#avoidant attachment

[pretendmynameispoetic]

i can never win

[ive-tried-lavender]

[c0sm1cst4rz]

[bpderanged]

Avoidants are always painted as the villains because our distance makes people insecure. But how about you stop measuring your worth by how available I am to soothe you?

If I'm distant, it's not about you. It's how I feel safe. Just like your clinginess is how you cope. The difference is, I'm not asking you to change. I'm asking you to respect the space I need without making it a fucking crime. So why do I have to always be the only one to do better? As if being clingy is somehow more socially expected and accepted?

Demonize my distance all you want. But don't act like a victim when you're the one who kept choosing me. I never begged you to stay and you're free to leave anytime you want. It's really that fucking simple.

[baddogmari]

i just want to stop feeling like a bad person for literally everything

[bloodykittypaws]

[stephaniesblogxx]

[ririsprivateee]

me💔

[phosphenemoth]

I've been emotionally slutty (shown someone I am capable of human feelings) lately, I fear.

[avoidant-attachment-culture]

Avoidant attachment culture is imagining receiving love and affection and being happy but when actually having it , it feels disgusting and repulsive. Idk whats wrong with me because one day, i just woke up and started being repulsed more. During back day, i would just ghost and distance myself from them in a romantic relationship. Now im just repulsed by everything that signifies closeness and bond, it makes me want to vomit.

.

[its-simply-just-krys]

i fear relationships and yet i want to be loved.

[oversnow]

Telling you that I need affection and reassurance feels like a death sentence

[elitemaomaosequanimity]

One of the hardest things I realized after watching The Apothecary Diaries was that just because Maomao had people around her did not mean she was necessarily being cared for. The women of Verdigris weren’t bad, at least not on the surface.

They allowed her to stay, and in some ways, they gave her more independence than most girls typically received during that time.

In The Apothecary Diaries, Maomao didn’t have the luxury of being a child. There wasn’t anyone she could turn to when she was scared when she was lost, when she was hurt. Anyone to wipe away her tears, anyone to tell her she was loved and wanted.

That’s why she is what she is, why she’s become so independent, why she doesn’t turn to other people for comfort, why she uses logic and distance as a defense. Not that she doesn’t feel. It’s just that she learned a long time ago that feelings wouldn’t help her.

So, when we meet Maomao in the present timeline of The Apothecary Diaries, she’s not exactly the kind of person who shows her vulnerability. She’s super smart, very observant, and very skilled, but she kinda keeps an emotional distance from those around her. And honestly, I get it. If you grow up where nobody pays attention to your feelings, you just stop hoping that anyone will care.

Her trauma manifests in subtle ways: her reluctance to depend on others, her tendency to downplay her own suffering, and her deep-rooted self-sufficiency that sometimes borders on self-isolation. It’s not that she doesn’t want to be cared for. She is just accustomed to living in a world where care is a luxury, not a given.

So, it’s all too easy to view Maomao as merely another emotionally withdrawn protagonist, but she’s much more than that. Her trauma is embedded within every aspect of her personality, shaping her behaviors, her interactions, and her perspective.

Her experience has taught her that attachments are conditional, and she naturally keeps people at arm’s length. However, Jinshi’s persistence in treating her with respect and curiosity is something she isn’t used to. While she doesn’t openly express it, the fact that she doesn’t completely push him away speaks volumes about her yearning for connection, even if she won’t admit it.

[crystalisedpoison]

“people with aspd are scary” “i don’t feel comfortable around people with npd” whereas i’ve never felt safer around them. i actually feel like i’m in the right place when i’m surrounded by them.

[baddogmari]

i am genuinely so over myself and how i act and what i do. it makes me sick

[moonstoast]