#it is not appropriate for all effects. sometimes it is distracting in a way that is counter to the author's intentions

[coquelicoq]

what is bothering me about the title of goblin is of course the order of the adjectives. the lonely and great god. this sounds unnatural in english, i'm not sure if it's because of syllable count or because of the meaning/type of the adjectives, but it should be the other way around. the great and lonely god. the once and future king. you could get away with putting lonely before great if they were separated by a comma instead of "and", thus making "lonely" seem to be modifying "great god" rather than both lonely and great modifying god in an equivalent way, but there's an "and" in there so never mind. i plugged the korean title into google translate and i see that they've just kept the order that the adjectives were in in korean, which is disappointing because if that weren't the case it would allow me to believe that they had done it on purpose for some effect, like to really call attention to the fact of his loneliness through unnatural phrasing that makes it impossible for you to not spend time thinking about the word "lonely". but no it's just that they translated it and then no one was like hey this sounds kinda funky. ah well.

[suiana]

(yandere! doctor x gn! patient) (cw: nsfw, yandere stuff, drugging, bribery, dubcon?)

your doctor is a little weird, you think.

he's a nice guy, yeah. does his work well, always smiling and constantly reassuring you that nothing's wrong with you. sending you off with a nice pat on the back as he emails you your prescription yet again.

but he's nowhere near professional.

his hands linger on your body far longer than what would be considered appropriate. eyes dark and unreadable as you tell him about your lovely significant other that's waiting for you outside of his office. how he'd try and talk bout his own life in an attempt to get you to stay in his office more...

if anything, he acts more like a possessive boyfriend than your doctor.

though you suppose he's just a little eccentric like that. he's a reputable doctor. everyone loves him, and so do you! he's treated you numerous times and his checkups are always so thorough. surely you can just let his... odd behaviour slide.

today you're coming in for a body checkup. lately you've been feeling dizzy and warm despite it being the middle of winter. you wonder if it's because you've gotten ill or someone's poisioning you. after all, there's been some weird holes in your arm whenever you wake up lately.

your excellent doctor has scheduled you in at 4.30 in the afternoon. he was busy earlier today, he says. you understand, he's a busy doctor. your spouse hasn't ended their shift yet so you came in alone. they haven't been answering your texts since they left home earlier today. you can only hope that they've been busy, you'll ask them when they come home.

entering his office, you are met with his polite smile and his melodious voice.

"please sit."

you obey, sitting down in the seat in front of him as you fiddle with your fingers. your doctor looks rather... distracted today. his usually tidy hair is a mess, his glasses wet as though they had just been cleaned.

"it seems that you are feeling warm and under the weather. do you have any other symptoms, my dear?"

"yes... i've been feeling rather..."

you pause, not knowing how to say it.

"aroused?"

you nod. your doctor seems to know you so well.

he hums, going back to his screen before putting on a pair of medical gloves and gesturing for you to lay down on the bed nearby. you oblige. hopefully he'll figure out what's going on with your body.

he starts off normally, prodding and pressing against certain areas of your body. you answer accordingly when he asks you whether they hurt, whether you feel weird or not. it's like any other medical examination.

"so how's your lover been?"

small talk. you realize he's always been a big fan of small talk. asking about your life, humming and smiling as he replies with answers about his own life too. sometimes he says something personal about your life, like how you go shopping on saturdays with your lover or how you sleep with the lights off. you wonder how he knows, is he stalking you? but you shake your head at the thought. you must've told him and forgot.

"they've been... fine. haven't texted me back yet unfortunately."

"mn, i see."

silence washes over the two of you as he continues prodding and touching you. his touches linger, soft and almost as though he was yearning to touch you even more. his tone of voice was nonchalant, like he didn't care.

you feel slightly uncomfortable.

"um..."

"hm?"

"i-i... i guess i'm worried about them. ever since they went out to work in the morning they haven't replied..."

"i am aware."

you remain quiet after that, pursing your lips as you ignore the way his touches have you growing progressively more turned on. you figure it must be a side effect of your condition.

"my dear, can you tell me what you feel what i touch you here?"

"huh? w- h-hey..."

you let out a soft moan as his gloved hands caress your clothed thighs. calm down, he says. it's just a part of the examination. you shudder slightly, squeezing your eyes shut. you feel the warmth in you grow as he continues to gently caress your thighs.

he's right, it's just a medical examination. he wouldn't touch you like that. plus, you have a significant other already. you shouldn't be feeling like this because of his touches. it's wrong.

you exhale shakily, fluttering your eyes open as you stare at him.

"i-it feels nice..? it makes the warmth worse, doc."

"i see... what about over here?"

you let out a gasp, eyes widening so wide you were sure they'd pop out of your skull. where... were his hands touching? surely you're dreaming?

but you weren't. when you looked down, you could clearly see his hands on your nether regions, gently groping and caressing the area.

"w-what are you-"

"i am merely testing to see which parts of your body react to my touch. please do not worry, my dear. this is all medical procedure."

"but it's my-"

"shh... i know. does it feel good? what do you feel?"

you shiver under his touch, whimpering softly as you try sitting up. were you overthinking it? he's just your doctor. this is part of the examination, it's fine.

yet you feel as though his touches have a deeper and more sinister meaning behind them.

"please don't-"

"why not? i've seen your significant other touch you like this multiple times. you've always reacted wonderfully under their touch."

"h-huh?"

your doctor pauses, eyes widening slightly before he lets out a chuckle. his hands continue palming and caressing your privates, almost as though he was... toying with you. with every touch you feel yourself getting more and more worked up, cheeks flushing even more.

"oh dear, i haven't told you have i? i've been keeping a close eye on you... i thought you'd have figured it out by now. your lover certainly has."

you squeeze your eyes shut as his touch, your mind growing fuzzy. what.. did he say? you can't quite understand... all you can feel is how bothered you're getting and how you want him to touch you even more.

"i am pleasantly surprised with how well you are reacting to my touch. i never expected you to react so positively to the drug."

"d-drug? ah... no... don't grope me like that..."

he continues palming at your clothed privates, a calm smile on his face. you can faintly make out the way his cheeks were turning red and the hardening of his pants.

"right, i did tell them not to tell you... my dear, your significant other has left you."

"no... what are you... talking about doc? hah... how would you know anyway..?"

"oh, because i told them to. i gave them some money a few months back and they've been working for me up until... today."

if you were a little more sober, you would've pushed him away and ran for your phone. unfortunately, the aphrodisiac you had been injected with last night has reduced you into a needy thing desperate for his touch.

"what did you do-"

"well my dear, didn't you notice the injection marks in your arm? your significant other had been administering you with tiny dosages of this particular drug i've given them. it's supposed to make you feel good."

"g-good..?"

you hear your doctor chuckle, his hands moving away from your sensitive parts. only to quickly undo the buckle of your pants and slip his hand down on your newly exposed skin.

your breath hitches, hips instictively bucking against his hand as you let out a low whine. you can't think anymore. your brain is so muddled with feeling good that you aren't even worried or disgusted by what he's saying. all you want is him, him, him. he makes you feel good.

"yes my love, good. aren't you feeling good right now?"

"mn mhm!"

you nod your head eagerly as his hands gently toy with your sex, rubbing and fondling you gently. he continues smiling down at you, pleasuring you with his fingers before pulling away. you whimper, face hot and red as you desperately try and pull him back. why would he do that? he was just making you feel so good...

"haha, you want me to continue touching you?"

you nod again. your doctor grins widely at your words, taking off his gloves before you hear the clink of his belt hit the floor.

"well, i suppose i'll get on with my second part of the medical examination now then."

[prettieinpink]

CONFRONT, PROCESS, HEAL ♡ྀི

For everyone who has goals for 2025 to heal <3 This post is very general, so even if you think it won’t apply to you, I would still recommend skimming through it to see if anything stands out! This is a vv long post :) like 2.5k words so beware, and feel free to ask or debate anything

CONFRONTING 

TAKE A MOMENT. In the heat of the moment, it can be difficult to regulate our emotions, in which it's harder for us to process what is the right thing to do. Confronting problems with overwhelming feelings, will most likely lead to us doing the less than ideal action. 

So whenever you are in a position in which your emotions are getting the best of you, fully distract yourself. Do whatever you want, as long as it just shuts your brain off. 

Then when you have cooled down, you don’t have to tackle it right away. I find that will just bring them back up to the surface again. Go at your own pace and when you are comfortable starting to process everything. 

IDENTIFY EVERYTHING. When a lot of people say this, they mean naming your emotion and what's happened to you. I think that's a very close-minded perspective, and in order to comfortably heal, we need to be aware of all factors that may have contributed to what has happened. 

For example, consider the environment, your upbringing, their upbringing, your actions, their (possible) thoughts, your attributes, their attributes etc. I know I'm a big person for not obsessing over people as it just takes away energy from what you could be putting back into yourself, but this isn't an obsession. This is you stepping away from everything and looking at the situation with a third person perspective. 

ACKNOWLEDGE IT. Another thing is that you have to acknowledge that this is your reality. I know a lot of us struggle with this, as when we’re faced with reality, we escape. Through various methods like maladaptive day-dream or just subconsciously blocking out the memories from our mind. It's okay for you to have a big reaction to it, but I definitely discourage downplaying it or ignoring it. 

Part of acknowledging is understanding that in some way or form, you will have to look back on whatever happened in order to truly get past it.

I also struggled with this, when I sit myself down, and I'm like, ‘this is the life that I’m living’, at that point you kind of realise that constantly escaping instead of acknowledging will do more harm than good. I'm saying this because the self improvement community sometimes encourages ‘ignoring’ everyone and everything which doesn’t go your way, which I don’t believe is good for your emotional health at all. Those emotions from those experiences will eventually catch up to you if you’re constantly running away from them. 

GAIN CLOSURE. If you happen to be in a situation in which it's appropriate to reach out to people who you just don’t understand their actions or what happened, then do it. Getting that closure makes it easier to let go of the situation.

If your circumstances are more complicated than that, I would roleplay. It sounds so weird, but it is just as effective. There are two ways you could go around this, the first method would be asking a friend to be xyz. It helps if they are someone who knows a lot about this situation. 

If you don’t feel comfortable telling someone all this, or maybe you don’t have someone to roleplay with, you could use chat GPT. Tell it your situation, the kind of people involved, their personalities and any other relevant information. I am anti-chat gpt, but I feel like the usage of it in this situation is for good. 

ACCOUNTABILITY. Even if you feel like you are the most perfect human being ever, its quite possible that you may have unknowingly or unwillingly played a hand in whatever happened to you. Of course, this will not apply to all situations. 

It doesn’t even have to be accountable for others’ people's actions. It can be accountability to yourself e.g ‘I saw the signs that xyz would do this, but I ignored it’ or ‘I’m sorry to myself because I allowed them to disrespect me’ or ‘My actions may have compelled them to act that way towards me’.  Accountability is a two way street. 

PROCESSING 

EVALUATE. Now that we’ve identified everything and hopefully gained some closure, evaluate the whole situation. You can do a video diary, journal or talk to a friend about it. Since everyone’s situation is going to be so different from each other, I can’t really give much advice about it. 

However, I would say, go really deep. Like, it has to be questions which make you uncomfortable to answer. If they’re too easy to answer (especially without deep thought), then you’re not digging as deep as you could go. Here’s some questions to get you started! Please do tweak where needed, as I did make these to be very general. 

Was this situation a reflection of my upbringing? If so, how are the two connected?

Were the perpetrator(s) doing this out of pure immorality, or could there be other factors that may have contributed to them doing it? 

Was I in a position in which I could’ve avoided or de-escalated the situation? Were there signs that this would happen?

Have I not healed completely from any situations in the past, and my pain from that made me carry on the same behaviours? 

Is this an emotion or situation which I’ve been avoiding? If so, why?

What would forgiveness for people who have wronged me look like? 

Did I or my community handle the situation ideally? What differences could have been made? Would those differences really would’ve affected the outcome of the situation?

Has this situation affected your thinking process, specifically when being in new environments or around new people? 

These questions are not a one-size fits all, so once again, tweak to your liking. If you would like more personalised questions, I would go to chat GPT. 

MOURN. This is your time to wail, scream, go absolutely crazy because whatever happened, still affected you. Everyone’s mourning will look different, and their reasons why will be a lot more diverse. 

I would recommend doing an activity that is high energy. I don’t mean physical activity, so if writing poems angrily is what lets you get that steam out of your system, I fully support it. And, there is no time limit whatsoever. Of course, I encourage you at one point to pick yourself up, but if months is what you need, months is what you shall get. 

Quick little disclaimer, please don’t do anything crazy that will harm you. Like overworking yourself physically, binging, not eating enough meals, lashing out at everyone etc. While it is a period to mourn, do it in a way that is actually beneficial to you. 

SOLUTION. Just because a situation or problem is ‘over’ doesn’t mean it's been solved. While this may not apply to many problems, I think some people need to hear this: You need to make the best of what you have. I know it seems so unfair that xyz has happened to you, and there is no worse feeling when you see people who’ve wronged you thrive in life or you imagine who/what you could’ve been if xyz didn’t happen to you. 

However, you have your options. You absolutely have to make the best of what you’ve got instead of dwelling on could’ve or what ifs. A solution to whatever will not be a one size fits all. For some people, it may be applying to a new skill class, having that one difficult conversation, finally going to therapy or maybe saving up money for anything that will help. I would define a solution in this instance as anything that creates or supports long-term and permanent growth to most areas of life. 

I used the word growth specifically because a lot of solutions to your problem(s)are not easy. It may feel uncomfortable, but that's why we call it growth. This journey will absolutely not be linear, and the easy way out may not be the best way out. 

For example, I really want to move schools. I’ve been in the same school since year 2, and I feel like this environment may have stunted the growth of who I could’ve been. The easy solution would’ve been to move schools, but my parents are kind of blocking that. Instead, I decided to look for new areas to grow. For example, my blog! I also put in a lot of effort into my academics at this school, because I know that I would love to study abroad and that's another solution. Another solution for me could also be joining a new club. You see where I'm going with this? 

OUTCOME. Something which I wished that someone had told me way earlier, is to ask yourself, what is the ideal outcome after you get past this? You may be like, isn’t that like what everyone says? But what nobody actually says is that your outcome will may be far from ideal. 

A part of this journey is understanding that this situation will always be a part of you, regardless of how much or little it has shaped you today. A toxic belief that I had, is when I would get past it, I would be unstoppable. I would know exactly what to do, in whatever situation, and whenever I revisit it, I never feel anything. This is so detached from reality, and a huge part of processing everything, is to understand what you want to achieve. 

I feel like the reason why I believed I would be unstoppable, is because youtubers etc really love to promote that as soon as you turn around your mindset, you’re good to go. You will never have to suffer again in life, because your mindset is so ‘good’. Your mindset could be so polished and it could actually not bother you at all, but your body will keep the score. 

You are not going for perfection, you are aiming for progress. Here are some ideas for goals/outcomes you want to achieve, feel free to tweak, choose multiple, or add more. 

Reclaim what trauma has taken back from you. 

Recover your self esteem, hope, or ability to connect with other people. 

Process whatever that has happened so that It doesn’t haunt you.

Releasing yourself out of survival mode. 

Develop healthy coping mechanisms. 

HEALING

CREATE A SUPPORT SYSTEM. Your support system will consist of people who you can trust to be vulnerable around. They will help you get through it, and will almost be like your second brain which you can use from time to time. Since they didn’t experience themselves (or maybe they did), they could offer new perspectives or advice that you wouldn’t consider due to the impact on you. 

If you are someone who doesn’t have the resources to create a support system, have a support place. Have somewhere where it's all rainbows and sparkles, and whenever you go there, you release everything. I know there’s not a lot of third spaces around, but I would recommend parks, libraries, someone else’s house, churches, youth centres or community centres. I would recommend taking something in which you can communicate to yourself in some way. 

CREATE AN EMOTIONAL FIRST AID KIT. Adding on to my last point, grab a little pouch or box and put things that will calm you down. For example, written affirmations, a prayer, reminders, lollies/candy, list of activities that you can do to calm down,a colouring book with markers, a comfort book or perhaps some money so you can get yourself a nice little comfort meal or a sweet treat.

I'm suggesting this because in the healing process, you will break down completely at least once. I find that its more likely to happen if you’re not going at a pace that is comfortable to you, and it kind of just catches up to you all again. This first aid kit will be essential to not doing anything that we will regret or falling back into unhealthy coping mechanisms. 

EDUCATE YOURSELF. Not a lot of people have easy access to therapy, and I'm aware of that. However, education of whatever happened to us (regardless of how big or small) helps you to understand your experiences and it actually becomes empowering at some point that we have the knowledge of this and how it impacts us, as that knowledge makes it easier to work through it compared to doing it blindfolded. 

While therapy is my first suggestion as its a lot more personalised, however like I said, not a lot of people have easy access to therapy. This is when I would encourage watching documentaries, youtube videos (i would be careful with this one–, i would avoid any ‘gurus’), and read articles or books.

 Whichever way you choose to educate yourself, actually take notes. I’m quite serious, it could be digital or physical notes, but at least write down anything that resonates with you. Then after you’re finished writing those notes, you’re going to treat it like its your homework. Review what you wrote down, break it down into a way that fits your situation, explain why it resonates with you, and the steps you can implement from today to make a change. 

It doesn’t stop there. Weekly, I want you to actually look back on these notes and see if perhaps your opinion has changed and if you’re actually implementing the changes into your life. It seems a bit ‘extra’ but, simply just consuming media for the sake of it, will do nothing! 

EXTRACT ALL SOURCES FROM STRESS FROM YOUR LIFE. I mean all. It doesn’t even have to be cutting off people sometimes like telling your mum that you love her but she’s too overbearing, creating a career master plan if not knowing what you’re going to do in the future stresses you out, tidying out that drawer that you’ve been neglecting etc. 

You want to make this journey as easy as possible for you. The best way to start is to make a list of everything that burdens you. Put the list on one side of the page. Then on the other side, you can list the ways you could change any of these things. 

If you’re in a situation that something stresses you out, but you can’t easily let it go, my best recommendation is to create a solution to it instead of extracting it completely. For example, my job stresses me out, but I need the money, then I would talk to whoever is in charge to help support you better. It seems scary, but asking will put you in a much better position than simply shutting up while screaming internally. 

NOURISH YOURSELF. You’ve probably heard it, but I'm going to say it again, and an unhealthy lifestyle will support an unhealthy state of mind. Go out into nature, drink water, do brisk walks everyday in the sunlight, get your daily fibre and have a healthy sleep cycle. 

Doing this in itself will help you become happier over time, but that is only if it becomes second nature. You will not magically renew after drinking 1L of water once, but you will feel the difference after doing it everyday for a month. 

SPIRITUALITY. People who have and practice strong core beliefs, are a lot happier. You get to define what spirituality means to you, because it doesn’t necessarily mean joining a religion. It could mean being really in tune with nature or it could be mindfulness everyday to get in tune with that side of you.

This one is a bit more controversial, because I don’t believe that you should join a religion out of traumatic events, but because you actually want to. So, while I do encourage you exploring that side of you, make sure you’re doing it. 

[tinytennisskirt]

Tease

summary: a poorly written horny montage of Patrick’s crush on you and how he uses sexual urges to mask the fact he’s completely head over heels for you

warnings: teasing, unprotected sex, mention of oral f!receiving, kissing, kissing Art onceee one timeee, a slight moment of misreading but it’s not actually misreadingggg

Oh Patrick is insane when he has a crush on you. Absolutely insane, he turns himself into this stupid fucking dick of a jock when you’re around during practice, playing to impress you as if his tennis swing will make you fall into his lap, his bed…

He balances the innocence of his crush on you with the idea of you on your knees and he can’t help but wonder what you feel like. And it’s only to combat the feeling that he wants to take you out on a real date, do stupid shit with you like take walks and watch rom-coms and kiss the tears off your face when you’re crying over some animal video you saw online. His method is effective but nothing ever beats the idea of you being his best friend and girlfriend all in one. Nothing beats the idea of coming home to you at the end of a day. He’s turning into some wholesome freak and it’s scaring him.

When you’re talking he hears every word you say but with a slight echo because he’s busy wondering when it’s appropriate to kiss you between sentences. You’re his friend, you’ll meet him after class but in his head it’s terrifying and completely thrilling that you want to spend time with him. Usually he’d be cocky about it but with you he feels like he’s 13 with a schoolboy crush the way you reduce his stomach to butterflies. A schoolgirl crush maybe.

And when you’re with him on the bleachers and your hand rests on his knee he wonders about how your hand would feel wrapped around him and he can’t help it, it’s the only thing he can do to keep from telling you that you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever seen and to combat the idea that he wants to wake up next to you for the rest of his life because he’s just that sure that you’re it. It’s going to be you.

Art knows Patrick has a problem. At the mention of your name his neck snaps to pay attention, even after his own name was called about ten times. Art just chuckles. “You’re going to have to tell her sooner or later. Pretty sure she’s got you figured out, bud.”

And yes, you have an inkling that he likes you but the extent of which you have no idea. He has no idea that when his hands slip down his boxers at night while he reminds himself of how perfect you are, your hand makes it’s own way down your stomach and breaks your waistband, thinking about him too.

You’d never say it. The crush he has is something you like to play around with. It’s fun to make a twenty-year-old man blush.

Art and Patrick invite you to pregame a party and you show up with a case of twisted tea and a miniskirt with (thank god) shorts built in but the presence of your perfect thighs in his line of sight, of course you notice how he zones out on your body. Of course his eyes linger on your hips, your thighs, your chest, it’s what keeps him from thinking about how gorgeous your smile is and how much he wants to see it between kisses, in between breaths.

Then there’s the day you show up to tennis in a halter top and even Art is a little distracted by the low cut. The other girls practicing on the court all want to know where you got it because it held the girls sooo well during practice. Patrick missed almost every ball you hit at him. He tried. You smirked and you were so so pretty as you cheered at all the extra points that came from distracting him.

The flirting was occasionally physical. Patrick sometimes allowed himself the grace of a hand on your back when you were next to him and you didn’t seem to mind. It wasn’t exactly flirting but it sure felt like it.

Patrick is a pretty physical guy altogether, his spatial awareness not great but also partially something unintentional. So when his face gets close to yours in conversation, you never bat an eye. But you do bat your eyelashes and listen to him forget what he was going to say or begin to stumble over his words. It always feels a little emasculating, but Patrick loves it, surprisingly. You turn him into something weak. Nobody has ever done that to him before.

You in your short skirts and low cut shirts and you with your perfect body making it absolutely impossible to avoid looking at you, but helping so much to distract from the fact you’re kind and sweet and completely perfect. The need to run his hands over your waist, hips, and ass is the perfect distraction from the want to kiss your cheek, nose, and forehead. Fuck!

It’s so fun to drink with him and call him pretty with his face so close to yours you can smell the fizz of the orange soda he mixed with his vodka. Fun to smirk and rest your finger under his chin and talk to him with your noses practically touching. Fun to sit on his lap just because it’s ‘comfortable’ and feel him struggle to hide the fact he’s hard. He’s looking at Art for help but Art knows it’s not true misery- he’s doing Patrick a favour.

Having Patrick in your dorm room late at night and you’re in these short, loose pajama shorts that show off your ass and bending to pick up your laundry off the floor. Watching his jaw slack just a little and seeing him scramble to pretend he was looking elsewhere. He’s a mess over you, going home and jerking himself off to all the dirty imagery you’ve given him just by being around him. He’s breathing hard by the end of it and he’s completely spent and he’s been home ten minutes having come three fucking times.

Going to a diner with Patrick and Art and both boys are all-too focused on the way you eat the strawberry from the side of your milkshake. You blink, looking at them both as they act as if they were staring at the menu.

The second the boys are alone back at Art’s dorm Patrick is gushing. “You see what she does? It’s like it’s on purpose.”

“No, I- I definitely see that,” Art says. “She’s always like that? Even when it’s just you two?”

“Always. She wears the least amount of clothes possible, she’s touching… me, she’s got this smirk, this sly one- I think she’s trying to kill me.”

Art agrees and admits that he can see what Patrick sees in you aside from the fact you act a bit like a slut when he’s around. But Art has observed you in other settings and you’re no slut in general. The second Patrick is home his hand is down his boxers thinking about how it’s all for him, seeing the intention through your actions.

And the next time you’re with him you’re in another short skirt and crop top as well as one of Patrick’s big zip up hoodies on and he’s trying to look past how it feels to see you sit so pretty in his clothes. His crush is absolutely massive and unfortunately so is his dick, so hard that it hurts, as he imagines fucking you right there right then. That short skirt bunching around your waist as you bounce on his cock… the idea of it is all too much.

You move closer to him and you ask him a question but he’s not hearing it. He’s too focused on the fact you’re not wearing a bra under your tank top. Your pointer finger taps under his chin and his face is so close to yours. He answers your question, his eyes flickering between your eyes and your lips and that beautiful smirk spreads up your face again. He looks half drunk on you, his eyes so half-lidded. He’s imagining his fingers in your mouth instead of thinking about what it would be like to kiss you.

His crush is driving him insane and he would have kissed you if he didn’t have to go meet Art in ten minutes. He knows you know he likes you. You know he knows you like him and the second he’s gone you’re on your bed with your hand down your underwear because there’s nothing more fun than the game you’re playing with him but the game doesn’t get you what you need. Not yet.

“I want to fuck her so bad,” Patrick confesses to Art over his beer. “It’s not even funny anymore.”

“I’m with you,” Art says after hearing the whole story. “I mean I would… I would be the same way.”

“You think she wants me too?” He asked. He hated sounding like he had a nerdy crush on some popular girl. “I mean- fuck, honestly. I’m going to lose my mind over her.”

Art just nods in agreement.

Getting high with Art and Patrick near midnight and you’re outside on the grass on a blanket of yours and you’re in one of Patrick’s t-shirts because you don’t want yours to smell like marijuana. The shirt is a saving grace when you stand but when you sit and your thighs are on display the way they are, both boys are finding themselves a bit stuck on where else to look. Patrick having an especially hard time as you’ve draped your legs across his, the back of your upper thigh the part resting against his dick. He’s too aware of it as you shift just slightly, pressing more against him and he has to not make any noise.

You look at Patrick and ask him gently what’s wrong? He’s all flushed. You ask if it’s from the weed and if he needs water or a snack or something but he could truly not be high enough. He’s staring at your lips, how full they are, how sweet they’d be to kiss and how fulfilling it would be to kiss down your chest, your stomach, between your legs. Art can sense the tension from across the blanket so he suggests something stupid, a plan to fix things up a bit. He proposes truth or dare.

You laugh because you haven’t played it in years but you agree and so does Patrick and Art opens it up with Patrick. Patrick goes for truth and Art asks him something simple. “How many times do you jerk off in a day?”

You giggled and Patrick groaned just a little. His answer was three. Usually. You weren’t surprised and you nudged him just a little bit, teasing him for his answer. Patrick then asks you and you say dare. He then dares you to finish the rest of the bowl Art had packed. You do so.

It goes around again twice until it’s Art asking you. Truth or dare?

You pick dare and this time Art plays true wingman. Or tries to. He’s so sure of himself. “I dare you… to kiss one of us.” He says. He’s SO sure you’ll take this chance to kiss Patrick, who you’re draped across and leaning against. But you don’t, you move over him and crawl to where Art is, kissing him gently. Art is more than surprised but Patrick is just staring at you, going over that decision of yours. You chose to kiss Art instead of him… it should have hurt. But it didn’t. Instead it just existed alongside every other fantasy he’d had of you. And you ask Patrick now, pulling away from Art who is wide-eyed and frankly impressed by how well you kiss, truth or dare?

Patrick says dare and he is met with, “I dare you…To kiss me.” It’s an order and it’s a dare and you’re giggling like it’s the funniest thing in the world but it’s all he’s been able to think about since he met you and you were asking…

Art is grinning. It’s the outcome he’s been waiting for. And you’re waiting. “No.” He says. “Sorry, I’m not- I won’t-“ he says. Or he tries to say he can’t kiss you here, not JUST because of a dare. He wants to kiss you when HE wants to. Your eyes are wide and you sit cross legged, looking a bit paler than you should.

“I’m sorry,” you say, immediately straightening out. Your hand goes up to cover your mouth but it doesn’t get all the way up. All of your teasing, all of the fun you’d been having with him, and you finally tried to close a gap to be met with refusal. “I’m sorry, Partrick. That was too much.”

Patrick looks at you and your big genuine eyes and he wishes he didn’t stop himself but some stupid part of him, although he wanted you on top of him nearly every night, although the image of you in your pajama shorts were burned into your mind as a permanent form of motivation for masturbation, even though he thought day in and day out about pleasing you, he wouldn’t kiss you. Not for fun. Not without intention. Because at the base of all of this he did like you. A lot. He couldn’t find the words…

His lack of response is what provokes your further mortification. And suddenly you’re doubting everything you knew. Did he like you? Why wouldn’t he? You thought for sure he would. “I’m so sorry, I’m going to go,” you say.

Art shakes his head, “It’s fine, you can stay.” He says in Patrick’s silence. But you’d kissed Art now and not Patrick and one would have been meaningless and the other meaningful but it was all a stupid game anyway and you had just made a major mistake. An even bigger mistake than you knew it was.

“I have class tomorrow anyway,” you say kindly, pulling your shorts down just a bit further for more coverage. “I’m really sorry. Both of you. I’ll talk to you guys soon.” The embarrassment is crushing and Patrick isn’t saying anything and now you’re stuck with some stupid consequences on your back. This was what you got for being a supposed tease, you thought as you grabbed your things. You should have been more clear on how Patrick felt before you asked him to do something like that. He didn’t want to kiss you. You misread him?

“No, really, don’t go,” Art says. “Please.” And he makes eye contact with you in a way that sends a message, which gestures you to Patrick.

Patrick looks at you. “Come here.”

You move back toward him. The game is over. This is him, this is not his dare. And he kisses you before you can wonder what it is he wants. It’s a good kiss. It’s long and it’s more tender than you’d have imagined from him. And when it ends and you both pull away, Art is nowhere to be found.

Your eyes meet his, his eyes meet yours and it’s only a matter of minutes before you’re pressed against the door of your dorm room trying to unlock it while Patrick’s mouth trails over your jaw and neck with so much haste you’d think he was on a timer. You manage to open the door and you’re stumbling in loudly, kissing and slamming the door behind you. Nothing mattered aside from him in this moment as your shorts made their way off of your body. Patrick didn’t even try to remove your shirt as he took off his own clothes. You could feel him hard against you as he pressed your body to his.

You’re giggling between kisses, slightly high, like something is funny. His hands on your jaw as you walk backward toward your own bed. You wanted to tease him for months on end, you wanted to give him something to want so he was going to show you just how fucking badly he wanted it. In seconds your hand finds purpose as it slips down his shorts and finds his dick. It’s all he’s wanted (aside from taking you out to a really nice meal) and he groans loudly as your hand grips him. “Fuck, I want you so badly,” he says against your lips and you just grin, stroking him up and down and in two seconds his shorts and boxers are down and you’re on your knees next to your bed and as your hands work his shaft, your lips gently kiss his tip and he wants so much to push your head down but he swears he isn’t that kind of guy.

You’re so gorgeous, your lips wrapped around his dick but he can’t sit and watch it happen, he needs you now and you know it as he taps under your chin and you eagerly stand to kiss him again, his leaking cock pressed against the space between the end of your third and your bare thigh. Patrick can barely take it, there’s been so much he’s thought about and you’re kissing him like you need it and the second the words, “fuck me,” fall from your lips he’s on the task. He almost ripped your underwear off you, the lust of it all gets the best of him and he’s on the bed, long arms ridding you of your underwear and his hand dipping between your thighs. You’re so wet, it’s all for him, he’s always wondered how affected you were by him. In seconds he’s positioned and in one thrust he’s inside you.

It’s almost violent how rough he is. He’s already lifted your leg over his shoulder and he’s fucking into you harder than he even knew he could and you’re moaning in his ear and it’s all he’s wanted for far too fucking long. “God- you feel so good.” He groans, hand gripping the flesh of your thigh as it rests against his shoulder. Your hand is tangled in his curls, pulling ever so slightly. This was for every time you bent over in a short skirt, this was for every time you sat on his lap, this was for every time you gave him that sly smirk. And you could feel all of it, all of him as he pounded into you mercilessly. “Fuck…”

You’re moaning his name just how he imagined it and it feels almost pornographic the way he’s getting exactly what he wants. But your nails are digging into the skin of his back and you’re enjoying it too, so he’s happy you’re happy and it’s all perfect. “Harder,” you plead and you’re breathing hard, moaning his name louder as he does exactly what you say. He hates feeling his orgasm approaching he doesn’t want to waste this perfect situation. “Fuck, I’m so close, I’m so close-“ he manages. You kiss him and it’s harsh and a little sloppy but it’s the fact he’s rapidly and roughly thrusting into you that makes it a bit difficult. Patrick leans away from just for a moment to see you better and, “God, you’re so beautiful,” slips out of his mouth and you’re kissing him again. “I’m so close-“

“Uh huh?” You smirk and it’s gorgeous and it’s evil.

“Oh, fuck, I’m-,” he couldn’t get the full sentence out, skin against skin harder than before, harder than anything and you’re moaning as he finishes into you just as hard. Your hands slide over his skin and back into his hair and he kisses you as his orgasm is dying down into just heavy breathing and a slight sheen of sweat. You’re smiling like something is funny and without the thrusting Patrick takes the chance to kiss you again, you giggling between every breath and cupping his face sweetly like he didn’t just fuck you into the mattress.

“Say you’ll-“ he’s interrupted by a kiss. “Go out with me.” Patrick says, cat out of the bag whoops he fucked you turns out he really fucking likes you. “Go out with me.”

“When?” You ask. He’s not expecting that answer. He grins and kisses you again, hard, passionately. And you’re giggling again and you’re adorable and he hasn’t even pulled out yet.

“Tomorrow,” he answers. Still breathing hard.

“Perfect.” You grin so widely. You’re the most beautiful person he’s ever seen and he’s finally letting himself feel the wholesome side to wanting you. He cleans you up, which he’s never done for anyone, but cleaning ends up with his head between your thighs just to finish the job and another tied end is Patrick no longer has to wonder how you taste.

He doesn’t tell Art about any of it.

And he picks you up the next day and you’re gorgeous and your skirt is mid-thigh and as fun as it was, Patrick likes being able to talk to you without having to worry too much about staring at anything the wrong way. It was fun to tease but it’s more fun when the date is over and you’re feeling euphoric over the way he looks at you and his smile and how his hands slide around your waist before he pulls you into a kiss. There’s no reason to tease anymore. He’s right where you want him. And Patrick has no need to want anymore, he has too, in all the ways he could possibly need. He kisses you and it feels right. Sweet.

Sure, a few hours later he’s back in your bed but it’s only after the longest conversation of your life. Apparently, Patrick has kissed Art too and it’s something you laugh about for far too long. Without anything to want he’s no longer able to distract himself from just how perfect you are. He kisses your forehead when he says goodnight and all is well. Ask anyone though, Patrick is absolutely insane about his girlfriend.

[duskthestars]

Night tears

Summary: Elphaba wakes up abruptly at the sounds of Galinda's whining.

Cg!Elphaba and Little!Galinda one shot.

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Despite her uncommon skin color, Elphaba Thropp was, in fact, completely human.

She ate three times a day—although sometimes she had the habit of skipping a meal because she was distracted with a homework—she needed water to live, she yawned, she needed her glasses, she wore clothes, among many others.

Sure, an Animal also do those kind of things, but the point was that she did all those things like a human.

And, like any human or Animal, waking up at four in the morning for something out of her control was not something Elphaba's mind took in the best way.

Elphaba didn't have the best schedule in the world, she was what many people knew as a 'night owl', staying up longer than necessary just to be able to finish reading a book's chapter or finish some schoolwork.

But that, obviously, didn't mean that she didn't enjoy sleeping, perhaps she sometimes thougth of it as a lower priority, but she liked to rest... Sometimes.

But Elphaba's mind was getting distracted, possibly an effect of waking up somewhat abruptly and so early, but the actual important point here was:

Galinda—lying in the same bed as Elphaba—was crying.

Well, crying was maybe too big of a word for what she was really doing, sobbing, whining, were more appropriate words.

Of course that worried Elphaba, why wouldn't it? Something bad was clearly going on with her best friend, however, there was something that made her worry less, at least for now.

And that was the way of how the sounds were sounding, she knew how Galinda normally sobbed, she was full of drama or anxiety, but these sounds were nothing similar, they were smaller, more childish, the sounds a toddler who woke up alone in his crib would make.

Which could only mean one thing.

Making the bed creak a little, Elphaba sat on it, if anyone could see her amber eyes, they would had been able to see that they were still full of fatigue, blinking slowly like a turtle would. But if you looked more closely at her face, you could see the effort she put into putting on a calm smile.

Gently, Elphaba picked up Galinda and carried her to her lap, despite the darkness, because of them being so close, Elphaba was able to still see her roommate's face, teary eyes, trembling lips, a reddish face and tears coming down from her greenish eyes.

Poor little thing.

"Shh, shh... What's wrong, my pretty?" Elphaba whispered calmly, "It's a little early for crying, don't you think?" The last question contained a playful tone.

Galinda could do nothing but cry, obviously too little to form clear sentences.

"Mama," was the only thing that came out of her, "mama!"

"Did you have a nightmare?" The question was aimed more at her than at Galinda, but speaking out loud and having her baby hear her voice always helped.

"Or maybe," Elphaba smiled, "you're just being a baby, crying just because you want to." The joking tone did not leave her words.

It wasn't such a crazy statement, Galinda could regress to a very young age, almost a newborn—Elphaba always seemed surprised, in a good way, because of that, she was so tiny, it was such an... Amazing fact and thinking about it made her smile—so, like any baby, Galinda would just cry out of nowhere.

Galinda sobbed and whined again, she squirmed a little in Elphaba's hold so she could be more comfortable.

"Mama!"

"Shh, shh, everything's okay, little one..." Elphaba rushed to try to calm her down. "Whatever it is, we should focus on going back to sleep, don't you think?" She couldn't help the yawn that came out of her.

The nightstand was close enough that Elphaba only had to extend her arm to reach it and open one of the drawers to grab what she needed to get her baby back to sleep, Galinda's paci.

Oh, Galinda loved that thing, if Elphaba had to admit it, it was adorable, besides, she couldn't blame her, a baby always needed to bite something and if Galinda didn't have her precious paci, that something could be Elphaba's fingers.

"Here you go, my sweet," Elphaba whispered as she placed the object in Galinda's mouth, who accepted it happily, it even seemed that her crying was already calming down just by having her paci.

Elphaba laughed calmly, "Sometimes I think you love that thing more than me." Galinda's response was just to look at her with curious, but still teary eyes.

Galinda cried when she noticed Elphaba was carefully removing her from her lap, returning Galinda to her side of the bed.

"Shh, yes, yes, I'm still here, I'm not going anywhere, my sweet," Elphaba gently kissed her little's forehead, a kiss full of affection and love.

Soon, they were both lying on the bed again, both little and caregiver were covered by a soft blanket.

Galinda's eyes looked calmer now, tear marks could still be seen and her face was still a little red, but Elphaba could see that the land of dreams would soon claim her baby.

Elphaba kissed her little one again, this time on the nose.

"You can sleep peacefully, my pretty, I promise I'll be here when you wake up, no one will hurt you while I'm here."

With one of her emerald hands, the caregiver gently stroked her little's blonde hair, Elphaba noticed that Galinda was finally closing her eyes.

"I promise, I will always be here for you," Elphaba kissed her forehead again, "I will always be by your side, forever."

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First agere fic i post here :0

[mareastrorum]

As a known villain-enthusiast, I figured I’d write up how I assess them as storytelling devices. Like, whether they’re enjoyable characters is up to taste, but whether they’re good writing requires critical assessment. This is a rather long post, so here is a summary:

Learning how to critique villains is a great way to identify skilled and passionate storytellers. They embody the ideas and decisions that the writer feels are incorrect. While some narrative devices are more subtle (local politics unfolding in the background, color or song cues, scene settings, etc.), villains are dramatic. That is a person designed to be wrong! They intentionally draw the audience’s focus for important steps of the story. When a writer stumbles on that, it reflects poorly on the entire work precisely because of that focus.

This post is going to get into the following key components of an effective villain:

They highlight the wrong conclusion about a key issue in the story.

They should be a symptom of either a larger issue in the narrative or the one they fixate on.

They don't need to be evil, and, in many cases, that label is a hindrance.

As the average age of the target audience and/or the length of the story increases, villains should be more frequently correct in their beliefs and choices.

They evoke strong emotion appropriate to the genre.

They don’t need to be antagonists, and antagonists don’t need to be villains.

They raise the stakes: the world will become worse if they are left unchecked.

Their strengths and weaknesses should be directly tied either to the central theme of the story or their opponent's character arc.

Their ending is consistent with the theme of the story.

If included, a villain redemption arc must have 4 components: (1) an external stimulus causing (2) a choice to deviate from their plan and (3) a corresponding shift in their worldview, and those result in (4) action that matches the strength of their new conviction.

They should not be included in a story if any of the above causes distraction or discordance with the main plot line.

Of course, there’s spoilers to follow, so reader beware.

First, some definitions. These are definitely not perfect, but they're how I keep these narrative issues separated in my own head.

A villain is someone whose wrong actions/beliefs are relevant to the plot/themes. An antagonist is someone who acts in direct conflict with the protagonist. The protagonist is the character that the audience follows in a story. Sometimes villains are protagonists, sometimes they're antagonists, and sometimes they're neither. This post addresses villains regardless of their other roles in a story.

I am intentionally using a vague word like “wrong” in that definition because villains are versatile tools. What is the core message or theme of this story? What is the wrong conclusion? What did the villain get right before they fucked up? At what point did this take a downturn? Can this be fixed before it’s too late? How can it be fixed? A well-designed villain can be used to answer most, if not all, of those questions without any reference to another character. When a villain is included in the story, each of the topics below is a point where the writer should be using that character to bolster the narrative.

Villains highlight the wrong conclusion about a key issue in the story.

The point of a villain is to be a bad example. A job well done requires the author to have a thorough, intimate understanding of the themes, plot, and other characters, and then showcase each of them through that villain.

In other words, the villain cannot be conceived before the protagonist's arc is decided. The author needs to have a plan for the protagonist's character arc and plot because that is going to be the audience's focus for the entire story, and the villain is meant to emphasize a key problem for that character. Even when the villain is the protagonist, their purpose as the protagonist must be determined first before any villainous aspects should be addressed.

That said, villains should be minimized or omitted for any issue that doesn't culminate in a climax. Villains are dramatic: once outed as a villain, the audience will watch everything they do. That level of focus is difficult to match with other narrative devices, so the optimal use is to direct it at key issues. For other topics, antagonists are a better fit (discussed further below). If the writer does not intend to address some core aspect of the story or worldbuilding, then it shouldn't significantly involve the villain.

A poorly done villain often reveals how the author failed to grasp something, either as a concept or in execution. Again, by definition, a villain is someone the author disagrees with. People are usually much better at making themselves and their own opinions look good than they are at portraying people with opposing viewpoints. A skilled storyteller commits to giving villains a good faith dissection rather than merely attacking a strawman.

Of course, more complex stories may warrant the use of minor villains, an ensemble, or a Big Bad Evil Guy standing above the rest. The depth and time spent on each villain should match their overall importance to the main storyline. Perhaps a lesser villain will feature in a particular episode/chapter addressing their connected theme, but they shouldn’t be emphasized by the writer outside of that relevance.

Villains should be a symptom of either a larger issue in the narrative or the one they fixate on.

This is one of the more common flaws that I've encountered. Most villains believe they are solving a problem. A lot of stories fall short of answering, "what is a better conclusion?"

Caveat: this isn’t necessary for all genres. Genres that rely on gaps in understanding don’t need to supply answers. Comedy, horror, short fiction, and any other story focusing entirely on a plot about “stuff went wrong” don’t necessarily benefit from telling the audience what the problem is. Eldritch horror stories, for example, are specifically about encounters that the characters and audience do not understand, but they may still feature villains.

This facet is more noticeable in stories about problems that affect large populations. Whether it's a social heirarchy, a government structure, a natural disaster, resource shortages, etc., it's something that requires more than removing villains from seats of power or ending a plan. The nature of the solution will vary widely, especially across genres, but the writer should be concerned with the exact thing the villain had been.

As an example, in a lot of contemporary stories involving revolutions by lower classes against an oppressive upper class, the key conflict of the story is that the revolutionaries have resorted to an unconscionable option for the sake of success. Whether it's genocide, biological warfare, nuclear escalation, etc., the climax is about stopping a villain from successfully employing that option. However, a solid number of those stories end with the status quo or with minor concessions by the upper class. Each of those is a problem. If they stuck with the status quo, the story is that the oppressed should accept their station, even without hope or promise of improvement. If there were minor concessions, then the message is that drastic threats of violence are necessary for even the smallest concessions. Neither of those is a very satisfying story, and in most cases, neither were the writer's intended takeaway. Unfortunately, that sort of message often gets baked in because the unspoken implication of “don’t resort to these tactics” is “accept your place”—unless an alternative is presented within the story.

Of course, the challenge for these sorts of stories is how to convey a better option without getting on a soapbox in the narration. Villains are an efficient option to challenge the protagonists (or their opponents if they're protagonists) on these issues. “If you're so determined to stop me, then what are you going to do about [XYZ]?” It's a great way to weave in the author's intended message through some exposition or by seeding internal conflict for the protagonist to grapple with after the two separate again. This can even be brought up by other characters in discussions about the villain, without requiring a direct confrontation. Whether the opposition achieves that goal isn’t necessary either; it’s enough to introduce it and start the path toward it, letting the implication become “that’s not happening yet because that would be the next story.”

While stories don’t need to answer every question, ignoring the villain’s concern conveys that the writer doesn’t care about that issue. In that case, why include it as the villain’s motivation? What benefit did that complication bring to the story? Useless or unintended elements should be cut from a story to avoid muddling the themes, and failure to do that with a villain demonstrates subpar storytelling.

Villains don't need to be evil, and, in many cases, that label is a hindrance.

Evil is a moral label. Some stories aren’t concerned with addressing how to be a good person, what should happen to bad people, etc. That is certainly a most common framing for a villain in Western media, but it’s not the only one. Stories don't need to convey a moral to be great.

Sometimes the villain cares deeply for others, is motivated by saving people and doing good, and checks all the boxes for a hero, but the means they resort to are absolutely fucked up. Their arc often involves realizing a terrible act is “necessary” to achieve their desired result, and because they believe that result is worth the travesties, they commit. The audience can debate whether that means the villain is good or evil, but that is beside the point; the problem is that they’re doing something they shouldn’t, regardless of the moral label attached to it. Stories like this often include a message that there aren’t good/bad people, only good/bad acts, which also means that people cannot attain a moral label, and therefore the villain cannot be evil. (The Dune novels are a fantastic example of this.)

Sometimes the villain is someone dedicated to a cause that has long since careened into villainy. Their personal morality doesn’t match with what they do because duty or honor requires them to act this way, and to forsake that obligation is also failure. No matter what they choose, they will be trampling their moral ideals. Pretty much any story about well-meaning military, police, government, or other duty-bound characters following a chain of command after the bad guy takes control is an example of this. Some stories focus on the interpersonal conflict arising out of that, and others stories might focus on the internal cognitive dissonance and psychological fallout of such circumstances. These stories often posit that there is no such thing as pure good, and since everyone must commit evil on some level in the course of pursuing a moral standard, we cannot assess anyone (including the villain) on morality alone. These also tend to be stories that include a redemption arc (discussed below), though they very frequently involve some sort of dramatic sacrifice in the process.

Other stories ignore morality entirely because it just isn’t the point. These villains tend to be more subtle because their presence isn’t as offensive to the audience. Bureaucrats ruthlessly enforcing the rules in spite of unique circumstances, then getting overruled by a superior after a big display by the protagonist, are a fairly common villain trope in media aimed at children and young adults. It does happen in media for adults as well, though most often in comedies (My Cousin Vinny, Ghostbusters) or legal/political/professional dramas. These stories usually criticize overzealous commitment to systems, not because the systems or villains are inherently evil, but because excessive enforcement can unhelpfully inhibit good, health, fun, freedom, etc.

Villains can absolutely be moral/good/neutral people in the author’s perspective, framed as such in a story, and still be the bad guys.

As the average age of the target audience and/or the length of the story increases, villains should be more frequently correct in their beliefs and choices.

This is such a frustrating thing when writers muck it up. As stated, villainy highlights a wrong conclusion. Do you know what would ruin that effect? If they’re wrong about everything.

The thing about highlighting is that it’s only useful when done sparingly or with clear methods of differentiation. Highlighting a single line with one color or multiple lines with different colors can each be effective methods of focusing attention, but highlighting an entire page is a waste of effort. The audience doesn’t know what to look at anymore. The purpose is lost when it's overdone.

So too with a villain. A well-constructed villain needs to get some things right. That is a signal that those aren't the parts the audience should be concerned with. That works both for focusing on themes (if indeed that side issue isn’t important) or as obfuscation for a reveal later on (related to plot, motive, identity, etc.). This wealthy villain pays his taxes without complaint, donates to charity, and tips generously, so the story message isn’t about whether businessmen pay their fair share to government, give back to the people generally, or pays people for their labor. Instead, when the businessman turns out to be a financier of a warlord plotting a coup, we can ignore the question, “should the wealthy use money to help people?” and instead focus on “the harm of using wealth to enable oppression far outweighs any generosity that coincides with it.”

In most media, I prefer main villains to be correct on so many things that, at some point in the story, they would have been capable of swaying me to their position if not for a key theme. That is the gold standard because it points the audience right at the villain’s narrative purpose and explains why no one has managed to stop the villain before this plot line. After all, if a person is tolerable, useful, or personable except for this one thing, then they are likely to have many allies and defenses to prevent anyone from stopping their plans. While not every villain needs that level of honing, it is vital that the villain associated closely to the main theme is the one with the most clarity.

When a villain is wrong about most things, that clarity is lost. That extremism is only expected in children’s fiction, comedy, and short form fiction because those genres usually don’t explore any other facets of the villain anyway—the audience rarely gets a comprehensive look at that character. A villain is a portrayal of a person, and people are complex. Any longer forms of media require more time spent with the villain, and a two-dimensional character doesn't hold up well in those circumstances. When an author decides to structure a villain who is incorrect at every step of a story, there is meaning there: this villain is intended as an extreme example of everything the author dislikes. This story is intended to be propaganda.

Propaganda invites heavier criticism: What ethnicity did the author choose for this representation of someone getting everything wrong? What gender? What sexuality? What nationality? Social or economic class? Level of education? How does that compare to their opposition? If there’s someone who does everything right, what differences are there between that one and the villain? Those choices are just as intentional as the decision to frame the villain as so egregiously wrong about everything. Writers don’t get to pretend such decisions are meaningless. More often than not, when this happens, the writer's bigoted views are put on display. The villain absolutely did its job, so it's not an ineffective villain: it told me what the writer disapproves of and that the theme of the story is that type of person is inferior. It just turns out that now I have an entirely separate reason to dislike this writer and their works.

Villains evoke strong emotion appropriate to the genre.

I expect that most discussions about villains will include something about making that character entertaining or fun, but that isn’t quite the right mark. A proper villain is evocative in a way that matches the genre. There’s a lot of flexibility in this, so entertainment value is a safe bet. Some stories need a villain that raises tension in every scene, and others just need a laid back asshole to quip at the hero and be an obstacle. That said, sometimes a villain would be better if they aren’t fun.

For example, in Pan’s Labyrinth, Captain Vidal (played by a well known Spanish comedian who had never previously ventured outside of comedy) in fascist Spain confronts a potential spy who claims that he was hunting rabbits with his son. Indeed, the man was carrying a weapon and a bag of supplies, and he has a younger man with him. Until that point, the Captain had been presented as extremely strict and hierarchical in every facet of his life, even with his new wife, but not necessarily bad. In full view of the man’s son, the Captain personally kills the hunter, declares him to be a traitor to Spain, then discovers the dead rabbits in the pack and ignores that he may have been wrong. The son is taken away without apology or aid—not even the food and supplies they had been carrying. Any audience expectation of mercy is shunted out the window because fascism involves seeing common people as either resources or threats, and nothing else. It’s a brutal, terrifying way to establish Captain Vidal’s role, that this character will not be fun or comedic, and what type of story the film will entail. We know without a shadow of doubt that if Captain Vidal discovers what the child protagonist has been up to, he will kill her. He would kill that little girl without remorse for the slightest infraction against his control. An unavoidable dread surrounds Captain Vidal’s presence through every subsequent scene, even when he isn’t shown on screen. That brought the terror of fascism to a personal level in a horrifically efficient manner. Excellent use of a villain.

Because the core purpose of a villain is to highlight aspects of a story, stoking the audience’s emotion is a surefire way to guarantee everyone is paying attention. The most commonly used options are anger (unjust acts), disgust (socially unacceptable traits), and fear (unflinching violence). Regardless of which emotion it is, it should be something either unexpected or more extreme than encountered otherwise. These cues should be in contrast to the emotions evoked by positive developments. If the rest of the mood of the story is somber, inappropriate lightheartedness is an excellent contrast. If the rest of the story is tense action, an eerie calm is incredibly upsetting. There are many options for creating a discordant tone, and doing so not only emphasizes that this villain is wrong somehow, but also ensures that any dialogue or narration in that scene carries that same sense of wrongness.

Obviously, some stories involve villain reveals, so those high-intensity scenes shouldn’t occur until the right moment. In those instances, the method and circumstances of the reveal are a great vehicle to emphasize the villain’s narrative purpose, especially when done close to or during the story’s climax. That said, a shocked audience may have difficulty parsing complicated dialogue; sticking to a simple, overarching topic is a much better option for those particular circumstances. That’s why a villain monologue is such a common trope: it works.

When this sort of emotional turmoil is absent, I get the sense that the writer doesn’t know how to structure a scene to reinforce themes. This sort of narrative device isn’t necessary for every villain scene, but if only one scene in an entire story were to stoke the audience’s feelings, it should be the scene where the villain’s conclusion is front and center. Denouements and moments of triumph also obviously warrant strong emotional responses, but I prioritize the villain for a simple reason: why would anyone add a villain to a story if they weren’t going to demand the audience’s attention? If that type of scene takes away from the story’s purpose, then the villain does too, and they should be removed.

Villains don't need to be antagonists, and antagonists don’t need to be villains.

This might seem contradictory to the preceding points, but the fact is that protagonists cannot be expected to fix every problem they encounter.

Villains are supposed to reach the wrong conclusion about something core to the theme or plot. Antagonists are just people who work against the protagonist. For a lawyerly analogue, my opposing counsel is the antagonist (working against me, a plaintiff litigator) and their client is the villain (that fucker did Wrong, even if they never interact with me and haven’t done anything since). The lawyer isn’t wrong for simply being on that side; they’re doing their job, and their job is to be in my way. I’m not right for simply being on my side; I’m just the one telling the story. When assessing a villain and protagonist, we look at both characters in those conflicts. In comparison, an any conflict with a non-villain antagonist is entirely focused on the protagonist; the antagonist’s values, beliefs, etc. don’t really matter.

All that said, villains are usually antagonists. It’s a very efficient way to structure a story, so it is a preferred option for shorter or simpler narratives. That isn't a flaw. It's a completely valid way to handle these roles. Whether the villain should or shouldn't be an antagonist depends on the themes. Is a person versus person conflict necessary to resolve the problem that the villain is highlighting?

For example, if the key theme is about the catastrophic damage caused by climate change, a direct conflict with the villain could distract from that. Many disaster movies focusing on climate change feature villains that ignore or exploit it, and rather than meet their end through conflict with the protagonists, they usually end up ruining themselves. That makes sense given that climate change is a phenomenon that cannot be stopped by an individual and that it doesn't discriminate as to who is affected. There's plenty of other themes where similar story structures are more effective than the protagonist causing the villain's downfall. Those stories don't benefit from direct conflicts with the villain, but that character added to the narrative regardless.

Sometimes a character is necessary for the protagonists to have a concrete victory at a certain point in the story, but there’s no thematic conclusion yet. Villains would distract from that, but antagonists wouldn’t. For example, a middle point in the story has the culmination of a coming of age arc for a main character, but the final conflict is still on the horizon: a sports competitor has to end their growth arc by winning at regionals before shifting to the main rising action involved in going to nationals. Introducing a local rival with no significant bad qualities would allow the audience to focus on the protagonist’s growth, and the villain in the later arc doesn’t lose any presence or effect by having a predecessor.

All that said, some characters shift over time, especially in serial media. An antagonist of the week in a superhero comic might be the dastardly Big Bad villain in a special release and then back to a background problem in the next. Villains should only be used to extent that they will help the audience understand the full scope of the themes. Regardless of genre (except maybe satire/parody), the villain shouldn’t be causing problems “on screen” beyond the scope of their purpose, so unless the dramatic brawl between villain and hero adds something other than cool visuals, antagonism is just wasted time.

Villains raise the stakes: the world will be worse if they are left unchecked.

Any villain that fails to raise the stakes is an example of poor writing. Why should the audience care about a villain if there is nothing to lose should they succeed? It is a complete failure to use such a dramatic narrative device to highlight a non-problem. Even if a villain is not an antagonist, they need to be a threat.

In order to achieve that, the villain needs to have strengths necessary to achieve their goal. When villains don't have a skill or a resources necessary for their plan, there should be a relatively straightforward method for them to fill that gap. For example, a warmongering monarch might lack the manpower from her own lands to continue conquering neighbors, so she has her army conscript soldiers from annexed territories to put on the front lines. Of course, these power gaps are also excellent points for conflict with the opposition, and that can be worked into the plot. By shaping the villain into a formidable power in the world, the protagonist (or their faction, allies, etc.) has to step up and find a solution to the plot problem before the villain ruins everything. It adds time pressure to the protagonist’s goals and allows for logical opportunities to foil the villain’s plans.

When the villain is incompetent, that tension is lost. Within the story itself, of all the possible characters in this made up world, this was the one the writer focused on. Why hasn’t someone already stopped them, and why should the audience care what they’re up to? Why is the writer wasting the protagonist’s time on this character? That reflects poorly on the story because that conveys that there’s not a real a risk of failure or a bad ending; if there was, the writer should have focused on that instead! So, why include the villain at all?

Unless the story is parody, nothing is as disappointing as a story where a villain succeeds or fails because of something stupid. It can be funny, it can be an oversight or mistake or gap in knowledge, but it should never be because of stupidity. That tells me that the writer couldn’t up with something clever because they’re stupid—they used a complex narrative device without thinking it through—and they expect me (a member of the audience) to applaud. Absolutely not.

Villains' strengths and weaknesses should be directly tied either to the central theme of the story or their opponent's character arc.

Building off the last point, a villain should be competent in a narratively convenient way and have convenient weaknesses. In many story structures, a villain antagonist is a wonderfully efficient option for the protagonist hero to grapple with a key character development or plot climax. The best villains are those whose weaknesses are ones that the protagonist is capable of exploiting; it helps establish the protagonist as an appropriate perspective for this story. However, that logic needs to work both in the direction in which it was planned, and backwards from the opposite view.

First, the writer needs to choose a villain that suits the protagonist and the plot. I’ve lined out plenty of reasons for that above, but in short, the villain should be actively engaging in behavior or building to a turning point that will impact the ending that the protagonist desires. It doesn’t need to impact the protagonist directly, but there must be a clear motivation to interfere with the villain’s plan. Thus, the villain’s strengths should be relevant to the theme or opponent’s arc—it’d be a waste of opportunity otherwise.

Once the protagonist’s needs are established, the writer needs to change perspective: the villain needs to make sense within the narrative whether the protagonist does anything or not. Generally speaking, any person would prefer a plan with requirements they would not struggle to complete. People like to do things they’re good at. A mad scientist is going to prefer mad science over politics. A corrupt politician is going to prefer bribery over a ray gun. If the plot demands a particular course of action, the villain should be designed to be someone who prefers that method and is damn good at it. Even in situations where a villain is forced to resort to something they don’t excel in, there should be a logical explanation for how this arrangement came about. Failure to achieve this breaks immersion.

The difficult part of discussing this facet is that it is the most versatile aspect of villain characterization, so there aren’t any rigid requirements. I wouldn’t even go so far as to say that a villain should be a foil because that limits them to mirroring a specific character. They don’t need to be foils! Sometimes, a villain should be bigger than that: Sauron in The Lord of the Rings trilogy could be compared to numerous protagonists, but he is not a direct foil of one, while lesser villains (Denethor, Steward of Gondor) in the books are.

For a vague example, let's say I want to write a story about a slave who is leading a revolution. The obvious themes would be the necessity of violence to wrest freedom from oppressors, that legal systems are always biased in favor of those already in power, that most people will accept oppression of others for the sake of economic benefit, and so on. There are many potential villains, but the best ones would be the owner, the lawman (chief of police, sheriff, judge, etc.), and/or the head of government (mayor, governor, etc.). Regardless of which one I choose, their respective strengths (color of law, weaponry, support of the ruling class) will require the protagonist to address his own weaknesses (lack of legal authority, resources, and social capital), which gives the plot shape. Those are the parts that will be addressed in the rising action of the story. In addition, the villain's weaknesses (over-reliance on demoralized slaves, personal immorality, bigotry, cruelty, apathy, etc.) each give options for what strengths to give the protagonist. Perhaps the protagonist's unfailing courage and camaraderie stokes the other slaves' will to resist and fight back, and it becomes a story about greater numbers overcoming the villain's strengths. Another option is that the protagonist stoops just as low and has no moral or social high ground, and the point of the story is that freedom should be achieved by any means necessary by anyone willing to fight for it. Yet another option is that the protagonist makes contact with a third-party, and they cooperate to overthrow the villains, because the villains' institution of slavery could not be tolerated by anyone with an unbiased view (outsiders with no stake in it). Whichever possibility is chosen, the strengths/weaknesses of the villains put a tint on the overall message: the owner would focus the story on individuals and allow for more intimate exchanges between characters, the lawman would be more of a philosophical story with impersonal distance, and the head of government would focus on social values and how to change the will of other people. I need to choose the villain that allows me to explore my preferred protagonist arc, and I need to choose the plot line that matches well with that conflict.

But that’s a bit cerebral. A simpler example: Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. He’s sexist, only wants Belle because she’s the prettiest girl in the village, and his ego demands the best of everything. There’s literally nothing else he finds attractive about her. He’s charismatic and appeals to the toxic masculinity culture of the town. He does not value intelligence or kindness, so many potential options for getting what he wants are closed to him. In the climactic conflict, Gaston whips the town into a mob by using his charisma to deceive them, has Belle and her father imprisoned in their own home, and goes to kill the Beast so that he can claim the mantle of hero and Belle for himself. Belle uses her intelligence to improvise an escape, and her kindness spurs the Beast out of inaction after it was established that nothing else had ever swayed his heart. While there may be other things to criticize in this story, Gaston is an excellent example of making strengths and weaknesses relevant to plot, themes, and other characters. Everything he did was as bad as, if not worse than, the Beast, his conflict with Belle allowed her agency and traits to shine, and his devotion to violence and ego caused his own death rather than Belle resorting to his methods.

When that doesn't happen, it feels like a plot hole. Why hype up a villain to excel at worming his way into powerful social circles and then he never attempts to manipulate anyone in any scenes? Why make a villain so egotistical as to ignore security flaws in a key scene and then never have anyone take advantage? I’m not talking about trope subversion; I mean when a strength/weakness is added and then ignored. It's such an intrinsic part of the process for constructing a villain that failing to flesh it out demonstrates poor writing skills.

The villain’s ending is consistent with the theme of the story.

I truly do not care if villains get “what they deserve” in a story. Can it be satisfying to see villains contribute to their own failure? Yes, but they don’t deserve anything. They’re not real. Even if they were, people don’t deserve anything. You can’t earn an ending. The world doesn’t work that way, stories don’t work that way, and that line of thinking isn’t interesting. Catharsis is not about a character getting what the audience thinks they should, it’s about evoking emotional satisfaction, and limiting that assessment to whether characters get what they “deserve” is narrow-minded.

Because stories are not real, everything is on the table. The writer can do whatever they want to every single character. The most important issue is whether the outcome makes sense for what issue the villain was highlighting.

For example, if the villain is meant to be a focal point of corruption in a government structure, and the highlighted problem is that this person was tolerated by others because of the benefits they provided, deposing only that villain doesn't really fix anything. The people that let this happen are still there, and they'll find another person to do it the same way. Instead, a better resolution would be to turn that villain against their enablers, whether by threat or force or agreement. Maybe the villain is willing to testify against co-conspirators in exchange for a lenient sentence in a court of law. By definition, leniency means that the villain does not receive a fair punishment, but the problem is resolved and won't happen again. That demonstrates that the writer actually understands the issue they chose to address and that they're telling a story about a solution to a problem rather than fulfilling a base desire for punishment.

Of course, sometimes a key point of the story is wish fulfillment for punishment. The Count of Monte Cristo is probably the best revenge story ever written, with every single villain getting their comeuppance due the machinations of the wronged protagonist after returning from imprisonment and exile. Even better, the protagonist orchestrated the events so that each villain ultimately causes their own end through willful greed, ego, and cruelty. However, the key question is whether or not the protagonist is a villain too: at what point will he stop? When is it no longer justice? What about innocent bystanders? When faced with the decision whether to legally kill the only son of both his hated enemy and his former lover, Edmond Dantes finally decides to stop. This differentiates him from the villains, and the story allows the audience to determine whether to attribute it to morality, love, duty, etc. The story includes wish fulfillment because the ongoing audience consideration is “How many more times are you going to wish for this?” It felt good, it felt just, they “deserved” it, the world was better for it, but the point was that Dantes had other needs that he was ignoring by focusing solely on revenge. A core theme was that a desire for revenge is not inherently wrong—it springs from injustice and a desire for equitable results—but it isn’t the right answer to every problem. The villains’ ends fit in perfectly for the characters individually, the themes of the story, and the cultural backdrop of France before, during, and after the tumult of the Napoleonic wars.

Further, sometimes the “end” is just a pause. Many serials need the villain to remain a threat for future use, so that thread is left unresolved. This isn’t necessarily poor writing. However, those villains shouldn’t be intricately tied to a theme that requires a definitive resolution by the end of that phase. This type of arrangement requires extra planning because bringing back the villain will evoke those old themes, so either reviving the question or tying it into a new one is vital to a good story.

If included, a villain redemption arc must have 4 components: (1) an external stimulus causing (2) a choice to deviate from their plan and (3) a corresponding shift in their worldview, and those result in (4) action that matches the strength of their new conviction.

A proper villain redemption arc always has the same core message: people can change. It has absolutely nothing to do with earning anything because change comes from within; as soon as external approval comes into play, it’s no longer about change, it’s about relationships. The quality of a redemption arc has nothing to do with anyone other than the person being redeemed. If this type of arc doesn’t suit the story, it should not be included.

The four points listed above are necessary because they tie the villain’s arc to the plot. Why is the villain changing during this story? What does the writer believe is needed to correct course? Does the writer actually believe that people can change?

The external stimulus is necessary because of the above point that the villain should make things worse if left unchecked. That check doesn’t necessarily need to be the protagonist, an opponent, or even a character; it could be a sudden change in circumstances, like war breaking out or a new faction coming into play. Maybe the villain achieves their goal and something goes horribly wrong. Regardless of the specifics, the cause should something other than internal rumination. A villain coming to a sudden epiphany in a moment of daydreaming is too convenient, to the point that it lacks any dramatic effect. That tells me the writer doesn’t actually understand why the villain would choose this course of action in the first place. Demonstrating what would shake them out of it is not easy, but it is vital to a proper redemption arc. Something new needs to break the villain’s intentions apart.

The next two parts can happen in any order: shifting perspective first and then a choice, or choice first while ideas solidify, or both at the same time. Maybe there’s multiple steps along the way for each. Any of those can be believable.

The shift in perspective means that the villain understands that they had made the wrong choice. Whatever the new problem is, they couldn’t stop it, can’t fix it, or need something they had discarded, and the reason for that deficiency is their current course of action. The new development is undeniable proof that they were going to fail or already had failed. They don’t need to accept this psychological change immediately—the timing and fallout should match the genre—but it should happen in response to that external stimulus. In addition, even if they grapple with it as the story progresses, the villain should not fall back into old ways over minor problems. They can ruminate or even obsess over inconsequential issues, but actions should be taken only for something significant.

Once the dramatic revelation has occurred, the villain needs to have agency for how to deal with this dilemma. Maybe the story even involves the villain fighting for that agency before they exercise it, and that may happen in tandem with coming to terms with their shattered perspective. There should be at least one moment (perhaps several) where the villain has the opportunity to revert to their original plan or take a new path. That said, making such a choice under threat of death or harm isn’t very effective. Choice also requires more than one option, so I don’t find “you’re going to die anyway” circumstances to be powerful redemption arcs. They can be suitable for tragedies, but they carry the implication that villains have to face death before they will change, which is not going to mesh well with many themes absent some other redemption arcs in the same story to compare it to.

Finally, there needs to be action that matches both the villain’s new beliefs and the theme of the story, and the scale needs to be appropriately comparable to the villain’s prior intentions. Maybe the villain drains hoarded resources to support the protagonist’s gambit, emphasizing the need to collaborate with and trust in others. Maybe the villain becomes a double-agent and sabotages the corrupt empire from within, demonstrating that good is not served by people refusing to engage with an ongoing problem. Maybe the villain redesigns their ray gun to kill cancer cells, so the message is that technology is only as harmful as the people using it. Whatever they do, the villain’s redemption arc will be just as important to the audience as the protagonist’s arc. They need to make an impact worthy of that effect.

I’ll also note what I omit from this: emotion, forgiveness, and justice. Emotions are irrational, so I don’t buy into the idea that any character needs to experience a specific kind of emotion for a certain kind of arc or story to be high quality. Choices do not require emotional congruence. As for forgiveness and justice, redemption comes from within, and these two facets require input from other characters or social groups. Redemption does not need someone else’s permission or validation. While these three things can certainly add to a redemption arc—and I’m sure people have preferences—they are not necessary aspects. It is entirely possible to construct a quality redemption story without them.

Schindler’s List is essentially a villain redemption story: Oskar Schindler (the protagonist) was a businessman who joined and benefited from the rise of the Nazi Party. He held fascist leaning ideals (people as resources, efficiency and profit over all else, etc.) and bribed officials to get his way, but he wasn’t overtly cruel. His experiences with the Jews forced to work for him gradually changed his perspective, and he took small steps to make their lives easier or safer—against the wishes of the Nazi government. Eventually, he reached the point that he decided to engage in treason to try to save as many as he could, not only spending his ill-gotten fortune on selfless bribes, but also risking his own life, freedom, and station. There are several scenes that emphasize what would be done to him if his plots were discovered. Schindler ultimately saves hundreds of Jews and is not destroyed for it. Those he saved even work to protect him from the consequences of his past deeds. But his final scene shows that Schindler is crushed by his own conscience and laments that he could have done more. He was introduced as an apathetic, greedy villain, and his gradual change to a man genuinely heartbroken by the genocide and remorseful for his participation was well-paced and cathartic. In particular, his role as a villain (a “bystander” profiting from genocide) contrasted well with his later choices (sacrificing his fortune to save those he exploited).

In addition, the villain switching sides does not mean that it’s intended as a redemption arc. Hans Landa in Inglourious Basterds absolutely betrayed the Nazis, but he did it to save his own hide and talked his way into a rather comfortable retirement over it. There was no internal crisis, no new belief system. Landa simply realized that he had a better chance at a preferred future, so he remorselessly served up people to be killed, just like in the opening scene. Nothing had changed. That worked wonderfully in a film about stopping violence with violence and the emotional dissatisfaction of letting vile people live after they had terrorized and slaughtered innocent people. So the protagonists carved a swastika into Landa’s forehead as a warning of who he was. Is any of that good? That isn’t even the right question for a Tarantino film, but again, it was not intended as a redemption arc; it was very clearly intended to mean that some people don’t change and we may have to let them live anyway.

Redemption arcs don’t suit every story or villain. They take a lot of narrative focus to pull off well, and many of the thematic implications can be handled in a protagonist’s arc anyway. A lot of writers tend to fuck up by making the protagonist’s forgiveness or approval a necessary part of the story, ignoring that they’ve then added a message that change is only legitimate when recognized by others. (Note: Schindler’s List dodges this because Schindler denies himself the catharsis of forgiveness.) That said, many audiences like that message. They like the idea that their permission is needed for a bad person to change. I have a strong aversion to that mentality, especially when it conflicts with other themes in the story.

Is the writer telling a story about redemption, or is it about a religious concept of sin and atonement? Forgiveness and acceptance? Is this really about change, or is it about punishing people who hurt your favorites? Change is something we do, and there is value in that even when there is no atonement, forgiveness, or punishment waiting at the end.

Villains should not be included in a story if any of the above causes distraction or discordance with the main plot line.

Villains aren’t necessary for every story. If you want to go with conflict structures, a person vs. world or person vs. self story doesn’t need a villain. Villains can be added to those stories, but they need to represent something about the world/self for that to make sense. They are too dramatic and time-consuming to toss in as an afterthought. If there is nothing else you take from this post, take this: if a villain doesn’t add substance to your story, don’t include one.

I can tell when the writer is just checking boxes. None of these things can be done well without a certain level of affection for both the art of storytelling and the story being told. It’s not even difficult; it just takes effort. There’s an incredible amount of stories out there to engage with, and I’m never going be pleased to put up with a writer’s checklist villain.

Write what you want, and if you don’t want to include a narrative device that requires effort, then don’t.

[prospectivereality]

Burning desire | SV5

your complex relationship with Sebastian, your co-worker, reaches its climax during that one infamous night in cold Milan. Is it better speak or to die? Well, when you are both jealous stubborn maybe the way is to show

words: 4.9k, warnings: slight mentions of alcohol overuse, minor angst, mature (!) sexual content

Milan, late winter of 2019

Your breath hitched in your chest. You would have been lying if you said you weren't anxious. It seemed like just another day at work, but you felt like something was eventually going to happen. How could it? After all, it was just another season and just another gala di apertura with guests, sponsors and staff. It happened every year and you were part of it. Yet, you couldn't identify the reason why you felt different in that case.

The taxi driver just said you had arrived. Looking out the window, you checked out the surroundings where the event occurred. The tall, chic and historic building with luminous lights on the walls looked welcoming. It contrasted the city itself, full of graffiti, crumbling townhouses and streets. Such gems hidden in this city were not uncommon, and you allowed yourself a few seconds of silent praise for the Ferrari’s choice before leaving the car and paying.

A long, silky red gown hit the carpet, which was prepared for the guests, as you took your first step. Goosebumps immediately showed on your skin the moment the chilly wind enveloped your whole body. Your entire back was exposed in that dress, you could have been prepared and taken a jacket. For the sake of a ”flawless look,” you had resigned. After slightly fixing the dress by hand, you headed towards the door passing the assistants in suits waiting outside with a faint smile.

This was the time to put your charm on.

The inside was already boiling. The excited bustle and warm laughter filled the spacious red-decorated hall. Dimmed lights added intimacy and elegance to the décor, while an orchestra hidden somewhere in the corners played Italian classical music. Ferrari events were, well, to say at least pleasant in terms of the atmosphere and venues. They always had an Italian touch framed by timeless elegance. Sometimes you even regretted being here because you worked there. Those nights would have been so much easier as the wife of a millionaire posing for photographs by his side.

You began to pass shy but elegant smiles to every single guest who locked their eyes on you. With the long dress and perfectly styled hair, you could simply blend into the sea of guests. A person who did not work with you every day would not be able to distinguish you from a worker or potential investor. Some men seemed to keep their gaze on you for a little too long time to be considered appropriate, which you found amusing. However, unveiling the whole truth and speaking frankly - you were bored. You were extremely bored with those events and you have discovered in recent months a rather risky but effective way for passing the time. Little innocent talks with gentlemen. They were always pleasing and showering compliments. You heard a lot of stories about their miserable love life, cheating wives or unfaithful girlfriends. To some extent, you had a lot of fun listening to their monologues but part of you was telling you ”they think that you can be a perfect replacement and distraction”.

But now, you headed your steps to the waiter holding the champagne tray and took one glass, just to create an aura of warmer appearance. In darker corners of the room, you always drank with lustful sips this light liquid and swapped glasses with waiters in a discreet way. You couldn’t let yourself to be actually seen drinking champagne by your boss. However, it was encouraged to just hold it in order to make the whole event more social and less resembling a big sponsorship hunt. It soon turned out that coping with all your evening positives or nightmares was impossible for you without getting intoxicated. This made you start to suspect that someone must know your little secret, and you honestly didn't know which of your two secrets would be more awful if they went out.

You barely had time to notice that some gentleman in the near distance of two meters seemed to approach you. Smiles that you were giving out to other guests in the recent minutes were apparently encouraging him to do so. Trying to remain your mask and give him as natural appearance as possible you moved your gaze at him and welcomed by passing your hand and offering your name.

”Is my pleasure to meet you. My name is Niccolo” the man bowed slightly with respect and squeezed your hand with grace. A soft smile danced on his lips. In his words, you couldn’t sense a single note of an Italian accent in his perfect English.

He looked rather old money in his dark grey suit and perfectly plain shirt. Some expensive watch shined on his wrist and a tiny gold brooch sparkled on his suit. You quickly noticed how his sharp jaw and nose enveloped his face giving a masculine appearance. His sparkly dark eyes were looking at you quite empathetically. It was not difficult to observe that his dark bushy hair was also arranged impeccably. He was probably in his late 20s. You would be lying if you said he didn't look handsome. Elegance was beaming from him and he was undoubtedly a resemblance of every woman’s dream.

”I bet you are representing ferrari tonight? Looking at your dress” he said halfway letting out a soft chuckle.

You laughed politely at his notice.

”Actually I am. Does my covered inspection of guests give everything out?”

”Mh.. I would rather say it was the way you move around the place. With confidence and grace. Seems like you are in your element”

His words were genuinely astonishing to you. But you knew you couldn’t fall for intelligent banter.

”If I may ask to get to know about you a little more. Are the finances or something else close to your profession at ferrari?” He asked locking dark eyes on you and taking a sip of champagne.

”None of it. I don’t actually know why they insisted me on going here. I work for scuderia ferrari”

”Woman in motorsport? That is very impressive to see” He admitted

Throughout the conversation, he seemed highly professional and did not seem to ask you about any details. You were in a way surprised by the respect he paid to you by showing how equal he treated you.

It was still the bare minimum.

”I would love to learn something about you too,” you said pretending to be truly interested in conversation ”What is your purpose for tonight?”

He changed his look to a more serious yet excited one, looking as if he had been waiting for such a question.

”My family company has been working closely with ferrari for the past few months in terms of marketing. We are delighted to have this manufacturer as our client. We know that Italians see the Ferrari as the sacred thing for their culture”

”You are not Italian?” you said with a confused mimic on your face before you had time to think about it.

”Well, technically I am” he laughed seeming amused by your reaction ”but we are based in Geneva, Switzerland. It is our hometown”

”Oh I see now” you said passing a bland smile.

Another rich man who will try to make you fall in love with his money and prestige

”You really intrigued me” he said suddenly looking straight in your eyes ”I love dropping by Monaco in May to see the formula races, but I still haven’t had any opportunity to speak with someone who works in that industry. Could you tell me more about it?”

”Well” you started ”It is rough. Much more different than fancy galas and special events. It’s loud, it is chaotic and emotional. You have to think and act fast, especially if you sit in a garage like me. I am an engineer” you said faking a smile.

”I thought I couldn’t be more mesmerised by a woman tonight. I am looking up at you” he sightly laughed with astonishment and disbelief.

You sensed that someone was observing your conversation. That was when you saw him. Looking to your right at a distance of a few meters and observing you carefully with discreet, light-shot diamonds from his eyes. Without shame, he looked intently at the two of you while sipping champagne, one hand held in his pocket.

He looked annoyed, like a little brat that was taken away from his favourite toy. You know him, he acts like this when he doesn’t get what he wants. There was a slight assumption in your mind earlier that he would also be here tonight. Why wouldn't he be? He was the Ferrari star that they like to show off to sponsors.

You looked again at Niccolo and tried to act normal as the cold, unpleasant shiver ran down your back. It wasn’t caused by fear, it was anger.

”Are you alright?” your speaker turned to you snapping you out of trans.

”Yes, everything is fine” you said trying to sound convincing and passing a bland smile.

You knew that he was still looking at you.

_

You did not have to wait long till he found you and caught you near the tables with fancy appetisers. The place was much more intimate and discreet than the rest of the ballroom, allowing you to catch your breath and take a break from the business small talk. But even solitude accompanied by a single potted palm couldn’t save you from Sebastian. After catching him approaching, you averted your gaze immediately.

You didn’t have to look at him to be sure who was standing next to you. His presence, smell and movements suddenly appeared similar to you, even natural. For several seconds, he did not speak until he faced you fully and shamelessly while you were still pretending to be curious about the appetisers.

”Hmh” the unnatural sound left his throat. He seemed tensed.

You continued to ignore him by putting perfectly sliced smoked salmon with celery crunch on your plate.

”Good to see you’’ he said with more conviction in his voice slightly raising his head up.

It was becoming hardly possible to ignore him anymore. You allowed yourself to shed the last remnants of your pride and face him. A familiar sight of black steed on his chest first caught your eye, but this time it was falling up and down along with his white shirt underneath rather quickly with each of his breath. The black suit looked flawless, but he still had trouble finding the right length of pants.

”Surprised you decided to talk with me”

”Why wouldn’t I?”

”You are no longer worried about your boss's opinion now? A very important gala for the brand and here you are chatting with your engineer. Maybe he is annoyed with you at this very moment because you are more needed next to some Italian billionaire"

”You like to be bitter shatz, do you? What is wrong with talking about work in work? Don’t you think I have different intentions”

”Hm, honestly I stopped after some time when you limited your words towards me to some quick analyses after the sessions” you could see how Sebastian already opened his mouth to say something in his defence but you continued ”but now I think you just wanted me to stop talking to that man”

”Honestly, I couldn’t care less” he said full of himself, but you knew that his words were far away from being honest.

A silent treatment was given to him by you. He never was a good liar and his pride and stubbornness never made it better. You watched as he reached for one of the appetisers in front of you. This movement forced him to take his eyes off you, which he did rather willingly, and get a little closer to your left to be able to grab food.

”What did you want to discuss Herr Vettel?” After some time you went on with irony in your voice ”some problems in the sim? Or questions about new regulations-”

”What was his name?” He interrupted you and gave no interest in what you have been saying. His tone was firm yet definitely not jealous. Casually and still not looking at you, he took another bite of his appetiser. Watching how his lips sank into the food you blinked astonished. He is the only person who could deny the accusation a few moments earlier just to confirm later the obvious.

Before deciding to answer his question you took a glass of champagne that lucky was nearby.

”Niccolo? I guess. Some wealthy old money from Geneva”

”Sounds like most of them” he said looking amused ”Young, good-looking and prosperous. Did you give him your contact already?”

Sebastian was behaving mean and viciously. He knew he was stepping on thin ice and regretted the words that hung in the air.

”What kind of a woman do you take me for?” you huffed, visibly disappointed with his behaviour.

The moment of realisation hit him when the content expression was fading from his face. He genuinely looked concerned suddenly, almost scared. A lump in his throat appeared in a matter of seconds while he swallowed nervously, his Adam’s apple visibly popping off.

”The wisest one, shatz” he tries saving his position like a soldier on the front losing an inevitable war. ”Don’t mind what I sa-”

”If you think you are able to sweet me up with your silly words you are mistaken Vettel” you say sharply looking straight into his eyes ”I am not a goddamn FIA”

Normally Sebastian would share a chuckle at your words but he wasn’t able to take such a risk at the moment. He just stood there with an empty mind and lack of words on his tongue, but at the very moment when you turned around and made your way towards the lavish parquet he stormed after you, your name leaving his lips in a rather jittery tone.

”Hey! Stop” his voice reaches your ears to your great dismay. You attempted to gracefully escape from him and hole up in a crowd. Dozens of lavish guests and scrumptious businessmen had become a jungle in which you tried to escape from your predator.

You were so close, that you thought you almost got it when you felt his warm hand grabbing your shoulder. Reluctantly you turned around trying to behave normally somehow. In the crowd next to all your coworkers, there was never any room for error.

”Talk to me” says Sebastian softly, his tone and mimic visibly different than from minutes ago. He took off his mask and was honestly asking you for this privilege. His hand still hasn’t left your shoulder, probably forgetting where you were or simply doing it by habit.

”Not here, Sebas-” you started sounding defeated.

”Come on” without hesitation he adjusted his grip this time grabbing your hand and directing the both of you somewhere. He didn’t care if someone saw you so he led you towards the corridors, passed bathrooms and finally reached one of the backrooms.

To his delight the doors were open and the sight of a private lodge appeared before your eyes. Sebastian was fast closing them behind and sighting deeply, standing his back to you.

”Well, what a scene” you huffed ”I thought that one in Hungary would be the last one”. The tension of the situation wasn’t in your favour which forced you to practice mockery as a coping mechanism.

”Listen,” he said his accent getting thicker ”This doesn’t work”

”Sorry?” you said bewildered frowning your brows.

German turned around slowly now facing you but still having trouble with maintaining eye contact.

”This dynamics or whatever it is”

You could feel how anger bubbled inside of you and the colour of your cheeks started to match the one of your dress.

”Yes! Because what have you been thinking while you don’t dare speak a word to me? As you play push and pull game with me around the paddock and live in the delusion of whatever is going on!” you raised your voice taking a step closer to him.

”Sorry, but I don’t quite understand what should I do? What do you expect from me? Just to pretend everything is fine and continue this?” He started to step away from his calm stance seeing your reaction.

”See? You are running from responsibility, and consequences. You act like everything is amazing and then you completely ignore me the next day, I see you in that garage and you just stare as if you see a ghost. That’s fucking heartbreaking”

Your voice sounds for a second like it is close to cracking. Sebastian is standing before you, looking at the floor as he is debating internally. You decide to say something more, something that was deep in your thoughts for a longer time.

”Why are you just so cruel and do this to me and then leave me? I don’t understand you. You leave me every time. Every time after you begged me to stay, after kissing me, making love to me. You are not decided. Why do you do this shit and then I see you flirting with other women?”

You feel burning in your eyes and you swear internally at yourself because the last thing you ever wanted to do is to show him that you care that much.

”You need to understand” Sebastian says quietly knowing that his heart is fighting with his mind. The words he is saying are unnaturally formulating on his lips, and he is feeling the weird taste of the lie he will hate afterwards. ”You are just my engineer. Nothing more”

An uncomfortable spike in your chest appears unwillingly but you don’t want to believe his words. You know he lost this war. He can be untruthful with himself but you know him too well now to not know what is the reality.

”It is not true,” you say taking the risk. He is now fully looking at you ”You are scared.”

Sebastian felt like he was sinking. His knees never felt tonight weak but suddenly, someone, made them unstable. The sound of fears spoken aloud happens to be the worst wake-up call. He swallowed hard taking a step closer to you and a weird sensation of madness appeared in his body. It was so strong that he couldn’t compare it to anything that made him angry about you earlier. It wasn’t near to that stupid argument over the strategy or the time you first time drunkenly made out at the celebration party.

”Honestly, I can’t bear you,” he said staring into your soul. He wasn’t lying, you knew he spoke the truth once you noticed his dark gaze. ”I can’t stand being in the same room with you, hearing as you speak. You cursed me.”

”Sebastian” left your lips more as a warning than a plea.

”You consumed me so much, that I had to do that. Don’t you understand? You messed up my head, you ruined me in a way nobody will fix.”

Your chest was falling up and down quickly. Suddenly, it became even harder to breathe than speak. ”Could you..” You started but his eyes were almost eating you and your bodies involuntarily got closer speaking for your thoughts. Choosing to listen to your own selfish needs that appeared in your body like an uncomfortable itch you closed the gap as your lips smashed on his. He was tensed, but as soon as it happened he started to attack your lips mercilessly. There was a lack of gentleness in his action; he was starved as you of tasting each other. Slowly taking in more air between kisses you sweetly moaned.

Sebastian grabbed your arms hardly pushing you against the marble counter standing nearly. He pressed his bodyweight into yours, gaining some stability and power in the position and shamelessly grabbed your breast, sensually yet firmly caressing it. Drowned in desire you bit his down lip hardly and felt how the man parted his lips and groaned. He always looked so beautiful as he did it. You could swear to death that nothing ever made you more full of yourself than hearing his pleasure. Soon enough you felt the taste of his blood on your teeth.

”Up for me” German said touching your thighs now.

He didn’t have to ask you twice. You willingly sat on the marble, feeling its coldness through the thin satin of your dress. He continued to kiss you, now more slowly moving his interest over the chin and neck. You threw your head back slightly hitting the mirror that was on the wall behind it. The guilt washed you weirdly mixed with overwhelming pleasure and desire. Closing your eyes you imaged how his dumb full lips would feel on your breasts. Your hands got lost in his blonde curls pulling them rather painfully.

His firm and soft palms rolled your dress up as your legs parted to make just enough space for him, you needed him closer. You felt how his interest was moved to your neck and to the forgotten necklace you wore for the night. Unexpectedly the end of his fangs grabbed it and dug into the gold harshly.

”I will buy you the one with ”S” on it,” he said under his nose more to himself than you. He was being possessive now, which normally would annoy you but now you were too lust-drunk.

His hands moved smoothly to your open back not breaking the kiss. Goosebumps welcomed you as you experienced skin-to-skin contact, Sebastian was quick to take off your spaghetti-thin straps and the satin fell exposing your breasts. Seeming very occupied with worshipping your neck he only touched them and twisted your nipple earning a high whimper from your mouth.

”That’s my girl.” he murmured against your skin.

But he was tempted for more as he a few seconds later moved his pinky lips to envelope one of your now painfully hard nipples. You let out a moan that was louder than once before, welcoming him and tugging his curls even firmer. He was the only one who could bring heaven and hell for you, purity and sin, unconsciously linking your souls through invisible string.

His soft and very much adored hands were on your hips as he kissed your sternum moving down. It felt like torture that could make you blush easily, all this intimacy was sky-rocketing with each of his movements.

”Seb” you whispered not knowing exactly what you wanted to say.

He returned to your lips, kissing them hungrily. You felt a spark of energy and decided to put your hands to use. They landed on his shoulders taking off the jacket and loosing up a tie in blind movements. He quickly got your idea and added his pair of hands to help you. Soon his shirt was loose, with a few undone top buttons.

You tried desperately to bring him even closer and place sweet kisses on his lips again. Moving them down you peppered with kisses properly his jaw until you reached his neck. Feeling all dominant all of sudden you sucked his skin, biting gently. A shaky groan left his throat as you let out his skin with a wet pop. Your masterpiece was done - red marking showing that Vettel is not such available as it may appear to women.

He took a few seconds to look at you. His eyes were now in deep ocean blue mirroring your body impatiently. His movements were yet controlled, and his hands again found their way on your thighs but you felt like he was winning at this game.

”Sebastian, could you just fuck me” a whine left your lips. You were done.

Normally if he was cruel, he would just chuckle and mock how needy you are for him. He would show his infamous half-smile and take pleasure in it. But he was far from fucking it up this time, again. He wanted it to be serious, he wanted it to be the time.

That was a moment Sebastian Vettel promised himself to ruin all men for you.

”Schatz” he said lowly, kissing your face again ”Schatz, Schatz, Schatz. Anytime”

He didn’t hesitate unbuckling his belt and to get his semi-hard manhood on display. He gave it a few strokes and looked for the condom, he knew he had somewhere in his pocket. You didn’t give a second thought why he came to the gala with protection, trying to push out any feelings of uncomfortable jealousy it could give, you wanted him too much to worry about it now.

Positioning himself you moved a bit on a counter, and soon with a feeling of him being inside you both gasped. He started to move putting his hands on your hips as your legs enveloped his waist.

You would lie if the feeling of him wasn’t addictive. It was too addictive. It shuttered your world to pieces and made it an eden at the same time, leaving you longing, wishing that he could be more than just an undefined sex partner. The labels have never been put on, and this to much of your dismay itch you a bit.

Oh but you know it wasn’t just sex. Oh, it wasn’t

Sebastian was more and more confident and adjusted to your walls as he began to thrust deeper, faster. It was purely erotic as he was able to create sweet moans coming from your mouth. He got closer kissing you shortly before placing his head near your shoulder and erratically breathing right in your ear.

It felt too intimate, but you didn’t care. You also didn’t care as the furniture gave a little sound with your movements. You didn’t care about the probability of half of Ferrari looking for you right now at the ballroom. You only heard husky ”I missed that”, ”you take me so well” and ”show me how much I do you right shatz” praised right next to your ear.

It was getting sloppy. Your skin and clothing started to get sticky to each other, your breathing pattern was irregular and you weren’t so quiet anymore. Sebastian's movements were more and more firm now, taking you right, fuc- making love to you properly.

”Schatz. fuck. You are- ” you really wanted to listen to him but your head was feeling dizzy. ”You are mine. Never fucking again I will leave you”

”Oh, Seb” You started to cry, You weren’t sure if it were emotions anymore, pleasure or just the sense of relief.

Sensing you were close to German placed his thumb on your clit rubbing it in a circular motion.

”For me? Come for me pretty” he begged trying to kiss you but missing greatly due to his fast thrusts.

The orgasm hit you shortly causing your back to arch and again banging your head by the mirror. Warm pleasure taking over the control of your body felt better than you last remembered. Him being with you, doing this to you was your sweetest curse.

His movements got more irregular and soon he groaned lowly spending himself and kissing you again hotly. The image of his closed eyes and open mouth was undoubtedly an underrated artwork you could admire the whole day, and do everything to see it again and again. You both were going back from your high, catching your breath.

You wish it was simpler, you wish you weren’t coworkers. You wish he could see you the same way and don’t break your heart by confusing you.

”Seb?” you whispered gaining his all attention and eyes on you.

He didn’t say a word just stared patiently at your flushed and wet cheeks.

”I shouldn’t be wanting you”

”Why?” He asked confused frowning his brows, which quite didn’t match his blue angelic eyes.

”If we weren’t in such dynamics it would be easier. I just- it is wrong. It makes me feel bad and guilty” you confessed ”and so tired and confused fighting with you.”

Resisting too.

He hesitated for a moment, his hands gently stroked your back.

”If you think of the reaction of others, well I would lie if I said we should fuck them. But remember, it is about you. You make decisions about your own life. You cannot just live and be people pleaser all the time. You believe you are doing something wrong because someone told you it must be, we cannot choose what we like, can we?”

”Or we love,” you said without thinking.

Sebastian looked at you with visible terror in his eyes. It was not supposed ever to leave your lips.

”Don’t play with me” he said quietly resting his forehead against yours and closing his eyes.

You kissed him and stroked his hair gently. It was in mess now, the strands of hair falling on the warm forehead were wet from sweat.

”Please, you can- may, continue, Sebastian”

”I think” he started with a puzzled expression ”that we just fucked a couple of minutes ago”

”Again, please” you looked at him sadly ”I don’t want to leave, go back to those people. I want to stay with you”

Stay with you for eternity. I missed the feeling of being in your arms,

I wish I could never leave them.

You thought but you had enough sanity not to say.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi sex witch, this might be worded weird but how do i like... stop being horny? in the moment i mean. like it just happens sometimes and i have things to do and i'll get distracted and jork it and it doesnt help at all. i tried a cold shower once and got sick :P idk if that's a real thing or just a tv tropes thing but i was desperate. anyways uh tldr how do i stop wanting to jork it when i have non jorking obligations like homework that need my full attention

hi anon,

there's not really an effective way to stop ever being horny, but here's the great news: horny, like any other desire, is something that we can learn to ignore when they're not appropriate for the setting.

as young children, we learn to manage all kinds of impulses: full screaming crying fits aren't always the right response to minor disappointments or injuries, no matter how much we might want to throw ourselves on the floor and wail. sometimes we need to resist the urge to snack, because we'll ruin our dinner and hurt our tummy if we eat too much. as inconvenient as it might be, at some point most people have to learn to locate a toilet instead of simply shitting or pissing themselves wherever they happen to be. heck, horny is even something that some kids learn to manage to an extent: some children start playing with their genitals at a very young age, and have to learn at some point - unfortunately, often through shaming from caregivers - that touching themselves in that way isn't considered acceptable in front of other people.

the result is that by the time you're old enough to be using tumblr, you're likely pretty good at resisting urges that are tempting but ill-timed. you know that you shouldn't scroll on your phone while you're driving or take a nap in the middle of work, and are hopefully able to resist such urges.

it's the same thing with being horny, dude. no need to chase the urge every time it arises; it will pass.

[iplaywithstring]

Mind-Shelf Theory

I was talking with a friend about this a while ago, and it's been running around my head ever since. I wonder if others might relate and find it helpful.

Every day we have experiences, and usually our minds do a good job of processing those experiences - connecting them to the past, organizing them as memories, updating our understanding or whatever. However, every now and then, something comes up that is a bit more complicated. These things get put on the mind-shelf.

The mind-shelf is the mental version of that place in your home where things get put so you can "deal with them later". And just like the physical version, sometimes the mind-shelf gets cluttered and overwhelming. You can find yourself falling into any sort of distraction or other activity possible in order to avoid thinking about (or dealing with) your mind shelf.

Because, really, what does "processing" mean?

The simplest way I can put it is that when we process something, we are able to relate it to other things, understand our feelings/thoughts/reactions to it, and it will have an appropriate effect on us in the future.

How do you process things on your mind shelf?

Notice:

are you feeling restless, anxious, or otherwise "twitchy"?

Are you spending more time distracted, busy, or escaping?

Is there something you are trying not to think about?

That might mean your mind-shelf is cluttered and you have some things to sort through and process. If you're an internal processor, get in a comfortable/safe situation (under blankets, in a bath, with a stuffie, whatever). If you're an external processor, grab a journal or a friend, or maybe go for a walk while going through these questions.

What happened? - what incident/activity/conversation brought up complicated or uncomfortable thoughts/feelings?

What is it connected to? - this can be people, events, fears, etc. Maybe it's the same phrase that teacher you didn't like used, maybe they smelled like that one person you dated. Maybe it connected to a fear or insecurity you had.

What is missing? - usually things go on the shelf because we need something else to be able to deal with it. Quiet time, better sleep, more information, support from a friend etc. What would make thinking about this easier?

What can you take forward? - Is there a realization or a lesson here? Have you understood something about yourself or your relationship?

What happens next? - Ok, so that happened, and you had thoughts and feelings about it, now what? Do you need to take practical steps? Have a conversation? Forgive yourself? Get some comfort? Apologize? Accept it? If it needs resolution, what does that look like?

In practice it might look like this:

That conversation brought up a lot - I felt uncomfortable and kind of shamed (1). It reminded me of talking with x and always having to be the one to take responsibility (2). I guess I'm feeling frustrated and also not listened to, and I don't want our relationship to be like that(1/2). I need to make sure I'm reacting to the situation that happened and not the things I'm worried about or that have happened with other people (3). This is a good reminder to communicate more clearly, I trust them enough that I can ask for clarity when I'm unsure (4). Now I think I'll go talk with them and let them know why I reacted so strongly and make sure we're on the same page (5).

Sometimes there isn't an answer to all the questions, and sometimes you need to try a few times to go through the process. Other times, it can be pretty simple, and the questions are a reminder to check in with yourself and take your own feelings/reactions seriously. Your feelings are there to tell you something, and we don't always take the time to listen to what's going on behind the immediate response.

[phoeebsbuffay]

Imagine you work with Hayden Christensen and… you fall in love with him.

Warnings: fluffy, comfort/light reading, filled with old cliches.

***

You are in that moment of your life where daydreaming about men in general has long lost any sense; when flirting happens you sabotage it: when you just enjoy solitude, even though there is this small part of you that never really quit that romantic side.

Nevertheless, at long last you are working hard, so there is little time to think about those things. You work so hard, however, that family and friends warn you about your mental health. But you dismiss their concern. You just like occupying your mind, is all.

Hayden thinks likewise. After divorce, romance has long disappeared out of his sight and mind. Of course, he engages in casual flings every now and then, but even so it’s been… what? Two, three years since he actually got laid?

Not that he minds. His return to “Star Wars” saga, or rather his come back to acting in general, besides his daughter, have been the main reasons to let him busy enough to such nonsenses.

But it so appears that destiny holds something different, though… And so, dear reader, we are invited to investigate how this will roll.

Today is the first day of the filming of a movie that Hayden is starring after finishing his work at “Ahsoka”. So as he arrives and you too, such paths collide.

You, distracted, just tumbled when Hayden, who happens to be nearby, quickly comes to aid you, thus preventing a worse fall to occur.

“Whoa whoa, calm down, take it easy Miss”, so he says, concerned.

“Oh thank you, sir. Disastrous me, uh?”, you joke in response, getting a smile from your savior.

“Aren’t we all sometimes?”, he chuckles. “Glad I could be of help, otherwise that would be such a fall.”

“Indeed. Mondays are…Mondays. Suppose my body has been, well, getting used to the routine”, when you realize this handsome man is talking to you, actually engaging to a silly conversation like this, you start to ask yourself if being that far from the single market got you mental.

But this is not a thought shared by Hayden, who, however, does find you a beauty, quite taken with your y/c eyes and your smile.

“It happens to the best of us", he agrees. "Specially after vacations. I'm Hayden, by the way. What's your name? I'm afraid we have not been introduced."

You smile, somewhat shy mostly due to the embarrassment of the situation. Nevertheless, you offer your hand for him to shake. As he takes and shakes it, you speak:

"Nice to meet you, Hayden. I'm Y/N. Are you working with us on this project?"

"Yeah. I got the main role, in fact."

It's when you realize...

"Oh." You try to mask your shock, but Hayden sees it--and truthfully he finds your disconcert adorable. "Of course. Welcome, welcome. It is indeed not a most appropriate moment for us to meet".

"Allow me to disagree, Y/N. The timing could not be better."

One smiles to the other. This is where the fun begins indeed...

***

You should know by now that if a conversation was merely enough you wouldn't keep every single detail running in the back of your head. What are you, 18? But could you help yourself, though?

When you speak, he actually listens; he does pay attention, he is there. He is not asking nonsense questions or anything of the sort. Because Hayden is interested in what you have to say.

Despite finding himself a handsome man whose company often brings you delights, you don't dare to harbor any sort of feelings mostly because of your old scars.

Yet, there is one detail that keeps hammering your head, bringing you to reason so you don’t get yourself too dreamy about it: he is, for all effects, your coworker. Therefore, all he can be for you is a friend.

And you force yourself to content with that.

“Hey Y/N, can I talk to you?”, he asks you one day. There is concern in his eyes, which leads you immediately to wonder it’s related to work, but the way he smiles at you at the same time makes your knees weak.

Oh, holy shit.

“Of course, what is it?”

“I would like to know what are your thoughts about these lines”, he shows you the script. “I’ve been considering changing some to this. Listen up.”

It’s difficult not to be captivated by his passionate speech. You don’t think you’ve met someone as interesting as him, or as intelligent. He loves what he’s doing and is always seeking to improve. You learn from these traits too, aware that you have always to be the best in what you do, but not in a competitive way: only in one where you overcome yourself by getting better daily.

Unbeknownst to you, Hayden appreciates that you do actually hear him, seeing him as who he really is and what he aims to be. You are sincere, kind and decent: qualities he appreciates in a woman.

But because you two are co-workers, all he can do is find excuses to speak to you because insofar he lacks the courage to ask you out. Specially because he’s still unsure how to get himself in a possible relationship after he got divorced—even though he’s been divorced for a long while now.

“I think you are doing a great job”, you tell him after you two share some ideas. “But I also think you are working too hard. I mean, so am I, it’s been crazy days. Do you like coffee?”

And just like that it comes out. You don’t even think twice, it blurts out naturally. Hayden doesn’t see it coming too, finding rather charming the panic that starts to rise in your eyes once you realize what you said.

So it’s reciprocal.

“I do, yes. This weekend my daughter is staying with her mother because it’s her grandparents’ wedding anniversary, which means I’m good with hanging out after work”, his smile spreads when seeing a blush coloring your cheeks. “Does it work for you?”

“Coffee on a Friday evening? 5pm?”

“Yeah.”

“It works just as fine”, you beam.

“Great. I’ll see you soon!”

***

It’s Friday. You try to act casually, giving double focus in your job. But whether you spot him acting or speaking to someone of the crew, your heart races and your body reacts in a teenage manner that makes you blush violently.

You struggle to be discreet but damn it, that owner of such a pair of blue eyes is too handsome. You sigh deep down and there you have it: the return of your romantic side.

“Hello, hello! Back to Earth, Y/N Y/LN”, you hear your boss teasingly calling you.

You don’t know, but there is already gossip between some of the ladies of the production part, because apparently you are not entirely discreet when it comes to Hayden. Naturally, however, no one is speaking it in front of you even if your boss is tempted to tease you about it.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been a little out of…”

“…the radar? Yeah, I can tell. Is there something amiss?”

“Not at all”, you lie. “It’s been an intense week, is all.”

“You’ve been working hard indeed”, he agrees. “Keep going, you’ll go far, my dear”.

He pets your shoulder before leaving you to your thoughts: certainly you didn’t expect to hear such a thing. But what do bosses know?

You sigh. At least Friday is coming soon.

***

Hayden dresses fancifully for this day, even though the coffeeshop you are going is one like Starbucks. He does want to impress you, though. Curious is how he feels alive after a long time off the market for some silly reasons.

But today is the day. Once his filming ends, he comes after you, praying he’s not entirely antiquing in matters of dating. However, every doubt dies when seeing how big your smile is and how sparkly your eyes are. Clearly you don’t know how expressive you can be.

“Hey, Y/N.”

Your heart races when he addresses you. A smile comes naturally as a result.

“Hey, Hayden.”

“Let’s go?”

“Yeah.” As you two walk side by side, you start to wonder whether you are a grown woman or what, because this man makes you weak every time his eyes are set on you. “How was your day?”

As he side eyes discreetly at you, you cannot know that Hayden is thinking almost the same. Charmed by your presence, your enigmatic aura draws him to you, despite his fears of starting a new relationship—or perhaps is he misleading himself in desiring so?

“It was good, thank you for asking. Had fewer scenes today, but those were more intense per usual. I suppose you could tell that because I didn’t have the time to come to you as the rest of the days…”

He smirks at how adorable you look when going pink.

The coffeeshop is not so far, so it doesn’t take you a long time to reach it. Once you do, you and Hayden pick a discreet table that are not too much at the people’s sight.

It’s not until both of you order for black coffee and a piece of lemon cake that you engage in proper conversation.

“Indeed I’ve noticed you’ve been quite busy. That’s what you get for being the main star”, you smirk in tease, pleased for bringing him to laughters.

“What can I do? I try my best”, he responds in an amusing tone.

Does it feel like it’s going too fast? Neither could tell. You and Hayden speak as if you’ve been more than friends over years. Without your notice—or even his—, he takes your hand and gently locks fingers with you.

Between one exchange of glances here, some laughters there, you just know. It’s scary, it’s frightening for sure, but you know.

He is the one.

So what now? Well, you panic internally and opt not to tell anything. Just in case…

***

“You’ve been dating her for what, five weeks now?”, says Ewan when meeting Hayden for some heads up.

“Yeah, I have. She’s a really nice girl, I mean… I haven’t brought to laughters for a long time”, Hayden smiles as he remembers the last date you two had together. “She’s funny and her wit doubles her beauty, you know.”

He chuckles.

“Hayden, my friend”, Ewan places a hand over his friend’s shoulder. “Why are you wasting your time? Ask her to be your girlfriend. I am surprised she’s this patient, honestly.”

“Well me too”, he admits it. “But I wasn’t entirely sure…”

“It’s always appropriate to have some good sense and caution, but fear only holds back for living… Don’t sabotage yourself. Go for it.”

Hayden looks thoughtful, but in truth… Maybe it’s just time to be impulsive again. Or not so impulsive since he comes to discover he’s in love with you.

***

And here come your insecurities again. You start to question yourself whether you got yourself in this too fast, if there’s something wrong with you, or even if you haven’t learned with your previous experiences in failed relationships yet.

All of this because… you’ve been going on several dates with him and nothing gives you the certainty that he corresponds you. At the same time, if this was casual he’d drop you on the first weeks because you are openly against casual sex.

So today you decide to break things with him. You don’t like uncertainties and your heart is already pained with disappointment when Hayden surprises you by paying you a visit right after you had breakfast on a Saturday morning.

“Hey, Y/Nickname. May I come in?”

“Hayden!”, you cannot conceal your surprise and Hayden may have detected your suspicious, perhaps waiting for the worse. “I wasn’t expecting you coming this early! Is everything all right?”

“Yeah, it is. I know this is unexpected but in truth there is something I wanted to talk to you.”

He hesitates, probably waiting for some reaction from you. As you say nothing, he proceeds:

“I know we’ve been hanging out more than a few weeks. I know it may seem I haven’t made my mind yet about us… The truth is always cliche, too predictable to be denied”, he hurries to short the distance between you two.

“Then tell me if it’s worth the waiting, Hayden”, you whisper, staring down to his eyes as he cups your face. “Or else I will leave…”

“No. I am not losing you, Y/N.” He murmurs firmly. “I love you.”

Your eyes go wide and your mind goes blank.

“You w-what? Are you sure? Are…”

He decides to give you an answer that will shush your doubts, doing so by kissing you fervently as he holds you in his arms.

From that day you both held the certainty in your hearts that you two are meant to be…

***

Epilogue: a year later.

Hayden watches as you take his daughter for a horseback ride, proud of how easily you bonded with her. The scene is precious before his eyes.

“Show me that trick again!”, she exclaims at you as you do some magic with a coin you had in the pocket of your jeans.

You are leading her over her mare in a green scenario, mixed with blue skies and different shades of colors that paint the walls of Hayden’s farm house. There, you live with him, occasionally joined by his daughter, precious Brie Rose, whom you get along just fine—and adore like she was your own.

And to spoil her a little more, you do as requested and she is brought to laughters. Not much later, Hayden joins you two.

“What are my favourite women in the world doing?”, he asks, hugging you from behind as he laces his daughter with a free arm, pressing a kiss on top of her head before doing the same to you.

“Riding a horse”, she tells him excitedly. “All by myself, see? Auntie Y/N taught me well.”

You cannot help at how she calls you and giggle softly. Hayden smiles brightly upon the affection she has developed to you.

“You know what, Brie? Do you think we could do this forever?”

When she turns her face to you two, you see a spark in her eyes.

“Of course! What do you think, auntie?”

You giggle quietly.

“That depends of your father, my darling.”

Hayden gently pulls you against him, a smile growing on his lips.

“Is that a yes?”

“When did I ever see refuse you anything, my love?”

And just like that a new beginning rises in the horizon for this family that you grew devoted to. One kiss and unspoken vows are sealed…

[crepes-suzette-373]

Ichiji can "fear" (or panic)?

A while back I said that something feels funny that Ichiji was visibly sweating when Sanji freed the Vinsmokes from the candy.

Another thing that caught my attention is that Ichiji's face was heavily shaded in that scene, and it's a scene didn't seem to warrant heavy shading for lighting effect.

So, I checked through the artwork for comparison. Here's my artwork related hyperthink.

I'm noticing that when characters are in panic/in distress/experiencing turbulent emotions, sensei draws them with cross hatching on their face. Sure, sometimes the hatching is just "lighting effect", but when there's no intense lighting that warranted that kind of shadow hatching, the hatching means strong emotional reaction.

There's also dark shading for intimidation/horror effect, but based on context that's not what this is either.

Usually the "distress shading" is on the eyes, but sometimes there's more shading on the other parts of the face too. Below are examples of that on characters when in distress, panicking, nervous, or tense:

Well, Ichiji's eyes can't be seen, so my guess here is that sensei chose to cross hatch a large portion of his face (maybe to make sure you can see it?). In these instances, he's the only one whose face has that kind of intense shading when nobody else does, so it's not because of "lighting".

Also, I want to point out again, in the left picture, it wasn't just one or two drops. It was drawn in a way that implies he was sweating very profusely (the drops were dripping off his face). That seems rather intense, if it's not meant to be anything.

Example of comparison:

The only other ones with "stressed out faces" in that scene are Sanji, Bege, and Judge, so Ichiji's oddly shaded face is not lighting. Those three people I specified are feeling emotional pressure/tension in that scene.

(Also, might there be a significance in choosing to also screentone-shade Yonji there? We know that Yonji is rather openly emotional, so this might be something to scrutinise as well)

And if you apply that reading to other scenes it feels appropriate. For example, this part here:

The distress lines being drawn there probably meant that he was also concerned, but he's gritting himself to not linger and stay on track.

He may say "leave her for being weak", but I think that's not what he meant. He's prioritising "the mission" (covering for Caesar and Bege, so the Straw Hat crew especially Sanji can escape) over their individual safety.

Even if it had been himself who was knocked down, I can bet that he'd say the same thing. Stop getting distracted, get going with the mission.

Once Caesar made it out safely with Bege, you can see him also having sweat droplets and sighing in relief.

In the scene when he commands the ship to go, my read of it is that he's feeling the tension of knowing they're going to fight a tough enemy:

He's probably not sure they'll come out of it unscathed, and he's concerned for their safety, but still determined to step in to help. Just like how he's making that same face when saying to leave Reiju and keep going.

The "proof" is that Niji and Yonji don't really do this. Yonji sort of made that face after he did Winch Danton, and he and Niji somewhat do it too when Big Mum screams. Both are contexts of "physical strain" stress, from pain and exerting energy.

Otherwise, they don't have that distressed shaded face even when clearly showing concern:

In that third picture, you can even see that Reiju has the "distressed hatching" on her forehead, in comparison to Niji and Yonji who both don't at all (in the second picture).

Ichiji was making those faces when not under any physical strain, and was actually not making that stress face when Big Mum screams (even though Reiju has that same distress hatching on her forehead then).

My tentative guess is that, while Ichiji might not have empathy/sympathy like Reiju or Sanji do, what he might have is the ability to feel "fear". Maybe adjacent feelings too, like panic or very intense worry that's beyond just concern (Niji and Yonji can still be "concerned" too, as shown above), as well as "relief" in response when the fear is alleviated.

It somewhat fits with what I had dissected in the "thug Ichiji" analysis. He seems angry despite what looks like a smile on his face (I argue it's a sneer, and not a smile like Niji and Yonji were doing). Sometimes, people lash out in anger when they are scared.

Edit: Just wanted to add, to be clear. Yonji has been given the "shaded face", but I meant that it's rather clearly the intimidation one, when he was telling the Straw Hat crew he doesn't want to help Luffy. And I said in the context, Ichiji's shaded face don't seem to suggest intimidation.

The only possible counter I could think of for Ichiji is that "Oh, it's not fear/other emotions, he's just really angry the whole time".

[thefisherqueen]

The doctor knelt beside him and held down the hand lamp which had stood on the table. One glance at the victim was enough to show the healer that his presence could be dispensed with. The man had been horribly injured. Lying across his chest was a curious weapon, a shotgun with the barrel sawed off a foot in front of the triggers. It was clear that this had been fired at close range and that he had received the whole charge in the face, blowing his head almost to pieces

Rather graphic description of the murdered victim here in The valley of fear, which reminds me how, in the whole of the Sherlock Holmes canon, that is actually quite rare. Plenty of deaths of course, yet despite this being crime fiction the level of graphic detail is often quite low, hidden behind more vague descriptions like 'horrible death' and 'terrible sight'.

What we deem appropriate to watch/read at what age comes largely down to the graphicness of a piece of media, assuming that explicitness = potential harm, something which I find somewhat odd. The graphicness of a work is a poor predictor of its emotional impact, after all. I'm currently still haunted by several children's books I read more than two decades ago, while (though I don't like scare effects) horror movies have never once given me nightmares. The minor sound effect of the creaking of the rope in the Granada Holmes The resident patient episode gave me way more creeps than the sight of the hanged corpse. The scene in Dracula wherein Dracula attacks Mina Harker, subdued as it is with its use of metaphor and 19th-century long sentences, unnerved me so much it made me feel physically ill for hours after. It guess what moves us comes down to a complex mix of our personal triggers, vividness, culturally inspired fears and the amount of emotional connection we feel towards the characters subjected to the horrors.

Choosing the amount of graphicness for a work as a creator is not just a creative choice, it is impacted by all kind of considerations. Shielding audience from graphic horrors, or 'prettifying' them, can feel insincere - isn't life itself filled with horror? Yet an abundance of detail also has the potential to distract from emotional arcs within a narrative, turning moving stories into surface spectacle played for shock value. Though, sometimes, shocking is the very point - no better way to adress social taboos than to be right-in-the-face with them. Graphicness can also open a work to censure and limit its audience.

Arthur Conan Doyle's writing carreer allowed him to give up his doctor's practise. From what I read so far about his life I gather that he was happier as a writer than as a doctor, and he clearly poured a lot of love and his own thoughts and experiences into these detective stories, but it did mean he had to write for money. His very first Sherlock Holmes novel, A study in scarlet, was written as a commision. It meant his stories should appeal to a wide audience. I think it's reasonable to assume that Doyle couldn't allow to shock his readers too much and therefore held back on graphic detail.

[feakwierdodotgov]

I have a staring problem :(

I am always getting distracted by random subconscious things or messages from my peripheral vision, and I can tell it’s intimidating when my corneal attack lands on another person’s face. I tend to start glancing over at the people who stare back at me, but it’s out of compulsion. This leads to me making the person uncomfortable, they avoid me in the hallway, start putting their head down, turn away when they realize they’re in my open view, etc. I genuinely feel bad for all of these people and wish I could easily put a stop to this bad habit on a dime, but I slip up sometimes when I forget to consciously track my eye movements. While it’s never happened to me, and likely never will, feeling/being objectified or sexualized by someone I don’t want that from would make me very intimidated, irrationally upset and uncomfortable. It would be very easy for me to say “Well, you’re gonna get looks from people sometimes and you just have to deal with it.” but I don’t think that thinking applies well to my specific situation. My looking at people is very compulsory and happens way more often than is appropriate or that I am even okay with (Imagine how OTHERS feel). SO, while I wish I could lend a hand to the people I accidentally stare at from time to time, I don’t have any idea on how to build a net wide enough to cast on everyone I’ve effected with my staring. If anybody has any tips, they would be greatly appreciated. Keep in mind I am very socially anxious, so I plan on just working on this habit myself rather than talking to these people individually.

[tcclsblog]

How to Provide Emotional Support

Emotional support is crucial to caring for our loved ones, especially during challenging times.

It can be expressed verbally or through actions such as giving a hug. Offering genuine emotional support requires empathy, compassion, and understanding. Drawing from Buddhist teachings, we can cultivate a deeper understanding of emotions and apply mindfulness practices to support others genuinely. 

Buddhism sees emotions as transient states of mind. Instead of suppressing or indulging in emotions, we aim to observe them with mindfulness and non-attachment. This allows us to approach emotional support with clarity and equanimity, knowing that all emotions are impermanent.

Here are a few practical ways to provide emotional support inspired by Buddhist teachings and psychological insights. 

Pause and Reflect on Your Own Capacity 

Before offering emotional support to others, assess your emotional well-being and capacity to provide that support effectively. Prioritising yourself allows you to offer more genuine and compassionate support because you have built the foundation for effective caregiving. It also sets a positive example for healthy boundaries and self-care.  

Reflect on questions such as: 

How am I feeling mentally and physically? 

Am I emotionally stable enough to provide support? 

Why am I offering support? 

To offer sustainable support, you must first recognise your own limitations and boundaries. For example, imagine a friend confiding in you about their struggles with anxiety. Before offering support, take a moment to check in with yourself. If you're feeling overwhelmed or emotionally drained, it’s okay to inform them about your limitations. Reassure them that you still care about them, acknowledge what they are going through and offer to support them later. This is not about avoiding them; instead, it is helping them from a place of stability and well-being, enabling a more genuine and empathetic kind of support rather than one driven by obligation. 

Practice Mindfulness 

Mindfulness is being fully present and attentive to the present moment without judgment. When providing emotional support, we can apply mindfulness by fully immersing ourselves in the present moment, listening with undivided attention, and tuning into the other person's experience without preconceived notions or distractions.  

How do we practice mindfulness when providing emotional support? 

Active listening: Be fully engaged with the speaker, don’t be distracted and show genuine interest. Before you respond, take deep, mindful breaths, then summarise what you have heard to show that you understand. 

Non-judgmental awareness: Adopt a non-judgmental attitude toward the other person’s emotions and experiences. Don’t impose your opinions or solutions; instead, create a safe space for them to express themselves authentically. 

Ask open-ended questions: Instead of yes-no questions, ask open-ended questions like “How are you feeling today after you met with HR?” to encourage conversation.

Self-compassion: Be compassionate to yourself. Acknowledge your own emotional state and reactions. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when faced with challenging emotions. 

For example, if a loved one comes to you and shares their struggles with depression, approach it mindfully. Give your full attention without interrupting or judging their feelings. Validate what they are going through by saying, "I'm here for you, and thank you for sharing this with me."  

Being supportive doesn't always mean solving their problems. Sometimes, they just need to be heard and know someone is there for them.   

Ask Them What They Need 

We often make assumptions based on our experiences or familiarity with the other person. Before offering support or help, the more appropriate approach is to ask your loved one what they need from you. Do they want practical solutions or simply someone to listen to? By clarifying their needs, you can provide the most appropriate type of support without making assumptions.  

Here are some ways to do that: 

Open, honest communication: Communicate openly and honestly by asking questions like, "How can I best support you right now?" If you are unsure of how to react, you can use phrases like, "I’m not sure what to say, but I’m here to listen and want to continue talking.”

Respect boundaries: Respect their boundaries and personal space. Some may prefer verbal reassurance, while others may appreciate acts of kindness or practical help.

Offer reassurance: Reassure them you are committed to supporting them through their challenges. For example, tell them you are available to listen when they’re ready to talk, provide comfort, or assist them in finding additional resources if needed. 

Express Empathy and Validation 

Empathy involves understanding and sharing the other person’s emotions, like putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. Validation goes a step further by acknowledging and letting the person know that how they feel is normal and okay because you see and understand their perspective. To explain this, imagine this scenario: 

Your friend Sarah has just lost her job unexpectedly, and she’s devastated and uncertain about the future.

Empathetic response: To show that you understand what she’s going through, you can say, “Sarah, I’m sorry to hear about your job. I can imagine how difficult that must be for you now,” or “It’s okay to feel that way.”

Validation of feelings: You acknowledge the validity of their emotions without judgment or criticism. And if you don’t fully understand what they are going through, you don’t dismiss or minimise how they feel. You can say, “It's completely understandable you’re feeling this way, Sarah. Losing a job is a big loss, and going through a rollercoaster of emotions during this time is normal. Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to acknowledge and accept them.”

Next time someone close comes to you with a grievance or a troubling problem, soothe them by acknowledging and validating that what they are experiencing is normal and reassure them of your unwavering support.

Follow-up and continued support

Providing emotional support is an ongoing process that requires consistent communication and follow-up. Make sure to check in with the person in need regularly to see how they're coping and offer continued support as needed.

Regular check-ins: Schedule regular check-ins to see how they feel and offer additional support or resources if necessary. Show genuine concern for their well-being and let them know you're there for them. 

Be present: Continue to be present and attentive to their needs, even after they have passed the crisis or challenging period. Show ongoing support by actively listening, encouraging, and offering practical help when needed.

Encourage self-care: Encourage self-care practices and healthy coping strategies to promote their emotional well-being. If appropriate, offer suggestions for relaxation techniques, mindfulness exercises, or professional support.

In conclusion, providing meaningful emotional support is an act of kindness that requires us to be present, empathetic, and mindful. By incorporating active listening, expressing empathy, and respecting boundaries, we create a nurturing environment where our loved ones or those in need can feel heard and supported. Additionally, integrating loving-kindness (metta) into our interactions can further deepen our connections and foster feelings of warmth and compassion. Remember, while offering support, it's crucial to prioritise our own well-being and seek additional help if needed.

Let’s take these insights to heart and reach out to someone in need, listening with an open heart and offering our support. Together, we can build a compassionate community. 

“May all beings be safe. 

May all beings be filled with loving-kindness. 

May all beings be peaceful.” 

[anarghyasingh]

Types of neurodevelopmental disorders

Neurodevelopmental disorders effects the brain and the neurological functioning of the brain that effects a person’s development. The most common feature about neurodevelopmental disorders is that it occurs during the early stages of development. Hence, they are often seen in children when they are about to enter schooling or during early stages of schooling. This leads to children facing social, cognitive and emotional functioning. It often also leads to children unable to have age-appropriate achievements or behaviour. DSM-5 includes three major types of neurodevelopmental disorders along with others.

Attention Deficit/ Hyperactivity Disorder

Commonly known as ADHD, attention deficit/ Hyperactivity disorder is a neurodevelopmental disorder that interferes with the attention span of people. Main symptoms of ADHD are inattention and hyper activeness. People who suffer from ADHD have a hard time in following instructions or keeping their attention on one thing or place. This disorder is usually diagnosed early on in life but sometimes it is also found during teenage years.  "Common complaints are that the child does not listen, cannot concentrate, does not follow instructions, easily distracted, forgetful, does not finish assignments etc." the NCERT states. Children who are impulsive seem to have difficulty in controlling their reactions to their instant thoughts, as they may not be socially acceptable or harmful to other people. They also face difficulty in delaying gratification and urges, which can lead to minor mishappenings and also major accidents. Whereas hyperactivity can be seen in many ways like a child being unable to sit stationary, the need to keep moving, fidgeting etc. ADHD is usually treated with medications as well as regular therapy, behaviour therapy is considered as the most effective therapy for ADHD. Parents of the patients are also suggested to go to therapy to understand the condition better.

Autism spectrum disorder

This disorder deals with the impairments faced in social gathering or to socialise. People who have autism disorder find it very difficult to interact with other people in a gathering or to understand the set norms of the society or the unspoken rules of conversations. They also have repetitive behaviour and are unable to function in schools and social environment.  Autism is known as spectrum disorder as it has a lot of variations within itself and different types of symptoms varying among people.  It is often diagnosed in the first 2 years of life. Kids who are diagnosed often also face intellectual difficulties. It is also observed that people who are autistic, are often extra-ordinary or a prodigy in one or two subjects, however that isn't necessary in all the cases and remains a few exceptions. Symptoms of Autism are: making very little to no eye contact, appearing uninterested, difficulty in holding the conversation, difficulty in adjusting to new environment, etc. Certain medications along with therapy helps reduce the symptoms of autism however it isn’t totally curable.

Intellectual Disability Disorder

Intellectual disability is another type of neurodevelopmental disorder where a person’s Intelligence Quotient is lower than average. Hence, they have certain cognitive limitations unlike other people leading them to develop on a slower rate. The American Association on Mental Deficiency (AAMD) views intellectual disability as “significantly sub-average general intellectual functioning existing concurrently with deficits in adaptive behaviour and manifested during the developmental period”. The disorder is divided into 4 parts based on the IQ of a person.  The different levels of intellectual disability are: Mild (IQs 55 to approximately 70), Moderate (IQs 35–40 to approximately 50– 55), Severe (IQs 20–25 to approximately 35–40), and Profound (IQs below 20–25). At mild level, people do develop on a lot slower rate than those who don’t have ID yet they are considered to be able to function in the society alone, hold jobs, have families etc.  Although, people at severe and profound level need constant watch and care as they are unable to function on their own. The table below refers to the characteristics of individuals at different IQ levels in Intellectual disability.

[greekmythcomix]

Fantasy Odyssey cast

I’m working on the choose-your-own-path Odyssey book/game today, and I thought a good way of trying to write a bit faster (and stop being distracted by the fact that I have a day off from the world to do with as I like and I’m spending it stuck to the computer) would be to visualise the characters as actors I like. Or at least work out whom I have been visualising all this time. I’ll add to this list as I write other sections.

NB: I live in the UK, was a child in the 90s, and like comedies and dramas, so these are probably going to end up all British and aren’t necessarily going to be very exciting choices! Please feel free to make your own suggestions.

PS: I know there’s a film coming out with Ralph Fiennes as Odysseus and Juliette Binoche as Penelope coming out in a year or so, but that casting is just too serious for me (and Binoche is forever Antigone to me after using her NT run to teach the play for coursework, so…)

--------------------

Odysseus:

Michael Sheen

Odysseus is complicated. Apparently he looks like a country boob, but has a voice that commands all and speaks words like falling snowflakes. He can lie at a second’s notice, but is also loyal and magnetic enough for his wife to have wanted to wait for him all this time. The role needs Sheen: the sheer *range* of the man, who can be sweet *and* prickly inside one sentence. His Nero is terrifying yet also somehow vulnerable. He also looks excellently the part - stocky, sturdy, with a woolly beard and hair (perfect streak of weathered white through the front). He’d be captivating.

Telemachus:

Alex Lawther

I’m a bit sick of portrayals of Telemachus making him a total one-note whinge bag (you know which portrayal I mean in particular) and in the text he’s angry yet well-behaved and does a lot of growing up. He’s been brought up by only his clever mother and her loyal servants/enslaved people so he should be a little soft but sharp around the edges (the suitors are almost all the same age as him give or take a handful of years), and he also takes after his father - Homer really paints that comparison on thick - so he should be clever too.

That’s Lawther in a nutshell.

And, if you look at photos of a younger Michael Sheen, there’s a lot of similarity there, so that works too. (And they’ve both played Hamlet, so that would be fun to talk about)

Menelaus

Brendan Gleeson/ Brian Gleeson

The film Troy rather ruined this one, as Brendan Gleeson played Menelaus rather perfectly for me. Only I’m imagining he gets a lot nicer once he gets Helen back. However, he's rather aged out of the part, but his son Brian is almost old enough to play him (yes, nepotism). In Frank of Ireland he’s a lil bit daft and that’s how I’m seeing Menelaus in Book 4, all memories and wrapped around his wife’s littlest finger.

Helen

Right now, possibly Emilia Clarke, but I’m not certain (see below)

Helen is a confident trickster. She’s effectively been abused her whole life, treated as a prize and a sexual object since childhood, can’t trust anyone, and is now leaning into it (see Book 3). But all she wants is stability. It’s probably a choice a little influenced by Clarke’s former roles, but her apple-cheeked visage and winning smile suggest she can get herself out of trouble by getting men to fight eachother for the privilege.

EDIT: wait wait wait... let's go left-field and get Natasia Demetriou. Her Helen would be manipulative, dismissive, sometimes incredibly sweet and naive but only on the surface. She'll dope you to make sure you don't ruin a good time. She's in charge. Oh yes.

Penelope

Nina Sosanya/Olivia Colman

Our Penelope is so sassy, totally on it (Odysseus-in-disguise praises her as a ‘king’, the highest era-appropriate compliment on her rule he can give), but willing to make way for her son. She’s clever, no-nonsense, totally in love but also a realist. I couldn’t pick between these two brilliant actors so I’m picking bits of them: Sosanya’s needliness and Colman’s ability to dismiss you kindly and both of their wit.

Athene

Ruth Wilson

Calculating, sexy, kind of ruthless. Enough said.

Diomedes

Kayvan Novak

He’s not in it for long, though there’s potential for plenty of flashbacks. Diomedes is pretty serious, businesslike, a bit meat-headed, deadly as a sword between your ribs, and while Novak is a lot funnier than that I think he could pull off the character without being unlikeable.

Antinous and Eurymachus

Timothee Chalamet and… TBD

Ok so technically Chalamet is a teensy bit younger than Lawther rather than older, but it’s within tolerance. I think he could pull off older and haughtier, full of insouciance knowing how much he’s worth compared to the rest of them, and properly intimidating and manipulative. The murder plot the suitors attempt against Telemachus becomes a bit of a dark peer prank, with Chalamet as the leader of a group of obnoxious rich boys who only have one impediment between them as suitors and one of them as king, and I can see a face-off between Chalamet-Antinous and Lawther-Telemachus with Ruth Wilson’s delighted Athene bobbing between them.

Eurylochus and Polites

Simon Farnaby and Jim Howick (Ghosts, Horrible Histories)

Obviously these two need bigger roles than in the original text, so they pop up in the alternate storylines. Eurylochus is smarmy and annoying, and Polites is an adorable yes-man. At one point Odysseus wonders whether or not he should actually cut Eurylochus’ head off, and I can see Farnaby and Sheen facing off in my head. And there have to be some comedic characters in here to relieve the tension.

More like 20 years, amirite?

Eumaeus

Not sure yet. Eumaeus is such an important and underrated character, earnest and loyal to the last, but with the bearing of a prince (as he once was before becoming enslaved). I’m fluctuating between Idris Elba, Riz Ahmed and David Tennant, which is a bit mad, but I’m getting back to writing this bit soon and I may have a better idea after they’ve sat down for an interminable amount of time to eat roast piglet. But, now I've seen Good Omens 2, maybe just Michael Tennant with heart-eyes for Odysseus is pretty accurate.

I am desperate to get Matt Berry in here somewhere. I think he’s going to be Medon the herald, who has covered himself in an ox-hide and is hiding under a chair during the suitor-slaughter. BUT WOULDN'T HE BE BRILLIANT AS AGAMEMNON???

Proteus, god of the Sea

Proteus is both king of Memphis in mythology, but also a sea-god (like Nereus) who shepherds seals and cannot lie. I've made them different characters, but I think they could pull off being played by the same actor. Proteus of the sea is a shape-changer, changing into a lion, snake, water and fire (!), but is often thought of as being half-man-half-seasnake.

Hello Sir Derek Jacobi, I love you but am also very cross with you right now, be a seasnake-seal-shepherd.

I’ll edit this post when I think of more.