#he really is the one and only.....

[hydropales]

Ambivalent...

[rambling-robot]

crazy that gravity falls was like, hey what if we made twin brothers, and one of them is the worse one. he gets bad grades, he likes to punch his problems, everyone thinks of him as “the other one.” he’s engulfed in a shadow that’s shaped like him. he doesn’t even have his own name—it’s derived of his brother’s name, the only one his parents planned on having and using. everything about him is derivative—imitative of another person (his twin brother) (the one everyone likes and wants) and is disapproved of for that reason (he isn’t just “bad at this thing,” he’s “not as good as his brother”). and then he ruins his brother’s science fair project (the one next to his own—no one noticed it because it’s not good, it’s almost stupid next to a “perpetual motion machine” made by a high schooler) (he tried to fix it) (he doesn’t know how; he’s not as smart as the guy who made it) and he gets kicked out. the potential of the money his twin could’ve made is enough to throw him onto the street, and he can’t go home until he makes that money back (the money that was never gained and therefore was never lost. he never had a chance of making enough). he took every job he could (his brother went to school). he got banned from multiple states (his brother bought a house). he traveled internationally and went to prison and had people try to hunt him down and kill him because he couldn’t make enough money (his brother’s house has three basements. he made them himself, as secure as can be). and when his twin finally summons him for help, things go wrong (he messed up this machine like the last one) (he doesn’t know how to fix it. he isn’t as smart as the guy who made it) (he tries to fix it) (he was never any good at reading and these blueprints are impossible, coded and fragmented and in a science that he didn’t know existed) (he tries to fix it). the townspeople ask who he is, and he doesn’t even say his own name (it was hardly his to begin with). and he invites them to a house that isn’t his to show off experiments that aren’t his because he needs to make money that can’t be his. everything he does for the next 30 years is in his twin’s name, for his twin’s sake. he had two funerals for himself and it isn’t even his body in the casket; he had to wear his brother’s name to both of them. if he had died before he fixed the portal, that funeral wouldn’t have been for him. we meet him as a funny and unique character, but in-universe, he’s only ever been defined by someone else.

and then they went, this is entirely in the background btw. most of that is going to be revealed in one episode and won’t be addressed again. he’s a primary comic relief, even. I’m ill about this.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Expertise can't help you here.

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

bee gets to meet his idols

[lucdoodle]

thought that one Alastor scene would look cool in comic lettering, so i drew this

[can-i-get-a-yippee]

The rest of B-Shift hearing about Ravi committing domestic terrorism for the sake of Chimney even after Bobby offered to take the fall and just thinking, “Oh God, they finally got him. They roped Ravi into their sick little co-dependent work family. We’re never getting him back.”

[000bun]

[raynewolferune]

Batmobile Conversations as Heard by a Fast-food Drive Thru Cashier

Batman: "No."

Red Robin: "But what if -"

Batman: "No."

Red Robin: "But I could -"

Batman: "No."

Red Robin: "What if I -"

Robin: "Cease this Neanderthal behavior at once! You cannot be a Red if you are dressed entirely in Green!"

~*~*~

Red Hood: "You're not my fucking father!"

Batman: "The paperwork says otherwise."

Red Hood: "Fucking where, Bitch! I'll burn them!"

Batman: "You'd still be grounded and for even longer if you did."

~*~*~

Batman: "Please tell me you have a Signal action figure now?"

Drive Thru Cashier: "I'm afraid Riddler high jacked the truck they were supposed to be on. We haven't got any in yet."

Batmn: *long heavy sigh* " Of course he did."

~*~*~

Red Hood, driving the batmobile for some reason: "I need 10,000 of one of literally anything you carry other than the Night Wings. I literally don't carry what it is."

Signal: "And one order of Robin Nuggets."

Red Hood: "And one order of Robin Nuggets. We Are Robin limited edition version if you have it."

~*~*~

Nightwing, driving the batmobile for some reason: "I need 6 orders of Night Wings, please."

Red Robin: "There are only two of us? And I don't want Night Wings?"

Nightwing: "Nah, that just cause Hood's trying to steal my lead. I'll get you anything you want other than the Caped Crusader Sandwhich though."

~*~*~

Batman: "No, you may not borrow the Batmobile."

Robin: "It's a right of passage!"

Batman: "You are too young to have earned that right yet."

Spoiler: "Ha! He called you a baby!"

~*~*~

Spoiler, driving the batmobile for some reason: "Do you guys have any glitter?"

Drive Thru Cashier: "Ma'am, this is a fast food restaurant."

Spoiler:

Spoiler: "How many packets of ketchup, mustard, and mayonnaise can you legally give me?"

Drive Thru Cashier:

Drive Thru Cashier after checking with the manager: "50 packets of each."

Spoiler: "I'll take them!"

~*~*~

Robin, driving the batmobile clearly without permission: "I require 2 Robin Meals. One vegan."

Superboy the 2nd: "Oh! I want a Red Hood toy!"

Robin: "What?! Absolutely not! We will take the current Robin toy! A Nightwing if that's not available!"

Superboy the 2nd: "NOOO! I WANT RED HOOD!"

Red Hood, apparently in the back seat of the batmobile: "Dear God. MAKE IT 4 ROBIN MEALS, PLEASE, ANS GIVE THEM BOTH WHAT THEY WANT SO THEY SHUT UP."

Superboy the 2nd happily: "As long as I get my Red Hood."

Robin grumbling: "Ridiculous. Stop acting so thirsty for it."

Red Hood: *strangled, choking noises*

Superboy the 2nd: *mortified squeal* "ROBIN! That is NOT what that MEANS!"

[muffinlance]

Consider: Post-canon Zuko wakes up in the body of his childhood self, the morning of That War Meeting. Would he still speak against the plans, knowing his fate? What do you think he would do differently the second time around?

"Turned away at the doors, Zuzu?"

"Shut up, Azula," her brother sulked. But sulked weirdly, after staring at her too long and too wide-eyed, not like she'd surprised him but--

But like he hadn't expected her to be there. At all.

He turned away. ...He turned back. "Hey, Lala? Do you think you could help me practice that one set?"

He didn't meet her eyes.

She narrowed hers. "Which set?"

"The one I'm bad at."

She scoffed. Pushed away from the wall she'd been leaning against. "That's all of them, Dum-Dum."

He didn't shout or stomp or yell about the nickname. His lips twitched.

"It's okay," he said. "If you're afraid you won't be a better teacher that my instructor..."

It was the most obvious manipulation ever.

Perhaps if he proved an adequate firebending student, she'd work on his courtly survival skills next. Honestly, it was good that not even Uncle Gets-Cousins-Killed had been fool enough to take Zuko into that war meeting. She could only imagine how terribly that could have gone.

"Keep up," she said, and turned her steps towards the training grounds.

He did. There, and during the katas she ran him through.

Azula kept her eyes narrowed.

"Hey," he asked, "do you know how to bend lightning yet?"

As if he could have missed it, if she'd been able to get more than sparks. "I will soon," she said.

"You will," he agreed, and flowed through his next set. The one she'd only just mastered.

Father didn't notice how weird Zuzu was being. Uncle never noticed anything. Zuko ate dinner and asked a servant for seconds and didn't stutter or flinch or lose his appetite when father asked, coolly, what he'd done with his day. Azula's shoulders tensed, because one mention of how she'd squandered her own training time teaching him--

"Azula hogged the training grounds. For hours," Zuzu scowled, exactly like a petulant thirteen year old.

Exactly like he hadn't been acting all day.

By the time Father was looking her way, Azula had her usual smirk in place. "I'm sure there would be room for both of us," she said, "you're not afraid of a little friendly fire, are you, brother?"

Zuko sulked. And ate his seconds, like he was enjoying each bite. There was something in his eyes, like a joke no one else was getting.

---

Father died that night. A heart attack. There were the faintest of burns to either side of the treacherous organ; the royal physician hypothesized that he'd grabbed at his chest, fingers burning hot in his final moments; so hot they'd only exacerbated the problem.

The royal physician would never have been brought any victims of lighting strikes. Those that occurred in the capital did not generally require a doctor in the aftermath.

Zuzu ate a hearty breakfast.

He didn't order seconds. Azula gave him points, at least, for not being tacky.

---

The sages named Iroh as regent.

They named Zuko as Fire Lord.

"No," the tiny Fire Lord in his perfectly miniaturized Fire Lord robes said, sitting at the head of his war council. "We're not doing that. And I'll be reviewing all recent battle plans, as well. What's this I hear about a division of new recruits being deployed to the front?"

He did not mention how he'd heard of the 41st Division. No one asked.

"Prince Iroh, surely--" one of the generals tried to appeal.

The young Fire Lord's regent was looking as startled as the rest of them, for a moment. Then he sipped his tea, and smiled.

"Your Fire Lord is correct, of course. A change in our leadership--a change the other nations may mistakenly view as weakness--will necessitate a change in our strategy."

"Now," said their lord, "what, exactly, is our overall objective in this war?"

War, the new Fire Lord decreed, was not an end unto itself.

---

The new Fire Lord continued to have time, to pretend to be trained by her. Azula watched him. Adjusted her footwork. Did not tolerate, and was not offered, any commentary on who was teaching who.

"What did you do with my brother?" she asked, as they flowed from one set to the next. As her hands, poised to throw fire, just so happened to be pointed his way.

He missed a step. It didn't look like an act.

"I'm, uh. Right here?"

She didn't bother to dignify that.

He didn't bother to look worried about her hands, one movement off from a true attack.

He looked around, then grabbed her sleeve, and tugged her further from any walls that may hide ears. The royal family's private training grounds were wonderfully large, and wonderfully open.

"It's me," he said. "It's still me. Just. More of me? Longer of me?"

She narrowed her eyes. A familiar expression, by this point. "Explain."

"...I found the Avatar," he said. "And this is definitely his fault, but--but I guess it started at a war meeting, when I was thirteen."

Azula listened. It was a very Dum-Dum story.

[soapbbox]

You know how in TFP Optimus can’t really remember what happened during his time without the matrix. Yeah. The sad version of this what if Optimus met cogless Megatron.

Cont from this, and this

[rooniearts]

espio going through severe amounts of white boy withdrawals </3 Sad!

bonus under the cut:

[chloesimaginationthings]

William Afton lost two baddies in FNAF..

[fluentisonus]

the thing is I am still thinking about that bit in conclave right before they're about to vote when the breath of wind & birdsong comes in through the window that had recently been violently blown in to let the light and air into what has til then been a suffocatingly still & sterile & dark & enclosed environment & it ruffles all the pages on the desks & they all pause and look up. like oh god is there

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

bum-bull-bee and d16

based off of people comparing bee to a bull in this tweet i made

[batsyheere]

Bruce tries to adopt Ellie, who is immediately against it. She keeps throwing him off her trail and he keeps tracking her down. She's honestly concerned, and normally she would handle her problems by herself- but this is Batman.

So when Bruce gets a little too close and Ellie is just so tired... she calls for Danny.

"Mom!"

Cue college student, perpetually tired and overworked Danny "High King Phantom" Fenton appearing from the very shadows Batman normally does himself, seeing the situation and going off at this "clearly older man" chasing his daughter in the middle of the night.

Cue the most elaborate "stop trying to adopt my kid before I adopt yours" series of battles

[newttxt]

lulaw bodyswap (or, the exquisite humiliation of trafalgar law) for @strawhattery's birthday!

bonus: the original toilet humor gag that ended up on the chopping block