#gifted student problem

[glowettee]

she wasn’t trying to win, she was trying to prove something | spencer hastings

everyone loves spencer hastings because she’s brilliant. because she’s intense. because she’s always ten steps ahead. but what no one talks about enough is how exhausting it is to live like that, to be the best, all the time, because it feels like if you’re not winning, you’re nothing.

you don’t just wake up one day addicted to achievement. it’s a defense mechanism. it’s the result of being told, either directly or indirectly, that love is something you earn. approval, security, pride... they’re all made into things you chase, not things you deserve by default. and for girls like spencer (and girls like us), the chase becomes your whole personality.

this post is for that version of you: the one who doesn’t know how to slow down. who feels guilty for resting. who is so busy proving she’s good enough that she doesn’t even know what she wants anymore, only that she has to win.

but glowettee girls don’t just burn out. we decode the burnout. and we build something better from the pieces.

✧ step one: admit that your ambition isn’t always healthy (and that’s okay)

spencer’s ambition was her superpower, but also her coping mechanism. it was how she kept her identity intact in a family that prioritized image over emotion. it was how she filled the silence when she didn’t feel seen. and that’s the thing no one tells you: you can be extremely high-functioning and still deeply emotionally neglected.

if you recognize yourself in that, it doesn’t mean you’re broken or dramatic. it means you learned to survive in a way that made you successful but not necessarily fulfilled. and that awareness? that’s your power now.

start asking yourself: › what part of my ambition is actually a response to fear? › am i working towards something real. or just running from feeling “not enough”? › if i stopped being productive for a while, would i still feel like i mattered?

this isn’t about throwing away your drive. it’s about reclaiming it. so that your success stops being a trauma response and starts becoming a conscious, joyful path.

✧ step two: stop tying your worth to how well you’re doing

this is one of the hardest lessons for spencer-coded girls to learn. you’ve spent so long being “the smart one,” “the responsible one,” “the one who gets things done,” that the idea of being average... or even just not ahead, feels terrifying.

but the truth is, your value doesn’t fluctuate based on how impressive you are today. you are allowed to be exhausted. to take breaks. to not know what’s next. to be unsure and still deserving of kindness.

practical reframes that help:

› “i am not only worthy when i am productive.” › “it’s not my job to be exceptional every single day.” › “i do not have to earn rest, i’m already allowed to feel okay.” › “getting ahead means nothing if i don’t feel like myself at the end of it.”

your worth is not your grades, your resume, your discipline. your worth is how gently you treat yourself when things don’t go according to plan. and how brave you are for trying again, but this time, with love.

✧ step three: identify where the pressure is really coming from

one of spencer’s most iconic traits is her constant pressure to be better, to prove herself to her parents, to compete with melissa, to always be right. and a lot of girls pick up this energy without even realizing it.

so let’s break it down.

when you’re pushing yourself too hard, ask:

› who am i trying to impress right now? › what am i trying to prove, and to who? › would i still want this if no one else saw it?

sometimes the answer is “my parents.” sometimes it’s “my younger self who was bullied.” sometimes it’s “the girl who made me feel small in 10th grade.” whatever it is... naming it gives you control back. it turns a subconscious obsession into a choice.

glowettee tip: start tracking your academic or glow-up goals with intention journals. write down why you want each thing. if the answer is rooted in love, curiosity, or your dream life. it stays. if it’s rooted in shame or needing to prove yourself, you rewrite it.

✧ step four: build a version of success that doesn’t destroy you

ambition doesn’t have to hurt. it doesn’t have to cost your health, your sleep, or your identity. but to get to that place, you need to reimagine what success actually looks like.

spencer's biggest downfall was never that she worked hard, it was that she never let herself pause. she never believed she was enough without the accomplishments. so let’s fix that.

your version of success should include:

› slow mornings with your journal and a matcha › deep focus sessions that leave you proud, not drained › goals that light you up instead of haunting you › people who see you beyond your output › a sense of peace when you're doing “nothing”

you deserve a version of success that feels like coming home to yourself, not escaping who you are.

✧ step five: learn how to forgive yourself for not being ahead

this is the softest, hardest part. if you’ve ever stared at someone else's instagram story or grades or glow-up and felt that sinking feeling of “i’m so behind,” this part is for you.

glowettee girls don’t pretend they’re immune to comparison. we just reframe it.

spencer always felt like she was playing catch-up, even if it was to melissa, to her parents' expectations, or to some imaginary version of perfection. but she was always enough. the problem was never her ability. it was her belief.

if you’re feeling behind:

› remember you are living your own plotline, not anyone else’s › take inventory of how far you’ve come, even if it’s invisible to others › allow yourself to grieve the time you lost to stress, fear, or self-doubt › forgive yourself for surviving the only way you knew how, even if it meant overworking

being “ahead” means nothing if you don’t feel grounded in your body, your heart, your softness. you’re allowed to pause. you’re allowed to rest. and you’re still powerful even when you do nothing but exist.

♡ mindy’s personal tip:

i used to think that if i didn’t get everything right, i’d disappoint everyone, my family, my future self, the version of me that’s supposed to be a doctor-ceo-academic-goddess. but slowly, i realized the pressure was inside me. and that i could be ambitious and gentle at the same time.

now i schedule in breaks like i schedule study sessions. i romanticize rest like i romanticize hustle. and i remind myself every day: i am not just a girl chasing goals... i am a girl creating a life.

so are you.

xoxo mindy

⋆ this post was inspired by my free workbook on trauma-coded ambition, it's for the overachiever girls who can't rest without guilt. grab it here:

[chilli-talks-a-lot]

romanticize learning, not school

The education system (in the U.S. at least) sucks! School sucks!

High expectations get set on you and you exhaust yourself trying to achieve them

Often, it promotes unhealthy competition and causes you to compare yourself to other students, even though everyone has different skill sets and circumstances

Being neurodivergent makes it HELL

School doesn't DESERVE to be romanticized. Burnout sucks. You're not going "above and beyond," you're trying to push yourself into unbreathable altitudes.

Rather, consider romanticizing learning:

Researching because gaining knowledge is fun, you like how it feels to understand the world around you

Teaching because you want to spread that knowledge to others

Finding your own engaging methods

Giving yourself control. Learning because you want to.

[mumblesplash]

my three favorite things to do in the world have always been subvert expectations withhold information and disobey orders so no i was never “a joy to have in class”

[howlingmutts]

Audhd issues

Im currently at my wits end, I can't reasonably understand why I keep failing at life/school

I choose classes i'd enjoy BUT I cant get myself to go to them

I try to study BUT can retain the knowledge

I want to get better but don't know how to really

What do I do? Im starting counseling soon but why cant I be better like in HS?? my gpa was 3.5 then and now its 1.9 like what is going on with me

[that-aspiring-academic]

Education Update; How do I recover from this?

So, it finally happened. I had to quit.

I had my math test today, and beforehand my teacher asks to talk to me in the hallway. She says she sent me an email (which I hadn’t checked) and that because of my grades I could have an extra week to study and take the test.

My grades are shit, ik, but I thought I could get maybe half the questions on this test right, ya know? So I said I didn’t need it, ‘I think I could maybe get 50% right, a pass’ so I go in and I start the test.

Turns out I do need it, because I blank. That’s the worst feeling in the world, just blanking on a test. I’ve never had that happen before either, I’m used to being able to just figure stuff out. I get like halfway through the test, it’s only two pages, and I want to cry. So I ask if I can take the extra week, and my teacher, I don’t understand how she teaches but she is really so nice, says yes. I can do the test in a week instead.

And I should be happy I got that extension and all, but I’m just so tired of feeling like an idiot all the time. I’m in the actual gifted program, I used to get straight A’s/X’s, I just wish I knew what went wrong.

So, yeah, any advice on how to deal with this would be great. I’ll try to come up with a plan tonight.

[theflyingfeeling]

...😭

[jeanetteirismiller]

“It might surprise some people to hear this, but I also struggle a lot to pay attention in school. I’ve developed ways of compensating.”

“Doodling while I listen to the teacher, re-reading material 3 to 4 times, and quizzing myself with flash cards are all good methods I use.”

“My memory isn’t quite as bad as Alvin’s, but I have no concept of time passing and I rely on a lot of reminder notes and my calendar app.”

“So…yeah. Now you know. I’m great student, but I am working harder than most people think. It’s rewarding, but I wish I could take more breaks.”

[nerdie-faerie]

Currently unpacking all my shit into my new flat. And it's never more apparent that I have both, a shopping and hoarding problem, until I have to once again move and confront my problems

[bitstitchbitch]

Oh the satisfaction of submitting a homework assignment, of ticking off the to-do box, of finishing something difficult

(yes I’m getting a graduate degree because I’m addicted to academic validation don’t judge me)

[realistic-studyblr]

Did not feel particularly good about my first honours seminar 😬 at least it wasn't graded. I only finished making the presentation at 3am, then got up at 7am to get ready for uni and go give the seminar. I had too many slides and ran out of time and skipped a bunch at the end, lost the spot in my notes and ended up winging it. Don't really remember much of what I said, was a bit shaky afterwards

I find myself thinking about imposter syndrome, and have to remind myself that I worked hard to be here, and that I'm here to learn. If everyone could give a seminar perfectly the first time, then we wouldn't need to do the initial ungraded ones. I find myself asking people how they think I did, and they all say it was fine, and then I think "yeah but you're a nice person who wouldn't want to hurt my feelings by saying it was bad". So I need to practise believing people more when they say it's okay.

It's also frustrating because I know I have done better in the past, public speaking wasn't a problem for me before. Like damn, in highschool I was on the debate team, I was in musical productions. I did presentations in my bachelor's degree too, and was never this much of a nervous wreck. Am I just out of practice? Is this the "skill regression" after my ADHD diagnosis? Or am I just putting too much pressure on myself?

[poetic-solitude]

I'm not allowed to be average

I must be exceptional

Otherwise I don't matter

I'm not allowed to have a B

I must be a straight A student

Otherwise I don't deserve anything

I'm not allowed to do anything wrong

I must always be perfect

Otherwise I don't count

[chilli-talks-a-lot]

How Prevent Gifted Kid Burnout From a Gifted Silly whose Fire is still Blazing with Rage

1. EVERYTHING IS STUPID.

School is stupid, parents with unrealistically high expectations of you are stupid, teachers who overwork you are stupid.

You don't need their approval. You don't need to impress authority to have worth.

You don't need to be perfect, especially not in a broken system.

Test scores aren't a measure of intelligence. You are smart, even if the material was difficult to grasp.

You're not "wasting your potential" if you decide to pursue a career you love. Create art, write music, perform, you're contributing to the beauty of the world. There's more value in that than most people see.

You're not "wasting your potential" if you're an adult who isn't busting their butt in college or a fancy job. The economy is fucked right now, and being an adult is hard. You're doing your best.

And sometimes, you can't be at your best all the time, but you're trying, and that's all that matters.

2. Don't let school ruin a passion for learning.

Just learn. Learn and love learning. Learn without school holding you down. Find your passions, and run after them. Pursue knowledge because it's fucking fun.

Research something you care about for fun, challenge yourself to learn how to complete that math problem, learn, not because you feel like you have to, but because you want to.

Never let school make you lose a love for learning.

3. They explain it more effectively than I can lol

I made a video game metaphor but, when I was finding the video that made me realize this I read another video game metaphor that explained it better, "So basically, as a gifted kid, I skipped the tutorial because it felt too easy. Then the actual game threw curveballs at me" (adorablehoe, 2nd top comment).

HealthyGamerGG's entire channel has great information

[ineedfairypee]

I hate group work

[starbloggirl]

There is a different between listening and hearing

I was always an honor student growing up, but I never studied or cared, and my teachers would always tell me I was too smart for this. Today I was listening to music, and one line really stood out to me, one I've heard a million times, but just now listened to "𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝙨𝙤 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘧𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘥? "

[milo-melon]

me: I should probably be asleep now I have things to do tomorrow

Me: I will set up a plushie net on my ceiling and find (most) all my pokemon plush so they can watch me sleep

[florida3exclamationpoints]

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