#we have players that try and are only going to start getting exhausted mentally and physically

[thiagodasilva]

I don’t even have a proper reaction anymore. everything is awful, barely anyone seems to have the spirit or maturity or the energy to do more. and it’s more than likely going to be like this for a while. nothing can happen overnight but I fear we don’t even have the tools for the rebuild we desperately need. I’m still a blue through and through but wow is it just a shame to see what we’ve become.

[the---hermit]

30|05|2025

Yesterday I ended up taking half of the day off because I was exhausted. I did finish listening to the audibook of Ready Player One, and I must say I was a bit disappointed. I felt like the general idea was cool, but I didn't love the execution. I am surprised it was not listed as ya because it really read like one? Anyway, I was in need of a new audiobook and I found the audio version of a few short stories from a collection I've owned for years. I have never really been in the mood to get to it since it's a very long book. I decided to listen to those stories and get a start on the book. Then I might pause it and read a story every once in a while when I don't know what to read or don't want to commit to a whole novel. I am truly trying to approach reading fully following my gut not really caring if I dnf books or pause them indefinitely. I am also trying to get back the habit of reading a few pages before sleep. My goal is to read at least one page, that's it, as basic as it gets. I am currently rereading The Shining (yes the other day I did end up going to a bookshop and getting it and I am very happy I did because I have been wanting to reread it for a couple of years now). As for my study progress, I am still very much struggling with anthropology and I am starting to fear I won't be able to actually take the exam in July. The main goal now is to focus on the exam I want to take in June. I have all my materials ready, I only need to wait for my friend to share with me the notes for the few lectures I missed and then I can start actually reviewing everything. As for anthropology if I won't be ready for July I'll just take it in September. I have to work with what I can with my mental health and energies, and that would not be ideal but also not too bad either. I am still trying to take things one day at the time, and hope for the best.

Today's tasks:

downloaded the materials regarding what we did in class during the week

fixed and highlighted the notes I took during this week's lectures

finished writing notes for anthropology book ch1

audiobook during lunch break

Irish

[wixhing0nastar]

Okay, so I'm thinking about where Arcane's second season is going to go, specifically in terms of what's happening with Vi and Caitlyn, and I've got some thoughts about how the first two acts might play out.

This is largely based of the scenes from the trailer, which are all likely from the first act/first three episodes of the season, plus what we know about Vi leaving (again) and having her angsty goth phase during (I believe) the second act... plus I'm a league player and Caitlyn is one of my mains, so I know lore-wise where her and Vi's relationship goes.

Specifically, that of all the relationships in the show (romantic or otherwise) they're the only one we know gets a good/happy ending... most of the other ones get at best a lukewarm ending if not an outright tragic one.

So we know in the first act it looks like Caitlyn and Vi, along with a small team, are going into the Undercity to try to apprehend Jinx. This post actually did a really good job of picking out some of the details about how that's all going to go down, but I remember reading it over the first time and then wondering to myself how do we go from Caitlyn getting hurt and looking haggard from the fight to Vi up and leaving again?

And then I realized there's a component I've seen a lot of people forget about when trying to theorize about this... and that's Warwick's existence, aka: Vander's reanimated corpse.

An interesting fact about Warwick, part of his thing in canon is that he's attracted to/can smell Shimmer and attacks people who've been using it... like Jinx and Vi (remember the cure Caitlyn had to get for her stab wound... the one that had a drop of Shimmer in it?)

I think that things are going to go wrong because Warwick/Vander shows up on the scene and attacks everyone, specifically focusing on Vi and Jinx since they're the ones with Shimmer in their systems...

And I think that at least Vi (and probably Jinx) is going to see him and put the pieces together and realize what Singed did to him and that's going to cause Vi to have a bit of a psychotic break just like Jinx did.

Because while Jinx is the obvious one with mental health issues, Vi's also clearly got her own issues. While they were caused in part by blood loss, Vi has also had hallucinations and seen things that weren't there (Powder, their mom, Vander, and we know in this upcoming season; Caitlyn). 

And I think that Caitlyn is going to be struggling with her own grief after her mother's death and the weight of trying to keep everyone safe now that she's sheriff that she's not going to realize what's going on with Vi at first and she's too emotionally exhausted to keep trying to fight Vi and get her to stay (we mostly talk about the not breakup in the rain, but there were actually four separate times in the first season Vi tried to leave Caitlyn behind).

And that's the first act, paralleling the end of season one's first act where Vi's separated from her loved one. Then the second act starts, continuing to parallel the first season we have Caitlyn doing work and investigating and then something happens, too many variables to be certain, and she ends up chasing Vi down anyway.

And it's a pseudo redo of Vi (and Caitlyn) trying fo find Powder in the first season, only now it's Caitlyn looking for Vi who's hurt and upset and alone... and then we get a parallel reunion scene (with a possible heartbreaking "are you real" from Vi this time since we know she's hallucinating Caitlyn) and then Caitlyn drags Vi back topside to see a doctor and get the help she needs... no idea what's in store for act three though, total mystery there tbh...

But while I know the show has a unhappy ending, it's important to remember that the show itself isn't actually about Vi and Caitlyn's relationship (though it's a large part of it). It's about Vi and Jinx's relationship, it's their origin story after all, one that we know for sure ends in tragedy... while Vi and Caitlyn's doesn't... which gives me hope in that regard at least.

[enbycrip]

Everything is just such a LOT rn.

Doing literally anything makes me just *too fucking tired*.

I increasingly feel I’m honestly just being unrealistic in ever expecting to larp again; I’ve played one larp and run one larp this year, and they were awesome, but they both left me absolutely too exhausted to do anything afterwards for about six weeks, and, from the feedback, it feels like some of the adaptations we made on the fly to accommodate the fact that I collapsed on the Saturday late afternoon negatively impacted the game for some players. Which is a thing; ofc; you make adaptations on the fly, you don’t know how a plot will land, you’ll bear this in mind for the next time, yadda yadda yadda. But it makes me feel even more intensely unreliable than I already do.

I had two more larps I was meant to go to, and I ended up cancelling them both; yes, one was covid, which could have happened to a healthy person, but the entire idea of going to larp just increasingly feels like something it’s unrealistic to expect when, frankly, *living* feels *too much*. I barely see anyone because doing *anything* knocks me out for days and being out of the house is *scary* because I never know when I’m suddenly going to have overdone it and will collapse. Every bit of “pushing through” I do when I’m starting to collapse puts hours and sometimes days onto the recovery time. And I don’t really get anything from lying down for an hour. When I’ve started to crash, that’s me for the *day* at the very least.

And then this fucking PIP consultation thing is *really* getting to me. I’m about a third of the way into doing the consultation and it’s honestly more than I can manage, really, and I don’t know how much of that is that it’s genuinely ridiculously over-complex and how much is fucking trauma, which *massively* impacts my spoon expenditure not only on the thing itself, but on everything else.

It’s just…I’m *barely* afloat. I’ve managed to do this entirely remote Masters, which I fucking *pray* I’ve managed to pass, and it’s broken me, tbh. This continual fucking theatre of cruelty that governments put disabled people through where we performatively have to jump through more and more hoops to get the absolute basics for survival, and those of us who fall along the way are dismissed as “faking” is *too fucking much*.

I’ve already abandoned trying to chase up medical aid that *might* help me because that’s what the NHS is like and I honestly can’t take the cumulative impact of that on my mental health. Every appointment I come away from having been dismissed and belittled and not helped impacts me for months, even on top of the physical and financial impact of travel and whatever else it has cost me, and I made the decision that I would rather risk not getting the increasingly tiny prospect of actual aid than have to keep dealing with that. And I *know* some people will decide that I’m “faking” or “it can’t be that bad” because of that, and I simply have to deal with that fact.

My life has dwindled to so very little. I spend probably an average of 20 hours of my day, every day, lying flat listening to podcasts and audiobooks. Some days it’s 24 hours; on *very good* days it’s 18 or 19. Sometimes I manage some writing or embroidery or playing games in that. And I’m *always* in pain. The painkillers *help*; they don’t get *rid* of it.

Is that a life *anyone* would envy? And yet it’s just not enough; if there’s *any* chance I might not be *miserable* enough in it, I need to be put through *more* performative misery in the name of “economic inactivity”?

And this is *before* we get to gender stuff. If they don’t want me dead because I’m disabled they want me dead because I’m trans.

And I don’t have the spoons to chase up referral to a gender clinic because of aforesaid medical trauma and I don’t have the spoons to explain nonbinary gender stuff and how it impacts how much I just want rid of these fucking tits and how shitty they make me feel, and deal with being gaslighted about am I *really* trans *enough* if I’m not a man either?

[adinafay]

Okay, Astarion origin run.

We're all well-versed in getting his approval and romance arc, but what are we collectively thinking he'd be most-likely to do without Tav/Durge around? As, himself, the de-facto leader of the group? With Tav/Durge around he really only needs them on his side; they'll protect him from the rest of the party and he's pretty free to be as honest as he wants to be with his approval/disapproval of things. Then, obviously, as things progress we see the growth from or cyclic regression into his trauma and the ways in which we, as the player, have influenced his outcome.

But, without Tav/Durge, I'm thinking without that, yes, he'd still be trying to manipulate his way into everyone's good graces BUT, as not just another member of the group but its LEADER, he's now going to have to be MUCH more mindful of what everyone else thinks of him.

All those snarky, naughty, murder-laced quips we love so much? The constant angst against helping other people? The impulses to instigate or kill instead of talking things through with anyone that annoys him? Power-hungry interest in the tadpoles/Absolute? He's going to have to try his 10 CHA best to tone ALL that shit down if he wants to befriend everyone instead of focusing on a single source of protection.

He's gana be both mentally and physically exhausted, more-so than he would have been otherwise, and he's going to be even more scared of all the things to come because he's gotta be the face spear-heading the group - the meat-shields don't work as well if they're behind you, after all.

Alao: the big Feelings revelation, positive or negative, he can have post-Araj? Entirely moot because the other companions don't seem to comment at all -it's solely, 100%, his choice.

So, if he has a turning point in an origin run, what/where would it be? Is it an even slower story than the one we love from romancing him as a player? One that starts from the beginning, when he, suddenly free of Cazador's immediately influence, is thrust into the position of group leader and everyone just... goes along with it?

Is it him eventually realizing that he cares some amount for ALL of these people? Maybe because they all respect his autonomy? Respect it so much, in fact, that they seem to follow him near-blindly?

Or would there not be as much personal growth for him, being in charge of this haggard band? Would he find security in having “followers” that defer to him and be even more sure of his need to accumulate power?

[invincible-selfxmade-punk]

I just finished putting together a graduation present for one of the first kids I ever taught when I moved to this town. She was in the 5th grade when we first met and now she is graduating with honors and hoping to go off to the Air Force academy.

I'm giving it to her for Christmas because it comes in two parts. I bought her a CD player and some CDs and then because I could not figure out a way to burn any more CDs off for her I'm giving her some of the original mixes I have been carrying around in my car for the last 20 years. Obviously, they're not going to play that well. I am hoping that it will turn her on to some of the music that I enjoy.

And thinking of kids that I have mentored over the years made me remember a story..

I wanted to share it with you now.

This is not only the story of my early years of trying to help kids, but also when I realized I had married the exact right person

Back in the very early 2000s not only did I try fostering a bunch of punk kids from the mall I worked at, I had just started to get online and it just started trying to help some of the kids that I met there. Unfortunately my mental health was not the best at that time, and their mental health was not either . it t was like these are the people that I attracted.

One girl in particular was much more Disturbed than the others. I would find out later she was a pathological liar. To this day I still do not know if anything she told me over the 6 years we knew each other was correct. In fact the last time I was in contact with her I saw a posting wanting money from someone using every buzzword they possibly could. Saying something like I am a trans, lesbian, native american, living in Gaza and I need your help because I am now in the hospital and cannot care for myself. When I happen to look at the PayPal link she had used her real name and I knew immediately who it was. As far as I knew she was not any of those things she was just a girl who grew up in Indiana.

Anyway, we ended up having this crazy and absolutely enabling, shared Madness of a relationship. We were awful for each other and we fed off of it. She was very jealous of anyone else I was talking to online. Now let me set this up I wasn't Texas and she was in indiana. And that was it we knew each other we had talked on the phone we exchange pictures we had written fictions together and we had basically spent every night for 6 years online talking to each other in which she divulged to me all these horrible abuses she was suffering at home. So she got mad at me for spending too much time with someone else online and told me she was killing herself and then cut off all contact with me.

All I knew was her name and her hometown and that was it. She unplugged her phone she would not answer her emails and for 36 hours she made me think that because of me she had killed herself.

As I said before comma my mental health was not the best at that time And Absolutely freaked out. My husband came home to find me an absolute hysterics and having a complete meltdown in panic attack. He asked me what was going on and I told him. He wanted to take me to the hospital and get me tranquilized. But I had just turned straight edge a year before and I was so solid in that conviction I was terrified of taking any kind of medication unless I absolutely had to and I absolutely refused.

I stayed up all night crying And worrying And making myself ill.

Sometime Late the next night she finally got back online and acted like nothing had happened.

Again when my husband came back from work I told him what had happened. I was completely exhausted and drained and I said

" you know what?? Why didn't we just have kids? If I had my own kid to worry about I wouldn't be trying to save the world I would be too busy worrying about that mtmy own ."

He put his arm around me and said "Honey even if you would have had kids, you would still have spent your life trying to save everyone else's. That's just the kind of person you are, and I love you for it."

In February, we will have been together 29 years❤️💚❤️💚

[womanwithahotdogstand]

Jordan’s (probably very dumb) Ideal Lineup For The Impending USA/Sweden Game. ✨

Formation: The 4-3-3 lineup only works when you have enough offensive sparks on your team to get the ball that far up the field in order (we are desperately missing Tobin, Cat, Mal and Christen in this moment.) So, what do you do when your team is clearly struggling to get more people up the field?! You make a formation change that will literally put more people up the field for you. I think a 3-4-2-1 is a perfect formation for this group.

The Forwards: Listen, I love Alex, but she has not been anywhere close to the level we need her to be at right now. She doesn’t deserve to start over these three. The only way we are going to beat Sweden is by coming out FAST, like goal in the first 15 fast. And these three (and Alyssa) are the only three I trust to truly make that happen.

The Midfield: I have previously mentioned how building the team around 1 person is harmful 99.9% of the time. It is abundantly clear that Vlatko has slowly been building this team around Lindsey for the last year and change and I think one of the best courses of action, and a very sneaky one, would be to bench her for at least the first half of the game. At that point everything Sweden has studied about the United States is rendered pretty useless, especially since when Lindsey hasn’t played this past year+ Rose is usually the one to slip into the 7 which cannot happen. Kristie is a great starter because of her connection to Lynn AND her raging intensity. We need that on the field as much as possible to start the game as strong as we can. Missing Rose could be the thing that does us in completely. We could crumble or we could start 2 of the best attacking midfielders in the entire NWSL. Crystal has been lights out for Portland this season and with Rose out I think it’s a perfect time to move her into the midfield and let her offensively EAT. And I know a lot of skeptical people will say “we don’t know if her midfield prowess will translate to the national team!” And to that I say — the last time we saw her in the midfield for the national team during their 2 game series against Russia in 2017 she scored 4 goals. I have thoroughly enjoyed watching Savannah get her time to shine but in a potential elimination game i’m going Ashley Sanchez all the way. She is technically the closest player we have to Rose Lavelle and her incredible on field relationship with her Spirit teammate up top makes her my obvious pick for this match. Her creativity. Her speed. Her genuinely impressive soccer brain. We’re going to need all of that on the pitch as soon as that ref blows the whistle to start the game.

The Backline: A lot of people are not enthused about Alana and some of the opinions i’ve seen are valid but I also think that a big part of her problem is having a shaky 6. I think putting her in behind Julie Ertz is going to do WONDERS. Sweden is a very aerial team (literally every goal they scored against Italy were headers) and having a 5’9” center-back is something we need to use to our advantage. I think her, Kristie and JJ could be a phenomenal clean up crew for any set pieces Sweden will definitely be trying to score on.

Giving Kelley the armband: I don’t want to slight Lindsey or Alex, both of whom were probably exhausted after that Portugal game both mentally and physically, but the fact that Kelley O’Hara was the first one over to comfort an (apparently) crying Rose Lavelle and let her know how much this team loves and needs her speaks VOLUMES to me about Kelley. The fact that she was the first one to speak and bring the team together after that match, while only playing 3 or 4 minutes tops, speaks volumes to me about Kelley. I also simply just think seeing Kelley in that armband is an extra boost of morale that this team so desperately needs.

[rosedmuse]

point(e)less; haruseonne 1000 days

happy 1000 haruseonne days!

i originally wanted an a10-related au but it didn't feel right for my 1000 days with haruto so instead of overcomplicating things, i went with the au that encapsulates the essence of who i am as a person. :3

so here's a very smol piece of the whole a3 ballet au gig i have going krazy in my head and in my heart!

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚

Port de bras. Pique, step, developpe. Glissade. Assemblé into a double cabriole; hold the arabesque. And then, chasse, pique turn once, saute de basque, and land in attitude derrièreー

"Stop. Do that one more time, from the top."

"Hah!? What did I even do wrong now?"

Another late night, overtime stay at the studio. It's way past rehearsal hours now, so no dancer's supposed to be within GOD-za vicinity anymore; save for some of the staff and guards. But then, audition day for the role of Prince Siegfried in the ballet classic 'Swan Lake' is closing in very quickly, and my desired partner and I still have quite a lot of our work cut out for us.

"You have to elongate your developpe en avant more, really hold your arabesque, and make sure you land facing the audience in your attitude." I try to keep my critiques as concise as possible.

"Oh. That so? But I thought I was already doing all those..." Haruto furrows his brows and frowns. It isn't an expression made out of frustration per se, but more so of confusion.

It hasn't been that long since Haruto started ballet; in fact, his promotion from first artist to soloist happened only earlier this season. And if he does get casted as Prince Siegfried this time around, who knows, maybe another sweet promotion to first soloist is what's in store for him next. But he's improved so much in such time; even if he often rides high on praise, he'll insist mentally to himself that he's got an even longer way to go. He never changed being a hardworker, and I like that about him.

Well, I like everything about him to begin with.

"Enjoy watching me struggle with my variation?" He asks, while he takes a short break to secure the laces on both of his worn out shoes more tightly.

"Hm, not always. But I do love seeing your progress critique after critique." I hand over a water bottle to him, forgetting not to sneak in another one of the many compliments I have about him that he deserves to hear every now and then.

"So you do enjoy seeing me struggle," he says, accepting the bottle and shaking his head in disbelief. "You can be a real meanie sometimes too, y'know? More than I ever was before, even."

A lighthearted laugh escapes my lips and reduces the built up tension caused by hours and hours of practice inside the quiet room. The playful banter exchanged amidst our exhaustion leaves a creative rhythm in the air that can only be heard and recognized by us, two. Our unwavering devotion and yearning for the stage binds not only our careers together, but also our very hearts, most importantly.

"Stay with me, Seonne," Haruto requests, ignoring completely the beads of sweat forming all over his forehead and dripping down either side of his temples. "Just a few more runs and we'll call it a day, I promise."

I abruptly rise, toes aching a fair but tolerable bit from moving around in pointe shoes for more than eight hours now, eager to convince him that that is no where near a good idea. Setting down the music player containing recordings of each of our solos and pas de deux, I walk over to his crouched figure and kneel before him.

"Haruto-san." My index finger's right in front of his nose. "I'm sure you mean, just one last run, yes?"

"But, Seonneー"

I place my raised index finger over his lips, cutting him and his almost unreasonable reasons short.

"We're both well aware that GOD-za, as a ballet company, is extremely driven by the results of our shows. Just what do you think will Reni-san say when he finds out we're overexerting ourselves with our own set of rehearsals every night? If we become physically incapable of performing our roles due to overfatigue, then we're doomed!"

Haruto brings his eyes down to his lap, where his hands rest, seemingly in contemplation. I didn't want to sound too harsh, but it's the truth. We can't keep doing this until audition day. He can't keep forcing himself to go beyond the limits of his body. I can't afford to risk seeing him seated among the audience members with a broken ankle while I'm stuck on stage.

Clearing his throat, he tries for a compromise. "What if Iー"

"We run the whole thing?" I firmly insist. "From Allegro, to the Adage, to your solo, then mine, and lastly the Coda."

A couple moments more of careful consideration, and my Prince Siegfried understudy finally gives in. "Fine. Let's settle with that for tonight."

"Yay!" I happily cheer, throwing myself at him and wrapping my arms around his neck is an act of pure instinct. The fact that we are still technically in 'public' flew way outside my scope of consciousness. "Oops, sorry. Got a little excited there..."

"It's alright," Haruto flashes that cheeky grin of his, before quickly leaving a small peck over my browline. "After all, I can't have my dearest first soloist and soon to be principal dancer ruining their Swan Lake debut now, can I?"

"Absolutely not!"

With a race to see who gets to press play on our music player first, Haruto and Iーno. Prince Siegfried and Odile take over the rest of the night. For just how point(e)less would it be if we hadn't gone all out like it truly is our last?

Dancing to the beat of Tchaikovsky's greatest masterpiece is one thing; but to be sharing this beautiful work of art together with the person who I consider is the other half of me, is everything I ever dreamed of.

[goaliegossip]

Hi GG - this is just for you not for posting on the feed!

I just wanted to say I share your recent weariness over how things are right now on hockey tumblr. Especially where Reese and Sammy are concerned - because I'm a lifelong hockey fan who loves gossip but I also recognise the difference between being a fan and being in someone's life.

Some of these anons take things so personally it really concerns me. Some of them are actively seeking ways to try to force their way into these people's lives (DMing them, trying to find out where they live/socialise, social media accounts etc., the hyperfixation on who they follow/unfollow/like on insta to draw elaborate conclusions from nothing) and that really concerns me too. This is a gossip blog, not a how-to guide on how to become a wag - that's creepy to me because like you should meet a guy and date them because you like them - don't seek out a stranger and want to date them simply because of the job they do. For some of these girls it's any stranger - is it easier to get an AHL/junior guy? etc. To me that's messed up because they just want to be a wag, they don't care about a relationship or the person. It feels really dehumanising, calculated and devoid of empathy the way some of these anons conduct themselves.

And the way they go to war when someone their fave is dating or talking to is involved is exhausting to read. PBG is one of my fave blogs when Sammy and Reese are doing nothing but when anything happens it just becomes a battlefield I want no part of. I don't understand it if I'm honest and for me that's not gossip, that's something else. It's just piling on people we don't know to try to justify why we're jealous of them or whatever.

Then whenever someone has a sane take and says very reasonably that it's problematic the gaslighting and namecalling starts about 'but they're a bad person!' (so what - why is that your business?), 'you're such a pick me!!' (because I think it's odd that you're analysing and picking apart someone you don't know?). That's where the exhaustion comes in for me because my moral compass tells me it's not right to be invasive, cross boundaries, lack empathy for real human beings etc. and these people will try to turn that inside out and upside down to justify their behaviour.

Gossip is becoming a space for spite, bullying and dehumanisation of both players and wags and not just fun, harmless gossip. But I also wanted to say that your blog is the only place where I feel you strike exactly the right, sane balance. And I really feel for you as the 'dark gossips' try to force their narratives and agendas in your space because they want the world to mirror their anger and desperation. I want to thank you for curating this space so thoughtfully and for not caving in to the people who want to just watch the world burn.

I support you and I appreciate you! Look after yourself and look after your own mental health. It's a tough thing to have to read so much hate and negativity. From my side, I promise to continue to be a positive, light, chill contributor to your space. I truly believe there are more of us than there are of them and that we can make gossip a positive, fun space where people can have a nice time. You're on the right side of this, I promise!

I’m posting this because I really think all of what you said needs to be heard because you’re 100% right. thank you for the kind words. I’ve been taking the past few days to figure out how I want to continue this blog and try to keep it more lighthearted and I honestly think I just need to keep to myself and delete more asks.

if I didn’t post your ask just know I’m thankful for everyone’s kind words and I’m doing a lot better after taking some time this weekend to focus solely on myself, friends, and family

[charonarp]

A D&D Horror Story: My First and Only Decent Into Avernus Experience

Hello, hope you're well! I remember talking about this experience with a group of D&D friends, and a few had said that it could be posted on the "D&D Horror Stories" reddit thread, but I'm not a reddit user, so I'm posting it on here instead.

In this, I speak about my experience with my one and, currently, only experience with the Decent Into Avernus campaign for D&D 5e. This had occurred a few years ago when I was 16 playing with a group of adult players.

CW: Mentions of In-game SA (fade-to-black) + Forced Love Potion

I don't dive deep into anything, just explaining the scenario that had occurred. I don't recall player names, ages, or their characters in full details. I was but a baby in the field of 5e experience, mind you. New to Virtual Tabletop.

Hopefully the story is (somewhat) interesting to read, and maybe I'll post some more bad experiences from other groups (not a lot, but I do got a few).

In the beginning era of my first time exploring the VTT website known as Roll20, I was about 16 years old when I had applied to a game for a Curse of Strahd campaign, something that has had my attention since I had started getting into D&D through the Dice, Camera, ACTION podcast.

Though my experience in that particular campaign and group was quite poor, this is not the focus on that game specifically. My reasoning for mentioning this fact is because the DM (he/him) of that game had invited me to another game: Decent Into Avernus.

I knew nothing about the setting. I still don’t, for that matter, besides the fact that it took place in a setting similar to Hell. When I first joined his Curse of Strahd game, they originally had it where he and the players wouldn’t play with anyone under the age of 18. However, after speaking to them and getting to know the players, I was accepted and brought into the game. This sort of situation also happened when joining the Avernus campaign. When joining, I was informed that they had already started the campaign, but hadn’t gotten that far. I believe we were around 4th or 5th level. On top of that, I was informed that the setting would be rather mature, which I shrugged and said “okay”.

Granted, I was not informed what he meant by “mature”. In my mind, I presumed it was because it’d be a grindy, bloody, and jaw-clenching experience, with a few hints of what is typically anticipated by content regarding demonic-like figures.

Entering the game, I learned what the players were playing and reflected my character to fill in a role, but still playing a character I wanted to play. I played an alchemist artificer human male, someone who’s not very friendly to other people and dislikes adventures and aventuring. The plot hook was that something caused him to be in Avernus, and now he (begrudgingly) works with the party, and maybe he’ll lighten up if they earn his trust.

Unfortunately, the DM did not work with me in regards to how I’ll be introduced to the players, and I was unprepared to hear that I was being harmed by a demon (or devil) while restrained. Thankfully, the party came in and saved me, but offered no pleasantries and was very much on the “we gotta move” mentality.

Having nowhere else to go, my character followed the group, who barely even bat an eye to my character (The players were friendly, but in character, I felt disregarded).

The majority of the sessions I played were a bit of a blur. I recall one of the players making a deal with some devil mistress, another using a Wish spell they had access to to level us up several times, which gave us exhaustion levels of the amount of levels we achieved (I think it was three?) without a full party consent.

The main scenario that stood out to me, and is the main purpose of this post, is of a particular NPC hag character that the party (except me) knew about, and had met before. They were trying to get some information out of her, but she wouldn’t offer anything unless she could be granted a child of her own blood.

As the hag stated this condition, the majority of the party turned to my character and another PC, who played a changeling.

Key note here: the majority of the characters were female. I chose to play a male because I like flipping things around, and wanted to fill a role that wasn’t placed. Usually, if the party leans heavily on one gender, and I have no heavy interest in a particular concept, I’ll play the opposite gender of the group, or go full neutral.

Another thing to keep in mind: the players had not taken any time at all to get to know my character. No roleplay, no small talk, nothing. I was but a sheep following the herd, begrudgingly, as I would die if I went on my own.

Naturally, I wasn’t on board. As I’m someone who plays how my character would act (within reason), I was naturally against volunteering myself for something that I had no desire to achieve. After all, I was given no rundown on the goal, no knowledge on what we were doing, nor was I granted information to help me share a similar interest with the party (or reason to be their friend).

The changeling backed out, shifting their form to be female so that it left me as the sole male character. Instead of simply moving on, one or two of the players grabbed my PC and forced him to drink a love potion they happened to have. I failed the save, and it forced me to fall in love with the hag.

I, the player, was not asked if I was okay with this, nor was I given the option to even refuse, as a “fade-to-black” sequence occurred that forced my PC to sleep with the hag, and everyone moved on like nothing happened.

At the time, I was rather shocked by the whole thing. I’m someone who finds it difficult to get really uncomfortable by things, and by how nonchalant everyone treated the situation, I couldn’t help but laugh at how bizarre it was. It was a rather fast sequence, and I wasn’t really able to process it completely at the moment.

After that session, I felt a bit out of place within the group. My character was far from friendly, which probably kept the players from even interacting with him in the first place, or to even try to get to know him. There was hardly any RP time, as we kept moving and moving through the story. So, I asked if I could switch characters, to which the DM allowed.

At first, I wanted to switch my PC to another character who I had played before in a custom game: A Yuan-ti Pureblood Blood Hunter whose goal is to find his wife and kids who were kidnapped.

Unfortunately, the DM didn’t like the Blood Hunter class. So, I chose Paladin, which I thought was the closest thing to what my snake boy would be. Another unfortunate thing was that the DM considered himself “old school”, and said that “Paladins must follow a god”.

At the time, I didn’t know much on how paladins worked, as I never played one before. I didn’t like the thought of making my nonreligious character suddenly being religious, and I knew for a fact paladins didn’t need a god, just an oath, but the DM wouldn’t budge. He was adamant paladins needed a deity.

So, I went with Oathbreaker. And, once again, the DM didn’t work with me on how the switch would occur, nor was I told how it would happen. 

We were in some sort of car chase, or rather, we were being chased while in some large vehicle, when the DM suddenly started describing what my character was doing. He described that he was mixing up some sort of potion. He took a drink, and he was suddenly a different character, that being my Yuan-ti.

The scenario made me really disappointed. The players looked at him, shrugged, and moved on with the story. It was here where I lost interest in the game, because I felt unwanted and not valued as a player. I had no part to play, nor did I have anything to contribute at all.

It was after that session that I left the campaign.

It was pretty difficult to cut ties with that DM. When I wanted to leave a game, I’d message in private to settle it quietly in hopes of just being civil and not needing to make a big deal out of it. However, every time I did this, he would try to convince me to stay, to keep playing in his games.

I don’t remember how I managed to leave the group, but I do know that the DM had lied to the other players saying I was throwing a fit and acting like a child, which I don’t believe I was. I wanted to be civil, voiced my reasonings as to why I wanted to leave, and wanted to leave things on a relatively good note (as good as it could be).

Perhaps I blocked him, but I’m not too certain. I held connections with at least one of the players for a bit, who I believe was the one who told me he was lying about how I was reacting to the other players, to get them to dislike me or something.

It’s because of this incident that, whenever I want to leave a game, I always post it in the group chat. That way, my words can’t get twisted, and somehow, encourage other players to voice their wants as well.

It’s happened before, where I post my desire to leave in a server with my reason, and other players follow suit. It made me realize that there are players who have gotten uncomfortable in games, but are too afraid to voice it in fear of losing friends or for having no game at all.

But, to be honest, I’d rather have no game than a bad one. But that’s just me.

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Happy Hump Day!

My goodness, I learnt a lot about my ‘friends’ following the fighting and bombing in Palestine over the weekend! I learnt who reads and believes everything they read and see on mainstream media, and I learnt who has a much more informed appreciation of events. Certain people became angry and violent on my page (anger management issues, possibly? Mid-life crisis?) That is anti-social media. I would NEVER go to anyone’s page and start abusing them!

In terms of comments across all my social media feeds, you could almost split it by colour; white people oblivious to the hypocrisy and cruelty, non-white people knowing what a coloniser looks like and recognising the language they use. Non-whites are used to the whitewashing of history. It’s the usual scenario: the oppressors claiming to be the victims. I guess there are probably some people who still believe that Columbus discovered America? Nothing you can do about that level of ignorance. The slaughtering in Palestine continues.

After my first two-hour lesson yesterday, it began to feel like an aerobics class, both mentally and physically exhausting, but I thought to myself, “If aerobics instructors can do this all day, so can I!” It brought me a small measure of comfort. After three two-hour classes, I was exhilarated, drained and happy to go home. I had burnt a LOT of calories and was fully deserving of my dinner.

Brent Council have now given us a FOURTH plastic container for our recycling waste: 1) grey-lid bin for general waste, 2) blue-lid bin for tin, plastic and glass, 3) green bin for food waste in green plastic bags, 4) sturdy, square, blue plastic bag for paper and cardboard. We got it all sorted on Monday night; they collected three but not our new sturdy, square, blue plastic bag. What gives Brent Council? We are trying to be law-abiding citizens!

At 4.00 today, my weekend begins. So looking forward to it! The end is in sight. It won’t be two days working from home, though. We have a funeral on Friday. Hopefully, The Trouble will be well enough to attend?

As you know, very few things are made well these days. Pretty much everything is cheap and cheerful. They call it planned obsolescence. Most of our products are DESIGNED to break easily. This is our second call-out for our dishwasher in as many months. If you get used to a dishwasher, going without is a pain in the rear end! Guess Papa will be getting out his yellow Marigolds?

There are a lot of young, female R&B/neo-soul artists writing about the trials and tribulations of love, relationships and heartbreak. These songs are all deathly slow, soulful but mournful, and will usually appeal to young women dealing with the trials and tribulations of love, relationships and heartbreak. Lindsay’s advice: cheer up, move the BPMs from 90 to 105, get the drummer and bass player to create a groove, and write about happier subjects. You will find your streams/sales increase rapidly. There are lots of R&B/neo-soul fans who are currently smiling and want to stay happy!

Big love to my buddy Stevie Dundee, who has involved me in his Scorpio celebration at The White Lion (Streatham) on Saturday, November 4th. There will be four Scorps in attendance: me, Stevie, Jigs and Dee DeeMure plus a supporting cast of top quality jocks. It would be luvverly if you could join me on that day, so we can share a drink, a (dirty) joke and a cheeky selfie. With so many Scorps in attendance, it could get very frisky!

Have a wonderful and well-endowed Wednesday. I love you all. Yes, a crazy, bald man loves and cares about you.

[hero-deserves-to-be-happy]

AHHHH I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS!! Thank you so much for putting this into words, Lilac!! And absolutely fantastic food for thought as always.

Apologies for just randomly chiming in here, but I (Acacia) have been playing OMORI with one of my irl friends recently, and on this replay, I have been really struck by how expressive Hero is in Headspace versus the Real World. Like you so eloquently pointed out in your post, after losing Mari and coming out of the depths of his depression, Hero started hiding his emotions as a way to cope and to make sure no one would worry about him, but I love how you've pointed out that this extends to all of his emotions, not just the negative ones.

While he might struggle to show negative emotions more than positive ones, expressing any emotion requires vulnerability that Hero just isn't willing to show anymore. His sadness is muted and his anger never advances past a frown and an eyebrow twitch, but his smiles are tempered too--metered and calculated. The phrases I like to use to best describe it is that "his smiles don't reach his eyes anymore," which is something that absolutely gutted me when comparing the way he smiles in the photo album versus the way he smiles in the real world now. It's just heart-wrenching. Something is holding his emotions back (no dark pun intended), and everything he feels is all tempered and buried because he never lets it reach the surface...

When really his emotions are tearing him apart on the inside and he feels them all extremely deeply and intensely (and, though this is just my personal interpretation, physically). I think Hero is so sensitive to the emotions of himself and others that, in a way, it just becomes too much for him to express them sometimes, especially if they cause a physical pain or ache in him that he is terrified of even the possibility of passing on to someone else (particularly someone he loves). He expresses his feelings only to the extent at which he is able without being overwhelmed by the fear of hurting someone (and, perhaps on a subconscious level, himself).

I've always found Hero's case of emotional suppression fascinating because even though he does struggle to be vulnerable and 100% honest about his feelings, he is always so genuine and so sincere. He isn't intentionally deceptive and what he lets us see of himself is real...It's just not the whole picture.

In a way, we (the player of the game & the other characters in it) only see what Hero wants us to see of himself. He desperately buries the rest and does all kinds of extreme mental gymnastics to avoid having to be bluntly honest or talk about himself. I often say that as much as I love Hero as a character, writing him is emotionally exhausting because you have to zoom in so close & so introspective on his feelings to get a clear picture of what is actually going on in him because there's at least 3 degrees of separation from what he wants to say and what he actually says. So you really have to read between the lines & can't take anything that he says at face value. Which isn't to say he is disingenuous or dishonest, he just hides his true feelings in favor of keeping the peace & trying not to hurt anyone. And since he's so calm & docile and he doesn't show a lot of emotions visibly and/or obviously, it's easy for a lot of people (both the game player & the other charaters) to just take Hero's "I'm fine"s at face value.

I think this disconnects between Hero's expressions in Headspace versus Hero's expressions in the Real World are really powerful symbols of that, so kudos to you for really breaking that down into such a thoughtful analysis. 💙

guess who's back to drop another out-of-the-blue hero analysis! i've been looking at & comparing hero's sprites both in the real world and in headspace, and i couldn't help but notice a couple things :]

exhibit a: the hurt animation

rw hero just looks a little nervous; it's the kind of smile we see when he's uncomfortable or upset but trying to hide it. he smiles even when he's hurt, which provides a pretty stark contrast to hs hero. in headspace, his injured face is the same one he sports when encountering a spider. he has no qualms about showing he's scared because he knows he's around people he can trust & confide in. he doesn't try to mask it with a smile. and yet, while hs hero only has one bead of sweat, the rw version has 2.

we see a similar expression to the rw injured expression in headspace when hero tries to reject sweetheart, but there are quite a few differences between them. hs hero looks more outwardly outwardly alarmed; his teeth are gritted and his eyebrow's arched, his eyes more incredulous. on the other hand, rw hero's eyes mostly just seem sad. without the reassuring smile, he looks miserable. without the creased eyebrows, he seems perfectly fine.

hero hurts more in the real world, but he's far more determined to not let it show. he'd much prefer people to assume he's fine and move along than to give any sign that he's not okay.

exhibit b: the angry animation

again, let's evaluate them. hs hero's lip seems a little curled where rw hero's is smaller & more pursed. hs hero has a clear target for his rage, his eyes focused and squinted in anger. on the other hand, rw hero looks away from whatever- or whoever has got under his skin. his lips are tightly shut, a shadow obscuring his face as he tries to keep his expression controlled. there's disappointment there. he doesn't want to get angry. he doesn't want to hurt anyone, especially after he hurt kel in their fight.

exhibit c: the reassuring animation

hs hero's smile is bright & genuine. he empathises & understands with the others, and shows he's there for them. then there's rw hero, who looks far less genuine. that's not to say he's not as determined to help people! quite the opposite. he's just far less prepared to show vulnerability. he uses a fake smile to make himself seem perfectly okay, does a complete 180 from misery to keep up the facade.

there's more i can say- particularly about the happy & sad sprites- but i'm running out of time & feel i've gotten my point across pretty well. after mari's death, hero learned to hide his feelings as a way to cope. he pretends he's fine when that couldn't be further from the truth. he's so much more complex than people typically give him credit for, and it's always such a pleasure to dive into that :]]

[hamiltonaf]

Party Aftermath | Mason Mount

Pairing: Mason Mount x Female Reader

Word Count: 1.8K

Warning: Angst but more fluff

A/N: Slowly trying to get into writing more for football players - been writing for F1 drivers for quite a long time, so I have a nice balance between the 2 now. Hope you guys enjoy and do let me know your thoughts .xx

The first stop of the summer break was Ibiza. All of his mates were onboard with the idea of going to Ibiza first, some of their girlfriends even tagged along. The first few days I was more than happy to enjoy letting loose and partying with Mason and his friends, I actually deserved it for all the sacrifices I made for my studies during the year.

By the 3rd day of partying I just didn't have it in me...I would much prefer chilling at the beach, but right now that wasn't on the agenda until everyone is burned out. Tonight happens to be even bigger than the previous ones because Martin Garrix is performing. As exciting as it sounds, I was mentally and physically exhausted from being on my feet 24/7, sleep deprivation and dehydration.

With everyone's sleeping pattern being off, we happened to wake up in the evening. I guess it works in everyone else’s favour because that means to get ready to go for the next party. Luckily Mason and I had a room to ourselves, and weren’t sharing a villa so it was nice and peaceful when I got up before him. I had a nice soothing shower and got comfy in a pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt. I sat crisscrossed on the lounge couch and browsed through my laptop for something to binge.

"Good morninggg" he greeted as he walked out of the room in a pair of denim shorts and a towel around his neck. "Oh good morning ! Slept well ?" I asked as I turned to look at him. "Like a baby" he laughed. "I could tell" I added and laughed back. "Aren't you coming tonight ?" He asked as he sat next to me on the couch and peeked at my laptop screen. He could tell that something is up.

"Yeahh...Uhm, I don't think I'm gonna go out tonight" I said hesitantly. "Why what's wrong ?" He asked concerned as he placed his head on my shoulder, already dampening my shirt with his wet hair. "Nothing just..I'm really drained and don't have the energy to go out again tonight" I pouted. "Okay then, suits you" he said casually and got up to walk back to the room. Is he annoyed ? "What do you mean by that ?" I asked, more specifically at the tone he said it and followed him into the room. "You came to Ibiza of all places to 'relax', a bit of a party pooper don’t you think ?" he mocked. Is he being serious right now ?

"Am I hearing correctly that you're mocking me for being burned out and I'm not allowed to recover ?" I raised a brow as I crossed my arms over my chest. "You’re not the only one that’s burned out, look at the rest of us, we’re just dealing with it." he said as he sat at the edge of the bed and leaned back. "Mason, you already know that it's not in my nature to go out partying. This is all new to me and I'm not used to this life" I reasoned. "Yeah well I'm not forcing you either, it's just that the boys and their girlfriends will be there. I'm going to look a bit dumb if my girlfriend isn't there so.." he shrugged. Oh my days.

“Are you being serious right now ? Since when do you care what other people think ? And how can you even compare me to other peoples girlfriends ? I- I'm so done with this conversation, it's like I'm talking to a wall right now…You're totally ignoring where I'm coming from. Enjoy your stupid party" I said with a fake smile before making my way back to the lounge. "(Y/N) !" he yelled for me but I chose to ignore him.

After some time it was slowly getting darker by the minute as the sun was setting. Mason finally stepped foot out of the room fully dressed, he threw on a black t-shirt and sneakers to pair with his denim shorts. I started watching a new series and was so engrossed in it that I purposely didn't see Mason standing in front of me. It was much longer than he would've liked for me to be caught by his attention but oh well. He cleared his throat as an indication for me to look at him. Me being petty, I continued watching my series. "I'm leaving. If you need anything then message Dec, he'll be sober tonight" he said softly. After no reply back from me, he rolled his eyes. “Did you even hear a word that I just said ?” He asked annoyed. I shut my laptop and looked at him “No Mason, I’m totally ignoring every word you said like you did to me earlier.” He remained silent for about a minute before shaking his head and making his way out.

As much as I tried to push the thought of Mason away, I didn’t succeed. I wasn’t even paying attention the the series at this point. Out of curiosity I went onto Instagram and the first story that popped up was Declan’s. It was a video of Mason taking shots, how lovely that I will have to deal with him when he’s drunk and hungover. It low-key hurt to watch the video, it just showed that he really didn’t care. I sighed and looked at the time, it was already 11:30pm and I felt so stiff from sitting down for so many hours. My eyes were feeling heavy and at this point I couldn’t be bothered to walk to the bedroom so I passed out on the couch.

Sound asleep until 2:15 am, there was a loud banging on our door. What a rude awakening. I hurried to the door to see Declan trying his best to hold up Mason with one arm whilst he was half knocked out. "I believe this is yours" he half laughed. "You woke me up from my deep sleep for a drunk Mason ?" I said annoyed. "I didn't have much of a choice, he wouldn’t stop asking where you were. Besides...he's not even that drunk" he stifled. "You're saying that and he's literally passed out" I raised a brow. "He's honestly exhausted from dancing and screaming. He had about like 3 shots" he said as he was starting to struggle holding him up. "You sure there wasn’t more after that instagram story of yours cut off ?" I stifled a laugh. "Oh I'm sure, I was with him the whole time. Now can you take him, I'm dying here" he said as Mason was almost about to fall.

"You want me to get a bottle of water to wake him up ? I’ll casually just chuck it at his face" I suggested. "You're honestly crazy" he said as he shook his head and laughed. "Oii, wake up. Here's (Y/N)" he tapped his face. He slowly gained consciousness and fluttered his eyes to look at me. "Wow you're pretty" Mason said in awe as he looked at me and stumbled to walk inside. "I'll take my leave. Good luck and let me know if you need anything !" Declan yelled as he was leaving. "Sure. Thanks for babysitting Dec !" I yelled and shut the door. I turned around to see Mason almost lose his balance and fall. "Room. Now" I said as I pointed to the open room door for him. He looked at me like a lost puppy for a second, with a pout he stumbled his way to the room. He looked like a toddler.

I grabbed a bottle of water and a pain killer before making my way to the room. He sat at the edge of the bed waiting eagerly for me. "Take this and drink the whole bottle" I said as I handed him the water and tablet. He looked confused for a second but obliged. After he was done, I threw away the empty bottle and thought it's time he should just sleep. I started by pulling at his t-shirt but he quickly pushed my hands away. What the hell. "Hey you're pretty and all but I have a girlfriend !" He said in disgust. I covered my hand over my mouth to hide my laugh. "Mason, I am your girlfriend" I said as I pressed my lips together. "Ohh. How did I get so lucky ?" He said as he stared at me whilst I continued to remove his t-shirt. I couldn't help but smile to myself. “I love seeing you smile” he said softly when I took off his t-shirt and folded it aside. He’s such a softie when he’s drunk.

He kicked off his shoes and got under the covers. Me being a neat freak, I placed his shoes aside with the others and turned around to find him sleeping. Just as I was about to go to the lounge to tidy up the place and switch the lights off, Mason called for me. "(Y/N) ! Come to bed" he whined.

Well so much for thinking he's sleeping. I quickly tidied up and yet again he called my name. Once I got under the covers, my back faced him when suddenly his arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer towards him. "I'm sorry for earlier. I feel that I don't see you as much because you're studying so I just want to make every moment we have together count. I was selfish" he muffled softly against my neck. After a moment of silence he whined, “Babe” before I turned around in his grip to face him. "It's okay, likewise I want to spend as much time with you as possible. Just know that some days we can stay in and still have fun. We don't always have to go out" I softly said back.

[bite-sized-devil]

Piggy Back Rides

You've had a particularly long hard day at RAD. Exhausted and dreading the walk home, you ask your favourite demon brother for a little favour.

Was going to do these in groups, but they just kept getting longer and longer. Apologies my fellow simps, please enjoy them one at a time starting with the eldest and finishing with the youngest.

TW: none it’s pure fluff. GN! MC

Leviathan

Whenever Levi decided to grace RAD with his presence you always made sure you were by his side the entire day. You knew how nervous he was to be amongst his peers, so why not make it easier for him by being his buffer? The only downside was that you were often mentally and physically drained by the end of the day. Luckily for you however, Levi always seemed to know when you reached your limit.

You had just intercepted another lower level demon from encroaching on his personal space and he saw how your shoulders sagged slightly and your voice lost some of it's normal sweetness.

You tried to hide it as you turned back to him, plastering a smile back on your face and giving him a thumbs up. But he knew you to well, he'd made it his own personal mission to uncover everything about you.

It made his chest ache, you clearly cared about him, he could still see your eyes light up when he returned your thumbs up. You were always trying to make him feel better, and do things for him.

He didn't understand why you constantly chose him over his brothers, why it was his face you looked for first whenever you entered a room. How you'd make a beeline straight for him whenever you saw him, smiling like you just won a boss level on one of his games.

His brothers might think he was clueless about others emotions and feelings but he wasn't when it came to you. His sweet, caring, funny, and beautiful player 2. He knew everything about you, including your little crush on him.

Naturally, he was in love with you but you were so perfect! It made him nervous, what if you suddenly realised what a loser he was? And decided you wanted someone who wasn't holed up in their room 24/7. He will admit you had managed to take him to a few cool places when you mentioned you needed some fresh air.

You had been so happy when he'd said he was coming with you, he thought it was cute how adamant you were that he didn't have to if he didn't want to. Blushing like a tomato when he'd taken your hand and dragged you out of his room saying you'd better hurry before he changed his mind.

He hears you quietly sigh when you sit down beside him at your desk. Maybe you need a shoulder to lean your head on, he can help you with that. Reaching out he grabs the side of your chair and drags it towards him.

"Levi!" You squeal making him chuckle softly.

"Lol sorry MC, I just wanted you closer." He says as he wraps his arm around your shoulders. You're so cute the way you try to cover up the blush that is blossoming on your cheeks by putting your hand over your face.

"Do you want to skip out on our last class?" He says to you as he pulls your hands away from your face by grabbing them and holding them in his own bigger one. He's not letting you hide that beautiful blush that is just for him.

You're playing with his fingers, clearly enjoying how his feel interlocked with yours. You look up at him with a smile that makes his head feel dizzy, your pretty eyes so wide staring up at him. He can hear your heart rate increase, it always did when he touched you. He originally thought you had a heart defect, but then came to realise it only increased around him.

"If you want to we can, I'm kind of tired anyway. Do you think, maybe....." You say before trailing off and looking down at your hands intertwined with his.

He removes his hand that's holding yours, taking note of the sudden pout of your lips as he does. He'll remember that late at night, wondering what it would feel like to have them against his own. He grasps your chin tilting your head, making you look up at him again.

"Maybe what MC?" He says, silently hoping you'd ask him to kiss you, even though that's a long shot. He knows how shy you are, one can dream though!

You start to squirm in his grasp, making him grip your chin tighter. You furrow your eyebrows in obvious frustration, you look like an angry kitten. Sometimes he wonders how you haven't been eaten yet? He might have to keep a even closer eye on you from now on. Or maybe he'll just never leave your side.

"I just... Wanted... T'know... You could... G'me.... Piggy back ride?" Your eyes meet his when the words 'piggy back' leave your lips. You look so nervous, like a deer in headlights. He's never said no to you before, but you had never asked for anything like this before either. How could he possibly refuse! You would be pressed against his back... Your arms wrapped around his neck... His hands grasping the backs of your thighs...

He stands up suddenly before he can stop himself. Startling you so much that an adorable little squeak is forced out of you. He needs those things to happen right now, not wanting to wonder anymore about how you would feel clinging to him the whole way home.

"Yes!" He says way to loudly, not that it matters he's already caused a scene in class. Your answering giggle has him reaching to pull you from your seat. This is happening now, no more waiting. He's going to be your knight in shining armour, maybe you would reward your hero with a sweet kiss at the end of his quest. If not, he might take a play from one of those cool anime guys and just steal one.

Likes, comments, and reblogs are so appreciated! 🌻 Please don’t repost, that shit won’t fly here. I’ll annoy the absolute shit out of you. If you would like to join the taglist please fill in my dumb little form.

Tag list: @delphi-dreamin @ariamichel @the-ghost-of-panda

[yooniesim]

honestly for your mental health you should probably not be so invested in every. single. bit of drama in this community. every time there’s drama you’re a big player in it. you’re usually not wrong haha, i’m just saying it seems exhausting for you.

Apologies for the book I'm about to inflict on you, nonny. No worries if you don't read it.

The thing is, I'm honestly not. And haven't been for a long time now.

If you'd said this to me six months ago, i would've actually agreed with you, nonny. I've said myself that that is a hole of negativity that is easy to fall into, and it is an exhausting one. I've done it before, I'm aware of that, and I'm sure as hell not going to do it again. So I can't quite agree with you now. There's so many things on my dash I just pass by & don't comment on. My drafts are full of text posts that I write that I purposefully save and delete rather than post. There's so many incidents and receipts of them I just try not to remember. And I've blocked so many people now to keep it all away, and thankfully for the most part it's clear now. Just scroll through my blog through the last few months- I've barely said anything. My first long post of the year was a few days ago and it wasn't even about "drama" lol. And you kinda sent this while I'm coming back from a break taking myself away from tumblr for the most part, for the sake of my mental health.

But if I ever say one thing... even if it's just one thing... somehow everybody and their mom is suddenly making a vague post about me, or lying about something I never said or did despite there being proof otherwise. I mean actual bold faced lying. I've even seen my own totally unrelated personal text posts (not about simblr or drama whatsoever) being commented on/manipulated/reposted. Even when I was on hiatus and posting 99% sims content. But I haven't been talking about it. I've been blocking the blank blogs and the anons that send me asks without replying (except the two from Thursday), I've been blocking people here that are clearly just trying to goad me into arguing, I've been ignoring the vague posts. Y'all don't get to see all of that, because I don't show it anymore, but it's been happening.

With this last shit that happened, I made only a few responses, and 1 of those was to immediately disengage with the person when they seemed upset, and I wasn't even the main person speaking with them- and yet my name was still the one in everyone's mouth, I was the one put on everyone's dashes, the one lied about and then subjected to white supremacist rhetoric. My childhood abuse was brought up like some quirky throwaway comment, for no justifiable reason. No one else was mentioned. Despite me barely being involved. Why? If you ever take a moment to notice, it's always the same people doing this. Because they constantly watch me/stalk my blog for some reason I can't comprehend. And analyze anything I've ever said, comment on my every move. In "private" and publicly. Even though I've blocked them, they continue to do this over and over again. One of the people that started this recent thing about me? I blocked them a while ago for trying to coax me into an argument and cursing at someone else in my replies. One of the others blocked me just for unfollowing them, and has been angry ever since. Another has been emotionally invested in my every move for about a year despite me barely knowing anything about them besides their username. They have an axe to grind, I suppose. I truly can't comprehend their motivations.

But sadly, whether I comment or not, whether I try to be positive or not, it honestly doesn't matter at this point. And I don't think it's right for me to just... never be able to comment anything of my own opinion on my own blog. So I'm still working out how I need to proceed with this. It isn't fair for me to have to be afraid of it something I said is going to be twisted and misconstrued- but going out of my way to comment on every issue we have here wouldn't be good either, just like you're saying now. Hell, that's never something I wanted to do- y'all didn't see any of the actual hundreds of asks in my inbox about drama and people here that I've just ignored or deleted, after all. My inbox is going on 500 deep because people still send me these things. I even still get criticism for not "using my platform" to address issues here. But like I said in November, I don't want to be that type of blog. I don't want to focus on negativity all the time. It's a freaking simblr and I wanna play sims! But I'm still a person, and this is my blog. I should be allowed to have emotions and to speak sometimes. The problem is balancing what should be posted and what shouldn't- that is something I'm working on.

As far as mental health goes, I don't think anyone here knows how absolutely crushing it is to not only be a target for the usual suspects (racists, transphobes, etc- I can deal with those, they're expected) but then also be attacked by people I considered reasonable, normal. For those people even to side with bigots just to attempt to "one up" me for some strange ego fueled reason. The people that have said I'm not even a bad person in their eyes, just annoying to them. Yet they throw such hatred and contempt my way, wish for my "downfall", and for what? A few more likes on their hateful text post? To feel better than me, better than people like me? To win some imaginary high school game they never could in real life? I know even this post you're reading now will be screenshotted and posted in a server or two, and someone will send me the proof within a day or so. Even if you do it in "private", I still see it- maybe especially if you think it won't get back to me, it will. Nothing on the internet is private. But I don't even share the proof, I just look at it and think, why? If you don't even think I'm that bad, then why? Why are you stalking my blog and making fun of me and calling me out of name? Do you honestly feel good about what you're doing? Does it make you feel satisfied somehow? How do you justify it? Is it just because I'm not your friend? Or is it really because I've simply disagreed with you in the past? Is that worth the resentment you're holding in your heart and then putting out into the world? It's not even hurtful to me, it's just confusing at this point. I don't understand it. I can't comprehend it. And that's one of the most influential reasons I don't comment on many things here anymore; I just don't understand simblr. Other than the fact that it's a social game parading as a moral one. And perhaps I'm bad at navigating it because of that.

But I guess what I'm saying ultimately is, no, I'm not invested in every drama here. And you're right in saying I shouldn't be, I agree wholeheartedly. But sometimes it feels like it doesn't matter, it'll come to me anyway. Like if maybe someone else said the exact same thing I did, they wouldn't get the same reaction, because they're not me. I'm aware of it now, and I'm honestly not sure if it'll ever stop, unless the people doing it move on. Until then... I suppose I've decided to just not care, to do and say what I want as long as it isn't harming my own mental health or happiness. I'll play the sims, I'll have my opinions, I'll post them. And just see how I feel, I guess.

[valkyurii]

The game doesn't state exactly when Malenia fell unconscious. So there may be a bit of wriggle room and that dialogue may hold some interesting implications, maybe? What you said regarding the flower formation makes sense I think. Aside from despair being a necessary ingredient for blooming, there's no need to reborn if you're not dead. ER is filled with fantastical things, but Finlay lugging back a gigantic unwieldy flower is actually quite amusing. I daresay her blooming twice is an objective fact. To theorize otherwise requires going up against quite a number of things, some of which are presented in an objective manner themselves. For instance, "demigod felled" pops up instead of "God slain". Millicent does not become a scarlet valkyrie after phase 2. Malenia becomes a flower. It's not a non-living thing. It's a rebirth flower. Perhaps some players are just deathly afraid that she may come back lol. From what I've seen, the "Malenia bloomed 3 times" theory hinges on 2 things - flower outside her room & "Goddess of Rot" title. Both are easily refutable imo. Side note, if phase 2 is Malenia's final final form I'm going to be very disappointed lol. She's more powerful yes, but not by much? Doesn't feel like a "true goddess" if less than half her attacks are rot-based and half her rot attacks are no good. Also, she doesn't even have a rot-only move, does she? She always stabs/slashes before/after/while doing a rot move.

That is true, the game doesn’t give us much detail about the aftermath of that fight. Like I’ve always wondered if Radahn was also out cold for a while before waking up with his mind completely gone.

And yes you’re right despair does seem to be an important factor with the blooming. For a while I didn’t realise Gowry has additional dialogue prior to finishing Millicent’s questline. I mean how many people would think to go back to him before invading/aiding her? What he says after we question, “Become a flower?”

“Which is why… If you happen to be present for the girl’s fight with her sisters, I ask that you side with the sisters and kill Millicent. It must be done by your hand, not other. Millicent trusts you, rather deeply in fact. Sever that trust. Nurtured by betrayal, her bud will flower most vividly. When Malenia ascends to godhood, Millicent too shall be reborn. As a scarlet valkyrie.”

When I first heard this a lot of other things started to make so much more sense. Despair, desperation, hopelessness… It’s all the same with Malenia too. One of the main things we learn about her is that she is a strong willed, determined woman who actively tries to suppress the outer god that wants to control her. When faced with failure, failure that she cannot afford, she becomes desperate and so her will begins to break. When she is weakened, both mentally and physically, the rot takes ahold of her and she blooms, much like in her fight with us. (I hope that makes sense I am not very good at getting my thoughts across)

I do think that when this topic comes up a lot of people seem to think I’m trying to say “oh she’s not actually dead and she’s coming back somehow” which does scares them. Now I can’t speak for anyone else but I personally don’t think she’s going to come back and if I’m being honest I don’t want her to either. For a couple of reason really, but the main one is I just don’t want a repeat of all the shit from a few months ago. I’m sorry but I really don’t want to have to see a Malenia hate train 2.0 that shit was exhausting and still is to a degree. On the one hand I’d love more content of her, but on the other this community is just so disgusting and awful when it come to her I really can do all that again. Forgive me I know I sound pathetic as hell but that’s the way I feel unfortunately. I completely respect and understand if some people love the idea of her coming back in future content though so I’m not trying to take that away at all. It could very well happen.

And yeah I agree with you about her phase two not really feeling like her final form. More of a second stage but not the complete one. Even the addition of her wings don’t really serve that much purpose. She doesn’t have many attacks where she flys, most of the times she’s just jumping, either when she jumps and slams the blade down, waterfowl (which is the same move as before only now with a rot effect) The aeonia and clone attack, she sort of rises up with the rot and gets held there with it. The only thing I can think of where she sort of uses the wings is when she jumps up and swoops towards you. She tends to do that as a long range gap closing move. Other than that the wings are just there for aesthetic I guess lol

The few rot AOE she does are so easy to avoid I always joke that for the “goddess of rot” she sure has a hard time rotting you. Like how many people die to her rot? 9/10 you get killed by her blade. Apparently she had an unused move where she took on the form of a giant butterfly? But I’m not sure how that would have worked exactly. I suppose technically the only rot-only move she has would be the aeonia, but it’s not a very effective one. It’s easy to avoid and she puts herself in a vulnerable position while doing it. Spell users beg her to do it in phase two for the easy damage opening. This is where I like the comparison she has with Lady Maria. Both have this other ability, essentially a curse they were born with, but both of them chose to utilise their skills in other ways, namely their blade. But when both are pushed by the player they are forced to call upon this power they’d other wise rather not use. Compare that to someone like Mohg who heavily relies on his outer god power. Without the blood Mohg is pretty useless. Hell he even uses it to steal our health and heal himself. Where’s the hate for that btw? Malenia heals when she hits you and everyone cries and screams about it, but Mohg does it and it’s okay I guess. Also dude doesn’t even really fight you much in phase one. Just spends the whole time counting out loud and placing rings on you lmao