#jason and the arrows

[varpusvaras]

Bruce: Now you can live a normal life, fall in love-

Jason: Bitch I'm married already and have a job

Bruce: - and- what?

Jason: I've been married for a while now. My name isn't even Todd anymore, it's Harper

Bruce: ...like Arsenal?

Jason: Yes, like Arsenal. Anyway I have a Q-tech tracker and a panic button on me and I pressed it a while ago

Bruce: What does that mean- oh

Bruce: *turns around*

Oliver:

Bruce:

Oliver:

Bruce: Be reasonable, Oliver

Oliver: No *pulls out his automated arrow turret*

[non-binary-lil-star]

Batman: * enters the room with a bunch of children following behind *

JLA: ???

Green Lantern: Huh

Green Arrow: Batman, who the fuck are these kids?

Batman: Language

Batman: These are my children. Agent A is sick so I had to bring then in

Wonder Woman: I am not acquainted with the hero know as 'agent a'

Aquaman: As long as they don't cause trouble I don't see the issue

Flash: ???

Flash: You don't see the issue? Batman didn't have any kids until not that long ago where did they COME FROM???

Batman: ...

Batman: Oldest one i found in the circus

Batman: Second eldest was born from the shadows

Green Arrow: Wha-

Batman: Third one, i found in the trash

Batman: Fourth one followed me home after I forgot the door open

Batman: And my youngest my ex mailed to me

Aquaman: Mailed??

Batman: I tried to return him but the post office guy said neither Heaven nor Hell wanted him

Batman: Or anyone in Gotham, for that matter

JLA: ...

Flash: ...

Flash: ... sorry I asked

[lovelylonelymoonlight]

Bruce unintentionally dissing the league while praising his kids is so funny to me

Bruce: we need an expert marksman for this job

Oliver: *getting ready to stand up to fully accept Bruce’s praise*

Bruce: Redhood will be here shortly. We also need someone quick on their feet. Luckily Cass is working on a case nearby so we can ask her

[bats-and-the-birds]

Green Lantern: You know, most Superheroes are cornered into the job by moral obligations because of how powerful they are, but... aren't you just like, a normal guy? Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you gave up the vigilante life to just take it easy?

Batman: Well--

Nightwing, suddenly vaulting into the conversation from across the room: No, no, NO, the last time we pretended to be a normal family for an hour, we played Trivial Pursuit and it ended with an arrow through the living room TV. None of us even fight with arrows. We're freaks that need to fight crime, don't take that away from us.

[jetslay]

DC Super-Heroes by Emmanuel Gervasoni.

[goodknifeboy]

I know there are a lot of fanfics about Jason being caught by the Justice League and usually getting bailed out by the batfam, but imagine if it was Brucie Wayne bailing him out:

In the JL interrogation room:

Superman: Alright, Red Hood, who is your supplier helping you move drugs in Star City?

Red Hood, who was undercover investigating a drug ring and got caught in a JL bust and sesnses an opportunity to mess with Batman: Look, I know you guys aren't cops, but can I get at least get one phone call?

Justice league looking skeptical?

Red Hood: You can even monitor it.

Green Arrow: Fine one phone call, but it will be monitored.

Hands Hood a phone

Red Hood: Hey Dad, I got stopped by the Justice League. Could you come bail me out? Really, okay, see you soon. Okay, my Dad said that he would bail me, so could we go over to the teleporters?

Green Arrow: Okay, firstly, we aren't cops, you can't just post bail and get out. Secondly, how would this "Dad" get up here?

Red Hood: You'll see.

Minutes later, Brucie Wayne walks in with a trail of Heroes, trying to explain why he cannot be at the Watchtower.

Superman: Mr. Wayne what are you doing here and how did you get here?

Bruce laying the Brucie persona on thick: Well as one of the Justice League's biggest doners and tech suppliers I have access to the teleporters, as for why I'm here it's to bail out my son. Hi Jaylad!

Red Hood fully expecting Batman: What?

Green Arrow remembering his friend's grief over loosing Jason: Ummmm, Mr. Wayne this is the Red Hood. You know "Bag full of severed heads" Red Hood.

Brucie: Yes, I know he's had some issues with his big feelings, but he's still my sweet little boy.

Superman: And you think that he's your late son Jason Todd?

Brucie: Yes, Batman even confirmed it was him. It turns out that after he died, he was brought back by an organization that planned on using him as a weapon against Batman. But he left them and has been working to improve Crime Alley, I'm so proud of him.

Green Arrow: We caught him in Star City with Drug runners.

Brucie: I'm sure he has a good explanation, don’t you Jaylad?

Red Hood still reeling from Bruce showing up as Brucie and not Batman: I was undercover?

Brucie: See perfectly reasonable, now can I please have my baby boy back? Alfred will be so upset if he's not home for dinner.

Surprisingly, this works , the Justice League is to stunned by this revelation and later confirm this with Batman that yes, the notorious Red Hood is the son of Billionaire, philanthropist airhead Brucie Wayne. Jason, meanwhile, has suffered a huge blow to his cred in the Hero community because of the association with Brucie instead of the Batfam. The bat siblings do not let this go anytime soon.

[sagsunandmoon]

sometimes i think about how in batman arkham knight, when he walks through the gcpd every metal detector goes off. it inspired me to think about just how many metal weapons the bat carries on him at all times, enjoy this:

The JLA on an off world mission, negotiating with an Alien species:

Unknown Leader: “Yes, I’m afraid this meeting is under a no weapon policy, so please deposit them here along with any other belongings” holding a large metal box

Ollie: deposits his bow and arrow, along with a knife strapped to his calf

Diana: following suit, depositing her lasso and sword

The others do as well, the box quickly filling with a range of explosives, swords, knives, handheld traps, etc.

Then it gets to Batman…

He was just going to ignore the order, keeping all of his equipment with him before Diana gave him a sharp look, he sighed-

He started with his batarangs, the team expecting him to move on once they were released from his utility belt, but instead he proceeded to pull 2 from his calves, 2 from under his boots, one across his chest (nobody knew that the insignia could also come off??), and 4 hidden under his cape along his back.

Unknown leader: Alright then, we may procee-

Batman released his grappling hook from the belt, along with 4 explosives, 2 smoke bombs, and an emergency flair, putting them in the box as well.

Barry looked at him with utter confusion in his eyes, yet also nodded, clearly impressed. He moved to turn back to the leader but was stopped when Bruce pulled out even more equipment.

He unhooked one ear of his cowl, pulling out 3 different lock picks, the other ear detached and and became a retractable blade. (no one knew how this was possible).

Just when they finally thought it was coming to an end, he takes out 3 more knives lined in his cape pleating, a can of shark repellent?, an inhaler (for Tim), a small tin of hair gel (for Dick), a snickers bar (for Jason), a glitter bomb (for Steph), weighted gloves (for Cass), sunglasses (for Duke, not because of his power but because someone will ask him about the power and he feels he needs the glasses to complete the look), and a juice box (for Damian).

The box is full, the team is bewildered, Bruce has the audacity to ask for a second box. The aliens audibly sigh.

[dc-gotham-instincts-wild]

Green Lantern during a mission in Gotham: I am too old for this.

Red Hood from where he is vaporizing into the shadows: Then retire.

Batman is the background shadows of this: I raised you well.

[theendlessnessofbeingme]

At a justice league meeting discussing a major threat and if they should tell the public

Bruce: We don’t want to be causing an international crisis. I suggest we keep this information to only a select few individuals outside this room

At the Batcave

Bruce: News flash, we’re screwed

Jason: I knew it! I told you all that those lights weren’t just a league training gone wrong!

[dc-comics-enjoyer]

Dick lets himself into Jason’s apartment the way he always does : uninvited and without knocking. He just wants to drop by and gossip about something Tim overheard Bruce say to Steph that totally contradicts what he told Cass, and Dick's just dying to share the drama with Jason.

He’s halfway through the living room when he hears voices coming from the bedroom. The door's closed. What really stops Dick in his tracks though is the tone. At first it sounds like bickering.

Jason’s voice filters through the door, low and challenging. “You keep running your mouth like that, see how far that gets you, you asshole.”

Roy laughs. “Yeah ? You’ve been saying that for fifteen minutes. Starting to think you just like the sound of your own threats, Jaybird.”

Then there’s a shift. A beat of silence, and Dick hears Roy gasp. “Wait--Jay. Ho--hold on. Fuck—warn a guy !” His voice breaks in a groan at the end.

And then Jason again, “You never want me to. You like it messy.” It’s softer, and there’s something about his voice… There’s something… Oh no. There’s something weird about Jason’s voice. A little too thick. Like his mouth is--nope. Nope, nope, nope.

Dick’s brain stutters especially when there’s another sound from the bedroom. Wet. Inappropriate. So specific. Roy curses again, breathless in a way that makes Dick want to bash his own head into a wall just to forget.

When he’s outside, power-walking aimlessly, he texts the groupchat :

Dick : Reminder !! Knock. Always knock.

Dick : Oh and I need to find a way to bleach my ears somehow :'(

[varpusvaras]

Back to my irregularly scheduled good father(in-law) Oliver content. Maybe I'll write a little piece on how he and the arrows discover that Jason has severe claustrophobia and then learn where it comes from. Jason is canonically even pretty forthcoming about his trauma, actually, but some things are just too much even for him to share. Especially the ones that make him be not in control.

(Pretty sad that this is very light Jason angst in my head compared to everything else that is going on with him and it includes panic attacks and crawling out of your own grave. God someone give that boy a hug)

[batfamhastwitter]

Part 35! I love bats so much guys

Prev ~ Beginning ~ Next

[algernonagon]

Duke: …So, is Two-Face like, B’s ex or something?

Steph: I think it’s more of a situationship? They still seem to have some feelings going on there.

Jason: Yeah right, and get accused of cheating on Selina? I think not. They’ve been dating for as long as I can remember.

Dick: That’s…strange, cause I’m pretty sure he and Clark are married. Big Blue gave him a ring and everything.

Damian: A Kryptonite ring. One that Father keeps in a lead lined safe with the rest of the alien’s bane. Besides, everyone knows Mother’s laid her claim to him already. Only a fool would interfere with such a union.

Cass: Talia and Bruce are about as divorced as two people can be.

Tim: No, you guys are all missing the point. If we want Bruce to have a partner, we need to pick the most profitable option for us. [ pulling up a PowerPoint ] Hear. Me. Out.

—-Later, At the Watchtower-—

Oliver: Bats, why are your kids inviting me over for dinner?

[bats-and-the-birds]

Batfam meets the Justice League fic idea where it's actually just Oliver Queen in Star City attempting to hunt down Red Hood (who isn't even there doing crimes actually, he's just visiting Roy, but Ollie doesn't know this) except every time he tracks him down, he finds another costumed vigilante (Read: Batfam) attempting to get his help for something.

And like, Ollie recognizes them, of course. Because isn't that Nightwing? Nightwing who is actively on the Justice League? Why is he asking an infamous crime lord to come home for dinner?

And then, a week later, he's tracking down another Red Hood sighting and.... that's Red Robin. He's in charge of Young Justice, isn't he? And he just fought Red Hood in an alley and then stood up like nothing happened and bugged him for intelligence on a case he's working, and Red Hood gave it to him?

And it just keeps going down the list until Ollie's at his wits end and partially convinced that a handful of vigilantes on various teams, who he can't for the life of him think of a way they might be connected, might actually be corrupt and working with the mob, then he (begrudgingly) follows reports of another sighting of Red Hood and... that's Batman, arguing with Red Hood but not actually fighting or detaining him, so Ollie sneaks closer and listens to the conversation and... it's the dinner thing again. Family dinner, he hears a few seconds later, and someone named Agent A would really like it if Hood came home for a few hours.

Ollie leaves that situation somehow far more confused than when he started, and he was already extremely confused.

Roy is fully aware that this is happening the entire time and is having the time of his life.

[rolo523]

The missing vigilante

A member of the JL has gone missing and even using all of the JL's fancy tech they still couldn't find them. There was not a trace of them anywhere, it has stumped everybody. But batman knew who he needed to do this.

Batman: *picks up a phone*

JL: Wait what are you doing?!

Batman: *wordlessly dials Tim's number*

Tim: What do you want?

Batman: So.. you know how you found out about me, Nightwing and Red Hood

Tim: *hesitantly* Yes..

Batman: Well it could come in handy right now

Tim: *suddenly very eager* Where do I need to be and when?

JL: *staring on in shock*

Later, when Tim arrives and gets to work, the JL just watch in astonishment as within not even an hour Tim manages to find the vigilante they have been looking for for the past month.

Barry: *to Oliver* Where does he know this boy from?

Oliver: I have no idea

Tim: *from the other side of the room* I forced him into adopting me

And once again the JL is looking on half in shock half in amusement

[murdockbuckley]

no one can convince me brucie wayne isn't the type of celebrity to have released his own songs and so he appears as a guest judge on singing shows and it's always incredibly funny

and everyone thinks he's songs are going to be terrible but they're actually really fucking good

when he's pre-children it's just his vocals and piano playing, sometimes alfred makes a cameo with an instrument or two

then he starts adopting and slowly his songs start to gain new instruments and voices, they start branching into different genres

and some of the songs are really silly and obviously written as jokes by his children, some are heartfelt and heartbreaking

and anytime anyone in his family brings him lyrics he produces and releases the songs no matter what (this includes any of his close friends)

of course any profits gained from the songs are funded to different charities, all specifically chosen by whoever created the song - or if bruce created the song they all chose a different charity and let a spinny wheel pick

oliver queen often challenges bruce to music competitions, knowing he'll lose, just so they can compete and see who can raise more money