#questioning dpd

[sadgethethird]

Does anyone here have both bpd and dpd? Specifically quiet bpd.

I think I may have them, but I'm only just starting to figure things out, (I'm probably wrong but oh well) and I would love to hear any experiences!

Thank you so much in advance!

[literally-love-sick]

i dont think i like loving so strongly anymore. it hurts

[dependent-broderline-culture-is]

The bpd of the will message me back soon. It's only been 30 minutes since they messaged me I just need to calm down and they messaged me back soon.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

(questioning) npd + dpd culture is WHY DO PEOPLE ASK FOR MY ADVICE AND NOT TAKE IT. i’m right though so i’ll keep giving it out i guess

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[dead-since-the-beginning]

they are active on tumblr and haven’t texted me good morning yet. so that means they want me to kill myself probably

[noncollared]

szpd dpd dazai who cheered

[ix-c-999]

Hello, I'm terribly sorry to bother but I've got a question/request if you'd be up to answering

Can I ask about your experiences with dpd? I'm questioning if I have it and would like to hear others experiences with it to better understand it

This ask is completely /nf (not forcing a reply) and I don't expect much

If at all possible could you tag @sadgethethird when answering if you do answer? Though I would not recommend going on that blog as it is my vent blog.

Thank you so much for reading this and I truly appreciate any response

I'm happy to answer that, yes! @sadgethethird

For me, the discovery of having DPD has been a complex process, since there was a period of time where I thought I had it and was diagnosed by a therapist, then was convinced by both another therapist and a DP that I didn't have it (both of these people turned out to be less trustworthy than initially thought), but then some events happened and I discovered that DPD was the most likely explanation for how I reacted to them, which my current (more trustworthy) therapist agrees with.

When I initially started questioning if I had DPD, I was disabled and living with my family, but people expected me to eventually become more independent, which I never felt as though I could really do on my own. (I am now living somewhat independently, but not quite as much so as my family hoped I would; I can talk a little more about how that interacts with my DPD if you would like me to.)

I started learning about DPD when I started making more neurodivergent and persodivergent friends online, particularly a friend who thought he had DPD at the time but later concluded he more likely had BPD and not DPD. (For my part, I later discovered that I have BPD too, or that my brain does, but I'm a system, and the alter responding to your message does not have BPD symptoms, only DPD and possibly AVPD symptoms. I can talk more about that if you'd like, too.)

The concept of a "depended person" - someone a person with DPD looks to for guidance, wants to make decisions for them, etc. - seemed accurate in some respects to how I felt about my adoptive family (the ones with whom I was living at the time). I also had two friends at the time who I called DPs due to my strong attachment to them, but I think it was more likely that they were FPs, since I did not have the sense that I wanted them to make decisions for me (but I also didn't realize I had BPD).

My current situation is that my partner is my DP, but due to a variety of reasons (the long-distance nature of the relationship being a large one), I do not feel like they can take care of me the way past DPs have. This is something I am currently working to find a solution to, although I'm having a very hard time with it.

Here are some other DPD experiences I have or know about that might be helpful to figuring out if you have the disorder:

Difficulty initiating everyday tasks (e.g. cooking, cleaning, etc.), where there is a sense of anxiety surrounding the task because you can't do it or aren't good at it.

Overall fear of not being good enough at things, and often not trying to do them at all as a result. This can even include failure to engage with interests, especially if you have to be active in your engagement with them somehow or there's some element of skill or memorization.

Perception of other people as inherently more powerful than you in some respect.

A difficult relationship overall to the concept of "power"; it's hard to explain, because this exact thing isn't a clinically-described symptom, but for me, when talking to people without DPD about my concepts of power - where it comes from, who has it, how people develop it, how easy it is to remove power imbalances from situations, etc. - they seem to think my ideas about power are unusual, and it's most likely because of the disorder.

A desire to be taken care of by others, especially in a romantic/intimate relationship. Some people with DPD at first attribute this tendency to preferring certain relationship dynamics, and it would be valid of them to say they do prefer those dynamics. However, unlike someone who likes behaving a certain way in a relationship, a person with DPD will often experience a certain type of anxiety, unfulfilment, or distress over not having a relationship like that than somebody would if they wanted it for non-disordered reasons.

A lack of life direction and a desire for others to determine your life direction for you. I struggled somewhat with higher education because of this symptom, and while I have multiple degrees, I don't use them and am on government benefits. While I am indeed disabled (outside of my DPD and including physical disability), part of what led to my current situation was an inability to figure out a life direction and a partner who basically actively discouraged me from pursuing any life direction other than being his partner.

Fears of being abandoned, especially by your DP. I don't experience this as much, because I usually fully trust my DPs, but my therapist says that people with DPD tend to idealize their DPs, and my trust in my DPs (especially when that trust has not always been warranted in the past) is likely a part of that. However, some people with DPD are capable of distrusting their DPs, to the point where even hearing about their DPs other friends can make the person with DPD uncomfortable.

Separation anxiety from one's DP. The DSM describes this anxiety as caused by fears that one cannot take care of oneself, but separation anxiety can also entail fears that the person is gone because they have abandoned you, worrying about the person's wellbeing because you don't know what they're doing, and feeling unsafe without that person.

I know this was quite a lot of information, but I wanted you to have more rather than less of it in this response. There's so little discussion of DPD out there, and I'm happy to contribute to there being more of it.

If anybody has any more questions about DPD for me, please feel free to ask them. There are a few situations I have gotten into involving my DPD that I do not talk about publicly, so I may have to talk around some things depending on what questions I am asked, but I will try to respond in a way that would be helpful to someone trying to understand either how to live with the order or how to interact with someone who has it.

[borderline-culture-is]

Bpd + dpd and questioning hpd is crying when you're fp/dp/ap is gone and your all alone it checking your phone ever few minutes to see if they message it screaming crying hoping they will message back right that second, it omg they been gone only for a hour it say there online why do hate my guts. What did I do wrong or they made at me please please come back I need your attention I need you please please come back . Are they doing just on purpose to me no they would never do that to me Shut up brain your lying.

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[dodgeryy]

People in cluster C and A, do your PDs affect your attatchment style? If yes, how? I'm trying to learn more abt you guys and the world wide web is failing me!

Bc in cluster B attatchment and interpersonal relationships is like, yanno part of the diagnosis low key so just curious! :)

[shinjue]

dpd hpd till and npd avpd ivan .. HEAR ME OUT

[puppiebat]

your my reason to live , your the only one i can trust in this whole world . i hate you , i love you , your the only one i can care about , your the only person who understands me , no one else understands me , so they should just die

[dpdcultureis]

Not dpd culture but as someone questioning if I have it, this blog is doing me a lot of good :) if you don’t mind me asking, what advice do you have for those who think they may have dpd?

oh hi!! i'm glad this blog is helping you :]

as for advice, i'd definitely recommend seeking out the dpd community and researching the different ways dpd can present or interact with your day-to-day life. there are tons of helpful posts on tumblr about it, but actual medical resources are a good idea too lmao

i believe there may be a sort of 'dpd criteria rewritten' thing somewhere?? i know there's one for avpd but i can't remember if i saw one for dpd or not. if there is, that'll put the DSM-5 criteria in much more understandable terms that are more applicable to how dpd works internally, rather than the way it presents and affects other people

i'll slap the open question tag on here too in case anyone else has other advice for you, anon!

[literally-love-sick]

i am normal and a separate person from my depended and that is ok (affirmation)

[dependent-broderline-culture-is]

I feel like having dpd means I never have a chance at a healthy relationship just for simply having the disorder no wants someone that codependent it means ill never my friendships are healthy at all

At least that's how I feel

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

(New here hi)

(Possible) NPD + dependent personality disorder culture is finding yourself thinking about being mean to your friends and almost doing it but never doing it because you don't wanna lose friends

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[bapzap]

looks at the list of symptoms for bpd and starts sweating like a cartoon character as i go down it