#incorrect Damian Wayne

[timmydraker]

Damian, showing off Alfred the Cat like at those cat shows: perfect jaw, nice tail to body length, healthy teeth and eyes. Perfect in every way.

Damian, turning to Tim: something you’ll never achieve.

Tim, literally just sitting there: oh okay we’re fighting again?

Damian: yes.

Tim: shit I wasn’t ready, do it again

Damian: sure

Damian, showing Alfred The Cat off like at those cats shows: the perfect specimen, unlike you.

Tim: the perfect specimen, unlike your face

Damian: how dare you!

Damian, carefully placing Alfred down before wrestling Tim to the ground: my safe word is cookie!

Tim, trying to get him in an arm lock: mines peanut!

Bruce, who asks to spend time with both his sons, utterly confused: am I meant to do something…?

Alfred, knowing full well this as close to normal siblings behaviour they might ever get: they have safe words.

Bruce: right…

Tim: wait, peanut, I forgot to save my work

Damian: understandable.

Tim: okay done

Damian: can I get my knife?

Tim: no I have a date with Bernard tonight

Damian: ew.

Tim: homophobic?

Damian: no, just ew.

Tim: damn

Tim: I’m going to hit you now

Damian: can I bite?

Tim: you already did

Damian: no I didn’t

Tim, showing his slightly red wrist

Damian: ah, instinct.

Tim: you are the youngest

Damian: I’m going to bite the other one so it’s even

Tim: aw thank you, I hate it when it’s uneven

Damian: yeah you whine every time

Damian: like a bitch

Tim: I’ll tell your mum you used that word

Damian: sorry

Damian: harlot

Tim: better

Damian: commence!

Bruce: …

Bruce: Is this bonding?

Damian and Tim: nah ah

Bruce, even more confused: okay… just don’t go to far and hurt each other

Damian: you’ve ruined it

Bruce: what?

Tim: yeah… I’m not feeling it anymore

Damian: I’m going to my room

Tim: looser

Damian: your mum

Tim: valid

Bruce, wondering what he did wrong: I’m sorry, come back…

[hopefully-helpful-daemon]

*batkids going out in gotham for the night*

Bruce: And what do you do if you get stopped by the cops?

All of the kids: let Tim or Jason deal with it as the two white passing ones.

Bruce: Good, now go have fun.

[jasonsthunderthighs]

Dick: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Tim: My life is a little too much fall out and not enough boy.

Jason: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance

Damian: My life is a little too much imagination and not enough dragons.

Bruce: *Facepalmin* All I asked was how your weekend was.

[sodamnbored]

Damian, entering the living room: Oh, Drake. I didn’t realise you were here too.

Tim, distracted on his phone on the couch: Yeah, best WiFi around. Keeping busy?

Damian, looking in cupboards and chandeliers for acrobatic older brothers: Looking for Dick.

Tim absently, not looking up from Grindr: Mm, me too.

[incorrect-waynemanor]

damian: unlike some people, i'm a very mature person. i apologize when i'm wrong

steph: but i've never heard you apologize???

damian: are you saying there's times where i've been wrong?

[deleteoldpeople]

This is a continuation of my last post, since y’all loved it so much.

If Damian jokes about hell, do you think he would joke about going back? I do.

Tim: Oh he’s going to hell for sure.

Damian: How unfortunate, I’ll meet him again.

Tim: …damian, no.

Jason: *To a criminal* When you get to hell, tell em’ I sent you.

Damian: And ask if they still have those whips, I really want one.

Jason:…. what?

Dick: Damian stop joking about hell, it’s not funny, just distrubing.

Damian: I know someone who would appreciate my humor.

Dick: Oh yeah? Who?

Damian: Satan

Dick: *Uncontrollable sobbing*

They’ll literally have to ban the word “hell”, or any relating words in order not to provoke him 💀

[ryemiffie]

Y'all already know what's up! More batfam incorrect quotes with quotes from my day:

Tim: Yeah I also have constant back pain.

Dick: Pretty sure they call it chronic back pain.

Tim: Ha! It's not chronic till a doctor says so!

A doctor: It's chronic back pain.

Tim: damn it!

Kon: Why am I here?!

Damian: Shut up blondie! You're here for moral support!

Kon: I'm not blonde!

Damian: ..shit you're not, did we steal the wrong white-boy?

Dick: hm, we might've. Tim is this not your boyfriend?

Tim: No! And I told you it's not even serious yet!

Dick: I don't believe you.

Tim: How did you mix them up?? One can cook and the other has superpowers!

Kon: Two skills that sadly can not co-exist.

Damian: I think it's just you.

[tmnt-queen-og]

Damian: Drake, please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste.

Tim: We got spring water. Does that work?

Damian: NO.

Jason: with EXTRA minerals

Tim: It's like licking a stalagmite.

Damian: DO NOT COME HOME.

Jason: Mmmmm, cave water

[akidru]

I strongly believe Damian would love to play Roblox, like not even cool fighting games, he would probably play adopt me and would have all the best pets

[cardinalcheerio]

Tim and Damian putting on the batsuit for whatever reason:

Damian: I should be on your shoulders! My face resembles fathers better!

Tim: your face resembles a 4 year olds

[bluejay-the-geek]

Dick and Damian trying to cross a busy crowd

Damian, pushing people: Out of my way! Step aside, filth. Dick: He means no offense! Dick: I'm certain you bathe regularly.

[spatteringstars]

"You didn't go home with us, you were left. They dumped you at the Walmart" - Tim and Damian @ Each other at the height of their hating each other phase

[fics-and-quotes-andthelike]

Dick Grayson: *running towards Damian with open arms*

Damian Wayne: *moves out of the way*

Dick Grayson: Hey, why'd you move?!

Damian Wayne: I thought you were going to attack me.

Dick Grayson: I was going to hug you!

Damian Wayne: (genuinely confused) Why would you hug me?

Dick Grayson: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

[jasonsthunderthighs]

Dick: Where's Tim?

Damian: I didn't kill him. Todd?

Jason: No, I've been busy.

[sodamnbored]

Damian: And you would be Richard, I presume?

Dick, preening: I suppose Bruce and Alfred must talk about me all the time. What gave me away? The hair? My gymnast’s build? My rugged good looks? :D

Damian: Not really. I just know a Dick when I see one.

[incorrect-waynemanor]

damian: i'm so happy for you and your ugly fucking boyfriend

tim:

damian: i'm serious

tim: ...thanks