#oracle shitposts

[red-velvet-void]

Being an artist is awesome bc you can project your period cramps onto your fave

[ashoss]

ive got a bad case of the khoas right now... its terminal....

babs' text on one of the screens did in fact say something before i fucked around w colours and noise to the point and flipped to so u cant even see it. so here.

CHAT

O: B's at it again

N: in terms of what?

O: morally ambiguous homoerotic situationships

RR: ew shut up

BG2: lol

BG3: LL!!

[wondering-oracle]

the forbidden eeveelution:

Luncheon

[violent138]

HC that Bruce's bad habit of invoking how "bad his training was" to shut down the Batkids always backfires on him.

Bruce: "You're not even close to being ready. Do you have any idea what I had to learn? You have it so easy and it shows!"

Robin!Dick, furious: "Fine, I'll just go train with the league too! Or maybe I'll train with Deathstroke!"

Bruce: *rolling his eyes*

Soon after, Barbara, mutinously: "I knew I should've just taken Waller's job offer instead."

Fast forward to Red Hood!Jason, smugly: "I got trained by the people Ra's has nightmares about."

Then Tim: "I'll just ask Lady Shiva to teach me."

Stephanie: "Sign me up for it, I don't care who I have to fight. Anything so you shut up!"

*A little while later*

Bruce: "See my training focused on--"

Cass:

Bruce:

After which Damian came along: "Father, I think you're exaggerating, Mother told me she went easy on you that day."

Never let it be said that Bruce can't learn: "My training was actually a walk in the park, yeah, all those assassins, they went real easy on me. I'm the hardest teacher you'll ever have."

Duke: "Not even fucking close."

Bruce: ??

Duke: "Jason has insane standards, and Cass hits harder than you when we spar, and Shiva--"

Bruce: "Oh my God."

[inkyrainstorms]

Lester's first moments alive

step 1: fall into trash

Step 2: get the snot beaten out of you

Step 3: acquire gremlin child (sister)

Wooooo Lester is so good at following lists

[yoursghouly]

𝔱𝔦𝔱𝔩𝔢: “Lunar Oracle” 𝔟𝓎 Wyld Raven // 𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔰𝔦𝔬𝔫: b+w

[fartguy5000]

[sir-pentiouses-egg-boys]

So, my dad made a Batfamily timeline idea. Where instead of Dick becoming Batman everyone did.

Here's how it went, Dick was the face Oracle would be tech, Tim is detective all working together. This stemmed from no one being able to be as big, work as hard as Bruce did. And keep their own lives so it was divided. For most of the batfamily taking various tasks, Jason going after the corrupt, Dick is criminals, Tim any detective work. Barbara has computer science

[that-oracle]

This made me laugh so much harder than it probably should have

[shyjusticewarrior]

Gaslight (Dick, Tim, Duke), gatekeep (Cass, Damian), girlboss (Babs, Steph, Jason)

[pastelchelle]

Cassandra Cain! Troll ver. Sorry this took a while I for the life of me couldn't pick up the pen. Next up?

[faeristofthemall]

For someone with no need of glasses, Shynah sure likes to view the world in rose-colours. Explains why she doesn't see the flashing red flag!!

Shynah art is by @ todayis-snowy and the leander art is by redspringstudio on a post on IG.

[callistometry]

live footage of stupid idiot playing portal

[achromaticegoist]

She Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

stupid comic on why they grew apart

.

this is just me projecting onto Bill (aka psychopathic Disney villain) don’t take this seriously pls 🤫🤫

Jheselbraum the Unswerving more like Jheselbraum the Tsundere

[violent138]

HC that Bruce loathes using the all-hands red alert button so much, that none of them take it seriously. They have their own means of dealing with things.

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Steph: *was already involved in the crisis despite what Bruce and Cass said*

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Tim, startling: "We can get back fastest if I take the bike and you--"

Dick: "Oh just ignore that, Alfred probably pressed it by accident."

Tim, halfway out the window: "When has Alfred Pennyworth ever pressed--"

Dick: "The cat."

Tim: *climbs back in*

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Cass: *was already involved in the crisis despite what Bruce said*

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Jason, jolting awake when his comms go off: "Oracle-- fucking--" *rips it out* "I'm never asking her to set an alarm again." *yells in vague direction of comms* "It was a joke you heartless--"

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Duke: *was trying to shut off the alarm from his comms so he could bicker with how Cass was handling the crisis; Bruce graciously allows all of them to help*

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Alfred: "Master Bruce, we really should consider alerting the Justice--"

Batman: "Too many people already know! Also Alfred, we're out of superglue."

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Damian: *may have been responsible for said crisis, may also be dialling Dick pretending to be deeply annoyed*

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Barbara: *had already hacked control of Bruce's car and called everyone she knows and taken over the GCPD and Town Hall and--*

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Tim: "By the way, your phone keeps going off."

Dick, elbow deep in his car: "Check who it is."

Tim: "Ah, it's fine. Actually might be a joke."

Dick: "Why, what happened?"

Tim: "Damian's texting emergency in all caps--"

Dick: *hits head on car in rush to get up*

[morgantheblue]

(Some of) The Batfamily, as Dracula Flow Quotes

Bruce: "If this watch breaks, the foreign exchange market will take a 28% hit. People WILL die." "I don't give a fuck if I go blind I don't need to see the price tag anyways"

"I started this shit"

Dick: I'm the "Him-ulation", I am "Him Kardashian "Him-buktu", "Him-on and Pumba" I got my DNA test back Turns out I'm one-hundred percent Him-alayian"

"I balled so hard they thought I was a fuckin nutsack"

"These Valentinos are from Milan, you fuckin' idiot"

Alfred: "I was flippin bricks for Mansa Musa before y'all became a type one civilisation"

"I only gave back the free world cause I was fuckin' bored"

Selina: "That pussy got me screamin', cryin', pissin', shittin', shootin' ropes" "You can't trust me, I don't even trust myself" "My diamonds come from the most horrific situations possible" "I bought her Chanel bags until there was nothing left in her eyes"

Babs: "Got a ruptured eardrum from having my ears to the streets for so fuckin' long" "I got this shit figured out" "Threw the opp into the particle collider, watched his ass get pulled apart into a million pieces Turned his sorry ass into some data"

Cass: " This shit ain't nothin' to me, man"

"They needed a stealth soldier, so I put my hands on the hibachi hotplate at Benihana and burned my fuckin' fingerprints off. They will not find me."

"Ops wanted some initiative, blew up their entire quadrant I'm movin' like Oppenheimer"

Steph: "Zaza got me thinkin' everything's gonna be alright. I believe in you, you can accomplish anything you want in this life." "

"I knew the perc was fake But I still ate it because I'm a gremlin Shit had me fucked up in the crib looking up pictures of dogs with human eyes"

Jason: "Rome wasn't built in a day, but this 9mm certainly was."

"Boy wanted some clout, I put him on the news and turned him into a real superstar"

"Fuck it, I ate the Opp."

Tim: "Beat his ass and sent him into an improvement cycle."

"Get the president on the phone now I fronted him a brick, I need my money"

Damian: "My impulsive nature causes conflict at any given time. "I can't help but get thrown into a violent trance at the slightest hint of criticism or pushback"

Duke: "Got the registered God Particle on my hip." "

"I'm back to back with God, shaking the fucking universe. This is an army of two"

Jean-Paul: "58% THC pre-rolled joints rolled in keef had me reading the book of Revelations. We are indeed close"

"Slowly faded into darkness and I let the archangels take him"

(@library-bat-girl helped with this one!)