#garlic is the solution to everything

[tangsakura]

BYE

"Quick! There's a vampire! Get something we can use against it!"

Philippines: BAWANG!

Brunei, Indonesia, Singapore and Malaysia: *comes back with onions*

Philippines: puta we are ded

[garlic-and-cloves]

Being multilingual and nonbinary is like what do you mean I have to figure out nontraditional pronouns and which ones I like in not one but FOUR languages??

[bettsfic]

things i've learned about cooking after finally getting the hang of it after 20 years of trying and also finally organizing my kitchen:

note that i mostly cook for myself so a lot of this won't apply to people who have to cook for their whole family

invest in good storage solutions. buy the pop top pasta holder, the fancy glass tupperware, the very pretty candy jar. if you like looking at it and it's something you'll use for years, maybe the rest of your life, it is worth the money

that said, depending on your budget, making a list of all of said storage solutions (and utensils, tools, appliances, etc.) and buying one a month is a good way to spread it out. again, if it lasts a lifetime and you'll use it, it's worth it

cook food you love. this is such a simple thing and for some people probably obvious, but as someone who is not at all a picky eater, for years i found myself only cooking things that were tasty but not to *my* tastes, just because the fancy recipe i found told me it was good

another note about cooking to your own tastes: if you're just starting out cooking for yourself, don't bother thinking about what's healthy. focus on making meals that you want to shovel into your face. healthy can happen once cooking gets easier. the idea is that you're learning to love food you make *more* than food that can be delivered

THINK SMALL. i, a midwesterner, seem to be genetically predisposed to buying the most giant of all things, because you can use big stuff for small things but not the other way around. for example, if you're only cooking for yourself or one other person, you can buy one of those little half baking sheets instead of a full one. a leeettle skillet for your one grilled cheese instead of hauling out the one that can fit four. the bigger one is heavy and annoying to clean, and even though that might not seem like a big deal, when you're weighing your options, these kinds of hurdles start to add up. again, if it will encourage you to cook, it is worth investing in

speaking of hurdles, make everything as easy as possible. i am a perfectionist. i like doing things the Right Way. so when a chef says, "don't use cooking wine, use real wine" when i don't buy alcohol, and "the key to good asparagus is only buying it in season" when i don't even know what that season is or where to buy asparagus locally, it just means i won't try that recipe even if i was excited to, because i've been taught (get ready for it) it's not worth doing unless you do it right. but fuck that. you're not aiming for the best, you're aiming for food you're excited to eat

when i say "as easy as possible" i mean so easy may that it might even become fun. buy jarred garlic, an electric can opener, pre-cut vegetables. pots and pans you think are cute. mats for your feet. the prettiest apron you've ever seen. take note of anything that pings your brain as "hard" even if your natural inclination is to dismiss it because *other* people don't find it hard. write it down. figure out a way to make it easier or better

cooking is an inherently sensory experience. if you have sensory issues, your goal is to accommodate yourself to the highest possible degree. if you avoid washing your hands because you hate the smell of your soap, throw it out (or give it away) and go on a journey to find soap that's more pleasing to you

if you research cooking, especially on youtube, you'll find a lot of youtubers who try to encourage you to make excess so you can freeze it, meal prep so you don't have to worry about cooking throughout the week, etc. these are great tips but again: none of that stuff is worth thinking about until cooking becomes easier. just think about one meal at a time

if you hate leftovers, make sure you're only cooking single-serving easy meals or slightly more difficult double-serving meals. don't bother with 4 servings of something you might hate. for the next-day serving, it'll probably taste better if you heat it up in the microwave on 70% or 50% power. this has saved like a hundred otherwise disgusting meals for me

i know those weekly meal box subscriptions are basically a scam and crazy expensive, but i bought 1-2 a month for a year with the same service and i started to understand the techniques they used above and beyond the recipes they were providing. it's really eye-opening to realize one of your favorite meals is really only 6 ingredients and you know *how* to put them together without reading any instructions

honestly the meal box was not more expensive for me than my food budget. everyone says buying grocery food is way cheaper, but if you're buying 2lbs of rice just to cook 2 cups and then you're never going to cook rice anymore, that's still the cost of that whole bag of rice. with a meal box, they only give you exactly what you need for the recipe. combined with going out to eat and getting delivery, 2 boxes a month ended up being about the same price

if you're the kind of person who needs to understand the theory behind basically everything in order to anchor the skills it requires, i highly recommend the book Ruhlman's Twenty. it goes through the science of cooking like heating food and why salt makes things taste good

once you get into a groove and you have a good idea of your favorite ingredients, pick 40 to always have on hand so that you're not buying for individual recipes and you can also organize your kitchen more easily. with 40 base ingredients you know that unless there's a special occasion, you'll basically only have these items to find a place for

if you work from home, break dinner into prep time and cook time. if you prep dinner when you go eat lunch, it's very hard to say "i just don't feel like cooking" when it comes to dinner time, because 1) all your food is out and ready to go, and 2) you're already done with half the work

progress and improvement may be slow. be patient with yourself. cooking is a life-long commitment and so you're not in any rush. be honest to yourself about both your ambitions and limitations, and set up your kitchen and shopping list to suit your needs

food is necessary to live. if you have to choose only one aspect of your life to focus on improving, i recommend cooking. even though we live in a convenience economy and can get basically anything delivered, i find i'm so much happier now. i have more energy. i sleep better. cooking food you love is one of the best gifts you can give yourself

[babyleostuff]

taking care of sick svt | ot13

❥ seungcheol 

turns into the biggest man child, he’s like your typical man with a cold - he thinks he’s dying and is one step away from writing down his will. other than his usual dramatics, he’s easy to take care of, because let’s face it - cheol lives for your attention, and he gets plenty of that when he’s sick. his pout stays on his lips 24/7, even when he doses on and off, most likely while you cradle him close to your body, because only then is he able to rest properly. 

❥ jeonghan 

is being sick really that bad when your attention is 24/7 on him? jeonghan would be more than fine to take care of himself on his own, the cold wouldn’t really bother him anyways, but your presence would change everything. he’d let you dote on him as much as you’d want - he’d know your worry comes from a place of love and he would not have the heart to tell you that he wasn’t feeling that bad. would turn into the biggest cuddle bug, and you’d most probably spend the day under a thick blanket in your bed, watching bad movies. 

❥ joshua 

would insist on repeating that he is definitely not sick, not until his fever makes him look like an angry red tomato, and all he does is sneeze and cough his lungs out. 10/10 patient, he doesn’t try to fight with you over the medicine, he isn’t whiny like cheol, nor does he have the attitude of a dying man from a simple cold. he listens to you (like a good boy). when you tell him to rest - he rests, when you tell him to eat - he eats, when you put another blanket around his shivering form - he lets out a content sigh. 

❥ jun 

tries his best to find some medicine for his fever, before he gives up, and calls you for help (turns out he took one of your painkillers you use during your period). a clueless bub, but he tries, keyword - tires, his best to take care of himself. one of the koala squad members that will low key glue himself to you, and follow you anywhere (not that you mind, you love it when jun gets so clingy). you’d spend most of your days on the sofa, and when you’d get bored of the silly reality shows you’d change the scenery to your bedroom, and put on an animated movie (jun falls asleep 0.001 second after the movie starts).   

❥ hoshi 

a child. a literal child. while cheol is a man child, hoshi is just a child. you’d have to chase after him with medicine, and a cup of milk with garlic to help his cough, but he’d run away the second you’d enter the room. doesn’t want to listen because, one - he’s not sick (he’s coughing like a demon possessed him), and two - he can take care of himself (he can’t). but when you tire him enough, which is quickly because, well, he’s sick and his energy isn’t as high as it usually is, he becomes such a polite cutie pie, and doses off the second you pull his fav blanket over him.

❥ wonwoo 

he’d insist that he’s fine because he wouldn’t want to be a burden to you. he’d go around the apartment coughing and sneezing, his cheeks clearly red from the fever - but would still insist that he was fine. it wouldn’t be until you’d drag him by force to your bedroom, place him under the blankets, yell at him (lovingly) that he could never be a burden that he’d admit that he wasn’t feeling that great after all. wonwoo would try not to show how happy he was when you took care of him, but it wouldn't work - the sparkly eyes, and small pout told you everything you needed to know. sick wonwoo is also a very clingy wonwoo, so get ready for a clingy cat that will follow you everywhere.

❥ woozi 

another member of the “i’m not sick, i’m fine, leave me alone. proceeds to almost die from a cough” squad. woozi will go about his day like he’d usually would, and by now you know there's no point in trying to get him back to bed. the only solution you have left is to follow him around the apartment or his studio to make sure he stays hydrated, and to remind him of taking the medicine. as much as he doesn’t want to make a big deal out of his sickness, he’s so so grateful for you, your presence, your comforting hugs and gentle pecks on his forehead, as you try to silently take care of him, without disturbing his work. 

❥ dk 

happily lets you take care of him, because according to dk, your hugs and small kisses on the forehead are the best cure for sickness. does anything you ask him to (which is mainly to lay down) without any questions, and it makes the whole process of getting him back on his feet so much easier. he spends most of his days resting, wrapped up securely in your arms, with his head right over your heart, dozing on and off, while you read or watch a movie or show with the volume turned down as not to disturb his sleep. in conclusion - seokmin is just a little cuddle bug that wants to be the little spoon.  

❥ mingyu 

a very clingy, very pouty, and very sniffly gyu would be stuck to you for the whole time. he’d look a bit comical - his already big body covered by at least two thick blankets would make him look low key scary (don’t tell him that, he’d do sad puppy eyes, and bury himself in your bedroom under even more blankets). when he’s sick it’s also the only time he’s cold, and he’s the one in need of more heat, so his shivering form would be glued to yours because he needs specifically your body heat. but other than being a human koala, he’s very easy to take care of. no complaints, no whines.  

❥ minghao    

if it wasn’t for the sneezing or coughing, and he’s slightly red cheeks, you’d start to question if he really was sick. minghao is born ready to fight the cold, sneezing, and coughing - he’s the master of homemade medicine, and life hacks that seem to repel the germs better than the actual bought medicine. as much as he wouldn’t mind your doting, he always silently thrives off of your affection anyway, but he’d never act like he was feeling worse than he did - he wouldn’t want to make you worried just to have your attention in him. 

❥ seungkwan 

it’s time for you to turn into a stay at home mum, because seungwan needs you (read - your attention). he can get a bit bitchy and whiny, especially about medicine, but it’s mostly because he’s not feeling well (and a sick boo seungkwan equals a cranky boo seungkwan), but you know better than get angry at him for fussing over the coughing syrup. to be honest, all seungkwan wants, is to crawl under the blankets with you (preferably with you running your fingers through his messy hair). 

❥ vernon 

you have to pull out your nursing degree with this one. the only thing vernon relies on when sick is google (which tells him he’s on the verge of death) (he only has a slight cold), and phone calls to his mum (he tried making a soup) (he failed). he’s very easy to take care of, though, mostly because he’s pretty much clueless, so he doesn’t question anything you do. nonetheless, vernon would try to help you out as much as he could - he wouldn’t want to be a burden (he could never). + another one that gets so so clingy when sick 

❥ chan 

our baby chan is such a strong and independent person, and he thrives off of taking care of his loved ones, so when he’s the one in need of help he has a bit of a hard time accepting it. he’d insist he’s fine, then he’d almost cough his lungs out, and still insist he’s feeling great (which earns a very disapproving look from you), and perfectly capable of taking care of himself. it’s not that he doesn’t want your help, he’d just be afraid you’d think he’s weak, and a baby for asking for help. you’d have to scold him, before urging his ass back to bed, and threatening him that you’d deprive him of cuddles for the next month if he ever even thought like that ever again. 

taglist (if you want to be added, check my masterlist): @jeonghansshitester @weird-bookworm @sea-moon-star @hanniehaee @wonwooz1 @byprettymar @edgaralienpoe @staranghae @itza-meee @eightlightstar @immabecreepin @whatsgyud @hyneyedfiz @honestlydopetree @vicehectic @dkswife @uniq-tastic @marisblogg @aaniag @daegutowns @carlesscat-thinklogic23 @embrace-themagic @ohmyhuenings @nidda13 @hrts4hanniehae @k-drama-adict @isabellah29 @f4iryjjosh @bangantokchy @mrswonwooo @bangtancultsposts @lllucere @athanasiasakura @chillseo @onlyyjeonghan @haecien @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts @hannahhbahng @valgracia @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @mirxzii @hhusbuds @wonranghaeee @rosiesauriostuff @gyuguys @aaasia111 @tomodachiii @veryfabday @lilmochiandsuga @asasilentreader @mrsnervous @bewoyewo @sharonxdevi @wondipity @gyuguys @raginghellfire @treehouse-mouse @waldau @wonootnoot @hellodefthings @dokyeomkyeom @sourkimchi @bbysnw @haneulparadx @zozojella @hoichi02

[ms-demeanor]

Maybe I should wait for the PDF, but I’ve been thinking about password managers lately and might forget to check for that. My problem is that if there’s one thing I want to never ever put on the cloud to potentially get compromised, it’s my password information. But if there’s one thing I don’t want to lose access to, it’s also my password information. This seems to rule out both local options like KeePassXC and remote ones like Bitwarden.

I've started to become somewhat annoyed by the "there is no cloud, there is only someone else's computer" thing (this is a general thing, not specifically directed at you but you reminded me of it).

The risks of putting things on the cloud are that the internet or the provider will go down and you'll lose access to your data OR that the data will be compromised because the information is essentially public because it's on someone else's device.

Losing access because the provider crashes and burns or because there is a global internet outage is a distinct possibility, however with most password managers it is very very easy to download a copy of your data, which you can then store as an encrypted file on your desktop.

With companies like Bitwarden and Proton, which have open source encrypted cloud storage, your risk of compromise from being on someone else's computer is essentially zero. It IS important to make sure that you're finding a provider who is actually encrypting your shit and is not holding onto your password, which is why Bitwarden and Proton are the providers I keep recommending (privacyguides.org has recommendations here; bitwarden, protonpass, and keepassxc are all on the list, all of these are extremely safe options).

And that's where I have the problem with the "other people's computer" thing. I would have zero problems with storing a properly encrypted file in the comments of a facebook page. If a document had good encryption I would post it on livejournal and not worry about people getting into it. If you are working with good encryption, there is zero risk of compromise when keeping your shit on someone else's computer.

So I actually think the solution for either side of this conundrum is the same: If you're worried about losing access to your password manager because a service shuts down or the internet blows up, download a copy of your data to your desktop and store it in an encrypted folder on your computer. If you're worried about losing access to your password manager if your physical hardware is damaged in a disaster, export a copy of your data, save it as an encrypted file, and upload your encrypted file to gmail for all it matters - they will straight up not be able to get into it.

But that's also all kind of beside the point because a major feather in Bitwarden's cap is that you can self-host. It doesn't need to go on someone else's cloud, you can put it on your own server and never worry that someone else is going to tinker with your password manager.

Either way, you are sort of worrying beyond your means because if you're not using a password manager right now you are almost certainly at greater risk of credential stuffing attacks than anything else and need to put out that fire.

Anyway if you're at Harvey Mudd have you tried Dr. Grubbs across from where Rhino used to be? Everything on the menu is great but there is this jalapeño garlic sauce they've got to go with their mains that is so good that I want like two gallons of it.

[lvmimis]

cw: platonic!sanji x reader, luffy x reader. fluff. food mentioned.

“Sanji, can I ask you a silly question?’

Sanji’s hands a flurry of motion - it’s an entire spectacle and a half to watch him cook, even when he’s not meant to have an audience. And you’re not an audience still, rather you’re just an aide and also have your own separate task, mixing a concoction of a homemade electrolyte solution that you’ll ensure the more banged up members of the crew will drink - namely Luffy and Zoro given your most recent escapades - in addition to Sanji’s heavenly cooking.

He does hear you over the sizzle of onions and garlic, even if he doesn’t do more than shoot you a glance, the very end of a cigarette between his lips.

“Shoot,” he offers, with a flip of the pan. His other hand is now in his pocket, and it almost upsets you that he manages to look cool while making a hearty porridge. Everything about him is cool.

All the Straw Hat Pirates are cool perhaps, even if you might be the newest and least so.

Your eyes focus on the browning food in the pan before you look towards Sanji, your cheeks warming a moment as you consider what you’re about to say. You hope he doesn’t misunderstand, but it’s something that’s crossed your mind since a month after you joined the group.

Sanji doesn’t flirt with you anymore.

He’s gentlemanly, he’s polite, he is just as gracious to you as he is with Robin and Nami, but the kindness he affords you is not romantic in the same way, and it’s occurred to you more than once, that even if things may have been different within the first couple of weeks of you joining the Thousand Sunny, he would have absolutely accepted any if not all of your romantic attention, you’re almost certain that if you tried to flirt with him now, it would have the sexual appeal of an elderly woman calling her grandson a handsome young man.

“Am I…” you pause, and this gets Sanji to look in your direction with a polite interest. His eyebrows raise, and you’re sheepish even saying it out loud, but you push through anyway.

“Unattractive?”

Sanji freezes for a moment, turns about face, and practically does a spit-take in his laughter. Then looking back at you, realizing you’re not joking at all, but rather have turned stiff with a stony downcast expression.

“Oh shit, you’re serious.”

Your face nearly burns as hot as the stovetop.

“You know what, fucking forget it.” You turn to storm off, but Sanji calls after you.

“What on earth would make you think that?” he asks.

There’s no way to explain to a notorious skirt-chaser that his diminished interest in chasing your particular skirt concerns you, particularly when you are neither craving of this particular attention really, nor interested in him in that way. But rather, you wonder if it portends some … suboptimal quality in you, something that makes it such that the true object of your affections will similarly lose interest… if they develop any in the first place.

You wonder if you should bother responding at all, but insist on ignoring your misgivings. The power of this crew is its ability to trust, whether the issue is big or small.

“Okay, well you treat me differently from Robin and Nami.”

Sanji pauses for a moment and blinks. His head tilts for a moment, and you find yourself looking away, gritting your teeth. How embarrassing.

“Well, you are different.” Sanji replies simply.

Lead sinks into your belly. You shouldn’t have asked.

“Right.”

Your throat suddenly dry, you go ahead and grab your pitcher of electrolyte solution and pour out glasses for the crew, considering that maybe you should down it instead.

It’s the equivalent of making a pass at him, but that’s not it, is it?

Sanji somehow manages to pick up on it too.

“Maybe you aren’t that different from them, a flower of your own unique sort just like Nami and Robin-”

“You don’t have to-”

Sanji laughs.

“Well, Luffy thinks that you’re different.”

You pause for a moment, then pivot. 

“So Luffy is the one who’s convinced you I’m not worth flirting with?” It’s meant as a joke but Sanji stuns you with his next words.

“No, rather, I suspect Luffy wants you all to himself.”

To that, your heart skips a beat, and Sanji clearly catches it, not bothering to hide his amusement.

“He won’t say it, probably hasn’t realized it yet, but I can tell. And of course, realistically it doesn’t stop me from appreciating you.” The statement is accented with a chuckle. “But I’m just trying to be considerate.”

Your mouth opens then closes, then you quickly change the subject.

“The food’s burning.”

Sanji doesn’t even turn to look.

“Fat chance.”

Sanji doesn’t mess up meals. You stick your tongue out at him instead, gather up your pitcher and leave the room, and he starts to whistle, as he finishes the rest of the meal and you contend with your own confusing feelings.

[thegrannywitch]

I suppose in what has been a very long, very arduous life up to this point, I’ve never considered recording it–until a young friend turned me onto the idea of beginning a blog. So…I suppose I’ll start there. 

My name, the newest of many, is Lee. I am what some would consider to be a ‘granny witch’-which if unfamiliar dear reader, can be summed up as a woman, typically older (except in my case which we’ll perhaps dive into later), who’s uniquely familiar with backwoods healing ‘magic’, herbal remodies, creators and originators of what has dismissive been deemed as ‘old wives tales’ (not my preferred terminology), and so on…

I enjoy the outdoors, naturally. A strong wind on a hot day. A good rain after a long dry spell. Quiet–not silence, but rather as in the absence of anything other than gentle ambience, and a cold plastic cup of something my young friend Amy refers to as a frap. Centuries on this plane and I’ve never felt quite so good as I do after a large amount of something sugar.

I’ve lived in what is now commonly referred to as the Appalachian Mountain region since my creation, and as such, I’ve gathered a collected knowledge of a little bit of everything during that time. Yes, I like to think I know a thing or two about this and that.

Amy said that I should write about my days and the goings on of your typical persnickety, cantankerous aged hill dweller, so I suppose here goes (Amy, I hope this was worth it): 

The hills were angry today. The sand by the creek was a different shade of orange than usual–said it tasted more sulfurous. Now, The Hills and I are old friends, and they can be quite picky, but I see their point; the sand was, in fact, more orange and did taste just a tad more sulfurous than usual. 

Perhaps little Roy–who’s not so little anymore–parked one of those vehicles of his too close to the creek bank again. I’ll have to warn him to move it before the hills decide to get theirs.  He knows better than to do that; he lives at the end of the holler after all–no right to poison the rest of us below him.

Now for something useful after my rambling. Here’s a little remedy I’ve been using for a long time for treating head colds, ever since the new ones–well, I suppose they’re not the new ones anymore–introduced garlic to the region years ago: 

A Pungent Solution to the Common Head Cold: 

(aka being stopped up): 

You’ll need:

2 cloves of garlic (one for each foot. Preferably garden-fresh, but store-bought will do just as well)

A thick pair of socks

Instructions:

Crush a clove of garlic for each foot

Place crushed garlic on the bottoms of your feet just before bed

Then, put a thick pair of socks on to hold it in place

The next morning, be sure to wash your feet good

Results may vary. 

Your head cold may or may not be cured, but at the very least, your feet will smell like you’ve done something about it, which counts for something!

[thevaudevillescene]

I said she couldn’t have some of my everything bagel because there’s garlic on it and her solution was to flop over in the living room and pretend to die.

“You’re going to look in my big, beautiful green eyes and tell me no? Okay. It’s fine. You’ll have to live with this decision for the rest of your life but it’s whatever.”

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Why Me?

Summary: Mirta asks Icy why she hates her so much.

Icy hates those freckles. 

Icy hates those gaudy, try-hard combat boots.

Icy hates that pumpkin t-shirt and that ripped up denim jacket. 

Icy hates that the witch is timid and never talks.

Icy hates her soft voice when she does.

Icy hates that cute little giggle. 

Icy hates that the girl is trying so hard.

Icy hates that the girl is even trying to pretend to be a witch at all. It is all fake. It is all ridiculous and pointless. She will never fit in and Icy won’t let her. 

Icy Icy allows her a chance to fit in, if she allows her to get comfortable on this campus then she will have to look at her. If she has to look at her…

Icy scowls and dunks her spoon into her dinner. Tonight is a soup and stew night. She is not a fan of soup or stew. They are too hot and too cozy. She prefers her autumn and winter evenings chilly and outright frosty as they are meant to be taken. And to be served creamy pumpkin soup with  hints of garlic and thyme…that is just an offense really. The meal couldn’t be any more hearty and warm if it tried to be. Below her, several tables down she hears that stupid giggle, warm and hearty as the soup. 

Icy hates Lucy too. Hates that the witch has decided to forsake all of her own potential as a witch to hang out with that nobody. She hates that Lucy is giving Mirta a reason to laugh. A reason to stay here. A reason to be happy. 

Icy hates Mirta and Lucy.

Icy hates warm pumpkin soup.

And so she finds a quite natural and befitting solution.

She turns her chair and exclaims that, “Cloud Tower could use an autumn shower, we haven’t gotten any good storms lately!” And she pours her bowl of soup down upon Mirta. Most of it lands its mark, some of it spatters onto the table and splashes Lucy with a few stray droplets. 

Mirta flinches as the laughter swells up all around her, showering her more generously than the soup. Icy smirks. Next to her Darcy and Stormy cackle. “Good one, Ice!” Stormy hoots. 

Mirta wipes the soup off of her face but tears come to wet them once more. For once. For just once, Icy wants the girl to do something about it. To stand up and throw a hex or thrown in insult right on  back. 

Everything about her is so nauseatingly sweet. 

And so agitatingly familiar.

She looks up at Icy wide eyed, innocent, and pleading. Tearful. And she hates the resemblance. The only difference is the color of her irises; instead of frosty blue they are a mossy green so dark that they are almost black. Icy averts her gaze, lest her mind wander. She tells herself that she can only stand the sight of so much patheticness before she throws up. 

But then she starts talking and the resemblance becomes uncanny. 

She asks the same questions. “Why are you doing this?” “How is this funny?” 

And in that same whiney, meek tone. 

“Why me?”

The same questions that Icy didn’t find the answers to until her junior year. 

The year when things changed.

The year that she finally felt what it was like to be on the other side.

“Why are you doing this?” Because it is better to mae people laugh at someone else’s expense than to be laughed at. 

“How is this funny?” Really it isn’t, not necessarily,  not unless there’s a captive audience to entertain and benefits to reap from it. Things are a lot funnier when there’s a crowd.

“Why me?” 

Because you make it so fucking easy and your reactions are so over the top. Free social currency. Every joke bring Icy that much further from who she used to be.

She likes to pretend like she has always been who she is now. That there was no before junior year. 

“Why me?”

Because each step that she knocks Mirta down is a step that she takes away from that person who had been so like Mirta. Another step removed from her own past. 

“Why me?” 

Because maybe if she takes enough steps away, she will forget about that past entirely.

“Why me?”

Because at the very root of it all, it is so much easier to belittle someone just similar enough to her than it is to tear herself down.

“Why do you hate me so much!?” Mirta shouts. And, by darkness, she almost sounds angry. Almost. “You can at least tell me that!” And the entirety of the cafeteria laughs louder. Laughs louder and then falls silent for Icy’s presumably witty answer. 

Because she hates having a walking, talking reminder of every humiliation that she herself has ever suffered and at the hands of some of the same girls who are laughing with her instead of at her now. Hates having her past thrown back in her face. Hates that when she looks at Mirta she sees her own face two years younger and so much less attractive. “Because you’re just pathetic, Mirta. You just let people walk all over you! And then you go and call yourself a witch!? As if!” She scoffs. “Get up here, Mirta! Throw your best hex at me, get in my face, stick up for yourself, do something! Fucking loser. Total poser.”  

She doesn’t think that she is screaming at Mirta anymore.

“Yeah, nobody’s buying it.” Stormy nods. 

Darcy folds her arms across her chest. “Nobody thinks that you’re a real witch.” 

Nobody thinks that you're a real witch.

Icy shudders to herself. “Hey, maybe I should turn this loser into a roach or a rat!”

The crowd whoops and jeers.

Mirta shrinks back. 

Stumbles over the table. 

Icy’s stomach flutters. 

At least it isn’t her this time. 

Nobody thinks that you're a real witch.

If she weren’t a real witch, could she do this?

She tosses the spell at Mirta just to have headmistress Griffin intercept it with a sharp, “girls!” And a demand for them to hurry up and finish their supper because she is tired of the screeching and cackling, it is giving her a headache.

Mirta slumps to the floor and curls herself into a fetal position, hugging her knees close to her chest. Icy’s feels sick. Lucy drops to the girl’s side. 

Nobody thinks that you're a real witch.

Icy rolls her eyes. “Why bother with that loser? She’s just bringing you down.”

“Leave her alone! This isn’t funny.”

And Icy’s resentment flares. No one had ever done that for her…

“Oh but it is.” 

It isn’t.

It really isn’t. 

But Darcy and Stormy are laughing. 

Everybody else is laughing.

So she laughs too.

She laughs the loudest. 

And pretends like there isn’t a part of her that still feels like they are laughing at her and not with her.

[carousel-anon-aka-alexander]

“You have to do what?” Nausicaa and I sat on the fire escape outside my bedroom, our feet dangling over 104th Street. Over the past few weeks, as summer wound down, the fire escape had become our happy place. And despite everything that had happened today, I was happy. It’s hard to be sad when I’m with Nausi.

I filled her in on my first day at AHS: the classes, the headaches, the unplanned field trip to the bottom of the sea. Nausicaa swung her legs—a nervous habit, like she wanted to kick away mosquitoes or pesky wind spirits.

“That’s ridiculous,” she said. “Maybe I can get my mom to write you a rec.”

Her mom was Athena, goddess of wisdom, so a college rec from her probably would have gone a long way. Unfortunately, the few times we’d met, Athena had sized me up with her piercing gray eyes like I was a deepfake.

“Your mom doesn’t like me,” I said. “Besides, my mom was pretty clear. I have to do new quests for three gods. And the requests have to come from them.”

“Ugh.”

“That’s what I said.”

Nausi fixed her gaze on the horizon, like she was looking for a solution way out in Yonkers. Do solutions come from Yonkers?

“We’ll figure it out,” she promised. “We’ve been through worse.”

I loved her confidence. And she was right. . . . We’d been through so much together already, it was hard to imagine anything we couldn’t face.

Occasionally, somebody would ask me if I’d ever dated anybody besides Nausicaa, or if I’d ever thought about dating someone else.

Honestly? The answer was no. When you’ve helped each other through Tartarus, the deepest and most horrifying place in the universe, and you’ve come out alive and stronger than you were to begin with . . . well, that isn’t a relationship you could ever replace, or should ever want to. Yeah, okay, so I wasn’t even eighteen yet. Still . . . no one knew me better, or put up with me more, or held me together as much as her, and I knew she could say the same about me—because if I were slacking as a boyfriend, she would let me know real quick.

“Maybe they’ll be small quests,” I said hopefully. “Like picking up garbage on the highway on Saturday or something. But this is an I thing and not a we thing. I don’t want to drag you into it.”

“Hey.” She rested her hand on mine. “You’re not dragging me into anything. I’m going to help you get through high school and into college with me, whatever it takes.”

“So you’ll write my essays?”

“Nice try.”

We sat in silence for a minute, our shoulders touching. We were both ADHD, but I could’ve stayed like that for hours, perfectly content, appreciating the way the afternoon sunlight glinted in Nausicaa’s hair, or the way her pulse aligned with mine when we held hands.

Her blue T-shirt was emblazoned with the gold letters SODNYC. That sounded like an insult, but it was just the name of her new high school: School of Design, New York City.

I’d asked her about her first day already. After starting to tell me about her architecture teacher and first big homework assignment, she’d abruptly cut herself off with “It was fine. What about you?” I guess she knew I would have more to tell, more problems to solve.

That didn’t seem fair to me—not because she was wrong, but because I didn’t want to put her second. The thing about great problem-solvers is that they often don’t let others help them with their own stuff.

I was getting up my nerve to ask again, to make sure no gods or monsters had visited her during her day and given her quests, when my dad called from inside. “Hey, you two. Want to help with dinner?”

“Sure, Tiresias!” Nausicaa pulled her legs up and climbed through the window. If there was anyone she liked helping more than me, it was my dad.

When we got to the kitchen, dad was chopping garlic for the stir-fry. He wore an apron one of the souls had given him for an end-of-year present.

The quote on the front read “A RECIPE IS A STORY THAT ENDS WITH A GOOD MEAL.” —PAT CONROY.

I didn’t know who that was. Probably a literary person, since Tiresias liked literature in a way. I liked the quote, though, because I liked good meals.

Nausicaa grabbed a knife. “Dibs on the broccoli.”

Tiresias grinned at her. His black hair had gotten a little longer and curlier over the summer, and he’d taken to shaving only every couple of days, so he looked, as my mom put it, “pleasantly roguish.”

“I cede the chopping board to the daughter of Athena,” he said with a little bow.

“Thank you, kind sir,” Nausicaa said, equally formal.

My mother then appeared, making me jump, but he laughed. “You two are adorable.”

Dad winked at Mom, then turned to heat up the wok. Ever since last spring, when Tiresias had tutored Nausicaa in some impossible English project, the two of them had bonded over Shakespeare, of all things, so half the time when they talked to each other, they sounded like they were acting out scenes from Macbeth.

“Alex,” my mom said, “would you set the table?”

He didn’t really need to ask, since that was my usual job. Five mismatched pastel-colored plates. I got the blue one, always. Paper napkins. Forks. Glasses and a pitcher of tap water. Nothing fancy.

I appreciated having a simple ritual like thissomething that did not involve monster-fighting, divine prophecies, or near-death experiences in the depths of the Underworld. Setting a table for dinner might sound boring to you, but when you have no downtime in your life ever . . . boring starts to sound pretty great.

My mom checked the rice cooker, then took a bowl of marinated tofu from the fridge. He hummed as she worked—some Nirvana song, I think. “Come as You Are”? From the glow on his face and the sparkle in his eyes, I could tell he was in a good place. He moved like he was floating, or about to burst into some dance moves. It made me smile just seeing him like that.

Now he and Tiresias had a good life together. And if I felt a little sad about having one foot out the door just when things were getting better, hey, that wasn’t my mom’s or Tir’s fault. They did everything they could to include me. Besides, I wanted to go to college. If I had to choose between being with Nausicaa and . . . well, anything, that was no choice at all.

Tiresias dropped a clove of garlic into the wok, which sizzled and steamed like a sneezing dragon. (And yes, I’ve seen dragons sneeze.) “I think we are ready, milady.”

“Incoming.” Nausicaa dumped the stir-fry mixture into the oil just as our doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it,” I said, and ran to let in our fifth for dinner.

As soon as I opened the door, Roselio shoved a basket of fruit into my hands. “I brought strawberries.” He blinked. “Is that tofu stir-fry?”

Osiris had followed behind him.

“Hello to you, too,” I said.

“I love tofu stir-fry!” Roselio trotted around me and made a beeline for the kitchen, because Roselio knows what’s good.

My best friend had allowed his appearance to go a little wild, which is saying something…

He wore his standard orange Camp Half-Blood shirt, and still used specially fitted tennis shoes for some reason, noisy and hard for the Mist to cover up. I guess the explanation “athleisurewear plus tap-dancing shoes” didn’t work so well.

My mom hugged Roselio and gushed over the basket of strawberries as I put them on the kitchen counter.

“They smell wonderful!” He said. “Perfect dessert!”

“Last crop of the summer,” Roselio said wistfully.

He gave me a sad smile, like he was ruminating about how this had been my last summer at camp as well. Once we graduate high school, if we live that long, most of us transition out into the regular world. The thinking is that by then, we are strong enough to fend for ourselves, and monsters tend to leave us alone because we’re no longer such easy targets. That’s the theory, anyway. . . .

“Now we have to get ready for gourd season,” Roselio continued with a sigh. “Don’t get me wrong. I love decorative gourds, but they’re not as tasty.”

My mom patted his shoulder. “We’ll make sure these berries don’t go to waste.”

The rice cooker chimed just as Tiresias turned off the burner on the stovetop and gave the steaming wok one last stir. “Who’s hungry?”

Everything tastes better when you’re eating with people you love. I remember each meal my friends and I shared in the galley on board the Argo II—even if we were mostly just chowing down on junk food between life-and-death battles. These days, at home, I tried to savor every dinner with my mom and Tir.

I spent most of my childhood moving from boarding school to boarding school, so I never had the whole family-dinner thing growing up. The few times I was home supper together had never been appealing. The only thing worse

My mom did her best. Everything she did was to protect me, every rough past just made me appreciate these times even more.

We talked about my mom’s writing. After years of dreaming and struggling, his first novel was going to be published in the spring. He hadn’t made much money on the deal, but hey, a publisher had actually paid him for his writing! He was presently wavering between elation and extreme anxiety about what would happen when his book came out.

Finally, I filled in Roselio and Osiris about my first day at school, and the three recommendation letters I was supposed to get from the gods.

A look of panic flashed across Osiris’ face, but he suppressed it quickly. He sat up straighter. “Well then, we’ll do these quests together!”

Roselio scooted back in his chair, “I’m.. good. I just wanna cook.”

“Dude-”

“Pleaseee-”

“Fine. But we’re telling you everything.” Osiris grinned.

I tried not to show how relieved I was deep down. “Os, you don’t have to—”

“Are you kidding?” He grinned at Nausicaa. “A chance to do quests, just the three of us?”

“The Powerpuff Girls,” Nausicaa suggested.

“Shrek, Fiona, and Donkey,” I said.

“Wait a minute,” Osiris said.

“I’m fine with this,” Nausicaa said.

Tiresias raised his glass. “The monsters will never know what hit them. Just be careful, you three.”

“Oh, it’ll be fine,” Roselio said, though his left eye twitched. “Besides, it always takes a while for word to get around among the gods. They’ve probably got weeks before the first request comes in!”

*screams* I LOVE THIS SO MUCH 😭😭😭😭

@mini-assassin-osiris @just-a-mer @roselio-and-the-thorn @thrpr0phetuseek @fated-runaway

[ask-nurse-curly]

You're not selfish. You were hurting - you ARE hurting still. I just want to hug you, find a way to drag you out of the self-hatred drowning your mind, and tell you there's nothing wrong with you… but… that's not true of anyone, is it? Everyone has something. You hold yourself to impossible standards - ones that you expect of nobody else - and then punish yourself for falling short of them. I'm glad to be your friend. To have you alive so I can CONTINUE being your friend. Maybe that's selfish, but it's OK to want good things, isn't it? And you are a good thing. Please don't push yourself and get more sick… my mum would suggest a bulb of garlic a day until you get better! Unless Anya's a vampire, the breath shouldn't be an issue ;) Unfortunately, I don't have solutions to lessen the dread. I don't know how some people wake up excited to start a new day, over and over for the rest of their lives. There has to be a reason why those people manage, seemingly so naturally, while others BELIEVE they're managing until life throws a curveball and you realise your coping mechanisms were rusting away underneath it all and maybe they were never built for you - Crap, I gotta go ttyl - XOXO, Pheobe

You are…repeatedly too kind to me. I hope you are at least half as kind to yourself as you are to me, because you deserve it — and so much more.

Everyone has something, yeah. But I suppose having the good things to balance out the bad isn’t the worst way to go about life.

I’m glad you’re my friend too, Pheobe. I’m glad to know you.

Stay safe out there, I hope everything is okay. Talk soon.

—Curly

[homehealthyremedy]

Can You Boost Immunity Naturally and Heal Holistically? Discover Secrets from Nutrition to Piercings

In today's fast-paced world, people are seeking more natural and holistic ways to care for their health—whether it’s about strengthening the immune system, managing high blood pressure, or choosing the right breakfast on the go. Let’s dive into powerful, natural approaches that touch on everything from eye teratomas to lower back dermal piercings, and even blood type O diets.

🌿 How to Boost Immunity Naturally?

Your immune system is your body’s first line of defense. Strengthen it with:

Vitamin C-rich foods: Citrus fruits, bell peppers, kiwi

Zinc sources: Pumpkin seeds, seafood (especially oysters!)

Sleep & stress control: Aim for 7–9 hours per night, meditate daily

Probiotics: Yogurt, kefir, and fermented foods support gut health, key to immunity

Natural herbs like echinacea, elderberry, and turmeric also support immune response without harsh chemicals.

🧘‍♂️ Holistic Cure for High Blood Pressure

A holistic approach to high blood pressure involves lifestyle, nutrition, and stress control:

Exercise regularly: Even brisk walking 30 minutes a day makes a big difference

Reduce sodium: Stick to 1,500 mg a day or less

Relaxation practices: Yoga, breathwork, and acupuncture may reduce systolic pressure

Herbs like garlic, hibiscus, and flaxseed: Nature’s own blood pressure regulators

🐟 What Are the Health Benefits of Seafood?

Seafood is a powerhouse of nutrients:

Omega-3 fatty acids: Good for heart, brain, and inflammation

Lean protein: Supports muscle repair and keeps you full longer

Iodine & selenium: Support thyroid function

Vitamin D: Especially in salmon, vital for immune health

Bonus: Regular seafood intake is linked to a lower risk of Alzheimer’s.

💎 Lower Back Dermal Piercings: Are They Safe?

Lower back dermal piercings, often called "venus piercings," are more than just a style statement. Here’s what to consider:

Safety: Always get it done by a licensed professional

Healing: Takes 1–3 months; requires diligent aftercare

Risks: Potential for infection, rejection, or irritation from clothing

Natural remedies like diluted tea tree oil may help soothe irritation—always check with your piercer first!

🏠 Home Remedies That Actually Work

Some home remedies have stood the test of time:

Honey + ginger: Soothes sore throats and aids digestion

Aloe vera gel: Treats burns, acne, and dry skin

Apple cider vinegar: Balances pH, supports digestion, and can help with dandruff

Always remember—natural doesn't always mean safe. Test remedies on a small area first!

🍳 Nutritious Fast Food Breakfast: Is It Possible?

Yes! Here are nutritious fast food breakfast options when you're in a rush:

Egg White Grill (Chick-fil-A): High in protein, low in carbs

Oatmeal (Starbucks or McDonald's): Ask for it without added sugar

Greek yogurt parfaits: Watch for added sugar, but they offer protein and probiotics

Breakfast burritos (customized): Choose whole grains, eggs, and veggies

Pair it with green tea or water to avoid sugary drinks.

🩸 What Are the Best Foods for Blood Type O?

For those who follow the Blood Type Diet, Type O individuals thrive on:

High-protein meals: Lean meats, seafood, and veggies

Avoid grains and legumes: Especially wheat, corn, and kidney beans

Great foods: Spinach, broccoli, seaweed, and olive oil

Limit: Dairy and caffeine, as they may not digest well

This diet isn’t for everyone, but many say it helps with energy and digestion.

️ Eye Teratoma: What Should You Know?

Eye teratomas are rare tumors that can contain multiple types of tissue (like bone, hair, or muscle). While alarming, many are benign. Treatment often involves surgical removal. It's a reminder of how important regular checkups and early diagnosis are, even in unlikely areas like the eye.

Conclusion

Living a holistic lifestyle doesn't mean giving up modern convenience. Whether you're rocking lower back dermal piercings, seeking natural ways to manage high blood pressure, or picking a quick, healthy breakfast at a drive-thru, there are balanced, mindful options for every path.

Have you tried any of these methods or foods? Share your story or tips below!

[clatterbane]

Tonight's extra-lazy delight straight out of the freezer, which just went in the oven.

(Should I have laid things out the other way around on the foil, with that long piece of fish? Probably so. But, I did manage to get it parceled up anyway.)

Because I am tired of eating quite as low carb the past little while to keep my blood sugar from going quite as crazy with this cold or whatever fucking with it, and also because I am one lazy bastard? I decided to try throwing a handful of frozen steak fries in under the other veggies. Just green beans and a handful of mainly julienned mixed-color carrot "wok mix" primarily for the color variety. That's a piece of red onion sitting on one butter shard.

On top of that: some lemon pepper-dill salmon, because why not. I also bought more salmon, and felt freer to eat up the couple of pieces we already had. There's also a shit-ton of seasoned salt down in there, and more garlic powder than I intended because I managed to spill some into the butter container. 🙄 Handy cleanup solution: just throw that in too! It'll be fine.

I've bought commercial frozen parchment fish packets less good than this'll probably turn out.

How long will this need in the oven? Who knows, starting with everything frozen solid. I'm going to check it after 45 minutes at 200C/400F, and go from there. Sounds close enough.

[silver138]

Perfectly Flawed

Perfectly Flawed - Chapter 1

Starts in Season 1. Mostly canon compliant.

word count - 2k

warnings - cursing? not sure if there'd be anything else yet

Summary: Lina starts her internship and meets the BAU team.

"Come on, Lina! Get your ass in gear!" Val yells at me from the other side of the bathroom door.

"I'm trying, dammit! You know how long it takes me to get ready, why didn't you try getting up earlier this time?!" I yell back at her, trying not to burn myself on my freshly-straighted hair.

She snorts and opens the door while muttering, "I don't know why you even bother trying to straighten your hair, anyway. It's always at least wavy by the end of the day..."

I make a face at her and retort, "Yeah, well, we can't all have perfect hair, Vallie..."

Shit-eating grin on her face, she fluffs her hair with one hand while saying, "Not perfect, I just don't turn into a damned poodle the moment moisture hits the air." Rolling my eyes at her, I finish the last bit of hair and turn off my straightener, unplugging it and setting it somewhere it won't melt anything.

After checking to make sure my makeup didn't smudge while dealing with my hair, I start walking out while saying, "There, use the damned mirror already, Val..."

She laughs and says, "About time you moved your ass...isn't your meeting with the feds today?"

I sigh as I sit down to put my shoes on. "They're not...well, I'm going to be working alongside them, I don't know if I'd be cut out for all the physical shit they do...but no, I'm doing the tech side of it. I'll be working under a..." I quickly grabbed the folder with the documentation I needed for the internship. "A Ms. Penelope Garcia. Huh, hope she's nice..." I say, murmuring the last part to myself.

"Oh, you'll be fine, Lina. You're so bright and cheerful, the sun practically shines out your ass..." Val says from the bathroom, mouth open as she puts her mascara on.

"I'm not that damned perky, Valerie, and you know it..." I huffed out, checking to make sure I had everything I needed in my purse. "Shit, you know if we still have bandaids?" I ask her, rushing in to look under the sink for them.

"The hell do you need those for?! You plan on getting a ton of papercuts or something?" she yells at me as I lightly slap her legs to move out of the way.

"No, Val, but it's good to be prepared. You never know when weird shit'll happen..."

Finding the box in the little first-aid kit we have under the bathroom sink, I grab some and look up at her. She stops fixing her hair and gives me an amused, waiting glance, and says, "Like?"

I roll my eyes, putting the box back, stand up, and say, "Like...if I have garlic for lunch, I've got mints and gum." She scoffs and waits for me to continue. I walk over to put the newly acquired bandaids in my purse. I continue as I pull out the various things I have in there for 'just in case'. "Mini sewing kit for if a button pops off. Extra contact solution, contacts case, and my glasses in case my eyes decide to go all funky on me. Hand sanitizer in case I touch something gross and need something til I can wash my hands. And yes, bandaids, because you know my klutzy ass will get hurt!"

She chuckles and goes back to doing her hair. "Yeah, there is that. You are accident-prone..." I sigh as I finish putting everything away in my purse, setting it down as I grab my shoes.

"You're still giving me a ride in, right?" I ask nervously as I put my shoes on, looking up to see her in the mirror.

"Yeah, yeah, I gotcha. You gonna be able to find your way to work the rest of the time?" she replies, swiping away any lipstick that strays from her lipline.

"I...yeah, I'll figure out how to get there, I just...really wanna make a good impression for my first day, get there nice and early, ya know?" I explain, buttoning up the blazer I chose for today while smoothing out the fabric. She steps out of the bathroom and puts her shoes on. I nod and put on my coat.

Grabbing her coat and keys, Val turns to me and asks, "Ready?"

I grab my purse and reply, "About as ready as I'll ever be..."

*************

"Thank you again for taking me to work, Vallie," I say as she pulls up outside the building, idling as I get out of the car.

"Yeah, well, you're a pain in the ass, but you're my pain in the ass..." she says taking a bite of her doughnut.

"And the fact that you can be easily bribed with food has no bearing on anything, huh?" I tease as I grab my purse and the two boxes of doughnuts.

"Of course not," she replies. "You need me to pick you up?"

I shake my head. "Nah, I figure I can get the Metro back. I'll have to use it most of the time anyway, right?" I explain. She nods, giving me a serious look for once.

"Be careful, Lina. I mean it. Even if you don't end up applying for the profiler position, I'm still gonna teach you how to shoot, ok? Can't be too careful with all the crazy assholes around..." she says. She waves her hand at me. "Alright, go on, shoo, do your thing, I gotta go."

I shut the door with my hip, then yelled, "Bye, Val! See you at home!" She holds her hand up, then slowly drives away. Hiking my purse up on my shoulder, I carefully clutch the two boxes in my arms and walk up the stairs.

As I get to the door, it's quickly opened for me, and I walk in, throwing a quick, "Thank you!" behind me. Heading toward the directory to figure out which floor I need to head to, I hear the sound of clicking high heels rapidly approaching.

"Miss Rosalina Aschebrooke?" a breathless voice asks. I turn around to see a blonde woman in a vibrant dress, with matching heels and glasses. I nod, and she breaks into a wide smile and continues toward me while saying, "Hi! I'm Penelope Garcia, I'm the Tech Analyst you'll be interning with."

"Oh! Hi! I hope I'm not late..." I start nervously, slowly walking with her to the elevators.

"Nah, you're right on time. Did you really bring doughnuts for your first day?! Smart, food bribes work well here. That and caffeine." she says chuckling and offering to take a box as we step in.

"I...don't really think of it as a bribe, more like...edible reinforcements in my quest to get along with coworkers." I quip with a small smile.

"Ah, and she's funny, too! You're gonna fit in well here," she says.

The elevator doors open, and we walk through the bullpen and into the kitchen to set down the boxes. After snagging one of the glazed, Penelope leads me back out, calling people over as we enter. "Everyone, this is Rosalina Aschebrooke, she's gonna be interning here in Tech with me. Ms. Aschebrooke, let me introduce you to the BAU team." She walks over to a tall and stern-looking dark-haired man in a suit and says, "This here is our Unit Chief, Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner." He nods and shakes my hand.

She walks over to another tall man with dark hair, though he's dressed more casually and looks more approachable. "This is Senior Supervisory Special Agent Jason Gideon."

He leans over to shake my hand and says, "Nice to meet you, Miss Aschebrooke. Hopefully, this place agrees with you."

Penelope walks over in between two women, one brunette, and the other blonde, and says, "This is Supervisory Special Agent Elle Greenaway," I shake the brunette's hand. "And our Communications Liasion, Supervisory Special Agent Jennifer Jareau." I shake her hand and smile.

Finally, Penelope walks over to yet another tall man, though he's bald with a goatee. "And this," she continues while placing her hands on his shoulders, "Is my Chocolate Thunder, Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan."

As I shake his hand, he smiles and smoothly says, "Babygirl, you flatter me. A pleasure to meet you, Miss Aschebrooke."

Agent Hotchner looks between the two of them, sighing and saying, "Don't tell me I'm going to have to have another meeting from H.R. with you two..."

Penelope puts her hands up and innocently says, "No sir, Mr. Boss Man. I'll be good." and then flashes a smirk.

While everyone but Derek walks off to go back to what they're doing, Penelope yells out, "Oh! Also! There are doughnuts in the kitchen, courtesy of our new friend here!"

After she walks back to me, I quietly ask her, "Is everyone that works here ridiculously tall?"

"You'll have to see for yourself. There's still one more to meet. Hey, is Boy Genius here yet?" she asks.

"Come on, Reid, get over here!" Derek calls over to the cubicles.

Another tall man quickly makes his way over, tugging at his sweater sleeves and saying, "Oh, you finally decided to hear about the strategies there are for winning at poker? Well, one of them is...o-oh, h-hi."

Standing in front of me was a very slender and reserved man, light brown hair slicked back behind his ears. Penelope says, "Rosalina, this is Dr. Spencer Reid. Boy Wonder, this is Rosalina Aschebrooke. She's going to be here interning in Tech with me for a while."

Smiling and sticking my hand out, I say, "Nice to meet you, Dr. Reid. And you can call me Lina." I look over at Penelope and Derek, "Um, you all can call me Lina." I add quickly with a nervous laugh.

Looking from my hand back to my face, Spencer stammers out, "I-I don't shake hands, sorry. The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It's actually safer to kiss."

Eyebrows shooting up at the last bit, I have to quickly shove away that thought as it pops into my head.

Taking a deep breath, I pull my hand away and reply, "OK, fair. It is cold and flu season, after all." I smile again and wave while saying, "How 'bout this? This should be ok, right?" A small smile grows on his face as he waves back.

"Y-yeah. Also, yo-you can call me Spencer," he says shyly.

"OK...Spencer." I say softly.

"Well, we'll leave you agents to it, I've got to start bringing Miss Lina up to speed, here," Penelope says, leading me to where she works.

I turn and say, "Nice meeting you all!" and then try to catch up with Penelope.

"So, what do you think of our team here, Lina?" she says as we walk down a hallway.

"Oh, everyone's really nice, Ms. Garcia. I think I'll like working here."

She looks at me with a smile and says, "While I'm happy to hear that, you don't have to call me 'Ms. Garcia'. You can call me Penelope or Penny, I don't mind."

I smile and say, "I can do that. I'm imagining you're going to teach me the systems you use here, right?"

"Well, that, and ask you a bunch of questions! Gotta get to know you! OH, if we don't get called in on a case, we should go out for drinks this weekend! Wait, how old are you Lina?" Penelope says.

"Oh, um, I'm 22, but I don't...I don't drink..." I start slowly. Penny waves her hand.

"That's fine, neither does Reid, when he actually decides to join us. It's more about getting to know you socially! Besides, there's dancing, and sometimes there's even karaoke!"

I grin and say, "Oh, I could be persuaded into going then, I love karaoke."

She squeals and says, "Perfect! Oh, this is going to be fun!"

Next Chapter

Story Masterlist

[strawheart-pirate]

Revelations

Donquixote Rosinante x gn!Reader

December 13th 2023 Words: 888 CW: SFW, Fluff, modern AU, established relationship, food, Rosinante’s nickname is Cora or Corazon

It was Christmas Day and that meant your brother-in-law was coming to dinner. You were worried because he had high expectations and your partner... well, he's a bit clumsy. Let's see if Corazon's wish for a perfect Christmas dinner comes true.

"We'll have smoked salmon with beetroot and vodka crème fraîche as an appetizer, roast turkey with lemon, parsley and garlic as the main course, with scalloped potatoes and cacio e pepe Brussels sprouts as a side dish. And for dessert, we'll have vanilla-infused panna cotta with a pomegranate glaze. How does that sound?" Cora smiled as he read the Christmas menu to you.

"Sounds wonderful, how can I help?" you asked as you tied on your apron.

"You can start with the potatoes while I stuff the turkey."

"All right."  You smiled and began to peel the potatoes. You had a certain routine in the kitchen, so it was no big deal to clean and thinly slice the potatoes. Occasionally you watched Cora struggle with the turkey. You could see that he was very focused on what he was doing because his tongue stuck out a little, and that brought a warm smile to your face.

The two of you worked in sync and finished the preparation in no time. You had already prepared the plates for the starters and dessert, so nothing could go wrong with those dishes. Meanwhile, Cora was already putting the turkey in the oven, since it would take the most time to cook.

"All done, thank you." Cora came over and gave you a kiss on the cheek.

"Anytime." You smiled as you set the table.

The afternoon passed in eerie harmony. Cora didn't set anything on fire or trip over his own feet. It was suspicious. An hour before Doflamingo arrived for dinner, you showered and dried your hair. You were about to put on your favorite Christmas sweater when you heard a loud bang coming from the kitchen. You threw your sweater on the bed, ran downstairs, and found Cora on the floor with the still-raw turkey in his lap and shards all around him. The glass of the oven door was shattered, and he looked like a beaten puppy.

"Oh dear ... What happened?" You helped him up and wiped the broken pieces off him. He placed the turkey on the counter.

"I ... I checked on the turkey and ... noticed that the oven wasn't on at all and somehow ... the door ... broke and I got scared and ... the turkey ... somehow ... flew right into my lap." Corazon stood there stunned, looking at the broken oven door.

You looked at the clock. "It's not your fault, Cora. We'll find a solution," you said, reassuring the big man with a gentle hug. "Go get ready so you're ready when your brother arrives, and I'll find a solution.

"Why is everything closed on Christmas Day?" You complained as you drove around town trying to find a place to get something to eat. After cleaning up the mess while Cora got ready, the two of you decided to get takeout for the main course. The turkey, potatoes, and Brussels sprouts were still raw, and there simply wasn't enough time to get everything ready before Doffy arrived. So, you drove aimlessly and frantically around town while Cora waited for his brother.

After hours of searching for food, you pulled into your driveway and hurried into the house with the food. You were relieved to find Cora and Doffy in the living room, chatting amiably and drinking wine as you sneaked the containers into the kitchen before going to greet your guest.

"I'm back. Hey, Doffy." You hugged your brother-in-law and winked at Cora. "Shall we eat?"

"Ah, finally. I almost had the feeling that Corazon was hiding something from me, but there you are. Fufufufu." Doffy laughed, and I saw Cora start to sweat.

"Oh, are you worried, Doffy?" You teased.

"Of course, I am. I just want what's best for my family." He grinned wickedly.

After serving the prepared starters, you sat down at the table and began to eat. The salmon was delicious, and you complimented Cora on the vodka crème fraîche he had prepared. Even his brother didn't make any snide comments about the food, he even seemed to like it. But you could never be sure because he never took off his sunglasses. You grabbed the empty plates and went into the kitchen to prepare the main course. You were so nervous as you arranged the food neatly on the plates, even adding fresh parsley to make it look home-cooked. You straightened your back and went back into the dining room to serve the plates.

Everyone dug into the warm and delicious smelling food, but you found it hard to eat because you were so nervous. You watched Doffy's every move, and after he took a few bites of his chicken and sides, you were finally able to relax and eat your share without tension.

That was until he spoke.

"Why does this food taste like KFC?"

Silence. You felt like you'd been caught out. Who were you kidding? He was Doflamingo and you thought you could fool him with cheap fried chicken from KFC? Pathetic…

"Because..." You were about to spill everything to him and explain it when Cora interrupted you with a questioning look on his face.

"Wait, how does your gourmet palate know what KFC tastes like?"

The look on Doffy's face was the best Christmas present you could have asked for.

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[derangedanomaly]

RRRAAH WE HAVE SUCH DIFFERENT TIME ZONES (it is 12:00 pm and i have just woken up) AND I DO HAVE TO GO TO BUY MY PARTNER A FEW PRESENTS SOON BUT I HAVE HEARD YOUR PLEAS!!! yugioh anon strikes again •w<

summary: just Ted’s backstory and Nightmare restrains himself from throwing up at positivity while comforting his fairly new addition to the Servants Club™️. made with the idea in mind that Nightmare wasn’t aware of Ted’s trauma for a while bc i’m actually not all that invested in the multiverse stuff lol

Staring out a large gothic window in Nightmare’s office wasn’t exactly the plan for today. At least he wouldn’t be criticized for eating too much again if Nightmare kept him in here. Ted admires the scenery, looking from bushes to towering trees. It was such a stark difference from where he used to be. While everyone and everything was slowly rotting in his AU, wherever he was now, it was well provided for. If he willed himself to think about it a bit more, he’d likely find that was the reason he held such passion for nature. But he didn’t want to think about the past if he didn’t have to. Too many bad memories that plagued him nightly, but during the day he could distract himself. During the day he could reassure himself that he was fine.

A creak has his head spinning to the door. Nightmare padded across the room as his coat fluttered about from the swift movement. An aroma fills the room as he walks by. It’s a savory smell, like the smell of meat, but also complimented with a strong garlic scent. Possibly honey as well. Ted’s mouth waters a bit when the scent becomes stronger as Nightmare sits down across from him.

“I’ve come to understand that there are reasons beyond spite that you are cleaning out the fridge every other day.” Ted winces at the harsh phrasing, feeling a bit guilty. “My conclusion is that you are frightened you will not survive here or that food will run out. I have a solution, however. From this day forward, you will come to my office and eat with me to assure you that you will not starve.”

As Nightmare says this, a tentacle that was hiding under his coat brings out a dish with a dome top. While Ted normally didn’t speak, he felt that if he tried he would learn he was speechless. From the months that Ted has spent here, Nightmare was not such a caring figure. Perhaps he truly just wanted to supervise, but Ted couldn’t think of that right now. All he knew was that he had someone to be proof of his survival and to know they would live on as well. Before he knew it, tears were streaming down his skull as he wept. Nightmare recoils a bit in response.

“If my offer is overwhelming, it is possible for me to send Dust to bring daily reports?” Nightmare quickly offers, almost throwing the dish out the window at this point. People crying around him was normal and typically encouraged, but the positivity surrounding these tears sickened him.

Ted shakes his head and Nightmare sets the plate back down. He opens it to reveal a large cut up chicken with vegetables on the side and rice underneath. The homemade sauce seems to be the source of the honey and garlic smell. Nightmare brings out his own dish and properly cuts into a bit of chicken while Ted practically shovels it down. The rest of their meeting is spent with Nightmare attempting to calm Ted down and also teach him to eat slower while Ted is filled with far more joy than he thought he’d ever be after he left his AU.

AWW YES!! THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I PICTURED IT WOULD GO! ^^

I'm literally crying tears of joy... You're so talented! 😭 10/10 stars! Will recommend!

I actually have a little scene in the comics... 👀