivity to background noise. (that is my form of APD i you have another form and relate to this let me know)

So lets set an example of something I have experience. Before so I need to say I LOVE MY COUSIN MEAGAN she is the closest family member I have and we are into the same things like anime and puzzles.

Anyway the scene is you are at your the Mall and you tell your friend (in my case my cousin) something while going down the escalator and she replies with "I agree but you don't have to yell"

you did not realize you where yelling

because your hear the mall as a VERY loud place and assume everyone else hears it as that too.

so you are only saying it in a voice so you can be heard in relevance to what you are hearing.

that way people with APD or any hearing disorder might yell a lot because its kind of hard to grasp what we are experiencing is different from everyone else and thus assume that you to think its extremely noisy

[processzine-org]

No one ever mentioned brain lateralisation when I was approved for a cochlear implant.

Not the surgeon. Not the audiologist. Not the literature.

I chose the left side because it seemed weaker. But in hindsight, I may have digitised the wrong half of myself.

Here’s what’s often left unsaid:

The left ear feeds into the right hemisphere (intuition, pattern, analogue).

The right ear feeds into the left hemisphere (language, logic, decoding).

I was born deaf, developed APD, and relied on visual comprehension from the start.

My brain wired itself around sound—using sight, captions, and pattern recognition.

So what happens when you inject digital, high-frequency, artificial sound into a hemisphere never built to process speech?

More input. Less understanding. More noise. Louder tinnitus. Sensory overload. Misophonia.

Signal is lost in translation—not because the implant is faulty, but because the wiring was never accounted for.

Where are the studies on this?

Why isn’t laterality—especially for older CI patients with APD or visual-first language mapping—ever mentioned?

Why are we still treating deafness as a deficit of ears, instead of a reconfiguration of the whole sensory system?

It might be time to start asking these questions out loud.

I’m considering drafting a speculative white paper. Working title:

Crossed Wires: Rethinking Laterality in Cochlear Implantation for APD & Prelingual Deafness

Let me know if you’ve experienced similar. Especially if you were asked to choose a side—and didn’t know the map beneath the surface.