#kinda fluctuated between 3 different things..

[dailyhmsw]

loop 259

[genderqueerdykes]

had the consult for my gallbladder surgery. the doctor told me i need to "lose 10 - 15 pounds" before they'll perform the surgery on me, and that I would need to wait 2 - 3 months before they would schedule it. i told her i have PCOS which makes it difficult to lose weight. she told me that does happen, and offered to refer me to a bariatric surgeon who is used to bigger bodies who could perform the gallbladder removal instead. i asked her for the referral to them instead

i was very angry at her for this, as 10 - 15 pounds do not make any difference when you are 300 lbs. my weight fluctuates between 280 - 340 lbs depending greatly on what i've eaten, how much i exercise, and so on. this will also vary greatly depending on if the stone is blocking my gallbladder completely or partially- if it's fully blocking the neck of my gallbladder, i cannot get enough digestive juices into my stomach to properly digest my food, so i will begin violently vomiting to get the undigested food out, and to get bile flowing into my stomach again. i begin to lose tons of weight when this happens, and i put it back on during the periods where i can get enough bile in my stomach to properly digest my food.

i can't digest my food properly. eating "healthier" will not change this- i can't digest food at all, period. healthy or unhealthy, i can't digest anything, because a good half of my digestive juices are completely missing from my guts. there is a functional issue with the way my guts work, of course i will lose weight drastically and put it back on at times. of course the issues will be episodic.

both her and the student that was working with me kept assuming that i said that my pain got worse after "high fat" meals. both of them put this in my mouth-

the student did it first. she asked when the pain gets worse and i said sporadically, but sometimes after i eat. she literally asked me "so you said it gets worse after fatty meals, right?"

i got frustrated and said "no, it's really random." i didn't get to tell her that raw leafy vegetables and lightly steamed or cooked vegetables make me vomit. broccoli and cauliflower that aren't heavily cooked, salads, raw vegetables, lightly cooked carrots, applesauce and apples in general are all problem foods.

the doctor then came in and said "it gets worse after high fat meals, right? you said that" and i went, again, "no it just kinda happens."

i don't even eat a high fat diet. i cook at home now for every meal now that i have all the tools i need to do so. i make rice, fish, pasta, and certain vegetables that i can digest like potatoes, sweet potatoes, onions, mushrooms, and so on. i eat bread, seeds, nuts, dried fruits, and drink oatmilk. i don't eat land meats, eggs, or dairy. i don't have any of those things. i do eat french fries and fish sticks, but not for every single meal. i don't eat chips because they're too salty and irritate my stomach. i don't eat candy or sweets unless the food bank delivers them to me. i don't eat much sugar other than pancakes and certain fruits

she wouldn't listen to me and went "well when you eat fatty meals, your gallbladder has to contract more and it can cause you a lot of pain." you would not believe how many times she came back to "you need to eat a lower fat diet." "the pain gets worse after you eat a high fat meal, so eat lower fat meals and your pain will go down." "just eat a lower fat diet and it'll help."

i just kind of sighed. there were tears in my eyes. i felt defeated. they made a bunch of assumptions just because i was sitting there, being fat. i was wearing long sleeves due to it being cold and they didn't get to see that i have a lot of muscle in my body mass. quite a lot. i wanted to tell them that i'm on testosterone and physically active when and where possible, and that i frequently lift heavy objects and move, but i never got a chance. i wanted to tell them my BMI isn't what they think it is, but i just didn't bother to try

i despise that people assume that fat people are fat because they eat "unhealthy" foods. i ate high fat foods for a few months while i was homeless because i didn't have the resources to cook every single meal. it affected my liver, i'm dealing with some fatty liver. but my gallbladder has more important issues in the form of the literal stone inside. she would not stop pushing for me to eat lower fat meals. all because i was sitting there, existing, as a fat person. i wish i would've told her i can only eat fish and plant matter

i don't understand how a patient telling you they're vomiting and can't keep down certain foods does not sound like a more pressing issue than an arbitrary number. weight as a number means nothing, it tells you nothing about that person's actual body composition. i have trauma with vomiting and yet i'm going to have to keep doing it anyway despite the fact that it could kill me via dehydration or if i just. can't stop

either way i'm very unhappy with result as i already waited for a month for this consult. now i have to wait for a referral for another surgeon to go through, and to do the consult with them, too. all while being in pain and having GI issues the entire time. just because a surgeon doesn't want to take the time to learn how to operate on fat bodies. i'm tired. what a joke

[catboybiologist]

I'm 3.5 months in progesterone. Did it make my boobs grow? Let's look at some data!

So. This data has problems, of course. I've added disclaimers at the bottom. This isn't science, this is personal curiosity.

But anyways.

My HRT progress has been in three distinct stages:

1, sublingual pills, with on and off spiro. Suppressed T, E struggling to get up. Month 0-7

2, Injections, no progesterone. E goes to appropriate levels very quickly and fluctuates within cis female ranges. Month 7-13.

3, all that plus progesterone. Month 13-16 (current).

For the purposes of simplicity, lets look at breast growth only.

Let's take a look at some of those sublingual numbers:

All in freedom units, bc I hate myself.

I mean hey, not bad! There was absolutely some growth and breast bud formation as well. I pretty clearly got to tanner 2 here. But there's an obvious, clear plateau in growth. We can see it graphically as well:

Ignore the blue line, that's different data (waist:hip)

So what broke the plateau? Well.

The blue measurements are taken when I'm on injections and good levels, and the green one is as well (it was my progesterone start date). Apologies for the data jumping around, there were gaps. Also worth noting that I was ~20 pounds lighter on that final measurement.

So after plateauing with sublingual, my E around 100, the only thing that broke through that barrier was dropping spiro, switching to injections, and keeping my E at 200-400.

It is at this point I added progesterone (data in green).

holy FUCK

I genuinely would not have believed it myself if I didn't have pictures, as well as measuring myself now, and also y'know. Lived all of this.

Lets see that graph, shall we?

You can so clearly see the three stages here. The sublingual plateau, the injection bump upwards, and the progesterone fucking moon rocket. The gap in data is when I was backpacking- on injections, no prog. I think the drop in my W:H is also because of the weight I was losing.

Also yes, linear regression is kinda stupid here. I was just curious.

Anyways. I think I might be plateauing again, just based on how my breasts have felt a little less sensitive recently, which is also what happened on my sublingual plateau. But its absolutely wild to see what progesterone (probably) did in such a short time.

So in conclusion:

Yes. Absolutely. And so did injections, and proper levels.

When I encourage people to take an active role in their transition, this is what I mean. Keep track of your levels. If you're plateauing, think about what might be happening. Make sure to coordinate closely with your doctor. Amazing things can happen because of it.

Disclaimers and admissions of data sloppiness below:

This data is sloppy, and rounded to the nearest half inch most of the time. I've also fudged it based on what I reasonably thought was error in retrospect- eg, at one point I thought my underbust had shrunk a tiny bit due to variation in fat and coastal cartilage, but it's all just flickering between 35.5 and 36", so I just put it all at 36 bc that's likely more accurate.

The measurements don't really cleanly correspond to clothing measurements- I've been doing it wrong since the beginning, and kept doing it wrong for consistency. don't infer my cup size based on this lol. This is for internal comparison and trends.

The rounding also makes it more susceptible to "jumping", and there's several instances where a rounded down data point to a rounded up data point makes a more dramatic leap than it would in practice.

And of course, I'm measuring myself, this is one data set, yadda yadda. It's gonna be sloppy.

But yeah. The trends are clear enough that I hope they can be taken as trends at least, even if they're not exact numbers.

[literallyjonathandavis]

hey alterhuman tumblr, i need help again :/

SO ive got two things on my paws,

one, ive kinda been questioning angelkin for a while. But not entirely like the i see a lot of "signs" for angelkin to be like HEAVILY seeking religious and holy validation and stuff like that. i like yeah i may or may not have this special identification with angels and angels are obviously holy figures, but in reality im not that religious? like im not chasing after the cleanliness of god like some describe it. I mainly feel very aligned with having wings, and being ethereal and like this angelic cryptid. so thats that,

and two,ive always kinda felt like different parts of my in general alterhuman identity kinda fluctuate sometimes? like for example, im a vampirekin but lately ive been feeling a little less connected with vampires and stuff, and a little more connected with my wolf theriotype (this is true) does anyone know if theres a alterhuman label for this? bc its kinda bothering me bc it makes me feel like i may not be that theriotype or kintype im disconnected with atm when in reality anywhere between a second to at least 3 day im right back onto it??? idk it confuses me

so if anyone can maybe help me out it with tis stuff it would be very very appreciated <3

-axl the dog vamp rawrr XD

[otherhearted-culture-is]

Hey hey! I'm kinda struggling to figure out my identity :,) can you help me?

I'm pretty sure I'm an alterhuman, I've always had a very strong connection to nature, especially animals. I think I'm animalhearted. As a kid, I absolutely adored dogs. I used to pretend to be one all the time. (My mom told me I once went three days straight insisting I wasn't a human 💀) like- that's gotta be a sign for something, right?

But you see, over time, I've kinda lost that like... Idk how to describe it. That connection? I still like dogs, just not as much. I don't pretend to be a dog anymore, and haven't in years. Without a pet dog, that connection just.. Faded

I've been doing quads for about half a year now, yk, just for fun. But as of like maybe 4 months ago I keep getting these weird like, idrk how to describe it. These like bursts of energy that feel almost like they're not me. I'm still in full control, but that's not coming from me. That probably doesn't make any sense, but yeah. I don't want to call them shifts cus I have absolutely no idea if that's what they are, and they're not super often.

I'm thinking I'm probably doghearted? But now I'm wondering if I'm a dog therian? Idk, I mean I like the dual souls thing, I feel like I have the soul of a dog along with my human one. But I'm having a hard time figuring out if I'm actually a therian or if it's just shifting disease, cus I haven't really experienced this my whole life, and it's only after doing research did I start questioning. I've never really had species dysphoria either. Idk, what do you think? It's probably just shifting disease right? How am I supposed to tell the difference between identifying with vs. as?

Thank you for reading <3

(Sorry this took a while to get to! If you already sorted this out on your own, feel free to ignore this answer.)

There's a few things to address here:

1. Some fluctuation in the intensity of a hearttype or kintype is normal. Though this is extreme fluctuation that also neatly coincides with outside factors, so that's probably not it, I feel it's still worth at least mentioning.

2. I hadn't heard of shifter's disease before I got this ask. It was difficult to find information on, but I did manage to find a definition and a couple of forum posts further detailing the phenomenon by asking around on Discord. I'm not a big fan of the name tbh. I know the comparison it's drawing, but it still feels like over-medicalizing it. But whatever, that's the existing name, so I'll use it. Anyway!

To check for this, I would suggest trying to keep your mind off both alterhumanity in general and your own potentially alterhuman experiences as much as possible for a while. Stop researching, don't spend time mulling over it, and step away from any alterhuman spaces you're active in. You should be able to deduce by whether or not your feelings persist through that whether or not it was shifter's disease.

3. Last but not least- how do you tell the difference between ID'ing with vs. ID'ing as? Ever a tricky one. Corv's otherhearted questioning quick guide has a section dedicated to exactly that question, so it will probably be helpful to you! (But yknow, probably wait about it.)

[thatonegaybrit]

hi gang :3 from the 100 ask game !! 7, 9, 18, 20, 43

; hi nova :3 asking thr hard questions and making me think I see /silly

7. what methods do you use to keep track of your System and it's Members?

hrmmm external resources like simply plural is our main thing, we also have a very basic notes app we all throw information at and occasionally read back on ..

there's also the very reliable sharing information through random conversation and not writing it down method :D

9. Is communication hard or easy for you?

it fluctuates a lot ? sometimes it's as easy as just talking into my head and getting responses, other times it takes a lot of focusing and sometimes it doesn't work at all. I think some of us vary too, like one group can talk really easy and another only manages once a year when the stars align

plus we have a lot of accidental communication/bleedover so I suppose sometimes talking is TOO easy >_>

18. What does switching feel like for you?

we don't really switch ? it's more of always co-front or co-con

but also, a less common thing of feeling like I'm being pulled up and away as another state takes control, and it feels like being in spectator mode 50ft away from the screen ? maybe that's a switch ? I usually forget the details of those too after they've happened

20. What does fronting feel like for you?

I suppose fronting for me is just. being. since I never really leave front, I don't really have a way to describe the difference between that and NOT fronting ?

others have described it as like half n half layering with me to see front or feeling more "them" than me if they were previously co-con. if they're fully co-fronting they can control the body too, and just sense me off to the side ( someone once described it as leaning over in the passenger seat and grabbing the wheel, but most the time for us it's like they're leaning from the backseat and grabbing my arms to then very badly steer the car /lh )

43. How do Members look like in Headspace? (example: Cartoony, Foggy, Realistic, ...)

haven't properly accessed headspace since like the first time I tried forever ago, but they were kinda cartoony* but like .. influenced by their respective show styles, brainmades were weird mixes of appearing both like a random art style and an irl out of sys person

*totally random example but yk teen titans ( 2003 ) ? kinda that ☹️

; i think I rambled on all the answers urhhh they might be illogical urhhmm 👁👍

from this ask game[link]

[bibibbon]

Thanks for answering my ask....If you don't mind me asking (again), can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....

My top 7 favourite media in general actually ends up fluctuating a lot considering that I tend to hyperfixate on one thing and then kinda get a bit lazy and go and try and find something else to hyperfixate on. 

It will be really hard to rank this so Iam just gonna tell you my top 10 in no particular order (again) sorry about that. 

Currently Iam hyperfixating on Jujutsu kaisen I really love the premise of the story and how it's built in this way where the story just repeats itself in different ways. It kinda sends the message of history always repeats itself and if it doesn't it will rhyme in a twisted way. I also love the way gege handles the themes of the story. However, I do think the story has a lot of wasted potential especially centering around themes of misogyny and just female characters in general. 

There is also MHA. I think it has a whole lot of wasted potential as seen when I talk about in my blog I have kinda became a hater on what the manga contains because I feel like it could of been better and we could of had so much more in general but we just don't it's a big let down for me but I love seeing peoples view on the manga and how people would rewrite the series or different aspects in general. 

I also like attack on titan. Yes I do like the ending of attack on titan (controversial but yeah 🤷‍♀️) I think isayama made a great choice in ending the series the way he did. I think the seires follows the idea of history repeats itself especially if people forget history and I love the way he depicted erens character how Eren is both a selfish and selfless fool at the same time. The interactions between the younger and older generation of characters for example Armin and Erwin parallels/contrasts are really interesting. I also love how both Keith and magath were just two sides of the same coin fighting something bigger then them both and both dying together back in the ship felt like a decent conclusion to both their characters. 

Violet evergarden is a great series where the main protagonist has to learn love, the different types of love and how to love. I loved how each episode had its own story that made it very unique and the animation style is flawless. I do have my own problems with the ending especially with violet and Gilbert's relationship (the way they met and the 9year age gap isn't doing it for me) I think the series should of simply ended with violet learning self love and acceptance. 

Avatar the last airbender is a masterpiece of a kids show. The themes it tackles like survivors guilt, imperialism and genocide I think it handles them very well. However, I do have a problem with the way they handled aangs character in book 3 and how they tried and failed to handle the theme of sexaul assault. Katara's character was also done very dirty I wish she accepted bloodbending but understood how it can be helpful and dangerous at the same time. Considering I watched with my sister it does have a special place in my heart and I love the content the fandom creates. 

Percy Jackson was like one of the first books that got me into reading and greek mythology. I love the series from what I remember reading I absolutely love the parallels the series has, how it actually battled certain issues, how it has a perfect balance with humour and seriousness in the books and so much more. I also love the irony that rick puts latter in the hero of Olympus books how every child of the big 3 ends up being scared of their own element is a great touch or the focus on fatal flaws is very interesting how one thing can be your downfall even if it's something good like loyalty. To be honest I always found annabeth and Luke's relationship in the books to be very weird especially with how Luke is 21 and annabeth was like 12 so Iam glad that rick chose to change it when it came to writing the live action. 

Purple hyacinth. Oh if I had to recommend anyone to read a webtoon this is the one that I would recommend. I absolutely love all of the characters and the character development there is. The series concept is amazing ( I don't wanna spoil it so I won't say much) and I love how there is music that goes with the chapters you read, it's just amazing. I hope we get a new chapter soon considering that the author is still on hiatus due to some health issues. 

[demolitionsoulmate]

my gender

This is gonna be a long rant abt my gender so you do have to read it. I just need to say it.

Ok so ive been question my gender/sexuality for like 3-4 years now and i this was kinda it

Oh i'm a bi girl -> im pan girl -> lesbian -> pan she/they still a girl but queerer

Then like i was more worried about trying to figure out my sexuality right cause like i wanted to be kissed before my 16th (that didn't happen) 

Then like maybe mid 2022 i started thinking about gender and i knew 2 trans people but i was kinda like no that can't be me flashforward to march 2023 i got in to will wood and i was like ‘no way i'm in anyway trans but if i could be him i would’ and i like said to myself that i just thought he was attractive?? Then the same thing happened with the character jesse st james from glee which was even weird because there was no way i would want to date him, so thats when she/they pronouns came in i put it in my bio. Then kids from my class found out and made fun of it so i changed em back to she/her. 

Then since like september last year it feels like minimum weekly i’d either not be able to stop thinking abt gender or take way too many ‘what's my gender quizzes’ 

And like i feel its alway been in the day of my head, but its becoming more prevalent since then ive been like could i be non binary, genderfluid pintrest boards. At the beginning of the year i cut my hair again, which felt so good,.

So now somedays im having thoughts like ‘oh my fucking god why cant i drink something and be a guy’ ‘please for fucks sake’ though im nor sure id like to be a man im not 100% sure im a girl (im moving further from that). But like if there was like a magical thing i could drink do idk that would turn every inch into like robert smith between 1983-2004 id do it so quickly omg. 

And like it kinda hurts that i'm not idk (and ive never felt this for any girl celebrities)

And i kinda think they are also there those thoughts but some days theyre less i thinks thats just cus im distracting myself though i dont know i could be fluid. 

But i dont want to be any guy like the men in my family most of them are big i cant think of a better word then buffheads more so my dad but i could just not want to be like them i dont have a good relationship 

I dont think i HATE being a girl- i don't love it i like some parts but i dont think its things exclusive to girls say cause gender norms n stuff. 

I dont know if i have dysphoria because that fluctuates but im vision impaired so if i dont try and look at my body i forget some of it exists i really dont like my boobs or how clothes sit on my body think i like okay with having a cups (that i could easly hide if i wanted to  i dont but that cause also be cause by the pain they cause me.

My waist i like but only because that's the part of my body thats skinnest like my body was less shapely but that skinny id be elated.

But especially o the days i think abt it more but also all the time i do wish for more masc features eg adams apple more angular face bigger hands etc etc.Voices of weird one because my voice is in mezzo soprano range my speaking voice however in chest voice is kinda low  but I was self-conscious about it growing up because it made me stand out in different even though really it wasn't I think I just thought people were staring at me for no reason.  I think I only like my voice when I'm singing when I'm acting because I can imagine myself playing characters who aren't me but idk but if it was lower like high baritone or tenor id be like so fucking happy.

And like i Kind of want to try dressing differently but I can't because a I don't want my family to know certain pieces of clothing would be mens Not that they have a problem with it I'm assuming they could though but they probably just want to talk about it and I would not but also like  I remember one time I was at the shop called Factorie  and I wanted to get the Black Parade t-shirt but it was a mens shirt  and my god the amount of anxiety I had and the amount of people that I felt were staring at me I almost had a panic attack. 

And like I feel like if I ever did do anything about gender irl  I'd run away from everyone I know and cut of connections again not because I feel like they'd be bad about it but just I've built this thing around myself so long and I don't think I could even my queer friends like i dont know  my parents I'd feel like I'd be letting them down, and like 

But also so much for my childhood makes sense

Like when I was about 8 I got eczema for the first time and my first thought was ‘oh im turning into a boy… shit what am I gonna tell my parents’  which I don't even know why my brain made that jump but i hated my boobs sometimes more then others Once they got past a certain size,  when I had a pixie cut and a couple people in the street would mistake me for a boy felt exposed ‘like shh don't tell’ 

But I was also such a girly todder/ child  from like ages four Tube8 I would pride myself on being the girlest girl never wearing pants  because I kind of think it was trying to win that competition but I don't know         

I don't think anybody read this whole thing but if you did help me out or don't I don't care but I just needed to vent this 

m

[itzpristelle]

Do you have many canon ships in your AU?

Canon is kinda tricky mate. Canon means I actually have a solid story to reference. And uhh… a lot of the information I have about my AU is just scattered in my brain. I do have a document to scribble down my thoughts into but I still have so much more than just that and it’s basically just a mess. So for the purposes of this ask, I’m just gonna assume that what you mean by canon is the ships I’m most sure of.

So do I have any? Kind of, not really. I’m a multishipper, so I fluctuate between different ships quite a lot.

Sometimes I ship polyboys with all 3, sometimes it’s just Vinnil or even Sepper. Sometimes Zoe x Digby is appealing, other times I’m in a Pepper x Zoe mood. I frickin’ adore Pomela x Shahrukh, but Shahrukh x Sunil is also super cool.

BUT! I do have a few things I’m sure of, at least.

ReddSprinkles, for one. It’s kind of hard for me to imagine either of them with any other characters other than each other. Human AU or otherwise.

There’s also Genghis x Tootsie, which, y’know. But I barely talk about them anyway (unless it’s Tootsie in Hazy Summers) so.

I guess there’s also the pre-established marriages. Like my Eliza x Fisher (the Biskit parents) are still happily together. There’s Roger x Betty (RIP).

But I guess that’s mostly it.

Thanks for the question, anon! Really got my mind into gear.

Y’know, I would loveee receiving asks about my Human AU. Blythe and her friends, the Biskit family, the humanized characters… I know I mostly just draw, but I would be so excited to finally let out all the thoughts I have on it. Because thoughts? I have many.

[edengoesmeow]

hjhkhkjhjkhj WHY IS QUESTIONING SO ANNOYING UGHGGHGHHHHH

low key questioning different labels and such is so frustrating cause WHY WONT ANY DESCRIBE ME?? im tweakin fr

so, my gender experience (as of now) is this:

im a trans boy (ftm) but also non binary.

i don't get much gender dysphoria (lets freaking gooo!!) aside from periods and my chest. im simply just a guy in my head. yes, I was fem presenting in the past, but even so I was still a boy. now im just making the switch to present more masc. that's pretty much it for me.

btw an important thing to note is that I actually feel comfortable presenting masc, fem, and androgynous. also fem clothes are cute asf and make me feel cute asf!

for my non binary-ness. it fluctuates, sometimes I have no gender, sometimes I'm fem but not a girl, sometimes I'm fully a boy, sometimes I'm in between. so I've settled on genderflux as my label!

also, I do not care what names or pronouns I'm called. even though I prefer he/it/they, at the end of the day, idc! although if I'm feeling dysphoric and someone purposely calls me she/her I will crash out

my sexuality though...OH MY GOODNESS I CANNOT FIGURE THIS DAMN THING OUT HKGHGHJHGJHGJGJGGKG

alrighty...so...I like men, that's for sure. historically I've only liked masc presenting folk in the past and present, and all of em were cis aswell.

although I'd be open to dating anyone regardless of their gender or what they present as. (my single pringle ahh </3)

ALTHOUGH!! it is pretty clear I like mascs more then fems.

so I don't freaking know smh (I've considered Omnisexual, Androsexual, Pansexual)

i think Omni is the best for me, since its kinda just "everyone but with a preference"

Andro is a no bc idk, just no. even though it mostly fits what I feel.

Pan is an ABSOLUTE no bc its "regardless of their sex or gender" but gender definitely plays a role in my attraction to someone.

or maybe I can just say "I like mascs, but would be willing to switch it up a bit"

[snowbebbie]

16 April 2024

Food:

- Small Iced Milo (Didn't finish)

- Split: Japanese beef, Egg, Rice, Mala Fish and Vegetables (This was so weird)

- 2 Ribena Pastilles (14 calories?!)

Exercise:

3.88km jog

- 15 x 3 Hammer Curl to Shoulder Press (4kg)

- Bicep Curl 10 x 3 (4kg)

- 12 x 3 Lateral Raises (3kg)

- 15 x 3 Weighted Lunges (5kg)

- 10 each leg Single Leg Bench Squats (3kg)

- 10 x 3 Hammer Curls (3kg)

- 15 x 3 Weighted Squats (7kg)

- 10 x 3 Kettlebell Deadlifts (24kg)

- 10 Deadlifts (30kg)

- 20 Sit Ups

- 50 x 4 Crunches

- 40 + 20 sec Dead Hang

Journal:

Tempted fate and did a weigh in. I'm now 54.5kg which is a drop but my body tends to fluctuate between 51 to 56kg on its own. 5kg is a lot but it doesn't really show in my body for some reason. but hey, a W is a W. also plus the fact i have more muscle now!! probably means i lost more. i don't know if im delusional but i feel like i can see a difference in my arms and legs.

I seem to be doing better in the gym, i think i can push it to 4km. jogging speed of 7.5ish, sprint speed of 12ish and walk speed of 4.5ish. my first hand hang couldn've been longer, but i thought i felt something tear in my arm so i dropped LMAO

old man talked to me when i was trying to pick up heavy weight. i saw him looking at me after. eugh.

but anyways i finally made it to the other side of the gym!! i deadlifted (rep) 30kg!

after the gym, i went to chill at burger king and got myself a ice milo. i drew a bit and went home.

at home, i showered and laid on the bed a bit, fell asleep, and ate dinner at like 9pm LMAOOO

dinner was so weird. it was kinda spicy and hot and not very tasty. never again. i had a bit of that then some normal japanese beef rice and egg. i didn't finish the rice on both to equal out the fact i had rice from both containers.

wanted something sweet after that and almost grabbed a lemon biscuit thing but thats 110 calories and i know dinner was probs a bunch so i put it down. (i hate spending calories on stuff i don't like eating) had two ribena pastilles instead.

[strangebrew]

like case in point take these two for example (both from panther sentinel '67 and hit parader april '69 respectively). like the first one is insanely ironic considering the fluctuation between dependency on certain members in the group vs. the strive for independence in csny. like ive already talked about this but retaining a sense independence and individuality in a band is hard but stephen thinks this should be the ideal? in a way? i'm gonna be so real the obsession that they all have with their individualism and keeping that in the group is very american. all this shit is textbook american individualism

AND THE SECOND ONE okay for context this was from an article about neil going solo after buffalo springfield. theres so many lines from these newspapers, especially the interview sections, that say SO MUCH about these people in such a simple way. looking past the fact that "Stephen is out of town so much. If I could just see Stephen, I'd really like to see him." is an insanely divorced thing to say this whole paragraph says so much about neil and stephen. like there's a lot happening there with neil's alienation and isolation (which is kind of a cycle he's in but thats another post) with neil feeling alienated and then isolating himself because of that alienation but also. it really shows how even though stephen and neil are incredibly similar they are also incredibly different in regards to how they feel about their careers and their scenes

ok this post is getting too long and im not making sense im kinda just word vomitting. but anyways if you would like to read the articles for yourself here's the links: panther sentinel (page 3, it's mostly just a concert review) and hit parader (page 15, this is actually a great article and i highly recommend reading)

you know with all the csny deep dives ive been going on on archive.org and jstor with all the newspapers on there youll find hidden gems that are hilarious like i already posted about but youll find also newspapers from 67 or whatever with lines in them that have crazy foreshadowing or just further prove how doomed these guys were from the beginning

[princetofbone]

Summer Studying Tips

As it around the time schools get out for summer, I wanted to share some tips I’ve learned over my many years of doing summer math homework and writing essays for various purposes. I’ve done this enough to know that there are really fucking painful ways to do it and ways that don’t suck nearly as much. Lets get cracklakin!

Timing:

- Ideally you should start early. This post is happening at the start of summer because you should start your studying at the beginning of summer. I like to organize my workload in a bell curve for maximum rest and least amount of cramming at the end. This means that you are starting the summer with a smallish amount of work (to rest and do fun things to reset from the schoolyear), and doing more and more every day as the summer progresses (helps stave off boredom and gets things done), and then start doing less to re-rest yourself so you can be fresh and ready for the next year. All of this while still being finished with no need to cram a bunch of work in at the end of the summer.

- While this is a different aspect of “timing” it is, in my opinion, more important.  Have a set time (or many set times you rotate between) to do your summer work. Make sure this time is not when other people are going to be inviting you to things or when you can hear or see people outside doing fun things. For me, this means at four or five in the morning. I wake up and get as much done as I can before six, then have the rest of the day to relax without worrying about  having to do anything. This method was practically beaten into me, so I kinda hate it, but I can tell my father to go fuck himself and still use tools he forced upon me. I know many people who only work at noon because they like sitting outside in the morning sun and they hang out with friends in the evening. Overall for this one, just make sure that the time you pick isn’t a time where you typically do something because the worst feeling in the world is fomo while studying- it kills nay and all motivation.

Location:

I feel like every study tips post known to man says something or rather about how important location is- and it is super important! Like super super important! but no-one talks about why it is so important. And that good locations for studying depend on who you are and how you do work. I personally struggle to work in cafes because I can hear people talking and I’m nosey as hell. I have friends who can’t work in libraries because the quiet + book noises freaks her out. I can’t work in my kitchen because its nearly impossible for me to focus there. the main things I think about before I try working in a new space are 

1) how loud will it be

2) what kind of noise will it be

3)have I spent time there before doing something else (that my mind will want to do more than study)

4) is it somewhere I have the space to study + internet

5) will I run into someone I know

6) can I be there a decently long amount of time without paying/not paying very much?

7) what is the temperature like

8) what is the likelihood of a kids club showing up

obviously these criteria are different for each person, but they might be a good jumping off place- because it is summer and most kids are getting out of school, avoiding places that will be overrun with them is probably a good idea. In addition, make sure to settle down in a place that is a comfortable temperature and a place where the temp wont fluctuate too much.

Motivation:

I think overall this is the most important thing to keep in mind. It doesn't matter how well you plan out when and where you will be doing your work, it is hell to do if you don’t want to do it. 

I’m not going to tell you to love your subject, but if it is something that you don't like, that feels pointless, and you think it has absolutely no impact on your future, it’s going to be a nightmare to get done. I have no tips for you if you are in this situation.

If you don’t want to do it because it is annoying, but it’s a necessary class that you need to take, that works great! put on some fun music and force yourself to do it. It will suck but if it is part of your major or in any way connected to something you like or are passionate about, follow those connections. For example, I was in this awful writing class last semester. The teacher was bad and there was nothing really to be learned. it was a class i had to take solely for the credits. I decided that I was going to be obnoxious and write every damn essay about corsetry and the patriarchy. I swear to got I have 80 pages of writing about the damn subject. I should be publishing a book at this point. (I was one of my favorite classes that semester bc I had so much fun with the topic)

If you don’t want to do it because it’s hard, buckle up and open khan academy and YouTube. nearly every subject known to man is covered in some level on those two sites, and if that fails, find an alternate textbook to the one you have and see if having two perspectives makes it make sense. 

If it’s something you want to do but just cant force yourself to do and you’ve been scrolling for hours, go brush your teeth, change clothes or take a shower and start trying to do your work somewhere new.

I hope one of these helped, and if you have more ideas/tips pls let me know bc I’m writing this to procrastinate on my own summer work.

[i-arch-my-backula]

hihi i was wondering if i could maybe request something where the reader's way of expressing themselves fluctuates lots from leaning masc to fem and even just dressing like a lil trash monster to being dolled up for no special occasion? i kinda wanted to request billy lenz because i liked the idea of like every time the reader comes up to the attic they have a completely different kinda look? but whichever character you find easiest to write for this prompt works fine too :> (im sorry if im missing anything in this prompt ive never requested anything before this is my first time)

Ok this sounds pretty fun I like this. I say I'm genderfluid in a guy way or just a trans guy in general. But I do flop between fem, masc and stuff. I do wish I was more androdynus though but I guess I'll have to wait till I can fix a lot of stuff about me. But I totally get this. My style often changes and I like this idea a lot. I added Bubba and the twins because Bubba is a genderfluid icon and the twins are fun to write about. I hope you enjoy <3 also Billy is just like "Idfk what gender is" so I head cannon him as using he/it pronouns.

Slashers with an s/o who's presentation often changes

Includes: Billy Lenz, The Sawyer brothers

Warnings: Billy calling reader pretty piggy, stalking

Billy Lenz

He’s probably already been watching you for awhile now before you even met so he knows about your wide aray of clothes. 

He loves how you always find a new way to dress up every day. Monday you look like a barbie doll, Tuesday you look like someones dad, etc. 

He really loves when you get all dressed up and visit him. “Is pretty piggy all dressed up for Billy?” 

He might make “requests” on outfits. Like either ask you to dress like something or just pick out the clothes himself for you. “Billy loves seeing Y/N in this pretty skirt.” 

He loves how you always bring in something new and fun and will definitly ask you to do his makeup for him. 

The Sawyer brothers

They’ll be confused as to why your styles is always changing but they’re not gonna complain. Get your job done and don’t ruin stuff and you’re golden. 

Bubba loves having someone who often flips between fem, masc, and androdynus like he does too. He often takes things from victims (Like pams bracelet it’s cannon) and he will happily share that with you. 

Depending on your size you’ll either have to borrow clothes from the twins or Bubba. Bubba and Nubbins won’t mind but Chop Top might like have some words to say to you. But he won’t get far if you’re more fem that day and you just act really playful and flirty. If you’re more masc in his clothes still be playful but go to Bubba and Nubbins for support. 

Bubba sews so whatever you want made for you he can do it. Want some pink bell bottoms? Let him find the fabric to use. Want a dark green ringer tee? He’s looking for the pattern to use. He loves making clothes for you and seeing what you come up with. 

[italoniponic]

Congrats on 100 followers! You deserve that and much more!!!

For the followers event, could I request imagines for Azul and the Leech Twins, with an MC that was a swimmer in their home world? Like, obviously they can't outswim the Octatrio, no. But they can keep up with them relatively well in water, loves swimming, can hold their breath for a long time, etc. (Totally me not projecting from my 15 years of swimteam- nope, not me).

Congratulations again!

- Swimmy anon

𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲'𝐬 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 - 𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭

| Notes: Hi, Swimmy Anon!

No need to worry, we’re here to project the best we can. Also, interesting enough! There’s another octatrio request and it kinda deals with a similar theme but it leans more into the marine biology part. I just wanted to point this out bc these two requests are lovely and I have 0 knowledge of swimming and marine life :D so… I hope it turns out good, somehow. 

I also made up some things to justify the water in Octavinelle but each boy has a different way to make the reader swim, just to be more fun to read. And it’s ordered Floyd to Azul just to change a bit~

Thanks for the request <3 |

Azul Ashengrotto, Jade Leech, Floyd Leech x g!n reader that is a swimmer / scenarios / fluff / sort of friends to crush / around 800 to 900 words each / use of “you” pronouns

Cherry's Harvesting event 🍒 Masterlist

Part of Your World

It all started when Floyd noticed that you went to Octavinelle a lot, more to spend the afternoon watching the fish that swam around the magical and enchanted sea than to do some business with Azul or buy a drink in Mostro Lounge. It was strange, curious to say the least. Then, one afternoon, Floyd did what Floyd always does: squeeze you until you explain what the mussel you're always doing over there.

Having calmed him down a little, you told about your good memories as a swimmer in your world. Your fifteen amazing years as a member of a swim team and your love for swimming. If you weren't a human, you'd practically be a fish. 

“It's my spirit animal, you know?,” you joked and made Floyd laugh.

It turns out that Octavinelle's atmosphere made those memories intensify and you were curious if there was any way you could relive the feeling of swimming again. You had been enchanted by what you saw in the Coral Sea but it wasn't as if you could go down to dump yourself on the beach or in the ocean all the time.

Floyd noticed how you stared at the horizon with such a lost look, watching all those fish and bubbles around you two as if it were something unattainable. And he also thought so for a few minutes, distracted by your eyes, when he then hitted his own thigh.

“Stupid!,” he exclaimed, more to himself than to you. Although you got scared the same way. “You can swim around here, Koebi-chan!”

“H-how...?,” you asked, confused.

You would always see the Octavinelle's students going up and down the stones and walking above sand with no sign of fluctuation. Was there a way around this?

“Follow me!,” Floyd asked, tugging at your arm. Not that you had much choice.

You got out of the tubes that led to Mostro Lounge and climbed the corals of the region above, where the sea waves were stronger and there were bigger and greener algae standing tall. Floyd ripped off some of the seaweed and splitted it between you. 

Once, when he was a freshman, some senior commented on how Octavinelle's algae had magical properties and they made whoever ate them able to swim in the dorm's enchanted ocean for a limited time. 

Floyd didn't do it all the time because he thought walking was a very interesting experience, but for you — and because he had nothing more fun to do — it was worth trying the senior’s tip. You ate some of the seaweed and although it didn't taste the best, you started to feel lighter. 

“Koebi-chan, focus now,” Floyd whispered in your ear. “Swimming is a matter of calm and chillness. Remember, for us, water is like air. We are one with water, you see?”

He had that silly smile on his face, showing up his sharp teeth that made it a little difficult for you to relax but you just closed your eyes and let yourself plunge into the water while being led by Floyd. When you were far enough from any sort of earthen feeling, you opened your eyes and started swimming freely.

It was a different feeling from the pools in your world but, at the same time, it was still somehow familiar. The waters moved, creating small, light shadows everywhere. Your feet were free of gravity and Floyd began swimming around you, taunting you to have a run.

“Do you swim as well as your shrimp mouth says?,” he asked, laughing.

“Come here, you eel!,” you answered, laughing back.

Swimming around the full length of Octavinelle with Floyd by your side was a magical feeling. You swirled and twirled, your laughter being that great sea’s music. The fish didn't even dare interrupt your path, which made you chase them in an attempt to grab one and touch its scales.

You two bet on a race from one end to the other, swimming with all your strength. But the end result was Floyd swimming up to you, holding you in a tight embrace to stop you. You had no reaction but to laugh. 

The environment around you was so beautiful and light. Fun. As you always remembered water to be. And with the boy you loved so much, you felt completely part of that world. As Floyd eventually released you, you turned around and held his face in your hands, the weightlessness of the water pulling your body up.

“Thank you, Floyd,” you thanked him and kissed his forehead. Two eyes of different colors stared at you, delighted and joyful. 

Floyd propelled himself upward on his own, his body naturally accustomed to it.

“No need to thank, Koebi-chan. Just having you can laugh with me… it’s good enough,” he had that big smile again. 

So you floated above the dorm as if you were like real merfolk. For a moment, just one precious moment.

“Well, you must really like fish, huh?”

Jade’s voice scared you for a moment. You took your hands off the glass tube that encapsulated the dorm hallways, turning your back to the various species of corals exposed there. No wonder you noticed some of the fishes suddenly disappearing from view. Jade stared at you with a mixture of curiosity and amusement.

“I'm jealous of them, actually,” you confessed. He chuckled in response.

“Envy of fishes? But why?”

“Because they're swimming outside.”

And with a deep sigh, you turned away from Jade and made your way through the hallway. Jade kept following you anyway, willing to hear this story more clearly. He had noticed for a while how much you visited Octavinelle but you were doing nothing but watching the marine life and the ocean that surrounded them.

Sometimes you stayed more outside, among the stones and shells watching the movement of the waters. The dorm was under the sea but the enchanted waters seemed more like oxygen than the air itself. The creatures floated among the students like birds practically. Everything was so beautiful and reminded you of your years as a swimmer.

The feeling of diving into a pool or the sea was hard to forget. You thought of yourself as a good and competent swimmer. But, truth be told, swimming is more about the special relationship between the swimmer and the water itself. 

Without thinking too much, you told all this to Jade. He didn't have to use his magic on you to hear this outburst and your declared admiration for the aquatic world. You impressed him a lot, actually. You said everything sincerely, these good feelings coming directly from the heart and only he — being a merman — could understand it well.

“Allow me to fulfill your wish then, my dear,” Jade smiled.

You didn't realize that Jade had led you out of the main building. You got so distracted telling about your memories as a swimmer that you just let your step flow through the halls. Octavinelle's horizon was calm and peaceful, a group of hakes swimming high above you.

“Most people don’t know but the enchanted waters here also allow you to swim through them. If you focus enough on that,” he frowned a little while grinning as he said the last sentence, curious if you would be able to do everything right but at the same time confident. “Floyd ended up discovering this unintentionally when he was bored. Apparently, people born merfolk have an easier time doing this.”

“Oh, Jade, please teach me!,” you asked.

“Um… when you beg like that…”

Jade laughed softly. He asked you to close your eyes and clear your whole mind, to feel the peace and harmony of the water surrounding you. It took a while for you to stay calm enough for that but then there was no thought in your head. Your mind became a white canvas, a clean beach.

Careful enough not to wake you up, Jade pushed you forward. Under normal circumstances, even there, you would have fallen to the ground but, “with your head under water”, the opposite effect happened. It was only when you finally opened your eyes that you realized you were floating in the air. Or water. 

Whatever, it was a strange environment and a very confusing feeling at first.

You glimpsed the ground that began to distance itself away from your feet. And you felt the full sensation of waves and bubbles in the water that you didn't normally notice. Suddenly, Jade was on your side again, floating and flapping his legs as if it were something natural. And maybe it was in a very relative way.

“Wow, that's so awesome! This must be how mermaids feel…,” you commented.

“I say for myself but, the feeling of real water is much better than this,” Jade explained, bypassing you. “But if it makes you happy at this moment, I'm happy too.”

He smiled. You knew it was a real smile because his teeth no longer looked so menacing. 

Jade offered a hand to you and together you swam around Octavinelle, touching parts of the building made of stone and coral, hanging from the long seaweed and respectfully waving the dorm flag like two loyal soldiers. Even when Jade swam to a corner, you could get there just as fast.

  He enjoyed watching you swim. It brought back a lot of memories from home and helped him discover various things about you. Swimming together was a very special experience. It was about the way you were little by little synchronizing your movements and how the lightness of the environment made any touch and gesture specially elegant and intimate.

You were grateful Jade taught you this secret.

“Will you come here to swim more?,” he asked gently.

“I think your newest problem is going to be trying to get me out of here,” you replied with a laugh.

“Like I want to do this,” Jade thought to himself, grinning.

“So... you want to swim?,” Azul inquired as he turned around in the swivel leather chair, making a small summary of why you were there.

You sighed. Maybe involving Azul and a contract wouldn't be a good idea after all. You two exchanged a glance and you noticed how Azul’s eyes were crystal clear as pool water. The kind of water you always dived into to swim and have fun. These were good years practicing this sport, you even learned how to stay underwater and hold your breath for a long time.

All you wanted was to be able to relive those moments again. But Night Raven College didn't have a pool, let alone a swim club. The closest you had was Octavinelle's sub-maritime dorm, immersed in an enchanted ocean where fishes and students came and went peacefully

Was it too late to apply for a transfer to live there? At least to pretend to be surrounded by water? But you could never decide whether it was worse to deal with Azul or Crowley. At least one of them would help you get your wish — even if there were side effects.

Lucky for you, Azul wasn't thinking of asking for anything too absurd in return this time. Strange, isn't it? He had noticed how often you visited the dorm without actually interacting with anyone. You sat somewhere and watched the magical movement of the waters, the bubbles of various sizes and the fish of various species that swam around. 

There was more to Octavinelle, either at the bottom part or more on the surface. The person who designed the dormitory must have been a merfolk or a great lover of the ocean because they had almost everything there. Azul shared some of your feelings, the sea was really something special. 

Natural, fickle. His old home. He knew that Octavinelle was similar to the Coral Sea. Not that he wanted to go back there, unlike you who would probably love to swim in his homeland. Just because he understood you, didn't mean he agreed on everything.

But what is a service provider who complains about the eccentricity of his employer? If he had the chance to make a contract with you — and using the payment he had in mind — he would act accordingly.

“I will prepare a special potion so that you can swim in these waters. The payment for this will be quite small and simple, don’t worry. It's a Deal,” that said, Azul made a golden contract appear on the air. “You just need to sign here…”

He stretched out the magic feather and you sighed again, resigned to your fate. After seeing you signing your name, Azul stood up and promised to work on your case as soon as possible. You were impressed by his enthusiasm.

A day passed and when you returned to the dorm again, Azul had a special bottle waiting for you. It had a strange octopus shape surrounding a large “stone” where the potion was located. He explained the effects and assured that there was no problem, he would take a sip too.

“You want to come with me?,” you asked without much thought.

“N-no, it’s not that,” Azul stuttered, a little nervous. He didn't want to admit that he wanted to swim with you.

You picked up the bottle and took a big sip, then returned it to Azul. As he described what would happen, you felt your stomach sink, get heavy and then, strangely light. You seemed to get seasick, and then the malaise just passed. 

Azul didn’t have such an extreme reaction as you — because he had experienced it before and the first shock had passed. You were about to comment on something when you felt your body start to float up on its own. 

“Tap your legs to take control,” Azul advised.

Doing that helped a lot. You went back and forth, gracefully flapping arms and legs as if you were in swimming class again. It was still a strange feeling because the water around you didn't look like any kind of normal water. At the same time, it was familiar enough for your brain to try to accept that you weren’t on land. At all.

You laughed and saw bubbles coming out of your mouth. Azul burst out one, wiggling his legs in a funny way — similar to the way octopuses and squids swim. He reached out to the world around you, the sea that you were free to explore and swim as much as you wanted.

“Oh, you didn't tell me what I had to pay in return,” you asked, using your arms to swim closer to Azul. You were going up, getting a more distant view of the beautiful Octavinelle and its huge towers and seaweed.

“Your payment is to have dinner with me every time you come to swim,” Azul answered. He adjusted his glasses to better observe your reaction.

“All right!,” you smiled. That actually would be good. “But, huh, I bet you talk better than you swim.”

It was a dirty provocation, you knew. Azul stopped in front of you, really annoyed. 

���If I were you, I would swim fast right now. Octopuses are cowardly but terrible when provoked. Capisce?”

He gave such a serious look that you actually swam out of there, running away — but laughing when Azul started to pull your ankle. So this is how merfolk played catch in the sea? Interesting to know. 

[authorjoeypaul]

5 FACTS ABOUT MY WRITING ROUTINE I liked giving you five facts about certain parts of my writing life, and thought that today I would give you five about my writing routine itself. I've been writing now for over twenty years, been publishing for over seventeen, and I've had so many different changes to my writing routine over the years that I couldn't tell you how many different variations there are. That said, I thought I would let you know the routine that's been working for me for the past few years or so. FACT #1: I WRITE BETTER IN THE WEE HOURS I didn't always used to be a morning writer. I have, in the past, been a night owl, an afternoon writer, an evening writer and everything in between. It's something that I kinda fell into when it came to this part of my writing process. My sleep pattern was, and still is, all messed up, and I was waking without an alarm consistently before five in the morning. For a time, I would putter about and then go and work on my writing at the usual time, but after a while I realised that it would be worth trying to have a go at writing first thing in the morning, and lemme tell you, it worked and I haven't looked back since! FACT #2: I WRITE BETTER ON MY IPAD Again, I didn't always. Before I got my ipad about three years ago now, I only had a tablet that wouldn't really let me write consistently when it came to doing other things at the same time. When I splurged on the ipad, it opened up a whole load of possibilities. I've done laptops, and obviously written at my main computer, but after a time it became easier to just keep the work in one place and on one device, which happened to be the ipad. While I do, obviously, do some work on my main computer, like writing blog posts and the like, I just prefer to be able to pick up and write anywhere, and it's easier to take a tablet along to places than it is to bring a laptop and the like. FACT #3: TEA IS A MUST I've always been someone who needs a cup of tea while they write. I've never liked coffee and I'm also allergic to it in that it'll make me wheeze, so tea was the natural thing to gravitate towards. I will always always have at least one cup per writing session, and while I mostly stick to decaf these days, I make sure that I have one before I start to write otherwise I find it harder to concentrate on the words and the like. It's been something that has stayed the same throughout all my years of writing, and I don't see it changing any time soon. FACT #4: SILENCE IS GOLDEN I know a lot of writers who swear by playlists and all of that. They can't write in complete silence, and they need to be fully immersed with sound as well. I don't know if it's down to my auditory processing issues, or just that I've always found it hard to listen and type at the same time, but I've never been a writer who's been able to write while having anything, music or TV or anything, in the background. Even when I write with other people in the room, I can't carry on a conversation of any kind and still manage to get the words written, or at least words that make sense! FACT #5: COMFORT IS KEY This might sound like a weird one, or maybe it's just something that every writer always has and kinda takes for granted. I have chronic pain issues, and I find that I have to be below a certain pain level to be able to effectively write. I also need to be somewhat comfortable, whether that's in bed, or in my wheelchair with the nice cushion, but if I'm hurting too much or struggling with comfort, then things just don't happen, and I find it harder and harder to get the words on the page. So there we go, there are five facts about my writing routine, or at least how it looks right now. As I said, it changes, and fluctuates and all the rest, and I might do this again in a few years and see if any of these facts have switched around any, though I highly doubt the needing tea one ever will because I adore tea! Any questions? Lemme know in the comments!

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