#incorrect bau

[profoundstarfishmusic]

[starstrucklunatic]

Incorrect BAU Quotes but it's things my friends said:

Rossi: I only drink in company and sometimes alone. Emily: Children are a gift from hell. Hotch: I find sobbing straight-up pathetic. Alex: A VERB. YOUR SENTENCE NEEDS A VERB! Reid: I'm missing something like serotonin or maybe cocaine... Unsub: Bombastic side eye Morgan: stfu or you're gonna get a bombastic black eye

Garcia: I was -actually still am- a huge My Little Pony fan

Hotch: What was your good deed of the day? JJ: I parked my car very adequatley Hotch: And you? Elle: I'm a horrible person

Emily: I think we should fuck up god

[emilyshotchrocket]

Morgan: Prentiss kissed you and you said “Thank you”?

Hotch: Yes..

Rossi: Well, that was very polite.

[youknowithappened]

Hotch: This is a bad idea.

Emily: You said that already.

Hotch: Well, it's worth saying again.

[omnigraphsblog]

Rossi, walking into his mansion: Hello, people who do not live here.

Emily: Hey.

Hotch: Hi.

Spencer: Hello.

Derek: Hey!

Rossi: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!

Emily: We were out of Doritos.

[lazyclumzycat-blog]

[lilliejareau]

“we listen and we don’t judge.”

penelope: one time reid gave me a tiny potted plant but it turns out it was actually plastic and he didn’t know so i pretended to water it for three years.

bau: we listen and we don’t judge.

JJ: sometimes when Henry wakes me up by jumping on my back, I feel like throwing him across the room for a split second.

bau: we listen and we don’t judge.

emily: one time when I was mad at Morgan for not sticking up for me during a case, I dipped his travel toothbrush in the toilet and didn’t rinse it off after and he used it about an hour later.

morgan: bitch what?!?

emily: we listen and we don’t judge!

[shinyglimmer-cm]

Hotch: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-

Garcia: It was me...

Hotch: ...Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.

[ralvezfanatic]

Y/N: I need someone to take me out already

Derek: Like on a date or with a sniper?

Y/N: Either works but at this point I rather a sniper

Hotch: Do I need to have you evaluated?

Elle, texting Penelope to ask how much a hitman costs:

Spencer, texting Penelope to ask her for tips on how to ask you out:

Penelope, very confused at the two types of text she got: ???

[theunholyvirginemilyprentiss]

THE BAU AT A THEME PARK:

SPENCER: Got separated from the group whilst wandering the arcade and is waiting at the lost children’s point to be collected by one of his father figures.

MORGAN: Got stuck on a broken down rollercoaster and is trying so hard not to freak out in front of the hottie in the seat beside him.

PENELOPE: Has won the jackpot on an arcade machine, currently eating cotton candy and taking pictures of Morgan up in the broken-down roller coaster as she waits for her cash prize.

EMILY: On her third ride through the haunted house ride with JJ.

JJ: Eating roasted peanuts and clutching the giant bear Emily won her at the water gun mini-game stand. The ride doesn’t frighten her, but she’ll take any excuse to clutch onto Emily’s arm…

ELLE: Sitting in the car with Tara listening to Destiny’s Child. “Hey, that guy on the broken roller coaster kind of looks like Morgan...”

TARA: “I’ll get Gideon’s birdwatching binoculars.”

GIDEON: Wandering around the aquarium with his phone switched off, telling anyone who asks that he came here alone.

Meanwhile, at the lost children’s point…

ROSSI: “Hello, we’re looking for a scrawny, puppy-eyed genius with boyband hair and sweaty palms?”

HOTCH: “I got a text saying ‘dad, help.’ We’re assuming he’s here.”

Check out my Masterlist for more BAU scenarios.

[profoundstarfishmusic]

[sweatervest-obsessed]

Y/n: see how Garcia brought the shots back to the table?

Prentiss: very thoughtful.

JJ: very demure.

Morgan: what the fuck—

*hotch arrives*

Garcia: see how Hotch was late?

Prentiss: not very mindful.

Reid: not demure.

[emilyshotchrocket]

Rossi, after a case with some spectacularly annoying agents that he considers family: Do not come over to my mansion.

Rossi: If my mansion is on fire, you may knock once.

Rossi: if I do not answer, assume I set the fire and want to burn to death.

[youknowithappened]

Penelope: Please? For me?

Derek: Don't do that.

Penelope: What?

Derek: You think every time you say "Please? For me?" I'll do whatever you want. Well not this time.

Penelope: Please? For me?

Derek:

Derek: Okay.

[ineedreid]

Hotch: I submitted my resignation.

Garcia: I shredded it and used the pieces for confetti.

Hotch: …Why?

Garcia: You’re not allowed to abandon your chaos gremlins.

[lazyclumzycat-blog]