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[adayinalifeofjosie]

First blog?

Hello everyone. :)

This will be my first ever blog entry. So please forgive me if the structure isn’t as good at the moment.

Also, English isn’t my native language but feel free to give me Feedback on how I can approve with sentence building and grammar.  

To test out the waters, I’ll start with a Christmas summary of some sort.

I do have to give a trigger warning, I’ll list the triggers for this post now. 

Triggers:

thoughts of self harm

flashbacks

Let’s start with the week before Christmas. It was stressful. 

Since I’m currently in a Psych Ward, I couldn’t really do much besides panicking about the following days. Therapy has been really tough lately, but I found more skills to help me reduce stress levels. 

Also I, for some reason, started having flashbacks about things that my mind completely suppressed. It was freaking me out because I don’t remember much about my childhood until let’s say, eleven? So suddenly remembering it was…. quite eventful. 

It didn’t help that I started to miss using self-harm to release some of the pressure I felt in my chest. Somehow, I managed not to fall back into old habits, A win is a win, right?

My doctor gave me creative “homework” to reflect myself and also get back into being creative. 

On the twenty-third of december I went to the christmas market with my boyfriend, his mother, step-father and brother. Which is always a fun thing to do when you have social anxiety. I bought more painting supplies, becáuse I realized that I enjoy painting. 

Overall, I enjoyed the evening despite being stressed as fuck. I ate some good ol’ currywurst, a crepe and his mother bought a “Lachsbrötchen” for me. 

As soon as I got back to the clinic, I dropped dead in my bed, because I knew the nexr day would be a challange on its own. For the first time in 25 years, I spent christmas away from home.

 On christmas day, which is the twenty-fourth here in Germany, I joined my Boyfriend

and his father, step-mother and brother for dinner and the “Bescherung”, which basically is the time where we give eachother what we got for them. 

They invited me in with open arms and here I am, two days later, still dreaming about the amazing food they cooked. My boyfriend informed them on my behalf that I currently am back in the Psych ward. 

I went to my boyfriends place around 10:30 pm because I was exhausted but in the end, I felt super comfortable the entire evening and had a lot of fun!

Around one pm the next day, my boyfriend and I drove to my mother, to visit her and her boyfriend. We exchanged presents as well, ate some good cake, for which I still need the recepy for. It was a nut and apple cake. Usually, I am not a big fan of nuts, but that was surprisingly well-balanced. 

My mother hugged me for a while after arriving. She usually is a very emotional unavailable person. I think me being back in the clinic is harder for her than she lets me see. I appreciate it though. I love hugs. And knowing that my mother truly cares about me, made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. 

So. Today is the 26.12. The last day of christmas. I once again was invited to my boyfriends brothers place. However this time, we had breakfast together with his mom, step-father, brother and grandma. 

And let me tell you. German breakfast is the shit. Crossaints and Brötchen fresh out of the oven, a variety on cheese, meats and jam. We shared laughter, had interesting conversations and jazzy christmas music was playing softly in the background. 

I even had a “deeptalk” with his mother. It helped me a lot. 

This year I experienced a chill christmas for the first time. And I am so so so thankful to my boyfriends family. Especially for my boyfriend this year. Listen, I don’t believe in a god or anything like that. But it seemed like the universe took a liking in me and gifted me with this amazing soul. 

He is truly one of a kind and I’ve never felt so safe with a person before. I am so thankful for that. For him. 

So I don’t know if you’ll ever get to read this, but I truly love you. <3

Now I am back at the clinic, done writing this entry. 

I hope that every single one of you had nice christmas days,

lots of love, 

Josie

[adayinalifeofjosie]

Introduction

Hey world.

I wanted to write something about myself before I create my first official post. I am not even sure, anyone will find this.

Anyways. What's there to tell about me.

I'm 25 years old. I am from Germany so English isn't my first language so please apologize any spelling errors.

Also I have struggled with Mental Health issues almost all my life and this is supposed to kinda help me in some way. We'll se about that.

Before I post something that can be triggering, I will put a trigger warning at the beginning and specify what kind of triggers the post will include.

What else is there? I like to play DnD with my friends. I did theater until this year. I like writing a lot.

I guess for now this is all there is to say.

(Also my doctor told me that this might be a good idea lol)

Best wishes,

Josie