#incorrect got

[shining-m00nlight]

Some time ago in the Vale:

Ned: Well, who cuts people's hair in the middle of the night?

Robert: I do! They call me the Midnight Barber.

Ned: Yeah, well that's an infringement of people's liberties. So don't ever be doing that to me.

Robert: I DO do it to you.

Ned: ...what?

Robert: Who d'you think cuts your hair, Maester?

Ned: My hair just doesn't grow very fast

Robert: What, you think it stays that length naturally? I'm in there in the night, styling away.

Ned: How dare you do that to me in the night, when I'm oblivious.

Robert: I do my best work when you're oblivious. I lean you up against the pillow, and I go at you.

Ned: That's perverted!

[ratcoon]

Jon, to Dany: NEVER apologize for being Sicilian

[great-and-small]

Turdus aficionados of Costa Rica please know I love your national bird but this is objectively hilarious

[fandom--incorrect--quotes]

Marcille: so what’s for d-

Laios, already grabbing the nearest monster:

[muiltifandomnerd]

By the way, podrick x Sansa ship name is podsa

“Sometimes a family is a mom and a dad and their kids, and sometimes a family is a gold-handed man, a lady knight, an alcoholic dwarf, a princess, and a squire”

—Podrick Payne probably at some point

[bruciemilf]

Bruce: I know it’s hard, but you must remain forgiving and merciful, Jason.

Tim, who had to watch Bruce skin a man alive like a piece of salmon with a batarang for saying something rude about his then deceased son, throw him in the back of the Batmobile, and drive him to the hospital just to beat him up again:

[anyknotrants]

-after Damian turned 16, at the family dinner-

Bruce: so... Damian, do you remember the Oreov girl you met at the gala last week?

Damian: *looks up* yes

Bruce: what do you think of her...?

Dick: *tries not to laugh*

Tim: *fails not to laugh*

Steph: *doesn't even try not to laugh*

Damian: she was... acceptable, if a bit annoying, why do you ask?

Tim: He's trying to set you up!

Batkids -Damian: *laughs*

Damian: *stares blankly*

Bruce: of course, you don't hav-

Damian: father, are you unaware that I'm in a committed relationship?

Duke, Tim and Dick: *choke on their food*

Steph: *chokes on her drink*

Cass: *smiles*

Batkids: WHAT?!

Bruce: ... I-....

Jason: *laughs so hard he almost falls from his chair* oh Jesus Christ! The world's best detectives at their finest!

Dick: you knew? And you didn't tell me?!

Jason: where the fuck do you think he went almost every fucking friday?

Bruce: *turns to Damian* I- I though you were having sleepover with Jon

Damian: I was.

Dick: but you just-

Batfam: *stops all their movememnt as they realize*

Jason: *actually falls from his chair laughing*

Bruce: JONATHAN SAMUEL KENT!

-over at the Kent farm, also having family dinner-

Jon, who heard Bruce shout his name: I feel like I'm going to get murdered by a bat in my sleep

Clark, who was also listening in: right after you explain why I had to find out you're dating Damian throught their family dinner

Jon: hehe... fuck

[hexbaiting]

⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺₊⋆my beautiful princess with a disorder.⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺₊⋆

[gothamite-rambler]

Duke Thomas: What’s your biggest fear?

Jason Todd: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.

Tim Drake: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.

Dick Grayson: Vampires.

Jason Todd: ...

Tim Drake: ...

Dick Grayson: I got turned into one once and nearly killed peoples. It's a bloodlust, you never know when you'll be fully quenched and every non-vampire is a succulent vessel... But I'm not a vampire anymore and that is in my past.

Dick eats his apple after that.

*silence*

Duke Thomas: Holy crap stick, Batman.

Tim: Can I change my option to Dick Grayson?

Jason: Same.

[demonicsuffrage]

Somehow, in the far future, Tim's canonical age finally moves past 17, and his siblings take him out for his 21st birthday

Dick, placing some vodka shots in front of him: Time for your first drink! I can't believe you've already grown so much!

Jason: Drink those slowly, alright? Do you need us to dilute them or-

Tim, already downing the shots in under three seconds flat: Can i have more

Jason:

Dick:

Cass, covering Damian's eyes:

Tim: uh I mean ooh! It burns! It's...so bitter haha

[shining-m00nlight]

Rickon, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him?

Robb: You did WHAT–

Arya: William Snakepeare

[purpleangiie]

Damian: "Grayson, what are you staring at?"

Dick: "Sh!"

Tim: "Leave him be, D. He's emotional."

Damian: "Over what?"

Dick, staring at the two quiet figures in front of them: "Would you believe that? Jason and Bruce existing in the same space and not throwing a tantrum, but actually behaving like two adults? They're even working together at the same desk. Unbelievable."

Damian: "Wait, has father just ruffled Todd's hair?"

Dick: "And he didn’t even punched him back! I'm so proud of how far they both have come. *sniff* Now we could all be one happy family."

Damiam: *looking absolutely bewildered, gazing up at Tim who just shrugs*

Tim: "Give them 15 minutes."

Damian: "12."

---

Jason: "Bruce. Bruce WHERE IS MY PEN?"

Bruce: "Y-your pen, Jason?"

Jason: "Oh my god. You don't even remember it. My pen, Bruce. My personalized red and golden Montblanc you gifted me for my 14th birthday. I left it here, where is it? You threw it away, didn't you? LIKE YOU DID WITH ANY REGARD YOU EVER HAD FOR ME AND MY FEELINGS? DID YOU FORGET I WAS YOUR SON TOO? WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU TO LOVE ME?"

Dick: "Damn! We got so close."

Tim: "And that'd be 10 minutes and 35 seconds."

Damian: "-TT- Pay up, Drake."

[notrobinsomethingworse]

Tim: Dick I don’t feel so good…

Dick: Tim?? Are you dying??? What’s going on???

Damian: Drake ate the ‘lamb in wine stew’ though he was warned of his contents by the menu, the staff, and I.

Tim: To be fair, I wasn’t aware there would be that much alcohol.

Damian: Once again I will reference the menu calling it Lamb in WINE stew.

[headcanonthings]

Tim: *dies* Stephanie: Timer starts now! When do you think he’ll be back? I say two months Damian: Bullshit. One month Dick: nah, half a month Bruce, sobbing: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? TIM JUST DIED! Jason, scratching his chin in thought: One week

[itsmyfix]

Regulus: you’re so soft for me

James: hey that’s not even true

Regulus: you cried yesterday when i accidentally put your shirt on instead of mine

James: *biting his knuckles remembering how small he looked*

James: *choked up* i think you’re exaggerating slightly

Regulus: where are all my shirts, James

James: wow that’s so weird i’m not sure but you can wear mine until you find them

[ev-arrested]

is this anything

(Handyman Bill AU from @waty_mot and @LosanPostle on twt)