#incorrect dc

[starvoiddream]

Duke: Not gonna lie, I'm kind of afraid of Tim...

Bat!sib: As you should be.

Duke: No, for real, they're kind of-

Bat!sib: As. You. Should. Be.

[gay-dorito-dust]

You: *in one of the many Batman suits Bruce has kept and doing a poor imitation of his voice* I am the night! I am vengeance! I am Batman- *starts coughing*

Bruce: *escorts you back to the bedroom* alright Batman thats enough time for you to go to bed.

You: could Batman have some water?

Bruce: Batman can have some water, I’ll get some throat soothers too.

You: thank you honey.

[dchuntress]

helena wayne: i was just minding my own business when this random child called me ugly today out of nowhere

helena wayne: so naturally, i told her that i was actually her from the future, and i was going to be nice and teach her a good lesson about being nice....

helena wayne: but she started crying about how she absolutely does not want to look anything like me in the future, so. what else could i have done after that

[lithiumseven]

Jason: It’s your spleen! You lost an ORGAN Tim, you should have told us!

Tim: So? You don’t have your tonsils, that’s an organ!

Dick: That’s not the same and you kn-

Jason: Jokes on you, my tonsils grew back in the Lazarus Pit so your argument doesn’t even make sense!

Dick, now fully turned toward Jason: Your tonsils did WHAT

[soulsforsales]

just because i understand a character’s trauma and complex lore doesn’t mean i can’t appreciate other aspects of his personality. like his huge dick

[juh-pyter]

Dick: Baby bird, when was the last time you got any sleep?

Tim (wild-eyed, gesturing frantically at an evidence board covered in photos, red string, and chaotic notes that barely make any sense): I don't know. 2 or 3 days. Not important. I don't need sleep, I need answers. I need to determine where in this swamp of conflicting clues squatteth the toad of truth.

Steph: Toad of truth? Is that a detective thing?

Jason: No, that's a crazy thing.

[wondersinwaynemanor]

Gothamite 1: Mr. Wayne looks more tired than usual.

Gothamite 2: Must be women problems.

Gothamite 3: I heard Wayne Enterprises is going bankrupt.

Gothamite 4: He must be really sick cus he has that Timothy boy doing the work for him. Although, that kid has been gone for quite some time now.

Gothamite 5: I heard he's gay and working at a club at night.

meanwhile, Bruce is just trying to balance life as Batman and as a father while dealing with his de-aged kids.

he knew he shouldn't have brought them with him on the mission.

Young Dick, tugging a toy: I'm going to kick you in the butt if you don't give me that stuffed toy back!

Young Tim, balancing an energy drink with one hand while pulling the toy from Dick on the other: You're so selfish, Dick! It's my turn!

Young Jason: *reading a book outloud by the corner just to annoy everyone else*

Young Cass: *on the floor, trying to balance her waffles on the table, with syrup all over the area*

the whole place is littered with fruit loops and cookies, milk splattered on the floor, the curtains are torn, dirty footprints are on the couches, a cape from one of their Robin suits is hanging on the chandelier, and the flat screen is damaged.

Steph: Ooof, it's bad, B.

Damian: Tt. Is Zatara even in this planet right now, Father?

Bruce, pinches the bridge of his nose: I think she's off world right now.

Duke: I'm more worried when Alf comes back from vacation and he sees this whole mess.

Bruce: I--

then they all hurriedly move to the children when they start to tackle themselves on the floor.

[bruhseidon]

[At Damian & Y/N’s wedding]

Alfred: I now pronounce you, husband and wi—

Jason, who is uninvited by Damian and is petty about it, so he decides to cause some chaos: HE CHEATED ON YOU!!

Damian, who has never once betrayed Y/N: WHO SAID THAT!?

Jason:

Damian: Who said that? Who said that…?

Alfred: I now pronounce you, husband and—

Jason: HE SLEPT WITH YOUR SISTER!!

Damian: WHO SAID THAT!?!

Jason:

Damian: WHO SAID THAT SH—

Alfred, speeding up: Inowpronounceyouhusban—

Jason: HIS HAIRLINE’S RECEDING!!

Damian, taking out his katana as he finally catches sight of Jason: [screaming]

[anothertimdrakestan]

*the bats arguing about the mission*

jason: why are we even listening to Mr. Capitalism over here? *gesturing at tim*

tim: what? that doesn't have anything to do wi-

jason: is it fun Mr. Monopoly? doing back flips over the picket fence line?

tim: there's no strike you buffoon and at least i don't sell DRUGS

jason: i should've known you don't support small businesses you corporate shill

tim: you don't run a small business.

jason: i sell a small amount of drugs to local customers at a fair price

steph: it's important to shop local, you know

tim: CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK TO THE MISSION?

[incorrectjaydick]

Dick: I swear on my life. Jason: Bitch, you're suicidal, swear on something else.

[dracaelus]

Batman was raised by his butler and it really shows

[incorrect-waynemanor]

tim: hi sorry for ghosting you i'm being tormented by psychic horrors beyond your wildest comprehensions

tim: and also my siblings

[gay-dorito-dust]

You: *kneeling at Jason’s grave* Jason you can come out now, you won hide and seek. They’ve given up.

Jason: *opens his coffin and steps out of it* no one ever expects me to use my own grave as a hiding place. Almost fell asleep too, i had it good when i was dead. I should attempt it again sometime.

*later on*

Dick: OF FUCKING COURSE HE’D HIDE HIMSELF IN HIS OWN GRAVE, MORBID LITTLE BASTARD-

[writing-nothing-but-spilled-ink]

No cause you know what would be funny as fuck Ras Al ghul randomly showing up to the Wayne Manor and just letting himself in doesn't wait for anyone to let him in and he doesn't even tell Talia he's stopping by Wayne Manor and it's the anniversary of Jason's rebirth and Ras accidentally missed Damian's birthday because he was out of the country so here he is just waltzing into the manor here's how I think it'll go

Ra's: breaks into Wayne Manor and bee-lines to the batcave cause his spies told him Damian and Jason were down there

Bruce:has his back turned to the entrance in the middle of lecturing Jason for being reckless and for rigging his batmobile to shoot fucking glitter bombs whenever he tried to fire any kind of projectile

Jason: come on it was funny and it worked honestly I thought you'd be happy no one's dead they're just covered in glitter

Bruce: eye twitching

Damian: notices Ras just casually waltzing into the bat cave

Damian: hello grandfather

Bruce:spins around to find Ras in his lair bracing himself for a fight or some type of bad news only for ras to by pass him entirely and beeline to Jason and Damian

Ra's: snaps his fingers and assassin's come out of nowhere seemingly appearing from the shadows one is holding a bear cub with a little bow on its head and hands it to damian and steps back meanwhile another assassin appears with a giant stack of first edition leather bound classic literature and some rare ones that are almost unheard of to have

Ra's: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY GRANDSON'S :)

Bruce: is baffled because why is Ras calling Jason his grandson where did he get a bear cub why is he gifting Damian a bear cub, Damian's birthday was a month ago wtf Bruce's eye is twitching

Jason: oooo these are really hard to get, oh all of these are leather bound this is awesome thanks gramps though it's not really my birthday is your memory going old man

Ra's: this is the anniversary of your rebirth

Jason: ...

Damian: I appreciate the gift grandfather I shall name this bear lilly

Bruce: Damian I ... Look okay.. it's nice your .. his eye is twitching and he's trying to not lose his patience because again wtf.. grandfather has put an effort into this uh. Gift but you simply can't keep a bear in the manor much less in Gotham it's a wild animal

Damian: 😐 so isn't Jason and we keep him around and he gets to waltz around Gotham and the manor

Jason: hey listen here ya little shit

Bruce: exasperated first off your brother is not an animal secondly I'm not sure it's legal to keep a bear cub as a pet in Gotham

Damian: like running around Gotham dressed as a bat to beat up bad guys is legal, or that time you purposely broke into Arkham asylum to free Selina Kyle because her input on your suit was just sooooo important

Bruce: looks to Alfred

Alfred: well we do have the land space to build a sanctuary for the cub and the permits it would be quite an easy task to say the Wayne foundation is funding a bear sanctuary

Damian: ☺️ thank you Alfred

Bruce: turns to Ras why would you gift Damian a bear cub

Ra's: it was on his wishlist, and only the best for my grandsons, also you owe me child support

Bruce: ready to throw hands at this point

Alfred: smirks

Jason: trying really hard not to laugh

Ra's: ofcourse I'll let it go if you let the boy keep the bear cub in fact I have another gift but it won't be arriving for about a week 🙂.. he then turns to Damian you should give your mother a call she said something about wanting to plan something I'm really not sure what it is she's on about but regardless I think she'd like your input ... Well actually both your inputs

Bruce: sighs fine they get to keep the bear and we'll build the damn sanctuary but Damian i expect you to have it at least potty trained and do not under any circumstances let it in the kitchen I do not need a repeat of last time you got a new pet

Ra's: happy that he's annoyed the fuck out of Bruce and got his grandsons Great gifts my job here is done he claps his hands and his assassins fade back into the shadows

Jason: already lounging on a couch reading

Damian: holding the bear in his arms and patting it let's go get you some apples covered in honey 😊 walks out the cave with the bear cub

[lithiumseven]

[enby-mori]