#freedom and forgiveness

[darkserenity24]

So, here's the dealio...

I love writing fanfiction for everyone to read, but I also like to receive comments/replies, interaction, and engagement with my fics since writing them takes a lot of work and time as we all know. Fanfiction is about building community, not just consumption.

I really would like to share my work with those of you who I feel care enough to throw me a comment or tell me what they think about the story, I don't think that's asking too much since I don't (and am not asking to) get paid from writing fanfiction. Your words are enough compensation for me.

With that being said, I started a private, invite-only community where I will be posting new chapters of F&C moving forward. F&F and all my other works will still be accessible to all (for now) but if you really want to continue reading F&C, hit me up so I can send you an invite.

Of course, you'll still be able to find the chapters somewhere on tumblr if you really want to, but it won't be that easy anymore because I will not post them here on my blog, and the link is no longer on the masterlist. Eventually, my works on AO3 will get a similar setup too.

Long story short, I absolutely love writing for you guys, but you have to show me a little bit of love back if you want to continue reading my work freely. And no, likes and kudos are not enough.

I believe this new setup will provide me with enough motivation to update more frequently if I know I'm doing it for those who care. Again, if you haven't already received an invite, let me know, and I'll send it!

-A. ♥️

[dykealloy]

i really hate recommending things on the grounds of "yeah just put 1000 hours into it and it'll start getting crazy good" but you should watch one piece

[sarahsinferno]

I Wish for Liberation

I sit in the dark, my thoughts a storm of fragments, and I wish, not with the innocence of a child but with the bitter clarity of experience, that you would feel the weight of every wound you gave.

do you know the sharp sting of betrayal, the cruel echo of a lie, the loneliness that wraps around the heart like a shroud?

I want you to know the hollow ache of waiting, the gnawing uncertainty that burrows deep, the sleepless nights stretched out in their endless, aching expanse.

I want the weight of your own choices to press down on you, heavy and relentless, until you understand the pressure that drove me to despair, until you feel a trace of my sorrow settling like dust in your own empty spaces.

you, who sculpted misery with your hands, who wielded cruelty like a blade, are you aware of the echoes you left? do you hear them whisper in your dreams, the ache you wove so effortlessly into my days?

i could wish for storms to ravage your calm, for the sky to crack open with lightning that rends the fabric of your peace, for the tremors of regret to shake your foundation.

yet, even as I wish this, I realize that suffering does not heal, that the flames of revenge only scorch the hands that wield them.

so, instead, I let the weight of my sorrow settle, a quiet confession to the universe that sometimes I crave for the scales to tip,

for the pain to be known, but mostly,

I wish for liberation, for the shackles of my anger to fall away, and for a heart that no longer clings to the shadows of the past.

so I let the wish drift, a bitter gust of wind that fades into the void, and I turn away, searching for a release from this desire, for a way to mend the broken pieces without adding more shards to the world’s already jagged heart.

S.T. 2024

santa rosalia by roberto ferri(1978) oil on canvas

the shepherd david by elizabeth bouguereau(1895)

dancers by franz von stuck(1896)

perseus slaying medusa by laurent-honore marqueste(1903)

[holistichealingg]

[clonehighdoublehelix]

[velidewrites]

In age order - how tall is each of your OC Van brothers ? From tallest to the “Shortest ”

And how are they built body wise from muscular to lean?

Alright folks it's the long awaited height chart time! Before we get into it, I'd like to preface the chart with two things:

You guys PROMISED this would be a safe space for my height bias

I fully subscribe to Fae being freakishly tall mythical creatures. Before you disagree with me, I once again urge you to consider my source: the same beautiful mind that brought you their tips' hex codes.

I've also included some of our other SJM characters for comparison!

Also pls don't interpret their body types by the silhouettes below, I was working with what the website had LOL. Details on their body type under the cut!

Vermilion: 206cm. Tallest Vanserra brother! Broad chest, lean and muscular but not in a brick shithouse way like some of us (looking at you, Sylas). If you know Alucard from Netflix's Castlevania, he was my exact inspiration for Ver's body type!

Lucien: 205cm. BEEFY

Sylas: 203cm. Built like a brick shithouse but not as broad as Cassian; Sylas has a surprisingly slim waist.

Eris: 198cm, and it's the only one source of joy in Sylas's life. There was a time I had Sylas placed shorter than Eris but then I realized I simply couldn't do that to him. Eris's build is very similar to Vermilion, though Ver has a much smaller waist!

Marcel: 197cm. Basically Eris's height and built! Looks and body type-wise, those two are the most similar to each other.

ALSO not on the chart: Perses Vanserra (199cm, 6'6.35), Ulric Vanserra (194cm, 6'4.38), Beron Vanserra (197cm, 6'5.56). I think the crazy height genes come from LoA's side of the family, and I hc her to be around 6'0 (183cm)!

[fatedroses]

And some days, I just wish you wouldn't look at me at all.

[basicallyanotherwitchesthing]

David Augsburger - The Freedom of Forgiveness - Moody Press - 1978

[local-lamppost]

Maddie and Caitlyn and Piltover

Probably the most jarring twist of the Act was Maddie and Caitlyn's relationship. It seemed very sudden, until you take a look into the few lines from her in Act 1 and realize they all centered around Caitlyn. That Maddie was the first Piltie to 'dedicate her heart' to Caitlyn with Noxus. Maddie likes Vi because Caitlyn vouched for her and deems her 'one of the good ones' because of Caitlyn.

Let's talk about Maddie: she's an average young Piltie. She's Cait's age, give or take, and feels hurt both by the recent Zaun attacks and Marcus' betrayl. Caitlyn is the first person after all this that is trying to do something to fix the mess. Cait's a Kiramman, an inspiration, a fighter, and kinda sorta pretty. Maddie was starry eyed by Cait and couldn't see any problems with her actions or flaws because of this. When given the option to have Cait lead, she jumps at the chance.

Maddie is something of a trick with her introduction. She doesn't have a personal stake like Vi or Cait, isn't there to look after her new buddy like Loris (until told otherwise he is there just cause he is Vi's old man friend); she believes in combating Jinx. Peacekeeping in Zaun with gas and hextech weapons to go after one person, but oh isn't she so cute? Introduced in a halo of sunlight and being so sweet to Vi?

Maddie is a proud Piltie, who feels betrayed by Marcus and the Undercity, who wants to punish them and rebuild her home in topside. And yes, she feels betrayed by the Undercity, she consider's it a part of Piltover one way or another, and most topsider's are ignorant of why Zaunites are so upset with them. To Maddie, these attacks came out of left field.

What's interesting is that Maddie is anti-Ambessa, or at least pro-Caitlyn. You could see this as her being a moderate. She tells Cait that she can withdraw from Zaun and reestablish the council, but ends that statement by reaffirming Caitlyn as their leader, "The Enforcers, Piltover... I follow you". Cait and her military rule makes Maddie feel safe and proud in her city.

Onto Cait. Yeah, Cait's not necessarily using Maddie, but she is utilizing her. She's learned from her percieved mistakes/weaknesses and is keeping her work and personal life seperate. They have sex and talk about the state of the city, but Cait never talks about her feelings with Maddie as she did with Vi. Cait's an emotional person too. She was always quick to express herself to Vi, to Ekko, to her mother and father, to Jayce; but she is hurt and alone and can contribute both of those facts to her emotions (sans Jayce).

Begs the question of why Cait is sleeping with Maddie? But even that is simply her coping. It's her version of Vi drinking and fighting. It's stress relief and a quick way to at least make someone else happy. Cait also likes touch, so it stands to reason she'd find someone in her isolated state (Vi pushed away, father a living ghost, Jayce and Mel magiced away). Also, if Word of God is anything to go by, it's not out of character for Cait to find a pretty girl to fool around with.

Cait's main focus is still Jinx. Her mind is literally shown overlapping with her's. Maddie a tryst for the off hours, and even that's kept to the minimum as Cait would rather work than get any rest.

I do wish we could've gotten a scene of Cait replaying her interactions with Vi (think season 1 shower scene), but instead we have Maddie to contrast their relationship. Maddie is kind of the 'Piltover Approved' Vi; she's a red headed enforcer who loves her city, her council, the noble houses, and Caitlyn. She's safe and she's someone that Caitlyn doesn't have to put any excess energy into. Which must be gratifying for the surface levels of Cait's issues. Vi forces Cait to act better, to look inward and reflect, to consider other people and not just her own hurt (something season one Cait wouldn't have even needed another's help with).

The little detail of Vi not calling Cait a cupcake until episode 6 is also telling. At first it's likely Vi realizing the seriousness of everything, but it could also be that she disapproves of Cait's actions. Cait doesn't have that sweetness in her, or at least isn't allowing herself to act on it. When Vi does call her cupcake again it's not an endearment as it was by the end of season one, but a call out to what Cait has become.

Going forward, what's next? Vi and Cait aren't back together, but are together. They have to fight the Noxians (which was hinted at by Maddie herself) and help with the Arcane.

I kinda want Jinx to be the one to spell everything out to Cait; to tear her a new one. Jinx kept an eye on Vi during her pit fighter era, saw the drunk, broken mess that her sister became; a sister she is now on tentatively good terms with and will likely be a bit protective of after Isha. Something like, "I saw what happened to Vi after you guys split, she destroyed herself like you destroyed the city. I always thought I would be the one to break her, but you did a bang up job! Two of us have that in common, hurting Vi, but I'm trying now. So what does that say about you? None of this was Vi's fault, all she was trying to do was keep you from acting like me, ya know, deranged and violent? Huh, Vi-olent."

So in Act 3, Cait needs to be the one to get a kick in the ass and have that conversation with Vi. She needs to own up to her mistakes. How she was guilting Vi into the enforcers, how Vi was right about her loosing control and almost shooting a kid, maybe even for using Vi's affection for her against her. Vi will forgive her, she's Vi and has the self worth of a pebble, so long as Cait takes accountability and starts acting on any promises to change-again, why a shovel talk from Jinx could help set their relationship in the right direction.

[darkserenity24]

Dear F&F/F&C Readers,

Just a quick update: Freedom and Chaos (Part 2 of Freedom and Forgiveness) has now been set to private on both AO3 and Tumblr. At the moment, only a small group of readers still have access to it.

If you missed my earlier post explaining why I made this decision, you can find it here. I highly recommend giving it a read before reaching out.

Freedom and Forgiveness (Part 1) will remain public and available, so feel free to continue enjoying that anytime.

If you're genuinely interested in continuing with F&C, you're more than welcome to let me know—either by replying to this post or sending me a DM. That said, I kindly ask for a bit more engagement in return. I love seeing people enjoy the story, but I'd appreciate more than just silent likes. Comments, thoughts, reactions—those go a long way in keeping my motivation alive!

This will be my final post on the matter, so please make sure to read this and the earlier announcements carefully before asking for access to the private AO3 link or Tumblr community. I’m only granting access to those who’ve interacted with the fic in some way or reached out to explain why they’ve been quiet but want to be more active moving forward.

Just wanted to offer a friendly reminder in case anyone's still interested.

Love you guys,

-A. 💚

[fives-pewpewgun555]

I could write a thesis on how much Andor accomplished and fumbled, and the characters took the blunt ever. single. time. Deedra is probably the most fleshed out, balanced, and consistent character in the whole show. I did enjoy a lot of it. So much was incredible. But the jarring handling of these characters is so painful, I wish I could wipe the whole show from my memory. I mean, Bix??? What was any of that?? She had so much to offer, and they removed her from the narrative for her to have a baby on the planet she was assaulted and killed someone on?? How is she safe there? WHY is she there?? And Cassian. My beloved reluctant hero who just wanted to a chance to tear at the Empire and step closer to the galaxy’s freedom, I promise I will only know you from Rogue One, and not whatever I just watched

[rubikor]

forgiveness

[wordsoftheheartandsoul]

Forgive your former self. That version of you handled it all the best way you thought you could at the time. Since then, you've worked tirelessly to do and be better. Extend to yourself the love, grace, forgiveness, and mercy you extend to everyone else. The past version of yourself deserves forgiveness and the present version of yourself deserves peace.

Morgan Richard Olivier - the freedom of forward

[ilumel]

not to be dramatic about crow’s haircut but it marks such a beautiful moment of character development for him. he finally met cayde, the man uldren killed, whose memory crow carried for years with a crushing sense of guilt, grief, and responsibility…and crow was welcomed by him instead of hated.

it allowed him to move forward. at least to an extent.

crow considered cayde to be one of the last pieces of his past life that he could never allow himself to be forgiven for—he was trapped by the knowledge of what his hands had done when they had been uldren’s. he kept uldren’s haircut like a punishment, an eternal reminder of the pain he had caused. i don’t think it’s a coincidence that the moment cayde embraced him as freely as he did, crow finally allowed himself to let go of that last physical tether to uldren.

he cuts his hair, and sees a new face in the mirror. his own. one that looks like him, not cayde-6’s murderer. he will always carry that pain, just as he will always honor cayde’s memory with newfound fondness…but now he meets his grief with the warmth and understanding that cayde gifted him. crow is free at last to allow himself to embrace his own identity, having finally been given permission to do so by the only person in the whole galaxy that could have granted it.

[ladylilith333]

If you could reach into those hidden recesses of your humanity, if you could tap into the reservoir of kindness that lies deep beneath all this manufactured anger, if you could rediscover the goodness in other people, you would be released. Life would get bigger. The world would open up for you. It would reach beyond your whiteness and further than America.

We all need to keep this in mind.... actually a beautiful reminder. I appreciate this🩷

[darkserenity24]

F&F Fam has now been changed to F&F Book Club (which I think is a much better name). Happy to have every single member there!

F&C ch 12 will be released within the next week in the book club only (and AO3 a bit later once I figure that out). If you are willing and able to engage and join in on the conversations we're having (F&F/F&C, really anything Loki-related), let me know, and I'll add you to the community.

love ya

-A 💚