1863thoughts

[1863thoughts]

[1863thoughts]

A Checklist Of Possible Reasons I Am Upset, To Review When I Can't Seem To Figure It Out:

did not eat

new hyperfixation and no time for it

have not done a creative in 24 hrs

Bad Sounds

clothes are touching my body

cold

people

one (1) comment is stuck in my brain like a popcorn kernel

last time I drank water was ??????

nervous nervous nervous nervous

got a Slightly Worse grade than expected

last hug was ??????

slept a full 45 minutes

lonely ............

guts are shredding (again)

have not seen sunlight in 24 hrs

stuck inside

too much screen time

Yay Overwhelm

room is disaster area

have not talked to Person in a while

bored

imposter phenomenon (again)

no current routine

how long have I been working???

Too Much Socialization

and then. and THEN. I may consider:

something is actually wrong

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Someone: *criticizes me*

My rejection sensitive dysphoria:

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You know what is just mind boggling? Neurotypical people exist. Like there are people who can just DO things and not have depression, anxiety (in every form ever), RSD, sensory overloads, and not get overwhelmed. Like there are people who can work for eight hours every day and still do things after. People who can make phone calls with no struggle. Who aren't constantly bombarded by a cacophony of thoughts both good and bad when they do things. Who have anxiety but it isn't crippling. who can spend hours, WEEKS with people and not get tired or fear that everyone there hates you. People who have no idea what Depression or intense trauma feel like. People who hear instructions and do it right first go. People who can follow a conversation without zoning out, or having to mask.

Like. Do neurotypical people actually exist?

Because I can't even imagine what it would be like to be neurotypical. Or mentally healthy. Both sound alien and foren. But like. Obviously they exist because neurodivergent people wouldn't struggle so much if not for how the world was structured for Neurotypical people but I don't know if I've ever met a neurotypical.

idk. food for thought I guess.

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being neurodivergent is all fun and games until someone is slightly critical of you and you suddenly feel physically ill

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I highly recommend that everyone (especially nd people who struggle w self esteem) have a collection of “proof people don’t hate me” and go look at it whenever they’re sad. I’ve compiled report card comments, stuff my friends say, all sorts of things that made me feel cared about and appreciated. And anytime I get that feeling that I’m worthless and unloved, I go through that file folder and feel better.

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For anyone currently studying for upcoming tests and exams who just can’t for the life of them take notes that they can follow or even sit down to do.

Try using a sketchbook for your notes instead of lined paper notebooks or graph paper. Because I swear by this and am now currently in the process of switching out all my usual notebooks for blank paper.

Idk it’s something about the lack of trying to fit everything into the lines (or the neurotypical box of usual notes) that make them so much easier to do and follow!

Different things work for different brains but definitely check this out if you haven’t tried already :D

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You! Adhd haver.

Self-help book, but it has an actually credible author Abigale Levrini phd

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Made donuts today.

Moronically—and in true scatterbrained fashion, mid frying a donut—I leave the stove to water my lilacs.

(My lilacs are legit becoming ashes from dehydration because I keep forgetting to water them.)

I come back to my donuts now JUST AS BURNT AS MY LILACS. People I’m down a plant, a donut and a millennium worth of motivation and pride.

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Me:*Goes in the kitchen and grabs a glass out of the cabinet and puts glass on table and then goes to fridge to get the orange juice and pours in orange juice and put orange juice back in the cabinet and walks off*

Me:*Comes back to put the orange juice in the fridge*💀

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You ever get to that point of pure mental and physical exhaustion where you have no capacity to live like a human being?

I’m constantly on the Fritz like a computer drenched in water that’s desperately being resurrected with rice.

Like how does one forget what they were talking about mid sentence because they took a breath two seconds too long??

Or worse yet, think about grabbing an object or put something down and immediately feel their mental cache getting cleared in real time. Making me forget not only what I needed but what I was originally doing in the first place!!

It’s so inexplicably frustrating and aggravating to be a human being with the memory capacity of Dory from Finding Nemo ughhhh.

Is this a sign of an ADHD shutdown?? Maybe. Probably.

Am I going to fix it? Don’t know how. Well… C’est la vie..?

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3 strat studying - ADHD

THREE STRATEGIES – with funny titles because I'm hilarious

1. Mr Beast speedrun: get most out of time before brain shuts off and loses interest.

-ADHD MAKES YOU HAVE A SHORT ATTENTION SPAN, SO YOU HAVE TO GET AS MUCH AS YOU CAN OUT OF YOUR TIME BEFORE YOU GET DISTRACTED

-use flashcards – rereading your notes is ineffective because it's passive.

-if you can only focus for an hour, don't push; just get as much as you can out of that hour.

-don't actually rush, just make sure you stay as focused as possible in the time you have.

2. Tick, tick... Boom!: biggest reward, quickest convenience

-COMPLETING A TASK GIVES YOU A QUICK HIT OF DOPAMINE AND WE'RE ALWAYS CHASING THAT DOPAMINE, SO MAKE FINISHING THE TASK FEEL MORE REWARDING

-ADHD – you can't regulate impulsivity, there's always a dopamine craving.

-use to-do lists to organise what you want to do and motivate you to do them.

-short-term rewards – create a 30-minute-at-a-time schedule, after every 30 minutes, cross/tick off the item, and make sure the task will only take 30 minutes so your goals are realistic.

3. The Rosier twins: body doubling; complete tasks alongside somebody else

-A LOT OF PEOPLE WITH ADHD FIND IT MORE MOTIVIATING TO BE AROUND OTHER PEOPLE WHILST THEY WORK

-but be careful in case you end up talking with the person, because you could find it hard to focus.

-make sure you actually get work done instead of just hanging out with a friend.

-if you find it hard to focus around noise or talking, use white noise so you can be around people but not be distracted.

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ADHD Note Taking

I'm reading an online text book now (while YouTube is playing) and I wanted to do this right now real quick on how I do notes and people can add how they do notes with ADHD or other learning disorders. (Also at least I am doing this when I started this who knows if I'll add this to my drafts)

I write in differnt colored pens. -- I find writing in one color kind of makes everything blend together just like, bleeeeggghh. Writing in different colors separates the points to me and also when I inevitably lose my reading place, I have a general idea where I was.

I also think the routine thing works in here. Some say routine helps ADHD, I disagree, I think routine irritates me. I think of routine like the Doctor from Doctor Who does. It's appalling to me and it makes me want to scream or rip off my arm just so something happens. (You may think that's overdramatic but who are you to judge me, likely neurotypical person!?) I think routine bores my brain and makes it drift off and the different colors helps that.

I write one side of the page, not on both sides -- When you write and you turn the page, it caused the led or ink to smudge on the page and it kind of messes me up and also if you write in ink it bleeds slightly even with gel pens that I use and that also messes me up so I write on the front side of every new page which I know is wasteful but so is writing notes that don't help me.

I always seperate each line of words with those notebook lines -- When I was in elementary school (because I had a motor skills problem) I would be brought out of class to work on my writing and I was taught to write inside the line which is how most people probably do it but I've found if I go to the next line it also makes it blend in together and it like, where am I, there's too much in this one spot. There are hanging hooks of J's and Y's and I slanted my writing a little, so I put one clean space of notebook lines between my writing.

I have something of relevance playing -- I'm studying psychology right now--I want to delve more in the psychology of people for writing and what not and I always knew I understood psychology better because of my ADHD and I had started watching Criminal Minds which is about the FBI's branch called the BAU (Behavorial Anayalsis Unit) where they use psychology and statistics to narrow down who a criminal (like a serial killer) is and understand them and I found I actually understood what they were saying a lot--so I play Criminal Minds while I study. It's relevant and so it keeps me on task--ideally I do episodes I've already seen but sometimes I do new ones. (I'm only season 12)

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As always, I share stuff about ADHD that I want to, usually that I find amusing or relatable, this doesn't make it part of the diagnostic criteria for ADHD, mean it's exclusive to ADHD, or that it should be taken overly seriously.

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Where's that ADHD post where OP took Adderall on a party and everyone else was raving while they just... Calmed down?

Because today I took my ADHD meds for the first time and I finally understand. I've never felt calmer in my life. My anxiety left the room.

My head. It was silent. It was weird because for the first time in my life it didn't seem like I had 100 thoughts in one second.

It also made me realise that I've almost never been calm, really calm, in my life. Something I've never realised.

I'm calm yet not sleepy, I just can do stuff and not worry too much about it. I can seat at a table without getting anxious after a little while.

I can have a conversation without feeling super awkward. I might even be able to start one myself next time. This is fucking unheard of for me.

What the hell.

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purple sky in fuzhou, fujian province by 活该咪_

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Best metaphor I’ve seen yet, 🤔 & the most accurate. It’s like self sabotage trying to attempt something that you clearly can’t do.

Also goes hand in hand with the meme above. ^