#happy to hear differing viewpoints from others however

[ingravinoveritas]

"And there's your content."

Looks like we're just saying the quiet part out loud now, apparently...

[ooooo-mcyt]

what is your opinion on people who are always like "omg it's us, but it's desertduo" as in they're happy thing think their relationship is like desertrduo

cause when I see that, I laugh, because desertduo in my eyes is doomed to fail. one of the single most important things in a relationship is communication

which is the thing they do not have, and are worst at.

communication.

i think this is a thing I have noticed in shinyduo as well. they both are bad at communicating.

To me I think the biggest problem between Scar and Grian will always be their differing ways of showing affection and their struggles to understand/communicate with each other about this difference.

Grian struggles with verbally showing he cares, so he'll often express his love through actions. Grian will make other people his responsibility and will work and work and work tirelessly for those people. The problem with this, though, is twofold.

The first problem is that Grian can come across as overbearing, giving people the impression he's nagging or undervaluing them because he doesn't verbalize his concern or affection. Grian can take care of Scar all day, but when all Scar hears are complaints, he'll feel like Grian doesn't care. Grian struggles with verbally affirming his care for other people, but sometimes it's needed, and it damages his relationships that he often can't do that.

The second problem is that Grian builds underlying resentment for the fact that people rarely seem to appreciate how much he does for them. He isn't completely wrong to feel this way, because, frankly, I do wish people would pay more attention to his caretaking behavior. But Grian actively sabotages himself as well by never communicating that he feels unappreciated in a productive way.

Plus, because of his self imposed caretaker role, Grian will often make unilateral decisions for a team without minding his partners input, which leads to a further lack of trust from both sides of the relationship.

Scar, on the other hand, usually expresses his affection and care upfront. He's friendly, approachable, he won't hesitate to tell people he loves them, or say what someone means to him. Scar is good at making people feel good and affirming his affection for them.

That being said, his affection can come across as "shallow" at times. Scar is often very bad at picking up on, let alone fulfilling, the needs of his partner. While Grian absolutely needs to work on communicating what he wants from Scar, that doesn't take away from the fact that Scar very much should be putting an effort into making sure Grian feels like the labor in their relationship is equal when they team, because generally it's not.

Scar is a very verbal person, he's upfront with his own feelings most of the time, so he also expects to be told when his partner needs something, not just emotionally, but also with tasks that need to get done). Which is understandable, but frankly, genuinely shouldn't be Grian's responsibility half as often as it is.

Scar isn't off the hook for selfish decision making either, because he will often struggle to see other people's viewpoints or understand that not everyone feels the same way he does about certain things, which can lead to him talking over or ignoring his partners wishes when he thinks he knows what's best for them.

Desert Duo have a lot of problems with how they express affection and communicate their needs.

However. Do I think they're inherently doomed? No.

Firstly, I think it largely depends on the setting. The gaps in their understanding of each other or how to be good partners to one another are widened by the life or death high stakes fast pace of the Life Series, but are bridged much more easily within the slow comfy safety of Hermitcraft. It's easy to look at their worst moments and say, there, that's why they can't work- but people don't have to be defined by their worst moments, and everyone's flaws look so much bigger when held under the lens of a death game. I think it's just as important to look at how Scar and Grian are when they're in a healthy setting as it is to look at them when they're in the most high stakes setting you can put two people into.

Plus, it's worth noting that a positive peaceful place like Hermitcraft isn't the only place they can work.

Sure, Scar and Grian absolutely had issues in Third Life, but I think it means something that they both made it to the end. That they got their fair fight. That they did it in their home. Giggling. Apologizing. It wasn't perfect, but it was theirs- and their "doom" didn't come from themselves, it came from an outside force. An outside force made them destroy themselves, and they did it in the kindest way they could, loving each other all the way down.

That isn't to minimize their issues, because they both have issues. They both hurt each other, and sometimes neither of them know how to stitch it back together. But they try, right? Sometimes their relationship is like stitching up a quilt. And it comes out kinda uneven and slightly off-color, but it's still nice enough to look at, and warm enough to keep them cozy at night, and they both like it so so much.

Scar and Grian get each other, they counteract each others worst insecurities and fears, they gravitate toward each other, they make each other laugh, they just plain like each other. That may not sound like much sometimes, but it's often enough for them, and I think that's important. I think their relationship is good for them more often than it's bad for them. Even if they don't always know how to reach each other.

[borkthemork]

Chapter Four - The Clash of Priorities

Chapter Four might be my favorite when it comes to the trial, the emotional impact, and many more, but the way Kirigiri and Naegi misunderstood each other throughout the chapter is another portion of it that is so fascinating to me.

It's like the big instance where their priorities clashed with one another on what they deemed as important during the Killing Game, and understanding this helped recontextualize specific dialogue that baffled me at first glance.

But before we do that, we need to go back to the beginning, when they first started talking in the theater room, and analyze the scenarios that lead to these perceptions of one another.

Since I'm still new in my progress of reading the books and analyzing the games, I am also happy to hear feedback so that I can get any clarifications, corrections, or additional information regarding the series.

With that out of the way, let us begin!

[Word Count: 3,806]

Part One - Miscommunication

Multiple things come into play before the discussion starts. We have two opposing viewpoints and missing information between Naegi and Kirigiri.

One is that Naegi knows about Oogami's encounter with Monokuma, and the potential assumption that Oogami might be the mole; someone who could compromise everything in their investigation, but could potentially be taken out of context and pitted against regardless of innocence if he acts impulsively.

The second is with Kirigiri, where, finally leting her guard down, decides to trust Naegi on letting him in. She has been investigating heavily into the school; the reason for why she kept quiet over this is from the high risk if any information leaked to the Mastermind.

They begin talking, and we see that Naegi did what Kirigiri ordered him to do. When Kirigiri asks him for his own secret in return, we get a dialogue choice that locks you into not telling her about Oogami.

Game design-wise, it's not great at giving the player agency within this scenario. Narrative-wise, however, it showcases a key difference in Naegi's priorities, and how it contrasts with the player's and Kirigiri's.

Naegi makes it clear that his first priorities are about the safety of his friends, and the consideration towards their feelings and thoughts. So even if the player wanted to tell Kirigiri about Oogami — the most beneficial choice to do in this scenario — Naegi is on a different page for good reasons. He doesn't know the context for why Oogami started to fight Monokuma, and believes in the idea that there's more to the situation than a simple betrayal of the group. He knows that if he fully accused Oogami as the mole, it would create more tension, and change the survivor dynamics drastically where everyone can side against her if he doesn't have solid evidence. He is careful towards his friends' lives, and averse to risk-taking since he doesn't want people to get hurt.

From a player's perspective, this wouldn't make much sense due to how capable Kirigiri is towards the investigation, but it becomes more understandable in the context of the conversation before Naegi refused to tell her.

When Naegi talks about him getting attacked by his assailant in the secret room, Kirigiri admits that she suspected the potential of him being endangered. Naegi, understandably, points this out. After all, he trusts her, and he didn't realize beforehand that she was okay with the potential of having him get caught, or have the Mastermind react against him, all to further confirm information she needs to know.

Keep in mind, the group doesn't know about the Mastermind being strict on following their own rules at this point in time, so for all that the group knew, Monokuma could've killed Naegi in the same way he killed Ikusaba, where even if it didn't fit the regulations, it would be a good exception to prevent any troublemakers.

And when he pointed out that she knew the risks of putting him there, Kirigiri said he would've been able to handle it due to being a guy, which doesn't help (In the fan translations of this scene, she even says "Aren't you man enough for it?" which is hilarious by the way, but also makes this worse). There's a disregard to his concern over his own safety, and while he says it's fine, it's in the same way that Kirigiri remarks that him not trusting her is fine. It's definitely not fine.

Naegi trusts Kirigiri to some extent, but in realizing this, the hesitation then settles in. If she is that okay with disregarding his concern, there's a potential that stuff could get worse if Kirigiri is willing to risk perhaps one's own secret to further her goals, and he would rather confirm with Oogami on her thoughts and feelings than leave the stability of the group up to chance.

On the other hand, Kirigiri is focused on the truth. Her way of showing care towards the situation is by honing so much onto the trail of clues — where she would rather risk her own safety, and use others to get that goal if she has to. The mystery needs to be solved, the truth has the key to their escape. Risk is a necessity, or else one wouldn't be able to break out of the confines of the current investigation; being told about Oogami earlier would've kept her in the know, so that they can prevent any further deaths from occurring, and get the advantage on the Mastermind.

Naegi's switch in his sense of trust was not only confusing to her, but she remarks it as unfair and she gets very angry about it. After all, he has been consistent in being genuine, honest, and easy to tell as a person.

When we got to the point where Kirigiri started to trust him more, it was after he reassured her that he would be there for her, that he's her friend, and that he believes in her. Kirigiri has massive trust issues due to past betrayals, and at this point he has been pretty consistent enough for her to think he would be someone she can trust a bit on very important information — that could also get her killed if he said anything. So him deciding a day later that he is going to hold off on saying his secret to her hurt her a lot. A whole lot.

It's definitely hypocritical due to her doing the same thing to him with never opening up about her own information unless needed, and closing him off from any further inquiries into her. After all, she has been dragging him around multiple times to test out different hypotheses of the Mastermind without really giving back in a similar way. But it gives reason to why she's mad about this regardless.

Other than that, we also find her remarking him as arrogant in prioritizing a potential dangerous mole than someone who had been by his side since the beginning. Which brings us to our next section...

Part Two - Confusion and Arrogance

Naegi and Kirigiri, during this portion of the story, are not talking to one another. The former is trying to reach out and say sorry, while the latter is giving the other the silent treatment. While this is on-going, an important thing to note is in the way these two remark on each other regarding their behaviors — in ways that misses the point of what the other is feeling due to the different ways they think.

Naegi, for instance, is so confused on why Kirigiri is angry, emotional, and critical of him after he decided to keep his secret for a while before telling her. For him, the way she acts comes completely out of nowhere, and has no idea as to why she keeps throwing hands at him throughout the entirety of the chapter.

He didn't consider the idea that his prioritizing over Oogami for just a moment would hurt her this badly, which makes sense. He didn't tell her he was going to hold off on the truth forever; he logically thinks that what he did is a good thing since he just needs more time to confirm before telling Kirigiri in confidence, and throughout the chapter you can see him really trying to get a moment to talk to Oogami, but never able to get a full opportunity due to circumstance.

He is serious about considering Oogami's feelings, and thinks carefully on how this information would tear apart the group. After all, the more tension and suspicion there is, the easier it would be for people to panic and start escalating the situation, and with people like Togami, no matter how much Naegi and Kirigiri could try to persuade him not to point fingers at Oogami, he probably would've done it anyway during this point of his character progression.

Adding the fact that he knows Kirigiri has used him for her own benefit, and wasn't bothered by it, Naegi believes it is better to approach a more empathetic perspective rather than Kirigiri potentially disregarding Oogami's feelings also. Even with him seeing the good in her despite her stoic and mysterious nature, there's still a lot for him to consider when it comes to how trustworthy she is over the compromising of one of their friends. He is not at that point in their relationship where he trusts her enough to make a leap of faith yet — that will come later down the line in Chapter Five, but I digress.

To add onto that confusion, he does try to bridge the gap by trying to talk to her. He wants to understand why she's mad, and clear up his thoughts about their prior discussions. But when he attempts to talk about what occurred, she completely ignores him, and they're unable to do a heart-to-heart on what he did incorrectly.

Overall, he is trying to do damage control by believing in people and knowing the full nuanced picture before acting — it is a careful route so that nothing risky occurs for something like paranoia to spread.

In Kirigiri's eyes, she finds the exact opposite, where she marks Naegi as an arrogant hypocrite on the way he prioritizes what is important.

At first, I didn't know why she labelled him as arrogant (or, in the fan translation, self-conceited), but it occurred to me that Naegi, despite his good intentions, has been continuously choosing what he believes is good to act upon, and not enforcing it properly.

Think about it. A great deal of these scenes happen when it relates to the subject of trust and friendship, and what Naegi chooses to focus on as important.

When it came to the pictures he found from the pre-amnesia years, he states that even if there is a chance that these photos are fake, that they should at least consider Monokuma's statement of the pictures potentially being real to consider more theories on the school's mystery. Kirigiri, who has been listening in on this — and had this guy say he believes in her, and then indirectly tell her he doesn't trust her fully to talk about his secret — starts blasting him:

Kirigiri: "Then you trust Monokuma's word over the people who have died?" Naegi: "Huh...?" Kirigiri: "That's what you're saying, isn't it?" Naegi: "No, that's not it..." Kirigiri: "I'm shocked. You told everyone how we should believe in our friends, but you refuse to do the same."

The same thing happens when they discuss about Alter Ego, and how Naegi empathizes with AE enough to consider them as their friend who they need to protect, which was days after Naegi said to Kirigiri that he was her friend:

Kirigiri: "Anyway, there's nothing more Alter Ego can do to help us. As such, his role in this is over. Am I wrong about that?" Naegi: "No, but..." Kirigiri: "And frankly, I question the ease with which you decide who is and isn't your friend."

Each scenario Kirigiri reacts to has genuine reason for her to be critical about his priorities, and how, while thoughtful towards the people around him, he goes off on his own ideas of what would be better for the group. Even when Hagakure and Asahina were skeptical over the photos, he still asked them to consider their legitimacy — which makes sense for us as players, but in-universe, sounds like Naegi is more willing to listen to their own kidnapper while having no solid evidence to show these photos existed. This worry did get alleviated as time went on, such as the confirmation from Alter Ego of the photos, but overall, the emotional impact still remains whether it is reasonable or not.

Kirigiri definitely considers the probability of the photos' implications, knowing at this point she's starting to recognize the disconnect in her body and how it correlates to amnesia, but I wouldn't be surprised if for most of the first half of Chapter Four, she prioritized being angry at Naegi's hypocrisy more before she can focus solely on that.

In a way, both of them are a lot more similar than they realize when it comes to standing their ground on what they think is right, and it's leading them to become hypocritical to each other due to what they believe in. Kirigiri is a lot more intense in her hypocrisy due to how secretive and closed off she is regarding how she perceives her importance in the investigation, while Naegi is more hypocritical in the way where he cares about people so much that he gets anxious and will compromise things if it means helping someone. Their compassion focuses on very different ways where one prefers careful guidance with minimum risk, while the other is driven by careful guidance with high risk if needed.

Either way, she's not going to listen to him until she has reason to, which is where Alter Ego plays a part in how they start bridging together.

Part Three - Alter Ego

The first time we see Kirigiri and Naegi attempt a "reconciliation" would be at the Nurse's Office. Genuinely, that whole conversation didn't really resolve much. It's akin to having one kid telling the other to forget about their problems, while the other dejectedly decides to brush it off. There is a moment where she does admit (while blushing in embarrassment) to overreacting to something that, in hindsight, could've been talked about calmly, but that's that.

It's an exchange where they are only starting to talk again due to circumstances, where Kirigiri needs Naegi's help since she still trusts him slightly more compared to the rest of the group, and it's a better time than any for Naegi to try to reach out to her.

However, Alter Ego as a presence challenges some conceptions they have regarding the way these two operate within the story. Alter Ego, specifically, focuses on what it means to take care of and account for someone, and the emotional connections that are created even when it's towards a force such as an AI.

Kirigiri and Naegi differ in how they approached Alter Ego over their encounters.

At first, Kirigiri had been approaching Alter Ego with the intentions of furthering the investigation. She asks curt questions to get more information, remarks about the benefits of having a perfect personality used to gather said info, and that they won't have to interact much with AE after they have finished their analysis.

However, this gets challenged the moment Alter Ego asks the question of what happened to Fujisaki.

She hesitates a bit, almost taken aback. She probably didn't expect Alter Ego to have agency in wanting questions answered in return. This can be found in each moment Alter Ego mourns over people such as Taka, Yamada, and Celeste; and the way Alter Ego gets sad over not being able to help or say hi to the group anymore.

She doesn't know what to feel over an AI that seems to care about them and their safety, and Naegi's question of sentience later down the line makes her think about it even more, even when she was mad at him at the time.

Naegi empathizes with Alter Ego. He sees Alter Ego as someone worth protecting, caring for, and seeing as a friend rather than just a machine. While he acknowledges that AE is a program, there's this heavy trust in them that is a similar drive to why Naegi does the things he does.

He hates the idea of leaving them alone, or putting them in danger, because his connections and experiences with AE's determination feel genuine to him. Kirigiri is understanding to this, and no matter how much she tries to ignore him in her goal towards the truth, her mind is in a battle over what to do whenever she talks to AE.

Despite this, Naegi's concern also gets challenged during the later encounters with Alter Ego — where he and Kirigiri grow surprised over Alter Ego's wanting to connect to the network.

Alter Ego has shown that they are determined to help out this group, and knows of the risks that they're facing by doing this. This is a moment where it's made clear that AE would rather put the lives of the group over their own, and that elicits mixed feelings between Kirigiri and Naegi.

At this point in time, we get confirmation that Kirigiri has been indecisive when it came to Alter Ego. It built up in every genuine apology, question, and emotion AE had towards assisting them, and it bubbled over in their wanting to further their investigation. She doesn't know where the line veers between AI and a human being, but AE showing a "want" so tenacious outside of its commands is what makes up her mind.

If Kirigiri didn't really care much for AE, then Alter Ego's concern and readiness in sacrifice wouldn't be her priority in the conversation, but an opportunity towards her goal. But no.

We see that despite her irritation towards Naegi's hypocrisies, she does understand the complexity of the situation and her affinity to the AI. She didn't want Alter Ego to get hurt because of the group's investigations so she tried to have AE's work finished quickly so that everyone wouldn't be in danger. She sees a friend and ally in AE, and considers AE's request not only to find clues, but to also fulfill their request.

Naegi's reaction is understandably hesitant. After all, Kirigiri has shown that she would risk others to get closer to the truth, and now Kirigiri is ready to fulfill AE's wish immediately.

However, this is where Naegi has to be confronted with the fact that prioritizing a friend's agency also means respecting their wishes despite said risks, and to push further in showing his trust despite his anxieties.

He had been adverse due to understanding the potential ramifications when it comes to endangering one's self, and if they get caught, all three of them can get punished instantly.

Alter Ego: "I want to work as hard as everyone else so that we can all get out of here!" Alter Ego: "That's what Master would want, too. So...to help everyone else...to solve the mystery of this school...the only way I can help is if you connect me to this school's network!" Naegi: "B-but...if you did that...that's basically suicide." Naegi: "I'm positive the mastermind would find out about it. They'd find you, and they'd...you agree, right Kyoko?"

He observes Alter Ego as not only a determined person, but also someone who is fragile, kill-able. He doesn't want another friend to be lost in the Killing Game, and when placed at a crossroads where someone is wanting to do their part regardless of death, he was ready to argue with Kirigiri if need be before she cut him off.

Here is where Kirigiri's perspective pulls through.

In this moment, Naegi gets challenged over what he should prioritize. At this time, he is used to being careful and believing lesser risk-taking is better than rocking the boat, and this means he can be just as stubborn as Kirigiri. That's the main thing about him: he can sometimes choose options that could potentially go against the majority or what the person he's protecting wants. He likes choosing decisions that he believes are the right course of action and holds onto it, especially if it benefits his friends.

A small example of this would be Naegi prioritizing Kiyotaka's wanting to see Alter Ego despite Kirigiri prohibiting access, where she is rightfully pissed off despite Kiyotaka getting semi-closure.

And even when he does learn to take risks and trust his friends' safety despite those risks, this sense of going against the grain is showcased later down the series, when Naegi goes behind the Future Foundation's back in rehabilitating the Remnants even when the broad population wants them to be punished, since he doesn't want to make the same mistake he did with Enoshima — he wants to give the Remnants a second chance.

This willingness to stick by his fellow human beings' safety and what he believes isn't bad, it means that he cares a lot and the decisions he decides to do have helped find better alternatives, but these decisions have similar levels of risk regardless of safety or care.

This is the start of him understanding the way Kirigiri handles risk, and how respect towards friends comes in accepting those risks even if one is afraid or someone gets hurt.

Kirigiri does consider the feelings of other people too, and her wanting to take risks is a result of how she showcases this compassion towards the people around her, all by saving lives even if it means someone gets hurt — which is both good and bad knowing how it affected the way things went during the game.

She is the same person who is willing to bait Togami into humiliating himself so that he not only stops fighting against his peers, but to save them all from getting executed. She's the one who guided Naegi to the truth of Maizono on his own terms, even when she could've finished the trial in probably half an hour and did this also to see how capable he might be to her later on. She respects AE's agency of keeping them safe, and it's revealed afterwards that she was eager to find information that could convince the group to calm down around Oogami too. She cares a lot, and will take the risk of AE dying, even if it hurts.

This is where both of their views start to collaborate with another, and have them agree to sneak AE. They may have separate ways of doing things, but they both have a similar goal in mind, so there's some beginning of trust again, especially as they work together in the chapter's investigation and trial afterwards.

Their communication is still on a rocky path, however. After all, Kirigiri continues to be distant with him, and Naegi remains nervous over having to do more risky actions. The lessons that their two perspectives give each other haven't settled in fully, but this interaction is the first inertia in them trying to understand the other, and how it all builds up towards Chapter Five and Six.

Where Naegi decides to trust Kirigiri's investigation despite the danger, and how Kirigiri makes the choice of atoning to Naegi after his sacrifice.

[dont-offend-the-bees]

I would love for Ponyo AU to hear more about a) the seaside town where Edwin lives or b) how the Night Nurse and Kashi met (something which is never addressed in the Ponyo film actually, I think) - apologies if this constitutes a spoiler for future chapters!

Thank you, my friend! Apologies for the delay in answering, life sure keeps life-ing all over me 😑

I did think about choosing an actual British seaside town to set the story in -- we do have plenty of them to choose from -- but ultimately I decided that in the name of the sort of, dreamy imprecise magical whimsy of the piece, that having an exact town you can point to on a map wasn't really what was needed or wanted.

Edwin lives in a Pushing Daisies-esque small beach town named something whimsical like Bottleby-Upon-Tweed or West Wombling or some such achingly British nonsense, and it's all brightness and noise and candy striped colours in the summer and a desaturated frame of salt-roughened old celluloid in the winter. Those two mirroring states are sort of reflective of our POV characters. The POV of the overall fic is a little muddled, there may be parts where it leans more heavily into Edwin or Charles (the growing up sequence ended up almost entirely Edwin, which I regret a bit now!) but there will often be asides to both in the same section because in my mind they're sort of learning to see the world not just through their own eyes but through each other's; Edwin, who's tired of this grey old place and these grey, miserable people, and Charles, who sees the world on the shore as this big exciting adventure. It's an odd balance and one I defo didn't nail in chapter one because I was still sort of percolating ideas, but there's a tribute to both of their viewpoints in the way I'm trying to build this fictional town around them out of drab and dour things like cold cliffs and beach litter and panopticon-esque family homes that watch you with their beady window-eyes, and out of larger-than-life adventure set pieces like killer seagulls and travelling circuses (woops chapter 2 spoiler!) and the same house again but as a castle on the hill, a stronghold. Essentially, the town is a Frankensteined scrapbook of your quintessential English beachside town, cobbled together by two children with very different memories of how the summer holiday went!

And as for Night Nurse and Kashi, well, I won't go into what the later chapters hold for them, but I have no idea how much of their backstory will make it into the fic, so. In the interest of anyone who wants to keep that part of the fic a complete surprise I'll pop it under a cut!

N.N. and Kashi aren't the focus of the fic, so I wouldn't say I've thought through every aspect of their relationship/backstory, however as soon as their role in this fic revealed itself to me I did get way more invested in them than I planned! In this fic, N.N tends to be referred to as either the sea witch, or the witch of the waves (slight Howl's Moving Castle nod, there!), but she has another name, and a relatively well-known role in ancient Greek mythology. What her history is exactly has been somewhat lost to time, oral histories and retellings being what they are, but she was once a powerful sorceress with a gift for transforming people who crossed her into animals. She's had various romantic entanglements and a number of children, all lost to her now.

She'd always lived by the sea and done a number of dealings with some famous -- or infamous -- sea-dwellers, so it was a happy coincidence that one day she happened across a strange and friendly man on the docks. He was an odd man, seemingly totally unbothered by the pain and strife in the world; and she, being a woman who'd lived through a great deal of tiresome human loss and pettiness (of literally mythic proportions), found herself drawn to him. He turned out to be a minor god of the sea and a self-described inveterate wonderer, always swimming from ocean to ocean, never having had enough of all the world can show him, but his kindness and his refreshingly direct manner of speaking seduced her, and she gave up on the world of men for good to live on the bottom of the sea -- and grew to adore it so much that she's now quite sure that the world could do perfectly well without the land or the humans in the picture, actually. They love each other very dearly, in their strange way, they're honest with each other; and she's never begrudged him his lifestyle, or his adventures, or his infrequent and unpredictable visits.

...She does take SLIGHT issue when that ridiculous overgrown seahorse of a man blows back into her neck of the woods with a winsome smile and a fresh batch of magical immortal fish-children smuggled under his arm like souvenirs from abroad, but. Fortunately for him she's been a mother before and even finds herself missing it on occasion; although the sort of broods this man produces are FAR larger than any she's had to deal with in her human years. No wonder she's just a tad stressed.

[lazyyogi]

Escape the Reactivity Trap

How to Overthrow Your Conditioning with Playfulness

The movement of daily life within human society unfolds as call-and-response playing out in various circumstances. Something happens and we react.

Most people believe that freedom and happiness means exerting specific control over our circumstances. In other words, getting what we want. Ultimately, however, all circumstances are temporary and limited. The happiness and freedom they offer, therefore, are just as temporary and limited.

We don't have full control over the events and circumstances of our lives. We have the right to put in any kind of effort to influence them but there is no right or guarantee to specific results.

If you genuinely want to experience happiness and freedom, then paying attention to the play of call-and-response is essential. Being at ease, lively, and clever in all situations from the moment you wake up to when you go to sleep becomes a path to authentic happiness and freedom. Our way of living and engaging with the world is an expression of the endless and, perhaps, divine reality within and beyond us.

Sound good? Let's talk about it pragmatically.

The key to making this shift lies in understanding the difference between a reaction and a response.

A reaction occurs when a person's conditioning triggers an action or viewpoint. Our conditioning is influenced by various factors such as preferences, judgments, imprints, identities, and past experiences. Often, we are only partially aware of these elements and focus more on the end result—the reaction itself.

Essentially, a reaction is the re-activation of past thoughts, perspectives, decisions, and beliefs, albeit adapted slightly to suit the present moment. It represents our conditioned self, limiting our freedom and making our choices predictable and trite.

On the other hand, a response is the flowering of freedom.

There are two ways to describe a response. The first description is perhaps the most relatable; I will call it the mindful response.

The mindful response is when a reaction unfolds within our awareness. The mindful part is that we are able to breathe and find the space to hear the wisdom of a reaction without believing or buying into it. This not only provides self-insight but it also allows the reaction's emotional charge to mature or release, depending on the circumstances. Then our matured and liberated emotion admixes with self-insight, synthesizing a response that is not limited by our past programming.

The mindful response is what it looks like to practice mindfulness in our daily life. Something happens and instead of acting out a reaction in the same old way, you allow the reaction to flow through you. Without the reaction's flustering influence, fresh insights blossom.

The second description is the playful response. Here, we encounter situations that would typically trigger a reaction, but instead, we remain unaffected. As we progress in spiritual practice, meditation, and self-work, we outgrow our triggers and conditioned responses. We discover the freedom to be as we are, crisply alive here and now, and our responses then arise from a non-conceptual intelligence that radiates from and through every cell in our body.

In this way, we can enjoy the play of our human experiences.

Breaking it down further, there are several key differences between a reaction and a response.

Identification: A reaction is tied to our deep conditioning, making us instinctively identify with it. As a result, we become defensive and threatened when our reactions are questioned. In contrast, a response is not viewed as a part of ourselves but rather as a creative output arising from the moment. This allows us to remain open to alternative views and change our understanding.

Timing: Reactions are instantaneous and reflexive, guiding us in situations that require quick action. On the other hand, a response grows from the internal alchemy of a momentary pause, enabling us to craft a thoughtful and bespoke reply.

Sophistication: Reactions are primitive and tend to be among the dumbest of possible replies to this moment. They sacrifice nuance in exchange for less processing and therefore increased speed. A response, however, combines self-awareness with non-judgmental insight, resulting in a more refined and wise approach.

How someone reacts does not define who they truly are as a living being. It merely reflects the conditioning they carry. Understanding this, we realize that a reaction is not more authentic than a response; quite the opposite.

Coming from an older and more primitive version of the world, dominated by fight-or-flight decision-making for survival, reactions continue to propagate in our modern era. From polarizing news media to viral videos, the lowest common denominator continues to dull the flavor of reality.

Given this knowledge, how would you choose to live?

LY

[hero-of-doom]

How would you compare Cheval and Django’s dynamic from before the Nargacuga Attack vs After? I know you mentioned them butting heads afterwards, but I’d love to know more of what that entails!

Before the attack, you practically couldn't separate them. They were tight knit as ever, and would pretty much always be hanging out unless Django was busy shadowing his father.

I like to think Cheval used to be pretty afraid of thunder, really hating when it rained and keeping himself cooped up inside. That is, until Django came around and had the two of them go outside to play during a thunderstorm. Cheval clung to Django's arm like a vice grip and jumped every time the sky above them boomed. Django, happy as a clam, assured him that it couldn't hurt him, and hearing how confidently Django asserted this immediately started to make him feel better. They'd run and jump in puddles, pretend to be big, huge monsters controlling the storm, and over time Cheval really started to love it when it rained. You could always count on Django to be right at their door the second the first boom of thunder sounded. Sometimes, they'd just lie down in the grass under a tree, eyes shut and listening to the pitter-patter of the rain itself and taking in the smell.

Another scenario I keep thinking about is Django, Cheval and Lilia playing the whole 'knight saves the princess from the dragon' game. Django declaring he wants to be the knight, brandishing a big stick. Lilia thinking for a minute, and saying that she doesn't really want to be the princess. Instead, she'd rather be a big, scary Rathalos, and grabs the edges of her cape and flaps them around like wings. Cheval then, offers to be the princess. Django, without skipping a beat, starts running and grabbing all the dandelions he can see, and starts weaving them together into a flower crown. He gently places it atop Cheval's head, and kneels down in front of him. He takes one of his hands, kisses it, and pledges his faith and loyalty to his princess, before quickly getting back up and running at Lilia to whack her with his weapon. Cheval's hair is frizzing out like a Ghibli character.

Long story short, they were very close to each other, and couldn't dream of anything coming between them. They were each other's light in the darkness, the sun to the moon.

However, after the attack, it was their differing views on life and death, monsters and humans, and revenge versus acceptance that tore them apart. Cheval is firmly under the belief that the bonds between Riders and monsters should have never been made, and that these beasts aren't meant to be trusted. (Which, despite this, he holds his Rathian so close to his heart...) Cheval sees it as his duty to avenge the death of his mother by personally hunting down each and every blighted monster, not stopping until they're wiped out. That way, nobody can ever be hurt by them again... especially not the only few people left in his life. He's blinded by rage, grief, and everything in between- a broken child with a broken heart trying to fix something completely destroyed.

Django, on the other hand, can see the complexities of the blight- the blight itself is the force that needs to be eradicated, the infected monsters are simply a byproduct of it. He knows that the monster didn't chose to be blighted, or that it's seeking to hurt out of malice: it's just an animal. When Django finally gets the chance to kill the Nargacuga that attacked the village, he doesn't feel catharsis. He just feels... empty.

These conflicting viewpoints make it so every time they cross each others' paths, they're almost certain to butt heads. At first, Django was just so happy to see Cheval alive: but the joy quickly shifted to heartbreak upon realizing Cheval's new course of action, and then deeper into anger as he just couldn't fathom or understand his point of view after everything they had been through together. Words weren't seeming to work to make him understand, so they ended up resorting to beating the shit out of each other to get it through their thick skulls. The big scars over Django's face: those are from Cheval. Not Rathi, mind you- they're fighting each other one-on-one.

TLDR, it's not good. It's wearing them both down in different ways, but neither of them will admit it.

[blueratgrmln]

🌟OPEN DISCUSSION about the 2020's era of shipping culture, Sonadow in the Sonic Fandom, and how well-intended activism can circle back to the language and violence of oppressors 🌟

(Link to chapter PARTS >>>HERE<<<)

INTRO

I gotta get something off my chest in regards to shipping. I wasn't super invested in the shipping part of the Sonic Fandom community when I was growing up. There were a few ships I liked and I enjoyed the fanart people made of those ships. And then I forgot about it for a number of years. Now in adulthood I am getting back into shipping Sonic characters a bit more, because it's fun to look back at the things I liked as a kid and seeing how my opinions have changed since gaining more life experience. Plus I've become much more active on the internet, in Fandom spaces, and more aware of social justice issues during adulthood. So here is a long-ish essay where I gather my thoughts about Sonadow shipping, fandoms, and activism together💙

MIDDLE CHILD EXPERIENCE IN THE SONIC FANDOM

It's odd being a Middle Child of the Sonic Fandom "family" that grew up during the age of "cringe culture" cyberbullying and shipping wars. I was aware of the stereotypes and disdain people had both on and off the internet toward the Sonic Fanbase and the notoriety it had. It influenced me to tone-down my external Sonic geekiness around my peers. While some of the stereotypes had some truth to it (when they weren't used as cyberbullying put-downs), I noticed that there was a very prominent difference how the Sonic Franchise/Fandom was viewed by the pop culture savvy public and how the fandom acted amongst/within itself as a creative and meaning-making community, despite the in-fighting that occasionally happened. On the internet, I oddly didn't experience or witness much discourse about ethics, specifically about shipping, when I was a kid cruising the internet for the fanart I liked. The spaces I visited were usually very supportive of people creating meaning, joy, and comfort with these ships. These shipping spaces loved Sonic × Amy, Shadow × Amy, Knuckles × Rouge, Sonic × Sally, Silver × Blaze and also any ship between Sonic, Shadow, and Silver. While there were specific ships that I enjoyed, I was happy to see other people enjoying other ships and hearing them geek about it. Yes, there was sometimes shipping discourse pitting pairings against each other, but I did not notice intense targeting or harassment in the name of "ethics" to the same degree as I am witnessing nowadays.

THE ETHICAL VS UNETHICAL DEBATES

Fast forward to the 2020's age of the internet and fandom culture. I had no idea what the evolved discussion about "ethical vs unethical" shipping was beyond just "this ship is the best" mentalities until about a year ago. After reading about the various viewpoints, I started out not really caring about the ethics of fictional shipping and not fully caring on which "side" I would fit, even though my views in adulthood realistically lean towards anti-censorship sentiments. However, it's important to note that if I'd discovered this specific "ethical vs unethical" debate when I was younger, I would have leaned pro-censorship, a view directly influenced by the small-town evangelical church indoctrination that kept my mind closed-off from the nuances of sociology, psychology, and humanity. I was the type of person that got emotional and reactionary about the idea of people being sex workers, about the idea of kink and BDSM being a normal thing between consenting adults, and about other socially charged topics. Then as I learned from other people's experiences and researched those topics, my mindset changed to be more supportive and more aware of all the nuances that go beyond black vs white thinking. I learned to not demonize people and instead find out the reasons WHY something happens or WHY people do something, and actually LISTEN to the person and BELIEVE them when they give their answer. Similar mindset changes have happened in adulthood since I've done research about both the generational divides and social justice intersectionality of this cultural shift in today's internet Fandom spaces. I am noticing this divide and these debates happening more and more in the Sonic Fandom.

SONADOW IN THE 2020'S

For some context, when I was a kid moderately involved with shipping content, I did not ship Sonic × Shadow. I somewhat avoided anything to do with gay ships or gay content due to my small-town church upbringing teaching me to not support anything LGBTQ+. So now as an adult having interest in shipping again, having discarded homophobia, embracing my own queerness, and having new understandings of the Sonic characters' personalities/backstories/dynamics, I am opening myself up to considering ships I hadn't been interested in before and ships that I actively avoided due to internalized homophobia. Watching Sonic Prime and the wonderful joy it sparked across the Fandom (in both shippers and non-shippers alike) was the marker when I finally started enjoying the Sonadow ship. It was after reading people's interpretations of Sonic and Shadow and understanding the ship more when I realized why Sonadow is such a beloved and timeless ship. In response to the new wave of Sonadow popularity, it's getting lots of heated criticism. People are having arguments everyday about both Shadow and Sonic's true ages, whether Shadow is 15 or 18 or 50, whether it makes any difference that SEGA quietly removed the characters' official ages. The debate creates these polarized "sides", with some people on one side claiming that it's an inherently unethical ship and claiming that you are a bad person, or at least suspicious in some way, for supporting it.

REPRESENTATION & QUEER JOY

One prominent feeling I have about the common criticisms toward Sonadow and about other shipping discourse is feeling alarmed that a lot of Queer people end up getting harassed because of these debates, sometimes by fellow Queer people. From my Middle Child perspective in the Sonic Fandom, the reasons WHY many people embraced LGBTQ+ Sonic ships was to create and celebrate representation in a franchise that doesn't outright confirm or have much on-screen representation. Even though Sega has a general "no official confirmed couples" mandate, the company has consistently supported and encouraged the fans' shipping headcanons including LGBTQ+ ships, and the company has showed real, tangible, and financial support for the LGBTQ+ community (to my knowledge). Tangle and Whisper in the IDW comics are written with specific chemistry that leads most people to view them as a lesbian couple with the writers' and company's encouragement, even if they're not verbally stated as "officially canon." Sonic × Shadow, although not canon, has been a noteworthy ship acknowledged by the writers, company, and voice actors as being one of the most beloved and celebrated gay Sonic ships. It has given Queer people a sense of joy, hope, comfort, and visibility ever since 2001 when Sonic Adventure 2 released and Shadow debuted as a character. The reasons people immediately shipped these characters together was never about being creepy or encouraging "unethical" dynamics. It was simply Queer Sonic fans, both closeted and uncloseted, creating meaning via representation as an act of queer resistance and radical acceptance. This has been a constant throughout the present day, Sonadow being one of the most recognizable and longstanding ships that inspires widespread Queer Joy that even breaks the boundaries of the internet microcosm.

LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE OF OPPRESSORS

Now is where I will delve into the connection between Sonadow shipping (and overall shipping) debates and how well-intentioned activism loops back into mimicking oppressors. Thinking about how Sonadow is historically important to the Sonic Franchise, the Sonic Fandom, LGBTQ+ Sonic Fans, and maybe even video game history as a whole, I feel major discomfort and even dread when I see so many people (particularly those that are young) throwing around very serious accusations at (fellow) Sonic Fans and (fellow) Sonic shippers. Accusations supporting pedophilia or pedophilia itself is one of the most egregious. I've seen it thrown at Sonadow shippers, Vector x Espio shippers because Vector is 20 and Espio is 16 (despite it being another extremely popular LGBTQ+ headcanon-ed ship due to lack of representation), and even Knuckles x Rouge because Rouge is 18 and Knuckles is 16. It strikes me as counterintuitive and unnecessary at least, and actively dangerous at most/worst, seeing fellow Queer people utilizing the morality-policing, fear tactics, surveillance methods, censorship mindset, and rhetoric/language of our oppressors and using those things against the people in their own communities. Realizing that long-time Sonadow fans who felt inspired to come out and be unapologetically Queer because of that specific ship have been facing harassment and slander from fellow Queer people (who are likely younger than them), getting called "pedos" or "dangerous" or "suspicious" or "unethical" over the mere act of creating representation and Queer Joy with fictional characters and seeking some sense of comfort while surviving homophobic environments...bluntly, my stomach is churned and my blood is boiled. The last thing we need in this rapidly backwards-turning world is more in-fighting within the broader LGBTQ+ community that distracts our thoughts, emotions, time, energy, organizing, education, community-building, and activism away from the oppressors who are causing us real-world tangible harm, suffering, and death.

A random teenager on the internet drawing fanart of Sonic and Shadow holding hands, or even random adults on the internet drawing suggestive art or outright porn of these characters, is NOT going to be the catalyst that rapidly or gradually normalizes pedophilia or inspires worldwide support for unethical relationships. And yes, this includes content about the "weirdo/unethical/dark" ships that are found in the shadowy fringes of the internet and Fandom spaces. I am uncomfortable with a lot of it myself. But those ships and the people that engage with them ALSO DO NOT have the same level of impact and reach (key words: Same Level) that real life oppressive systems have to cause widespread suffering. The key difference that makes widespread abuse possible is that the real life oppressive systems are disguised as wholesome safe environments that develop trust and closeness with community members. Those oppressive systems and the harmful people that support them are usually NOT on the freaky/dark/weird fringes of society, they don't outwardly appear that way, and they demonize the "degenerates", not associate with any such label. The Catholic church institution is a big example, the institution covering up uncountable cases of their clergy members abusing minors while those clergy members are positioned as a pure, trusted facet of society that people actively look to for guidance, safety, and belonging.

At NO point am I ever going to say that everyone online is perfectly pure and that we should ignore everyone's behavior online. When we do encounter legitimate creeps causing harm to real people (not watered-down definitions of what being a creep means) we absolutely need to call them out and keep each other safe. HOWEVER, by pitting fellow Sonic Fans, fellow Queer people, fellow shippers against each other with this blanket "us vs them" mentality that overshadows the real life patterns and signs of how widespread oppression and real life harm happens, we end up accomplishing a lot of what our oppressors want anyway: divisions, distractions, and outright mimicking the violent language and behaviors that they display toward us at ourselves. This is the point where well-intentioned activism goes wrong and circles back around to oppression without meaning to.

Many people are super-duper-sure that they have dismantled all of their -isms and -phobias and now identify with labels and movements that are on the right side of history. But all of us STILL need to be aware of the fact that our thought patterns, behaviors, logic, and emotional responses can be tied to previously held beliefs and mindsets, and they can sometimes carry over and linger in our minds even after significant "character development". This is true even if we don't immediately realize it and think that we are a "safe person" within our own marginalized communities and for other marginalized communities. It can be really hard to identify if/when that is happening sometimes, but it is pertinent that we are actively checking in with ourselves, listening to constructive criticism, and cross-analyzing whether we are unintentionally mimicking the language, behaviors, and violence of our oppressors, and what effects that can have on the people in our shared communities and the people we care about.

ADDITIONAL: MY PERSONAL OPINIONS AND LOGIC ABOUT SHADOW'S AGE

Most of the fandom will continue arguing about Shadow's "true age" for the rest of time and how that "should" influence people's shipping headcanons. In my opinion, it is a very unnecessary thing to argue about simply because of the uniqueness and the fantastical nature of Shadow's existence within the Sonic Universe. Very specifically, he is a test tube science project super soldier who is immortal with an unclarified "birth date."

It's most likely that Professor Gerald Robotnik started the process of creating Shadow AFTER Maria was born and they discovered her incurable disease; Project Shadow could have taken a significant amount of time to complete considering all of the scientific processes, research, and intergalactic communication needed. It is also important to remember that Maria died when she was only 12 years old. If we are just talking about the amount of time that Shadow was physically and mentally conscious, communicating, and learning (excluding the 50 years he spent in cryo-stasis), this would mean that Shadow's age could be anything up to Maria's exact age at her time of death. Realistically his youngest possible age would be much greater than 1 day, since it probably took a noteworthy amount of time for Shadow and Maria to develop their trusting best friend and/or sibling bond.

Otherwise, in the less likely scenario, Professor Gerald could've had foresight and somehow gotten confirmation about Maria's condition before she was born with the scientifically and medically advanced technology aboard the Space Colony ARK, and then completed Project Shadow before she was born. But in EITHER possible chronology, Shadow could be around the same age or a handful of years younger than 15 (one of the possible ages in this debate), if we are to consider his game manual or Wiki-page biographies for his true age. This could put the Sonadow ship in the same boat of age-gap and maturity-difference criticism that the Sonic x Amy ship gets because Sonic is 15 and Amy is 12.

Even though Shadow is one of the most complex characters within the broad Sonic Lore, at the same time he's one of the most mysterious characters, especially since we don't have any official content that shows the complete scientific/medical/technological details of his creation process from start to finish. Everyone has a different opinion whether the game manual and Wiki-page age(s) indicates Shadow's number of conscious years lived, his current physical age, or both. People also debate whether his current physical age matters in terms of shipping ethics. Considering that Shadow is an immortal science experiment with the DNA/blood of an alien species and he could have grown up in a test tube, I like to think that any of the "teen" ages used in this debate could simply describe what his physical vessel looks like (compared to 100% Mobian hedgehogs) at the point Project Shadow was deemed successfully completed. It's possible that his early development deviated from that of a human baby, a Mobian hedgehog baby, and a normal hedgehog baby. Maybe he grew generally faster or went through the same developmental stages of his Black Arms alien siblings. Deciphering what it would mean for Shadow to become "fully mature", or even what "age" in general means for him, would require solving the complex puzzle of his circumstances: the science of genetic engineering that splices Black Arms DNA with Mobian hedgehog DNA to design a being that is artificial and specifically exceptional in every way. We DO know that Shadow's Black Arms DNA gives his mind and body a connection to the species' Hive Mind (which is explored in the Archie comic books) and that Black Doom's DNA was one of the necessary ingredients to give Shadow immortality and disease immunity. But that's the extent of what we know about Shadow's Black Arms biology, its overall effects, its benefits, and its downsides. In addition to this, the "immortal artificial super soldier with alien DNA" context brings up questions regarding Shadow's mental processes, intelligence, and learning capabilities. He could have gone through rapid psychological development, or can learn and gain skills at an enhanced rate, have increased intelligence, or have alien mental capacities beyond his connection to the Black Arms' Hive Mind.

The limitless SCOPE of possibilities for Shadow's physical and mental reality is why I completely avoid any attempts at shoving this complex character into the same quantifiable boxes of human OR Mobian OR normal hedgehog maturity, development, intelligence, socialization, emotions, learning, and age. Which is why I do not judge people for their shipping preferences and don't assume the worst of the people that ship him with other characters. An integral part of the tragedy and isolation of Shadow the Hedgehog as a character surrounds him being the Ultimate Lifeform, a being that is so unique, advanced, artificial, medicalized, scientific, revolutionary, mystical and powerful that he cannot relate to most of the other Sonic characters and vice versa. TRYING to force Shadow to be 100% understandable, relatable, and quantifiable both by our real-life human standards and by the standards of the other Sonic characters can diminish his uniqueness and essence, and it hinders the broad Sonic Fandom from creatively exploring the magnitude of possibilities (both shipping and non-shipping) that his mysteriousness inspires.

(Thank you for reading and sticking with my train of thought! :) I expect constructive conversation in the comments if any are made at all, whether it's criticism or agreement.)

[agent-troi]

Thank you for your answer and analysis to Diana. You brought up some great points. Your analysis led to some discourse that I hadn't thought about of the forced intimacy aspect that Diana and Phoebe force upon Mulder. It's interesting because I sense that he wants intimacy with Scully, yet the closest he gets is with a touch here and there or look into her soul intense "eye F*" as I have heard other bloggers call it.

I am glad to hear that I am not the only one who has an absolutely not to a Mulder Diana fling.

Is she so manipulative that she might have had a fling with CSM? Didn't he say that she was the only one who hadn't betrayed him?

The finale in season 11 would have been the perfect time to bring back to Diana to give her a final send off and tie up loose ends.

see this is the thing anon. historically mulder has been drawn to emotionally abusive women because that's what he's used to. that's what he thinks he deserves. he was told samantha was his responsibility, and he lost her. he had to parent his own mother after samantha disappeared, denying his own needs in the process. no one ever bothered to sit down and explain to him it wasn't your fault, you were just a child. quite the opposite, in fact. a child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort, etc.

scully is different. scully never forces mulder to do anything he doesn't want to do. she never makes him feel worthless; on the contrary, she becomes his biggest cheerleader and defender despite their different viewpoints. even before meeting him, she looks at him with an open mind, determined not to judge him the way everyone else does. she never laughs at him or mocks him or dismisses him. and he has no idea what the fuck to do with this. unconditional respect is a foreign concept to him. no one ever appears to listen to or believe him unless they can get something they want from him, and he thinks this is normal. scully doesn't ask of mulder anything that she's not also willing to give, and this simply Does Not Compute in mulder's brain.

on top of that, every time scully suffers a new trauma, mulder's self-imposed burden of responsibility only increases. he didn't succeed in scaring her off when they first met, and now everything that happens to her is his fault. you're bad for her, the voices in his head tell him. you don't deserve her. she deserves better. however, they're also telling him you need her. she's good for you. you'd be nothing without her.

so he pushes her away, but not too far. he pulls her in, but not too close. and so they dance.

a big part of their journey towards finally getting together is mulder learning that yes, he does deserve love. he does deserve happiness. he didn't somehow trick scully into staying with him or fail to give her adequate reason to leave. she chose him, willingly, because he's a person who's worthy of being chosen.

anyway, back to diana lol. the thought of her and csm makes me want to🤮 and i don't even wanna think about it long enough to decide whether it's plausible. i think i may have read it in a fic once? i don't remember anything else about it though.

YES bringing her back for season 11 would've been perfect, actually they should've brought her back instead of besmirching monica reyes the way they did. it would've made so much more sense. i want to find whoever made that writing decision and shake him.

[sonicfrontiers]

youre the person who got me to watch a playthrough of mouthwashing so youre the one i'll ask - who's saying/thinking "i hope this hurts" and who is it directed to?

oh i'm happy/sorry to hear that i'm the one who got you to watch it lol!

honestly this is something that i've wondered a lot myself. despite the fact that i've watched like 5 playthroughs of mouthwashing there are still so many things that i still don't think i've fully grasped - for instance, i was very confused about the point of the nightmare sequence curly has during the first flashback (curly isn't going to do anything, so what's with the ominous red plane and alarms?) until i saw someone in the tag posit that it could represent curly willfully ignoring and wading past all of jimmy's warning signs, and it clicked.

as for "i hope this hurts," like i said, i'm honestly not sure. the simplest answer to me is that it's a representation of jimmy's train of thought; his envy of curly's position and power manifesting as resentment for curly, his looking down on anya and seeing her as something lesser and to be used, his general distaste with swansea (afaik the two of them never have anything nice to say to each other, right?), and his resentment of daisuke as well (for having parents that "have him covered"). everything he does, he does to hurt the rest of them. now i don't think that's his conscious belief - he probably justifies it to himself with the same talk he uses against the rest of them. it's not his fault, he's the responsible one, he deserves to be captain, etc, etc. but at a core level, he's hurting them because he can, and he wants to. it makes him feel better. it makes him feel more powerful. so, i hope this hurts.

realistically i believe this is most likely, however there are plenty of other interpretations of the phrase that hold water too! what's most interesting to me are the places it shows up - namely, at the start of the game, under the rest of the information given about the tulpar crew.

i don't really know if i have anything totally concrete to say about this, but i do find it really interesting that this is how it all starts. if the rest of this information is from a given source, is "i hope this hurts" from that same source too? and if that's the case, who or what is that source? pony express? i honestly doubt "i hope this hurts" is from the company though. pony express isn't malicious, it just doesn't care.

so... dunno where that leaves this train of thought, lol. just something that's been nagging at me. i could be grasping at nothing though! i just think it's really interesting that "i hope this hurts" is important enough to be given to us to frame the entire rest of the game alongside setting the scene of the long haul space freighter.

you could probably construe it to be from curly towards jimmy, if you wanted - perhaps his desire for revenge after jimmy causes what mutilates him, unable to be spoken but manifesting in these words throughout the game. maybe it's jimmy's guilty conscience. maybe it can represent each of the crew members in their own ways.

i'm open to any of these interpretations! one of the best parts of pieces of art like mouthwashing that are so short yet packed full of meaning is that little bits like these can be taken and stretched out to fit so many interesting different viewpoints, so i'm really glad you asked me to share mine! it made me think about this in ways i haven't before :) and i hoped this helped you think about it too!

[lochrannn]

Hi!

So I’m writing a fanfic rn where post s2 the sibs go on a road trip. There’s no kugelblitz or anything like that. It’s basically the s1 timeline. However, I want to put Lila in it. The only problem is that the s3 events are what lead to her character growth (doesn’t kill Five because they have to work together to stop the kugelblitz, comes back to the academy because the briefcase won’t work and to drop off Stan, doesn’t hold a grudge against Diego because of the kugelblitz, tells the whole pregnancy thing to Diego because of the kugelblitz). I also don’t really want Stan to be in this fic. 

Ok, so I guess my question is, how would I insert Lila into this fic without having her kill five, hold a huge grudge against Diego, or bring Stan into it?

Thank you so much! I'm posing this question to as many tua moots as possible and I understand if you don’t want to answer because this is a loaded question. 

Hey, I think it's pretty cool, you're thinking through your options and hearing some viewpoints to get a wider picture of what your options are. And because you are (hopefully) going to get a few perspectives, I'm going to give you my personal assumptions as bluntly as I'm thinking of them and not fearing I'm going to end up unduely influencing you.

I think the one premise that you're "wrong" about and that will maybe put a different light on the other levels, is that Lila holds a grudge against Diego.

I don't believe that she does. I think that she is bitter and sad and bereft and angry (yes also with Diego) when she leaves the barn, but the only one she's potentially holding a grudge against is Five.

She murders her way into the commission just to see Diego's face. She loves him dearly and all her bravado and played up irritation with him in S3 is out of fear that he might not accept her and especially her with a little extra on board.

There's a great fic by Gin_Juice on AO3* where they work through the tension of Lila loving Diego, being Lila nevertheless and being extremely skittish about being honest/making herself vulnerable like that/trust and resulting commitment issues (although, I've never personally thought or read a fic I liked, where Lila actually distrusted Diego, I just think she thinks he has no reason to take her and the family she brings on. From her perspective she can't concieve of that) and all that against the fact that she has an intense desire to murder Five, violently.

But my personal assumption of Lila is that the version we see of her in most of season 2, snarky, a bit goofy, slightly overwhelmed by the amount she feels for Diego, but pleased he feels the same, here for some good back chat, is who she really is. Not this ball of pent up anger that she is in 2x10.

Yes, I think she will always have trouble to forgive Five but I think she can come to a point where she will understand that he was more of an instrument and the one responsible was the Handler and weighed against an eternal grudge against someone who is roughly as responsible for her parents death as a random natural catastrophy, and getting a chance to live a happy (if likely chaotic) family life with Diego, more often than not, I think she'd chose the latter.

She would defeintely have been able to choose differently to hold on to her grudge and drown in her anger and grief, but the opposite is just as possible.

And holding on to that, a) Diego and her family with him is at the end worth swollowing some of her anger, and b) she comes to the uneasy acceptance that Five is not responsible for her parents' death(she can still hate hims, Jesus, that has never stopped the Hargreeves from being a family), and then I think she can be a fun, chaotic part of the family who sill merry make Five's life hell (he'll do his best to pretend it doesn't bother him) and Diego's too (he'll live for it).

*Gin_Juice's fic is about a bunch of things, not focused on the Diego/Lila of it all, and comes with my highest recommendation and admiration!

Hope this helps 😅

[giankumar-blog1]

Finding Your Unique Purpose in Life.

Throughout history, the meaning and purpose of life have been topics of contemplation for philosophers, theologians, scientists, and thinkers. The responses to these questions differ greatly based on cultural, religious, philosophical, and individual viewpoints. Further, the meaning and reason for our existence are unique to each individual and depend on their beliefs, thoughts, scientific knowledge, spiritual and personal encounters. Discovering one&#39;s purpose also requires considering one&#39;s morals, interests, and the difference one wants to make in the world and the lives of others.

Many individuals discover purpose and fulfillment in their lives by pursuing their interests, building solid relationships, pursuing meaningful careers, and positively contributing to society. These endeavors can take different forms, such as engaging in creative activities, making scientific breakthroughs, engaging in charitable efforts, or raising and nurturing a family. Let us further ponder the spiritual perspective on the meaning and purpose of life.

Life is happening within you at this very moment. It vibrates with aware energy; it is present in your breath and blood and pulsating in your heart. The essence of your life is who and what you are right now. You do not have to wait or discover a meaning; you must create one. Go with an open mind, not imitating or copying others, and be innovative and dynamic with alertness and clarity regarding everything you see, think, and do. Do not

easily believe what you hear from others, especially when you consider them superior to yourself or if they impress your mind in any manner. Use your intelligence because If you do not bring forth what is within you, you may destroy yourself with a meaningless life. Because of the qualities or emotions inside you, borrowed knowledge from here and there, along with those suppressed feelings imitating and copying others, will eventually harm you. In other words, ignoring or repressing your true self can lead to internal conflict and suffering.

The Hindu Vedic scriptures propose four aims or purposes of life — Dharma, Artha, Kama, and Moksha. With righteous living, seek economic prosperity to satiate emotional desires. After that, if content, seek spiritual prowess to liberate your true self from your mind by non-attaching from life&#39;s illusions. Transcending from dualities of pleasure and pain or happiness and sadness to a realm of mental peace and

tranquillity with selfless service in the companionship of your soul, you realize a harmonious life, balancing the material with the spiritual.

The above-said emphasizes the importance of keeping one&#39;s priorities straight and focusing on the bigger picture. While it&#39;s crucial to enjoy each moment to the fullest, we often lose sight of our overall well-being and happiness when we fixate on individual goals. Many people get caught up in trivial matters, overlooking what truly matters. Consider your most profound quest when materially assessing your progress and planning for the future. Genuine commitment to a cause requires sincere feelings and dedication when material and spiritual objectives combine with awareness and equality. For meaning and fulfillment in life, these goals help balance individual objectives with overall well-being and happiness, guiding one toward a path of wholesomeness. Always remember that

spiritualism is fundamentally knowing who you are beyond your body and mind to fulfill one&#39;s life. Otherwise, you go on a roller-coaster ride of happiness and sadness in all sorts of dualities.

In spirituality, the core purpose of life is to live fully and embrace the cycle of existence with aware-conscious energy. However, amidst our daily routines, we often forget this truth. We get caught up in specific objectives, neglecting our overall well-being, living in illusions, and existing in dualities of this and that for me and mine. At times, we focus on trivial matters; at other times, we may lack purpose. The Hindu text suggests that when the mind evaluates accomplishments and plans for the future, we should reflect on what we genuinely desire at our soul level. It emphasizes the importance of dedicating our lives to pursuits that align with our deepest values and aspirations, ensuring that our endeavors are meaningful and fulfilling not only selfishly but also

selflessly, emphasizing both material and spiritual. Guiding that during our younger age, the main focus of life is dedicated to our material progress to become something. However, as we become wiser, we must also devour the remaining part of our life in spiritual practices, with contentment and clarity reducing our attachments to worldly activities.

Life is a journey of good and evil instances; we become wiser not by ignoring them but by introspecting, experiencing, and realizing how to become wiser from them. Our world is often consumed by desires and pursuits that can lead to feelings of oppression and irrationality. Whether caught up in self-pity, striving for achievements, feeling discontent, or chasing power, we are constantly entangled in a cycle of pursuing happiness through external means. We rarely take the time to introspect and analyze our thoughts, feelings, and actions unquestioningly

without justifying or judging them with preconceived notions. Embracing self- observation as a habit fosters a deeper connection with our mind, body, and world.

Through consistent watching and witnessing our mind, our sense of contentment can increase as our egos dissolve, leading to a feeling of liberation from the external environment and connection with our true selves. Self- observation is akin to meditation, where one can achieve a silent, language-free awareness that brings inner peace and connection. The spiritual message encourages us to keep witnessing our mind as a form of meditation to find deeper fulfillment and understanding.

The key to the mystery of life is to explore and discover your true self as the spirit and soul beyond body and mind. &#39;Self- Knowledge&#39; provides an in-depth study of life and its interconnectedness with the

universe. It takes you from the duality of attachment/detachment toward non- attachment, liberating you from the clutches of the mind in constant beliefs, emotional desires, and excessive selfishness for your outer self. Only spiritualism through spirituality can take you toward self-control through completeness, purity, selfless love, devotion, and meditative awareness of that inner self.

By identifying oneself beyond the compulsions of body and mind, you overcome the limitations of the mind, entering into a spirit of all-pervading intelligence, where you do not rely upon destiny but create one with a defined purpose in life. Karmas are the lord of your fate and destiny; you create and transcend with that knowledge in awareness of that being-ness beyond the body and mind, accessing absolute freedom to dedicate and devout — body, mind, and soul in the realm of uniqueness,

clarifying that you possess the potentiality of &quot;Thou Art That.&quot;

For more information please visit www.giankumar.com (Best Spiritual Author)

[ingravinoveritas]

Why do I have a sneaking suspicion David is okay not winning a BAFTA for his Rivals role?

Anon, I think your suspicion may be right on the money.

What I wish people understood is that as an actor, David has a very difference stance and attitude toward his work than fans do. We know from things he has said that he feels terrified of never getting another job and has a huge case of imposter syndrome, so that means he likely thinks more critically of himself and his work than most other people do.

But even if that were not the case, from an objective standpoint, it's just not possible for everything that any actor does to be their "best work ever," and it's disingenuous to pretend otherwise. Rivals has seemed to cause a lot of divided opinions in the fandom, but given his lack of enthusiasm in promoting the show last year (despite clearly enjoying the company of his fellow cast mates), it doesn't feel like a far leap to suggest that David would be the first one to say that he has given better performances in his career. And if David can say and think that, then the fans should be able to say/think that, too...yet this often seems to not be the case, given the level of vitriol that such statements have incurred in the fandom.

There has also been some talk about how this nomination happened in the first place, especially after David was snubbed for so many years and only earned his first (regular) BAFTA nomination last year, for Good Omens. Disney being the driving force behind Rivals means that this is a very different animal to GO--for instance, David and Michael are inextricably connected as the leads of Good Omens and their performances are so deeply intertwined with one another to where neither of them feels what they did could exist without the other.

In contrast, with Rivals, David does not even play the lead character, yet in this award season was pushed as a nominee because he is the most popular/well-known actor in the cast. It also does not feel like an accident that this year's TV BAFTAs coincided with the filming on season 2 of Rivals starting up, and that all of this was engineered specifically to garner publicity and drive up the ratings. And we also cannot overlook or ignore that in terms of publicity, GO as a queer show is sadly looked at and treated very differently to Rivals, which is not.

All of this is to say that David's nomination this year unfortunately seems like it was less about merit and performance and more about politics/PR. Because there is no question that David has had other roles and performances that were undoubtedly deserving of a BAFTA nod, but for one reason or another did not receive one (Dennis Nilsen in Des chiefly comes to mind). And I think that as an actor and someone who takes his work as seriously as he does, David would have no difficulty acknowledging that.

To be clear, this does not mean that David wasn't or couldn't have been excited at receiving a nomination. It is absolutely a huge deal, to be nominated for an award. But as an actor and someone who appreciates the work of other actors, I think David recognized that there were some unbelievably strong performances in his category, and likely felt much more comfortable celebrating those performances (especially Toby Jones and Gary Oldman, who if I understand correctly were the top contenders favored to win).

So yes, those are my thoughts on the BAFTAs tonight. I'd love to know what other folks think, so feel free to weigh in in the comments...

[lukeconlonblog]

Psych 372 Blog #1, 2, 3, 4

Entry #1 

As I have made my way through a few weeks of the course, it has opened my eyes to how the different theories reflect my own personal experiences. As someone who has been raised in a W.E.I.R.D. environment, it is all I have been accustomed to throughout my life. Having not traveled much outside of North America, I found it very interesting to know that only 16% of countries fit under this description. With this, taking up almost all psychology participants creates biases when studying culture. With this, I do not feel very globalized at all. The media I consume is mainly all North American outlets, and hearing other global perspectives is always new to me. This was highlighted when I traveled to Europe last May, the cultural variation was something I had not been accustomed to before. For example, while I was in France, people were happy to help translate certain things/help with directions. However, while I was in Germany people were much less likely to respond and would even walk away when I tried interacting with them. Although they are neighboring countries, the willingness to help translate varied in my personal experience. Another aspect of culture that reflects my personal experience is the idea of an increase in interconnectedness. As someone who stays in touch with my distant family members, we can stay in touch through social media, texting, etc. Also, the ability to find like-minded people, who share similar interests as you are easier with the increase of inter-connectedness online. 

Entry #2 

In my second entry, I wanted to discuss the idea of Individualism vs. Collectivism and the shift toward a more individualistic culture. There are experiences where we see more collective aspects, as many traditional values require collective goals/in-group ideals. However, as we noted, the increased stress of a capitalist society creates a more individualistic approach to ideals (such as money). I am currently experiencing this as I have matured through adulthood, as I have realized that making sure I am financially independent/stable is of utmost importance. Further, as I have moved away from home, I have understood my personal identity better and realized my own distinct traits. I also wanted to discuss some of the viewpoints I have on aspects of life, and how these had been stressed in my household. I believe a lot of them have resonated with me/have stuck with me. These may include basic things such as interests, manners, manners, and mannerisms. I would say I have similar worldview points as my parents, and although they didn’t push their political opinions on me to force me to think a certain way, they still guided me in a direction that they believed was right. 

Entry #3 

In my household, cultural ideals were not necessarily stressed as important as I grew up. These were things that just became engrained in my social/personal life as I was raised and were more of a subconscious engraining over time. However, these subconscious acts are caused by social conventions. The way I act has much to do with my family, who made sure I grew up with manners and social skills. I believe this is emphasized in the similarities I see between myself and my dad. We are often told how similar our mannerisms are, and how we react to certain situations. We are also into many of the same things, attributed to how I was raised. So, this is attributed to a lot of transmitted culture that was passed down to me, and how I view things. How I interact with settings is also attributed to the culture I was raised in, which is reflected in similar opinions regarding our interests- which are also very similar. Overall, I believe many social conventions that were created in my household have rubbed off on me since I came to university. 

Entry #4 

When looking at my family’s history, my parents always talked about the importance of having a family dinner at least once a week. They both grew up in large households, making it hard to find time for each other. The implementation of a family meal once a week held them accountable for making time for each other, which they have since passed on to our family. I see this as a type of tradition or something that means something more than just eating together. It has been a way for us to be accountable to spend time with each other as we have gotten older. Also, every Sunday we would sit down in the afternoons to watch the football games that were being played, and this is something that has since been implemented into my life in university. No matter how busy I may be, I always find time to spend a few hours watching football with my friends on Sunday afternoons. Also, every year since I can remember we would attend Mass on Christmas Eve and Easter Weekend. Although I do not attend Church regularly like I used to, we still make time every year to attend those masses. Although this takes place during the semester, I have since driven home to attend it with my family on Easter Weekend, because it is a tradition that is important to us. 

[sayani78544544]

Basmati rice prices drop in India due to lower exports caused by unrest in the Red Sea region. Rice Prices: The attacks on merchant ships in the Red Sea have had a negative effect on the exports of basmati rice, which has in turn led to a decrease in its prices in the domestic market.

The decision of the shipping lines not to use the route through the Suez Canal as a result of the Houthi attacks has affected sunflower oil imports from Russia and Ukraine. We is happy to hear that sunflower oil prices in local market will increase by 3-4%. This is cause of increase $30 per tonne of sunflower oil in last one week of international market to $940 per tonne. In my viewpoint, the export market has become sluggish and the shipping cost to places like Jeddah, Yemen, Beirut, and Durban have shot up multiple times in some cases. This has severely affected the sales of Basmati rice in these countries.

Kisan App Before the Red Sea crisis, the freight charge to Yemen was $850 per container, but it has increased to $2,400 now, which is a huge jump. Likewise, the cost to transport goods to Jeddah has been raised from $30 per tonne to $940 per tonne in the past week. This indicates a significant increase in the freight rates, according to trade sources. The exporters of Basmati from India have said that the market in Beirut, Durban, Jeddah, Yemen has decreased in demand and also, their shipping charges have increased multiple times due to many shipments.

Krishi App

Before the Red Sea crisis, the cost of transporting a container to Yemen was $850 but now, it has increased to $2,400 as we are told. Just like that, the price of freight rate from Jeddah increased to $1500 from $300 per container. The price from @Durbanincreased!That's $1,200 rather than $700per container. "Owing to the increase in freight charges, there has been a decline in shipments as mentioned by Vijay Setia, ex-president of the All India Rice Exporters Association." "The prices of basmati rice have decreased because of the abundant production in the country "  I mean, 4-4.5 million tonnes of basmati rice are exported from India every year. These Gulf countries are the biggest of the biggest buyers of Indian basmati rice. Around 80 percent of Indian basmati rice exports go to these countries. Maersk has said it will restart its operations in the Red Sea route, but exporters say we still do not know when it is going to start functioning.

The import price of sunflower oil has increased by $30 per tonne and this price hike will have an effect on the domestic prices of sunflower oil, according to sunflower oil importers. However, if the import of sunflower oil is diverted through other routes, then the arrival time from the Russia-Ukraine region will go up to 40 days instead of 28 days. "Even though there are many different types of edible oils available in Indian markets, the fact that the prices and delivery times for imported oils are increasing is impacting the prices of these oils, which the companies that sell them in India have to raise for their consumers." As stated by the Solvent Extractors Association of India, India's imports of edible oils raised to 15.47 million tonnes during the first 11 months of the oil year 2022-23, from 12.66 million tonnes in the previous year, which indicates an impressive growth of 22.15%.

[individualcontributor]

BREAKING SAD

Disclaimer: Depression has been written about and discussed for hundreds of years. Despite advances in understanding its complexities, depression remains one of the most controversial issues today. I recognise the differing, often polarising, viewpoints regarding mental illness. Furthermore, I do not claim to be an oracle of all things depression. This is simply an account of how I am experiencing my version of this affliction.

I suffer from clinical depression. Whilst I’m not proud of it, I’m not ashamed of it either. Why am I telling you this now? Well, because I was just diagnosed with it a few weeks ago. People may think depression hits you overnight (and in some cases it does) but, whilst depression can be obvious, often it’s a sneaky bugger.

You might seem happy on the outside. Smiling, talking to people at parties, saying things like Did you put lime in this hummus? It’s delicious, my face is having such a great time! But you, and others around you may not realise how deeply the depression runs. You just keep going, congratulating yourself on being the “normal” human you are.

Over the past few years the facade began to crumble. It became increasingly difficult for me to make decisions. I had no empathy for anyone, and I started to crave solitude. The worst part was that it became harder to face people, even those I loved. It felt much better to be holed up on my sofa for unhealthy periods of time, which was odd as only a few years ago I was a high-functioning humanoid. Look around you… you’re probably surrounded by other high-functionaries. When I say “high-functioning” I mean, people who are doing stuff. They are doing well in their jobs, making decisions (both important and basic), and organising murder mystery dinners on weeknights (weeknights for crying out loud!)

A common misconception about depressed people is that we’re easy to spot – flailing around, zombie-esque in Dawn of the Depression. Nope, most of us like to keep that shit at home.

However, when it comes to being in the ‘outside world’ with ‘the people’ and the ‘stuff’ it’s possible to trick yourself into being a superhuman/athlete/actor. If you were running track, you’d probably be high-fiving yourself as you lap people.

Then one day you hear the starter pistol go off, but you don’t run. You just stay in the blocks staring down at the asphalt, mesmerised, thinking I feel nothing for this asphalt, I’ll just wait here till I feel something. Everything you thought you were interested in (or thought you should be interested in) goes straight out the window. You liked hanging out with friends? Nope, not anymore you don’t. You liked cycling at weekends? Nope thanks. You liked grocery shopping? Well, no-one really does but screw it, you’re not going to do that ever again. Why? Uh, because that would involve doing something and then there’s all the people… oh the people! And the things and the noises, and the fact that it means leaving the house. I’d rather repeatedly receive an iCloud account issue dialogue box.

You would think this would all be somewhat terrifying, but for me, it wasn’t. It was actually very comfortable. I’d revel in not having to feel feelings. Being numb meant I could just ‘be’ without ‘being’. Turns out this made me a ticking time bomb. See, when you extreme hoard all the feelings (like finding-a-dead-pet-under-the-refrigerator kind of hoarding), you end up with none at all. I let myself feel nothing, all the while a toxic swirl bubbled up inside me and time quickly began to run out.

Now, here’s the really terrifying bit – detonation. I didn’t know when it was coming or how it would happen but I sure as shite was not prepared for it. Detonation of depression and feelings was very clear and simple for me. I can’t remember what, but something was said and instantly my brain snapped from my heart and my body filled with hot, black sludge

Darkness surged through my veins and permeated my eyeballs. All the feelings I’d hoarded over the years were now rushing through me in one go and all I wanted was a one-way ticket back to numbsville. I’d been ensconced in my tiny, numb mind for two decades, and now something was ripping it and me to shreds. Of course I reacted because I was helplessly trying to piece back the ruins of the only mind I had ever known.

There are many reasons as to why this happened. I attribute the lion’s share to my silence. I had an inkling I ignored, an extreme sadness that surfaced twenty years later to teach me various painful yet valuable lessons. I only wish that I had talked to someone about it earlier; that would've at least let some air out of the over-inflated shit balloon I was holding onto.

Thing is, it’s hard to suddenly sidle up to someone and be all “Hey, I think I’m really sad for no reason, any guesses as to why that might be?”. Even your best friends might be like “What? But you were really into that hummus at Dave’s party”. They may take you out more as some sort of exposure therapy. They may even take you away on holiday so you can “relax and heal.” Now, all these things are lovely, and I appreciate having such thoughtful friends, but they may not necessarily understand that, whilst in depression, going on holiday is a fate worse than having to listen to your voicemails.

As I grew up, repression became so much easier, and much more crucial, like breathing or grossing people out by telling them what a Mooncup is. It was yet another one of my dysfunctional lifelines – like a Slanket of thorns (omg…new band name).

Now, as I’m going through treatment, I’m seeing and feeling the repressions of Christmas pasts, scooping out all the trauma which lead me to this point. I watch, anesthetized, as the pain passes in front of me on a lonely airport conveyor belt. All of the bags are mine and I’m forced to watch them circulate, then remove them, and then empty their contents.

The positive in all of this is that I’m not doing it alone. As I mentioned earlier, I’m in treatment and have been for 6 weeks. Reaching out for help is the single best and bravest decision I have ever made.

Depression is like being in an anaconda-esque bind and releasing yourself from it is a process – A process I’m still trying to understand. I mean shit, even some of the sentences you’re reading now were written during deep depression and mania (can you guess which ones? Answer: rhetorical). Look, I’m not writing this to you from a place of recovery (far from it!), I’m writing as I go. As I said at the start, I do not claim to be an expert on this but I do know that, when it comes to depression, you should not suffer in silence. Talk to someone, anyone. I know there are many reasons not to – it hurts, it’s hard, it’s embarrassing, it’s not the right time. Well, it will never be the right time to talk about depression, but it will always be the right decision to talk about it.

read :

what is Weaboo? Meaning and Explanation

[3am-sleep-paralysis-demon]

Alrighty so I found this post looking for people that make dst content to follow and couldn't stop thinking about it as a Maxwell main and how as a disable person, especially as a disable person that doesn't look disable from the outside can relate to Maxwell and his qoutes.

Maxwell's qoutes for the Candy Cane from the Winter's Feast even is; "I don't even use a cane!" I kown this could be possibly be apart of me self projecting onto Maxwell (epscailly because his qoute for the walking cane only mentions it having pictures carved into it) but I personally read this as Maxwell being defensive of how weak he is and not showing that weakness to the other survivor's. This reminds me of how I can respond when I tell someone about my disabilities and they say akin to "Oh, couldn't X help you?" Or "Wouldn't X make Y easier / more manageable?"

The Telltale Heart and Meat Effigy qoutes for Maxwell are "I'm not sure I really want to give this up" and "I'm not above useing this" each respectfully. Both are things that can be used to bring a person back from death, with the Telltale Heart Maxwell is hesitant to give up and questions if he's sure he wants to give it up. With the Meat Effigy Maxwell fully kowns that he'll lucky need to use it and isn't afraid to. Awile Maxwell's qoutes for other healing items and even the Life Giving Amulet don't have the most inestning qoutes aside from stora stating the obvious, he's still acknowledging in a way that he is disable, weak that he'll likely need thoes items and kows it. If I was in that kind of situation myself, I would probably hold the same or at least smiler viewpoints even throug it can be a bit selfish. As a Maxwell player to, I normally get a hoard of Telltale Heart, Meat Effigys, and Life Giving Amulets both at base and on my person. It's actually genuinely rare for me to not have a Meat Effigy percafted, several Life Giving Amulet in my inventory and Magician's Top Hat because even through I like to think I'm decent at the game, it doesn't mean I'm immune to diying most the time it is my own ego and/or a mix of overestimating.

Another qoute I like to point out from Maxwell is from the Straw Roll; "I don't like sleeping rough." This qoute is admittedly hard to tell if this a general dislike of sleeping rough, Maxwell's high stranders and ego or whaf exactly. However as a disable person I also dislike camping, sleeping rough and other things that can fall into that general category as it makes sleeping difficult for me and in the mornings I often find that my body is in more pain then usually so I can be picky about when/where I sleep. I wouldn't be surprised if Maxwell held a samiler veiw point.

The last thing I want to add onto is how somebody already mentioned one of Maxwell's lines for carrying a heavy object that he can feel/hear all of his joints creaking and those how he's more positive towards work that isn't physical taxing like his cookbook quote being; "Very well, if I can master the dark arts, how hard could cooking be?" I'll admit that I'd definitely prefer a task like cooking or map making then carrying a heavy object over physical labour amd physical taxing taxs as feeling and hearing all of your joints creaking isn't a pleasant experience. I can only describe doing physical, epscailly taxing activities as every part of my body desperately begging me to stop. So Maxwell's lines are relatable for me as a disable person.

Also I want to mention that a disable person is far more then their disabilities and two peoples experiences with being disable, even if it's the same disable can be and will be different from each other's. Overall through, I'm very happy to see more people talking about Maxwell as a disable character. In my opinion Maxwell is a well written invisibly disable character that I personally find relatable as someone that is invisibly disable. Hopefully you enjoy and find inestning my additional to this post through the lenses of a disable person and a Maxwell main, regardless of how much I may have self projected onto Maxwell.

Something I think a lot of people miss about Maxwell is that like. He is physically disabled. He doesn't look like it, but a lot of stuff points to that being true:

The most obvious being that he's literally described as frail and has equivalent HP to Wes, a character specifically unsuited for survival.

"Maxwell's extended reign on the Nightmare Throne altered him in ways that are not yet fully understood. He continues to rely heavily on his tome, the Codex Umbra, as a result." He's literally using a tool to make up for lack of basic capability.

Almost all of the quotes where he complains about doing work are specifically about work that is very physically taxing, barring some more related to disgust. However, he responds positively to work that isn't as hard on the body:

Cookbook- "Very well. If I can master the dark arts, how hard could cooking be?"

Cartographer's Desk- "Mapmaking is a soothing pastime. Methodical."

It's pretty clear that under the airs he puts on about work meant for servants, it's just that he can't do physical tasks effectively. I'd assume it's a case of chronic pain and a general physical weakness. It may even be in combination with mental symptoms, which he also very obviously has but could have different origins.

It's fun to rag on him for his behavior, but it's important to actually put that into context. He is incapable, he is incompetent, and it's silly that he pretends he's not, but all of that also means that he is disabled and coping with it as best he can.