#how to help a child with short-term memory problems

[patnaneuro]

How to Help a Child with Short-term Memory Problems?

A memory issue in your child can be an agonizing experience for parents. Does your kid frequently forget things? Is your child unable to remember important things? Don’t let your kid suffer through this. If you think it’s a severe issue, visit a child Top Neuropsychiatrist in Patna, Dr. Vivek Pratap Singh. 

Memory is defined as the mental capacity to remember things needed to function in life. Children can constantly forget unimportant things.

Although if your child can’t remember someone’s name they are always hanging out with, or if they persistently forget things back at school, or don’t remember to take their lunch then these symptoms might make your child’s life a bit difficult.

Memory helps one stay ahead academically too. Sometimes, some children having developmental disbaility can suffer through these problems too. 

Types of memory loss: 

The varied range of memory loss in a child can be 

General memory: if the child is having an issue remembering life experiences, events, or knowledge. 

Learning and memory: Your child might have issues with academic learning in some parts. For example, they might be good at arithmetics, but don’t remember any details about history subjects. 

Memory for names: forgetting names of familiar people. 

Memory for faces: not remembering familiar faces. 

Memory for places

Procedural memory: Children won’t remember how to do things like riding a bicycle, or how to play volleyball. 

Working memory: working memory problems in children wherein they forget what they had to do in minutes. For example, you had to do something in the room, but you forget when you come to the room. 

Developmental disabilities like tourette syndrome, ADHD, rett syndrome, Down syndrome can typically lead to memory problems. These disorders usually affect working memory in children.

The 6 year old's memory problems are affected by these disorders. Defects in working memory cause a child to forget doing their homework, planning and organizing their activities, and severely affect their academic abilities due to not retaining information long enough.

Short term memory: Traumatic brain injury or concussion causes grave damage to a child’s brain. In concussion, one side of the brain pushes against the skull and then goes in the opposite direction.

This kind of injury often causes memory loss and targets short term memory. This is defined as the child doesn’t remember what happened before the injury. Other causes of short term memory loss can be 

Lead poisoning 

Post traumatic stress disorder 

Mental disorders

Vitamin or nutrient deficiency

ADHD 

Dyslexia

Dyscalculia

This eventually leads to short-term memory loss symptoms in children like 

Difficulty with calculations 

Difficulty remembering events in an order 

Difficulty understanding language or words

Unable to remember dates, or names

Squirming or fidgety 

Sudden memory loss in children can be due to brain injury. At times, after a traumatic head injury, a child can develop anterograde (unable to make new memories, forgetting what they ate, or inability to retain any new information) or retrograde amnesia (can’t recall any information before the injury) leading to a sudden memory loss.

Hypoxia, i.e. brain cannot get enough oxygen, or severe brain infection can also cause sudden memory loss. 

Memory problem symptoms: 

The memory processing disorder symptoms can be 

Misplacing items 

Losing things 

Have to ask questions multiple times

Forgetting doing chores 

Difficult finding the appropriate word to say 

Trouble recognizing familiar faces or remembering familiar names

MEMORY PROBLEM CAUSES: 

Children with memory problem can have a wide range of causes like: 

Mental health disorders like PTSD, OCD or bipolar disorder

Insomnia 

Brain tumors

Infections affecting brain

Substance abuse 

Pediatric infections 

Childhood trauma 

Traumatic head injury 

Epilepsy 

Metabolic conditions 

Stroke 

Delirium/dementia 

Side effects of medications like opiates, nsaids, or benzodiazepines

How to treat memory problems? 

Treating memory problems depends on treating the underlying cause. The Best Neuropsychiatrist in Patna, by Dr. Vivek Pratap Singh. 

How to help a child with short term memory problems? 

There are a variety of ways to help a child like 

Physical activity is a vital component in your child’s growth. It improves cognitive function and helps with retaining memory. 

A balanced nutrient diet is important for a child's brain to receive vital minerals and this helps with memory function. 

How to improve working memory in child? 

To help your child’s working memory, 

Parents can make child play some board and card games, so they retain information. 

Try making your child teach you things. This way he will remember more efficiently.

Make your child read books constantly, that way he hs memory will be sharpened. 

Keep on practicing skills they already learnt. Doing the same thing again and again strengthens the memory. 

Pictures help children remember information effectively. Visuals have proven to be quite beneficial. 

Inform the child with instructions broken down in small parts so that they don’t have to rememeber everything at once.

Memory loss is a severe issue affecting a lot of children. If your child is suffering from any disorder affecting your memory, get in touch with best neuropsychiatrist Illness Treatment in Patna, Dr. Vivek Pratap Singh. Taking treatment in time is quite vital for the prognosis of your child. 

[literaryvein-reblogs]

If it isn't inconvenient, do you have any tips on writing characters suffering from a concussion?

✧⁠◝⁠(⁠⁰⁠▿⁠⁰⁠)⁠◜⁠✧

Writing Notes: Concussions

Concussion

A blow or a jolt to the head can cause a concussion or traumatic brain injury (TBI).

An injury to another part of the body that transmits force to the head can also result in concussion.

Concussion Symptoms

These are symptoms of a possible concussion:

Physical

Bothered by light or noise

Dizziness or balance problems

Feeling tired, no energy

Headaches

Nausea or vomiting (early on)

Vision problems

Thinking and remembering

Attention or concentration problems

Feeling slowed down

Foggy or groggy

Problems with short- or long-term memory

Trouble thinking clearly

Sluggish reactions

Social or emotional

Anxiety or nervousness

Irritability or easily angered

Feeling more emotional

Sadness

Mood changes

Sleep

Sleeping less than usual

Sleeping more than usual

Trouble falling asleep

These symptoms may occur right away or may worsen over minutes or hours after an injury.

Symptoms may be stable or improve with various lengths of time.

Symptoms may last less than a day or may linger for months, or longer.

Causes

A concussion can result from a fall, sports activities, vehicular accidents, assault, or other direct injury to the skull.

A big movement of the brain (called jarring) in any direction can cause a person to lose alertness (become unconscious).

How long the person stays unconscious may be a sign of how bad the concussion is.

Concussions do not always lead to loss of consciousness.

Most people never pass out.

They may describe seeing all white, all black, or stars.

A person can also have a concussion and not realize it.

Exams and Tests

The health care provider will perform a physical exam. The person's nervous system will be checked. There may be changes in the person's pupil size, thinking ability, coordination, and reflexes.

Tests that may be done include:

Blood and urine tests

EEG (brain wave test) may be needed if seizures continue

Head CT (computerized tomography) scan

MRI of the brain (magnetic resonance imaging) of the brain

X-rays

Treatment

For a mild head injury, no treatment may be needed.

But be aware that the symptoms of a head injury can show up later. Your providers will explain what to expect, how to manage any headaches, how to treat your other symptoms, when to return to sports, school, work, and other activities, and signs or symptoms to worry about.

Children will need to be watched and make activity changes.

Adults also need close observation and activity changes.

Both adults and children must follow the provider's instructions about when it will be possible to return to sports.

You will likely need to stay in the hospital if:

Emergency or more severe symptoms of head injury are present

There is a skull fracture

There is any bleeding under your skull or in the brain

Alternative Names

Brain injury

Traumatic brain injury

Closed head injury

Signs: What to watch for according to your child's age

Infants, toddlers, and pre-school aged children (birth to age 4)

Irritability and crying more than usual

Seeking more comfort than usual, like needing to be held

Refusing to nurse or eat

Changes in sleeping patterns, like sleeping more or less than usual

Not wanting to engage in play or usual activities

Needing more help than usual

Showing behavior changes, such as more temper tantrums, sadness, or irritability than usual

Changes in speech, like speaking more slowly than usual

Vomiting right after the injury without other causes, such as a virus

Appearing dazed, confused, and more clumsy than usual or seeming unsteady on their feet

School-aged children and adolescents (ages 5 to 17)

Appearing dazed, stunned, or confused about recent events

Sudden difficulty remembering or concentrating, especially on topics or activities that would otherwise hold their attention

Answering questions more slowly than usual

Appearing more clumsy than usual, seeming unsteady on their feet

Vomiting right after the injury without other causes, such as a virus

Suddenly slowed reaction times

Mood, behavior, or personality changes

The following are emergency symptoms of a more severe head injury or concussion. Seek medical care right away if there are:

Changes in alertness and consciousness

Confusion that does not go away

Seizures

Muscle weakness on one or both sides of the body

Pupils of the eyes that are not equal in size

Symptoms in just one eye

Unusual eye movements

Repeated vomiting

Walking or balance problems

Unconsciousness for a longer period of time or that continues (coma)

Head injuries that cause a concussion often occur with injury to the neck and spine. Take special care when moving people who have had a head injury.

The above are excerpts from this previous post.

And these sources: 1 2 3 4 ⚜ More: Notes ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

Concussions can present differently for different people, depending on the cause and other factors. Choose which of these references are most appropriate to incorporate in your story, considering your character, plot etc. Hope this helps with your writing! :)

[reccyls]

Victor's Main Route: Chapter 20

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He had guided me to the church at the center of our memories. And just like the day we first met, he sat down beside me. But unlike that day, we were both grown up, and I was no longer crying. And as if to prevent us from ever parting again, I clutched his hands tightly. I turned my body to face him, and waited for him to speak while looking into his eyes. After a short silence, he opened his mouth.

Victor: When we first met, I had just ascended to the throne as the queen. Victor: Hiding my gender and ruling as queen had been more flight of fancy than a well-thought out plan. Victor: But after learning that I was cursed, and that I was doomed by my fate, I chose that option. Victor: Choosing to rule as a woman was a more difficult road than ruling as a man, but gender didn’t matter to me. Victor: Perhaps I just wanted to prove that I could fight against the odds, and take control of my destiny. Victor: But although I had made that decision, my heart still had doubts. Victor: I did not want to discard my life as ‘Victor’. Victor: I questioned what I should do, what the best course of action was. Victor: My head knew the answer, but my heart hadn’t yet come to terms with it. Victor: As my anxiety and internal conflict grew, one day, I snuck out of the palace and visited a church. Victor: And there, I met you. Victor: That first day, I saw that you were praying while in tears, and I worried about you. Victor: One of the citizens that I must protect was crying, and such a young child, too. Victor: I called out to you to try and get you to stop crying somehow, but you only ended up crying even more.

Kate: …It was your kindness and how you listened to me talk that made me keep crying. Kate: The more I remembered my cat, the sadder I became and the more I cried.

Victor: I was in quite a panic. I’d never dealt with a crying child before. Victor: …And after the music from my music box calmed you down, you listened to my troubles, and said this: Victor: “I think it’s okay if you let someone help you with your problem. And if no one can help, then I will.” Victor: Your words held no ulterior motive. Just pure-hearted innocence. Victor: I think that all my life, I’d been waiting for someone to tell me exactly that. Victor: I could do nothing but fight on alone, hiding my identity, bearing the burden of my curse, without anyone to rely on. Victor: So your words were the last push I needed. Victor: I would leave ‘Victor’ behind, live as the queen, and die.

My words at the time were a healing balm for Victor’s doubts and worries. But at the same time, they were the catalyst for Victor abandoning his life as a person. I was left speechless.

(I was the one who pushed him into giving up his chance to be happy.)

They had been the careless words of a child that he’d only met once. I felt my heart squeeze painfully, realizing that I had caused my beloved so much heartache.

I’m sorry.

If I hadn’t said that…

I’m glad my words could help you, but… (+2/+4)

Kate: I’m glad my words could help you, but…

Victor: Don’t make that face. You saved me, and that is fact.

Victor: Because of what you said, I could muster the strength to face forward and keep going.

His hand stroked my cheek gently, and I lifted my gaze to look at him. He let out a soft laugh when he saw my sorrowful expression.

Victor: A monarch is a being akin to a bird with clipped wings. No matter the price they must pay, the country’s prosperity is their only aim. Victor: Though I knew that would be the case, I remained conflicted, unable or unwilling to fully give myself up. Victor: That’s why I’m so very glad that you gave me the strength to push forward. To create a world where you could smile, and freely take to the skies. Victor: That was enough for me.

The pad of his thumb brushed the skin beneath my eye, and I subconsciously shut them. At the same time, Victor’s fingers stopped moving.

Victor: At least, until we next met. Victor: Shortly after that first meeting, I had gotten used to my duties, and was able to carve out some personal time for myself. Victor: I would walk the streets of London, see with my own eyes the peaceful lives of the people and the smiles that brightened their faces. Victor: When remnants of my irrationality still tugged at my heart, I would go back to that church. Victor: Every time I visited I would look for you, but never saw you. It disappointed and relieved me in equal amounts. Victor: If you had come back to that church, perhaps it would be because you had reason to cry again. Victor: And life continued just like that, until a few years ago. Victor: And I found you again, a second time. Victor: We had apprehended the masterminds of the bombing incidents by then. Victor: But those that remained of that organization were still defiant, and continued to target crowded locations in order to strike at the queen. Victor: I didn’t think the church would be a target, given their modus operandi up until that point. Victor: But just in case, William and I paid a visit to the church. Victor: I saw you playing with the children that day, and I instantly recognized that you were the girl who saved me. Victor: I wanted to tell you to leave immediately as there was a chance you would be in danger. However… Victor: At that exact moment, the world exploded and went dark. Victor: When I next opened my eyes, it was as though I were witnessing a scene right out of hell. Victor: I heard gunshots, and then saw the members of that organization appear. But I couldn’t fight back. Victor: Because I saw you, shielding a child with your body, unable to move.

Kate: !

Victor: At that moment, I couldn’t think of anything else, except for that if you lived and everyone else here died… Victor: That would be enough.

Kate: Victor…

Victor: To save your life, I pulled you out of the church. Victor: I only noticed that the cylinder of my music box fell out and was destroyed after everything was already over.

Kate: Back then, you went back after rescuing me.

Victor: To sentence the criminals. Victor: As queen, I made the choice to condemn evil for the sake of the country. Victor: If I had just been ‘Victor’, I would have taken your hand and fled to the ends of the earth until you were safe. Victor: But I couldn’t do that. I was the country’s ruler.

The way his laugh sounded so self-mocking hurt my heart.

Victor: Ever since then, I wanted to know how you were doing. So I watched you secretly.

Kate: …You what!?

I shouted in surprise, while he just smiled wryly.

Victor: It wasn’t for any nefarious purpose… I was just worried, about whether you were still suffering because of your memories of that day.

His gaze dropped, and strength entered his hand that was placed against my cheek.

Victor: And just as I feared, I discovered that you were traumatized by those events, and feared loud explosion-like sounds.

Victor: You’ll be okay. I’m here.

(So that’s why he knew to cover my ears back then.)

He knew everything, so that was how he was able to help me.

Victor: I couldn’t help but worry, and so it became part of my routine to watch over you from afar. Victor: If you want to call me a stalker, I can’t blame you.

Kate: But because of that, you stopped me from panicking during the recent explosion. Kate: Thank you so much.

(The memory still frightens me a little even now, but…) (Because Victor protected me, I’m okay.)

Victor: The third time I saw you, you were paying for a necklace that a child had stolen.

Kate: Huh…?

Man: You better compensate me for what she stole! You can pay, right!? Kate: Yes, sir, I’ll pay! While I was on a delivery, I came across a man yelling at a girl. When I stepped in to try and resolve the situation, the girl kicked the man and fled. And then I paid back the man for the necklace that the girl had stolen.

And a few hours after that, my life changed forever.

(He saw that…?)

I looked away in embarrassment, but he continued to speak.

Victor: You ran into Will before that, didn’t you?

Kate: Yes, he picked up a letter I had dropped.

Kate: Excuse me, that’s one of my deliveries. ???: … ???: Here you go, miss. Kate: Th-thank you. ???: You’re very welcome.

Only a month had passed since then, but it already felt like an eternity ago.

Victor: After that, Will told me that he met “a little robin with a delightful singing voice.” Victor: It’s rare for people to catch his interest like that, so I couldn’t help but wonder…

Victor: Whether it was you he had met.

As my eyes widened in surprise, he continued.

Victor: So after I returned to the castle, I told him this: Victor: “If you ever see that robin again, I want to meet them.”

Kate: …So… you…

The threads that led to our third meeting were winding together.

Victor: While I was waiting in the castle as Crown set off on their mission that night, I couldn’t stop thinking. Victor: If you appeared before Will once more and thus made your way to me again… Victor: That could surely only be fate at work.

My lips trembled.

Victor: …I have always been watching you. Victor: It was I who ensured we would meet again a third time, Kate.

(We met each other three times.)

The first time had been pure chance. The second time was more than simply a coincidence, but still up to luck. But from the moment I witnessed that night’s condemnation, our third meeting had been inevitable.

(What else could this be but fate?)

Rescuing and being rescued, the robin had unknowingly flown to the castle-bound reaper’s side. Perhaps this connection only existed through a string of coincidences. But I think that everything that unfolded after that first day had been meant to happen. As he wiped away the tears that began to drip down my face, I hugged him tightly. My voice was hoarse when I spoke.

Kate: It is fate. Kate: It’s fate that we met the first day, that you saved me during the explosion, that we’re here now. Kate: That I fell in love with you again. All of it… every last bit…

Victor: …

His arms wrapped around me and pulled me in towards him. My tears fell onto his jacket as he held me. To my eyes, the night was beautiful, mesmerizing.

Kate: If this can’t be called fate, then nothing can.

I love you, I love you, I love you so much my heart might burst. My feelings were so intense that they were impossible to put into words. I was light-headed from their intensity. Because he had arranged our third meeting, our fates were bound together. I couldn’t stop my tears of happiness. Victor’s body was trembling too, not because he was crying, But because he was overcome with the same emotions that I was.

…

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed. The crescent moon that had peeked in through the shattered stained glass windows was no longer visible, and only stars glimmered in the sky. When I could hold back my tears, I raised my head. Victor gently brushed the reddened corners of my eyes.

Victor: …Queen Victoria is currently targeted by those who wish for the country to become a republic. Victor: I have no issue with abdicating if it would make the country a better place. Victor: But they resort to harming the innocent to accomplish their goals. I cannot allow them to continue. Victor: However, this is not a problem I can solve alone.

He suddenly smiled, taking my face in his hands.

Victor: Kate, I need you.

Kate: Huh?

The words I said to him long ago returned to me. Those words that caused him to give up on his life as a person, but also brought him solace. They transcended time and now found their way to this moment. With no one else to rely on, he looked slightly nervous as he asked:

Victor: Will you help me?

Those words struck me right in the heart. I wiped away the last of my tears. And mustering my best smile, there was no other answer I could give him aside from…

Kate: Yes!

[reimeichan]

I was diagnosed with severe combined type ADHD well into my adulthood. The many years of undiagnosed ADHD has a major source of my trauma, and I hate it so much.

I know a lot of people think of ADHD as a silly, quirky disorder. Someone with ADHD has trouble sitting still, has focus issues, has short term memory problems, etc. None of this sounds like anything so bad on the surface.

What people often don't see is... how people like me are treated.

(tw child abuse ahead)

Growing up, I was often punished and berated for things that "normal" kids could handle. I constantly forgot my homework, couldn't get the executive functioning to start on projects until the last minute, would be so hyperfocused in a book that I would miss dinner, be unable to sit still long enough to practice piano, etc. And each time that happened, I would be punished for it. Hit, spanked, yelled at, grounded, belongings destroyed... it was constant, daily punishment. It felt like I could do nothing right. Pretty much all of my punishable actions could be tied in some way to my undiagnosed ADHD.

It was genuinely awful and I have a lifetime of trauma from that. I'm scared of even shaking my foot when I'm by myself in my own room, I feel guilty for spending any amount of time reading or playing video games. I beat myself up for my lack of executive functioning. And my parents never, ever tried to help me learn those skills. All they did was try to beat those "habits" and beat the "laziness" out of me. And tell me that "all kids experience that, you're just making excuses" (I now know that ADHD is often found within the same family, and I highly suspect at least one of my parents to have it as well to the point they normalized their own experiences).

I can genuinely say that many of my mental health disorders (the DID, the depression, the anxiety, the suspected NPD, and anything else I've missed) can all be tied back to my undiagnosed and unmanaged ADHD, and all the trauma that came with that. Hell, even into adulthood, I struggle more with my ADHD symptoms than I do with anything else. If anything, the other things just further exacerbate my ADHD struggles. It genuinely sucks.

This isn't to say I find all aspects of my ADHD bad. I genuinely enjoy the hyperfocus (when it's hyperfocus on something I actually want to hyperfocus on). I think the way my brain jumps from topic to topic, connection to connection, has made me more creative than many of the people around me. And it's very much a part of me that makes me kind of uniquely "me". But also... I know it's such a big part of my trauma history that to try to paint it as this positive thing in my life would be a lie.

But yeah. I wish we talked more about how traumatizing living with ADHD is.

[rayndis]

Some new information about my bunnidoll funkid.

I changed his clothes a little. In principle, he didn’t look bad in shorts, but I thought that as he grew older, he changed them to pants.

__________

Wildyx and Wildix...I don’t know exactly how to convey his name to English people, because I’m not sure that it sounds right to them, because I’m Russian. But I think there is no big problem in this.

_________

Let me remind you that he is an NPC specially created by Kane for Ragata and Jax. It has artificial intelligence, which is developing and can apply independent decisions and have its own characteristics.

Wildich is really afraid of knives and anything sharp, since there was one unpleasant situation that was forever imprinted in his memory (that’s why he had a stitch in his ear. )

Who is he most like? To your dad. He is really cheerful and cheerful, but his jokes do not go too far, although sometimes he can go too far,But this will make him feel terribly guilty and will not calm down until he is forgiven. Otherwise, his character is quite friendly and sociable. Like his mother, he is ready to help all newcomers to Kane’s Digital Circus.

Wildix He loves his centipede Minky very much, which Kinger gave him. It took Ragatha a long time to accept the fact that her son kept a pet centipede as a pet.

He loves his parents. And he loves to remind them of this because he believes that they really deserve the same love as they give him theirs. Ragata's good upbringing definitely affected her.

He has a favorite aunt. This Pomni . How Jax is a favorite uncle to Dveri (My next fankid Pomni/Kane) By the way! Their kids love spending time together, although sometimes they do really stupid things.

That's basically all I can say about Ragata and Jax's fankid. I personally like his implementation as a child, he came out quite pleasant in terms of color palette and I like it.

Thank you for reading to the end. I hope you liked Wildix too. Very soon I will show you a new fankid😳

[vintageneptune92]

Burn The Shadow- 4

So I had to edit this a little bit. I had been writing in some insomniatic moments and totally flip flopped the two spellings of Rafael. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Forgive me.

You know the drill. 🖤

Gia's leg bounced as she sat on the couch waiting for Dr. Lindstrom. He had agreed to see her on a short term basis as he helped her find a new therapist. It wasn’t that he saw it as a conflict of interest like Olivia had originally thought, he just wanted to make sure Olivia would be okay with it since she was his original patient; Olivia being Olivia had no issue if Dr. Lindstrom was the best choice for Gia. He just thought that Gia would be better off with someone that was well versed in her unique circumstances. With what she was dealing with, he didn't want her dealing with it on her own. Her head snapped up when he opened the door to his office.

"Come on in Gia." She stood and walked into his office. He closed the door behind her. "Have a seat." He gestured. She sat down and let out the breath she had been holding.

"So, how are you?" She let out a small laugh.

"That's a loaded question Doc."

"I suppose it is. But, humor me."

"I'm okay, or well, okay as I'm going to be."

"How have you been sleeping." She put her hands up for a moment and then put them in her lap.

"It depends on the night. Sometimes it's nightmares. But those aren't what bothers me the most." She looked towards the window.

"What is it that bothers you?" It took her a moment to answer. She didn't know why it was so hard to admit it.

"The good memories that come back. The times where Gabe was happy. I think it's because he never really had enough of them." She didn't know why this was so hard to talk about. "My mom and I, we've always had a tough relationship. I never felt like I was enough. It I got an A, why wasn't It an A plus. She only had eyes for Grayson. But I had my dad, and he made up for what my mother lacked. My Dad...he's such a good man. But he wasn't great with emotions when it came to my brothers. He tried with Gabe. I just feel like if they tried just a little bit harder. Maybe if Grayson didn't have so must distain for him, it wouldn't have happened. He deserved better."

"And Gia, that wasn't your fault.”

"I know. I know it wasn't. It doesn't make me not wish I could have made it better for him. I don't know how to get over that. I just want the memories to stop. I used to be able to block them. My old therapist helped me."

"Well Gia, I think that is what the problem is. You never really learned how to deal with things if you were suppressing them."

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to be able to remember everything you've ever seen? Being upset and getting an onslaught of memories. After everything that happened, it didn't matter what kind of memories they were. Good, Bad, Sad, it was traumatic. I was thirteen years old, I had to turn my own brother in and then my own mother made me testify in a case that only needed my testimony to put her son to death." She was crying. "Ever single thing about Gabriel was traumatizing for me." The disdain she had for her mother dripped from her voice.

"And then you welcomed him back into your life. Did he call you or did you call him." Gia flipped the pendent from Rafael in her fingers.

"He called me." Her voice was flat.

"And what did your relationship then entail."

"Me begging him to tell me who helped him to get him off death row." She wiped the tears away from her eyes.

"Because you were convinced he couldn't have committed those crimes, even though it was his idea. He wanted to punish your other brother. Is it possible that he wanted to punish you too?"

Gia sat there for a moment. It couldn't be possible, could it?

"Gia, he spent the rest of his time on death row denying you closure. Making you feel guilty for him being held responsible for his own actions. It allowed him to continue to victimize you. The same way he did when you were a young child and the same way once he became a teenager." Gia closed her eyes for a moment to maintain her composure. The doctor continued.

"Gia, he tortured you for the majority of your life. You had to block out those good memories of him, those good times, because it negated the victim he made himself out to be. You have a difficult relationship with your mother too and instead of hurting other people you have dedicated your life to helping others." The realization hit her.

"My God, I'm an idiot. I let him manipulate me." It came out like a cry for help. She held her face in her hands. Why hadn't she seen it. She was so blinded by her guilt.

"Stop blaming yourself. You have to stop blaming yourself. Your only crime was loving a brother who could only love himself and blame everyone else for his problems. He cared more about protecting a person who helped him torture and kill two innocent people that you and your brother loved than to absolve you of your guilt. If he really loved you, he never would have put you through that." She felt like her insides were torn apart. "Gia, why were you so convinced that he couldn't have hurt those girls?"

"I think I just couldn't accept he was capable of it. I couldn't accept it."

"Did anyone else think he was more of a bystander? Dr. Lindstrom asked. He felt like he was getting her to a break through. She shook her head.

"Gia, your brother was a rapist. He was a murderer. He then spent a decade torturing you with the name of the person that helped killed your friend. He let you feel guilty that he was getting the death penalty." She felt like someone had punched her in the gut.

"I...I thought Grayson and my mother just couldn't see past their anger. I wouldn't listen. I have hated my mother since I was 13 because I couldn't see she was trying to protect me. I was horrible to her. I'm still horrible to her...."

"Gia, stop." Dr. Lindstrom put his hand up. "Your mother owns a lot of responsibility for the state of your relationship. Yes, she was trying to protect you, but she didn't go about it the right way. You also said you had a difficult relationship with her before any of this happened. Let go of the guilt. You were a child. A child who had too much responsibility placed on them. You can't change the past. Stop looking in the rearview and start focusing on the future."

"I just feel so stupid for not seeing it. Grayson told me I see the good in people when other people can't."

"Your empathy is a good thing. Tell me, what are some of the things you have to look forward to?"

"Well, I enjoy my job. Helping other people heal and get them justice. I'm working on some freelance artwork. For the first time in a long time I have close friends. I have a lot of good things in my life."

"Just make sure you don't make your job your whole life."

"I promise Doc, I'm working hard to have as good of a balance as I can.'

"Good. Let me ask you this, now that you have a new view of what happened with your brother, does that make things different for you?"

"Yes. I mean I have to work through all of that, but it does make it different."

"How so, Gia?"

"It means I can let him go."

_____________________________________

Rafael looked up when there was a knock at the door. He looked at his watch. It was late. No one else was still in the building. The knocking was persistent.

"Ten paciencia" he said with an eye roll. His irritation melted when he opened the door and saw Gia. "It's late, what are you doing here?" She looked a little frazzled and she was relentlessly chewing on her bottom lip.

"Well hello to you too, Abogado. Are you going to make me stand in the hallway?" He smiled and stepped aside.

"How did you know I'd still be here?"

"You weren't at the usual spot." She almost said our spot but caught herself. "You have a trial coming up. I knew you’d still be working I, uh, didn't want to drink alone." She pulled a bottle of tequila out of her bag.

"Well that's not a good idea."

"No seas un cobarde." He rolled his eyes.

"I'm not a wimp. You're the one that needs cherry juice in your bourbon." He shot back. She looked over her shoulder at him.

"Well I usually want to remember my evening." His eyes narrowed at her and he took the bottle from her."

"What are you, my dad.? Should I start calling you Papi?" He rolled his jaw. She wasn't playing fair today and she was definitely flirting with him. He turned his head to the side . He wasn't taking the bait. There was something up. He knew it was going to take her time to deal with her emotions. She was a little all over the place.

"Campanita, tell me what happened." She glared at him over the nickname. He knew she was deflecting. There was almost a wild look in her eyes. He could tell she had been crying. They were slightly puffy. He knew that she trusted him. That’s why she was here. She just needed to get it coaxed out of her. On their hardest day in the office, she never let anyone see her like this. Completely makeup free, hair disheveled. Leggings, sneakers, cropped blue t-shirt and an open sweater grey. Just a little bit of her stomach was showing. He had to fight the urge to run his hands over the exposed skin. Royal blue had to be her favorite color. She wore it so often. He couldn't get over how it made her eyes stand out. He was fighting against himself. All he wanted to do was give in and let her distract herself with him. But that would only benefit him and not her. He felt something for her and if he ever wanted to explore it and for it to be something real? It couldn't start like this. He knew her grieving process would be complex. It wasn't just the loss. He knew that she was in turmoil. He stepped closer and tucked her hair behind her ear. She studied him for a moment. This man had turned her life upside down. She would never admit it to anyone, but Barba with his sleeves rolled up, suspenders and no tie was her favorite look. It did something to her. She took his patterned suspenders in between her thumb and forefinger and ran them up and down.

"Nice suspenders counselor." Her proximity, the feeling of her finger brushing against his shirt made his mouth go dry. All she wanted to distract herself. She willed him to give in. He saw that she was so vulnerable. He just wanted to take her pain away, but he knew she had to feel this.

"Cariña…”her blue eyes flashed up to his green. There was something about him calling her darling that made her want to dissolve. "Digame, por favor" She moved her hands to his bare forearms. It was like she was holding on to him to stand up. He pulled her in and held her close to him. "Gigi" He whispered. "Gigi...it's okay....it's okay." Usually only her family called her Gigi, but she loved how it sounded in his voice. She let him hold her, one hand was cradling the back of her head, the other was splayed on her lower back, his thumb slowly on the small amount of skin exposed on her back. It felt good to feel taken care of. She realized then, she wanted Rafael to be the one to always take care of her. She focused on the feeling of his hands on her bare skin. The skin of his hands were rougher than she expected. The feeling was calming. With her face buried in his neck, he could feel a hot tear splash against his skin. He pulled back and wiped both sides of her face with his thumbs.

"C'mon, let's get out of here. Well go to your place. I'll make you a margarita." He eyed the bottle of tequila. She let out an audible laugh through her tears.

"You know how to make margaritas?"

"You seem to forget I wasn't always this."

"I don't know, I imagined you as a kid running around in your three piece suit. I was convinced you sleep standing up like Dracula in a suit before I saw you in outside clothes." Her humor was a coping mechanism and he couldn’t help but laugh

"Where's your jacket."

"Shit, I left it in the car I took over." She hadn't been thinking. He walked over to his coat rack, putting on his trench coat and then grabbed his suit jacket. He helped her shrug it in and grabbed the tequila bottle.

_________________________________

It was a strange moment of domesticity. She had given Rafael a pair of her brother's sweat pants and a hooded sweatshirt. He had gone out drinking with friends one night and crashed with Gia so he didn't wake up Sienna and Annie. He had left some clothes there for an in case it happened again moment. He was making raspberry margaritas and she didn't want him to ruin his white shirt. She was perched on one of the high backed stools at the island as she watched him work. She watched him silently, mesmerized by him. There was indeed more to the well dressed lawyer than she realized. His voice jerked her out of her own thoughts.

"I make these for my mother and my abuelita." She kind of loved that he was a mama's boy. "Salt on the rim?" He asked.

"No, sugar." She saw him crack a smile.

"I should have known." Her face scrunched up.

"What does that mean?"

"You eat more candy than any grown adult I know combined. You always have a bag of those conversation hearts. Which I don't even know how you get them year round."

"There is a party supply store that sells seasonal candy year round. Also, my brother buys me a case of them for Valentine's Day every year. He signs the card with Annie's name now. She gets a kick out of sending me a huge Valentine's Day gift."

"Your brother is very thoughtful."

"He is. The age difference never mattered. I think it made our relationship better because he was so much more mature when I was born. And then after everything that happened, he was fiercely protective. Still is. Any guy I've dated has been more scared of him than my father."

"But your father has a gun."

"Yeah, Grayson I think could do more damage." Rafael laughed.

"I guess I'll keep that in mind."

"No, he's gotten better about it now that I have my own gun. Besides, he would like you."

"And why is that?"

"Because you've been trying to protect me since you met me. Even if you were obnoxious about it." He stopped for a moment but didn't say anything. When he was done filling their glasses, he nodded over to the living room. He sat next to her on the couch. She sat with her legs cross-crossed in front of her. It was only then that he noticed a tattoo on the top of the big toe on her left foot. He hadn't noticed the tattoo last time. It was a letter G in script writing and it had a number two in the upper corner. She saw him looking at it.

"G squared." She explained. "Grayson has the same thing. It was the only place he would get a tattoo. His G is a little more manly looking. My mother hates tattoos and he never wants to do anything to displease her. But I convinced him to do it for my 18th birthday. I don't think she's ever even noticed his."

"That's interesting." He hummed.

"What?"

"The fact that you're tattooed like a biker and your mother hates them."

"Hey!" She protested. "I don't look like a biker! And my tattoos are all meaningful." He smiled, brushing the hair from her face.

"Your tattoos are beautiful." Her cheeks grew hot.”

"Thank you. Also, I have a therapist Dr. Barba. Trust me, it isn't lost on me. Deep down, I'm an artist. My body is a canvas between the clothes I wear, my makeup, jewelry and my tattoos." He couldn't help himself.

"Well it's an excellent canvas." Her face was blazing. The effect he had on her gave him satisfaction. She was so beautifully flawed. They were drawn together, it was magnetic. He couldn't understand why him. She could be with someone younger, probably conventionally better looking, yet it was him she yearned to spend her time with. It was him that she trusted to break down in front of. It was him she shared her deepest secrets. He hadn't felt this way in a long time, if ever. Yet being together would be complicated. He wouldn't do anything to jeopardize her career. She loved what she did. For now, they were just friends. Even though that title seemed to be the wrong fit.

"My mother, she demands perfection. In her eyes, I ruined my body. She wants me to be extraordinary but also ordinary at the same time."

"I don't think there is an ordinary bone in your body." She took a drink of the margarita. When she set the glass down, Rafael saw sugar on her bottom lip, without thinking, he wiped it off with his thumb and licked it off his own finger. It was such a small action, but so incredibly intimate. Gia's body erupted with goosebumps.

"I'm-" his voice caught in his throat. "sorry." She shook her head to dismiss his apology. She wasn't sorry he did that. She could not figure out what it was about this man that made her throw her own personal rule book out of the window. She never got close to co-workers like this. Her friendship with Amaro was different. Olivia, was her mentor and a trustworthy confidante. These relationships were born out of the bond of long hours working a difficult job. While she didn't share as much with Amanda and Fin, they still felt like family. She knew she could go to them for anything. One day, she would tell them her story.

With Rafael, it was electric. He made her feel things that she swore she never would. He decimated all of the boundaries she had built around her heart. She had dated and had two serious relationships, it wasn't like she was a Nun. They didn't last because they knew she was holding back. She had let them in just enough, yet kept them at a comfortable arms length. With Rafael, there was no space. The only arms she wanted to feel were his around her. She craved the feeling of his touch on her skin, each time an innocent act. His tracing her tattoo on her wrist as she explained it. Him brushing her hair behind her ear. His reaching to put her necklace around her neck. Tonight, the feeling of his hands on her bare lower back and his thumb swiping against her lip. He was handsome and distinguished. The intensity of his green eyes is what she loved the most. They way they lit up when he figure something out, found a witnesses weak spot during a cross, when he would challenge her. The way the skin around his eyes crinkled when he laughed or smiled. She had always been drawn to older men. She attributed it to always being younger than her classmates and coworkers. All of her life she had been surrounded by people who were at a more mature level. It made Gia grow up quickly to mature and be on their level early in life. Her experiences made her wise beyond her years. It was something that Grayson hated and it was the only thing he ever went against his mother on, the loss of Gia's childhood and innocence. She had pushed her so hard and while his sister could more than meet the challenge, he always thought she would thrive more with her own peers. Her mother dismissed him. She didn't ever regret her experiences, especially now when it let her to him.

"So you have a therapist?" Rafael bravely asked.

"Well, sort of. Liv got me in with who she works with. He is helping me find someone equipped to help me. In the mean time, he doesn't want me trying to work through everything with Gabriel alone."

"Is that what triggered you?" He asked. When he had saw her last, she was different. She nodded.

"I finally realized what Grayson and mother saw all along. He wasn't as innocent as I wanted to believe. Taking Amy had been his idea. Even if he had nothing to do with Lizzie, he protected the person that did. There was evidence that he at least helped hurt Amy if he didn't do most of it himself. He was always so jealous of Grayson. I just- didn't want to see it. I wanted to put all of the blame on his co-conspirator. He knew I was studying Criminology. He knew I had a need to know why someone did what they did. I was halfway through my Bachelor's when he reached out. He fucking tortured me by withholding that other boys name. I have agonized over it. The fear of what this other person could have done while free. Profiling who could do such a thing to find him, but I didn't know all of his friends. He could have been someone from a different school. Someone I would never think to look at. He knew I wanted justice for Lizzie. She was so young and so innocent."

She was crying again. She stood up, flooded with anger. "He watched me twist in the wind for over a decade. He could have ended my pain any time he wanted to." She started pacing. Rafael didn't know what to do, so he remained silent. She needed to talk this out, of that he was sure. "He hated me from the day I was born. I thought he had changed, but he directed his ire to the ones that loved me the most. My brother and father. My mother, despite her faults, pushed me to become what I am, taught me how to be strong. She never put that kind of faith and time into him. I worked with her every single day on her work. I was like her secret weapon with what I could remember. He pulled me closer to him because he knew that it would be easier to tear me apart. And he did. My best friend was brutalized and murdered. Amy, who I saw as a sister, who would have probably been my sister-in-law had she not died- she was tortured for days, and then she died too. If I had been braver sooner, she might have lived. The only thing I did was spare her a few more days of pain." She was frantic. Rafael just wanted to hold her, but that wasn't what she needed.

"My mother didn't need to make me testify. The prosecution had an open and shut case. But my testimony? Not a single juror had a dry eye when I was done. Gabe knew I wasn't there because I wanted to be. Yet, the way he looked at me destroyed me. I had blocked out so many memories of him, good or bad. All of this have made them all come spilling out. I think he had been planning this for a while. He made sure I knew where all of his little forts were. He made sure I knew just enough to agonize over loyalty to him and saving someone else. It was a test, and I failed. I chose someone other than him like everyone else in his life. In his eyes at least. So in the end? He used the only thing in his arsenal to keep hurting me. And then he took the cowardly way out and died. He could have made a deal to avoid the death penalty. But he wanted it. This way he wouldn't have to live with what he had done. This way he could hurt all of us one more time. Then his apology? Enough to keep me agonizing over my guilt." She sat back down with a huff. It was like she had been deflated after all of that had been brewing inside of her. Rafael studied the side of her face as he brushed her hair away again.

"I thought what happened, for the longest time, was my fault." She held her hand up before Rafael could interrupt her to protest. "As a thirteen year old, I took on that guilt. I took on the guilt of what happened to Amy. For him being an outcast in our family. The truth is..." her voice cracked. "The truth is he was a paranoid psychopath. Everyone was out to get him. Nothing was ever his fault. All of the love in the world wouldn't have mattered. He lived his life to lash out and punish everyone who had "done him wrong". She used air quotes. "And for ten years I played into it. I gave him the satisfaction he desired. The only thing he was sorry about when he died was that he wasn't able to ruin my relationship with Grayson. He tried, but he could never drive the wedge in. My relationship with my mother has always been hard, he took a wrecking ball to it." Tears fell from her eyes. She turned her head when he tried to wipe them away.

"He felt nothing; and I? I feel everything. I can never forget, just filed it away for it to pop out at me when I least expect it. My emotions, they consume me; feeling other people's pain on the level that I do eats at me. That level of emotion is unacceptable to my mother. She accepts facts only. Emotions should never play in to your actions in her view. It's why instead of being Gabe's mother, she made sure she was the one that helped put him away. And despite everything that he was, I don't understand how a mother could be so incredibly cold to her own child." Barba blinked back his own tears. Her confession felt like a sucker punch to his gut.

"I wish I could take away all of your pain." He finally said.

She rotated her body so she was facing him, the anger in her deflated and the anguish had melted off of her face. She placed her palm on his face and stroked his cheek with her thumb.

"Rafael," she placed emphasis on his name. "You can't. And you shouldn't if you could. I need this anger. It's going to allow me to let go and move on. Realizing what he was doing set me free. I just wish I had seen it sooner."

"You would have still gone to that execution." She had dropped her hand from his face and he was holding it.

"And how do you know that?"

"Because you're a better person than most people. You still wouldn't have let him be alone."

"You're probably right. I have told you so much about how messed up my life is. When are you going to share your damage with me?”

"Some day Campanita, someday. Right now, it's you who needs me. I'm sure you'll return the favor when I need you." He was fighting every urge he had to kiss her. He wanted it to be right when he did and that night just wasn't it. He wanted it to be memorable, perfect. Not tainted by her brother's betrayal. Their time would come, soon, of that he was sure.

_____________________________________

Gia was actually doing okay. She had finally found a therapist that understood a photographic memory and the struggles that came along with it. She was so grateful to Dr. Lindstrom. He had helped her more than anyone ever had. She didn’t want to leave him, but she knew it was a huge conflict. He did tell her if she ever needed another ear, he would be there. Her new therapist was amazing. She was reteaching Gia coping skills and helping her work through her mess of emotions. She was sleeping better and had less anxiety.

She and Rafael were still dancing around each other. Neither one of them was brave enough to take the next step. For the first time in a long time, she felt positive about the future.

Things at the precinct had changed rather dramatically. John Munch had officially retired and Olivia was going to take his place as Sergeant. It was well deserved and far over due.

She was making her way back into the precinct. She had thankfully been called in and rescued by a date she didn't know she was having. She was going to kill Ali. Amaro whistled when she walked in.

"Looking good Detective, where were you?" She walked in wearing a black long sleeved bodycon dress and patent leather black heels.

"On a date against my will." She saw Barba's head snap up from looking at his phone.

"How does that happen exactly?" Fin piped in.

"Freaking Ali. She's tried a couple of times to get me to go out with her friend Tyler. We've met and hung out a couple if times. Not really my type. And I honestly didn't think he even liked me. He's always kind of weird."

"Maybe he's just awkward." Rollins shrugged. "Is he at least good looking?"

"Does that really matter?" Gia asked.

"That's a yes." Fin laughed.

"It's beyond being awkward. Everything he says comes off as an accusation. How nice my apartment is. How nice I dress. Like I should be destitute because I'm a detective. Yes, my family has money. He just always makes me feel uncomfortable. And tonight was no different."

"How so?" Amaro asked. No one was paying attention to how intently Barba was listening.

"Well, Ali gave me this song and dance about wanting to go to a fancy restaurant and dress up. She even took a dress with her to work. When I showed up, she was no where to be seen and there was Tyler. He told me that Ali got called into surgery and she didn't want to stand me up, so she sent him instead. He conveniently had a suit with him. I don't like being sand bagged like that. It was like he asked Ali about everything I didn't like and decided to go with that."

"I need more information." Amaro said.

"I have a physical adversion to Lillies. It's just a thing that I have. And that's what he brought me. They literally give me hives. I chalked it up to a crappy coincidence. He barely asked me a single question about myself. Like why are you trying so hard if you don't really want to know me. Anytime I said anything he was argumentative. The waitress came over to take our order. He told me that he was ordering for the both of us, which I hate. He then ordered me Salmon, which I alsoabsolutely hate. When I tried to change my order he sent the waitress away and told me he knew what I would like. Just very aggressively, which is a huge turn off. I was about to go to the bathroom and call someone to wait 10 minutes to call me to get me out of there. I have never been so happy to get called back to work. I don't know, there is something about this kid that sets off alarm bells in my head."

"He sounds like a jerk." Fin said when she was finished.

She went to respond but Cragen walked on with Olivia.

"Monroe, you should trust your instincts." Cragen said, clearly they were there listening longer than anyone realized. "Okay people where are we?"

_____________________________________

Rafael looked over at Gia. It was like he could see her brain synapses firing behind her eyes. She liked a challenge. Her mind was what he liked most about her. Though that was hard to focus on with her in that dress and those heels. The most alluring part was the burgundy lipstick. It made her eyes stand out more than they usually did.

He internally chastised himself. She was much more than what she looked like in a dress. At the very least, she was his friend. She had arguably become his best friend. Beyond friendship it was complicated. It could affect cases. It could affect her job. He didn't know what to do. He watched a grimace cross her face. He heard her mutter "screw it" and she slid her shoes off.

He felt a surge of envy when she mentioned being on a date. He had no claim to her. Yet, he thought of her as his. Though he would never admit it. He was the one that she went to when she was hurting. The idea of her with another man had his insides twisting. He was incredulous over her dates behavior towards her. She was intelligent, witty, interesting and passionate. Any man that couldn't see that was an idiot.

"So what do we think?" Liv's voice pulled him from his thoughts.

"I would say a younger guy. Late twenties, likely white. Like most serials, he is charasmatic and intelligent. It's about control. All of these women were strong and successful. He likes the challenge of dominating them. Each woman is seemingly highly intelligent. So out smarting them is a high. Each of their hands were bound and tied above their heads. Their mouths gagged and duct taped. He grew up being dominated by women. His mother, possibly a sister and I can tell you there is no worse bully than the mean girl in High School. I'm thinking our attacker was unpopular. Like many, he came into himself and his looks as he got into early adulthood. While teenage girls don't always appreciate intellect, a woman will and he takes his repressed anger out on them."

"So why not just find a more submissive woman?" Amaro asked.

"Because it's not enough. It's not a challenge if they willingly let him take control. Every single time he picks a woman, he gets off on breaking her. Growing up, he likely dreamt of the day he was strong enough to be the one in control. He is meticulous. There has not been a single shred of evidence left behind."

"How is he choosing his victims?" Barba questioned.

"Well counselor, that is the question. We find what is connecting these three women, we will better narrow down who his next victim is. As of right now? These women come from different backgrounds, different professions."

"Fin, Rollins and Amara, do a deeper dive into the victims." Captain Cragen has come in during Gia's explanation. "Nice work, Monroe. I suggest you all head out for the night. There's not much we can do until tomorrow."

Barba leaned on Gia's desk waiting for her to come get her things. She made her way over. She smiled when she saw him.

"That's a solid profile."

"It is why they pay me the big bucks." He laughed.

"C'mon" he nodded to the door.

"Where?"

"I'm going to take you to a real dinner. You can even pick your own food." She shook her head with a smile.

"Haven't I dealt with enough arrogance for the evening?"

"Maybe, but at least I can back it up." She rolled her eyes.

"Alright Abogado. But it better be a place that doesn't show the prices for on the menu."

"I think I can make that happen."

———————————————————

Gia laughed. A genuine laugh.

"Ali thinks I'm going to die alone. I swear. I should have known she was up to something.."

"I can't imagine you not handing him his own ass though."

"I didn't want to cause a scene, but I was close. Then Liv called and I got the hell out of there."

"I also can't fathom sitting across from you at a table and not wanting to know everything about you." Gia was happy the light in the restaurant was dim, she could feel her cheeks blazing yet again.

"Well I guess he's just not as evolved as you are. I'm sure he's used to women falling all over him, so he doesn't have to try that hard."

"So he is good looking."

"He's too good looking. It's unsettling."

"I never heard of someone being too good looking."

"You know how when a dog is so ugly it becomes cute. Think of it that way, but in reverse." He took a sip of his drink and laughed.

"Ouch." She shrugged.

"I really don't want to talk about him anymore. "

"Well, what do you want to talk about Campanita?" There was a twinkle in his eye.

"Well, we could talk more about your little league career."

"So you just want to laugh at my pain?"

"I don't know, I bet you looked cute in your little baseball uniform."

"I absolutely did not."

"I bet your mother would agree with me." He laughed.

"And that is why you are never meeting her. I don't need you two ganging up on me."

"Well that's no fun. Your mom would love me."

"I am certain she would." Her eyes met his, a smile still on his face. There was something about him tonight that was different. He was slightly more bold. Part of her loved it. Another part of her wanted to run. She had opened up to him so much, but she wasn't used to people staying. She didn't know if she would survive him walking away. Something must have shown in her expression because he reached across the table and took her hand. Her eyes shot to his. "Don't do that. Don't retreat on me." She blinked quickly to avoid any onslaught of tears. "You're safe. You're safe with me." She had to make a split second decision in that moment. She needed to be different now. She had already let him in so much. So she nodded her head.

"I know."

____________________________________

Rafael was walking Gia to her building. Her arm linked with his. They were back to laughing, the moment of unease had passed. The giant glass of wine she had drank had helped. She wasn't drunk by any means, but it eased her nerves.

"So what is with the hatred of Lillies?"

"The smell, reminds me of death. The funeral flowers." He nodded.

"So what is your favorite?"

"Lavender roses. My grandmother used to grow them at her house in The Cape."

"You and your grandmother were close?" Gia nodded.

"Incredibly. She fulfilled a lot of the maternal things my mother just wasn't capable of providing." They had reached her building.

"Well Counselor, thank you for providing me with proper sustenance." She turned to face him.

"Anytime." He smiled. "You're okay going up on your own?"

"Yeah. I should get some rest. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow."

"Okay." He paused for a moment. He put his hand on the side of her face and kissed her on the other cheek. She closed her eyes as he lingered for a moment. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Good night Rafael." She pulled away and headed toward her building. She took a look over her shoulder and saw he was watching her walk in.

"Did you have a good night Detective Monroe?" Marcus, the evening doorman opened the door for her.

"I did. Thank you. Anything at the desk?"

"No ma'am. Your roommate did beat you home." He mentioned. Good Gia thought. They were going to have a serious talk about boundaries.

Gia couldn't take it anymore and took her shoes off in the elevator. She hasn't planned on doing that much walking in these shoes today. While slightly skeeved out she knew that this building was cleaned daily, including the elevators. Besides, the pain was greater than her disgust and she could wash her feet. Her shoes dangled from the two fingers of her left hand. She was ruminating over her evening with Rafael and almost missed it.

Her door, still wood, had been dug into near the door handle. It was the original door and Gia had been adimant about keeping it. She wanted nothing changed from when her Grandmother lived there. She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to listen to see if she heard anything to assess the situation. Then, she heard Ali cry out. She dropped her shoes.

She took a few steps away from the door and pulled out her radio.

"This is Detective Monroe with Manhattan SVU. 10-13, Officer in need of assistance" and she gave the address. Then, she put the radio back in her purse and pulled out her gun and dropped the bag on the floor. She should wait for backup. She had no idea what she was walking into. But Ali...she decided the element of surprise was better than slowly opening the door. She took a deep breath and with a surge of adrenaline, she broke the door down. If it hadn't been so old, if whoever was in there hadn’t dug out where the handle was. she never would have been able to do that.

As soon as she burst through the door, someone lunged at her and took her down by the waist, knocking the air out of her and banging her head on the floor. Her gun, slid across the floor. He started to climb off of her to run out the door but she was able to kick him in the back of the knee and he fell half way out the door. She got up as quickly as she could and drove her knee into his lower back and elbowed him in the back of the head. She didn't have her cuffs, but if she could slow him down until backup got there they could take him down. She dug her nail into his arm.

"Bitch!" He screamed. He rolled her over and slammed her head against the floor again and was on top of her. He wrapped his hands around her neck and started choking her. She willed herself to stay conscious. Trying to get a good look at him, but her vision was going spotty. She reached around frantically and grabbed one of her heels and drove it into his temple. It was enough to get him to let her go. He jumped off of her and ran for the stairs.

She was coughing and she couldn't get up to go after him. She laid there, trying to get the strength to get up and check on Ali. She finally got to her knees, but had to sit down and lean against the wall. She was still too dizzy. She held her head for a moment and heard someone yell her name. It was Amaro.

"He's gone" she managed to get out. Her voice was hoarse and it hurt to talk.

"What the hell happened?" Liv came up running up. She pulled out her radio and called for a bus.

"Ali..." It was all Liv needed to hear. Liv immediately ran into the apartment telling Nick to stay with her. Gia heard Liv say “Oh God.” Gia felt tears fall out of her eyes.

"I scratched him. Hit him with this too." Gia lifted up her heel.

"You did good Gee." She clenched her jaw as a wave of nausea washed over her.

"I feel sick." She squeeze Nick’s arm. She closed her eyes for a moment and then blinked hard a few times.

"Gia?? Hey! Gianna!" Nick yelled holding onto the side of her face. "C'mon you gotta stay awake." When he pulled her close to him he saw a spot of blood on the wall and then Gia loss consciousness.

[edutainer2022]

So I got under the weather - fever, sore throat, snuffles, the works. But I am "busy" (tm) and, therefore, need to be "fine" (tm). So I'm indulgently reposting a little fluffy Tracy-fever piece I wrote out this summer. I may or may not be eyeing another fever-snippet in my notes. Depends on how "fine" (tm) I am. Please, enjoy!

PUPPY BASKET

A puppy basket. Jeff didn't recall who exactly coined the term - his wife or himself. Or maybe his mother. The point was - with three kids so close in age (and then two more down the line) the flues and colds, and stomach bugs tore through the bunch like a wildfire. There was not enough manpower in the household to keep up with sick boys quarantined in different rooms. So it was just easier and more expedient to stash the sniveling and coughing, and sniffling, and generally miserable puppy ball in the master bedroom. Lucy and himself took shifts sitting vigil, giving meds and fluids, kissing burning up brows. If he were planetside, of course. Later, when the boys' mother was gone, it would be, likely, Scott's room and the elder boys taking up watch hours, while he was busy with grief and work. The one time he came home from New York to find all five boys succumbed to a flu, pretty much delirious in his room, little Alan hoarse from crying - even Scott too weak from fever to call Grandma (and too anxious to call 911 lest child services got a wiff) was a memory he didn't dare revisit often.

He could distantly recall that a feverish Scott would be restless, Virgil would be cuddly, John would be clingy. Gordon would peel off any scrap of clothes on him. Someone would invariably end up upside down with feet propped on the pillow.

That morning got him investigating in Scott's room first thing. Gordon and Alan drew a short straw and were off for a supply run early on (a bright and whistling Gordon and a grumpy half-asleep Alan). Virgil was not expected down this side of 10 am, John was just back from orbit the night before. But Scott never made it to see the Tinies (did they even call the boys that anymore? Alan was starting college in a month!) off, have his run and a morning coffee-cum-strategy session with Dad - something that had become a new, cherished routine for them. The parent alarm in him, that never lay quite dormant even through the endless night of the Oort Cloud, was now blaring full force.

Fair enough, Jeff found his eldest room in an uncharacteristic disarray - a blanket kicked off all the way from the foot of the bed down to the floor, last day clothes scattered on the carpeting - something he came to recognize more as the youngest style, not Scott, who had tried to emulate Dad's military crisp order since he was five and learned to make his own bed. Scott was soon found by his father's increasingly concerned gaze in the middle of the bed, tangled sheets and disheveled curls a testament to a night of tossing and turning, breathing shallow and raspy. Jeff's immediate guess was a nightmare - heaven knows he was no stranger to warding off those, plaguing his boy's naturally light sleep. But a fine sheen of sweat, covering Scott's face and neck, belied a different answer altogether. Jeff wasn't surprised, when the brow he reached for to smooth away the soaked fringe, was burning. Scott wasn't asleep per se - eyes squeezed shut against a headache - but he definitely wasn't alert and present either. Jeff wasn't surprised, but he was getting increasingly panicked. His own mother gave him a semi-clean bill of health and was currently in Kansas, helping a friend out. The time difference made the call tricky. Not impossible, of course, there  was no inconvenience Grandma wouldn't go through for him or his boys, for which Jeff was eternally greatful, but all the more weary to disturb his getting increasingly fragile Ma more, than necessary. Kayo was visiting with her own father, so that was not an option as well. The problem was, with Grandma away, there was no medic on the island. Unless, of course... Jeff remembered Virgil determined and precise with a medscanner, and later - all business and in-trade jibberish with the medical staff at the rehab center he had to spend first months back on Earth at. Despite budding worry, as Scott keened quietly and shifted under his father's soothing touch, Jeff smiled fondly. Virgil was, arguably, the closest to his Grandpa in looks and demeanor, but it appeared he followed his Grandma's professional leanings. He should try and wake Virgil up. Scott was definitely under the weather.

As if on cue, the door opened and a gigantic burrito walked in. Jeff started. The burrito was, upon a closer inspection, a human, barefoot, wrapped up in a blanket head to toe. The walking burrito was also eliciting grunts and a lung-splitting cough. Ouch. The intruder ignored Jeff completely, sidestepped the bundle of clothes on the floor, and collapsed on the bed, next to Scott, wrapping the latter immediately in a cocoon of limbs and blanket, like a cuddle pillow. Scott is restless, Virgil is cuddly... Jeff was beginning to get a bad, bad feeling about it. A quick dive into the fluffy depths of fabric and hair confirmed his fear - Virgil had a fever too. That left...

"John!" - he had to spring from the edge of the bed with speed and agility that would make his physiotherapist proud in time to catch a swaying ginger son from planting face first on the floor. John appeared soundlessly, a ghostly vision, almost translucent where he would normally be pale. A sneeze almost send them both toppling again, but Jeff managed to maintain balance and helped John walk the short distance to the other side of the bed. There was no question how the ginger was going to spend his spiking fever - the moment he climbed onto the mattress, John attached himself to Scott side like a limpet, the way Jeff had only seen Alan do so far. When sick, Scott was restless, Virgil was cuddly, and John was clingy. Well, the more things changed, the more they stayed the same. Puppy basket is go!

Jeff was halfway through the mental checklist of things he would need to make the logistics of his three eldest sons down for the count work (fluids, medscanner and monitors to keep track of the fevers, ask Brains if the medkits were in the same spots now, call Ma as soon as the time difference would permit, coax, trick and blackmail the boys into cold meds and cough syrup, call Gordon and Alan to stay away for the day and to go fetch Grandma from the farm, make sure Brains was alright and quarantined in his lab and rooms, check himself up, because Jeff needed to be on top of his game for the sick boys - the day and the following night could be tough), when a loud shriek pierced the silence of the room. Scott was frowning and trying the disentangle himself from Virgil's death grip. Jeff reached for his agitated son's shoulder and rubbed a thumb over - in the haze of the fever Scott could get disoriented and start fighting any restraint. Jeff knew the boy would never forgive himself, if he hurt Virgil, even unintentionally. But Scott was not to be easily placated. His face contorted with effort and, likely, a worsened sinus pain, to Jeff's astonishment, the young man grabbed a barely protesting John, lifted him bodily over his own frame, like he was a... well... puppy, and stuffed him into Virgil's arms, that immediately closed the hug around a different brother, as Scott rolled to the side in a sleek stealth maneuver. He would have rolled all the way over the edge of the bed, had Dad's arms not stopped him. That must have computed to the cold addled brain as "safe", since Scott stopped struggling almost immediately and let out a snuffle in a voice Jeff hadn't heard since when the kids' mother was alive. "M'hot", Scott complained without opening his eyes. Jeff reckoned he should probably be more concerned about photosensitivity and the fact any of the boys was yet to notice or acknowledge him. Jeff made an attempt to hoist Scott up against the headrest, but thought better of it as another painful moan escaped. Instead, he sort of rolled the son back to the center of the bed, closer to the pile of other brothers. Scott seemed game for that and shifted to snuggle and spoon against John's back. That elicited a hum and a sneeze from the ginger. Virgil didn't stir. Puppy basket indeed.

Satisfied that Scott was settled for the moment and the other boys seemed to have fallen asleep, Jeff felt confident enough to go looking for the fever vigil supplies and an extra coffee for himself. But he didn't leave before leaning to reach the assorted temples and forheads for the mandatory kiss better and a soft stroke. So sue him, he missed a lot longer than eight years of being their Dad first.

A detour to the infirmary, a chat with Brains, a lot more strained one with Ma and an anxious one with the Tinies later - Jeff was on his way back to Scott's rooms. Gordon and Alan, of course, offered to come back and help with their ailing brothers immediately. But Jeff shuddered at the idea of having all five of the boys sick at once. He was good, but the tenure in space was taking its toll. The youngest boys would be well supervised under Grandma's watchful eye, till it was safe (or absolutely necessary- something Jeff tried not to dwell on) to return to the island.

The sight that greeted him upon return to the bedroom tugged the corners of his lips up despite himself. Seeing his sons sick or hurting in any way brought him no joy, but the picture was just too precious and hilarious at the same time. John had shifted upside down, somehow, so Virgil was now cuddling his brother's feet. John was also curled in an upside down ball, head resting on Scott's stomach. Scott, in an attempt to cool off, cast his long, long limbs every which way, including over Virgil's lap and head, in a comical replication of the Vitruvian Man. As Jeff stepped in, though, the eldest shifted again, to curl himself around John protectively and to draw Virgil into a side hug. Jeff needed to go ahead with the med scanners and to get the boys awake long enough to make sure they got a drink of electrolytes and some saltines, but first he paused to reach for his comm watch and snap a picture of the puppy basket. He would cherish the moment while it lasted. And he could always use it as blackmail backup against these three running themselves to the ground - under the threat of the photo being leaked to the Tinies.

[noemitenshi]

Troy Otto x Alicia Clark s8 AU - Their story up to s8

Short recap: Troy finds Alicia almost dying after s7 and nurses her back to health.

THEY STAY TOGETHER because they are both alone. On their own. They’ve both lost their people. They stay together because of their shared memories of cherished people - not because they like one another. This, will come too, with time. But not yet. It’s not what keeps them together.

THE FIRST TIME Alicia wants to help people troy is all “lets go alicia” trying to get her away from them and shes all “no. they’re hurt. we’re helping them” and hes like “not a good idea. dont have the resources. dont know if they’re a danger” and she probably goes “Im not going” and hes like “thats ok ill carry you away” like thats the problem. and she goes “why are you like this. you helped me too” “yeah, i knew you. i dont know these people. lets go. now” (obviously they’re not going. Or well, Alicia tells him he can go if he likes, she’s staying. And grudgingly he stays too because he’s not about to leave her on her own with unfamiliar faces.)

THE NEXT FEW TIMES she does this, wanting to help people, they are constantly arguing about it. At some point Alicia probably even goes “it’s what mom would’ve wanted.” (She knows it’s complicated, Troy’s relationship with Madison but she kinda banks on the good parts winning out. him wanting to please her, still. Or at least that he’ll be turned soft because… it’s her mom’s wish (she does suspect about Troy having a soft spot for moms in general)). But he just goes “oh yeah? and where’s madison now, huh?” “youre such a dick you know that” “yeah, i know. lets go” (again, they are obviously not going)

AT SOME POINT Alicia notices that Troy is actually helping her even though his words are still unkind - he still insists on leaving the people behind. She notices there’s no bite in it, anymore. She humors him, replying in kind. He notices (was it the slight hesitation? Can he hear it in her tone? She’s not sure) and a grin splits his face. She decides she likes him like this.

THEY GROW COMFORTABLE around one another. In this way where they really know the other. They know what sets the other off, know how to get them through a rough patch, what makes them laugh. And they are there for one another (because for a while that is all they have). They become good friends – even though they still fight, too. Alicia hasn’t forgiven him for what he did back at the ranch (he didn’t apologize for it because he knows she wouldn’t buy it anyway) – but they did manage to move past it.

THERE’S LOVE THERE between them. Not romantic love but a deep platonic one. They have to rely on one another, they saved one another countless times when one of them was in a tight spot. They saw the other at their most vulnerable – they other has been there for their most vulnerable. How can there not be love? There’s such ease and trust between them. They might not love one another as a conventional romantic couple – but they *are* family.

THEY’RE AS INTIMATE as two people only can be, emotionally. And it spills over to the physical side. Alicia makes the first move. It starts out awkward but not for long; they *do* have chemistry. They both enjoy this new way of expressing themselves (of ending fights, too) quite a lot.

THEIR CHILD wasn’t planned. Neither one of them would consciously bring a child into this world (not with one another). When Alicia tells Troy he goes “oh shit” and laughs for five minutes straight (at himself for having forgotten about birth control. At the both of them. At the whole situation he couldn’t even have conceived while living on the ranch.). She does not share his amusement.

THEY DON’T CALL HER TRACY. Maybe Maddy though (and yes, that is her full name. Maddy Clark. Troy wasn’t happy about it, of course, but as it was important to Alicia he decided to concede that point. In fact, Alicia told him in no uncertain terms that when he was the one growing their child in his belly, would push it out of his vagina, he could also name it whatever he damn well pleased. He doubted this was true – though didn’t argue that point. Arguing with pregnant Alicia was a minefield not even he dared to brave (often)).

ALICIA STILL DIES like Serena did, while trying to help people. She was out alone because someone had to watch Maddy. (Troy *only once* suggested this is her job as the mom. It went over as well as you’d expect)

DISCOVERING MADISON IS ALIVE has Troy deciding he needs to have words with her. It was *her philosophy* after all that got his best friend killed. That cost Maddy her mom. Righteous fury burns in him.

HE ACTUALLY BURIED ALICIA unlike Serena in s8. But still plays mindgames with Madison and is cutting off walkers' arms (mostly because I think he was so funny for this)

Find part 1 here

[ambrosearietes]

please ask me about my headcanons… i’ll drop some right now…

adam ivanov is transmasculine

calvin has isolophobia which id exactly what it sounds like

you know how in O5-2’s chapter it said calvin saw aaron’s eyes and they were calvin’s own? i think anthony wright saw aaron’s eyes when he looked at calvin

furthermore, considering adam and calvin seem to be reflections of vincent and aaron respectively, and adam has unrequited love for calvin, it’s somewhat safe to assume vincent had unrequited love towards aaron.

so anthony, in his final moments, looked at calvin and saw the eyes of the man he used to love and i think it comforted him.

calvin and olivia have a really weird relationship in the take and it’s not really acknowledged until the fuckin EPILOGUE that calvin had romantic feelings towards her. i like to think he and olivia had an on-off relationship, particularly because he was extremely distant (olivia makes a note of this in 11’s chapter) and closed-off and olivia did not like that at all.

anthony fostered adam at least temporarily until adam could find a more suitable home. sylvester sloan would babysit.

anthony did not want adam in the insurgency at all. seeing him on the team upset him greatly. he still sees adam as a child despite adam explicitly being in his 20s (likely ~25 at that point)

vincent arians had a cat. anthony likes cats but doesn’t have one because of the insurgency.

sloan and anthony were friends to the point where anthony may have considered telling sloan the truth. he never got the chance to. calvin ended up telling sloan on the plane and sloan was floored.

adam did not know he was in love with calvin until O5-5’s chapter

calvin has nightmares about adam dying, even after finding out adam was alive, well, and PISSED.

aaron is extremely oblivious to romantic advances but was helplessly enamored by sophia to the point of following her like a puppy. frederick noticed this and didn’t like it.

frederick tried the whole “you killed the man but not the idea” thing on aaron but aaron just went “dude i recognize your voice i know it’s you”

aaron has a very slight british lilt from how often he’d visit oxford to see vincent. vincent tried to make him move to england and live with him and aaron was seriously considering it before they met frederick.

felix and frederick were close friends and frederick often confided in felix, though he didn’t tell him about, like, abbadon. felix thought frederick was losing his fucking mind as they neared 1926.

frederick likes to call calvin and ask him the most cryptic shit. he also did this to aaron, though aaron got bitchy with him about it (rightfully so)

sam (O5-11) helped jean (O5-4) get his first binder.

dianne (O5-10) is banned from most public libraries

valerie (green) is that “bitch you’re gonna step on my fucking toe bitch with them fucking cowgirl boots bitch DISGUSTING” with rufus (O5-6).

O5-6 and O5-7 aren’t allowed to sit next to each other at meetings— every other O5 sits around the meeting table in order, but O5-5 and O5-6 have ri switch spots or 7 will be bitching the entire time

aaron DESPISES valerie

the body of hyun-ki (O5-3) is actually aaron and sophia’s child. he named himself.

sophia suffers short-term memory loss. aaron often writes her little notes and reminders.

calvin has burn scars from his fight with aaron.

calvin and olivia could never share a bed in motels because of the strain on their relationship. calvin usually ended up on the floor or next to adam.

adam has very soft snoring, calvin compares it to a puppy snoring, much to adam’s embarrassment.

calvin LOVES teasing adam.

olivia and adam got along extremely well.

anthony likes star trek.

adam has that autistic yapper rizz™

calvin doesn’t recognize when he’s crying. this is a problem.

[gryficowaart]

Yes, I know I've been drawing quite slowly lately, but my graphics tablet is getting really hot

Luck (Luke)

Dark Luck (Dark Luke)

You're probably wondering why the names are spelled this way and not differently… Well, you could say that "Luck" and his ability to write words is not exceptional… And yes, both versions are Luck, but Dark Luck was created by dividing into two (Because the Goblin Lord, gaining a body, shot "Light" and well… This is how Luck was divided into two (By the way, it's the other way around, but I think something went wrong, dark Luck has an eye patch on his left eye, not the right one, this information, and now I see that something went wrong with the horns… Great, but yes, the image is upside down… . So yes, both versions of the Lucks have the band on the opposite side, not the same side… CURSED MIRROR PAINTING IN THE KRITA)

In the first versions, I thought that they would stand out in the original form (This eyeball) in that "Luck", after having his memory erased after a certain situation, would have a black one of his "Hands" (???), but I thought it was boring, so yes, now both versions stand out more from each other

And yes, I'm gradually trying to blur the lighting, I don't know if it looks better now, but hey, everyone starts somewhere

Yes, Luck was made a year earlier than I tried to write the script (2016), although its vision changed so many times, so yeah :V

Yes, I literally created this OC when I was 15, and I started writing the script in 2017 (or at least I started learning), so yes, the universe I am creating is so old… This is my record, because before that I always abandoned everything which I created after a short time, so this universe was always in my worst times, you could say that creating it helped me survive to this day

And a lot of things have changed, because well… It was quite sus, when you are a child you don't see problems when you are older, seriously, there were a lot of things, but I changed a lot, and many of my OCs went from one-dimensional to multi-dimensional

Is it perfect? Absolutely not, I'm 23 years old, I'm probably not perfect yet, and I often get stuck while writing because I feel that something is wrong, that I haven't added enough… Eh… I have the impression that when I had less skills, writing itself was easier, but well, unfortunately that's the way it is and I have to come to terms with it…

[mothymusings]

Second Entry

“In the end, a simple happiness is better than a complex disillusion.”

― Janelle Monáe, The Memory Librarian: And Other Stories of Dirty Computer

Synopsis

Memory Librarian and Other Stories is an anthology inspired by Monae’s album Dirty Computer. Each story is set in the near future, where a new government called New Dawn controls everything a person does down to their memories. Within each short story is a message of Queer, POC, and Female resistance against the rigid conformity New Dawn tries to impose.

There are five stories within the anthology, every single one could be read independently of the other, however there are references interspersed each novella. The titular story, Memory Librarian, follows Seshet as one of the high ranking officials in New Dawns order. Her job focuses on categorizing as well as monitoring the memories of her city until strange circumstances cause her to question her loyalties and even her own memories.

Nevermind follows the residents of the Pynk Hotel, a resistant group of queer women who have run away from New Dawn, dubbed Dirty Computers. However things are not as harmonious as they assume, as tensions between those who try to restrict what it means to be Pynk threaten to destroy the safe haven forever.

Timebox centers around two women who have found out that their closet has time altering powers, and the arguments on how best to use such a valuable resource as time for the benefit of the whole, or the individual.

Save Changes also deals with time, as Sisters Amber and Larry deal with being outcasts due to their mothers status as a reformed resistance leader. Gifted with a stone that their late father claims to rewind time, Larry tries to save her sister and mother from fates worse than death.

Timebox Altar(ed), the final story, is about a young child named Bug, who with their friends find and create art in a clearing with the help of Mx. Tangee, a strange woman who almost seems to have magical powers.

First Impressions

Wow! Memory Librarian blew me away with the descriptive prose and inventive stories of rebellion and love in an oppressive society. I enjoyed each story and the messages they imparted. I think my favorites were Nevermind and Save Changes, especially Save Changes with how well it mixed technology and magic together. I think for me it was definitely a fun read all the way through

The Good, The Bad, and The Fuzzy

The good has to go to the inventive worldbuilding of the setting Memory Librarian is in! Details are kept vague in terms of how New Dawn gained power, how memories are able to be used as a resource as well as what being a Torch entails. But I think that vagueness is in its favor from a narrative standpoint as the characters we meet already know all these things (Save for Bug and their friends), as well as for the reader to keep drawing you back in. It’s a nice blend of sci-fi contemporary without being set in such a heavily futuristic setting, there’s technology everywhere but it doesn’t feel like it’s the main focus or detracts from it.

The bad, I will admit I had trouble reading through some of the prose, especially in the Memory Librarian novella. I had to go back and reread many large paragraphs to try to figure out what exactly was going on. I think other than that I couldn’t really find anything else I had a problem with?

The fuzzy is more to deal with plots being abruptly cliffhangers, however I don’t find it as a fault due to the formatting but I still had moments where I would go “And then what??!!” before turning the page to be met with a new story.

Conclusion

Memory Librarian and Other Stories from Dirty Computer is an amazing anthology that talks about being different in a society that tries its hardest to stamp it out through the lenses of black queer women. Its sci-fi setting is friendly enough to those who aren’t familiar with the genre while also providing an interesting spin on the genre. I think this is a perfect read for those that enjoy evocative short stories within the same world as well as fans of Monae’s music. Listening to Dirty Computer while reading definitely helped immerse me in the world of New Dawn.

Rating

A nice 8.9/10 lamps!

Upcoming…

Next entry in this blog will be Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir!

[smileymoth]

For the ask thing. I wanna know your 10 headcanons about Etho. And 10 more about one of your OCs please :3

ok ok.. Etho <3

He SUCKS at expressing his emotions. He does not know what he is feeling. Ever. This leads to misunderstandings with everyone, especially Bdubs since he is very vocal about his own feelings.

He's nonbinary and gender-non-conforming in a way :333

He sometimes chases his own tail when he's in a silly mood and forgets that he in fact has a tail. He falls over and whimpers because he got dizzy. (sometimes the fault of too much redstone)

HE IS 100% A SCENE KID. Perhaps even an emo kid. He had raccoon tails as a teenager and wore heavy eyeliner and homemade tripp nyc trousers since his parents wouldn't buy him a pair

There's always something off about his construction work. When he lived in the monolith basement he sound proofed it, but somehow it only soundproofed it to him, Bdubs could still hear what he was doing down there. Etho has no idea how that is even possible.

He got his face scar as a child, but doesn't remember how he got it. All he knows is that it didn't heal properly so now he has a semi-split lip which he is very self-conscious about, hence why he wears the mask. Bdubs is most likely the one of the few people who have seen him without his mask since he trusts him the most.

You know, he could get his lip fixed via surgery, but he is afraid of doctors and needles and syringes and the idea of someone putting him under anesthesia, so he'd rather not.

Oh and also he has dust and pollen allergies. Because of course he does. :) Good luck with that Etho!!! The mask does help.

His sleep schedule is awful. He goes to sleep in the middle of the night if not the morning, sometimes he forces himself to pull allnighters which end up with him being out of commission for an entire day -- he hates it. He needs to be productive and do things.

This also means he eats redstone for extra energy. It makes his heart race and sometimes makes him shaky but he doesn't care. He thinks it tastes quite nice. But again which redstoner doesn't consume redstone for the fun of it...

HE'S SEASONAL. He sheds fur on his ears and tail in spring and grows a thicker layer on during autumn.

AS FOR MY OC.... Let's do June because I've been thinking about him a lot lately :heart:

He goes by all pronouns, he doesn't care what you call him since he doesn't know what gender is. If he was born into genZ he would ID as non binary or a trans femme, but since this is the 80s he does not know if to call him that or not. He's just June <3

June isn't his legal name, his legal name is Julian. Boys at his school would call him Julia because of how feminine he was. That same group would become his close group of friends who would drag him everywhere. He did not know if they were doing it out of malice to make fun of him and put him in weird situations or because they genuinely liked him. One of the boys 100% had a crush on him.

His dad was a college professor teaching English, his mom was a nurse. This meant that they were barely home as his dad had work quite far from home and his mom did long hours. Since his parents were quite distant, it also distanced him from them. He'd rather call his beloved Nanny his family than his actual parents.

He developed an eating disorder in middle school which has carried out throughout his life, with recovery and relapse over and over and over again. Age 40 his heart gave out and he had a cardiac arrest. Luckily he could be resuscitated but it left him with short term memory problems and other issues.

June loooves her band mates. He'd do anything for George and Lydia. He and George would share the bed if possible and cuddle together since they were both severely touch starved. This continued after they both found life partners since everyone was ok with it.

She has autism that was undiagnosed till late adulthood when his partner forced him to therapy for his eating problems.

June has insomnia, so when he finally did fall asleep during tour Lydia and George would make sure to be as quiet as possible to not wake her.

He met his life partner Lawrence on their american tour in late 80s. They met at a bar and June dragged him back to the tourbus afterward. June was instantly starstruck with him and refused to let him go so they spent a few years sending each other letters and meeting up every now and then till Lawrence moved to the UK to live with him. Law calls June his 'girlfriend' and 'wife' infront of his friends which makes June melt inside. He will never get enough of kissing Lawrence. <3 They're disgustingly cute together. George doesn't get how Lawrnece is so patient with him... George also didn't like Lawrence in the beginning bc it felt like he was stealing his best friend. Lydia couldn't stop teasing him about how ''ohhh you like your little June <333 you love himm<333" which pissed him off. Anyway. I'm getting carried away T_T

June can be very annoying and stubborn. She needs to get her way always and forever, and gets upset when she doesn't. When he's upset with someone he tends to just ignore the other person, giving them silent treatment, even if he's still cuddling up to them. Sometimes when he's very overwhelmed he does simply shut down and loses speech for a bit until he feels better.

He has always carried his childhood teddy along with him everywhere -- to tour, to new homes, on trips. It is his comfort item that is always with him, even if hidden at the bottom of the suitcase.

!!! thank you Ety!!!!!!

[fyrefrostanimus]

More of the events in that crossover AU! Today we have William doing virology and trying (and succeeding) at creating a vaccine without a medical license!

I don't know if anything needs a trigger warning, but if you think it does just tell me.

~~~~~~

William is fixated on two things after Elizabeth dies: one is making sure Evan "gets over" Michael (clearly not helping by not supporting his remaining son), and the other is figuring out rabies. That is how his daughter died after all, and since he's a man of science in his own terms he decides to try and do some experiments. More specifically on how it works in people.

So he does the only rational thing one can do in this situation: kidnap children and give them a notably dangerous disease that has no known cure as of yet!

William hid the children he's doing this experiment with in his workshop where he usually does work on animatronics (none of the restaurants have closed yet), but it was still a large enough space. Plus, Evan would never go in there, so he wouldn't be easily found out. He would watch the disease progress over time, and when the child he was keeping at the moment went completely feral, he'd kill them to see how they tick: but not before getting another normal animal infected so he has something to keep the cycle going (or to study if he couldn't get a child).

It wasn't hard to catch Susie. She loves dogs, but maybe she shouldn't always trust Springbonnie. And any dogs he might show her. William studied her like an actual biologist would a lab rat, noting that the time she seemed to snap into being fully rabid was around 2 weeks.

That remained consistent with the others, too. He'd wait until they stopped thinking like normal people and kill them after watching for a bit (of course, ensuring he had the right protective gear to not get infected himself). All the while he would figure out how rabies worked along the way.

When Cassidy came along, William finally had something new to test. The process started out the same, with using a normally-inconspicuous animal to infect her and waiting for her to go feral. But this time, he had a basic vaccine to try out (this is how the book this is a crossover with had it happen, and no it is not realistic do not try to cure rabies on your own). William left her alone in the workshop for a while, making sure Cassidy was rabid before giving it to her. Then he left again.

Well, that worked. Cassidy is lucid again after about a day, remembering things like the voices she heard in her head the days before she blacked out completely. William was proud that he figured out how to deal with rabies, but he now had another problem.

He couldn't just let Cassidy go back home, because she'd tell everyone what he had been doing in his workshop besides just repairing animatronics. So he had to kill her anyways, which is much harder than the other considering she can think, but he did it.

The ghosts wake up confused in the animatronics (still the same characters as they are possessing in canon), remembering being bit by some animal and kidnapped but not much more. Except for Cassidy. She had more of her memories intact and she was angry. She could see end of the tunnel, and the door was closed on her. So Cass tells the other ghosts what happened during the time they forgot, and the group is formed.

~~~~~~

As much as I hate cutting it short here, I don't know if William should get actually springlocked, have his whole rabid children plan backfire horribly by getting rabies himself, or both (imagine rabid Springtrap and how cool that could be: only reason you're not getting bit is because his mouth can't reach you). All of the above make sense to me but it's hard to decide.

[ecargmura]

Dog Signal Episode 14 Review - Grieving Over A Loved One

Wow, that was quite an emotional episode. I did NOT expect it to get this heavy; it came out of left field and smacked me in the face so that it’d make me cry. You know what? I did shed tears watching this episode. Despite that, it was a really good one.

Niwa and Miyu get their first male client in Mr. Kato who is worried about his son’s Golden Retriever Rocky who hasn’t moved from his deceased son Takehiro’s shrine for over a year. He’s worried about how he didn’t move and is even urinating in unwanted areas because of it. When Niwa and Miyu go check him out, it turns out that his muscles have atrophied a lot, his paws because a reddish-brown hue due to licking and his elbows have calluses from excessive laying. It’s not a good sign for the dog to be in, especially since he’s getting up to the years—the dog is 11 years old. It turns out that the problem lies in his wife, Mrs. Kato who believes Rocky is mourning Takehiro’s death and refuses to let him leave the shrine. Fortunately, the dog is able to recover quickly because he was well-trained and easy to handle.

First off, I feel so bad for the Kato family. They had a son but he died right before he went to college, meaning he was 18 when he died. He was still at the prime of his youth. I’m sure the parents are devastated that their son was taken away from them so early. Takehiro had dreams and aspirations, but misfortunate came to him. It’s so sad to see parents lose their child. I pity Mrs. Kato for not being able to mourn for her son properly. It must be really hard to lose someone you just saw yesterday and realize that they aren’t coming back anymore. Because she couldn’t mourn properly, she projected her grief onto Rocky who was just sitting next to her in order to help alleviate her emotions. Because she believed Rocky was the one who was mourning and not her, she could move on, but she wasn’t truly moving on. I know that what Mrs. Kato was doing was technically abuse, but I can’t really bring myself to hate her because she was and is in a pitiful situation. Fortunately, she still has Rocky and her husband who have moved on from his death.

I also like that this case is a bit of a parallel with Niwa’s past in a way, as Miyu noticed. Niwa lost his dad, dog and seems to be distant from his mother. In Mrs. Kato’s case, she lost her son, but she still has her dog and husband who seems to be in good terms with. Despite that, Niwa has moved on, but the pain of losing his dog is still there. His stern face is because he’s holding back his tears. That’s rather funny, but also sadly cute in a way. I love how Miyu’s trying be understanding towards the case due to Niwa’s past and he’s also learning about cases like this. There is valuable information in this episode: dogs have short and long term memory. Dogs have good memory, but Niwa actually lied to Mrs. Kato in order to give her a wakeup call. An example of good memory is Rocky looking at Mrs. Kato’s behavior and going back to his spot. I love that Miyu ponders about a dog’s memories and hopes that Singe will have him in his memories for a long time. That’s so sweet. I really love it when Miyu’s thoughts are voiced out in the end; it’s like he’s writing a diary of his experience.

I’m always amazed by the voice actor casting for the minor characters. Mr. Kato is voiced by Kentaro Ito, who is known for voicing Renji Abarai from Bleach and Chouji from Naruto. Mrs. Kato is voiced by THE Nana Mizuki. Anime fans might recognize her for numerous roles like Hinata Hyuga from Naruto and Utau Hoshino from Shugo Chara. She’s also a prolific singer. If you’re familiar with the song Discotheque, she’s the singer. It’s crazy how they got three members of the Uzumaki family in this show already; we got Minato Namikaze as Niwa’s dad, Naruto Uzumaki as Ms. Kadota from Episode 8 and now Hinata in this episode. It’d be hilarious if Kushina, Boruto, Himawari and Kawaii’s voice actors make an appearance in later episodes, but I doubt it.

I love that the lesson for this episode is to not impose your own personal feelings onto your pets because they do not comprehend them. People do have a tendency to try and humanize their pets. Niwa’s lecture really hit home. I should be a bit more careful when it comes to understanding my dogs now. I can’t wait to see what next week has in store because this anime is so comforting and beautiful with life lessons revolving around pets. If you have seen this episode, what are your thoughts?

[smartmathtutoring]

How Abacus Math Lessons Boost Brain Power in Young Learners

As the world becomes more data-driven and technologically advanced, kids need to learn math skills more than ever. There are a lot of digital tools and apps out there, but one old-fashioned way of teaching math is getting a lot of attention again because it works so well to improve cognitive development: abacus math lessons. Not only does this centuries-old method improve math skills, but it also improves memory, concentration and brain function in young learners.

What Is Abacus Math and Why Does It Matter?

For thousands of years, people from many different cultures have used the abacus to count. But teachers have learned in the last few decades that learning to use an abacus to do math—and, more importantly, picturing the abacus in your mind—uses both the left and right sides of the brain. Abacus training activates both the left and right brains, using creativity, imagination, and spatial memory. This is different from regular math, which only activates logical reasoning in the left brain.

Students learn to move beads not only with their hands but also with their minds by practicing them over and over again. They can do very complicated math problems very quickly and accurately using this method, which is often called "mental math with abacus." It's not about learning formulas by heart; it's about getting a feel for numbers and how they work. This is why abacus math lessons work so well for kids: their brains are still growing and can easily change.

Cognitive Benefits That Go Beyond Math

Abacus training is more than just a way to get better at math; it's also a way to help your brain grow. Many studies have shown that kids who regularly practice with an abacus show big improvements in a number of important cognitive areas:

• Concentration and Focus: It takes a lot of focus to learn how to move beads and do math in your head. As kids get older, they get better at ignoring distractions and staying focused for longer periods of time. This is a skill that helps them learn in all areas.

• Memory Retention: Remembering where the beads are and how the abacus looks in your mind while you solve problems helps improve both short-term and long-term memory. Students who learn how to use an abacus often do very well on tasks that require them to remember things.

• Analytical Thinking: As students get older, they learn to see patterns, break down problems, and plan ahead. These skills help them think more clearly and make better decisions.

• Skills in Visual-Spatial Because the abacus is a visual tool, it helps you become more aware of space. This is especially helpful in math, science, and even creative fields like art and music.

Boosting Confidence Through Achievement

One of the best things about abacus training is that it helps kids feel better about themselves. Kids often have trouble with math, which can make them anxious and lower their self-esteem. But the structured and hands-on way the abacus works makes math seem easier. Students feel small victories as they learn each step, and those victories help them believe in their own abilities.

Because abacus learners are often faster and more accurate than their peers, they start to like math instead of being afraid of it. This change in feelings can be life-changing, changing how they do in school and how they feel about learning in general.

A Fun, Engaging, and Proven Approach

Some traditional tutoring programs can feel boring or too much, but abacus math lessons are meant to be fun and interesting. The abacus is fun to use, and the way it is taught makes it feel more like a game than a job. This is very important for young learners who do best in places where they can have fun and learn at the same time.

Smart Math Tutoring and other programs like it take this idea to the next level by combining expert teaching with fun activities that are appropriate for the student's age. These lessons are made to fit your child's learning style and pace, whether they are just starting out or already have a strong foundation.

Give Your Child a Lifelong Advantage

In today's competitive school system, one of the best things you can do for your child's future is to help them get off to a good start in math. But abacus training gives you something even more valuable than grades and test scores: it helps you develop a strong, flexible mind. Abacus math lessons prepare students for a lifetime of learning and success by using both sides of the brain, improving focus, and boosting confidence.

[braingymau]

Boost Child Development with Brain Based Exercises and Brain Training for Kids

In today’s fast-paced world, parents and educators are constantly looking for effective strategies to enhance children’s cognitive and emotional development. One approach that has gained significant traction is the use of brain based exercises combined with structured brain training for kids. These methods are not just trendy buzzwords; they are scientifically grounded practices that help improve memory, attention, emotional regulation, and problem-solving skills in young minds.

Understanding Brain Based Exercises

Brain based exercises are activities designed to stimulate specific regions of the brain, improving both its structure and function. These exercises go beyond traditional learning methods by targeting how the brain actually processes information. They engage various neural networks responsible for attention, executive functioning, motor coordination, and emotional balance.

These exercises can include physical movements, mindfulness activities, and cognitive challenges that help reinforce the brain's plasticity—the brain's ability to adapt and reorganize itself. For children, whose brains are still in the formative stages, the impact of such exercises can be particularly profound.

Importance of Brain Training for Kids

Brain training for kids

. refers to a variety of structured programs and activities that focus on enhancing core cognitive abilities. These can include working memory, processing speed, reasoning, and auditory/visual processing. By incorporating these exercises into daily routines, children can develop stronger mental skills that support academic performance, social interaction, and emotional health.

One of the key advantages of brain training is its long-term effect. Research suggests that when children engage in these activities consistently, the benefits can be seen even years later. For example, a child who improves their working memory through regular brain based exercises may perform better in mathematics, reading comprehension, and even sports.

Top Brain Based Exercises for Children

Cross-Lateral Movements Activities like crawling, cross-crawling, or touching the left knee with the right elbow (and vice versa) help connect both hemispheres of the brain. These movements improve coordination, balance, and memory recall.

Memory Games Playing simple games like "Simon Says," memory cards, or digital apps designed for brain training for kids strengthens short-term and working memory.

Mindfulness and Breathing Techniques Teaching kids deep breathing or guiding them through short mindfulness sessions can enhance emotional control and focus. Even just five minutes a day can help reduce anxiety and improve concentration.

Pattern Recognition Activities Solving puzzles, finding hidden pictures, or playing games that involve identifying patterns helps develop logical reasoning and visual-spatial awareness.

Music and Rhythm Exercises Learning to play a musical instrument or clapping to a rhythm can boost auditory processing and improve attention span, both crucial for academic success.

Benefits of Brain Training for Kids

Improved Academic Performance Brain based exercises enhance the brain's ability to process and retain information, making it easier for children to learn and apply new concepts in school.

Better Focus and Attention Children who struggle with attention deficits often benefit significantly from targeted brain training. Activities designed to improve focus help them stay attentive in class and complete tasks more efficiently.

Enhanced Emotional Regulation Emotional intelligence is just as important as cognitive skills. Exercises like journaling, role-playing, or guided emotional expression help children understand and manage their feelings.

Boosted Confidence and Social Skills As kids improve their brain function, they often feel more confident in their abilities. This improved self-esteem naturally extends to better social interactions and friendships.

Development of Executive Functions Executive functions are high-level cognitive skills such as planning, organizing, and goal setting. Brain based exercises stimulate the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for these functions.

Integrating Brain Based Exercises at Home and School

Incorporating brain training for kids doesn’t require expensive tools or complex programs. Here are simple ways to include these exercises in daily life:

Morning Movement Routines: Start the day with 5–10 minutes of cross-lateral movements or jumping jacks to wake up the brain.

After-School Mind Games: Encourage your child to play strategic games like chess, Sudoku, or brain-training apps instead of passive screen time.

In-Class Activities: Teachers can use brain breaks—short, fun physical activities between lessons—to help reset students' attention spans.

Final Thoughts

The connection between physical movement, emotional balance, and cognitive development is undeniable. As we understand more about how the brain works, it becomes clear that brain based exercises and brain training for kids are essential tools for nurturing healthy, well-rounded children. These practices support academic success, enhance mental health, and prepare young minds to face life’s challenges with resilience and confidence.

Parents and educators can empower children by creating an environment rich in cognitive stimulation, emotional support, and opportunities for brain-boosting activities. The results? Smarter, happier, and more capable kids—ready to take on the world.