#this is a me experience bc i keep taking multiple year long breaks

[galactic-hyperhearse]

also it bewilders me how people just make a new wizard and play through the entire game? yall haven’t been playing on the same wizard since you were 8??? you guys have BEAT wizard101???!

[ihave-atummyache]

the next step

Stray Kids OT8 Imagine

NSFW!!! 18++

summary: your first time going all the way with your boyfriend. you’re no virgin, but he makes you nervous like you are!

2.4k words

a/n: literally made this bc im sick of seeing all these ‘first time with skz’ fics bc im not a virgin so i cant relate |: like I lost my virginity 8 years ago, i dont remember that shit!! i’m too old for that

Bang Chan:

Soooo attentive to you and your body. He gauges every reaction to every touch and takes note of it. Definitely doesn't need to talk much because he can observe your body so well.

It’s relatively quiet besides him praising and complimenting you, worshipping you, cherishing you, the usual.

"Shit, I feel you clenching around me, baby. Feels s’good," Chan grunts out above you and continues to drill into the same spot that had you seeing stars. It's hard to believe that this is the first time the two of you have had sex because he seems to be so well versed to your body and reactions.

His eyes stay on your face. He observes what has your eyes rolling back and your mouth dropping open. He experiments a tiny bit with the speed of his finger on your clit until he feels you clenching down on his cock and more wetness gushing out of you and maintains that same pace.

He even pays attention to certain things outside of the bedroom that come into use later. He notices you playing with his fingers, staring at his hands when he’s typing, tracing the veins on his arms.

His fingers continue to plunge in and out of you, despite having just pulled an orgasm from you moments ago.

“Channie! Please! I’m- I’m- something weird is coming!” and you’re screaming, squirting all over his hand and chest, your back arching off the bed and you’re completely out of breath.

“Fuck, my sweet girl. I’m getting hard again after that. One more round?” He proposes, pushing his boxers back down his thighs as you nod and take a deep breath, tears threatening to fall from your eyes.

“But you owe me a nice hot bath after this,” you narrow your eyes at him and he chuckles before leaning forward and slowly sliding into your soaking hole, making you hiss at the overstimulation.

“As long as I can join you, we have a deal,” he places a kiss to your lips before slowly sliding in and out of you.

(yes, the bath led to another round)

Lee Know:

In my head, Minho is such a horndog. I mean, dude IS a scorpio so…

The first time the two of you have sex, I doubt it’s the first time you guys have been intimate at all. He’s definitely found his hand in your pants on more than one occasion and his sex drive starts to rub off on you if it wasn’t already matching his.

You’ve dry humped until he came in his pants and you’ve definitely sucked him off on multiple occasions. It’s like when the two of you get together, you can’t keep your hands off! Your physical chemistry is off the charts! Let’s not sit here and pretend that physical chemistry isn’t as important as emotional chemistry.

The first time you decide to go all the way, like p in v full penetration, he probably starts off slow, sliding in and out of you.

Starting in missionary, his arms cage you in while he brushes stray hairs away from your face. You turn your head to the side and pepper kisses along his hands and wrists, making the moment much more intimate, until he breaks the comfortable silence between the two of you.

“Can I be rougher?” His eyes catch your’s and you can see his ears turning red at the question. He’s obviously holding himself back and as much as you want to tease, you know better. You wrap your arms around his neck and pull his lips to your own for a quick peck before pulling away.

“Ruin me.” you command and that’s all it takes for the animalistic side to come out of your boyfriend. He pulls out and grabs your hip, flipping you to your stomach with ease. Before you have time to adjust, he’s sliding back into you and drilling into you with much more force.

“Fuck. You feel so good,” he groans behind you before his fingers lace into your hair and turns your head to the side, pressing your cheek into you the mattress.

“Look so good under me, kitty. I’ve been imagining this for so long but it doesn’t compare,” he confesses and his thrusts continue mercilessly, punching sounds from your throat that you can’t even begin to control.

Changbin:

I actually think he would be the most nervous of all the boys. Seeing his whole body and he finally gets to see your's is like… next level for him.

Definitely obsessed with you and cums very fast but who can blame him when you look that pretty under him! Super apologetic because he cums early but you really don't mind, you're actually flattered.

You're even more flattered when you lean in to kiss the pout from his lips and he pulls you into his lap, deepening the kiss, his cock already growing hard again.

"You're just too pretty, I can't help myself. You drive me crazy, pretty," He breathes against your lips and you grind down into him, making him get hard impossibly faster.

“You’re so obsessed with me,” you tease and he pulls back, his hands grabbing your hips to guide you against his length.

“Yeah? So what if I am?” He teases back and your laugh gets caught in your throat when the head of his cock rubs against your clit.

“I bet you could cum from just this, couldn’t you?” he asks and your eyes open, looking down at your pretty boyfriend.

“As long as this is the view I get,” you run your hands along his face and shoulder and down his chest and stomach, letting your fingers scratch lightly, until you reach his cock and angle it to sink back down again.

Probably have a lot of cockwarming in the relationship. Desperate little baby just want to be close to you! He’s obsessed and in love, you can’t blame him.

Uses every opportunity he can, he’ll pat his lap and you already know exactly what he wants, making your way over and lifting your pretty little skirt before sinking on his hard cock and leaning back against his chest, continuing to watch the video playing on the television.

Hyunjin:

MUNCH. MUNCH. MUNCH. MUNCH. MUNCH. MUNCH HYUNJIN AGENDA. I dont know what it is about him but he's such a munch. Certified pussy eater™ and mans knows exactly what he is doing!

He goes down on you for as long as you’ll let him. He’s been dreaming of being between your legs and he isn’t coming up for air until you’ve cum at least 3 times.

“J-Jinnie, s-slow down. Fuck. I’m gonna cum again,” your fingers thread into his long hair as your back arches off the bed. He moans against you, his fingers still relentlessly stretching you and his mouth on your clit pushes you over the edge.

You have to practically drag him away to beg him to finally fuck you. He would’ve been perfectly content with having his face between your thighs for the rest of the night.

Because he’s a munch, he definitely knows exactly how to flick your clit to send you flying over the edge around his cock again. Wants to cum on you, his own version of art.

“You’re sucking me in so tight, angel. You’re gonna make me cum,” And with those words out of his mouth, he pulls out and jerks himself off, cumming all over your stomach and abused pussy.

He reaches down and rubs his fingers through the mess before shoving them into your sensitive pussy, making you convulse. He pulls them out before sliding them back in again. You let out a groan, already knowing where his mind has gone.

“Hyunjin-”

“Just one more. Come on, princess. I know you can take it,” and before you know it, his head is back between your legs.

(also ily my bruised cervix queen)

Han:

So desperate and cute. He wants to please you so so bad. Definitely wants you on top! He is such a tits guy (source: just trust me!) and keeps your nipples in his mouth the whole time you're riding him.

Whimpers and whines when you graze your teeth along his neck or pull his hair a little harder than you intended.

"Did you like that?" You freeze on top of him and  he peaks up at you from the pillows. You had accidentally scratched his chest and he let out the hottest moan you had ever heard.

His hand comes down, squeezing your thigh and pushing you to begin riding him again. His other hand find your nipple, toying with it as you slowly begin to ride him again.

"Why wouldn't I? Look at how hot you look on top of me right now. You could slap me and I would probably cum," he confesses and you chuckle, leaning forward so your chests are pressed together.

"We can test that theory another time," you chuckle, pressing your lips to his as he begins to drill up into you.

Despite being a soft and whiny mess, once he gets his shit together, he can switch to dom!han quickly. He isn’t always the pillow princess and I’m an advocate for dom!han okay?!

“Come on, you can arch more than that,” his words are condescending and his hand finds its way between your shoulder blades, pushing your chest further into the bed.

“Good. Atta girl. Take my cock like a good girl now,” and that’s all the warning you get before he’s fucking you like his life depends on it.

You’re loud under him and he loves it. He feeds off your noises, it’s proof that he’s doing a good job making you feel good. It all comes back to him being desperate to please you and make you feel good.

Felix:

I feel like Felix is the type to be just littleeeee frantic. He just wants everything to be perfect! Sweet baby doesn't understand that him just being there makes the whole thing perfect.

He needs reassurance from you! He desperate for your validation in the sweetest way possible. He wants to make sure that you are satisfied before he even begins to think about himself.

"Baby, my love. Calm down. Everything is perfect, I swear," you promise, swinging your leg over his lap and pressing a sweet kiss to his lips.

"I-I just want you to be comfortable. I want you to be sure," He looks up at you, his eyes are already glassy and he's looking at you like you hung the stars in the sky.

"You make me more comfortable than anything in this world. I promise," You reassure him and thats all it takes for him to press his lips against your's again, “You’re my home,” you whisper against his lips and his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you as close as possible to him.

Definitely making love the first time the two of you are intimate. Missionary and he's telling you how pretty you are and how good you feel. You're on top and you’re sitting face to face, lips all over each other. I just imagine the whole thing being so intimate and sweet.

(definitely the type to burst into tears because he feels so happy. cries when he cums and when you ask why he’s crying, he tells you he loves you for the first time. i love him sm)

Seungmin:

The type to discuss boundaries before hand. Whether he or you are super kinky, it is no surprise, the two of you have thoroughly discussed it already. I view Seungmin as being the quiet but deadly type!! He doesn’t seem like it, but he is a FREAK.

He wants to know exactly what you like and what you don’t like before he ever even touches you intimately. He likes to know what you’re absolutely opposed to and what you’re willing to try or have already tried.

Consent and communication is sexy!!!

“So you’re saying that you don’t mind if I get rough with you? I can degrade you? Praise you? Objectify you? There’s nothing you’re not willing to try?” Seungmin’s words have you crossing your legs and letting out a shaky breath.

“Correct. I trust you. Do whatever you want to me. I’ll let you know if it’s too much,” you encourage him and leans forward, pressing his lips to yours but pulls away after your tongue asks for entrance.

“Fuck, that’s so hot,” he replies before pushing you back on the couch and kissing you harshly again. You have him wanting to push your limits, he wants to see just how far you can go.

After a safe word is established, you’re ultimately his little play thing that he can use however he wants which just turns him on more. You’re willing to put your trust in him and he thinks that is insanely hot.

“You look so good like this. All fucked out. How many times have you cum now, slut? Hm?” His voice makes your eyes snap open and you look up at him, clenching when your eyes lock on his.

“Don’t even know how many times you’ve cum already and this desperate cunt still wants more. I’m gonna figure out your limit today, my pretty baby,” he chuckles before he begins to drill into you again, making your eyes snap back shut as another orgasm comes crashing over you.

(spoiler: this is your 6th orgasm!)

I.N:

Oh I.N. Baby bread daddy toast. In the nicest way possible, I imagine he would be much like a horny teenager when he finally gets his paws on you!

It’s all clashing teeth and desperate tongues. You are both chasing oxygen when you pull away, getting light headed from how hard you’re kissing.

Also, we all know he knows about his hands. The way he flaunts them around on live and in pictures and videos… he knows.

Definitely the type to make you look at his fingers plunging in and out of you. Makes a mess of you and makes you watch.

He knows he won’t last long once he finally gets inside of you so he tries his hardest to make you cum at least once before he gets inside of you. Whether it’s with his fingers or his mouth doesn’t really matter to him. Refuses to let you suck him off because he knows that he’ll blow.

“Baby, can I please suck your cock? Your mouth feels so good on me. I wanna return the favor,” you put on your best puppy dog eyes, placing a kiss to the corner of his mouth but he immediately shakes his head.

“In the most manly way possible, I think I’ll bust as soon as you put it in your mouth and I would really prefer to cum in your pussy,” he chuckles, a little embarrassed and you giggle in response before pulling him into you and placing a real kiss to his lips.

“Then what are you waiting for?” You ask, wrapping your legs around his waist and pulling him against your bare cunt.

Baby (daddy) bread has some sort of alternate persona take him over once he’s inside of you. It becomes even worse when you accidentally let your daddy kink slip.

Jeongin freezes in his tracks and your eyes fly open at the realization of what you just said.

“W-what did you just call me?” His fierce gaze never leaves yours and you swallow thickly before replying.

“D-Daddy. I said harder please, daddy,” you reply and he sits back on his haunches, pushing your knees to either side of your chest before fucking into you like an animal.

“Anything for you, princess. Daddy’s gonna make you a mommy while I’m at it. Hm? How does that sound?” His voice is hoarse and you’re all moans, barely able to make out what he’s saying.

“Yes. Please, daddy. Please cum in me,” you’re begging for his cum, barely even conscious and he’s granting you your wish in an instant.

[youmeandthestarsss]

Solar return observations pt 1. (Based on my personal experiences)

Hii guys, I know it’s been a super long while but I’m going to try to start posting more content for you guys 😊💕

This year I had Venus in the 6th house square Saturn and at the beginning of this year I was having heated disputes with some coworkers. I came very close to almost quitting my job because I felt like I was being overworked and underpaid, underappreciated by my managers and coworkers, and like my competency was being taken for granted because how much extra effort I put in to my job.

This year I had Mars in Capricorn trine Saturn in the 9th house and it’s been giving me the energy to get things done ✅. The times when I had to do something made me feel even more capable of being able to accomplish it and with efficiency. I felt motivated to get my homework done on time and do it early as well. I really like having this placement bc my natal 12h placements make me sort of lazy and a homebody

My moon is in Libra in the 5th house this year and I’ve been loving watching makeup and hair tutorials and just honestly keeping myself entertained with aesthetics. I started watching tv shows again too!

I think cancer ruling my 2nd house and moon in my 5th house might have something to do with my sweet tooth this year.

So I’ve had moon in the 4th house for two years straight now, & I can tell you right now I’m never been more of a homebody. I hate leaving my house and especially my bed. I’m always thinking about being in my bed whenever I go somewhere. I can also vouch that this placement is the root of my extreme laziness and desperate need to take lots of naps despite the fact that I have Mars in Capricorn this year.

In my SR ASC for this year I’m a Gemini rising and all I can say for it is that I’ve been focused on school a lot and getting ready to graduate, focused on perfecting my driving and also getting my license, communicating and getting along with my peers a lot more, talking a lot more, and doing a whole bunch of thinking. If you’re about to have this rising sign in your sr just know that you’ll be spending most of your time and energy in your head and will feel like you can’t ever stop thinking. This placement has also caused me to reflect on how it is I think and why I think the things I do. Lots of contemplation with this placement.

Neptune in the 10th house and I feel like there’s been some confusion on what it is I want to do for a career and how I’m going to go about it.

Saturn in the 9th house and UGH. Some of my teachers this year have been a real pain in the ass. I’ve had lots of disputes with them over grades and it at first was not working out for me all too well. I also felt like I was bombarded with a lot of homework a lot too this year.

Taurus in the 12h house & I’ve had a few dreams about material things and food

Moon in the the 5th house and mercury in the 7th house & lol let’s just say I’m always daydreaming about being in a relationship

2nd house ruler in libra spending money on things to make me feel good and look more aesthetically pleasing.

Venus in the 12th house 🤝 finding pleasure in solitude

The year I had an 11th house stellium caused me to be very addicted to doomscrolling so if you have that just make sure you take social media breaks every so often.

11th house ruler in the 12th house caused me to delete social media. Till this day I only really use YouTube, Pinterest, and tumblr ofc

I swear the year I had Saturn in the 12th house made me have the worst escapism tendencies. I hated this year and I also struggled with having multiple existential crisis all throughout that year. Let’s just say I became very apathetic towards everything and felt extremely unmotivated to get anything done or pursue my goals

[kondensaduhhh]

Brozone HCs (Post Break Up)

- first of all, i refuse to believe that John Dory was any older than 16 when the band broke up, maybe he's just baby faced, but to me, he's at most 16 years old, yall really gonna look at JD in that flashback and see a 20?? hes just a babyyy

- their ages when the band broke up are, JD: 16, Bruce: 15, Clay: 13, Floyd: 12, Branch: 4

- the tunnel escape only happened almost a year later

- Bruce found Vacay Island only months after the tunnel escape, he ran away from the rest of the trolls thinking maybe he'll find his older brother, but instead found Vacay Island.

- Bruce met Brandy and was in love at first sight, instantly tried to impress her by doing the whole Heartthrob bit, which only amused Brandy, but only when he started to mellow out and started to let down the Heartthrob title, did Brandy start to reciprocate.

- Bruce tried to do the whole courting thing with Brandy, but the second she liked him back, she was like "Mmyeah, youre my boyfriend now" and Bruce nearly screamed like one of his fangirls that he had to take a dive in the ocean.

- due to this, Bruce was the only one that didn't experience becoming gray.

- Floyd became gray after the tunnel escape, back when they were still within the cage, he still somewhat knew where his brothers were, except for JD, but he knew his big brother would be fine. so when they executed the tunnel escape, he couldn't find Clay and Bruce, and didnt know that Branch had started to isolate himself so no one has seen his younger brother either.

- he became gray and left the village, as he was going to look for himself. he didnt sing for a long time, but he did start writing songs and poems that eventually became songs, and had the spontaneous thought of singing one song and broadcasting it.

- the song became an instant hit, and slowly has he started to build his solo career did he gain his colors back.

- Clay lost his colors when they found the hold course to reside in. he lost it a few weeks living in the golf course, did reality set in that he might never see his family again, a lot of the putt putt trolls lost their colors too.

- when Viva saw this, as heartbroken as she was too, she was the firstborn of the king, and as their princess she cant let any of this sadness continue to consume her people, and she found ways to cheer the putt putt trolls up and bring their colors back, including Clay.

- Clay actually only started doing the boring stuff to get away from his previous title of The Fun One, but as things continued on, he did it to keep his mind off of being fun, because being fun reminded him of his family, the family he will never see again.

- but Clay does enjoy keeping the putt putt trolls safe and not gray, he even invented 'protocols' which were essentially games to keep them happy, which he would never admit were games

- JD's colours were on and off for a year when he left the band, and when he came to visit for Branch's birthday, everybody was gone, his colors went to a cooler colour where he cried for days in their pod, and then went gray when the tears subsided. when he left the cage, his colours were so dull, no bergen saw him leave the tree, bc he left with no caution whatsoever

- John Dory doesn't know how much time has passed. he used to have a calendar where he would cross out the days to keep track, but he forgot if he crossed the date out too early or too late and eventually just stopped.

- Floyd became a songwriter to multiple different species

- the brothers who had a hard time fitting back in the pop village from least to most was Floyd, Bruce, Clay, and JD.

- Floyd still had his social skills, better than the rest of the brothers due to the being a songwriter and all, Bruce, while not interacting with trolls, he wasnt living in the past like Clay was, and JD only had Rhonda with the occasional small talk to other trolls whenever he needed supplies that he couldnt make out of scratch.

- JD nearly died a few times. being mostly alone in nature was a lot of trial and error. he got sick/injured so severely that he would write barely intelligible notes about who his brothers were and to tell them how sorry he was and how to take care of Rhonda, pass out and completely forget about the letters. they're tucked into the nooks and crannies inside Rhonda.

- Clay tried to write letters to his brothers, if they were out there, but when it came to sending them, he didn't know how. so he just has thousands of letters addressed to his brothers, varying from asking how Branch was doing, if Floyd still bakes and how he misses his baked goods, asks if Spruce can tell him how to do his hair because it was growing out of control and he always had the best hair out of all of them, and telling John Dory how much he hated him and that it was all his fault and that he misses the soup JD used to make for him specifically, and how tight JD hugged him and missed his stories and how he missed him. How he missed all of them.

- Bruce had a bit of a hard time in raising his kids, not realising that the Vacay Puppets aged differently from trolls. that while most trollings could hold a whole conversation with understanding at the age of a year and a half, some even just after hatching, while his children only babbled and said very few words and short, broken sentences at age 3. he was very worried about their development until Brandy told them that they actually developing pretty quickly for a Vacay Puppet (idk wtf to call them😭😭)

- ppl think that JD is stupid, but the truth is he just misses social cues, and has been out in the wilderness mostly alone so, what is common sense to most trolls, John Dory has completely forgotten about

- Floyd is obviously the most sensitive, but this not only means he is quick to shed a tear, he is also quick to be offended/mad. sometimes it scares Floyd how much he sees JD in himself, but this also made Floyd empathise with JD somewhat, knowing the shame that comes after the anger that came too quick and left just as quickly

- accessory HCs: Floyd has a total of 4 ear piercings, all in one ear,

Branch has got both his ears pierced, the left being a small, mint green gem, and the right a magenta barbell,

Bruce def a navel piercing, a shell necklace with 14 shells on it to represent his wife and kids, and a teal, yellow, pink, and blue woven anklet,

Clay doesn't have any piercings but he does have tats on his legs of those fuck ass stars, hearts, and diamonds on his legs, all below the knee, bc Viva wanted to try tattooing,

JD has a tongue and nipple piercings, he doesn't remember getting them, all he knows he that he got really sad, and then next thing he knows he's awake somewhere he knew he didnt fall asleep in, he kept them anyway

- pop trolls' hair can change when they undergo extreme negative emotions, which was why Clay's hair went from straight and yellow, to curly and green

- when Bruce had an all girl quintuplets (bc i refuse to believe that they had all those children one by one😭😭) he named them Jane Dolly, Clair, Flora, and Briar ((btw i only just found out that Bruce only has one daughter but shhh))

- Floyd has written songs for/about all his brothers, but never said their names in them or even mentioned that it was about Brother specifically, always a vague family member or loved one.

- John Dory was the best at any culinary skill out of all of them, he's the one that taught Floyd how to bake, from how to make the fluffiest chiffon cake, how to laminate pastries, to knowing how to do everything from scratch, to how to do everything without any baking equipment, like a thermometer or a timer.

- However, Bruce, despite being a father and owning a restaurant, is the shittiest cook out of all of them, he either forgets an ingredient and/or under/overdoes it.

- nature is oddly nice to Floyd. not bc of anything in particular, they just really like him. JD used to call Floyd their lucky charm whenever they go camping.

- JD, Clay, and Floyd are adrenaline junkies.

- Clay knows pretty much everything there is in fabric making, from crocheting, knitting to tapestry making, he can do it.

- Floyd absolutely LOVES denim. he will most likely have one piece of his outfit be denim, be it his pants or a bracelet

- after years of being alone, and only having Rhonda be his constant companion, JD has a concerningly high pain tolerance, and being around such a big creature like Rhonda and no one else to compare pain to, whenever he does react to pain, he thinks he's just being over dramatic bc when Rhonda had a splinter the same size as the one he is currently injured with (AKA HUGE) she merely limped, so hed probably be fine.

- Clay looks the most like their mother

- And John Dory is their half brother

[grimmcheems]

The blonde trio after the Quirk War

So I did a continuation of the my previous Villain Aoyama AU art lmao. Ig it’s not rly an AU canonically?? (Though idk how the manga has been handling my boi since I dropped it after his reveal oop) anywayyssssss…..these babies now have to live with new identities and frequently change jobs every year in order to keep a low profile.

Monoma works as a Cab/Taxi driver and street food chef(think like hole in the wall restaurant?/place with frequent customers but within the backstreets of cities) Toga is a Sales Clerk💀(don’t ask how she even managed to get the job, the hiring manager was probably too scared by her aura to refuse her) AND Tutor(don’t ask how she landed that either since she never got to finish high school to begin with) and Aoyama works as a Bartender in a HOST CLUB(Kurogiri helped him land the job and taught him some cool stuff from his experience of working their dingy bar they used to live in with the LOV[which has since been disbanded after the quirk war].

Btw I added the “Kumo/Kuro” bc Shirakumo and Kurogiri get it? Idrk why I decided to add him in last minute but I thought it’d be funny if he pretended/acted to be their dad when they escape during their trial and onto living in the streets (for the sake of being brief: which ends in them faking their own deaths. I thought to make an art of the events leading up to this but who knows how long that will take me or when I’ll get to it🗿it is also pretty gruesome with the way I imagined it for my AU so I’m not sure if many people would even be up for seeing that oop)

They have to frequently dye their hair since they can easily be recognized by just their blonde hair and facial features, which is also why Monoma and Toga wear color contacts. Aoyama doesn’t need them since he wore different colored contacts when he became a student at UA, so there’s no need for them since everyone remembered him to have the color contact eyes instead of his natural green eyes.

They all will work multiple part time jobs to keep up with their rent and budget etc. However there are times where they will all quit to just take time to themselves. They all live together in the same apartment. Everyone also thinks they are dead, so there’s no need for them to really hide, but they’re too traumatized by heroes and their peers(hero students) to not stay in the hidden parts of towns and cities and lowkey jobs. There’s more to that on the “trial” I imagined for them (I dropped the manga some time ago but I heard that my baby Aoyama may POSSIBLY get actual time in prison for his affiliation and that was the forefront of the idea I came up with that they would all go through a trial process as they are still just children)

ALSO, in my AU Aoyama ends up with Dark shadow at some point (don’t question it I’m still trying to figure out how to fit it in so it makes sense👩🏽‍🦯, but they sort of form a bond and Dark Shadow develops depression after his “death”. He does go back to Tokoyami at some point after Aoyama realizes that Toko must be in ruins not having his best bud anymore and ‘gives’ him back?

I also mentioned that this is AFTER the “quirk war” I’m not sure if they actually use that title but from what I remember they distinctly called it that when I last read the manga. I could be wrong though.

One last thing, idk how the whole Oboro thing would work out, since he can use his quirk on command in this(hence the lack of purple mist) but technically he IS dead canonically….LIKE FRFR. Bro ain’t coming back and his body was just harvested and being used, but ignore that for this……he was just in a deep slumber and awoke after breaking out of the high security quirk prison he was in and decided to take care of the three because he would’ve wanted someone to do the same for him when he was younger and “died”.😫🖤

I know I write a lot so I highly doubt anyone read all of this😅but it’s so hard to JUST post my art and NOT WRITE ANYTHING since they all spawn from these ideas I get and I NEED to provide the context lmao Σ('◉⌓◉’)otherwise I feel wack that no one will ever know what I was aiming for lol🥲

[shamebats]

Reddit thread on topping as a gay trans guy.

Full text [NSFW] below:

It’s a great time to be a trans top

Edited to add recommendations at the end of the post!

I'm a trans dude, and 100% top, older than most of you guys, and my experience as a top in the gay male community spans 10+ years. I used to encounter a lot of idiots in Grindr who'd ask me stupid shit like "errrrr how can u be a top?" And id have to school them on the fact that YES, not only do I have a dick- I have multiple ones aside from the one hormones blessed me with. This was largely due to lack of awareness and education, which has really changed. There's still many tops that seek out trans men, but now there's a lot of bottoms that seek us out as well, and I haven't encountered that question in a long time.

I've been told by a lot of men that they prefer trans tops or switches because:

1. A prosthetic dick doesn't go soft no matter how many times we cum. Cis dick is famously finicky, but with me they don't have to worry boner killing 2. Sex with trans tops is a lot less dick-centric, meaning there's way more freaky stuff we do rather than the formulaic 5min in and out 3. Different size and shape dicks! I've had a lot of cis and trans partners that felt they could finally try anal with me bc we could start small. The size queens can get what they want too.. nobody is stuck with something that doesn't work for them. 4. Much much less risk than bottoming for cis men 5. For my trans male partners, not having to worry about birth control and chronic UTIs. 6. I've also been told by more than one guy they feel more free to explore kink and other stuff bc the trans men they've been with are generally more open-minded and less judgmental

Ill spare you guys the details here lol but there's many other things. Esp compared to last year when there was much less trans awareness in general, my DMs are popping with dudes who are bottoms or curious about bottoming and feel like their first time will be much more enjoyable and safer with a trans top. Lastly, as far as getting off - I do every time, and to be totally honest I've been so happy w my sex life the way it is, that I'm not very motivated to re-visit or explore bottoming again (and all the stuff that it comes with).

In the past I was always frustrated by how dicks are designed to be totally flat in the back with no room for my own boner! Thankfully sex toy companies are catching up and taking into account the difference between a trans male and a cis woman's anatomy. My favorite are grinders/cushions. Since these are attachments you can put on the base of most dicks, it's a great way to explore what works for you without breaking the bank and buying a whole new dick, not to mention my partners can keep getting railed by their favorite dick. The trick with the cushions is to practice by yourself, they have nice suction so u can use them as jack off sleeves and train your dick to cum in them. Some of them even vibrate. Links added at the end.

Dysphoria is a sneaky b💀tch yall, and it's always gonna be filling our heads with fears that will prevent us from so many amazing gender affirming experiences. Being a good top whether you're cis or trans takes practice, emotional intelligence, empathy, and confidence. Some of those things we as trans men have by design bc of our life experience. A cis dick doesn't mean you have those things. Anybody can have a dick, but as many of yall know, very few dudes know how to use it.

****** LINKS********* The following are sold on at rodeoh, but they're made by different people so if rodeoh is not your thing u can buy them elsewhere. The first one feels particularly amazing- there's ribbing inside with suction. And yes, they will soon have a bootyhole shaped one if they don't already.

Since I started T vibrators stopped working be of they're too small and localized but this thing vibrates your hole dick and feels really good to the receiver as well. The part where the vibe goes is dick size so it doubles as a jack off sleeve.

Here's one of my all time fave dicks (loved by everyone who I've topped) it's posable which it's great for prostate and G spot stimulation, and most importantly you can pack with it! I have the 7" version. I've def had some adventures at the leatherdaddy bar with this guy... 👀. I like it more than my $300 peecock and it's a third of the price:

Feel free to DM me, I'm an open book.

[lavenderbexlatte]

Hi!! I'm sorry to randomly ask you this but we're in the same Tumblr sphere and I saw that you teach English in Korea, I was just wondering what websites/etc you used to find your job? I finished my uni degree and everything but there's so many horror stories about bad jobs and I'm trying to figure out the best way to find a job that won't be miserable 🥲🥲🥲 Thank you in advance if you choose to respond to this, no hard feelings if you don't 💗 It's just rare that I find anyone close (if you consider me following you on Tumblr close 💀) to me that would have firsthand experience for this situation 🤧

'sorry' as if answering asks and oversharing aren't my greatest joys in life 🤠 anon please-

i'm more than happy to share!

but the first thing i want to say is serious. i don't want to discourage or blindly hate, but i think everyone needs to hear this (not just you, this is for the whole internet bc jesus fucking christ)

a lot of people with ~the truth about korea~ stories you'll see on tiktok or whatever are my least favorite kind of immigrants/expats 💀

see, some people show up for a year of teaching abroad...and immediately get disenchanted with normal life. they think it's going to be like studying abroad, or a long vacation, or a volunteer gig. they think they'll just get to cafe-hop and see idols and make tiktoks.

no. teaching english in korea is a difficult and demanding full-time job.

it's not a joke or a fun vacation for the korean staff who will work with you, or the kids you will teach. it does these people a serious disservice, to view your time here as a fun little silly trip.

this is my 7th year here. it's my career.

so. first, if you're not serious about teaching or AT LEAST willing to do your best, don't come here.

HAHA but with my lecture out of the way, let's get into it.

first you gotta decide if you wanna teach public school, or at a private academy.

i've never taught public, but that's through the EPIK program and has its own application system. you're placed in (possibly 1 but usually multiple) public schools across either a neighborhood, or in the countryside, sometimes across a whole county.

private hagwon (학원) english academies vary a LOT, but the pay is higher and conditions are more flexible.

eslrok and dave's esl cafe are the big ones for hagwon jobs. usually the posts are compilations of available jobs from recruiters, and the recruiter will be your point of contact.

my biggest tips are:

- be wary of big schools. if the ad says it's a big company with many branches, odds are it sucks. the biggest companies have the worst reviews. Chungdahm/April, YBM, SLP, Poly are all notoriously awful chain hagwons.

- be wary of very high salaries. usually a salary way above normal means that the workload is huge. they Will try to justify ridiculous expectations and duties with higher pay and it is not worth it.

- read korean labor laws. the laws are available in detail in English online. you should know if the contract you're offered breaks the law, and if it does, if you're okay accepting it anyway. i HAVE taken contracts with technically illegal parts just because i know i can fight that part in court if it comes to that.

- use hagwon blacklists. there are websites and also lists on reddit. you don't need to take the former teacher reviews to heart, but use the info to gauge the school. if a school has one bad review, it's possible that the teacher was a bad fit. if it has 10 bad reviews...

if you actually start the process and need specific help, anon, you can always ask me!

i could keep going, but let me know if this is at all helpful 😅

[lucysweatslove]

Almost done with my first week of med school proper. We haven’t gotten into much of the science but touched on a lot of more of the social factors. Obviously one week (albeit multiple hours a day) isn’t long enough to get all the way into social factors like medical racism and anti-racism, identity and intersectionality, social determinants of health, etc, it’s nice that my school opens up with it to really set the tone.

Last night I spent some time talking to a friend who is a peds resident who went through the program at my school (on a different campus) who used disability services. His advice was basically to fight for what you need at every step, because nobody else will advocate for your inclusion and DRS when he was going through clerkships had like no idea how to accommodate his physical disability. He has some good experiences and some shitty ones. Anyway, I felt better about applying after that. The worst they can do is say no, that accommodation is unreasonable, and then not have a suitable alternative. I’m fortunate enough that I don’t think my disabilities would keep me from filling technical standards, so I shouldn’t be kicked out, I would just have a harder time which is exactly where I’m at anyway.

The MS3 (third year student, started doing the clinical stuff recently-ish) that is doing a longitudinal clinic experience at my rural site was in town today and stopped by our lecture hall during my lunch break to say hi and chat. That was really nice. I told him a little about the experience I had with the Dean, and he was supportive of “whatever [I] want to do” (really stressed it’s a personal choice)- and when I said that I WANT to stay but feel pressured to quit, he was all “then FIGHT it, they’re looking for that.” He also said the docs have asked about how I was doing… idk. He is such a nice guy and easy to talk to and somebody I actually feel safe with (very rare I feel safe telling somebody IRL about any of my psych history). I just have such a hard time trusting that the docs there actually cared for me at all. Not that I expect them to actively hate me (hate takes energy; if you don’t care for somebody and are far too busy it makes most sense I think to just not give them any of your mind). But it’s easier for me to think that they’re asking how I’m doing/transitioning into med school proper out of like, a perceived duty due to their position. I have had some bad experiences of “forced kindness,” so while I don’t anticipate any hostile/negative intentions, I also have a hard time believing there are outwardly positive intentions towards me. Like “I’m asking because I genuinely care” seems less plausible than “I’m asking because it’s part of my job.”

Anyway, MS3 recommended I do NOT email but text the primary preceptor about finding a time to call, which has me anxious for other reasons (phone calls are the literal devil if I need to do anything as Me instead of as like, Customer Service Me, you know?). But I will also respect that- like after he said that it made more sense to me because she gave me her # and then also later said that emails get missed so easily because they get bombarded with emails. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I need to text her still, just got busy and need to get over my fear of bothering people.

Oh and I was busy because I actually applied for disability services and accommodations. Yay! I sent in my assessment documents and an application, and they said they will be reaching out to set up a meeting soon. Something I found interesting is that I’ve mentioned accommodations in passing to a few people - one in relation to neurodivergence and clerkships, they didn’t gaf which is totally fine, and the other was that MS3 (just asking if he every used it, he said no). I don’t know entirely what I picked up from them and don’t want to read TOO much into it bc neurodivergence. But I wonder how much of those answers is somehow related to stigma in med Ed. My opinion is very much “fight ableism” in the sense that like, a quarter of people have a disability of some sort and can use legal measures to protect against discrimination and get us a little closer to equity. And it’s not just for me either- I really really do want to fight the systemic BS. And that’s part of why I’m so curious about their motivations for NOT seeking services. If they really feel like there is nothing they need to accommodate and like they don’t have a disability, that is GREAT for them and I won’t tell them how to experience any diagnosis or difference from normative experiences. I’m just unsure if there’s some judgment on my end for seeking it, or maybe if there’s some internalized ableism, or if they were just heavily dissuaded BECAUSE of ableism, idk.

I do feel fortunate to have people around me that care and want to help, though.

[love-advice-on-call]

Hello! I hope you're having a good day.

I don't know if this is the right place to ask about this type of relationship but I recently got into a queer platonic relationship and I need some help.

About four months ago I asked my best friend if she wanted to be in a qpr with me. I've been friends with her for 17 years; we grew up together, went to school together, our siblings were born at the same time, we've been planning to live together after we graduate college for almost two years now, and her parents have said multiple times that my sister and I are basically their kids at this point. For the last three or four years, I've also had a squish (platonic crush) on her and have been dreaming about our life together. I was terrified when I finally asked her if she wanted to be in a qpr but she was really excited about it. She also thought we were already in one tho which was a bit embarrassing lol I was absolutely over the moon after

A few days later, we called to actually define it a bit more concretely. She said I could call her my partner but she would prefer to continue calling me her best friend. Which is an accurate label, I am her best friend, but doesn't feel like the same status as I'm giving her. She said the reasoning for this was because she's interested in also perusing a romantic partner and calling me her partner would be confusing/off putting for people. Which makes sense but it still hurt. She also said that if on the slim chance she does find a serious long term romantic partner, she would live with them after graduation instead and wouldn't want me living with them because it would be too many adults in the house. I tried to play it cool but I was very hurt by this; like I said earlier, we've been planning to live together after school for several years but she would give that up for a romantic partner. I don't feel romantic attraction so she is all I have and it feels like she's not valuing our relationship or commitment (i mean 17 years???) bc it's platonic. I was so upset about this that I thought abt breaking up w her for a few days. I knew it was a stupid rash decision tho even as I was thinking abt it and I'm very glad I didn't. It would be dumb to give up years of yearning a few days into a relationship over a hypothetical romantic partner who doesn't even exist right now.

I was also very surprised at myself and my reaction. I always assumed that if I did ever get into a relationship, it would be a poly one; they just made more sense to me. Now that my partner having other partners is actually an option tho I feel very jealous and angry. It may be because I'm not actually polyamorous like I thought I was or it might be because I haven't seen her in so long and I'm jealous of the people who get to see her all the time. We're going to school across the country from each other and she's fully moved out so she lives there even during the summer. I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen her in the last two years so the idea of her having a partner that gets to see her every day isn't my favorite thing lol I've got two more years of school, she's got three (she's doing a nursing program so it takes longer), neither of us own a car or even know how to drive, and we're too broke/busy for plane tickets... so it's going to be a while until I can see her again

She's talking to a boy rn. They've went on five dates in abt the last two months but then he suddenly started ghosting her abt three weeks ago. I know I shouldn't be happy abt it but when she told me I was. I haven't told her that tho; I've been listening to her vent and trying to offer advice and be supportive even tho I have no experience w that

I miss her so much. I want to kiss her and buy her gifts and cook for her even tho she's got almost every eating restriction under the sun and I can't cook for shit and I want to take care of her cat even tho I hate cats and when she calls me it brightens my day and I want to keep track of her doctor appointments and take our meds together and I want to live with her and I want to marry her. I don't want to break up. And I know that I'm getting way ahead of myself (it's only been four months for christs sake, why am I thinking abt marriage???) and to avoid future problems I should probably tell her how I'm feeling -not abt her current romantic drama but abt her romantic pursuits in general- but I'm very nonconfrontational and don't know how to go about it. Any advice on how to broach this subject w her would be very appreciated

Hello, I’m having a good day and this is the right place to ask!

I understand that there is a difference in the status you’re giving her vs what she is giving you, however it would be good to note how a platonic relationship is viewed in general sense. Which is a relationship without sexual or romantic feelings. If those feelings start to develop, then we begin to venture outside of the definition of a platonic relationship. I understand get that a PQR can be something “more than friends,” but for your partner, she may not view a PQR the same way you do. I think part of her wanting to stick to having the best friend label is that a best friend is strictly platonic without a restriction of commitment. That could be why she said you already were in one since from her perspective, you two are already best friends which is a type of platonic relationship.

I want to say I get being hurt by her possibly going to live with someone else if she met them. Like you two have been planning this for a long time so I get that. But from her perspective, she hasn’t really seen you that much in the past two years and housing is kind of a big issue for a lot of folks. It is often easier to find housing with someone if they are physically around more so she may need to keep her options open just to ensure she has a roof over her head at the end of the day.

So in regards to your question: you are aromantic, but your partner is not, and she is looking for someone who is giving her romance which is why she’s dating despite being in the PQR. It’s why it may be unfair to your partner to tell her how to handle her romantic pursuits since you two are looking for different things . Trying to change that for her just isn’t going to work because it doesn’t match what she wants in her life. I just view this as a differing in relationship goals unfortunately.

I think it would be good to consider a couple of things, for one how you view the definition of a QPR versus how your partner views a QPR and to take sometime to think about what it is you’re looking for in a relationship.

For the QPR, I think it would be good to talk to your friend to see what you guys view a PQR as because it may be helpful to get that in the air and discuss what the expectations are for that. Maybe your partner views it differently than you and actually doesn’t want to be in a PQR. Maybe your parter views it the same way and you can then take the time to talk to them and let them know what you would like and see if they would be willing to follow up with that.

In regards to thinking about what you want: I’m not the person to be defining things for you since you are the one who knows yourself the best. However, I will say through your ask you’ve said a couple of things that seemed to indicate that you could be looking for something else than a platonic relationship or poly. Things like marriage, kissing, and asking them not to date anyone, these are usually qualities of a monogamous romantic/sexual relationship from my perspective. It definitely sounds like poly isn’t right for you since you will have to be okay with your partner going on dates with other people so I recommend taking some time to write down for yourself what an ideal relationship looks like.

So it sounds like you are still figuring out things for yourself and what you want given that you were surprised by your reactions and based on how you talk about your partner. I think it would be good to figure out “why” you feel this way. Like maybe there you do just view your partner as purely platonic and are hurt because it is a little daunting to have someone so close want to get close to someone else or maybe you are hurt because you are starting to have romantic feelings about this person too.

There’s a lot of blurred lines and platonic relationship generally doesn’t involve the level of commitment you are interested in so it may be good if you took some time to figure out if platonic relationships is actually what you want. Especially considering that you are talking about things like marriage, kissing, and asking them not to date anyone. I understand that you said you don’t feel romantic attraction, but the qualities of a relationship you describe seem to relate more to romance and sexuality than they do platonic love.

I want to say I get being hurt by her possibly going to live with someone else if she met them. Like you two have been planning this for a long time and you’ve known each other your whole lives. But, it is good to note though that you two haven’t been physically together for a while so it is understandable why she’d want to keep her options open housing wise because it can be easier to make housing decisions with people when you see then regularly in person.

Posted May 19, 2024

[divinexharmony]

It wasn’t until recently that I understood , what the depth of a comment I received from my Aunt held when she said she respected how noble it was that I became a stay at home mother. & the majority of the world will never understand. It’s one of those things you’ll never understand is like.. like what losing your home to a fire means, or losing a family member you loved with all of your life means. Because even at your very strongest, you watch things you can’t control happen. You trade money and the comfort of friends for a love you hope doesn’t fade. You hope you can give them a stable home. & You watch this attachment happen with your kids that only you will know because they physically have no capacity to remember anything except for extremes and you just hopes that you’re not giving extreme negativity. You watch literally everything materialistically you worked so hard for get stained, chipped, ripped, cut or broken but have no sureness in how exactly you’ll be able to replace any of it. You don’t make any money. Especially any money to replace these things. Or even to get the hygiene care you need to keep up with the new stress or even to rank with women of your age. You watch yourself desire to become the best at this job more than you’ve ever purely desired to become, and fail. or you feel like you’re failing. bc you snap. bc why do I tell you not to pull the whole toilet paper role put 10x a day for over 10 months. or you can’t draw a black marker line on literally 100 things in less than 2 minutes while I was in the bathroom that totals a loss of $3,000 and you can’t make out with your sister in the shower that’s weird. or you can’t eat lipgloss or smother yourself in all of your food. and you can’t touch your diaper. and you can’t touch knives and why have there been so many glass pieces in my feet I’ve walked around with for days multiple days a year and you can’t lock mommy outside until firemen show up and all the neighbors think I hunt myself even though I’m not even like that for anybody to see I don’t think.. why did they think that??? and you’re afraid to tell anybody bc they think they have the solution and you can’t tell them their wrong. and you live alone. but not alone but with minds that experience everything you’re experiencing but for the first time…. And you’re in charge of making it magical or else they might get your suicidal ideations. Holidays. Appointments. Taxes. Paperwork. every single cleaning detail. 98 hours+ a week. outdoors everyday, development everyday, enriching activities everyday, music for kids and appropriate adult music times everyday, shopping, fun activities and cooking that you have to include them in and when you do it takes 4x as long, good morning after goodnight . back hurting, wrists hurting, tailbone feels like it’s broken if you sit for too long, but you’ve been doing chores for so long on flat feet that your feet bone structure hurts and your hands rash even in summer for over washing, your butthole feels like it’s about to fall out if you sit in the toilet for too long on your phone. not to mention if you sit down anywhere they climb on you to regulate and it bothers you but it doesn’t until things start to fall or they start to wrestle you for your coffee. but if they’re not sitting on you they’re climbing in the counters and the tables to see what you tried to hide from them, or the couches and tables to jump off, even thought they have a huge slide that takes up all the play space. and it’s like whyyyy do you want to hurt your bodyy by trusting the world so hard just let me tell you yes or no and you see the future bc of this & then you’re afraid of being by yourself as a women outside with kids. you look over your shoulders every second , have a knife, a phone and a vape in all of your pockets, always making an escape plan. There’s never a break.

It’s not like anything regular you’ve ever known. It’s not even compatible. & it’s funny people even try to make comparisons. Bc this isn’t even the half of what it’s like to be a stay at home mom. This was just today.

[house-of-lovin]

see im relatively new to tumblr so i don’t even know if this is how ur supposed to send stuff in but.. yolo!

Anyways since R is a singer/writer and her reputation is pretty bad rn.. in like any sort of upcoming song she has i feel like ANY song from Taylor swifts “reputation” album works (im also saying that bc i absolutely adore rep.) BUT im not biased I have evidence.

Look what you made me do - one of the lines in the song is “i don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me, I’ll be the actress staring in your made dreams” THATS LITERALLY PERFECT BC PPL ARE STARTING TO NOT TRUST HER BC OF THE VEGAS SCANDAL, AND SHES AN ACTUAL ACTRESS!!

I did something bad - the title honestly speaks for itself. she taking the Vegas thing and reclaiming it as her own experience.. but making it positive

End game - “ohh, you and me, we got big reputations” her and j do indeed have very big reputations

So it goes - “getting caught up in the moment, lipstick on your face” her and j after R’s performance

Getaway car - “there were sirens in the beat of you heart” this might be a stretch buttt how R got arrested

Dress - “say my name and everything just stops. I don’t want you like a best friend, only bought this dress so you can take it off” I don’t feel like I even have to explain that

Dancing with our hands tied (my fav) - “i love you in spite of deep fear that the world would divide us” R being to scared to commit to J

Gorgeous- sooo many lines apply to R and J but I’m only gonna choose one. “And I’m so furious at you for making me feel this way, but what can I say? your gorgeous.” once again, speaks for itself

Ready for it - “i know I’m gonna be with you so I’ll take my time” she knows her a J are gonna end up together so she’s fine with waiting

This is why we can’t have nice things - “Here's a toast to my real friends. They don't care about that he said, she said. And here's to my baby. He ain't reading what they call me lately” ofc we can change the wording to best fit

New Year’s Day- “please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere” cmon now..

Don’t blame me - “I’ve been breaking hearts a long time and toying with them older guys” cause yk we know about R past.. with multiple people.

Call it what you want - “all the liars are calling me one” idk that just seems like a jab at the authors of the articles written about her

Delicate - “this is for the best. My reputations never been worse so you must like me for me” that’s the most PERFECT way to describe R and J

King of my heart - “your love I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep” cause.. she’s literally grasping onto the 50% chance she has with J

Anyways that’s my analogy, sorry if I went to far. I do that sometimes but once again, yolo. But tbh i can make any song relate to R. Just tell me and I can and will do it. ALSO THIS WASNT TO PRESSURE U JUST TO CLARIFY. THIS SERIES IS YOURS AND UR COMPLETELY IN CHARGE!!

I'm def gonna listen to all of these songs !!!

but a lot of people have said reputation fits R & J well!!

[xiaq]

Hi, I have a question re:sex and Christianity. Small background: I still go to church, and I still live with my parents even though I'm not much younger than you, because housing is very very expensive where I live (pretty common here, I would say about 2/3 of my friends live with their parents and we are decently privileged kids)

Anyway. How does one get over purity culture? To be clear, I've never been told in church not to have sex, I've never gotten the gendered lessons that you got. But I am terrified of having sex. My first real, multi-year relationship just ended and while there was hand stuff etc, there was never any p in v sex (lol I feel 12). But I still had insane anxiety about being pregnant despite being on bc. And I think its because I know my parents would be so disappointed if I had sex. And if I was pregnant I could imagine all the gossip. And honestly I think im from a pretty open church, b/c one of our previous ministers kids recently got married at 8 months pregnant and lots of church people were at the wedding and supportive and her parents were there and everything.

I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???

(Asking because it seems like you've been pretty open about purity culture/removing yourself from it)

CW for sex talk (again)

How does one get over purity culture?

Oh man. That really is the million-dollar question, huh? Obviously, I can only answer re my personal experiences, and this is something you should talk to a therapist about, but I can tell you how I’ve tackled it with my therapist at least.

Purity culture is, at its core, an ideology that is perpetuated by shame. If you’re indoctrinated into purity culture when you’re a kid, the concepts become baked into the way you construct your identity, your perception of self, and your perception of your sexuality. It’s practically intrinsic, by the time you’re an adult, to feel shame any time you’re reminded you have a body, much less a sexuality.

According to the chapels I sat through every week as a kid, a girl's body could be 3 things: an intentional stumbling block for men, an accidental stumbling block for men, or unnoticeable. Women were to strive for the third option so as to keep their (and their male friends/authority figures) purity intact. After all, if a boy, or even your male teacher, had impure thoughts about you, it was your fault for tempting them (which, holy shit. I still can’t believe that was a thing I bought into for so long. If my 45 yr old grown-ass teacher had impure thoughts because he could see my 12 yr old collarbone, that sure as hell wasn’t my fault. But I digress.) The Only time a woman’s body can be something else, is when she gives it to her husband, at which point she must suddenly flip the switch in her brain that she is now allowed to be a Sexual Being and she must perform Sexual Duties despite living in outright fear of her own body and sexuality for years (decades?) up until this point. Jesus take the wheel.

Purity culture isn’t a thing you can just decide to walk away from if you’ve grown up in it. Because its ideology is insidious and internalized. So first you need to submit to the fact that you’re going to be fucked up about sex. It sounds like you’re there. Second, you need to interrogate what you believe. If you’re leaving religion behind entirely, you’ll approach removing yourself from purity culture differently than if you still identify as a Christian. It sounds like you might be the latter, which meant, for me, separating what’s actually biblical and what’s shitty, contrived, doctrine that I was told is biblical but is actually more political than spiritual. This helps you address the shame issue.

You need to throw away I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting and all those ridiculous books you read and reread in the hopes of somehow obtaining impossible marriage perfection and look into actual scripture interpreted within its historical context. I could write a book on this, but the TL;DR is that the text of the Bible was written, translated, curated, and changed multiple times over thousands of years by human beings with human biases and, often, personal and/or political agendas. It contradicts itself! Reading it as it is—a flawed historical document—rather than some sort of God-breathed perfect document—is incredibly freeing. When you do, you’ll probably realize that purity culture is bullshit on a spiritual level. Which is a good start, if that matters to you. Because any time you start to feel shame or guilt you can ask yourself: does God actually care if I wear a bikini or touch a dick I’m not married to? Probably not. Wear the bikini. Touch the dick.

The most important therapy session for me was when my therapist asked what I would do if I got to heaven and God was actually the God I’d been raised to fear. What would I do if he condemned me for being bisexual and having premarital sex and becoming educated, for arguing with men, and failing to isolate while menstruating, and wearing mixed fabrics? If Montero had come out at the point, I probably would have said I’d pole dance down to hell. Instead, I said I would spit on heaven’s gates. If a god that cruel and that pointlessly demeaning really exists—a god who would create in me condemned desire—I won't worship him. The good news is, I’m 99% sure he doesn’t exist. At the very least, he isn’t supported by scripture.

Okay. The final thing you need to do is figure out what you actually want, sexually speaking. This bit is probably the hardest. I’m still in the early stages of this myself. You say: “I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???” Bro, I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me, whenever I’m feeling anxious about Sex Things, I tell myself: 1. My God does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 2. My partner does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 3. I do not equate my worth to my sexual habits. It seems silly, but reminding myself of those three things is massively helpful. If, after I’ve sorted through those, I’m still anxious or uncomfortable, I stop doing the thing. I evaluate. Am I overwhelmed and I need to try again some other time? Do I just not like the thing? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you change your mind. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s why having a partner who you trust and who’s willing to patiently explore your interests (and respect your disinterests) is so important. Half the battle, for me, was having a partner who told me they’d be ok with no sex at all. Because that took the pressure off me. If the bare minimum they need is nothing, then anything more than that is a bonus! Hooray! This is maybe TMI, but let me tell you. I thought I was asexual* right up until I was able to have moderately non-anxious sex. Never in my life did I think I would initiate a sexual situation but… I do now. It’s a fun thing to do with a person I love and, holy shit. I am furious that I nearly missed out on it.

Finally, re birth control: I don’t know how you can approach that fear in a way that works for you. If you don’t want to ever have penetrative sex, that’s fine! If that’s a point of anxiety you can’t get rid of, then don't push yourself to do it. If you find out you like other sex things, do the other sex things! If you don't like doing any sex things, don't do any sex things! Also, have you considered sleeping with people who can’t get you pregnant? Always an option if it’s an option you want to consider. ;)

Okay. I hope this was even a little bit helpful. Sorry if it’s a little convoluted, I typed it up in bursts during my work breaks.

*This is not at all to say that asexuality can be “fixed." Rather, it’s to say that things like purity culture can drastically confuse your sexuality in general. If you’re asexual, then this process is still important to discover what you like/dislike. Then you can be explicit about those necesities and find a partner who’s a good fit (if you want a partner at all, that is).

[phillipjaekwoncoulson]

Also I'm rewatching the first few eps of MK and i have. Thoughts.

The little girl clocks that Steven specifically gets rejected from the field of reeds in ep1 which is. Interesting.

The postcards might be from Marc's travels but they also might be from the gift shop bc we do see a shot early on where there's a rack of them

Steven can't see Khonshu yet in the first ep bc Khonshu deals with Marc and can only be seen by his avatar given how Layla can't see him, but as Steven and Marc's lives bleed together Khonshu is more and more visible

This whole thing starts very very shortly after their mom dies. Marc's abuser dies and he immediately serves Layla divorce papers, goes on a headlong search for this scarab artifact that he and Layla have been looking for for years so that she can't find it, and asks some random girl out for Steven. He's preparing to wrap up all his loose ends to give Steven his life. He's cutting ties and getting ready to essentially stop existing. That's,,,, such an intense grief response but go off i guess

Marc is also trying so fucking hard to keep Steven safe and unaware while everything starts to fall apart around his ears and that thought just makes me wanna cry given how ep 5 ended

Seriously tho his world is imploding and his #1 priority is still giving Steven that normal uneventful life he wished he could have

Also Khonshu knows about Steven the whole time, whether bc god magic or bc Marc told him we don't know, but he clearly recognised Steven and knew that Marc didn't want him to be there

Marc has a good handle on this all already as well, which gives me the idea that he's aware he's been living inside the headspace this whole time, which afaik isn't very typical of people with DID, but then again if he was the prosecutor then that would make sense.

Stevens little sand circle is in a moon shape which is adorable

As the barrier between Steven and Marc breaks down so does Stevens hold on reality which makes sense, that all this was started not bc of some big world ending threat but more simply bc Marc's world is imploding bc his mom died and he just. Can't handle it. Having an abuser die is fucked up already and really hard to parse bc they raised you and there were probably some good times but also they hated you and made your life a living hell but they're your parent and you owe them everything but they tortured you and you owe them nothing and it's just. Tricky. It's a sticky tricky situation, speaking from experience.

Marc goes to work for Steven at least twice, which is adorable bc hes just trying to give Steven a sense of normality. This man lives in a storage locker on a cot and imploded his own marriage just so that Steven can live in an uncomplicated world. Obviously Steven is taking Randall's place as the brother he's supposed to protect and that makes me want to Cry

Marc somehow hid his DID from his wife, deliberately bc there's loads of evidence that he knew he had it for a long while, and despite Layla being smart af he kept what was apparently days/weeks of Steven's life from the woman he lived with. Which is just wild.

Also Marc killed like eight guys with just a tiny metal scarab and that's badass

Steven probably started studying Egyptian gods to stay awake bc he had an unconscious draw to it after Khonshu made Marc his avatar

The moon when Marc fights the jackals at the museum is the same shape as Khonshu's staff

Marc has been kidnapped multiple times according to Layla and doesn't always have access to the suit, which might be a hand-wavy explanation he gave her to explain away Steven (and Jake?) to Layla

The things Marc cares about have bled into Stevens life for a while apparently given the French poetry and obsession with Egyptian mythology

The flat Steven lives in apparently belongs to his mom. That's. That doesn't exactly make sense? Unless that's just what Steven assumed since he didn't find it or pay rent on it i guess?

Steven needs glasses and Marc doesn't apparently, or more likely Marc bought him fake glasses or just doesn't wear them even tho he needs them

Steven keeps dunking on Marc and Marc just takes it bc his self esteem is so low that he believes he's the one ruining everything when he goes so far out of his way to keep everyone safe and happy. The postcards and Gus and pretending his mom is good and alive and leaving Layla to let her live an uncomplicated life and buying Stevens flat and setting everything up so perfect every night so Steven wouldn't know he left and hiding away whenever he's not explicitly needed so Steven can live instead of him and now I'm making myself sad bc he tries SO HARD to make it all right, all the bad shit he's done in his life, and Steven still hates him for it and Marc doesn't protest bc he thinks he deserves it bc it's his fault everything is his fault bc that's what he's been told his entire life by the woman who's supposed to love him

I'm actually not done with this thought bc Steven shows such contempt for the things Marc has to do to keep them safe and he treats Marc like a monster and Marc doesn't argue bc he thinks hes a monster too which is why hes pulling back and surrendering his life to Steven, who isn't a monster and was created to have good nice things and not be afraid all the time

On another note, Marc chose Steven Grant bc, like the poster says, he has no fear. Obviously Steven evolved into a whole person who has fears and doubts but I'd reckon that it still holds true that when Marc is afraid Steven fronts. That or intense emotions, anything that overwhelms him or makes him feel out of control, he concedes to Steven. Like just after the Shiva, for example. Marc has never had a mental breakdown in the eat ice cream and cry sense bc Steven takes over. If Layla gets hurt in the last ep and Steven isn't there I'm afraid Marc is just gonna completely fall apart bc he's not able to handle such intense emotions

Steven apparently thinks about killing Donna all the time which is kinda funny bc he could. Like at any point if he got too angry Marc would front and he could straight up murder her easy. Technically Steven could too. It's like Mr Incredible sitting and being yelled at by his boss who's like a quarter of his size

Layla has to be significantly younger than Marc bc A. Vibes, she's still way too headstrong and stubborn and runs headfirst into shit without thinking and B. If her dad was somewhat of a contemporary to Marc then she's gotta be at least 5-10 years younger. Oscar Isaac has 8 years on May Calamawy, which yeah that tracks

After all the magic and gods and shit you'd think Layla would accept Steven being a different person a lot earlier and yet

Marc is not only saving Steven from his dangerous life, but also from having to become dangerous like him. He loves Steven so much it HURTS bc that's a part of him! That's a part of him that he loves so much he would do anything for and yet he still hates himself so much

Also him breaking the mirror at the end of ep 2 bc not only is Steven telling him everything he can't bear to hear but also he hates himself so much that watching someone with his face confirm his worst fears, that he's exactly who his mother thought he was, is too much for him

God when Khonshu tells Marc he's worth protecting there's such anger in his eyes bc he thinks Khonshu is just lying to him to get what he wants

Marc possibly being an alcoholic btw makes a lot of sense bc if he can't have strong emotions without Steven taking over he would have to keep himself numb to get his work done uninterrupted and keep Steven safe

The ending title for every ep has a bunch of stuff including a polaroid of Layla and her dad and the psych hospital and Oscar Isaac with three faces which is just more proof that Jake is coming. My bet is that it'll be in the last few minutes of the last episode as a sort of gotcha and opening to s2

The ending title also has the staircase from his house in Chicago which. Hurts. As well as a psa for the American national mental health hotline which is a nice touch

Ok this is getting way too long already and that's just the first 2 eps so imma stop here but by god are there so many threads that slowly get untangled over these 6 hours and honestly hats off to you Mr Feige you'll always be my second favourite marvel director/producer (behind Taika Watiti ofc)

[autisticcassandracain]

🔥 kori

dickkory sucks but not for any of the reasons dickkory haters say it sucks. most dickkory hate is literally just ppl hating on kori disguised as a 'personal opinion' on ships and usually those opinions make it extremely obvious that they never bothered to like, actually read The New Teen Titans lmao. 'dickkory was mostly sexual' is especially a terrible take because not only is it blatantly untrue, it's also based in the slut-shaming Kori has received over the years for being sexually open, and the mischaracterization she's received bc people saw an opportunity to reduce a female character to a sex object with a thin veil of plausible deniability in the form of 'characterization' and took it.

Most arguments against dickkory I've seen focus on the idea that Kori didn't offer Dick much, which is HILARIOUS because you have a MUCH better argument for the reverse, which is exactly what I will now proceed to argue.

got long, is under the cut, you know the drill. TL;DR Kori and Dick's relationship was badly built up, Kori provides more emotional support for Dick than Dick provides for Kori, Kori was more important to Dick's development than Dick was to Kori, and I don't think it's ever even been stated why Kori likes Dick.

Also donnakory was built up way better than dickkory and I'd argue Donna has had more of an influence on Kori than Dick ever did. That last one isn't explained in-depth it's just important to me that you know this.

Dick and Kori barely interacted prior to getting together, and yet we were supposed to believe this narrative that Dick was definitely in love with Kori and just couldn't admit it. I literally did a double take the first time Kori mused to herself about being confused Dick 'wouldn't admit to being in love with her' like I'm sorry WHEN did that get established??? I'm too aro for 'love at first sight' bullshit you have to actually make them interact or I won't buy it. This lack of build-up was my first problem with dickkory, but I was willing to ignore it if the actual relationship appealed to me.

It didn't. Dick and Kori's relationship is marked by a pattern of what, to me, is incompatibility. Dick is the type of person who, when stresses, lashes out at others and pushes them away. He's seen doing this multiple times to Kori in The New Teen Titans, most notably shortly after they got together when he was stressed due to having too much on his plate, and in the Return to Tamaran/Karras/Marriage arc. Kori consistently reacts to this behavior by blaming herself for it. The first time, she comes to Donna to ask her if she's done anything wrong, after which Donna reassures her that Dick's just Like That, and Kori resolves to be as supportive as she can.

The second time bothers me much more; on Tamaran, Dick is so mean to her she ends up having a full-on breakdown, which she first seeks support for from Joey, but later, she just stays depressed until she can return to Earth. While Dick's behaviour was influenced by his brainwashing, we never get confirmation of how much of it was influenced, and on top of that, the comic repeatedly and consistently frames Kori as having 'hurt Dick' during this arc afterwards, making her say this repeatedly, while never refuting it or addressing the ways Dick has harmed Kori during this arc.

While Dick did man up and apologize in both circumstances (I think the second apology was lacking, but the first was quite good), it still established a pattern that I find uncomfortable. Dick is rude to Kori, Kori takes it personally and wonders what she's done wrong, Kori tries to talk it out with Dick, Dick snaps at her and pushes her away, but eventually realizes he's been mean and apologizes. What bothers me the most in this pattern is the part where Kori consistently blames herself for Dick's behaviour, and assumes she's done something wrong to make him behave this way. Every time this came up in the comics, it made me deeply uncomfortable, because I've seen enough real-life relationships with a very similar dynamic to this that were deeply unhealthy to make this set off all my alarm bells.

I want to stress that I don't think dickkory is actually unhealthy in canon, but it reminds me of enough unhealthy relationships I've known for me to be personally uncomfortable with it.

That's not the only part that reminds me of those relationships: I feel like Dick is getting way more out of this relationship than Kori. Kori is consistently shown to support Dick when he goes through tough situations, even when Dick responds by trying to push her away or being rude to her. Similarly, Dick has stated that Kori was the one who helped him open up about his emotions, and has had a tremendous positive effect on his character development as a result; he even goes so far as to name her one of the elements of his Nightwing identity. Kori pushes Dick to explore new areas of himself, and supports him when he has problems.

Dick, by contrast.... doesn't really do this with Kori. When Kori needed support, Dick was consistently either absent or actually rude to her. Again, this is most prominent during the Karras arc; during a time when Kori desperately needed someone to support her, Dick was only concerned with his own hurt feelings. And again, yes, he was brainwashed during this, but again, we never actually got confirmation on how much of this behaviour was due to brainwashing, and much of the writing afterwards framed Kori was the one in the wrong here, so my point stands. This was the singular most important moment Kori needed support, and Dick blew it, and the narrative basically let him off the hook for it.

The only time I can think of when Dick supported Kori in non-battle related situations was right after the Wildebeest arc in New Titans, but that was also the start of Kori's character massacre for the break up arc, so I don't exactly have fond memories of that. I'm sure there's been more minor moments where he's supported her that I'm forgetting, but I shouldn't have to have this much trouble coming up with times Dick has emotionally supported Kori.

Furthermore, Dick hasn't had a similar effect on Kori's character development to Kori's effect on Dick. While Kori did develop while she was with Dick, this wasn't really due to Dick. Her short-lived change of heart about the morality of murder was due to her personal experiences, and while Dick probably aided in this decision, so did Donna and even the rest of the Titans. It was not something that was uniquely Dick, the way Dick opening up about his emotions was uniquely Kori. Her distancing herself from Tamaran and embracing Earth was also not uniquely Dick, and was in fact a realization that mostly took place in his absence. Other parts of her character development follow this pattern.

I'm not saying Dick has had no effect on Kori's character progression, but he wasn't instrumental in it the way Kori was instrumental in his. Kori's character would've likely progressed in an extremely similar fashion even without him, and I can't say the same for Dick. If anyone influenced Kori's development in a similar way Dick influenced Kori's, it was Donna, who was the one to introduce her to Earth culture, supported her through various tough times and insecurities, helped her find a job (albeit it on accident) and frequently worked with her later, etc. etc. And even then, I don't think Donna's effect on Kori was quite as dramatic as Kori's effect on Dick.

The final nail in the coffin for any interest I may have had in dickkory is the fact that I, honest to god, have no idea why Kori likes Dick. I don't. Dick has several internal monologues about how much he loves Kori for her passion, her drive, her openness, and the way she pushes him to explore new parts of himself and open up, but Kori... doesn't really do the same for Dick. I can make guesses as to why I think Kori likes Dick, even fairly educated ones (I think Kori likes Dick at least in part because his intellectual approach to life is new and interesting to her, for example), but they've never stated it explicitly the way they've stated what Kori likes about Dick. And for a series that'll state practically everything explicitly if it can, up to and including what's happening on the panel right now, this is very weird to me.

Any of these problems, isolated, I could've gotten past; even a two of these problems I could've probably ignored. Three would've been pushing it, but all of them? No chance. Any good will I had towards the relationship was buried with the Karras arc, and then shot in the head for good measure when they continuously talked about it as if Kori was the one at fault there.

All of these problems combined make it very clear to me that Kori was not the primary concern in this relationship. Kori was invented as a love interest for Dick, and it shows. This entire relationship is about what it does for Dick, how it helps Dick. The only thing Kori gets out of it, at least to me, is the happiness she gets from being in love, and frankly, she could get that with literally any other character.

The fact that people keep reducing her character to this relationship also infuriates me and makes me even less inclined to like it, especially when they can't even bother to remember Kori was the one who broke up with Dick and instead treat Kori as the one who was left heartbroken and has never gotten over it, while Dick gets to move on with his life and other love interests.

I think this relationship had potential; I think their contrasting personalities could've made for an interesting relationship, and I've enjoyed some isolated moments and fandom portrayals of them before. But after reading The New Teen Titans, I just do not understand why so many Kori fans like this relationship so much. I went into the series neutral on the relationship but hopeful about being won over, to straight-up hating it.

Also that one time they used a relationship between a man who was about to shoot his wife for cheating on him as a direct and obvious parallel to dickkory was SO GODDAMN AWFUL. why the hell did they think that was a good idea. why.

[the-killer-queenie]

Baby's first word (dad!Joonas)

Hey! It finally happened; I wrote my first fic ever. I know, I'm shook too. The things Blind Channel are making me do🥴

I really want to thank @poodlejoonas 💜 (the culprit xP) for not only letting me run with her AU but also for being a total angel and proof reading, making corrections and suggesting ideas. I'm linking both of her fics incluiding dad!Joonas but all of her fics are totally worthy and so extraordinarily written: poodlejoonas's dad!Joonas fic (aka the fic that started all) // the BC guys as uncles

Hope y'all enjoy it!☺️

After one year and a half without shows, the world slowly started to open up which meant Blind Channel managed to get new gigs in what seemed like forever. Everyone was thrilled at the idea of playing shows again like before the pandemic hit. Sure, UMK and Eurovision were amazing experiences but playing multiple times and only one song couldn't beat the adrenaline of performing a proper setlist in front of a real crowd jumping and singing along.

To say that Joonas was really excited wasn’t enough. His time was split between rehearsals with the band and spending time with you and Sohvi at your home. As perfectionist as the boys were, they even had to encourage Joonas to leave some rehearsals earlier so he could spend some well-deserved time with his daughter. But even at your home, Joonas would keep practicing (not that you would complain, since you love hearing him play and sing) giving mini acoustic shows to a starstruck Sohvi, who would watch his dad with loving eyes and sloppily clap when the songs ended.

Of course, the thought of bringing you and his little daughter to one of the shows crossed his mind, but both of you decided to wait a little more before taking young Sohvi to one of the band's concerts.

Despite only being away for a weekend, Joonas left you both with him promising he’d try not to go off the rails, to which you laughed and reassured him not to worry as long as he found his way home.

Joonas had to leave really early in the morning. You weren’t even up yet but felt his kiss on your cheek. You also heard him making a stop at your daughter’s room to say his goodbye to an asleep Sohvi.

At around the time Joonas would come home from the studio, you heard Sohvi babbling in the living room. Since she couldn’t talk yet, she motioned towards Joonas’s guitar he kept in the corner of the room, which you took as her way of questioning where her father was. “Clever girl,” you said as you picked her up. “Daddy is playing songs like when he plays it for you before bedtime, but this time for thousands of people.'' You knew she couldn’t yet understand her father’s profession but she made happy noises, which you took as a sign of understanding. "Such a good girl," you said as you bopped her nose. “We can go to the park and then we can call daddy, okay?” you proposed, which was met with even more cheerful noises.

Joonas came back late at night. You were taking a shower when you heard the rattle of keys and the front door being open. Joonas was finally home, and he left his guitar and bag against the wall. He heard the shower, so the first thing he did as soon as he dropped his stuff was check on Sohvi in her bedroom, where she lay asleep in her crib clutching her teddy bear (a present from Uncle Tommi). He tucked her in and gave her a kiss on her forehead. You, having finished your shower, stood against the door frame, adoringly observing the scene. The scene lasted for a moment until Joonas, feeling your presence, turned around with a cheeky smile.

"Enjoying the view?"

"Hey, you rockstar."

Joonas approached you and hungrily kissed you. Breaking off the kiss, you started to close Sohvi's bedroom door, so you could talk without waking her up. Joonas took a last look at the little baby and whispered.

"She's such an angel."

"She really is."

You could tell he was still buzzing with excitement from the weekend he just had. He seemed really excited to talk about the show and how good it felt to play live again. But as enthusiastic as he looked, he also looked extremely tired, so you immediately demanded him to go to bed and get some rest, promising he could tell you all about it in the morning.

The next day was a day spent with family. The band decided to take a few days before starting new rehearsals and working on the next album. You forced Joonas to stay in bed as you prepared breakfast and brought it to him. After that, both of you spent the morning cuddling, until you heard Sohvi waking up. Joonas finally left bed to greet his little angel. Sohvi was still sleepy but thrilled to see her dad. “Isä on täällä.”* Joonas softly said as she babbled and made grabby hands towards him. He took her out of the crib and carried her to your shared bed. What followed were more cuddles and Joonas’s weekend stories (at least the few “child-appropriate” ones, since Sohvi was present and you know kids are like sponges). He recounted how Olli lost his bass, which made you laugh but also made you both wonder if he still was the best choice for being Sohvi's godfather.

After lunch, Joonas received an email from their photographer with a bunch of videos of the concert, so naturally he had to show them to both of you. He set up his computer in front of the sofa, where you were sitting with Sohvi in your lap, and played the videos. Whenever Joonas was on scene, you’d point at the screen and say, “look Sohvi, that’s daddy right there,” and Joonas’s heart would melt. Sohvi even started to do little jumps and you could swear she was trying to mimic Joonas’s movements he did to hype up the crowd before Dark Side was played. Joonas was so delighted by the scene he took out his phone and started filming the whole situation.

“Look at her, a proper heir of the Porko dynasty.” Joonas joked, though you knew in reality, he was half-serious and wondered how much time would pass until she got any kind of instrument in her hands, either a present from Joonas or from any of her uncles.

But none of you were prepared to hear your baby saying her first word when Joonas’s solo came up: “isä.” She said “daddy” in her father’s native Finnish. Both you and Joonas froze and looked at each other with teary eyes as you both processed the moment. Joonas interrupted in cheers as he picked her up and kissed her cheek, his blonde curly hair getting in her face and making her laugh. You quickly grabbed Joonas’s phone from his hand, since it almost flew away as he spun Sohvi around and kept recording the tender moment.

"I have to tell the boys. They were sure her first word was going to be Porko. Joel even bet on it."

"Oh that explains their insistence on saying Porko even though you weren’t in the room but Sohvi was…”

*Isä on täällä = Daddy's here (according to google translator, so @ Finns feel free to correct me pls)

[trivia-bangtan]

after (jjk) - 005

pairing: patient!oc x patient!jungkook

genre: friends to lovers au, kinda a hazel and gus trope, | lots of angst, fluff and suggestive themes

warning: this chapter gets extremely dark 😭 (nothing new lol)

authors note: omfg im so sorry it’s taken me so long to post 😩 the schedule might change from now on bc my schedule changed 😅 but hope u guys enjoy it 😩😩

there's a phobia called agoraphobia. it’s basically the fear of places and situations that can cause panic, helplessness and/or embarrassment. usually, i can deal with it. but things like cringe worthy scenes and overly cheesy romance is unavoidable.

especially being friends with jeon jungkook.

i knew better than to hand out my phone number to just anyone, but i thought maybe jungkook would be so busy with his own life, he would leave me alone.

for his parents' sake, i hope he had unlimited talk and text for his plan. the boy texted me first thing in the morning and every hour or so. he would call me at night, sometimes even facetime me, just before he went to bed. and even when we would hang up, he would still text me goodnight.

the only other person i would talk to everyday, other than my parents, is hoseok. hoseok was my older cousin, but one of my closest friends as well. but even hoseok gave a break during the day to allow some “me time” for the both of us.

jungkook was relentless. he would always text me “good morning sunshine” and then text me “good night my moon”. what the hell even was that?

as much as it was annoying, it was endearing in a sense. i guess it was nice to have someone other than family constantly checking up on me. but some part of me couldn’t help but wonder if it was because of what namjoon had said and if he felt obligated to have to talk to me.

i knew jungkook wasn’t like that. but a small part of me couldn’t help but convince myself that it could be true.

“so the guy texts you all the time? it’s not a big deal,” hoseok said, sitting across the island in his kitchen. i stuck my fork into my bowl of fruit, impaling a small blueberry in the process.

“i mean, it’s not but it’s weird. hobi, i’ve never had someone crave to talk to me so often. and i swear it has to be because of what our counselor said,” i mumble.

the thing about hoseok is he has an aura that gets you to spill all emotions. much like jungkook. but the difference between the two of them in my life is that i’ve known hoseok a lot longer and can confirm he can keep his mouth shut.

“well contrary to your belief, you’re a decent person to have around,” he shrugs, giving a strawberry in his mouth. i snort at his comment and roll my eyes.

“wow, what a compliment. it’s a wonder you’re single,” i chuckle, shoveling the fork full of blueberries into my mouth.

“i’m single by choice. what about you?” hoseok smirks, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” i asked, laughing at his expression.

“what?”

“the whole thing?” i respond, laying my fork down onto the counter, leaning onto it with my elbows, forearms flat as i folded my hands.

“i’m single because i choose to be. i prefer comforting solitude than forced company,” he shrugs, continuing to shovel fruit into his mouth.

“forced company?” i ask.

“yeah. like, just because we’re together, they feel obligated to HAVE to hang out with me or invite me everywhere when, in reality, i don’t give a damn. i mean, you know me. we both value our solitude and respect that. but it’s hard to find someone that understands that. and then i’m the bad guy for wanting alone time when really, it’s a mental health break,” hoseok explains, his eyes locked onto the bowl in front of him.

his statement surprised me. he was always such a people oriented person. as kids, he was the first to make friends between us and always such an extrovert. it kind of hurt to know eventually his whole personality switched. but maybe being so wrapped up in my world and in my own issues, i failed to acknowledge the people around me.

the atmosphere changed after that. almost as if there was a sad reminisce in the air.

“do you think you’re forced to keep me company?” i blurted. i couldn’t deny, the thought crossed my mind multiple times before. was everyone around me just babysitting to make sure i didn’t hurt myself?

i couldn’t tell. i knew asking would be dumb. hoseok would never tell me the truth. he’s usually a pretty blunt and up front guy, but he would never outright hurt my feelings. which saddened me even more. would he willingly lie to comfort me? knowing what i knew?

“do you think i am?”

“yeah,” i honestly admitted. we both sat in silence, taking in my answer.

it wasn’t a lie. like i said, the thought had crossed my mind. every time he placed his phone down on the table to force himself to give me his attention. the way he seemingly dropped everything immediately if i asked him to hang out with me or pick me up some place. how i never heard of him being with friends.

the more i sat there, the more i threw myself into overdrive, thinking until my head started to pound from overthinking.

“well, you’re wrong,” he sighed. my eyes flitted up to gaze at his face. he looked sullen, almost like my answer had upset him. i released a silent huff through my nose, smirking in the process.

“you don’t have to protect me,” i murmured quietly.

“my mom called me. she begged me to come home one day. i didn’t understand it at first, but she's my mom. i did as i was told. when i got home, she didn’t say anything, just told me to get in the car. i remember thinking to myself ‘what’s got her feeling this way? why is she being ominous with her actions?’ the whole drive, she said nothing,” hoseok said, a distant look in his eyes.

“she ended up pulling over at some park. it was late, so i didn’t recognize it at first. but then i realized what park it was. it was the park we went to as kids. and, again, i kept wondering to myself why she was being enigmatic with her actions. and then she spoke. she said six words and then didn’t speak the rest of the week,” he said, his voice shaken with sadness.

“what did she say?” i asked softly, my voice a mere whisper. hoseok looked up at me, his eyes glazed red.

“your cousin tried to kill herself.”

i felt like the air had come out of my lungs.

it’s funny, people like to talk about your attempts, but nobody ever tells you where they were and what they were doing when they heard the news. nobody tells you the pain they feel or the hurt. the anger or the betrayal. they pretend like what they felt didn’t happen to convince themselves it wasn’t real and they could move on. because it didn’t work and you’re alive.

but hearing hoseok tell me about his experience, it stirred something in my heart and i hadn’t felt in a long time.

regret.

“she didn’t even mention if you survived or if you were okay. that’s all she said. and because she was crying, i assumed the worst. i had assumed you died. and it felt like everything in me… stopped working. like, i forgot what it was like to not have you by my side. every… every memory, every laugh. every inside joke. it was like a corny ass film playing at 2x speed in front of me. my mind kept telling itself this can’t be real. she wouldn’t do that to me’. but the longer we sat there and the harder she cried, i couldn’t take it. i jumped out of the car and just started running. i didn’t know where i was going but i just had to run because the car was so suffocating, i thought i was gonna pass out. and i kept asking myself ‘why her? why couldn’t she just talk to me? why didn’t she tell me she was hurting? does she know how much i love her and that i would do anything to keep her here?’ and then i was pissed because i thought you had abandoned me. that you didn’t care about me or your parents or my mom. but then… once i stopped running… i felt bad for you. because i could never imagine the amount of loneliness you must’ve felt thinking the only way to solve this was to end it all,” he said through his compendious recount of that night. i could feel the hurt and regret make its rounds in my heart, forcing my body to follow. it physically ached to hear hobi recall every moment of that night. “i’m sorry,” i cried out, crying into my hands.

“that’s why i hang out with you. that’s why i talk to you. because i don’t want you to feel that kind of loneliness ever again,” he admitted, sniffling. the hurt and regret only further festered and made me cry over hard to the point where i felt like i couldn’t breathe. hoseok stood from his spot, making his way around the island. he stood in front of me, pulling me into his chest, my arms wrapping around his waist. i hadn’t hugged anyone in years, and the amount of care and love hoseok had emitted through his hug made me cry even more.

“and that’s why i’m so glad you have jungkook. because when i can’t be there, at least he is,” he explained, rubbing small circles in my back.

though my doubt was still heavy, and i felt as if he had an ulterior motive, hoseok’s words comforted me in a way.

jungkook had been nothing but kind, never intrusive or inquisitive about my history or my feelings. he spoke to me because he wanted me to know that he cared.

and for the first time in forever, i felt something else too.

hope.