3b0nygyal

[3b0nygyal]

[3b0nygyal]

A BLACK GIRL RUNS THIS BLOG BITCH

[3b0nygyal]

im having a moment, im crying non-stop and feel so sick. please i wanna beat everyone the fuck up rn

[3b0nygyal]

[3b0nygyal]

hi all, i am left with no choice but to ask for some assistance again (sorry) but as i said here, my girlfriend was in a pretty bad car accident when a driver (who recently had her drivers license revoked because she had a dui) t-boned her right off the road. earlier today when her insurance company tried to receive the car to review it, we found out the the car was impounded because we have unpaid tickets on our car and to have the car released to the company we need the tickets paid and to pay the impounded fee, which would be in total $600 and we just don’t have it at all… even if all you have is a dollar, i would really appreciate any help at all!

if you have enjoyed literally any of my works i would be really grateful if you could help or even just boost this message ❤️ thank you.

i mainly have paypal, cashapp ($ramonathinks) and venmo is also ramonathinks

proof:

[3b0nygyal]

[3b0nygyal]

REVERSE TROPE WRITING PROMPTS

Too many beds

Accidentally kidnapping a mafia boss

Really nice guy who hates only you

Academic rivals except it’s two teachers who compete to have the best class

Divorce of convenience

Too much communication

True hate’s kiss (only kissing your enemy can break a curse)

Dating your enemy’s sibling

Lovers to enemies

Hate at first sight

Love triangle where the two love interests get together instead

Fake amnesia

Soulmates who are fated to kill each other

Strangers to enemies

Instead of fake dating, everyone is convinced that you aren’t actually dating

Too hot to cuddle

Love interest CEO is a himbo/bimbo who runs their company into the ground

Nursing home au

[3b0nygyal]

please please please please reblog if you’re a writer and have at some point felt like your writing is getting worse. I need to know if I’m the only one who’s struggling with these thoughts

[3b0nygyal]

I hope that one day I can finally be free from my own mind

[3b0nygyal]

21/04/24 - 11:54 pm

The satisfaction of knowing I did or didn’t do enough is what seals the door shut to my curiosity.

The mat slammed, concealing the dust to what I thought could let me sleep at night. What are we doing? I ask, they’re howling, crying even, “Where were you?”

I can’t help but stare.

Blank as the white canvas of my desires - to a fantasy that could never meet my reality.

“Who were you?” Adamant than before, I just shrug. I hadn’t noticed how quickly tears submerged from the deepest pits of my fantasy now, conquered my reality.

I-I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to do? what to be!

A head nod and scoff, a scoff that I believe awakened a once sobering silence to a distant creep waiting for the finale.

“That wasn’t enough, you didn’t do ENOUGH”.

I’m shaken by their words. I try to grab myself, a form of harm and pleasure in the mix, but I’m decomposing as I breathe.

Soil only freeing itself from the callous branches I once knew as arms and fingers. what can I do? to-you know, fix this?

I’m met with a head tilt and now sadistic smile, “You’re times up, you’ve made your choice.”

Confusion doesn’t even bask upon me as I’d hoped it would, the pleasure of uncertainty no longer my partner.

As the tree, I tremble, squirm, and release my leaves except, I’m too old to grow and re-produce.

“Move, shake and scream”. They’d say! “When you’re in danger, move shake and scream. Then, someone will find you and save you”.

I never believed in fate nor fairytales, I laid paralysed.

Untouched but worn. Pure but contaminated. Safe but have the breath of the devil heating me.

“You’re done”.

[3b0nygyal]

I wrote this one in March of 2023:

At times, I envy those that are able to forget

Forget the pain or torment they have caused

To wake up without remembrance of the nails they have driven in other’s coffins

Many days have I tried

But no chemical is enough to change my mind enough to make them fade away

My mind is like a whiteboard covered in permanent marker

No matter how much substance I try to scrub them off with the remnants are still there

I callous my hands and I try to overwrite them

But I always see them

They stare at me everyday in the form of memories

They look directly into my eyes as if they know I cannot look away

They know that whenever I see my face

I see what that face has done

My reflection a reflection of my past

Haunting and consuming me

They are free

But I am not

For my mind chains me to the person I was taught I should be

Who I thought I should be

But is it who I ought to be?

I want to be free

But cannot

I am a madman scribbling on the walls of my cell

I am a prisoner in a prison I built myself

I am pushing the boulder up the hill

As my reflection stares at me while it pushes it down

I am crushed over and over again by the weight of torment

That is not who I am

But is it possible to know if I kid myself?

That cannot be me

Layers upon layers of illegible marker covers these walls

I try to find purpose and meaning of any part of it

But the words grow eyes

They stare at me in judgement

I know what they mean by “the word is God”

For the words do not let me forget

They do not want me to become who I was

God is a writer and my story is not over yet

Maybe I just need to highlight some parts

Maybe I just need to rearrange some letters

Maybe I just need to believe the answers are there

Amongst the pain that I have been caused

And the pain that I have caused

There has to be more to what I have written so far

There has to be more to why I cannot erase this madness

There has to be more to the being that stares back at me

Their face exhausted and depleted

Begging me to just let the boulder crush me one more time

And even if I might

I rewrite

There is a bliss to pain

When pain is understood

It would be difficult to know the wrong

If you only focus on the good

The words would have no meaning

The memories would fade away

There would be no present

If you erase yesterday

[3b0nygyal]

Last updated, Reblog please

We have come a long way and there is only a little left. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your support. There are 15 days left. Can you reach the goal before that?

Thank you all

[3b0nygyal]

hi again, lol ive been seeing more of my mutals + others posting more of their pieces/poems and its only prompting me to post more ig? like always lemme know what yall think!!! mwah 💋

Untitled

I sometimes forget what constitutes the bane of my existence, whether it is what I do or say that makes it all real or not.

I stand here, feet sinking into my thoughts, dominating my mind.

A mind that I’d say, too often co-exists only with the cruelty of my past.

I can’t say I find peace in anything, or through anything these days for that matter.

Who will rise in the earliest of hours to wake me?

I hear clinks and clangs of every bell, telling me ‘it’s time.’

‘Time for what?’ I ask, given not a response but a pinch to my side and a ‘hurry up.’

I wash everything, from the intricate follicles of my stone, to the grime seated comfortably between the corners of my eyes, and finally the engine of my heart.

‘Please, please have mercy. Save me’.

I can’t do anything correctly as pain basks upon me as I step onto the sharpened soles of my feet, puncturing continuously, allowing my enemies to shortly, trail behind me, find me and finally unveil me.

‘The truth doesn’t hurt, it kills’.

‘Am I allowed to choose?’ I ask again.

Some days I smile, others I cry.

Most of the time, I forget my duty and kill any remorse and clarity that resides within me.

Pardon me, as I’ve only been taught to appreciate my sadness and find purpose within it.

The smell of failure, the smell of sea salt - my holy grail.

I question if I’m able to do anything right, why it feels as if I don’t have the will to fall on my knees and further stand and raise my hands above and worship.

I’m stuck. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

And I’m even sorry that I can’t give you what it is you need of me, I fear.

[3b0nygyal]

REBLOG IF THIS RELATES TO YOU:

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[3b0nygyal]

I’m in a little bit of a scuffle (I’m about to fight someone 😁) with someone i considered a close friend, I wouldn’t be the person I am if I didnt remind myself that eventually it will get better. I can still breath, eat, drink, sleep. It will get better.

I wrote this when I was 16, in a similar headspace and wanted a reminder the disillusionment that I experienced then and now is all apart of the process whilst honouring my feelings.

SO TO MY ONE FOLLOWER ON HERE (ILY BTW <3 ) I HOPE YOU ENJOY AND LEMME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!!!

Forever Isn’t Always

Things aren’t always forever. I say that un-lightly and unapologetically. To define and interpret is at your beckon and recall, but know, forever isn’t always. The escapism I had continued to rot in the comfort of, the playground of my demise no longer. No sprinkles and splatters by the array of my all-consuming thoughts. The blues to my blus. The greens of disgust and finally reds of the ambushing feelings of forever. No longer welcoming the banging of the pity patters of my feet. Just a field. Just imagination. Forever promised me a cute big, windowed house, and 4 stooled dining table, accompanying it, an old stern chair, that sat rugged and disproportionate however, had done the job. A sun that punctured through the shields of windows, that was so warm and comforting I’d excuse the burns of the scorching star. The only choice that would bare me the consequence that was the shade of my grief. The everlasting booming silence, that had me chilled and reminiscent of the girl I had supposed to be. For that I embraced the star, embraced the tender kisses that scoured my body, that held me tightly I’d almost ease back into sanity. So tendering, so soft. The promise of Forever’s warmth. I’d loath any besides it. Forever had always promised, by submitting was to endure a longevity of wealth. So why was that I’m mourning those who share the same air as I currently? I always made space forever. You promised Forever, and I learnt to wait for everyone to shut their eyes and take up all that was deprived of me. Swallowed all that I could with the command of my huffs and puffs. I made it about me. It was nice to breathe, for stillness to consume the world. But only after mere seconds then reality crept its way up my nose through my eyes and sat comfortably at the forefront of my mind, steering straight to consequence and punishment that had me paralysed once again, waiting for Forever. A promise had been made, but forever wasn’t real. A child at heart I fooled myself to believe in forever. Forever never answered, Forever didn’t have time nor energy to call so that promise was just a mere whisper of the winds, when I swung almighty on my playground. A promise I’d always be with you, my love…Apologies, forever. A promise I’d always made with you Forever, was for a tight embrace, and a clutch that grasped the nothingness I had always been. The forever I’d always think I’d be. So, as I grief the loss I look amongst the creeps and chills of the shade, and smile at you Forever.

[3b0nygyal]

#firstpost lolz

Idk just wanted to say hi, to whoever sees this. I’m new to this but BEEN wanting to acc have my own space outside of privated socials, journals and notes app to talk my shit!

I’m a writer/poet, I lowkey hate explicitly saying it too but…just wanted to let yall know! I love anime, discourse on a bunch of things, LOVE black women, anything philosophical, also this is a bigotry NO ZONE! i will send u to the pits of hell and make u perish there forever! pop culture/media, reading, fanfics etc etc!

I’m so open to conversations, meeting new people etc so always slide thru and lmk how you’re doing and what youre about. :)))